#time i realize i dont know what happening were on a dofferent subject

[sakumulti]

Commencing: rant

Disclaimer: I understand there is nothing to be changed in the way things are done but this allows me to vent my personal issues and my one unique experience. I understand the changes I wish for would not necessarily help anyone but myself. Again, just ranting and letting off steam. On phone so no read more

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I understand that the way thingns are are set up are reasonable but I'm just a slow person in general. The class I had that was supposed to teach me the basics had very minimal interaction (no feedback and due to personal issues with the teacher, a time of lack of communication in general). We spent maybe 3-4 weeks (don't quote me on length) on modeling in which we never returned to during the rest of the semester. Apparently the other basics classes had quite regular and honestly intensive modeling projects.

As such, I and a couple other of my classmates are starting with next to know prior knowledge of modeling aside from some small stuff really drilled into our heads during the animations basics. Before I left for Kansas, though demotivated, I was trying to continue modeling and problem solving. However, due to the whole 'my grandma got caught in a flash flood and subsequently had to be quickly moved out of her house of 25 years wherein we discovered just how bad of a hoarding and pest issue she had so I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible as she adjusts to her new living situation with my aunt and uncle to help stave off her loneliness and any other issues that may arise on top of her dog of 14+ years also passed close before that and thus she was already more alone than she had been before' thing mixed in with the 'I live in an emotionally abusive and chaotic home in which I often become the scapegoat for many people's issues' I wasn't exactly bursting with joy to get back to Colorado.

And again on the whole 'I'm slow' thing the teachers (of both classes) talk so fast and there no written things summarizing the class. One teacher has power points but there's not to the same extent of detail delved into in class. Additionally one teacher being like 'I had people working through my examples who asked questions on how to do stuff afterwards so just watch and don't work while I talk' and like. That's why things take so long. Plus he's a pro who's worked on movies so he's super skilled and he just zooms through stuff and it's just. We're students. This is our first year officially in the major. Many of us haven't been to the labs in months prior to school and have subsequently gotten rusty and or just didn't have a good basis to work off of in the first place.

And just. The lack of worktime inclass. I understand we're working to be like a studio but it's just a struggle of 'I physically cannot make it to the labs due to it being a near hour commute for me to come to campus and I need to take care of my dog's due to us having house showings in which they have to be out of the house and also I have another class in which I have an assignment due that can only be done in the labs that I must attend to along with none of us know if our cards will even let us in the building as many have been locked out cause we were not yet encoded of of checking this past weekend (from what I understand)'.

There's been no time for me to get to the labs and the only open time I have is evidently when there's a class in the labs so I have about 1 hour extra per day in the labs where I can solely work on the project.

I look around and everyone's so far along and I've barely done anything in comparison. I spend three hours on one thing just to give up after finding no way for it to work and thus having completed zero work as a result of that day.

On top of the money god the money. Such an expensive course. Such a stress on 'if you don't want to be in the industry get out now.' It's just.

I want to make comics. I want to do advertisements. I don't want to work on movies or games necessarily (I would be up for it ivelieve but I will not go out of my way for it). Another struggle is staying in colorado. Just. Everything.

There's no other major I would want to pursue and I KNOW I can apply what I learn here to comics and various other things in life but it is a struggle of budget, time, communication, and future aspirations.

This is long and purely my own rants and I know things are clearly working for others as they're all so far along but goddamnit it's frustrating being so unsure of yourself and lacking the passion you had mere weeks ago due to the stress just piling atop itself in a way to destroy any hope for optimistically looking at this.

I need to finish something I'm not even near halfway through but Sunday night and I can be failed out of the major. I don't know how this is going Togo or what I will do.