#time to ignore ahzy

[wizardofahz]

I pulled up Supergirl on Netflix as something to play in the background as I work. I ended up ignoring work and just watching the pilot.

[robotslenderman]

@ryttu3k

I hope it's okay for me to add on to this post but I also love the parallels between Ilias/the Eldest and Sascha/the Dracon.

Ilias was given his independence back, but Sascha and the Dracon had to be forcefully separated (though through no faults of their own).

Sascha had to let go of their previous life to survive being entwined with the Dracon, whereas Ilias had to hold onto his for the same purpose.

(I may have understood Ahzi Dahaka incorrectly here, so ignore this if I have) The Dracon has struggled all their existence to achieve Ahzi Dahaka through sadism and struggle. Ilias basically got given it because of his compassion.

And what it says about the Eldest, too? Out of all the Antediluvians, the Eldest is often treated as the least human, and is frequently referred to as "it." And tbh I call them an it ALL THE TIME so please excuse me if I slip up and do it here. And yet their story with the Dracon and Ilias shows how much more capable the Eldest is of love than any other. The Eldest has struggled so much with their humanity, especially since that one time they, uh, knocked up the Dracon with themself, but in moments of clarity they show love for their descendants. Sometimes in fucked up ways (I mean. Dracon!Sascha), but always out of love.

It's almost like they're the only Antediluvian that acts in a way as if they're still on the Path of Humanity.

It's kind of horrifying tho that the Eldest is the most human of their siblings and cousins. That doesn't say anything good about the rest lmao.

Hey, thank you so much for the extra BJD details you shared! The Sascha bit is heartbreaking, and I am FASCINATED by Ilias' character sheet! (And Prospero's, humanity 8 Baali is amazing.) If you don't mind sharing, can I ask how Ilias was brought back? I headcanoned my own version, but I'd absolutely love to see how you envisioned it <3

This is how I envisioned it:

Ilias was consumed by the Eldest, but he did not die in the traditional sense of the term -- his body dissolved under the strain of containing the Eldest's power and consciousness but his own mind and soul were subsumed into the Eldest when they withdrew, carrying him along with. And thus he continued to exist for a period that was, for him, basically timeless, the core of his being inviolate, thanks very much to the teachings of the Road of Sin, whose demand for self-knowledge allowed him to retain his powerful sense of self even as the Eldest's own mind/sense of being began to fracture under repeated stresses.

Ilias sensed this and sensed also that the Eldest was struggling in their efforts to comprehend themself and...reached out. Offered his assistance. And the Eldest accepted. Slowly, carefully, Ilias helped the Eldest put the shattered pieces of their being back together, to regain their powerful will and sense of self, to become more than a maelstrom of fragments howling their anguish at each other, and regain sapience as well as sentience. The contraction that the Chantry of the Five Boroughs detected was the Eldest reaching a flashpoint of consciousness and literally pulling themself back together.

The Eldest was grateful, especially considering how they had trespassed against Ilias in the first place simply to allow this to happen. They forged a new form for him, weaker than their own but still enormously powerful, and poured him into it, annointed him the Azhi Dahaka -- not of the Metamorphosis but of Desire -- and summoned the Bogatyri out of their centuries of torporous sulking to protect their newborn brother.

Then they went to find out what the entire fuck had happened to the world in the centuries it was not exactly mentally present and possibly to throttle one or more of their siblings.

Prospero is actually the expy of a character I have played since the original edition of Vampire the Dark Ages was released in 1996. The pirate treasure story is, in essence, true since the pirates in question were the captain and crew of the Dark Magister -- the ship belonging to a group of infernalist Lasombra and their Azaneali Baali priestess, the remains of which currently lie on the bottom of the sea just off Cayman Brac. Prospero is more or less responsible for it being there.

[johnwaterstrike]

A call on the linkpearl came over, a slightly...more timid Sizha speaking. "John...? Are you there...? If you are and you're doing well...I would like to see you. Please visit my office when you can." 

A scratching sound then John's voice comes over, "Um, hang on.  Kit stop diving into the water..." a few more seconds later, "Sorry, was just finish up a bath.  Give me a quarter to half bell and I'll be there Sizha." 

"Of course....take your time...." pearl clicks off.

"Really, Kit, you and water..." John said, stepping into the mansion.  "I'm glad that the paint came out."  Kit giggle from where she was laying on top of his head, 'Fun!' she said.  John let a smile pull at his lips even as he knock on the office door.  "Sizha, sorry for the wait."  He push the door open, "At least it kept the little ones entertain until their mom and brother was done having his arm patch up." 

Sizha was looking at the bookshelf, holding a teacup. "....." He blinks, realizing that John had walked into the room. "Oh no...it's alright, really....hey...." A small smile crossed his face when he saw him, genuine. "You're walking...there's even more color on you....." 

"Mom been having me manage the people coming into the clinic." John said.  "Dad also was able to talk to Tanya and Cocobuki and she will hopefully be home in a week or two."  Sizha would be able to see that the weight that had been on his shoulders had lifted a little.  There was an elezen boy that had his arm slash and I kept his siblings entertained until Mom finish healing him." 

"Ah...john, that is wonderful news. Perhaps she can come home sooner than that." He closed the book in his hands and slid it back into the bookshelf. "The day I get to meet her draws closer. I look forward to it. And siblings? How darling. I do love getting to help take care of children..." 

"Sam is especially eager to see her again.... though Dad said that some of her memories are mix up and that is what Master Cocobuki has been working with her since that happens with a partial procession."  A soft smile grace John's lips.  "Twin girls and finger paints.  It took forever to get it out of my hair but they were so cute showing of the drawing to their Mom and brother." 

Sizha smiles to him a little more but rubs at his eyes. "Oh goodness...finger painting..I can't remember the last time I ever did that. Hm...." He opens his eyes and watches John. "Well...the important thing is that she is...alive and here...and she well remember. she'll be worked through...she has a good brother at her side." 

@sizhatonaz

John blush a little.  "I hope to have Howl and her meet once she home."  He frown the step closer.  "Sizha...have you gotten any sleep recently?" 

"Howl...." He nods a little bit. "I would like to see him one day too...when I have the time, of course. It's adorable when you speak of him...you make me think of the way I see Etienne. How sweet...." His ears tilt forward and back. "Oh...sleep...? As best I can, I've been busy, there is so much to take care of..." His eyes wander the room for a moment, looking for his supplies. "Sedatives have helped honestly." 

John shook his head before stepping forward and gave him a hug.  "You have me rest but you should be taking time away as well." he said.  Kit nods from her place on his head.  'Not do good for Saiya worry or Etienne worry as well."  He ran his fingers against Sizha's ear.  "At least try to get some rest without the Sedatives.  I know they are helping but I don't want you to use them as a handicap, ok?" 

Sizha smiled at him a bit but it was coupled with a slight frown. "But I need it right now. Etienne is not well either, he's been troubled. I've been speaking to other company members but...." His eyes searched the room a little. ".....I...I still.....need the sedative to sleep lately. I'm afraid that if I don't, the nightmares will return. They've been so frequent...and I hear...." He trailed off a bit. 

John step back, placing a hand under Sizha's chin.  "Nightmares...have you talk to anyone about this?"  Thinking on it, Sizha was a lot like him, placing others before himself.  "Sizha, what have the nightmares been about.  Maybe speaking about them will help calm them down so you can sleep without the sedatives?"

He hesitated a moment. "......" Ears tilted and wiggled a little bit but he began to speak. "These dreams, brother....everything has been breaking apart. My company members...no, my family....they have each had their own struggles. I have helped them all....I am still helping them. But I fear the consequences....I fear what comes after and I worry I c-can't save them...." He closes his eyes. ".....A-ahzi keeps talking to me...in my nightmares....he's been in every one of them....I...I....I didn't think he would.....appear again...." His tail slowly moved from side to side. "I can't feel him the same way that I did before but he's there. H..he's awake." A look of concern crosses his expression as he tries to pull details from his mind.

John ears shot up as he listen to Sizha told him what the nightmares had been about.  He pull Sizha into a hug, running his hand over the other miqo'te's hair.  "Listen to me, alright." he said.  "It's a nightmare, it can't hurt you."  He waited for a moment, "But it doesn't mean that it there is not meaning to them."  He nods over to the sets, "I want you to sit, then we're going to try and work out what your mind is trying to tell you, ok?" 

Sizha buried into Johns shoulder with a gentle nod. "A...alright...I'll sit with you....." He moves to the benches with John until he can sit by them.

Once Sizha was on the bench, he settle down beside him, and Kit flew over to cuddle into Sizha's neck.  "Alright, first off, you put so much of yourself into everyone because they are family and friends.  The first thing is that you can't save everyone.  I struggle with that everyday.  I try so hard to help everyone but there will be a point that you can't save them."  He pause, to compose himself.  "Second, your mind can't handle the pressure that you are placing on yourself.  It telling you that you are going to break from this and the best way to show that is with Ahzi."  He brush some of Sizha hair away from his face.  "It may even be some leftover of Ahzi after the two of you became one that may be trying to warn you what the pressure is doing to you." 

He lay his head against Johns shoulder. "A...are you sure...? I...you're probably right..." He closes his eyes. "...I'm trying to get others help, John....I am....and training people for this work. It is getting to me and I know this...and I can't rest at home either because Etie needs assistance too...it's not his fault...it's the people who have done this to him that have caused it...." He opens his eyes again. "Why does the world have to be s...so...." He stumbled in his speech, falling into silence. "......" He speaks up again after a moment. "John, I am a man who cannot stay seated. I rest now more than I ever have...I am pulling for assistance...and it isn't enough...I can't sit....not for long." He felt something tugging at his mind but he ignored the words and ignored the thought. This was enough... 

"Shhh, it's ok to feel overwhelm, Sizha," he said, running his hand against his little brother's ear.  "But you do need to focus on yourself.  You were the one that told me that, so place use that advice."  He wish he could answer why the world was the way it was but just like Sizha, that lay out of reach for him as well.  'Sleep, we look after you.' Kit said, still cuddle into Sizha's neck.  "Kit's right.  I'll stay beside you and you try to get some rest.  No thinking about the others, just focus on getting some rest for not only yourself but for Etienne too, alright?"

Sizha nodded slowly, swallowing a bit. "A..alright john. Thank you f..for this. You have so much patience...." He nodded sleepily as he lay against him to nod off as he was already trying to do.

John stay quiet until he was sure that Sizha had subcome to the sleep that he needed.  "Little brother," he breath, pulling Sizha tighter against him, trying to act as a buffer to the outside world.  He buried his face into the others hair, "Ahzi, I'll try to protect him from the forces that are trying to break him here.  Please, our little brother, if you are somehow aware, even a little, try to watch over Siz so that he doesn't break apart mentally."  Kit look up at John, looking confuse.  'Think Ahz...' John didn't move from where he held Sizha.  "No, the two are whole and Ahz wouldn't do this, to try and break all the work they both done.  Or hurt Sizha in such a way.  There has to be something..."  He sigh, pulling out one of his medica books, using this time as he watch over Sizha here, to study as well. 

It seemed the first bell went by just fine...he was sleeping rather peacefully. But about a bell and a half later, he began shifting in his sleep and mumbling.

John quickly set the book off to the side as he felt Sizha shift in his sleep.  Tilting his ears, he try to hear what his little brother was mumbling about.  "I'm here Sizha, I've got you." he whisper, brushing the other hair gentle.  "What going on, Siz?  Step back and look at what is going on objectively.  Ahz, if you are somewhere in there, please help him."

Sizhas ears twitched and he seemed to struggle again. "N...no...." He mumbled under his breath. 

"Sizha...it's just a nightmare but you can control it." he said.  He held on tighter, burying his face against Sizha's hair, near his little brother's ear.  "I have you Siz, alright so listen to my voice.  Alright, I need you to stay calm and try to step outside the nightmare.  It's not happening to you but to someone else.  Now, try and tell me what you are seeing to that person?" 

"Bro...ther...." He mumbles softly, fidgeting. "Hear...you...." 

'Good, he can hear me.' John thought.  "Alright, Sizha, now, you're seeing this on one of those magitek screens.  It's not you but someone else.  What do you see playing on the screen?" 

"Void...howling...wind...." He trembles. "Cold....so cold...."

"Alright, it's dark and there is wind blowing and it's cold." he says.  "Ok, now, try to form a light, like a camp fire.  Warm and gentle.  Once that is done, form a building to block out the wind, like the building that we were in when you and Ahzi became whole."  John scratch an ear.  "And remember that I'm with you so you're not alone." 

Sizha would tremble and shake against the cold but Johns voice helped guide him into making the landscape. First the fire was set and then it became a fireplace. The details came together as he remembered them, bit by bit until the small cottage was full in its entirety. 

"Do you feel the warmth?  Ok, that is your safe spot.  Make it how you want it, books, games, pictures...anything that makes you happy and gives you strength."  He waited a moment before he continue.  "This is your safe spot, that protect your heart and mind.  Nothing can get in unless you want it too.  Now, there is a window that you can look out of.  You'll be able to see what is taking place in the nightmare if you wish to see it."  He stoke the ear again.  "You can rest and nothing will hurt you here.  The wind isn't howling now is it.  It's quiet and warm, a nice place to rest until you are ready to face the nightmares or comeback to the waking world.  I'll call you when I'm sure you rested enough or you can come back on your own when you feel that you have rested enough." 

Sizha does seem to shiver less but he's staring out of the window of the house they've built. He mumbles in his sleep. "Ah...zi....miss...you....." Sizha watches Ahzi watch him from the outside of the house. 

John frowns but nods.  "I miss him too, Sizha.  He was a good little brother to both of us."  He move Sizha so that he would rest more comfortably against him.  "Now rest...gather your strength and I'll make sure that no one comes in and wakes you too soon."  He whisper quietly, "I'm sure you would want him to rest too Ahzi, if you were still with us.  I promise, I'll protect him as much as I can." 

Sizha drifts into sleep again, still staring out of the window in his dream. Both "brothers" are staring at one another but this time, Ahzi is silent. "......" 

John breaths a sigh as he feels that shift in aether into rest.  He reach up, brushing a bit of hair, before reaching up to touch the aethertide linkpearl.  He whisper quietly into it, "Sizha isn't to be disturb.  He's finally resting so please allow him a few hours to sleep."  He look over to Kit.  "Can you lock the door?  I don't want anyone deciding to come in here before knocking or using the pearl to disturb Sizha."  Kit nods, taking to her wings and flying over to lock the door.  She settle on John's lap but reach over to pet Sizha hand.  'Promise, look after you.'  John nods.  "Yes, with Ahzi now part of Sizha, we'll watch over both of them."

[wizardofahz]

Re-watched some Supergirl clips, and now I miss Kara Danvers. I have been writing her, but I should go back to ficlets because focusing on longer one-shots and chapter fics means I'll finish in...

[wizardofahz]

Spent so much of the latter half of Blitz (The Checquy Files) trying to remember if they mentioned Lady Carmichael's power, and then the end...

Her power and poise... dang

[wizardofahz]

Putting my sunglasses on indoors when I feel a migraine coming on

Pro: Not developing a debilitating headache and nausea Con: Having to explain to almost every co-worker that I am not in fact trying to look cool

[wizardofahz]

thinking about this today bc I had pizza for lunch and confession:

I am the weirdo human who needs lettuce to mask out the taste of cheese

The Peculiarity of People

A/N: This is set during… uh, between seasons 4 and 5? Early season 5? Idk.

…

“You know, I never asked,” Alex says as Brainy takes another bite of his apples and olives pizza. “How did you even come up with that combination? I have never seen that offered in any pizza place ever, and I went to college in the Bay Area*, so I’ve seen plenty of unusual pizza topping combinations. Did you try all possible combinations or something?”

“It was rather more analogous to an–I believe humans call it–a priori determination,” Brainy says.

Nia frowns. “No, we don’t.”

“Some of us do,” Alex says.

“Nerd,” Kara teases.

“Takes one to know one,” Alex shoots back.

J’onn smiles fondly at the Danvers sisters’ bickering.

Keep reading

[wizardofahz]

Me, thinking of NaNoWriMo:

I'm doing so good. I wrote so many words this week.

*checks document*

Dang it, these are all science words.

[wizardofahz]

Seeing as how it's November, I will attempt to post some fics. Good luck guessing which fandom will show up on any given day though bc I have no idea.

[wizardofahz]

I have so many brotps and I love them all dearly, but gosh, when the perfect foetp comes along, it is an unparalleled Experience.

[wizardofahz]

# and second worst is editing

Update:

Pro: I am much better at technical writing

Con: Other people are not, and editing is now in fact the worst

Guys, gals, and nonbinary pals, I’m here to announce that technical writing is the absolute worst.

[wizardofahz]

thank you, nba.com, for the worst headline i have ever read

[wizardofahz]

With Supergirl over and November being a writing month, I am going to try posting fics on the remaining Tuesdays. Just putting this out there because hopefully giving people expectations will pressure me into actually following through.

[wizardofahz]

American Would I Lie To You: starts in April on the CW

Me: Meh, American versions of British panel shows are never good

American Would I Lie To You: Laura Benanti will guest

Me: ....I am opening the door a crack...

[wizardofahz]

When people make edits instead of suggestions in a scientific paper you’re co-authoring, and everything they wrote was incorrect:

[wizardofahz]

my brain whenever I collect grass for my family’s pet bunny: take the grass!