#though if i'm being honest i have no idea whether anyone i'm moots with now has watched the show so maybe i shouldn't JSJSJ

[mad-hunts]

okay, but would it be too wild for me to make a verse for barton based in the dexter (as in the serial killer who kills other murderers) universe, because... i think it would just be VERY interesting okok

[tibbinswrites]

For the prompt list, I'm gonna go with destiel, numbers #9 and/or #20 💙 and congrats on the followers!

Hiii! Thank you! And thanks so much for your request. I’ve already done #9 so I’ve done #20 for you. 

I really struggled with this one, not gonna lie. I had a plan for it but I’m not super sure I managed to balance both sides of the argument and come up with a satisfying solution. Let me know what you think! All concrit is welcome.

I’ve now done prompts for: #1, #2, #4 and #16, #9, #10, #20, #33, #77, #78, #170 and #502 and I’ve got two still left to do. I’m not accepting any more at this time.

Also, if you wanna check out a fantabulous destiel anthology I’ve had the privilege to write for, our indegogo page is live here

Enjoy ^_^

20. Rules

There were rules to sharing Dean’s bed, Cas had found. Many of them. The main one, of course, was ‘Don’t tell Sam.” Followed by the next rule, ‘Don’t tell anyone’, which Cas argued made the first rule moot, seeing as Sam was part of ‘anyone’ and so didn’t need a separate rule. In fact, most of the rules Dean hurled at him were about keeping what they were doing secret, make sure he wasn’t seen sneaking into or out of Dean’s room at night, no touch lasting longer than two seconds outside of the bedroom, stay quiet unless they were alone in the bunker.

Cas didn’t like these rules, but he respected them. He kept his distance, didn’t touch Dean when he wanted to, didn’t brush their hands together when they walked side-by-side or hold him while they watched movies with Sam and Jack; he didn’t slide his arms around Dean’s waist while he stood at the stove, pressing in close, dropping kisses along the line of his neck. He wanted to do those things, wanted to stare unabashed and happy at how beautiful Dean looked in the early-morning light, wanted to lace their fingers together in line at the supermarket, wanted to hear all the glorious sounds Dean bit back while they made love.

He understood Dean’s reservations, and yet he didn’t. He didn’t resent the rules, and yet he did. Being with Dean was wonderful. Beneath the covers they would talk through their anxieties, their hopes for the future, they would always be touching, they smiled, they joked, they kissed. They discovered every inch of each other and Castiel at least fell more in love with each new piece of revealed information. But if he ever brought up the idea of telling Sam or Jack, Dean instantly clammed up and rolled away, all easy smiles vanished.

“I’m not ready,” was all he said. And really, it was all that he needed to say. Cas knew that he couldn’t force it. Dean being ready was important and Castiel vowed to wait.

But sometimes the waiting was very difficult. He didn’t want to hide his love like it was something shameful, it hurt every time he did. It hurt every time Dean acted like it was something shameful. He tried not to think about the implications, that maybe it was the fact that it was Cas that Dean was ashamed of, rather than any internal hangups about his own sexuality. It wasn’t true, he was almost certain, but there was enough room for doubt that it was a constant battle not to let it take hold.

After all, Dean had raised Sam, how could he have any doubt that he would be anything other than fully supportive of Dean’s happiness? Unless he was just pretending at happy, of course.

As the weeks passed he felt himself growing smaller. That niggling concern that perhaps he didn’t mean as much to Dean as Dean did to him kept niggling, and all his arguments for the contrary weren’t strong enough to hold up. Outside the sanctuary of his room, Dean was no different; they still fought, still talked, still went hunting together, except that Dean didn’t seek out Castiel’s company anymore, instead waiting in his room for Cas to go to him. And any affectionate touches or looks were now reserved until they were behind closed doors. The first few weeks this has been exciting, it had been something to look forward to, to sequester himself in Dean’s room where he would be met with open arms and comfort. But that meant after a disturbing hunt, or a close call while they were still in the field, or a worrying piece of news, even if it affected Dean deeply, he would pull away from Cas’ touch as though it were something dirty, avoid his eyes like Dean had used to avoid his eyes, back before Dean trusted him with his vulnerability. Holding eye contact too long was against the rules after all.

He held Dean close most nights, writhing beneath him, panting his name, pressing sweet words into his skin, or with an arm slung over Cas’ chest while he slept, Cas’ fingers threading through his hair, and yet he had never felt so far away.

Eventually, around six months after the rules had been laid out, Cas realised that he couldn’t go on like this. Perhaps he had been idealistic in what a physical relationship entailed but if this was it then Cas wasn’t sure he wanted it anymore. He missed knowing that Dean would be at his back when needed, he missed feeling secure in his place with the Winchesters, he missed being able to sit comfortably in a room with his family and not be on edge about whether he was staring too long or sitting too close, or stating an opinion that would lead to a hushed argument cutting into the only time they had to be honest. Seeing Dean naked was nice, bringing him pleasure was a worship of which he would never tire, but compared to the bond they used to share, the one that wasn’t contained within four walls and a list of rules, where the passion and trust and care between them was solid and certain, it paled to barely a watermark.

If Dean had been truly happy with how things were then Castiel might have been able to bear it, but as it was, Cas had to say something.

“Dean,” Cas said one evening, gently pushing Dean away from where he was kissing his way down Castiel’s throat. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore.”

“Can’t do what?” Dean asked, barely listening as he tried to get back in close. When Cas didn’t yield though, he sat back with a frown. “What?”

Cas shifted himself to a seated position and stared at his knees. “I want to go back to not sleeping together.”

Dean just blinked at him for a few moments before he said anything. “Oh,” was all he came out with,  followed by a much smaller, “how come?”

“Because I understand that you want to keep this secret,” Cas said, his throat closing around the words. He swallowed. “But I don’t, and it’s not fair to try and force that from you, so there needs to stop being a secret.”

“You’re kidding me?” Dean said, irritation flaring in his voice. “This is because I won’t tell Sam.” He scoffed loudly and got off the bed, bending to find the shirt he had tossed aside mere moments before.

“We spend more time hiding our relationship than having one,” Cas fired back, already hating how this was going. “And you know, you know that Sam won’t give a crap about your sexuality so the only factor that you have to be ashamed of is me.”

“Oh, yeah, you really got me sussed, huh?” Dean snarked, yanking the shirt down over his head as though preparing to leave, as if this wasn’t his own room. “Like you won’t leave the second that this thing becomes real.”

That struck deep. “It wasn’t…?” Cas began, the question mark hanging there like the rope that life was supposed to be. Then he cleared his throat and stood too, gathering his own clothes and pulling them on, all without looking at Dean. He would not let Dean see how much that had hurt him. “I understand. It was never real for you. That’s why it’s been so easy for you to separate. That makes sense.” The anger hit him then and he spun violently around, his eyes beginning to sting. “If you had just told me that that’s what this was I could have saved us both the trouble! I’m sick of being used, Dean. Ever since I was created I’ve been somebody’s tool. I thought it was different with you, I thought—” He squeezed his eyes shut. No, of course. Dean never loved him. Cared for him perhaps, as a friend, and wanted to explore his sexuality in a safe environment with someone convenient. That’s all this was.

“If you think I’m indulging this pity-party, you’re wrong,” Dean snapped. “You knew what you were getting into, I was upfront. It’s been six months and not a word that this isn’t working for you but all of a sudden it’s so bad that you wanna cut and run!?”

“You said you weren’t ready,” Cas reminded him. “Was I supposed to pressure you?”

“You weren’t supposed to pretend!” Dean shouted. Then he winced and lowered his voice to a hiss. “That’s how relationships work. You talk about the things going wrong so you can fix them.”

“And how do we fix this, Dean? Because I can’t contain my love for you in this room and you can’t love me anywhere else. What are we supposed to do?”

Dean hesitated at that, then he said, slowly, like he was replaying Cas’ words, “You think I don’t love you?”

“I think that our friendship has suffered since we started having sex,” Cas said bluntly. He had to be blunt or the sorrow caused by that fact would overwhelm him. “We practically avoid each other unless it involves a hunt in order to abide by your rules. I didn’t realise that the price of a relationship would be to sacrifice everything the relationship was built on. Turns out that’s not a price I’m willing to pay, you’re too important to me.”

“Yeah, I feel real important right now.” Dean snapped. He folded his arms and turned away, and Cas knew he’d hit a nerve.

“Dean—” Cas reached out to touch him on the shoulder but Dean shrugged him off. He sighed. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted.”

“What? Happy?” Dean shot back, his voice thick with emotion. “Yeah, me too.”

He felt a pang in his chest at that.

“I love you, Dean. No matter what we call our relationship, that will always be true.”

“Whatever.”

Taking that as a firm dismissal, Cas turned to leave.

“Cas, wait.”

He stopped, his hand on the doorknob.

“I’m not scared about what Sam would think about be being with you, not really.”

Cas turned back around. Dean’s back was still to him; his shoulders were hunched over, curled in on himself. Cas longed to stride forward, gather him up and place a kiss to each of his freckles.

“Then what are you scared of?”

Dean faced him then, his eyes open and terrified. “This. You taking off again. If I told Sam then I couldn’t ever take it back. And if something happens, and they know… it’ll just make everything so much worse.” He scoffed, a wet, sad sound. “Besides, if he saw how gone I am on you… he’ll start trying to get to me to retire, to take you and just get out and make a happy, apple pie life of our own. I can’t leave him, and I’m not ready to stop hunting.”

“I’d never ask you to,” Cas said gently, a little confused.

“I know. But honestly? I’m kinda terrified of how easy it would be.” He smiled then, a soft, wistful thing. “I’ve actually been thinking about it, making plans for what comes after.” He made a self-deprecating sound “Like I get that lucky. Like I haven’t known since I was five years old that there is no after for me. I’ll die a hunter. At the end of a spell or a blade or a set of claws, that’s how I’ve always wanted it, that’s what always felt right.”

“And now?”

“Now… as long as you’re there with me, I don’t really care so much how it ends.” Dean’s eyes were on his, and they mirrored the longing that Cas himself felt, the magnetic pull that drew him in. “That’s what scares me, Cas. If I tell Sam, it’ll change the way I look at my life, I’ll start wanting something more than what my dad planned, what I was so sure was the only path I had.”

“Dean,” Cas said, reaching for him, and Dean came easily. “Since when have you ever followed a plan set out for you that wasn’t your own?”

xxx

The next morning, Dean dropped a kiss to Cas’ hair at the breakfast table, right in front of Sam, who did nothing more than roll his eyes and mutter something that sounded suspiciously like, “Finally.”

[xtruss]

Restrictions Leave US Travelers ‘High and Dry’

— Stacey Lastoe, CNN • Updated 27th June 2020

(CNN) — In downtown Buffalo, New York, crossing the border into Ontario, Canada, used to be as easy as driving one mile across the Peace Bridge over the Niagara River. But that's now a forbidden route.

In the coronavirus era, New York residents and out-of-state road trippers aren't allowed to cross the border for leisure travel.

US citizens have been shut out of their neighboring country to the north and a slew of nations around the world. The latest travel news affecting Americans: The European Union is considering blocking travelers from areas with severe Covid-19 outbreaks after it opens it borders on July 1.

Since the United States has more confirmed coronavirus cases than anywhere else in the world, with numbers increasing in some states each day, US travelers are unlikely to be allowed in any time soon.

"The US's chances are close to zero," an EU diplomat told CNN. "With their infection rates ... not even they can believe in that possibility."

As long as the US-Canada border remains closed, visiting Niagara Falls in Ontario won't be possible for US citizens. (LARS HAGBERG/AFP/AFP/Getty Images)

Although potential travel bubbles are being discussed all over the world -- Fiji is the latest in talks to join one with Australia and New Zealand -- the United States has yet to form or join a bubble.

Where does this new world order leave US citizens with a penchant for travel?

Nostalgic for the pre-Covid days when a US passport promised access to much of the world? Anxious of how they'll be perceived -- and received -- by foreign countries when restrictions are eventually loosened?

The future of travel for Americans, and whether they'll be welcome again as tourists, is not clear; in many ways, it's a moot point for as long as travel to certain regions is prohibited.

Uninvited

As many Americans eschew air travel and instead take to the road, they won't be taking the road into Canada. Indeed, travel restrictions for US passport holders at this time far outnumbers the travel possibilities.

And for many people, that's just how it should be.

A trip through Canada is unlikely to be a summer vacation option for Americans while the Covid-19 outbreak in the US continues to swell. )Courtesy Via Rail Canada)

Colleen Friesen, who lives in a small resort town in British Columbia, hopes the US-Canadian border stays closed.

"The majority of Canadians are strongly against allowing Americans into the country due to the US's rampant infection rate. Although some states seem to be managing the pandemic, when we see news of Oklahoma allowing an indoor rally, we just shake our collective heads," Friesen tells CNN Travel via email.

Stacey McKenna, who is based in Colorado, isn't ready to think about international travel of any kind right now, though she stipulates that it's partially because the places on her radar "are extremely vulnerable economically and geographically," and she wouldn't be willing to risk exposing anyone.

"I think if I reach a place where I feel international (or even air) travel would be appropriate, then I'll start asking myself if I think I'd be welcome."

For New York-based travel writer Juliet Izon, who canceled a summer vacation in Italy months ago when there was still a glimmer of hope that things might resume, seeing where the United States is compared with other countries is disheartening and depressing.

Izon believes she'll take the trip to Italy one day but says, "I wouldn't be surprised if in certain countries if they don't allow Americans in for a while or a really strict quarantine for years to come," adding that the United States' handling of Covid-19 was likely to be "another black mark against us."

The other? The state of US politics.

Friesen, who says she appreciates her country's politicians taking a backseat to the scientific and medical community, is scared of the way the virus in the United States "has become politicized."

France is moving through stages of reopening, but US citizens are not yet on the list of countries who can visit. (BERTRAND GUAY/AFP via Getty Images)

But one EU diplomat ,who spoke to CNN earlier in the week on condition of anonymity, calls the US-EU travel decision a very sensitive issue and insists "it is only ever about health."

"For sure, you can see not being on the list as something political, when one country is allowed in and another is not, but this is a misrepresentation of what we are doing. We are looking to open our borders, this is a positive step."

In spite of this statement and the EU diplomat's insistence that "we want people to come," the much-changed travel landscape has some people concerned.

"Rather than thinking about the near future of travel, I've been pondering how all of this will affect xenophobia more generally," says McKenna.

A Holistic Experience

Dennis Geronimus, New York University art history associate professor and chair, has historically combined business and leisure travel, often to Italy. He is not personally concerned about how he'll be received when he travels internationally again -- and he's someone who'll likely be able to travel on certain foreign soils well before other Americans.

This is in large part because of the nature of his travel. Geronimus is typically hosted by international colleagues and admits that it is "different than going on vacation somewhere not knowing anyone and then just diving into the culture and going to see the sites and seeing other foreigners at the sites as well."

At this time, American travelers can't go to Italy and cities such as Rome (above), at least not for pure leisure travel. (ALBERTO PIZZOLI/AFP via Getty Images)

There are steps Geronimus could take now to potentially be granted access forbidden to US leisure travelers, though he'd still be subject to the quarantine.

In any event, though he'd like to see the Raphael exhibition in Rome and collaborate with colleagues in Italy, he's not planning a trip to the region anytime soon.

It might be deemed essential, but Geronimus doesn't see it as essential enough. Instead, the professor would prefer to focus on the measures needed to resume on-site classes at NYU this fall.

Likewise, McKenna, whose background is in medical anthropology and public health, is thinking about other, bigger things: "I'll be honest. I haven't even gotten to the question of whether I think I would feel welcome as an American" since international travel is just not appropriate right now.

Says US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, "We've been working with countries all across the world, including our friends in Europe and the EU proper to determine how it is we can best safely reopen international travel. It's important for the United States to get Europeans the capacity to travel back to the United States."

Safety First

It's not about Americans, per se, says New Zealander Elen Turner, though it's hard to ignore the restrictions impacting them along with the number of confirmed Covid deaths and cases.

"I think once the borders reopen properly, New Zealanders will be as welcoming of Americans as they will be with any other travelers," Turner says.

But Friesen, who is troubled by the United States' handling of the pandemic, says, "Given the push back on the pandemic protocols we've seen in the US, we just don't believe that Americans will do the right thing."

As stories of Americans refusing to wear masks -- not even on an airplane in at least one case -- and not practicing social distancing surface, Friesen's skepticism may be justifiable.

While New Zealand may form a travel bubble with Australia, it's unlikely Americans will be allowed in any time soon. (Courtesy Shutterstock)

However, for so many people CNN Travel spoke with, the health and safety of others -- and doing what's right -- is paramount.

Chicago-based photographer and writer Joshua Mellin says: "I think to travel internationally for leisure right now demonstrates a total lack of care, you deserve whatever stares you get."

Mellin adds: "I'm personally of the mind we're all global citizens, but there's still a reality you're not entitled access to a foreign country, you're granted entry."

When it comes to granting foreigners entry, Turner would be comfortable taking cues from the New Zealand government. Right now, returning New Zealand citizens must quarantine for two weeks upon arrival, and no one else is allowed in.

If, down the line, the quarantine was applied to all visitors to New Zealand, what then?

"So if that was to be extended to all arrivals then I think New Zealanders would be fine with that because generally, our government has handled the pandemic well and there's a high degree of trust in them," Turner says.

She adds, however, that she doesn't see this happening, does not envision a New Zealand opening itself up to foreigners until quarantine is no longer necessary.

The idea of a pre-holiday quarantine is the subject of scrutiny anyway.

Last month, when the concept was gaining steam, Alison Hickey, president of Kensington Tours, told CNN Travel "we would not recommend traveling to a destination that has implemented a 14-day self-quarantine requirement."

'We're Reopening'

While enforced quarantines will deter many a traveler, other regions with no quarantines in effect might entice them.

From Mexico and the Caribbean to Turkey, tourist spots around the world are opening back up and encouraging visitors to boot.

US travelers can fly to Mexico, but for many, the risks aren't worth it. Pictured: Parroquia de San Miguell Arcángel in San Miguel de Allende, Guanajuato. (Shutterstock)

Whether hotel promotions or upgrades or relaxed policies on cancellation, the sweet chorus of "we are opening" could potentially jump start what has been a very dark period in the tourism sector.

But just because The Maldives, a luxury destination, is ready to welcome back all visitors with no restrictions (there are also no visa requirements or additional fees), how many US citizens are ready to go?

For many of the US travelers that CNN Travel spoke to for this story, being welcomed or feeling welcome in another country is beside the point.

The danger of exposure and of being exposed looms. And then there's the fear of being stuck somewhere far away.

Elizabeth Lavis, who is originally from upstate New York, found herself scrambling to get out of Vietnam in March amid the outbreak and sudden stringent travel restrictions. That ordeal and what's transpired with the coronavirus since have made Lavis reluctant to go far away from home for the foreseeable future.

California-based writer Melanie Haikan would like to go to Costa Rica at some point and is only eyeing places that are eager for visitors. (Nell Lewis)

California resident Melanie Haiken expresses a desire to help struggling economies as a tourist and is already thinking about her future travels, which include places not so close to home: "As to international travel, I would be ready to travel again in August, but would want to go places that are eager for visitors. I have my eye on Guatemala and Costa Rica, Turkey and Jordan, Scotland, Estonia, and a few other places that seem likely candidates based both on safety and how much their economies depend on tourism."

Turkey, it would seem, is a likely candidate. On June 19, Turkish Airlines relaunched two North American routes to Istanbul with two others (Miami and Los Angeles) following on June 22 and 24 respectively. By late July, three additional US hubs will be operating flights to Turkey.

Any EU travel ban could change things, but as of June 23, when CNN spoke to Connecticut-based Caryn B. Davis about her upcoming trip to the Azores in Portugal, the travel journalist said she is still planning on going, hopefully in the next six weeks.

Pompeo expressed the importance of the economy in travel between the US and the EU, saying "It's important for the United States to get Europeans the capacity to travel back to the United States. It's important, very important for the Europeans to fully reconnect with the American economy as well."

But until safety concerns can be adequately addressed, Mellin doesn't think anyone, US citizen or not, should be going anywhere.

"There's a responsibility of showing respect for other people and places as a traveler that starts at home and is inherently broken by visiting another country during a global pandemic."

But in fact, international travel may resume sooner rather than later in some currently off-limits places. "I'm confident in the coming weeks we'll figure that out as between not only the United States and the EU, but the United States and other parts of the world, too," Pompeo said.

As to what it'll be like?

"I think if anything, when we do travel, it's certainly my hope that we bring that sense of, I guess, empathy to wherever we're going ... ," Geronimus says.

— CNN's James Frater, Michael Conte and Luke McGee contributed reporting to this story.