#time to mcdie i guess

[localbadfeminist]

Welcome to Ohio, Georgia & Alabama

Why am I always late to the party when it comes to feminist topics? I blame work as that’s all I ever do. . . Also, college. I blame college for my sins, but this is why I’m a bad feminist.  Anyways, welcome to these three states where people who passed away have more rights, then I currently do. Thanks for passing laws in place so, my fellow sisters who get raped and don’t want the rapist children to have them anyways. Fuck us, am I right? There’s going to be a lot more “abortions” because you can’t just ban people from getting them. Women will find a way to get one in an unsafe manner, but I doubt anyone really cares, right? Well, politicians don’t. I can discuss my disgust for hours on this topic, but fuck I have to leave for work in like 10 minutes.   I hate these three states and I live in one of them. . . Welcome to these states, I hope you aren’t a women as you don’t actually have rights in these states when it comes to your body. I now have 9 minutes.

[broomswept-thoughts]

I’m insanely INSANELY anxious these past two weeks. I haven’t been sleeping either early or late, and i can’t stay asleep because I’m crazy anxious. My heartrate is always going so fast and the only time when it’s not absolutely BONKERS is when I’m listening to weightless by marconi union I fucking swear. It’s sort of like an anxiolytic at this point.

I took a walk and I felt kinda better, but I came back because I was so tired and tried to sleep and i just can’t. My heart rate is so fast and I can’t go to sleep even though my body is tired as fuck. And that makes me more stressed and then I don’t sleep even more...? Jesus.

Why am I so anxious? I’ve already made plans for what to do on the chance that I don’t get in somewhere (i.e. re-apply once and then if that doesn’t work, then go into the exciting career of industry + writing). I think I’m anxious about the writing essays and all of the stress that I’ve shoved into the backcloset of my mind is at it’s overflowing point. I think it’s coming down really hard on me right now and I can’t possibly pack it any further into my head. I’m so anxious and nervous and stressed about just things to do. I know logically it’s not going to physically harm me? Or even emotionally, the idea of failure and such. But just having things to do hanging over my head makes me want to shrivel up and die, I’m just so anxious. I hate having a lot of things to do hovering above my head, and having multiple deadlines breathing down on my neck at such a fast turn around rate.

it sucks because objectively? I’m absolutely doing okay. Like, better than okay, within the realms that I can control of my application. Like I can’t control letters, but it’s fine. I can’t do anything about that anymore. I’m submitting all of my application WELL within 2 weeks, and I’m basically almost done. Like I’m 9 of wands, almost fucking done. The things I have left are all easier essays anyway. I’ve overcome the absolute worst essays (i.e. UPitt and Stonybrook, as well as Vanderbilt too) that were making me want to McDie. All the essays I have left aren’t that bad either, and also they’re schools I’d like to go to very much (even amongst schools that I already would want to go to). Maybe that’s what makes this anxiety-inducing? But at the same time, I’m just. I’m just hitting an energetic breakdown? Like my mind is mentally shearing itself apart. At least for the MCAT and test studying I have 3 months to plan things out, and even if I’m anxious, there’s still time. But I hate how the application cycle makes it so I need to churn out essays and essays and essays everyday. It makes me sick to be writing this much so often and at such a fast rate. As well as the pressure to write them to not be mediocre either? Whew.

I guess after this I can say that I have written WAY more than I ever thought I possibly could. I think I’ve pushed myself so hard mentally, both this month and just the past. 2 months? And to be real, since November, December really, when I first became nervous about applying. I’ve been doing so much and I’ve been trying so hard. I know that better than anyone else, just how much time, anxiety, and effort and research I’ve been putting in just to do okay in all of this. I’ve been working so hard, and even though there are people who’ve had to overcome a lot more in different ways than me like Tammy, I still think that I *have* done a lot too and I’ve tried hard and have been trying my best as much as I can. It’s not mutually exclusive for many people to have been doing their best and for me to have been doing my best too. On some level, I feel like my achievements and hard work feel like they shouldn’t be valid because other people have struggled much more to get to the same place. But also, if I feel like I hadn’t done enough, there are also people who I’m sure have had it even easier than me too. There’s no point in comparing, but rather in trying to support everyone and making sure all of our needs can be met instead of saying “who REALLY belongs” or “who REALLY worked hard”. I think I’ve worked hard. Even if my depresso tries to say welllll- idgaf, I’ve worked so hard in order to be prepared and to do what I can do, at all possible costs, while working and making friends and adjusting to living on my own and everything. I really have worked SO hard. Not everyone pushes themselves to submit applications as fast as I have or write as in-depth essays as I have. I’m proud of everything I’ve done in order to do well in my application cycle because it’s been so hard to do everything alone, but I wanted to do it alone (i.e. without my parents) and I HAVE. I know this isn’t the end, but this is around where my own personal input comes to an end (at least longitudinally/ on a daily basis grind kinda thing). I’m really close to being done. I’m so close. I’m so close.

I’m going to get to the end of all of this and it’s going to be okay no matter what happens, because I have no regrets (or very few in consideration of the mental strain and burden it’s all been). Like when I had that breakdown with Simo, there’s much that can be criticized but this system hasn’t been the kindest and there is/ was only so much that I can do without becoming completely broken. I’m trying so hard, and I know trying isn’t the same as accomplishing, but I know that I’m doing all that I can and there’s no point in blaming myself for anything. Even if I feel overwhelmed with anxiety, there’s no blame because I’ve put so much pressure, inadvertently, on my own self during this whole process.

I won’t say that I’m a shoe-in or that I’ll definitely get in somewhere or anywhere. I just know that I’m doing the absolute best my body and mind can at this point in time. My crushing anxiety is a sign that I’ve been going a little too hard, and I’m sorry to my mind and body for putting it through a horrible horrible time, for significant stress since January and definitely really badly through July. I just need a couple weeks for everything to truly be over and for my whole being to finally be free of these applications. I’m trying my best, but i can do it. I just need to do the best that I can at this point and with this state of being that I hold now. I can do it, I’ve come so far. I can do it, it’s going to be over soon and I’ll submit my applications and I can finally be free.

Were there mistakes? Yeah for sure. Everywhere. But in the end, how hard will they ding me on them? There’s only so much I can do. If I don’t get in, then it’ll suck but it is what it is. I will just do my best and go forward with what I have. Maybe academia isn’t for me and I would thrive better in a smaller company with a close-knit group of people who share other interests I hold and are kinder/ less competitive. It would be unfortunate that that door would close, but it would be exciting that a new one will open. I’m sure that, while I may not be The Best at anything, I’m Okay enough to do okay somewhere. I’m going to make it out, and I’m going to be happy in one capacity or another. It’ll be okay.

It’ll be okay, and everything will come to an end soon. There IS an end, and I will reach it soon. Everything else is on hold and might be kinda mediocre as of now, but it is what it is (again), and I’ll take whatever people have to dish out at me in that regards but the end is coming and I’ll be free and free and free. There IS an end, and it’s soon. I’m going to be okay, I’ll be able to play music, exercise, take walks, and go out with friends normally again so soon. I’ll be able to read and sleep normally and come back to an okay body weight too. It’ll be fine very soon. I’m going to be okay.

[theday]

hello! as 2017 is ending nd 2018 is starting i thought i’d do a mutual appreciation post like many others are doing/have done because wtf i love my friends [dowoon voice] hey! and yes thats me down there bc hashtag love myself hashtag love yourself - big time rush, 2017 

heres some (hopefully) short sappy story lads,, so ive converted this blog 3 times from a 5sos one to an aes blog and now we’re here! ive had this as a kpop sideblog since the start of july and i never expected to make as many friends as i have now and it still wows me so much wtf... i love all of you im gonna throw myself off a cliff into a sea of love 

legend: ☆ - people i love a lot, ☾- the most important to me!, bolded for trusted mutual

short message to my moon people alright hopefully i dont write an essay

☾ @softshouyous: falen waht the fuck u know when u told me we were only friends for a whole year and a half i didnt believe it ;-/ i thought we were pals for longer thats just how close we are i guess ive done so many falen love essays so ill be repeating myself lmao youre one of my greatest friends on here and twitter and i just wanted to say thank you, for a few things!! first for staying strong and being here today!! second is for following (back?) on twitter which lead us to not Dying off u kno...,, third is for being someone i can rely on whenever i need to and talking to you makes me feel the safest bc i know.. i know u rly like being my friend ur my safe friend my special place i love u :D 

☾ @briwoon: hey boxy!!!!!!!!! i dont remember how we became friends but i have a lot to say to u why didnt u send a tree in dhhdh u dont have to bc ill be professing my love for u here b*thc ! dude ok i always say this bc im basically a broken record but thank you sososososoosososososososoosososo much for introducing me to day6 because damn without you i wouldnt be here and i dont know how id have managed to survive the rest of the year without them so really- thank you so damn much i love u the mostest :( i know u might be going through some tough times but please know that i am here for you (so is bell!) so feel free to talk to us anytime!! another thing, thank u for introducing me to mx as well you really brought happiness into my life bc of everything..! ur imapct my dude!!!!!! this all happened bc of you! this is happening bc of you and i just want you to know that youve given me a reason to smile everyday nd im hoping one day youll have a reason to smile daily too! im glad astro are helping you out too and that you like them :-( i love u 2 the moon and back! 

☾ @tokayhk: bell just 2 start off ill be saying no homo duhdjhdh just kidding i love u so much okay i know we havent even been buddies for that long but it feels like ive known u for more! !!!!! ur a friend i can rant to (and be extra shady with) and youve also helped me accept reality (thank u god) even tho i did hate u for like 1 minute but im over that please dm me any time to tell me 2 wake the fuk up bc sometimes i need it ;-/ despite being a youngin youre super mature which led me to think u were like 18 but thats clearly not the case jdjs its okie though ur doing amazing for a [redacted] year old!!!!! please i love ur humor so much and every time u say ur not funny i wanna punhc u but with love bc ur the funniest person i know :-( u always make us (the hq) laugh and pleas its amazing ur presence in the gc rly brightens the whole place up i love u also ur impact ive been using the phrases u say a lot more often now i shld start crediting u in the tags or smth (c) bell ! also! im glad u got into astro bc before boxy u were the only person id be yelling to on twitter about astro im glad u like them too wtf ! i love u so much and thank u for being my friend and being born :-0 i already told u like a few lines back but u rly are funnie and also ur art i mcdie every time huhuuhu i miss ur streams but idk when im free ;-( ur streams rly made my day we became friends through that and the gc is thriving its been a good year ! 

ill stop there bc this post would get super long if i didnt now on 2 my buddies!! (?? how many alphabets are there)

A-L:

@astrofireworks / @briwoon ☆ / @ckyun / @chaekkung ☆ / @cinnamoonbunbin ☆ / @dalkkong ☆ / @eggkyun / @eunrocky / @gothhyungwon ☆ / @heybinnie / @hokidan / @hyyh-pt2 / @ikyh / @imchangkyute / @ilovedowoon / @jianhyuk / @jinwooes / @jooheun ☆ / @kihyunswife ☆ / @kimkyungsoos / @kiwirn / @leedongmlns ☆ / @ljh-94 

M-guys i cant do the fucking hashtag what the fuck pretend its there:

@m1nhyuk ☆ / @minhyukt ☆ / @mxgoth / @myunghjun / @mxrays / @minhyukwithagun ☆ / @monbeebs ☆ / @morningcallz / @nubebe ☆ / @oikawayylmao / @parkminhyuksegg / @softki​ / @softshouyous​ ☆ / @space-triangles​ / @smileyrocky​ / @tokayhk​ ☆ / @vmxns​ / @whonpil​ / @warmhyungwon / @04yeol / @1showho ☆ / @15hyungwon / @94honeyluv 

if you werent added in here (aka my dumbass forgot) just like this post and ill add u immediately!!! also dont worry if you werent bolded/starred i love everyone!!!!!! all of you have made my 2017 a little bit better and brighter and i hope we’ll be able to stay friends/mutuals in the next year as well 

feel free to unfollow/break the mutual anytime though!! :D your dash should be filled with things you want to see/love! this should be posted at 12am my time so happy new year (eve, for most) i hope everyone has a good day/night! thank you once again for making my year better ♡

i neevr shut up but another thing,, good job to everyone for managing to make it through another year!! im proud of everyone okie i love u guys :_) oh ya god can i shut up but shout out to my secret santas!!! miss cryptic if ur out there thank u for being an awesome ss i hope ur doing well !! 

[loveg1rl-remade]

my heart gets these soft vibrations when thinking of you, why? the vibrations give me the reminder of how much i love you and my heart tells me that warmth had gone to it. the warmth is similar to the warmth you would get when you drink ambrosia or when you would eat soft and crunchy bread (jae i guess !!) fresh out of the oven. maybe in other words, you are the warmth of winter days from when you sink into sheets and fall asleep

this is so FUCKING cute id die for you my love sjdkdkdk this made me so happy you won't even believe :((( id mcDie for you ten times over and then i'd do it again you're the stars in my sky n the skip in my step u make everything worthwhile !!!

[shitstrawhatssay]

Discord Shenanigans ahoy :0

I’m on a bnha server as well as  one piece server and I’ve fused the two so here we have the Strawhats and Co, attempting to become supervillains.

STRAWHATS

Luffy: Rubberman - same as his Devil Fruit except now he doesn't have the anti-water thing 

Zoro: Living Blade - can spawn as many swords as he wants from his body. Three is his limit. 9 is when he wants to McDie 

Nami: Weather Control 

Usopp: Combination of control over plants and sniper 

Sanji: pyrokinesis 

Chopper: Reindeer form 

Robin: Cloning but limited to herself; like her Devil Fruit 

Franky: Cyborg form - his canon powers but with the Angsty Backstory erased I guess but you could still fit that in (  ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Brook: Skeleton form - again, canon appearance without the Angsty Backstory but i'm sure I'd work out how to incorporate it

OTHERS

Vivi: Quirkless or maybe her Quirk is that she just smells pretty all the time; possibly called "Fragrance" if the case

Smoker: Cloud/Smoke form

Tashigi: I wanna say my girl here is also Quirkless or maybe she has the ability to use her body as a grind for sharpening swords; so some sort of Hardening quirk

Ace: Explosions + Pyrokinesis ; way stronger than whatever Snooj has though

Sabo: possibly the same kind of dealio

Koala: I wanna say Koala form purely bc of her name but deep in my soul, I know she has some sort of muscle strengthening Quirk

Crocodile: control of sand like his fruit

Law: His Op-Op Fruit but without the anti-water thing

Perona: Ghost form

Caimie: Fish form except only from the waist down so she's still a mermaid

Jinbei: Shark form except kind of all over; requires to be doused with water every now and again

same for Cames, I guess

Bonny: her anti-ageing Fruit

Basically Devil Fruit users keep their Fruit but we're gonna buff most of em (sorry Croc) by removing the anti-water thing but buff the rest of the population as well 

[raspbearryart]

i’ve returned from the con and it sounds like i’ve missed eVERYTHING.... like maybe a voltron trailer??? andd E3 stuff?? which i thought i’d be back in time for but i guess thats only the nintendo stuff lmao can’t wait to look through my tumblr and mcdie lmao

[eorumverba]

i'm looking forward to it anyway bc i love everything you write uwu but abskdn jinki still working even tho he's rich af is such a jinki thing to do i love. also taem never showing up to work bc he's lazy lmao i've barely read anything about the other characters but i love them already omg your characterization is always the best 👌🏻

iojuhbuvg ily ok omg ♡♡♡

nd also Ok but consider::::

minho is kibum’s sugar daddy

tae is jongin’s

but tae like..Doesnt use his money at all????? he wears all his clothes through nd jongin just…..dude you’re Rich why do your sneakers have holes in them

nd tae just looks at him like…they’re comfy???

and to spite jongin he buys those ugly ass expensive slippers (the ones with the fur that he has irl)

nd shows them to jongin like babe i bought us matching slippers

jongin sighs a Lot

taekai are like….mostly platonic bc jongin is aro nd tae tbh didn’t want a romantic relationship he just wanted a Friend bc minho kept saying how introverted he was

minkey…minho wanted someone to use his money on nd also maybe love (he wasnt expecting to fall for key So Easily but he Did nd he doesnt mind)

jinki just wanted someone to baby nd love nd spoil

so now him nd jong are :’)))) hella gay for each other nd it’s lovely nd Good

tae probably doesnt even have a big fancy house or anything lmao him nd jongin live in an apartment bc Aesthetic

they have a vacation home tho nd they go there when it gets cold

minkey have a nice big house nd also an apartment in london bc key wanted one :’)

jongyu have a Mansion nd it’s the homiest bc jong decorates it personally uwu nd by jong i mean key picked most of it out lmao

there’s a pool that’s half indoor half outdoor nd then the sauna

jong has a tiny garden too uwu

they all get together at fancy restaurants that they’ve bought out lmao nd it’s lovely nd taekai tease jong nd jinki laughs

nd jong g u h bc jinki looks Good sipping his wine in a suit :’)))

jinki Knows

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

taekai kiss like Once nd then pull away nd just giggle at each other bc hwat the fuck dude…that was weird lmao

key comes up to minhos office to ~distract~ minho nd sometimes he’ll hide under the desk nd give minho a blowjob or two or ten ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

jong wiggles around at home writing lyrics nd sometimes cleaning nd working out nd cooking all uwu uwu nd when jinki comes home they kiss a lot nd cuddle nd it’s lovely nd sweet

jong callign jinki while he’s at work all soft nd shy like hi daddy,,i miss u

jongyu sext like……25/8 as well tbh nd by jongyu i mean It’s All Jong

kibum is Appalled that taekai live in a tiny cramped apartment

he nearly pops a blood vessel when taekai are like “what do u wanna eat” “pizza’s good”

kibum meeting model kibum nd :’)))) they’re like key u wanna be a model nd he just i mean i Guess so that brings in more money which is always Good

key spends most of his time trying to make sure taekai dont mcdie from forgetting to eat bc allt hey use their money on is video games lmao

like deadass taekai got the ps4 as soon as it came out but????? his sneakers have had holes for months nd Yet

[flowermaki]

Vent:

I tried to apologize to someone, yet they ignored me... it makes me feel shitty since I want to right my wrongs. I hate making people feel bad, especially since we’re in the same fandom and we’re bound to run into one another here and there... yet they refuse to hear me out waah. I swear I’m kind! Lowkey they made everyone on their side, since around that time they made their new group people from my group who had joined started to ignore me... I guess I’m trash and irrelevant who should just mcdie .-. No friends? No friends. I’m no fun aren’t i... 

[buzzfeed-unsolved]

for the mcr asks: everything that starts with t

This Is the Best Day Ever: been to a hospital?

- yea

To The End: Corpse Bride. Yay or Nay?

- yay

The Ghost of You: Ever cried while watching a movie

- i only see sad movies so yea

The Jetset Life ia Gonna Kill You: Ever been cheated on or have cheated?

- one time I cheated in monopoly dshkaf

Thank You for the Venom: Ever wrote something stupid on a t-shirt?

- no??

The End: Ever thought it’d be the end for you?

- my brother once choked me and i literally thought i was gonna mcdie lmao

This Is How I Disappear: Ever done something to someone that you can’t forgive yourself for?

- i lOST MY FRIENDS CAT ON ACCIDENT LAST MONTH SAJDFH

The Sharpest Lives: are you anxious?

- 100% my dude 

Teenagers: are you scared of people your own age?

- i guess 

The Only Hope for Me Is: do you consider yourself hopeless?

- not anymore :)

The Kids From Yesterday: what do you wish you could tell your past self?

- “hating the color pink doesnt make u cool” past me thought hating the color pink was cool for some reason

[volturialice]

reborn...beloved?

/rəˈnɛzmeɪ/

full name: Renesmee Carlie Cullen

born: Forks, WA, USA 2004 C.E.

au counterparts: Chearnest

origins and meaning: oh I think we all know where this abomination comes from (read more)

But uh Renee means “reborn” and Esme means “beloved,” so. Combine those two meanings, I guess.

commentary: “reborn + beloved” is...oddly appropriate for this creepily compelling kid that came from a scary monster pregnancy

us popularity over time: you know I started to type this all out but it’s much easier if I just make y’all some charts

the twilight effect: can you believe that before Twilight, there were zero (0) kids named Renesmee? what a peculiar coincidence 🤔🧐

smeyer says:  “I was lost in fantasy land...I’m someone who strongly believes in reality with real children’s names. You don’t monkey around with people’s names. Whether they become a stripper or a lawyer in large part has to do with the name you give them. I think you have to be responsible with your kids’ names. I would never name a real child Renesmee...[but] I could not have named this child Lindsay. You name her something that already exists and it’s wrong. You have to pick a name that was completely and totally unique which opens you up to some heckling. I’ve taken my heckling! I totally get it.”

how did stephenie do: she sure did mash two names together

verdict: @stephenie go directly to the circle of Hell where people who coined a Kre8iv new name are Heckled Relentlessly Forever, do not pass go, do not collect $200

*shoutout to all the parents who decided “Renesmee” wasn’t yooneek enough already and decided to somehow make it worse

**Although Renesmee was #982 for girls on the England and Wales popularity chart in 2017, the smaller population size of those countries means it was actually only given to 37 girls over there [source.] There were an equal number of Renesmaes and in related news I want to mcdie

***In order to crack the US top 1000 girls’ names, a name generally needs ~250 births. I think we’re safe from Renesmee for the time being but hey I’ve been wrong before

names masterpost

contribute info or request a name!