#tht's just who i am

[vagabond-umlaut]

YOU ASKED ME WHO YOURE MARRIED TOOO DJJDHD YOU HAVE KIDS W THAT MAN

SORRY I WAS VERY SLEEPY THEN AND COULDN'T THINK STRAIGHT ANYMORE ALHDKAJHDKJSAFH

[hinamie]

make it vicious, take a stab

[kulliare]

tagged by @shrips for 9 books you'd like to read in the new year! ty for the tag-- i tag @halfagod @albatrossisland @eponine119 @tru-lyly

[lemongogo]

what is their problem tbh

[diodellet]

cw: unbeta'd rambling once more, all mistakes are mine. vague references to true crime content, nothing graphic. just thinking of what would discomfort the charas, im basically throwing darts 🥴

i hc'd that kalim doesnt really get scared by ghosts and urban legends and to add onto that: i think kalim would be icked out by people with an interest in true crime.

like, the content hits uncomfortably close to his own encounters and some people frankly take a bit too much pleasure in going through all the gory details - wait, you're telling him there are people who fall asleep while listening to true crime podcasts?! on that note, some psychological thrillers (especially the 'adapted from true events' kind, compared to the 'dystopic social commentary' ones) would also fit into this category - just being plain uncomfortable to sit through, a movie/podcast/tv experience making him sick to his stomach.

i just think that kalim doesn't get the appeal at all, no matter the explanation. if someone tried to show him a few cases, he'd just be sitting in uncomfy silence.

(on the flipside, i think jamil hates horror movies with an abundance of jumpscares compared to slashers. he has an uncanny sense foretelling when they're gonna happen, but he still flinches during the actual jumpscare. bonus points if a fakeout is good, u get to see his soul jump out of his body twice.

on the topic of true crime, jamil just doesn't vibe with it, especially when it's not well-researched and/or poorly handled in its delivery. and like, he's already gotten the fearmongering-type of warnings* from the adults in his life plenty of times. he doesn't want to see it packaged in a spooky, edgy, internet detective-way, but he's more rational? understanding? of its appeal to others.)

[sexysilverstrider]

listen to my fake mainline pokemon plot idea boy

a new region and youre the typical protag ready to get your first pokemon. its nothing out of the ordinary. every kid gets their first pokemon from the regions professor.

your rival is your childhood friend. hes the typical happy outgoing type who always has your back. think haus positive friendly energy with juns comedic antics. he always calls you by a nickname only you both know since you were kids. you two grew up together so it makes sense youre both getting your first pokemon together.

its nothing out of the ordinary. youre the protag and hes the rival whos always one step behind you.

then theres the regions champion.

hes the mysterious enigma who suddenly appeared and overthrew the elite four and previous champion years ago. hes so strong and so mysterious that people rarely see him or know what he looks like. what people Do know is that hes insanely strong and hes waiting for the one trainer who will defeat him one day. only the elite four and professor know him but even then he rarely shows himself

you then proceed with your normal pokemon journey. in time, you meet a mysterious man. hes quiet and kind but you sense that hes a powerful trainer all around. hes the typical adult character who cheers you on and helps you with your journey. it starts off small at first like healing your team and giving potions. but you, the protag, soon realizes his presence starts getting more and more plot relevant like giving items to get rid of plot roadblocks or giving tips in stopping the regions evil team

the man soon reveals that hes the mysterious hidden champion

hes so kind and so powerful. hes always there to help you or give you words of encouragement. you figured hes the typical supportive champion like previous games.

then theres a scene where the man meets your rival. your cheerful rambunctious rival who doesnt mind losing against you. whos always one step behind you. you get a shock of a lifetime to see the man acting disdainful towards him. the man chastises your rivals actions, saying he will always be weak if he continues to rely on you. you, the protag and player, understandably get angry and your rival gets irritated as well.

but your rival shakes it off. hes hurt but he shakes it off. screw what the guy said. hes here to enjoy life and have fun with his pokemon journey with you, his best friend after all.

but then the climax of the story happens. the evil teams leader resurrected the box legendary. it creates havoc as the legendarys power is the power of desire--no matter good or bad.

youre the protag. of course youre in charge of stopping the evil villain.

but suddenly, you, the player realize youre set to always lose. no matter what team you have. what strategy you use. what you do. the game sets to you, the protag, losing

this sets a cutscene of the evil leader using the legendary against you. the leader wants to annihilate anyone who stops him. the leaders desire was to gain strength--even if it means killing you

before you could get killed, you heard someone calling you by your childhood nickname

your childhood friend/rival didnt call out to you

the mysterious champion did

he stops the incident before you could get killed. he butts in before the legendary pokemon could get to you.

he got himself almost killed

it is then that you soon realize the plot twist of the game: the mysterious champion is your rival who had travelled back into the past and grew up

he travelled back. a few years too back after losing you, his best friend and dear rival, forever to the legendary pokemon

you learn that the 'other' rival was too late in his time to save the 'other' you. since then, he blames himself and has a deep hatred for himself and his weakness.

his desire to be strong. to save you. to protect you. it was more than enough to entice the legendary pokemon again to grant his selfish wish. he was transported back in time but in a time where you were still a toddler.

he was broken. but he knew he had to be strong in order to protect you

so he trained and trained until he became champion of the region. he knows being champion will allow him the sources to go against the evil organization. he knows being strongest will allow him to be the one to face against the legendary and save you

thats why he hates your rival--his younger, foolish self. he hates how carefree he is. he hates how he always stays in your shadow. because of his weakness, he lost his dear friend

the champion is your rival all along. broken. desperate. he did all of it. everything. just to make sure youre alive in this timeline.

[rainbowsparklecur]

i do understand why the og witch in the alps tweet got memed to death but if im being totally honest here it makes me a bit sad how what is (to my knowledge) a cute and harmless concept has become so irreparably tainted

[dangaer]

happy birthday shin! aka a very spontaneous, domestic webweave on the promise of cooking and food.

soracities / amnesia memories / amnesia june bride Q&A - shin and toma / cupboard love: my biggest romances always begin in the kitchen / amnesia later / amnesia crowd / czeslaw milosz - new and collected poems 

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

[dykexenomorph]

shauna and melissa ship call that shat girl

[caruliaa]

just bc im a lesbian doesnt mean tht i wont at times become deeply entranced with the beauty of male actor or character. it just means i wld rather be locked in a room with a man with a knife than do anything romantic or sexual with one

[hinamie]

I'll give them shelter like you've done for me

[deficiencies]

i think buffy is different than other female superheroes before and contemporary to her bc her femininity is something she works at rather than smth thts a given

[lemongogo]

college … wasted on the youth (me)

[andthen-light]

okay girls im going to be a little hashtag critical here but i have been ruminating LONG ENOUGH and i really really do not like that scene in the graphic novel murder on the rockport limited where lucretia recognized the umbrastaff. i understand what they were trying to do and i understand you have to change things for the medium but its kind of a disservice to both lucretia and taakos characters imo. lucretia works so hard to keep the boys from questioning things like why would she have a reaction like that. like they couldve alluded to her recognizing it but a scene like that is so in your face and it takes power away from the scene in crystal kingdom where red robe barry recognizes it. and wrt taakos character like. hes never Particularly trustful of lucretia like on a personal level but overall he trusts the bureau and lucretia until reunion tour. adding in a scene like that at that point in the story makes no sense like u cannot convince me taako would not start questioning what the directors really up to and why she had such a personal reaction.

[bylertruther]

will is trans and i know this bc he kept his layers on while laboring in the literal desert even though he was sweating something fierce and surely not comfortable given tht mike n jonathan had already taken their outer shirt/jacket off to participate in the same labor. this is real and true 👩‍⚖️