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siriuslysatorusimping · 11 months ago

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Untitled (angsty unfinished Goinko AU blurb)

I'll never finish this, and it's choppy with a ton of different little jumps around. BUT HERE IT IS lol. There's no resolution because it's not finished. So if you aren't in a place where you can handle angst with no resolution, please be aware of that. (as someone who is also tired of angst with no happy ending, I'm sorry 😭). I've been in a very angsty mood lately, for obvious reasons...

I'll also provide some context before you start reading since this is literally nowhere near fleshed out. In this non-curse AU, Rinko moved to Tokyo to be closer to Shoko and Nanami after her mother died.

TW: implicit mention of suicidal ideation. Please read at your own discretion.

Would love to know your thoughts if you have any 💕

As they walked, Saori talked about how she’d met her boyfriend through a few mutual friends, and they’d hit it off. She babbled excitedly about how he had been upfront with her that he’d struggled with relationships in the past but that he really wanted to figure things out with her. Apparently, they’d been together almost two years, and he’d been nothing short of wonderful.

“He’s so charming,” she sighed dreamily. “Honestly, I was surprised how caring he can be. He doesn’t seem like the type when you first meet him.”

Rinko hummed quietly, barely noticing when Saori stopped and turned when her name was called.

“Oh, Satoru!”

That had her freezing in her tracks, her lips pursed to the side.

It wasn’t an uncommon name. It couldn’t be-

“Hey, babe.” Fate was cruel. “Thanks for meeting me. How’s the first week been? That your new coworker?”

“Yeah,” Saori replied happily. “It’s been great!” They caught up with Rinko, and she took a deep breath as she turned to see him staring at her. “Satoru, this is-”

“Rinko,” Gojo breathed, blinking quickly before he cleared his throat. “Hey.”

“Oh,” Saori looked between them. “You already know each other.”

“Used to,” Rinko clarified, turning to meet Saori’s eyes. “Had a few mutual friends. But it’s been-”

“Years,” Gojo finished for her, his bright blue eyes staring at her intently. “How have you been?”

Struggled with relationships was right. The man had enough girlfriends to start a damn harem. He got bored easily, she’d realized. Short attention span. He needed excitement, which he thought meant constant spontaneity. Constant change. Always something new. And she hadn’t felt new after a year or so.

She’d expected it, with how distant he became, how uninterested he was in spending time together. Considered herself lucky she’d even made it a year with him.

But it had been inevitable for him to get bored of her.

“Been good,” she replied, turning away. “We should try to beat the lunch rush if we can.”

Saori, bless her, was trying to figure out how to keep the conversation going. But every attempt to talk to Gojo was met with a distracted hum, and the last thing Rinko wanted to do was sit and talk to Gojo and the person who had apparently been able to change his mind about relationships. There was no escaping, though. After lunch, she was returning to work alongside this woman. And she needed to act like a fucking adult because she was more than capable of being one.

A college boyfriend shouldn’t even phase her, so why did she even care now?

They hadn’t worked out. It wasn’t like he’d promised her marriage or the world. She’d clearly been a stepping stone for him learning how to be in a relationship, and that was fine. People did that all the time. That was what dating was.

“So, you’re friends with Shoko?” Saori asked tentatively.

“Yeah,” Rinko answered, nodding. It wasn’t Saori’s fault that, for some fucking reason, seeing Gojo again dug up all those damned questions she’d had about her own worth years ago. “We grew up together.”

The double dates with Shoko and Geto had been one reason they’d even started dating in the first place. Out of convenience so it wasn’t so damn awkward. That was it. It was never meant to be anything more than that. She was never something that was meant to be kept-

For fuck’s sake, that was way too dramatic.

“Shoko’s so wonderful,” Saori noted, grinning. “It’s amazing she’s able to put up with Suguru so well.”

Rinko snorted, nodding again as she thought about how insufferable those two had been when they started dating.

“Like two pieces of a fucking puzzle,” she’d complained in disgust, throwing one of the pillows from their couch at them. “You two really were meant for each other.”

Five years and going strong. She was positive Geto would be proposing any time now since Shoko would be starting her residency soon.

“It’s why she drinks so much,” Rinko said lightly. “Her drinking picked up right around when they started dating.”

“She does drink quite a bit!” Saori giggled, her eyes lighting up. “Her tolerance is incredible-”

“Been that way since high school,” Rinko informed her, shrugging. “She’s been a borderline alcoholic since she was sixteen. At least she and Geto quit smoking.”

Wrapping her arms around Shoko tightly, she grinned at her best friend.

“Happy for you,” Rinko murmured, squeezing her. “It’s about damn time.”

“I was waiting for the right moment,” Geto argued, tugging her into a hug of his own. “But thanks for your congrats-”

“He blurted it out while I was on the toilet,” Shoko informed her, snickering at Geto’s wide-eyed look. “If that isn’t real love, I guess I don’t know what is.”

Rinko gagged but couldn’t help cackling along with her. It really sounded like those two idiots.

“Imagine when you two have kids,” she gasped, smacking Shoko on the arm as they bent over. “‘Your daddy proposed to me while I was taking a shit-’”

“You’re the worst kind of person,” Geto sighed, waving happily at someone behind her. “Satoru! You’re late.”

“Got held up,” his voice drawled, followed by a giggle from Saori. “Distracted-”

She needed a fucking drink.

“More information than I wanted,” Geto scoffed, giving his best friend a hug. “Glad you could make it.”

“‘Course,” Gojo replied, grinning. “It’s about damn time.”

Geto slapped his hand over Shoko’s mouth before she could say anything.

“You don’t have to tell everyone about-”

“The fact that you blurted out that you wanted her to marry you while she was taking a shit?” Rinko asked for her, accepting the high five. “I feel like she definitely needs to tell everyone. I’ll make sure it goes the little ‘save the date’ flyers you send-”

A hand covered her mouth from behind, the voice in her ear annoyed.

“Please, stop,” Nanami deadpanned, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I didn’t want to know that.”

“And there are things I wish I didn’t know about you,” she lamented, bumping her hip against his girlfriend’s playfully. “But we all suffer for our friends. When are you two gonna get married?”

“Soon,” he replied, smirking. “But I won’t be asking her while she’s-”

“I hate all of you,” Geto groaned, turning when the waitress called his name for their table. “Why am I still friends with any of you?”

“Because you’re marrying my best friend,” Rinko said smugly, looping her arm through Shoko’s. “We’re a package deal, remember?”

He grumbled as they took their seats, and she tensed when Nanami ended up next to Geto instead of Gojo.

“Still third-wheeling those two, huh?” Gojo teased, taking the seat next to her. “Gets a bit more tolerable when you have someone, too, ya know.”

As things began winding down, Rinko finally let her head rest on her arms as she closed her eyes.

“You okay?”

She was fucking exhausted.

Wedding planning with Shoko on top of trying to figure out how the fuck she could take care of the twins threatened to push her over the edge.

At least with the wedding being out of the way, she would only have one major thing to worry about.

Like how she might be able to afford lawyers to fight Ogi so the twins didn’t have to go back to her piece of shit uncle.

“Hey.” Gojo poked her lightly when she didn’t respond. “You alive?”

Catching his hand when he went to poke her again, she lifted her head groggily.

“What is it?” she asked, blinking quickly to stay awake. “What’s wrong? Does Shoko need something?”

“When was the last time you slept?” he asked, his eyes watching her face closely. “You look like shit.”

“Sure know how to charm a girl,” she muttered, reaching for her water. “I’m fine.”

“You look tired,” he repeated. “Are you okay?”

She missed her mom. She would know what to do. How to handle everything. But maybe that was why she was so overwhelmed to begin with. Nothing had felt right since she’d lost her mom.

“Got a lot going on lately.” She gave a light shrug. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

Setting her shoes to the side, she released a heavy breath.

There wasn’t much point left in staying. The twins hated her because she’d let them down. Her mother was gone. No one needed her anymore.

There’d barely been much of a point for her to keep going without her mother, anyway.

She wondered where she’d gone wrong. Why things had gone to hell. Why her mother had to die. Why she’d been born in the first place.

A stepping stone? More like a hindrance. Nothing she did ever made a difference. The fact that she’d disappointed the twins so heavily proved that.

She’d only ever been something to hold Shoko back, too. Always tagging along and forcing her to constantly worry about her-

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

The voice startled her, and she slipped, her grasp on the rail not holding as she fell.

Peace. She could finally just sleep-

A hand grabbed her arm, roughly hauling her back onto the bridge.

“What the fuck?” Gojo snarled, grabbing her shoulders and shaking. “What are you fucking doing?”

“What are you- why are you- how-”

“Shoko asked me to check on you,” he snapped, clenching his jaw. Her best friend had wasted time on her honeymoon to ask him to check on her. “Said it was- what the fuck do you think you’re doing? Do you know how upset people would be? How much your friends would miss-”

“They’ll forget,” she cut him off, pushing him away. “They- don’t need me. No one does. And I-”

“What about the twins?” he fumed, refusing to let her go. “The twins need-”

Her chest hurt, and she tried to move back to the edge as he held her back.

“I lost them,” she admitted, grasping her hair in her hands as her legs gave out. Sinking to the ground, she let the sobs shake through her. “I couldn’t help them. I couldn’t- fucking do anything for them. They- they fucking hate me-”

“Your mom wouldn’t want you to-”

“She’s dead,” she cried, gasping for air. She tried to claw her way toward the edge, but his hold only tightened around her. “And I’ve wished she’d taken me with her every second she’s been gone. I don’t- I don’t have any- there’s nothing left for me and I- just want to sleep-”

“Then take a fucking nap,” he snapped, grasping her face. “This- this isn’t- Rinko, you can’t just-”

“Just- please just let me-”

“No.”

So, not so fun fact: it's a common practice in Japan for people to leave their shoes when they commit suicide so that people will know to contact their families. Adults will typically leave their wallets as well because that makes it easier.

Also, I know it's bad to make light of a dark situation like that, but I kinda cackled when I wrote that last bit with Gojo responding to Rinko saying she just wants to sleep by telling her to take a nap. It just feels so on-brand for the two of them.

I feel very vulnerable posting this lol because I feel like it might be too dark? But hopefully it’s still okay 🙃

#gojo x original female character #goinko au #goinko angst #gojo satoru fanfic #gojo fanfic #rinko and gojo #kiko always chooses violence #this is angsty and sad and i've been in a mood i'm sorry #gojo satoru x original female character #gojo x reader

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insectsinsects · 1 year ago

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December is always really vivid to me. I hadn't had a memorable July till this year but winter months seem to carry everything and more about a year. Maybe to it's detriment? It's overwhelmed with thoughts and greetings and travel and metamorphosis? I wonder if those guys who don't use the Gregorian calendar are forced to feel it too. Just the majority of people worrying and smiling and maybe it's a regular Tuesday for them?

Anyway 6 Decembers ago was my first Christmas away from home. I'd spent the summer carelessly and I was tired from boarding school. I think I've always been reckless and volatile, though I feel I am perceived as a stable element. Careless summer was spent driving around my hometown with a funny girl who I knew from choir and we were twitter mutuals. The brutal semester was spent with a person who'd patiently sit down with me and share the ways in which they loved physics. And of course, my parents came down and I hadn't been 4 months separated from them but I was used to their presence after 16 years so it was actually nice.

5 Decembers ago I was unknowingly allied with a future friend's enemy O_O She'd sit on my couch in my dorm and played the role of a wise confidant, as an upperclassman. I hope nothing was ever malicious but oomf did come to hate her next semester for fine reasons so? 😭 Her birthday is tomorrow, and I've always remembered that Saggitarian... And honestly by sometime that year I had begun avoiding physics person (on brand..) and I wrote a time capsule email about it (to myself in 5 year's time!) because I didn't have a blog and because I wanted to see if I could possibly get over it (I did!!!) I was a bit afraid of spotty wifi in the Philippines, so I submitted college apps 3 weeks early LMAO Victoria was waiting on a job offer from her boss who we'd come to learn was a little terribe, but that same night she was confirmed and moved to DC a week after we came back from that trip to the motherland.

4 Decembers ago?! I had met the newest crop of friends I was going to make. New York was so fun. Everything endless and memorable. Flying back used to be tough! They only introduced nonstop flights to Oklahoma like last year😑 But I flew out early and away from my beloved suitemates, my terrible roommate, my friends on other floors, classmate-turned-oomf, and so much more.

3 Decembers ago I'd been attending a different university since NYU was being stingy😭 OU actually treated me so well omg and my classes were fun. I guess by December I was wrapping up but I took a class on film music and I would joyously write an essay about some movie music each week and my professor just littered it with happy comments. I think she was glad I read the textbook and was enthused to learn. Also two weeks later, I got my whole head bleached and my hair was pretty long (not really, but Rapunzel-like to ME and probably if you've only ever known me with a bob/wolfbob). Also (2) I was in the Gensh*n pits (I don't want it in the tags...)

2 Decembers ago! My sister and her now husband were engaged and the three of us went on a mini-roadtrip to Dallas 😭 I like Garrett, he's like if a father figure was considerate... and Kathryn's got 17 years of light parentification on her belt ☠️ Garrett and I got XL Blizzards from DQ and almost died finishing them. Oh they also saw me get my roots done :O Barber cut it way too short but maybe it was cute. Junior year was so funny and cute💖 I worked hard and I was back home pretty late due to a stats final (Bombed)

Last December I spent my last week with my last set of randomized roommates and my friends! This was a funny time of year. I did a crazy amount that last week and in many ways it was a bender (Avatar in 4D cocktail☠️) but I do know oomf (yes you!) was the last person I saw. We played Minecraft on your Xbox after I obtained a second controller over Thanksgiving. We drank tall boys? I checked into my flight easily and I went home anxiously. I wonder if I could've seriously applied to school back then (Because it was lowkey not that serious lol) [actually I should be forced to reckon with my tantrums and the many times per week I was like IT'S OVER..] but I hadn't applied to school! And I was nervous to tell my parents that though I was a big investment, I was a failure. I cut my bangs too short on December 18 and hid it under a hat for a week till it grew a little more. I felt weird having red hair in Oklahoma, though it was cool to my contemporaries? My mom was sad knowing how much grief the thoughts were causing me. She told me I should rely on her more and talk to her. It's taken me all of the ensuing year to really be good about that advice. It's just easier to fail myself. I had tunnel vision— the potential for shame was only accompanied by a sense of pity and contempt. I genuinely couldn't believe my family would continue loving me. I drank with my dad so we wouldn't talk about anything real, and I painted with my mother to divert from the chaos.

#long!!!

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palaceofpassion · 2 years ago

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(Human MLP AU) Rarity is in a rush since she just finished working and is now running towards her place to get ready for her date later on. However she bumps into Spike as he questions why she is in a rush. She starts getting this strange feeling like the others as she explains the situation. Spike is confused since she did just went out with some other stallion a few days ago. And then they have a conversation about that about her need to find love.

Spike wasn't expecting anyone to come near him today. Mostly because he'd been going out of his way to take the long way around to Quills and Sofa's, not for the sofas of course, but for the Quills. Twilight was already running out of the ones she had, which at this point was an outrageous pace.

So! When Rarity, one of Twilight's friends nearly ran into him on her way back, dropping a few articles of fabric that she must have been holding, and carrying with her magic along the way. One could say he was easily caught offguard.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I apologize, i didn't see anyone there darlin-"

Rarity's voice quietly washed away in her throat. Her expression of sudden surprise clear and concise. More so than any of their other friends, Rarity wore her heart on her sleeves. So seeing how shocked she was to see him, or be so close to him, wasn't a huge surprise to Spike.

He was at least glad she didn't start screaming bloody murder. Albeit, that could simply be the fact that she wasn't aware of what he was. Honestly, if he was being honest, he was surprised Twilight never had this reaction. Probably cause they were together since they were kids, so it just kind of grew easy on her.

Regardless, he could see that Rarity was uncomfortable.

"It's alright, I should have watched where I was going." He would need to calm her, and hopefully move on out of her way so she could get going.

"No no, it's alright." He raised a quirked brow, strange, she was obviously uncomfortable with him around. More so than even AJ, who tried to move, but was too tired. And Fluttershy who was obviously too lonely at the time to care.

Unlike them, she was completely able bodied, even if he was currently holding onto her things as he handed them over. Even her hands were shaking, something he made to not point out.

Rarity wasn't sure what it was, but she never liked being near Spike. Which, she felt horrible for... she recognized the young man. Had remembered the brief sparkle in his eye when he saw her for the first time. But... then she remembered how quickly that little glint died when she reacted to them... in a rather unlady like fashion. She tried to forget it. But... the look on his face was still clear... perhaps that's why she avoided him so much.

Not like it was difficult. "It's rather unusual to see you out here Spike." She would at least be courteous, even if she had to be on her way.

"Ah right, Twilight needs Quills, so I'm going to get her some..." He paused, knowing he should keep his mouth shut but... "Is everything alright Rarity?"

The gentle concern in his voice made her feel really bad now. "No... no nothing of the sort. I'm just in quite a rush. I have a date in a few, and I've yet to make it back home with my supplies."

He nodded, "I see I see, makes sense."

"Yes..." She didn't know what else to say, though when it came to the matters of love, she did have the habit of going on, "I do hope this one will prove to be a better date than the last one."

Spike blinked, "Isn't it the same guy?" His head quirked to the side in confusion.

"Oh! Uhm... no, it's a different gentleman."

Spike had heard about it from Twilight, Rarity was often dating different men or women, which he found strange. Mostly because it always sounded like it was her fault, and not the other persons.

"Is... is everything alright? That's the third one this week, right?"

"How... do you know that?" She didn't speak with Spike so him knowing was a bit...

"Twilight."

"Ah." That would explain it, "Yes... yes everything is alright. I just... I'm not sure i've found the one."

Spike was confused, not that he knew what dating or love was like, because... well ya know. But, that didn't seem right, not from what M... Celestia had told him before.

"Rarity, is it making you happy?"

"Pardon?"

"Uhm... I'm sorry, kind of talking out of place, and I wouldn't really know much about it. But... you don't seem happy... at least Twilight says you're always stressed after these dates. So... I just... that can't be good right?"

Rarity would have to talk to Twilight about giving her secrets away later... but it wasn't like she was wrong. "Yes well... I know that he or she is out there, I can feel it. I just... have to keep going till I find him! Even if that doesn't happen well." She really wasn't sure what to say.

Spike nodded, "I see... I just, you're really pretty, and from what Twilight says, kind. So it's just, it strikes me as odd that you're dating different people... I know... well my mother said." He breathed, he wondered if perhaps he was talking about himself more. "You have to love yourself, before you can love others. And that just kind of stuck with me." Not that he knew what that was like either... "I know what it's like putting your self worth on others opinions, but... it's not health, I would know..." The last part was under his breath, and his scowl hidden by his green spiked hair.

"Anyways, I apologize for taking your time."

He left, without much of another word, leaving Rarity there to ponder on her thoughts.

'Strange... I'm not shaking anymore...'

#h!Spike #h!rarity #mlphumanau

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sumire-bride · 3 years ago

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sumire and shuus route (demo) maniac epilogue

scene is in the bathroom

sumire- ... (..goodness i've neglected my poor hair for a bit now... i really have to make more time for things like this...)

(..everyone is asleep right now so... i thought if i did it in the morning no one will bug me.... seems to be working out... but due to waking up at night i can"t hep...-)

mm...!!

*sumire runs to the garbage*

bleh...! (..suddenly i feel sick...!) bleh..!! *cough cough*

haah..hahh... oh goodness.... thank lord i made it to the garbage just in time... (..i just did that out of no where... i wonder why... and i still feel a little sick...)

(..i should get a drink..-)

*THUMB THUMB*

sumire- ..uwahh....!!! (..my chest is doing it again...!!! gr... it feels so much worse now...) ahh..!!! cough cough...!! it hurts...!

..he..help...

*THUMB THUMB*

sumire- ..!!!...

*sumire faints*

monologue

everything happened so fast..

one moment i was running to a can to throw away todays food..

the second i was in immense pain.. and now everything went dark..

and then the next thing i knew.. reiji-sama and shuu-sama were right there at my bed when i woke

*scene in sumires room*

sumire- ..mm.. (..my chest and head hurts... i feel quite sore... hm..? this is my room...)

..reiji-sama...? why am i on my bed...?

reiji- you don't remember? i could smell you in the bathroom and went in, and there you were laid on the floor passed out, i also noticed you threw up as well..

you humans are quite the weak creatures to pass out due to that.. good grief.. so then i carried you to your room and it so happens the damn good for nothing was in here before me..

sumire- ..good for nothing...? who is good for nothing...

shuu- yo..

sumire- ..shuu-sama....! hello... forgive me i did not mean to cause you trouble...

reiji- he gets a apology? he didn't even do anything, i guess i shouldn't be surprised you female humans tend to be cruel

sumire- ..ah.. forgive me reiji-sama... i also did not mean to cause you such trouble... i think i was just feeling a bit sick today...

reiji- no need to thank me, i merely did it because a part of me felt sorry over how hopeless you looked, i could've just let you lay there and wake up confused if i wanted to

sumire- ... (..i sense he does not seem happy right now...)

reiji- do you enjoy causing trouble for me...? first it was you getting suspended and second your making me carry you because you couldn't take care of yourself

honestly.. well whatever the case i put a cup of water there for you so drink that.. i'll be taking my leave now you've made me late enough

*reiji walks off and leaves*

sumire- ...

shuu- so dang stingy.. hearing him talk is sorta tiring to listen to..

sumire- ..shuu-sama shouldn't you go to school as well... i don't want you to get in trouble because of me... it seems i have caused quite a bit of it to... others..

shuu- don't feel like it.. if I'm being honest.. i don't really need something as useless as school.. that guy just makes us go, so in the end it doesn't matter what we do..

sumire- ..oh... (..oh goodness... i feel really bad... about myself and reiji-sama.... it seems i'm causing stress to everyone around me...)

(..did i cause mother and father this type of stress as well...?)

*flick*

sumire- ..ow...! shuu-sama flicked me...!

Shut- you shouldn’t worry about troublesome things like that.. watching you stress about stupid things is annoying to look at..

So stop

Sumire- … I am sorry… (..shuu-sama is right I suppose… but I am making everything stressful for reiji-sama…)

Shuu- oi.. what did I just say..? Do you want me to flick you again?

Sumire- ..no..

Shuu- then stop.. mm..

Your acting weird.. for the past few weeks you’ve been weird..

Sumire- ..I have…? I do not remember being different…

Shuu- you think I wouldn’t notice..? More depressing facials then usual, is this because your sick..?

Sumire- ..?.. I look sad…?! No I can not be sad… I do not feel like I am sad… (..I don’t know what I am feeling..)

..I am fine… but.. I feel as though I did something wrong… which worries me… but I am fine…!

Shuu- whatever..

Sumire- ..mhm… (..I think I am fine… if I do look and seem sad then it is because I was sick… but even so I am fine…)

Shuu- …

Do you know why your sick?

Sumire- ..no… I have not felt sick at all durning the coming of weeks…. Today it happened out of no where when I was.. brushing my hair….

Shuu- hm.. probably a stomach bug.. don’t think about it..

I’m gonna go..

Sumire- ..!!… (..wait… I do not want shuu-sama to leave me alone…) …

*sumire grabs shuus sleeve*

Shuu- uh.. what do you want..?

Sumire- ..can… (..but… I have caused everyone stress… so..)

Shuu- geez your really acting weird.. spit it out come on

Sumire- … (..I will let shuu-sama do what he needs to do…. If it is school then he should go… I do not want him to fail…)

(..His happiness is my first priority before my own needs…)

..nothing at all… I wanted to feel shuu-samas sleeve… I’m very interested in the fabric…

Shuu- interested in my fabric..? What a weird but lewd thing to ask.. we’re you hoping I’d let you take it off..? I guess I don’t mind..

Sumire- ..ahh….! No.. please do not remove your clothing unless it is truly needed…! Oh goodness…

Shuu- don’t lie and say that’s what you were actually thinking.. Go on say it..

Sumire- ..not what I was thinking at all….!! Far from my thoughts…! Please do not assume my thoughts of you would be so improper…! I think proper thoughts of you…

Shuu- so you admit to thinking about me.. how lewd.. even if there considered “improper” im still in your thoughts..

Sumire- ..I am not lewd I am sumire…! (..oh goodness… shuu-sama always finds a way to fluster me…)

Shuu- go on tell me what you think about.. were you thinking about what we did last time..? Go on answer

Sumire- ..I refuse to hear more…!

Shuu- haha.. so easily flustered now..

Sumire- ..shuu-same said he needed to leave…! So please do what you needed to do…

Shuu- yeah yeah.. I’m leaving

Sumire- ..good….!

Goodness…

*shuu leaves*

—to be continued—

maniac 10– ecstasy protoloug

#diabolik oc #sumire #sumire-bride #shuu #demo route #diabolik oc route #routes #((this will all twist into my plan of angst))#((I’m just warming you guys up))

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ofcloudsandstars · 4 years ago

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Hey, dear! I've missed seeing you on my dash, how are you doing? What would you say your summer has been like? Sending lots of love and good vibes!

Ahhh this is so kind! I hope you have been well too. I am working on September’s forecast but I have been a bit slow since I am tired with some stuff going on. I am working on a sacred geometry virtual gallery for the plant alchemist mentor so I have been dizzy with motion sickness throwing this gallery together before the full moon haha.

Last week I just got back from the most insane adventure that I may probably get around to writing another endlessly long post about haha. (editing this post, it turns out that THIS has become the endlessly long post about it haha so I am having a read more added). CW: sex details. It may be TMI but I added a warning before lol

Anyway I was having this mutual attraction with this italian guy I met through work who ALSO has a venus in Scorpio like me. We were going to go on a date but the world succumbed to The Plague. He returned to Puglia to be with his family as he quit the company and his apartment so he can just chill and live for free while he figures stuff out, but he was flirting with me through text all throughout lockdown and begging me to visit him when it was safer to travel so I was like: Oh yeah?!?!?! And I booked a 5 day long first date/vacation to Puglia to be with him lmaoo. Venus in Scorpio is intense as hell but we just be like that. My close aries witch friend moved to Southern Italy with her BF too for the time being so I was like ok if stuff goes south she can come save me but this guy like took me FARRR AWAY on the southern coast like 3 hours from her omg. He booked beautiful places like old medieval stone villas (omg one place had a wooden four poster bed, a stone fireplace with a cauldron and a huge color-changing hot tub jacuzzi next to the bed lmaoooo) and we ate endless seafood and went to the beach everyday. Only set back is we were NOT SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE at ALL and it’s really sad cause yeah I got his star chart and over analyzed it before going over there but sometimes I doubt myself like ohh not everyone is their starchart to a T, like you should give people a chance. But he was e x a c t l y like his star chart.

First he has A LOT of trines like a lot of fire energy which is great. He’s super passionate, but the trines means he is too chill and positive which is nice but it means he has little motivation to do anything. (Think when there are great trine transits happening, it’s FANTASTIC for doing magic and manifesting things but those days the energy is so chill and harmonious you don’t even want to do anything and they can easily pass you by.) Meanwhile my chart?? It’s fucking SQUARES ALL DAY BABEY like Squares, Oppositions and more Squares. I have something called the grand cross on my fucking chart lmao. So that means I overthink, I can get stressed easily, my life soundtrack is just this long anxiety ridden drum and base background music as I fucking parkour through endless obstacles of racism, sexism, gender identity, fleeing the states cause it’s becoming a totalitarian government, learning a bunch of european languages and skills in case I gotta flee england next, thinking about the future, thinking about my actions in the present, thinking about how I can learn from the wounds of my past, lmao everything is thought about at least 1000 times. I also have a lot of Saturn energy my chart is Saturn dominant so there is a lot of planning, structure and organizing to me. Meanwhile since he is hosting he never has a plan and is always ‘go with the flow’ so sometimes it makes me nervous cause the first place he booked was some GHETTO sex motel that looked like sex traffic was happening in there and I was in the middle of no where with him and I was nervous like praying to the Spirits of Nature and Venus to help me work this out haha. But it was ok.

His life is so easy cause he’s like a handsome italian man with a mom that wants him to live at home with her until he finds a wife to mommy him. He never has to do any house work or really any work at all cause his parents will support him cause that’s normal in Italy. Honestly if I got with him I would never get that same treatment I would also be hauling ass in the background to cater to him and our kids until the day I die. He also doesn’t really understand what it’s like to be of a group of people ostracized by society. He is a hot cishet white man and has a whole community of good friends and a mom to support him with whatever he does.

He’s also like really traditional and was raised Christian. I told him I was a witch and he was like ohhhhhhhmyGOddddddd and thought it was fucking weird haha and I was like: YOU NEVER NOTICED ME AND ROXANNE (my aries witch friend who moved to Italy who literally wears massive metal pentagrams everyday) ARE WITCHES?! And he was like: I do not know about this haha.

Lastly about his starchart which worried me when I first reviewed it is that our natal mars are at a square. I mean I have had sex with someone’s Mars in Aries before and it was great but his sex?? Was TERRIBLEEEE!!!!!!!!! TERRIBLEEEEEEEE OHHHH MY GOD. I am going to add a CW for some sex details in case you want to scroll but like:

My Mars is in Cancer so I do like it to be sensual and cuddly with some oral action but he was like so terrible and disgusting and I feel like he probably only slept with girls in his country who may have been traditional like him and never said anything to him cause I am like I dunno how you got away with this for so long having terrible sex like this. Like so grabby and aggressive it fucking hurts like he would have left bruises and I hate that shit like sex is supposed to feel good!! I don’t mind if you grab my ass cause it’s just sacks of fat lol but my boobs have shit in them like glands you can’t be grabbing that!! And sorry this may be TMI but like I’d communicate with him all the spots I’d like him to go to cause they are the most sensitive ones and he’d just ATTACK THEM like some type of police dog sniffing hidden cocaine I am like BITCH CALM DOWN I literally would have to stop him so many times so he wouldn’t hurt me. And he once said: Oh but I like that (being aggressive in bed) and that annoyed me so much I was like: Oh so if you like aggression do you want me to grab and twist your balls in the same way? And he was like: no. lol

And then his kissing was tErrible. He wouldn’t even start out sensual he would literally just shove his whole tongue in my mouth and it’d be slimy and terrible and tastes like the ash from the weed he’s always smoking and once during sex I bent down to make out with him and he literally just stuck his tongue out in preparation I paused like: NO!!! Like omg he got me so heated I am so heated just typing this lmao. I am also really sensitive with like sensory things and have misophonia so sometimes if certain stimulations are stimulating me the wrong way I get more put off than the usual person and sex is so intimate like every time he grabbed a sensitive part of me I wanted to slap him the fuck back haha. The funniest part though is when I’d give up on him trying to pleasure me (everything was terrible, the fingering was like someone who is in a rush to get the elevator and is jamming the button impatiently; the actual fucking was like.. off beat?? And he could NEVER LAST; he gave me head once but that was interesting I felt like he was trying to karate chop my clit with his tongue lmao I was like please stop omg) I was like fine ok just lie down and I will give you head and we can get this over with.. And when I gave him head for the first time he did not moan or anything he would just say: Mamma Mia!!; and FUCKING HELL it would kill the mood but also I couldn’t concentrate cause I’d be fucking laughing just choking on him laughing like I could NOT.

-- End sex detail mention lol

Anyway I am always wary of sex with Mars in Aries people but this experience is going to make me avoid them and have trust issues haha. Anyway I got a lovely free vacation in a beautiful region with incredible food. His friends were nice though my Italian is really terrible and nonexistent (omg also speaking about communication, he forgot most of his english so it was a challenge speaking to him haha). We were both wild as hell to do this even though we didn’t really know each other but whatever that’s the Scorpio in Venus. And in a perfect Scorpio fashion we may never see each other ever again because he may not return to London, I mean we pretty much fell out of infatuation with each other cause of the terrible sex chemistry and the only reason I have to return to that region of Italy is to see my witch friend there but there is a chance she is going to move to London again and she lives in a different city from him lol.

So yeah I have been quiet over here but this is my current life. If you want to look at the gallery I am working on it’s in it’s rough draft form but you can find it here!

https://www.artsteps.com/view/5f4946b290389d2f7d705e86

#personal #seiokona #back at it again with me never having a moment of chill lol

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littlemessyjessi · 5 years ago

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“Carnivore”: A Dracula Story: Plus Size Reader: Chapter 2

BBC/ Netflix Dracula Imagine

Warning: Mentions of cannibalism, violence kink and taxidermy. Just a warning. Enjoy.

I had never been what I would call a morning person.

Unless by morning you meant 12 a.m.

If you meant being active when everyone else was asleep in bed then yeah, sure- I was a morning person.

But when the birds started to chirp and the people began to busy about... I. Was. Out.

Which was exactly why I was so extremely grateful to my butcher who stayed open to the wonderfully spry hour of eleven at night.

Bless his soul.

Joe was honestly a saint at times and I had no problem giving him my business.

I always peeled some off the top of our kills to bring home to my meat freezers but for my main diet...I needed a butcher and that was just that.

I arrived there at precisely 9 pm and I was greeted with a smile as I came through the door.

"Ah, my favorite creature of the night!" came the rather chipper voice of Joe.

I glanced up at him, "Evening, Joe."

"I have your usual ready." he said. "It's just in the back."

"Sounds wonderful." I said dragging the large rolling cooler I'd brought with me to the front and wheeling it over to him.

"You're the only woman I know who actually comes in here with an ice chest. Weekly. Sometimes twice a week." he teased.

"Yeah, well, I'm a special breed." I said taking out the cash and handing it to him.

It was always the same and I paid him in cash...with a good tip.

Say what you will but tipping well made all the difference with people.

"I have some exotic game for you as well." I said. "It's in there before you fill it up."

"Keep your money then." he said with a smile. "We'll call it a deal."

"Joe." I said with a pointed look. "I bring you my business because I want to and I bring the exotic meat because A.) I know you can appreciate such a thing and B.) I adore the service. So please don't insult me and just accept the gift and keep the money. Besides, last I heard you had a new baby on the way."

"For a vampire, you're awfully nice." he winked.

"What makes you think I'm a vampire?" I asked lifting a brow at him in question.

He just winked, "Oh, that's right it's werewolves that consume human flesh."

I stared at him and for a moment I had a mild panic attack.

Did he know?

How did he know?

He burst into laughter a second laughter, "I'm only joking! Or was a spot on about your extracurricular activites?"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"According to Marcus, you seemed to have quite the fondness for biting." he said speaking of a mutual friend that I may or may not have toyed with a few times.

Purely sexual of course.

Although, the man was a fine specimen and should I ever choose to murder him...he would make excellent steaks amongst other things.

"And how would you know such things?" I asked.

"He and Dylan are close." he said with a knowing smirk.

"Yes, well perhaps you and your husband should stay out of my 'extracurriculars' as you call them." I said, half joking, half dead serious.

Though in truth, Joe never took anything I said like that to heart.

I was what he like to call "Dangerously Adorable".

I abhored the term but it was endearing affectionate in a way, I suppose.

"Just fetch my meat, butcher boy." I said. "Before I decided to eat you."

"Ooooh, kinky." he teased. "I could probably convince Dylan to threeway. Neither of us have been with a woman in a long time."

I threw my pen at him to make him move and the sound of his laughter could be heard as he ventured into the back.

Moments later he emerged with my cooler and a basket on top.

"What's this?" I asked lifting a brow at the little brown thing. "Do I look like Little Red Riding Hood to you?"

"Yes sometimes you do give me that vibe." he laughed. "But in that basket are two special things for you. One is a considerable amount of duck eggs and a jar of duck fat. They're from my mother. She really appreciated the package you sent her when she was sick. I know you like to pretend you a cold heartless-"

"Stop talking, you'll ruin my reputation." I said with an unconvincing glare.

"Anyway, she wanted to say thank you." he said.

I made quick work of bidding him goodbye and got out of there.

He was one of the humans that I could tolerate being around for more than a little while...even if he was insufferable at times.

As I walked the streets with the basket on my arm and the cooler rolling behind me I thought of how conflicted I was with the nightlife of the city.

On the one hand, the convenience of having some establishments staying open all hours of the night was incredibly useful.

On the other, it usually meant conversation and I just had no patience for it sometimes.

Which is why it's so ironically cruel that the universe would put me in the path of someone who loved company.

"Hey, what's up, mami?"

I cut my eyes to the left to glare at the little heathen who looked me up and down.

Probably no older than twenty five.

A little younger than I would've liked and not really my type but attractive enough for me to toy with and end my boredom.

And certainly enough to make a meal out of it.

But was he awful enough to eat?

Was he some punk who just like to catcall?

As disgusting as it was .... did he have other motives?

"Darling, there you are!" entered a new, richly accented voice that I was unaccustomed to. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

I turned in time to see a man who was every BIT my type.

Older and classically handsome.

Like an old Hollywood movie star.

Tall and strong with years of aged muscle.

Not the roid rage muscles that the youth were so fascinated with today.

I likened that to the sensation of chewing tire threads.

No...this man...

This man was nothing short of delectable.

And damn him for being a knight in shining armor.

I so would have enjoyed feasting on his flesh.

"Hello, Darling..." I said slowly as he came closer to me and wrapped me in his embraced.

He unusually cool to the touch, not that I minded since I absolutely detested the sensation of being hot and sweaty.

He offered the young man a 'friendly' smile that seemed to say 'back off' behind the mask of politeness and the kid ran off.

"Thank you..." I said pulling away from the man. "That was very kind of you."

"No problem." he said. "I fear the boy might not have had the purest plans for you in mind."

"And you would know this how?" I asked curiously.

"Because I have been a young man near a beautiful woman before." he smirked.

"So lust justifies rape to you then?" I countered.

"No." he said. "But it can cloud the mind and produce a level of stupidity. He might not have attempted to force himself upon you but he definitely would've touched without your permission."

"As you did when you took me in your arms?" I asked pointedly.

"That's different." he laughed a bit, seemingly shocked by the cheek of it all.

"How? Because you chose to play the Knight in Shining Armor?" I challenged. "Perhaps I was playing Little Red and I was looking for a Big Bad Wolf to eat me up after all."

"Well you would fit the bill. A tantalizing tart with a basket and all." he said, a slight air of irritation oozing from him beneath the mask of charm. "I'm sorry if I have offended you. I only meant-."

"I'm not offended." I cut him off. "I'm just a massive bitch and not much of a people person."

His handsome face pulled up into a grin and he laughed heartily.

"You are a refreshing creature aren't you?" he said.

"You have no idea." I said. "Good night, sir."

"Dracula." he said extending his hand.

I lifted an eyebrow at him momentarily before leaning forward and whispering my name into his ear before placing a small kiss to his cheek.

"Good night, Dracula." I said. "Now I must be off before the Big Bad Wolf comes back."

"Perhaps it's the wolf that chased the young pup away." he challenged.

I smirked, "Well, then, Mr. Wolf. If you're clever and hungry enough, you shouldn't have a problem tracking me down then."

I realized that those words were dangerous.

They were provacative and even luring to a stalker.

He could've easily been a psychopath.

But what did I care?

I could either have some fun with him and if he bid me harm....I'd simply have him for breakfast in the morning.

----------------

Hello, darlings!

@frankie2902

@pleasantdreamqueen @becrazy–beyou

@littledeadrottinghood @blackirisposts

@therealmrshale @woodworthti666 @thegreatirene@fanfictionandjunk

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@fanfics1717

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@thickemadame

Love, Kenny

#dracula #bbc dracula #netflix dracula #dracula x ps reader #dracula x plus size reader #ps reader #plus size reader

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luv4fandoms · 4 years ago

Text

Private show (Cecil L'Ively x Reader) {Part 1}

(So I have changed my mind about doing individual oneshots for kinktober, but I hope you all still enjoy this and let me know what you think 😊.) I haven't really seen any Cecil stories on here so I wanted to write some.

Original gif imagine by @itoldyounottodoit. And can be found here

You can also find this on ao3 if you prefer that.

(Part 2)

Day 1. Voyeurism

Character: Cecil L'Ively (x files)

Warning: Smut (kind of a given...It's for kinktober) talk of a cheating boyfriend.

Word count:3,916

https://ko-fi.com/luv4fandoms

When your parents offered you a spot in the old house they had just bought in Maine, you didn't need to think twice before you agreed, needing time away from your town, and your headache of a relationship. Some mountain air was sure to do you some good, so you quickly packed and drove, watching the sunny beaches fade behind you. The drive was around fourteen hours, but it was well worth it when you saw the house. A white three storey beauty with a wrap around porch, how did they afford this?!

"What do you think?" Your mom asked as you stepped out of your car.

"How the hell did you score this?!" You replied, hugging her

"It had been on the market for over five years so the price was super low, needed a bit of work on the inside but our lovely neighbors pointed us to their house caretaker slash handyman and he worked his magic" she explained.

"Awesome neighbors" you laughed.

"Oh they are" she smiled and pointed behind you, you spun around to see a face you never thought you'd see again.

"Margerete!?" You exclaimed, meeting the young girl halfway as she bounded over to wrap you in her arms. Margerete was a young girl you had met when you were little, she came from England, and from very wealthy parents, almost aristocratic you could say. She had been staying with her aunt in Florida when you two met, her aunt had been estranged from the family, but when Margerete's parents had gotten into a bit of trouble they sent Margerete to her for safety. She had been sent back to England when you both were sixteen, and though you two tried to stay in contact, your lives had drifted apart.

"It is so amazing to see you!!" She smiled,

"You haven't changed a bit" you smiled back.

"Why would I? Perfect the way I am" she laughed.

"Have you moved here than?" She asked, her voice hopeful.

"I will be staying for a bit, unsure if I will move yet"

"Well then I'll just have to convince you!" You smiled, you returned her smile, happy that even though so many years had passed, you two could easily fall back into place...When something, or rather, someone, caught your eye. You noticed a man painting the balau swing that sat in the front garden, he didn't seem too concerned about the possibility of getting paint on him as he wore a dark blue coat over his plaid shirt. His hair was short and brown, and you wondered what he looked like from the front. Margerete noticed your stare and smirked, before turning to stand beside you.

"That's Cecil, the house caretaker, I can introduce you two if you want" she stated.

"What?" You asked, still looking at the man, almost willing him to turn around, what color eyes did he have? Did he have facial hair or was he clean shaven?

"I'll call him over" she stated, breaking you out of your trance.

"No! No that...that won't be necessary, I'm….in a relationship anyways" you told her, your voice falling near the end.

"You sure about that? You don't sound like you want to be" she replied a bit concerned.

"It's...it's complicated" you sighed.

"Right! Well how about you go and get unpack, and if you're not too tired, you come back and we can catch up over some tea yeah?" She smiled, causing you to smile as well, she always had that effect.

"I'd like that".

It didn't take you long to unpack, having only filled a couple of suitcases, so you quickly emptied them into the dressers in the small room near the back of the house and freshened up before heading back over to Margerete's. You'd be lying if you said you didn't spare a glance towards the garden on your way up the path, but Cecil was gone already, and for a moment you felt disappointed. Ringing the doorbell you waited for Margerete to answer, glancing around the beautifully landscaped yard, you only turned back towards the door when you heard it open, but it was not Margerete that greeted you. Clean shaven was the answer to your question earlier, and eyes that were the rare kind that seemed hard to describe, they seemed hazel, but more on the brown side. He wore a smile that made him seem friendly enough, but something flickering in his gaze made you think that something was smouldering just below the surface...Either way this man was far too attractive for his own good.

"Hello there" and he was British too?! Come on!

"You must be (y/n), Miss Margerete said she would be expecting you. I'm Cecil, the home's caretaker" he explain, stepping out of your way and gesturing for you to come in"

"It's a pleasure to meet you, my mother told me about how you helped them with repairs, I can't thank you enough for that" you smiled at him, he simply waved you off.

"Was no trouble at all, your parents are lovely folk, please right this way, Miss Margerete is on a call with her mother right now but she'll be down soon" he led you to the living room where a woman came in with a tray of tea and cookies.

"This is Kathrine, she's the maid here"

"Very nice to meet you dear" the older woman smiled.

"Very nice to meet you as well ma'am" you smiled, she nodded after setting the tray down and left.

"Your mother tells me that your family always wanted a house here?" He asked, sitting in the chair next to yours.

"Yes, ever since my brother moved here"

"But she seemed surprised when you agreed to come," he added, to which you let out a slight chuckle.

"I'm sorry, that is probably personal, it's just your mother talks," he tried to backtrack but you simply shook your head.

"It's fine, really...They were shocked because my boyfriend recently proposed," you stated.

"Oh, congratulations," he replied.

"Yeah" you said with another weak chuckle.

"Except I told him I'd have to think about it"

"Oh?"

"Not really sure if I can marry someone I've already had to forgive three times for cheating on me" you stated.

"Why did you forgive him at all?" He asked, looking up you noted his look of disgust toward your boyfriend's actions.

"Honestly...I thought I loved him...But now...I don't know" you sighed.

"From the sounds of it you need to throw that wanker to the curb" a female voice rang out, and you both turned towards the doorway, Cecil went to stand but Margerete simply pushed him back down by the shoulder.

"No need to get up Ce, you can join (y/n) and I, she seems to enjoy your company" she stated, sending a smirk your way.

Conversation flowed easily between the three of you while you drank your tea, you caught up with Margerete, both she and Cecil agreed your boyfriend should be your ex, you learned a little bit about Cecil, about how he has been a handyman, caretaker, gardener, in the past but that was as much as he would indulge, Margerete seemed fine with this, but his closed book made you want to know more. He showed off a few magic tricks that had the two of you girls laughing before it dissolved into another conversation. Before you knew it, it had gotten late and you needed to get back over to your house for dinner, you and Margerete agreed to a dinner another time. Cecil though, insisted on walking you back, even if it was only across the street, according to him, it wasn't safe at night. When you reached the door you turned to him, a smirk on your lips as you looked back at Margerete's house.

"But who will protect you against the dark now good sir? You have to walk back by yourself" You asked, feigning concern. He smirked at you.

"Worried about me? We just met" you couldn't help but smile when he did, your character breaking.

"Don't fret love, I'll be alright." He added, turning to leave.

"I hope we can hang out again..sometime" you stated, slightly feeling like a fool, he was right, you had just met, but there was something about him.

"I'd love to," he said, turning to give you one last look, a now lit cigarette hanging from his lips...odd..you hadn't seen him reach for a lighter.

"Until then love" and with that he made his way back across the street. That night you had gone to bed early, your body tired from the long drive, and as you drifted off you laid completely unaware of the eyes watching you from the window.

The rest of the week had pretty much flown past, when you weren't helping your parents around the house, or writing for your newspaper column back home, you were spending time with Cecil and Margerete. More so with Cecil as Margerete seemed to always be pushing the two of you together, not that you minded. Groaning you answered and ended the call quickly, having looked at the number to see your now ex boyfriend, you had told him you were through, having recently found out about yet another affair, but he hadn't seemed to grasp the concept and swore the two of you could work it out.

"Should I answer it next time? Kindly tell him to fuck off?" Cecil smirked as the two of you continued your walk through the park.

"No, that will just start him up worse"

"I still don't understand why you haven't told him off yet"

"Mainly because all my stuff is still in the apartment he and I shared back home."

"Why not just go get your things then love?" He asked, God you hoped he didn't notice the shiver that ran down your spine every time he called you love, you would be lying if you said you didn't find the man extremely attractive, had in fact, since you first met him, and having spent so much time with him this week was only making these feeling that had began to flutter around worse.

"I'm planning to, just have to figure out when" you sighed, coming to lean against a tree.

"Well, whenever you do, allow me to come along." He started, slowly stepping closer to you.

"That way if your ex is still too dumb to take the hint"he added, now right in front of you, so close the two of you were almost touching and you watched as he raised a hand to cup your cheek, turning your face up towards him.

"I can take care of him" he all but whispered, slowly leaning in, his lips so close as you felt yourself leaning in also, just an inch and the two of you would-

"Hello Ms.(l/n)!" A voice called out, causing the two of you to break apart, you looked over and saw Mr.Tucker, one of your other neighbors.

"Hello Mr.Tucker!" You waved.

"Tell your mother thank you for the pie will you? The wife and I loved it!" He smiled.

"Will do Mr.Tucker" you replied before the man turned and left, Cecil and you turned to look at each other before you both laughed.

"Let's get you home, it's starting to get dark" he stated, grabbing your hand and leading you back down the path. To say you were once again wired that night would be an understatement, this seemed to be your body's constant state of self whenever you were around Cecil too long. Like you were a bomb, just waiting for someone to light the fuse. You sighed as you tossed your sheets off, the room suddenly too hot as you thought back to the charming caretaker across the street. It wouldn't be the first time the thought of him has caused a fire in your belly, he seemed to be what kept you up at night.

'Sadly not in the best way' you thought, thinking about him, you wondered what kind of lover he would be, would he be gentle? Take his time and worship you? Or would he be rough? Take what he wanted, pleasing you both in the process? You had a feeling he would be a mixture, that sweet smile always seemed to try to disguise the twinkle of mischief in his eyes. You sighed as you thought back to today, how close you were to finally feeling his lips on yours, you wondered how they would feel slowly working down your body, teasing you with feather touches, making you squirm under him as he worked you up. You sighed again, one hand slowly sliding down to grasp your breast, your thin nightshirt doing little to hide your already peaked nipples, your other hand slowly slid down to lightly caress the front of your panties. You thought back to Cecil, thinking about him taking your nipple between his lips, lavishing it with his tongue before giving it a gentle nip, his hand giving ample attention to your other breast before he switched. Your breathing picked up as you pictured his hand slowly sliding down your front, your hand mimicking your thoughts as you slowly pushed up your top before taking it off completely, leaving you bare from the waist up. You settled back down and was about to return to your fantasy, when the feeling of being watched suddenly came over you and you opened your eyes to look around but didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. You had been having this feeling since you arrived but tonight it seemed stronger, but upon finding nothing you closed your eyes once more and returned to your fantasy. You grasped your breasts, giving them ample attention before the fire in your core became too much to ignore, quickly throwing your panties off you pictured Cecil running his hand along your stomach, gently teasing you right above where you needed him most.

"Please" you whispered.

"Please what love?" You heard him say in your head.

"Please..touch me" you begged into the night.

"As you wish" and with that you slid your finger into your slick core just as your fantasy Cecil did, you knew your fingers weren't as thick as his, but they would have to do. You let out a low mewl as you bagan pumping them, picture Cecil above, giving you that knee weakening smirk as he watched you writher under him.

"You like that love? Like it when I touch you?"

"Yes! Please don't stop" you panted, making sure to stay quiet.

"I wouldn't dream of it, not until you've come for me" he told you, pressing another finger into your core and causing you to cry out, your hips raised off the mattresses as you continued to fuck yourself, the fantasy of him so vivid that it had you calling out for the man.

"Cecil!" You gasped, your movements slowing a bit, you were unsure why you opened your eyes, but when you did you noticed something. The old mirror that sat in the room gave the perfect view of the window that sat diagonal to your bed, and from that view you realised where the feeling of being watched came from. From the window you could see that a slight ways away from the window, partially hidden by a tree was Cecil, one hand gripping onto the tree while the other was hidden in his pants, the movements making it known just what he was doing. Now maybe it would have startled you, or caused concern if your brain wasn't so focused on getting off, but the thought of him watching you fuck yourself sent a thrill down you spine and made you quicken your pace, your body stretching out so he could see more as you watched him through the mirror just as he watched you. You watched him bite down on his lip, his movements quickening along with yours, while his eyes roamed your body. You couldn't help the moan that escaped you as you focused on his movements, knowing he was getting just as much pleasure as you, and that thought seemed to be what drove you over as you came with a soft cry of his name. You slowed your breathing as you came down from your high, glancing at the mirror to see his head tilted down as he leaned against the tree for support, seeming having spent himself as well. You watched as he looked back up, eyes roaming your body once more before you decided to tease him a bit more and pull your blankets over you again. With a small smirk he turned around, pulled out a cigarette and left.

'So watching is his thing huh?' You thought, the slight thrill still running through you.

'Well then, maybe I should put on a private show'

Another week passed before you had an opportunity to put your plan into action, your parents were leaving for the weekend, so you had the whole house to yourself, you had gone shopping with Margerete recently and picked out a very sexy little black number, one she insisted you were going to wear for Cecil one day, she didn't know how soon 'one day' was. You had done your hair, donned your lingerie and hid it under a robe while you sat in bed reading. Truth be told you had reread the same sentence about five times and still couldn't say what it said, you were too wired, waiting to see some sort of movement in the old mirror, movement, that luckily didn't take that long. You had been flirting with Cecil a lot more this past week, not so much that one would think it was sudden, but enough to get him riled up, so when you saw the slight hint of him standing behind the same tree, you knew it was time to start. Closing your book you sat it on the dresser, slowly you went around and lit the candles that you had scattered around the room before switching off the light, bathing yourself in the soft orange glow the fire gave off. Sparing a sneaky glance towards the open curtain you saw him leaning against the tree, still slightly out of sight, but the orange glow of his cigarette gave away his position. Slowly making your way back to the bed you dropped the robe, giving him a full view of what lay beneath before climbing onto the mattress. First you sat in the middle of the bed facing the window, your hands running along your sides before stopping to cup your breasts, the thin lace only covering your nipples as they hardened under your caress. Your eyes closed while your head lulled back, the thoughts of him watching already had you dripping. Stopping, you slowly reached behind you and unclasped the bra, letting it fall off before tossing it aside, your breasts now on full view for your lone audience. Your hands ran along your thighs, before coming to gently rest on your panties, the wet spot clearly visible against the lace. Your legs spread wider as you slowly ran your finger along yourself, moaning at the feeling that wasn't giving you enough to dull the ache. Slowly standing, you took off the ruined lace before laying back down, your body angled as to give him the perfect view of your soaked core, while your head hung just off the other side, giving you the perfect view of the mirror. He was still out there, hand once again hidden inside his pants as he watched you, though when you spread your legs wider you watched him inhale sharply, before he quickly pulled his hand out and started to unbuckle his belt. Your hands wandered down to gently run along your folds as you watched him lower his pants just enough to free himself, the sight causing you to moan, he was definitely bigger than your ex. He slowly stroked himself as he watched you, his other hand holding his shirt up slightly to keep it out of his way, his eyes never leaving your form while you slowly pressed your finger in, noting how he stroked himself from tip to base at the same speed. You slowly began to pump your fingers, watching him take his own pleasure at the sight of you, his tongue darting out to lick his lips, almost as if he wished it was something else he was licking, and that thought caused you to moan out again, this time his name. Now you had left your window slightly open, enough so that sounds from inside could be heard, so when you called out for him, he heard it loud and clear, enough to make him cuss under his breath and speed up his movements. You quickly inserted another finger, matching his speed as you writhered on the bed, the feeling amazing and yet not enough. You added another finger, calling out his name once more as your eyes closed in bliss, upon opening them you noticed he had moved. Less hidden by the tree and now leaning against it, his back pressed against the bark while he took his pleasure in your form, his body now easily seen from the window.

"Fuck! Cecil please" you begged, hearing a groan come from outside. You knew this dance the two of you were doing needed to come to an end, helping yourself was satisfying, but God you needed him, and watching him jerk himself was not helping that need. You sped up, watching as he did the same, his hips coming away from the tree as he thrusted into his fist, another groan leaving his lips. You moaned as you bucked into your hand, matching his movements, you were close now, and by the look on his face so was he. You watched as his head lulled back, hips quicking as he groaned, before they stilled and you watched him empty himself, the sight enough to send you over the edge with a shout. When you finally drifted back down from your post orgasam high you sat up and looked at the window, watching as he began to walk away, a lit cigarette once again between his lips.

"Oh no you don't" you stated, quickly walking over to the window and pushing it open.

"Only come for the shows? I should start charging for tickets" you spoke into the chilly night air. You watched as he stopped, slowly turning to look at your still nude form as you leaned out of your window. He opened his mouth to explain but nothing came out, after all, he had never been caught before. Seeing his flustered state you couldn't help but smirk.

"So tell me, wouldn't you rather be part of the show? Instead of just watching it?" You asked, a smirk on your lips while you watched his flustered expression slowly morph into a smirk of his own.

"Are you offering a role?" He asked

"Well you see, I'm in need of the male lead, think you got what it takes?" You challenged, watching as he put out his cigarette and headed for your front door

'Oh this is going to be fun'

There it is! I hope you all enjoyed it, let me know what you think 😊 part 2 will be posted tomorrow

#kinktober #kinktober 2020 #xfiles #x files #x files oneshot #x files imagine #x files smut #mark sheppard #Cecil L'Ively #x files x reader #x files drabble #Cecil L'Ively x reader #Cecil L'Ively oneshot #Cecil L'Ively smut #Cecil L'Ively drabble #Cecil L'Ively imagine #Cecil L'Ively xfiles #Cecil L'Ively x files

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starryknightace · 5 years ago

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I had Top Surgery! (Post Op 1 1/2 Weeks pics)

[[MORE]]

Suprise! I had top surgery almost 2 weeks ago. It was a bit of a process to get to that point and i was literally counting down the hours til i went under. I kept joking to people i was most excited about my "induced 4 hour nap" more than anything. I got to my day surgery clinic early in the morning, to which i got changed into scrubs, was told to wait under a blanket to keep my body warm, and met with the nurse, anesthetist and my surgeon for pre op discussions. Then i was escorted into the operation theatre where i hopped on the table, got nice and comfy with blankets, tubes, oxygen mask annnnddd.... woke up 4 hours later forgetting i had surgery 🤣

I did this in my last surgery (which in comparission was more terrifying cause i had blood in my mouth and couldnt remember what happened to me), but i woke up and couldn't work out where i was, why i felt so dizzy and how i got clothed 🤣 i spent about 2 hours in the recovery room sat in a recliner chair dozing off, except to eat (cause i had been fasting prior) and drink. I did try to pee but couldn't which was frustrating 😅 then i was taken home, where i promptly went to sleep lol

I had my drains in for 72 hours and they were the worst part of recovery. I carried bottles in a pillow case and they had be be positioned lower than my chest at all times. Luckily i wasn't able to move much and while i was on strong pain medication i mainly slept. I had my mum stay with me for a week and i'm thankful she did cause she really saved my butt by doing everything for me (i really had to let go of my control which was weirdly hard, i just felt bad making her do things for me but she was happy to). The drains were uncomfortable and by the morning there were to be taken out i was really hurting where they were inserted. After they were taken out it was a blessing and recovery got A LOT easier. I had shallow baths every few days and my mum helped me was my hair. I had baby wipes for my armpits and chest area which again saved me from being stinky. I still mainly slept, or watched tv shows with my mum up until she left. She prepped me a LOT of meals before she left so i wouldn't have to cook.

Sleeping on my back was probably the most uncomfortable part (after the drains), because i'm a stomach sleeper. I have been managing to sleep though which has been nice (and Maple has been good, sleeping beside me all through the night!). I've been sleeping elevated to help with swelling. I actually got told off by my nurse while doing my week post op check up cause i was still doing too much. I went to Uni for a 6 hour workshop that day too and went to a costume showcase that night. Safe to safe i was exhausted the next day and didnt do much but sleep.

So i'm still quite swollen and bruised 1 1/2 weeks in, which will eventually settle down. my nipples seem to be taking well so crossing fingers the blood returns. I was worried about puckering but being able to closely examine my chest it's due to the swelling at the moment so hopefully that goes down too.

All in all i can't stop smiling at my chest - i finally feel like myself 😁

Some tips for those looking to have Top Surgery based on my experience:

MEDICINE

I have a high pain threshold - i was willing to go to uni a week post op because i could stand to - would recommend people booking off at LEAST 3 weeks prior to work/study if you can help it. I have only one class per week at the moment and its only theory so thats why i was able to travel and even then i was taken pain killers ever 4 hours.

In my mother's words "don't be a hero, if you need to take pain relief, do it". Best advice. I've weened myself off pain killers to 2 just before bed (panadine forte), or before i need to go out and do things (genral paracetamol). If you need to take more just do it - also write down when you've taken things (because its good to know how much you've had per day!) You can take iburofen and paracetamol intermittedly in 4 hour intervals (eg. Iburofen at 12pm, paracetamol at 2pm, another dose of iburofen at 4pm, etc).

You'll also be taking antibiotics - generally 3 times a day with meals. I also took probiotics 2 hours after taking my antibiotics to avoid the sideaffects of them (eg. Mouth Ulcers (which i did get dang it), thrush, etc).

I was also taking strong pain killers (for the first few days i took 2 every 4 hours then weened down to one per night). Be careful with strong pain killers - the thing doctors/people don't tend to mention is that they can be addictive/dependent drugs. Sometimes you would prefer to keep taking them and that can be an issue. I asked my surgeon at my 1 week if i could please get one more script of something a little stronger than paracetamol to take a night and it took a bit more of a discussion to get it. If you can try to get by on the paracetamol alone do so and remember you can alternate with iburofen every two hours.

WEIRD BOWELS

With all these medications you'll more than likely get constipated so adding to the list of medications i also took good ol' laxatives. The first poop after surgery was like 3 days later and it hurt 😅 the laxatives helped me after to soften my stools (cheat mode is when you're lactose intolerent and you eat a bunch of cheesecake whoops 😅). Also peeing was weird for the first week due to the anesthestics in me. It took me ages to pee, sometimes i had the feeling of needing to pee but nothing happened, and i was peeing like, every hour.

SUPPORT

Both in furniture sense and people sense.

My mum was my main support especially in the first week. She looked after me, my house and my cat. She grabbed things i couldn't access, drove me to my appointments, managed my medicine, cooked me food and generally just helped me around the place. Originally i only wanted her there for a few days but im glad she was there cause i was sore and out of it most of the time. Alongside her my two best friends were also a massive help - coming over to keep me company, drive me places, help me do my grocery shopping, tell me off for overdoing it, gave me plenty of entertainment (thanks to katie i finished wind waker!). Get yourself some support and let go of that control, you will honestly be too tired and sore to do anything anyway.

Make sure you get yourself some comfy pillows. I got myself a U shaped pillow and it has so far saved my neck so much pain. I sleep elevated which means more pillows to prop myself up. And pillows for my couch.

WASHING

So for the first 72 hours i was just a gross gremlin with dry shampoo because of the drains. My chest was covered in bandages so i couldn't wash that area anyway. After the drains were removed i was told i could have showers, but i opted for shallow bathes anyway. I was able to wash myself fine (just go slow), then i would put pants on and get my mum to help wash my hair. After my 1 week check up i started having showers, but stood out of the stream. I only have tape to cover my stitches now (i took them off for the photo) so am able to carefully wash parts of my chest and back i couldnt get to before. I can now wash my hair (slowly). Raising my arms is still not easily fesable but i can lift them to a certain point.

EMOTIONAL

Now, i wasn't as emotional as i thought i was going to be but i do know other trans guys who said they went through bouts of depression after their surgery. Its something to look out for. For me, it was emotionally draining to talk to people about it constantly. I didn't mind though and it was nice people checked up on me but it did wear me out. Its always good though to check in with your emotional state throughout to see how youre feeling. It's not an inmediate grattification, the swelling and bruising is a lot and it won't look right for a while. Also leading up to surgery people can feel fearful and doubtful, always chat to a loved one about your feelings! Personally i had no nerves leading up to surgery but afterwards i was constantly worried that i wasn't healing right. Talking to your surgeon will HELP trust me!

SCARRING

Ok this was a big shock to me so i hope this helps other people but scar medication/ointments don't actually work. I asked my surgeon about it and as a skin professional who has been studying the effects of scarring for over 40 years - this is a beauty scam you don't need to bite into.

"Time and your genetic biology are the only ways that help your scars heal, sorry to burst your bubble but save your money on that placebo".

Looking after yourself the first few months post op will help you get good results later.

Of course i understand if people will still want to buy scarring products but thought i would post the words of a professional too 😅 don't shoot the messenger on this one. And if you do decide to use the stuff then wait 6 months before doing so.

I think that's all i can think of at the moment. There's a really good private facebook group for top surgery and i got a lot of my info from there. If people are curious feel free to DM me, send me an inbox and i'd be happy to chat as best i can! My experience is based in Australia so people might have different expectations/experiences in different countries!

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈💛💛💛🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

#top surgery #ftm #transition #transgender #mascetomy #surgery #post surgery #gender transformation #gts #gender transformation surgery #tumblr dont shoot me there are no nip nops and no mentions of milk sacts flesh #long post #long read #under the cut #double mascetomy #double incision

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meowsaidmayaanime · 7 years ago

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Anime I've Dropped

Its just as important to talk about the anime I dropped as it is to talk about the anime I've watched through to the end. I will drop an anime for a variety of reasons, not necessarily because I don't like it. It's also good to have this list so I know what I need to finish watching.

-Nisekoi (November, ep 12)

Its not bad, and if I was younger I would probably watch it in its entirety. I just find myself getting more and more tired of the romance comedy where crazy ridiculous things are thrown in to progress the story and add 'complexity'. It is funny, but I don't like many of the female characters (and its a harem show) and I'm starting to doubt things will ever get resolved and that the main male will never get together with the only sensible real female character that I like. Maybe if I find out more about what direction it goes in I'll continue watching. But as it stands I spent the last 3 episodes skipping scenes to get to the stuff I actually care about. And when that happens on a show the first time yousee it, its a good indicator that you should stop watching.

-ON HOLD Mushishi (October, ep)

I actually really like this anime so far, but because its so intense and dark, its not something that I can binge as easily as the vaste majority of my other anime. You kind of have to be in the mood to watch it? Anyway, I intend to keep watching it but it wil be a few episodes every once in a while. I'll keep you updated on when I'm actually finished

-New Game (September, ep 3)

It's not bad, and in fact it something I normally would watch and enjoy. Right before watching these two episodes I completed Shirobako which is an amazing and realistic 'natural' anime about anime production. However this one so far, rather than being about what its like to work in the game industry, is a very moe anime about the characters alone. I feel as though the characters could be put in any other job, and it would not affect the anime at all. Some words and job titles would be changed, but not the 'meat' of the content. It's still cute, and I plan to pick it up again to see what ends up happening. Just, it wasn't a good one to start with right after watching an anime on the same topic but be so different, haha.

-Ben-To (July, ep 2)

Wow, this sure was... something. The premise was amusing, but through the first episode I kept finding myself asking when it would be over, and when something would actually happen. Immediately I realized this was going to fall into a harem trope, with types of characters I find off-putting. I didn't get far, so I can't say much else about it. I lost interest, real fast.

-Ann-Happy (June, ep 10)

This show is just moe upon moe. Its a slice of life following five incredibly unlucky girls as they attend high school. If fact they are so unlucky that the highschool has a designated "happiness class" for about 30 or so unlucky students, where in addition to taking regular classes, they take special classes in order to make the students less unlucky and be able to find happiness despite their luck. Its very cute, and I watched most of it, however I was mostly watching it with my friend, and since we are so behind on our anime we decided to finish all the spring simulcasts on our own so we can get started with a couple summer ones. It's not a bad anime, just too much moe, and no real plot.

-The Lost Village (June, ep 9)

The lost village starts off following a bus load of people who want to leave their current lives and start anew in a mysterious isolated village where no one from the modern society can find them. It's an interesting anime apart of the horror genre the first episode seemed really good, but it gets tiring quickly. Especially since every single episode after the first seems to end on incredibly enormous cliff hangers. Its hard to pin point why it was disappointing as the episodes went on, perhaps its because so much happens in every episode, or the majority of the characters are not very likable, or the fact that every single character has a hard/traumatizing back story, and there are 37 characters! Not to mention that they tend to gang up on each other, do crazy things and occasionally follow the mob mentality.

In the end I lost interest and stopped watching it, maybe I'll finish the episodes in the future? Probably not though. It just got very tiresome and I'm sick of the forced tension caused by the endless cliffhangers...

-Tonkatsu DJ Agetaro (June, ep 7?)

In reality I was only watching this because one of my friends liked it. I personally am not a friend, so she watched on her own rather than together with our other simulcasts. It's an interesting story, and has its moments. I can see why she likes it, it's pretty well done, just not my thing. I won't finish watching it.

-Joker Game (June, ep 8)

Its a well done series, but because I was watching it as a simulcast and because by episode 8, almost every episode worked as a stand alone. So because of that, I wasn't highly anticipating the next episode at the end of every week. I do intend to continue watching this. especially now that all the spring simulcasts I've been watching are over. Though it may be a while until I continue it again.

-And You Thought There Is Never A Girl Online (June, ep 6 or 7?)

Like Konosuba, this is another boob fest, but with significantly more fan service. I like the Ecchi anime's but not as big of a fan when it comes to fan service. Too many female characters surrounding one singular boy. I don't like the main female character either. So yeah. Not going to continue watching.

-Durarara (June, ep 5) *NO LONGER DROPPED, SEE ADDENDUM*

This show is actually kind of interesting. I do want to watch more of it, especially considering that it's relatively popular. I only dropped it because it wasn't as gripping as some other anime's that I was watching at the same time. So if fell off my radar because of it. It runs at a slower pace, and I wanted to know more about the main male character the anime opens up with. Maybe its also because they introduced too many characters with too little information on who they are that I lost a little interest. Any matter, I want to continue watching it and give it another try. I'm not not sure when... ADDENDUM (August): I came back to Durarara and I love it! I finished the first season and am watching the second season part 3 and oh man so much is going down. I talked about season one HERE.

-Konosuba: Gods Blessing on this wonderful world (May, ep 5)

I enjoyed watching the first few episodes, and I thought it was going to be a fun anime, but instead it turned into a HUGE boob fest. One male character surrounded by questionable female characters. Not to mention two of which were rather annoying. It just felt so tried and stereotypical. It was funny, and the main two characters have a fun dynamic. Honestly if there were more male characters and if the extra added female ones were more likable I would have continued watching it. But sadly, I'd have to say that I'm no longer interested and probably wont continue watching.

-Is the Order a Rabbit (May, ep 3)

It's not a bad anime by any means, Its just too much of a slice of life. There isn't any real plot, even withing the episodes and its slow paced. I tend to like slice of life, for example The Daily Lives of High School Boys is slice of life and has no plot either, but what makes it so enjoyable was that it was more so a comedy than a slice of life. This anime however seems to be only slice of life with no other genre... It's not bad, just not my type of anime. I probably won't be coming back to it.

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