#thoughtbox

[divinecap]

been updating old pieces and just want to say i’m super proud of myself for the progress i’ve made. also love the fact i’m enjoying the cc making process again

[aelia-aelia]

idk what crowd will ever find this post but i think the world would be a much better place if we had spaces to care for old people that Actually provide them with care and the support they need so that people like me who has a turbulent relationship with their parents or people who don’t even speak to their parents could leave our family without the gnawing guilt that they may be mistreated by healthcare systems when we aren’t around to look after them.

[thoughts-n-tunes]

i love chatting with my coworkers, they're generally cool and nice and also it reminds me that i don't have to stress so much about grammar when learning other languages, we're all just vibing and as long as we get across what we need to it doesn't matter

[greasydumbfuck]

stolen from twitter but this page is another one of those that make me fall to the floor tearing my hair out. so

[heartfull]

if my biggest goal in this life is to love then so be it!

and what a beautiful way to figure it out; in the company of others

[tiodolma]

i should really treat this blog like the personal thoughtbox i've always intended it to be.

[fantastic-nonsense]

and this is why we know you have a heart and a brain and aren't going to turn out like every other member of your family, Helena

also once again saying so much in just a few words...incredible how Ivory Madison manages to pack an entire essay's worth of commentary on the endless cycle of violence and the emptiness of revenge into two thoughtboxes

okay starting a new thread for the back half of liveblogging my re-read of Huntress: Year One because my original one was getting a bit long...

[thoughttboxx]

Drunk Habit pt.1

When I get drunk I get the sudden urge to tell every woman I pass that she looks nice. Ranges from complimenting her hair, makeup, outfit, overall beauty etc. 

Because I’m feelin’ the love and I wanna make someone’s night by telling them they look fire. I don’t know why I don’t have the confidence to do this sober. 

[one-way-telephone]

I've realized that I really prefer getting amateur haircuts from friends and family to getting my hair done professionally. I like feeling like my hair is wonky and a little bit stupid and just letting it even out over time. I like knowing that even if I don't really like how it looks right after, I can embrace i with the added memory of laughing with a loved one about how goofy it looks.

I really love that clumsy joy

[imjustajules-blog]

if every pork chop was perfect we wouldn't have hot dogs

steven universe

[theinkless]

 - When I thought I lost my dream -

I have been watching motivational videos on YouTube lately. And I have not regretted it. There are some main points they all made: a) you have to have a goal, b) you need to keep working hard, c) you are what keeps you going and what stops you, d) there will always be hardship and adversity to overcome. Always.

That valid points aside, I came to some conclusions. I always liked learning, I always loved kowledge. And I was never afraid of working hard. Yet, I have never been successful. Ever. And I desperatley wondered why. I have not been good at school or university. Because of one thing. And I have never been more broken. So what is it? What was the thing, that made me break all over again and again, everytime I wanted to go beyond? First I thought I didn't work hard enough. Then I believed I was not good enough even though I gave it all I could. At some point, I have been so doubtful and suspicious that I thought I would never give it my all. I honestly believed it was only my fault. Everytime I failed even though I worked hard, I believed I didn't do enough. There was this voice in the back of my head that kept me from accepting defeat and moving on.

The voice said: „You lied to yourself. You never actually worked hard. You faked and pretended.“ And I never reached a goal or succeeded at something. When I got good grades I was just fulfilling an already set expectation. Nothing more that the basic. I was not proud. No one was. Not ever. So I thought a single goal achieved would not be good enough. I thought, there must be more. And when I failed I blamed myself. Because i either lied to me about my confidence, my vision or my ambition. I believed that I would alwas follow an illusion, a dream, a fairy tale that would never come true. I always said myself: „If anything you believe in would be real, you would make some headway. But you don't. You never did.“

At some point I lost my dream, my courage and my drive. I lost what I believed in. I doubted my chances, my ambitions, my goals and myself. I never quitted and never gave up. I went and followed what has been my path. But I struggled. I knew at some point that I had not given it my all. That there was more, that I could do, if I wouldn't fail myself, as usual. At the other corner of my mind, I was terrified. I didn't succeed. And I just could not work harder. I was swimming against a current, that simply was too strong. I felt powerless and blamed myself for it. If I hadn't stopped, if I just kept pushing, I would have found a way out. But I knew that giving more was impossible. I had the power and ambition. Within me there was everything I needed. But I could not utilise it. It was a doubled checkmate in a chessgame against myself. It felt and still feels terrible. So what is the point? Why am I telling you this?

Because I hope I found the solution I was looking for. The one little loophole in the game. It might help you. And I know it won't be easy. But we will try. My problem, the chains that held me down, was my lost dream. I don't know where or why but I stopped believing in my goal. I lost my desire to achieve it for whatever reason. And I did not go to my limits, because I felt it would be like Sisyphos, rolling a rock up a hill, knowing it will fail. And suddenly I wondered why I never made it even close to the mountaintop. Why I could not fight anymore. I was lost in frustration and despair and the rock I moved kept rolling down faster and faster. I failed to see the point in my work and dreams and did not realize it. I failed without a reason to win. At some point I was afraid of even trying, it caused so much pain. But I never stopped and it became torturing more and more.

But now I know. Now I understand. I need to believe again. In myself. In my vision. In everything I am and want to be. Because I am worthy. Because I deserve it. Unconditionally.

Then I will see, that even if the rock tumbles down again and again, I will still conquer a mountain everyday. I will reach a peak and go back down to reach another. And I will do it for the view from the top. The air and breeze that will fill my lungs, the sunsets and flowers on the way. And I will believe again that nothing ever goes to waste. And in the end, I will be alive again.

So lets do it – Together.

[thoughts-n-tunes]

agony at the moment

[magpies-gold]

I’ve been on Tumblr since 2011. I’ve seen it change hands multiple times, implode, explode, sink, rise, mutate, melt, and eventually become comfortable as a swamp of madness and gremlin-kind. At this point, watching Twitter do the sideways list into the sea is just an opportunity to make popcorn.

It’s also reminding me, once again, to never put too much stock in any one social media platform in this age of social media and wacky too-big-for-their-britches billionaires. All platforms can be driven off a cliff, and the bigger they are, the bigger the fireball at the bottom, that’s all.

[heartfull]

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currently on the brain: being late to love, wonder, living life for the first time

© heartfull 2024 - do not copy, translate or repost my works on any other platforms/as your own! tumblr is currently the only form of publication i use; visit my home blog @ma1dita

[mesozoic-system]

Bakugou Katsuki is not as bad as he seems.

Okay, fine. That's a lie. Bakugou is a loud and obnoxious asshole with little to no character development and will snap at anyone who breathes on him the wrong way.

Now that that's out of the way, let's move on to why he's like that.

You all know what PTSD is, yeah? If not, it stands for "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder". It's something that causes panic attacks, unnecessary aggression, trust issues, nightmares, anxiety, depression, and more. People will develop it after a traumatic experience. It takes years of therapy to recover... actually, most people never recover from it.

Fun fact: Katsuki canonically has PTSD. It's confirmed, and you know what? After everything he's been through, it's not much of a surprise. He's been through one tragedy after another and never seems to get a break.

When we first met Bakugou Mitsuki (Katsuki's mother) in chapter #96, we instantly realized how aggressive she was. I mean come on! She talked smack right in front of him and his teachers- in front of All Might who she knew her son was very fond of. Katsuki may be irritable, but to have your own mother backhand you in front of your own role model is a little much.

Later on in chapter #165 during the Provisual License Exams, we get a little more information that only points towards more abuse- and this time it's not so verbal.

Most people paid no real attention nor gave it a second thought in these panels, but remember when Katsuki suggested to use violence against the kids? Of course, you'd look at it and wave it off as "normal Bakugou behavior", but what he says next took me by surprise:

That's right. He was raised that way.

Which means either Mitsuki or Masaru (or both) had struck him in some way multiple times as he was growing up, and I doubt it was Masaru.

"Spoiled" my ass. He might have a strong quirk, but people don't turn into little monsters just by being praised. It'll definely boost his confidence, but not dramatically. This could also explain his aggression toward Midoriya. He realized how helpless he was and had power over someone else for once. But that's just a theory.

Okay, let's fast forward a bit. He's finishing up his third year of Middle School and is preparing for the UA entrance exams. He's pushed away his childhood friend to follow his own dreams and tells him to jump off the roof.

Literally.

And then he walks out the door only to regret it much, much, muuuch later in the series- y'know. The "character development" I was talking about.

Next time we see him though, he gets what he deserves.

One panel he's tramping through an alley with his friends, and the next, he's being swallowed alive by the most perverted-looking slime monster I've ever laid my eyes on.

While Izuku's dreams are being crushed by his own hero, Katsuki is fighting for his life in the middle of town. He's struggling, but all he could do was look back at all the dozens of fearful eyes...

Right there. Right now. Look at him:

He's terrified. He's humiliated and afraid and hurt and despite all of the heroes that were there, none of them had even attempted to save him.

And this is where it really starts. This is where it all begins. Next thing we know, Izuku's running straight for him... The boy Katsuki's bullied almost all of his life is risking his own in order to save him.

You know the story from there; All Might trains Izuku to withhold his power, they get accepted into UA, and then comes the Sports Festival.

Katsuki's already made up his mind: he's gonna win. He's willing to give everything he has to show the country what he's made of, and this may be his only chance to make up for the mishap several months ago. And Monoma, being a professional at making things worse by opening his mouth, rubs salt in the wound.

It was pretty easy to predict Katsuki's reaction: pissed off and more than ready to prove him wrong. He does, but it cost him his "first place" during the Calvary Battle. But that's okay 'cuz it's not over yet!

Welcome to the next and last stage of the festival: The Battle Tournament, where all the kids get to beat the shit out of each other until only one remains.

Turns out, Katsuki does win. It was a foolproof plan: get Todoroki to go all out on him so he can make a final impression before the end of the day. But it was obvious that Shouto was still unsure of himself, so Katsuki did what he did best:

He had to piss him off.

But instead of getting angry and bursting into flames like he had planned, Shouto threw away the battle at the last second, and everything Katsuki had worked for with it.

No shit he's gonna be upset! He worked his ass off to get where he was, and the whole point was to leave himself a footprint! His entire life had been dedicated to that moment, and it faded away right in front of him.

Midnight put him to sleep and he woke up and threw a temper tantrum.

Now this is was UA did wrong:

Why would you do that?! They were all aware of what happened to him only a few months ago, he obviously hasn't properly recovered from it, and they restrain him in front of thousands of people. They cover his mouth and gag him, lock his hands in a tiny metal box and expect him not to go insane. Helloooo?! Wake up! He's just a kid!

Several months go by and now it's time for camp. Katsuki is tired. They all are. It's been a long day of training and training and training, and suddenly villains come out of nowhere, and nobody is prepared. And who shows up? The League of Villains, and they're after certain students...

Tokoyami escapes safely, but Katsuki isn't so lucky.

Just think about that for a second. When we see Shigaraki holding a picture of him, it's the one where UA tied him up. He knows what this child has gone through and he pities him. To be honest, I think the LoV treated him much better than anyone ever has (except maybe Kirishima). They're hesitant, but they treat him with kindness. They didn't just want him for his quirk. They saw what the heroes did to him and wanted to help him get the revenge he deserved.

But when All Might showed up (more like "burst through the wall like the Cool Aid man"), Katsuki is instantly teleported in the strangest way possible... and the most traumatizing.

He chokes out this weird slime-like substance that devours him within seconds. Thankfully it only last that long, but then again, the Sludge Incident, remember?

Yeah, bet that brings back some memories.

But what must have hurt him the most was All Might's downfall and early retirement. He said it himself:

After several chapters, he finally burst. He's been holding all the pain inside of him until it bubbled over and he couldn't take it anymore. So he went to the only person he could- the person he hated and yet trusted the most.

Maybe the Class 1A concert helped him in a way. It seemed like it brought him down and maybe even relaxed him a little. And something incredible happens. Something we haven't seen from him at all until now...

(From here, I'll try to keep it short to avoid as many manga spoilers as I can. That and I'm tired...)

He began to change; started to support Izuku... in his own twisted way, of course. As chapters went by, he started to open up little by little. He admitted what he had done to Izuku in middle school to All Might, which had brought him some peace of mind. It wasn't quite the apology we had hoped for, but I guess it'll do.

And during the war, he made the greatest sacrifice, finally unlocking his quirk's full potential. Despite being unable to move, he used his quirk to throw himself in front of Izuku without thinking, taking a blow to his stomach. To his stomach.

He was impaled.

Holy shit.

Last time someone had been impaled was Nighteye, and he died from his wounds.

But Katsuki somehow managed to survive... And woke up ready to beat Izuku's ass if he didn't wake up.

Anyway, that's all I have to say (so far). However, I'm excited for Season 5 of the anime series! Can't wait to see our new story animated! I mean, I've been watching the episodes as they come out, but still.

-Blightcon

[firdaramalia]

Satu dan Lain Hal

Selalu ada yang dapat dipelajari ketika mencemplungkan diri, baik dengan sukarela maupun terpaksa, pada hal-hal yang dirasa bukan hal yang familiar terkait dan/atau ada di sekeliling kita. Intinya, mencoba hal yang tidak biasa dilakukan kadang bisa menghadirkan hal yang positif, salah satu diantaranya adalah perspektif baru; Sesuatu yang lebih ngena justru ketika diri merasakan situasi dan pengalaman tersebut secara langsung.

Saya selalu tahu dan mengerti betul bahwa sebagai seseorang yang dominan introver, berada di kerumunan memang bukan kondisi optimal untuk beraktualisasi. Dan benar saja, ketika memang diceburkan pada kondisi tersebut, saya lebih banyak diam dan justru mencari celah untuk tidak merasa begitu nganggur, atau mungkin lebih tepatnya dikepung rasa asing dan berjarak, dan sibuk sendiri. Kerumunan sesuai konteks teoretiknya berarti berada di satu wilayah dengan orang-orang yang tidak dikenal (secara harfiah maupun emosional).

Tetapi selalu ada hal menarik yang dapat dinikmati ketika berada di dalamnya, entah ketika harus memaksa diri supaya dapat mengerti jalannya perbincangan atau (mungkin yang paling berat) ikut terlibat sebagai bukan hanya anggota pasif dalam lingkaran namun juga sedikit-sedikit urun suara. Secara tak langsung dari proses ini ada interaksi baru yang ditangkap indera guna memperluas perbendaharaan hubungan interpersonal di luar lingkaran diri. Juga pertukaran informasi yang tidak biasanya didapat dari kenalan dan kawan sendiri. 

Ke depan proses seperti ini mungkin akan lebih banyak menempa diri. Semoga selalu bisa berusaha menikmati dan berada di kerumunan walau hal ini saya sadari betul bukan kebutuhan utama saya. Karena menjadi nyaman di lingkaran diri sendiri adalah satu hal yang penting, sungguh sangat penting, bagi saya. Namun, menjadi adaptif di tempat yang rasanya bukan kita banget adalah sebuah keterampilan lain yang baik untuk dikuasai. 

Selamat terus belajar, beri ruang bertumbuh (usahakan) selalu.