#those stupid fucking blueshirts

[tsyplakov]

today COULD get worse Jacob Trouba won a leadership award

[mirrorfalls]

Lego Liveblogs ST: TOS, part 6 (of who-the-hell-knows-how-many?)

So... The Naked Time. Probably gonna be another of those episodes where Roddenberry was in full “but on this planet they have a cultural taboo against pants!” mode, but that shouldn’t disqualify it on its own merits. And... wait, is this the legendary “Sorry, neither.” episode?

Let’s find out.

* And we open up on Space Antarctica, where Redshirt #23 gets himself infected with the Thing in record time. This is gonna be fun. ** But for Christ’s sake, guys. If a mannequin was all you could afford for the “woman”, couldn’t you have at least covered the face up with a sheet of snow or something?! * Spock in civvies cuts a surprisingly... fine figure. * Okay, now I’m starting to see why so many reviewers call the Spock-Bones banter in these early eps straight-up racism. * Alright, I know I’ve said this about half the preceding episodes, but this one’s plot looks genuinely foolproof. Kirk and co. need to perform a conflict-free - but still tricky - scientific mission, and an alien pathogen’s just happened to slip onboard. No leaps in the premise, no stupid B-plots to screw up the pacing. Let’s do this. * Peak Trek Aesthetic; using a punchcard to get your lunch out of the replicator. * See, Mr. RedBlueshirt? This is why we always use hand sanitizer after being outdoors. * Gotta say, this is pretty well-written “madness” for a ‘60s pop-adventure show. Just take a guy’s lingering survivor’s guilt and dial it up to eleven. No random obsessions or nursery-rhyme chants or anything. * Guys, it’s a freaking butter knife. That thing couldn’t stab through a- ** Oops. * By the way - some people might consider it laughably cheap, but as something of an amateur germophobe I really like how the pathogen’s mostly depicted as this thing nobody can see but everyone can feel slithering over their hands. * “A valuable study. We may be seeing Earth's distant future.” This line seriously does not get enough attention in Spock retrospectives. * Somehow it never occurred to me that Sulu is the closest the bridge crew has to a jock. * “Bones, I want the impossible checked out too!” “Damn it, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a Scotsman!” ** Seriously, though - I like the general lesson here, that out on the Frontier you can do every procedure and double-check right and still get fucked over, because that’s what it means to explore the Unknown. * Bones why do you have bottles of Lysol just lying around in sickbay * Oh yeah. Shirtless Sulu o’clock. ** And now, The Line. Gotta admit, I wasn’t expecting Nichols to sound quite that... schoolgirlish saying it. * ... do you guys not have security on the bridge or ** Okay, I’ll never say no to a Nerve Pinch, but you’d think there’d be at least one Phaser around... * Ooh, 20 minutes before the gravity whatchamacallit flambes the entire ship. Now that’s pacing. * This guy seems a little too conveniently (and maliciously) competent next to the other infected crewmembers... I doubt they’re going to go with a “Oh, he was faking it the whole time, did everything of his own free will!” twist at the end, so here’s hoping he won’t be the antagonist for the entire rest of the ep. ** OTOH, Scotty gets to be a hands-on MVP for a change, and who doesn’t love that? * Spock, let’s have some more of those Nerve Pinches, chop chop! ** At this point you can count every “Jesus, I’m retiring from this show the first chance I get” line on poor Rand’s face. * Oh for the love of- Were you guys seriously examining Sulu without any protection?! * And now we’re throwing the nurse at Spock. Honestly, every face Nimoy makes here should be its own reaction gif. ** Ohhh, right, this is the Spock-cries episode, too. Really should reread that anecdote sometime. * “I can't change the laws of physics!” That’s quitter talk, Scotty, and you know it. * Jesus, Bones, did you stick him with a needle or a branding iron?! ** Oh, so this is why so many recaps of this episode just talk about everyone being drunk... the pathogen is just water that’s evolved(?) to a different molecular form resembling booze? Sure, fine. ** Insert stock you’d-expect-an-Irishman-to-hold-his-drink-better line here ** (Also, I suppose the crew is lucky that nobody's the go-to-sleep kind of drunk.) * Ahh, our first taste of Spock backstory. Let’s have that good good angst. * Not that I mind a little violence between friends, Kirk, but are you sure you want Spock doing supercomputer-tier calculations while smashed out of his mind? * ... hm. On the one hand, Spock being (temporarily?) shocked back into sobriety on seeing Kirk succumbing is both emotionally touching and narratively efficient. On the other: more proof that when all else fails, all you can do is appeal to a Vulcan’s ego. * Wonder how big the Kirk/Enterprise tag on AO3 is... * Cheap religious symbolism ho! * Took ya long enough to get him an antidote, bud. * Well, that was quick. ** Uhhh, I’ll assume imploding engines are a good thing in this context. * Wait, are you serious? Time travel stuff in the last three minutes of the episode?! * Sooo... our heroes literally get a clean slate from everything that just happened. I guess they still have to live with the memories of it all, but really?

I’m really torn about this one. There’s only the slightest slip of a Lesson here (beyond “don’t take your fucking Hazmat suit off on an alien planet”, I guess), but it’s probably the series’ best-paced episode yet, with tangible stakes and unobtrusive comic relief... right up to those last three minutes, which throws all that beautiful buildup into a woodchipper. Deus ex Machina isn’t even a strong enough word to describe it - probably nothing is.

Ah, well. We’ve got solid proof that the writing team can build a solid start, if nothing else. One day they’ll stick the landing.

Next: In the main study of an exclusive private school in New York’s Westchester County, a strange, silent man sits motionless... what? Wrong Charlie X? C’mon, how different can they be?