#thought about changing my mobile theme as well but i'm too attached to it

[shenzhiheng]

:)

[starsmuserainbow]

I'm trying really hard to do less OOC because I feel like I'm doing too much of that lately (though then again, without that, I'll just end up being silent for like weeks days on end when I don't manage to write something? feels worse, really), so, let me just throw some thoughts out all into this one OOC post instead.

I love all my chars so much I much too rarely say that. Currently, that's especially Akari, Starlight, Moonshot and Lightning.

I really wish I could draw better - I feel like I just missed out on internalizing some 'logic/perspectives' part at some point and will just forever be unable to do anything other than direct front view at all. I tried to start a drawing recently, and after trying the face like twice, I gave up because it looked really really bad. Maybe starting with the face is also the wrong point to start at, but it almost always is where I start, idk.

I'm trying to get myself a pc android-emulator to use another social media (starts with i and has a camera as symbol) because for some reason the chats over there have certain forms of shared pictures or whatever not supported when you look at it from a computer, also there's more features that the pc version just doesn't have and it's really frustrating and I don't wanna use my phone for it. Also fun fact: the windows store "app" of that media is the same as if you open the website in your browser (when closing it even said something about edge iirc), none of the app features are there, it's really stupid to even have that in your store if I can just visit it in browser for the exactly same result. Wish I could just somewhere say 'just pretend I'm a tablet or sth' to the website so I wouldn't have to bother looking for a emulator. (And I already tried that mobile website view thingie, that doesn't change anything)

I feel like I'm always just, like, attaching myself to others and getting to experience things through those others, always being only, like, an attachment, some annoying little random person that simply clings too hard to that other person that brought me into thing.

I'm trying to keep up writing again, I really don't want to keep having people wait for like a month or a little more. I managed to do it 2 days in a row now, and have something prepared for tomorrow already too, so maybe I'm on a good progress here. Then again, I also kinda had more free time these last 2 days or so bc I didn't feel so well.

It's just so darn hot. Can we please be done with summer already? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the beachy vibes and stuff for my characters and everything, but in person I just never really at all enjoy summer and I just want to stop melting.

When chats are busy, and I say something (which I rarely do) and no one seems to answer to it, I feel so very much like I'm annoying. It's obviously just a brain thing, and nothing actually true, but man I hate feeling like that. It's usually almost impossible for me to try to say the thing again to try to get someoen to answer to it another time.

I really wanna be more active around the dash again. Liking things, perhaps sending things too (if I can get myself that far) - I feel like many of the ppl I see on my dash regularly I have nothing going with and doubt myself that they're even interested anymore even when we're still mutuals, and a part of me goes "you should just unfollow, clearly they're not interested anymore", but I don't want to give up on even more blogs than I already did somewhat recently (some months ago I unfollowed some I think) and I really have to try to find another way to fix this.

I'm so glad I found a way to access the yellow text color again. It'll be so nice to be able to use that again. And yes, I know that that color still looks weird even on my theme, but that's not my fault. All the other colors when used are on the theme in "npf-class:joey" etc, but for some reason this color never is. I tried to contact support about that before to get those into classes too which would allow me to style them in my theme (I'm doing it with some colors, if you see posts on my theme you see what I mean) so they're better readable, but they didn't understand what I meant and I can't explain it properly. Now that I looked at it again, it seems they fixed it for one of the colors - I think it used to be both red and yellow having that problem, now it looks like red styled properly - so maybe it's just not getting fixed bc they removed yellow from being an available color in the editor. Oh well.

Okay, that's all I can think of for now. Sorry for the long thing.