#tilllybaby

[tilllybaby]

[tilllybaby]

I needed to say this out loud

My birthday is coming up in a couple of days and as far as I’m concerned it is a milestone number. And this is the explanation for it my aunts and uncles all started having their children around 33 through 35. And I am turning 36. I don’t exactly express my emotional feelings towards one specific person. But one reaches that point where they think somebody in your life that would be with you permanently or damn-near permantly to the end would be nice. I guess you can say I’m having a little mini midlife crisis. I don’t exactly Express these feelings as well out loud around any of my friends because these feelings are far and few in between. But like I said I have reached what I Define as a milestone in my life and I’ve only ever had one girlfriend real girlfriend in the context of physical lover. I have had help I’ve only had one other actual girl in my life as a friend and she’s married I think Jay and Silent Bob say it best the quote goes along the lines of this is my heterosexual life mate. Well I think of her in that context period if you understand the meaning behind that statement. The two of us over very short length of time has become very very close. Close enough that when the two of us are hanging out and joking around in a store of almost any kind people mistake us for lovers. To which one of us has to explain in great detail that no we are just really close to best friend. I would like to add to that we include no there are no benefits that is just fucking wrong and then we very quickly change the conversation with whoever the hell implied that we are lovers. I guess what I’m trying to say is I am fucking physically lonely. I am laying here in my bed starting to cry as I type this out. I just noticed irony of a sentence. If I took the time and dug out one of my old journals I could probably give an exact date for the last time I actually had physical sex. Butts to give a rough estimate on it are there the month of May or March of 1996-97 or 98 I’m going to stop

[tilllybaby]

This speaks for itself.

[tilllybaby]

Caption speaks for itself.

[tilllybaby]

Had a rollercoaster of a long day at work today. Started off my shift wanting to kill my fellow employees. and then a half hour later wanting to hug them. I dislike having these mood swings. I want this stupid brain and body to make up its mind. Anyone else deal with this problem on a regular basis. Have any suggestions on what I should do.. I had the urge several times to show up to work with one of my bigger and I do mean big daggers and just simply tell somebody fucking leave me alone I will stick this straight into your God damn fucking hard as I can then pulls down on a it. This idea in my head doesn't last very long about the length of time it takes to think it or say it out loud.

[tilllybaby]

Be a good week this week. Pleeeeeeeas...was a bad week last week please please be a better week. The weather sead 10 inches of snow...I can live with that just no fighting are arguing at work this week. It is march break tooo. So here is to hoping that the week is a good week I say again Pleeeeeeease be a good week. Stay in touch how the week goes . Ever day I post how it is going

[tilllybaby]

Well today is Wednesday. And this is the feeling I'm out of it just stuck it up fucking Loop

[tilllybaby]

What the hell is wrong with me. Everyone feeds off of everyone else's emotions. It's in our nature. Unfortunately I feed off of other people's emotions a lot stronger than most. And sometimes I get frustrated and I get annoyed by the situation and I lose my cool. I don't like starting off a work week getting somebody mad and then getting mad at myself for getting mad. And then when I tried to defuse the situation or try to back off I can sometimes make it worse. So that's all I have to say seriously what the fuck is wrong with me. Everyone out there has their own unique problem their own unique situation to do with and then at the same time there's 3.5 billion people in the world somebody's going through the same shit I'm going through maybe with a different type of person maybe in a different language possibly in a different set of circumstances but virtually the same damn thing and here I am at 12:53 a.m. ranting and raving I guess. I am a very turbulence and emotional basket case. My coping mechanism unfortunately compared to most of the people I know is super defensive super against the wall or figuratively speaking here's baseball bat now I'm going to cram it down your fucking throat until it pops out your asshole then I'm going to pull it out of your ass and shove it back down your throat. So you could see my problem I either back off really really far or whatever the situation is I will cram it down somebody's throat or beat the fucking problem to death.

[tilllybaby]

Cuzzzz

[tilllybaby]

That's all I got to say for today March 3rd 12:23 p.m. Eastern Standard Time

[tilllybaby]

Found well looking up love and anxiety on the world wide Web January 22 at 12:25 am

[tilllybaby]

January 25th 2017

I slept really really really well last night. It is strange how something as simple as sleeping in a supposably wet diaper and messy diaper. It takes me 10-15 minutes to kind of get used to it and then once I have become accustomed to it I pretty much fall asleep. The best and the worst part about it is that the diaper holds the heat very nicely. On a side note why is it when helicopters crash with the main characters in it nobody gets hurt.

[tilllybaby]

It happens to us all from time to time. You eventually are able to get over what ever it is ... mostly

[tilllybaby]

It's a Wednesday. So ya