#thoughts.ddz
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It's difficult to allow myself to get attached to people esp within this fandom climate when they don't know my social media and know my stance on fiction. Because I'm always TERRIFIED if I get close without letting them know I can be weird, it'll just end in disgust and disdain. But it's hard after spending time with and joking around with a group of people that you can tentatively consider friends, maybe a little more than acquaintances but enough to have fun and enjoy each other's company, not to get attached. It's hard. It's so easy to be afraid and I wear my fragile heart on my sleeve but it's so hard not to smile and want more. I'll allow myself more, just this once, and maybe it'll be just fine.
#thoughts.ddz#I've gotten dangerously attached to my guild mates#it's fine. nothing says all of your friend groups have to overlap#there's a reason i don't let my irls on my social media even though i think it wouldn't be friendship ruining if our mentalities clashed
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I am tired of looking at this so I am done lol. I wanted to draw Hwa so badly and ended up breaking out the charcoal for the first time in years... I think it didn't turn out half bad tbh :D
#ateez#park seonghwa#definitely did not have rhe means to get the details i wanted due to the scale and fools i had#and im horribly out of practice with charcoal... i was mostly winging it based on memory#next time ill find some tutorials to refresh my memory#but I'm pretty proud of it all things considered! considering i never draw much less use charcoal#thoughts.ddz
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i'm so whipped for the love and deepspace boys its actually embarrassing how did i go from completely disinterested in the game to being OBSESSED....
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The amount of time I've spent tabbing back to Danie's tkdb info posts when trying to work on this OC is ridiculous. They're truly carrying this fandom on it's back
#thoughts.ddz#am i thinking too hard? maybe#but i want to know who my self insert oc is!! she's gotta make sense!
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I don't want to be ungrateful but that's definitely like..a sense of frustration at seeing my writing's performance on Tumblr and clearly people enjoy it because they're liking it? But nobody reblogs it.
I guess at the end of the day I'm just glad people like it
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I like my name and I don't regret choosing it, but I do sort of miss going by Dante when I thought I was trans masc...
#technically that wasn't even my primary name and I only used it on a side account briefly but.#I really like the name a lot even if I don't feel like a man#Lucas as a name was nice and all but I don't particularly have any attachment towards using it anymore#thoughts.ddz
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uwah imagine my surprise to see my writing blog listed under a list of fic writers
#like okay yes it is my riding blog but also I just feel like I don't write enough so#it really surprised me to see my account shouted out like that#also I was surprised I was even on their radar LOL#thoughts.ddz
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i have come to the realization that bts makes good music
#LIKE. OK. LISTEN. I KNEW THEY DID BUT IVE NEVER RLY PAID ATTENTION....#but ive been looping seven by jk. as one does! bc its catchy and easy to be obsessed with#but my autoplay started playing music based on it ofc and more bts/jk stuff started coming up and i'm like... damn#who let u slay king???#thoughts.ddz
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Hi guys u should listen to this song and support the boys i have now decided I will love forever. The song is a BANGER
youtube
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I need people to stop saying the mcyt to kpop pipeline is real. I was laughing at it before but now I'm into kpop and I can't laugh anymore!!!!!!
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I caved and made a kpop account for my delusions 💖 @starlightxheart
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"I'd unfuck you if I could" is such a funny fucking lyric. It's so petty and deeply unserious I love it
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I'm impatient and want to show off my Tokyo debunker OC but I'm slow and haven't finished the drawing I started or written any of the scenarios I have in my head :\ all I have is a Google doc with her piccrew, references, and all my writing about her relationships and who she is :( but I love her!! I want to show her off!!
#thoughts.ddz#like IDK is it weird if I just link my Google doc in the MC tag????#she's my baby and I'm proud of her :-(#even though I only have relationships written out for some of the Tokyo debunker characters. the more or less most important ones but still#honestly I'm a little sad because my laptop is going to be gone for almost a week to be fixed#and I have to be careful with my wrists so I don't want to try writing or drawing on it too much :(#my phone I mean.
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Am I going to need a kpop side blog 🤨
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unfortunately for me i think the way to style my hair which would bring me the most euphoria would be to slick it back. good for me bc i think i would look good! and i finally have an idea of what to do with my hair that would bring me more euphoria. bad for me bc i need to bring it up to my parents who won't actually care but still is anxiety inducing hdfsajkl;ldefthyuj
#i'm not necessarily SCARED of their reaction but i'm like#uuuuu... avoidant behavior fr#thoughts.ddz
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I need CVS to approve my prescription like yesterday. I am so sick of this and having to solely function on my stimulants
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