#those two are just freshest in my mind rn
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📥 & 🌝
📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?
hmm, currently i have two. the first is my poetry collection because i was SO nervous in posting it and all the kind words are making me explode with happiness. i really didn’t start writing poetry until this year, and i’m so glad people who like,, aren’t my friends are enjoying them :). second, is you’ve got a pulse, you’ve got a problem! i haven’t actually received any comments on it like, since i posted it, but i remember that one made me so happy and i’ve started prodding it again lately, so i’ve been thinking about it and gave it a reread. it’s about a year and a half old now, but i think it still holds up.
🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?
oh god there’s so many. i’m gonna limit myself to the first two that come to mind though, mostly because i’ve been poking and prodding at trying to write them lately.
the first is boyfriend monreal, who WILL be getting herself a chapter in you got a pulse, even if it’s sort of off theme of the fic (more of a character study than a scar focused character study, lol) because i just really like all the ideas i have about them.
the second is javier lotus, who i was attached to the moment they fell to the flowers. who could’ve guessed why (<-guy who has too many thoughts about caligula lotus). i started something the day he dropped, actually, but i haven’t really figured out where i want to go with it yet.
#ty for the ask!!#also tbh any fic is my favorite to receive comments on#those two are just freshest in my mind rn#and the poetry collection especially because as i said#i have never been more nervous to post something than i was to post that
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Here is the first time I had ever attempted a sphere. Let’s all say “hiiii, little sphere,” as he feels a little self-conscious due to his lumps.
When healing from a traumatic event, all of the professionals say to get back to “normal.”
Trigger Warning: flashbacks, traumatic child injury.
Let’s talk about what that means. All humans have the same basic needs: food, water, shelter. Those are the basic things we need to survive; the things we need to merely keep our hearts beating. Humans are intelligent creatures. This fact comes with its share of additional work on our parts, as it truly adds to our list of boxes to check on the reg. We need love, companionship, choices, a way to make money, the ability to properly execute tasks, affirmation, the feeling of being understood... the list goes on.
So here’s why I am bringing this up. As we have already established, I am struggling with PTSD-and just to set the record straight as we dive into my sadness, I want you all that care about me to know that I am NOT a self-harm risk. I am medicated, in therapy and under the supervision of the most talented medical professionals I’ve ever met. I am able to trust my doctors and therapist and I feel so fortunate for that.
.I went back to work on July 19, 2021. This was only 37 days since my sweet baby’s accident. Childcare is provided solely by my mother who is an RN, so the idea of her getting hurt was not what was bothering me as I walked into work that day. I was able to chat with Daniel that morning before he left, and I had purposely set myself up to have a great day. I got myself an iced coffee and took some deep breaths. I played my favorite music on the ride into town.
I clocked in at 10 am. I was so excited to see everyone. Staying home the previous month really got lonely sometimes, and that’s when the pain was the freshest. I get hugs, kind questions, and compassion. Being that I've had the same coworkers for years makes them feel like family and I appreciate that. They checked on me while I was gone, and a few visited. I was so happy for the first half hour of greetings, then I sat down to work.
I sat and I talked about things casually, and I was okay as we weren’t discussing the super heavy moments I have shared with you all yet. But when the conversation stopped, I had a rush of feelings and imagery. I have been referring to these episodes as flashbacks, since I don’t really know what else to call them.
You know when there are certain smells, songs, places, photos and little reminders that brings you to a memory? Have you ever experienced this in such detail that you feel like you are physically feeling, hearing, smelling and seeing everything in that exact moment? It’s like when you smell your grandmother’s perfume and you are instantly transported to sitting next to her on the church pew and pushing your face into her scratchy, sequined blouse because you were fighting to stay awake during Mass. It’s when you see a kid riding a bike so similar to the one you had, you are brought to your childhood neighborhood block where you are riding said bike. But with all of the sensory going on, you really feel it-the pain and the fear-when you make a turn to fast and skin your knee.
This is what is happening to me-but presently I’m at the point where I don’t need something to trigger me to have an episode.
I am sitting at work. I am looking at my list of projects. I check my accounts and reset my passwords since they had expired over the month I was out, and when I was about to get down to it, I wasn’t there anymore.
GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF MY “FLASHBACKS”: I was sitting in the Emergency Room with my baby in my arms, limp and eyes rolling as they poked her over and over again to find a vein that still had blood in it. They couldn’t and I screamed and cried. They perfectly executed every single stick, but there was no blood in any of her limbs. They tell me they are going to have to put in a line using a power drill into my 8 month old’s shins. She had no medication in her to keep her conscious, supply her with fluids, give her a transfusion, or to relieve pain. I begged them to administer anything they could through injection or nasally.
Hard to read? Worse to live it.
My post-accident mind takes me to this awful place while the world around me just keeps moving. The anxiety, pain, guilt, confusion and profound sorrow that you are suddenly feeling at 100% are completely invisible to those around you.
So, I cried and cried. I said. “I’m not ready to be here,” as I was comforted by my people. I excused myself to the restroom and washed my face. I took deep breaths and asked mom for a picture of my baby. She was sleeping so perfectly, like a little doll. After a short break, I went back to my computer and got to work. When it was time to clock out, I had no recollection of any of my projects. All I remembered was my episode.
Getting back to normal is hard.
I think going back to work (three days/week) was the right move for me in my recovery journey. It hurt so much, but before you say you can’t, give it a shot and see if the shitty times pass.
I truly believe that working, alone time, making art, cooking and cleaning, raising my baby, and spending time with my husband are my actual personal needs. After that realization, I have grown so much. In two weeks, I can leave my baby without crying, provide solid feedback in conversations at home and at work, get my house clean, and I’m learning to follow my bliss. That’s back to normal, the healthiest healing environment.
Taking these steps are so hard, but for the first time, I am really feeling the benefits and acceleration in my healing process.
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Dan Torrance x Fem! Reader: Intro
A/N: Hello lovelies! This is the beginning of the fic I posted about earlier during the week that is going to be revolved alot around Rose. How many parts It'll turn out being, I don't know. Most of this fic, I'm doing in pretty big detail and I've never written anything like this before.
I am going on a date on Valentine's Day to most likely see Birds of Prey and from what I've heard about it, my sappy Bisexual heart already has a soft spot for Harley Quinn and Roman Sionis so I probably will begin accepting request for them as well as the Dr. Sleep characters I already write for. (Doctor Sleep Request are still open) I do have 2 Rose the Hat request am I working on rn. Anyways, Criticism is welcome on this one. I hope you enjoy and all is well.
Warnings: Child abuse, sexual tension, mentioned violence against children, gore, kidnapping, the usual.
Key: Dragă is the equivalent to sweetheart in Romanian
1980:
SNAP! Rose the Hat removed the top from one of their many full cannisters. "Eat well, live long," She whispered amorously before members of The True pushed her out of the way to get a whiff of their freshest thing of steam.
She stepped back, crossing her arms as she watched The True feast. This one's name was Anthony and she could remember juiceness in the taste of his steam. Yet, she didn't want him.
She missed the feel of the hunt and seeing the steamheads squirm underneath her. Rose felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist and she smiled at Crow, kissing the crook of his neck. "Aren't we quite frisky?"
"Just in love with you." He kissed her cheek and rubbed up and down her sides. "Crow.." Her eyes rolled into the back of her head. "I want you Rosie..only if you're okay with it, of course."
"You idiot, you already know the answer to that question." She smashed her lips against his and the two of them stepped into her trailers.
The noises coming from her RV were not unfamiliar to anyone who belonged to The Knot. When all was said and done, the two laid in each other's arms. Having their typically late night talks.
"There's not as much steam." Rose rolled her eyes into the back of her head. "Oh please don't be daft." She rolled over and buried her head in his bare chest. "We have three empty cannisters, not a big deal."
"It is a big deal. That's all time low for us and the kids now are being taught the whole stranger danger things. It's not as easy to lure them in."
"Well then what do you suppose we do about it? Without turning anyone." Rose looked him in the eye.
"Well, I've been thinking about it for a while...I have an idea but I don't know if you're going to want to hear it. It's a little..unorthodox." Rose raised a brow and chuckled. "Oh? Do tell because now I'm curious.
"You're going to think I'm insane, Rosie." She rolled her eyes. "Oh please, you of all people know I've seen it all. Just be honest and tell me."
"What if we got a baby or a kid?" He fiddled around with his hat. Rose had to fight the urge to laugh. "A baby? What the fuck would we both do with a baby?"
"Well not exactly a baby but look, I was thinking most rube children typically tend to relate to other rube children better than adults."
"And?"
"And what if we got a child, a particularly steamy one, to help us get what we need?" Rose thought about it for a moment. "That beats the whole point of not turning anyone though. Because I know you well enough to know that eventually you will get attached to it and you'll end up wanting to turn it."
"Rosie, they wouldn't be an it. They would be family. By the time they would be old enough to be turned the cannisters would be full and she-"
"She?" Rose questioned. "Assuming it's a girl. They don't have be a girl but anyways, by that point all the cannisters would be full because we'd have them to help us find the steamheads and it wouldn't be an issue turning them because we'd have such an easier time finding steam."
Rose sighed rubbed her face. "I don't know..it's just- Crow, I'm not fit, no- we're not fit to raise children. We kill them, Crow!"
"I know but we have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Worse case we wipe the kid's mind and everything goes back to normal or we kill 'em."
Rose stared deeply into Crow's eyes and pulled his face close to her's. "I'll think about it." She kissed the top of his head and looked up at the clock on the wall. "The rubes are probably wondering when they'll hear from you. Time you get ready to get on the road, big man."
"I know," He groaned and stood up, kissing the top of her. "Just think about it?" Rose made a humming noise and kissed his hand before watching him walk away.
Rose actually did think about it for a while before bringing up the matter with the Grampa Flick while Crow was away on business and the others were asleep.
"Well..it could be worth a shot. It's really up to you though, Rosie." She took a sip of her tea. "I'm not asking for pros and cons. I want to know what you think I should do."
He gripped his cane in his hand and sighed. "I think it's worth a shot. Even if it doesn't work out, we still do end up with extra steam and it's not like we hurt for money, Rosie."
"You're sure?" Rose held her hands in his. "I'm positive." She looked him up and down as if she was analyzing him. "Okay." She stood up from the lawn chair and kissed the top of Flick's head. "You won't mention anything to Crow when he comes back and make sure the rest of the family doesn't either?"
"Not a word," He coughed. "Not a word." She nodded and smirked as she walked away.
About two days after that conversation, Rose began her search for the perfect fit for The Knot. The first two weeks she hit nothing but finally she found something.
Just outside of a resort area in Colorado, Rose discovered a small row of cookie cutter homes located on the beginnings of a mountain. While she thought the houses were very rube like, she paid them no mind. What interested her more was what laid beyond those homes.
Farther up the road if you made a left, there was a long dirt driveway that after about a mile or two, lead up to a large cabin.
At first the house seemed like nothing but ordinary at first glance but to people who shined the way The True Knot did, it was a light shining to the moths searching meaninglessly in the dark.
Hardly anyone ever came in and out of the house and took Rose over a week to actually pin you as the steamhead in the house since you did have an older brother.
You were different from the rest of your family. "Special," Rose heard your mother mutter to you one night as she tucked you though she didn't have to be in her head to know special was not the word she was actually thinking of.
She was scared of you. Your whole family was scared of you and Rose couldn't understand why. You never were particularly domineering with your gifts and you always obeyed everything they asked of you. Even staying out of there heads when they felt their minds going adrift yet, they were terrified of you.
Rose watched you for weeks, constantly consulting back and forth with Grampa Flick about whether you'd be a good fit for a group. You didn't seem to notice though, as you were preoccupied with other things in your home life and wanted nothing but to hear from at least either of your parents that they loved you.
The one night in particular, Rose got to have a front row seat on your pain. She sat up on a tree branch, swinging her legs back and forth as she stared intensely at your bedroom window. The rest of the house was dark but your room was lit up like a Christmas tree.
"Now do you see why we're so stressed out?!" Your silhouette came into view from the light colored curtains shrouding your window and Rose could make out the outline of a male much taller than standing across from you.
"I-i'm sorry, daddy!" You screamed, terror brimming from everything to your voice to your posture. "I-i can't help...I wanna be normal!" You sobbed hysterically. "Come on, dad. She can't help she is, the way she is."
"Quiet, son!" Rose shook her head, still keeping her eyes fixed you. "Fucking rubes," She muttered under her breath.
Your father's fiery gaze turned back to you. "Then why can't you be normal?!!" Rose could see him gripping your wrist and closed her eyes as she heard the sound of a hand smacking against flesh followed by a scream. "Dad!" She heard your brother yell followed by another hit, except this time a male cry radiated through the house.
Rose could take no more and began her way back to the jeep as she seen your mother's figure enter view. "What the hell is going on in here?" She could hear from the distance, the further Rose went the more she blocked out the noise.
She got in the car and watched your house for a few moments. The light went out in your room and Rose could hear no more screams. She admitted a sigh of relief and covered her face. She knew it was unhealthy to feel so attached to you. She didn't even know you but that insecurness in your voice reminded her so much of yourself and how lonely she felt when she was younger. Rose had to have you. There was no option.
When Rose shared the news with the rest of The Knot, there was hesitance at first but eventually they gave in. Knowing that she was their leader and they'd do as she intended anyways.
The next couple of days were spent carefully meditating in her RV away from the rest of The Knot and planting little worms your head. While Rose didn't think you would give her much trouble leaving home once she got in your head, she was taking no chances.
The night before she planned on taking you, Crow finally came back from business and Rose still had no intentions of telling him what she was doing. Besides an extra add on steam, she figured she could also use you as sort of a gift to Crow. An 'I'm sorry I don't listen to you and here's me making up for it.'
He knew something up when she refused to speak anyone in The Knot but didn't question it. He figured she was going through one of her moods and decided it was probably best not to say anything to her at all.
The next morning when you woke up, you felt an almost magnetic pull on your body like something or someone wanted your attention from outside. It wasn't a scary pull like the ones from whatever stray lost souls were around. This pull felt warm and safe.
You unbraided your long, Y/c/h and threw on the first dress you seen in your closet before skipping downstairs. "Where do you think you're going?" Your mother called out from the kitchen. "Just to pick some flowers." You made up.
"Don't wander to far, please." You slipped on a pair of sneakers. "I won't. I promise. I'll see you soon, mama." You blew her kiss, hoping she'd return the gesture but the older woman refused to even look at you and you stepped onto your porch dejectedly.
You closed your eyes and focused your attention to the direction of the pull. It came from the woods and you hesitated, thinking of all the ghostie people you seen come from there yet something kept telling you to just go for it.
You walked off towards the edge of the woods, letting your shine be your guide. Even though it was still day, everything was so dark and desolate around you. You felt chills on your arms the further you went and just as you were about to turn around you felt the pull grow stronger, horribly strong.
"Well, hi there!" You jumped at the unexpected voice and spun around to look at Rose. You squeezed your eyes shut, expecting her to morph into one of the ghostie people but she didn't. Rose chuckled and you blushed. "..Hi." You toddled over to the much the taller woman, staring deeply into her gray eyes before she pulled you into a small hug.
The gesture was surprising but it didn't bother you. It was her aura that bothered you. Something was off about her. "I was wondering when you were going to get here." She smiled and held out a flower in her left hand. "Do you want one?"
"Yes please," You hummed in the cutest little voice, getting the feeling that this was a person you didn't want to mess with yet you thought the top hat lady in front of you had to be probably the prettiest person you'd ever seen in your short existence.
Rose smiled and slipped the flower in your hand, but not before taking it gently in her own for a second. "There you are, Y/n." Your eyes widened and Rose chuckled. "What's the matter?"
"You know my name?" Rose smirked self assuredly and ran an empty hand through your hair. "Of course I do! I know everything about you. How else did you think I was able to get you here?" Her tone was questioning but hinted on a doting nature.
You pulled away from her, still a little frightened but Rose gently gripped your wrist. "There's no need to be scared, honey. I'm special, like you." You shook your head, thinking back to what your dad said the other week and looked down a little ashamed. "Oh...I-I'm not special." You tried to deny. "Oh yes, you are. You are a very talented little girl."
(You can hear me can't you, sweetie?)
At first a feeling of panic arose inside you but it sooned bubbled over with excitement.
(I thought I was the only one!)
Rose thought about scolding you over how loud your thought came out but let it go because she too knew how happy she felt the first she knew she wasn't alone.
(You are far from the only one, Y/n. There are alot of other special people out there.)
"My friends..my very, very best friends, they're all special like us. I bet you must have friends who are so magical like you." You shook your head. "No?"
"I don't have alot of friends and my family doesn't think I'm special," You pouted. "That's because they're jealous because not all people can be special like us. Besides, I wouldn't worry about them."
"Why?" You asked sweetly. "Because I'm here to take you away from all that. I'm here to give you a family. Don't you want a family, Y/n?"
"I-i already have a family." The look in Rose's eyes scared you. It was possessive and determined. "But they're not really family though. Tell me dear, when the last time you've heard either of your parents say they love you?" You felt a pang of sadness ringing through you. "I-i should get back to my mom." Rose gripped at your wrist again, this time enough to hurt. "No, no..stay a while. See more magic."
You shook your head and struggled. "Just a fresh new start with your real family. You don't remember me and your daddy?" She held your tiny hand in her's. "No.." You said softly but now you started to question yourself. Maybe you did. Pictures of a man with black hair flashed infront of your eyes. "He loves you so much. We love you so much and we want you to come home with us. You want to come home with." For a moment you found yourself taken back by the warmth and you thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad to go with her.
"N-no! I can't. I won't-" Rose shushed you, sending you calming waves that started to make you feel tired and sluggish. "Or maybe I-i do wanna go home." You mumbled hesitantly, still trying to keep some grip on reality. "You do want to go home. You're happy to come home."
Every piece of control you had began to fade and your mind went blank. "I-I'm happy." Your mind finally caved and Rose held her arms open to you and you stepped into them. "Good girl. Sleep well, Y/n.." You went limp in her arms and everything went black around you.
By the next hour, any memories you had of your family would be gone and everything you ever knew would be fabrications Rose made up in your head.
Part 1: The True Knot
The fire at The Knot's campground burned bright in the mix of the setting sun when Rose arrived back at home. She stepped out of the Jeep, slinging your stirring form over her shoulder. "Mhh..wha-what's happening?" Rose shushed you and walked down hill with you. "Nothing. We just got home." There was a pause. "Do you know who I am?"
You had to think about it for a moment. "M-mama?" You asked hesitantly. "Yes," Rose hummed and pressed a kiss to your temple.
You heard the crunching of leaves and turned to see people walking towards you. "Mommy?" You whispered nervously and held onto Rose's floral patterned shirt tightly, still feeling some of the residual emptiness from your true upbringing.
"Shh..it's okay, my sweet. They're family and they're just going to watch you for a few minutes. Mommy has someone she has to address in conversation and then I'll come get you. Okay?"
"O-okay." You nodded and let her hand you off to Silent Sarey as she walked off not to far in the distance to one of the larger size trailers, knocking on it before stepping inside.
"Crow?" He looked up from his copy of 'A Clockwork Orange' with a smile. "Yes, Rosie?" She plopped down in his lap. "I missed you." She kissed his ear, nipping at the cartilage. "How the business deal?"
"A waste of my time." He kissed her forehead. "Well, you were out I didn't waste my time." He raised a brow. "What are you playing at?" She smirked and turned her gaze in the opposite direction. "You can let her in now," She called out loudly.
The door to his trailer swung open and shut and you stepped inside. Crow's face went blank and he put a hand up to his chin. "Rosie, what the hell did you-"
Rose grinned and knelt down to your level. "Come here, Y/n. There's someone important I want you to meet."
You obeyed and approached Rose, letting her scoop you up in her arms. The two lovers exchanged glances but nothing was spoken out loud. "This is your daddy, Y/n."
"Hi." You smiled sweetly and Crow cracked a large grin. "Hi honey...Rosie, can I-" Rose nodded and shifted you over to Crow.
At first you tensed up but the closer you snuggled up to him, the more you relaxed. "My little darling." Rose smiled softly as he kissed the top of your head and rocked you in his arms. "I love you so much."
"I love you too daddy." Crow held you in silence for a few more minutes until he attempted to hand you off to Rose. You gripped onto his shirt tightly and buried your head in his chest. "Don't let me go," You begged. You were still so touch starved and he just felt so warm and kind.
Rose was slightly taken aback. You knew her more than Crow yet you were already attached to him. "I won't, I promise." He maneuvered you that way he was cradling you and he rocked you back and forth.
She felt a pang of jealousy growing inside her, feeling slightly threatened that you seemed to like Crow more than her but she didn't let it bother her too much. She had a feeling you were going to be a mommy's and daddy's girl.
It didn't take long for you to fall asleep, feeling soothed by Crow's presence. "So..are you happy?" Rose asked lowly.
"Very...Rosie?" She made a slight humming noise. "Where'd you find her?" He asked hesitantly. "A little outside the more touristy area of Colorado. The rubes she belonged to are nothing worth writing home about if you catch my drift."
He nodded solemnly. "How-what did you to her to make her-" Her warm grey eyes interlocked with his. "Do you care?" He decided he didn't. Sometimes it was best to not know anything at all.
Part 2: Danny
Your presence in The True Knot did not bring in that much of an increase in steam but you made it much easier to find steamheads which was extremely helpful to Crow in the long run.
No longer did he have to take an extra cannister for himself to find far away steamheads because all he'd have to do is ask you if you felt someone 'special like you,' close by and without knowing any better, you'd always say yes and immediately pointed him in the right direction.
Neither him or Rose let you near the rubes anymore, though. Not that long after Rose brought you home she had you try to lure a little girl over to her but the girl's parents, both big steamheads, knew better.
For you to be gone for a half an hour was normal, maybe even forty five minutes since you were a child after all and barely ever got to see kids your age, let alone like you but an hour was way too long.
What the rubes said or did to you neither Rose or Crow could figure out but the both of them agreed they didn't like the mortified expression on your face or the tears that stained your cheeks afterwards.
The two of them took turns securing their food, that way you wouldn't ever see what exactly it was that they did to your newly made friend but if Crow was being honest with himself, he probably would of admitted somewhere deep down he knew you probably knew the truth of what they did way before he would of liked you to know.
While Rose secured their meal he tried asking you alot of different ways what it was that they said or did to you but you wouldn't say. He let it slide for a while and settled on just comforting you for a while but made sure to bring up again later on when everything was all said and done with their hunt.
"You got to talk to me, Y/n," He tried his hardest to not sound like he was begging as he pulled the covers over your tiny. Rose stood in the corner of the RV and stared as if she was examining everything you said and did.
You shook your head avidly and nuzzled closely to his form. "I can't." He ran his fingers through your hair. "Why not? Honey, you know we're not mad and you're not in trouble."
"Because it would make you and mommy sad and I don't want to make either of you sad." Rose bit down on her lip as Crow thought of a reply. "Baby, you could never-"
"Leave her be, Crow," Rose interrupted. "She's had a long enough of a day and she doesn't need either of us interrogating her. When she's ready to talk about it, she will."
Crow let out a sigh and nodded. "Okay." He shut the light off above your bed and kissed both your cheeks. "Goodnight, sweetheart."
"Night daddy." He ran fingers through your hair one last time before stepping away.
The next morning when you woke up Rose sat across from you on your bed, lazily sipping on her tea. "Good morning, my sweet."
"Morning mommy." She plopped a kiss sloppily into your hair and handed you a cup of tea. "Can I have a little talk with you?" You nodded and set your cup of tea down on the ledge of the window.
You looked Rose deeply in the eyes and she took your tiny hands in her's. "I know you don't want to talk about what happened yesterday but I want you to know that not everything everyone says is necessarily true. You're understanding what I'm getting at?"
You nodded and Rose smiled. "Just know that no matter what, none of us would ever hurt you and we love you. Alright?"
"Okay." Rose reached inside the pocket of her jeans and pulled a necklace with a little crystal obelisk hanging from it. "This was given to me by someone very special a long time ago. You probably wouldn't know, but at one point I felt lonely like you. Maybe a little scared so they gave me this, along with my hat. My hat will always stay with me I think you need this more than I do."
She placed the necklace in your hand. "Whenever you feel, lost, scared, whatever. You squeeze that stone, and that stone will keep you safe. Got it?" You placed the necklace around your neck and nodded. "Thanks mommy." You hugged Rose tightly. "You're welcome, my dearest..I love you so much." She kissed your cheek. "I love you too, mama."
In that moment, Rose didn't care whether you even brought in steam or not. She truly just enjoyed you. It was the first time she could truly say she loved you. The whole Knot really did love you. They would do it all over again with raising you if they could and not change a thing about you or that entire duration of time. Except when they brought you to Florida.
December, 1980:
"Y/n, my love. It's morning." Rose gently shook your shoulders and you groaned. "Why are you all up so early?" You sat up and stretched. "We're going to move camp today." You raised a brow. "This early? I feel like we just got here," You whined sleepily.
"I know but daddy and I have some business to attend to." She ran her fingers through your hair. "You'll like the next place better. It has a pretty lake overlooking it and trees. There's lots of flowers there too." She paused and ran a thumb across your cheek. "We can pick some later if you want." You smiled softly. "I like flowers."
"I know you do, my sweet girl." Rose pulled you into her arms and held you for a few moments, kissing the top of your head. "Go get dressed and say good morning to daddy. He'll get aggravated if I keep asking him if we're ready to move."
You giggled and slid out of her lap. "Okay mama." You placed a tiny kiss on her cheek and picked out a bohemian dress from your dresser that Apron Annie sowed you once Rose gave her word you were the one.
"I don't think daddy could ever get mad at you." You mumbled as you slid the dress over your head. "He loves you alot. He doesn't even have to say it. I can see it in his mind." Rose smiled softly. "Daddy is a very loving man. He loves you alot too." You could tell she was trying to hide something from you and you attempted to get inside her head to figure out what she was thinking but she immediately shut you out.
"Mommy!" You whined. "Sorry sweetie. You're just not old enough yet." Rose ran a quick brush through your hair. "And then when you're old enough, you're not going to want to know." She plopped a kiss on the top of your head. "Now go on."
"Okay," You pouted and stepped outside. You seen Grampa Flick sitting outside on his lawn chair and waved. "Good morning, Grampa."
"Morning, dragă." He held his arms out to give you a hug which you immediately gave him. "Have you seen, papa?"
"His trailer." He pointed to the left. "Thanks Grampa." You kissed his cheeks and walked off in the other direction. You watched Crow fiddle a few of the bottom conpartments on his trailer before saying anything.
"Hi daddy!" Crow turned to look at you and smiled, stopping whatever he was doin. "Hey babe." He scooped you up in his arms and kissed your cheeks, his mustache tickling you slightly. "How'd you sleep?"
"Good. Mama and I cuddled last night so she kept me warm." You smiled happily. "She gives good cuddles, right?"
"The best!" You smiled and nuzzled closely to him. "Daddy, what's that for?" He turned his head to the side. "What's what for, sweetie?"
"That." You pointed to the rope by his feet and he kicked it aside quickly. "Oh..nothing you have to worry about." You furrowed your little brows curiously and he smiled gamely.
Was he trying to trick you or something? Crow chuckled and kissed your cheeks. "I don't have to be in your mind to know what you're thinking." He gently set you down on your feet and knelt down to your level. "We'll tell you when you're older, okay?"
"Okay, daddy." He placed a kiss on your forehead. "Good girl. Anyways-" He ran his fingers through your hair. "What do you need?"
"Mommy wanted to know if we were ready to go. She sent me because she was afraid to ask you. I don't know why though." Crow chuckled and shook his head. "You can tell mommy, I'll be ready in about thirty minutes. Got it?"
"Got it." You skipped away and Crow let out sigh, wondering just how much longer they could hide all this from you til you got too curious for your own good.
The ride to Florida was long and didn't have that much interesting scenery. The roads were long and straight and it didn't take you long to fall asleep in the passenger seat of Rose's colossal RV.
That whole time while she knew you were fast asleep, Rose used her radio system to formulate a plan on how they were going to trap Violet. Normally one of them would stay with you while other went with the rest of the group but this time they couldn't afford to have one of them stay. From what Rose could tell at the time, this kid was big steam all though it wouldn't be til years later it was in fact the wrong child she chose to take within just a few mile radius of each other.
Once you reached the campsite Rose quickly woke you up and informed you she had some business to attend to with Crow. "Y/n, stay inside while I'm out." You let out a groan. "But mama-"
"No buts." Rose knelt down to your level and ran her fingers through your hair. "It won't be that long."
"I don't like being by myself in here though. It's scary," You whined and nuzzled into her. You pointed to the cabinet she kept all the cannisters in. "I hear things in there and it makes me feel small and it's scary."
'And see things too.' You thought but wouldn't dare say outloud. You curled into Rose and she kissed the top of your head. "Hey, it's okay..Nothing can make you feel small unless you really feel small and tell me, what are you Y/n?"
"Tiny but mighty." Rose grinned proudly. "Exactly, so no. You are not afraid. Because I know whatever you hear coming from that cabinet, you can deal with. Right?" You nodded and she ran a hand through your hair. "You still have the necklace I gave you?"
"Yes mama." You squeezed the pendant hanging from your neck. "Good, that'll keep you nice and safe." You nodded and she pressed a kiss against your head, handing you her TV remote. "I'll be back, my flower."
She gave you a slight wave before slamming the door shut behind her. You quickly ran over to her bed and buried yourself under the covers as you turned the TV on.
'Snow White' was playing on one of those channels you were scrolling through and you settled down, snuggling into the blankets. You didn't know how long the movie was on when you felt a cold hand lace their hand on top of yours.
Your blood ran cold and you squeezed your eyes as your open hand squeezed the necklace your mother gave you. "You know, this movie used to be my favorite too when I was a little girl."
You seen the face of a bloodied and clearly beaten woman infront of you and you fell backwards off of Rose's bed. "When I was alive, I thought you were a freak but now I know you're special and I never got the chance to appreciate you, my special girl."
"Please..please, go away." You squeezed the necklace as hard as you could. If you weren't in Rose's possession, you would of known who the woman standing infront of you was automatically but now you hadn't a clue. "Stay safe, my little one." Your real mother bent down to kiss your head and you let out a scream before running as far as you could. "MAMA!!" You shrieked.
Not even 15 minutes later you were farther from Rose than you even were before and The True arrived back to where a majority of their trailers were parked with a hysterical Violet in tow.
"Please let me go! My mommy will be so worried about me. Please, please, please!" She begged. None of them paid her any mind though as they began to bound her. They were so used to the screams and begs by now, it didn't bother them.
"So where are we going after this?" Crow asked, as he threw a couple of items that they would need later to various unoccupied members of The True.
"I don't know. I was thinking maybe Massachusetts, because you know how Y/n loves the snow.." Rose continued to talk as Crow zoned out, putting the left over rope in the storage compartment of his RV. "..She is in your trailer, right?" Rose closed the door to her RV.
Crow furrowed his brows. "Who?" Rose sighed inwardly. "Y/n, Crow Daddy. She is in your trailer, I hope. Because she's not in mine." He closed the compartment and unlocked the door to the trailer. "Let me see."
He walked inside and shut the door behind him, examining the space for you. "Crow, she's there right?" You weren't. A spike of panic rised in him and he ran his fingers through his hair in a frustrated manner, unlocking an almost unconfident reserve on his face. "Uh, yeah..she's in there," He lied through his teeth, desperate to save him and you from Rose's wrath. "Rosie, is it okay if I stop with her really quick to get some fresh air?" He asked. "I don't care what you do. You'll be able to find your way back?"
"Sure." He smiled through gritted teeth even though Rose couldn't see him and silently cursed you underneath his breath. "Okay..tell Y/n, I love her." Rose began to walk off to her RV after making sure Barry had everything with Violet handled.
"I will.." He watched the rest of the caravan leave before getting behind the wheel and closing his eye. "Alright Y/n, let's hope my instincts are good enough."
Meanwhile a few minutes away in driving distance, as you passed the lakeside view Rose told you about, you heard noise coming from the distance and jumped back.
The more you listened though, the more you realized there was mostly children there. You walked up the small hill and watched them for a second. "So many rubes.' You thought to yourself. 'None of them like well..or not?'
You began to feel that same magnetic pull you felt from Rose the first time you encountered her and you found your eyes fixated on a boy sitting by himself.
You felt attached to your family but never did you feel such a connection strangers and you didn't know why. It wouldn't be until years later, you would put two and two together and realize the person infront of you was in fact your soulmate.
Despite your fear of all the rubes around you carefully approached the stranger sitting on the bench, not daring to put your guard down.
"You mind if I sit next to you?" The little boy shook his head and you sat down next to him. "What's your name?"
"..Danny." You smiled. "That's a nice name. I'm Y/n, it's nice to meet you." He didn't say anything back but you didn't mind. Your parents were both mostly laid back but if there was a thing they were big on, it was respect.
"..nice to meet you too. Sorry, I'm just having an off day." You shrugged. "I'm okay. Do you want to talk about it?"
"No..you wouldn't understand." The more you looked at him the more, the more you could tell he wasn't exactly so rube like.
(Is it because of this?)
The boy sitting next to you looked at you blankly. "Danny, I know you can hear me," You said softly. "No..not because of that. Well..maybe a little. She'll just keep coming until she gets me. I don't care what Dick says."
"Who will come and get you?" You asked then blushed. "Sorry, I shouldn't of pried." Dan shrugged dismissively and looked up towards his apartment building and pointed to the bathroom. "The lady in the bathroom."
A decaying woman flashed infront of your eyes and your posture stiffened. "You can see her, right?"
"Yeah, I see her..If it makes you feel better, I see scary things too sometimes." You took his hand in your equally tiny ones. Dan felt the urge to pull away from you but there was this warm element to you that made him feel comforted by you.
"Really?" You nodded solemnly and moved your hand away from his to take a necklace of your neck. It had a little crystal obelisk hanging from the bottom if it. "My mommy gave this to me for when I get scared. If you squeeze the crystal, it's supposed to make you feel safe." He said nothing and you put the obelisk in his hand. "I think you need it more than I do."
"You're sure?" You nodded and for the first time in a while, Danny Torrance actually gave a hint of a smile.
(Thanks, Y/n.)
(You're welcome.)
"Y/n?" You could hear someone calling your name and you turned around. "Y/n, honey?" You looked at Dan. "That's my daddy. I have to go before I get in trouble. Bye Danny."
"Bye." He was a person of very few words but it didn't bother you in the slightest. All you knew was you didn't want your dad to see him. You didn't know what was going on but you knew something wasn't right.
"Y/n?" You sprinted towards him. "Daddy!" You exclaimed. Crow's eyes went wide with relief. "Y/n." Your father pulled you close to him. "Don't you run off like that EVER again. You understand me?" You could see his infrequent temper in his eyes and you were quick to nod. "What the hell were you thinking?"
"I-i-" Crow didn't bother to wait for a response from you before he continued speaking.
"People out here are bad, Y/n. They'd hurt you in a heartbeat." He cupped the sides of your face. "Do you know or did you even think about how upset your mother and I would be if you just disappeared?"
You felt your heart sink and your lips trembled. You knew there was a possibility they might do bad things but that didn't mean you didn't love them because of it. You felt so selfish and cruel. "I-i didn't think about it. I'm sorry daddy.." Your eyes watered as you looked down at the ground and he sighed. "Just don't do it again, got it?" He wiped one of your tears away. "Yes daddy. Y-you're not going to tell mommy, are you?"
Crow kissed your cheeks gently. "No, I won't tell her. I think this can be our little secret. What do you think?" You let out a giggle and Crow smiled. "That's my girl. Come on, let's get you back to the caravan before mom notices we're gone because you know how she gets."
You nodded and held your arms out to Crow who immediately scooped you up. You wrapped your tiny arms around his neck and nuzzled closely to him as he carried you away.
(Y/n?)
You smiled softly as you felt that little ping in your head.
(Yeah, Danny?)
(Am I ever going to see you again?)
You paused before responding.
(Maybe. I hope so because I like you Danny.)
(Me too, Y/n.)
You felt one of Crow's finger poking your shoulder and you pulled yourself out of your thoughts. "Yes, daddy?" You asked. "Did you feel someone steamy?" He whispered in your ear.
You thought about telling the truth but thought of Danny. You only just met him but something deep down told you, you couldn't let him get hurt. Maybe..just maybe, all rubes weren't so bad after all. "No, daddy," You lied.
"You're sure?" He pressed. "I'm sure." Crow sighed and patted your back. It would of been nice to have double the amount of steamheads but he supposed Violet would be enough to sustain them for a while. Besides, beggars couldn't be choosers and he trusted you enough to think you wouldn't lie to him. "Okay, honey.."
The next time you would see Danny Torrance after that fateful December day, would be 26 years later and by that time any bridge you had built with The True Knot would be burned.
#fanfiction#stephen king#the shining#rose the hat#the true knot#crow daddy#dan torrance#wendy torrance#x female reader#fem reader#imagine#fanfic#doctor sleep#dr sleep
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I was tagged by @sweetinyourmemory thank you 💕
50 questions you’ve never been asked
What is the colour of your hairbrush ? - i have three, one black, one grey, and one in light wood
A food you never eat ? - meat, figs, almost all dark leafy greens
Are you typically too warm or too cold ? - too cold
What were you doing 45 minutes ago ? - watching criminal minds
What is your favourite candy bar ? - twix (but i wish it was dark chocolate and with salted caramel)
Have you ever been to a professional sports event ? - no
What is the last things you said out loud ? - he is sitting here looking all pleased at himself
What is your favourite ice cream ? - ben and jerrys chubby hubby
What was the last thing you had to drink ? - mint and currant black tea
Do you like your wallet ? - ive never thought about this but i got it for my 19th birthday and it still looks in pristine condition
What was the last thing you ate ? - a cream cheese sandwich made with the freshest bread ive ever had
Did you buy any new clothes last weekend ? - no...
The last sporting event you watched ? - basketball... like last year lol
What is your favourite flavour of popcorn ? - i dont like popcorn
Who is the last person you sent a text message to ? - my therapist aksdhkasdhkasd
Ever go camping ? - not really
Do you take vitamins ? - i should... but i dont...
Do you go to church every Sunday ? - no
Do you have a tan ? - no
Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza ? - Chinese food.
Do you drink your soda with a straw ? - no
What colour socks do you usually wear ? - either white, black, or some random colorful ones with animals all over them
Do you ever drive above the speed limit ? - i dont have a license... yet...
What terrifies you ? - people... elevators.... figs...
Look to your left, what do you see ? - a pile of markers
What chore do you hate ? - washing the floor
What do you think of when you hear an australian accent ? - nothing really
What’s your favourite soda ? - coke zero
Do you go in a fast food place, or just hit the drive thru ? - we dont have drive thru here
Who’s the last person you talked to ? - my sister
Favourite cut of beef ? - I don’t eat beef
Last song you listened to ? - just give me a reason - P!nk
Last book you read ? - the children of captain grant - jules verne
Favourite day of the week ? - usually sunday but rn idk they are all the same??
Can you say the alphabet backwards ? - ive never tried... i dont think so
How do you like your coffee ? - black. no sugar.
Favourite pair of shoes ? - probably my velvet doc martens
At what time do you normally go to bed ? - between 11pm and 1am
At what time do you normally get up ? - 8am
What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets ? - sunrise
How many blankets are on your bed ? - three laid out and one more folded
Describe your kitchen plates ? - no two are the same. some are a year old, some are 25 years old. some are glass, some are white, one is blue...
Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage ? - whiskey...
Do you play cards ? - no
What colour is your car ? - no car yet, but i want a red one so bad
Can you change a tire ? - no
What is your favourite province ? - i dont think i have one
Favourite job you’ve ever had ? - last year i had a student job to type out some code that would arrange the data some professor collected and it was really chill and paid really well but it was very short...
How did you get your biggest scar ? - rn i think the biggest ones are sadly self inflicted...
What did you do today that made someone happy ? - i told my sister id get her one of those mugs that has a cookie compartment and she got really happy lol
tagging anyone who has read through this 🤡
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