#timeline is a Lil fuzzy here probs late shb post patches

[snow-system-wol]

Now that S'ria is finally starting to work through things for himself... Perhaps he can be of help to others as well? (~1.8k)

(Cw: vague references to SA, implied.)

Ao3

S'ria had left Gaius a linkpearl with a private connection to his own – not to be frivolously contacted, but to reach out to S'ria if Allie was struggling in a way that Gaius could not figure out how to help her through. S'ria was not so arrogant as to believe himself perfect, but he at least felt his experience might be worth something.

--

It was not a surprise for S'ria when the line was eventually contacted. A simple, to the point, message asking for S'ria to come at his next free moment.

--

And that was how S'ria found himself sitting across a table from Gaius, a man that was once a symbol of all S'ria hated. Now he was offering S'ria a cup of tea and looking for all the world like a tired father, nothing more.

S'ria awkwardly cringed and shook his head. “Er, no offense intended, but I'd prefer to serve myself.” He got up and walked over to where the kettle still sat on the stovetop. “It's not you, just too many past incidents and attempts.”

To his credit, Gaius did not look particularly bothered.

(Though S'ria had somewhat lied, when he claimed it wasn't about Gaius – it was hard to fully overlook their past, even if he'd be paranoid regardless. Of course it'd matter who Gaius was.)

Still, S'ria was not here on a casual social visit with a prior legatus, and got onto topic once he sat down with his tea. “What's been happening?”

Gauis put his own cup down, staring down into it. “What has not been? Night terrors, spells of panic or becoming completely vacant… I'd hoped to have figured out how to help by now, but clearly I haven't gotten far.”

“Ah…” S'ria sighed, trying to think through it. “What have you tried?”

Gaius blinked, sounding far more awkward than S'ria had ever heard him. “Er, I try to speak to her, reassuringly?”

S'ria found himself about to question whether Gaius had known anything about how to help the soldiers with shellshock under his command, but quickly realized – Gaius would not have been trying to treat them like family, it was not comparable in the slightest.

There was a mild fuzziness in his head, the feeling of Menphina being just as present as he was – but he would not mind if she felt the need to borrow his voice during what would follow.

“Okay, that's an alright start. You haven't been suddenly touching her during any of these incidents, right?”

Gaius shook his head, to S'ria's relief. 

“Okay, good. It would be fine to ask her if she wants anything like a hug or holding your hand – let her know you'd be okay with it.”

G'raha always asked. S'ria liked that – and he only had his experiences to fully draw from, and snippets of interactions with others.

To be having this conversation with Gaius was downright uncanny, though.

“She's nearly a woman grown. Would she not think I'm infantilizing her?”

S'ria shrugged. “That's the risk you need to take. There's nothing childish about needing comfort, though.” He tapped his fingers on the table thoughtfully. “If there's… something that feels nice to her, like a heavy rock, or jewelry with a nice texture… you could work with her to find something like that, hand it to her when she's not feeling good.”

A part of S'ria worried that Gaius would laugh at the suggestion, but he was clearly taking this conversation very seriously. Good – S'ria knew that being called here, pride be damned, meant that Gaius cared for his daughter… but it was reassuring for it to be confirmed. 

“That would help her? It doesn't sound difficult to try.”

“Might help her. It helps some people, I can't promise you a perfect solution.” He paused, unsure where their boundaries laid. “It would be best to speak with her about these things, let her explain the nightmares or what's scaring her, and help her work through it like that.”

Gaius’s expression closed off – perhaps he had crossed some sort of line? 

“She won't talk to me about it – hasn't said a word during those.” He paused, a pained look on his face. “Maybe she'd talk to you?”

Oh.

S'ria could not think of a reason why she'd rather talk to a stranger involved in killing her family than her father, but… “I can give it a go. Where can I find her?”

---

Their home was quite small, modest – Allie may have been able to hear their conversation from her bedroom, if she had been trying. S'ria mentally shrugged – nothing particularly untoward had been said, outside of some bitterness seeping through on Gaius's part. 

S'ria knocked on the door, patiently waiting for her approval before entering. 

“Oh – it's you. He said you'd visit.”

“Yes. Is it alright that I'm here?”

She went to sit on her bed, bouncing her legs against the frame. It struck S'ria just how small she looked, even if she was unlikely to gain any more height as an adult. “It is. I know he's worried, and that he wants you to try to… help me.” Something about her own phrasing made her shudder and S'ria cringed.

“Hey, I'm not going to hurt you, yeah? Your father would kill me if I did.”

She nodded weakly. “I know that.”

“Is there…” S'ria cleared his throat. “I'm sorry to ask, but is there a reason why you don't talk through your fears with him?”

Allie went through several emotions at once, too fast for S'ria to read. She eventually settled on something S'ria could only describe as a mix of fear and relief. 

“Could… you tell him to leave? The house is too small for this.”

Oh. She truly did not want to speak of this with Gaius… or even within a certain radius of him.

S'ria awkwardly slipped back out to the main room, very aware that he was about to kick Gaius from his own home. “It seems like she's willing to speak privately with me, but… it would be more comfortable if you were guaranteed out of hearing range. If you have any errands to run?”

Gaius tensed, clearly hesitant to leave the two of them alone. S'ria felt a wave of relief and reassurance as Gaius nodded and began putting his boots on – it was an overwhelming thing at times, to be trusted to be strong and to be harmless.

Once the front door was closed, he returned to Allie. She immediately gestured for him to sit in the chair by her desk, a comfortable distance away. She stared at her hands for a long time, and S'ria patiently waited for the several minutes that may have passed. Eventually she slightly raised her head, words coming out cautiously. 

“I don't know if he'd think of me the same, if I explained.”

“Why would you think that?”

Allie shrugged. “Accepting pain without complaint is a show of strength, but letting yourself be hurt without fighting back… that feels like cowardice.”

She stood up and turned her back to S'ria, pulling her shirt up as if to remove it. S'ria stuttered nervously, but, blessedly, she did not follow through with that motion. That gave S'ria the focus to actually look. The scars on the exposed part of her back were… hard to miss. Distinctive – some looking like lashes, and others long-healed welts that brought to mind a brand. 

She hastily dropped her shirt back into place once S'ria had time to look and sat down again. “He's never seen these, I've made sure of it. My brothers had it worse, but..”

Menphina settled more heavily into front. She attempted to continue with S'ria's voice, but if it drifted to hers, so be it.

“Allie, I do not believe he would blame you for that. I'm sure he'd be angry, but it would not be at you.”

Allie pulled her legs up to her chest. “It's not just that.”

Menphina tilted her head, but otherwise quietly waited.

“You won't tell him about this, will you?”

“Absolutely not, not unless you ask me to.”

Allie nodded. “Good.” She busied herself with the motions of trying to clean under her nails. “There were… other things, things I didn't try to stop. Sometimes I even went to him willingly, when I wanted his focus away from my brothers, I… it was the best for everyone.”

Menphina, despite the vagueness, did not need to ask for clarification to understand. She had... suspected, though she'd hoped that was just their paranoia.

Allie blinked conspicuously, turning her head away from Menphina. “I never tried refusing, and if Father knew…”

Menphina made her voice as soft as possible. “If he knew, then... what?”

“Varro was a horrible man, and what I've done is awful.”

Menphina leaned forward, lowering herself to try to meet Allie’s eyes. “No, it is not. Doing something you feel that you must is not your fault, it is coercion. If Gaius does not understand that, then borrow his linkpearl and contact me – I will be sure to explain why he is wrong.”

Allie looked up, eyes wide. “Ah, you –”.

Menphina lifted her hands placatingly. “I do not mean that I would do him any harm, merely that he would be getting a very long lecture.”

(It was almost funny to S'ria – the idea of them, with all of their history and trauma that remained unavoidably linked to Gaius, lecturing him about consent.)

Allie smiled weakly at Menphina. “It's kind of you to say that.” She paused. “Why are you being so nonjudgmental?”

She returned the smile, hesitating only briefly. “I may have some personal past experience.” She fought the urge to start nervously playing with her hands. “...Please, I ask that you do not pry.”

It was not for her to tell, even to say that much was a liberty – one she would not even have taken aside from the fact that S'ria was awake to stop her if he wished.

She shook her head and quickly moved on. “I am entirely serious, about everything I said. Should you talk your memories through with him, I'd hope he'd handle it correctly – but should that not be the case, I shall stand up for you.”

Allie gazed at her quizzically, eyebrows drawn together, and Menphina worried briefly that she'd ask despite the request.

To Menphina's relief, she simply nodded. “I think it would be easiest if I got it over with, while I'm feeling more confident right now.”

Menphina nodded, standing up. “I can go find him and let him know we are done talking, if you would like?”

“Wait! ”

Menphina froze, stopping in place. “Yes?”

Allie bit her lip, looking away for a moment. “When I talk to him…could you stay? ”

Menphina's heart ached for this girl, and the trust being shown nearly brought tears to her eyes. “Of course.”

Allied relaxed, slowly climbing off her bed and approaching Menphina. “Er, may I…?”

At Menphina's little nod, Allie briefly hugged her, gently bonking her forehead against her sternum. Menphina wondered if it was anything like Miqo’te habits, the way people lovingly bump their heads against those they care for.

Gods, she was even younger than the twins, and Menphina already felt so protective of them at their age.

Menphina stepped away once Allie let go, putting a reassuring smile on. “I shall return soon – it will be alright.”