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timeoverload · 1 year ago

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Ok I guess I'm sort of feeling better than I did last night. I have been thinking about stuff all day and I've been trying not to have an episode but I did anyway. I can't help it. I'm having a hard time controlling my impulses too. I'm just too sensitive. I am so anxious, emotional, and tired. I'm a wreck. I felt like I was dying all day and I had to leave work an hour early because I thought I was going to throw up. I look terrible and people kept asking me if I was ok because I've been disassociating all day. I'm just so sick. It doesn't help that I've given up on putting on make up so everyone can see the bags under my eyes. I can't focus and I had to keep going to the bathroom to hide. I wish I could eat something but my stomach is in knots. I also don't want to spend money on food right now. I got 3 hours of sleep last night so I've been a little grumpy.

I think I'm also just insecure and terrified about losing you. I'm so sorry for being a nosy bitch and I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I really don't want to be separated anymore because it sucks and I hate it!! All I want is to be able to hug you and that would make me feel so much better. I miss you so much!! I love you!! I'm also scared because I'm not going to be able to go to the tattoo shop much longer. The appointment that I have in October will probably be my last one for a while and I'm sad about it. That's like the only thing I have to look forward to. I need to be responsible though and my body isn't strong enough at the moment to keep getting tattooed.

I have to shift into survival mode right now. I am trying to save up money so that I can go part-time in November so I can apply for disability. I don't have a choice because I don't want to suffer anymore. I don't want to wait that long to do that but I don't have enough money right now. I need to get all of my doctors appointments out of the way because I'm going to lose my insurance. I don't know how I'm going to afford my medication and I can't stop taking it because I'm psycho without it. I need to be able to provide for myself somehow. I still have a mountain of bills to pay so I'm glad that I don't have to worry about rent too. I have started stocking up on things that I'm going to need. I am going to have to live off of canned food and ramen noodles for a while probably. I might be able to get temporary assistance but I'm not sure how to go about getting that. I don't have any guidance in this situation and I don't know who to talk to about it. I'm so lost.

I'm struggling so much to do simple things. I can't take care of myself. I took a shower earlier and I didn't have the energy to shave my legs so I've given up on that. I haven't cut my hair in so long and it looks like shit and I'm breaking out so bad.

I'm in so much pain and I hate standing for long periods of time but I have to. I'm pissed because they said they were ordering me an adjustable table for my station like 8 months ago and I still haven't gotten it so I'm constantly bending over to do shit. I have a chair that I get to use sometimes but usually I don't have time to sit down. They keep preaching about safety and using safe lifting practices because so many people are injured but they don't actually give a shit about employee safety. I'm still lifting heavy ass pans all the time. I have been trying to avoid it as much as possible now and I can't dispatch or load the big autoclaves anymore even though I used to enjoy doing those things. Luckily the younger people have started doing those things because they can tell I can't do it anymore. I hate wearing my stupid back brace and it gets so hot but it's the only thing that helps me get through the day.

My room is also already a disaster again even though I did a lot last weekend. I just can't do anything when I get home except for sit here and try to recover. I don't have the energy to do anything else and I'm so mad. I want to be productive.

I don't want to work myself to death. I feel trapped. I heard so many people complain today about how bad things are getting and the turn-over rate at work is so high. People are so negative and always complaining and it is bothering me a lot. There's always drama. The morning team lead is leaving next week and I know I don't always get along with her but things are going to be shitty without her there. I will probably get stuck doing extra work because we don't have someone to replace her. I will be alone in the morning until at least 8am every day unless my boss is there but she has been getting chemo so I never know when she will be around. I don't want her to work too hard anyway because I feel so bad for her. I think I'm going to have to start going in at 6 again to help out. I almost started crying in the locker room when one of the surgical techs was talking about how defeated she felt and how she would be so happy if she never had to come back. I feel the same way. It's so depressing and no one should feel that way. There are only 2 eye doctors that will even acknowledge my existence and say hi to me. All of the other doctors are so rude. I feel like I'm just a peasant and I'm just there to do all of the dirty work that no one else wants to do. I've sacrificed my body and my mental health so that they could be successful and they don't give a fuck. Of course I care about the patients that I help but the work load is really getting to me.

I probably shouldn't be drinking right now but I don't know how else to deal with the stress that I'm under right now. It's crushing me. I'm trying to be ok. I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry again for being so emotional and dramatic. I will try to make tomorrow a better day. 💖

#personal

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twistyprefect · 2 years ago

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hey dorm mates!

it's been a good while hahaha-

you're probably wondering where i've been. i've been inactive for a while due to a combination of a few things, and without getting TOO personal i'd like to explain!

1. i wanted to graduate on time. i actually just graduated yestersay (the 22nd of December) 🥳 i had to take a really hardcore summer course and completely load my fall schedule which didn't leave me with a lot of time.

2. i needed to decide what hobbies to keep. i love writing and i've been trying to keep it up in my off time, but for me writing takes a lot longer than my other main hoby (illustration) so i just ended up doing that more. i still love writing and want to continue though!

3. i just kind of ended up taking a break from twst itself. i go through a lot of fixation cycles with fandoms and media, and twst inevitably went through that cycle with me. i just didn't play the game as much or follow updates as closely anymore. but i still love the game and the characters and especially the fandom! i've been slowly getting back into it so i don't experience another complete drop.

4. i had a lot of personal shit going on. i lost a close family member, and my close friends have all been going through some serious shit semi-recently. i'm not comfortable going into too much detail but i've basically been spreading myself really thin socially. i'm a pretty introverted people, so the thought of coming back to a blog with hundreds of followers and people who are very nice and amazing but that i'll just disappoint by missing their messages and such was a bit scary. i'm in a way better place mentally now which is a big reason why i wanted to come back.

so, what now? i'm not really sure how i'll proceed on things like old requests. to start i want to go through my inbox and see if i can salvage any drafts or ideas i liked. if not i already have a few ideas floating around in my head of small holiday and winter themed ideas for everyone that i know i'll enjoy writing. i appreciate everyone who has stayed in my extended and unannounced hiatus and all the people that checked up on me (especially on discord, much appreciated fr) while i was gone. i'm so grateful to have people care about my content and me enough to ask about it :)

as for changes, i'm still deciding what i want to keep and what i want to stop doing. i think it may be a good idea to limit when my requests are open and for how long, since i would definitely get overwhelmed otherwise. but how many/how long/etc i still have to determine!

all i can do is thank you all and ask you to wait just a little longer for more normal updates as i collect the last little pieces before starting to write again.

#not an imagine #friday lore #update stuff

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sunflowershouto · 4 years ago

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if they hurt your feelings - headcanon (iwaizumi, oikawa)

𝐚/𝐧: here's some headcanons! lemme know if you want a part 2 with different/more characters cause these were super fun -leo

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: hurt/comfort, angst to fluff, no warnings other than the boys accidentally being buttfaces

my haikyuu masterlist

𝐈𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐙𝐔𝐌𝐈

✰ Iwa is a fairly blunt person who doesn't mince words.

✰ That's not to say that he doesn't have a filter, but if he thinks something needs to be said, then he's going to say it.

✰ You were discussing plans for what to do after highschool, and Hajime said something that implied that he thought you were being naive.

✰ "You need to be more realistic about your plans for the future. Not everything is a fairy tale like you think it is."

✰ You understood his point, but the way that he said it was undeniably hurtful, and you reacted negatively almost immediately.

✰ You've always been worried that he sees you as being immature, and this really struck a nerve. After all, Iwa has always been calm and collected when it comes to making plans, he always seems to have it together.

✰ All of those little insecurities start to bubble up, and before you know it, there's a lump in your throat and your eyes are watering.

✰ The second you start to reply, and he hears the way your voice breaks, Hajime realizes that he's screwed up.

✰ "I-I know I'm not as good at this stuff as you are, Haji, but I'm not- I'm not an idiot. I just wanted to be optimistic."

✰ Hearing you say that breaks his heart a little bit.

✰ "Hey, hey, don't cry," he mumbles, and brings up a hand to the side of your face. He feels absolutely awful—all he wants to do is help you and make sure you're prepared, and instead he's made you feel like he doesn't trust your judgement. "I didn't mean that, not the way that I said it."

✰ He's stroking your cheek and trying to stay calm, but he's sort of panicking on the inside, because he can tell that there's something deeper that he's struck on and he doesn't know how to approach it.

✰ "I know how hard you're trying, baby. I know you're taking your future seriously, and I don't think badly of you for being optimistic. I'm sorry, I just want things to go well for you."

✰ He's just as straightforward about comforting you as he is about everything else, and that really helps.

✰ When he sees that your eyes are still watering, he pulls you to his chest and holds you tight. He presses his lips to your forehead and holds you there for a moment.

✰ You're starting to feel better as he addresses some of the root of the problem, and you sink further into his hold. Iwa always gives the best hugs, and it's hard not to feel better when he's holding you so lovingly.

✰ "I'm so sorry if I've ever made you feel like I don't believe in you," he murmurs. You can tell in his voice that guilt is eating him alive.

✰ The two of you stand there like that, with Hajime holding you and whispering reassurances, and just trying to fix any damage he might have just done.

✰ In the aftermath of it happening, he'd be a little extra sweet, take you on a nice date and just try to make up for it, and give you more reminders of how amazing he thinks you are.

✰ He's extra affectionate that evening too, and holds you close as you both fall asleep, as if he's still trying to apologize in his own way.

✰ Long term though, I see him wanting to have another discussion about why you might have those insecurities, because the idea of you thinking that he sees you as anything less that brilliant kills him a little inside.

✰ He loves you so much, and going forward he's much more careful of how he says things, and you guys have a much healthier, much more communicative relationship.

𝐎𝐈𝐊𝐀𝐖𝐀

✰ As much as we all love him, it's no secret that Tooru can be a little bit of a dick sometimes, even to people he cares about, and even when he doesn't mean to.

✰ He's really good at reading people on the court, but sometimes misses things when it comes to other people's emotions, especially subtle things.

✰ It's not that he doesn't care, but Oikawa is a hard worker who gets really caught up in his own routines and goals, which means he doesn't always stop and think about someone else's perspective.

✰ It happens over something that he sees as small, but something much more meaningful to you.

✰ You'd stayed up late preparing food last night, knowing that Tooru had an interview with a professional team the next day. You put a lot of effort into preparing a meal for him, wanting to give him a little extra motivation and support, even if you couldn't be there with him in person.

✰ It was a lot of cooking, but more than that, it was something that you had poured a lot of love into, and you were really proud to give it to him the next morning.

✰ "Sweetheart, I made you a bento last night to take with you; it's got all your favorites in it!"

✰ Tooru is shuffling around the apartment, finding his coat, keys, wallet, making sure he has everything he needs with him. He's preoccupied, and doesn't really stop to process what you've said.

✰ "That's okay, babe. I'm gonna eat out today," he calls as he gets to the front door. "I'll be home for dinner, love~!"

✰ And just like that, you hear the door shut, and Tooru is gone.

✰ You try not to feel too defeated, but the longer you stare at the tupperware on the counter and replay Oikawa's careless response in your head, the more frustrated you become.

✰ You'd stayed up all night just to make a stupid meal for him, and he didn't even say 'thank you' or 'sorry' for turning it down. Hell, you'd barely even gotten a goodbye out of him.

✰ You headed to work and tried to carry on with your day, trying to tell yourself not to overreact or be selfish. After all, it was a big day for him, and you were worrying about a stupid lunchbox.

✰ Trying to get over what had happened, you send Tooru a text at around lunchtime.

✰ hi love, how's it going so far?

✰ He didn't open it right away, but you assumed he was just busy, and didn't think anything of it.

✰ You finished your shift, and when you checked your phone. . . Nothing.

✰ Tooru was busy, yes, but he normally always found time to text you back. In fact, it was usually him blowing up your phone while you were at work.

✰ You just sighed and headed back to the apartment and decided to wait for him.

✰ By the time he got back, his dinner was cold and you had already eaten, and were now sitting on the sofa, watching reruns on TV.

✰ "There's my girl!" he chirps like nothing's the matter, and stops dead in his tracks when you cast him a cold stare over your shoulder before looking back at the TV.

✰ "Oh..." He sets his things down on the table and rubs the back of his neck, unsure of what to do. "I did something, didn't I?"

✰ "You think so?" you mutter, though you can't help but feel like you're reacting a bit too harshly. But even when the anger subsides, the hurt is still leftover, simmering.

✰ He slowly sits down next to you, and pokes your cheek, knowing full well that you're not in the mood. "C'mon," he chides, his voice light and playful even though he's clearly worried. "Are you gonna keep pouting or are you gonna tell me what's the matter?"

✰ You resist for a moment, but melt as he continues to stare at you. Finally, you groan and turn to face him. "This morning, Tooru. I spent hours last night making you that lunch, and you didn't even care. You barely said goodbye, and you didn't tell me you'd be home late tonight, either."

✰ "Ah... Crap."

✰ He's quiet for a minute, and you're not sure what he's thinking, and then you realize that he looks like he's about to cry. He starts apologizing profusely, and pulls you into a hug so tight that you think your lungs might have deflated.

✰ "I promise I'll eat everything you cook for the next million billion years! And I'll say goodbye to you every morning for the rest of forever!"

✰ You can't help but smile now. "Tooru, I don't think we'll be alive that lon-"

✰ "Don't say that! The rest of forever! Goodbye kisses!"

✰ Oikawa is nothing if not theatrical, but the emotion is genuine, and you're reminded why you love him so much.

✰ The rest of the night he might as well be glued to you because he literally does not leave your side. You're loading the dishwasher and he's hanging off of you like a giant whiny koala and kissing all over your face.

✰ And you know what, you love it :,)

#oikawa tooru imagines #oikawa angst #oikawa x reader #oikawa imagine #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa tooru imagine #hajime iwaizumi fluff #hajime iwaizumi x reader #hajime iwaizumi imagine #iwaizumi imagine #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi angst #oikawa fluff #iwaizumi fluff #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #hq x reader

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thatesqcrush · 4 years ago

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Christmas Confessions

Rafael Barba x Reader. @itsjustmyfantasyroom requested: Hey lovely, may I please have a Bryan Kneef or Rafael Barba or both 😉 x reader for your holiday bingo for the mistletoe square. Semi public would be delicious 😘

Ask & ye shall receive. I went with Barba. This is super fluff with a hint of sexy. Timeline wise this is after The Undiscovered Country, but Rafael never left - pretty current to s.22 (spoiler warning: with Kat having joined and Carisi is an ADA.)

WC: 1235

"You have no choice, you have to come.” Sonny commented to his mentor who was busily scribbling on a yellow notepad.

"You really are like a dog with a bone, Carisi. I said no, I'm not up to it. Besides, I have back logged reports to work on that Hadid said that she needed ASAP.” Rafael replied as he continued working, not bothering to look up at the younger ADA.

"Don't give me that crap, Barba. I'm not buying it. You're just looking for any excuse to not go.” Sonny replied, crossing his arms against his chest. "Just come for an hour; pop in, get some punch and say hi. Besides…" he continued, "Y/N is there now."

Barba grunted before taking a sip of his lowball glass filled with scotch. "What makes you think I want to see Y/N?"

"Barba, you seem to forget that I used to be a detective. And now, I’m an ADA. if I can't tell what's going in someone's head then I am doing a pretty shitty job. Sonny replied honestly. "She doesn't know.” He added for good measure, not wanting his friend to stress.

Rafael looked up at Sonny, letting out a deep exhale as he did so. "If I go will I get you off my back?"

Sonny cheered. "Carmen owes me twenty bucks; she told me that I'd never be able to convince you to come."

"It's great to know that my emotional well-being feeds gambling addicts.” Barba muttered sardonically. He looked at the pile of reports he had to finish. “I’ll go for one drink, say hello, and come back.” He told himself as he grabbed his phone, camel wool coat and scarf.

The 16th precinct - SVU division was brightly decorated with gaudy holiday decorations that looked like they came from way back when God walked the Earth. Holiday music filled the room as people chatted and laughed.

Rafael walked in slowly, following behind Sonny. Rafael scanned the room in search of you and he sucked in breath as you appeared in his line of vision. You wore a snug red top which accentuated the swells of your breasts and a black leather mini skirt – the look complete with knee high boots and a Santa hat adorned on your head. You were busy chatting with Kat and Fin when you caught Rafael out of the corner of your eye.

You smiled brightly at Sonny and Rafael, waving them in as you did so. "Merry Christmas guys! Sonny, I see you managed to drag Rafael out of his office. Carmen owes you what? Twenty-bucks now?"

Sonny laughed, "Yeah, something like that."

"Care for a drink? I made my famous coquito.” You turned your attention to back to Rafael.

"You made coquito?” Rafael questioned; his eyes were wide. “Uh, yeah that would be great. I haven’t had that in ages.” Rafael found himself suddenly parched. He assumed it was his nerves getting the best of him. He watched you saunter off, your hips swaying suggestively, and Rafael wondered if you knew how much sex appeal you dripped on a day to day basis. He hadn’t meant to fall for you – the fresh detective that came straight from the Academy since SVU had been so short-staffed after Sonny left to join the DA’s office.

What was one drink – turned into many more. Hours later, Rafael found himself enjoying the holiday party, though he assumed it was mostly due to the fact that the coquito was spiked with a lot of rum. Watching his colleagues get drunk around him was amusing. He had always had a high tolerance for alcohol, so it took him longer to feel any effect, especially since the drinks were served in bitty paper cups. But still, he felt pleasantly relaxed.

You made your way over to Rafael who was lounging on the sofa that was brought out from the breakroom. You plopped yourself into his lap, but your balance was off. Rafael was quick to steady you onto his lap. You scooched a bit to make yourself more comfortable and Rafael silently groaned.

"Whoa!” You giggled. "Thanks Rafael."

"Not a problem.” Rafael replied flustered. "Too much to drink detective?"

"No, not at all. High tolerance runs in my family. We're champs.” You rambled and Barba arched a brow at you. He had had more than one conversation with you to know that was a lie if he ever heard one.

"Sure…" he agreed, knowing disagreeing with someone under the influence always led to bad repercussions. You snuggled herself against his chest, your legs dangling over his.

"I just love the holidays.” You mused. "What about you Rafael?"

"Uh, not necessarily.” Rafael replied as honestly as he could. “It’s become over commercialized and it’s true meaning has been lost. And as a lapsed Catholic –”

"That's a shame.” You replied mournfully cutting him off. "Oh!" you suddenly interjected, your previous thought and emotion quickly forgotten. "What did you ask for this Christmas?"

"Nothing.” Rafael replied. "You?"

You chose to ignore his question by further probing his lack of want this upcoming holiday season. "Were you a naughty boy this year Rafael Barba?" You wagged your finger, and made a disappointed sound.

Rafael coughed, startled by your loaded question. "No, I was… fine; my usual self."

You pondered his comment thoughtfully. "Well, then you deserve something for your efforts."

"Such as?" Rafael wondered out loud, his brow cocked once more in your direction. He hadn't realized it until that very moment, but you had placed his hands on the tops of your thighs. He was positive that you could hear feel his pulse racing but apparently you either didn't notice or didn't care. He was unsure and preferred to not misinterpret your actions.

You bopped him on the chin and pointed above. Rafael moved his gaze from you to where you were pointing and sure enough, mistletoe had been hung from the ceiling.

Rafael returned his gaze towards yours, feeling his cheeks burn. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. The kiss caught Rafael by surprise initially, but soon he found himself kissing you back. His tongue traced the seam of your lips, seeking entrance and you opened your mouth, allowing him to deepen the kiss. You let out a low moan as your lips tangled passionately. You ran your hands through his salt and pepper hair, gripping the back of his head. He nipped at your bottom lip which earned him another moan, this one more earnest.

Silence reigned the room as the onslaught of lookers watched in shock. The gossip tonight would be tomorrow's headlines around the precinct.

You pulled away and lowered your lips to his ear, "“Like I said, you deserve something for being such a good boy.” Rafael didn’t miss how your voice was laced with lust.

He chuckled as you rested your forehead against his. "Excuse me?"

"I know about your feelings for me; I've known for a while.” You confessed before pressing a quick peck on his lips.

"How about we get out of here?" You suggested. “I could use some fresh air.” Rafael nodded, helping you up. Rafael helped you with your coat and then grabbed his. You both left, hand in hand and the party continued to stare dumbfounded at what they had just seen.

"Damn.” Sonny replied as he took another swig of his beer. “Carmen owes me a lot more than twenty bucks."

FIN.

Tags: @madpanda75 @tropes-and-tales @delia26 @mgarner1227 @beardedmccoy @youreverycolor @neely1177 @the-baby-bookworm @mrsrafaelbarba @skittle479 @ottosuricato @sass-and-suspenders @mommakat32 @dreila03 @beccabarba @garturbo @lovebennycolon @imjustreallynosy @sweetsummertime99 @whyissvuruiningmylovelife @annabelleb49 @scarletsoldierrr @cesarofangirl78 @redlipstickandplaid @redlipstickandblacktea @zoeykaytesmom @differentshadesofgray @misssirenlove @esparza-army @bananas-pajamas @mishaissocoolike @thefanficfaerie @theenchantedgalleryofstories @catnip987 @choppedgalaxynerd @pieceofshittytitty @ktiz90 @evee87 @itsjustmyfantasyroom @detective-giggles @rampantmuses @jazzyjoi @caked-crusader @rachelxwayne @prurientpuddlejumper @lv7867 @permanentlydizzy @bisexual-dreamer02 @madamsnape921 @averyhotchner

#thatesqcrush holiday bingo #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba and you

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interestsofabookwormbitch · 3 years ago

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Season 2 Episode 1

I've changed my mind. No review, just season 2. Do I have a lot of thoughts? Yes. But it's taking me too long to write, so I'm just gonna watch season 2... if I can. Internet is acting up right now. I might have to throw in (attempt) to my title

Ok, after 20 minutes it seems to be working. Now to just let it load a bit. It keeps

New scene ok. One question, is it Max specifically as the saviour? And the other two have other important roles? Or are all three of them some kind of saviour. I'm curious.

Ooh, that transition though

Rosa would be confused. And now Liz has to deal with a frantic sister, and dead Max.

That's a brutal way to begin.

Two weeks! Ok, I want to see what they've done with everything. With Max, and Rosa and stuff. Cause there's no way they can just explain Rosa being back.

Yeah, I guess nothing would really be holding Liz back now. But what's going on with Rosa.

Of course Michael's ghosting her. Man really just can't. Lmao. Though, he's probably going through a hard time rn, so I won't poke fun

Also, when is Maria gonna be told about everything? I'm still on that.

So who's funeral is this?

Yeah, see Michael isn't really too good right now. Sorry Maria.

Isobel, you sound like one of those fake grieving widows. I mean you are, but it's funny. Also lightening is really the only way to explain that.

Ew. "Know me inside and out" doesn't have to fake that reation.

Oh Max. No longer faking her grief.

See, no matter whether he's coming back or not (he is) them grieving is still gonna hurt.

Ok, I'm now crying.

Awkward moment with her mother. Yo, no need to be cold to him.

Lmao "Why not?" My opinion as well. Manes can stay in the coma. But I guess resources is a good reason to take him out of it. But coma isn't murder lol.

Oh girl, you have no idea what he's actually grieving.

Everyone asking about Max, it's gotta hurt

Is she implying Max had something to do with it.... like I'm sorry, even though he did, none of the evidence would point towards that. Like he very clearly was struck by lightening. It left a mark, there's no way a normal person could do that, so unless she knows something, no reason to dig into it.

Oh, they're making a scene. For what idk, but they are. Ok, to explain Max being gone. It kinda hurts though ngl. I know it's not real, but still.

Rosa is staying at Max's which makes sense, and see here's the thing. Secrets have a way of getting out. She will find out what people think of her eventually. Cause Liz and her aren't actually leaving. This is Roswell, she's the main character.

Yeah, I mean he kinda tried telling her, but she would need to accept this (if he were actually staying dead you know)

Rosa, what? Is she allowed to come here? Isn't there a chance her dad will see. Oh, I like this song

Max! Still connected!

Noah? Fuck off. I am so over him.

Oh it's a dream?

This is such a sister fight lmao. And Rosa is not into the this hugging side. I mean to her nothing really has happened, so she never even missed Liz.

Oh, cremating Noah. Getting rid of the body, fair enough. Yeah trauma.

Yo, she's really the only one out here doing the multiple powers thing. I wonder if I has something to do with Noah having used her body, and he knew? It feels gross to say that tbh, so imma forget the thought.

Didn't tell Kyle yet! Ooh, girl, that was kind of a rude thing to keep from him ngl.

So there's definitely more going on with Maria's mother than what meets the eye, and I really want to know.

Yeah, Kyle really was kept in the dark on this situation. Kind feel bad since he was there since the start, but you know. Now he knows about Max.

Rosa😟

I was really forgot for a second Rosa was his sister, even though they just mentioned it, and was wondering what happened to his sister.

Rosa, you can do better. I believe in you!

Michael honestly seems like kinda a mess right now, and it hurts to see. Both him and Isobel are taking this badly, just in different ways.

Nope, I don't need shipping feels right now too.

Oh, that's different. Idk, I never saw him without his leg on I guess.

You know what I kinda feel bad about? I ship Alex and Michael way more than Maria and Michael and it feels like I didn't give them a fair chance. I blame Tumblr for telling me literally only about these two before starting the show. Obviously I'm gonna latch on to the only stuff I know going into it. Like that's just a give in.

Oh my god please not the information on his mother right now. I'M hurting just thinking about all that must be going on in Michael's head, Caufield exploding with his mother who just found, Max dying, also throw in some mess of relationship feelings too,so extra info is just gonna make things worse. Now of course Alex doesn't know anything that's happening with Michael right now, least of all about Max, and giving this information is much better than keeping it secret, so like, I guess continue on. I just can feel the overwhelming feelings from here.

Yep. Yep. He's gonna lash out.

Ok Alex what you doing to me.

Michael. I mean he's right. That would hurt, and it would suck. Him wanting to distance himself from Alex makes a lot of sense, and it's fair. It just sucks.

Isobel though. Like look at you girl figuring out your powers.

Ooh, what is with the handprint? Obviously this is gonna lead to some way of bringing Max back. But either way, I wonder if part of why it's lasting so long is how much he had to do?

Ok, lots of trauma there. She really is like just trauma central. And now I feel worried, especially if she's training to bring Max back. Somethings gonna go wrong with her. I like seeing her figure out her abilities, but also she's doing a lot out of grief and anger.

Rosa likes good music. So far everything's she's played I liked.

Ah, there's definitely some anger there too at Max from Michael. Also Isobel straight up won't accept he's dead. I mean I'm not either, but I'm approaching this from a outside viewpoint. Storytelling perspective and everything if I saw this irl I'd think he as dead.

Yeah ok, she's going through a lot right now a good cry is something she both needs and deserves

This is a dream again.

Fuck off with Noah can he be gone now.

Michael, can you not do that in front of Maria. I said I don't ship you two all that much, but I still lover her, and this is very fucking rude.

Max! Yes! Coming back bitch. I was right. It was obvious, but idc. I'm happy.

Oh! That's why he's not cremated yet. Would've been nice if everyone TALKED to each other, so they all knew.

Fuck. Off. I am so over Noah being in issue it's not even funny.

Well shit. Also, they do not look that much alike you could mistake them for one another.

Area 51! Of course. Lmao

Rosa! Girl! She is way more impulsive then her sister. I love it though!

Yeah, tell him off! Michael was being a dick. I mean expected, but hey. Everyone needs a good telling off

I fucking love Rosa for this whole scenario. It's great. Like I'm laughing and chilling.

Michael with the hope again. Also, I kinda wish he wasn't here while they dissect Noah. Idk, I feel weird that he's gonna watch them pull apart a member of his own species. Like idk if he'll care, probably not cause it's Noah, but still.

Hmm. Bodies are part tech? I mean why not? Plus it'll definitely help with fixing Max up. Also, Noah's heart isn't good enough. Did it get fried by Max?

Liz, imma be honest, what Rosa did was dumb, but I still love it. Sorry. Also girl is dealing with a lot of doubt right now.

But also, no matter how happy she may be that Rosa is back, she'll still have to miss Max and deal with losing him. It'd hurt, and of course she'd be unhappy. But Rosa is dealing with her issues too.

Zombie too! Music in this episode guys

And yes Liz! I believe in you! So our issue for the first half of this season will be trying to save Max? Just following last seasons formula. First half was solving Rosa's murder, second half dealing with the killer (whether they thought it was Isobel or when they knew it was Noah). So first half fixing Max? Second half... I'm at a loss. Sorry.

Ok, this facility Maria put her mother in fucking sucks. Why is she out wandering again!?

Oh Isobel😟. Ok, what's she thinking with that Ultrasound?

Who the fuck just took her mother?

Is she pregnant!? Oh fuck no.😬😬😬😬 idk how we're supposed to feel about that, but right now I am uuuh a little eehhh. I don't like it.

Ugh! Can he just go. Ok, well that works.

Max. Why not? I don't like that. I also just don't care. Like something may go wrong, but he's being brought back regardless.

And that's the episode and all I have time for today. Maybe if it didn't buffer so much in the beginning I could have squeezed another on in, but C'est la vie. (Everytime I say that I think of the song from PGSM)

#rnm liveblog #roswell new mexico

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fleckcmscott · 4 years ago

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To Have and To Hold

Summary: Y/N makes an oversight at work. The resulting extra hours with Arthur delight them both.

Warnings: Swearing, Smut

Words: 4,272

A/N: This story had been kicking around in my head for about two months, but I hadn’t been sure if I was going to write it. Then I read @sweet-nothings04‘s amazing Hand-in-Hand (which you all need to check out, if you haven’t), and knew I had to put it on paper. Thanks to her for the inspiration to finally develop this, and for the title, too!

If you have any thoughts or questions, please comment, feel free to message me, or send me an ask. Requests for Arthur and WWH are open!

Perhaps it was the sunshine that stirred her. Or the horns of traffic on congested streets. The hammering of a distant construction site. The chatter and occasional yelling of passersby. The hum of Gotham awakening.

Y/N blinked in confusion - how could it be so bright this early? - and squinted at the clock at Arthur's side of the bed. No numbers greeted her, just its blank, plastic display. Stretching, she reached to her left for her watch, in its spot by the beige rotary phone on the nightstand.

"Shit!"

Nearly knocking over her glass of water, she clambered off the mattress. Arthur had warned her the lights could go off in his apartment. Not often and not for long. But enough to annoy. Naturally, his building's shoddy electricity had to mess with the alarm today. When she'd stayed up too late. When he'd had to leave ahead of her to commute to the other end of the city for a rare winter gig. When her body had chosen to oversleep in the coziness of his blankets.

Her nylons had never been yanked on with such haste. Arthur had made coffee but she skipped it in favor of brushing her teeth. Pausing on her way out, she took a calcium supplement and grabbed a note from the counter. She read it while riding the wood-paneled, graffiti covered elevator: "Your presentashin will be great. You snored a lot. Good thing your cute. - Arthur." He always signed his name. As though she wouldn't recognize his scrawl. As if anyone else wrote her sweet, sassy missives. She grinned until she hopped on the for-once punctual subway.

The presentation he'd referred to was set for that afternoon. She was expected to discuss the evidence and court file for this week's contested hearing. Last night, she'd sat at Arthur's breakfast bar to compile the case's final details and finish prep sheets. Gently, she'd rebuffed his subtle advances. His attempts to draw her attention from work to him.

Excitement had been palpable as he'd hovered near her. She was fairly certain she knew the cause because it enthused her as well. In three and a half short weeks, he'd be moving in with her. They'd officially begin traversing whatever the future held for them together. Hesitation had been clear in his posture, his drawn shoulders when (after plenty of convincing on her part that yes, she really, really, wanted him) he'd finally accepted the key to her place. But since he'd added it to his own keyring, he'd brightened. Strode a little taller. Walked a little prouder. Touched a little bolder. As though the weight he carried had lessened, at least by a couple cinder blocks' worth.

At his slight pout, she'd decided to find a way to involve him. He'd perched on the stool next to her, rested his cigarette in the pink ashtray to the left, and taken the proffered exhibit stickers with a quirked brow. Y/N had handed him papers, which he'd added labels to for her to write on. Then she'd stacked them in four different piles according to type. It had taken longer than usual - she was faster alone. But the intimacy of sharing the professional elements of her life with Arthur (besides the office wear he liked, claiming it showed how "smart" and "pretty" she was) had tightened her chest. And the curved-up corner of his thin lips had reflected how pleased he was, too.

They hadn't been able to collaborate on everything, however. It was past midnight by the time she'd joined Arthur, who had retreated to the bedroom an hour or so earlier. He'd been sitting against the headboard, half under the cover. The harsh blue light emanating from the old black and white TV at the foot of the bed had sharpened his features. Deepened the set of his eyes. He'd stubbed out his smoke as she closed the door. "I taped The Honeymoon Game. We can watch it when you're here again." A beat. "If you're not busy."

"This is supposed to be my last big project for a month or so." Sighing, she'd gotten her nightgown from her overnight bag. "I didn't mean for it to take all evening." She climbed in next to him and threw her arm across his lap. "I'm sorry."

He'd been stiff. Unyielding. The telltale signs he was miffed or upset. But he'd twined her hair around his finger, let his touch fall to her brow bone. "It's okay," he'd said lowly, adjusting to lie alongside her. "I don't want to be... I'm not being fair."

"You don't have to pretend with me, Arthur. It's all right to be annoyed." Tiredness had pulled at her as she'd fought to watch the rest of Gotham Tomorrow Tonight. The contact of his socked toes to her bare ones had made her smile, though, and she'd nuzzled his bicep. "I missed you," she'd mumbled, then promptly passed out.

The squeal of wheels on metal tracks prompted her to sling her canvas tote onto her shoulder. Shaw & Associates was a short sprint from the nearest station. She was certain she looked ridiculous, running down the street in her high heels. But she managed to slip into the office with two minutes to spare. Once she poured herself a cup of joe and straightened her blazer, she settled in her cushioned chair to get started.

It was only when Matt told her he wanted to meet before lunch that she'd rummaged in her bag. And realized she'd neglected to bring the file. Recalled it was sitting on Arthur's kitchen counter.

Fuck.

Her nails tapped the wood surface of her desk. Excusing herself to the bathroom so she could go retrieve it wouldn't fly. Matt would send a search party. She could try to discuss everything from memory, tell him documents were still being gathered. But he wasn't that oblivious. She settled on owning her error. "It's at home." Her delivery was nonchalant.

He waited until she'd loaded her typewriter with paper, then responded wryly. "You're not supposed to take files home anymore. Remember what happened last time?"

She leaned back as he stepped in front of her. "There was the slew of family cases that came in. With Patricia on leave, I'm handling all our calls and mail. Not to mention paperwork on her filings. It wouldn't have gotten finished if I hadn't taken it." Snorting, she shook her head at herself. Heat bloomed in her neck. "Not that it matters when I don't have it."

Expression softening, Matt stuck his hands in his pockets and jutted his chin at her. "How long did you work on it?"

It was hard to discern if he actually cared about the hours she put in. Or if he merely wanted to gauge the possibility of her doing investigations off the books again, something he'd explicitly prohibited. "I don't know." She waved dismissively. "Three or four hours?"

He let out a huff. "You put in enough time already. Go home at noon. We'll get to it first thing tomorrow."

"I have a lot to do." Her eyes widened at the myriad piles of folders laying around. "And I can't imagine you playing operator."

"I've managed when you've both been in court or at appointments. Besides," he continued as he headed back to his office. "You never take days off."

Straightening, she wheeled her chair to watch him plop down on his leather seat. "I'm taking three days next month," she countered.

His glare contained an unequal mix of mirth and consternation. "Y/N?"

The phone started ringing. She succeeded in making one ear ignore it. "Yes?"

"I know you haven't forgiven me for that whole Renew Corp. thing." She flinched at the casual mention of the company she loathed. Of her failure. But she forced herself to listen. Matt picked up a pen and started writing. “Rather than being stubborn, try saying, 'You're right.'"

~~~~~

Y/N stood in front of the narrow, white stove, stirring the soup she'd thrown together using bouillon, carrots, onions, and pasta. Ingredients she'd found in Arthur's kitchen. Music poured, at a respectable volume, from the radio on the windowsill. Swaying out-of-time, she added a sprinkling of black pepper, one of the only three spices he had (along with powdered garlic and salt). Wearing a content smirk, she sampled the steaming broth.

When she'd left the office, she'd been frustrated at herself. Yes, she was human. Everyone made mistakes. But she wasn't the forgetful type. Particularly if someone was depending on her. However, as she'd stopped in Burnley for another change of clothes, hopped on the train to Otisburg, and pictured Arthur's reaction to finding her in his home instead of having to call to wish her sweet dreams, her disposition had improved. Not only would he have her for an extra night. He'd get a late lunch, too.

The click of the deadbolt and clank of his keys on the entrance table came the second she turned off the stove. She listened to his heavy exhale as his bag dropped to the floor and shut the door. In her peripheral vision he froze, then approached tentatively. She reveled in his delicate hold on the dip of her waist, the peck he planted on her cheek. The smell of greasepaint wafted to her nose. "I hoped I hadn't made this up," he sighed with what sounded like relief. "But your meeting."

She angled herself towards him, gaze roving over his red and blue plaid blazer. The painted-on smile. His irresistible brown curls, mostly flattened by the wig he'd worn. Fidgeting with the petals of the squirting flower on his lapel, she scrunched up her face. "This morning went to shit." She explained the power outage, the clock, her own stupidity at leaving the file in his apartment. "I've packed it. Don't worry."

His posture grew pensive. "Sorry. Maybe- Maybe we should have stayed at your place. Your building's better."

Him thinking her error was somehow his fault had to be nipped in the bud. "No," she said. "You asked to make more memories here before we move in together. I'm happy to do that."

He paused, long enough she could have sworn she'd heard the gears in his head grinding. "Are you in trouble?"

Not unexpectedly, he had put together her mistake and her early dismissal from work and assumed the worst. "If I wasn't fired for trying to stop the Waynes, it's going to take more than an oversight to get me thrown out on my ass." Her brow furrowed. She sneaked a hand under his jacket and placed her palm on his chest. "I just hate that I wasted last night for nothing."

Soft lips, slightly sticky with red paint, grazed her temple. "It's okay," he said. "You're here now. And I got to help you."

The balm of his kindness loosened her rigid stance. His zeal to assist her, to ask questions, to learn about every aspect of her branded her heart completely. She leaned into him, kissed the squishy fold of skin under his chin, and nudged his ribs. "Food's ready. Go change. I want to hear all about your day."

Arthur emerged from the bathroom within minutes, clad in his worn, blue house pants and toweling his hair. Dimples were on constant display while they ate. The glint in his eyes was the one he usually had if his act or a job had gone particularly well, if he was pleased with himself. Was the one starting to be an almost weekly occurrence. Was the one that made his green eyes sparkle and caused her stomach to flip. He inched closer to her with every sentence.

The kids at the new children’s medical center had liked Carnival, he said. They hadn’t minded that he’d "filled in" for Gary. The magic tricks had all gone without a hitch, and the clinic had provided the balloons, which was a savings. The nurses and doctors had been nice; they’d even asked for his card. He’d had to provide a slip of paper with his address and telephone number instead. But he was sure he’d be invited to perform again. And he asked Y/N for help writing Gary a thank you note for the referral, claiming, “You’re better at that than me.”

“You’re the one who journals every day.” Her bowl and spoon clattered in the sink. “And your letter to me was beautiful. Just let me proofread it.”

Soon they were reclined on the sofa, sharing the flat pillow he’d used when he’d had no choice but to sleep there. The tape he’d recorded yesterday was playing. The Honeymoon Game had been a casual watch before, he’d explained. Not a nightly ritual like Murray. Given that he had a girlfriend and was a boyfriend himself, it had become fun to view.

She was only half-focused on the TV’s talking heads. Her mind was drifting to moving day, which filled her with gladness. She examined the plaid walls, the white cream color ceiling, the knick-knacks strewn about in the glow of the setting sun. The lantern with an owl hanging in the corner; the green, plastic drawers by the television; the curio cabinet... They were all a part of 8J, but assuredly not a part of him. How much would he be bringing with him, she wondered. And what would he be leaving behind?

“With one sugar and a shot of milk.” Arthur’s lively voice broke through her contemplation. Ah. He was reacting to the questions posed to the contestants, and making the answers about her, as he was wont to do.

She nestled back into the pleasant warmth of his firm frame. “Three sugars,” she replied, confirming she knew how he took his coffee. They continued to play along, with him showing off everything he’d memorized about her, and her replying with what she’d gathered about him.

Eventually, he shifted behind her. Raised himself on his elbow. “How did you know you loved me?”

Her hum was soft. Short. Possible responses were multitude. She’d suspected she could fall for him early on. When he’d wanted to repay her for doing what anyone should have done on the subway. And the first time he’d had the courage to call her after they’d split a slice of pie, his slight stammer revealing his nervousness. Maybe she’d say it was how slowly he’d drunken his wine during dinner, initially squinting as he sipped, his inexperience with alcohol obvious.

But she chose to go with what she believed was truest. What she assumed he’d hear most keenly. “Before we slept together, I hadn’t been with anyone for four years. And even then, it was different.” His hand splayed on her abdomen, thumb dragging along the waistband of her green leggings. A delightful ache flared in her center. “When I woke up, I felt perfect.”

“You felt like you were perfect?”

“No, silly,” she laughed, batting his forearm. “I knew I hadn't made a mistake. I reached out to your side, first thing - I’d thought of it that way, even then.” At the sensation of his hardening shaft against her rear, she giggled. “You’d made me so happy. You always do. I wanted to you to bed me again.”

The round tip of his nose skimmed her cheek, and she shivered at the dip of his fingers into her panties. “I want to again,” he rasped, paraphrasing her. The grind of his length was making her light-headed, and she twisted her torso to look at him. “I’ve been thinking about it.” Cheekbones glowing, he averted his eyes. “Ever since I woke up.”

“My monthly started,” she said regretfully. His descent halted, and a groan of frustration left him as he lowered his forehead to her shoulder. She mused. While he was becoming more apt to say what he desired, it happened rarely. But she loved it and didn’t want to discourage him from letting himself be assertive. Would he be offended by her suggestion? “I freshened up before we laid down. I have a tampon in. There are other things we can do.” She pressed her lips together, hoping she didn’t sound presumptuous. “If you’re comforta-“

“I’m comfortable.” His mouth quickly claimed hers, opening on a sigh. The tip of his tongue laved at the seam of her lips, and his messy enthusiasm made her whimper. Leaving a scorching trail in its wake, his hand traversed to her upper leg, gliding over the crease where her thigh and vulva met.

Shallow breaths caressed the nape of her neck, stoking the heat threatening to consume her. But the studio audience blaring from the television’s mono-speaker kept wresting her out of her haze. She snatched the VCR remote from the coffee table and hit the pause button.

The tease of his fingertips at her dark curls caused the peaks of her breasts to stiffen. She gasped as the rough fabric of her sweater dragged along them. His fore- and ring fingers spread her outer lips and she shuddered. The leisureliness of his fondling didn’t detract from its intoxicating effect.

Though it was a tad rough. “You’re kinda dry. Hold on.” Swiftly, he brought his hand to his mouth and wet his fingertips. Y/N blinked at him. It was clear he thought nothing of it, which shouldn’t have been a surprise, considering he’d confided he liked going down on her. Still. Seeing this normally reserved man improvise so he could pleasure her made her center throb with need.

Y/N was doing her damnedest to get her leggings and underwear down. Arthur snorted at her spirited, failed attempt at kicking them away. “It’s okay,” he chuckled, pushing them off her ankles with his foot. Then his touch fluttered at her swollen folds. She arched into him, already feeling as though she would burst. Bent at the knee, her leg lifted until her foot was flat on the couch cushion, allowing him easier access. He took advantage, sweeping forward and back along the rigid line of her engorged clitoral hood. She rolled towards him subtly, her moans getting louder with each tap to her sensitive nub.

Still holding himself up, he cradled her head. "Your sounds make me crazy," he said lowly. Once his hips started following hers, faintly rutting against the flesh of her backside, she closed her eyes. Hurriedly, she reached behind her to yank at his pajamas. "What?" he asked.

"I want to feel you," she whispered. There was a huff and some fumbling. And moments later his cock was settled at the cleft of her bottom. She bit her lip, savoring the weight of him. God, he felt wonderful.

His fingertips whispered over her clit, daring to follow the edge of her inner labia. She heard him gulp. "How does it feel when we're together? When- When I'm in you?"

"Warm. Full. Like you belong there," she replied with a smile. That last part of her response must have been unexpected, given that his grazes ceased and he trembled. "Don't stop," she whined, placing her hand on his. "Please, Arthur. You know just how to touch me."

Groaning, he started anew, deftly swiping quicker and quicker. The undulations of her pelvis hastened unevenly, begging both for release and for their coupling to last forever. She ran her palm up her torso, kneading her breast and plucking at her nipple. He nuzzled at her ear, grunting low in the back of his throat. Winding her fingers into his loose waves, she tugged lightly. Her belly twitched. Her whole frame tingled.

His skillful touch. The love they had for one another. The noises he was making in the crook of her shoulder. They all combined to throw her over the edge, and a wave of pleasure crashed through her. She cried his name brokenly, feeling empty without him inside her. But he kept holding her, guiding her through the crests of her climax. She was gasping, struggling to suck in air. Surely, she thought, he could detect the thundering of her heart against her ribs.

Gradually, the quivering grip she had on his locks eased. The kisses he planted on her neck were open-mouthed, desperate. And he hadn't halted the ardent movements of his hips. Y/N turned onto her other side. Gazing at him, she raked his curls out of his face, caressed his cheekbone with her knuckles. His look was hungry, darkened with need. The creases between his brows deepened as her hand trailed through the sparse dusting of hair on his chest.

There was a youthful charm to this situation, she considered. To them craving each other but not completely joining. It reminded her of being a teenager. When she'd been curious and horny, but nervous and not quite ready to go "all the way" with her ex. Being with Arthur allowed her to do all that again. To relive those experiences, to explore and make discoveries with him. To fall further in love with him daily.

She tenderly pecked the freckles at the top of his sternum, nestled against the notch above his clavicle. "I'm lucky to have you."

He didn't miss a beat, even as she trailed past the ticklish spots on his flank. "I'm luckier."

"I disagree." She outlined the slender muscles of his stomach, the v-lines leading to his cock. Played with the springy, brown curls at the base of him. "Without you, I'd only have my work. Which was enough before. But not now." After a moment, she concluded she was being sappy. She had to change it up. "And I wouldn't be having the best sex of my life."

Clearly flustered, he muffled his laugh. "Really?" His blush was prominent, his grin ecstatic.

"Really." Groans short and sudden, he rocked into her touch when she encircled his ample girth. Her fingers danced along his shaft, marveling at the contrast of his velvety skin with how hard he was. Pumping up and down, she tugged at him, trying to match the speed of his thrusts. He nudged his nose to hers, gazing at her before his hooded eyes flitted to watch what she was doing. Then she looked, too.

The sight of him fucking into her hand made her dizzy with want, even though he'd just gotten her off. The crimson, swollen head glistened, slick beading generously at the tip. Y/N licked her lips and spread it around him with the pad of her thumb. Moaning sharply, he bucked harder. Her motions quickened, flicking repeatedly at the notch on the underside.

Demand was implicit in the grasp he had on her upper arm. And it strengthened as his hips' stuttered, becoming unpredictable. Ragged pants hit her face. "I'm- I'm gonna make a mess.”

"It's all right," she soothed. Keeping ahold of him, she lay on her back. He followed and settled on top of her. Whimpering her name, he rubbed himself against her labia. But she gently pushed him onto his knees and continued palming him, her fingers teasing the ridge on his erection. It wouldn't take long to make him come. She could see it in the clench of his jaw, the tightening cords in his neck, his abrupt, needy cries...

Plunging forward, he held himself in place, grunting, clutching her urgently. His release hit her abdomen, warm and wet, and she gasped, her body curving up towards him. The feel of him spilling onto her couldn't completely distract her, though. Not from the beauty of his parted lips. Not from the relief that gradually spread across his features. Not from the slackening of his muscles as tension ebbed.

Sweat had gathered on his forehead. A droplet ran from the end of a dark brow to his jawline. Then he kissed her, his mouth groping at hers. "I love you," he said. He gave her one last peck and sat up on his knees. Holding onto the arm of the sofa, he retrieved her underwear from the floor and wiped her belly off. "That was fun." He tucked his chin bashfully.

"I concur." She entwined their hands and sat, then stretched as she pushed herself to stand and walk to the bathroom. The washcloth he'd designated as hers hung on the hook by the towels. She cleaned herself, listening as Arthur started the show again.

A new round of questions was just beginning. "When you and your spouse first met," the host started, "what was your first impression?"

Arthur's answer was instant. "Nice."

Y/N said the first thing that came to mind. "Handsome."

She popped her head out of the room to find him leaning on the entrance of the short corridor, beaming at her with hitched giggles. He was probably waiting for his turn to clean up. Like he normally did. But she couldn't stop herself from staring at him. Loving eyes met hers and his brows lifted expectantly. "Yes?"

Smiling, she wrung out the washcloth and put it back in its place. She stepped to him with a smile and smoothed his hair back. The rush of happiness in her soul, one she wasn't even sure she had, enamored her. Not only at what they'd shared on his old, scratchy sofa. But at Arthur being Arthur. At knowing soon she'd get to sleep next to him every night. Build a life with him, one she hadn't dreamed of even six months ago. Nothing she could say seemed adequate. So she went with a kind gesture, one she knew he'd appreciate. "I'll make us some decaf. And I love you, too."

~~~~~

Tag list (Let me know if you want to be added!): @harmonioussolve @howdylilflower @sweet-nothings04 @stephieraptorr @rommies @fallenstarsabyss @gruffle1 @octopus-plasma @tsukiakarinobara @arthur-flecks-lovely-smile @another-day-in-chuckletown @hhandley80 @jokerownsmysoul @mrscarnival

#arthur fleck #arthur fleck fanfic #arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck x female reader #arthur fleck smut #arthur fleck x ofc #joker 2019 #watchwhathappens

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Jac & Jude

Jac: I know this is probably weird Jac: or just an unwelcome sight, my name in your inbox Jac: but if/when you have some time to spare, I'd like to talk, if you're willing Jude: whatever you heard I didn't do it Jac: We could workshop that but no, that's not what it is Jude: 🗨 about what then? Jac: Um, if I've gotta summarize it in a message Jac: the past 2-ish years? Jude: bit late to start 🗨 now but if you wanna not be 🤐 Jac: That's okay if you want it that way now but I can offer you explanations, if you want that too Jude: 10/10 opener Jac: Thanks Jac: though if you're saying it's as believable as your 'I didn't do it' I take some offence Jude: ⚽️ 🏀 🏈 ⚾️ 🥎 🏐 🏉 in my court is top for novelty value alone Jude: power might go to my head 🤯 Jac: get your kicks where you can, honestly Jude: 😜✌ Jac: You'll let me know then? Jude: [lowkey ages later] Jude: 🗨 if you still wanna Jac: Okay Jac: I appreciate it, hopefully you will too Jac: that's all I want really, so, obviously I'm the one that owes you whatever you need to hear but if you wanna give me an indication of where to start, it might be easier for us both Jude: idk where it even started Jac: for me, I'd say when I started to be friends with Savannah, at the start of transition year, and it really got real at the end of that year Jac: but maybe before I was slacking too, that's definitely possible Jude: it ain't a job Jac: no, I meant that it is work though, maintaining good relationships and being a decent sister, work that I wasn't putting in Jude: I've always been hard work for you, soz like Jac: It certainly wasn't your fault Jac: or what I was trying to allude to Jude: 🗨 or not goes both ways Jac: Okay, you can think that, you don't have a lot to suggest otherwise, I see that Jude: you talk to Jess cos he does your head in less than me, since forever Jac: In general, me and Jess have more in common than we do, I think Jac: but I didn't talk to him for the whole first year either, and I only did at all in the second because he did me a favour in a way I couldn't Jac: but I might have to go back to explain that in a less vague way Jude: go where you wanna, it's your 📖 Jude: I'm 👂 Jac: I'm not telling it for me Jac: but alright, I'll just do it Jac: so, Amelia was in love with me, it wasn't reciprocated, and she couldn't be my friend any longer, I lost her Jac: then what happened to Isabelle happened and I lost her Jac: and also Savannah at the same time Jac: and what happened to Is fucked me up, as well as the shit people were saying about it, about me around it Jac: it all got on top of me, I didn't cope with it, I took that out on a lot of people, you were one of them Jude: nowt I don't already know Jac: Right Jac: well I didn't know you knew that, so I felt I should tell you Jude: everyone knows about the 😍💖 Jude: I missed Sienna too & there's no way what happened to Izzy wouldn't fuck you up Jac: okay Jac: well it was rough, for a time there, and I didn't really have anyone to help me deal so I did some bad and stupid shit that didn't just affect me Jude: yeah Jac: and I'm sorry about that Jac: for however that affected you, at all Jude: alright Jac: and I only talked to Jesse because something really bad happened and he was there so I had no choice, really Jude: what was it? Jac: I don't wanna make you feel bad Jac: just to say how bad it was, like I'm being dramatic or whatever Jude: you can't just drop that something really bad happened & then not tell me ?? Jac: I had to have an abortion Jude: fuck Jac: I know that's a lot Jude: idk what to say Jac: You don't have to say anything Jude: ??! Jude: yeah I do, we can't just leave that there Jac: You don't have to like, try to make me feel better though Jac: I can talk more Jac: it was last christmas time Jac: and yeah Jac: it was the hardest thing I'll probably ever have to do Jude: Christmas Jac: yeah, great timing, right Jude: who was it? do I know him? Jac: no, it was some guy at some party, complete accident Jude: I'm never hooking up with anyone ever Jac: I wasn't being as careful as I could've been Jac: I was on the pill, I am, but I was sick so Jude: if it happened to you, it could definitely happen to me Jac: no, I wasn't being safe at all, I wasn't like me Jac: you wouldn't do that Jac: not like you shouldn't be careful yourself, of course, but I'm not trying to fear monger Jude: why? Jac: because I didn't feel well Jac: or like protecting myself from bad stuff Jac: but it was a wake-up call Jude: are you better now or what? Jac: I'm trying to be Jac: I wasn't trying at all back then Jac: but I am now, and part of that is reaching out, so you really can ask anything Jac: if you want to Jude: I don't think you should go if you're not Jac: I think University will be good for me Jac: I have stopped doing a lot of the things I was already, and I'm trying to do more things that I should again Jac: the fresh start, getting to do what I want to do, that's been keeping me going Jude: but it's really far away Jude: what if Jac: I don't want you to worry about me like that Jac: I'm not about living like that now Jac: if I had to stay here, I'm not saying I would go back, but leaving is a good thing Jude: you were though & you're not gonna have anyone to help you deal there, that's why you said it got bad before Jac: I still don't have friends here Jac: I have a better chance to make new ones when we're all new, you know Jac: but it was all the stuff that was too much that made it all happen Jude: it feels like a 🥉💡 Jac: Why? Jude: cos you said it was the only thing keeping you going so if it goes wrong Jac: but it's not going to go wrong Jac: you know academics have always been where I'm most comfortable Jude: yeah but Jac: I worked really hard for this, and I've always wanted it Jac: I can swap Universities, if I need to do that Jac: and I would, if things weren't working Jude: promise Jac: I promise Jac: I don't know how I'll reassure you on this, apart from getting there, and then checking in Jude: then do that Jac: I will Jude: okay Jac: I'm not going to go back there Jac: I want to be better, and that's half the battle, right Jude: true Jac: I have to get out of here Jac: you'll feel the same when your time comes too Jude: it's not bad for me here Jude: I get why you wanna leave & Jess has gotta for the ⭐dom but I'm all good Jac: you want to see the rest of the world too though Jac: not stay here forever Jude: I'm not gonna 👀 sod all from a lecture hall Jude: & a basic bitch gap year ain't no mood Jac: I'm gonna be in Edinburgh, a whole new city to explore and make home Jac: you have to go somewhere you wanna be Jac: and then you'll have good money to see enough of the world and not have to do it with pretentious gap year people slumming it in hostels Jude: I just don't know where I'd wanna be Jac: you still have time to figure that out Jude: but I won't have my pick like you Jude: not 🤓 enough Jac: you can still pick a city, lots of bigger places have lots of different Unis Jac: even if the Uni isn't like ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Jac: the place can be Jude: you're right, I've slummed it on loads of school trips & it's still been 🥇 Jac: and I'm not calling you stupid, you can get into wherever you wanna, with the work Jude: tah, don't be calling me thick 🤣 Jac: just so you can't call me out later, of course Jude: probs won't be going to Spain though I ain't getting any 🏆 in that class Jac: you usually get a year abroad if you want it Jac: still chance for some sun, sea and sand Jude: 😝 Jude: can't be tamed, the teacher'd be fuming to find out I'm in Barcelona loving the 🎨 Jac: you can fluff your first year Jac: get it out of your system 😏 Jude: yeah? Jude: I thought that was a rumour to 🎣 out dickheads Jac: I think if you totally tanked it, they might wanna get you gone Jac: but I don't know if they technically can Jude: watch me test it 😏 Jac: 🙄 Jac: 🤞 you change your mind in these interim years Jude: they'll be like oi you piss off & I'll be like nah mate!! 😜✌ Jac: 😂 Jac: good luck with that Jude: I've got this Jac: No doubt Jude: you can still have kids later if you want, can't you? Jac: It shouldn't have had any effect, like that Jac: I don't think losing a baby does, usually, unless it goes really badly and that didn't happen Jude: yeah, you're not Amelia's mum Jac: yeah, I'm clearly fertile Jac: so unless the karma is I'm not later Jude: thank god Jac: I don't know if I'll ever want to do it again Jude: idk if I want kids either but we might Jude: like ages from now Jac: yeah Jac: It was just a lot to go through Jude: did they knock you out to do it? Jude: that must've been scary Jac: I took the tablets Jac: did it at home Jude: here Jac: yeah Jude: shit Jac: I told Jess, so he stayed with me Jude: I'm glad Jude: he's the one I'd tell too Jac: Poor him Jude: I do tell him stuff, I'm sure he's gutted about it Jac: I just meant it's a bit rude of us to put it all on him Jac: I'm sure he isn't gutted Jude: yeah but he won't be around for it soon Jac: you can still talk to him Jude: nah, he'll be proper busy 🤠🎤🎵🎸 Jac: you can still blow his phone up Jac: he'll get back to you Jac: beside, you have friends too Jude: I can handle it, I've got mates, mum & dad & obvs me Jude: he's earned a break Jac: yeah Jac: no doubt he'll be grateful Jude: for sure Jac: 👍 Jude: I mean from me, not you Jac: no, I know what you mean Jac: I've put him through enough Jude: nah, I have Jude: you were really going through something Jac: Are you okay? Jude: yeah Jac: Good Jac: like you said, you can handle it Jac: not going to start demanding you tell me things Jude: it was just a weird time Jude: is Jac: yeah Jac: I know Jude: I didn't know what to do & like I always know about myself Jude: things ain't usually confusing Jac: I'm sorry Jac: for making shit harder for you, you didn't need that Jac: a lot of it was too painful to talk about Jac: like, I couldn't Jude: & you don't have to, not to make me feel better Jac: I wasn't intending to make you feel shit Jac: but I also didn't do anything to go out of my way to do the opposite either Jude: you made loads of people feel shit, I'm not special Jude: or probs even top 5 Jac: I did Jac: it was easier Jac: than questions and concern Jac: for me though Jac: not you lot Jude: you can't be selfless all the time Jude: everyone's a selfish dickhead when they're 💔 Jac: I didn't have to be quite so selfish Jac: that's a lie, I did feel like I had to at the time, or I wouldn't have done it Jac: but that doesn't excuse it as alright Jude: it wasn't alright Jude: but none of us are saying it is Jac: it means you get to react how you wanna now Jac: even if that ain't alright either Jude: bit late to 🥊 Jac: you could try it Jac: you needn't think I'm just gonna take it though Jude: I got my own room out of it, if I do a OTT 🚪 slam you'll get the point Jac: you get your own room regardless now Jude: & this time I can actually chuck your shit out without mum or dad having a go at me Jac: if you want Jude: it'll be gone soon as you have 👋 Jac: that's fine Jac: I have the things I need Jude: I won't ask you to help me start the wall mural as a bonding activity, you're alright Jac: would be counterproductive Jude: yeah you'd only fuck up my artistic vision Jac: naturally Jude: if Amelia weren't so in love with you she might've bothered to teach you how to 🖌🎨 instead of being convinced you were 10/10 as you were Jac: I'd hate to steal your thunder Jude: the competition'd be a right laugh Jude: I wouldn't mind it Jude: how you get better anyway Jac: It's one way Jac: I've always been peerless so I wouldn't know but Jude: 🙄😏 Jude: when Sav left, she gave you a 🏃 for your 💰 before that Jude: 🤓🥇🏆 Jac: True Jude: I wonder where she's going Jac: Bath, probably Jac: unless she changed her plans Jac: or got into Oxbridge Jude: that 1st bit don't sound like something she'd do Jude: maybe her Catholic school was top notch though Jac: I doubt her dad was going to risk sending to another shithole Jude: I don't get why he sent her away at all Jude: there's gonna be lads like that at parties a few hours from here just the same Jac: Yeah well, it was a convenient excuse for what he probably wanted to do anyhow Jac: and I doubt she was allowed to go to many parties after that, wherever she was Jude: he's a twat for not caring what Sav & Sienna want, I wouldn't let him tell me nowt Jac: you wouldn't have much choice Jude: 😬 Jac: clearly their mum didn't argue loads for them to stay so Jac: that's that Jude: yeah but he could've stayed closer & still had them live with him Jac: well there's no point pretending he isn't a twat, for the sake of this convo Jac: maybe he had a job offer, I don't know Jude: 🤷🏼 Jac: anyway Jude: ?? Jac: I don't know Jac: is there anything else you wanna know Jude: does it get any worse? Jac: no, that's the worst Jude: then you can tell me if there's anything else Jac: I mean, it wasn't so much what I was doing or did Jac: you know the rest, the drinking and partying and obviously the sex Jude: it was a bit hard to miss Jac: yeah Jac: it was what it was Jude: I don't blame you for wanting to go, you won't get a fresh start here after what all that was Jude: you were my sister before far as the 🗨 went now I'm yours Jac: well, I want to go anyway, always have Jac: I don't care what people think Jude: good job none of us are that bothered, with Jess blowing up an' all Jac: you can't be responsible for what people say about anyone but yourself Jude: I know Jude: dunno if the other two have their heads round that yet though Jac: well I'm sorry for what people might think or say about you because of me Jac: we're all going to have to make changes, because of Jess' lifestyle now Jude: there ain't no might about it, they do 💭 & 🗨 Jac: then I'm sorry Jude: don't bother being, it don't matter if you are & people have always 🗨 bollocks Jude: if it ain't you it's Jess or mum being a model, whatever else there is Jac: well I still am Jude: I can't change your 🧠 Jac: just because people talk, doesn't mean I have to give them more to talk about Jude: you won't be, you'll have pissed off to do your psychology degree, getting to just be you somewhere else Jude: like I'll get to just be me if I go far enough away too Jac: Yeah, that's generally why people do it Jude: even if Jess gets well famous in the next couple of years, still a common enough last name Jude: I should be able to do my own thing Jac: exactly Jac: private profiles, the whole deal, it's just what you'll have to do Jude: not gonna wish he fucks it, that'd be a bit rude Jac: Of course not Jac: it doesn't mean it won't be hard Jac: people already know you're related, you've been at gigs and stuff Jude: something else I can handle Jac: doesn't mean you can't feel a type of way about it Jude: it's what he wants to do Jac: Yeah Jac: but how do you feel about it? Jude: idk nowt's really happened yet Jude: it might get weird Jac: Yeah Jac: I get you Jude: I don't wanna be famous & especially not just for being his little sister Jac: yeah, I'd hate that as well Jac: people speculating 'round here is bad enough Jude: but maybe it'll help with my 🎨 Jude: not being a total unknown Jac: maybe Jac: but you wanna know you earnt recognition for your ability, not who you're related to Jude: all I know is if people start asking for 📷 I'm gonna have to look 11/10 every day Jac: 🙄😂 Jude: even for school! oh my god that'll be knackering Jude: I'll have to get up early Jude: tah for that, Jess Jac: people at school already have loads of embarrassing pictures Jac: at least you'll know where they've come from Jude: my mates won't do that, so yeah I'll know WHO they've come from Jac: you never know Jac: it changes people Jac: and not just the person it happens to Jude: what so I've gotta keep my 👀 on everyone? UGH Jac: I'm not trying to be dramatic Jac: but you hear about it Jac: people selling you out, for their own fame or 💶 Jude: you're not wrong, I'm just not chuffed to have to walk on 🥚 Jude: be a right laugh that will Jude: but whatever I ain't gonna whinge to you Jude: that'd be a bigger pisstake after everything you've just said Jac: can't say I blame you Jac: you can talk about whatever you want Jude: to loads of other people, not you Jac: if that's how you want it Jac: not because you think you can't Jude: it's how it is, you've got a lot on Jac: You can still talk to me Jac: regardless Jude: changing the habit of a lifetime of you telling me to NOT, that's like another fresh start Jude: so nah, not really Jac: that is what I'm trying to do Jude: & I'm here for you if you want but I don't need it from you Jude: like I don't need Jess to rush back from gigging how we said earlier Jac: Alright Jac: that's how we'll go forth then Jude: 👍 Jac: See you later then Jude: 👌✌

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xsixxx · 5 years ago

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Bad Influence, Chapter Eight

Authors note: Hiya guys, it's been a while 🤙🏻 Sorry for the wait, I've had a rough few weeks, so I took a break from a lot of stuff, Tumblr included, but I'm back & I've been working on this chapter piece by piece. It was originally supposed to be longer but I've decided to split it into two separate chapters, which means at least the first part of ch.9 is written!

Thank you all for baring with me, I'm sorry for the wait!

So on with the goddamn show 🤟🏻

Warnings: Language, sexual tension, love triangle awkwardness, Beth being a super slut, loads of angst

Tags: @triplehaitches @freddiessmallnipples @queen-crue @scarecrowmax @lovesick-heart0 @littlesunnymoon @80sheart-strings @cranberribread @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies @deaconsroger @zoenicoles @crazysaladchopshop @ggorehorror @lunamadhatter99 @justtryingtoovercome @chaoticvybe @you-know-im-a-dreamer @eightiesrockbaby @valentines-in-london @xrosegoldwolfx @fupatroopaa @lilypetite88 @this-blog-must-be-the-place @ashleecrue @lauravic @dark-princess99 @unknownoblivion @mgkobsessed @antheasnow

(I've given up trying to find matching GIFs for the chapter so here's one of Erin Moriarty who is legit Beth in my head)

*Beths POV*

I rolled out of my bed, pulling on a tshirt & yawning as I went. I glanced across at the naked rockstar, asleep in my bed, which had become quite a common occurrence since the KISS tour ended for Mötley.

Vinces blonde hair lay feathered around his sleeping features & I couldn’t help that girlish feeling of excitement & smugness in my stomach as it struck me, as it does every morning that I wake up next to Vince, that this beautiful man that women threw themselves at, wanted to be sharing my bed.

I smirked to myself as I slipped silently out of the room & made my way into the kitchen.

“Coffee?” Came the always chirpy voice of Tommy, who was grinning ear to ear as he stood in just his boxers in the midddle of the kitchen, changing the filter in the coffee machine. I eyed him up & down, trying to muffle my giggle at the sight of his long chicken legs in all their glory.

“Please.” I mused back to him, smiling.

“Good night?” He winked, catching sight of my yawn as I draped myself lazily against the wall.

"Probably about as good as yours from the sounds of it," I sniggered, "I thought we were having a competition at one point!"

Tommy let out a loud, hearty laugh that immediately made me giggle. His happiness was infectious.

He poured out the coffee into two mugs before sliding me a sly smile as he opened up one of the cupboards & produced a bottle of whiskey. "Fancy making it Irish?" He chuckled.

"Tommy, it's like 10am!" I laughed, shaking my head at him.

"So?! It'll get us in the mood for tonight! You're still coming, right?" He asked as he poured way more than a shot into each of the coffee mugs & handed one to me. I rolled my eyes at his offer of corruption, but my smile betrayed my & I took it from him, more than willingly.

"Of course, you really think Vince would let me miss it?!" I snorted, taking a sip of what was, let's face it, 1/3 whiskey with a coffee mixer. I tried my hardest to keep a straight face as the alcohol hit the back of my throat & immediately warmed my chest, chasing away any remnants of lathergy I might've had. "He's desperate to show off for me, it's been so long since I've seen you guys play!"

"He won't be the only one up there showing off for you." Tommy said, smirking behind his mug as he took an impressive gulp without so much as a blink.

I feigned innocence. "What, are you gonna twirl around your little sticks to try & impress me, T-Bone?" I winked, sticking out my tongue cheekily as he playfully nudge my shoulder, his laughter ringing around the kitchen once again.

"You wish girly," he sniggered. "You know who I'm talking about."

I pretended to rub my chin thoughtfully. "I didn't know Mick had a thing for me.."

Tommy let out another infectious laugh that instantly had me giggling along with me.

"So," he started as we both composed ourselves & I took another sip of my drink "Does Vince know what you & Nikki have been up to then then?" Tommy winked.

I nearly choked on my mouthful of whisky as I clamped my hand over Tommys mouth, peering out of the kitchen door to check we weren't in danger of being heard.

I removed my hand from Tommys mouth to reveal a grin behind it. "So it is true!"

"What, n-no!" I stumbled, knowing I wasn't fooling him, not even close. I relented, sighing as I did. "Goddamn it Sixx, can't keep his mouth shut.."

"Oh, Sixx didn't tell me." He smirked, "I see how you guys act, it's not hard to put the pieces together, you hate each other a little too much." He laughed, his grin growing wider. "I'm kinda surprised Vinny hasn't figured it out yet either.."

I scoffed. "If Vince ever noticed anything other than pussy or his fucking hair, then hell must be freezing over."

"Babe, if hell is freezing over, it's only because you've been warming the devil's bed." Tommy winked again, chuckling darkly as I took a swipe at his arm.

"Ok, well A," I started, as my hand caught him just below his shoulder sharply, wiping that grin off if his face. "I am not sleeping with Nikki! We kissed once! And B, how do you know I call him the devil?!" I asked sheepishly, my face flushing red with embarrassment.

Tommys mouth grew wide again as he rubbed his arm where I'd hit him. "Oh Sixx loves that shit, he brags about it all the time to us!" Sniggered T-Bone, before noticing my face & visibly grimacing. "I said too much again, didnt I? Beth, I'm sorry! He doesn't take the piss or anything," he rushed, stumbling over his words, "you just know him, that sorta shit builds up his ego, calling him the Devil is probably the biggest compliment you could give that twisted fucker!"

I groaned aloud as I downed the last of my whiskey with one swift gulp, hoping it might chase away my memory of the last 5 minutes.

"I can't believe you know!" I moaned, hanging my head.

"I can't believe you thought you guys were being subtle!"

"T-Bone, you gotta keep this to yourself ok? I like how things are with me & Vince right now, we're having fun & I kinda wanna keep it that way. And, for the love of God, don't tell Sophia. I can't be dealing with her disapproval on top of my dad's & my sister's right now." I finished, shaking my head. Tommy looked at me with that cute, dopey look that instinctively made me feel warm & trusting.

"I promise, I won't." He smiled affectionately. I could tell he meant it.

*Later*

*Nikkis POV*

I winked as I approached the gaggle of girls hanging around the door that lead to the backstage of the Whisky.

“Nikki, look for me in the front row.”

“Hey Nikki, cant wait to see the show tonight.”

“What are you doing afterwards Sixx?”

It was always the same. The girls always sounded the same, saying the same things, hoping to be the one to grab my attention that night. They were all starting to look the same too. The same hair, the same tight dresses, the same fake smile plastered on the same forgettable face.

Didn’t matter to me though. I fucking loved it.

I stopped next to them, leaning against the wall & flashing the arrogant smirk that never failed & I watched as they fell to pieces in front of me.

“So, what are you girls hanging around back here for?” I asked, making them giggle.

They babbled away, doing their best to impress me with their answers as I shut off, letting my eyes & my mind wander. I was halfway done mentally undressing them when a soft, flirty voice cut through the noise of the groupies.

“Hey rockstar, what’s a girl gotta do to get backstage?”

I turned my head, my eyes meeting with Beths before they trailed down every goddamn inch of her fine self. She was dressed in an oversized Led Zeppelin tshirt, tucked into a high waisted black denim mini skirt & white sneakers. She definitely wasn't like all the rest.

“Just show up looking like that, angel.” I smirked, not able to stop my eyes tracing her every curve. I strode towards Beth, leaving the wannabe groupies behind me without another word or thought, took her hand & lead her through the door.

“So when’s our next therapy session, Doc?” I mumbled, wrapping my arm around Beths waist, pulling her close as we walked.

Beth let out a forced laugh, wriggling away from me & glancing around quickly, checking we were alone. “Nikki, that night was purely for research purposes, we are not making that sharing circle a regular thing.” She said, her eyes darting around, looking anywhere but at me

“How about we just make the last part of our session a regular thing then?” I mumbled, placing my hands on her hips & pulling her into me once again, leaning my face towards hers, closing the gap between our lips.

Beth took a sharp step back & finally allowed her eyes to meet mine, a look on her face somewhere between panicked & scornful.

“What’s the matter, angel? Worried your boyfriend is going to see us?” I mocked, brashly reaching for her hand, but she snatched it away.

“Yes.” She snapped, before checking herself, blushing pink. “I mean, not that I think Vince is my boyfriend.. Obviously.” She stuttered as I let out an offhand chuckle.

“I should hope not.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?!” Beth retorted, her whole body suddenly stiff & defensive.

“Calm down doll, I only meant that Vinny ain’t the dating kind, I don’t want you getting you hopes up.” I shrugged.

“I’m not one of those girl out there you know,” she gestured towards the door that lead to the faceless groupies. “I don’t crave this bands attention & I don’t need it. Maybe its me that wouldn’t date Vince, ever thought of that?!”

I raised my hands in surrender to her over-sensitive tirade. “That’s all good then, because Vince definitely isn’t gonna date you darlin’, so don’t get used to your sleepovers." I replied, a little too harshly as I let my jealousy seep into my words.

Beths face went dark & her usually soft features looked twisted & angry.

"What's with you tonight, I didn't realise it was possible for you be more of an asshole than normal." She barked.

"And I didn't realise it was possible for you to be more of a stuck up bitch, but I guess people can suprise you." I hurled back, irritated by her defensive attitude.

"Real fucking nice Sixx, thanks. And just when I was starting to think you weren't all bad after the other night.."

"Oh, so you do remember the other night?" I cut in sharply. "Because here's me thinking it must've all been in my head being as you've been doing everything in your power to avoid me since then & pretend like it didn't happen."

"Oh grow up Nikki, I haven't been avoiding you. I've been working & hanging out with Vince, I'm sorry I haven't had much chance to stroke your fucking ego for you."

"I could probably free up some of your time if I went & told Vince that little promise you made me the other night. What was it again? Something about making me kneel before you'?" I laughed smugly as Beth's eyes flashed with fury.

"Christ, you just can't stand the idea of someone turning you down, can you?"

I let out a dumbfounded laugh at her bold pretension. "Remind me Beth, when did you turn me down?. Was that before or after you asked me to kiss you? Or maybe when you were up on the kitchen counter, moaning into my mouth." I asked snidely.

She glowered at me. "What part of me still sleeping with Vince & refusing to kiss you just now makes you think that I'm interested in you?"

I was beginning grow infuriated with her condescension, how could she just pretend like the other night didn't mean shit? "Tell me, is Vince really that good in the sack?"

"And what's that got to do with anything?" Beth fired back, irritated.

"Must be a good fuck if you're willing to get attached to someone who's gonna drop you any day now." I shrugged, pretending I couldn't care less.

“So that's the plan, he gets bored of me & then what Nikki? I move on to you? You get to sleep with me & ‘fufil my dark fantasies’, twist me into someone as fucked up as you so you feel a little less alone?” She spat venomously, her voice cold & sharp, taking me by surprise. My body went rigid as I felt anger descend over me like a mist. Beths face flushed pale as mine turned red, but she remained stubborn, folding her arms across her chest defiantly.

“Fine, fuck off with Vince.” I seethed, my jaw clenched & my mind ablaze with the thought of Vinnys hands on her, touching her like I’d not been able to stop thinking about touching her since that night he first took her home. “He'll get bored of you soon enough, I know I already am.” I finished bluntly, fixing Beth with a stone cold glare before spinning around on my heels & marching towards the backstage door. I leaned through, deciding I’d pick the first one that looked at me.

A tall, slender brunette in a tight red dress with fake tits & that usual fake smile glanced round, her eyes brimming with excitement when she spotted me.

“It’s your lucky day darlin.” I cooed, taking her by the hand & pulling her through the doorway & away from her fake ass friends. Probably for the best, they’d all hate her now anyway.

I turned back to face Beth, smug smile at the ready, trying to think up a shit-eating remark to say as I walked past her, but she'd already disappeared.

Fuck.

"So rockstar, where's your dressing room?" The brunette asked, her fingers finding their way under my shirt to my chest as she draped herself seductively around my arm.

I looked at her with uninterested eyes, my mind still entirely too focused on Beth.

I guess I could use the distraction, I thought, taking the brunettes hand & leading her down the hall & into the dressing room, untying my leather pants as we went.

*Later*

“And where the fuck is Vince?!” I yelled at Mick & Tom, tapping my foot impatiently as we all waited to the side of the stage.

“Not sure,” Tommy lied, badly, “I’m sure he’ll be here in a sec.”

“Pretty sure he’s in the toilet.” Mick mumbled, without looking up from tuning his guitar. Tommy nudged him nervously, but Mick just grunted, flicking him the middle finger without a glance.

I watched from the sidelines as Beth & Vince emerged from the toilet together, giggling like goddamn school kids. White hot jealousy burned through me, flooding my veins as saw them, hand-in-hand, disheveled hair & satisfied smiles plastered on their smug faces.

"Nice of you to fucking join us." I spat as they strolled over to us at their own pace, still laughing.

"Oh come on Nikki, we ain't due to go in for another 15 minutes, chill out man." Vince shrugged unconcerned, fueling my outrage with his nonchalance.

"You might care more about getting your fucking dick wet than you do this band Vince, but this shit actually matters to the rest of us, so either change your attitude or you can get the fuck out." I seethed, my eyes flitting dangerously to Beth, who had taken a cautious step back from me.

"Sixx man, come on," Tommy said, gripping my shoulder, trying to diffuse the situation. "it's not a big deal, we don't need this shit before the show."

I took a steady breath, trying to regain control over my temper. "Just go & change before you make us any later," I hissed at Vince through gritted teeth.

Beth lingered awkwardly as Vince waltzed off to the dressing room, unsure whether to follow him, stick around or simply leave. I decided to help her along with her decision.

"I think it's best you go." I said to her coldly, my bitter jealousy plainly obvious as I turned around & marched towards the back exit, desperate for a smoke.

"Nikki, wait-" Beth called out, following me outside into the cool night air.

"What do you want Lizzy?" I snapped, sparking up my cigarette & taking a long, deep inhale. "I've got nothing to say to you."

"I'm sorry-", she started, but I immediately interrupted.

"For what?! For fucking Vince & almost derailing my show?!”

Beths eyes narrowed. "I was going to apologise for what I said earlier, but yanno what, fuck you." She fired back, defensively. "Why would I be sorry for doing whatever the fuck I want with Vince, it's not like its any of your damn business."

"My fucking band, my fucking business sweetheart." I seethed, taking another long drag through my gritted teeth.

"No Nikki, just because they're in your goddamn band, doesn't make any of those guys in there your property, you don't get to lord over them like you own them." She replied, feeling brave.

"And what about you, huh? I fucking made you into this over confident little groupie & frankly, you're getting a little bit too comfortable around here."

"Excuse me?!" Beth thundered, her whole demeanor changing, "you didn't make me into anything, you egotistical prick!'

I smirked arrogantly, knowing I'd got to her. "You come to my gigs to see my band, you fuck my front man, snort my drugs, party with my guys. Who were you before you met me? A stuck up little princess who didn't know how to have fun. Face it doll, I fucking made you." I scoffed as I watched Beth's face flush red with anger.

“And what about your new piece of ass, huh? You gonna make her too?” She snarled. “You’re pissed because I fucked Vince but you’re a goddamn hypocrite Nikki, I saw you with that girl, taking her into the dressing room. I'm guessing she didn't go in there to help you with your fucking makeup?"

I paused, caught off guard, not realising my plan to make her jealous had actually gone to fruition. I couldn’t stop the sly smile from creeping on to my face. “What does that have to do with anything?” I asked, my voice changing swiftly from enraged to calm & deadly smooth in an instant, enticed by her hint of jealousy & eager to hear her answer.

Beth squirmed a little, realising the corner she’d backed herself into. She looked deliciously trapped.

“I just-” she tripped over her words as she scrambled for an excuse. “I just don’t get it, why are you so pissed that I fucked Vince?” She asked, diverting the attention for herself.

“Because I want you.” I said plainly, switching gears, my anger melting away as I watched her discomfort double as she tried to stay mad.

“What?” She asked, shaking her head in annoyance.

“Because I want you Beth. I’ve wanted you since that night I caught you doing blow in the bathroom with Tommy, the night that Vinny took you home when it should've been me. I want you & I want to be the only one that gets to have you.” I replied bluntly, smirking as Beths mouth fell open a little.

“But you don’t.. You don’t do the whole exclusive thing.” She mumbled awkwardly, still processing my words.

“You’re right. See princess, I’m selfish like that.” I purred, taking one last drag on my cigerette before flicking it away & taking a step towards her so our bodies were practically touching. “I don’t like exclusivity, but also, I really don’t like to share.” I breathed, our lips practically touching.

Beth scowled, suddenly finding her voice. “Well that hardly seems fair. You expect me to be loyal to you whilst you fuck every woman that shows you some attention?!”

I chuckled darkly, knowing how unreasonable I was being. “Pretty much.”

“You’re such an egotistical asshole!” She yelled, raising her hands to shove me away from her, but I caught them by the wrists in one swift movement & pinned them by her shoulders. Beths delicate features were twisted, her perfectly shaped eyebrows were furrowed in anger & her soft pink lips were pulled into a tight, thin line as she fought against my grip. She glared at me, eyes dark & full of hostility. Yet I saw a lingering passion in them. Her tight lips relaxed for just a moment & I saw her drag her bottom lip through her teeth, those dark eyes darting to my mouth. I smirked.

"You’re right, I am an asshole. But you still want to kiss me, don’t you, angel?" I breathed, tightening my grip on her wrists, grinning wider at her mixture of discomfort & pleasure.

Her lips parted slightly & I could hear her breath quicken as I watched her internally fight with her desires whilst I fought with my own. On the surface, we hated each other. I hated everything she represented, the fact that she didn't like my music & how she was like every other girl, sucked in by Vince's blonde hair & boyish charm. She hated my arrogance, my runaway lifestyle & the fact that I could see right through her good girl act & get under her skin like no-one ever had. And yet somehow, that hatred had paved the way for an attraction neither of us could fathom or understand. It was illogical, unwise & entirely unwelcome. But it was also intense, salacious & completely overpowering. We both knew we'd have to give in to it eventually.

She kissed me, unable to restrain herself any longer. I released my grip on her wrists & buried my fingers in her hair, pulling her closer to me. She tasted so damn sweet.

I pulled Beths hair roughly, tilting her head & exposing her neck as I placed hungry kisses along her skin as she moaned aloud, pushing herself up against me. I placed my hands at the base of her pretty neck, running my thumb across the skin gently as I brought her lips back to mine, dragging her lower lip between my teeth. She groaned into my mouth, rubbing up against me as I squeezed my grip around her throat a little tighter, smirking against her kiss as I did.

She was fucking delectable.

Just then, the backdoor to the Whisky swung open, returning us from our heady escape back to the dingy alley with a crash.

"Nikki, come on man, I thought you-" Vince started to say, before catching sight of us jumping a mile apart in a failed attempt to look innocent.

I coughed, trying to regain composure. "Yeah yeah, I'm coming."

Vince's face was like thunder, a mixture of outrage and betrayal turning up a storm. "Nah, doesn't look like you got that far." He spat

"Vinny, I-" Beth stumbled, walking towards him.

His eyes shot from me to her, disgust adding to the mix of emotions he was displaying. "I haven't got nothing to say to you." He said harshly, cutting her off. "& You, brother," he drawled sarcastically, "get your ass inside, we've got a fucking show to play, remember? Or do you care more about getting your dick wet than this band?" He quoted, bitterly.

"Fuck you, Vinny." I shot, shoulder barging him as I shoved past to get through the door.

"Fuck me? Are you fucking kidding, Sixx?" He screeched, quick on my heels. "You're out there grinding on my fucking girl & you're acting like I'm the fucking problem here?"

"Your girl?" I laughed crudely, "Since when does Vince Neil have a girl?"

"You know damn well what I mean. I haven't been hooking up with her for this long for you to just go & help yourself." Vince snarled.

"Well maybe Beths got her reasons for looking elsewhere." I sneered, getting brave.

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Well Vinny," I started, taking a smug step towards him, getting in his face, "Maybe if you satisfied her, she wouldn't come to me."

"Shut the fuck up Sixx, you know that isn't true!" Beth yelled, pulling on Vinces arm in a feeble attempt to separate us.

"Why else would she come running to me right after you'd finished fucking? Your bathroom fuck clearly wasn't enough for her so she had to come looking for someone that could finish her off." I suggested arrogantly, smirking at my own maliciousness.

"Vince, just walk away." I heard Mick say from somewhere, right before Vinces fist flew at my face.

*Beths POV*

I sat at the bar, drinking away my humiliation as I watched the two guys I'd shamefully kissed in the space of 10 minutes, up on stage playing a visibly tense set. Nikkis angry red cheek was glowing like a beacon for the whole audience to see.

"It's not like you & Vince were anything serious." Sophia said, serving me up another shot of tequila. "I mean, that guy has definitely been screwing around since you guys first hooked up."

"I know & if he'd caught me with anyone else, I don't think it would be a big deal, but it definitely crosses the line to go with one of his band mates & best friends really, doesn't it?" I groaned, burying my face in my hands. "Plus, I'm not exactly a normal groupie, Vinny is my friend, we hang out, he spends the night.." I trailed off, knowing I'd just put a definitive end to that.

"Why were you kissing Nikki?!" Sophia asked, raising her eyebrow knowingly.

"Don't start Soph ok, I don't need it." I replied, necking the shot & gesturing for another. "Let me just bury my shame in peace & fucking tequila."

"I don't get it though, I thought you were liking things with Vince?"

"I was loving things with Vince, I don't know what the fuck I was doing." I sighed. "All I know is that Nikki has a direct line to both my last fucking nerve & my emotional g spot apparently. Who knew they were connected?" I groaned, mentally scolding myself for the millionth time.

"You gotta figure out what you want babe." Sophia said sternly, disapproval written all over her face. "But what you've gotta remember is, neither of these guys are in this for the long run, so are they really worth it?"

I fell silent, sparking up a cigarette & looking back across at the stage.

"I want you, I need you

I want you to be mine tonight.

You need me, you tease me

Use you up, throw you away."

I listened to Vince sing, watched him prancing around, his striking good looks & flamboyant attitude on stage so appealing it made me weak.

Then I looked across at Nikki, dark & brooding, the complete opposite of what I thought my type was. He was conceited & rude, his lifestyle & interests were the furthest thing from my own & he pissed me off like no-one ever had.

If I was being honest with myself, I'd say that, up until tonight, he was right; I'd thought myself above Nikki Sixx.

But tonight had changed everything.

Tonight I'd realised that I wasn't better than anyone else, I was just as bad. Worse, maybe.

I watched Nikki pluck away at the strings on his bass, enjoying the sound for the first time. I let my mind wander back to that night he said he should've taken me home. The same night he promised to drag me down with him.

He'd been right about everything. I wanted excitement in my life, I wanted to have fun. I wanted someone to fulfill my darkest desires. I wanted someone to show me how to enjoy the dark parts of me. And that just wasn't Vince.

I watched Nikki play intently, that spark of desire igniting inside me once again. I wanted him.

My bad influence.

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pbandjesse · 6 years ago

Text

It was a pretty good day. I've been avoiding writing this for about an hour because I felt very bad I was waiting for my pain medication to kick in. I was in so much pain tonight that I was nauseous. Not fun!

But today was still good. I slept okay. I woke up before my alarm clock and got up after a few minutes. I got dressed in a cup okay. It was very rainy out today though and I didn't know what to wear. One of my yoga shorts are missing so I didn't have any clean ones. So I wore long leggings since it was raining it was a whole thing.

I headed out and got to the museum early so I can get my breakfast. I know I shouldn't do that everyday but I don't have any eggs in my house and I'm trying not to buy too much groceries because I'm moving into James's Place very soon and I don't want to have to move a bunch of stuff. I have some stuff here but not enough. But I ended up running into backup and we walked in the museum together.

The museum was really exciting today because me and Megan were setting up the needles project. Where we sow. 30 kids is too many but we worked it out. When we first got in the room I heard water. And it was raining and gross out but there's no windows in that room and we look over at the ceiling had caved in and a place. The fan was on it was shooting water that was pouring from the ceiling all over the place. It was very upsetting. It was like a waterfall was coming into the room. But we told the people we could and then we kept setting up. We still ran the program in that room. And it went well. The group's came a little bit too early. It turned out one of the teachers I work with at the science center so that was cool. But we got them started on time and me and Alexis did the sewing half and Megan did The Cutting and patterns and everything's half. It went really well. It did not go well at first some of my kids that were selling. One of the kids was very upset because he was confused. But once I stopped and was able to help him. Which was very hard because I had 20 kids sewing at once. He ended up making more than anyone else. It's very proud of him. And I tried to make sure he understood that. That he was frustrated at first and wanted to give up but he made it through and he did so well.

I was a little annoyed once the program is over because all of a sudden I was the only one in the room putting everything away. I understood why Megan left because she was taking the kids to the scavenger hunt. But Alexis was supposed to be shadowing me and then all of a sudden she was gone. It turned out that there was something that she had to run out of Museum because she got a phone call and it was a whole thing but I felt very abandoned. Brandon ended up coming back and helping me carry the chairs. Which is the part I didn't want to have to do because it's unwieldy. But it's all good.

We had a quick break and then I went to go with Caitlin to watch the lights on program. It was only nine kids and they were so sweet. Basically the program is that making a light bright. And Kaitlin loves the long Furby. She thinks they're the funniest thing. So I made a example Lite-Brite that was a long Furby for her. And she was very excited. Trying to explain to the kids what it was was a whole another thing but it was still a good time. And I like the program though I don't quite understand why it's an hour and a half. That's all right. I would like to see it I think one more time before I do it but if they had to have me do it tomorrow I'd be fine.

We have an hour supplies. Which is just kind of doing things around the museum that need to get done and setting up for programs for other days. And then me, Kaitlyn, and Becca went up to the offices to make copies. We did folding and cutting and all of the things that went along with that.

and that took a lot of time so by the time we got downstairs and got everything put away it was time to go. It was fun hanging Out with them though. But I was excited to have the rest of the day to myself. I realized somewhere in the morning that I didn't have to run out of there and go to another job and I was shocked. The first time in a long time. Honestly I think since last summer. So that was cool.

I went over to the shopping center and went to the Dollar Store. I got bread and some rice. So I have some kind of food in my apartment. I got the tiniest reusable shopping bag. It's almost the same size as my bike basket and height and it's perfect. But I wandered around there for a bit and then I went over to the bank and got quarters and then I went home.

I was very shaky by the time I got back here but I knew I wanted to get things done a certain order. I collected all my laundry and took it downstairs. I did a load of towels which is basically all of them. So I can pack this up to take to James's house. And I did my clothes. Which is when I discovered that one of my shorts are missing. I thought that all of my shorts or just in the laundry but only two of them are in there. So after I finish this I'm going to go look through the baskets and see if I can find it. It's very annoying.

once my laundry was done I had to bring the towels up to hang because they didn't dry in the dryer they just got hot. But then I went and got my clothes and they were fine and as I was putting away the doorbell rang. Because my two new Shelby's are here. The one Shelby is going to Lane. But the other one is mine and I'm very excited about them. Especially because when me and James came back later after we had dinner at his place I put the battery pack from new Shelby who is mute into the old Shelby that had a speaker box issue. And for whatever reason that speaker box issue is no longer a problem. And they work just fine. I was going to start crying it was amazing. So that was a big highlight of the day.

But once everything was put away I packed a bag of stuff to move to James's house. Mostly Furbies in decorative items and liked over to his place. He made me a baked potato. And I Swang in the silk we put on that pull up bar. And just had a nice time. Had cheese and crackers and watched videos. It was nice just kind of spending quiet time in the apartment together. Neither of us felt very good though. He had an overnight last night and my pain was all coming back. So what 7 we walked back to my apartment.

He went home and I've been hanging out here ever since. I sat outside with sweet pea for a bit and pick my outfit for tomorrow. But I've mostly been watching videos and hanging out. I'm working at the Museum again tomorrow until 2 and then James is going to come over and we're going to try to get all the stuff off my walls so that when dad comes this weekend we can spackle and stuff. And then we're going to baseball game. I'm looking forward to it. I hope you all have a great night. Sleep well.

#ootd #work #babe #selfie #swing #furby #shelby #monday

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intheemyart · 3 years ago

Text

Expect The Unexpected

Jakarta has been nice towards her for the past days and Frederica felt like life has been treating her how it should be after the long and rough journey that she faced for some months already. Who thought that life would bring her to the most unexpected part of life? That her love ends here and her marriage fell apart from things she never thought before? Never once she thought that it all would ended up this way.

Hiding from the public yet again just like how she did it in the past during those time when the media caught her being engaged to the man she could say now as her past. The first was hard but now, she could adapt more easily with the situation. She decided to visit a cafe nearby her home in Acacia Residence just to freshen her mind.

Nevertheless, she won't hide much longer and stucked in the fear of being hunted down by everyone. She deserves her life back as an individual human being.

The cafe was located in Tebet too, the same neighborhood she's currently in. Frederica came by recommendation and as well to meet a friend she knew from a mutual. It was nice to have someone to talk to despite of the situation that might look a little bit invasive.

"Thank you," she said to a waitress holding a menu book that she just returned. Ordering her food first as now she's with the twins and it would be very hard for her to eat later if they woke up, while waiting for her friend.

──────────

Aria witnessed many people's ups and downs.

What a thrilling sight for the lass who barely had an exciting life. Albeit, It was a boring one, she believed it was for the best of her and Pelita. Realising how media could be monstrous, it was better to hide than to reveal herself.

As she would never know what has been waiting for her behind and whether she would be capable of handling it well, or in the worst case, she would have a breakdown?

Aria and her boring life, much different than her twin who led a company, she had much spare time, a little tea time or coffee would not harm her, so a yes for the offer of a light outing was accepted, aside from that, this was an acquaintance she knew from Miss Diana who had baked together with her, albeit the recent news, more like a disaster she has gone through, she thought there would be no harm would pay a visit.

Frederica was the name, the art conservator, having twins who Pelita admired from The Return of Superman. If only it was not a school day, Aria would be glad to have Pelita with her.

Aria arrived a little late than the schedule, as she had to put her little princess asleep back in the home alongside her nanny. The bell rang as she entered the cafe. Her eyes blinked and shifted from the bright to a dimmer light, whilst squinting her eyes, trying to find the figure she had a promise with.

'Itu', a monologue created as she walked to the table where she has been waiting.

"Miss Biancardi?" Aria made sure as she had stood before her, "ah.. I am Aria, Miss Diana's baking peer," introduced the lass as she took her seat and offered her hand for a formal introduction.

Lips were curved onto a thin line of smile. A broad smile was shown for a good impression.

──────────

“Miss Biancardi?”

Her attention quickly riveted to the source of the sound. The woman whom she knew from mutual acquaintance, Diana Kwok. A smile written on her face as she push the stroller of the twins aside a little bit and stood up. “Hello, nice to meet you!” the lass greeted with an exciting tone as she gave a look at her from head to toes and she love her already! Giving her the simplest and nicest vibes on their first meeting.

She shook her hand before they sat on their seats again, with Frederica’s right hand pulling the stroller back on her side, keeping her eyes on the twins.

“I’m sorry that I bring my twins with me. No one to take care of them back home,” she said. "And please, do call me just by Frederica or Fre. Don't call me formally as we're trying to be friends now. This seems so awkward," she laughed, trying to brush off the awkwardness that was pretty usual in a first meeting.

Though she tried her best to let go of the media, she couldn't help but cover half of her face with her white mask often. Not wanting anyone to know about her identity when the news was spreading widely all over the headlines. "Please do order anything. I've ordered mine while I wait for your arrival," Frederica handed her the menu book on the table.

──────────

Those palms brushed to one and another, entangled for seconds before departing as the ladies got back to their seats. "It is nice to meet you too, Fre. Haha, as requested, oh- right, you may call me Aria.. " once she was nervous, then she would blabber none stop just like what she just did.

Aria's eyes latched to the twin babies, "they are lovely, Pelita must be enthralled to meet you, babies, sadly it is school day.. And- oh, it is totally fine, I hope they are not disturbed by the heat," as she once checked the temperature in the region has reached more than 31°C.

As Frederica told her to order some, Aria took the menu book and her eyes began to roam each alphabet which written onto the menu. Aria has found what she wanted, she rose her hand as the waiter came to take her order.

"Mas, saya mau croffle almond dan vanilla latte, ya .. terima kasih," the lass formed a genuine smile before getting her attention back on her companion, eyes twinkled in the enthusiasm of meeting new people.

"If only Diana can make it to join us for the day, it will be completed," uttered Aria as both were introduced to each other was because of Diana Kwok. "So.. Do you enjoy your time staying in here?"

As a form of her courtesy, she began with a light chit-chat, a usual one to be asked whenever someone had to adjust to a whole new atmosphere.

Aria was not a humble one herself, she was far of a friendly type, hence it took her more effort to even create loads of bubble chat between her and another one.

──────────

“That’s unfortunate as I would love to meet and talk to Pelita too. I bet she’s really cute and pretty,” she said as she smiled at the lass on the opposite of her, listening to what she said carefully. Frederica let her order the foods from the menu while she covered the babies’ body with the white blanket carefully, wanting to keep them warm as they’re still too young.

Her head nodded as she heard what Aria’s sajd. Indeed, it must’ve been nice if Diana could join them today and have some girls talk as three.

“It would be great if she could join. She must’ve been so busy with her works,” Frederica responded. Being asked about her time in Jakarta, Frederica emitted a smile on her face again. “Yes, I do. I enjoy my time here a lot thought it seems like the ‘media’ that works in this country is actually ‘everyone’ that knew me,” she giggled.

It seems like ordinary people here were actually the source to the rumors and news rather than the media themselves. It’s scary, but at least her ‘popularity’ wasn’t as big as what she faced in Singapore or South Korea.

“How about you? How’s life been so far? It’s in the middle of August already,” she asked her in a friendly manner. Wanting to know more about the woman she’s speaking with.

──────────

"Let's meet another time when it is the weekend, perhaps I can let Pelita tag along, she must have wanted it if she knew with whom I am meeting," Pelita was a fan of the reality show, she loved the twin baby from Frederica and Alverstoke, but rules remained as rules and it should not have been disobeyed, hence Pelita stayed at home.

"Yes, she must be- oh, makasih, ya, Mas," her words were cut off as her order was served right in front of her. Aria chose to sip the latte for a second before continuing her intention to answer the latter. "-yes she must have been busy with works.. Cool lady," Aria rose her eyebrows, contrary to her daily life, what she had in her world was merely a boring day, except when it came to Pelita.

Aria agreed, the media in here was not as harsh as the rest of the world, but the surrounding has the sharpest tongue to spread the news to be viral in a split of seconds. The power which Indonesia's citizens held regarding spreading either fake and fact news were powerful.

"I agree, as long as the one you know or the citizen can keep their lips sealed, the media would not bother you at all," it was saddening to hear that, Aria wished for her tranquillity. "How long do you plan to stay?" Continuing the converse as she cut the croffle and had a taste of it.

It is good, she could make it better.

A chuckle escaped, "I have not much to say about me, not having this.. Rollercoaster life, but.. Everything, in this year, has been.. " Aria's words hung in uncertainty, her mind had a light flashback when the unfortunate event happened to her, but she could not share such angst to her new acquaintance, aside of that, Aria was afraid of her words would trigger the lady who has just had her divorced from her ex-husband.

"How old are Sera and Hazen?" Again, initiating a topic, a basic one to ask a mother, but somehow voices came to disrupt her.

‘Mirip model yang hilang di 2016, gak sih?' 'Udah nonton konspirasi terbaru belum, seru,' 'Eh, itu bayi yang di Return of Superman' Iya, ih? Mirip? Jangan-jangan iya, lagi?' 'Eh .. itu kayak Frederica yang cerai deh,' ‘Sut- sok tau'

Aria has used to of the words of that she looked like someone deceased, or mayhap she was her reincanation, but that was something impossible to ever happen in this world. Being a reincarnation who has the same age as her.

What a travesty.

Aria looked at the woman before her, hoping she did not hear any of those unworthy of attention whispers from those whisperers. "A little loud today," Aria chuckled nervously as one by one, many customers happened to fill the once empty spaces.

──────────

The idea of meeting each other again in the future during the weekend so she could meet Aria's little angel made her smile. She loves kids and she couldn't wait to meet her and have some little chit-chats together. Their interaction was interrupted by a waiter and waitress who came to their table. Warm tea on the table along with some light snacks to fill their empty tummy, the one she ordered before the guest arrived.

Then, their conversation continued. Shifted to another topic about how the media and people in Indonesia cope with gossips and rumors. It must've been very stressful to be caught in that whirlwind. "I don't think people would keep their lips shut, no? Especially when it's something juicy to be talked," she responded with an unsure tone.

Perhaps? People love gossips!

Look at how her engagement news broke out in the past? Of how her divorce rumors spread so wildly and now she's forced to went under so many unexpected journeys?

"Just for a while? A week or less? Back and forth as I'm still working." Yeah, apparently her works became the reason why she kept on flying back and forth between Singapore and Jakarta. Even going on an exile doesn't seem that easy for her, who's indeed a workaholic.

Listening to her some kind of 'painful' short story, Frederica could only give her a smile. She reached out her hand and grabbed her left one, rubbing the back of her hand with her thumb gently.

"You'll be okay after this. Things will get better than before." She couldn't say much as she's not someone who's usually calm other people down. Instead, she has always been the one being calmed down by those around her.

"The twins? A month and a hal—"

Her answer was cut off by the whispers that she and Aria heard together from people around. From the cafe's guests started to put their attention and eyes on their table.

Suddenly, she felt overwhelmed from those eyes sneaking to see her twins' faces. Not only about her identity nor the twins, but Aria's too. A strange thing to be heard. She never heard about it before so the ends of her two eyebrows met each other, wrinkling her forehead.

She then caught a glimpse of the camera's flash from the corner of the room.

"Should we just leave? I think I saw a camera trying to take pictures of either one of us..." she said.

──────────

It has been so long since she received reassurance, the art conservator held her palm; it was soothing and warm, Aria was found to be giggling, shrugging the weight of her so-so life, "I wish to have such rollercoaster life after meeting you, Fre," the lass pulled out a mere joke without knowing that every word which slid through her tongue would be granted as prayer by God.

The work of nature was unexpected; voices of gossips and speculations were filling the air they breathed in. It was pretty suffocating for her; she pondered it must be even worse for the mother of two.

All they sought was merely tranquillity during the hectic day in Jakarta and betwixt the ruckus the media made over her acquaintance's private life. This whole situation was making her enraged by anger. "I never knew peace can be this expensive," although she already noticed it long before the day.

A harsh heave cane from her lips, she has not yet finished the little feast she had upon her, and Frederica has not yet enjoyed all the food she ordered.

The fame would never suit Aria, not even a bit.

"I think for the better, or should we move to my dwelling instead? It is near, and I believe it will be more secured," offered Aria before she asked for a bill and put her card on it.

"Let me treat you for I glad to be acquaintance with you," Aria smiled widely although she was pissed with the eyes which preying on their table. It was too uncomfortable to even chat about daily life.

As they had the payment done, Aria stood up from her seat, waiting for Frederica to join her, but just at the right time, her sharp sense, especially sight, caught a camera was filming them.

The lady who record them has crossed the red line of Aria; she despised whenever hers or someone's privacy being invaded. Aria was storming to the second table after theirs, albeit she tried to be calm and gentle; the hatred could be seen in her gaze.

The lady who recorded them realise that Aria was coming for her. She covered and nervously threw her phone on the table. The gallant lady was standing betwixt the table. Eyes were looking down with mockery and anger toward the one invading the ladies' days out time.

"Hapus," it was short and firm. Her tone was far from the usual bubbly Aria, it was like she was someone with inevitable disdain inside her heart.

"Tahu sopan santun, kan?" Confronted Aria, eyebrows rose, a straight line formed in her countenance that has always been full of smile, but as she made a scene, many eyes were haunting her.

"A.. apaan .. saya gak rekam," the liar was stuttering and trembling. Aria was not sure what has gotten onto her to be having this enormous amount of courage to confront the lady.

"Kamu kira saya gak punya mata? Gak bisa lihat flash kamu nyala ke arah kami?" If one chose to lie to Aria; at least did better than this.

Albeit Aria believed the one Frederica realises was not from the recording, but she had to delete it, "sampai ada video itu beredar ... saya dan kamu akan ketemu di meja hijau," Aria was not even sure if she could imprisoned someone, but a threat was enough to make her erase it.

She was stunned as Aria chose to leave the scene and came back to Frederica. "Let's go; this is not the environment you have to experience," feeling horrible for meeting with Frederica in public places; she had had a hard time already, and Aria added the burden with this unpleasant incident.

"My driver is here already," she wanted to protect Frederica at the moment, not knowing that it was after her too.

How could she possibly know? She was Aria. Not Meryam.

──────────

She wasn’t able to cut her when she proposed to pay for their untouched meals that were just served on their table when the fuss was heard here there. So Frederica let Aria paid for this meal. “Thank you,” she said to the woman, feeling grateful.

“I shall treat you too on our next meal. I guess it will be better if we escape from this situation— this place. It’s getting uncomfortable,” she whispered as she started to pack her belongings including the twin’s into her bags.

Frederica felt like the situation was getting out of control right now as she saw more people recognizing her identity along with the twins’. Some whispers could be heard and it’s for the woman she’s meeting with.

‘Frederica?’ ‘Itu yang suaminya di TROS! Ganteng!’ ’Hooh, mereka cerai kan?’

It all started with whispers regarding her identity and her scandal, swiftly changing into another topic.

‘Meryam bukan?’ ‘Ngaco! Sudah mati bukan sih?’

For a while, she’s trying to process what she just heard. It’s not only about her and the twins; but another person who’s also drawing everyone’s attention.

It’s a disaster indeed.

Neither both could escape the media and people’s stares towards them. “Meryam…?” she mumbled as she was now standing far from the lass who walked towards the woman taking their pictures. One of them— as they were so many people doing the same at the moment.

Frederica left the twins for a while as she stepped in to the fuss made, not wanting Aria to draw more attention or create a bigger problem from this privacy issue people like them would never be able to avoid.

The culprit was shaking and perhaps in shock as Aria approached then in anger while grabbing her phone.

“Aria— stop!” she said as she tried to stop the younger woman from fighting. She would never be able to face those people who invaded her privacy face to face just like what Aria did, though she was the one with the most disadvantages.

Her heart is too soft for this kind of matters. She grabbed her left hand and pulled her away from them. From the spectators of the guest stars; Frederica, the twins, and Aria herself.

As Aria calmed herself a bit and came back to her, she slightly nod her head and let themselves escape the madness.

“Let’s go. Let’s go and get our from this mess..” she said to her, the woman people inside referred as a model. As a woman named Meryam.

“Are you sure that you don’t know anyone by that name? The name people called you by? Meryam?”

──────────

Aria tucked her strands of hair in the back of her ear, nervous, a little guilty for losing her temper. Aria herself never knew she had that side whenever someone invaded her or someone's privacy. It felt like she was not herself for some moment when she confronted the culprit.

"I am sorry, I should not have.. It just.. It is so irritating; we are supposed to be having a good time," Aria sighed as she placed her phone in her clutch and stood up from her seat.

"Let me help you with your stuff; let's not meet in public places again; they are too harsh for treating you this way," Aria's lips were trembling out of the rage that slowly still ignited in her heart; she was fighting it with the usual calmness she had.

Aria was stunned hearing the query, "no, Frederica.. I have no idea who is Meryam.. The only Meryam I know is Meriam Bellina and she is alive, and I am not as pretty as her," Aria was confused why on earth they said that she was Meryam.

Who the hell was Meryam. To hell with Meryam.

"Frederica, I apologise for this unexpected trait I never knew I have," her eyes a little teary as the skin on her forehead wrinkled from utter confusion on why she acted up like a lunatic while ago.

She must have had scared the acquaintance she had. Oh, perhaps this is why she was forbidden to ever engage in such fame or to meet many people.

Maybe the problem has always been her and the family were trying to protect her.

Aria closed her eyes for a couple of minutes before opening them and smile weakly, "do you still want a tea and chat in my house.. Or should we call it an end?" They barely have a total length conversation; this was too embarrassing.

──────────

Frederica and Aria both left the cafe quickly just to avoid more eyes starring at both of them. Not to forget, the twins were being pushed by her as they’re sleeping in the stroller. Thankfully, they weren’t awake. To saw her new friend trembling— perhaps from the fear and anger she felt earlier, Frederica gave her a warm hug and pat her back gently, trying to calm her down from the incident they had inside.

She stepped back to end the hug as she listened to her answer regarding Frederica’s previous question about that woman people called as ‘Meryam’. That name that people referred Aria as. “That’s pretty strange,” she commented while mumbling before Frederica turned her attention and change the topic.

“Please don’t apologize. It’s not your fault at all. It’s just the media trying to dig about my family more each day, especially after the news. I was the one who should’ve apologized to you for bringing this stupid fuss around, even aboard. I didn’t expect someone would actually notice me and the twins. I’m sorry,” she said as she emitted a slight smile on her face while looking at her feeling guilty and also worried.

“It’s been hard for both of us today. How about we end the day here and meet up later either in my or your house? I’m sure we’ll have more privacy than what we had today. You must’ve been shocked and tired too,” Frederica suggested.

Not only Aria, but Frederica also needed some time off, back at home. Today was pretty exhausting for her too. Her emotions being put in a roller coaster ride just in seconds.

──────────

Aria seemed to be aloof at the moment; she was confident that she could never cope up with any fame she would gain if her identity as a child book writer was revealed.

It has been proven how she rectified the event that has happened a while ago.

Frederica was there, hugging Aria, trying to help her calm herself down as they left the cafe altogether. Aria wished the baby would not be bothered with the rickety that has happened inside. Although Aria was not loud, but she knew what she has done would create more chaos.

Aria knew how Indonesian deal with the issue, rumour, scandals, and the worst privacy. Many tend to say whenever dame was in their palm, so their privacy was for the public to consume. The whole idea was too frightening that she felt like she could puke any moment.

Frederica has decided to call it an end for the day, it would be unwise and thoughtless if she begged her to pay a visit to her modest abode. Hence Aria agreed to her decision and gave the nod as the answer.

She was right; this short time became too much for her. Both of them deserved some tranquil rest back at home. A sigh emitted out of her thin lips. "Please do not apologise.. People need to learn privacy," the lass scrunched her nose.

"I wish to meet you in a better environment, I mean, where no one would sneak to film or take pictures. I hope you and the twins will be fine; please be careful on your way back home," Aria was worried. What if the media chased after her and followed her home. That's horrific.

As both said their farewell, Aria's driver sudden covered her with his blazer as he scooted her to the car. As they got in the car, he delivered Mama's message for her.

"Non Aria, pakai masker, ya? Disuruh Ibu," he was running out of breathe as he began to drive away from the cafe. "Kenapa lagi sih .. Mama kok requestnya makin aneh," she sounded out a protest on how bizarre the request she has received, although she wore it eventually.

All her life, Aria always being told what to do and do not. It was sickening, as if she had done something terrible in the past. But, Aria was not dwelling on her fate, but Frederica's.

Would she be alright? The media was making them prey. It was not easy to escape from their snare.

End of Expect The Unexpected.

0 notes

thecaffeinebookwarrior · 7 years ago

Note

Your blog is so helpful! You're very bright! :) I was wondering, this is something I've been struggling with,,, I can't quite change the mood when I write. How can I transition from a light hearted moment to a solemn one and so on?? I like to make comedic characters with intense back stories but I think that requires a lot of tone shifts and I'm just an foolish amateur

Ooh, wonderful question.

There are lots of ways I go about conveying the mood in my writing. Most frequently, however, I’ll use the weather or the environment around them.

For example, if I want to convey a somber tone – for, say, a funeral – I’d try something like this:

The world was colorless, comprised of varying shades of lifeless gray. The sky was charcoal, the ocean slate, and it was difficult for Jane to believe that there was ever a time when her hometown had seemed as vibrant as it had when she was a child. She couldn’t wait for the funeral to be over so she could take refuge in her hotel room, turn on a vapidly cheery sitcom, and tune out the dull, drab world around her.

If you want to convey a hopeful mood, you could try something like this:

Socrates narrowed his eyes determinedly at the horizon, watching as the inky sky was illuminated by the rising sun. Today would be the day he confronted the Athenians once and for all, granted them the “apology” they so desperately craved. It would be his final stand.

And if you wanted to convey a rapidly changing mood, you could try something like this:

Dante looked up at the evening sky, the colorful flares of sherbet pink and orange subdued to a dim, depressing gray with the retreat of the setting sun. How fitting, he thought, that it so accurately mirrored his decline in mood after Virgil’s departure.

The list goes on and on. Interspersed with the narrator’s commentary on the characters themselves, I feel this is one of the most simple and effective ways to convey the overarching mood in any given seen.

You can also get funny with it and contrast the atmosphere with the mood of the characters:

The sky was snappy electric blue, the air crisp and pervaded by the cheerful chatter of birds. Of course on the worst goddamn day of his entire career the weather would finally decide to be cheerful.

Or, you could get straight-up tragic and have it be a beautiful day when something awful happens:

It was a beautiful summer day in Maine when they told me my mother was dead. The world was full of color, and I was surrounded on all sides by cheerful yellow daffodils and giggling pansies. It all seemed so hollow, so unreal in conjecture with the bitter nothingness I felt inside of me.

In this particular instance, however, (i.e. writing comedic characters with tragic backstories), I would personally focus on showing how your characters use humor as a coping mechanism, which a lot of comedic characters (and real-world people, for that matter) often do.

I usually do this by building them up as a cheerful, happy-go-lucky character. I allow the reader to take comfort in their upbeat tendencies, establish them as comedy relief.

Then, I’ll choose one definitive moment of brutal honesty where we see the pain behind it all, and it’s very clearly not funny anymore. For example:

The kitchen was dark, illuminated only by melancholy blue light of the freeway. Like Tuck himself, it all seemed a lot less cheerful than it did in the daylight hours.

“Yeah, my dad sure as hell wasn’t the nicest person in the world,” Tuck went on with a quiet laugh, though his eyes were now rimmed with pink. “I remember, there were days when I’d come home – little shit I was back in those days – and find the door locked ‘cause I’d miss curfew. I’d go to sleep on the stoop in thirty degree weather. Wake up with bugs in my clothes, fingers and toes so numb I could hardly feel ‘em. Neighbors didn’t do a goddamn thing, neither.”

He huffed out a short noise that was somewhere between a laugh and sob, and took another swig of his liquor. “I deserved it, I guess. Like I said, I was a goddamn obnoxious brat back then. And anyway, it was loads better than being inside with my old man once he’d had a few beers in ‘im.”

Notice how I keep things subdued here – tragic moments can easily be spoiled by being an exhibitionist about your characters emotions. Keep things subtle, and trust in your readers’ ability to feel the weight of it on their own.

Anyway, these are just a few personal rules of thumb, but I hope they work for you as well. Maybe at some point I’ll do a longer post on how to convey mood in writing, at which point I’ll be sure to tag you.

In the meantime, good luck, and happy writing!

94 notes · View notes

niktizzy · 7 years ago

Conversation

I miss Myspace, so here

1. First thing you wash in the shower?

My hair

2. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?

Oh, well I would have to say coffee but I do drink a lot of beer and tequila. Both?

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Nope

4. Do you plan outfits?

If I have to, if it's for a special occasion then yes. If it's for work or just around town, hard no. Whatever I pick up first

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?

E X A U S T E D

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?

My blanket or my couch

7. What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body?

Look at it for a second, turn around and yell, "alright, which one of you didn't clean up your mess?" to my roommates

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?

I can't remember my dreams

9. Three of your current feelings?

Tired, depressed, excited

10. What are you craving right now?

For someone to tell me I'm doing great. That I'm on the right path and everything will work out. Honestly, that's all I want

11. Turn ons?

Physical: Fade, muscles, tattoos, & scruff

Sexual: lip biting, ass grabbing, biting, choked, slapped, teased & being rough.

12. Turn offs?

Bad smile, terrible sense of humor, garbage taste of music, fuck boy life style, awfull kisser

13. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?

Trash

14. When was the last time you cried? Why?

Well as of late, it was from me over thinking and going into a depressed state

15. If you could be a superhero, who would you want to be?

Honestly, a girl version of deadpool even though he's not a super hero. I know but I guess I would say I guess black widow or storm

16. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?

Lolzzz no mate

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

Lick it you fucking animal

18. Favorite movie ever?

Fight Club or SLC Punk

19. Do you like yourself?

Some days

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?

Yeah, I've met a few

21. Could you handle being in the military?

22. What are you listening to right now?

My spotify playlist that is mostly made of pop punk

23. How many countries have you visited?

Just the United States

24. Are your parents strict?

When I was younger, yes 100%. I use to get so frustrated too, but now, I understand. I love them and appreciate them

25. Would you go sky diving?

Why not?

26. Would you go out to eat with a stranger?

I have before so what's one more person

27. Whats on your mind right now?

A lot, but it's not worth bringing up

28. Is there anything you want to say to someone?

I hope you like watching me succeed and make you wish you never played with my emotions, shit head

29. Have you ever been in a castle?

White Castle

30. Do you rent movies often?

I use to, RIP Block Buster

31. Whats your zodiac sign?

Libra

32. When was the last time you had sex?

Last month

33. Name five facts about yourself.

I enjoy watching people getting tattos

I'm a ginger (I've always bleached my hair)

I use to train for MMA

I can't eat bread anymore without feeling like shit

Vodka makes me angry

34. Ever had a near death experience? If so, what happened?

I mean I work in a city so, I almost get killed every time I walk across the street

35. Do you believe in karma or predestiny?

Yeah, karma, she may not show herself right away but she'll catch up to you

36. Brown or white eggs?

Neither

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?

Old band shirts

38. Ever been on a train?

Honestly no

39. Ever been in love?

Love is for posers

40. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it?

Hell yes

41. If you could trade places with any person living or dead, who would you trade places with?

I'm good lol

42. If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to becopme more attractive, would you do it?

Nah I'm good with being a potato

43. Whom do you admire and why?

My parents, they have to deal with me

44. What was your favorite bedtime story as a child?

I do not remember

45. You’re walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do?

Nothing heroic, I would call the fire department

46. If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you?

I can't choose that, they have to find their own path. I just hope they don't have to go through all the rough times like I did to get there

47. What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol?

Honestly, I use to love smoking but it just fucked with my training and fitness so I stopped. I just never found a reason to go back. I would be so relaxed, less stress, love the world a little more. I don't have a novel of my drug usage because I honestly don't, but if I had to choose without any consequences, it would be smoking

48. What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol?

I love drinking, but every time, especially as I get older, it just sucks waking up. But when I drink vodka in particular, I can be very sweet and flirty and if I see something I don't like or someone is pissing me off, it's like a switch, a bad switch and I plot your murder lol

50. As your walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it?

No man, issa trap

51. If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them?

Yeah, they would more than likely need me more than ever. Why leave them?

52. In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded.

If you survive you’d receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger?

Half of me says yes and the other half says, "bitch are you crazy" so I kind of have to go with her lol

53. How old were you when you lost your virginity?

17 I think

54. Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires?

I believe there are things that roam this earth that are not human

55. If you could live forever, would you want to?

I would want to travel, watch the sunset everyday on a beach somewhere, and be less stressed

56. Which fictional movie character most resembles who you are?

Fuckkk, I would have to say Stevo from SLC Punk

57. If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit?

Maybe the 70's but more than likely the future

58. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it?

I mean, they kind of show that on CNN and such already sooo

59. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it?

Hell no

60. If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to?

I'm honestly terrified to have a kid but if I had to choose, a girl

61. Would you rather live longer or be wealthy?

It's a toss up mate, you either struggle and live forever or live about the amount of time you thought you would be alive and be wealthy.

0 notes

punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

Text

Bea & Fraze

Bea: Where have you gone? Fraze: Don't Bea: I want to know Bea: I give a shit Fraze: Tell me you were as in the dark as I am, that's what I wanna know Bea: No Fraze: There's fuck all else to say then Bea: Come on, you don't understand Bea: If I'd ever have known that he'd show up like that, like she would Fraze: Nah, I don't understand Fraze: Least of all why you'd let me go in blind, I'd never do that to you Bea: As if I knew they would come and do that Fraze: You knew what they were doing though Bea: I tried not to think about it but yeah Bea: and there was no point saying it to any of you because she never wanted to see any of you and Joe was carrying on coming and doing his part Fraze: Like I said, fuck you, I've got nothing else worth saying to you Bea: Really Fraze: If you want a pat on the back for stabbing me in mine, you'll be waiting longer than we've both got Bea: You're not being fair Bea: He was sick before he left Bea: he kept coming back sicker, and that's my responsibility to force the conversation none of you want to have? Fraze: I'm not being fair, you knew he was with her and you didn't say a goddamn word about it Fraze: No fucking wonder he kept coming back sicker Bea: So you could do what, exactly? Bea: It's disgusting but you're aware that you can't stop him Bea: talk him out of it, like he's not thought it through Bea: as far as I was concerned he'd do what he had to and she'd stay away, it's that simple Fraze: That's between me and him, what's between me and you is a secret that you decided to keep from me Fraze: Enjoy your easy life off the back of that, did you? Bea: Pardon me for not wanting to be the one to push the button Bea: it was for your benefit, all of you Bea: that should be fucking apparent Fraze: It's apparent that it was for your own fucking benefit Fraze: I'm not thick, I know why you had the inside scoop in the first place Bea: Like I've hidden that I'm friends with Bronson, and that he's friends with her, and I met them through staying with Joe? Bea: the dots were connected, it's not a fucking conspiracy Fraze: Like you've not hidden what you get up to when you're with any of 'em Fraze: That there's a conversation that you don't wanna have Bea: You want to check my arms for track marks, yeah? Fraze: I don't want or need to Fraze: It ain't likely to be your drug of choice Bea: And you've never touched any Bea: Jesus Christ Fraze: Yeah, go on, turn it back around Bea: What's your point, then? Bea: What do you think you're saying here? Fraze: I'm saying I can't fucking trust you so what's the fucking point? Bea: Then don't Fraze: You're meant to be on my side Bea: Because I'm on theirs Bea: because anyone could be Fraze: The only person you protected is him Fraze: So yeah Bea: From what? Bea: He wanted this Bea: it was for you lot but I'm not going to repeat myself Bea: if you don't believe me then there is no point Fraze: Cheers, we're all proper feeling the benefit of that, like Fraze: Jesus Bea: You're welcome Bea: it could've happened three years ago Fraze: You could've told me then Fraze: A single word of warning isn't fuck all to ask, it shouldn't be Bea: Oh right, you put that into a single word Bea: casual text Fraze: You know what I mean Fraze: It didn't have to go like that, in front of a pub full of regulars Fraze: My little brother Bea: I'm fully fucking aware Bea: what you don't seem to be getting is I had no power to stop them if that was their plan, which it clearly was Fraze: We could've had 3 fucking years to make our own plan before this Bea: It's not fucking about you Bea: tell me Tess would have done anything different Bea: ambush her before she could come here Fraze: I'll never know what she'd have done 'cause she didn't have the option Bea: Piss off Bea: I know, and so do you Fraze: I know it couldn't have gone any fucking worse than that Bea: No shit Bea: no one is disputing that, I'm disputing you putting blame on me like I organised it Fraze: Why didn't you tell me? Fraze: For Christ's sake Bea: I've told you why Bea: if this didn't have to happen, it weren't going to Fraze: And you're alright with that, yeah? Lying to me for fucking ever Bea: If it needs to be done Bea: of course Fraze: Well I ain't Fraze: If I don't have you, I don't have anything Bea: You're the one pushing me away right now Fraze: You did it first Fraze: Don't act like it was my choice Bea: We agreed Fraze: Nah, I gave you what you wanted Bea: You got your best offer here, it made no sense to go to Cambridge Fraze: I ain't gonna repeat myself either Bea: Well exactly, how many times can we have this conversation Fraze: I'm done talking Fraze: Forget it Bea: You're being immature Fraze: And you're being cold Fraze: So what? Bea: The last thing your parents need is you doing something stupid right now Fraze: At least I'd give 'em a problem they can solve Fraze: Mop up the blood, get the first aid kit out Bea: For God's sake Bea: you're needed here Fraze: Not like this, I ain't Bea: You need to sort yourself out Fraze: That's well rich coming from you, babe Fraze: But cheers Bea: Yeah, go on, turn it back around Bea: I'm here doing cleanup Bea: where the hell are you? Fraze: Fuck off back to Cambs then Fraze: I'll still be here when you do Bea: I don't get to be part of this family 'cos I'm not here full-time? Bea: Alright, if that makes you feel better about what you aren't doing right now Fraze: Any cunt can sweep up some glass, in a week when my ma still needs picking up off the fucking floor that'll be my da and me Fraze: So don't fucking start Bea: So you get a break today Bea: everyone else is doing something Bea: grow the fuck up Fraze: Yeah, this is a right holiday I'm having Fraze: I told you, I'm no use like this Fraze: Give me a fucking second Bea: No one else has had one, and I'm not going to sit here and have you talk down to me like you're so high and mighty when you're acting like this Fraze: Like what? Like everything's fucked yet again Fraze: No break is right Bea: This isn't productive Bea: you aren't fixing anything, just focusing on what you can't Fraze: There's no fixing this Fraze: And I don't know how to be productive right now, look down on me for it all you like Bea: Why would I? Bea: I'm not going to mope Fraze: I'm not sad, I'm angry Bea: Yeah Bea: so use it Fraze: How? Bea: If you aren't going to come here and clean up, then think what else your mum actually needs right now Bea: Ali and Carly have Rocky Fraze: Alright Bea: okay then Bea: I'm going to tell Ro Fraze: Have fun with that, like Fraze: Where the fuck was she anyway? Bea: At home, assumedly Bea: she has nothing else to be doing Fraze: Do you want me to do it? Bea: Do you want to? Fraze: I'll do it so you don't have to Bea: You haven't had enough of cold bitches for one day Fraze: Obviously not Bea: Your choice Fraze: Yeah Bea: Bye then Fraze: Your choice Bea: So you keep claiming Fraze: 'Cause it is Fraze: And it's the least I can offer you Bea: It's a convenient way for you to take no responsibility for the choices you made Fraze: There's fuck all convenient about it Bea: Then you shouldn't have done it Fraze: Not being smart enough for Cambridge wasn't a choice Fraze: But you're right, I shouldn't have let you leave without me Bea: It's done now Fraze: Then I'll undo it Bea: How? Fraze: By going with you this time Bea: You can't, you've got to finish Fraze: I don't care, you know I don't Bea: You're halfway, it would be a waste Fraze: It already has been, you just said I shouldn't have done it Bea: I'm not going to go from being blamed that you stayed to being blamed that you left, didn't finish Bea: it isn't fair Fraze: Come on Fraze: I can take responsibility for that much Fraze: Even if you reckon I am immature enough to be spoken to like my kid brother Bea: This isn't a plan, this is what we were avoiding in the first place Bea: what would you do Fraze: Not yet, but it can be Fraze: Red mist can't blind me indefinitely and then I'll make a proper plan Bea: It makes sense, that you don't want to be here anymore Bea: but I can't be the backup plan Fraze: Don't Fraze: You know that's not why Bea: I know today has been an emotional day Bea: and you're right, you're in no position to be making any sort of decision this big Fraze: Yeah it's reminded me that everything can get fucked over in a second, but that ain't nothing I didn't already know Bea: We're fine, aren't we? Fraze: Are we? Fraze: You didn't look fine to me Fraze: And that ain't even close to how I feel Bea: I'm just tired Bea: really tired Fraze: I know, babe Bea: I can't focus on much more Bea: there's no space or time for it Fraze: I'll come back, after I've had a word to your sister Bea: watch her struggle to pretend to give a shit Fraze: Listen to me, I know we're never safe and you can't save anyone but I'll throw my body in the way of yours every single time to minimise the damage Fraze: I love you and I won't ever stop loving you whatever else happens Fraze: That's my decision and I made it ages ago Bea: I miss you so much I hate it Fraze: I'm gonna fix that Fraze: You have to go back but it won't be without me, even though I can't actually come yet Fraze: We're not doing this bullshit any more Bea: I don't know if I know how to stop Fraze: I can stop you Bea: you think I'm a mess now Fraze: I think we need each other Bea: I'm sorry Fraze: I'm sorrier Bea: you don't need to be Fraze: Yeah I do Fraze: For loads of shit I've said and done going back further than just today Fraze: I don't blame you and I'm not angry at you Fraze: It's my own fucking fault Bea: It's his Fraze: I turned my back on him, years before any of this Fraze: He needed me and I didn't do shit for him Bea: That's bullshit Bea: it's not as if he couldn't have come to any of us and got help, at any time Bea: it's like my sister, he doesn't want it Bea: alright, it's a sickness and it's not his fault, but that doesn't make it everyone else's by default Fraze: The fact is though, he would never have come to me Fraze: That's my fault Bea: a relationship is down to both people Bea: you both stopped trying Fraze: I did first Bea: You were a kid Fraze: So was he, age wise there's fuck all in it Bea: exactly, you should both grow up Bea: you didn't show up today and do, that Fraze: We both know I could Fraze: I've got it in me Bea: Well, we're not related so Fraze: You know what I mean Fraze: I saw so much of myself in her Bea: You can see yourself in anyone if you look for it Fraze: Yeah Bea: you lean towards unfavourable comparisons because it feeds into your confirmation bias Bea: there's as much of you in Ali or Tommy or Rocky but that doesn't feed into what you think about yourself Fraze: You've got your own bias about me, babe Bea: You come from 50% of the same DNA, that's all Fraze: Tell me about her Bea: What's to say Bea: that wasn't screamed Fraze: I don't know Bea: I don't know what you want me to say Fraze: Me either Bea: There's no redemption arc or tragic backstory that makes that go away Fraze: 'Course not Bea: they're junkies and they're fucked up Fraze: Obviously Bea: Hoping for anything more from her is pointless Bea: it'll never be more than that Bea: I told your mum Fraze: Yeah Bea: be best if you all do your best to forget about her Fraze: Easier said than done for the rest of 'em but I already have Bea: They'll survive Fraze: Always do Bea: Exactly Fraze: I want more than that Bea: I know Bea: me too Fraze: Marry me, we can do it right Bea: We don't need to get married to do that Fraze: If it doesn't matter then there's nothing stopping you from saying yes Bea: Um there's plenty Fraze: Name one Bea: Okay, I told you I have no time or space left in my brain, how do you think a wedding is just going to happen Fraze: I ain't even stolen you a ring yet like I promised, calm down Bea: Then name one reason we need to be engaged right now Fraze: Say that you will when the time's right Bea: You know I love you, idiot Fraze: So say it Bea: Come back and I might Fraze: You know I'll hold you to that maybe, Red Bea: Never hold up on any official paperwork Fraze: I'll take what I can get Bea: 😏 Fraze: I didn't get a chance to say I've missed you before everything kicked off Bea: Yeah, struggling to remember anything before now so Bea: let you off, like Fraze: I'll help you remember if we ever get to the after Bea: Yeah? Fraze: Yeah Bea: We don't have to wait for everything to be perfect do we Bea: because you look really good Fraze: You're perfect now and I'm sick of waiting Bea: Fraze Fraze: Bea Bea: we can fix this Fraze: I can fix us, that's all I've got space in my head for right now Bea: I won't lose you Fraze: I'd rather die Bea: Don't Fraze: Don't let me Bea: Can we be alone for five minutes Bea: I know it's selfish and against everything I said but Fraze: You've earned a smoke break by now Fraze: Even Saints have got their vices Bea: Hardly Fraze: Well I have, talking to your fucking sister Fraze: And I've earned some decent company Bea: You seriously didn't need to prove yourself that hard Fraze: It wasn't about me Bea: Still Bea: she's only gotten worse since I left Fraze: I know, we're still technically under the same roof Bea: Ali needs to be single again, give her some attention Fraze: That ain't happening Bea: it has been forever, as far as her record goes Fraze: They put me off my food as well, to be fair Bea: you're terrible Fraze: Yeah, we covered that ground earlier on, like Bea: Shh Bea: I was trying to help Fraze: You did Fraze: I only ain't gonna admit it when my pride's all I've got Bea: I know Bea: that was rough Bea: at least Ali has never cared what people say and Tommy doesn't go here 'cos school will be rough Bea: rougher Fraze: Your sister's never had an easy go of that Bea: I don't doubt she'll distance herself more than she does as is Fraze: The fact that she didn't show up today proves she don't wanna be part of things regardless Bea: Nothing we didn't already know either Fraze: Exactly Fraze: It's the kid we've gotta watch, he barely fucking knows Joe anyway Bea: I need to try harder Bea: or it's the same story, I only went a year after, like Fraze: You come back Bea: Yeah, I know Fraze: He's such a cunt, we said it'd be different for them Fraze: He said it Bea: No doubt he meant it at the time Fraze: It ain't enough meaning it when he said it to me Fraze: Not now he's the scary fucker at the door Bea: I don't know how he does it Bea: keeps going to uni, and stuff Fraze: His OCD prescription weren't lemon sherbets, like Fraze: But I don't know Bea: I've not seen him like that level though Bea: Seriously Bea: I know he avoids me when they've really been on one but that wasn't what it's like when I see her on it or anyone else Fraze: Maybe he'll drop out of uni now, beat me to the punch and soften the blow at the same time Fraze: Christ knows what they were on or can get around here Bea: There are universities in Cambridge that aren't Cambridge, you know Bea: if you're serious Fraze: I don't think uni is for me Bea: No? Fraze: It feels like a waste of time Fraze: At risk of repeating myself 'cause I reckon we've had this conversation before Bea: Yeah Bea: well, it isn't the only option Bea: or the end of the world, in the grand scheme of things Bea: at least yours was free Bea: no debt Fraze: Can we talk about when it feels less like the world was trying to end itself Bea: Of course Fraze: I need a clearer head than this to figure all that shit out Bea: That's fair Fraze: I am serious though Bea: this year? Fraze: Soon as I have a backup plan, 'cause you're not it Bea: Alright, if it is this year, my housemates shouldn't mind Bea: they're alright Fraze: It will be, I've been doing loads of thinking for ages, but I need to turn that into something solid Bea: Tell me about it some more when the world isn't ending, yeah Fraze: 'Course Fraze: For now you get your 5 minutes, yeah? Bea: What took you so long? Fraze: I was thinking about what would happen if we made it 10 Bea: I can help you remember Fraze: Sounds like a plan

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