#thoughts of malex

[eemamminy-art]

This is like three layers of crossover lol but I think Mal would love fall guys.. imagining it as like a little theme park that Alex takes him to, and he just goes all out because he's such a big kid like that c:

[grindy-cog]

How can you ship Malex or like Maria after what she and Michael did to Alex? It's disgusting! Didn't know you were into non-con, just filter them.

Hi Anon,

Well, I’m sorry to see that something is obviously triggering you but there’s a simple solution to that - unfollow me, block me, forget this blog exists. I’m not going to filter them in any way but you certainly can on your Tumblr - you know, your safe space?

But well, since you actually came to my blog and made it my problem, I’ll bite. What non-con are you talking about? The infamous threesome? Well, guess what? I didn’t like it either! Not the way the writers decided to deliver it, anyway. But to say that Alex was actually forced to participate by either Michael or Maria… Have we even watched the same scene? Don’t get me wrong, I wish I had known it was coming, I wish I could unsee it somehow but wtf, Anon?

Why some of you are acting as if Alex was some fragile little boy with no way to protect himself? News flash, out of the three of them, he was the trained killer there! And like it or not, it’s canon that he always had power over Michael. I fear to know what it had to be like in the RNM fandom when that scene was first aired, if this is how some of you are still acting 4-5 years later.

The reason why I personally hate that writing choice, is because of how unhealthy it was for each and every single one of them, yet it hadn’t been talked about by them later on. They were all in a really bad mental state that night, Maria included! You lot like to forget about the fact that she was losing her mum and learning upsetting things about herself and her family. Michael was the worst of them three at that point and Alex, while being hurt that night, was in fact in the best mental condition, though that doesn’t say much, given how he did let his demons and insecurity do a number on him. It had been shown the morning after, when he was the only one to say that - feeling loved or not - maybe they shouldn’t have done that.

So yeah, Anon. It was unhealthy, maybe even disgusting in some ways; born out of deep self loathing, pain, loneliness and desperation of each party involved, but was sure as hell FULLY consensual. Cause if you want to see it as non-con on Alex, then you must see that he did just the same to Michael and Maria.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[dr-lizortecho]

available on shirts lmao (I’m only kidding- except the Liz one cause I need it to feel validated)

[notsowrites]

every guitar string scar on my hand

A/N: So I was thinking about this gifset parallel I made for 3x01 & 4x11, and got an idea for a little fic. It’s something of a missing scene fic, I guess. Enjoy! <3

[AO3 Link]

----------

Alex stood still, chin raised as Maria fixed his tie. There was a crinkle to her brow, a look of intensity that felt like it wasn’t just directed at his accessories.

“What’s that look?”

Maria bites her lip, stepping back away from him with a soft pat to his chest. “I had a vision-”

“I thought those stopped after Liz’s treatment?”

“No, not recently,” she clarifies immediately, shaking her head. “Right after you got back into town. Right when everything with Jones, and the portal all started happening.”

Alex laughs, because that was so long ago. What exactly had she seen that she hadn’t told him and that she didn’t think was important enough to? “But it wasn’t about that?”

She shakes her head.��

“I know you loved mom reading your future, giving you little clues. But I felt like if I told you about this one, if I mentioned it, then it felt like I’d jinx something.”

Well, now Alex is even more concerned about what she saw. But even more curious is why she’s choosing this moment to tell him about a vision that is months old now.

“Maria, out with it.”

“I was standing in the middle of the gazebo. And everyone was there - Liz, Max, Kyle, Isobel, Greg, Sanders…” She pauses, as if considering her words, which he finds so strange. “I saw this day, Alex.”

He smiles, realizing what she’s saying. That she’d seen that he’d get to marry Michael. That they’d stand in the middle of town, and get to exchange vows to one another, in front of all the people they love who love them. And it ignites something inside him, to know that she’d seen it happen, despite everything that had happened over the last few weeks.

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels the wetness on his cheek, and reaches up to swipe it away. 

“I didn’t think I’d ever have this. Any of it.”

“You know you deserve to be happy right?

He smiles back at her. “I do now. But for a long time… I wasn’t sure it was in the cards. You know that better than anyone.”

“My offer to elope still stands, you know.”

He thinks of that future they’d planned together as kids, to get married in a time when Alex believed it was the only option that existed. It wasn’t that he would have regretted that life, because he loves Maria. No one ever made him feel safe and loved like she and Mimi did back when being at home meant verbal and physical abuse from his father, and sometimes his brothers. Before he found what it meant to love someone, and to be loved back. 

“Thank you for telling me.”

“You know Isobel planned your honeymoon, right?”

Alex sighs. He’s browsed the itinerary she forwarded to his email, and already plans to call the resort before the reception to cancel most of it. He doesn’t want his days planned like that, and he knows Michael won’t either. There are plans in his mind that are much better uses of their time. 

“Come on, Mr. Manes, lets get you to the altar.”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” he lifts his hand up, pointer finger up to tell her to hold on a moment and runs off to his study.The paperwork for his name change is on his desk - it’s all notarized and everything he just need to send it off with a copy of the marriage license.

He holds up the paper as he joins her back in the living room.

“Alex Guerin?” Maria asks, sounding surprised before stepping back and looking up at him, as if letting it all sink it.

“Michael has a name that he believes means nothing. And I’ve got a name that has far too much weight and expectations attached to it.” He glances down at the piece of paper, feeling a sense of warmth blossom inside at how different everything is from where they started. “I can give Michael this one thing that he never had, the family he’s been searching for his whole life.”

“You’re gonna tell him that, right?”

Alex laughs, dropping it on the kitchen table. He thinks he’s gotten better expressing himself to Michael, and though he’s sure he’ll fumble his way through it later, he does plan on telling Michael after the wedding.  “I’ll let you know.”

[bekkachaos]

you painted all my nights

Malex | G | 531

I literally don't know what this is but I just watched the pilot again and I had some feelings, okay?

Michael had entered Alex's orbit when they were teenagers. From that moment, he had been stuck there, unable to do anything other than rotate around him.

At first it was hesitant, afraid to get too close to the unknown and foreign kindness that Alex gave him. Still, he couldn't look away. He couldn't stop himself from going to him.

Some people would call it an addiction, and maybe it was, that's kind of what it felt like, but it was more. It was a force, earthly or otherworldly, it was a set of invisible strings tied from one to the other and tugging tight when the distance grew too great between them.

He'd been locked up when Alex left for war, and though he never said goodbye, Michael knew the moment he boarded that plane, it felt like his chest was being compressed into the bars, sucking the air out of his chest and constricting his heart inside it.

And that never really went away, he had just learned to live with it, tried to deny what it was when in reality, he knew exactly why his heart never felt whole.

Seeing him again all these years later, it was like Michael could feel his gravity, pulling him in like a physical force. He could feel it in his stomach, he could feel it tugging below his navel and only letting up when we was close enough to notice all the lines on his face, take in his familiar scent, marvel in the astounding beauty of him.

They were two polar points of a magnet, they couldn't be more different, but the pull between them grew stronger the closer they became.

And then they were alone in an empty room, and Alex's lips were drawing him back in. He had spent ten years ignoring the persistent pull in his chest, learning how to live with it, trying to convince himself that this is what it meant to feel normal.

Kissing Alex would be the worst mistake he could make, an irreparable decision that there was no turning back from. A crash landing back into a kind of love he had been searching for in every empty bed he could find for ten years. Back to seeing colours that made all the others in the world turn to pale grey.

But you can't fight gravity.

And Michael couldn't ignore the pull of Alex's lips, or the way his heart came roaring back to life as they met with the spark of a decade of lost touches. The strings between them impossibly short and yet the tugging on his heart didn't leave him, only instead of aching it blossomed into something that was more than a feeling, more than he could describe.

As his fingers traced the shape of Alex under them, it all came back stronger than when they were seventeen, all the passion of that summer love with the desperation and need of two halves of a soul that had been longing to reunite.

Michael didn't know how to let go of that feeling. It was other worldly, cosmically unfamiliar, yet nothing else had ever come close to feeling like home.

[ohokaylie]

Sometimes I think about where Malex would be if Guerin had used “imma disrobe you then imma probe you” as a pick up line on Alex….🤔

[divorcedyaoi]

speechless. honkai loves me a lot more than genshin 😭😭😭 I got blade at around 30 pulls after I pulled luocha. Who I also got at around 20 pity.

[theoncologistof911dispatch]

First Day of My Life came up on shuffle and now I want to eat glass

[pastelwitchling]

Hi, yes, hello! Just here because I need to send you the bill for all the therapy that I'm going to need after reading your Forget Me Not fic... I didn't cry, oh no, I sobbed my heart out!!!!! How dare you?!?!? I loved it so much, though!!!

You can’t send me the bill, I barely allow myself coffee.

And anyway. Making torturous fics is my therapy so. Ironic, isn’t it? You need therapy because I made you cry, but your crying is my therapy in and of itself?

…

Maybe I really do need to see someone.

[alexstandoll]

“This party is getting boring,” sighed Alex as he returned his attention to the television screen showing his paused videogame.

Reblog with a random sentence from your wip.

[missbrunettebarbie]

Fuck Roswell's ending

[grindy-cog]

What do you mean by Alex having power Michael? In a dom/sub way? Not judging, just curious.

Dear Anon,

Thank you for your question!

I suppose you could see it in a dom/sub way, though that wasn’t exactly what I was after? Do I think that Michael, despite his rebellious ways, has a clear need of pleasing and - to some extent- obeying those he loves the most? Yes, absolutely. But it doesn’t need to be read in a dom/sub way, sexual or otherwise, though there’s nothing wrong with that take either🤷‍♀️

However, I was more after Guerin pretty much always following Alex’s lead in many ways, and the youngest Manes being more or less the only one to get through Michael when he was being too stubborn, self-destructive or emotional for his own good. Of course, as long as Alex’s own issues and insecurities weren’t hitting too close home, but that’s another matter and not what you asked for.

Now, I don’t know how you’d see it; if the reason behind that behaviour was the fact that Michael definitely fell for Alex first; or if it was related to the sad truth of Alexander being the first person giving a damn about Guerin, Max and Isobel aside. That he knew about, anyway. Or maybe, because he could relate to Alex on many levels, crappy family life included…

If you asked me, I’d say it’s a combination of the three but most of all, Michael’s own personality and how he loves. It’s hidden and unpredictable but once out? Absolutely powerful and fierce and soul and body consuming, like the fire in his blood. But also protective, unashamed and with no way to hide.

I mean, he certainly gave his bastar.d of a father some serious whiplash with how intense he was. How completely unlike him, or even Nora in this way.

And I think Alex, because of his own personality and the way he loves, could have always tamed that fire in Michael a bit; probably even unknowingly at first, made it calmer, quieter, a gentle fire to warm up next to, instead of an unpredictable disaster.

So, in a way, Alex has a power over Michael; always had, always will, and not a bad one, too. But this is why it was such an important and milestone breakthrough moment for Guerin to finally tell Alex ‘no’. It had nothing to do with them not loving each other enough, or not fighting strong enough for one another. It definitely had nothing to do with Maria at that point. It came down to Michael, through his grief and powerful emotions, finally understanding that they both needed to grow first. Unfortunately, separately.

He was right in saying that at that point in their lives, they weren’t good for one another. He wanted to be good for somebody, and Alex wasn’t ready yet, not really. He had to come out of his shell completely first, to let himself get burn a little every once and awhile. Otherwise he’d always end up leaving, and one day, in this way or another, it’d finally be too much for Michael. That would be something they’d never come back from.

Do I wish that we could’ve avoided some unnecessary drama in s2? Heck, yes. But all those strange writing choices and even stranger plot, led to a genuine healing and character’s growth with Malex.

Hope I answered your question and take care!

[dr-lizortecho]

forget everything else about season four for a second- cause honestly the most romantic thing Michael ever did was not only snuggle but kiss Alex while he had flu symptoms, shortly after tasting the horrors for the first time

[im-the-punk-who]

@portraitofemmy​

extremely useful guitar reference! man, now I'm even more confused by the choice to have made michael have his own guitar that he's apparently had for a while in season 4. internal consistency whomst?

*gently steps onto a soapbox*

Okay so I CAN actually say there is a reason, following the music is metaphor/rebirth of relationships line of the earlier seasons. I’m not saying it’s what the writers were thinking, because music is all but gone from the latter two seasons and a lot of the nuance from the first seasons just straight up goes away, BUT. Michael having a ‘new’ guitar makes sense in that Alex’s guitar has meant repeated patterns, past traumas and hurts.

The guitar Alex gives to Michael in 1x06 represents a future that was never meant to be. An impossible dream. It is only seen in a world which immediately gets destroyed when Jesse Manes finds them, and when Noah kills Rosa.

The guitar Michael has in the photo and that Rosa has in Max’s flashback represents nostalgia - it is only ever seen through rose-colored glasses. Again, it is a dream rather than a reality.

The guitars we see in Alex’s house in S2 might represent his personal journey - the first one we see is in 2x05 right before everything changes for him after being confronted with ‘I used to, too’. Alex does a *lot* of processing and letting go and realization in episodes 2x05 and 2x06, and I can’t help but think this guitar that is once again, only seen once, is a symbol of that. It’s a change in the wind that he isn’t still using his same guitar from when he was a teenager. That he has finally started giving up the old patterns. And then in 2x11 we see another new guitar - another evolution as Michael and Jesse search his house - when we know he’s already been working on Would You Come Home. Two forces competing for Alex’s future framed against a backdrop of ever evolving communication patterns.

And into all of this, we have Michael’s guitar way later in s4. Michael and Alex have gotten back together, started fixing and working on their problems. They stand together as a unit; they are no longer lost to miscommunications and past trauma and nostalgia and a life that couldn’t ever be, nor are they fumbling their way through declarations of someday. Michael specifically says “she helped me find my way in life”. We get that he’s had the guitar for ‘quite some time’ but we don’t ever get  a specific timeframe...it could be a year, it could be ten. Michael’s own journey of letting go of his past traumas starts a in late season 1/early season 2, and he could have even gotten it then. But either way, the significance of it *appearing* now, I think, is that it represents a new step in their journey, of which music has always been a part. I’ve harped on and on about how their whole arc in seasons 1-3 was about needing to let go, and in this, we’re subtly told they have. That they are ready and trying to make a new kind of music in which Michael is not dependent on Alex’s things, Alex’s whims. He can make his own rhythms independently, and he can work alongside Alex’s own music, as a partner and a harmony, rather than just taking whatever Alex is able to give him. 

(Edited to add: for those of you playing along at home Michael's guitar shares a similarity with every other guitar he and Alex have shared.

1) similar sound hole pattern to Alex's Läg w two rings.

2) dark edging and very rich finish like the 1x02 guitar.

3) black fret and headstock like the guitar that Alex gave him in 1x06.)

‘Tiny’ meta on the guitars in Roswell New Mexico

Because I hate this show and it’s dumb.

So recently I was trying to figure out what kind of guitars Alex has, for fic reasons, and I had the brilliant idea to look at both of the guitars in 1x06 and the guitar Michael plays in the Wild Pony at the end of 1x13.

Unfortunately for me, you, and everyone, what I discovered is that the guitar Michael steals from Alex when they initially meet is the same guitar that he plays in the bar. (A Läg guitar, if you are interested, likely an occitania model of some sort. Interesting historical footnote: Neil Diamond also play(s/ed) this brand.)

For those interested, there are a total of five guitars show in the series so far: Alex’s Läg, the guitar Michael has in the photograph from 1x02(likely the same guitar Rosa is playing in the pilot), the guitar Alex gives to Michael in the toolshed in 1x06, and the two in Alex’s house in season 2(2x05+2x11).

So my meta/headcanon here is that when Alex leaves for Iraq, he gives Maria the guitar for safekeeping - since it’s likely he would know it wasn’t safe at his house. She keeps it, sometimes using it at the Pony for performances and as a backup guitar for impromtpu jam sessions. The only time we see it at the Pony there is also a drum kit set up.

During 1x13, Michael tells Isobel that he’s had the realization that his relationship with Alex isn’t healthy, that lately it ‘just hurts’ and ‘feels like a crash landing’; to which Isobel gives him the advice ‘Maybe Max is right. Maybe it’s time we stop looking back and start looking forward.’

For me this is a big reason why he goes to the Wild Pony later, rather than meeting Alex and talking about their entangled past together. Michael is trying to move forward.

And just like Alex will in Season 2, the best way for him to start to do that is through music. (Which…tfw your coping strategies and healing rituals are the same….COSMIC.)

Now that his hand is healed (however non-consensual the act itself) Michael actually has that chance to try and heal himself. It isn’t the magic remedy Max hoped his healing powers would be. (’To heal this, you’ll have to reopen the wound in your mind. All the pain you’ve hidden there.)

To really heal from grief, one of the key components is that you have to let go of the expectations and hopes that you wanted from whatever isn’t possible anymore. And Season 1 has a really interesting progression showing Michael starting on that journey. And in this moment in the finale he has the same chance Alex will get in Season 2: to say goodbye to the person he was and the relationship that could have been and all the hurt that he’s held onto because of that, and start trying to move forward.

So, Michael goes to Maria at the Wild Pony, and sees The Guitar. The same guitar that he ‘borrowed’ from Alex eleven years ago that started them on the path to where they are now.

He wants to be with Maria, he agrees with Maria that they need to talk. But first, he has to say goodbye to what he’s been holding onto with Alex.

By playing the same guitar that brought them together.

(The way he looks at the guitar in this moment reads so much more tender to me than just him being able to play music again. Yes, this is something he’s been hindered from doing for ten years, but Maria doesn’t seem overly surprised to hear Michael playing. She is only surprised when she notices his hand is healed. Moreso, I think that - especially since in the in-between scene is Liz talking to Rosa’s grave, wishing for all the things Rosa never got to experience - that this is Michael connecting with his grief in a way he hasn’t been able to, and reckoning with his own hopes for the past.)

Like he’s momentarily transported somewhere else.

And I don’t think this is coincidence. There are multiple guitars and to use *this one* - the one that started it all - feels significant.

It feels like a signifier that Alex still is and always will be an important part of Michael’s life. Even if he’s playing this guitar in Maria’s presence, even if he in this moment is choosing Maria, Alex is always, *always* going to be a part of him. (And we could do a whole *other* meta on how music is the language through which Michael and Alex - oh wait I already did that. But, regardless, music is a large part not just of how Michael finds peace, but how he connects to himself. And Alex is always going to be a part of that.)

(You could, if you chose, also see this as yet more foreshadowing of the three of them having a role in each other’s lives and healing journey, or you could not, but the fact that it is *Alex’s* guitar that Michael plays I think is undeniabley significant.)

Even if the relationship that he has with Alex right now hurts, Michael isn’t throwing the whole thing away. He might be forming a new relationship with it, but what he has with Alex is…well…you know.

[justlightlysedated]

It's WIP WEDNESDAY!! And I'm here with a sneak peek for my secretly married malex fic, which is called 'call it young, dumb love (and it's just enough)'

This is the last scene of Part One!

December 2013

Michael is in the middle of a call with Isobel when his call waiting starts beeping. Since he doesn't really want to listen to anything else that Isobel is saying, he hangs up on her midword and answers the call.

"Yeah?" he answers, feeling just a bit apprehensive.

"Is this Michael Guerin?" an official sounding voice speaks, sounding sharp and precise.

"Who wants to know?" Michael asks, regretting picking up this phone call.

"I am calling on behalf of Lieutenant Alexander Manes, and need to reach Michael Guerin," the person says, sounding just slightly annoyed, but Michael ignores that as his heart lodges into his throat and starts pounding.

"Yes, I am Michael Guerin, is Alex okay?"

"This is a courtesy call in accordance with paperwork previously submitted by Lieutenant Manes. There was an incident, where Lieutenant Manes was hurt and he is undergoing surgery. We cannot release any more information at this time, but will be letting you know as soon as we are aware of the outcome."

Michael doesn't feel as relieved as he should be. And he barely hears what the person on the other end of the phone says before they hang up.

Alex is hurt, and he's probably somewhere halfway around the world, and Michael can't do anything but stay here and wait for a phone call that might tell him that Alex had died in the middle of a surgery.

It had been over a year since the last time he actually saw Alex face to face. And that last time hadn't ended well. Alex had told him that he was being sent overseas, and he had no idea when he'd be back. Michael had gotten drunk and had picked a fight with Alex during his last night.

He'd driven off without knowing where he was going to go, and found himself in the drunk tank before the night was over.

By the time he'd made it back to the airstream, it was after noon and Alex had been long gone.

He'd left behind a note, a small slip of a thing that Michael hadn't seen for a couple of weeks, until he'd had someone else in his bed and they'd found it.

Michael had snatched the piece of paper away from them and kicked them out without further ado.

In Alex's terrible handwriting had been the message, I'm sorry. I love you.

Michael looks down at his phone and pulls up his recent messages from Alex. Alex can't really text from overseas, but he sends emails, and his last email came several weeks ago, telling Michael that he's sorry for missing their anniversary once again.

Michael finds himself spiraling, thoughts coming all at once and overwhelming him. He falls back on his bed and leans down, dropping his head in his hands, before leaning down and reaching for one of the bottles stashed beneath his bed.

He barely remembers anything about the next several days. He's sure somewhere in that drunken stupor he gets a call regarding Alex's outcome, but Michael stops answering any phone calls, and hides his phone away somewhere he won't be able to find it easily.

It's almost three weeks of this, and two interventions by Isobel and one by Max that ends with Michael throwing up all over the floor of Max's jeep, when Michael gets woken up by a loud knocking on his door.

Michael groans, feeling like his brain is about to explode out of his skull. He tries reaching for any bottle with liquid, but out of all of the bottles on his floor, all of the ones he can reach seem to be empty.

There is another flurry of knocks on the door, and Michael shuts his eyes tight, not wanting to deal with this, but knowing that whoever knew to find him here, wouldn't just leave him alone.

He lets out a long sigh, and then forces himself off the bed.

"Guerin!" a voice calls out as the person knocks again. At the sound, Michael freezes, feeling both weightless and like his body is made out of concrete.

"Alex," he says in a low voice, before he moves faster than he had this whole time and whips the door open.

And there he is.

Alex.

Standing right in front of Michael, looking exasperated and tired, with his arm in a sling and white bandages peeking out from beneath the collar of the plain black shirt he's wearing.

As Michael stares at him, Alex smiles, looking relieved and happy to be standing in front of Michael.

It's a sight for sore eyes. Michael feels something that had been weighing him down, wrapped around his ribs, dissolve instantly.

For the first time since receiving that call, Michael feels like he can breathe again.

"Hello," Alex says, soft and fond, waving with the hand not strapped to his chest.

Michael is startled into movement, he drops down from the entrance of the airstream and walks right into Alex, wrapping his arms around him. Alex flinches minutely, but before Michael can think to let him go, Alex wraps his good arm around Michael's waist and presses his face hard into Michael's shoulder, slumping into his hold. In return, Michael tightens his hold on Alex, leaning his head against the top of Alex's head.

He doesn't know how long they stay standing like that, but before too long, Alex pulls back stiffly. 

Michael lets him go immediately, clenching his hands to stop himself from reaching out again and pulling Alex close. He wants to pull Alex's shirt off, and unwrap all of his bandages and take a good look at his wound.

He envies for the first time in his life that Max is the one who can heal people.

It would be worth it, telling Alex his secret, no matter how he would react if he could stop Alex from hurting.

Alex breathes in deeply, "I know it's been a while, but come with me? There's something I want to show you."

He holds his hand out, and Michael wants nothing more than to take his hand and follow him anywhere.

But he still remembers how they'd left things the last time that he'd seen Alex face to face. An issue they hadn't talked about in any of the emails they've sent each other over the last couple of months.

"What are you doing here?" Michael asks instead of grabbing Alex's hand and never letting go. "Thought you said you'd never step foot back in town."

Alex inhales deeply, but he looks at Michael like he had been expecting push back so is not surprised. Michael wants to bristle at that, but despite not knowing about Michael's whole alien thing, Alex knows him the best out of everyone.

"I was angry, and I wanted to hurt you," Alex says, the words rehearsed, like he's repeated them to himself over and over. "You were pushing me away, even though you know it's futile. I was scared that I was going to die. And getting shot just puts things into a bigger perspective."

Michael can't help the way that he reacts to that last part. Alex just gives him a pleading look.

"We're still married. You're still my husband. If I wanted nothing to do with you, I'd have sent you divorce papers."

Michael nods his head once. He swallows back the words he wants to say, telling Alex that he's sorry for what he said, that he hadn't meant any of it either, that Alex leaving always tore him apart, and Alex going overseas for an undetermined amount of time was something that he didn't think he could survive.

He'd been wrong. Somehow, he survived, but that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt like hell.

"This year's been hell," Michael finds himself saying, and Alex nods his head in agreement.

"I know, for me too, but I think what I have to show you will make the next couple of years easier to bear."

Michael breathes out, and then nods his head once again, reaching out for Alex's still outstretched hand.

Alex tugs him away from the airstream, barely letting him close the door behind himself.

Michael doesn't know how Alex got here, but he lets himself be pushed into his truck, and follows Alex's directions, driving across town, the streets still in the barely there light of the morning. They drive down a dirt path and through winding roads, until they reach a house, not in the middle of nowhere, but far away enough from every other house in the neighborhood to give the illusion of privacy. 

They pull in front of the almost dilapidated house, the paint on the garage door is peeling and the wooden fence is rotting in places.

Alex tells him to park the truck in the driveway and gets out before the engine is off. Michael follows after him at a slower rate, watching as Alex pulls a pair of keys out of his pocket and opens the front door, turning to look at Michael once before walking inside.

Michael follows him inside, down a hallway with peeling wallpaper and cobwebs hanging around the corners, and into a large space where a single chair sits in the middle. 

He finds Alex sitting down on the low counter that separates what looks like the kitchen from the rest of the room, looking at Michael eagerly.

"What is this place?" Michael asks, because he knows what his heart is hoping for, but it all seems too good to be true. 

"It's a house," Alex says obviously, ignoring the look that Michael gives him. "I bought it for us. Both of our names are on the deed."

Michael takes an unintended step towards Alex and then forces himself to stop, "What?"

"You said you wanted to be married. That you wanted a house, kids, a dad band."

Alex doesn't look at Michael as he speaks, like he can't bear to look at his face, like he thinks that Michael has changed his mind.

"We have a domestic partnership, but gay marriage has been legal here for a couple of days, we can go get an actual marriage license. And we have this house. The rest of it I'll give to you once my contract is up. If that's still something that you want."

Michael is moving before Alex can finish speaking, getting into his line of sight, and looking at him seriously.

"What about you?" Michael asks, as Alex watches him with dark confused eyes. "What do you want?"

Alex straightens up, giving Michael a serious look, "What I want hasn't changed."

Michael's eyes dart all over Alex's face before he steps closer, setting one hand down beside where Alex is sitting.

Alex looks down at his hand and follows his arm back up to Michael's face.

"I still want all of it with you," Michael says, and feels something crack in his chest at the look of relief that Alex gives him. "But I hate it when you're gone."

"I hate being gone," Alex says helplessly. "But I still have five more years."

Michael exhales roughly because he knows. He knows that Alex signed up for one of the longest military contracts there was, that he did it because once he got out, he would be set for life.

Alex keeps talking, "I know it's a lot to ask, but if you're willing to wait, I'll give you everything you want and more. I've spent this last year thinking about what you said, and I want to build this life with you, but you have to stop pushing me away. I'm in this for good."

"I'll try," Michael says after a long moment.

"That's all I'm asking for," Alex says back, lifting one hand to Michael's shoulder and sliding it up to the side of his neck. 

Michael shivers at the touch and sets his other hand on the counter, caging Alex between his arms.

Alex leans in close and presses his forehead to Michael's, closing his eyes.

"I've missed you," Alex says in a low, shaky voice. "Emails really aren't enough. Especially when you take so long to answer."

Michael hums in agreement, leaning in closer to nudge his nose against Alex's.

Alex pulls back a little bit, opening his eyes and lifting an eyebrow in question.

Michael drops his eyes to the bandages he can still see peeking out of the collar of Alex's shirt.

"Can I?" he asks, looking back up to Alex's face.

Alex gives him an unreadable look for a moment before he nods his head.

Michael doesn't waste any time. He slides the sling off Alex as carefully as he can, but Alex still hisses a little, clenching his jaw.

Michael doesn't stop, though, moving his hands to the hem of Alex's shirt and urging it up over his head. 

Alex keeps quiet through it all, not saying anything as Michael starts to unpeel the gauze covering the wound.

Michael feels the air punching out of his lungs as he looks at the still healing wound. There are no stitches, and it is mostly closed up again, the scar tissue looking very red and new. Michael's hands shake as he presses his fingers to the scar. Alex's breath hitches at that, and Michael looks up to his face.

Alex's eyes are closed, and his brow is furrowed.

"What happened?"

Alex inhales deeply and opens his eyes. "There was an ambush, and I was shot. The bullet went straight through, but the injury was aggravated afterward, and I had to have surgery or risk losing any mobility for good."

Michael closes his eyes, leaning down and pressing a kiss on the edge of the wound. Alex's breath hitches again, and his hand goes to the back of Michael's head, fingers tangling in the strands.

Michael doesn't move, pressing his forehead to Alex's shoulder, careful not to press down on the injury.

"I wish-" he starts, not knowing how he's going to end the statement.

He wishes he could wrap Alex in bubble wrap and keep him trapped in the airstream for the rest of his life. He wishes that he could go with Alex and protect him when he's out in the battlefield, sending anything that could hit and injure him far, far away. He wishes he could finally find all the pieces of his spaceship and take Alex far away from this hell of a planet.

Alex tugs against his hold on Michael's hair, and Michael lifts his head, and Alex tugs him into a kiss. 

Michael pushes into the kiss immediately, wrapping his hands around the backs of Alex's knees and tugging him in closer before wrapping his arms around Alex's waist and kissing him harder. 

Alex hitches his knees on either side of Michael's hips, lifting his injured arm with a hiss, separating their mouths.

Michael makes to pull back, opening his mouth to apologize, but Alex digs his fingers to Michael's scalp and crosses his shins behind Michael's thighs, pulling him closer.

"No, stay, stay," Alex says, voice low and scratchy as he kisses him again.

Michael falls against Alex, hands pressed to Alex's back and licks into his mouth.

Alex moans and rubs his hand across the back of Michael's neck.

Michael loses himself in the kiss, pressing closer and closer until Alex is lying back on the counter and Michael is climbing up after him.

Alex's head falls back as he gasps for air, and Michael presses his mouth to Alex's throat, sliding his hands down to undo the button on Alex's jeans.

"Not where I imagined the first time we'd have sex in this house," Alex says, fingers tugging restlessly against Michael's hair.

"Oh yeah?" Michael mutters against the skin of his throat, hands sliding into Alex's boxers.

Alex makes a strangled sound as Michael wraps a hand around his half-hard cock, and his head thunks back against the counter.

"Yeah," he says breathlessly. "There's a reason I had a mattress delivered earlier today."

Michael lifts his head at that, moving his hands out of Alex's pants to help himself balance above him. Alex makes a noise in protest at the back of his throat, but opens his eyes to look at Michael.

"So sure of yourself that you needed a mattress, huh?" Michael asks teasingly, leaning in close enough for a kiss but not taking it.

Alex just grins up at him, "Where else did you think I was going to sleep for the next six weeks of medical leave?"

Michael goes still with surprise for one second, eyes darting all over Alex's face before he kisses him hard and fast.

Alex laughs as Michael gets down from the counter, wrapping his arms around Alex's waist and tugging him upright, before wrapping his hands around the back of Alex's thighs and hauling him into his arms.

Alex's laugh turns into a delighted gasp as he wraps one arm around Michael's shoulders and presses the fingers of his bad arm to Michael's face. The tips of his fingers too cold against Michael's skin.

He's still smiling as he kisses, Michael soft and sweet, before nudging their noses together, "Come on, Mr. Guerin, take me to bed."

Michael kisses him again, and concentrates on using his abilities to make sure he has a secure hold on Alex, before he turns towards the only open door where he can just see the edges of a mattress that is lying on the floor. "As you wish, Mr. Guerin."

-

For the next six weeks, Alex turns their house into a home, and Michael sleeps beside him on their bed, in their room, in their house.

And then he's gone.

Michael doesn't see him again for almost five years.

[forthbeaming]

post canon malex where alex is working as a mentor in military. he is well-known and he has the reputation(tm) among the soldiers. he is a war hero, a great soldier and amazing at coding and all the computer stuff. he is strict but fair and threats everybody with kindness that is so rare in the military. however, he is very stoic so there are some bets if he even knows how to smile.

one day during their training there's a visitor, a guy with unruly curls and warm smile. he interupts their their lesson, barreling into the room and picking alex up. all the soldiers just stare at them in incredulous silence, waiting for alex to kill the man. but instead, alex let's himself be manhandled by that man and he even laughs!! he can do that!! who would've thought!!