#through her lens'
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when you go through all of orv wondering what makes han sooyoung so important, why she's also on the main cover, why she's a part of the trio when she doesn't even show up that often. and then you finish the novel and realize that she is more present any other character in the entire story -- she's been here this whole time, speaking directly to you, on every single page.
#killing myself!#orv spoilers#i read a tweet from orvbookclub (iirc?) on twit that went 'every single character you grew to love was told through her voice. shown to you#through her lens'#paraphrasing but. yeah#and we see yoo jonghyuk's influence on every page too. we don't quite know where#or how strongly in any given part#but he permeates through the entire story as well. what he revised and changed we'll never know. but he was there too#and then you realize that kim dokja was there the whole time too. you loser self insert#borv#omniscient reader’s viewpoint#i'm literally just reiterating the post i just rbed but it hit me so hard i had to put it in my own words. yeah
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i forgive you kitten
[id in alt]
#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#isat odile#poorly drawn isat#sifdile#interpret it as you will.#i just think its really cute that odile is evidently an animal person and seems to view her friends through that lens out of affection.#nobody is immune to siffrin's big doleful eyes.
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I think depictions of Anya being cruel to Curly or drawing out his suffering are artful and chilling but completely miss the point of the story and her character.
I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to have that "I told you so" moment with him but not in something callous or cold. Even if that is how it happened, she'd immediately feel guilty cause at that point she's not tormenting her tormenter or even the person truly at fault. She's doing something cathartic, similar to how Jimmy likely hits Curly to release rage he can't against the rest of the crew. She'd see herself as no different when she'd come back from the moment and see Curly cowering at her. She wants someone to take responsibility but how does being cruel to the defenseless help? Why would she want the power Jimmy has over her over Curly?
The idea of her extending someone else's pain is just so against the struggles she already faces and how she can't even bring herself to cause someone pain even to help them. Her very desire is to release herself from her own suffering and I doubt she'd even fine some sort of guilty release in being cruel to another.
#anya is not a character i see taking agency or indulging in cathartic behaviors#not knowingly like i see her as a character trapped in her head and maybe in the scenario she's cruel to Curly she is envisioning Jimmy#in his place but its not a story about justice or those deserving of punishment and those not like its the opposite of people projecting#their issues on the wrong people and saying things to the wrong people and doing things they shouldn't but anya uniquely falls out of it as#she is subjected to a lot of it but it is also not something she wants to subject another person to like you are doing what Jimmy does and#placing ur rage into another persons and viewing their actions through your eyes like she'd more likely yell at him than do harm or#cause him more pain like at least make it in character#but also she clearly doesn't want to see jimmy or curly in the same light and doesnt because she still repeatedly goes to Curly for comfort#and protection and god there's like concepts that need to be applied to characters individually and then the story as a whole#we can not view the game through only one themed lens less we forget to inspect the compounding factor of Anya is so much more than girl#that needs to be allowed to go off but a woman that simply wants right to be done by her and no more harm like she doesn't want to be aroun#the suffering like idk but some of yall would just benefit from like understanding that people are inherently grey with the capabilities of#black n white thinking or actions#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#i like her the most but then again i am defensive of all women in media and hate when people change the way the character would take agency#for themselves like yes I want her to tweak out but she just wouldn't and I like seeing realistic depictions of a woman suffering the way#she is like shes not the type at the end of the movie to have a one liner but feel a shallow freedom cause she needs to realistically heal#idk but its just like there is an obbsession forming with making her character her pain and not how she handles and navigates the issue
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god bless ppl reading htn/ntn for the first time lamenting "I only understand like half of what's going on." the literal viewpoint characters understand maybe 10% of what's going on at any given time, you're doing fine sweetie
#this story is told through the lens of#a distractible she/her himbo#a traumatised teenager with a severe TBI and a hallucination disorder#and a six month old with amnesia who is trapped in the wrong body#if you're following any of the plot at all you're doing great#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#nona the ninth#the locked tomb#fox.txt
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"Go away. You're too late." "Oh, it's a hell of a place. It says something about the late Marcus that he found imprisoning your sister to be a greater mercy than killing her." "Killing isn't mercy." Silco chuckles. " A spark of rebellion still burns inside that husk, I see. No... killing is a cycle. One that started long before Vander and me. And it will continue long after the two of you." "I'm done running in circles." "We build our own prisons. Bars forged of oaths, codes, commitments. Walls of self-doubt and accepted limitation. We inhabit these cells, these identities, and call them "us." I thought I could break free by eliminating those I deemed my jailors. But... Jinx... I think the cycle only ends when you find the will to walk away."
#silco#jinx#arcane#arcane s2#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#im broken#he was her last voice of reason#the way his voice broke a bit when he said 'walk away'#christtttt#his eye being blue is so interestinggggg#there's so many ways to interpret this since it's not exactly silco as silco but through the lens of jinx#and she's in the darkest headspace here#so whether or not having silco say this to her and her coming to her own conclusion of how to 'fix' things is what silco actually say#is so fascinating#because later on she attempts to take her own life#and silco would never have her do such a thing#it's so messed up#ahhhhhh
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Fic: Brilliant Things
While Rook is trapped in the Fade prison, Johanna and Emmrich are forced to help each other overcome their own regrets. DRAGON AGE | EMMRICH & JOHANNA; EMMROOK | WORDS: 4,553 | RATED: G
(AO3 LINK)
It’s pathetic, really. Volkarin has always been a soft touch, but this snivelling is something else.
Despite her own prodigious knowledge of anatomy and the undead, Johanna had not known the human body capable of making such a hideous racket prior to the events of these past few days. Corpses do not weep, and even if they did, she hardly cares.
The worst part isn’t even that she’s reduced to mere ornamentation in the already ostentatious study of one of Nevarra’s greatest necromancers, forced to watch him burn a hole in the floorboards with each anguished thump, thump, thump of his feet as he teeters at the edge of a nervous breakdown borne by the weight of his own misplaced compassion. No, this part was inevitable. Volkarin had always been destined to crack one day—she just wished she could have been the one to cause it.
No, the absolute worst part, worse than having been denied the opportunity to gloat over her lifelong rival, is that despite the circumstances, the lovelorn fool’s dedication to his Watcher duties have been thorough to a fault. Johanna has of course tested the wards binding her soul to her remains multiple times; she’d been trying to escape before this most recent escalation in their circumstances, it would be downright idiotic not to try when facing down the end of the world as they know it. Especially while her only hope at salvation rubs his red-rimmed eyes and mutters inconsolably under his breath, unwilling to accept that it is in fact his infernal meddling which has doomed them all.
It’s simple, really: if Volkarin had just stayed out of her way, left her alone, Johanna would still have her beautiful bone construct—the culmination of her life’s work—with which she would’ve had the power to raise an army of undead to defeat this so-called god, this Elgar’nan.
But Volkarin had possessed the sheer nerve to outplay her at the most inopportune moment. Although she’s ordinarily capable of giving credit where it’s due, she cannot respect the lack of long-term strategy. Of all moments to finally locate his own backbone! Volkarin had always been like that, though. Capable of surpassing his own self-imposed limitations given the correct impetus. What else could one expect from such a hot-headed, idealistic man as he. Ugh. And couple that all that with a new paramour, a bright-eyed young thing surely twenty years his junior, it’s no wonder Volkarin’s been distracted (but not distracted enough) of late.
What needs to be done now is plainly obvious to Johanna, or indeed, anyone with half a functioning brain. For whatever reason, everyone in this crackpot team of would-be heroes that Volkarin has somehow gotten himself mixed up in relies on Rook, even though Johanna’s not sure what the impudent whelp brings to the team, other than a tendency to meddle which rivals even Volkarin’s. And as the group’s resident expert on the Fade, Volkarin is the most well-placed to tear a hole in reality itself to locate his misplaced lover. Even Johanna can see that would make for a most romantic story indeed, and she doesn’t even read that sort of dreck.
But it’s clear to Johanna that Volkarin is functioning at perhaps one-tenth of his usual operating capacity, compromised as he is by needless sentimentality. Of course, the type of man who would sacrifice not only his lifelong dream—immortality itself!— for a mere wisp, of all things, would struggle without the guidance of a more indomitable hand.
And in Rook’s absence, the task falls to Johanna. Unfortunately. Here she’d hoped her days of solving Emmrich Volkarin’s problems for him were over, but no matter. Unlike Volkarin, Johanna Hezenkoss does not shy away from necessary evils.
As always, she chooses her words carefully, delicately balancing dramatic effect and efficiency.
“You know this is entirely your fault, don’t you?���
Volkarin stops dead in his tracks as though she’d just punched him. The respite from his infernal pacing is most pleasant indeed, and she’s elated by the knowledge she can still instil such a reaction in him even while bereft of limbs.
Expression jumping from shock to outrage and then, most curiously, to acceptance, Volkarin raises two fingers to rub at his temples, quietly answering, “I know.”
Johanna’s mandibles clench tightly and it is only with some difficulty that she manages to relax them. For Volkarin to admit his failings so readily, the situation must be worse than she had feared. “And what do you have to say for yourself?” she asks instead. The last thing she needs him to know is that she’s worried.
Volkarin averts his gaze as he hunches into himself. She remembers the stance well from his days as a young child at the Necropolis. “I should have confessed the truth to Rook while I had the chance,” he admits in the most mournful, pitiful tone that makes even Johanna feel sorry for him as much as it makes her want to vomit, if she were still capable of such a thing.
While it’s not quite the answer she’d hoped for—then again, Volkarin would never debase himself by offering her a proper apology for everything he’d put her through—it’s one Johanna can work with nonetheless. Doing her best approximation of a tongue-clicking noise, she replies, “Don’t tell me you’re still hung up on that argument you had with your paramour.”
As planned, the words bait him back into action with a sputter. Back straightening and fingers curling into the palms of his ungloved and unadorned hands, he snaps, “Still hung up on—” before cutting himself off and pinching the bridge of his nose as he breathes deeply to regulate his emotions, the same exercises they’d been taught as apprentices. Johanna had never cared much for them.
The next words that come out of Volkarin’s mouth throw her for a loop. “Have you ever been in love, Johanna?”
One of the downsides of no longer having muscles or tendons is the inability to answer questions through exaggerated facial expressions alone. As much as it pains her to lend legitimacy to this line of inquiry, there’s a frightening intensity in his eyes suggestive of a commitment to this topic of conversation. She suspects he won’t accept a total deflection, or worse, that such an attempt might set off his moping again.
That still doesn’t mean it’s any of his blasted business. The time to be asking these types of questions was thirty years ago, not now. “I’m familiar with the concept,” she says acridly, hoping it’s enough to satisfy his curiosity before swiftly adding, “Not that I see how it’s of any relevance.”
Of course, Volkarin simply can’t leave it there. Instead, his lips purse, the look he now fixes Johanna with one of mixed pity and disappointment.
Infuriating man, to think such condescension could possibly affect her!
“Then you would know what it feels like,” he continues quietly, “to leave such matters unresolved with no resolution.”
Of course he would turn it around on her: a most pathetic and transparent attempt to make this an exercise in ‘practicing empathy’ instead of learning to properly communicate himself. She deftly avoids the obvious trap, cutting to the chase instead.
“You’re an idiot,” she states cleanly, simply. There’s a lack of malice in her words that surprises even her.
Volkarin must sense it too, because even though his body visibly tenses at the accusation, his reaction is short-lived. Instead, he allows his shoulders to slump—terrible posture, really—before running a hand through his tousled hair, the action accentuating the dark circles beneath his eyes. Finally, he sighs, a little huff of intermingled acceptance and defeat. Pinching the bridge of his nose once more, he answers, “I’m afraid you’ll have to explain yourself, Johanna.”
Now she’s really concerned, and even more adamant about not admitting it. Esteemed Professor Volkarin, inviting her to lecture? She’d never thought she’d see the day. Preening nonetheless, she doesn’t bother to disguise the elation from her voice as she points out the obvious. “Your paramour is trapped physically in the Fade, correct?”
Volkarin blinks; it’s too difficult for Johanna to distinguish whether he’s simply concentrating or staving off a fresh wave of tears, so she doesn’t bother.
“Correct,” he answers, fingers rubbing at his chin now, itching at the three-day-old growth which is a sight bewildering to even Johanna.
She does her best to continue ignoring the absurdity of it all as she continues. “And my understanding is that you are indeed Professor Volkarin of the Mourn Watch, one of Thedas’s leading experts on the properties of said Fade, are you not?”
The masseter muscle in Volkarin’s jaw twitches. “I don’t see where you’re going with this.”
“You always did lack a certain vision,” she says with a sigh which could be described as downright nostalgic. “I simply ask, what would happen were the situation reversed? If you were the one trapped in the Fade?”
Volkarin’s face softens, lips twisted into a smile so besotted it sickens her. “Rook would stop at nothing less than breaking into the Fade barehanded.” Johanna watches him expectantly as his eyes widen in realisation and he mutters, “Oh. Oh dear.”
It would, of course, be too much to hope for him to actually admit that she had a point, that she was in fact, entirely correct as always. “You always did give up far too easily,” she admonishes instead. “I’m frankly astonished you ever got anything done without me.”
Not only does he have to the gall to ignore her reprimand, he even adds to her immense displeasure by resuming his infernal pacing. There he goes, thump, thump, thump against the floorboards again. All take and no give, just as always.
A newfound wave of frustration pulses through Johanna’s consciousness and she’s hardly a patient person to begin with. “You know, when I told you this situation was entirely your fault, I wasn’t talking about the missteps you’ve made in your pathetic love life.” There’s a new vigour—an urgency—to his steps when he finally deigns to face her. His hands together with frenetic energy. “Johanna, this is hardly the time. There’s so much to set in motion—”
No. Absolutely not.
She refuses to be overlooked again.
Shouting over him, she demands to be heard. “YOU. RUINED. EVERYTHING.”
But Volkarin still won’t be diverted and waves a hand as though before himself as though to dismiss her accusations. What’s downright infuriating is the confirmation that this infatuation with some youth he’s known for less than six months means more to him than all the years they’d spent working together. He pulls books off their shelves with alarming velocity, muttering titles under his breath that Johanna can’t quite decipher.
Never one to back down from a challenge, Johanna tries again. “If only there was more at stake than locating your lost paramour,” she hedges.
Volkarin continues to ignore her, but she can see his hands shake.
She makes another attempt, but this time she doesn’t even bother to disguise any lingering traces of bitterness evident in her voice. Not that she had been holding back on purpose, of course. It’s simply a most peculiar situation in which they find themselves. “If only you had an old friend with practical experience in creating receptive Fade eddies.”
A sharp intake of breath. Aha! A reaction! He doesn’t look at her yet. “What do you suggest?”
She’s not going to let him off that easily. “I don’t know. I didn’t realise you were seeking my opinion on the matter.”
“Johanna.” He finally turns from the bookshelf, pushing back unruly locks of hair from his forehead. “I could not have expressed myself any more clearly.” “Only because I had to do nearly all the work of leading you there!” she snaps back in return. Despite her gnawing frustration, there’s comfort in the familiarity of their conflict, the back-and-forth, the diametric oppositions of their world views.
Johanna will never, ever admit it aloud, but she has missed him. Not that it means she wants to spend the rest of his life trapped in his study, mind you.
But still, better this than death, better this than the cowardice Volkarin had embraced with open arms. For all that the good professor harps on about morality, of propriety, of decorum, of kindness, the real difference between them is that Volkarin is little more than a persnickety academic, but Johanna is the true innovator. An inventor. Her experiments speak for themselves. Yes, her aptitude for the more experiential aspects of their art had resulted in her current predicament, but failure is only ever a temporary setback, so long as the fundamental nature of existence remains intact.
And right now, that can't be relied upon. Elgar’nan had changed the trajectory of the moon itself! Even Johanna balks at such audacity.
It's only then that she realises Volkarin has been silent too long, which is entirely suspicious for a man who so adores the sound of his own voice. But at least he isn’t snivelling again. No, instead his forehead is furrowed deep in thought, fingers scratching at his chin once more.
“Careful,” she warns.
Volkarin blinks, his attention snapping back to her. “What is it?”
“You’ll hurt yourself, thinking that hard about it.”
Strangely, he begins to smile. Maddening man! “I suppose it would be too much to hope for you to simply help me out of mere goodwill.”
Something about his tone and his expression manages to get under her skin even though she no longer has any. “Obviously. You know me better than that.”
“But you are considering offering lending your knowledge to our cause due to the mutually-aligned nature of our interests.” “I would’ve used less words,” she answers in agreement. He holds up an index finger as though about to lecture, but it’s evident in his posture that he’s barely able to restrain himself from pacing again. That he does manage to do so is a point in his favour, for now. “You’ve certainly made clear your opinion on my relationship with Rook.” When she opens her mouth to interject, he raises the other fingers on his hand, and despite herself, Johanna falls silent and allows him to continue. “Which brings me to the realisation your motive was to provide a distraction from my grief so I could recalibrate and continue on the necessary work that must be done in Rook’s … absence.”
While she’s glad to hear Volkarin’s voice tremble as he dances around the topic of the void Rook has left in his otherwise obviously miserable life, the fact that it even does so still rankles her. Even more frustrating is Volkarin ascribing emotions and feelings to her that she does not possess, as though he’s some sort of Chantry sister instead of a powerful necromancer. “I just wanted to stop the racket,” she snaps.
“Be that as it may, I couldn’t help but notice your choice of topic.” He sighs again, an exhalation of air that’s heavier than any of the noises she’s heard him make throughout their entire conversation. His shoulders slump. It makes her wish she could slap him with a ruler.
“For what it’s worth,” he continues, “I am sorry. Sorry lichdom failed you. Sorry you were unable to reach out to me. I amespecially sorry you felt the need to conquer the capital in order to attract my attention.” When he lifts his gaze to look at her properly, she is surprised to find his eyes glittering with a mischief that makes her feel thirty years younger. “Forgive me, but I am unaccustomed to receiving overtures of friendship disguised as attempted acts of war.”
She has told herself many times over the years that she has always hated him. She wants to continue hating him the same way she has survived these last decades in his absence. But in this moment, something within her breaks. Perhaps it’s the way they’re hovering on the precipice of the end of the world, or maybe it’s even the way Volkarin’s eyes resemble a baby labrador’s.
As it turns out, even she is not entirely immune to the proximity of Emmrich Volkarin’s moral fortitude. Everything according to the Mourn Watch’s plan, no doubt. Oh, she’s not an idiot: she knows why it’s his office in which she has been assigned to complete this part of her penance, even if Volkarin pretends they’re still figuring out the details. All these years of exile but still trapped by the consequences of oaths she had made when she had been much younger and more naïve.
The realisation should really disgust her but she finds herself devoid of her usual anger and envy, bitterness and rage. She realises, too late, what it is that has broken inside her: the dam that had kept any other most inconvenient emotions at bay.
A wave of vulnerability crashes over her and she is powerless to stop it. Her next words slip out of her before she’s even had time to think.
“You abandoned me.” Once spoken aloud, she wishes for nothing more than the ability to take the words back, if only to stop Volkarin staring at her like she’s just kicked him. The flame of hatred she holds for him at her core begins to flicker back to life.
“Johanna, I….”
“Don’t you dare apologise to me!” she screams. Maker, she’d throttle him if she could. Discrete emotions become increasingly difficult to identify, she only knows that she’s been knocked off course and discombobulated despite only trying to help for once. She feels seven years old again, lost and scared in the chambers of the Grand Necropolis, hating all these stuffy mages and their prim propriety, hating the newfound knowledge that such arcane energies filled her veins as well. The only friendly face a shy boy not much older than herself, and she’d helped him out of his shell with her façade of fearlessness.
And in turn, she had watched as he had become one of them.
“You don’t understand,” she hisses. She chances a look directly at his eyes again. He’s patient. Waiting. Despite it all, he wants to understand. Damn him.
But whether Johanna is capable of letting herself be understood is shakier ground, part of a vast expanse of uncharted territory that lies between them.
Putting it as bluntly as she can, she simply states, “Your parents died. Your parents loved you.”
Volkarin steeples his hands together, comprehension dawning on his features despite what continues to be left unsaid between them. “Ah. I—you never did tell me how you came to live at the Grand Necropolis.”
She scoffs. “What was there to tell? It’s only the same tale from all over Thedas. Parents have child. Parents don’t want a child with magic. Pah!” A surge of resentment swells within her. Why is she talking about this? Why is she talking about this with him? She hasn’t so much as thought about this in years. It hardly matters now. Just look at everything she’s achieved! She’s fifty-one years young and she’s going to live forever.
The thoughtful expression has returned to Volkarin’s face, and she’s grateful to find herself capable of hating it again. “You told me you were born near Perendale.” Why does he even remember that? Regretting ever telling him anything about herself, she answers, “I don’t see how that’s relevant.” Next he was going to be asking her whether she had ever been in love again. Why did he always insist on meddling in matters that didn’t concern him!
“That’s no insignificant distance to travel, especially with a young child in tow.”
“As though you’re an expert on travelling with young children,” she answers hotly, before recalling that pet skeleton of his. The way he doted on it, Johanna would be unsurprised to discover that Volkarin had indeed mistaken it for a real boy. Very magnanimously, she decides against saying this part aloud.
She just wishes Volkarin would let the topic drop. In the past, she’d always retreated whenever he had threatened to dismantle her walls and bluster with his disaffecting sincerity and dogged determination.
But now, she is at his mercy. And she knows—better than anyone—that despite his spotty track record at seeing through his commitments, Volkarin is nothing if not thorough. He’s an indecisive man, not a slothful one.
“I simply believe most parents do their best with the resources available to them.” He scratches at the side of his nose. “Most people do, in fact. Even if we cannot, at times, predict the consequences of our actions.” At this, he fixes her with a downright professorial stare.
“I am grateful I wasn’t snatched up by templars,” she begrudgingly admits. “I could have been sent to Kirkwall.”
The corner of Volkarin’s lips twitch. “Perish the thought. I do profess my gratitude that the Mourn Watch was able to take me into their care.”
It’s only when Johanna remains silent that Volkarin appears to realise his mistake. “Ah. Of course. They never did truly appreciate you.”
Volkarin’s words sound downright strange to her until she’s able to identify the anomaly: the phrasing is hers, not his. She continues to say nothing, entirely too suspicious of where he’s beginning to go with this. “And although I wouldn’t, as you said, dare apologise to you, I do want you to know I am aware that it was wrong of me not to speak in your defense when it came to the growing number of censures that had been amassed against you, even though your experiments benefitted my research. If I could redo that time in our lives again, I would have severed our partnership earlier and provided you a proper explanation of my decisions. “I suppose I assumed you would come around to my position on the matter. But I dare say you thought the same as well.” She watches the smooth column of his throat as he swallows nervously. “There was so much I was willing to overlook until I thought the price too high to pay. Naturally, recent events and conversations have elucidated to me that we have vastly different thresholds for such matters.” To say she is stunned is an understatement: that she has allowed him to prattle for this long without interruption is testimony to this fact. But it is even more stunning that to receive a proper explanation for the events that have haunted her for decades from the most conflict-avoidant man she has ever known. Other partnerships are unlikely to be repaired by an admission that they should have separated sooner, but nothing had ever been what one would call normal when it came to the two of them.
As much as it displeases her to admit it, Johanna is certain that Volkarin’s capacity to deliver his soliloquy was driven by Rook’s influence. What other force in this world but love would be strong enough to push a man like Volkarin to the brink of foolhardy bravery?
And while the thought is still annoying, it doesn’t sting as much as it once had.
Thus, it is with nostalgia and not bitterness that she remarks, “We could have done brilliant things together, Emmrich.”
Her use of his first name does not go unnoticed. How could it? His eyebrows raise so high they nearly disappear into his receded hairline. “You haven’t called me that in over thirty years,” he protests.
“And it’ll be thirty more until I use it again,” she insists in return. “Just tell me the truth. Was there ever a moment in time when you appreciated the power and potential at our fingertips? That you thought we could have been the ones to rule this world?”
He averts his gaze. Grinds his teeth. “Yes,” he finally admits. “I saw it. But it would have never been worth the cost.” Johanna scoffs. “There’s always some crackpot trying to take over the world. It might as well have been us. We had the best chance of it. Both of us liches, our knowledge combined, my brilliance counterbalanced with your compassion… There was a reason I kept a bleeding heart like you as a partner for so many years. But I underestimated your sentimentality.” She wouldn’t be making that mistake again, that was for certain. Just look at the situation it had landed her in! She would simply have to figure out how to best wield it to her purposes while she remained trapped here. If Volkarin thought she wasn’t going to continue using every tool at her disposal to facilitate her great escape, then he was sorely mistaken.
“Yes,” Volkarin answers softly, crows’ feet at the corner of his eyes wrinkling as he gazes at her with discomfiting fondness. “I dare say you did. Just as I am guilty at times of underestimating your brilliance.” He swivels on the spot and Johanna is afraid he’s going to resume his pacing but the walk he has in mind for now is mercifully short, only over to the bowl on his desk where he’s deposited the majority of his grave gold.
“What are you doing?” she hisses, hating how urgent her voice sounds to her own consciousness. She always hates it when he behaves erratically.
“I was under the impression we had work to do, my dear.”
“Absolutely not.” Surely it hadn’t been so long he’d forgotten her utter loathing of pet names.
He laughs, then, long and rich. It is a definite improvement on the snivelling. “Force of habit. Won’t happen again,” he promises. “First things first. I do believe you had some knowledge to impart on the practical applications of receptive Fade eddies?”
“Getting ahead of yourself as always, Volkarin,” she says by way of reprimand. “You need a bath. I don’t have olfactory glands and even I can tell that you reek. And a shave.”
He rubs his hand against his chin again, eyes widening as though surprised to find it covered by hair. “Ah! Yes. Thank you.”
“Completely and utterly useless.” This time, she’s disgusted by the tenderness in her own voice. Oh, no, this won’t do at all. “While you’re at it,” she adds, determined to get their shared task back on track, “get the elf girl and your skeleton boy. We’ll need to replace the stolen dagger in order to kill a god. And I don’t know about you, but ancient elven gadgets are hardly my area of expertise.”
“Of course, I’ll speak with Bellara.” His brow furrows. “But why do you want Manfred?”
“Because I don’t have arms, you idiot.” It really does make building things more difficult. And she won’t even be able to inadvertently kill the wisp this time due to the aforementioned lack of limbs. It’ll work perfectly, really.
“Consider it done.”
Not having much other choice in the matter, Johanna watches as Volkarin gathers his bathing supplies and heads towards the door.
It is on the threshold that he pauses and looks back at her, his hazel eyes bright with fiery determination. “I’ve always appreciated you, Johanna Hezenkoss. Let us continue doing brilliant things together.”
And then he is gone, door to his study closing gently shut behind him.
#emmrich volkarin#johanna hezenkoss#emmrook#datv spoilers#therapy doesn't exist in thedas so we have the next best thing: frenemies!#also it is very entertaining to read this through an arospec johanna lens because it then becomes her#not understanding why emmrich (or anyone) bothers with love#until she sees how it helps him overcome his fear lmfao. still not her cuppa tho#but i prefer to leave these things open to interpretation unless they're the centerpiece of the fic :>#anyway! lemme know what you think <3#ziskfic
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servant of evil becomes much funnier if you imagine allen was high the whole time
#like. he has to be high so he can endure serving riliane and her outlandish orders#nono i KNOW the reason allen carried out her orders is bc he loves his sister but come on man i wouldnt do all that for my sister#i think he had to be a liiiittle high to help him get through it#vocaloid#evillious chronicles#kagamine rin#kagamine len#allen avadonia#riliane lucifen d'autriche#len kagamine#rin kagamine#kagamine twins
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I have a firm belief that the only way Yellowjackets can end is with the death of each of the remaining survivors and [redacted] was just the first (second, really) of what will be all of them in time. "The wilderness" will reclaim them one by one because they weren't supposed to leave. But also they will be swallowed up by their own darkness in their refusal to acknowledge it and that will be the great tragedy of it. All of their deaths will be preventable, but inevitable in light of the cycles they keep on repeating.
#erin is talking#yellowjackets#whichever one has the role of the storyteller is going to be the last#I think this could be Shauna (the writer) or Misty (the lens through which the others are framed - see: elevating Nat to the queen)#the historian is going to live to bear witness to each end#Lottie however is going to have to close the loop and die#think about it: Lottie has had so many instances of basically asking to be allowed to die and the others denying her that#Laura Lee kicked her out of the afterlife; Van did not allow her to be on the table for their first hunt#The thing about your Jesus figure is that eventually (s)he does have to die#Whether she wanted that role or not she has to close the loop that began with her
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Unpopular opinion, but I really do not see Dany as this "oh so tragic" and "oh so full of trauma" character. She has bad things happen to her like every other ASOIAF character, but she isn't really super traumatized or unable to deal with what happens in her life, and the tone of her story isn't really one of tragedy: on the contrary, her story is full of her overcoming hardships. It's full of triumphs. Even the low point she hits at the end of ADWD is just setting up her journey to finally crush the slavers and become the Stallion who Mounts the World. And then when she goes to Westeros, she will be one of the people to defeat the Others.
I find it a little bit annoying when I see people reading her character purely through the lens of "oh she suffered to much, she was raped by her husband, she was abused by her brother, she doesn't have a home, she is so tragic, etc" (I'm not saying people can't discuss these topics, by the way, I'm just saying that it annoys me when this is the ONLY thing people talk about when it comes to Dany). First, because this isn't the majority of her story, this is mostly part of her early story or backstory, and the main part of her story are the things she does after that, her triumphs and hardships trying to lead her people, fight a war, fight the status quo, and so on. It's a little annoying to see a character who has such a great complex political and magical storyline, a great adventure, all be reduced to "she is just an abused girl who suffered", with all other aspects of her story being ignored. But most importantly, I think this reading of Dany as this tragic character, by Dany stans and Dany haters alike, gives fuel to a bunch of other annoying readings of her character: the neutrals use the "oh so tragic" narrative to argue that her story has to end with her dying and she has nothing else to contribute to the main story other than sacrificing herself and be a tragic hero. Meanwhile, the antis use the "oh so tragic" narrative to claim that they sympathize with Dany, but her trauma is going to make her crazy, paranoid, a villain, etc. Or, when they don't say that her trauma is going to make her a villain, they claim that she was always a villain and use her "trauma" to claim that they sympathize with her and that her "trauma" makes her such a complex villain.
#daenerys targaryen#daenerys defense squad#rambling#my meta#and tbh this isn't just dany or the a/soiaf fandom#this tendency of seeing every character out there through the lens of trauma is something i find annoying#i'm not saying people can't discuss trauma btw#but it seems like sometimes people don't do any other character analysis or plot analysis in fandom#other than debating who's the most traumatized#anyway i hope people don't hate me too much for this post#also i guess that one thing that annoys me the most is people completely ignoring dany's political storyline#and her arc of learning to rule#in favor of pushing this idea that her story is just meant to be a tragedy
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The classical proxemic theory (Hall, 1966) classifies interpersonal distance into four categories:
Public distance, maintained in impersonal settings (above 210 cm)
Social distance, maintained in interpersonal, but formal settings (122-210 cm)
Personal distance, maintained in interactions with friends and family members (about 46 to 122 cm)
Intimate distance, maintained only in closest relationships (from 0 to 46 cm)
No wonder that Aziraphale and Crowley had to be eventually separated by force — otherwise the speed with which they were closing their intimacy gap would render them useless against the Second Coming.
#good omens#good omens meta#ineffable husbands#aziraphale#crowley#the good omens crew is unhinged#everything has a meaning#intercultural communication#through angelic and demonic lens#yuri is doing her thing#procrastinating again
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You know, I love seeing Alya in a lot of different fics, and I've seen her depicted in a few different ways.
I enjoy seeing her just being there, taking on a similar role to what she does in the show, helping out when needed, and overall being a kind person who enjoys helping others.
But while I like seeing her in that capacity, since it's a positive portrayal that is nice to her, it's not the sort of portrayal that really gets me excited. It's a kind of "background, supporting character" kind of portrayal, and while that's needed sometimes, it doesn't really develop her all that much.
The depictions of her that really get me excited, that make me gush about how well the fanfic's treating her, are the ones that don't just portray her positively, but instead treat her like a full person. Ones that delve into her emotions, her viewpoint, and even her biases, that let her make decisions based on what's best for her personally, and maybe even regret them later. But importantly, she's not treated as being bad or evil for this, but instead as a person who's muddling through life as best she can, who has things she wants and values in conflict.
Actually the show touched on this sort of thing as well, it's one of the reasons I really liked Alya in Rocketear. We got to see her struggle with her conflicting loyalties to both Marinette and Nino, with wanting to follow Marinette's orders while also not wanting to lie to Nino and potentially damage their relationship. And I liked her eventually telling Nino that she's helping Ladybug, because she didn't want to continue lying to him after that particular lie had already caused damage in their relationship. And while Alya later was dismayed at how things went down in the finale, Marinette didn't blame her, understood where she was coming from, and wanted her to continue.
That's the sort of thing I want to see. For Alya to have her own viewpoint and to make decisions based not simply on eternal loyalty to one person, but as a result of weighing her different values and wanting things to work out in the best way she can make them. And for her to sometimes be wrong or for something to have negative consequences, and still have her treated with kindness and respect. For her desires to be treated as being a worthy reason to do things, because her desire to be happy matters.
Like... with Marinette, I'll see this represented in fanfiction frequently. Marinette can be snappy or irritated, or even lie and hide things because she thinks they'll lead to a better outcome, and even when she hurts others in the process, the narrative is often sympathetic to her and gives credence to her thoughts, emotions, and viewpoints, and depicts her trying to make things better for herself as an understandable thing.
While for Alya, it's a lot harder to find something like that. Most of the time she's in a supportive role where any personal issues she has aren't focused on and she's mostly there to help out Marinette with whatever she has going on. In a lot of fics where she DOES do something for her own personal benefit, when she prioritizes herself at all or simply weighs all her different relationships and balances them as best she can, but in a way that's detrimental to the person the author likes the most, she'll be portrayed as a horrible, cruel person deserving of punishment, or at the very least as needing to learn a harsh lesson to become a better person. Any desire to do something for herself or to help maintain relationships she values is looked at in the worst possible light.
Just... I love stories that allow Alya the same sort of grace and understanding as most main characters are afforded.
#alya cesaire#miraculous ladybug#alya deserves better#I wish more people would try to view Alya through the same sort of lens that they use for their fav viewpoint character#And use any weaknesses she has as a point of relatability instead of just trying to punish her for them#It feels like if she makes a mistake or does anything “wrong” she gets punished for it disproportionately
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Will defend Quess until I die tbh
At first I was really confused over what they were trying to do with her but then it hit me.
Imagine you're a 13yo girl in 2008 who really really likes uc gundam and you have a crush on the evil blond man. You draw him all the time and you post him to deviantart until one day u have a cool idea to make your own fanfiction where a self insert of YOU is in the gundam world.
And in this world you get to meet char and he immediately asks you to join him because he can detect your coolgirl aura, you're not like those stupid other preps you're cool and into revolutionary politics. You are a rly powerful newtype and rock at piloting because of course you are you're the main character and this is YOUR fantasy damn it
And also because you're the main character you get to have a cool hair colour that stands out and everyone in universe loves you and protects you and char is totally not using you!!! You are a valued member of his team you are not just a political pawn because of your father!!!!!
Char's counter attack is quess' world and everyone else was just living in it
#obviously joking but nah in my heart the reason quess is so confusing is just bc she's literally 13. I was a 13 year old girl once#and I was full of emotions I had no idea what to do with#susceptible to political bullshit and reckless. if I had a dad I would have told him to shut up#when looking at everything through this lens everything makes a lot more sense#so I will defend quess until I die because she's literally just a girl. I was her once. let her feel her oats#amu.txt
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okay very preliminary thoughts on mitski's new album BUT i think there's something with how "laurel hell" felt like a goodbye to the music industry (can't find the source but i remember reading that it was intended to be her last album under her contract) like i'm sorry anthony fantano but if you interpret the back half of "laurel hell" as being generic breakup songs you're missing like 80% of the context. to me TO ME it feels so clearly about her negotiating her relationship with fame, how she can't love her fans the way they love her, and how she feels like she sold her soul to her job, so the only thing to do is step away. but THEN "the land is inhospitable and so are we" was created after mitski decided to renegotiate her contract, specifically because she loved making music enough to deal with the negative aspects of the work. and then all the songs are about the ghost of love she can leave behind, despite the present pain or emptiness, and like. do you see it. do you see it.
#THE NARRATIVE.#beepbeep.txt#mitski#like you can definitely interpret everything through the lens of personal romantic relationships BUT. i think its even better#envisioning that she is speaking to her actual audience. the love they have for her and the love she is trying to communicate to them#i mean especially “i don't like my mind” just feels like a response to “love me more” where she begs to keep her job#specifically so she doesn't have to be alone with all these thoughts. so she can be witnessed#but then i feel like “the deal” and “when memories snow” are responses to “working for the knife” and “everyone” where her job leaves her#feeling emptied out of all this pain and love simultaneously. hence the ghostliness of the whole album#and her coming to terms with this feeling of emptiness. or actually. the loneliness of having no witnesses at all. after the music.#being king of her own land. if one would like to use that turn of phrase#IS ANYONE ELSE GOING INSANE OR.
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United States Junior Gymnastic Team of ‘88-‘89
Catherine Todd née Johnson & Mary Grayson née Lloyd: I hope we meet again (I’m letting you go)
@kindlespark / The Book Thief, Markus Zusak / ? / dc comics / Diary, Chuck Palahniuk / Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace / Always Gold, Radical Face / Us Against You, Fredrik Backman / @inanotherunivrse / I Wanted to Leave, SYML / ? / ? / Psychogeography, Chelsea Dingman / @leonardospoetry + me / On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, Ocean Vuong / Past Lives (2023) / A Letter to Love, Caitlyn Siehl / @archivegeo / In a Dream You Saw a Way to Survive, Clementine von Radics / Always Gold, Radical Face / Dorothea, Taylor Swift / Stand by Me (1986) / dc comics + On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, Ocean Vuong / Life After Death, Laura Gilpin / Lost Without You, Freya Ridings
#target audience: me#but come on guys. Catherine loves her people and her city and her home and her books. And Mary needs to leave. To fly. To perform.#like not only is it a fascinating relationship between two characters regardless it’s also really interesting through the lens of Jason and#Dick as brothers.#Because yeah Dick can’t stay in Gotham and Jason will always be coming back#But at least they found each other again I suppose#At least they have that#Jason Todd#dick grayson#mary grayson#catherine todd#dc comics#batfamily#web weaving#anyways I hope this isn’t too confusing and feels like a dialogue. Also I tried to incorporate writing/books/stories on Catherine’s end#And flying/weather/space on Mary’s#red and birdie
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my other dungeon meshi belief is that laios and falin get their propensity towards magic and seeing ghosts from their mom’s side of the family. amid all the superstitions she knows to chop falin’s hair off! unnamed toudenmom who had a cousin die young with hallucinations, who gets nauseous in forests and wild places, whose grandmother used to make charms with strands of her own hair. she blames herself for her babies needing to go away. neither of them ever learn that she’s right.
#dungeon meshi#falin touden#laios touden#her panicked attempts to fix falin are so much more sympathetic#seen through the lens of a woman who genuinely blames herself for dooming her baby girl to a lifetime of social shunning and unhappy ghosts#the dungeon meshi story is not one of villains but people whose life circumstances put them in a position to harm others#and it’s such a twist on the hysteria coded mom#yes she’s correct about the family demons no it does not justify the exorcism#no she’s probably not ever going to explain them in a way laios or falin will understand
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also why in posts i see headcanoning the ages of characters is anya like a fresh faced baby at like 22-23 or something,,,, make that woman in her late twenties rn. she has managed to not get into medical school eight separate times thats eight times she's missed an enrollment cutoff date which is at least four years of trying to get it, and the fact that you need a bachelors as well usually to get into med school so at minIMUM she has to be twenty six-seven. make her the frustrated mid twenties bitch that she deserves to be goddammit.
#something something larger fandom trend of maybe infantalising anya probably#or like the difficulty of the fact we have an unreliable narrator so so much of what we see of anya is filtered through jingus' lens and#he doesn't see her as like a goddamn human 💀#anyway#penelope rambles#mouthwashing
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