#threats of self-harm

[howtowhumpyourhiccup]

Death - Chapter 9

The Glaring Truth

Summary: Post Httyd 3, the dragons never left. When Hiccup and Toothless disappear after responding to a distress message, Astrid and the Dragon Riders give chase.

Warnings: Violence, Threats of Self-harm

Rating: Explicit

Words: 3 127

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Characters: Hiccup, Toothless, Astrid, Stormfly, Snotlout, Hookfang, Fishlegs, Meatlug, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Barf and Belch, Valka, Cloudjumper, Eret, Skullcrusher, Httyd ocs (Rufflegs twins)

Pairing: Hiccstrid, Rufflegs

Author's Notes: It's Death Day! I've been looking forward to posting this chapter! Chapter 10 has already been finished, 11 is just about halfway done! :)

Enjoy!

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[trixxedheart]

It is amazing how the "people that love and uplift transwomen" website will instantly fucking maul a transwoman if she even remotely insinuate that using radfem rhetoric harms trans people

[graementality]

Some Hearb sketches from earlier ^-^

TW FOR HEALED SH SCARS BELOW THE CUT!!

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

Guys I’ve officially been told to off myself for “being racist” because I’m not a fan of a lot of rap music lmao

(Also someone tagged like 30 of my posts with #aro ace safe place for all (white only) which is a level of petty and stupidly that made me cackle lmao)

[autumnteawithfriends]

WARNING: This post contains grooming, guilt tripping, suicide attempts, talks of Self Harm, threats of SA to a minor, and mentions of animal death

Hello, if any of you are reading this, then I’m here to say that I highly recommend blocking this cunt on Twitter

To those who are wondering, this deplorable bitch has groomed my friend @cagneyblooms (Vriska is 18 and Cagney is 15) and Vriska has guilt tripped Cagney by threatening to send her cutting pictures

(The pink/purple text is my friend Cagney)

Vriska has also encouraged her to commit suicide by listing methods Cagney could do

Vriska has also threatened to kill her own perfectly healthy animals and told Cagney it

Vriska has also talked about murdering her on one of her many termed Tumblr accounts

However, me and some of Cagney’s friends weren’t going to let this bitch keep doing this to Cagney, so we sent her anonymous hate mail (I couldn’t screenshot theirs, but here’s one of mine)

(Also I do not give a shit if you give me smack for this, Vriska is a fucking terrible person)

Cagney has also informed me that after this, Vriska had tried to threaten me with SA before her account got termed

All I have to say is that how fucking pathetic are you to the point of threatening to send one of your “friends” after me. Keep in mind, I am a minor and I’m the same age as Cagney (15)

Vriska is also extremely racist because look at this shit she made

This speaks for itself, and something that also makes it worse is the shade of color she specifically used for the skin

It’s fucking dark muddy orange/yellow

So to conclude this, fuck Vriska, I hope she gets terminated and eventually sent to jail. If you or any of your friends see any account of hers. Block and report it

As a bonus, here’s my response to her on her brand new Twitter account before I blocked her

(EDIT: I made a continuation post right here)

[3-2-whump]

Adjusting Well: A Parallel

<prev next>

By all accounts we weren't going to even have this chapter, but my beta readers convinced me to make this drabble canon. So, here it is. Everyone say thank you to @whumped-by-glitter and @generic-whumperz for letting Tom live one more chapter and prolonging Khaled's misery

A parallel to Adjusting Well

TW/CW: noncon nudity, multiple whumpers, degradation, emotional manipulation, degrading speech, threat of castration (not followed through), humiliation, noncon oral, self-harming behaviors

“How’s he adjusting?”

Thomas sighed. “Fine, I guess?” He threw a backward glance at a shirtless Khaled from where he sat on the sofa. The slave was engrossed with buffing out the scratches on the granite countertop. “He doesn’t talk much anymore-”

“When did he ever talk much?” Luca shrugged.

“Well, it’s worse now,” Thomas explained. “He just sulks all the time, shambling like a zombie from one room to the next!” He leaned in close to his oldest and most trusted friend. “When I took his cock cage off yesterday, he barely even reacted! Barely remembered to thank me, too,” he grumbled.

“I don’t understand,” Luca said as he furrowed his brow. “This is what you wanted, right? A living fuck doll to keep you warm at night?”

“No, that’s more of what you want, man!” Thomas shook his head, then leaned back onto the couch with a sigh. “I wanted at least a little bit of liveliness, maybe even some enthusiasm, if that wasn’t too much to ask for! I don’t know how to break him out of this slump, or if I even can!” he groaned.

Luca pursed his lips, looked over the side of the couch back at Khaled, and then back at Tom. “Bring him over here, I want to talk to him,” he said.

His friend obviously had an idea, though what exactly this idea was remained to be seen. Thomas craned his head over his shoulder once again to look back at the slave behind them. “Khaled, come here,” he ordered.

The boy looked up from the countertop as his hand holding the cleaning rag stopped buffing. He looked back down at the counter, then sighed, putting the rag down and stepping out from behind the counter. Without the granite and hardwood in the way, it was plain to see Khaled was completely naked. Luca gave an appreciative whistle. Thomas shot him an exasperated look. It was nothing the man hadn’t already seen at this point, but he always leered at Khaled’s nakedness as if it were the first time Tom got the idea to pass him around.

Khaled finally stood before the two men, waiting silently until he was commanded to kneel in the presence of his master.

“So, I heard you’re feeling kind of down,” Luca said as the boy settled onto his knees.

Khaled glanced toward his master, then back at Luca, and nodded somberly.

“Not sure why you’re so upset, though. I mean, really –did you not think your actions would have consequences?” Luca asked rhetorically. Thomas recognized this speech from those few times he’d interacted with Luca and his family before. This was the speech Luca used to use on his sons, with some obvious modifications to fit this specific situation. Never had he ever thought the man would rehash the ‘own up to your mistakes’ monologue onto his slave.

“Here my buddy is, just trying to protect you from your baser instincts –the same instincts that got you infected –and you think you have the right to be upset about it?” He tutted and shook his head in disapproval. “You stupid little slut! You still don’t know how good you have it, do you?” Luca admonished.

Khaled hesitantly shook his head, a flicker of uncertainty crossing those dark, lifeless eyes.

“If you were mine, I never would’ve tolerated this shit! I would’ve had you fixed like the horny little bitch you are the moment I suspected you spreading your legs for someone else!”

Khaled flinched, bringing his hands to his front to shield himself the moment the word ‘fixed’ was uttered. “Khaled,” Thomas warned. The boy nodded his head and reluctantly placed his hands at his sides, exposing himself again.

“You would never have left my sight for even a moment,” Luca continued, “but noooo, Tom felt bad for you and allowed you to ‘make friends’ or some shit! At least it was with Nico, at first –did you screw him to be your friend, too?”

Khaled’s face burned bright red at the invasive question. “What? No, I-”

“Quiet!”

On the other end of the couch, Thomas rolled his eyes. “See, of course now he talks, to defend what little honor he thinks he has left!” he scoffed.

“Honor?” Luca let out a snide laugh. “These slaves don’t have honor!” He leaned back onto the couch and gestured to Khaled as he explained. “No, no, what you think of as honor, I see as favor. Slaves are granted favor at the discretion of their owners, and that favor can be lost just as easily as it can be given. And this one lost favor due to his own actions alone.” He cast a smug look back at Khaled and asked, “So, what do you have to say for yourself?”

“Um, I’m sorry?” Khaled murmured.

“Tom, do you accept that apology?”

The boss shook his head as his lips quirked into a wry smile. “No, I don’t think I do. It didn’t feel…genuine enough.”

“Yeah, come on, Khaled,” Luca jeered. “Let’s try that again! What do you have to say to the man who raised you, who waited for you to become legal all those years before laying his hands on you, who gave you everything?”

Khaled gave a shuddering sigh before lowering his eyes respectfully. “I’m sorry,” he answered, voice full of conviction. He effortlessly folded himself over into a bow, planting his forehead onto the carpet in front of their feet. “Forgive me, Master,” he said loud and clear.

“Forgive you for what?” Thomas asked, fully leaning into this game now.

“Forgive me for sleeping around, for taking you for granted, for-for not loving you like you want me to!” Khaled answered.

“How sorry are you?”

“So sorry!”

“Would you like to show us? Go on, boy, show us how sorry you are!”

This reminded Tom of when he and his friends were younger, when they would bully the freshmen at St. Drogo’s and rob them blind of pocket change. Khaled begged and screamed repeated apologies over and over, bashing his face into the carpet repeatedly each time as Luca goaded him on. “Okay, okay, stop, stop, stop!” Thomas commanded, intervening before Khaled could truly hurt himself. “Goddamn, Luca, you’re gonna give him brain damage!” He softened his tone as he redirected his tone to Khaled. “Get up here, sweetheart.”

Khaled raised his head slowly, sporting a deep red, carpet-patterned imprint on his forehead and tears falling from his inky dark eyes. He crawled on all fours until his body was between his master’s legs, his cheek leaning against his master’s thigh. Thomas stroked his face gently, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Show me how sorry you are,” he ordered softly. His hand left Khaled’s face to tug down the fly of his pants. Without a word, his slave pulled his hardening member out of his pants and popped it into the warm, velvety cavern of his mouth, lightly sucking on it and brushing it along his tongue to stiffen it to full mast.

“See? That’s better,” Thomas cooed.

“You’re welcome, by the way,” Luca chimed in. “He’s out of his slump and onto your cock where he belongs.”

“God, how do you not have one of your own to boss around already?” Thomas asked, completely ignoring Khaled’s efforts to please him.

“Not all of us have $30k to throw away; some of us gotta put our sons through college,” Luca griped.

Thomas rubbed the back of Khaled’s head, brushing the boy’s shaved undercut against the grain as he hummed contemplatively. “Well, I know it’s kind of gross for me to be offering my used sex toy like this, but you’ve always seemed to take an interest in him.” His hand traveled up to the longer hair on top of Khaled’s head, fisting into it as he pulled the boy’s face further into his lap. “What if I left him to you, if something should happen to me?”

Khaled made a small choking sound, which Thomas shushed away as he continued face-fucking him.

Luca smirked. “If it was anyone else’s used sex toy, I would say they were crazy. But him, I like him. He’s still young, and handsome too. And god forbid anything should happen to you, of course-”

“It’s already happened, Estrada shot me-”

“-I would be happy to take him,” Luca said.

Thomas sighed in relief. That was one less thing to worry about if Julio or anyone else ever succeeded in killing him. They shook on it, with Tom promising to contact his executor on the next business day as he came down his slave’s throat.

Le Tag List: @kabie-whump @rainydaywhump @whumped-by-glitter @skittles-the-whumpee @generic-whumperz @bamber344 @there-will-always-be-blood @morning-star-whump @a-la-whump @watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees @defire

[donkeybro]

What the actual fuck is going on

(Hey, I’m not in the best fucking mood right now so I’m gonna make this nice, short and sweet.)

(There’s an anon going around pretending to be @/minusgangtime and @/brooke2valley, sending irl self harm photos, saying racial fucking slurs like the hard r, n word!! “Reporting” people for the dumbest shit and telling my friends that they deserve to be fucking raped!! There also encouraging suicide, are trans phobic and are threatening to find out where people fucking live!!!)

(IM NOT EVEN FUCKING EXAGGERATING, HERES THE PROOF!!:

(ALSO!!! APPARENTLY THEYRE DOING THIS SHIT FOR A FUCKING FACE REVEAL!!!)

(IM DONE!! IM ACTUALLY FUCKING DONE WITH THIS ABSOLUTELY BULLSHIT!! GET A FUCKING LIFE YOU BITCH MADE COWARD OF AN ANON!! GO OUTSIDE AND LEARN SOME FUCKING DECENCY INSTEAD OF LURKING IN YOUR MOTHERS BASEMENT LIKE THE FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE YOU ARE!!!)

(GET OUT OF ME AND MY FRIENDS LIVES FOR GOOD YOU INHUMANE, MAIDENLESS, TRANSPHOBIC, BASEMENT DWELLING, DISGRACE OF WHATEVER FAMILY YOUR APART OF!!!)

[moeblob]

Druas and Eva

[iw2kms]

CREATING PAIN so my current pain doesn’t feel so bad >>>>>>>>

[proship-mafuyu]

OH HELL YES THE PERSON WHO TOLD ME TO SLIT MY WRISTS GOT NUKED BY STAFF <3333 BEAUTIFUL DAY <3333333

[just-antithings]

Antis: "Ew proshippers are SO harmful by writing icky fanfics and drawing gross art" even when everything has warnings in place so you can avoid it to the best extent the site allows you to avoid it.

Also antis: proudly posts untagged gore or badly censored 'proship art' for callouts, glamourising ED's, self harm or murder. Harasses people, doxxes people, sends death threats and suicide baits frequently.

Obviously not all antis but I've noticed a bit too many like that on twitter

[spinchip]

Turn You to a Colder Summer

(a/n: I wrote and edited this during my breaks at work, don't judge my grammar mistakes too harshly hehe)

(Warnings: frostbite (descriptions of numbness), violence, blood, injury, torture, mentions of past self harm, mouth trauma, threat of potential death. Kai does not have a good time, but he lives. The Ice Emperor is a Bad Guy)

(Wordcount: 2600)

Cold fingers drag along Kai's cheek in painful friction, ice crystals cracking and cutting into his skin like nettles as the hand arcs up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind his ear. The Ice Emperor's eyes are uncanny where they piece Kais gaze- black sclera where there should be white, burning electric blue where there should be warm sky, little flecks of gold that shift in and out of existence in the glow of the ice spires around them. No love. His expression is blank but not in the way Zanes usually is. It's cruel, clinical, and coldly detached.

Kai is bound in the floor, laid sideways to avoid the throbbing agony of brushing his frostbitten shoulder along the too-cold stone beneath him. That mark is hand-shaped, pressed brutally into his skin with a purposeful touch because Zane's ice couldn't get past the fire in his blood normally, not without excessive force or access to unlimited power. The ice blocks binding his arms behind his back and his ankles together don't sink frost as deep as when the Ice Emperor had torn him from his friends with an iron grip around his bicep. Their ambush failed. They were trying to escape, back through the tunnels Krag had shown them but he hesitated to follow, a part of him wanting to try and succeed where Lloyd had failed and draw Zane from the tyrant wearing his face. Kai knew better, he knew he couldn't get caught.

But he did, and now the Emperor is crouched over him with strange eyes and snowflakes trickling from his palm.

"He's not himself." Lloyd had said after stumbling back into the village- he’d left to look for the land bounty and had stayed gone three days, "If he catches you, he'll kill you." He promised, the sash from his ninja suit rewrapped tight over his belly and stained with his blood. The Staff of forbidden spinjitzu had a blade, after all. The Emperor was not afraid to use it. It was pure luck Lloyd had avoided the thick of the blade and hadn’t dropped his guts on the throne room floor.

To further prove his point and to save a life, he'd been dragging behind him a girl with each of her limbs encased in ice and delirious from blood loss, her mouth smeared with red where she'd coughed up bits of her lungs. He’d tapped her- just a tap against her sternum, the barest of hits that she’d nearly dodged, and he’d pushed ice into the delicate capillaries lining her lungs and frozen her blood half solid. The first breath she’d taken after had been agony, the second had torn. Akita. Lloyd had to tell them her name because she had passed out not long after arriving in the village- and when she tries to speak she was too out of it to form the right words. The blood flooding in her mouth wasn’t any help, either. Her body gave out once they began to chip her limbs free of ice, exhaustion claiming her. She was holding on to her life by a thread. Zane had done that.

No, the Ice Emperor had done that. It was an important distinction.

Kai, who'd just gotten his power back- the weak flicker that it was- had gone and gotten himself caught by the man.

The Ice Emperors eyes cut paths along his face, searching for something he knows is there but can't quite place. He'd been pacing around Kai for a long while, agitated and upset as he stared daggers at his prisoner. The frost on the edge of Kais cold and chapped lips reminds him not to speak. The Emperor has no qualms about forcing his silence. At first he’d thought the man was guarding him, too worried about the threat his powers might impose to regulate him to a typical cell under the palace. He was wrong. The Ice Emperor has no fear of him at all. Now he's so close Kai can smell oil, tracing burning cold lines into his skin as if finding the right path across his face will reveal what he's looking for.

Kai prepares for the eventual question. He also prepares for the scenario where the Emperor asks no questions and freezes his heart in his chest, but he hopes it doesn't come to that. He imagines what the Ice Emperor might ask- what the part of Zane still alive in him might push him to ask. There's no doubt that Zane still lives, because if he didn't the Emperor would have no reason to take any interest I'm him at all. He'd have been dead ten times over. Maybe he'll ask who are you? Or how do I know you? Or how do you know me? And Kai can explain to him that he loves him, he loves him, he loves him and that will make everything okay. It will. It has to.

Another long moment passes where the Emperor is crouched over him searching. Kai searches him too. Looks at everything in hope of finding the piece of the puzzle he can use to slot everything back into place. He's wearing completely different robes than he was before he was struck by the staff, white and gray and hand embroidered with diamonds made to glitter everytime he moved. His armor is growing fractals of ice in a messy, unkempt way. There's a patch where the icicles have been meticulously chipped away, but that chore was dropped and now they've been left to grow rampant. His face is dented and there's a patch of ice that's holding his jaw in place- an ugly crack from the corner of his mouth, a gap, and Kai can see where the connection between his mandible and skull has been snapped. The lopsided frown makes the break even more apparent.

The hand on his face is covered by a pure white glove. The hand on the staff is bare other than a thick case of ice, and Kai can see clear through it to the mess underneath. The titanium casing on his hand has been split apart to reveal his skeletal structure below. Kai has spent enough time in Jay and Nyas' mechanic lair under the monastery to have at least somewhat of a grasp on the basics of Zanes parts, so he knows what he's looking at. More specifically, he knows what he's not looking at. Wire- important wires, the ones Nya complains about because they have to special order them and they take ages to come- are missing. Not torn out, but neatly trimmed down near his wrist. The structure boning for his pinkie is gone, removed in the same clean fashion. There's more- Kai only knows so much, but he can tell the machinery underneath looks far more barren than a few wires and bone. Lloyd told them about the message in that cave, where he'd tried to fix the mech.

Kai can see it clearly in his mind. Zane, desperate and alone, taking the edge of a ninja star and sliding it along the near Invisible seam holding the casing of his hand together and shoving, cracking the connection points until it pops clean off. He and the mechs used the same type of wiring, after all.

The Emperor's voice is quiet when he speaks, the unfamiliar deep grit softening in the question meant just for the space between them, "Why do I hate you so much?"

Kais heartbreak over what might have happened in the cave stalls, every part of his mind thrown off rhythm with a question he never would have guessed he'd be asked. He can't articulate a response because he can't understand why Zane would hate him, and why that emotion would be leaking out into the Ice Emperor now.

"Zane-" He starts before his mouth is sealed shut with a layer of ice. Brain freeze hits first, sharp and cruel and like an icepick up through the roof of his mouth. Frost invades his mouth and glues his teeth together, crawling halfway down his throat. It hurts all the way to the roots of his teeth and he thrashes on instinct, bouncing his head off hard stone before he can control his reaction. Every part of his face hurts. There's a terrifying moment where the ice spreads over the back of his throat and seals off his sinuses and he's certain the Emperor has finally decided to kill him by suffocating him to death.

But the ice recedes almost as quickly as it came, though the Emperor keeps his hand over Kais mouth as a reminder not to slip up again. That was worse than the first time he'd done it, Kai doesn't want to know how bad it might be next.

The Ice Emperor's face is terrifyingly blank, a mask that gives absolutely nothing to Kai, so empty it scares him more than anything he's done so far. The interest in his eyes has fractured, and underneath is a hatred that makes the black of his pupils seem darker.

"You and your friends," his voice is still gentle, chillingly calm, "I hate all of you so much. I do not know why, but I do. I want to punish you."

Kai’s heart is jack rabbiting in his chest, beating at his ribs as adrenaline floods his system with nowhere to go. Fight or flight and he can't do either.

He takes his hand off Kai's mouth, "Speak." He orders.

Kai is woefully unprepared, stumbling over himself to try and come up with some way to remind Zane who he is. Lloyd told him that Zane said he loved them in his goodbye video. Why did that change? Was it the staff corrupting his mind? But the staff can only feed feelings that were already there. Did some part of Zane, some small part, really hate him?

"You're sick," he tries, his tongue darting out to try and wet chapped lips but its been hours since he's had a drink and his mouth is dry, "The staff is altering your mind, Zane. This isn't you. We're all friends! We love you!" He isn't above pleading and he pours desperation into each word, "You have to remember! I love you!"

The Emperor tilts his head inquisitively to the side as his expression flickers along the edges. Kai still knows Zane well enough to pick up on the minute changes- not a hint of it is kind. Whatever Kai said picked something loose, but not enough. Not enough. The light In his eyes changes but not in any way Kai can understand. He presses his finger to Kais mouth and seals it with another layer of ice, stopping his words. The air is thick, fraught with a tension so strong Kai can barely breathe through it. The Emperor looks at him. His eyes are so dark. He can still see Zane in everything the man does.

"I waited for you," the Ice Emperor speaks slowly, sounding out the sentence as if reaffirming its truth. A piece of Zane, just a sliver- a curiosity for the man crouched before him. It's a feeling, a certainty of a grievous crime, "And you never came."

It's bone chilling hatred.

It's betrayal.

Kais heart drops through his stomach and cracks to pieces on the icy floor. No no no-! He can't wrench his jaw free of his muzzle but he tries desperately to. He tries to scream, to howl and pour heat into his mouth- fire reacts to his devotion to his family, rushing through his body but again Kai is not enough.

We didn't know! We couldn't have known! We came as soon as we could! He thrashes on the floor, tries to bash his jaw down to shatter ice. He wants to grab the Emperor by the shoulders and shake shake shake him until his head pops off. I would have torn apart the sixteen realms to get to you! He's crying and the tears sting where they drip down his face. I would do anything!

He slumps, boneless and sore where his skin bruises on stone. He's thirsty, he's starving, and he's so so cold. The fire flickers out of him back down to an ember, faint and comforting if not much else. He blinks the wet from his eyes and sees the Emperors white white robes are stained with blood at the bottom. Above him, the tyrant moves.

Kai pushes himself back, the reality really sinking in. He was going to die here. No! he couldn't! He couldn't let Zane do this because when they got him back- and they would get him back, Kai has to believe that- he would never forgive himself. His back hits a pillar of ice and he looks around wildly, trying to figure out some way to get out of this, a smoking gun, a dues ex machina- anything! To stop what's coming.

He can do nothing. He squeezes his eyes shut as the Ice Emperor cups his cheek gently- but there's no ice stabbing into his brain, no agony of a literal ice pick lobotomy. The Emperors thumb wipes away an errant tear. A heartbeat passes before Kai hesitantly looks up at him.

The Emperor's face is still and serene, "I am not going to kill you, Kai." There is a moment of relief, even an inkling of hope before the chill comes.

It seeps into his skin from the Emperor's hand, down down through his face- It pours like slush through fat and muscle, cutting through his cheek to burn his gums and freeze the nerves in his teeth. It gets colder. Kai tries to dislodge his hand but the Emperor jerks forward and slams him down, holding his head against the stone floor as he pours ice into his blood faster, more brutal. Kai can't scream, his jaw locking against the bite of frost. It gets colder. It burns like the road rash he’d gotten the first time he’d wrecked his motorcycle, but a million times worse. Pain overwhelms all of his senses until he forgets how to breathe, hyperventilating and trying miserably to suck in enough air through his nose. His mouth is still sealed shut, he can't get enough air- he can't- His vision flickers with black spots.

It gets colder.

Feeling stops, numbness spreading like a balm over dying nerves. He stops struggling, taking advantage of the respite to catch his breath. His chest hurts with how hard his heart beats. His head is spinning. He looks up at the Ice Emperor with exhausted eyes and finds no pity, and especially no mercy. As Kai had struggled and sobbed in agony, he’d watched it all happen. He’d just watched. Kai is aware of the hand in his face by pressure alone, feeling blissfully gone.

The Ice Emperor takes his hand away.

He lays there and breathes, a tingling feeling spreading over his cheek. Pins and needles that turn sharper and sharper. With the loss of cold, feeling creeps back in and Kai is slowly aware of every inch of dying skin the frostbite has decimated. It hurts- it hurts like nothing he's ever experienced. He can't comprehend the pain, his mind blanking out as the blood roars in his ear. His vision goes gray at the edges as he struggles to stay awake. He can't pass out- he has to bring Zane back. He has to. He can't let him hurt the others. He can’t fail him like he did with the fight against Aspheera. Kai has to be enough. Please let him be enough.

The Emperor cards a hand through Kai's bangs, deceptively gentle as he wipes sweat slick hair off his forehead.

"I want you to suffer."

[ravenzeppeli]

Claimed

Chapter 15 - The Incident Pt. 2 |La Squadra x Reader Angst|

Warning: strong language, extreme physical violence, violent threats, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, extremely dark chapter all throughout. MA.

Illusos POV

Illuso was pissed off, holding a bag of ice to his swollen jaw as he waited for Melone and Formaggio in the hospital waiting room, the small area completely empty. He walked around this entire fucking hospital to get privacy, he was so fucking pissed. The beating that he'll give you, it'll be severe. He could see it now, imagine it.

He was going to strip you naked and tie you to something, then he would whip your entire lower body with the thickest leather belt he had. He would take his time, making sure his hits weren't too severe so that he could beat you for hours. He would shove your underwear in your mouth and put a ball gag over your mouth. He would buy a shock wand and shock your entire body, putting the main focus on your clit.

Killing you.. he would never do that, despite those words coming out of his mouth. You humiliated him, saying he couldn't make you cum and that you would never love him. That shit.. it was personal, and you crossed a line. He was going go give you a good beating, he was going to break and train you, force you to behave. But killing you, oh what a waste that would be. He talks out his ass a lot when it comes to women.

Formaggio walked into the small, empty waiting room, his eye black and cheek bruised. "What the fuck are we gonna do with our girlfriend?" He questioned, tone serious. "She just disrespected us hard. Yeah, we had our fun, we got our dicks sucked, but she could have talked to us privately."

Illuso threw the ice bag on the ground, the ice scattering across the white tile hospital floor. "Let's make her fucking cry, let's make her cry and beg like a little pathetic girl." He looked down at the ground, shaking his head. "That bitch.. I swear on my life I wish she was standing in front of us."

"Do you love her for real, like she said?" He questioned, causing Illuso to shoot him a glare. "What? You know, I don't love her but I really like her. She sits and watches football with me. She even listens to me talk for fucking hours."

"I don't love her, she's just our fucking slut," he snapped back, but Formaggio could tell that he was lying. "So what if I love her? Fucks love gonna do? She clearly don't give a fuck about anyone but Melone. She ain't even here to check on any of us!"

"You really gonna kill her?" He questioned.

"No, I'm just gonna beat her until she cries," Illuso replied, causing Formaggio to shrug. "Fucks her problem? She's lucky that she has seven men fucking her and taking care of her. She has no right to question what the fuck we do."

Formaggio nodded, "Exactly. She needs to learn how to stay in a woman's place. I knew something was wrong with her, I knew that she was a crazy bitch." He sighed, "will we even get to punish her? I doubt she'll approach us, she's not that bold. Women are fucking pussies. That's why they got um."

"We'll just have to drag her," Illuso suddenly stopped, standing up as he walked to the edge of the wait room entrance, his eyes slightly widening in shock. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that you were actually here, that you actually showed up. "Holy shit. Look."

"His name is Illuso! I know you've seen him, yes I am immediate family of him too!" You snapped at the nurse, the nurse seeming scared of you, stepping back as she clutched her papers. "Listen, I need to hurry. I got this boyfriend with blue hair that's about to bust in here and go crazy. I gotta hurry. He's fast!"

Formaggio walked out of the private waiting area, walking over to you, grabbing your hand. "Thank you for helping her, I'll take it from here." He let go of your hand, reaching in his pocket and pulling out his wallet. "Point me in the direction of the private storage closet and give me your keys. I'll give you 800 now."

The nurse took the bribe, taking the money and pointing left as she handed Formaggio a key. Illuso stepped out of the office as he saw Formaggio walk with you, his hand suddenly grasping yours.

"Girl, you're in so much trouble," Formaggio whispered, his grip on your hand iron. "What the fuck are you doing here?" He turned left, the hallway empty as Formaggio quickly unlocked the storage closet, pushing you in.

"I wanted to see if you and Melone were okay," you said, a low whine escaping your lips when Formaggios hand suddenly crashed into your ass.

Illuso walked over to you, a smirk appearing on his face when you backed away, your back hitting the wall. The closet was small and dimlit, leaving you no room to run away from him. "Turn around." He began to unbuckle his belt. "Wanna act like a little girl? That's fine by us, I can spank you every single day. I'm glad I wore my thickest best today."

"Guys, I'm really sorry I overreacted," you said softly, not turning around like he said. "Please don't spank me in public. You.. you both did something wrong first! This isn't fair! You cheated on me, having ransom women suck you off! What if I paid men to eat me out!?"

Illuso laughed mockingly, "you wanna pay men to eat you out? Do it. That just means you'll be responsible for me killing those men."

Suddenly, Formaggio grabbed your arm, pulling your arm up to reveal a large white bandage. "What the fuck is this? I was wondering why you were hiding this arm from me. What the fuck is it? Melone mentioned you got injured."

You suddenly grew silent, causing Illuso to freeze, keeping his hands on his unfastened belt, waiting to pull it out, but something about that bandage.. it made him wonder what happened. Melone wouldn't tell him or Formaggio in the car, barely speaking to the two of them. They didn't know what you did, but Illuso assumed you just punched a wall or something.

"Did you try and fucking kill yourself?" Questioned Formaggio, his grip on your wrist growing iron. His eyes.. they flashed danger, a danger that even made Illuso feel slightly uneasy. "I'll fucking ask Prosciutto if you don't tell me."

"I just.. I panicked," you muttered, causing Formaggio to grab your index finger, bending it back instantly, his other hand smashing against your mouth, forcing it shut. He grabbed your middle finger, doing the same. You were trying to break free, his body pressing against yours, blocking Illusos' view.

"You listen to me Y/N," Formaggio spoke, his voice a whisper, "Don't you ever fucking self harm yourself again. If you ever do this again, if you ever try and take your own life, I swear on my mother that I'll break more then just your fingers. How dare you attempt to take your life."

Illuso stepped back slightly, buckling his belt back up. No way in fuck could he beat you with two broken fingers. Fuck.. he felt sick seeing your fingers like that. He wanted to pull Formaggio away from you, but he just stood their, staring at your awkwardly bent fingers.

Formaggio lifted his hand from your mouth, spinning you around yet again, slightly bending you over. "Do what needs to be done, Illuso. We gotta teach her. You said it yourself."

He stiffened up as his eyes kept drifing to your two fingers that were bent back awkwardly and bright red, low sobs escaping your mouth. Your entire body was visibly shaking as Formaggio held you in place, letting go of your hand that now had two broken fingers. The fact that your sobs weren't louder was slightly impressive. Finger breaking was a tactic they used at work, and men have mentally broken down from having their fingers snapped. This wasn't the right thing to do to you.

"Why the fuck are you hesitating? Hurry up and smack her." He went to pull down your pants, Illuso stopping him. "What? We haven't made her cry and beg yet, she needs to learn her lesson now."

"I'm sorry," you muttered, voice weak, the pain in your voice making him start to feel bad. "I.. don't care about you fucking other women, just keep Melone out of it. And don't kiss me. Or go near me without a condom. Ever."

Formaggio smacked you upside the head roughly with his palm, causing you to nearly fall onto the floor, Illuso reaching out to grasp your arm, yanking you back. "Nah, we ain't touching other women anymore. We're only touching you now, princess." His tone was taunting, causing your shaking body to visibly stiffen.

As he went to speak again, your head dropped, you clutching your stomach as you slightly bent over. You threw up all over the ground, coating the white tiles. You leaned against the wall, low sobs escaping your mouth. "I hate you," you whispered. "I fucking hate you."

Formaggio raised his hand again, Illuso pushing him back. "Fuck it.. let's just go. Let's just leave her here and go. We never saw her unless she -" Illuso began, Formaggio quickly interrupting him.

"Run your fucking mouth about us if you want us to teach you a lesson at my house. Where my sex toys are. Where my walls are fucking soundproof," Formaggio warned. "We own you, you're our girl. I hope you learned your fucking lesson." He turned away, opening the storage walking out.

Illuso looked down at you, a strong feeling of guilt washing over him as he looked down at you. He just wanted to smack you around. He didn't want to break your fingers or cause you to throw up all over yourself. This wasn't right. What they just did to you was terrible. Despite all that, he left without saying nothing, turning off the lights and softly closing the door.

Formaggio went to lock you in, but Illuso stopped him, snatching the keys out of his hand. "Yeah, locking her in might be too far."

"I think everything we just did to her was too fucking far," he replied back, shaking his head as he followed Formaggio back to the waiting area. "We might of fucked up pretty bad. That beating was -"

"She slit her wrists, man," Formaggio replied, his tone serious. "She can't do that. She can't try and kill herself, not after we've invested time into her. We didn't beat her. We just disciplined her. You didn't even hit her, I did. Don't worry."

"We left her in that closet, and I turned the light off. She's covered in her own vomit Formaggio." He shook his head, the feeling of guilt suddenly growing deeper. "We gotta go back and get her. We can't leave her hurt. Her fingers are broken." He went to walk back towards the hallway, only to be stopped by Ghiaccio, his face beet red.

"Where is she!? Have you fucking seen Y/N!?" Ghiaccio snapped, frantically looking around the hospital. "Fuck, I called Risotto and he doesn't know! She snuck off and left! She begged me to come up here, she was rambling about having to pay off the doctors or something but I said no! Can you believe she ignored my no!?"

Illuso turned away from Ghiaccio, looking at Formaggio, not knowing what to say. He didn't want the ohers to know what him and Formaggio did to you. "She begged to come up here?"

"Yes! She kept saying she wanted to apologize for hitting Formaggio and that she wanted to check on all three of you! I said no, I said you both may really hurt her, and she told me that Formaggio is someone she trusts and that he would never hurt her," Ghiaccio said, voice frantic. "She kept saying that she overreacted because she felt hurt, that she didn't understand why she couldn't seem to please anyone. She was saying weird shit. She never talks like that. I need to find her."

"We haven't seen her," Formaggio spoke quickly. "But we'll start looking now."

Ghiaccio nodded, too focused on finding you to notice how suspicious Formaggio and him were acting. "I'm going to check outside again," he mutteted, walking out the back door of the hospital. "Y/N! I AM NOT MAD, PLEASE COME OUT! I AM WORRIED!"

"Alright, I think we should go get her and clean her up," Formaggio muttered, shaking his head. "Fuck, she said she trusts me? That she wanted to say sorry? That I would never hurt her? Fuck." He placed his hand over his face. "Now I feel bad. Should we swing by the gift shop? Does she like chocolate?"

Illuso shook his head, heading in the direction of the storage closet. He walked uo to the door, opening it slowly. He flipped the light on and peeked in, seeing a fresh pile of throw up next to the door. Where you sat cowering in the corner was empty, only dried throw up being left behind on the floor. Instant worry shot throughout his body as he stepped back, staring into the empty closet. You were gone, rather you got up and left or someone found you.. he was unsure.

[autistic-katara]

there r fics that make u insane (so amazingly good it’s removed ur sanity) and then there’s fics that make u insane (you need to fistfight the author for how they did a specific thing that caused u to rant for hours)

[murachinchi]

Do you know that Tanjiro is 13 and the clones are 20?

get mad