#thoughts.ddz

[letheldosage]

dare i say that "what am i without you?" "yourself" is R27 coded

[starlightxheart]

Kenny: wow, it's cold here. (Snowing outside of car) good thing I didn't bring my stilettos-- (starts laughing) I'm kidding, I'm kidding

[letheldosage]

It's difficult to allow myself to get attached to people esp within this fandom climate when they don't know my social media and know my stance on fiction. Because I'm always TERRIFIED if I get close without letting them know I can be weird, it'll just end in disgust and disdain. But it's hard after spending time with and joking around with a group of people that you can tentatively consider friends, maybe a little more than acquaintances but enough to have fun and enjoy each other's company, not to get attached. It's hard. It's so easy to be afraid and I wear my fragile heart on my sleeve but it's so hard not to smile and want more. I'll allow myself more, just this once, and maybe it'll be just fine.

[letheldosage]

i'm so whipped for the love and deepspace boys its actually embarrassing how did i go from completely disinterested in the game to being OBSESSED....

[letheldosage]

The amount of time I've spent tabbing back to Danie's tkdb info posts when trying to work on this OC is ridiculous. They're truly carrying this fandom on it's back

[letheldosage]

WEREWOLF MAMA??????????

[letheldosage]

trying to convince my brother to get into khr idk if I'm succeeding

[letheldosage]

Society if I could get my ass to read the new tokyo debunkers chapters instead of only being delusional over kpop idols like. Please. I know you'll like it if you can get yourself to sit down and start!!!!!

[letheldosage]

Honestly, well it may not be my primary interest anymore and I'm very much fixated on other things, I'm really glad that I got to have the experience that was being a part of the dream smp fandom because genuinely it is such a fascinating piece of media that despite all its flaws (and questionable quality at times) is very well executed. Like, this was something that was never meant to be a storytelling device. It did not start as something that was supposed to be telling a story, and it was something that grew almost completely organically at the time. Yes, eventually we did get intentional plot developments like with season 1, but even then a large part of it was still hugely improv. We see Tommy talking about how when he looks over his acting he's like, oh yeah, I was just completely winging this. We had no real idea what was going on either lol. Outside of general overarching points of course. And yet it still managed to create such a compelling storyline of legacy, trauma, perspective, and the bonds that tie us all together.

Genuinely, I don't know that it could have ever come to exist in its current form from any other medium other than Minecraft streamers. The ability to have so many different perspectives and going on at once to tell multiple intertwined storylines that influence the audience in such distinct ways due to people specifically watching select streamers is fascinating. Like, no one person who watched the dsmp ever had the same experience. And not in the sense that everyone interpreting things differently, but in that every single person who watched it literally has a distinct experience due to the specific perspectives and ways in which they viewed the streams. There's just so much I could say about the experience and joy that I found within this series that I don't know that I could put it on towards without sitting down and properly thinking it through. I just that I wouldn't recommend it to people but I think I would if it didn't come with the stigma of being Minecraft roleplay. I maybe give some disclaimers about the later quality of it but I still very much think it is a worthwhile piece of media to put your time into.

[letheldosage]

omg nothing like the validation of showing someone ur longfic idea and them thinking its also cool.... YAYYYYYYAYAYAY

[letheldosage]

Hearing about ADHD symptoms from people who are actually diagnosed with ADHD and not just confident they have it bc family history. Very insightful and feel like I am learning a lot about myself tonight LOL!

[letheldosage]

I don't want to be ungrateful but that's definitely like..a sense of frustration at seeing my writing's performance on Tumblr and clearly people enjoy it because they're liking it? But nobody reblogs it.

I guess at the end of the day I'm just glad people like it

[letheldosage]

I don't know that I want to say my anxiety is acting up recently necessarily. at least not like how it was Last Time. But I'm definitely very nervous and worry a lot about people liking me/secretly judging/condemning me. But I think that's less general anxiety like it was last time and I'm just worried about specific situations

[letheldosage]

I know I'm valid in my feelings but afdbdbdmdbm still trying to tell myself it's nothing (bc what can you do but move on) when I share smth n it gets no reaction from ppl I wanted to hear from TT

[letheldosage]

I am so tired of being tired

[letheldosage]

do you guys think if apollo was real that he'd be a kpop idol rn

like idk. there's the whole music and dance thing yk and in a modern day where they're not really! being worshipped!! maybe he'd like the feeling of millions of young women (and even men) having almost idol-like worship of him-- not even just in the sense of "oh ppl worshipping me = more power" but also just like. hello. ego boost of the century. not that he needs one lol and i specifically mention kpop bc like. yeah i mean he could be a regular singer/celebrity but uhh. idk man. i think the fan culture around idols in general is particularly worship-like and its not limited to kpop specifically but it does have the most global appeal.

also my hot take is that i think he would also enjoy the homoeroticism of doing gay fanservice w other idols