#timbrr dreams

[timbrrwolfe]

So I was talking to a friend about bad dreams and nightmares, and I really wish I understood why my body holds back from dumping the fear chemicals to turn an unpleasant dream into a nightmare. And also why the few nightmares I do have don't tend to stick with me. I've relatively recently started daydreaming through the nightmare scenario to bring it either to a better place or at least a conclusion (and usually a better place), because I've heard that that's a technique for keeping nightmares from becoming recurring, at the very least. But that is a recent thing and I was already not really having a problem with them sticking.

Anyway, I was talking about this and I remembered that the one kind of dream that /does/ tend to stick with me is romantic, intimate dreams. And I reminded myself of the time I dreamt that a friend (who I had a crush on which did not help) asked me to help her get pregnant, because she really wanted a baby but didn't want to be in a proper relationship. And she trusted me as a friend to help her with that. No strings attached. Except of course, as happens in those kinds of situations, strings definitely did attach. It took a few tries, for one thing. And after a certain point she hit me with the "Even if this doesn't work I'm enjoying this with you" and after that we shifted from "friends helping each other out" to "oh I guess we're together together now". Then eventually it /did/ work. And I stood by her while she told her dad she was pregnant. And then had to dodge as he threw whatever was in reach at me before calming down and listening to her explain the situation, trusting her and that it's what she wanted. And then going back to school with her and being very protective and caring as she was with child.

And then I woke up and was a FUCKING mess for like a week straight. Like I'll sometimes catch a whiff of the scent of the shampoo I used during that week and still get a faint pang over the memory. Fucked me up.

So yeah nightmares don't stick with me. Anger sticks with me a little more but usually I can get over that as well. But the romance. The longing. That's much harder.

And how tragic that I am SO full of love with no one to give it to!