#though i also wonder if i should be sorry for intentionally staying this way. idk. that's midnight hour talking.
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bataranqs · 6 months ago
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10 Happy Things
May 14, 2024
There are so many good things in this world I can't even count them??? I know I already made this a point but it bears repeating like I could run to the end of the world and not run out of things to delight in
Made pasta today to prep for tomorrow and I am going to have so much food tomorrow with no cooking necessary!!!
There's this one tree in my neighbourhood that's been changing A Lot Very Fast and it's so cool to watch it happen!!! Like a week ago it was full of pink flowers, then it was more green leaves, and now it's quite sparse!! I wonder what's gonna happen next!!
Buying groceries without worrying about money!
Went to Small Group for the first time in a while and it was so nice in just every way
I saw this LOTR post today and it made me think of @goldkirk which is so crazy bc I read LOTR when I was like babie and have so many memories but this one friend's love for these books has overwritten my response to seeing mention of these from "yeah cool books" to "!!! thing my beloved friend loves!!" and that is just. delightful.
i bought the Kernels ketchup popcorn seasoning and am putting it on my popcorn and man. This is so good. The world is so good and full of such good things. What a time to be alive
I can sleep in tomorrow as long as I want
I finished the whole bible cover to cover for the first time since converting and it's so exciting like it took me over a year but whoa it feels so good!!!
I like my friends so much
BONUS: Rereading Poor Wayfaring Stranger by lithos_saeculum and it's still so good like it's even better on reread maybe. I've read this almost as much as I've watched Moana.
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didishawn · 2 years ago
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Hey bestie!!!! Your works are chef kiss 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼 uhm I was wondering if you can write angst w Ferran? Idk like there's an argument n he says something hurtful?? Miss ma'am tbh I have no clue what im requesting😭😭 all ik is that I'd like some angst ending in fluff pls??? N ur writing is amazing so 🤌🏼
Broken souls (Ferran x Reader)
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Warnings: angsty with happy ending, mentions of Ferran's insecurities and mental health, mentions of the internet being assholes, Sira mention (not in a truly bad way as the girl is amazing)
Masterlist
You know Ferran adores Barça and loves playing in it, it's where his best friends play and 9ne the best club's out there, but sometimes you can't help but wonder if things would be better had he stayed in Manchester City.
Words can bring down even the happiest of people, that person who everyone knows to be the nicest, the funniest, being broken by people on the Internet feeling the need to comment on all his flaws and creating insecurities.
It's terrible for anyone, brings them down, worsens their mental health and makes them sometimes not be themselves.
Your boyfriend, you know is broken, as months pass by he becomes even more of a shell of his true self, he might pretend everything is alright out there, but you know it isn't.
He overworks himself, training hours not enough for him, locking himself in the gym or using the goalie on your backyard to practice until late night hours, then waking up even before the sun rises.
You know he is exhausted, but he refuses to stop, you are worried about what will happen to him, you have told him so multiple times, and the screaming match you both are having right now is a repetition, already happened.
"I just told you to please come to bed, I don't think there is nothing wrong with it!" you shout at him, trying to get your words through that thick head of his, he shakes his head, a smile that is not truthful, almost cruel.
"You don't fucking understand, don't you? How can I go to bed when I fucking suck! Its almost as if you have fun seeing how terrible I am!"
"How can you say that? You know I am your biggest supporter! I just think you should also keep in mind to take care of yourself!"
He gives a dry laugh, face to face with you as he glares down at you, you are not afraid though, you know he would never hurt you -at least not with his hands that he furiously moves around and points at you.
"Really? Because I think you enjoy it, having all culers hating on me, maybe you like that I have no one by my side to have me all for yourself! Always so fucking clingy" he sighs "Sira understood..."
You both tense, his eyes snap into yours, apologetic, trying to reach out for you.
"Love, I'm-"
"Fuck you, Ferran. If Sira was so much better then she can take care of you so you don't fucking die from exhaustion" you are in tears "I fucking care for you and you just treat me as if I was a parasite, someone you don't actually love, maybe you didn't want a girlfriend -at least not me as its obvious you did want Sira, you wanted someone to keep your house clean and all that shit so meanwhile you repay me like this"
You walk away from his, you don't let him grab you a she wants, picking up your purse and intentionally leaving the house keys behind. You stop, see the promise ring on your finger, and go to take it off, his hands stop you.
"Please, amor, don't do that I promise I will try to do better, ok? You are right, I am sorry for treating you like shit, I promise I will listen to what you say"
You laugh "Only when you are about to lose me do you react, how can I believe your words for a second if maybe this conversation will repeat itself in a week"
"It won't, ok? I swear, y/n, I will do my best so there is no repetition on this, I want you, I love you, I won't be able to do this without you. I know I am an asshole, bit the one good thing I have is you and I will make sure to always remind it"
You think it over for a second, dropping your purse you let his arms wrap around you, taking a moment in them, you then go on to whisper.
"You are still sleeping on the couch after that Sira comment"
"Totally worth it if you stay"
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1d1195 · 2 months ago
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Okay part two of my ramble lol
(Tw! This is a bit sad so please do NOT feel obligated to read it all or feel obligated to respond at all!)
So I didn’t intentionally mean to be gone that long! But I’ve actually have had a horrible past week or two. I’ve mentioned before I’ve always struggled with mental health from a young age and like I have MDD so to sum it all up I go through depressive episodes quite a bit. I’ve gotten better over the years but sometimes when they hit, they really HIT. So this one was kinda crazy since nothing in particular triggered anything. But it did send me into a spiral that led to some not pleasant thoughts(don’t worry I’m safe and was safe in the moment!) it was really hard. So there was a lot of crying, not sleeping, and eating. Didn’t even have the energy to do anything really, just was so emotionally and mentally drained.
Okay-ish now though! Still pretty exhausted but now I can actually be productive. Got out today to chop all my hair off! Had to go bc I simply cannot afford the late cancellation fee lol my new hair cut is giving Dora for sure but I was SO over having long hair!
Anyways, I also read your post :( I’m so sorry you’re feeling a similar way :( it no joke when feeling like this! I wish you didn’t have to feel like this at all! But I’m glad that you felt comfortable enough to share it. Keeping it all in isn’t always the best and I’m glad that you found a safe place to express it! It takes a-lot to even share so you should feel proud of it! Hope that this soon passes because it can be so exhausting and frustrating. Doing things that make you happy is always great! And I’m glad you had enough energy to read your books! Putting yourself first is a must! Sending you the biggest hug and all the love! Know that you are truly never alone in this ever! I love you so so much. You’re the absolute loviest! Hope you’ll feel better soon my love!-💜
I kind of figured you were having a rough week 💔 I really almost posted a "💜--hope you're doing okay" post because I was realized "Oh no, she hasn't been on in a while." I'm extremely glad you're safe 💕 I'm so sorry you were so down and drained. That's not a fun way to spend any time but certainly not (what I assume is) the last couple weeks of your summer classes :(
I LOVE A HAIR CHOP. Chop off the bad emotions and whatnot (that's lame, sorry, but you'll know what I mean) I can't imagine how exhausted you are. I hope you're sleeping and staying hydrated and you get to do something relaxing/fun for your wellbeing. I LOVE the idea of Dora. I'm sure it's adorable 😊
I feel like I hit a new low last week. Idk what was wrong with me (well I do, but it's a lot of the same stuff I always complain about so I won't bore you with it again) Idk. I'm doing better literally right this second. I read my trashy romance books (in the sports romances: book 3 is a baseball man; a single dad and he falls in love with the nanny HARD--I've been dying to read it but I was waiting until I finished writing Honey so I wouldn't accidentally copy anything, lol. Fortunately I don't think there are many, if any similarities other than nanny and rich people vibes)
I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH. I wish I could see a blog of all the people telling you how wonderful and talented you are because I'm sure it would be like 3 times bigger than mine 😭 you deserve so much happiness and love and everything 💕💕
xoxo
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retrorealeyes · 4 years ago
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stomachache
sdfjsdkfhsk I don’t know what this is going to be. I quit twitter so I could stop being addicted and do better in school but nooooo I need attention/my words in the public eye
I have a fucking headache, fucking stomache overall I’m not doing well. (this maybe because I woke up 3 hours ago and I still haven’t eaten because i’m avoiding mother you will see below)
“Why?”
Because my mom saw my BEN SHAPIRO RAPE ART. (to clarify it was post rape or whatevr idk if it even implied rape, but there were naked people,no sex but it was implied to be about sex and not like “anotomy” or something so I cna’t play it off)
“What?” or maybe even “WHAAAAAAAT?????!!!”
Basically it was a joke with a twitter friend, I made of my own accord randomly. Lewd thing’s include
-ben shapiro has no pants
-ben shapiro has his GIANT DICK OUT (2 balls, probably not accurate, basically no references, but it’s obvious it’s a penis,no matter how crude)
-there’s a girl lying in front of him, basically naked, the outline of her showing (tits) touching his dripping dick
-there’s another girl, lying with her butt facing the outside of the drawing
None of it is “detailed or accurate” it was drawn as a joke. But it doesn’t matter. It’s NSFW and my mom had TIME to examine it and whatever other words are on the notepad. I hid it now so I can’t look at it but there’s that. And she wants to talk ABOUT IT.
Also to clarify we’re Indian which is relevant information because it tells you the following:
-we’ve literally never discussed sex,etc. she just lets the school teach me
-i “shouldn’t knwo this stuff” even though I should
-very conservative even if she votes democrat
-etc. etc.
-and ‘m not doing well in school so obviously she has full eprmission to be mad at me over anything EVEN IF IT WAS THE NOTEPAD I LITERALLY WROTE ALL MY HTOUGHTS IN AND LEFT OUT (not to the ben shapiro page) TRUSTING HTEM NOT TO SNOOP BECAUSE I’D SEVERAL TIMES RECENTLY TOLD EHR AND MY DAD NOT TO SNOOP BUT NO SHE DOESN’T CARE THAT I LITERALLY CAN’T TRUST HER WITH MY STUFF EVER AND THIS IS WHY (not this exactly but my parent’s oppressive take to parenting and my dad’s angry outburts have definetly contributed largely) I CAN’T OPEN UP TO THEM OR MY FRIENDS OR ANYBODY,,,, EVER
-i’ve primarily learnt that shit from the internet, though very accurately, I don’t want my internet access taken away because a.school b. I kinda NEED it
SO obviously I have to lay it off as a. just a joke b. not talk about it because she was snooping (which makes me seem suspicious) c. say I drew it LONG AGO and AS A JOKE d. ignore it until she forgets/realizes she cna’t question me on it (v. hard lot’s of avoiding, will probably take away my interent) or even e. I drew it intentionally to see if she’d noop, but tthat takes away my moral high ground because now it’s bait that I left out + she’ll catch my bluff
It’s possible i acted macho enough in the morning when she asked me about it, she’ll leave me and my burgeoning sexuality alone (I’M KIDDING IT WAS A JOKE NOT A HORNY THING I STG). Plus she’s nosy as fuck (as evidenced) so probably not. Plus she stole my computer after I did that, while I lay in bed, so she’s gonna be petty.
SO I guess I’ll avoid her and play up the macho (b.) and fall onto a variation combination of b& c if she presurizes me + if further pressurized uphold my moral high ground in draiwng hta t(it’s normal, a joke, it’s my stupid head pad, we learned shit in shcool) nad the fact she shouldn’t have snooped. If she asks what it is I’ll say somehting like “”naked people,, I’ve seen people draw >boy parts< in shcool as a joke”
(this story ft. the first line of CaliforM.I.A. from Black Friday)
PLUSPLUSPLUS I should be doing my hw but all my supplies except my lapttop are outside my rooma nd my mom HAD to go snoop on my NSFW ABSOLUTELY FUCKIGN SHITTY JOKE ART so I’m oretty stuck
plus I cna’t go on twitter so I have no outlet
plus i stayed in bed because mom woke we up wiht that real nice line, “I saw your art, we need to talk about it” (I forgot where this point was going but, yeah)
I need to change into normal clothes
I’m hungry
I skipped my first class just becuase I--- couldn’t after that WONDERFUL morning and last evening (which I don’t have the will to elaborate on, just assume I didn’t sleep well and that yesterday was similarly but not excessively shitty)
My crush (who I haven’t messaged back for two weeks, yes I have AVOIDANT TENDENCIES and there was no reason to avoid it i’m just a frigging bitch and YES I do hate myself I’m actually really fucking sorry and my parents [it’s implied he hasa crush back so that’s nice] would never let me date him but we can dream or whatever)  called me last night apparently (I didn’t see it) and left the messgae “>:(” (jokingly) so I’m tempted to apologize and send the art i drew of him (luckily I have pictures on my comp. before my mom took my ohone away) as a sort of “will this do as sacrifice lol” IDK I’M BIG DUMB DUMB, YEAH?
i’m doing shitty in school
help
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
school
i have no motivation
I HAVE ALL FS AND I’M INDIAN DO Y’ALL KNOW HOW PRECARIOUS MY SITUATION IN BECAUSE IDFK WHAT I’M DOING
there were a few otehr things but honestly i forgot, mayeb they were like “i’ve been avoiding clubs, friends, etc. and i’m still not able to do well in school”
and i’m hella thirsty (source of the headache + my stress i believe) but i refuse to go down :disappointed face emoji:
sorry for the incessant spelling errors, this is literally a freaked out tired rant. I’m going on a walk now which involves going out of my bedroom and passing mother dearest so Imma be fuckign sick. SOrry if you read this mess this far. I hope YOU’RE having a good day, because i’m NOT.
hErE cOmE tHe fUcKiNg wOlVeS (I hear y dad go downstairs and i don’t think he’s seen IT because he claims, “I’ll never snoop if you tell  me not to” but guess what? he still keeps trying snoop. so it’ll be hella worse if he has. I thought my lil sister was down but she’s up so I guess I don’t have protection from confrontation any way)
also ft. freaking out by the wrecks (proabbly) though that was mainly wednesday (2 days ago, also when I did no hw despit eit being a free day and quit twitter though I still need a coping mechanism and look where THAT got me (addicted to journaling, scrolling tiwtter and saving tweets instead of liking htem so nobody knows I’m there adn TUMBLR))
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dylan-o-yumm · 5 years ago
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And it's me again... Angsty anon! Well idk would you write it the last ask I have for now but a s\o dealing with depression? Well yeah... Kinda personal out of my perspective since I kinda deal with it myself but yeah you don't need to write something about it when you don't feel like it..... (I'm awkward and weird sorry...)
(You’re adorable, sweet angsty anon! I too deal with depression and I know how rough things can get, so I hope this helps at least one person through whatever shit life might be throwing their way) 
“Hey, we’re about to head out. You coming?” Nero’s voice snapped you out of your own thoughts as he pulled open your bedroom door and stuck his head inside. You knew he and the Devil May Cry crew had plans to go out for dinner, having scrounged up enough money collectively to treat themselves. A part of you wanted to jump up, get dolled up and go spend the night with all your friends, Nero mostly, but the overwhelming urge to stay inside was too strong for you to fight against.
“Nah, I think I’ll just stay here. I’m not feeling too good.” You tried to sound like you were… okay, clutching your stomach to add to the effect of pretending you were feeling ill. You were lying in bed, the same position you’d been in for majority of the day, cuddled up in the blankets and shielding yourself away from the world. You hadn’t even talked to anyone, having only moved to go to the bathroom or to get a small snack. You knew you weren’t eating properly but you found it to be too much effort to force yourself to eat a full meal. 
“Oh. Are you alright? Do you need anything?” Nero’s concerned tone alarmed you. Just go away, you thought. Having to lie to him only made you feel worse, but you wanted to be alone right now, and possibly for as long as you could be. You felt an overwhelming weight tugging at your chest as if pulling your heart into an endless abyss. All you wanted to do was cry but you couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. You pulled the blanket up higher, hiding your face as you shook your head, not trusting your voice to sound steady and calm when you could already feel the lump forming in your throat. 
Just go away.
Nero sighed and ran a hand through his short, white hair. He knows, you thought. He knows you’re depressed and are shutting yourself off from everyone.Hell, even you knew it. But that didn’t mean you had the power to change it. There wasn’t a switch you could just flip and suddenly feel happy and fine again. You felt an all too familiar burning sensation in your eyes, your vision slowly becoming blurry the longer you looked at the young devil hunter. 
Go away. Please, just go!
“Okay well, you have my number. If you need anything at all just shoot me a text or call… alright?”  Nero sounded disappointed, maybe he was sad he couldn’t spend time with you tonight? Or maybe he didn’t want to be worrying over you while he was meant to be having fun? That thought alone made you bite your lip to stop it from trembling and letting out a sob. You still didn’t speak, nodding meekly and hiding your face even further. Nero smiled politely and nodded once, happy with the gesture as he waved goodbye and closed the door softly behind him.
Don’t leave…
He was already gone. You waited until you couldn’t hear his footsteps anymore before you tossed the blanket off you and sat up, suddenly feeling a little claustrophobic with the heavy blanket covering you. You bought your knees to your chest and hugged yourself tightly as you finally let the tears in your eyes fall freely, your nose tickling as you felt snot sliding down from holding back tears for too long. God, you probably looked like a mess, all snotty and red faced and teary eyed. 
Quiet sobs left your body, shoulders shaking as you finally let out all the emotion you kept hidden for what felt like years. Your hands found their way into your hair, tugging at the strands and massaging your scalp to ease the headache you were no doubt going to get from all the crying. Your sobs got slightly louder, to the point where you didn’t hear the approaching footsteps coming your way. You knew you weren’t loud enough for anyone to hear you though, which you thought was a good thing, until…
“Hey, I forgot to ask. Nico was wondering if she could borrow your jacket? Y’know the one” Nero’s voice startled you as the door suddenly opened and he walked in. The only reason he didn’t realise your tearstained face straight away was because he tripped on said jacket that was on the floor, cursing at the item before bending down to pick it up. While he didn’t notice you straight away, you still didn’t have to time to hide your face, feeling frozen where you sat curled up on the bed. When Nero looked up, you quickly looked down, pressing your knees into your eyes. 
“Hey… Y/n, you alright?” You couldn’t hide your shaking shoulders, or the gross sound of you sniffling the snot back up your nose. Nero sounded so concerned, his footsteps sounding up again, getting closer and closer until you felt a hand press against your back comfortingly. The bed dipped to your side as he lowered himself beside you, stroking your back as he whispered ‘hey, hey, hey’ like he were cooing a crying child when he realised you weren’t just crying, but sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. 
“I thought you were feeling sick. I never would have left you if…” He paused, as if realising something. His tone was a higher pitch than it usually was, again, making you feel like a child but it was also welcoming. Knowing he cared so much to the point where his usually cocky and smooth act was thrown out the window. “wow, I’m… an asshole.” He added, realising that he was saying he was that he was comfortable leaving you if you were sick. He didn’t intentionally mean it that way and you knew it, too. 
“I’m so sorry. I should have noticed sooner. Do you wanna talk about it?” Nero scoots closer, settling for wrapping his arm around you and rubbing your arm as he presses his side against yours. Instead of answering straight away, you pry your face off your knees and turn to hurry your head against his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist. You didn’t know it until now but physical contact was helping calm you down a lot, sobs having stopped but the tears were still flowing and you had to keep sniffling to make sure no snot got on his shirt. 
“I don’t even know what it is. I just constantly feel sad and depressed all the time lately.” You stated with a shaky breath. You remembered what Nero came in here to do and suddenly you felt like you were the asshole now. “What am I saying? I’m fine. Ill be fine. Just… you should go with the others to dinner” Though what you said you thought to be true, you felt your heart race with worry when he pulled you off him, thinking he was going to get up and leave. To your surprise and comfort, he was only pulling out his phone from his back pocket, probably texting Nico or Dante that he wasn’t coming with them. 
“Hell no! I’m not leaving you like this. I’m going to stay here with you all night” Nero exclaimed, placing his phone on the bedside table before smiling softly and sweetly at you. You had no energy to fight him on this, knowing how stubborn he was. He didn’t give you any room to talk anyway, quickly pulling you back to him as he lied himself and you down on the bed, letting you find comfort in him however you needed. 
He stroked your hair out of your face and let your head rest on his chest as his other hand held you against his tightly. He was warm and his hold on you made you feel safe. You knew next time you felt like this, instead of hiding away and distancing yourself, you were going to ask for help. You couldn’t let yourself get worse by shutting yourself off, and deep down you knew that asking Nero for help wouldn’t bother him. He loved helping you any way he could and he would continue to do so for as long as he could.
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langst-wins · 6 years ago
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the last thing i'm gonna say about voltron, unintentional queerbaiting, and major s8 plotholes, and then imma shut up and let y'all be free from my long bitch ass s8 posts so we can get back to regularly scheduled klance fanfics & fanarts
yes, they queerbaited us with shiro as rep. not in the sense that he wasn't queer but in the sense that they hyped us up for his relationship with adam, made us think we were gonna see an adashi reunion, and we ended up getting like 90 seconds top of LGBT content over the entire series.
no, I highly doubt they did it intentionally. yes, they did admit they fucked up and apologized several times. yes, I appreciate the apology and I understand that they're human beings and people make mistakes and overlook things sometimes. like they said, they never meant to make anyone feel baited. they really thought they were going to get a good response. lauren called voltron a "learning experience" in the open letter to the fandom after s7. I think she meant learning experience in general ofc but I think she also meant they've learned how to and how not to do LGBT rep in a show.
but I will absolutely be taking any promises of LGBT rep from lm and jds with a grain of salt. i will absolutely be watching their future works from afar and not getting myself too invested until the series ends and I can watch it as a whole while knowing what to expect.
I dont think they MEANT harm but y'all...they fucked up. they know it, and they apologized. it shows maturity that they apologized in that open letter after s7 and at the final nycc panel, and again, I appreciate that.
but I would rather they have not said anything about LGBT rep, ever, and just let gay shiro be a nice surprise. then, the minimal rep we received would have been wonderful and a nice warm surprise instead of a huge disappointment. it was only a disappointment because it didn't live up to the hype they made for it. and I know the hype was partially due to marketing they had no control over, but it was absolutely partially them, too.
they didn't promise LGBT content in LoK and canon korrassami ended up being a nice surprise even though it was minimal. that was how they SHOULD have done shiro's sexuality if they knew it was going to be a small thing. I would rather they have kept their lips zipped about LGBT, not announced gay shiro ahead of time, and just it be what it was when seasons 7 and 8 came out.
again, I dont think the bait was intentional, but it was bait all the same.
you are not crazy or too sensitive if your feelings are hurt/you feel baited by this show. you are not a shitty person if you just dont trust them right now. dont let people tell you otherwise. it's okay to take a step back from their work and wait to see how their next show plays out before you get involved.
i really do love voltron, even though s8 was confusing af, seasons 1-7 were LIT. I enjoy bits and pieces of s8 but mostly it was a let down. not only because of rep, just because a lot of things didn't make sense to me and a lot of the problem solving just felt way too convenient.
like I feel like every conflict in the plot was resolved way too easily and/or in ways that didnt make sense. and I feel like most of the characters' futures in the credits didnt really match up to those characters personalities. specifically lance, hunk, and keith.
lance staying on earth with his family, spreading allura's message to carry on her legacy? makes perfect sense, valid af. lance becoming a farmer? not so much. I feel like he would have been better suited as teaching classes as a pilot instructor at the garrison or smth similar. altean lance still gave me whiplash and left me confused af but he looks so damn 👌👌👀👀🙌🙌😭 with his cute ass altean marks that I'm just gonna let that one go for the sake of aesthetic.
hunk becoming a chef? not ooc necessarily but I feel like he would have been better suited as a diplomat. y'know. ambassador to earth sort of thing.
keith aiding in recovery efforts and being a humanitarian (...alien-itarian...? idk). okay let's be real we all knew this edgy boi has a soft ass heart. I think hes just mature enough now to let his walls come down and not be afraid of caring ig. which is sweet and nice and all. but I feel like he wouldnt...JUST be doing that. like he would still want the battle and the adrenaline and the badass mf fight sequences. that's kinda his Thing.
shiro marrying a rando? I would have preferred adam to not die and them end up getting back together once shiro returned to earth. i just feel like there was no reason to kill off adam? shiro has already suffered so much, what was the point? but i'm not gonna hate on curtis bc we dont know jackshit about him and for all we know he could be a bombass dude. shiro looked happy tho and it's better than him being forever alone so I can hesitantly accept that ig. but on one condition and one condition only: their ship name must be shirts. if their ship name is not shirts then I dont want it
allura's death was pointless. i havent seen anyone disagree with this one so far. her life was full of suffering and then she died. like can we all just agree she was done dirty and it was entirely unnecessary.
dont come @ me with "you just dont like s8 bc your ship wasnt canon"
that's not it at all.
they could have made this season so amazing and still not have made klance canon. they could have left me disappointed in no klance but still happy because the finale made my heart go dynamite BOOM. I could have ended the last episode with no canon klance and still been smiling because the plot was bitchin' and the characters were all alive and happy.
but they didnt, so I wasnt. it just...wasnt a good season. it had good aspects, yes, but as a whole? meh.
season 8 was poorly handled. it really was. it had so much potential to end with EVERY character having a positive ending and still have an actual satisfying conclusion to the war. I know they wanted to show how heavy and serious and heartbreaking the war actually was, but you can make an emotional, heavy finale without killing off a main character and leaving her main character love interest lonely and grieving. like im sorry killing allura and leaving lance sad and lonely was not necessary at all to the plot it just flat out wasnt. they did those characters dirty and they did allurance shippers even dirtier.
allurancers cheered seeing their ship canon then had it ripped out from under them and my heart honestly grieves worse for my allurance and allura stan fam than my klance fam. they did y'all so wrong and i'm sorry it had to go down like that.
sheith shippers got fucked over when all that development and relationship and growth culminated into basically nothing in the final season. like as a broganes stan even i was taken aback by the sudden radio silence between them so I cant imagine how let down actual sheith shippers feel.
us adashi shippers? obvious. adam's death was not necessary. and dont tell me it was to show the heaviness and realness of death in war because vld does NOT have a track record of dead characters staying dead. they could have at least gave us some mild development with shirts (lmfao im so sorry but shirts) and let us see more of curtis as a character. like...literally just two 60 second scenes would have been nice. they could have easily fit that in.
us klancers got fucked over by unnecessary parallels to canon ships. they could have made it a cute platonic friendship in s8 and let us enjoy it and proceed to enjoy fanon klance without all those blatant parallels to shay/hunk that just left us confused. and the parallels in earlier seasons. like why did you have to make so many parallels to romantic moments and romantic tropes if it was platonic. why did you have to go and do that. what was the point.
s8 could have ended in such a way that shippers of every ship in the fandom were satisfied with the finale because their faves were treated right and the plot was fire. it had so much potential in the first half and could have been so damn good.
it wasnt though. the entire thing was so confusing and nothing about it felt like vld. It feels like a spin off or a reboot. I dont like s8 as a whole and I doubt I ever will. it might grow on me in time but I'll never fully like it, y'know. everything about it felt so tilted and off and just wrong.
but it really just be like that sometimes ig.
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sceptilemasterr · 6 years ago
Text
“Not Just Dreams,” an Endless Summer fanfic
Title: “Not Just Dreams”
Fandom: Choices: Endless Summer
Main Pairing: Quinn x Taylor (gender not stated)
Other Pairings: Vague hints toward Diego x Varyyn
Genre: Romance? Idk really, is “Vaanu Ending Override” a genre?
Warnings: Brief swearing
Summary: Ever since the island and the sacrifice to Vaanu, Quinn has been dreaming about Taylor. Then one night, Michelle notices something...
Note: Hope all you Quinn stans enjoy! Just an interesting idea I’ve had kicking around for a while, and a nice change of pace from my usual stuff.
Most people hate being abruptly yanked from their dreams by the blaring of their alarm.
Quinn, though, had more reason than most to hate it.
It should have been impossible. It still didn’t make any sense. But somehow, whenever she fell asleep, she was able to talk to Taylor. At first, she’d assumed it was just that: a dream. But the longer they went on, the more and more she wanted to believe that it was real, they were really there, somehow, talking with her. But it wasn’t until she spent a night at Michelle’s place that she and the others understood what was really happening.
“Quinn! Quinn, are you okay!?” Michelle shouted.
The dream connection vanished as Quinn was roused from sleep. She blinked open her eyes to see Michelle standing over her, grasping Quinn’s shoulders and staring at her with concern and fear. “Wha… Michelle?” asked Quinn groggily. “Something wrong?”
Michelle’s eyes were wide with shock. “Quinn. Is that you in there?”
“What?” asked the redhead nervously. “Uh...of course it’s me. Who else would I be?”
Michelle glanced furtively back and forth, as if unsure what to say. Finally she took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. “Quinn...you were glowing. Glowing green.”
Silence followed this statement for several moments as the meaning of her words sunk in. “Green. Like…?”
“Vaanu green.”
Quinn’s mouth dropped open as she felt the puzzle pieces click into place. “They’re not dreams…” she muttered to herself. “They’re not dreams!” Ecstatic, she jumped out of bed and pulled Michelle into a tight hug. “Michelle, do you know what this means!?”
“That you’re...crushing me…?”
Embarrassed, Quinn let Michelle go. “Er, right, sorry.” She sat back down and turned to face the other girl. “I’ve told everyone before about my dreams, remember? After the island?”
Michelle nodded. “Your dreams about Taylor.”
“I was talking to Taylor again in my dreams just now. Before you woke me up. But if you’re telling me I’m glowing like Vaanu in my sleep….”
Now it was Michelle’s turn to be surprised. “...Then you’re saying...you’re actually talking with Taylor?”
“Vaanu’s still with me, somehow. Which finally explains the mystery of me being cured after returning from La Huerta.”
“I had been wondering about that…”
“So maybe, if Vaanu’s still somewhere inside me, that’s why I’m able to talk with Taylor! I have to tell them that tonight!”
Michelle nodded. “This is...I really hope you’re right. God, I miss Taylor. I miss them so much. We all do.” Getting a sudden idea, she pulled out her phone and started a group text. “I’m gonna let the others know. This is huge.”
Quinn smiled at her gratefully. “Go ahead. I’m gonna figure out a way to stay distracted until tonight, or this is going to be a long day for me….”
Quinn tossed and turned, back in her own bed that night, frustrated as she wondered why trying to go to sleep always seemed to make it more difficult. She’d tried just about everything she could think of: counting backwards from 1000, reciting poems in her head, meditating, counting her breaths…. She had even put on a recorded lecture from her absolute most boring professor, only to inexplicably stay awake for the whole thing for what was probably the first time in her life. She kept glancing at her phone’s lock screen to check the time. 2:57 AM … 3:35 AM … 4:12 AM …
“Quinn?” asked dream-Taylor suddenly, and she realized she’d finally, finally, fallen asleep. “Hey, there you are.”
“Taylor! Oh God, finally. You’re not a dream!”
There was a long pause. “...Yeah, Quinn, I’ve told you that before.”
“Well, only a dream would say they’re not a dream.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
Quinn laughed. “I’m...still connected with Vaanu, aren’t I? That’s how I can hear you?”
“Probably. I’m not quite sure. I...it’s like I’m the one dreaming, but all the time. I don’t know where I am. Inside Vaanu? Part of Vaanu? It’s complicated.”
“That’s not important. What matters is that I can talk to you, for real, and you’re not just in my own head anymore. You’re somewhere.”
Quinn pictured Taylor smiling that familiar, infectious smile, even though she couldn’t actually see them through the dream-connection. “Well, yeah, that’s what I’ve been saying. I have to be somewhere, don’t I? Otherwise, I wouldn’t be anywhere.”
“...What?”
“I don’t know, either. Time doesn’t really...make sense the same way to me, anymore.” She felt she could almost hear Taylor shrugging. “I’m part of Vaanu, but also...not. I’m somewhere, though. I get flashes of a place sometimes.”
“What does it look like? We’ll find you.”
“Purple.”
Quinn paused, unsure if their ‘connection’ was somehow ‘faulty.’ “Did you say ‘purple?’” she asked.
“Yep. All purple and...crystal-y. I, uh… can’t get much more than that.”
“I’ll tell the others. We’ll find you. I promise.” Quinn felt her dream-avatar start crying. “You’re real. I’m really talking to you. I so badly wanted to believe it...but…”
“Shh,” came Taylor’s familiar, reassuring voice. “I’m real, Quinn. I’ve always been real.”
“I...I wish I could kiss you.”
Taylor’s smile was audible. “Me too, Quinn. Me too.”
“I love you, Taylor. I miss you. Come home.”
“If I knew how to, I would.”
“Then I’ll find you. However long it--”
*CRASH!*
Quinn was abruptly awakened from her dream-talk with Taylor. She looked around for the source of the disturbance, and saw her door hanging off its hinges, with Diego and Varyyn standing just outside. “Varyyn, I told you, you can’t just slam through a locked door!” whispered Diego.
“I am sorry, Diego. Was the door not intentionally sealed shut as a test of strength?”
“What!? No! Look, next time, just let me lead.” Then he noticed Quinn for the first time. “Oh! Our bad, I am so, so sorry. I didn’t realize you were still sleeping!”
Quinn sighed and brushed a stray lock out of her face. “It’s fine. It’s so nice to see you two again! What time is it, anyway?”
“Uh...almost noon.”
“Right...wow. Okay. Just let me get dressed and I’ll be right out!”
Diego’s face went beet red. Varryn’s face turned green, which was maybe the Vaanti version of blushing, she still wasn’t really sure. “Yeah. Of course. Sorry! Uh...what do you want me to do about the door?”
Quinn laughed. “No worries, I can get it repaired. Just keep it closed for now.” How in the world I’ll explain THAT to the school maintenance service, I have no idea, she thought to herself.
Some time later, she met Diego and Varyyn in the student lounge, along with Michelle, Raj, Craig, Zahra, and Sean. Everyone looked at her expectantly. “...Right. Michelle, what did you tell them?” she asked.
Michelle shrugged. “Just the basics. You still glow green like Vaanu sometimes, and you can talk to Taylor.”
Quinn looks at the others. “Well...yeah, that’s about it,” she said. “I thought I was just dreaming about Taylor all this time. But now, I think I’m really talking to them each night.”
Everyone started talking at once, until finally Zahra stood up on a chair and shouted, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Silence. “Go ahead, Quinn.”
Quinn smiled gratefully at Zahra. “Thanks. Listen, I still don’t really know what all this means, but I do know one thing. Taylor’s still out there, somewhere. Someplace…‘purple and crystal-y.’ At least that’s all they were able to tell me before I got woken up.” Diego scratches his neck sheepishly. “And if they’re still...alive somehow, then we need to find them, and bring them home. I know out of our group I’m not the smartest...or the strongest...or the bravest…but if I have to, I’ll do it alone.” An awkward silence followed this statement. “Uh...thank you.” Quinn bowed awkwardly and took a seat on the couch beside Michelle.
Everyone looked at each other. Then Diego started clapping. Then Varyyn joined in. Then Zahra, then Sean, then Michelle and Raj. And finally, with a sigh of “What the hell…”, Craig joined in. “I always wanted to do that!” exclaimed Diego excitedly. “Nice speech, Quinn!”
“And you won’t have to do it alone,” added Sean, standing up. “I’m with you.”
“We all are,” put in Michelle. “Right?” A chorus of affirmatives greeted this statement.
For the first time since Taylor’s sacrifice, joy filled Quinn’s heart again. “Taylor…” she said softly, looking up toward the ceiling, picturing their smiling face in her mind, “...I’m on my way.”
@mysteli @brightpinkpeppercorn @blightarts
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tuwasduwillst · 7 years ago
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ch4 (pt 2)
Shuichi just logged off!
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well, that’s probably why Miu’s avatar wasn’t moving.
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i’m sorry, what
all of ‘em are in there already except for Kaito, who comes running in at the body announcement.
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hm.
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he actually would, he basically sentenced Kaede to death already and if he didn’t ~pursue the truth~ it’d be breaking his promise to her. he wouldn’t be happy about it or anything, but even if Kaito killed someone he’d tell the truth about it.
talking about stuff~ Kaito says he believes in Shuichi because he’s his sidekick and they’ll investigate together, etc.
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Kaito says it’s not a problem because Shuichi isn’t the type to lie even if they work together, but since Kokichi’s being so persistent about it, he says that they won’t work together this time then.
Shuichi thinks that this is definitely some kind of trick of Kokichi’s, but he also knows that Kaito isn’t going to be convinced to just ignore him, so that’s how things are.
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not a ton of information in the file. no external injuries.
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apparently Kokichi’s going to be hanging around Shuichi to make sure Kaito doesn’t “bother him”. i’m fine with it! Shuichi is much less enthused.
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if you spend so much time being suspicious of every little thing Kokichi does, all you’re going to do is wear yourself out, Shuichi! if he’s done something the damage is already done, so all you have to do is deal with it and figure things out.
let’s talk to people!
Tsugumi apparently saw Miu about 10 minutes before she approached Shuichi, and when she approached Shuichi was about the same time they heard that loud noise.
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haha.
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Maki was checking out the computer and found out that if someone’s avatar took fatal damage, they’d die from shock. that’s probably something that Miu should’ve told them from the start!
oh, Kokichi just brought up the fact that she didn’t tell them. now Shuichi’s wondering about that, too.
the red bear offers to help “avenge his mommy’s death” by checking to make sure the files haven’t been tampered with. they haven’t, and he also found something else:
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log-in and log-out times! Kaito logged out well before everyone else (over an hour before anyone else), but otherwise nothing seems like it’s out of the ordinary.
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oh, here it is bigger.
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Kokichi was being mean to Gonta, so Shuichi stepped in, but after that...
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯  at least you’ve got another person actively helping the investigation now, i wouldn’t really worry about why it’s happening until it becomes a problem
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and then they found Miu’s avatar. she’d apparently volunteered to check the outside of the chapel, so that’s why she was outside.
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hmm. he says he didn’t look at Miu, so he doesn’t know if she was alive or not before he left.
why wouldn’t you look at everyone else after being logged out of something like that, wouldn’t you want to see if anyone else had been logged out at the same time?? who the hell has something like that happen and just goes “gee, better go take a nap and not look at any of the other people to check if anything’s gone wrong”?
it’s possible, especially since it’s Kaito, but what the heck.
anyway, moving on... Miu’s body being the way it is makes it seem like she died a painful death and that she might’ve been struggling to breathe when she died. strangulation?
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okay, calm down, mister.
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hey, it’s poison! from Shuichi’s lab, probably, like Kokichi is saying. apparently it’s a very lethal poison when ingested directly (not mixed with anything else), and it gives the victim bloodshot eyes.
Shuichi doesn’t know who brought it in for sure, but he does know whose chair it’s in right now.
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you can say Kokichi’s name in your own mental narration, Shuichi, it’s okay. 
anyway, this might not be the crime scene, so they’ll have to go back to~
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yes! Kaito says that he’s going along too, in that case. a handful of others say they want to go back as well; Maki, Gonta, and Kokichi say they’ll stay behind.
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i wanna see your tiny little avatar again... Kokichi says he has to stay behind to keep an eye on Maki, since she and Kaito are so close.
Kaito predictably gets upset at pretty much everything Kokichi says, even though Maki tells him to just ignore him.
into the virtual world~
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yeah, but the loading point is in the middle. it’s obvious that there’s a way to the left side of the map from the right, since the wooden sign went down the river and ended up getting stuck on a rock on the left side. also, when Tsumugi and Shuichi heard Kiibo, they looked to their left--so they can hear things from that side.
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that’s just what you’re assuming, Shuichi!!
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hey, i found that earlier and Shuichi wouldn’t look at it!
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virtual crime scene! ...well, they’re all virtual crime scenes, i guess... since this is a video game...
the cell phone can log people out just by saying their name, so that’s important.
Kiibo overheard Miu and Kokichi talking about meeting on the roof before they all split up.
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...did she go sliding off the roof and into the wall of the chapel? because if so, that’s terrible, but also kind of funny.
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geez, Shuichi, what kind of a detective are you. the lattice was in here. you were standing right on it!
looking through the binoculars and Shuichi wonders why the map loading point would be in the middle. is it actually in the middle? if Miu made the maps, she can do whatever she wants with that kind of thing...
time to head back! Maki showed up and said that Monotaro is done with the computer stuff, so they should all gather back in the room. 
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why would you ever want to draw something on his stomach...
anyway, Shuichi wants to ask him about his meeting with Miu.
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there was a lock on the roof door that could only be locked and unlocked from the roof itself. Kokichi can pick locks in the real world, but idk if he’d be able to in the virtual world...
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the hammer was the only weapon-like thing left, and it must have been left intentionally. the cellphone was in the simulation originally and Miu just never told anyone about it.
Miu’s avatar was classified as a “non-human object”. is that why she was able to get from one side of the map to the other? if the sign board can and it can go into the river, maybe it’s just because it’s an object.
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oh, apparently Miu added a wall to the world. and yep, non-human objects can pass right through it, so that explains that.
also, Kokichi’s avatar had a setting that made it so that if Miu touched him, he’d be paralyzed.
and finally, there was a weird user error when they first logged in. Monotaro can’t get more specific about it than that, but something weird was definitely going on with one of their avatars.
with that last bit of information, it’s time for the trial.
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it’s starting off well, clearly.
anyway, Kokichi says that Kaito poisoned Miu after logging out before everyone else, but obviously he didn’t. Kokichi himself made sure that Shuichi knew what that poison did (wrt eyes--Miu’s aren’t bloodshot).
the cause of death was the simulator. something happened to her in there.
Maki and Shuichi both think that she was strangled.
...was she strangled with the toilet paper???? nothing can break there, so it couldn’t have broken off even if it was used for something like that.
oh, hey, that’s the next question.
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i mean, she wasn’t that bad. did i like her? not particularly, for the most part. would i say she deserved to get strangled by toilet paper? no.
...was Miu planning on killing Kokichi with the hammer? if she had it with her and Kokichi would’ve been paralyzed just by her touching him, that’s kind of shady. actually, that’s super shady, since she was the only one that knew about the hammer and the paralyzing thing AND she knew how to get rid of Kaito and put him on the roof intentionally. what the hell, Miu, Kokichi is obnoxious and said some terrible things to you, but that doesn’t mean you should kill him in VR.
and yep, it sure does look that way. the hammer gets brought up, since the toilet paper is pretty sure to be the murder weapon, and they ask why she had it.
apparently Miu was the one that asked Kokichi to meet her, so yeah, she was definitely going to try to kill him. and the poison was put in his seat so it wouldn’t be obvious what happened. Miu logged in two minutes after everyone else, so she had plenty of time to do it.
a mini debate about ~trusting friends~ happens again. once that’s done, everyone wants to hear from Kokichi, since he was supposed to meet with Miu and she ended up dead.
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makes sense!
Shuichi stops everyone from arguing about how suspicious Kokichi is so that actual facts can be focused on. he wants to figure out the mysteries surrounding Miu’s death before they move on.
like, for example, how she got to the roof. she definitely was over there--Tsugumi saw her through the window of the dining hall. she got through via her secret wall.
aaa, Kaito interrupted Shuichi’s explanation about the wall and it startled me. why, Kaito.
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...he did interrupt. i don’t think he’s just holding Shuichi back or anything, though. he is legitimately trying to help and his support helps Shuichi.
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wow! why. she’s already dead! you don’t need to do that!
him saying that does get some hints from the bears, though, so...
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again:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
he’s helpful in his own way when he feels like it, i guess. he’s just trying to have a good time.
speaking of that, the group has figured out that the sign must have passed through the wall, but they’re not sure how it got to the other side of the map.
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and he does help Shuichi, because he says that it’s the virtual world, so normal common sense doesn’t apply.
world loops! \o/
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yaaay, i actually know exactly everything i need to in this trial so far without having any trouble at all \o/
after the intermission, they try to figure out how the culprit got Miu’s body to the chapel if she’d been killed on the roof.
(also, something random i was wondering about that i finally got to find out by paying attention and listening: Gonta and Kiibo seem to be the only two people Kokichi doesn’t refer to as “last name-chan”--he just uses their first(/only) names.)
Kokichi, giving Shuichi the roof slope and everything else as a hint... that’s making it too obvious, geez. he should be able to figure that out without any hints!
why does Shuichi remember the lattice being in the storage room now when he didn’t remember it before... what the heck.
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oh, Monokuma hates Sonic the Hedgehog. o:
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maybe?
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~exposing Kokichi’s lie~
the one about him not going to the roof at all. he said that, but then he described the roof in a good amount of detail, so it’s bothering Shuichi.
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she didn’t say anything about the roof...
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:o aggressive Shuichi, huh.
wait, does getting aggressive mean lying back at him? i suck that that, Shuichi! i don’t know what you want me to lie about! uhhh... um. he could... pretend like he went into the salon and didn’t see Kokichi in there...?
oh! it worked on my first try! \o/
obviously everyone’s going to believe Shuichi over Kokichi. bu~t, Tsugumi would’ve seen Shuichi pass by if he’d actually gone to the salon, and she never noticed him.
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he tried so hard... oh, never mind, she still believes him even though it makes no sense.
Shuichi could absolutely get away with murder at this point if that was something he actually wanted to do.
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haha. what happened to being his ~partner~?
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Kokichi figured out what Miu was planning and decided to work with Monokuma to make his own plan, is essentially what he confesses.
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that’s not much of a revenge, though--
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o:
Gonta has no idea what he’s talking about. also, no one believes Kokichi. they still think he did it.
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it’s true, there is. if Kokichi was touched by Miu he wouldn’t have been able to move, so there’s no way he could have killed her.
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wah
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chibi strangulation...
everyone still wants to say it’s Kokichi because they can’t believe Gonta is even capable of killing someone, but Shuichi thinks that something’s off. he knows how important it is to believe in people, but something just isn’t adding up for him right now.
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aw, Gonta. :( but... i mean, Shuichi’s 100% right, they can’t just believe in Gonta and not pursue this. Kaito can get as upset about it as he wants, he’s the one that befriended a detective that promised to never turn away from the truth.
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i didn’t get lost while picking the topics this time! \o/ this trial has been going pretty well for me; i don’t know if it’s because i’m more awake right now or if i’m just more used to the minigames...
anyway, everyone starts yelling because Kokichi yells at Gonta to say more than “i don’t know”, which is pretty much the only thing he’s been saying. Shuichi realizes that Gonta has been confused about things ever since they logged out.
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and Gonta lost his memory because of it somehow. possibly because he put the cords in wrong.
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wow, being a lefty really screwed him over there, didn’t it.
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haha. that’s been Shuichi’s reaction to so much of what Kokichi’s been doing... that or just going “え?”
and honestly, by process of elimination, it is obvious who committed the crime. Kokichi and Gonta were the only two that weren’t accounted for, and Kokichi physically couldn’t have killed her.
i’ve got to be honest, i don’t want Gonta to die here, but i can’t help but be impressed by the amount of work Kokichi put into this and everything he’s getting from it.
he got to work with Shuichi like he wanted, he got revenge on Miu for trying to kill him, he drove a wedge between Kaito and Shuichi solely by using the truth against them, he got to plan a murder without getting punished for it, and he got to have fun with the trial while knowing all of the twists.
Kaito still refuses to accept it, saying that Gonta was outside the mansion when Tsugumi and Shuichi came outside, so he couldn’t have done it. but that’s not true, because he could have used the toilet paper to climb down from the roof.
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he’s said it like 500 times, he’s there to face the truth. face the truth. you know, like he did when he essentially sentenced Kaede to death even though he probably really would’ve preferred to let her live somehow, because he knew how important facing the truth was to her and he basically promised to continue doing that so he (and everyone else) can get out of here.
it’s not about sides!
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that alien...
anyway, apparently Kokichi came up with the plan of using the toilet paper to exit the roof. he told Gonta to put it back in the bathroom, but since Gonta ran into Shuichi and Tsumugi, he ended up tossing it instead.
Kokichi tries to get Gonta to confess, but Shuichi stops him. he says if anyone’s getting Gonta to confess, it’s going to be him.
he’s much gentler about it than Kokichi has been, that’s for sure. what a sweetheart.
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Kokichi looks like an evil knockoff Precious Moments doll in that last panel...
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the little chibi people are cute...
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i’m guessing that Kaito is the one that voted for Kokichi there.
...the people that died in this chapter were the last two i hadn’t spent any time with... oops.
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:O
Monokuma just made that...
anyway, Kokichi saw the outside world due to the card key. he asked Monokuma to reuse the outside world in the virtual world and then showed it to Gonta, which made Gonta even more confused about what he could do to help everyone (which he’s been worried about for a while now).
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hm.
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he won’t explain more than that, though. he just honestly thought he’d be helping them.
oh hey, Gonta noticed Miu go through the wall and that’s why she ended up being slid off the roof.
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hmm.
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hmmm.
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honey, if you really didn’t want him to go, you wouldn’t have messed up during the trial.
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what the hell did i just watch
anyway, people are upset and crying now. Maki tells Kokichi to tell them the secret of the outside world, now, so they can understand.
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Kokichi doesn’t want to tell them anything.
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Kaito gets more pissed off the more Kokichi talks until he’s had enough and goes to punch him again like he did before. but...
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Kokichi noticed that Kaito seems to be slower than before, too.
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how is her hair doing that
anyway, everyone starts to ignore Kokichi in favor of helping Kaito.
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oh, wow. that’s cold, Shuichi, you have his underwear in your inventory.
(i know that doesn’t change anything in the game, but it is kind of funny...)
Kokichi doesn’t seem too bothered by Shuichi saying that. he pretty much just says he’s bored and leaves after saying he’ll be the one to win this game.
after that, everyone’s 100% focused on Kaito, who doesn’t seem to be doing well at all.
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that’s a lot of blood!
lmao “my cold just got worse” what kind of terrible lie is that even
he says he just needs something to drink and to rest in his room. Shuichi offers to help him, but Kaito doesn’t want his help.
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oooh, did he go back to using Shuichi’s last name? did that trial actually do permanent damage to their friendship? :o i figured it’d cause problems, but i wasn’t sure if Kaito would actually hold a grudge like this.
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seriously, how do you do that with your face
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oh, his name is on there! i was wondering. that’s part of the reason i figured i’d be able to realize what it was if i saw it in Japanese, because if any part of “Ouma” was on there i’d at least know it had something to do with him.
...the reason why i started wondering about it is because i was going to make a stupid joke about grandmas in one of the earlier posts, since “Oma” is the German word for “Grandma”, and then i remembered that’s actually how they spell Kokichi’s last name here. >_>
that’s it for this chapter! idk what’s up with Kokichi, but i guess i’ll find out eventually. :U  i need to go to sleep now because it’s almost noon. those trials always take longer than i think they do...
(next chapter!)
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elsewhereuniversity · 8 years ago
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ASKS - Students
Asks sent to my main, answered here. Theme - how would I do at EU?
geekshallinherit said: hey are you sam? i can't give you my name, but i need help. specifically advice. the word is, if one needs help navigating the trickiest of situations life at eu has to offer, they should come to you. people say you know things. i'm sure the significance of that word, "help," isn't lost on you, and anyway i didn't come empty-handed, so i hope you'll hear me out. i have a problem with a name. before i came here, i had never had much of a family. i won't go into detail, but i was in foster care. now i don't keep in contact with anyone i knew before i was emancipated. when i got into eu, i changed my name, like people do here. i followed all the rules and found a tight-knit group of friends. we stick together when our school or personal lives get tough. we even banded together to rescue our friend when she was taken. (she was one of three last year, so you can't use this to id me) my point is we're close. here's my problem: everyone here - human, gentry, otherwise - knows the name the people i love most call me by. my new name has become my true name. my friends know that they know, but others? a chill goes up my spine every time teachers, less-close friends, and campus staff call me by my name. i don't think it's legible on my face, but people here have become good at seeing without showing what they've seen. this school just has that effect. i can't just get a new nickname, because as soon as i tell people to call me something different, they'll know something's up. basically, i'm stuck just letting the gentry call me by my truest name and hoping they don't figure it out. my friends and i have talked deep into the night about this and none of us knows what to do. that's why i'm here. i said i didn't come empty-handed, and i meant it; this teddy bear is the last token i have of my life in the system. his name is taco. he's brown and ratty and i don't remember who gave him to me besides the fact that, like everything, it wasn't my birth parents, but he's well-loved. i hope this will be sufficient for you to help someone who cannot even tell you their false name. you don't have to answer right now; you can find me on the quiet floor of the library pretty late into the night most nights. but if it pleases you, i don't have long to wait. and sam? i would really appreciate your help.
Help freely given, because I have a lot of small kindnesses to pay forward, and I Owe – your best bet is to change schools, my guy.  In a place where reality is less shaky, your true name is just a name, and even someone saying it with intent wouldn’t be able to compel you against your will.
If you’re hellbent on staying at Elsewhere, you’ve got two options. The first is to carry on and keep hoping no one realizes what a precious thing you’ve handed them. The second, if you think you can do so with subtlety, is to try to change your nickname anyway. I know you’re worried it would broadcast the importance of the old nickname, but it’s not actually rare for people to realize that maybe they don’t want to go by, say, Deeznuts for four years straight. It’s a nickname and it gets old. If you’re careful about it, you might be able to shift to a new name without anyone catching on.
If things go really, really badly, remember that your true name is not just a weapon to be used against you. If your loved ones know it, it can bring you home.
(and to answer the ask i didn’t include - i go by she/her, thank you for asking!)
huntressmary said: what are my survival chances at elsewhere u? Just asking. I "changed" my name starting uni to avoid the "wrong name false document" disaster and abandoned the accents. The written word is different, the name I give a shorted one. Will they still have power over me? Also I'm doing biochemistry, and carry around about half a kilo of titanium warped around my spine. Good or Bad?
Whichever version of your name holds the most importance to you would be the one you should keep secret, but using anything similar (nicknames, changed pronunciation) is still flirting with disaster – your enemies are more than capable of putting together clues. I think the half-kilo of titanium round your spine would afford you some respect, however. Caution, even.
fandomlockedfan said: Hi! first of all, i really love your comic series EU! it's really intriguing and unique! second, I've been on your blog for an hour just reading the Q&A and I must say...If I were a student in EU I wouldn't probably last long even though I'm a bio major. (I like talking to strangers, I always say "I'm sorry and thank you" A LOT, I like sleeping anywhere ex. library and I LOVE making poems and stories and sharing them with people I talk to) -_- and plus I haven't done my fae research yet. :(
You miiiight be okay, actually! Some of these could potentially cancel out; the debts you admit through typical courtesies like ‘I’m sorry’ could likely be paid off with poems and stories you’d give out for free otherwise. Combined with the fact that after so long they’re fairly wary around bio majors, and you might make it through unharmed, albeit with a few settled debts under your belt. The biggest issue would be falling asleep in places where time is strange, and I can’t really help you there, but the librarians could direct you to the chairs where the time ration of in/out is 1:1.
Anon said: I'm reading your elsewhere U thing and honestly cracking up bc I cant help but wonder what the fuck the fae would do with me and my girlfriend. She's super superstitious as well as wiccian and she always wears iron and beads and strange little symbols doodled on the inside of her wrists and she's studys old celtic mythology. I have somehow ended up as the campus 'if I ever need anyone dead I'll let u know', between the astrophysics and the several black belts idk what they'd think of me either
Hahaha I think you’d have a peaceful and nondescript existence, unless you intentionally got Involved on other people’s behalves, in which case you’re both accorded a significant amount of respect.
erai-crabantaure said: Another question. I'm a fire dancer. I dance with a metal staff lit on both ends. Would the Fair Folk be horrified, fascinated or both?
Absolutely both. Entranced, really.
writerandstudent said: I'll be honest I haven't been following the hype with the Elsewhere University, but I know as an Anthropology student who loves other cultures I feel that I would stutter my way over to a fae to ask them about their culture and they watch them from a distance anytime they appear. Also as a writer I would then start to put together a book about everything I see (a fiction book).
Approaching a creature who doesn’t want to be seen would end poorly for you eight times out of ten; my advice to you as a friend is to Not Do That. By all means watch from a distance, by all means put together a book that’s ostensibly fiction keep it safe, on your computer or between covers coated with iron-infused paint), but do not strike up a conversation with anything that hasn’t approached you first.
Anon said: So I keep thinking about Elsewhere U... I live in europe and it feels like I've been a college student forever. I keep switching majors, getting various diplomas, leaving for a little while but coming back again, switching majors AGAIN and never quite being able to move on. Some fae just never wants me to leave right?
Yes.  Have you ever even really left?
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alwayshidinggg · 7 years ago
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Thoughts
that night:
So wow that was a lot, did I make good decisions? I don’t really care. It felt nice to have someone hold my hand, stroke my hair, and just hold and be near me. I haven’t had that since Michael... And even then, for the last year of the relationship I hated when he touched me, even if it was just a touch on the shoulder. I think Gavin realized he likes me now. He wouldn’t have done that otherwise. Unless Caroline is right and he is just a player. The way he acted makes me think maybe he’s not as innocent as I thought he was... He said he’s never been in a relationship but I wonder how many girls he’s been like this with. He didn’t seem clueless that’s for sure. I wonder if he realized how much he turned me on. His hand kept going higher and higher, and I wanted to see how far he would go. It took all my self restraint not to grab him and start making out. I’d like to think that I have decent self control. If we were in a relationship I don’t think I would let him be so handsy, just because I’m scared of what it would lead to if I know that he likes me back. Its just because I was trying to see where this was going that I was willing to go along with everything. But honestly, I think if Carlos hadn’t been in the room I probably would have gone along with anything Gavin wanted. I wonder what Robin thinks lol. In the car, he just sat there as Gavin had his hand resting between my legs, and I had my arms wrapped around his arm, and my chin on his shoulder, face pressed up against his neck, and he rubbed his cheek against my head. My lips brushed up against his skin. I was going to intentionally kiss his neck but then I got nervous. Like what if I was reading the signs wrong, and that’s not what he wanted. But I mean like he wouldn’t have done any of the things he did tonight if he didn’t at least kind of like me right?
Saturday:
I have no idea what he wants. I guess things are just normal? He seemed awkward for the first 5 minutes when we hung out today, like he wasn’t quite sure how to act around me, but then everything seemed to go back to normal... Does this mean he doesn’t like me back? I’m not sure. I think he acted very coupley today. Sharing drinks, sticking close together even when we were with other people. Elle says she felt like her and Robin were the ones third and fourth wheeling when we hung out on Thursday... I didn’t think we acted like that on Thursday, but I definitely think that today we did. Or at least in my mind. I have no idea what he thinks. He didn’t even seem to think there was anything to talk about. When he left the cider festival and I said I had wanted to talk, he was just like oh talk about what? So I guess this is just he doesn’t want anything to change? Or what? Its kind of funny that I know him better than some of his friends here. Or at least that I could get his questions right. I can’t believe he drank that much. I really hope he’s okay... He looked pretty bad in the snapchats I got from Robin, so I hope he’s alive tomorrow. I can’t believe Wes got him that drunk. I’m kind of mad at him. Why did he keep asking where I was? Did he want me to go over to him? Does he only like me when he’s drunk? Or is he just looking to have someone around? I don’t actually mind being the one to just hold him and take care of him when he’s drunk... I like him so much, its fine if he doesn’t like me back, I’d do anything for him to make sure he’s happy. Even if its just when he’s lonely, or when he’s drunk that he wants me, that’s fine with me... Everyone says I need to guard my emotions, and these are the exact things I should avoid. But honestly, I can handle the pain that might come later. I just want to be with him... I didn’t feel this way before, but now after I got a little taste of it yesterday, I don’t really care if he was just drunk and that’s why it happened. I want to be next to him... He said to tell Matt he’s sorry for stealing me. So that means he recognizes I ditched my friends for him right? Idk. When I went to visit, I felt kind of awkward. Is it bad that I had wanted to talk to him while he was still a little tipsy because I thought he would be more likely to say that maybe he does like me back? But then I got there and saw him, and he looked really sad and tired... When I saw him, a lot of emotions came up, and when we hugged, I almost started crying into his chest. I could feel the tears coming, but then Robin came so I stopped. And then when we were in his room, and he came and sat next to me on the bed, I wasn’t sure what we were at, like I wanted to put my head on his shoulder, but I have no idea what he wants. And then he said he was tired and lay down on the bed. I wanted to reach and and rub his leg, but yeah I have no idea what he wants. And then when I texted him asking if anything changed, he said idk. So there’s some hope! He recognizes that he can’t deny somethings was different. I had told Matt that if he said no, nothings changed, then that’s it, I’m cutting the friendship. But his idk means he knows we crossed that friend boundary last night. So now I just have to wait and see if its he crossed that boundary but regrets it, or if he crossed that boundary and he actually wants something. Either way is fine, I just want to know, but I guess I’ll have to wait until we talk sometime later...
Sunday
Why does he know my birthday, but he doesn’t know Wes’s? That’s really interesting... I mean the fact that he’s knows my birthday must kind of be a sign right? I didn’t even know his lol... I think he just wants things to go back to normal. We’re acting like Friday didn’t even happen... Which is okay I guess. Maybe we should just ignore it. If he doesn’t like me back, then talking about it again is just going to ruin everything... But at the same time, Friday he definitely did not act like we were just friends, he definitely seemed like he liked me. Even Carlos said yesterday that he’s pretty sure Gavin likes me back. I have no idea if Gavin talks about this at all with him, and I can’t tell when Carlos is joking around versus being serious, but Carlos kept saying that I’m Gavin’s girl, and I’m referred to as “his girl”. And LOL at the fact that he still said if I get tired of Gavin, or Gavin is too boring or doesn’t “know how to do things” (insert some sex joke here), then I can call him up for someone who’s much more experienced... Do I come across as someone who gets with a lot of guys or something? That’s kind of interesting because I’ve never done anything, not even kissed anyone besides Michael... Which is why it really gets to me that I crossed some physical boundaries with Gavin... If he doesn’t like me, then I feel like a fool. That I let him do that when he doesn’t even care. Maybe it didn’t mean anything to him, but it meant more than a lot to me. And now every time I think about him, all I can think about is the way it felt to have his fingers running through my hair... Or the way my head fit so nicely on his shoulder with my face against his neck... Or his hands on me...
Monday
wow. I’m pretty pissed that Gavin just blew me off, and didn’t even give me a heads up. Like he could have at least said something. Does he not know how much I was stressing out about the conversation all day long? I’ve literally been praying and talking to people and stressing non stop since we agreed to talk tonight. But hey he apologized for it... So I can’t stay mad at him for too long... At least it gave me time to talk to Elle and really get her opinions before I talk to him tomorrow. I don’t like David’s advice at all. I don’t know how to tell him that I’m not going to listen to him. I feel like he’s being too judgmental... I know he means well, and I’m glad I have someone in my life who can speak to me when he thinks I’m going astray. And yeah, I would agree that hanging out with Gavin has led me to drink a lot more than I used to because Gavin likes to drink often. I think it’s only because I had those conversations with David at the beginning of the year about how I have the same standards of drunkenness as him, and so he knows that I am getting drunk and don’t seem to have a problem with it. I’m definitely going to cut back on the alcohol for sure. But like I don’t think its as bad as David seems to think it is. Also we haven’t talked about how our faith is going recently, so I don’t think he’s in a place to judge where I am with that. I will agree that the past few days I’ve been struggling, and yeah maybe Gavin is being a distraction from that, but I think its the fact of the chase of Gavin is hindering me. I honestly do think that being in a relationship together could help us both to grow more. As of right now, I don’t think I’m in a place with Gavin to be someone who speaks truth into his life and talk about faith, but mostly because I’m a person who likes him and he doesn’t like back in that way. So while I can open up to him about a lot of things, I can’t talk about my faith with him because that’s giving away too much to him spiritually. Yes I would want to pray with him, but even doing something like praying together means a lot. Like I can do that with Matt and other people, because emotionally I can give to them without it being weird because its understood that we’re just friends, but that’s just a little too much to give to him... I do sometimes wonder where he is in his faith though. I’m definitely not perfect, and I have a lot to grow in, but it would just be nice to hear a little more about him, and the ways God has worked in his life. I know he told me he hasn’t had any crazy stories, but that’s fine. I would agree that it seems like he’s struggling a little this semester. But I’m in no place to judge him or where he stands in his faith, especially as I’m still really trying to seek God. 
David’s advice: Don’t talk to him anymore, he’s not treating you right, he’s being wishy-washy, and no matter what that’s not good. If he doesn’t like you, then he literally just treated you like trash, as someone that he can just act however towards, because he knows you like him. If he does like you, then he should’ve said something, before just acting on it. This physical part came out of nowhere, probably just because he was drunk, and he can’t control himself.
Matt’s advice: See what he has to say first. I think he’s like me, he doesn’t know what he really wants, he’s not looking for anything serious, but if there’s a girl in front of him that he knows likes him, then he’s gonna go for it, just because he knows he can.
Elle’s advice: See what he says first. He obviously cares a lot about you, and to me it seems like you guys are really really close. He probably doesn’t want to lose that, and is scared of what’s to come.
in the middle of the conversation:
WTF do you mean nothing has changed. That’s not the way someone treats someone they only see as a friend. Now I feel like a fool. Good thing I didn’t kiss him on the neck that night. But maybe I should’ve because that was my one and only shot... Why isn’t he answering any of my questions? I’m still in shock. I don’t know how to act anymore. What does he want me to say? Like WTF. That’s all I can say. I guess he’s just going to sit there. Is he really not going to say anything? I thought he had prepared for this conversation. I specifically asked him if he needed more time to think things through and talk with people, and he said he’d try to answer most of my questions. But like why isn’t he answering me at all? What did he think we were going to talk about? Did he think he could just say oh nothings changed, I think we need more boundaries? No, I need to know what’s going on. You can’t do something like that to someone and then not say anything. What exactly were his thoughts?? The fact that he just keeps saying he doesn’t know is frustrating. You definitely know what you were thinking, so what aren’t you telling me? Are you scared to tell me? I feel like we’re good enough friends that you can tell me anything, so why aren’t you saying anything? I’m not going to judge you for anything you say. Are you scared to hurt me? Is it you like me a little bit, but not enough to pursue a relationship with me, so you don’t want to say anything? That’s fine, but just freaking say something. Is it you don’t like me back, but it felt nice to be wanted by a girl so you were acting on physical feelings and desires? That’s fine too, but just say it. Until you say something, give me some sort of explanation, I’m just going to keep coming up with the reasons why in my head, and I know none of them are right. I feel like the biggest fool in the world. I’m such a dumbass. Like what was I thinking. Why am I such a loser. Courtney did you really think he actually maybe liked you back? Don’t get your hopes so high. This sucks Matt was right. I am such a fool. Is it hurtful to tell him that the biggest reason Matt was mad at me was because I ditched my friends for nothing? But that is honestly one of the biggest reasons why I feel like a fool. I left my friends. For nothing. For a hopeless situation. To look like a fool. To get my hopes raised and then crushed. Why...? I could’ve hung out with my best friends. I could’ve had a fun night. But instead I fucked up. I honestly just feel like a fool. And to everyone else I look like a fool. And to Gavin I probably look pretty dumb and pitiful. Hey look I’m actually crying. I guess some of my emotions are back. I don’t know if he wants me to leave or not, but I feel awkward just sitting here, I should leave... Does he need space to think? Should I wait for him to say something? Is he ever gonna say something? Oh wow he actually looks like he’s about to cry. I don’t know what to do. I’m just going to go to Elle’s...
In the car:
I feel bad. I just left him there. I don’t want him to be sad... I care about him more than anything else, and I don’t want to hurt him. I should talk to him again tonight... Some of the things I said were pretty hurtful. Why did I leave. I should have just stayed. I just want to be near him. My heart hurts. I’m heartbroken.
After second conversation:
I think we can be okay... This friendship means way more to me than I realized. I know I probably should stay away, but honestly I would miss him more than I can imagine. I’m looking forward to Toronto, looking forward to hanging out some in LA. If we’re not friends, idk what I would do... He’s my best friend right now. I feel so comfortable with him. I’m glad we kind of smoothed things over. This next week is going to suck... Idk how to not talk to him. Do we even need to do this? I think we can just go back to normal... Its going to be hard, but not talking is going to be even harder... I feel bad that I made him sad because he thought I was pissed at him... I feel like crap. I didn’t treat him the best in that conversation this afternoon... Talking to him seemed so normal so comfortable. I’m glad we seemed like we were okay and back to normal. Dan is mad at me for continuing to talk to him tonight even though we’re doing the one week of no talking. It can start tomorrow. I’m just gonna enjoy our last conversation...
Wednesday
I can’t believe I woke up at 8PM. Wow. Emotions. Please go away. Ugh. I feel like crap. What in the world. Wow. How do I feel about things... OKAY WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU TELL HIM YOU WEREN’T PISSED AT HIM. YOU WERE TOTALLY PISSED AT HIM IN THE MOMENT. That’s why I am journaling now. So I don’t forget my emotions. When I’m with him, I realized I just want to continue that comfortableness. When I really think about it though, I am extremely mad at him. If he really doesn’t like me back, then I’m pissed at him. Why did he do those things. I feel used. I kind of wish I didn’t smooth things over with him. Then at least he would know how hurt I am. I smoothed things over, and now idk if he understands the impact of his actions. Or how much its affecting me. Robin sent me a snapchat of him lying on his bed, and then said now he’s watching stranger things. Is he even going to take this week to think about things? Or is he taking this week to just have space from me, and not have to deal with this mess for another week. Idk. I will write more tomorrow, now I’m pretty tired. 
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