#thought abt having to tell my mom abt moving plans and got scared again

[asbestieos]

wehh

[peachiimilquetea]

heyyyy :) can i get an angst scenario (fem!reader) for your event, with tenya and the prompts, "fuck you for making me love you.", "i'm sorry that i was never enough" and "i just want to understand why i wasn't enough." please?

your writing is *mwah* chef's kiss <3 thank you!!!

“𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮” + tenya iida

ft. “i’m sorry that i was never enough” + “i just want to understand why i wasn’t enough”

a/n: PLS WHY DO YALL ENJOY ANGST SM IT MAKES ME SAD WHEN I WRITE IT EVSJSBSJSSN. this one was just… damn. i hope i did the prompt justice tho! check out my event here!

contains: infidelity, tenya CURSES????, fuck mc ion like her in this one, breakup, overall just a shitty time, hakagure is a real one even after graduation

length: 1.2k

a/n ii: tysm for the kind words abt my work!! 🤍

hey iida, i hope this email finds you well given the circumstances,

i’m really really sorry…

tenya’s eyes scanned over the contents of the email and he could feel his world crumbling around him as he read. he had to remember to give hakagure something for all her troubles, as he was appreciative of all her help.

he had suspected something was going on for a few months, he wasn’t stupid. he saw the way you had started leaving your phone face down and picking up “extra shifts” at your job.

he noticed the way you smiled, how hollow it looked now when he said something to you or how you tensed up whenever he touched you, almost like an aversion to his affections.

so he pulled some strings, reached out to his old classmate from high school, now one of the top heroes that specialized in stealth in the country. he asked her to tail you on the way to one of your shifts and see what she could find. all he needed was confirmation.

i’m really really sorry…

you had decided to surprise him by coming home early from work that day. the guilt of sneaking around was eating at you and you knew he was suspecting something you made the snap decision to try to throw him off your trail.

you had decided to surprise him by coming home early from work that day. the guilt of sneaking around was eating at you and you knew he was suspecting something you made the snap decision to try to throw him off your trail.

“ten ten? baby i’m home!” you called, putting your stuff down at the door and striding into the room.

“why are you home so early?” he clipped out, initial devastation turning into anger the longer he looked at your face.

“what, i cant surprise, my boyfriend, anymore?” you attempted to joke, picking up on how tense the air was becoming.

“oh now i’m your boyfriend?” he chuckled in disbelief.

“what are you talking about? you’ve always been my boyfriend, ten, we’ve been together for like a year.”

“don’t bullshit me right now, _____. how long?”

“excuse me?” your smile started to slip, hoping he was angry about something else. anything else.

tenya turned the laptop sitting next to him around and your voice caught in your throat as you tried to answer him. high definition proof sat in front of you, a testament to how little you cared anymore. the look on his face told you everything.

he knows, you thought but used all your energy to keep your face as neutral as possible, opting to play dumb.

“how long, _____? answer me.”

you stayed silent, still trying to figure out a way out, but you knew you had reached the end of the line.

“how long have you been doing this _____?”

“s-seven months,” your voice was small. you were scared and ashamed- knowing you had been stringing him along for all this time and never seeing him react to anything like this. not when his brother was attacked or when his father died.

tenya didn’t think he could feel any worse. 7 months was more than half of the time you had been together officially, meaning you had checked out of this relationship a long time ago. you had been lying the whole time. having your cake and eating it too. it made him want to scream, cry and throw up all at the same time.

“im sorry tenya… really i am, but youve been so busy with hero work and your father left you in charge of everything, i’ve just been feeling really neglected, you know?”

“and you didn’t come to tell me about it? you went outside the home, outside of us to get your needs met?”

“it wasn’t like that-”

“then what was it like?” he pressed.

“i..”

“answer me, _____, what was it like?”

“you want the truth?” he gestured for you to go ahead, “i was bored.”

everything you said after that fell on deaf ears. you were rambling, and he wasn’t even sure if you were coming up with excuses for your own sake or for his.

you cheated because you were bored- bored of him and his unwavering love, bored of the late nights you stayed up to imagine your future, and bored of the way he treated the ground you walked on like gold. he absolutely adored you, and you got bored.

tenya’s mouth felt dry as he tried to articulate exactly what he was feeling. he wanted to go for a run and let the world blur into the background as he cleared his mind. he wanted to cry, one large cathartic release of everything that had been building up for the past few weeks. but most of all, he wanted to know why.

“you... got bored of me?”

you breathed out, exasperated, “yes, tenya, god! i needed some excitement, something different. you’re always so uptight, i just wanted to let loose sometimes, it was suffocating!”

iida flinched, the truth stinging more than he anticipated it would. he didn’t even recognize the woman that was staring at him, trying to explain away the betrayal of a lifetime.

“fuck you," he spat, even surprising himself with how hostile he was.

“tenya…”

“no. fuck you for making me love you, and fuck you for not having the integrity to break up with me when you knew you didn’t want to be here anymore.”

you deflated, feeling sick to your stomach at what you had done. initially, you hadn’t meant for it to get this far, but that didn’t matter now. “i know, i’m in the wrong and i’m sorry, but i think we can make this work and-”

he raised his hand at you to stop you. he didn’t want to listen to any more of what you had to say. he wanted you out of his house and out of his life.

he wanted to make you leave, and that’s exactly what he did, helping you pack up the things the two of you had gleefully moved in 3 months prior, and kicking you out.

he told you explicitly to never contact him again, much to your anguish. you knew you fucked up but you still wanted to be selfish, you still wanted access to him in ways that you didn’t deserve.

the rest of the day didn’t feel real. tenya went ghost, turning off his phone and sitting on the couch staring at the wall, unable to sit in the bedroom he once shared with you.

he thought about the ring he had asked his mom for, the ring he had already planned to give you, and heaved out a shaky sob. it was probably burning a hole in the nightstand drawer now, never to be used for its original purpose.

his eyes scanned the room, landing on a photo of the two of you that sat on the tv stand. getting up, he walked over to it to get a closer look. such a stark contrast from the way things were now. the two of you were all smiles in the photo, faces flushed and rosy from the cold air. he ran his thumb over the frame, finger caressing your face.

“im sorry i was never enough… i just want to understand why i was never enough.”

[dastardlydandelion]

So...what kind of horror movie would you write featuring the Hargrove/ Mayfield family? (That you haven't written already lol)

oh boy, u may regret asking me this bc i am indecisive af and i can’t pick just one!

two that i'm actually writing are max as (g is for) ghostface killer in the abcs of neil’s death and also the max + tory nichols werewolf movie fic outlined here. also some more misc gorror junk bc i’m a demon and esp horny for susan wearing blood splatter. but more ideas commence below:

horror movie #1: another creature feature! awhile back @lucdarling sent me an ask abt max + billy hiding smth from susan and her like, playing along, pretending she doesn't know, and one of the scenarios that popped in my head was them keeping a baby bat as a pet. max finds it and she’s only like six or seven, and she thinks it’s going to turn into a vampire. so here is that scenario except horror edition: baby bat is actually a vampire type creature. not rly a vampire like, what’s prolly popping into ur head, like an undead human like dracula or smth, but like a bat monster that sucks blood.

billy being a lil older doesn’t actually think the bat is going to turn into a vampire. he makes fun of max for believing this, but he helps her take care of it anyway bc he thinks it’s cool. susan, like in the non-horror version, knows abt the bat but plays dumb bc she’s feeling a lot of guilt abt max’s difficulty adjusting to the blended fam (as of rn tho, neil has yet to reveal his abusive nature. the red flags are not yet red, more of a brownish maroon, and he is on his best behavior almost all the time, showering susan + max with affection and keeping the swears out of his mouth when he scolds billy in front of them) and knows the lil furry baby makes her happy. she tacitly cleans up after the bat whenever the kids miss a spot (bats poop a lot, dude) and distracts neil, deterring him from discovering it whenever he gets close.

baby bat gets rly big rly fast. and the older it gets, the more it starts to look monstrous. it still has bat features but it’s just like, different. its fangs grow suspiciously long, its hooks grow suspiciously long. its feet are elongated. a dorsal ridge emerges from its spine, spikes at first just flesh but soft fur rather like peach fuzz eventually sprouting. billy catches on that smth is strange abt this animal when it's as long as his forearm after two wks and still growing. he nearly shits a brick when the bat is clinging to his sweater one day and he steps in front of a mirror and only his reflection looks back at him— no bat.

max laughs at him all like, “stupid brother, ofc there’s no reflection. nosferatu is a vampire, vampires don’t have reflections.” 😂

susan catches a glimpse of the thing when nosferatu crawls out of the home max built it in her closet the same wk billy realizes it doesn’t have a reflection, and also almost shits a brick. she doesn’t know what it is, but it’s NOT a fucking bat. not a normal one, anyway! cue a comedy scene where she’s chasing it around the house with a butterfly net and it’s always one flap *ba dum tss* ahead of her, flying just out of reach. she suddenly regrets not getting rid of it sooner, scolding herself for ever allowing her daughter to keep a wild animal.

she can’t catch it. max comes home, susan tells her she needs to get rid of it. max cries, flips her the bird, refuses. billy tho…billy has mixed feelings. he loves nosferatu but he’s worried it’s going to get dangerous. he loves his dad and his dad is dangerous too. he’s stressed out enough, always on edge, knowing that one way or the other, neil is going to hurt him again. he’s already waiting for his dad to hurt him, he doesn’t need the added stress of waiting for nosferatu to hurt him too. and while max is 100% nosferatu’s favorite, it likes billy too. billy’s been handling it since it could fit in the palm of his hand, it trusts him much more than it trusts susan and doesn’t know any different when billy takes it out of the closet when max isn’t around.

billy frees nosferatu at an abandoned farm. there are always bats flying out of the old silo adjacent to the dilapidated barn. while he knows nosferatu isn’t a *normal* bat, it’s still bat like enough that he thinks it might make friends and be happy here…

yeah, that doesn’t stick. before long, nosferatu is feasting on that colony. leeches the blood out of a couple bats nightly. the number of bats increases with nosferatu’s size. meanwhile, max mourns her missing friend. she’s sullen af and won’t speak to susan at all. she thinks susan is the one who got rid of nosferatu. billy never fesses up and susan doesn’t contradict max’s assumption bc she wants the step-siblings to get along.

neil, meanwhile, is getting more comfortable. those maroon flags are slowly but surely brightening to scarlet. he starts sabotaging susan’s plans with her friends, trying to keep her around the house more and more, quietly but steadily eroding her relationships with other people. he’s getting more visibly aggressive when he disciplines billy. he curses him out with a virulent venom that dunks susan’s stomach in ice water and scares max so badly, she runs to susan and hides behind her even though she’s still so mad that susan got rid of her beloved baby vampire.

nosferatu’s appetite surpasses what the bat colony can offer. it’s like the size of a ten yr old human child now. fucker’s big. it doesn’t just have fangs on top, but tusks on bottom. it can’t go out in the sunlight anymore, the sun sears its flesh. it misses max a lot and before, it wasn’t strong enough to fly back to her house. but now it is. it’s extremely strong, actually.

so bc it's hungry, nosferatu grabs a snack along the way. some nameless rando, it swoops down and sucks dry. nourished and much happier, nosferatu makes its way back home. patiently waits outside of max’s bedroom in the moonlight, tapping its hook against the window until she wakes up. initially max is a lil startled— nosferatu looks so different, there’s a beat before she recognizes it— him?? yk, ig it’s male, the og nosferatu was a guy. sure, why not, nosferatu is a boy now.

once she realizes who it is, she is so! happy! max opens the window and embraces her friend. she isn’t freaked out by the blood on its fangs. she’s always known nosferatu is a vampire, albeit, she was thinking he’d look more like dracula than this bat-monster-thingy.

nosferatu moves back into max’s closet. it hangs upside-down from her rod by its weird, elongated feet. we get more shots of nosferatu sucking rando ppl dry at night, tho he remains gentle with max. when max drags billy in to show her he came back, nosferatu is less friendly with him. he’s not aggressive with billy, but he is standoffish. nosferatu’s thought process is somewhere between human and animal. he doesn’t quite cognitively understand that billy took him to the farm with the intent of getting rid of him, but he does understand that the last time he clung to billy, billy left him alone and never came back. max puts two and two together, and realizes it was billy who “stole” her friend. she yells at him a lot, he yells back, she then ices him out.

billy acts out bc he’s upset. runs away, thinks he’s going to find his mom…the cops find him first and call neil. neil is rly embarrassed and pissed abt the whole thing. he breaks down and beats billy in front of the mayfields for the first time. nosferatu smells the blood and it’s time for the main event! we love dead!neil, yes, we do.

nosferatu flies out the closet and right into the living room where billy’s bleeding and teary but biting his lip so they don’t actually fall. susan’s covering max’s eyes but so shocked and tbh, FRIGHTENED, she doesn’t move a muscle beyond that. neil’s got the belt raised, preparing to bring it down again, and nosferatu smashes right into him. neil stumbles, turns back to see this freaky monster looking thing. proceeds to whip the belt at nosferatu. tries to fight him off with the belt and it doesn’t accomplish much beyond pissing him off more— nosferatu, like most classic vampire types, has a healing factor!

max rips her mom’s hands off her face in time to see her pet sink its fangs into her stepdad’s throat. nosferatu sucks neil dry. billy’s a little dazed, not quite frightened. susan is just dead ass frozen, too scared to scream, even. nosferatu crawls over to billy and nudges at him, making sure he’s in once piece and forgiving him in the same go. max darts over and that snaps susan out of her stupor, but she isn’t as fast as our blood-sucking bat monster.

nosferatu stretches his wings out and with a truly impressive wingspan, hugs both of the kids. <3

horror movie #2: a haunting! this one opens with a bang. it’s a tragic horror, beware. we’re in hawkins post s3. billy died at starcourt mall. neil’s obvi had a longstanding abusive mindset and abusive behavior, but he rly takes his grief out on susan and max. mostly susan. she does her best to protect max however she can, whether that means shielding her w her body, sending her out of the house, getting neil’s goat to inspire his ire in max’s place, etc. but sue simply isn’t around all the time and when she isn’t, but max is, well. yk.

one day neil comes home early (bc he lost his job for a violent outburst, tbh) and discovers susan packing a suitcase.

sue fights hard. she rly does. but neil is bigger, heavier, crueler, and to boot, he caught her completely unawares. he kills her. and no, no it’s not some accidental thing where neil makes one bad move rage-blind. he strangles her with his belt. she’s clawing at his arms and making these horrible choked, trapped animal noises. thrashes and twists her body with everything she has trying to get him off but he’s so strong, his grip is unrelenting, and she's growing weaker, lightheaded with the lack of oxygen. strangulation can induce incontinence and when susan blacks out, her piss streams to the hardwood— neil hears that as much as he felt the clawing and heard the noises, even now he could stop, but he doesn’t. he just. doesn’t think his wife has the right to leave him, esp not after his son just did.

neil burns the body and the suitcase in the woods while max is at school. max has been spending as much time as she can (and often with sue’s prompting) outside of the house, so it actually takes her about two days to realize her mother isn’t around. neil tells a pretty convincing story about how susan abandoned them, voice saturated with apology and sorrow. he takes her out for a fancy dinner and promises he’s going to be a better father-- that being a better father is the least he can do now that her mother abandoned her and they are alone in their grief.

max doesn’t know what to think. she’s been preoccupied with her own grief and pain. she finds it hard to believe her mother would just leave her to neil’s wrath. she has a lot of hangups with susan and anger toward her for marrying neil and not getting them out sooner, but she’s also old enough to realize there would be risks involved with that. it’s hard to reconcile the memory of her mother just last wk pinning max to the wall to protect her from neil’s blows with her own bod just abruptly taking off without a word in the middle of the night. but hey, maybe that’s why susan left. maybe she got sick of protecting her, maybe the pain got to be too much and she turned tail.

but also…it’s early october now, abt three months after billy’s death but still fairly warm outside. yet neil is wearing long sleeves. neil never used to button his collared shirts all the way up, and yet. every collar is buttoned. also, mom’s car is still here. why would mom leave without her car?

that ceramic pelican she loved so much is still here too, on the mantle in the living room. it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing she would leave behind, she's had it since max was a baby.

max almost wants to believe neil because she’d rather her mother abandoned her than be dead somewhere, rotting in a storage locker or a hole in the ground. under the earth with the worms, just like billy. max has the worst feeling low in the pit of her gut. she thinks she knows the truth. she thinks abt going to hopper and hesitates bc she’s not sure she could handle it if he actually found smth. or what would happen to her if he did, where she would be sent, who she would end up with.

this movie would be more on the ambiguous end of things. an arthouse horror, if u will.

the days turn into wks and neil is crawling in his skin. the viewer isn’t sure if the shadows he’s seeing, always, always susan-shaped shadows, are of a ghostly nature or if he’s just hallucinating out of guilt. but the signs gradually point to the former— that smth paranormal is indeed going on. bc those scratches and bite marks susan left in his skin?

they do not heal. they do not get infected. they do not become necrotic. but they do not heal, either. days turn into wks and the wounds still look fresh, like she just left them moments ago. neil can’t wear light colors anymore because his wounds weep red into the fabric. he isn’t just seeing susan’s shadows either, he’s smelling her.

he washes his sheets and pillowcases a dozen times and the scent of her shampoo, her lotion, it’s like it’s woven into the fibers. he walks into the hallway and chokes on the aroma of susan’s perfume. he wonders if max is screwing with him, if max figured it out and she’s trying to torture him into a confession. one day he stomps off to max's bedroom, furious, adamant on confronting her. he grabs her doorknob, prepared to yank it open and then lets out a yelp, jerking his hand back with a sudden sharp pain.

it feels like a bee sting (which would be esp bad for this fucker in anything i write, bc i headcanon him as being allergic). but there’s no stinger. no injury. nothing. neil is freaked out enough that he backs down.

max, on the other hand, is getting gentler signs. when she turns the radio dial in the camaro, it’s somehow always her mom’s favorite songs that come thru the speakers. when she goes to pull clothes out of her drawers in the morning, she discovers that the things she’d just shoved inside in wrinkled balls are perfectly folded, neat as a pin, exactly like how susan always folded. susan was always fond of cardinals and suddenly max is seeing cardinals, pretty red cardinals, in just abt erry tree and shrub.

neil wakes up one night to his wife’s voice whispering “boo” right in his ear. he throws the covers off and discovers ashes in the bed. he doesn’t smell susan’s shampoo or lotion anymore, he smells the kerosine he’d poured all over her body.

his wounds still won’t heal. whenever he looks in the mirror, he catches a glimpse of susan walking past behind him, peering at him from her peripheral. he whips around, heart hammering, but there’s never any tangible person there.

max is almost certain her mother is dead at this point. neil’s been so bizarrely nice to her lately. she never believed in ghosts but her experiences with the upside-down broadened her perception of reality. she doesn’t know how else to explain the songs, the cardinals, the folded clothes. the way that these days, whenever she does feel fear toward neil, it just fades away. her fear melts like popsicles in the sun, immediately replaced by the sensation of a warm, maternal hug, as if arms she can’t see are trying to reassure her she truly doesn’t need to be afraid of him anymore.

in fact, max feels so unafraid of neil and brave, that one night she calls him out on it. he’s grizzled and unshaven in his recliner, beer in hand. she steps in front of the television he’s vacantly fixated on and folds her arms across her chest.

“you killed my mom, didn’t you?”

quick as a flash, neil leaps to his feet. he brings his arm back like he’s going to strike her and susan’s ceramic pelican on the mantle explodes into shards. the lights flicker, the television program cuts to snow with a static roar. every other knickknack on the mantle rattles and framed photos tumble off the wall.

neil very wisely lowers his hand. he slumps, boneless. he doesn’t say a word. max sees the answer in his eyes. it’s the dead of night and she snatches the camaro keys off the hook, marching out of the house, slamming the door behind her. it’s the dead of night and she doesn’t care. she’s going to blow past every stop sign and pound on the chief’s door until he opens up. and fuck, i just realized if this is post s3 he’s supposed to be in russia. shit. i don’t watch this show, but i know abt russia bc i DID watch the clips of that demogorgon that i rly hope isn’t stuck in captivity!! okay, but let’s pretend that didn’t happen?

it’s an au?? i mean, errything i write is always technically an au anyway, bc when i write stuff susan has an actual personality and billy isn’t *completely* abhorrent. okay, so it’s an au and mr. hopper didn’t blow up and un-blow up in russia. he’s still here. so max drives to his house.

she pounds on the door so hard this guy snaps outta bed, thinking someone’s trying to bust it down. she tells him neil confessed to killing her mom. it isn’t true, exactly, but he didn’t have to. so it’s a helluva grim drive back to cherry lane, this time in the cop car.

but when they go inside, chief prepared to arrest neil, no need. neil’s hanging from the belt he strangled susan with, shirtless for the first time since that night, erry seemingly fresh furrow and bite mark on full display. below his dangling feet is a map, the area he burned susan’s corpse in circled in red marker. did he kill himself or did the ghost do it?

up to u, we soundlessly cut to credits without a concrete answer to that question.

horror movie #3: crossover special! stranger things meets the chilling adventures of sabrina. sequel to that fic i wrote where susan makes out with lilith, queen of hell, and lilith kills neil for her. sue officially joins the church of lilith. bc in this ‘verse the church of lilith actually happens after caos s2 instead of the nonsense that was s3 and the inconceivably godawful migraine-inducing shit-fest that was s4.

killing neil was lilith’s only freebee. susan isn’t a witch, she’s a mortal, so in order to reap the other rewards of worshipping the one and only mother of demons, she has to fornicate with the witches and participate in the sacrifices!!!

this is, uh, well. it’s p much a porno, dude, sorry. 😅

this is just an excuse for susan to have sex with lilith, zelda, marie, hilda, big witch orgies + susan. witches bathing in the blood of their sacrifices, susan so nervous and timid but unable to deny her desire. the witch’s dressing her in their gothic garb.

how does the rest of the fam get it on this?

max joins the church too. she has more age-appropriate conduct with sabrina and the weird sisters, and what have you. just smooches and over-the-clothes groping, and whatnot, even tho the weird sisters, at least, would be interested in going further if given the opportunity.

billy dies in starcourt again, so he gets revived in the cain pit! hilda is the one who goes to him after bc she’s been in the cain pit many a time (i am still BIG side-eyeing zelda for repeatedly murdering her sister since childhood). hilda understands how jarring it can be to come back. suddenly alive!billy is freaking tf out but she brings him inside the mortuary, wraps him up in a big blanket burrito and they have a talk. hilda explains that he’s going to be okay and rubs his back while he tentatively sips the hot chocolate she made.

after billy’s calmed down, she brings max and susan in. max and susan can’t do as much magic as the caos witches— they’re mortals, after all, it’s not in their nature —but they’ve gained some abilities thru being in the church, following the rituals, and being carnally involved with the immortal witches. max happily shows him some of her new magic tricks.

horror movie #4: another crossover with caos. heavily inspired by creepshow episode s2e1, model kid (which i already v blatantly referenced in the last axe snafu update and i’m not ashamed, bc it’s a good series i love v much).

billy picks max up from the byers’ place rly late one night. it’s dark and the weather is bad and okay, yeh, he might be a little high. and a little concussed. he pissed neil off pretty bad the other day and okay, actually he’s defo concussed bc he doesn’t even remember what he did wrong!

needless to say, they take a wrong turn somewhere. they end up in greendale. at first max is pissed. she yells at him a lot! yells so loud hilda can hear them thru the walls of dr. cerberus’s comic shop/diner. she goes outside to see what all the fuss is abt, hilda never rly ignores youth in need. we love hilda, she deserved so much better…i’m getting distracted, okay, back to the story.

hilda ushers them inside. max is like, “ooh, comics? horror junk and comics? nvm, i’m not mad anymore.” she pats billy’s arm and wanders away to go check stuff out! hilda makes billy sit down. caos canon established that she’s psychic, at least when she wants to be. she smells the weed but she also sees his life, his trauma. billy doesn’t remember what he did to piss neil off or the abuse that followed, but hilda sees it clear as day.

he’s rude and cranky w her when she probes a little too much for his liking. hilda gently but firmly reprimands him and gets him a milkshake on this house. then she goes to check on max. she steers max to a v particular section of the shop, the one that sells model kits. now, max isn’t *huge* into model kits BUT they are p neat and she enjoys them well enough. more so when the weather is nasty and she can’t go outside. or when she needs smth to do with her hands (a trait she shares w susan) to distract herself and ease some of the anxiety when she hears her brother being beaten or her mother being shouted at.

max is actually rly impressed by the array of models. vintage ones and newer ones. monsters, slashers, final girls, tiny accessories like knives and bloodied heads. but when she gets to the paint-your-own shelf, her jaw drops to the floor.

there’s one that looks just like neil. unpainted, plain gray vinyl, but undoubtedly her stepdad. the expression on the five inch figurine is one frozen in fear.

“i think that one’s calling to you,” hilda prompts her, with the softest smile.

max blinks away her bewilderment altho she still can’t speak. she turns to hilda and turns her empty pockets inside out. hilda just waves her hand. she tells her it’s on the house. that it wouldn’t be fair if she gave billy smth on the house, but not max.

speaking of billy, when he finishes his milkshake, he’s suddenly totally sober and healed!! no more high buzzing in his blood. no more pounding headache or concussion fogging his mind. he doesn’t feel his bruises anymore, rolls his sleeve up, and realizes they simply aren’t there anymore. like they dissolved off his skin.

albeit it’s muttered under his breath, but billy does thank hilda. then he and max are on their way. max shows him the suspiciously familiar figurine in the box. this night cannot get weirder.

max knows what to do with the model kit. she does. she isn’t sure how she knows, but she does. she grapples with it for a long time. neil’s the closest thing she has to a dad these days. and things aren’t bad all the time, ofc.

sometimes neil gives max a ride when mom and billy aren’t available. sometimes he brings her ice cream entirely unprompted. neil’s the one who picks max up off the sidewalk when she wipes out super bad on her skateboard, carries her inside and then later to the car when her cut doesn’t stop bleeding and she ends up needing stitches.

but most of the time he sucks. she can’t rly be herself around him. he's indifferent to her interest at best, scornful at worst. he would hate all her friends. he scares the shit out of her when he’s angry. he doesn’t have a problem belittling her mother in front of her, tearing susan to shreds and making her out like she’s lower than dirt, the most worthless person on the planet. doesn’t have a problem beating billy in front of her or glaring at her with the promise that she’ll be next if she dares to voice her dissent.

max doesn’t always want to do what she knows she’s meant to do with the model. bc she's kind at heart and bc on the good days, she genuinely does have mixed feelings toward neil. never enough to hope he'll be better, he's proven he won't...but maybe enough to hope he won't get worse, either.

then comes the night neil breaks ribs. bad, like we’re talking, a-sharp-spear-of-broken-rib-punctures-billy’s-lung-and-he’s-coughing-up-blood-bad. that’s a trip to the emergency room. in the days that follow, at her next dnd meeting w the party, max places the fully and attentively painted model of her stepdad on the table. normally her pals would protest her derailing the intended game, but they can sense it, yk, that smth is different.

max takes over as dungeon master to the protest of no one, all other mouths sealed as if bewitched and spellbound. she narrators a scene where the demogorgon devours neil and uses the demogorgon piece and the model for demonstration.

when max returns home, neil is strewn across the house in gory chunks and torn wallpaper curls around massive claw marks.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se03. ep 5,(part 1)

In part 1 of this post, more than analyzing, I want to understand few confusing things first. I’m not annoyed or angry, I’m just confused & trying to piece things together, so, kindly don’t feel off with my usage of  (!!!) & (???). lol. I’ll ONLY discuss two things here that confuse me a lot. ( Real ep review/ analysis will be in part 2)

1- Momiji’s romantic love for tohru (the real love triangle). What?!!!!!

I’m so shocked that momiji loves tohru romantically! So, in order to understand ( where did this come from!!) I re-visited his scenes with tohru since se01 & trying to see if I missed anything! Below is my speculations:

Is it love at first sight?!!! When Momiji first met tohru he kissed her on the cheek. I’ve always thought lightly that in the eyes of the reserved Japanese (bowing is greeting), all Europeans (kissing on the check is greeting). hence, Momiji’s kiss, he’s half Europea. However, perhaps it is a Kureno/ Arisa type of love at 1st sight/kiss?! kureno nearly kissed Arisa on the lips on their 1st official meeting. But Kureno/Arisa kiss was meant to be romantic/sexual with adult kureno’s “ I wanted to taste her lips”. but Momiji’s is a peak on the cheek & he was a child, so... I don’t think he’s struck by love before he’s officially introduced to us the audience.

Is it gradual growing love like kyo’s ? in all Momiji/ tohru eps, he always just wanted to play with her, visit places & spend time together.  (hot spring & beach vacation) are his own ideas. But momiji didn’t want tohru exclusively. He intentionally invited both yuki & kyo to the hot spring & even was begging kyo to come. He invited all zodiacs to the beach & wanted all to spend time together. I believe that the hot spring ep especially showed momiji as this playful, innocent & naive kid, wanting to share tohru’s females’ hot spring section. I don’t think momiji was madly in love at that time. He was a child going “ waaaa~, kyo hit me” &  jumping here & there. 

So, summer vacation? but then again, Momiji slept with the children & tohru doted on them all. He defended tohru but they all defend her & love her. he said to kyo that he “selfishly wanted to be with tohru” but I didn’t  catch any romantic hints from that. Was it really that time?? they all wanted to spend time with tohru. Yuki said “ I’ll kidnap you”, kyo agreed to go to the beach right away, kisa was glued to her to the point of annoying hiro! So, when? & why not let us as the audience know abt momiji’s feelings.

Is it related to opening up to tohru abt his family issues? He confessed to tohru abt his dad, mom & momo. She cried for him & hugged him. I never got the feeling in all those scenes that he was in love! it seemed to me like friendship love similar to hana’s/Arisa’s or siblings love substituting his nonexistent relationship with momo.

Is it just me?? I always saw momiji as this baby in toddler clothes, jumping, laughing & a ray of sunshine! A child but with the most mature heart & mind. Tohru didn’t help momiji, he was already helping himself first & reaching healthy conclusions abt how he should deal with his own traumas. So, perhaps (Me) not seeing him as a teenager stopped me from seeing his romantic love? but they showed me hiro/kisa’s love. Elementary school kids! so?

Regardless of when he fell in love or how, the point is, this is heart-breathtakingly tragic! cuz (a) tohru never saw him more than a child at first, then as a precious friend, (b) she’s intensely in love with kyo, which brings us to tohru’s core issues. (Tohru loosing yet another loved one). Tohru’s own issues aren’t fully explored yet, but her love for kyo has been blatantly hammered to us since se01 finale! this is because kyo being locked in the cat room equals (death) which parallels her mom’s (death). Tohru will be living her tragic trauma again but this time, kyo replacing kyoko! Thus, giving tohru a room for growth & character development.Tohru’s intense love for kyo was shown in by the drastic change in her attitude in se01, ep.24, chasing firmly after him even when he pushed her & refusing to let go until he’s back home cuz she wants to! then yuki blatantly saying “ she loves him, too, the way she looks at him“  im se02, ep22 & “don’t worry, tohru, he won’t accept (the other girls confession)” in se02, ep 17 & all her scenes with kyo in that ep where she’s scared he’ll let go of her & other scenes throughout the 3 seasons.

...so why momiji’s impossible & unrequited love is introduced?

I believe it is to push kyo to not let go of tohru. To throw kyo into this internal conflict between selflessly letting go of tohru so she could be happy (like hatori did with kana) & selfishly wanting her to be his lover ( like haru). Kyo himself expressed these two conflicting thoughts in se02, ep, 9 “ I hoped we could always be together somewhere  far off (selfish love) & “ I don’t want to take anything from you (selfless love). So, momiji is challenging kyo in a way making him realize that selfish love might not be bad afterall & selfless love could be harmful! cleverly reversing the two concepts. So, I get why this love triangle was introduced. but whyyyy momiji! T_T.. choose someone else, Writer-San! poor Momiji we learned abt his love the same ep we learned it hopeless & he can’t pursue! T_T. couldn’t you at least put the two scenes far away, so I get time to grieve his broken heart! T_T.

2- Yuki/Machi ( Yuki is in a such hurry!!!!)

You could use the analogy of yuki’s starting the story as a (baby/child) taken cared by his mother (tohru) who taught him to be a person (all se01), Yuki took this knowledge  as a (kid/teenager) & formed friendship on his own with (kakeru) in (se02). it is not after yuki became a true equal friend to kakeru, chocking him & equally teasing him, that Machi was allowed to talk abt her self as a real character with agency & thoughts (se02, ep24), now yuki must be a (teenager/Man) & fall romantically in love, hence (se03, eps 2 & 3). All this is amazing. So, I kinda expected the following:

yuki won’t take as long as kyo in confessing/ realizing romantic love since he/machi don’t have a shared baggage nor obstacles from the past.

 he won’t be as fast as haru’s “ i love you/ kiss/ make love”. But then again, Haru & Isuzu have already known each other for years & are already in love, they just put a name to their desires & went on with it.

So, yuki should be in the middle, noticing, knowing abt the person, crushing, then realizing love & wanting a future together! Cuz yuki is this type of person who values taking time thinking thoroughly, right??

I’m confused as yuki wanted to confess the curse & to be with machi romantically right after the machi background scene? I know not everything should be on-screen & him falling slowly in love could be off-screen...  the flower is a yuki/machi “ noticing her stage”, her fighting with him over the red leaf is “ noticing him stage” for her. but there’s only ONE intimate scene of them together! Her raw tears when he comforted her in her flat (the chalk scene is bonus). but.. I never expected that yuki is planning to confess his curse & feelings this early!!!!!! yuki! are you SURE she loves you? ( I mean we the audience know 100%) but how is HE sure?? yuki going this big stage so soon felt a bit un-yuki. but then agin, perhaps that’s part of the new changed confident yuki? I duno, I mean Machi was never given a proper time to prosper, but yuki was always given all the time there is to explore his feelings & even other ppl’s feelings! He’s there in kyo/tohru ‘s story to tells the audience they’re in love, he’s there in Isuzu/ haru to mend their gap. I mean yeah there gotta be more scenes abt them for sure, we’re in ep 5, but I never expected a the intruppted confession now & this soon!

perhaps it’s just me, again?! Maye I’m so invested in yuki & accustomed to him always taking time that I kinda expected more before he’s thinking of confessing. I really thought that confessing his curse/love is yuki/machi’s own story climax compared to kyo/tohru’s story climax with kyoko & Isuzu/Haru story climax after breakup, oh well. I’m positive we’ll see more of yuki’s journey with machi as yuki is rarely absent in any eps. More scenes to come!

That’s the end of my headache! XD. I apologize for giving you headache if you were kind enough to read all this. kindly, don’t spoil future scenes or sub-plots to me. I’m just expressing my shock at how fast the plot moved! just few eps ago, I was watching motoko love journey that survived 3 seasons! Hands down Motoko wins in furuba! XD. Jokes aside, Can I say we’re officially where “the plot thickens?” Is it going down? This ep felt like a bullet train!

Side Notes:

I never liked the “children in deep love theme” that hiro has as children shouldn’t suffer the romantic pining & suffering as teenagers & adult ppl,  so, I really appreciated that Momimi altho was 15 when we 1st saw him, lived his childhood without the “oh my! I’m so in love~ pining~ suffer”.

The story introduced ( momoiji in romantic love) the same ep Momiji got tall, so making it as sth he expressed once he hit puberty like most boys his age. He even said it “ I’m a man now”, which is again sth boys feel once they get taller & experience other feelings.

Momiji never catches a break! T_T. My son is denied the types of love he wants (parental love, sibling love & now romantic love! ).

I don’t picture momiji/tohru together as a couple cuz it wasn’t built that way in the story & most of their moments weren’t romantic/sexual tension. to me it was the ultimate friendship!

I wish my son finds love on-screen! If Moyoko/Nao gets on-screen love, give my boy on-screen love, too!

Nah~ forget that~ I’m just sad for my son, I don’t want to see him paired with any character quickly to compensate him not having tohru. This is not doing momiji justice. So, I get the ED art of him with Momo.

If kyo has someone who loves him one-sidedly (Kagura), tohru now has someone who love her one-sidedly (momiji).

The kagura/kyo confrontation was heart breaking, but it had to happen cuz kyo knew she loved him & had to stop her. I hope Momiji never confesses to tohru, I wouldn’t be able to survive seeing tohru turn him down.Tohru & momiji are just too kind for such sad situation.

So, does this mean that the two characters with unrequited love are Kagura & momiji? they’re the only characters with no romantic partner in the ED.

Hana is without a lover in the ED, too! XD. Thank God! I love her crush on kazuma, cuz hello~ who won’t crush on this hunk! & teenage girls can crush on grown up men rather than boys (I know I did, but it was just my girlish crush). I’m thankful it is just a crush & teasing kyo tactics & not true romance! don’t give me another Arisa/Kureno, plz. lol.

[dog-forest-spirit]

It's implied that Kagome took life too seriously before she met Inuyasha, like how she's crazy about her tests, doesn't believe what her grandpa told her as she always tries to be rational, she didn't do much with her life except study before Inuyasha came. When Inuyasha came into her life, she dares to speak her mind, think about more things than her studies, the way Kagome speaks to Inuyasha, she wouldn't talk like that to anyone unless she trusted him. I think it was to parody that Japanese parents want their kids to be too independent too, so she's a little too into it. But it's her first time seeing Kagome speaking up like that in forever.

Maybe when Kagome was a kid, 5 or so, she was like Yuki in Wolf Children. Free, curious, clever, etc. So one day a kid falls and scrapes her knee and starts screaming. Kagome starts collecting herbs and pushes them against the wound and says they'll stop it from stinging. But an adult pushes her away, saying the child needs proper treatment, but when Mrs Higurashi looks at the herbs in an encyclopedia, she realizes that Kagome was right. So she tries encouraging her to keep her gift, but the trauma made her want to be "normal".

And when she grew up, maybe having a boring office job like Aggretsuko, with no goals of her own, maybe marrying Hojo but having a childless marriage where both just work and aren't really happy. Maybe her parents were planning to travel the world when the kids moved out, and now Inuyasha can give Kagome that. So since Kagome is so often away, she never truly knows the dangers she's in, but she gets to travel and enjoy life with the one she loves, doing what she loves. And if that means Kagome is happy, her mother is happy too.

Idt she took life too seriously given the circumstances she’s more of a product of her environment getting into high school and uni is HUGE in japan so most students were like that idk how it was in the 90s but the pressure of going to school and getting a good job is insane idt she anticipated staying in the past long term which is why she didn’t drop out and wanting an education isn’t being too hard on yourself imo it’s what she wanted to do I worked two jobs and went to school to make enough money to see exo in SK before they went on hiatus it was crazy and hard af but it was smth I really wanted I think her determination to get into school while dealing with naraku was one of her better traits and an indication of how smart she really was 😭 and the grandpa thing I took it more as “I’m young and this is stupid” kind of a rebellious thing not like loudly but just “it’s grandpa telling his stories again” she probably got tired of his hard sales and never saw proof (until she went to the past) so he lost his credibity tied with youthful immaturity that you know more than the next person or have everything figured out so maybe that could be her being more based in reason but not objectively but her definition of objective I found her to be an average likable 15 year old (pretty had “friends” was smart well off support system hottest guy in school wanted her etc.) probably so the “chosen one” cliche wasn’t as cliche she just happened to share a soul with kikyo (now the well being outside of her house... convenience)

The speaking her mind thing idk how she really was beforehand since we didn’t see much I always assumed she was always very outspoken she didn’t take Inuyasha’s sht at first which is why they butted heads a lot (then she caught feelings and...she still stood her ground but not as often as I would have liked but manga inukag and anime inukag function on different levels inuyasha wasn’t cheating on kagome like he was in the anime if I remember correctly)

If I’m wrong I’m sorry ! 😭 it’s 5am I just got off from work but this is the only time I’ll have to answer stuff since I have work again then I have to prepare for an interview then work some more (plus I’m having an allergic reaction so I’m just 😭😭😭 not available) if this is in defense of my kagome’s mom hates her thing idt she hates her hates her but I feel the unknown would scare her and the lack of concern is very weird and felt too much of a convenience like in anime the mc’s parents are either dead or overseas so the story doesn’t have to deal with concerned/scared parents maybe my parents are overprotective but if they don’t know what to expect they’re freaking out—oksy not freaking out but uncomfortable they make it seem when you have a child their your 24/7 when I went to SK my parents confessed they were going to talk me out of going b/c they thought I was going to get victimized (I was 22 I was gonna go anyways but still) in uni they said I couldn’t study aboard alone b/c of me getting victimized my mom told me she was afraid and worried abt me when I went away to uni even though I had friends and wasn’t alone so I’m probably projecting a bit here Ik inuyasha had her and kagome knew inuyasha had her but her mom at first didn’t know inuyasha had her she just believed inuyasha despite just meeting him which is crazy as hell to me I’m not saying she needed to strongly object but showing some inkling that she was worried abt her well being and not just being “oop well anyways let’s finish dinner” it could be read her mom trusted kagome which is good but she’s also 15 teenagers aren’t the most rational people also when kagome came back the first time the first thing she did was cry to her grandpa about how she was scared I hope she did the same with her mom or grandpa told her mom so your daughter being terrified abt what happened then being forced back the same day (inuyasha interrupted dinner and tried to pull her away) and your only response is to play with his ears is...Ik it was done in comedy but it also shows a disregard for her daughters safety I feel most ppl would take offense if someone broke into your house then took your daughter away to place that scared tf out of her

I’m sure this came off as me picking your argument apart but your interpretation is still valid! I’m not always right! Feel free to disagree!! This is just my thoughts and reaction to it!!

[luobingmeis]

so!!! taz grad!!! holy shit!!!!!!!

spoilers under the cut!!!!!

FIRST OFF, i would just like to say: i said last episode that i did not trust the school taking the students’ items was WEIRD and UNTRUSTWORTHY and someone was like “but it’s the school’s money!” but i am calling this a “ha! told you!” moment bc now fucking higglemas used the glasses and knows about the portal!!!

second: this episode warmed my fitzrain heart :’)

third: my friend told me to make a notesheet of all my grad theories so that is also on my phone now asjksjksdkjd

NOW

A RECAP

fitzroy wanting to take the interdimensional cat with them just to mess with argo is. very funny.

but also i’m just gonna focus on the more “plot based” stuff bc i know im probably gonna end up making and reblogging shitposts abt the funny stuff

firbolg’s conversation with bartholomus made me :( especially when he was like “you need a goal for yourself because, once you all get out of here, you might find everyone else moving forward and yourself lost again” like first off, that hit hard in a way i didn’t expect it to, second i’m so :( abt the firbolg

and fitzroy!!! 

okay so my stance has been “i don’t trust hieronymous for shit” and that scene with higglemas almost confirmed it UNTIL THE LAST LIKE MINUTE but we’ll get to that

god i know the poison stuff was all griffin goofing but, fitzroy, please be careful

i fucking do not trust anything abt fitzroy being moved up to a villain anymore. like i was already kinda *side eye* but also thrilled bc i’ve talked abt wanting villain fitz since episode one, but now i’m just terrified for him

and, i still don’t know if he’s telling everything abt why he wants to be a knight, but fitz saying that he wanted to be a knight bc it’s fair was a very humble answer that i did not expect and, honestly? it shook me up

like, fitzroy is very hooked on good vs. evil & fairness and like.............. i’m so scared for fitzroy

i literally do not know what to think anymore abt higgs telling fitz to not trust anything abt wiggenstaff, especially hieronymous, bc higgs might be proving to be just as untrustworthy

also i’m keeping a note of how fitzroy constantly mentions how he does not want to go home and face his family

also i think fitzroy might officially be my fave, like, that fairness answer really got me

argo!!! and jackle!!! tbh i think the most important take away was jackle learning that argo will stick to his word once it’s given

which now proves to be very complicated and a bit concerning due to the ending and what is being asked of argo but... we’ll get to that...................

the party!!!! i love rainer and we are all rainer when we wake up on our birthday and our brain just goes “presents,,,,,,”

again, my fitzrain heart was warmed :’) and also fitz seemed disappointed that rainer was going to be heading back home so like :(

i also loved all the dancing and the other gifts and festo and i don’t mean to skip over them but i also really want to talk abt the last 20 minutes

buck!!! i love him!!!

buck!!! was super dishevelled!!! and my brain immediately went “well that’s concerning!!!”

and now leon’s missing!!! great!!! i have a huge theory for that but i’ll hit that at the end

i also like how griffin/fitz was like “i see him leaving” bc it’s canonical that fitzroy sees the outside world while meditating

but i also liked how both justin and griffin were like “we as players know what’s going on but there’s no reason for our characters to be suspicious”

the unbroken chain!!! cool!!! tbh maybe it’s bc i’m still so freaked by the ending but i don’t have much to say on that. the necklace part did get me a bit emotional tho :(((

SO THAT FINAL SCENE

let it just be known that, even tho justin was the one who thought to go to the library, travis almost had that entire scene planned out like he wanted it to happen, like he wanted the firbolg to tell the tortle abt the demons, AND NOW THAT TORTLE IS CONFIRMED TO BE A MEMBER OF THE UNBROKEN CHAIN

AND AFTER ARGO COMMITTED TO THIS GROUP AND PROVED THAT HE WOULD KEEP HIS WORD, THEY’RE ASKING ABT FITZROY

fitzroy... please be careful...................

AND THE FIRBOLG’S DREAM

so my friend said that it’s a memory, and that i definitely believe, and the rock is... something........ and higglemas was looking at the portal which is................... another something

AND LEON

here’s my theory: leon Knows something is going on with the school and he went to the heroic oversight guild with it, and higglemas took him out for it bc the h.o.g is the only thing that can deem heroes/villains evil and, if word gets out that hieroymous and higglemas are doing some shady stuff, they can lose their titles and rank and all the power they have accumulated for centuries. i started this episode being like "i dont trust hieronymous for shit but higgs is cool" and now i don't fucking trust either!!!!

also, my overall point: i will talk abt it until i run out of air that graduation’s main theme is “everything is not what it appears” and i think that is the most important thing to remember

as of rn, my top 5 is: fitzroy, argo, jackle, buck, and rainer

and i also have some theories and i am recording them also here:

see above for leon theory

wiggenstaff creates the problems in last hope/nua so that they can keep the hero/villain business going (i know we all goof abt accounting, but heros/villains are literally a business)

goodcastle is a real place

my friend thinks fitzroy is going to be the scapegoat for hieronymous/higglemas when shit starts to go wrong

the tortle is gonna bring the demon problem to the unbroken chain

there’s going to be a parents weekend where a bunch of shit comes to light abt argo’s mom, fitzroy’s family, the firbolg’s exile, buckminster’s dad (the iron lord), and rolandus’s dad (who is living in exile)

so i’m just thinking of this now but what if fitzroy is purposely being told to not trust the school so that he’ll be more likely to work against it

basically!!! i am terrified for literally every single student at wiggenstaffs and i do not fucking trust those brothers

[marvxlousqueen]

Ben Hardy- Domestic Bliss

requested by @thoughtlesspace Ok so it’s kinda weird but what if you did a fluff/angst fic where reader has a young daughter (like 3) and reader and Ben have only been dating for like a month and she hasn’t told him about her daughter bc it scares most guys off but one night she cancels a date bc her baby girl is sick but she tells Ben SHES sick so he surprises her and comes over with like soup and stuff and find out about the daughter and like immediately falls in love with her

word count: 1.6K

warnings: a little bit of angst, the rest is fluff, some cussing, soft ben, some shitty dialogue bc i have no idea how three year olds talk

A/N: I hope y’all like this! also i legit had to google what 3 year olds can do bc i don’t know anything abt children teheh, also reader chooses their own daughter’s name so :))

“I’m really sorry, Ben. I was looking forward to seeing you, but I don’t want to get you sick.” (Y/n) faked another cough into the phone, hoping it would make her story more convincing. 

“That’s alright, love. Just focus on getting better. I’ll see you later, yeah?” 

(Y/n) could feel Ben’s worry through the phone, knowing he was probably gnawing on his lip as he usually does when nervous or concerned.

“Of course. I can’t wait to see you again.”

After saying their goodbyes, (Y/n) hung up her phone throwing it on the bed next to her. 

“Mommy..” 

(Y/n) sat up from her bed, making her way into her daughter’s room, where she was laying in her tiny bed. 

“Mommy, my tummy hurts.”

(Y/n) took at seat next to her daughter, pulling her leg underneath her. “I know, baby, I know.” She pressed a kiss to her forehead, which was burning hot from the fever. “But the nice doctor said you just need some rest and a little medicine. It’ll be okay, baby.” 

The little girl groaned, pulling the covers higher. “Can I sleep?”

(Y/n) nodded, tucking her daughter in tighter. “Call me if you need anything, okay?” The small girl nodded before rolling over, almost immediately knocking out from exhaustion. 

(Y/n) knew she must’ve been tired. It was a tough week for both of them. (Y/n) often had to work late to make sure she could pay all her bills off, making (Y/d) have to stay late at her after school care program, giving them both late nights and less time together. Then when Ben asked (Y/n) to dinner on Tuesday for their third date, she knew she couldn’t pass up the chance, despite it being a school night for (Y/d). 

(Y/n)’s friends were always pushing her to make more time for herself and they were pushing even harder now after hearing about Ben, who was the first guy to really be interested in (Y/n) since her pregnancy. But that’s just because he doesn’t know, she thought to herself. 

(Y/n) felt awful for keeping everything with her daughter private, but she was sure that once Ben found out about all the baggage (Y/n) came with, he wouldn’t want her. Why would he? He’s becoming a fucking movie star, he doesn’t want to get tied down to some single mom. 

(Y/n) laid down on her bed after she tucked in (Y/d), finally realizing how tired she was too. It’s wasn’t easy, working a job and taking care of a kid by yourself. Over the past few weeks since she met Ben, (Y/n) often found herself dreaming about what it would be like if she did tell Ben and he was okay with the whole child thing.

She thought about (Y/d) being able to have a strong male presence in the house, someone else to support her and help her as she grows up. And of course (Y/n) thought about how life would get easier for her too. She wouldn’t have to rush out of work to get (Y/d) if she had Ben to help with carpool. Or how if her and Ben got serious and moved in together he could help with the cooking, the cleaning, the bills. He could help with everything.  

(Y/n) wanted that so much. Domestic bliss with Ben and (Y/d). Her daughter could have a father figure and (Y/n) could have romantically love in her life again.

She stopped her thoughts before she got ahead of herself. She would need to tell Ben first. Plus they had barely been dating for a month, there’s no way he has those sort of plans with her. 

He’s a celebrity, he’s not looking to settle down. Especially not with a broken family. 

(Y/n) felt herself start to spiral into what would happen if Ben didn’t like her after finding out about (Y/d). Would things end how they usually do? The guy saying he’s just “not ready” for a family. 

Her thoughts were interrupted yet again, but by the doorbell this time. (Y/n) rolled off the bed and made her way to the front door, popping her head into (Y/d)’s room first to check on her (she was still totally knocked out). 

(Y/n) unlocked the door and pulled it open, revealing Ben on the other side, dressed in a gray hoodie and some sweatpants to match. Even in his bummy outfit, he looked amazing. 

“Hey, (Y/n)! I brought you some soup and some movies we could watch, if that’s alright? I decided I really don’t care if I get sick, I just really wanted to see you.”

(Y/n) stood frozen, staring at the bag in Ben’s hand. Oh fuck, fuck fuck fuck-

“Can I come in? Or.. is this a bad time?” Ben furrowed his eyes, getting a bit worried that he might’ve overstepped by stopping by without warning. He just couldn’t help himself, he was just so enamored with (Y/n). 

(Y/n) opened her mouth to answer him, trying to come up with a nice way of telling him he needs to leave. Before she could get the words out, she was interrupted by a fit of coughing from the back of the house. (Y/n) looked over her shoulder in the direction of (Y/d), knowing she needed to check on her, but not quite sure what to do about Ben. 

Ben looked behind her too, hoping to find the source of the noise. He felt his heart clench. “Is-is someone else here?” 

Even though they had never stated that they would be exclusive, Ben had hoped, actually more like prayed, that she wasn’t messing around with anyone else. He certainly wasn’t. He couldn’t get (Y/n) out of his head. The thought of her with someone else, especially after she cancelled on him, it hurt his heart too much. 

(Y/n) turned back to face him, “No! No one’s here.”

Ben found her eyes with his, “You sound like you’re lying..”

(Y/n) had no words, what was she supposed to do?

Ben chewed his lip, “I’m sorry I came by.. I shouldn’t have. I’ll.. talk to you later, I guess.”

(Y/n) grabbed his arm, “No, Ben. Please, I do want you to stay, I just..”

Do I tell him? Fuck- I can’t. I can’t. 

“You just have another guy over?” (Y/n) didn’t answer, too caught up in trying to find a way to take care of (Y/d) and spend time with Ben. 

When she didn’t answer, Ben bit down on his lip even harder, trying to stop the sinking feeling in his heart. “I know we never said we’d be exclusive, but I thought.. I just thought we hit it off quite well- maybe that was just me feeling that.” 

(Y/n) was confused, only hearing half of what Ben had said. “Wait what?”

Ben opened his mouth to respond before he was interrupted by the patter of feet on the floor. A little girl peaked out from behind (Y/n)’s legs, pulling on her pants. 

“Mommy, I want water. And my tummy still hurts.” (Y/n) crouched down to her daughter, pushing to hair out of her face from where she had been sleeping. 

“Okay, baby. Go sit, I’ll get you some water and medicine, okay?” (Y/d) dragged her feet to the couched before climbing up and wrapping a blanket around her, coughing into her elbow again. 

Ben stood frozen, starting at the tiny girl on the couch. (Y/n) stood back up, facing Ben. 

“What..? Who’s that?”

(Y/n) gulped, she hated this part. The part where every guy would dip on her after finding out about (Y/d). 

“That’s my daughter.. She’s sick so I had to stay and take care of her.”

Ben looked back at (Y/n), “You have a daughter? You didn’t tell me that.”

(Y/n) nodded a little. “I know and I’m sorry.”

“You should be.” (Y/n) heart dropped at his words. “I love kids, (Y/n)! Why wouldn’t you tell me? And she’s so cute. Looks just like you!” 

Ben walked towards the couch, squatting down in front of (Y/d). He put his hand out to shake her small one. 

“Hello there, (Y/d). I’m Ben and I must say I just love your eyes, you know? Looks just like your mum’s.” 

(Y/d) let out a giggle, the first happy noise (Y/n) heard her make all day. 

She shook his hand, stilling laughing. “Hear that mommy?”

(Y/n) felt a smile growing on her face, nodding slightly. 

He’s not leaving? He’s not leaving.

Ben stood back up, walking into the kitchen, getting (Y/d) the cup of water she had asked for before returning. He sat the water in front of (Y/d), then made his way back to (Y/n), wrapping his arms around her, burying his face in her neck.

He pulled away and saw that her eyes were getting glossy. “Are you alright, love?”

(Y/n) cleared her throat before wiping at her eyes. “You’re okay.. with this?”

Ben nodded quickly, “Of course, of course. She’s your daughter, she’s a part of you. I like you so much, why wouldn’t I like her?”

(Y/n) shrugged before falling into his arms again. He held her until they heard a rustling noise behind them. Looking over they saw (Y/d) rifling through the bag Ben had brought, which he left abandoned on the floor. 

“Hercules! You brought Hercules! Can we watch it?”

Ben smiled at the little girl, happily waving the movie around. “Sure! As long as your mum’s okay with that...?”

(Y/n) nodded, eyes still on Ben, shocked at how he was taking this news. “Sure, we can watch Hercules, but first let’s get you some more medicine.”

After struggling to get (Y/d) to drink the orange liquid, they all settled down on the couch, a blanket draped over them, the soup on the table. (Y/d) climbed up and squeezed herself in between Ben and (Y/n). 

(Y/n) looked over at Ben and (Y/d), who were chatting excitedly about the movie, big smiles on both their faces. 

Domestic bliss. 

taglist: @chocolatealmondmilkshake @thoughtlesspace @billyhargovesgurl @babebenhardy

hmu to be added to my taglist! also hmu with requests :)

[frywen-babbles]

Sounds of Silence pt6

"They shouldn't send you messages like that. You've done nothing wrong."

"It's okay. It'll die out soon enough when they realise I won't make any of this public. I just want to move on with my life." She shoved some cake into her mouth before she continued. "Enough about me. How have you been?"

"Studying," he replied before he thought of something. "I'll visit mother tomorrow... I thought... maybe you'd..."

"I'd love to come. Just tell me when and where and I'll be there."

He nodded in response and took a sip of his tea. Why was the situation suddenly so... awkward. What did people talk about in dates... non-dates anyway?

"Um... What's the new job you got?"

"The same old. Shelving in a grocery store, just in a different one than before."

"That must be... interesting."

"Please, it's boring as fuck. But it's a job."

Mitsunari regarded her carefully. Once she had talked about wanting to become a teacher and he couldn't but wonder what had become of those dreams. Now she seemed content at working in a grocery store, her dreams seemingly forgotten. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but he remembered how fondly she had talked about her dream. Had she given up on it completely? She wouldn't, would she? He worked so hard to achieve his dream and proving himself it seemed almost unthinkable someone would just give up.

"Earth to Manju-boy, are you even paying attention to me?" Mitsunari was woken from his thoughts when she tapped his arm gently.

"Just thinking about my studies."

"How are they going anyways?"

*****

Miraculously, their non-date had ended well and way less awkwardly than he had feared. They had ended up talking about his studies for way longer than he had planned, but she hadn't seemed to mind.

He was just about to go to sleep when his phone blinged with a message.

<i wntd 2 apologise> <i hd no rght 2 b that mean 2 u>    <What do you mean?> <thse mssgs i swd u> <i thgt ud say th same> <thnk u> <it rly mns a lot ur on my side>    <Of course I am.>

She didn't reply so he put his phone down and closed his eyes ready to sleep. But just as he had drifted off his phone blinged with a new message waking him up.

<it tk me 2 long 2 admit wht ws gng on. nd aftr thn i wnted 2 stay bc i lved him. i blievd it ws nly once. twice. i thght if id jst chnge myslf he didnt hve any rson 2 gt angry at me. i trd so hrd 2 be the prfct wife i feel like i lost myself. Ths isnt how I thght my life wld be.> <im scred> <i have no1 I cn rely on> <im sorry im blathering u must be thinking abt ur mom> <i shldnt cmplain evrythng is fine im sry>    <No, it's okay. It's understandable to be scared.> <sry> <im jst so lost> <nd scard> <all of ths is nw 2 me> <we gt mrried whn i finishd hgh school. i rlied 2 hm on evrthng> <nd nw its jst all gne> <sry 2 nght evrthng jist cmes rshing dwn> <ill go 2 bed now night>    <Don't apologise. Being scared of the unknown is part of human nature.>    <Good night.>

***

The next day he waited for her in front of the hospital. He had come way too early so his thoughts turned into the previous day and to his... non-date. She had looked very pretty. Beautiful. He looked at his watch when he felt a light tap on his arm and turned around to find her standing next to him.

"Are you sure you want to come?" he asked.

"Of course! I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't want to."

Mitsunari sneaked into the first bathroom in the ward and a moment later when he emerged he expected her to laugh or... something. Instead, she looked at him earnestly, her expression serious.

"Are you ready?" she asked before she reached to straighten out a hair on his wig. He gave a firm nod before he headed out towards his mother's room.

"Mitsunari!" He stopped when he heard his name and sighed before he turned around to greet one of the nurses. "I see you brought your girlfriend today, how nice of you. Why haven't you told us before you have a girlfriend?" the nurse winked at him and he resisted the urge to either roll his eyes or facepalm.

"We're friends," he said at the same time she bowed.

"Thank you for taking care of Mitsunari," she said aloud. It was the first time Mitsunari had heard her speak. He missed completely when she introduced herself, his mind focused only on the sound of her voice, on the way she slowly pronounced each word, on the melody of her voice and he couldn't help but want to hear her voice again and again. He wanted to hear what she sounded like when she was happy, when she was excited, when she was sad. He felt selfish in his want, but still, he wanted her to show all sides of herself to him.

Mitsunari tugged on her arm and bowed to the nurse, repeating his earlier words of them being just friends, but it didn't wipe the knowing smile from the nurse's lips.

Just when he was about to knock on the door of his mother's room, he felt her take a hold of his hand and give it a firm squeeze. He held her hand a bit tighter too and knocked on the door.

"Mother? It's me, Saki."

"Saki! My beautiful, darling Saki!" He heard her voice before he saw her.

"Mother, I brought a friend with me." He stepped inside and gently pulled her in with him and introduced her.

"It is nice to meet you, Mrs Ishida." She bowed and his mother beamed at them. He didn't even remember when he had seen her looking so happy.

"I'm so happy Saki brought a friend with her! Come here, sit." His mother patted the bed beside her. She glanced at him and when he nodded she sat beside her.

"Thank you."

She paid close attention to his mother, turning every now and then to him for clarification. He felt like his mother recited every embarrassing thing he had ever done, his face burning hot with embarrassment under the makeup. A small (well, a big) consolation was hearing her laugh aloud, something he hadn't heard since the day after he had rescued her from her ex.

When his mother started to look tired he got up and nudged her arm.

"I think we should go now, mother. I'll come back soon."

"Please bring your lovely friend again too! It warms my heart to know you have such a good friend."

"I'll have to ask her..." he mumbled giving his mother a hug.

When he took her hand to lead her outside he could feel her hand tremble. He glanced at her, but her expression was a calm, calculated mask. As soon as they were outside of the door he let go of her hand.

"Your hands are trembling."

"You're imagining things," she replied with a smile which didn't quite reach her eyes.

"But-" he started, but was cut off when she turned away from him.

"Excuse me..." she hurried to the nearest bathroom leaving him to stare after her. He was still staring at the door when she emerged a moment later her eyes red and puffy.

“Sorry...” she forced a smile and as much as he wanted to ask, he decided not to pry was probably the best option.

“I’ll go change. We could... You could come for tea... if you want.” How did people ask others to hang out? It was apparent he was terrible at it.

“I’d love to.” This time the smile she gave him was genuine.

Their trip at his place was mostly filled with comfortable silence. She leaned against his shoulder on the train, dozing off every now and then. He concluded she must be tired but didn’t want to pry the reason why. She would tell him if she wanted to.

When they reached his apartment, Hideyoshi was already there, half asleep watching YouTube videos in the living room.

“Oh, heeey... I didn’t think you’d be back yet, you okay?” he mumbled waving his hand at his general direction without turning around.

“We came to make some food.”

“We? I thought you went to- oh hi!” Hideyoshi turned around to look at them and as soon as he saw her he waved at them awkwardly.

He laid over the handrest of the sofa looking at them while they unloaded the groceries and prepared the food.

Mitsunari sighed and turned to look at Hideyoshi, who had a bright smile on his lips as soon as he looked at him. “Do you want something? If you don’t, stop staring like a starved puppy. The mutt next door does a good enough job on that already without your help.”

"I thought you'd never ask me to join! It smells so good."

Hideyoshi made the table and they sat down to eat.

"So, what were you up today?" Hideyoshi asked filling his bowl with food.

"None of your business."

"So it was a secret date!"

Mitsunari was just about to reply when she coughed and reached for a glass of water her face starting to turn an adorable shade of red.

"Are you okay?" he asked her when she managed to gulp down some water her face still bright red.

"Why does Monkey think we went on a secret date?"

Mitsunari felt his cheeks start to burn out of embarrassment too, her embarrassment only increasing his own.

"I don't know! Stop inventing stupid nicknames to my friends."

"Shut it Manju-boy! You better tell Monkey-boy he has it all wrong. We are friends, nothing else."

Mitsunari translated her words to Hideyoshi who had been grinning knowingly at their mutual blushing, but he couldn't help the pang in his heart at her flat out refusal of them being on a date.

It must be so terrible to her to even think him as a man after what she had seen of him today. After all, she knew of him.

She would never see him in any other way than as a friend and realising that hurt way more than he thought it would. It hurt so much for a while he couldn't even think straight, yet alone be a part of the conversation.

"Mitsunari, did you hear what I said?" Hideyoshi's words brought him back to himself and when he glanced at her, even she was staring at him with a small frown between her (very beautiful) brows.

"No, my mind was elsewhere."

"In the gutter, I imagine?" Hideyoshi winked at him but all he could do was roll his eyes.

"You had *something* to say, so spit it out."

"Um, yeah, Nobu wants us to go play Wii next Sunday, why don't you two come too?"

"And he expects us just happily spend a Sunday dealing with utter torture?"

"There will be free food! Nothing beats free food."

"Fine..." he grumbled and turned to her, but her eyes were already sparkling. "A friend of ours wants us to go play Wii at his place on Sunday. Do you want to come?"

"Only if I get the promised free food you were talking about!"

***

The next Sunday they found themselves in front of a grand downtown building where Nobunaga's personal apartment was. She was staring at it her mouth agape.

"Your friend lives here?"

"Yeah."

"Wow..."

She held onto his sleeve when they entered the building, her eyes wide at the sight of the doorman and the security.

When the doors opened at the top floor she was stunned. He had to nearly drag her forward to meet their host.

Not that that went any better. As soon as she saw Nobunaga, she yanked at his sleeve until he was sure it would rip off.

"That's- that's O-da No-bu-na-ga!"

"I know. Now stop pulling my sleeve!"

"But... how?"

"Blame Hi-de-yo-shi, he always wants to drag me along..."

"Wait how does Monkey know him?"

He was about to reply when Nobunaga seemed to get bored of not being a part of the conversation.

"The least you could do was to introduce her."

As soon has he had managed to introduce her, Hideyoshi, who had come at the same time with them leant towards Nobunaga with a conspirational grin.

"You know, she's Mitsunari's 'special friend'"

"Oh, is she now?" Nobunaga had an amused smile on his lips when he eyed her.

"Stop making it sound so dirty," he huffed at them and took her hand to lead her away from the two men determined to misunderstand their relationship.

They found Hanbei huddled at a corner already, his nose deep in a book. He didn't pay any attention to them so they sat on the sofa next to him. She was tense, eying her surroundings like a caged animal before she turned to him.

"Just... how? You do know he's very famous, right?"

"Yes. But Hi-de-yo-shi keeps dragging me along every time..."

"You're playing Wii with the famous O-da No-bu-na-ga..." she repeated it to herself as if to make sure she understood correctly. Suddenly, she lifted her head and grasped his arm. "How did he know who I was?"

"It was him who offered to let you stay in the guestroom in the house. It's only used when someone in the Oda family has important guests over."

"Wait what? I thought that was where miss Oichi lives?"

"No, she was just staying over so you wouldn't have to be alone."

She buried her head in her hands for a while before she looked at him again, a hints of despair in her expression.

"How can I ever repay them?"

"You don't have to. Everyone wanted to help."

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Even though it ate him alive he’d had to ask for their help there was no way he would tell her that. He would repay them as soon as possible.

The atmosphere relaxed as more people showed up. She didn’t leave his side until her gaze shifted to all of the snacks Nobunaga had brought out.

"What a nasty little piggy you have found for yourself."

There were people he’d be glad if he never had to see ever again. Tokugawa Ieyasu was one of them. Even the existence of him made Mitsunari’s skin crawl with disgust, let alone hearing whatever hideous thing he had to say. Why Nobunaga kept inviting the man was beyond him.

"Shut your mouth, filthy tanuki!" he spat back at Ieyasu, his eyes on her. She kept happily showing a snack after snack into her mouth until she glanced at him.

She froze, her eyes travelling from him to Hideyoshi and back at him.

"What happened?"

"It's nothing."

"Why won't you tell me?" She looked around the room, at everyone staring at them and she shrank back, averting her eyes to the floor. She made a quick bow and fled the room.

He followed her to the entrance hall, where she was desperately hitting the button to call the elevator, her face turned away from him so he couldn't see her expression. She cast a quick glance at him before she averted her eyes again and dug out her phone.

<i dnt blong hre ill jst go> <tll evry1 im sry>

The doors slid open and she took a step towards the elevator, but he took a hold of her arm to stop her. He needed... wanted to know what was wrong with her. Why did she suddenly decide to run away from him.

She froze, standing completely still. He slowly let go of her arm and she quickly hugged herself. He was at loss at what to do. He followed her to the elevator, but she kept her eyes on the door, completely ignoring his presence.

Had he done something wrong? If he had, he had no idea what it might be or why had she reacted the way she had.

When they reached the ground floor he followed her out of the elevator but reached for her arm again, this time just to gently touch her. She turned to look at him, tears glistening on her cheeks, but she quickly wiped them away, her lips pursed to stop the quiver of her lower lip.

"What happened?" he asked. She took her phone and fiddled with it for a moment and soon he heard his phone alert him of a new message.

<i dnt blng>

She turned around to walk out of the door, but he reached for her again.

"What do you mean? Explain." She was just about to look at her phone again when he tapped on her arm again. "Talk to me."

She turned her head away from him and he was just about to reach for her arm again when the security guard interrupted them.

"Is everything alrigh, miss?" he asked. She jumped a bit and looked at his face, a small frown between her brows.

"...sorry...?" she whispered.

"Is everything alright, miss? Is this man bothering you? Do you need a taxi to get you home?"

"Thank you, we're fine," Mitsunari interrupted.

"I was talking to the young lady, sir." The security guard gave him a stern look. She looked from him to the security guard, her expression guarded.

"...fine... no... taxi..." she mumbled.

"Could we talk somewhere a bit more private?" Mitsunari asked the security guard, who pointed them at a bench at the side of the entrance hall, hidden from the view by a large plant. He guided her to sit down and sat next to her touching her hand gently to get her to look at him.

"Talk to me, please?"

"This... everything was a bad idea. I should have listened to Yoshi, I’ll never fit in..."

@masamunesmistress @han-pan @you-mass-effect-my-dragon-age @honeybeelily @dreamfar628

[hvlly-blog]

- ̗̀ ❛ muse 22 , kim chungha , she / her . ❜ ̖́- did you hear about the monaco trip ? it’s legendary at ucla. holland “holly” min is going, i’m so jealous. their instagram makes it seem like they’re pretty vivacious and they’re all about an empty locket around a delicate neck  &  strawberry flavored lip gloss. can you believe they’re only twenty-one and they’re going on a free trip to monaco for the summer ? hopefully they don’t let their quixotic side show too much on the trip. 

hello… im xan ( she / her pronouns ) im 21 and its been...200 years since i’ve made an intro post or rped so JSDBJW go easy on me ! fun fact half my keyboard is broken…..so if i take 10 yrs to reply sometimes just kno….a bitch is trying her best ok... literally just winging all of this as i type if u thought i had a plan think again JSDBWB *jungkook vc* lets get it....

pause . before we get it JDBWJDJ we can plot here over ims if discord isnt ur scene !! BUT i am....way more likely to respond to discord messages bc its easier !! so u can find me on there @  A GIRL WITH LUV 💖✨🌙#8172 

idk what is triggering for any of u so if mentions of AGE GAPS, DRUG ABUSE, CAR ACCIDENTS, or SEX ADDICTIONS is sensitive stuff pls proceed with caution !!!

BACKSTORY: so . this is holland but she thinks her name is UGLY so she goes by holly 

she was born and raised in los angeles and her parents both own / run a luxury chain of rehab centers for ppl with $$$ ( u already know i want a plot involving this xx ) they are new money ! so holly really does not understand ... the spoiled lifestyle since her parents raised her pretty conciously on stories abt how they struggled as immigrants coming to a new country & making it & all that jazz

as a kid her parents would host / try to charm a lot of potential donors or clients so they’d make holly “entertain” them like as a kid she’d just be cute or maybe sing a song from chorus or just be impressively well-behaved but the older she got...the more her mom would demand from her /:

as all this was going on her parents started to have issues so instead of working it out.... holly’s dad just started traveling a whole lot to other states & countries where they had a business so growing up he wasn’t really in the picture . rip !

back to holly ! so her mom had a few close business partners and “friends” that where around holly’s family pretty much all the time and there was this one guy who was relatively younger than most of the men but still significantly older than 14 year old holly who had a huge crush. basically this man tried to take advantage of that bc hes UGLY .

one day holly’s mom caught this dude alone with holly and being way too friendly for comfort and instead of flipping on the dude she flipped on holly and was like we could lose our business and i think it’s all ur fault for causing drama” and holly was literally like What the Fuck !!! her mom cut off all ties with the dude but she still made holly feel like it was her own fault woo !!

more stuff her mom did ? yea ! one night when she was 17 she was out with this guy who had celebrity parents just eating at a nice place and drinking after and as he was driving her home, they get into a big car accident. turns out that the guy she had gone to dinner with had a coke addiction & was literally high the whole time & the only reason holly’s mom had set them up was so he’d check into their rehab center bc his famous parents were considering it but she never told holly any of that so holly was PISSED but relatively unharmed from the accident besides some bruising

basically by the time college came a bitch was ready she moved out, trying to have a fresh start away from her home life ! but college was also messy basically over the years holly developed a big dependency issue where she literally...craves attention and intimacy sososo bad bc she never got it from her family so ! she looks for it in other ppl like she needs to feel that validation so bad & she does that with really unhealthy sexual habits low key bordering addiction ! 

oh also ? since her family was never the family vacation type JSBDWJBDJ she’s never left california before so a bitch is VERY excited and if u try to make her feel bad for it . she will tell u to fuck off and let her have this !

PERSONALITY + TIDBITS: honestly one of the most sociable ppl u will ever meet she was literally raised to entertain and please so its super easy for her to make friends !! literally one of those ppl that just.....know everyone and ur like how the fuck !!! an avid social media user...are u even friends if u dont have a snap streak ? not to holly JSBDJWBDJ definitely her guilty pleasure aside from u know...sex ! 

speaking of sex she really.....ho(e)lly gets around ... 100% a chaotic bi but her trust for men is abt at a solid 0 ! she will still desperately seek validation from them though so thats fun ! she can be a gossip bc shes a gemini ... but she never does it on purpose she just ... tells funny stories & realizes half way through she was talking abt a friend’s tinder date horror story ... oops ... share secrets cautiously ! 

for someone who makes friends like its nothing shes pretty hesitant to share any real info abt herself bc she fears being rejected and abandoned ( not just romantically ) more than anything else like shes one of those ppl who ur like “oh yeah i know her!” but if someone asks u to tell them one important thing abt her ur not gonna know wtf to say

also she’s usually very amiable but if ur just .... a horrible person .. shes gonna be honest about it SDBSJWB shes got some strong opinions ! but also very unrealistic expectations in others so a lot of the time shes just ... disappointing herself for hyping u up inside her own head

she was an english major ! bc i love to self insert <3 JSDBJWBJ but she low key wishes she did something with film bc she loves editing videos & making videos abt her friends so if ur her pal ... u 100% have abt 50 videos ur a star in ! she tried to learned to speak french 100% for the aesthetic of it but only remembers like 5 words….she used to play the fucking ukulele but stopped bc her mom was like holly grow UP JSBDSJBJW shes scared of the dark /: like legit scared if she is sleeping alone a light has to stay on....and yea i dont know what else this is long enough JSDBJSWBJW IM SORRY

im out of ... juice UHHH but some basic ideas for plots are stuff to do with her family ( family friends, maybe ur muse or their family is somehow involved with her parent’s rehab center, or ur muse or their family could have been one of those business partners...whew we have possibilities !!! ), shes an only child so i would die for sibling type friendships, hmm also fwbs or just hook up connections bc those can get uhh Dramatic since she is so dependent on sex, also would die for like confidants bc thats rare for holly like sharing her deep feelings or whatever ... enemy plots are sexy but im gonna be real honest here . i suck at purely hateful connections so if u want a mean plot we gotta have depth ! JSXBDSJDB um romatic stuff too also more platonic stuff like best friends or party buddies thats literally enough i’ve been typing for HOURS . plot with me .. or Perish xx

[peachyteabuck]

fool outta me [bucky barnes x reader]

summary: bucky and you finally have a conversation about your feelings after you catch him getting jealous about your friendship with thor

pairing: bucky barnes x writer!reader

words: 2080

trigger warnings: some teeth rotting fluff. talk about personal insecurities. allusions to previous and future sexual contact without much specifics. mentions of an unspecified childhood trauma

notes/other: hi hello i know i’ve been writing a lot of fluff n stuff. i will get back to fics abt two or more ppl just fuking rawing each other soon. dw. 

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

You and Bucky have been dating for awhile. Not a long time, but awhile. You hadn’t officially moved in together yet (you still paid your half of the rent for your shitty apartment), but you still often slept in his room in the Tower. You’ve had sex, but had never gotten too adventurous. It’s good, Bucky and you are happy. You’re in love. No need to push it, no need to talk it further, no need to complicate things.

You’re sitting on the couch, reading some book about the gendered politics of crafting, when you hear a loud crash in the kitchen. The others are all in other places at far ends of the Tower, and you’re pretty sure Natasha went out to get coffee. But any of them in the kitchen on the common floor? Without you noticing? Nope. Not possible.

Good news is, you trust Tony enough to not allow some stray or burglar to come and kidnap you, so you decide to investigate. You keep your hardcover novel with you to act as a makeshift weapon...just in case.  You’re expecting a rat, or maybe some sort of ghost, possibly a dog no one thought to CC you on the email about - definitely not the god that’s been spooked by a a Nutribullet plastic container thingy that’s fallen from a poorly-stacked cabinet.

“Thor Odinson,” you groan, grabbing and gently placing the large smoothie-thing (oh god, what do you call those things anyway? Do they have names?) in the sink. “You scared the shit out of me!”

He looks sheepish as he explains. “Sorry, my lady. It looks like someone in this residence didn’t put…” he gestures to the object. “That away correctly.”

“It’s fine.” You half laugh, half sigh as you go to hug him. “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

Thor chuckles. “It has! Please, sit back down. I’ll be there in a minute and you can tell me everything I’ve missed!”

You smile, nodding and going back to your place on the extremely comfortable couch. Ever the gentleman, about two minutes later he hands you your favorite mug - a baby blue one with cursive gold lettering that says “flight” with little birds on it- with your favorite tea inside. It’s warm under your hands and provides a relief to the ache from holding the book.

“An apology - for scaring you like that,” Thor tells you as you blow lightly at the steam from the beverage.

Again, you smile. “Apology accepted.”

The conversation between you two flows beautifully. You two talk about this and that: about your writing and his kingly duties. About your new book deal and his universal travels. It seems ludicrous, comparing your lives. But he seems genuinely interested in your life - just as you are his.

Book long forgotten, it seems like hours later when Bucky enters the floor with Natasha and Sam in tow. They’re all chatting about some new upcoming training technique they’re going to try with some of the subordinates. Once they all see Thor, they greet him with the same grand gestures and loud voice they’ve always seemed to use with the equally grand and loud god.

Well, except Bucky. He greets only you and only you with his signature peck on the lips, sitting beside you and pulling you into his chest. He’s showered - thank Gods - and he smells like the body wash you bought him. The honeycomb is calming and comforting, much more so than sweat and adrenaline and whatever else got stuck to him.

“How was the workout?” You ask.

He shrugs when he answers. “Good - the usual.”

You roll your eyes. Bucky may not be able to see it with the angle you’re at, but he knows you’re doing it anyway. “Always so descriptive,” you tease. He smiles, welcoming your chide remarks.

Thor watches the pair of you. You can tell Bucky notices, but neither of you really say anything. He had a habit of staring at things while on Midgard, it became a habit after one-to-many all-too-forward inappropriate questions, mostly made while in public (Why does that woman have a metal bar through her ear? He asked in a coffee shop. Why would anyone want to build a bear, especially little children? He texted you when he went to the mall for a first time. Why does this text end in an eggplant? He questioned when he picked up your phone and accidentally read all of your notifications).

It’s no biggie - at least not to you, so you badger Natasha about her postponing a girls’ night. Bucky, though, doesn’t take his eyes off of the God. He watches Thor with his assassin’s precision, and you choose not to comment.

Soon, your conversation with Thor picks back up. The whole time, Bucky’s muscles occasionally tense. For awhile, you ignore it; You know better than to push anything, so you drop it from your mind for the time being. Later that night, though, you bring it to the surface again as you get dressed for bed and Bucky brushes his teeth.

“Sooo…” you begin, leaning on the doorway to the bathroom.

Bucky spits the black (charcoal was Steve’s new thing, and Bucky’s always willing to be his guinea pig) saliva into the sink. “What’s up, babe?”

You shrug, attempting to remain nonchalant. “What was with you while I was talking to Thor on the couch earlier this afternoon?”

Bucky immediately denies his actions. “Nothing, it was nothing.”

You scoff. “I’m a retired interrogator for the United States Navy. You can’t knock me off your path that easily...James.”

Oooooo, full first names are coming out now. This is getting serious.

Bucky scoffs, too. Yours was serious, though. The one he does is obviously an attempt to mock you. “And I was interrogated for like, seventy years. You can’t crack me that easily.”

You stare at him via the mirror, blank-faced. “Really, you’re pulling the Winter Soldier card?”

Bucky shrugs, finally wiping off his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You don’t budge, metaphorically and literally. “You’re deflecting and you know it.”

He just grumbles something unintelligible and brushes past you, huddling under the thick comforter on his side of the bed and turning off the lamp on his nightstand. Bucky’s acting like a small child who just got told he can’t go over to his friend’s house on Saturday because he has to get up early for Sunday mass. Luckily, the only more stubborn person on this Earth besides him (and Steve) is you.

Plus, you babysat until grad school: you know how to handle petulant children. You turn off the rest of the lights and snuggle into bed right beside him, curling your arms around his middle - just like he loves it. He’d never admit it, but James Buchanan Barnes (World’s longest serving POW, Winter Soldier, Veteran, Avenger) absolutely adores being the little spoon.

When he settles into you, you know you’ve got him right where you want him. “You know, if you don’t want to talk to me, I could just give Wanda the go-ahead to read your mind and spoil all of the pranks you were planning to play on Sam…”

He flips over and gasps. “You wouldn’t…”

“And I won’t!” You assure. “You just have to tell me how you feel.”

“Ugh,” Bucky exclaims dramatically. “Talking about emotions.”

You snort a little, kissing his warm, sweet-smelling shoulder. Damn, you really know how to pick a body wash.“You knew this was going to happen! My mom was a social worker, you can’t hide that part of me for long!”

He growls, then sighs. “Fine. But turn over.” You start to question him, but he cuts you off before a single sound can leave your lips. “I can’t have you looking at me while I say this.”

Listen, you bargain with yourself. You got him to open up! That’s great. Let him do it in his own way. Being the loving girlfriend you are, you flip over and face the wall.

It’s a few pregnant moments before he starts, but when he does - he can’t seem to stop. “Look, I know...listen. I was super like, sauve and stuff...pre-war and shit. Talk to Steve, he’ll tell ya. But being under mind control for a Nazi organization doesn’t really like, help your self-confidence, you know? When I met you, it was hard. I remember you, at that party. You looked...oh god, you looked so good in that velvet pantsuit. And those heels! When Natasha introduced us, I legit almost fell over,” it takes every ounce of all willpower you have not to giggle. You remember that day so vividly: how much your bra hurt, what the champagne tasted like, wanting to jump Bucky’s bones the minutes you saw him. Everything, you remember everything. “And then Natasha threw, like legit threw all of your books at me once we got home. And I read all of them. Several times. It was just...I remember I wrote down all of my favorite poems and like, read them every chance I could get. I just, you’re so articulate, the way you use your voice, the way you write. I was...floored. Still am. I just, you never cease to amaze me. And I remember the first time we slept together, and your dirty talking - god. I wanted to stop fucking you so I could write down everything you said. I’ve just never, I’ve never met anyone who could manipulate the English language like you can.”

You wipe a tear from your eye. God, what a fucking charmer. No wonder you let him get it on the first date.

“You’re so...like, you’re like some Greek statue. Carved from perfect marble and so precious. Sometimes I want to touch you make sure you’re real but I don’t want to smudge you, wreck your beauty. And I’ve always felt like...remember that poem, from your second poetry book. The one about trauma from your childhood?”

You sniffle. That poem, that’s the one he talked to you about on your first date. Normally you felt so uncomfortable when people complimented you, but with Bucky it felt so natural. “That my trauma felt like the jagged edge of a rock at the bottom of the pond; ever present but with no exact location until it was too late.”

Bucky picks up, still facing away from you. “Yeah, I just...I never thought anyone so fucking amazing could love someone like me. It felt like you were a shooting star that somehow fell in love with some stupid cliff’s edge, or some other shitty rock or something. I don’t know. I just...I’m worried that you’ll see me like I see me, and Thor is like...the hottest person ever. He’s just as bright as you are...at least, I don’t know, I remember you and him talking about your writing’s allusions to mythology and I had no fucking idea what you were talking about and I just...I don’t know. I love you, I love you so much, and I’m trying everyday to prove that to you. But I just, I’m not sure how to do that properly, so sometimes I-”

You don’t allow him to finish his sentence. You surge forward, your salty tears mixing with his as you kiss him. Bucky kisses back without hesitation. Both of you are reluctant to pull away, but oxygen cares not one bit about how in love two people are.

“I think dating a writer rubbed off on you,” you whisper, lips still almost touching his. “Because those words...fuck. If you keep talking to me like that, we’ll never be able to leave this bed again.”

He laughs, deep and husky. “What can I say, I’m a changed man. First the loofah and that body wash, then the yoga, now this…”

You bark out laughter, then sigh happily. “If Thor would make you crack like this I would’ve invited him to Midgard a long time ago…”

Bucky jabs his fingers into your side, tickling you. “Don’t even joke about that! I’m trying to be tender here, and this is how you treat me?”

You kiss him again, smiling. “Aw, my love. How ever will I make it up to you?”

He taps his finger to his chin for a moment, then flips you over so that he’s on top of you. “Oh, I think I have a few ideas…”

[ofphcenixes]

BLUE & LIBBY - text thread 001

texts from 3:55pm to 7:01pm

blue

hey lib. (: havent talked today. just wanted to drop in and see if u were doin alright i have memes if u need them

libby

i mean, technically we did talk. i reminded you of the moment the world stood still: when valentine and you made contact (1) time. are you okay though? you seem a little, weird

blue

i maintain that valentine was an alien in a spider suit that wanted to destroy me but u know what I mean djdjdjd just chats between us. the gc has been a june holden fest lately lmao hope it works out for them tho anyways i am always weird in ur eyes djdjhd. but im fine. shit was crazy that night and we never really got to talk about what happenedand if u wanted to talk i just want u to kno im here ABOUT NADIA bc yeah kdjdjjd

libby

don't talk to me or my son ever again yeah, wow, okay so holden stayed over the night. i only know that because i saw his stuff in her room? i think she mentioned that like, it was a one time thing but i feel like... he might be coming over again which.. is Interesting oh. yeah, no i think i'm okay. i guess just in shock. june is very broken up over it, so i'm doing my best to be a good pal, and bring loads of ice cream and kisses. /: do you wanna talk? about nadia? i know that she like, meant something to you

blue

ok good luck getting me to stop talkin to u but as for valentine? bye Felecia! is that right. hmm well he doesn’t seem like much is goin on so maybe they were just,, hanging out. bringing a bag over is pretty damning tho. and if he does come over and u see him tell that bih he owes me $ bc he ate my fucking chorizo salad ): r u proud lib?? I ate a salad by choice well I would have if Holden wasn’t a lil birch bitch DONT CENSOR ME fuck. im sorry. ): i actually wanted to see june today tbh. but if u need anyone pls let me know alright? id skip practice if u needed me, lib WELL. i mean ok i was sorta close with her in middle school and she’s always been a friend and I just. I’m just fucking numb tbh. I really can’t believe it

libby

i'll have you know that valentine died shortly after my 18th birthday so ): idk idk, why would they hang out in her room if they were "hanging out"? like they have history. i feel like thats, a little too ... suspicious given the context. in a good way though. like i hope it works out theyre both so miserable without each other. oh my god!! look at you go! so proud of you, dude! ( even if you never got to it lmao ) no, no, it's okay. june needs all the support she can get, and i don't wanna impede. i'm really fine, i just sort of need to accept it and i guess reflect on how terrible it is. she was a really sweet person and fuck i really cant believe any of it i guess

blue

fuck what kdjdjdnd I thought valentine just yeeted shit that’s not a good way to put it fuck but. im sorry lib ): ok I take it back Valentine was alright. still scared the fuck out of me tho all i know is that if i loved someone as much as holden loves june, i wouldn’t let you go **THEM fuck Damn phone Typos Djdjhdi can’t believe u make me eat green stuff its truly CRUEL whomst? I only know nadia just didn’t fucking deserve any of this. shit even daisey didn’t. i just want to protect everyone and i don’t know HOW it goes without saying that im happy to be ur uber driver for the indefinite future

libby

no omg, i took good care of my boy. idk what happened, they can live up to like 15 years so i was pretty bummed tbh. i was a bad mom he appreciates your support from the grave though i mean, i guess. but not everyone you love is going to love you back, i think that's where holden's at. not everyone wants to be clung to, and june seems reluctant besides, you know all about that. holden, the love of your life, loves june. how sad it's good for you!!! i'm helping i ... feel so badly for both of them. i can't imagine how their families must be feeling, fuck. i hate this. i'm moving to spain ah, dude you don't have to do all that. you probably are busy with practice, and holden, and work. thank you tho

blue

im sure ur a great mother. ): but still valentine was lucky to have u. and im sure he misses u in his weird spider heaven web of flies and whatever it is spiders like idk ill dm peter parker and find out i mean... guess that’s true. I suppose I dont get to see how june feels most of the time. i just wish they’d talk about it and sort it out at least. they both deserve to be happy holden is the loml that is true aksjjsjd. holden has enough room for both me and june in his heart. so i mean technically i can love someone else too?? but enough about that lmfao you definitely are helping. even coach has noticed dkdjd. making me better without even trying u can’t move without me who’s gonna get me free popcorn ): you’re just as important as practise and holden to me, lib.

libby

god, i miss him. you think the girls would be mad if i bought another one? like, to keep in my room.  i know! they're both obviously still in love, you can tell. i can't wait for them to overcome this and get to be together. also, im grateful for the amount of sleep i'm able to get now that... the room next to mine is less loud welp, i hope you find someone who is willing to share you with holden lol oMG, REALLY? IDK WHY THAT MADE ME IRRATIONALLY HAPPY LOL. WE CAN GET SALAD LATER let's go, we'll go to spain and take on a new identity. we can live along the coast and work in a bakery or something. get a puppy don't show holden that text he might cry. but dsjflk thank you, you're very important to me too. kinda my best pal

blue

u would have to ask. but if you did get another what would u call it? thanksgiving? funnily enough valentine is only a few weeks away. a sign?? i mean fuck ive known holden for years and can confirm he is happiest when he’s with june. when she’s not roasting him at least lmfao. and if my MasterPlan works im afraid things will get bad again djdjdj. I can take one for the team and try to get them to come over here tho - u don’t need to deal with that shit i hope i do too tbh. and who would I want it to be u ask? that’s right. danny devito. LETS NOT GET TOO CRAZY IVE ALREADY HAD THREE VEGETABLES THIS WERK AND ITS ONLY TUESDAY. I think it’s popcorn time 8) bold of u to assume i know where Spain is dkdjdjdjdj well he’s gonna catch on soon enough we spend every day together at this point lol

libby

i was gonna name this one patrick, after st patricks day actually lol. yes you know what's also approaching that is more important? your birthday! i know, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that out. he's v much a relationship kinda dude, actually bc he's also kinda slutty lol. but even june is sad and its just, SO HARD. i hate when people are clearly, happiest together are like, nO IM GOING TO PROLONG THE MISERY. i feel like we're in a rom-com. how do we get them back together? i'll let him know. my v-day gift from me to you oooo, should i get the skittles ready too then? popcorn is kinda of a veggie if you think abt it omg, okay well now you can't come with me. offer rescinded. im going with the hot cop lslsfkjdjkldfs i mean its not like we're doing anything weird, so its okay, right?

blue

ur so cute wtf. although if u did do this i hope u know im calling him patrick star. also how the fuck do u tell if its a female or a male spider theyre so small and gross. fuck it is too lol. i dont have any money so im gonna let ppl down on the party front lmao. ud still come tho, right? how can he be both slutty and relationshippy. like not to be weird bc i know hes ur cousin and all dkfjgg but he doesnt.. have people over anymore. unless hes someone learned not to stomp around the house WHICH I DONT BELIEVE. and ha hA im already on plan 384 to get them back together get on my level lmao.  we just gotta force them to spend time together tbh. does that mean i have to give u the hot cop for valentines bc i mean. i would if that's what u wanted but im sure u can do much better than him OH FUCK UR RIGHT OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN A LIE TO CONVERT ME TO VEGGIES HASNT IT r u breaking up with me? well fine, ill take the dog ): it's... it's not weird unless we make it weird. and we haven't. have we?

libby

fdsjfjdsl shhhhh, back at you. Patrick Star will be his full name, i promise you this much. as for gender idfk, i am honestly assuming its pronouns lol. i'd be sued by the LGBT community if they knew. also dude, of course. i'll make you cupcakes. plus i know what i wanna buy you! i  can't wait dude what? really?? i thought he was seeing people this whole time, holy shit. dude he's really messed up over this huh? wow, okay, we need to kick this into high gear and have them get back together. tell me your plans. omg, no you clown. i don't even like him that much, he's just pretty. i do like... some personality and he has 0 GOD MY PLAN HAS BEEN FOILED. I CANT BELIEVE IT like i'd ever let you take the dog. she's mine sdfjlkdsfjlk iDK DUDE. I MAY HAVE MADE IT WEIRD BUT WE'RE BAD AT TALKING ABT STUFF, SO WE DONT HAVE TO LOL.

blue

do spiders even have gender i thought they were just the minions of evil lmfao lib u rly dont have to get me anything, really. altho now im curious tbh. but get ready for me to get a lit gift in june >:) ill even wrap it myself which says a lot bc i cant wrap for shit but i want it to be personal lmao not many that im aware of atm. will give u info is this changes. huh we r spies lib. >:) but i dont have any current plans except trying to force them to go in a photo booth together or something when we eventually go to the arcade djsjdh omg how did u know. but idk everyone speaks about him like hes gOD he’s just a dude. eyebrows on fleek tho I will say that IM SO HURT UD USE ME LIKE THIS LIB. ALL THIS TIME WE WERE GETTING CLOSE AND U WERE ONLY HERE FOR THE VEGGIES so u get Spain AND the dog. what do I get, sadness ???? you haven’t made it weird lib, i promise. not to me, anyway. maybe we both wanted the same thing. maybe. oR MAYBE NOT LMFAO but yeah we can talk about whatever lol

libby

don't talk about nate like that omg! i want to, plus its a surprise so no asking what it is. also wow i cant believe you remember my birthday, lol. you dont have to get me anything. you can buy me an ice cream though oh my gOD THAT'S BRILLIANT! aw, what if they take one of those cute kiss pictures in the photobooth like in the movies? i can't wait for them to love each other again, they're so cute. are you jealous that no one is talking about your eyebrows? you have nice eyebrows and nothing to be jealous abt GOD, IM SO SORRY. ROY HIRED ME. HE WAS WORRIED ABT YOUR HEALTH. IM SORRY YOU HAD TO FIND OUT THIS WAY. I THOUGHT YOU NEVER WOULD /: you get the memory of what we were to keep you warm right, cool. noted

blue

why do u talk about the string bean all the time i know u grew up with him but seriously he's like a pale pipe cleaner that i dont need in my life ofc i remeber ur birthday lib. dont u remember ur 10th?? probably the best day of my life lmao. and if u get me something i get u something thats how this works as long as june doesnt say anything mean and holden say anything stupid, its a pretty solid plan tbh. im not jealous HOW DARE ROY PLAY ME LIKE THIS. cant believe u betrayed me lib, after all we've been through ;-; but what if i want something to sell off now that u took the house oh fuck lib i didn't mean it like that. just... pretend i said nothing ok and. yeah talk about something else

libby

hey sorry, i gotta go. talk tomorrow.

blue

oh is everything ok? but alright talk tomorrow then i guess bye lib

libby

night

blue

its 6pm lib but okay night

blue

lib if i did something u dont have to tell me but pls know i didnt mean it, whatever it was. i hope youre okay. but i wont bother u again i promise. just. yeah

libby

it's okay, dude. i'm fine. it's honestly my own fault, it's not you. you're always great. i'm sorry. it's fine

blue

i dont understand what ur talking about but i can tell u dont want to so ill just... leave this. but you're always great too lib. the greatest, in fact. just let me know if ur still coming to the arcade later or not yeah

libby

i guess i'll go. i like pacman.

blue

if u... if u change ur mind i understand. but i really hope u can make it.

[thokage-archive]

Honestly...

I just rewatched the entirety of the hero killer arc and I’m so fucking sad abt how slept on todoiideku is, even platonically. I don’t think enough people appreciate their bond or what they went through together. 

Both Todoroki and Midoriya voiced evident concern with Iida’s behavior following the sports festival.They could sense something was wrong with their friend!!! They both wanted to help him but didn’t know how!!! They both feel guilty for not saying something to Iida sooner! They feel terrible for not knowing how to help their friend who was so clearly isolating himself & lying to them about his wellbeing!!! 

You gotta be pretty fucking close to with someone to tell when they’re lying about that sort of thing!! (Especially when they are putting a significant effort into appearing fine, which Iida most definitely was!) They could notice the subtle nuanced differences in his emotions & demeanor!! Noticed it despite the fact Iida is not an overtly emotional person as it is, and Todoroki, someone who also struggles with social & emotional cues due to past trauma & his lack of social exposure as a child, noticed it as well. Hell, he even relates, he says

“You’ve got a lot going on behind the scenes in your family, too, huh?” 

(very clear poke at the pressure Iida must feel at carrying on his hero-family’s name and legacy)

And then continues in one of his only monologues of the series thus far (his first being with Midoriya in the sports festival arc just episodes prior)

“Iida, I’ve been worried about you since your older brother was attacked, because I know well the face of someone who would act on pent-up resentment. I also know just how narrow the field of vision can get for someone like that.”

Todoroki is referring to not only endeavor’s age-old resentment towards all might and how he allowed that to consume his life, even leading to Todoroki’s planned conception, but also to himself!!! 

He’s referring to his own resentment for endeavor! He’s referring to how he limited himself for so long by focusing all his efforts on rejecting endeavor by refusing to use his left side in combat!!! And yet here he is saving his friend’s life by using both his left and right side to fight a villain!! Using his power, his quirk to the best of his ability as a hero. He let go of that anger, that resentment and moved on with his life to better himself! He doesn’t owe endeavor shit & he knows it! But he knows that objectively endeavor is the best hero aside from all might, hence why he is number 2, and decides to take advantage of his personal relationship with endeavor by interning for him so he can become the best hero he can be. 

Again, he says,

“That day, I told her everything about what had happened and about who I am now… She said that for me to move forward without anything holding me back would make her happy and be her salvation (referring to visiting his mom in the hospital) The old me would definitely not have been able to choose my old man’s agency for the internship. It’s not that I’ve forgiven him, and I have no intention of doing so. It was just so I could experience the fact that he is the number two hero with my own eyes and body and accept that… Everything was so simple! But even though it was simple, I didn’t see it… Just a few words, those few words…..”  (referencing Midoriya’s “it’s your power, isn’t it?”) 

By hearing those few words from Midoriya, Todoroki realized the error of his ways. It wasn’t that his left side was his old man’s, his left side was his, it was his own quirk, regardless of where it came from, so long as he used it how he wanted to it would always be his and his alone. The only thing of his old man’s that he seemed to have inherited was his blind-resentment. He resented his father (rightfully so btw) so wholeheartedly that it consumed him and his desires to be a hero. All he focused on for so long was becoming everything endeavor wanted him to be…. but without him, his help, or “his” quirk, just to spite him. 

It wasn’t until those words that he realized he was becoming exactly who he feared most by allowing his resentment to consume his every waking action. That the best thing he could do to reject endeavor was to rise to the top giving it his all, becoming the hero he wanted to be by listening to the encouragement of his classmates & mother. (this is shown through the reiteration of his mother’s line “But you want to be a hero don’t you? It’s okay for you to be one. As long as you have a future you feel strongly about”) 

He knows he can be a hero of his own, he wants to be a hero, despite the fact it’s also what his father wants. It’s okay for him to want the same thing endeavor wants so long as he wants it for the right reasons, unlike endeavor. He can relate to Iida because he feels familial pressure to become a great hero. He also knows what its like to let resentment consume all of your thoughts and actions so much so you lose yourself in it, becoming exactly what you were so focused on not becoming. Becoming what you resent most.

For Iida, this is becoming a fake hero, someone unworthy of his brother’s name or of the title “hero” at all. For Todoroki, it’s becoming his father. 

Iida mentions after the hero killer incident that what Stain said about him was right, that he wasn’t a real hero because a real hero wouldn’t have been focused on revenge, rather saving people. (As Midoriya & Todoroki, people he looks up to and admires as heroes and friends, were focused on saving him and the hero Native). 

Iida sees the error of his ways, and Todoroki’s words

“If you want us to stop, then stand up! The only words I can say to you are: Look properly at what you want to be!” 

are eerily similar to Midoriya’s words towards Todoroki at the sports festival. 

That line to Iida is the same as Midoriya’s is to Todoroki. Just as Midoriya’s words move Todoroki to action, considering we see him use his left side moments later during the sports festival, we see Iida spring into action moments later to defend his friends and save Todoroki from the blade of Stain. (He also takes 2 fucking knives for him, knives that will give him permanent nerve damage in his left-hand mind you). Todoroki knows what it’s like to lose sight of your goals and to have your thoughts spiral out of control. He also knows the effects words can have on someone in a time of crisis, and despite not generally being good with words, Todoroki makes a significant effort to get through to Iida as Midoriya did for him.

And lets not even get started on Midoriya and Iida’s bond. Iida is Midoriya’s FIRST friend at U.A. even before Uraraka. 

(notice this panel of Ochako walking up to Midoriya & Iida and introducing herself to them as they walk home together) 

At the point of the hero killer arc, they have already been through a lot together and view one another as very close friends. They walk home together, eat lunch together, and hang out with Ochako regularly. Midoriya voices his concern for Iida outright, with Ochako by his side, and says to him before everything went down with stain 

“If you ever feel hopeless, make sure you let us know”

He could just sense Iida’s mood. He at first didn’t want to say anything to Iida, for fear of overstepping (probably intermixed with some self-doubt) as he mentions that he didn’t feel he could say anything to Tenya about it because he had not said anything to Midoriya first. But instead of allowing Iida to suffer alone, he puts aside his own worries and self-doubt & puts his friend’s needs and happiness first. He simply lets Iida know with those few words, we are there for you, so if you ever feel like you can’t handle what you’re going through alone, or like it’s all too much to bear, let us know and we will be there. We are friends and friends take care of each other through everything. 

Iida, unfortunately, continues to bottle up his emotions after the gesture, not wanting to worry or bother his friends. But we see the worry evident in Midoriya & Todoroki’s faces after this interaction and at Iida’s tight-lipped response to Midoriya’s show of support. 

todoroki looking after iida as they part ways for the first day of internships (just look at this sweet angel, I CANNOT y’all)

(^ you like tears, no?)

AND THEN, in the middle of a fucking attack on Hosu city Midoriya thinks not of himself, but firstly of his mentor, gran torino, who he just witnessed hop out of a fucking train after a giant villain that bears resemblance to Nomu (the villain that almost bested his other mentor) and of Iida, who is doing his internship there. He should be scared shitless, considering he knows the power of the Nomus and just watch one rip off the side of a train, but instead, he jumps out of the train and runs to save Gran Torino and try to find out if Iida is okay. 

Upon hearing Tenya’s name being yelled by Manual he detours away from finding gran torino, coming face first with even more danger, in his efforts to locate Iida. He notices Iida is not with Manual which causes him even more concern for Iida knowing that it is very out of character for someone as responsible and diligent as Iida to disappear in such a situation. Thinking on his feet, he immediately puts the info together and realizes that the only thing that could have motivated Iida to flee the side of his mentor would be the opportunity to find Stain. And in that moment of realization, we see the fear Midoriya has for his friend in his eyes

(I mean we have honestly only seen Midoriya look this terrified a handful of other times, both in the anime & manga)

He sprints off after this, with no clear direction, only knowing he must do everything in his power to ensure the safety of his friend. He goes looking for Iida, using all his knowledge about the Hero Killer to find him. And he does all this knowing full and well just how dangerous Stain is. He knows how many pro heroes he has killed, he knows that he is no match for Stain, yet all he can focus on is saving Iida, making sure Iida is okay, getting to Iida in time. 

When Midoriya does eventually get to Iida, he’s taken aback by Iida’s pleas for him to not get involved. He’s shocked that Iida could think the situation has nothing to do with him, after all, Iida is his friend, and if it involves Iida and his well-being, it involves him by default. He even says in response 

“If you say that, then heroes can’t do anything! There are a lot of things I’d like to say, but I’ll say them later. It’s like what All Might said: Meddling when you don’t need to is the essence of being a hero”

Which not only reflects on Midoriya being a natural born hero, but also on him being a great friend. He didn’t want to bother Iida, he wanted to give him his space, but now he has seen what allowing Iida to shrug off his offers of help has led to, so in this moment he makes his intentions to involve himself more in Iida’s well-being mentally, emotionally and, at the moment, physically, very clear. He will no longer allow Iida to handle what he is going through alone, a good hero, and more importantly, a good friend, wouldn’t allow that. They would keep pushing and fighting to be let in when they see their friend isolating themselves. 

AND THEN

THERE IS THIS MOMENT

WHEN MIDORIYA THINKS HE IS ABOUT TO WITNESS ONE OF THE CLOSEST AND BEST FRIENDS HE HAS EVER HAD IN HIS LIFE BE MURDERED RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM AND HE IS PLEADING WITH STAIN TO STOP. (HONESTLY JUST FUCKING KILL ME, IM A WRECK AND SO FUCKING EMO OVER THIS, THE TEARS ARE REAL BITCH)

Thankfully, Todoroki, being the only person to take Midoriya’s text as a sign of distress, at least seriously enough to move to action, appears to save the both of them, using his left side first to stop Stain from killing Iida. 

Once everything is said and done we see the three of them in the hospital and one of the first things Todoroki says to Iida is

“You’re amazing to have been able to face him…”

he understands and instead of ridiculing Iida or being angry with him (surely knowing he must feel enough guilt and shame for his actions as it is) he let’s him know how brave it was of him to confront Stain like that, to stare into the eyes of the man who almost killed his brother, and challenge him. hi yes don’t mind me in this fucking puddle of tears

AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT IM NOT DONE LMAO

Because next, we see a kind of amazing response from Todoroki after the three of them are chewed out by the chief of police for technically breaking the law. Now… all of us upon seeing this scene we were like “damn right! you tell em shouto” 

…. but have you ever stopped to consider how odd it is that Shouto of all people was the one to react in such an aggressive and outspoken manner? Shouto who up until this point has shown almost no emotions. Shouto, who is always regarded as the quiet stoic character. Shouto, who thinks rationally & never lets his emotions get the best of him. Shouto…. who was raised in violence and focuses every fiber of his being on not being aggressive like his father. Yeah… he’s the one who gets angry and has something to say. 

Like just take a fucking look at his face. He has never shown this much emotion in the anime or manga ever…. not in front of other people at least and certainly not in such a deliberate way. And yet here he is, losing his cool and about to throw fucking hands with the chief of police to protect his friends from punishment. He doesn’t even wait to hear him out all the way before he starts crossing the room to quite literally fight the man. And then after he is told they will be let off of punishment so long as the incident is not made public he’s still pissed at the outcome, knowing his friends deserve better. 

So, not only is their bond as extremely close friends that depend on one another physically and emotionally solidified during this arc, but Iida gets an insane amount of character development as well. 

He may be the class president and resident perfectionist of 1-a, but even he has flaws and gets angry and doubts himself just as anyone else does. He just loves his brother so fucking much and his world is completely falling apart because his brother, the very person who inspired him to become a hero, who he has admitted to modeling his career at yuuei after, whose footsteps he wishes to follow, was just injured so severely he can no longer continue his career as a pro-hero. And he just… hides it all. Acts as if nothing happened, like the whole foundation of his world isn’t crumbling beneath him. Tells his classmates it’s no big deal and apologizes for worrying them.

And it’s all just so sudden…. one moment he’s worrying his head off about tying for 3rd at the sports festival and the next his brother, his hero, is permanently paralyzed & forced to retire at the age of 30.

Before he knows it, Iida, who never breaks the rules, is running through the halls of a hospital to his brother. He is so fraught with worry and sadness for his brother that he ends up crying at his brother’s hospital bedside while he asks Iida to carry his name, something Iida probably never imagined would happen in all his life. 

That’s so much pressure to bare at such a young age. Iida is strong, but to have the weight of the name of your hero placed on you as a teenager, to feel as though you have to live up to that name and the expectations attached to it when you’re still figuring everything about yourself out, when you’re still trying to figure out your place in this world, as a hero, as a student, as a friend? It’s just so much to deal with and Iida is so fucking brave for putting on a strong front and trying to keep all that from his friends. Yeah it was stupid of him & he ended up acting irrationally as a result of it, but that takes so much fucking strength, and he’s so young and deserves so much. 

AND THEN AFTER ALL THE SHIT THAT GOES DOWN WITH STAIN, he fucking learns from it. Instead of allowing the crippling fear and anger he felt from before back in, he finds strength, inspiration, and resolve in the actions of his friends. He makes a vow to get better with Midoriya… he makes the decision to forgo nerve transplant surgery & live with permanent nerve damage in his left hand to serve as a reminder of that promise & of his mistakes that night. All after an extremely traumatic experience with the very person who put his brother out of commission. With the person he watched his best friends bleed at the hands of. For all he knows they could have been killed in front of his eyes (and, according to him, it would have been his fault. As it is, he blames himself for their current injuries). But instead of isolating himself further he opens up to them, trusts them, apologizes profusely and is determined to right his wrongs and simply do better in the future.

Which, by the way, it’s not easy for an autistic person to open up to anyone about something so intensely personal… about all his self-loathing, brought on by the words of Stain, his fears, and his doubts, no matter how close he is to them or what they all just went through. Social interactions are hard enough for Iida, he is constantly missing social & emotional cues and is made fun of for this. They even show it in this episode that Iida has had trouble with it since he was a small kid. They show Tensei calling him a robot & asking him why he isn’t picking up on the message he’s trying to send him, he asks Iida why he’s taking everything so literally… like bitch… hello. 

He even has the courage to admit that Stain was right, the person who he despises most in the world, for the time being, was right about him. Stain said, 

“Being taken in by the hatred before you and trying to fulfill your own desires… That is the furthest thing from what a hero should be”

Which is true, and we all know it. It’s also what makes Stain such an interesting and infuriating villain. Because his reasoning is solid, but his methods are all wrong. Iida recognizes this and instead takes the words to heart promising not to “forget himself in anger” ever again.

Idk about y’all but idk many 15-year-olds with that kind of resolve, morals, and humility. He just has such a big heart and works so fucking hard to prove himself. I love him too much and I’m so happy he has such great fucking friends like Todoroki and Midoriya to support him. 

I’m sure I could write like 12 more pages about Iida, Todoroki, and Midoriya & the bonds they share, especially if I got into the manga but imma just leave it at this for now because this is really the event that solidifies them as important people in each other’s lives. They are all people that really had no one in life before they met each other. None of them had any notable friends before they found one another, and yet here they are discovering the bonds of friendship together and growing into amazing heroes alongside one another. They all shared an extremely traumatic and life-changing experience yet found their own resolve in one another and pushed each other to do better and be better. 

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket SE02, Ep15

The anticipated” teacher conference”. While this ep is focused on yuki successfully overcoming his frightening “mother’s ghost”, I think it does a brilliant job amplifying the real “mother ghost” in the story.

A Mother’s Ghost:

Tohru is haunted by her mom’s ghost. Everything must stay as her mom wished:continue high school/find job. No selfish desires for herself. Nothing personal to pursue. past plans were made for two: a mother & daughter. Now she’s all alone. Future Status: In stagnation.

Kyo is haunted by two ghosts (his mom & kyoko). Literally two ghosts of two dead mothers. both deaths are supposedly caused by him. "you aren’t forgiven/won’t forgive you” are uttered by so many adults now, his father, Akito, the sohma’s & kyoko herself. Now he believes it, too. He must mend his mistakes by making sure the only two ppl he loves are safe. from him. Accuse a child of hideous things for too long, soon it becomes his reality. Future Status: Nonexistent.

Yuki is haunted by his mom’s ghost. tho his is alive & denying him affection, love & care. The old yuki would’ve got asthma attack & fainted. The new yuki is different. He isn’t alone. far more ppl have reached out to him. Tohru, Haru, kakeru & Aya. He had discovered warmth. The ghost isn’t scary as it used to be. It’s actually small & panicky. He’s stronger. Future status: hopeful & bright.

Real Mother vs Unknowing Mother Figure:

Yuki continues his plot line of moving forward & altho I suspected that he’ll receive help to overcome setbacks, I totally forgot abt Aya! XD. I thought tohru might’ve had a more active role in defending him as usual. But I’m glad she didn’t have any physical part in the conference scene cuz it helps the theme of yuki moving away from tohru & learning to lean on others until he can stand tall. Also, the writer excellently accelerated yuki’s growth using Ayame cuz (a) it helps strengthen their brotherly bond. (b) Yuki accepted his brother completely, thanked & defended him in front of his scary mom, adding to (c) Aya’s subplot of being rewarded for his many attempts to atone for neglecting yuki. (d) Teaching yuki that his scary mom can be rendered helpless in front of a confident person. (e) Yuki taking all that in & using it to stand up for himself by the end of the scene & articulate that His future is HIS. (f) yuki discovering that he doesn't need tohru’s help as much as before. (g) yuki realizing what he sought in tohru (motherly emotional nurture). Finally (h) tohru letting go of yuki!! She saw he doesn't need her as much anymore. While tohru obviously doesn’t look for a child/baby in yuki, she most genuinely cared for him as a friend but she also indulged in his issues to escape hers. the more the sohma’s get strong & don’t require much of her help, the more she’ll be forced to face her mom’s ghost..What will you do tohru if tomorrow the curse broke?.if all you have left is you & your mom’s picture..

Eating somen & its double meaning. a.k.a ( brilliant writing)!!!:

SE02, Ep.2, was the introduction to future planning. Kyo, troubled by his future, decided to eat comfort food & cooked somen. Tohru, troubled by her furure, couldn’t seep, joined in & cooked/eaten with him. Later Shigure & yuki joined. That day tohru felt so much better. Why? cuz she ate somen with friends? NO. Cuz she opened her heart & cried for herself. kyo made her,unwillingly, peek into her fears. Had she not talked & broke into tears, shigure wouldn’t have suggested the laundry analogy & enjoying the already cooked food together. The somen would’ve become just a normal late dinner in shigure’s house. The difference is kyo pushed tohru to acknowledge her tears. She resisted first “don’t kyo, don’t force me to look deeper”. Her tears turned into excitements by the end of the night, they all shared teasing & jokes.

Tohru wants that relieved feeling again. Except she wants it without opening her heart. She refuses to peek inside & cry over herself & her fears. She associated the feeling of relief with “eating somen with friends” NOT “facing your fears & opening up, accepting help”. She knows everybody is worried abt their future. so they must go home together & share somen. How did that work out? Laughing & teasing happened. but what abt the feeling of relief ? kyo is still worried abt hurting tohru, painfully gazing at her (not relieved), tohru still wears the happy mask, pretending all is fine (not relieved). Yuki calling his mom in dark corridor & fearing her (not relieved) Brilliant writing indeed! The only one who changed positively afterwards is yuki cuz he opened his lid in next scene, peeked inside & faced it by accepting help.

Tohru’s tight shit lid:

I had previously compared kyo’s feelings/ trauma with fire that spreads fast, burn him & hurt others. His trauma is tied strongly with death (kyoko) & suicide(his mom physically & him metaphorically thro confinement). How can you put out the fire without killing it? His trauma must be dealt/healed in a way that doesn’t kill the fire. Keep the light & warmth in it by igniting kyo’s desire to live. (I can’t figure out how & it’s driving me crazy!!!). Yuki’s feelings/trauma is a kin to a flowing river, calm in the surface but can flood dangerously & destroy. How can you fix it without rendering the river into a lifeless pond? by insuring it runs/flows regularly & reaches its destination!! Always changing & moving forward (already happening).

but what abt tohru? tohru’s feelings/trauma is a kin to a tiny flower. tender & fragile, it needs warmth, light & water to grow. This flower isn’t particularly prettier than the others nor rare. But it’s precious & provides joy. One might not notice that this flower is sick from the inside until it withers & dies silently.

Tohru’s closed box has more than her mom now. It has kyo.  But why is kyo, who is a source of comfort to tohtu, is now paired with her mom’s saddest flashback?? Why can’t tohru accept loving kyo? altho tohru didn’t say it, we saw her shaken reaction to kyo’s confinement the day Akito told her & how she sought kazuma. Tohru might not have realized that kyo is her most loved one yet, but we as viewers don’t doubt it as the writer has amazingly led us thro their most normal & gradual relationship. Still it doesn’t explain why is kyo put away in tohru’s box along with kyoko’s haunting flashback & falling deep into the dark ocean of tohru’s darkest hidden thoughts?. Tohru hides pain.. why is loving kyo a pain to tohru?? why is she refusing to face her growing attachment to him?? she’s tragically lonely but she refuses to acknowledge her feelings of belonging to kyo?? could it be cuz she’s denying herself selfish desires? she doesn’t see herself worthy for him? tohru has often looked down on herself. Could it be thoru is scared of loving kyo? scared of being abandoned?? scared of changing herself? Weird!!!!!!I need More tohru!!!!

Side Notes:

Tohru’s story keeps getting more complicated emotionally in ways I haven't anticipated & I love it!! altho I don’t really get the part of fearing to love kyo?? it’s a bit weird since tohru has a loving nature. but hope to learn why soon.

kyo asks hana if she can read his heart with her waves. Also kyo openly stares fondly at tohru right in front of hana & co. boy is so preciously lovesick! XD.

Shigure is right. tohru isn’t his responsibility. Him providing support for her is already enough from a non-relative. I love his brash honesty.

Shigure/Mayu scene is the best comedy. I love their dynamics.

Kazuma’s “Its fine if you take as long as the others” is such inspiring line. It spoke to my heart! finding your future isn’t a competition!! It reinforces furuba’s brilliant message of everybody having their own pace. just cuz yuki is moving fast & healthy towards his future, doesn’t mean the others are less worthy for fearing a future or not finding the way to begin with. Everybody moves in different speed cuz they’re different ppl with different character traits, trauma. Also, foreshadowing!. Kyo’s lid will be opened last. Bring it on kyoko!

Is Aya the first sohma to get his happy ending/full redemption/achieved goal? YUP! fitting for Mr. Most-Confident!

Yuki’s conference scene is one of the well-directed, gives me hopes for tohru’s future dark story, but also it could mean the director is saving their craziest dramatic animation/adventures/experiments for her.. yikes!!!! plz NO.

Kyoko being a dotting mom, role model, gang member, cool friend & a chilling haunting ghost is brilliant story-telling!

tohru literally drawn in the sky after yuki saying ” you’re like the sky” is too much. lol.. but I’ll let it pass, it’s minor.

[lipkits]

long version!

this is wayyyy longer than i thought so get ready

ok so basically i was friends w this girl for a while and had secretly liked her, and then in january i told her how i felt because we’d kinda been having a fwb relationship since the summer. neither of us had admitted our real feelings, and it turned out she liked me as well. so we were basically dating, like we went on our first date for valentine’s day, and everything was going pretty well. she always asked to hang out and i’m rlly introverted so i don’t like doing more than 1 thing w friends on the weekend bc i just need time to recover from the week. and so she’d always ask to hang out and do things and it just got tiring because i suck at saying no, and i’d try to tell her what i’m explaining to u guys (or whoever is reading this) but she said i’m not introverted because i’m not as shy as her (lol). and so then it kind of started to make me pull away bc i felt rlly overwhelmed. she also would never leave when i wanted her to and would just sit in my car not getting out, and also on new years she got mad at me because it was 1am and i was super tired and wanted her to leave because i had a paper due in like 2 days that i’d procrastinated. i know it might seem bad because i was essentially ditching her for school work but it was super late at night and i’d been planning this for a while. and also her parents are rlly homophobic and conservative, so she’s said certain things before that turned me off, and also it made me feel scared to be in this relationship if we had to hide it from her parents (and she didn’t want me to tell my parents so i was kind of lying to them in a way??? idk i normally tell my mom everything but i hadn’t been telling her this which made me feel bad). so then after a while we decided to officially date as girlfriends, but the next morning (this was the beginning of march i think or end of february by the way) i felt this horrible gut feeling telling me that i wasn’t ready for a girlfriend and i just didn’t want to be with her anymore. so i told her immediately because i didn’t want to lie and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us, and it was over text so it was bad to begin with, but i told her the truth and she got super upset and of course hurt by what i said, and ignored me for a week, and then we met the next weekend for breakfast and she just told me how she didn’t want to go back to fwb without being official and she tried to convince me to be her girlfriend and didn’t understand anything i was explaining as to why i wasn’t ready for that. and she didn’t want to go back to just being friends either... also keep in mind she is a year older than me. so then she started saying things that i do which annoys her, and claimed that she wasn’t a priority because i wouldn’t drop everything to be with her. but school and work come first before doing fun stuff for me. i feel like she didn’t understand how important doing well in my studies is and i can’t just be her girlfriend whenever she wants, i have to be my own person and make time for myself. so then she made me feel real shitty, and had her mom come pick her up (she doesn’t have her license so i drove us places most of the time). and i was just really upset and then she slowly went back to being friendly again, and we hung out one weekend and she took an edible when we went to the movie theater, but ate the whole thing and then we had to leave because she was like seeing weird shit and shaking, and so i just had to take care of her basically for a couple hours. and then she said some rude things to me and was like “i feel so immature i’m sorry”... but in the past i’ve had to babysit her whenever she got high. so then afterwards we were fine for another week and then she asked to hang out one weekend but i said no because i was busy and had to prepare for finals, and then she straight up just wouldn’t talk to me and gave me the cold shoulder, pretty much ignored me for a solid month. didn’t even tell me happy birthday???? when it was obvious she knew because she saw posts my friend made abt me, and then put stuff on her story abt how she’s in seattle we her other friends? like... ok. and it hurt me rlly bad she was treating me like that, so then she wrote me this long letter and gave it to me in class just like explaining why she wouldn’t talk to me, and said a bunch of excuses and then wanted to know if i still wanted to be friends, and also told me she had my birthday present and didn’t forget about my birthday. and i waited a week because i had a bunch of other stuff happening in my life, and she told me not to tell anyone about the letter or show it to anyone and of course i went to my therapist bc i didn’t know what else to do. and meanwhile during the time we’ve been together she had been telling some people about us without my permission and i’m not out at school so it made me really upset and felt like i couldn’t really trust her. so then she texted me and asked for the letter back, and i gave it to her the next day and told her that she decided we were no longer friends when she ignored me for a month, without telling me anything like she needed space or something... and she said that she just “couldn’t” talk to me, and that it she didn’t make that decision, but throughout our entire relationship i had always been the one to make decisions. i told her she did make that decision whether she wanted to or not, and she said “well fuck you” and walked away, leaving me shaking and close to tears. and then i moved tables in our art class. and on the bus home a few days later she sat next to me and started asking me to explain stuff i didn’t answer from the letter and i told her no and that i didn’t owe her any explanation and she got mad at me and then when i tried to tell her how outing me isn’t okay she said “well it’s my story too so i can tell whoever i want” and when i wasn’t acting how she wanted she started crying and told me she’s lost like 15 pounds because of stress and she has no one to talk to abt it because of her parents prejudice, but she had already told me before so i tried to tell her how shitty she made me feel, and then got off the bus and said “i’m seriously just done”... also we were becoming friends w this one guy who she told abt us and he previously used gay as an insult which seriously sucked and so got upset abt it but got angry that she told him abt us anyways bc i felt uncomfortable w him let alone all those other people know. and he doesn’t talk to me anymore and neither do any of her friends so i bet they all hate me lol. and we didn’t talk for the rest of the year, except when she asked for polaroids back that she gave me on valentine’s day ??? and then she graduated and i blocked her on all social media and her phone number.

so that is p much it !! sorry it was a lot and i hope u can understand it, and also sorry for run-on sentences.... and spelling errors... omg

[leaughrilke]

what was pregnancy/childbirth/going home for the first time like with finn vs. maia? how about what it was like to take stella home for the first time? how did each kid adjust to their new sibling(s) when maia/stella came home? i'm such a sucker for Brand New Baby headcancons lol

me, rubbing my hands together evilly bc my friend u dont understand, i have been waiting for a sucker just like u bc I AM SUCH A SUCKER FOR BRAND NEW BABY HCS AS WELL, HERE ARE MINE FOR THE SUPERBABIES

so like the pregnancies were highly planned, no surprises or anything and results were waited on with equal excitement bc like????  holy shit theyre doing this????  and HOLY SHIT IT WORKED?????  

but like……once the initial excitement died down a little, lena starts to worry a lot??  and i mean this is particular to finn, bc like with maia it was more??  ok i kind of know what im doing, but with finn she had no experience, nothing to go off of.  like she can hardly remember her birth mother and lillian was terrible so like….its not as if she has any model for how to be a mother and she’s not sure she’s really thought this through.  like she likes kids well enough??  thinks theyre cute and isnt uncomfortable around them, actually is quite good with them and babies love her almost as much as they love kara, but this will be different, this isnt just holding jess’s niece when they’re at the company picnic, this will be a baby that comes home with them, this will be their baby, their kid to screw up and that’s terrifying???  holy shit

meanwhile kara is like??  so excited oh my god.  she’s so pumped and so loving and she feels like she’s overwhelmed in the best way, where her heart feels really full and she knows that when the baby gets here it’ll just spill over in the best way and she cant wait for it.  and she fusses over lena, moves her schedule around specifically to allow her to drop by l-corp a couple times a day to bring lena lunch or a snack, and she’s like the ultimate partner u know like she keeps the fridge stocked with whatever lena’s craving, always goes to every doctor appointment and childbirth classes, never grumbles when lena wakes her up bc her back is aching or she’s starving all of a sudden or she can’t sleep and the baby is in a weird position.  she puts together all the furniture for the nursery, is That expectant parent that spends a lot of time in the baby section of target, brings home probably more clothes than a single baby can wear.  she’s so excited???  like……how to explain this hmmm…  okay so we know how much kara loves her family, right??  bc she loves them a lot, she rlly does and its not at all that she wishes for biological family or something but theres like a certain…..pull??  i guess??  like this baby is equal parts her and lena, and she has this image in her head, like what if their baby looks like her or more like lena, what if their kid has her mother’s eyes or her father’s strong chin.  like?  she gets to see krypton live on, is what it boils down to.  she gets to see her family and her community and her planet alive and well in the little heartbeat they hear, in the grainy image on the screen at the ultrasound

the pregnancy itself is actually rlly smooth??  and like, when lena’s not terrified, she rlly enjoys it and like knows how lucky she is, like her morning sickness is p tame and only lasts the first couple months.  and like??  its not that she dislikes being pregnant or doesnt want the baby, she very much does, she already loves this little thing growing inside her so so much, just on the basis of it being a piece of kara, she’s just worried she’s not good enough, that she wont ever be able to be good enough to be this child’s mother.  but she just tries not to think about whats going to happen at the end of this, focuses on the way her heart skips when she feels those first flutters of movement or the way the tension slips out of kara’s shoulders the moment she gets home, the moment she can hear their child’s heartbeat.  they were never rlly an out on the town sort of couple, spent most nights tucked up at home, but now even more so bc lena gets tired at like eight at night, so most nights they’re on the couch or lying in bed, kara resting her head on lena’s lil bump, talking to the baby in her mother tongue, telling them all about this great world they’re going to get to see.  when lena’s lil bump turns into a big bump, then its usually them cuddled up on the couch with lena leaning back against kara’s chest, head on her shoulder as she dozes and kara’s tracing out the kryptonian alphabet on lena’s belly and its warm and the cats are snoozing nearby and there’s a stack of baby clothes in the laundry basket on the floor and a half assembled rocking chair in the nursery and its just??  good????

overall its rlly good like there’s some bad moments, some breakdowns along the way.  like it kind of scares lena a little how much she loves this little thing that??  doesnt??  even???  exist yet????  like she cant hold them, cant see them, but god, she already knows she’d do anything for them.  and kara has a few moments where she breaks down as well, where she cant remember a kryptonian word or the details of something she thought she remembered are a little fuzzy and god, what if she cant??  what if she isnt able to pass along her history, her culture?  what if she has this opportunity and she fails, again?

and they’re both so soft with each other, kara picks up on lena’s worry and lena picks up on kara’s and they try their best for each other, they do their best to help even when they’re struggling with their own things and lena tries to learn kryptonian and like….listen, she’s not great at it at first (particularly with pregnancy brain making everything a little fuzzy), but her accent isn’t terrible and she learns the basic vocabulary, enough so that she can confidently say she’ll be of some use in teaching their child to speak the language along with english.  kara buys all the parenting books lena glances at, sits up at night with her to read them, finds a mothers day card even though it fucking january and tucks it into lena’s bag for her to find and tear up over, talks about how lucky their kiddo is that they’ll have lena as a mom as if its the most natural thing to say

towards the later part of lena’s pregnancy, when they’re getting closer to the due date and lena’s getting uncomfortably pregnant and nothing’s fitting very well, not even the maternity dresses that kara finally convinced her to buy around month seven, kara kind of becomes a worrywart.  like she’s been v protective of lena the entire time but now??  anytime lena shifts or sighs or rubs her back, kara’s like WHAT IS IT, IS IT TIME, DO WE NEED TO GO and has like most of their stuff loaded up into the car, ready to go before lena’s has a chance to be like ……kara im ridiculously pregnant, im just uncomfortable, love its fine i promise

that said,, then she’s overdue and even more uncomfortable but the fear has set back in??  and she goes into labor p early in the morning, doesnt say anything abt it bc she doesnt want it to happen, not now, but kara seems to sense it, sticks a lot closer to lena than normal, even for overprotective post-due date.  and then lena’s water breaks???  and she’s crying????  and kara’s like holy shit okay but they dont have time to rlly do anything to talk through it, barely have time to get to the hospital before lenas like……in Active Labor, like ready to push active labor and there’s no time to get an epidural, but luckily she doesnt rlly need one??  she’s in pain, but its not as bad as some things she’s endured, but she’s still crying, begging for this baby to stay put, dont move, i’m not ready and kara’s crying bc she’s split between being heartbroken for her wife and being so so excited to her their child

and then finn’s there, crying loud enough to be heard over lena’s sobbing, kara’s assurances and kara looks at him and is so in love???  she’s so in love, he’s so beautiful, she tells lena as much as she gets to cut the cord and some little part of her knits back together when she helps lay finn on lena’s chest, watches as lena’s eyes clear, brows relax, watches as that same love kara feels dawns in lena’s eyes and its so much???  its too much, but its so good????

and everything is still so good for a while!!!!!  like the few days in the hospital, they’re just kind of in a blissed out stage where nothing is fazing them like......family comes to visit, theres four emails from snapper sitting in kara’s inbox, clark comes by and is visibly uncomfortable but they literally dont give two shits like look at this thing we made!!!!!!!  look at him, he’s beautiful and he’s got all ten fingers and all ten toes and look, he looks bald but he’s just rlly blond!!!!!!!  like.........they are just so in love???  

but then they go home and its different bc there isnt anyone to help them and for kara its like....idk its sort of like she’s super duper aware of her powers when she’s out in the world, like hyperaware and vigilant, but she’s used to being able to relax a little at home??  and now there’s this tiny fragile nonpowered as far as they know baby that is depending solely on her and lena for everything and suddenly she’s like shit i’m going to hurt him oh my god i Did Not think this through and then she like refuses to hold finn except under very specific conditions like sitting down, pillow in her lap to support him from below and lena’s a bit too wrapped up in finn to rlly like register this fact, a little too tired and sore and in love to do much more than notice her wife’s hesitance 

and its not as if kara’s like......//avoiding anything to do with finn.  like she’s still v much in love and wants to be around him, she just doesnt trust herself??  so she’ll still get up when finn’s crying at night, sits up with lena when she nurses him, gets lena whatever she needs during the day and overall does her absolute best 

lena brings it up to alex finally, one night when she and maggie come over to coo over finn and kara’s run out to pick up dinner.  lena and alex have grown a lot closer since lena started hanging out with the superfriends, alex sort of spotting that quiet sadness within a few minutes of having an actual conversation with lena and subconsciously sorting her into the same category of annoying psuedo-sibling that she had winn.  and by this point??  alex is basically as much a big sister to lena as she is to kara, defends her as vehemently as she does kara.  so lena goes to her with this, asks if kara’s said anything about not feeling comfortable or being afraid and alex is like ??  no, whats going on and then lena tells her everything she’s noticed, tells her the guilt she feels for not knowing how to help but she’s exhausted, like that new parent bone deep exhausted 

so alex corners kara just a little, calls her down to the deo for a fake emergency and then locks them into one of the training rooms bc she knows kara, knows she wont admit to anything when lena’s around, knows that she’ll keep trying to uphold this facade that she’s doing okay bc she doesnt want to stress her wife out.  and karas been sitting with this feeling for nearly two weeks??  basically since they went home, so there’s not much prodding alex has to do to get it out of her bc she’s exhausted too, is crying within a few minutes of talking tbh

alex hugs her for a long time, until she stops crying eventually and is like??  i dont have easy answers for you and i wish i did, but kara, you’re not going to hurt him and she keeps repeating it, keeps telling kara that she knows her probably better than anyone and she knows that she’s never going to do anything to hurt the people she cares about and kara’s thinking about red k and alex knows it so she just tightens her hold on kara’s shoulders and leans down a little to catch her eye and she’s like kara, this is your son and its like oh.  my son.  i have a son.  and suddenly kara’s crying again but more from good emotion??  like i have a child and i haven’t been holding him 24/7????  I GOTTA GO ALEX

so kara goes home and lena’s just getting up to get finn bc he’s starting to fuss a little and kara just gently pushes her back into bed and goes to get finn, picks him up and feels something settle when he quiets, looks up at her with big blue eyes that aren’t her color, not exactly, is something closer to her mother’s.  finn settles against her, one of his little hands sort of grasping at the fabric of her shirt, holding on and kara’s so???  overwhelmed???  and she promises him that she’ll be the best she can be for him, promises that she’ll never let harm come to him, that she’s going to keep him so safe and at some point she switches from english to kryptonian (kryptonese??), starts promising all sorts of things, starts promising that he’ll never be alone, that he’ll never be scared and lost and left on his own in a strange place, that she’ll never send him away, not without lena, not without her

lena hears it over the baby monitor but doesnt say anything when kara comes back into the room, having lulled finn back to sleep with a lullaby her mother used to sing to her.  she just pulls kara closer and they doze like that for a while and everything feels calm, settled for once

and then !!!!!  they’re just deliriously happy like finn is a rlly easy baby, doesnt fuss a lot, basically sleeps through the night from the beginning and is essentially the Perfect Newborn.  like they’re just??  so? ??  happy ?????  like lena has what is essentially unlimited maternity leave considering she can conduct a fair amount of work from home and catco gives rlly generous leave for all new parents so kara’s able to stay home for a long time, so they get to just sort of live in this wonderful little bubble for basically the first 4-5 months of his life and even after they sort of start transitioning back to work, its still rlly great??

like they do the mommy and me yoga and switch off weekends, kara takes him to swim lessons, they do walks in the park when it starts getting warmer out and like.......love showing finn off.  like he’s adorable and chubby and is rlly calm and smiley and like??  they’re so proud of him, they love him so much oh my god

UNDER THE CUT bc i always keep crying, im such a sucker for new babies

everything is a little harder with maia??  like it takes a little longer for it to work and when it does its immediately a completely different experience.  later on theyll think its probably bc maia manifests her powers a lot earlier, so maybe that’s what it was??  like she’s drawing more nutrients and stuff so that’s why lena’s so exhausted through the pregnancy but basically lena’s essentially bedridden for the first four and a half months with maia, either napping or feeling too nauseous to do anything.  once she hits five months, things get a little easier??  she’s still v tired a lot, but they think that that might just be bc they’ve got more to juggle, like she’s keeping up with a toddler and l-corp is acquiring a new subsidiary halfway across the world that she’s having to oversee from national city

kara worries abt her a lot in a different way from how she worried during finn’s pregnancy??  like this pregnancy takes a bit more of a physical toll and there’s a few complications, like lena develops gestational hypertension (her blood pressure, while achingly normal usually, stays high from the beginning) and her ankles just fuckn disappear and she just feels Bad through most of the pregnancy even though there isnt that emotional angst like there was with finn.  so bc of that, kara sticks p close through the whole pregnancy, is a lot less willing to take assignments that keep her away from home v long, gets v efficient when it comes to supergirl duties

but like??  stress aside, its a rlly cool experience for them bc finn’s around two and understands enough that he points to lena’s belly and says baby, likes to hug and kiss her tummy and its the Cutest thing in the world, like they have so many pics of finn being so sweet and like reading one of his picture books to lena’s belly.  and like??  lena gets to enjoys the pregnancy more bc she’s not as scared, not as petrified that she’s going to fuck up somehow, now that she kind of knows what she’s doing, now that she has a shining, grinning little boy that is like proof that she’s sort of good at this motherhood thing

so u know how lena’s blood pressure is high through the whole pregnancy??  well.  that’s not a throwaway fact pals.  she develops preeclampsia and gets induced nearly three weeks before her due date and like in the lead up to that, it’s rlly chaotic and scary like lena gets a migraine (and she usually gets those??  like that’s not uncommon but she didnt have any during her pregnancy with finn and she hasnt had any leading up to this one with maia) and goes to sleep it off and wakes up short of breath and like??  it just feels wrong, something feels off and calls kara at work and is like something’s not right and kara just flat out panics, drops all her shit and races home and lena’s kind of out of it and its terrifying??  its fucking terrifying and kara’s like fuck this, flies finn to the nearest superfriend for babysitting (it happens to be winn, who startles out of dozing at his computer screen to see little finn danvers grinning from the chair next to him, with a fully packed bag and a note pinned to it telling winn that kara will call soon) and she flies lena to the hospital, giving zero actual fucks about anything other than whether lena and the baby are okay

and it gets kind of crazy after that???  like kara barely has time to call the rest of their family and friends before things are like Moving and, again, there’s not enough time for an epidural but this time lena’s in a lot more pain, like this birth is awful, it rlly is, like lena’s out of it and in way more pain than she was with finn and kara’s scared shitless and their baby comes out quiet??  like no crying, no screaming, just utter silence and lena sort of collapses back on the bed and starts crying and kara’s not even able to get a good look at their kiddo with all the nurses working over em

and then the baby’s like screeching and one of the nurses hands her to kara with a smile and says here’s your little girl, mama and kara’s just like.......entranced and this little baby is so much like finn but so different already and she looks over at lena and beams and lena relaxes immediately, lets out this deep breath and kara’s like we have a daughter, lena and lena sort of sighs happily well let me see her and kara puts maia on lena’s chest, helps lena unbutton the top of her gown and unswaddle maia so she can rest against lena’s skin, feel her heartbeat and they’re so immediately happy???  like all the scary stuff, all the pain is immediately written over with this feeling, with maia’s little hand pressing right over lena’s heart and her eyes locked on kara

and then when things calm down and they’ve had a little time to collect themselves, for lena to get cleaned up a little, finn comes in and is so immediately taken with his little sister, like his eyes get wide and he’s got this small little smile and he’s so gentle without being told, sort of reverently reaches out to hold maia’s tiny little hand in his own and he goes my baby in this soft little voice and he crawls up in kara’s lap and asks if he can hold his baby and kara helps him and lena asks a nurse to grab her phone bc like.......why not get this moment on film.  why not capture her family all tucked into one chair like the most adorable nesting dolls

it’s maybe her lock screen for like six months

when they go home, it’s a little bit of an adjustment period??  not in the same way as it was with finn but in that now they’ve got two little kids with wildly different needs, like finn sleeps through the night mostly but has nightmares that he’ll need to be comforted from and maia wakes up a lot but more just??  wants to be near her moms???  like she doesnt cry so much as just stay awake until one of them check her and pull the bassinet closer to their bed

and for lena there’s a bit of worry over having a daughter??  bc its not that its all that much different than having a son rlly, she knows that and she’s the first to advocate raising children the same, but as a daughter of lillian luthor, as a daughter who lost her birth mother when she was young, but not young enough to completely forget her, as a daughter that has never had a solid maternal figure that supported her in her life, lena’s a little terrified of having a daughter??  worried that somehow, someway, she’ll ruin her

but it fades quickly??  like she and kara have always been v attuned to one another but since having finn, it’s just deepened??  so kara catches on quickly, talks to her about it one night when the kiddos are asleep and reminds lena that she’s a good mom, that finn adores her and so does maia already, its obvious 

mostly the adjustment is about just juggling the two kiddos, making sure finn doesnt feel left out and they work out a p good system, make sure to include him in basically everything

and finn!!!!  loves his baby sister so so much oh my god, he likes to drag his coloring pack into maia’s room when she’s napping.  like his moms will go looking for him and he’ll just be curled up in the comfy rocker in maia’s room, quietly coloring and he’ll shush them if he thinks they’re making too much noise and its the cutest thing ever, like he doesnt have the words for it but he just loves maia so much, wants to protect her and make sure she’s happy all the time

so its kind of wildly different with stella, bc like???  they thought they were done having kids??  mostly bc the experience with maia’s birth was so terrifying, like when they finally had a minute to process what all had happened it was like.......shit, lena could have died, maia could have died and it made them p hesitant to try for another kid, like??  they’re happy with two!!  and if they decide they want to expand their family, they’re v strongly pro-adoption so that’s probably the route they’ll go and that’s all nice and settled but then, well

kara gets a supergirl call at like six in the morning and she rolls out of bed, handles the issue and is on her way home when she glances down and sees something a lil shady down on the pier.  it’s probably eight or nine by now??  the sun’s up, but its winter so its still gray in the city, still feels pre-dawn and kara flies a little closer, sees a man on a pier and hears two heartbeats, his and one that’s weaker, faster, quieter, so she alerts alex and touches down and the man seems almost relieved to see her even as he moves closer to the edge and she tells him to stay, for his baby--because it has to be a baby, kara’s gotten too good at recognizing little heartbeats for it not to be, but the man just smiles sadly, says she’s not like me, i can’t love her right and just as the deo pulls up, the man jumps off into the bay and kara flies after him but he’s just......gone??  just gone.  nowhere to be found.  his heartbeat is indistinguishable from the roar of the ocean, kara can’t see him anywhere but kara can still hear that smaller one, and she hesitates for a moment before flying back up, touching down by the car and opening the door before the agent nearest her can tell her not to.  and theres???  this tiny little baby????  like barely strapped into the carseat, in just a diaper and kara’s like?????  immediately protective.  like the diaper’s obviously been put on by someone that’s never changed a baby before and she fixes that first, unclips her cape to wrap the baby up second, holds the baby close and turns around with this wide eyed look at alex third and alex’s like......well this is happening huh

and she’s?????  so small????  god she’s so small and kara’s heart twists and twists and alex calls out an address to her and it’s not far from the port and kara’s flies low, flies fast but she doesnt even get to the little apartment before she can tell, before she can hear the utter lack of life.  she lands just outside, looks up, looks through, sees the body in the bed, not moving not breathing and she looks down at this little baby in her arms, still sleeping and she just??  has a minor blackout tbh (metaphorically ofc) like she’s not sure what her exact thought process was but suddenly she’s at l-corp and the baby is still sleeping and she touches down, opens the balcony door gently and steps in and lena’s looking up, eyebrows raised until she notices the bundle in kara’s arms and like???  she doesnt Know, but she knows whats happening, knows its big and important and so she drops the papers she was working on, pads over and looks up at kara for a breath, then down at the baby and its like oh.  shit.  this is our baby now, isnt it

and kara starts explaining, starts speaking, rambling, falling over her words bc the gravity of what’s happened has just sort of landed??  it’s taken a beat but god she just watched a man kill himself, just watched this child be orphaned and its like??  she needs lena to understand.  she needs her to know why this is so important, but like??  lena’s already there, same page.  she’s looking at this little tiny child and deciding that she’ll probably be able to actually get some use out of maia’s newborn stuff, considering maia outgrew the clothes within a month.  like???  she looks nothing like finn or maia did as babies, is so much smaller and has this head full of dark hair, these dark eyes when she blinks them open to look up at lena, at kara, but she fits, you know??  its like kara and lena look at her and just like.....recognize her.  like she’s always been meant for them

and then kara’s just.......out of things to say, like she’s said everything she can and she’s just sort of looking down at the baby and so is lena and then lena’s asking can i hold ....her? and kara’s nodding, her, she confirms, letting lena slip the baby out of her arms and she’s just like lena, she’s and breaks off, throat closing and lena’s just nodding, smiling down at the baby and smoothing down the little cowlick in her hair.  i think maia’s old bassinet is still in the basement, she says and that’s that

the kids dont even question it??  like finn was young enough when maia was born that he doesnt even remember her coming home, she’s just sort of always been around as far as he remembers and maia doesnt have any sort of context for it, and rlly it doesnt matter??  like they crowd around lena when kara calls them over and finn promises then and there he’s going to be the best big brother and maia’s just staring all wide eyed at this little baby, decided that she’s going to keep her so safe bc she’s her little sister and the only other big sister she knows very well is aunt alex and aunt alex helps keep mama safe every day so.  logic, ya know

there is a bit more jealousy tho??  more from maia than from finn, bc she goes from being the baby to the middle child and like kara and lena are rlly good abt splitting their time equally, but there’s like??  more to do with stella, like they dont know anything rlly abt her background and they dont know why she’s not putting on weight and they dont know whether she’s just colicky or if there’s something they need to be worried about??  and its scarier too bc its all so normal ???  like they did all the tests for finn and maia, knew they had kara’s immune system, knew they didnt have to worry abt shit like whooping cough but like they do have to worry abt that with stella, its sort of like having a first baby all over again??  like there’s a lot of new experiences they’ve never had to think about before so there’s a little bit of jealousy from maia, but literally just a little, just like a couple temper tantrums bc kara says they cant play uno unless maia uses her inside voice, or bc lena can’t come see the picture she drew right that second bc she’s trying to get stella down for a nap

but they handle it rlly well??  like they each take a day with maia and finn, separately so they dont feel like they’re just getting lumped together, go and do whatever they feel like doing and do that ridiculously Good Mom thing where they each explain that, yeah, they’re having to spend a little more time with the new baby but they love them all the same, all equally and that they can pick something to do with their moms each month

that tradition actually sticks around!  like each kiddo picks a Thing to do with their moms, like finn favors the aquarium and maia likes to go to movies and stella usually just asks to go out to breakfast at noonans tbh (listen she is.........so much like kara sometimes)

so while finn and maia adjust p well, its not all smooth sailing.  like??  finn and maia were such easy babies!!  like SUCH easy babies, they rlly lucked the fuck out with them but stella???  oh god stella is such a difficult baby.  not like??  not like super-difficult??  but she cries a lot and the only time she rlly calms down is when kara or lena holds her and sometimes it not even full screaming crying, just quiet little whimpering that just like........breaks her moms’ hearts.  she also gets sick a lot??  lots of colds and stomach bugs and she doesnt put on a lot of weight for the first several months, like consistently on the low end of healthy.  like??  its all new territory for them, bc they never??  rlly??  worried abt finn and maia like this??  they never rlly had to

listen they heave a collective sigh of relief when their doctor tells them that she’s moved into the fortieth percentile for her age range like what????  she’s doing okay???????

anyway.  i’m crying

[sillylovestories]

My hero- A Jasper Hale Imagine

A/N: I hope you don’t mind but instead of a oneshot I turned it into an imagine with (Y/N) instead of Bella’s name. I took five requests in hopes for a longer more detailed imagine. Thank you all so much for your patience, I know you are all going to really like this. 

Request #1: Jasper x Bella oneshot, Bella meets Jasper as a kid post in the park and he helps her get home over the years he appears in her life comforting her and being nice , she thinks he’s an imaginary friend . She moves to forks Washington and sees him in school and she thinks she’s going crazy . But when she’s almost hit by Tyler’s truck he saves her and she realizes he’s real and it’s basically the first chapter of twilight rewritten with Jasper. Please


Request #2: Ok so I’m 15 and I still sometimes get really paranoid abt things being under my bed or something (ok it’s super embarrassing) but could u do an imagine abt like jasper coming to put his human mate to sleep and finding her really scared Bc she thinks there is a monster under her bed and then he checks and comforts her and tells her stories of his past life until she falls asleep? Thanks. Love ur blog g😍


Request #3: I’m so happy you’re still active. Do you still take requests? If so, could you write one where jasper saves the reader from a group of men? Kind of like when Bella was about to be attached in the second book. Maybe some angst, then some jasper fluff?


Request #4:Could you write a Jasper x reader imagine where it’s like super fluffy and sweet? I can’t seem to find a huge amount of love for my precious baby in the fandom and I need some! Please and thank you 😊


Request #5:Could you write something with jasper where he’s you’re mate, and you’re human, and he’s super protective over you, especially with men. 

______________________________________________________________

 I was four years old when my mother and father split up. It wasn’t a big deal to me. I couldn’t understand why my mother was crying all the time, sleeping all the time, instead of playing with me. 
One day, a Tuesday I believe, I wanted to go to the park, it was right around the corner from my house, I found my mom asleep as usual in her bed and nudged her awake. 


“Mommy.” I said. She didn’t budge. “Mommy!” She groaned.


“What is it (Y/N)?” She pushed her hair back and moved her face out of the pillow.


“I wanna go to the park.” I said. She replied with a yawn. 


“That’s fine honey.” I was elated to have the freedom to go somewhere by myself. I grabbed my Elmo back pack with a banana, a juice box, and my favorite stuffed elephant. 

I took off outside, walking briskly to the park. 
Eager to swing on the swing set and slide down the jungle gym. I followed the way through my neighborhood that my parents and I always walked, except, when I got to where I thought the park was, was an alley. I turned around and retraced my steps. Did I turn left? Or right? And which was was left again? I began to cry softly. I was lost. 

“Sweetheart, are you lost?” I heard a calm voice say behind me. I turned to see an older boy knelt beside me with the palest skin of anyone I had ever seen. I nodded my head. “Let’s get you back to your mommy and daddy okay?” He held my hand as we walked neighborhood to neighborhood until we saw my mother, frantically talking to the police officer in my front yard. 

 “There’s my mommy!” I pointed her out as we walked across the street. 
 “(Y/N)!” She shouted picking me up in her arms. I felt her tears on my cheek. 
 “She looked lost, I didn’t want anyone to take her, we walked a couple streets until she recognized her house.” The boy who brought me home said. 


“Thank you so much! Can we repay you?” My mother asked, he kindly shook his head and walked off. __________________________________________________________ After that incident my mother lost custody of me. I have been living with my father for thirteen years, and in that thirteen years I’ve moved to seven different schools. My father’s company involves him traveling to set up new offices around the United States. 

 “It’s the last one sweetie, I promise.” He said rubbing the back of my hair. “Couldn’t your last one be in Florida or somewhere warm?” I pulled my jacket tight across my chest in hopes to insulate my body. 

“Washington is great, we’re moving to a little town where everyone knows each other.” I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning my face against the cool window.

 The house we pulled up to was newly renovated and looked straight out of a home and garden magazine. My father must have been serious about moving because this house was unlike any other we have had before. When we pulled into the driveway my father smiled eagerly at me.

“I have one more surprise for you!” He hit the button attached to his sun visor to open the garage door and revealed a silver car with a big red ribbon on it. 

“For me?” I ask excitedly. I unbuckled my seat belt and exited my father’s car running over to the Nissan. He threw me the keys and walked into the gorgeous house. I tossed and turned all night and dreamed about the day I got lost thirteen years ago, I remembered the rescuer who took me home as if he was right here with me. It felt like he was in my room, I jolted awake in a sweat three minutes before my alarm would have went off. 

 I prepared myself for the cold Washington morning with a hot shower, I blow dried my hair and dressed in dark blue jeans, a black thermal shirt, and my turquoise north face rain coat. I brewed a pot of coffee for my father and I, put mine in a travel mug, and started off to school in my new car. I drove in through the bumpy parking lot of Forks high school and parked next to a jeep wrangler. I sat in my warm car looking at my phone, which had a picture of my schedule on it along with a map of the school. I felt eyes on me, I brushed it off as me just being new to school which I was used to. 

I decided to embark to class early to talk to my teacher. Walking in to room 213, Mr. Gilson’s History class, I was greeted by the smell of old history books and the teacher himself smelled of tobacco. I was told the only available spot was all the way in the back of the class, this should be fun. Since I was one of the few students in the room before school started, I took out my notebook and began doodling. I had been drawing so intently I didn’t even notice the students that had come in after me, sitting next to me was… I couldn’t believe it, no, it couldn’t be? Could it? The guy who brought me home when I was little? I know it’s impossible but I swear it looks just like him, platinum blonde locks with gorgeous golden eyes, we made eye contact for a few seconds before looking down at my desk. I turned bright red, I guess I forgot how cute he was too. 

This has happened before, it’s embarrassing but when I’m scared or anxious, I think about the young man who took me home that day. For example, walking home from middle school when we lived in Michigan the children would tease me. I felt as if I did not have a friend in the world, but one day I thought I saw him again, in the parking lot of a grocery store. It was like a guardian angel, or a security thought. I felt calm and safe when I imagined him watching over me.

I was standing next to my car waiting for my new friend Bella when I heard the high pitched screeching of tires from a car spinning out on the icy black top of the parking lot. To my luck it was headed right towards me. I was in shock, frozen, couldn’t move. I met the eyes of the driver, he had obviously lost control and was doing everything in his power to stop the sliding vehicle. The car was inches from me when I decided to move, but the ice was thick under my feet and I slipped. I felt a strong cold arm hold me up from hitting the pavement, I watched as his other hand pushed the car away from us, protecting me from the damage.

I looked up to my hero and wouldn’t you know it. It was him. From thirteen years ago, walking me home, to today, saving me from death I watched him as he walked away. That night all I could think about was what I was going to say to him, I couldn’t ignore the fact that thirteen years ago this man looked the same. I went over in my head how he possibly could have the strength to push a vehicle away with such force it left a dent. 

I didn't even remember him standing near me, I swear I would have remembered. The next day I was planning on confronting him. I walked into class early and found him sitting in his seat with perfect posture. 

“Ok, I need an explanation.” He looked at me curiously. “I know you, and you know me. What I don’t know is how you’ve managed to stay seventeen for the past thirteen years.” He chuckled. 


“You’ve got the wrong guy, darlin’.” 


“No, I know it was you.” I stated.


“You must have hit your head when you fell yesterday, you shouldn’t even be here today.” He replied. I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair as I scribbled furiously in my note book. ___________________________________________________________ 

Bella and I planned on exploring the surrounding counties in Washington, there was some book store she wanted to go to in port Angeles. Bella picked me up at a quarter to five in her rusted up red truck. I hopped in the cab of her truck and closed the squeaky door.


“You know Bella, I have a car we can take.” I said smiling.


“Don’t hate on the truck, (Y/N).” She replied. We parked on the complete opposite side of where the book store was. “I swear the map said it was right around the corner.” Bella repeated scrolling through pictures on her phone. We finally arrived at the book store which was actually pretty interesting. 

 About an hour after browsing the book shop Bella’s phone rang. The shop owner gave her a dirty look as Bella walked out of the store to answer her phone. My fingers trailed over the book spines, titles such as ‘The Cold Ones Stories and Tales’, 'Wolf Prophecies’, and 'Vampyre Myths’. 

Bella hastily ran back in and told me Charlie’s friend had been murdered by some animal and Charlie wasn’t taking it well. 

“Go ahead, I’ll take a bus home it’s no problem, I want to look around more.” She thanked me profusely as she bolted out to her truck. After spending an hour in this store I felt compelled to make a purchase, “Vampyre Myths sounds fun.” I said to myself, I walked up to the annoyed clerk and paid for my book. My stomach grumbled, I walked around until I found a map stand of the area.

I looked at the surrounding stores and restaurants, they were either too pricy for me or closed at this hour. I decided to just walk to the bus stop and wait for the bus going towards Forks. 

 Once I sat on the cold bench next to the bus sign I opened my book, I read all about the pale vampires who burned in daylight, who lure beautiful women to their death by their amazing beauty, their ice cold skin, bright crimson eyes, and uncontrollable thirst. I heard the sound of an aluminum can hit the pavement in front of me, I jumped a bit and looked to where it was thrown from, there was a group of young men staggering towards me, loud and obnoxious. 

 I looked in the distance to see if there were any busses coming and there weren’t. I decided to walk back towards the shops to see if I could wait somewhere when they caught up with me. 

 “Hey beautiful,” one of them chanted “where you going so fast?” He asked with slurred speech. Before I knew it they surrounded me I tried to push through but they were too strong.

One of them held my arms while another tried to take my pants off. I was trying to kick them off of me when suddenly they were pulled from me. I fell to the ground landing on my hands, which of course scraped on the hard cement. I looked up to see the man who, again, saved me from harm. 

He was picking the guys off one by one, making it look effortless. Once he punched two of them, the rest fled. He turned to me and held his hands out to help me up, I grabbed his pale cold hands and stood up staring at his dark black eyes. Dark black eyes? What happened to the golden spheres I knew and loved?


He looked down at his hand that had spots of blood on it from my scraped hands, I grabbed my sleeve and quickly wiped it off. 

 “What’s your name?” I asked.


“Jasper Hale, ma'am.” He replied with a soft smirk. He flattened his shirt as if he was a soldier who just dismantled his horse. 


“Thank you for saving me, again, Jasper Hale.” 


“Can I give you a ride home?” He asked, his car was still running with the driver door ajar. I nodded and watched as Jasper bent over and grabbed the book that I had dropped. He laughed in amusement. "Some light reading?" He asked handing the book to me. I blushed and walked to his car. He opened the passenger door for me as I stepped in. 

 We drove in silence for three minutes, I decided to break the ice. 

 “Jasper?” He looked over at me briefly. “Tell me the truth, that was you, when I was four, wasn’t it?” Jasper looked out the window at someone walking on the side of the road, I heard a low growl from his throat as he pulled over and exited the car. 


I realized the man was one from the bus stop who attacked me. I followed him out of the car and tried to grab his hand but he strongly pulled away and grabbed the man’s shoulder. He muttered something to the man who turned around in horror. I saw Jasper pull his arm back in order to punch him when I forcefully grabbed his waist back towards me, the man ran from Jasper.


“Why did you do that?” He asked angrily turning towards me.


“He is not worth it.” I said, realizing my arms were still around his waist. For a minute we stood there staring into each other’s eyes before Jasper cupped my face softly and leaned in to me crashing his lips on mine. I could smell his cologne, cedar and a hint of cinnamon. 

 “It was me all those years ago.” He said. My face lit up, “I know what your next question is, I’m just going to tell you. I’m a vampire.” His tone was stern. I was confused, but it had to be true, how else could he explain his eternal youth? I remembered the description of vampires from the book I purchased: pale, cold, red eyes. 


“You don’t have red eyes?” I asked. He laughed in amusement. 


“I don’t drink human blood, I hunt animals, mountain lion, deer, stuff like that.” I can’t lie, I was worried. What would happen if I would make him angry one day? Would he snap and destroy me? Drain my blood for an afternoon snack? I hated thinking like that but how else are you supposed to think when someone tells you they are a vampire? 
“Please don’t worry, I would never hurt you, or let anything happen to you. I promise.” His voice sounded like silk I melted into him and turned McIntosh red. 
“Now let’s get you home.” He said leading me to his car. ___________________________________________________________

 As soon as I got home I kicked my shoes off, I was going to take a shower but once I sat down on my plush bed I didn’t have the strength to get back up, I kicked off my jeans and stripped out of my shirt only leaving me in a purple camisole and black panties. 

I curled up under my blankets and quickly fell asleep. My slumber did not last long, I woke up at three forty six from hearing a strange noise. I genuinely was scared. It sounded like something under my bed was moving, a box or a bag maybe. I didn’t have the confidence to get up so naturally I needed to be rescued. 

 'Hey are you around?’ I texted Jasper. I felt my heart rate rise as I heard the ringing of silence in my ears and then, 


'What’s the matter, darling?’ He replied, I let out a deep breath.


'I heard a noise from under my bed, I know it sounds silly but I can’t move.’ I sent, within seconds he answered,


'Give me five seconds.’ And true to his word Jasper appeared at my window in a little less than a minute. He was able to shimmy the window open from the outside and climb in. 

He touched my shoulder and gently kissed my forehead as he knelt beside my bed. I heard a laugh out of him as he went to turn the light on. 


“It’s just this little guy looking for warmth.” He said holding a small gray mouse in his hand. I leapt up to the opposite side of the room. 


“He needs to go back outside!” I raised my voice, Jasper walked over to the window and made sure the little mouse got outside okay. He turned towards me and immediately turned his head away.

 “What’s wrong?” I asked. 


“Well, uhm, you’re naked.” I looked down realizing I was not properly dressed I grabbed my robe quickly dressing myself in it. 


“You’re not exactly presentable either, Mr. Hale.” I strutted over to him and pointed to his jeans that were unbuttoned. 


“Oh yeah well it is four in the morning I thought you were being attacked.” He joked, I giggled and hugged him tightly.


“My hero.” I whispered. 


“I’m fixing that window tomorrow, anyone could come in through there.”


“You mean anyone could climb up the side of my house and open the window from the outside?” I raised my eyebrows, “Don’t you dare fix it.” I still felt uncomfortable so I asked him to stay with me until I fell asleep.


“Jasper?” I whispered half asleep resting my face on his chest as we lay on my small bed. I inhaled the sent on his clothes, it was the same cedar smell I smelled when he kissed me earlier. 


“Yes, sugar?” 


“Will you tell me about what your life was like, before you were a vampire?” I felt embarrassed just asking, in case there was something he didn’t want to talk about. 


“I was seventeen,” he began, clearing his throat, “I lied about how old I was in order to fight in the war.” I looked up at him

.
“Which war?” I asked pulling the covers over my shoulder. 


“The Civil War.” He responded, his lips curling into a smile. “I was the youngest major in the Texas Calvary.” 


“Texas? That explains your accent.” I giggled tiredly.


“Accent?” His head tilted curiously.


“It’s not thick, but it comes out when you say certain words, like 'ma'am’, 'sugar’, 'darlin”.“


"Yeah well I guess some things you can’t shake. I was on my way back from Galveston when I saw three women who looked as if they needed help, they used me for their own vampire army.” He looked uncomfortable. 

I draped my arm on his stomach and buried my face in his arm. He stroked my hair and continued on about life in the civil war, and about how he misses Texas. I dreamed of our future, me white haired while Jasper remains the perfect embodiment of the teenager he is. I jolted awake to find he was gone. There was a folded up piece of notebook paper on my nightstand, in the most perfect handwriting wrote: 

 'Forks Movie Cinema, 3pm. X - Jasper' ________________________________________________________

I brushed out my (Y/H/C) hair and dressed in a cute but comfortable outfit including black leggings with silver studs on the sides, and a long sleeved gray shirt with a maroon colored cardigan. 

 I must have been too excited because I left my house without checking the time, by the time I arrived at the theater it was only two fifteen. What to do for forty five minutes? I walked in to Forks Movie Cinema and checked out all the movies that were showing. 

I saw a cluster of video games by the bathrooms so I went to test my luck. My favorite old school video game was PAC-Man. And believe it or not they had it. I threw a quarter into the machine and started chomping away at cherries and ghosts. 

I made it three levels before being killed by a ghost. I let out a sigh and heard a chuckle from behind me, I turned and saw a tall man with dark brown hair staring at me with arms crossed. 

 "Oh I'm sorry did you want to play?" I asked stepping away from the machine. He shook his head. 

"No I like watching. Say, what's a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?" His grin widened as he stepped towards me. 

 "What makes you think she's alone?" I heard Jasper's stern voice come from behind him. Jasper came over and wrapped his arm around my waist tightly, almost hard enough to bruise me. The man rolled his eyes, 

"sorry, baby." He winked at me as he walked away. I felt Jasper go to move towards him but I quickly pulled him into a kiss.

 "My hero." I giggled. 

"Lets go, Darlin'"