#thread: berat yalaz

[ayda--demir]

where: after party who: @berat-yalaz

"How are you feeling about your trip?" Ayda comes up next to Berat. "Have you met Giordana before?"

[emine--yalaz]

Where: Russian Halloween Bash Who: @berat-yalaz

Emine knew Berat was coming, the few text messages they shared, and promised herself that they would have a good time. Catching sight of him through the crowd, she made her way over, bumping her hip against his.

"What is the plan for tonight?" Chocolate hues look up at him.

[ayda--demir]

Where: Russian's Halloween Bash Who: @berat-yalaz

Ayda pushed all thoughts from her head, finding herself on the dance floor, letting her body move to the beat of the music. She loved to dance. With the switch of song to a slower beat, she decided to take a rest, moving out of the crowd. Coming to the outside of the floor, her eyes locked onto ones she wasn't expecting to see here, of all parties.

"Berat?" A hand rubs along the other, slowly making her way over to him. The last time she saw him, she wasn't in the best head space.

[emine--yalaz]

Who: @berat-yalaz Where: Emine's Birthday/Engagement Party

Emine was wondering where her brother wandered off too. She wanted to show him the ring. In all honesty, she was just happy to spend some time with him. He had been so distant from her, she was afraid she was losing him.

She came around the corner where she caught his voice, about to sneak up behind him and give him a hug, when she heard another voice - one that made her skin crawl.

Adriana Amora.

It's not too late if you come now.

The petite Turk froze in her steps, not sure what she was hearing. Why would he be talking to a Rutherford, and going anywhere they are.

"Berat..." She whispers his name.

[ayda--demir]

@berat-yalaz​ Time: After Party

Ayda had placed an order of drinks with the bartender, relieved that he didn’t ask about the four drinks she ordered. Only one was for her and it was the non-alcoholic one. Chestnut hues fixated on those dancing away on the dance floor that she didn’t notice someone come up beside her. It was the cologne that hit her, pulling her back into a time warp, that her head snapped to find Berat standing there. “Here, why don’t I get you a drink.” She wasn’t sure if he would accept her offer. 

[emine--yalaz]

Emine could see the tension in her brother's shoulders, sighing inwardly she glanced around the room. She was about to answer his question when she felt her phone vibrate, pulling it out to read the text message, group message, that was sent.

"Seems we are leaving anyway." It was easy to tell they weren't really welcomed. "I need to find Kerem." She gives him a smile. "I'll see you at Ayda's bar."

The petite Turk turns to walk away before stopping. "Love the costume by the way." Berat did like to piss people off, seemed they both had that in common, she disappeared in the crowd looking for her fiance.

"Pretty sure I'm using up all my energy playing nice and not throwing punches at these scumbags. I might not have partying left in me."

The Turk sure had enough energy to dress up as Mario, though. Apparently the Russians were triggered by Italians. It'd have to do.

"Why are we here?"

[emine--yalaz]

Where: After Party Who: @berat-yalaz

She saw who her brother walked in, and the frustration that came with her bidding, she also knew how this night was going to end.

A fucking disaster.

Emine made a pit stop at the bar before she found him on his own, holding out a drink she knew he'd like.

"Italian's. I never thought the day would come that we'd have dates with them." She tried to lighten the mood.

[emine--yalaz]

Where: His flat Who: @berat-yalaz When: Jan 25, 2024

Emine knocks on the door for the third time. "Berat, come on." She gives a small huff, resting her forehead against the door. The silence between them was deafening, and with some semblance of happiness in her life, she wanted to share it with him.

"If you open the door, I'll take you to do the cake tasting." Small pause. "Kerem will want to come too, but the three of us can do it." She pulls back from the door. "Even the food tasting too." He was never one to turn down food.

[ayda--demir]

Where: A Seedy Bar in Haringey When: Oct 14, 2023 Who: @berat-yalaz

The fact that Ayda was able to hold herself together at the joint funeral for Mr. and Mrs. Aksoy was a mystery to herself. It felt like she was on the outside of her body, watching it perform like a robot, as host to her third funeral this year.

It felt like the whole community came together to say their goodbyes, that it was when darkness hit, that the emptiness took over, but it was different this time. A hollowness evaded her.

She didn't care for her well being, finding herself in a part of the borough she wouldn't visit alone, not that she didn't feel safe, it was being around people that she didn't trust. Simply stepping inside she could see how open they were about drug use. The few seconds of walking further inside, she watched two shoot up and the euphoria that seemed to gloss over their faces; she ached for that feeling.

It didn't take long for her to strike up a conversation with two of the guys, both eager to sell her heroin, her first thought was this something that Kerem and Hasan were pushing. Ayda listened to them chatter on, pulling out money to buy. It wasn't the baggies to make yourself, it was already in a needle and a band laid on the table in front of her.

Thoughts drifted to Berat and she wondered if this was a place that he visited when he didn't come home. Was the fix that it gave worth losing everything good? It felt like she had lost all the good in her life, what would it hurt to have a night to forget.

The two men encouraged her, coaxing her to give it a try, that it was the best thing on the market, getting a small snort from her. The fact that she had found herself at this low point in her life, shocked her. The Turk shrugs off her jacket, letting it fall back against the booth and holds out her arm.

"You do it," she whispers, not believing she had uttered those words. The elastic band is wrapped just above her elbow, turning to look away at what was to come, though her arm pulls free when her eyes meet ones she wasn't expecting to see.

"Berat."

[ayda--demir]

Where: The Circle When: July 28, 2023 Who: @berat-yalaz

Ayda wouldn't normally go to Berat's gym, but it was one of the places she felt the most comfortable. They still treated her with respect and she would make sure it was a time that he wouldn't be there. She needed an outlet, her hands wrapped and off in the corner with a bag. One. Two. Three. A fist hit the centre of the bag. Her feet light on the ground, remembering what she was taught. What he taught her.

It was the clearing of a throat that had her body grow rigid and she knew who it was. Her arms drop to her side and she turns to look at him.

"I can grab my things and go."

[emine--yalaz]

Emine poured the smoothie she made into a large glass pushing a metal straw in it. She turned to leave the kitchen, the state of it like a bomb went off. That is what Kerem got for putting her in charge of taking care of her brother. He would have cleanup duty. 

She padded silently back into the living room to find Berat sprawled out on the couch. It had been a couple days since the fight club and he was starting to look better. 

“Here you go.” She places it down on the coffee table, taking her spot back up on the couch. “I promise it’s better than the last one. You need to eat, don’t be a dumbass.” She was trying her hardest to take care of him. 

“Now, we are going to watch Nightmare on Elm street.” He was going to be stuck watching horror movies with her. “And your face is starting to look better. You won’t be ugly forever.” She teases him.

@berat-yalaz​

[ayda--demir]

"I like her."

Ayda didn't mean to laugh at how Berat described Lara, but she couldn't help it. "Funny enough, she came over to talk to me. Told me to make sure Henry had a good time." She didn't mind Henry. "I appreciate that you'd handle all my funeral arrangements. At least I know everyone will be well fed."

"I have not. But she's fit, so I'm sure I'll manage to enjoy myself."

"Didn't you get landed with Lara Rutherford's boyfriend..? All I keep hearing is about this Commandant getting whacked by Vorshevsky, but it might be you by the angry British dwarf. I'll make sure your funeral service is nice, don't worry."

[ayda--demir]

She wasn't ready to face him, not since that night, where she was ready to reach a low she didn't even know she had in her. Her head nods at him, an awkwardness settling between them. There were things she wanted to talk to him about, but none of it would come out when she parted her lips to speak.

"I hope you have a good night." Ayda gives him a meek smile. "Excuse me, I have to use the restroom." She steps around him, ready to walk away.

No, Berat was not enjoying himself. Whilst he was at least smarter than to say as much overtly in a room full of glorified serial killers, his expression made his feelings more than apparent. They were not good company. They were not good people, period. The fact they had come to the party at all was a fucking insane move to him. Akin to painting a target on their own backs that'd look especially appealing to the French and the Italians, he was sure. There wasn't enough vodka in the world to scrub that from his mind as he watched the others dancing without a care.

And then, there was Ayda. Berat hadn't even realised she was coming.

For somebody who wanted out of the life, she sure could pick her company...

The last time they'd crossed paths, he'd lost his temper, and whilst he felt badly for the extent of his rage, he didn't feel bad about telling her she was a fucking idiot. All of the guilt trips he'd been thrown through for his addiction, and she was so ready to turn to the same damn needle? As if the night wasn't dire enough:

"Ayda."

[emine--yalaz]

berat-yalaz​:

“I mean, I could’ve done without the Russians, but of course I want to be here.”

At this point, he felt like an actor who’d been typecast. Or maybe she’d typecast herself. Berat was so sick of having words put into his mouth when even if misguidedly so, he was doing his fucking best. Trying to stay away and not pull people down with him came with a whole host of its own problems, but he refused to be painted as an active villain instead of one whose worst crime was choosing to dissociate.

“At which point did I say you embarrassed me? When did that come up? I missed it.”

-

Emine studied his face, she wasn’t sure if she believed him, not after what she heard. Her brows furrowed at him, hating this feeling she had, and no matter what she said, she only seemed to make things worse. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put words in your mouth.” All of this was hard, feeling like she was losing him. “I miss you.” She shrugs her shoulders, glancing over her shoulder for a brief second, before looking back at him. 

[emine--yalaz]

berat-yalaz​:

The relationship he had with Adriana was…complicated.

Berat knew he would’ve been completely out of place at a party fit for a Rutherford, and yet a part of him wanted to be there, regardless. Spending time out in the open was a no-go for both of their sakes, and given that they were trying to steer clear of the very thing that’d brought them together in the first place, he wondered if it was a wise decision for either to be in the other’s company.

But old habits died real fucking hard. 

Then, there was also Nevra… Berat was fairly certain he could’ve endured any party and any guest list to spend some time away with her. Yet there he was.

When the call had come, he almost hadn’t answered, and his hurried goodbye when he heard his sister’s voice over his shoulder was the very reason why. 

The man got to his feet, a semi-feigned smile plastered all across his face. Of course he was happy for her, for his best friend, but he was finding it more difficult than he’d expected to find a place at the party. Anywhere.

“Are you having a good time, at least? Fuck everybody else.”

-

Her head was still trying to wrap around what she heard. It didn’t make any sense to her, but then lately, with him so distant from her, did she really know him. All she wanted was her brother. Emine wasn’t one to judge because she knew they all fucked up and were trying to live their life the best they could. 

Tonight though, it was special to her and his words, his confession to a Rutherford, it hurt.

“Do you really not want to be here?” She whispers. “Do I embarrass you?” Emine could be a lot, but this was always her, he knew that. “I’m sorry if I did.”  

[ayda--demir]

berat-yalaz​:

Well, that was any chance of a normal conversation out the window, then.

The lightspeed change in his mood might’ve been partly to do with the alcohol, but it seemed a common thread so far as Nazli being brought up tonight was concerned.

“Yeah, I really don’t want to talk about her with you, Ayda, I’ll be honest,” he quickly shot back. “Maybe you should have a chat with your boyfriend about her instead, huh? And before you hit back with the doe eyes and a ‘he’s not my boyfriend’ I sure fucking hope not after all this. Consider it for dramatic effect.”

-

Ayda closed her eyes, letting his words sink into the very core of her being. She deserved it. Anything he would throw at her, she would take it, because she hurt the one person that meant the world to her. If there was one person she wished she could turn her emotions off with when having a conversation, she wished she could him, but he would always get her true emotions. “Hayir, he isn’t.” She cursed inwardly how her eyes watered up, looking away from him. Fingers closed into fists, digging her nails into her palms. The little voice, the one that eagerly desired to pull her back down the dark path grew louder. 

“I fucked up. I get it.”