#though koi Doesn't really care call him whatever

[benetnvsch]

gacha games stole my personality

[nowoyas]

Koi no Yokan 6: hide behind whatever you can (Nishinoya Yuu x Reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

Summary: As exam week drags on, you spend the time out of practice and largely being bothered by your latest pastime.

Warnings: general series warnings

Word count: ~3000

Exam week drags on. You wonder a million times over the course of the week whether you made the right decision in joining, whether it's a good idea to even keep talking to Noya. He's nice, whatever his intentions are don't seem malicious, but the problem with having friends who insist on knowing you is that at some point he's going to want to actually know you. And now he has your number, which he's using liberally.

Each morning the week of exams, you get a text: good morning! Please marry me!. Even though he doesn't track you down before school, though it'd be easy, he goes out of his way to say that much to you and leaves you alone unless you reach out to him first.

And you, lonely in the afternoons like you always are, always reach out.

[name] to Noya at 16:15

[name]: I don't think I'm allowed to bully you for the popsicle thing anymore

Noya: oh PLEASE tell

[name]: [image attached. Image description: a bowl of cooked white rice with what appears to be a handful of crushed potato chips piled on top.]

[name]: this is what the 4pm dinner of CHAMPIONS looks like. I should go to culinary school

Noya: oh yeah there's no way I'm letting you bully me for the popsicles ever again

Noya: why are you eating dinner at 4pm???

[name]: bored

Noya: come over then. I own at least one video game

[name]: no I have this luscious spread of food

[name]: I worked so hard to put rice in the rice cooker and then ruin it with spicy potato chips

[name]: how do you know I even care about video games???

Noya: you called volleyball *pvp don't let the ball touch the floor*

Noya: *pvp*

Noya: that's gamer words, [name]-san

[name]: …I can’t believe this

Noya: don't you wanna see Soba and her toe socks? :(

Noya: she's pacing around the house

Noya: she misses you already

[name]: …fine alright I'll come over when I'm done eating my Sad Rice Surprise GOD

[name]: bribing me with a cat.

[name]: unbelievable.

You only come over twice that week, but the rest of the time is interspersed with stupid jokes, cursed dinners you just threw together, and idle chatter just to keep your brain off of how quiet your house is. Once while you're making dinner, he calls, which forces you to make a real dinner instead of doing fucked up shit to a bowl of rice.

The entire time, he asks questions. They're half-prying, you think, little things like what are your hobbies and do you like to cook?

"I don't, really," you admit, stirring a pot absently. "I like all the individual actions, and I like making a meal come together, but I don't like putting in all this effort if I'm the only one eating it. Food only tastes good if someone else gets to eat it, you know?"

"But you get to eat it. And what about your dad?"

Silence stretches between you as you look for a reply. "He usually gets convenience store bentos instead of eating my food. I guess I'm probably not that good at cooking, haha!" That's great. Saying haha out loud is super convincing.

"That can't be right. You sent me a picture of your dinner earlier this week that looked like some real gourmet shit."

"What, the plain white rice topped with hot chips? Or the fried rice that I overseasoned?"

"Yeah!" He pauses. "If you bring me some at school, then someone else gets to eat it, right?"

"…are you just trying to get me to cook for you?"

"Guilty." You can hear him smile over the phone.

Still, it's… not a bad idea. "Fine. Lunch tomorrow after exams?"

"Deal! I'll come pick you up."

You smile, fall back into easy chatter as you add some spices to the pot. "Then I'll see you tomorrow."

~

As the final final exam closes and you are all dismissed for a short lunch, Yachi scrambles to grab a folder from her bag and approach you. She drops the folder on your desk, closed, her eyes alight with excitement as she speaks.

"I picked these up from the print shop last night!" she says. "Are you free to put them up with me after school? Or tomorrow, maybe?"

"Oh, shoot, the posters? Let me see!"

She grins, opens the folder to show you what she settled on, and shit. They're super fucking professional-looking. They barely look like a high schooler was involved at any stage of the process. The lights of the volleyball gym shine a halo around Hinata's form. He's at the peak of his jump, preparing to spike. The words, The Crows return to the national skies once again and Return of the "Little Giant" frame him, a neat little box at the bottom including information about the request for donations and how to contact Takeda-sensei about donating to cap it off.

"What the hell, Yachi-san?" you breathe. "These are amazing. You made these?"

They're… really amazing.

You swallow down the lump in your throat. What have you done for the club? It's not like you're gonna be able to take credit for helping put them up. You wouldn't, anyway—all that's gonna entail is going around a couple shops and handing them out to willing shopkeepers. Hardly anything like this.

"You know how I said my mom runs a design company?" She rubs the back of her neck. "She's taught me a little here and there. Honestly, my first draft was no good at all, so she helped me think about it a little more, but…"

"But you made them," you finish. "You're amazing."

She goes fully red at that. "Eh? Um, n-no, that's not…"

"Woah," Noya breathes from behind you.

You yelp, jerk away from him. "Dude, you can't just—"

He laughs softly, eyes trained on the poster Yachi's shown you. "These are amazing!"

Yachi shifts nervously, avoiding both your eyes. "Um, thank you both."

"These are for the volleyball club?"

"All Yachi-san's doing. I'm gonna help her put them up… you said after school today, right?"

She nods, wringing her hands together. "Only if you're not busy."

"Not at all. Let's do it."

"Oh! Great!" She glances at Noya. "Um, Nishinoya-san, you came to steal [surname]-chan away, I'm guessing?"

He nods, beaming. "Someone promised me."

You laugh. "Right, right. Yachi-san, we'll talk later?"

She nods, and Noya barely lets you grab your bag before he's dragging you out of the classroom. He speaks brightly as he pulls you along—apparently towards the roof. The rainy season isn't quite over yet, but it's close enough and sunny out, so you'll let him have this. "Those posters Yachi-san made really do look professional. We're gonna look so cool with those!"

"Yeah." It comes out perhaps more bitterly than you'd meant for it to—you're not bitter, really. Really.

He pauses. Eyes you. "You okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. It's the last day of exams and I'm just a little exhausted, that's all."

The look on his face says he doesn't believe you, but he can't press it if you don't let him. You force a smile, pick up your pace so you're dragging him along. "Come on. You wanna try my cooking, right?"

~

His first bite of your food earns you another marriage proposal, thoughtless and breezy. You can't help but notice, as you sit and share lunches, that Noya isn't how he usually is—not quite as bright, not quite as high-energy.

Maybe you should ask him what's wrong. Then again, you don't really deserve to ask about it when you won't tell him anything real about yourself.

You push the last bite of food around your bento before sliding it to him. "Here. You get the last of it."

"Really? Thanks!" He snaps it up and talks with his mouth full once he has. "You really are a good cook, you know."

"Thanks."

"You're sounding all down again. What's up with you?"

"What's up with you? You're the one who's acting all like… normal-key."

"Normal-key."

"Yeah. You're normally high-key. Right now you're acting like a normal person. It's weird."

He sighs. "You actually noticed?"

"Of course I did. What's up?"

"That last exam kicked my ass. I don't think I'm going to Tokyo."

"What? Of course you are."

"I don't believe you," he grumbles. "I think it's cruel and unusual punishment to make us do all the exams back to back. Of course my brain was gonna shut down by the end."

"Why do you think you're gonna fail?"

"I'm not cut out for this! I was able to sort of focus with someone there to keep me on track, but the rest of the time I just get distracted and—and even during the stupid test it's like my brain just refuses to focus on that stuff!" He tosses his hands out in frustration.

You reach forward, pat his arm reassuringly. "You've been working hard. Did you finish the exam?"

"Barely. I didn't get to finish checking over my answers like you told me to, but the half I was able to check seemed alright when I could actually get my brain on them."

"Half is passing. More than passing, actually. You and Tanaka-senpai have both been working really hard, you know? And I was there for enough of it that I can say for certain—you're a smart guy. You're gonna be fine."

"[name]-san…"

You pull back, only for him to catch your wrist.

"Will you still marry me even if I fail my exams?"

"You're not going to fail. But yes, if you ask me nine hundred and seventy-five more times, I'll think about it."

"Yes! Okay, so, that aside—what's up with you, really? Don't think I didn't notice you trying to deflect earlier."

"See?" you grin as the warning bell for the end of lunch sounds. "Smart."

You do not let him wriggle an answer out of you. Today, you escape with your life.

~

Yachi seems to blossom as your outing together stretches on. Some shops, you enter together, always the same script: Hi! We're managers for the Karasuno volleyball club and the club is currently looking for donations to fund us as we work towards Nationals. Would it be okay if we left this poster with you to hang up?

Invariably, the answers are positive, especially after seeing the posters. On occasion, the two of you will split up, one of you taking the establishments next to or across the street from one another, but every time you enter together, you can tell how much more confident she is already.

This is good for her.

The constant compliments on her professional-level work bolster her. The good response to the poster-hanging requests has her shoulders relaxing more and more. You think that, probably, once she gets used to manager stuff, it'll be second nature to her. She'll grow into this role beautifully, and by her third year she'll probably be just as ethereal as Shimizu is to you now.

You keep your charming little smile on your face and speak politely as you distribute posters. By the time it's getting late enough to think about dinner, you're basically done. You briefly consider asking if she wants to grab dinner at one of the places nearby, since you're already in town, but instead you walk her to the bus with that same strained smile.

"Thank you so much for your help! I don't think I could have gotten all those handed out without you."

You laugh, shake your head. "Nah, you would've been fine. You're a natural at this stuff."

"What? B-but I was completely falling apart at the start there. If I didn't have you to work off of, I would never have been able to get the words out right and probably would have totally gotten shut down."

"Uh, not once they actually looked at the posters. Did you hear any of those shopkeepers talking about them? I'm telling you, they're amazing. You probably didn't even need to say anything and they would've put them up anyway."

She rubs the back of her neck, cheeks red. Of course she has to be cute, too. She's done all this cool stuff, and you haven't even gotten a fucking permission slip signed.

"I-it's sort of amazing hearing you praise me so highly," she admits. "I mean, you never seem to try really hard at anything, but you just get it."

You blink. "Uh, no. I'm—trying a lot harder than I'd like to admit. It's probably the reason I don't have the energy to get excited about anything. I use it all trying to do stuff well and hiding the fact that I'm trying."

"What? But, you're so cool, though! I mean, you've got Nishinoya-senpai head over heels for you! And you've probably got it together better than anyone else I know! I mean, during practices you're always saving me from getting hit and stuff and I can barely react at all until I would've already been hit… I think you're probably way better at this than me. And you're already starting to get everything with volleyball, right? You follow along way better than I do during practice."

You shrug. "That's just because Noya-senpai took the time to explain it to me. We could always sit down and compare notes over lunch or something so we both understand it better, now that we're not tutoring?"

She smiles, nods. The bus arrives, and you wave her off, turning to make the trek back to your house in silence.

You'll probably quit once she's confident enough to stand on her own. At least they'll have a good manager to rely on.

~

You survive the weekend the way you always do, but suddenly, it's intolerable. You pace restlessly around the house for the first few hours alone, and then put on shoes and go running, half-expecting Noya to materialize out of nowhere to run with you. But he doesn't.

You've given yourself until Monday to get a signed permission slip for the Tokyo games.

There's a chance that your father comes home this weekend, so you spend most of the weekend pacing and hoping he will, permission slip in hand. It takes hours, too many, until you're once again waking up on the couch to find him standing in the doorway, hurt in his eyes.

"Can you sign my permission slip?" you ask in lieu of a real greeting. "It's for some away games for the volleyball club. We're going to Tokyo."

"Tokyo? Wait, volleyball club?"

You raise up the paper. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's blanket permission for later games and stuff, too. But, you know, you said it was a good idea the other day, so it'd be nice if I could actually participate." The lie doesn't even taste bad in your mouth.

"Oh, right. When did I say that?"

"When you gave me the debit card for groceries? What, were you just completely ignoring me?"

"I'm sorry," he says. He sounds like he means it. "Here, I'll sign it. Tell me about your volleyball club. Are you playing, or…" He takes the paper from you, scribbles on the appropriate lines.

"Managing for the boys' team."

"Really?" he raises an eyebrow. "Those boys nice?"

The surge of temper startles even you. "Yeah, 'too-san, they're really nice."

"I see," he says, and that's it. No more prying, no weird protectiveness you've always hated the idea of but seem to want to hear now, no questions. Just I see and a signed permission slip. Just easy lies.

That night, during the short period in which you're out of your mind, you reach for your phone.

[name] to Noya at 01:37

[name]: if this is stupid please ignore it

[name]: but when you see this can I have a picture of sobas toe beans?

[name]: its important

~

Noya to [name] at 06:12

Noya: [image attached. Image description: the underside of Soba the cat's front paw. One toe bean is black, while the rest are pink.]

Noya: [image attached. Image description: the same cat paw, except a single fingertip is pressing into it from off-camera. The paw pad squishes around the fingertip.]

Noya: wanna talk about it?

[name]: would it be completely impossible for you to believe I just wanted to see her beans at one in the morning?

[name]: they're good beans, senpai

Noya: you're right, they ARE good beans

~

He meets you as he usually does. On the way to practice that morning, he doesn't press about the night's bean request, simply chats you up like everything's the same as it has been. You fire back as best as you can manage, but your mood just won't seem to lift.

Morning passes like normal, and classes drag on. It feels a little pointless to be in classes right after finals like this when the term ends in a couple of weeks, but a lot of things feel a little pointless. You get used to it. Lunch, you consider talking to Yachi, but she's busy talking to her friends, so you pick over your food alone, staring out the window.

And then there's afternoon practice.

Though one or two guys complain about the heat, Daichi insists, and so everyone's wearing their jackets for your and Yachi's official induction. They display the backs proudly as Shimizu dispenses a club jacket of your own to each of you, shout a welcome that would have scared you shitless a few short weeks ago.

You look at the back of your new jacket, the white Karasuno High School Volleyball Club embroidered there, stark against the black. Bow. Give them the polite "I look forward to working with you!" and move on.

That night, walking home, Noya says: "Oh, right. I meant to ask this earlier, but I didn't want to ruin the moment."

"Dare I ask?"

"You were smiling really nice when you got your club jacket. Will you marry me?"

You pull the jacket in question tight around your shoulders and look away without answer.

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory

[criticalrolo]

i INSTANTLY need to know more about cormorant da-ge

im sticking nie mingjue in a house by the river run by two lesbians with their younger siblings so he can make friends with some birds and be wildly overprotective of the kids to his hearts content

anyway here's what's going on to get NMJ sent to the seaside for his health like a jane austen character

JGS is making noises about how much more convenient his life would be if someone would Rid Him Of This Turbulent Sect Leader, Henry II style, and JGY has the idea to try out this cool new composition called the Song of Turmoil

Except he's never tried to kill someone with the Song of Turmoil before, and apparently those songs are powerful enough to kill people within three notes if played by a master! and this is a Modified Version that could conceivably do... Anything

So the first time he decides to try out the song. well. instead of a slow poison he's got a half-dead da-ge spitting blood on the floor 50% of the way into a qi deviation

PANIC. drag his sworn brother to the Koi Tower Basement to see if your half-baked stygian tiger amulet can do anything

the song is still in NMJ's head causing problems so he works out a plan with XY to try to just. erase the song and the memory of that afternoon. see if that does the trick

NMJ wakes up and says what the fuck. where am i. who are you

FUCK SHIT FUCK okay. we're going into crisis mode since we obviously can't send an amnesiac da-ge back to Qinghe when we were SUPPOSED to be doing medical care

Xue Yang go dump this guy in a river to get him as far away from here as possible while JGY does some DAMAGE control to make it look like NMJ left Lanling like expected and possibly disappeared on the way back home

1 terrible trip down the river later, local Yunping fisherman's cormorants find a body in the weeds. he fishes the biggest dude he's ever seen out of the water and OOPS this guy is still alive!! good thing his sister's "very good friend who shares a room with her and is raising a child with her" is the town's doctor!

Cue frantic life saving scene where eventually This Guy wakes up and tells them he doesn't remember anything about himself or his life. oh no he must have fallen off a boat somewhere and hit his head really hard :(

Doesn't even know his own name. He's pretty sure he can remember being called Da-ge by someone though

They'd feel bad if they just set this guy wandering off with literally Nothing to go on in the world. plus he can reach the top shelves in their house without having to get a chair

He can stay with them if he helps with the farm animals, learns how to fish, and helps out the family business. And even though his meridians are all fucked up he's got a little bit of cultivation ability so he can help their daughter build up her golden core. He's pretty good at this training thing!

They've got nine cormorants named after the Nine Sons of the Dragon. Baxia the cormorant is fucking obsessed with Da-ge for whatever reason

Domestic life continues with Da-ge out on a boat during the day and helping the cultivators out with developing their golden cores, training they normally wouldn't really have access to

One day the doctor says her cousin is coming to visit! she hasn't seen her since the end of the Sunshot campaign and she's excited to reconnect with her. oh look here she comes!! hi luo quinyang it's been forever since we've seen you!!

POV: you are Mianmian, you left the cultivation world a year ago and you're traveling around as a rogue cultivator now. You visit your cousin. Fucking Chifeng-Zun is in her front yard. He's been presumed dead for the last year. what the actual fuck do you do

meanwhile JGY is desperately trying to convince NHS back in Qinghe to accept that his brother is dead for his own sake <3 for his own closure so he can lead the sect in his brother's memory <3 please god stop looking into this <3

NHS: "haha yeah you're probably right sang-ge. anyway im going to go look into all of our historical records to see how i can get access to Dead People's Spirits to Find Their Bodies and maybe this will lead to me bringing my dead necromancer friend back from the dead. xoxo"

anyway eventually they reunite and it's a whole debacle. this is actually a v long way for me to make NMJ and mianmian accidental friends because I think it would be funny

[starglitterz]

cynosure. (x)

─── chapter 10 ! ~ raise your glass!

summary; you and xiao are genmates under the famed streamer company genshin impact. the chemistry between the two of you is undeniable, and your fanbases absolutely love your collaborations. but when you both start meeting up offline more and more, your connection starts to deepen past just harmless flirting and playful banter. with these real feelings starting to affect both your job and reputation online, how will you two react when your relationship becomes the internet’s cynosure?

a/n: um hopefully this should be out not too long after the prev chapter, but yEAHHHH cynosure motivation is back i cannot wait to finish this series >:) hope u enjoy this chapter !!

as always, reading order is;

1 2

3 4

warnings; alcohol, mild drunkenness

previous.┃masterlist.┃next.

please reblog ! it helps a lot :)

this chapter is for koi !!! ( @noctua-koi ) as soon as u started liking cynosure and i bullied u w cynosure angst i absolutely KNEW i had to dedicate this chapter to u HAHAHA thank u so much for loving cynosure, ilysm and i appreciate u tons <3 !! let's go attack scara now >:)

irl !

you watch, mesmerised, as diluc expertly pours a variety of wines into glasses without spilling a drop and hands it out to the people at the bar. "classic 'luc, always trying to impress the ladies," kaeya snickers, and diluc's face turns firetruck red, "shut up, kaeya." then he turns to you, face still slightly flushed, "what would you like, y/n?" "hmm..." you tap your chin thoughtfully, "what would you recommend?" honestly you couldn't care less about what you drink as long as it's strong enough to dull your emotions for a while. you've been in a total mess since xiao 'broke up' with you. (could you really call it breaking up if you were never together?) it's quite embarrassing that you, who was known across the internet as a flirt, had cried over the same man almost 17 times in the past seven days.

"well, i'm not really one for wine, so if you're asking me i'd go for grape juice," diluc replies, using one hand to wipe down the counter with a rag. the bar is rather quiet compared to normal, as diluc had closed early for the night so those of you who were here could relax without worrying about rabid fans or reporters. you can't help but crack a smile, "a wine tycoon who doesn't like wine? that's not something you see every day." "i get that a lot," diluc rubs the back of his neck before glaring pointedly at kaeya, blatantly insinuating that he's the one who constantly makes fun of him for it. "it's true though, diluc has always been unromantic enough to prefer juice over wine. maybe he just doesn't have the patience for fermentation, and that's why he never- ow!" diluc slams the rag onto kaeya's hand before deadpanning, "sorry, it was an accident."

"anyways, if you're looking for something stronger you should ask rosaria," diluc points a thumb at the woman at the edge of the bar who's idly swirling her drink. thanking him, you slide over to her, "hey, uh, rosaria, was it? what are you drinking?" she glances at you out of the corner of her eye, "you're that streamer, aren't you? the one who's in a whole load of hot water right now." your eyes widen, "you know who i am?!" "who wouldn't? your face is all over the internet right now," she states calmly, though she quietens when she notices your expression. "yeah... all because of this one stupid guy," you roll your eyes, placing your elbows on the table and balancing your chin on your hands. rosaria laughs, a genuine sound this time, "i can tell you definitely need a strong drink. the one i'm having is fire-water, though i'll warn you it isn't for those with a weak stomach." "okay! i'll take whatever i can get, if i'm being honest," you respond before ordering a glass of the smoky alcohol from diluc.

just then, the door slams open and venti enters with a loud strum of his lyre, followed by albedo. "tis i, venti the bard!" "sorry, we're late, i was finishing up an experiment," albedo murmurs an apology to kaeya before seating himself between the two of you. "and you must be the infamous y/n," he faces you and shakes your hand, "it's an honour to meet you in person." "the pleasure's all mine," you grin, ignoring the slight sting that comes with the label of 'infamous'. "my dear diluc, the usual please!" venti spins around on the high chair at the bar joyfully, only to pretend to sob the next second when diluc replies dryly, "you can have it when you pay off your tab." "hey venti, i'll cover your drinks tonight if you play us a tune or two," kaeya chimes in. "really?! then prepare yourself to be sucked away by the music, for i, venti, know all songs of the past, present, and future! let's begin!"

as venti begins crooning a ballad about heartbreak, albedo randomly says, "love sucks, doesn't it?" "you can say that again," you chuckle in reply, nursing your drink. "yet somehow it's the most wonderful thing in the world, and perhaps that's why everyone craves it," his teal eyes meet yours, and suddenly it feels like this man can see into your soul. self-conscious, you sip from your glass to avoid his piercing gaze, "i guess so. must be why everyone says it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." "you have loved, and you have lost. do you agree with them?" the blonde man questions you directly, not bothering to beat around the bush. "woah! most people would ask something like that with a little more tact, you know," you answer with a start. he blinks once, as if calculating where he made a mistake in his phrasing, "i'm sorry. i'm not that good with people." neither was xiao, you think to yourself, before mentally scolding yourself for always connecting every little thing to him.

"you didn't answer my question," albedo's factual tone jolts you out of your thoughts. "oh! um... yes. unfortunately, i do agree with them," you scramble for a coherent answer, "to me, love is something else that can only be understood fully when you experience it yourself. it's not flawless like how it's portrayed in the media or anything, it's messy and imperfect at times, yet that's what makes it worth fighting for - the fact that both parties are putting in effort to make it work." you swear you feel tears form in your eyes as your voice cracks in the final sentence, so you quickly duck your head under the guise of drinking once more.

"that's an interesting take," albedo sips his water, then he stares at you once more, "but maybe you haven't really lost your love yet." "what do you mean?" "i mean that you said love was worth fighting for, and i think that both of you have not stopped fighting for each other yet," albedo states, tilting his head. you're so shocked you don't know what to say. you know that you hadn't moved on, but you've been thinking that xiao already did. "how do you know?" your voice comes out in a whisper. "sometimes venti says too much about things that should probably just be kept between friends," albedo smiles at you, "as for you, i tend to read too much into people, but even a baby could tell that you haven't given up yet." your cheeks warm - are you really that obvious? "it's just my opinion, but i think that's a good thing. like you said, love has its flaws; what matters is how you work through those flaws," he finishes his glass. "thank you... i think i really needed to hear that," you murmur, and albedo smiles gently as diluc refills his glass, "no worries. it's just the abstract ramblings of an alchemist anyway."

as venti switches to a more upbeat song which has kaeya cheering and rosaria threatening to smash a glass on his head if he carries on being this noisy while diluc observes with a smile playing about his lips, you and albedo share a private glance before clinking your glasses together, "well then, to love!"

private messages !

phone call !

outgoing call to xiao at 1.17 a.m.

y/n: ...hello?

xiao: y/n, is that you?

y/n: no, this is actually your number one fan scaramouche! who decided to call you at 1 in the morning for no reason! obviously it's me.

xiao: oh. yeah, that makes sense. although at this point maybe i would have preferred it to be scaramouche.

y/n: what?! why?!

xiao: well, you're mad at me, aren't you?

y/n: no shit, genius. i'm absolutely fucking furious.

xiao: um... i can see that.

y/n: shouldn't you be apologising or something?! or being scared that i'm angry?

xiao: to be honest, i'm terrified. i don't want you to hate me. but i don't think you're sober right now, so i probably shouldn't say too much. plus if i'm going to apologise to you, i'm going to do it right.

y/n: you better. as in apologise.

xiao: of course.

y/n: do you even know what i've been going through the past week?!

xiao: no, but i really hope you haven't been harassed or anything again by my fans, because if you i have i'm going to-

y/n: shut up! archons, you're so fucking annoying. i hate you for being so cute and caring to the point i just want to slap your face. with my mouth preferably. which if you didn't understand means kiss.

xiao: ...

y/n: and you know what? i still do. i still fucking like you and want to kiss you, even after your stupid self broke my heart.

xiao: y/n, i know you most likely won't remember this, but i'm so so so sorry. and i know words won't do anything right now, but i swear i never meant to hurt you.

y/n: yeah, that's the worst part. i know you were thinking of me, and that makes it even harder to hate you like my friends say i should. for archons' sake, i'm all the way in mondstadt and i still can't get you off my mind.

xiao: if it makes you feel better, you haven't left my mind either.

y/n: *wry laugh* we're just a right pair of idiots, aren't we? both of us like the other but we aren't together.

xiao: y/n, maybe i should hang up, because i don't think you'd want your future self to tell me this.

y/n: xiao, shut the fuck up and listen. i like you, a lot more than i should considering what a dick you've been. and i don't think i'll get over you, at least not anytime soon.

xiao: y/n, i-

y/n: I LOVE YOU!

xiao: wait, what?!

y/n: *door opens*

???: yo, it's been 10 minutes. let's head downstairs again, okay? wait, who are you on the phone with?

y/n: nobody, let's go.

y/n: *whispers* i miss you, xiao. fuck our jobs, just let yourself be happy for once.

xiao: y/n, i promise i'll apologise and tell you the truth when you're back in liyue. i'll learn to be better at opening up for you too. please take care... *softly* i love you too.

call cut [from xiao's end] at 1.32 a.m.

a/n; xiao is so awkward i hate him (affectionate) T-T anyways this chapter was to check in on y/n and see what she's up to!! surprise appearance by the mondstadt charas hehe, and kaeya/diluc sibling bonding <3 spot the obvious albedo favouritism HAHAHA also when ur reading the call part keep in mind that y/n is quite drunk (she lied to kaeya abt just being a lil tipsy), so that's why she might say nonsensical things haha. grr be proud of me for updating cynosure so quick LOL, anyways i don't have that much to say except ily all, gn !! <3

taglist; @noirkkat / @bookuya / @hojichangel / @glazelilyy / @oreoz-unfortunately / @tiny-aroace / @xiaophobic / @test-tube / @ilyquill @storytravelled / @mirikusashes / @ben6ett / @oliviasslut / @bluexiao / @lunachelly / @aelatus / @mimion / @akiiyukii @angelhxneyy / @give-xiao-almond-tofu / @abyssheart / @xuanya @normalisthenewnorm / @viagiraffe / @fuhuashandholder @astersg4rden / @dilucbar / @nachotrash / @childe-support /@cynokine / @axerrri / @ventirain / @kait-is-always-late @hushyouu / @celestair / @rim0na / @indecisivehusky / @nurserinnn / @ariesreii / @saving-for-xiao / @hellokittykuroo / @auradragon199 / @xiaoszn / @liarchive / @hurricanectar / @berryqueue / @noctua-koi / @yunaholics / @yoimimi / @http-mewchuu

usernames in bold cannot be tagged. please send an ask if you’d like to be added / removed / changed your url ! pt 2 of the taglist will be tagged in an rb after i wake up :)

general masterlist.

© starglitterz 2022. do not repost or modify in any way.

[plan-d-to-i]

I genuinely think that people don't understand that the reason that wwx went "you can do whatever you want to me" with lwj is bc he knows him and trusts in him. he is very much aware that lwj would never ask him to do anything that he wouldn't do/like, both in terms of relationship like sex and stuff and in terms of actions. they are married, they are a couple, they love each other, but they are also each other's greatest confident, best friend and, more important: partners. they agree with each other, they have the same moral ideals. they trust in eo's hearts. it's not bc wwx is blind by love, no, it's pretty much the opposite: it's bc he can see cleary who his beloved is

— mlisz

Absolutely. This is not Wei Wuxian meeting Lan Wangji for the first time and blindly giving him consent carte blanche. This is them growing towards each other over two lifetimes. WangXian may outwardly express themselves differently however their world views are completely aligned. They desire the same things, the same things are important to them, their goals are the same, the way they see the world, the people in it, and what's right and wrong is in harmony.

I think Wei Wuxian recognizes that he's met his potential match in Lan Zhan quite early, and he tries very hard to tease his way closer to him, but by the time LWJ figures out that he can trust Wei Wuxian's heart that boundless enthusiasm has dimmed somewhat both with past rejection and with the secret behind his demonic cultivation now coming between them. By the time LWJ makes his decisive move it's too late and Wei Wuxian can't even hear him.

In WWX's second life Lan Wangji has full faith in Wei Wuxian's nature, and he doesn't care if his feelings are returned as long as he's permitted to stand by WWX's side and be there for him unreservedly. He makes it clear enough with his actions that it can rectify all the previous misunderstandings they've had between them and it works. Unconsciously WWX starts to realize it -when jiang cheng kidnaps him and tortures him with Fairy, in that state of instinctive distress it's Lan Wangji's name that he shouts.

“Suddenly, Jiang Cheng glanced sideway at him, “Whose name did you call?”

Wei WuXian was in such a state of distress that he couldn’t remember whether or not he called someone’s name at all.”

As he's walking to reunite with LWJ he finally examines it:

“He had always thought that Jiang Cheng would be on his side, and Lan WangJi on the side opposite to him. He could never have imagined that things would turn out so differently.”

I'd say it really crystalizes when Lan Wangji takes his side in front of the whole cultivation world as his identity is revealed. Wei Wuxian gives Lan Wangji the same easy out he gave jiang cheng with his proposal to defect. He would take the world's condemnation squarely on his own shoulders and spare LWJ the ignominy of their association. LWJ however is not trash jc.

“Lan WangJi, though, was different from him. He wouldn’t even have to explain, and people would explain for him, such as how HanGuang-Jun had been deceived by the YiLing Patriarch.

Wei WuXian, “HanGuang-Jun, you don’t have to follow me!”

Lan WangJi looked straight in front of him, saying nothing in reply. The two left behind them a crowd of cultivators shouting to kill. Amid the chaos, Wei WuXian spoke again, “You really want to go with me? Think carefully. After you walk out this door, your reputation will be destroyed! The two had already dashed down the steps of Koi Tower. Lan WangJi grabbed his wrist”

Things get even more dire after Jin Ling, driven by the hate and lies jc has poured into his ear all these years, stabs WWX (in the same spot jiang cheng had stabbed him) still Lan Wangji remains staunchly by WWX's side.

“[Wei WuXian] didn’t know how long had passed, but when he hazily opened his eyes again, Lan WangJi flew on Bichen, while he was carried on Lan WangJi’s back. Blood had spilled onto half of his snow colored cheeks...

Wei WuXian called out, “… Lan Zhan.”

Lan WangJi’s breathing wasn’t as placid as usual, feeling somewhat rushed. It was probably from carrying Wei WuXian while fending off attacks and being on the run for too long.”

“The tone in which he replied, however, was still the single syllable, as steady as ever, “Mnn.”

After the “mnn”, he added, “I am here.”

Hearing the words, something that Wei WuXian had never felt before sprouted within his heart. It was like sorrow. His chest hurt a bit, but also felt a bit warm.

He could still remember how, back in Jiangling, Lan WangJi came all the way to assist him, yet he didn’t appreciate the kindness at all. With all kinds of disputes, the two of them often parted with disapproval.

But what he hadn’t expected was that when everyone feared him and flattered him, Lan WangJi scolded him right in his face; when everyone spurned him and loathed him, Lan WangJi stood by his side.”

It's very interesting that after this we get the long flashback of suffering WWX went through in his previous life, and as he finally wakes up in the present again :

“Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!

This comes right on the heels of the chapter ending with LWJ standing outside the courier station where jc and WWX have killed Wen Chao and where LWJ's “Go back to Gusu with me” was misunderstood and rejected by WWX. So the novel beautifully contrasts these two moments and the sharp change between them.

When WangXian head out again towards Yiling to investigate further it's clear things have shifted for Wei Wuxian. He even starts thinking of his childhood! with his mother and father and the incomparable warmth and safety that he experienced with them and playfully tricks Lan Wangji into reenacting that little scene with him.

“With this journey to Yiling, it was clear that their future was still unclear, even somewhat dangerous. Wei WuXian couldn’t get himself to feel nervous at all. Sitting on a donkey with Lan WangJi holding the rein, leading them down the path, his entire heart was fluttering, feeling as though he was walking on air. Even if a bunch of sects suddenly attacked from beside the road, aside from destroying the scene and spoiling his mood, he thought that he wouldn’t find it too bad.

Finally the symbolic fall from the tree into Lan Wangji's arms.

“All of a sudden, an abnormally strong impulse surged into Wei WuXian’s mind.

He wanted to fall down again, just like back then.

A voice inside of him said, If he catches me, I’ll…

At this point where he thought ‘I’ll’, Wei WuXian let go. Seeing that he fell out of the tree without any warning, Lan WangJi’s eyes immediately widened. He shot forward just in time to catch Wei WuXian, or one might say, be caught by Wei WuXian.”...

“His voice was hoarse, “Thank you.”

He wasn’t scared of falling. All these years, he’d fallen many times. But falling on the ground still hurt, after all. If someone was there to catch him, it’d be more than wonderful.”

It's just such a beautiful progression. Wei Wuxian trusts his entire being into Lan Wangji's care because he's seen step by step how careful Lan Wangji is with him and he's learned to read Lan Wangji and accurately reinterpret his past actions. Lan Wangji has become his safety. I think nowhere is it actually more obvious than in his own thoughts right before the Guanyin Temple at the end. In his life WWX was the kind of person who made due with what he had. Maybe because he'd lost his family so young and then lost what passed for his second home, then had to give up his Clan, then lost whatever home he'd set up with the Wens, a part of him remained untethered. He learned that he could lose everything so he should need nothing, but that was no longer the case when it came to Lan Wangji:

“He thought about it some more. Wen Ning didn’t know where he was going, but he didn’t know either, did he? In the beginning, when he was with Lan WangJi, he never thought about this problem at all. He took it as granted that they’d continue like this without change. But after tonight, maybe he and Lan WangJi wouldn’t go back to how they were ever again. Without Lan WangJi, it seemed as if it wasn’t too impossible for him to roam the world on his own.

But a voice in Wei WuXian’s heart told him with clarity, No, you can’t.

The words he said back on Koi Tower really proved to be true. The current Wei WuXian couldn’t do without Lan WangJi.”