#threenineteen

[shae-ster93]

It’s my MF BIRTHDAY!!

[daily-best-jokes]

"Hey masochist, why do you spend so much time with the sadist?"

"Beats me."

submitted by /u/twenty-threenineteen [link] [comments]

[winrepl0l1l0]

Two irishmen, lost at sea...

Two irishmen are floating on a boat, lost at sea. They ran out of food a couple of days ago, and ran out of water just today, so naturally they're pretty desperate.

Out on the water, one of them spies a genie's lamp, and they both frantically paddle towards it.

One of them pull out the lamp and rubs it, and lo and behold, a genie pops out!

"Will ye grant us tree wishes mister?" the Irishman pleads.

"I'd love ta, but this old genie's barely enough for just the one. So wish carefully."

Quickly, one of the men calls out, "I wish the ocean'd turn ta Guinness!!"

"Consider it done." The genie and the lamp disappear, and the entire ocean changes from water to beer.

The second Irishman looks at the first, stunned, then finally manages, "Ya fockin' idiot! Now we have ta piss in the boat!"

submitted by /u/twenty-threenineteen [visit reddit] [comments]

[maxmundan]

This is when it stings me hard and vicious, like sticking my foot into a hive filled with angry wasps and I can’t escape your face, which is there in my mind, imploring me to just forget all the shit and my ego and stop being such a baby, pick up the goddamn phone and call you fight for you do something do anything 3:19 in the morning is when it stings me when you sting me This is when it burns me wild and uncontrollable, like a forest fire surrounding me, cutting me off and I want to surrender to you and let you consume me with the fire in your eyes fire that is words and disappointment lapping at my weakness my impotence and my lies for if I was someone who deserved you in my arms you’d be here, in my arms 3:19 in the morning is when it burns me when you burn me This is when it bites me mean and hungry, like a rabid dog backed into a corner and only trying, with what’s left of it’s life to survive, by any means possible just like me, a lonely, homeless animal licking it’s wounds and crying itself to sleep, dreaming of a time when I could be a better man a strong man, who would get up off his worthless ass and find a way to fucking get you back 3:19 in the morning is when it bites me when you bite me

Max Mundan, 3:19

© David Rutter 2014

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