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athenamgh · 4 years ago

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DON'T FORGET ME - #II

a/n: soo this is part twoo... part threee? Hmmm.. not sure yet..

paring/s: Natasha Romanoff x fem!Reader

summary: two broken hearts need to heal each other.. but will they..

warning/s: tears, angst, fluff (i am not sure....)

word count: 2.8k

Chapter I || Chapter II

Natasha Romanoff MASTERLIST

As you stood in front of a mirror smoothing your palms over the small wrinkles on your dark velvet suit, the only thought that was lingering in your mind was how desperately you wanted to crawl up in a ball in your bed and just stay like that forever. You didn’t want to go to that party.

Of course, you wanted to see your dear friends but the thought of how much it will hurt to see Natasha again was almost unbearable. The one that still was, as you understood from Wanda, just as unhappy as you were and you absolutely hated yourself for that.

Your eyes slowly started to travel up your body, the suit still suited you perfectly, shaping your strong arms and wrapping your torso just in the right way. Your gaze stopped at your neck, if a person had very attentive eyes he could spot two necklaces wrapping your neck. You could feel the material of dog tags coldy gazing at your skin, but the other, smaller necklace, you didn’t feel, you just knew it was there, but you didn’t dare to pull it out from under your shirt and look at it, you didn't have the strength, not yet at least.

You felt your heart race as your eyes slowly moved up your face, first they captured your dry lips and a small knife cut scar just above the right corner of your lip. Your tongue brushed it, feeling the roughness of the wounded skin. Finally your eyes connected in a mirror and you saw how your natural pupil color turned to hungry flaming red, your eyes now gloomy, the normal white conjunctiva turning black.

You clenched your jaw at the sight. And you heard a whisper, too familiar whisper: “This is exactly why you could never have her.”. You clenched your fist so tightly that made your knuckles turn white at the words. “You are weak” the voice screamed inside your head and you punched the mirror. It broke, the pieces fell to the ground and your knuckles now covered the blood because of the little cuts. You cursed to yourself remembering that you spent hours picking this mirror and now you will need to order another one again.

---

You already spent around an hour at Tony's party. And you were surprised at how you were still standing here and didn’t leave in the first thirty minutes, because the music was too loud for your enjoyment and people too unrecognizable. You made small talk with almost everyone you knew and now there standing next to the window, your right hand occupied with the glass full of liquid, the other one resting in your pants pocket.. Damn, you missed this view, you could oversee the whole night city from here. People, cars, animals, the smallest lights, streets and buildings, it all were at your feet.

“Unforgettable feeling, huh?” you didn’t even need to turn your head, to know who exactly was standing beside you.

“As you say old man..” you said chuckling, glancing to the side where Tony stood.

He embraced your shoulders with his left arm, “Ahh, that is exactly what I was missing this past year.” You looked at him with a bit surprised expression, arching your eyebrow at him, Tony never was a guy to share too much of his inner feelings. “What?” he asked. You threw your hands up in defence shaking your head. “Those suckers need you” he points over his shoulder, making you turn around and look at Wanda, Steve, Thor and others talking. “Also, I could use your brains for my new project.”

“Do you?” you said playfully not looking back at him. Your eyes wandered through the crowded room, desperately searching for a certain someone, you haven’t seen yet.

Tony definitely noticed it. “It’s still Natasha, isn’t it?” he said quietly. You clench your hand tighter around the glass, taking a swing of the drink.

You closed your eyes, clenching your jaw as hard as you could just to relax it again. Taking a deep breath you answered “It’s always been her,” You chuckled “I am pretty sure it’s always going to be her.”

“Then, why did you leave?” Tony asked with a serious tone, his straightforwardness made you take a few steps back .

“You know why I left..” you turned to face him, a tired look on your face. You already did this ritual with Steve months ago, you didn’t want to do this again. “I am dangerous!” you said wanting to wrap this up already, but you could see an ignorant expression appear on Tony’s face, he was not satisfied with your answer. “What do you want me to say?”

“What about, something that is not total bullshit?” he said with a dumb smile.

You sighted in frustration looking around the room “I could never give her a happy, normal life for a long run.. never..”

Tony placed his hand on your shoulder, making you look him in the eyes again, “Maybe, you should have let her decide what is her definition of a normal life.. Cuz kiddo, none of us here'' he pointed to other avengers ''are living a normal life and never will.” You looked down at your boots, you knew this all too well, this horrible thought bothered you all the time. Maybe you made a mistake, maybe you rushed, maybe you needed.. well, now it was too late, you screwed up and badly.

You finally look up at him, changing the topic “So, you said you have a project for me?” this yearned a smile from Tony.

“Right this way, kid” he said, chuckling. As you passed others from the corner of your eyes you saw Tony give a small thumbs up to Steve, but you brushed it away.

---

Your eyebrows narrowed and eyes carefully running through the prototype Tony has been working on for the past few months now. It was a confusing and complicated mechanism, but it looked cool and had a bunch of advanced and very beneficial functions to fight off any alarming threats. “Why haven't you connected the A site area to G one, to decrease the speed in case of an overload?” you said pointing to the red area with big letter A.

Tony looks down at the scheme and rubs his palms, “Ahh, you right. How could I have missed that!?” he said, connecting the dots.

“Cuz you old..” you said, chuckling and getting a light punch to your shoulder. You couldn’t lie to yourself as much as you were trying to convince yourself that you didn't miss all of this: helping out Tony, teaching new recruits with Steve, testing Wanda's abilities.. training with Natasha and cuddl... ahh you did miss it.. and a lot actually. The memories of staying up late just to find yourself waking up on top of the table to the smell of Wanda’s pancakes and soft Natasha's touches..

“Tony? Steve said you needed me?” your thoughts interrupted a person whose voice you could have recognized anywhere in the world, no matter how loud or quiet how big or small the place was.. you just in an instance. Your heart skipped a beat as you looked up and saw no other but Natasha Romanoff herself. Your jaw dropped as you saw her red curly hair falling perfectly down her shoulder, her black dress hugging her figure just in the right places. She looked stunning. You swore she was one of the most beautiful people that have ever walked this earth.

As she saw you she freezed in her steps, her lips escaped a gasp, “Y/n..”.

“Natasha..” you said almost immediately. You looked at each other frozen, forgetting everyone around. After, what it looked like was a whole minute, you heard Tony shift besides you. And suddenly, you realized the whole signal to Steve and this secret twisted plan. You turned to Tony with narrowed eyes “You didn’t need my help, did you?”

Tony cleared his throat “I’d say no, cuz I am a genius playboy millionaire, but you actually did help to improve the prototype. So that was unexpected.” he said smiling innocently. You rolled your eyes at him.

“No..” you heard the whisper slip through Natasha's lips, you quickly turned to look at her. She shook her head if your eyes weren’t so perceptive you wouldn't have noticed how her eyes watered, she turned around and stormed out of the room.

You glanced at Tony for a second and he mouthed at you ‘GO!’ you took off and started running towards Romanoff.

---

You were about to knock on Natasha's room door but you heard a sob in the opposite direction. You knew exactly who's room it was.. or used to be. You turned around facing the opposite room door, on it was still engraved your name.

Your lips split a gasp as you opened a door and found your room untouched. The bed, the table, hanging photographs, your favorite painting of the Avengers 'squad' , damn you were and still are such a nerd, shelves full of books, all the stuff you forgot to pick up from the compound was still left untouched.

You saw Natasha sitting at the other side of the bed, her back to the entrance. It was quite now, you couldn't hear even the smallest or quietest wail…

''Na- '' you started but she quickly cut you off.

''You know, people knock..'' she said with a serious tone. Her voice was firm, you couldn't hear any cracks in it.

''Technically it's still my room, you know..'' you said playfully.. wishing to ease up the gloomy atmosphere surrounding both of you. But she seemed to ignore your statement..

After a few seconds of silence you spoke up again, with a light voice ''Nat''.

''No'' she quickly said standing up. ''I can't do this..'' she said still facing the wall, her arms now hugging her torso tightly.

''Please, Nat, listen to me'' you were ready to beg for her to just listen to what you had to say.. just listen, that was all you wished for.

''Why, y/n?'' she finally turned around and for the first time in months you really looked into her forest green eyes. They were cold and puffed from tears, her face pale, lips tight and nose a bit running. You noticed that she was also analyzing your face and expressions. ''Tell me why should I listen to you? Why after all this time you decided to explain yourself?'' she was hurt… so hurt.. and damn you hated yourself for that..

“Sometimes… sometimes I just want to rip out my heart and give it to you. Because, I can’t. I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t hold this pain in my heart. Because I can’t close my eyes without dreaming of you. I can’t walk anywhere without seeing you. I can’t do anything without you.. y/n''

These words struck you like lightning, your heart clenched in your chest, your eyes watering and vision becoming blurry. You clenched your jaw, looking down. Natasha never was the one to talk about her feelings so freely, but from her eyes you saw that she had enough, she needed to express everything she was feeling, all the pain. But all your lips could spread was only her name "Nat.."

''What? You left me y/n!'' This agonizing scream made you look back at Natasha, her eyes filling up with painful tears. ''You promised that you'll never leave.. and you did..'' she said, her voice cracking. She was right.. Natasha, this amazing woman, who gave you her heart and you crushed it.. and why? Because of your own fears and demons? For being afraid to lose control and put her in danger, for being afraid of losing her because of your selfish acts? ''And the worst thing is that all I can think of..'' she continued, brushing the tear running down her cheek. ''Is that it is all my fault..''

''No no no..'' words quickly spilled through your lips as you took a few steps forwards to be just a little bit closer to Natasha, but she left standing frozen in her place. ''Nat.. it's not your fault.. it never was..'' you said with so much assurance in your eyes.

''Then why?'' Natasha now took a few steps towards you, leaving the two of you a hand stretch apart.

At her question your hands started to shake a little, you closed your eyes taking a deep breath. Your right hand brushing through your hair and stopping at your neck, eyes turned away, intensely staring at the floor. Somewhere deep down in the back of your mind you could hear that awful whisper, cruely reminding you 'you're not worthy of her.. have you forgotten who you are..'

Natasha noticed your body reaction, she grabbed you by your forearms, bringing you a little bit closer to her. Even from such a distance you already could feel the warmth radiating from her, her scent already invading your lungs, oh how much you missed this, even if small, but closeness to her.

''What's wrong y/n'' she asked you, her voice now softer and you could hear a hint of worry in it too.

''I.. '' you stuttered. ''I am so sorry Nat, I didn't want to hurt you.. I.. ha- hate'' your words getting caught in your throat because of upcoming tears ''I hate myself for how much pain I caused you.. I am sooo sorry'' your hands began to shake even more intensively, your eyes shut even tighter.

Natasha brought her hands to your face, cupping your cheeks. ''Y/n look at me'' you shook your head, you couldn't let her see you like this. ''Please..'' she said so warmly and quietly, her warm thumb brushing your cheek with staining tears that you thought you had dried months ago, asking you to look up at her.

Your arms eased up, you took another deep breath, straightened up. You opened your eyes looking at her. You saw how mixed emotions ran through Natasha's face as she for the first time saw your reddish beast's eyes, her hands clenched tighter around your face in surprise. ''I am cursed Nat..'' your eyes watered again, you were ready for her to push you away, but you were confused as to why she was still here, still holding your face so dearly, like her life dependent on it.

''I left because I couldn't let you love somebody who everyday puts you in so much danger.. I couldn't let you love somebody who is forever cursed… you do not deserve it Natasha.. you deserve someone so much better… someone who can actually make you happy.'' a few tears more ran through your cheek, you felt how her thumbs brushed them just beneath your eyelids, she didn't seem to be disgusted or scared of you.

Suddenly she looked deep into your eyes. Those two green orbs staring right back at you, your heart skipped a beat as you realized those eyes still had that unconditional love in them that you missed so much. ''I loved you Nat.. I love you Natasha Romanoff, but I am afraid I do not deserve to have your heart..'' at these last words you felt how Natasha's hands slipped further and wrapped around your neck, bringing you two closer and connecting your lips into such a longing kiss. You secured your arm around her waist at the touch of your lips in an instance, smashing your bodies even closer together. She tasted so sweet and comforting and everything that you missed about her.

You finally separated your lips because you were in need of such mundane thing as oxygen. Taking a deep breath Natasha spoke up ''There is no one more deserving than you y/n..'' she said, brushing the loose strand of hair from your face. ''I do not need a normal life.. hell nothing about my life is normal.. it never was'' she said looking back to your eyes, with light surprise. You could feel that your eyes were back at her natural color shape again.

''And this?'' you gestured to your eye level. Her thumb ghosted just below your right eyelid and then brushed the slim finger lightly against your bottom lip.

She smiled ''I don't care y/n..'' she looked deep into your eyes.. ''I just want you''.

You could feel your eyes sparkle, heart beating like crazy. You took her right hand and brought it to your lips, kissing it lightly, you forgot how indeed soft they were. ''Will you forgive me?'' you asked with so much hope.

''Yes..'' she said with such a light voice and bright smile on her face. You couldn't suppress your happiness anymore. You picked her up and spinned around. As you placed her on the ground you kissed her again. More passionately this time, putting every single drop of love and affection and everything that you were feeling towards her.. so she would know it. Without any doubts.

Natasha broke the kiss away gasping for air. ''Woah, calm down tiger!'' she said with a smile ''We have a lot to catch up'' she said with a smirk spreading across her face, making you arch your eyebrow at her seductively.

#natasha x y/n #natasha #nat #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #black widdow #black widow fic #black widow x reader #reader #natasha x reader #story #avengers #avengers x reader #the avengers #avenger fanfiction

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lokiondisneyplus · 3 years ago

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A review of “Journey Into Mystery,” the penultimate Loki Season One episode on Disney+, coming up just as soon as I paper cut a giant cloud to death…

Journey Into Mystery was the title of the first Marvel comic to feature either Thor or Loki. It began as an anthology series featuring monsters and aliens, but Jack Kirby, Stan Lee, and Larry Lieber were so smitten with their adaptation of the characters of Norse myth that the Asgardians gradually took over the whole book, which was renamed after its hammer-wielding hero(*).

(*) The early Journey Into Mystery stories treated Thor’s alter ego, disabled Dr. Donald Blake, as the “real” character, while Thor was just someone Blake could magically transform into, while retaining his memories and personality. It wasn’t even clear whether Asgard itself was meant to exist at first, until Loki turned up on Earth in an early issue, caused trouble, and Blake/Thor somehow knew exactly how to get to Asgard to drop him off. Soon, the lines between Thor and Blake began to blur, and eventually Thor became the real guy, and Blake a fiction invented by Odin to humble his arrogant son. It’s a mark of just how instantly charismatic Loki was that the entire title quickly steered towards him and the other gods.

But once upon a time, anything was possible in Journey Into Mystery, which makes it an apt moniker for an absolutely wonderful episode of Loki where the same holds true. Our title characters are trapped in the Void, a place at the end of time where the TVA’s victims are banished to be devoured by a cloud monster named Alioth. And mostly they are surrounded by the wreckage of many dead timelines. Classic Loki insists that his group’s only goal is survival, and any kind of planning and scheming is doomed to kill the Loki who tries. But this ruined, hopeless world instead feels bursting with imagination and possibility.

There are the many Loki variants we see, with President Loki, among others, joining Classic, Kid, Boastful, and Alligator Loki. There are the metric ton of Easter Eggs just waiting to be screencapped by Marvel obsessives (I discuss a few of them down below), but which still suggest a much larger and weirder MCU even if you don’t immediately scream out “Is that… THROG?!?!?” at the appropriate moment. And all of that stuff is tons of fun, to be sure. But what makes this episode — and, increasingly, this series — feel so special is the way that it explores the untapped potential of Loki himself, in his many, many variations.

This is an episode that owes more than a small stylistic and thematic debt to Lost. It’s not just that Alioth looks and sounds so much like the Smoke Monster(*), that it makes a shared Wizard of Oz reference to “the man behind the curtain” (also the title of one of the very best Lost episodes), or even that the core group of Lokis are hiding in a bunker accessible via a hatch and a ladder that’s filled with recreational equipment (in this case, bowling alley lanes). It’s also that Loki, Sylvie, their counterparts, and Mobius have all been transported to a strange place that has disturbing echoes from their own lives, that operates according to strange new rules they have to learn while fleeing danger, and their presence there allows them to reflect on the many mistakes of their past and consider whether they want to, or can, transcend them.

(*) Yes, Alioth technically predates Smokey by a decade (see the notes below for more), but his look has been tweaked a bit here to seem more like smoke than a cloud, and the sounds he makes when he roars sound a lot like Smokey’s telltale taxi cab meter clicks. Given the other Lost hat tips in the episode, I have to believe Alioth was chosen specifically to evoke Smokey.

Classic Loki is aptly named. He wears the Sixties Jack Kirby costume, and he is a far more powerful magician than either Sylvie or our Loki have allowed themselves to be. He calls our Loki’s knives worthless compared to his sorcery, which feels like the show acknowledging that the movies depowered Loki a fair amount to make him seem cooler. But if Classic Loki can conjure up illusions bigger and more potent than his younger peers, he is a fundamentally weak and defeated man, convinced, like the others, that the only way to win the game into which he was born is not to play. “We cannot change,” he insists. “We’re broken. Every version of ourselves. Forever.” It is not only his sentiment — Kid Loki adds that any Loki who tries to improve inevitably winds up in the Void for their troubles — but it seems to have weighed on him longer and harder than most.

But Classic Loki takes inspiration from Loki and Sylvie to stand and fight rather than turn and run, magicking up a vision of their homeland to distract Alioth at a crucial moment in Sylvie’s plan, and getting eaten for his trouble. He was wrong: Lokis can change. (Though Kid Loki might once again argue that Classic Loki’s death is more evidence that the universe has no interest in any of them doing so.) And both Loki and Sylvie have been changing throughout their time together. Like most Lokis, they seem cursed to a life of loneliness. Sylvie learned as a child that a higher power believed she should not exist, and has spent a lifetime hiding out in places where any friends she might make will soon die in an apocalypse. Our Loki’s past isn’t quite so stark, but the knowledge that his birth father abandoned him, while his adoptive father never much liked him, have left permanent scars that govern a lot of his behavior. The defining element of Classic Loki’s backstory is that he spent a long time alone on a planet, and only got busted by the TVA when he attempted to reconnect with his brother and anyone else he once knew. This is a hard existence, for all of them. And while it does not forgive them their many sins(*), it helps contextualize them, and give them the knowledge to try to be better versions of themselves.

(*) Loki at one point even acknowledges that, for him, it’s probably only been a few days since he led an alien invasion of New York that left many dead, though due to TVA shenanigans, far more time may have passed.

For that matter, Mobius is not the stainless hero he once thought of himself as. While he and Sylvie are tooling around the Void in a pizza delivery car (because of course they are), he admits that he committed a lot of sins by believing that the ends justified the means, and was wrong. He doesn’t know who he is before the TVA stole and factory rebooted him, but he knows that he wants something better for himself and the universe, and takes the stolen TemPad to open up a portal to his own workplace in hopes of tearing down the TVA once and for all. Before he goes, though, he and Loki share a hug that feels a lot more poignant than it should, given that these characters have only spent parts of four episodes of TV together. It’s a testament to Hiddleston, Wilson, Waldron, and company (Tom Kauffman wrote this week’s script) that their friendship felt so alive and important in such a short amount of time.

The same can be said for Loki and Sylvie’s relationship, however we’re choosing to define it. Though they briefly cuddle together under a blanket that Loki conjures, they move no closer to romance than they were already. If anything, Mobius’ accusations of narcissism in last week’s episode seem to have made both of them pull back a bit from where they seemed to be heading back on Lamentis. But the connection between them is real, whatever exactly it is. And their ability to take down Alioth — to tap into the magic that Classic Loki always had, and to fulfill Loki’s belief that “I think we’re stronger than we realize” — by working together is inspiring and joyful. Without all this nuanced and engaging character work, Loki would still be an entertaining ride, but it’s the marriage of wild ideas with the human element that’s made it so great.

Of course, now comes the hard part. Endings have rarely been an MCU strength, give or take something like the climax of Endgame, and the finales of the two previous Disney+ shows were easily their weakest episodes. The strange, glorious, beautiful machine that Waldron and Herron have built doesn’t seem like it’s heading for another generic hero/villain slugfest, but then, neither did WandaVision before we got exactly that. This one feels different so far, though. The command of the story, the characters, and the tone are incredibly strong right now. There is a mystery to be solved about who is in the big castle beyond the Void (another Loki makes the most narrative and thematic sense to me, but we’ll see), and a lot to be resolved about what happens to the TVA and our heroes. And maybe there’s some heavy lifting that has to be done in service to the upcoming Dr. Strange or Ant-Man films.

It’s complicated, but on a show that has handled complexity well. Though even if the finale winds up keeping things simpler, that might work. As Loki notes while discussing his initial plan to take down Alioth, “Just because it’s not complicated doesn’t mean it’s bad.” Though as Kid Loki retorts, “It also doesn’t mean it’s good.”

Please be good, Loki finale. Everything up to this point deserves that.

Some other thoughts:

* Most of this week’s most interesting material happens in the Void. But the scenes back at the TVA clarify a few things. First, Ravonna is not the mastermind of all this, and she was very much suckered in by the Time-Keeper robots. But unlike Mobius or Hunter B-15, she’s so conditioned to the mission that even knowing it’s a lie hasn’t really swayed her from her mission. She has Miss Minutes (who herself is much craftier this week) looking into files about the creation of the TVA, but for the most part comes across as someone very happy with a status quo where she gets to be special and pass judgment on the rest of the multiverse.

* Alioth first appeared in 1993’s Avengers: The Terminatrix Objective, a miniseries (written by Mobius inspiration Mark Gruenwald, and with some extremely kewl Nineties art full of shoulder pads, studded collars, and the like) involving Ravonna, Kang, and the off-brand versions of Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor (aka U.S. Agent, War Machine, and Thunderstrike, the latter of whom has yet to appear in the MCU). It’s a sequel to a Nineties crossover event called Citizen Kang. And no, I still don’t buy that Kang will be the one pulling the strings here, if only because it’s really bad storytelling for the big bad of the season to have never appeared or even been mentioned prior to the finale.

* Rather than try to identify every Easter egg visible in the Void’s terrain, I’ll instead highlight three of the most interesting. Right before the Lokis arrive at the hatch, we see a helicopter with Thanos’ name on it. This is a hat tip to an infamous — and often memed — out-of-continuity story where Thanos flies this chopper while trying to steal the Cosmic Cube (aka the Tesseract) from Hellcat. (A little kid gets his hands on it instead and, of course, uses the Cube to conjure up free ice cream.) James Gunn has been agitating for years for the Thanos Copter to be in the MCU. He finally got his wish.

* The other funny one: When the camera pans down the tunnel into Kid Loki’s headquarters, we see Mjolnir buried in the ground, and right below it is a jar containing a very annoyed frog in a Thor costume. This is either Thor himself — whom Loki cursed into amphibianhood in a memorable Walt Simonson storyline — or another character named Simon Walterston (note the backwards tribute to Walt) who later assumed the tiny mantle.

* Also, in one scene you can spot Yellowjacket’s helmet littering the landscape. This might support the theory that the TVA, the Void, etc., all exist in the Quantum Realm, since that’s where the MCU version of Yellowjacket probably went when his suit shorted out and he was crushed to subatomic size. Or it might be more trolling of the fanbase from the company that had WandaVision fans convinced that Mephisto, the X-Men, and/or Reed Richards would be appearing by the season finale.

* Honestly, I would have watched an entire episode that was just Loki, Mobius, and the others arguing about whether Alligator Loki was actually a Loki, or just a gator who ended up with the crown, presumably after eating a real Loki. The suggestion that the gator might be lying — and that this actually supports, rather than undermines, the case for him being a Loki — was just delightful. And hey, if Throg exists in the MCU now, why not Alligator Loki?

* Finally, the MCU films in general are not exactly known for their visual flair, though a few directors like Taika Waititi and Ryan Coogler have been able to craft distinctive images within the franchise’s usual template. Loki, though, is so often wonderful to look at, and particularly when our heroes are stuck in strange environments like Lamentis or the Void. Director Kate Herron and the VFX team work very well together to create dynamic and weird imagery like Sylvie running from Alioth, or the chaotic Loki battle in the bowling alley. Between this show and WandaVision, it appears the Disney+ corner of the MCU has a bit more room to expand its palette. (Falcon and the Winter Soldier, much less so.)

#Loki #spoilers #episode 5 #review #Rolling Stone #Alan Sepinwall

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buckyreaderrecs · 5 years ago

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Wax and Wane

Summary: Bucky was sure he'd felt all the different types of bad a person could feel. He was wrong. You were pretty sure it was illegal to drive away with an Avenger in the back of your van, but what else could you do? A story about grief that is basically the 'flowers grow in the sidewalk cracks' metaphor fanfictionalised.

Words: 5,614 Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader Characters: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Thor Additional tags: mostly canon compliant (Infinity War and Endgame never happened), Stark Tower still exists, other Marvel characters are mentioned but aren’t central to plot, recovering Bucky, not angsty but a sad story, she/her pronouns Warnings: illness/death, sick children, grief

Note: This was written for Nik's 1k Writing Challenge - @serpienten My dialogue prompt was, "I'll keep you warm. Hold me closer." I hope you love it, Nik!

EDIT: Accidentally had all the Y/N replaced with my name because of the Chrome extension. Hopefully fixed, but if you see Rhiannon pop up, please let me know so I can edit. Embarrassing lol.

Wax and Wane

As the paint was brushed gently across their skin in broad strokes, you could read the joy and pleasure in their sweet little faces. It was a very minor and short term relief from their day-to-day pain, but it was the very least you could do. Face painting wasn't going to cure cancer or mend broken bones, but it made the residents of the hospital's children's ward happy.

Most of the long-term patients knew you. You were the girl in the tutu and butterfly wings that would come and blow bubbles and make them smile. But on that day, you weren't the one they were excited for.

The children were in a frenzy as The Avengers entered the room, dressed in their best outfits (minus any dangerous weaponry, you assumed). You stood to the side of the room with the doctors, nurses, and parents, and listened along with an enraptured audience as Captain America and Iron Man introduced the team. The kids couldn't sit for long, so very quickly the nibbles and treats were brought out and the room calmed into a soft party atmosphere.

As soon as you'd set up your station, there was a line of children wanting to have webs and stars painted. You worked quickly, getting through the line fast. Staying put, you only had a chance to briefly survey the room before Liam, one of your most special friends, trotted up to you, pulling along someone new.

"Hey, Liam," you greeted. He let go of his new friend's hand to hug you.

"Look, Y/N!" he said, pointing up. "It's Bucky!"

You looked up at Bucky Barnes, who would have towered over you even if you had been standing. The child's size plastic chair you were on really added a comical size difference though.

"Hi, Bucky," you said, coy smile. Bucky softly smiled back. "You're Liam's favourite,"

"Yeah, I told'ed him that!" Liam said, not a shred of self-consciousness in the child. "And now we can be matching,"

"Matching?" you asked.

"Yeah, 'cause you do the painting and you can paint my arm like Bucky's," Liam explained, holding his prosthetic arm out in demonstration.

Glancing up at Bucky to make sure he was privy to the plan, he simply gave a little shrug.

"Sounds good to me. How about you sit in this chair here, Liam, and we get Bucky to sit right next to us on the floor. Is that okay?" you asked both of them.

Liam jumped into the seat, sticking his arm out ready.

Bucky had a bit of a harder time folding himself down, but he eventually managed to sit in front of you comfortably.

"Okay if I borrow your arm for a bit?" you asked Bucky.

He nodded and held it out to you. When you took it, laying it across one of your legs so you could copy the seams and markings, Bucky held his breath. Most people hesitated. He figured some of them were afraid, and some didn't want to appear rude. Not you though. To you, his arm was just that - an arm. You'd kinda grown used to celebrities (is that what superheroes are classified as? you wondered to yourself) by then. Make a Wish and fundraising events and all that jazz… Turns out most famous people are pretty normal, boring even.

Bucky watched you pull a bunch of markers out of your kit and begin replicating the aesthetic of his vibranium arm onto Liam's plastic prosthetic. He let you gently move him as needed, and found himself in awe of how good your Sharpie skills were.

"You're really good," he said, speaking up for the first time.

Liam held most of the space in the conversation, which was fine by both of you. He told Bucky about his illness, and how even though he'd lost his arm, he was the "luckiest kid in New York" because he was alive and because he got to meet The Avengers. There were shades of adult in his words, like he'd been told of his own luck before.

While Liam spoke, you stole glances at Bucky. Mostly, his gaze was on Liam, sometimes darting over to you and away just as fast; he was avoiding eye contact. However, he quickly would turn to focus on particularly loud sounds or doors opening. If you'd had a chance to watch any of the other heroes in the room, you'd note they all did the same.

"Doin' okay, Liam?" you checked in when the boy had gone quiet.

Liam nodded frantically, not wanting to disappoint. "Yeah!" he affirmed.

"Maybe just need a little nap after this, huh buddy?" you asked.

"Maybe," he replied, relieved that there was a nap in his future.

"Think I might need one too," Bucky chimed in. Liam giggled like it was a joke.

"All done!" you announced.

When the very elated Liam was done tippy tapping and hugging, he ran off to show his parents how absolutely cool he was.

You and Bucky stood, both stretching out your limbs.

"Think you've made a friend for life there," you told him; he softly smiled in reply. "Can I just say something that might be way out of place? I just… I don't know… I feel like you need to hear it."

Bucky frowned, studied your face for a second. "Sure,"

"Okay… So… You do know that you deserve to be here, right?"

Mostly his expression was blank, then his head tilted to the side just a little. You'd been reading him the whole time, he realised. He felt exposed. But there was nowhere to run to.

"Maybe…" he finally settled on saying.

"Maybe?" you scoffed. "I mean, kids are lining up to meet you… And you're not questioning if, like, Wanda Maximoff or Natasha Romanoff should be here, you know what I mean?"

Bucky looked over to where Scarlet Witch and Black Widow were forming a girl gang. "They're different. It's different," he argued, but his words were laced with too much sadness for you to give in.

"Yeah… If you wanna get technical, weren't you the only one under mind control or whatever?" you posed.

Bucky looked at you, tried to figure out why you were being so… persistently kind. Your logic made sense, and something in him considered believing it.

"I'm just saying," you continued, "You deserve to be here. And if you don't wanna accept that, then it can be like… Liam deserves for you to be here."

That, Bucky could get behind. He nodded. "Thank you," he said, awkward but earnest.

You shrugged it off, then took a slow step towards him. "Hug?"

He blinked stupidly, then nodded, opening his arms and letting you step into them. While you wrapped your arms loosely around his neck, Bucky hesitated for a moment, then slid his arms around you. People around the room, even the ones that didn't know Bucky, watched how his hands lingered in the air before settling on your back. They saw how he melted into the hug, let his head rest on your shoulder and closed his eyes.

When you stepped away from each other, he'd inherited some of your fairy glitter.

"I'll see you next time, I guess," you offered, letting your sentence trail off enough that Bucky could catch it if he wanted. There was room for him to say anything. But, he just nodded.

Bucky watched you walk away.

Sam appeared at his side. "So, are you gonna-" Sam said, the amusement clear in his tone.

"Don't," Bucky interrupted.

"She's clearly-"

"I said don't," Bucky snapped, walking out of the room.

Sam went to follow, worried he'd genuinely upset his friend, but he caught Steve's eye. A subtle shake of the head told him to stand down.

…

Although you buried it deep inside, there was some small part of you that thought maybe you'd hear from Bucky. You weren't exactly sure why you thought that was going to happen. It was easy to let that idea fall in the face of logic though; he was an Avenger… very busy… very private… etc. etc. Nonetheless, that small part stayed alight, and it fed your dreams all the way through to the next time you would cross paths with Bucky again.

It was a different hospital, but the same type of event. Sparkle and shine and cheer the kids up. Although there were less Avengers than the first, the children were entirely chuffed with meeting their heroes. And, this event had something the previous did not. Thor. His laugh bellowed all through the ward's corridors, providing a sharp contrast to the otherwise sterile mundane life of the hospital.

Thor promised the children that it wasn't that they weren't worthy of wielding Mjolner, it was that they just weren't ready yet. "You're far too little! When you're big and strong, like me!" He filled the children with more hope than they'd had in a long time.

Your attention constantly being drawn to the larger-than-life Asgardian was a welcomed distraction… You were trying to give Bucky space, deciding that if he wanted to talk to you, he could. You wouldn't push it. Two superheroes that apparently did want to talk to you, though, were Falcon and Captain America.

Like you were their mission, there was hardly a second where one of them wasn't by your side. Sam was entirely unhelpful, giving creative input to all the face painting. He made the kids laugh though, often at jokes that went over their innocent heads. It was his sassy tone they really liked. Steve was a little calmer, answering weird and wonderful questions only children could think up.

They were both charming, personable, and genuinely fun to be around, but what were they doing? Were they trying to coax Bucky in? Provide a buffer? Or, no… Maybe they were keeping you from him? Shaking the thought from your head, you simply blew bubbles and painted faces and covered the room in confetti.

You would have liked to say you didn't notice when Bucky slipped from the room, not returning, but that small part of you most definitely did. It most definitely noticed and you most definitely felt the effect of him not speaking to you, not even offering a smile across the room.

"Did I do something?" you finally asked Steve, not needing to explain the context.

"No… It's not you…" he answered, looking over at the door Bucky had left through. "He's just… He's trying…"

…

The children's ward was quiet. It was like that on Tuesday mornings. No events. Rounds over. Just the everyday life of sick children and distraught parents. As you walked down the corridor, you glanced through open doorways on your way to the nurses' station.

It was a hard place to be.

Something caught your eye and you stopped yourself a second too late, passing the room before you could see what it was. A flash of something. Stepping back, you snuck a look around the corner.

A sunbeam off vibranium. Bucky Barnes was folded next to a bed, his arms crossed on the edge of the mattress, his head resting on them. He was asleep. You took a step into the room, then looked to the occupant of the bed. Your heart dropped. Liam.

Liam was asleep in bed, sweating and small.

Cautiously, you crept further into the room. Neither of them stirred, so you took a chair on the opposite side of the bed to Bucky and reached over to pick up Liam's chart from the end of his bed. It didn't say a lot, just the need-to-know for nurse rotation. But you knew those medications enough to know it was bad. Really bad. The emotions caught were too big. You put the chart back; the plastic-hitting-plastic sound it made woke Bucky up. He shot up, chair almost knocked to the ground if it weren't for his reflexes. He looked across the bed at you then, recognition instant. A worried expression took over his face.

"Y/N?"

"He's sick again," you said, your voice sounding far away.

Bucky tracked your gaze to Liam. He nodded. "Yeah… They, ah… It came back… His parents went home to get some sleep. I said I'd stay." When you didn't move, didn't say anything, Bucky grew nervous. He could hardly handle his own reaction, let alone yours too. "They, the hospital, got in touch when he came back in. Said that… I could help. Make him feel… brave, or… I don't know.. It's been a couple weeks, but…"

He couldn't bring himself to say it and you didn't need to hear it.

"I've… I've got to… go…" you said.

When you stood up, you wobbled on the spot and tried to take a step to the door. Bucky was next to you before you even clocked him moving.

"Come on. Don't wanna wake him," Bucky whispered, helping you out of the room gently.

In the corridor, away from the door, you felt the wet hot tears roll down your face. Stupid, you thought to yourself, you should be used to this. It's happened before. The obvious and cruel downside to volunteering in the pediatric ward of a hospital.

Bucky stood in front of you, watching for only a couple seconds before pulling you into a hug. He squeezed you into his chest, your arms curled comfortably between him and you.

"He's talked about you. He'd wanna see you... Come back this afternoon and see him."

You nodded, keeping your eyes shut tightly.

"Okay," you tried, your voice squeaky and small.

"Okay," Bucky repeated, trying to channel the humanity pre-Hydra Bucky showed when Steve's mother passed away. He knew what to say and do then. "You're okay… Go… Go do what ya need to. We'll be here. I've got him," he said.

When he let you go, you felt cold. You wiped your tears, nodded once and looked up at him.

"Go," he prompted, and you nodded again, turning and walking away.

…

"Yeah, I don't know what that is,"

"Finding Nemo?!" Liam repeated, like if he said it louder Bucky was more likely to recognise the title.

You chuckled from the seat next to Bucky's.

"You knew?" he asked.

"Everyone knows just keep swimming, Buck," you told him with a shrug.

"Guess that's another one for the list then," he said, pulling his phone out and adding the film to his ever-growing list of 'to watch'.

Hours could go by like that. You, Liam, and Bucky sitting around, reciting movie quotes to each other. Guessing titles. Laughing at all the gaps in Bucky's pop culture knowledge. Liam loved feeling smarter than an adult, and he completely lost himself in hysterical laughter when Bucky burst out his chair in joy when he finally recognised a film.

"Star Wars!" Bucky had screamed so loud the nurse came in to shush him. "Luke, I am your father!" Bucky whispered at her, grinning ear to ear. Then there was the Harry Potter time. "I got tricked into watching them," Bucky had said, shaking his head. Apparently, during his stay in Wakanda, Shuri had convinced him that Scarlet Witch and those who attended Hogwarts were from the same breed. He should, she said, watch it so he understands Wanda Maximoff better. Shuri would remember Bucky's face forever when he came back from visiting Team Cap.

"My turn," Liam said. He thought for a second. "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse," he said, his voice forced as deep as his tiny child body would allow.

"Woah! Who let you watch that?!" you said, completely horrified.

"My cousin David," Liam snitched immediately. "The horse head didn't even look real,"

"It didn't," Bucky confirmed, again, happy to identify The Godfather. "Alright, my turn… Ah… Okay. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."

You were as lost as Liam.

"We give up," Liam reported after maybe five seconds of thinking.

"Casablanca?! Come on, guys. It's a classic!" Bucky argued.

"God, you're showing your age," you teased.

"Alright, you do better,"

"Easy," you cleared your throat for dramatic effect, "To infinity and beyond!"

"TOY STORY!" both Liam and Bucky yelled in unison.

Liam then taught Bucky how to act out the "Buzz, will you get up here and give me a hand?" scene, complete with thrown prosthetic.

…

"Theeeeeee… beeeeestest… leaf!"

You and Bucky ran off in opposite directions. The hospital courtyard wasn't exactly bursting at the seams with nature, but it was enough to complete a little scavenger hunt.

On Liam's orders, you returned with the most impressive leaf you could find. Bucky was right behind you. Handing them over, Liam carefully considered them from his bunded up seat in his wheelchair.

"The winner is…" he said, pausing to cough. "Y/N!"

"What?!" Bucky screeched.

"Calm down. It's one-all," you reminded him. His feather was iridescent therefore better than your grey pigeon one.

Bucky grinned at you, ever competitive and ever aiming to make Liam happy. "Alright," he said. "What's next, little man?"

…

"Not today, guys," the nurse replied when you ask if Liam could go for a walk.

"Maybe we'll just read a couple chapters of The Lord of the Rings then, yeah?" you said, turning your suggestion to Bucky.

Bucky nodded solemnly, suddenly and deeply affected by the reminder of Liam's weakening state, of mortality.

Before entering Liam's room, you reached out and touched Bucky's arm. He stopped, looked at you with glossy eyes. You don't wanna see it, think it, but sadness didn't take away from Bucky's beauty.

"You okay?" you asked.

It was a loaded question and almost a rhetorical one. Bucky knew that. He didn't answer, just gave you a weak, lopsided smile.

"You Sam or Frodo today?" he asked, shaking it off and moving again.

…

For the whole time you'd known Bucky, his size had always been so obvious. Sitting beside children, beside Liam, he looked like a giant. Even next to the nurses that came and went he towered. Small hospital chairs. Small plastic cups. Small, sanitised rooms.

So, when you turned the corner and saw Bucky sitting on the floor of the pediatric ward's hallway, looking so fucking small, it stopped you in your tracks. His head was in his hands, and you knew what it meant.

Slowly, step by heavy step, you walked the hallway and came to stand in the doorway of what was once Liam's room. The bed had been stripped of linen, but wasn't yet made ready for the next patient. The charts were gone, and the many tubes and plastic bags of chemicals too. A crushed, empty juice box was on the ground.

Behind you, a nurse cleared her throat.

"Y/N… I'm so sorry… We tried to call ya this morning but-"

"I left my phone at home… I was running late. Locked myself out my apartment. Left half my kit there too. Was late to this fairy party gig I had downtown… Bad day… and-" you were rambling, tears slowly running down your face. The nurse's hand gently cupping your shoulder stopped you.

"S'alright, love… Nothing you could've done. But it's good you're here now. Reckon the Sergeant here might need a little TLC, yeah?"

Nodding, you wiped your tears away on the sleeve of your hoodie. Suddenly, it felt ridiculous to be wearing a pink tutu.

The nurse left you alone with Bucky.

Bucky, who had not moved a single inch since you arrived. Bucky, who looked small. Bucky.

"Let's go," you said, kneeling on the lino floor in front of him. "Think maybe a crying fairy and ah, statue Winter Soldier might confuse the kids… So… let's go."

You thought maybe he wasn't going to reply, but he lifted his head, faced up. Bucky's eyes were rimmed red, but they were dry. He looked haunted. Shaking his head the smallest amount, he told you, "I… I can't… can't leave him…"

"Okay… Okay, yeah. Um…" You looked up and down the hallway, trying to think while your head was drowning in grief. "Alright, um… My van is downstairs, in the lot. Let's just… I don't know, get that far."

Bucky just starred at you. For one… two… three… "Yeah, okay," he agreed, standing.

He didn't say a word as he followed you into the elevator and down to the carpark. People tried to not stare as you walked by.

Arriving at your van, you opened the back and shoved some things out of the way, pulling the small mattress and pillows down from where they were propped up against the side. Turning to face Bucky, you read the confusion in his face.

"Oh, ah… I don't live in it… I just…" There was no point in sugar-coating at that point. "I spend half my time around sick kids, you know? I need somewhere to be when it gets too much. Somewhere to… cry or sleep for an hour or whatever."

Bucky looked from the van to you, gave you a small nod of acknowledgement.

"We can just stay here… for as long as you need…" you offered, feeling embarrassment swell in you, but it quickly gave way to the apathy summoned by abject grief.

If Bucky thought it was weird, he didn't say and you wouldn't have cared. He didn't though. He moved to sit where he could politely unlace his boots and nudge them under the van, then he scooted back onto the mattress, laid down. You crawled in after him, closing the doors behind you.

He'd returned to his state of seeming too big for his surroundings, curled up in the back of your van. When you laid down next to him, he looked over at you. "Thank you," he said, voice croaky.

As tears began to form in his eyes, you had the grace to pretend not to notice. "I think there's a blanket somewhere…" You sat up, looking over a box of costume fairy wings. Before you could locate the blanket, Bucky's arms wrapped gently around your waist, pulling you into him.

Your back was to his chest, his face buried somewhere between your neck and the pillow.

"I'll keep you warm," Bucky said, "Hold me closer." So, you did, putting your arms over his and threading your fingers between his. You didn't need to be kept warm, but he needed to hold onto something solid, someone living, breathing, real, and there. He needed you.

…

Usually, sleeping in the back of the van was fine. When a super soldier was taking up 80% of the space, however… different story. You lasted forty minutes before snaking your way out, jumping over the front bench seat to sit behind the wheel.

Bucky was definitely dead to the world. You could hear his heavy sleep-induced breathing. But, you couldn't just drive off with him in the back. That would pretty much be kidnapping an Avenger, right? You looked over the seat at Bucky. Waking him up seemed like an equally bad idea, both practically and morally speaking. He was so peaceful.

So, against your better judgement, you got out, grabbed his boots, and jumped back in, putting the key in the ignition and turning.

At every car horn, New York pedestrian, and sharp turn, you glanced over to see if he'd been startled awake. Alas, sleeping beauty. After about fifteen minutes of sitting on your phone when you'd arrived home, parked in the back lot of your apartment complex, you ran out of feeds to refresh. Leaving the car key close to Bucky, where he'd see it, you left him there, figuring he'd probably be able to defend himself if anyone tried to steal the van.

Hours later, close to midnight, you found yourself walking around your place, lost and teary. Pulling your nightgown on, you left your apartment and ventured outside. It was cold. That type of night time chill that only exists when you're at your most sad. Bone freezing. Visible breathing.

There was no reply when you knocked on the back door of the van. Opening it, you were startled by Bucky's upright frame. He was sitting awake, back to the interior wall.

"Buck?"

No reply.

You were a little scared. Unsure of what to do next.

"I… I thought you could use the sleep. We're at my place now…"

Still, nothing.

"Do you want to come inside?"

You chewed your lip for a second, waited, but he remained still. His super soldier body would be fine without food or water for a little while longer, you reasoned. And, he constantly radiated heat.

"I'm apartment 5C. Come up when you're ready."

He didn't look over as you closed the door and retreated back into the safety of your home. There, you cried. Grieved. Tried to sleep. You told yourself you would make him come inside in the morning.

…

The sun rose red over New York City. You'd left your blinds open all night; waking up to natural like was meant to be good for you. Sitting up, you stretched the last remnants of a restless sleep off your heavy body and stepped out of bed.

Maybe Bucky got himself in overnight. Crept in through an unlocked window. Used some sort of superhero technology to unlock the front door. He wasn't on the couch, though, or anywhere in the apartment.

Teeth brushed and coffee brewing, you once again donned the nightgown and headed outside.

At least he's lying down, you thought, opening the van door.

Bucky was back under the blanket. He was awake, the lines under his eyes deep set and sharing space with purple shadows.

"Come on," you said. "You can't stay here. People are gonna come looking for you."

Slowly, Bucky rolled his head to the side to look at you. Previously, he was staring at the van ceiling. "Steve knows," he told you, throwing his phone over. It landed on the blanket with a gentle thud.

You didn't pick it up.

Bucky continued, "Messaged him last night. Phone's dead now,"

"Um… okay… Well, you should still come inside. There's more room,"

"I'm fine."

It wasn't defiance as much as it was apathy. You wanted to say something. Anything. Be reassuring. But to be honest, you were surprised by his grief.

Surely, the Winter Solider knew loss. Surely, he'd mourned and learnt to cope.

No… No, this was different, you told yourself. The first child who passed away when you started working with the hospitals destroyed you. It took a month to even go back to the pediatric ward. Since then, you'd put things into perspective and learnt to process everything a bit better. Not as equipped as the doctors and nurses to do so, but able enough to survive the pain.

The pain. Entirely unique. Something Bucky hadn't felt before.

He really thought he'd felt all the types of bad there was to feel. He really thought he was no longer able to love. Besides Steve. And Sam. Wanda. Nat. Shuri… Okay, so he was kidding himself. Still. It fucking hurt.

…

Around lunch, you took Bucky some food. Around dinner, you found it untouched but replaced it anyway.

It was a Sunday night. In the morning you were expected over at the palliative care centre. Reading aloud to the patients helps.

At 5:30 am, you woke from a fever dream. After shoving the sheets in the apartment building's basement washer, you called the centre.

"Oh, no worries, Y/N," they told you. "Sally's bringin' her new puppy in today. That ought to bring some cheer to the place anyway."

Guilt alleviated only slightly, you trekked to the van.

At least he'd nibbled on dinner at some point.

"Bucky?"

It was dark still, the sun only just waking up. You could make out Bucky's form in amongst your stuff.

"You have to come inside today. I…" Guilt. Maybe a guilt trip would work. "I need my van for work…" It almost sounded like a question. "And, I'm sure you've got things you need to do…" No response. "Superhero stuff?"

A muffled snort, but nothing else.

…

"Any chance you can just leave him there?"

For a second, you thought Steve was joking. The silence at the end of the line said otherwise.

"Ah, I mean, it's been almost two days,"

"I can get a car sent over to you if-"

"No," you interrupted. "That's not it. I'm just… Is this normal?"

Steve sighed. "There's not a normal for us, Y/N. There's just… coping… day by day."

Holding in tears, you nodded to yourself. "Yeah, okay. I, ah, just wanted to check in. See if there's anything I should be doing,"

"I'd wager that you're already doing it… It means something that he's chosen to be near you. He could have run. He does sometimes. So, really, for him, this is… progress. He trusts you."

You're weren't sure what you'd done to deserve that.

"Thanks, Steve,"

"Anytime. Call anytime, Y/N."

When you'd phone Stark Tower looking for help, you didn't really expect to be taken seriously. As it turned out, they were waiting for your call.

…

To your relief, Bucky was sitting up when you opened the van doors around 5 pm. He watched in interest as you awkwardly climbed in, handing him the tray you were carrying so you could settle in next to him.

"Choc chip cookies and tea," you announced, not letting him give the tray back. "And I'm not leaving until you drink your cup and have at least two cookies."

Bucky looked down at the presentation in his lap. "Guess I can't argue with that."

You chewed your cookie slowly, making sure you'd not finish before him.

"Did you make these?"

"Yeah… I bake when I'm… Whatever," you replied.

He nodded, then took another bite.

"You called Steve?"

"How'd-"

Bucky shrugged. "Just figured you would. What'd he say?"

"Um… That you're okay here," you told him.

Bucky didn't reply, instead picked up his mug of tea and held it between his palms. The china softly chinked against his left hand.

You wanted to ask if he was indeed okay, but you weren't sure of what you'd be able to say if he lied. Or told the truth. Or anything in between.

When the tray was empty of food, you climbed out of the van, and half-heartedly asked if he was coming inside.

"I'm fine here," was his equally half-hearted reply.

Together, maybe, you could make a whole person, something functioning and able to cope better than either of you were doing alone.

Back inside your apartment, you ran out of plain flour and dishes to clean. All that was left to do was mourn.

…

It had been three nights and days since you'd arrived home from the hospital. Almost eighty hours of saying goodbye to Liam and telling yourself to be grateful that you knew him, and that you were able to help him laugh and find joy in his final few weeks. Hours of phone calls to friends, family, and your favourite nurses. Hours of standing at your apartment door, ready to march down to the van and pull Bucky out by his boots. Hours of it all.

Like all things though, good or bad, it was waning and you were beginning to see how you could survive.

You were sitting at the kitchen bench, practising your pipe cleaner and pom pom crown-making skills when there was a knock on the door. Glancing at your phone as you stood, you thought it was around dinner time. Probably next door, asking to borrow an egg. Or the old lady from down the hall that always made too much lasagne.

Without checking the peephole, you opened the door with your best polite smile ready.

Bucky.

The sight of him hit you, not like a tidal wave, but a waist-deep wave that knocks you back unexpectedly. You stumbled, had to refocus. Felt a little out of control.

Out of the mess of the back of the van, it was easier to see how utterly fucked he looked. His long hair was ratty, visibly knotted in parts. Expression strung out, he looked like he was in amphetamine withdrawal. His skin was too shiny, and his clothes were crumpled and damp in places.

Bucky went to speak, but the words got caught in his throat. He looked pained, then sniffled and wiped his nose on the back of his hoodie's arm.

Without any warning, you burst into tears.

Your hands went up to cup your mouth but it was too late. The sobs were heaving up from deep inside you, and Bucky was born with too much empathy to not be affected. Tears began to roll down his face.

And that was it. Any pretence or attempt to be stoic was entirely dissolved. You crumbled into each other.

Bucky wrapped his arms around you and you pressed your head hard into his chest, almost pushing against him like you were trying to push the feelings out of yourself.

"I know," he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

As his arms tightened around your body, you could feel how it was calming you. It was only a short term relief from the grief, but it was the very least Bucky could think to do. Holding you wasn't going to make anything better, but it made you both feel less alone.

Showers and fuzzy bed socks. Hot cocoa and trashy television. Sleeping close. Waking up together.

From the deep unwanted darkness of grief, something was determined to find a way to grow.

Tag list (open): @browngirlmagic @lookalivefrosty @aynaraxas @vibraniumwitch @the--sad--hatter @bubbabarnes

(not sure if you want to be tagged in new fics @animegirlgeeky?)

#Bucky Barnes #Mine #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes/Reader #Bucky Barnes x Y/N #Bucky Barnes/Y/N #Bucky Barnes x You #Bucky Barnes/You #Bucky Barnes fic #Bucky Barnes fanfic #Bucky Barnes imagine #Marvel fanfic #niks1kwritingchallenge

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the-roanoke-society · 6 years ago

Text

i’ve had numerous thoughts about the roanoke society in the context of the marvel universe.

succubus having a snark-off with tony stark. harry just watches over a glass of scotch and can’t stop smiling at the verbal sparring.

loki enthralled with houdini’s ability to change her appearance, almost just like he can. (jack can’t decide if he trusts him or not but refuses to let them be alone in the same room just in case.)

lycan and bruce having a quiet conversation over hot chocolate or tea, because sometimes their other selves feel like monsters, but it’s still them. and they are not monsters. eggsy approaches her after, overhearing them: “amy you--you know that no one sees you like that, don’t you?”

pepper potts losing her mind over how well the scribe keeps her records. all that information organized to perfection. vida just smiles. “i’ve... had a long time to practice.”

bucky barnes being very, very selective over who he lets tinkers with his arm--and saying yes without a pause when sprite asks to look at it. even tequila’s fascinated.

agent seance has seen a lot, heard a lot, walked through years and years and years. natasha romanoff hasn’t. but seance knows what that kind of weariness looks like. the black widow doesn’t like to talk about the red room. but she likes to talk to andi.

agent specter, watching both enamored and a little anxious as clint fires arrow after arrow at mothman. joe catches each one, and it vanishes. it’s all fun and games until: “joe? i’m gonna get my arrows back, right? ... joe. ... joe!”

agent ondine playing diplomat to a very, very enthusiastic phil coulson, who quietly confesses to her: “y’know, i always loved the little mermaid. i knew they were real, i knew it!”

agents arizona and phoenix, sitting and relaxing with gamora and peter quill, drinking strong beer and looking on as raziel and nereus try to teach drax, groot and rocket the fine, kentucky art of corn hole.

agents cherub and rougarou marveling at the machinery that lets james rhodes walk like he never almost fell to his death, taking notes as quickly as they can, because science this sophisticated is virtually indistinguishable from magic. he is a walking medical wonder.

at first, annabelle refuses to go near wanda maximoff. wanda understands. it’s only after annabelle sees her in the gardens, helping the flowers grow with a gentle touch, that she finally, very cautiously approaches her. wanda’s hand movements look like sign language, and in her way--annabelle teaches her to speak.

agent sentinel finding something he recognizes in sam wilson. “so... you were a soldier, too?”

agent thorn may or may not have managed to rig what he calls a trebuchet (it’s--something, yes, but ‘trebuchet’ might not be a strong enough descriptor). agent zed and roxy watch as agent hood loads up anything she can grab into her brother’s contraption. and thorn fires it off, but it’s all right. pietro maximoff never misses a catch, no matter the strength or distance.

scott lang thinks he’s a master magician. agent elfin isn’t sure he agrees, having been around the courts for so long, but... he humors him.

and i’d like for you to think about peter parker, excitedly asking agent nova and charlie over tacos, “what do you mean there are other universes? how many are there? wait, how--how many many have you been to?”

agents judas and exorcist aren’t--entirely sure, of stephen strange. but stephen, as it turns out, is not a stranger to internal religious struggles. especially after what he’s seen. they talk theology over tea and it’s easily the most bizarre conversation that agent poltergeist has ever eavesdropped on.

vision is fascinated with pru because of what she is; technical officer signal is fascinated by vision because of what he is (along with drake, longa, wyvern--vision has a fan club).

agent chimera meeting wade wilson and being positive that, somehow, they’re both related. the fact that their senses of humor are almost identical doesn’t help.

agent nightcrawler talking about north american cryptozoology with t’challa, who describes the twilit afterlife realm where his father now resides. then another story, and another, and another, and nightcrawler makes a mental note to check in with the crane circle, and see how far the influence of wakanda reaches in their organization.

and shuri? shuri’s amazed at some of the things that come out of iuniore’s mouth. “so it’s true. big things, small packages!” (and the white lady figures later that it’s probably shuri’s fault that tina can’t seem to stop quoting vines.)

carol, sitting on the porch, with cerberus next to her. she’s eating an apple. “so. a scientist in a dog’s body?” “essentially, fraulein.” carol thinks of goose, and wonders how many animals she’s seen that are much more than they appear to be. “... nice.”

mantis tries to get a handle on agent archivist and... can’t. but she’s not afraid, no. mostly just engrossed. “oh--oh! there’s so much in there, it’s like a big garden! ... a lot of black, but it’s very interesting!”

and i rather like the idea of heimdall trying midgard coffee for the first time with agent nephilim and agent ainsel, on a quiet sunday morning. he watches how nephilim looks at her. it reminds him of how odin and freya looked at each other, long ago.

lilith and nick fury sharing glasses of bourbon, talking about how much they love their very dangerous, and very powerful children.

merlin, standing in a doorway, watching seraphim carefully arming herself with a very specific shield. the captain grins, although the exorcist’s expression is a bit more lined in awe. ”i know--it’s heavier than it looks.” (later he’d murmur softly by her ear, “leadership looks good on y’, dove.”)

but i think my favorite image of all is daisy unwin, dressed in a bright pink tutu and a blue sweater with a fox on it, picking up mjölnir like it’s nothing and politely handing it to thor.

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iwritethat · 6 years ago

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Raven: Gods and Demons

A/N: Because Raven is wonderful and I warn it’s not the best but I did want to write something.

>>>>—————————>

"(Y/n) you're not going... being human and all without any abilities suited to visiting Hell... you'd put yourself in danger." Starfire quietly noted, the others apparently in unanimous agreement. This was not what you wanted to hear, the complete opposite in fact.

The villains of this planet were simply agitating, you could deal with the petty plots of world domination which inevitably were brought to an end by the heroes but Trigon's Demons dabbling in kidnapping was another story.

"I can handle myself, now I would like to use one of Raven's spellbooks to open a dimensional portal, then I can go get her back." It was an effortless statement, hands on your hips in determination as you stared down the Titans.

Part of you was grateful that they were attempting to protect you but they did not know you like Raven did, they saw you as an average civilian who'd be of no use in the battlefield - though you had never given them a reason to believe otherwise.

"You must understand why we can't let you do that (Y/n)! We've got Titans East on their way as backup." Nightwing slid in front of you, blocking your path with the best intentions.

"You either let me through birdboy or I get through by force." It was a warning, one that admittedly concerned the others - there was something about your voice that made your threat believable, like you could take them all out with ease.

It was apparent this wasn't going the way you wanted, your friends valued your safety and with a flash of lightening sparking outside it was clear your inner frustration was growing. Finding the necessary components was simple as you knew Raven’s bedroom like the back of your hand, and once hauling a familiarly engraved box from the bottom of her wardrobe you silently thanked the demonic woman for keeping your battle armour. You'd equipped yourself with your own personal weaponry and headed back to the centre of the tower only to find a combo of the Titans and Titans East prepared to greet/stop you.

"Damn Midgardians." You scoffed, twirling your royally crafted golden dagger and readying a battle stance of your own.

Kid Flash was fast, but the millisecond he sped towards you he ended up on his back, Kori came next but she wasn't as strong as you were especially with your determination empowering your movements. You caught her burning hands effortlessly, Starbolts fizzling out in your palms as you sent her pummelling into the opposing wall - the display halting all oncoming attacks from the others. You'd taken down one of their strongest with little less than a test of strength as you didn’t wish to cause harm instead opting to dissuade them from stopping you, it seemed like a fruitless battle to continue. Brushing off your armour, you cast open a Nethergate and briefly throwing a glance back to an awestruck group of comrades.

"Now, if any of you wish to accompany me to Hell you are very welcome." With that, you soon found yourself surrounded by grotesque demons in the fiery pits of Trigons playground but the lightning blazing off of you like a live wire certainly assisted in your assault.

The heroes stumbled through battle ready, however dropped all offensive actions when they witnessed your utter trail of destruction and could only watch on in sheer disbelief. They'd obviously accompanied you to save their beloved comrade but were simply awestruck by the amount of power a 'human' possessed. It was clear you were no ordinary civilian like they had originally perceived and the screeching demons were proof of that. Raven was in wrapped in your arms as soon as you could reach her, clutching the enchantress with joy radiating from your figure.

"(Y/n)! What are you doing here?!"

"Here? I survived Valhalla lest we forget, this was a piece of cake Angel." You grinned back at your girlfriend, offering a laugh to ease her worries. Despite the furrowed brows and flushed features at the nickname she nodded in acceptance, enjoying the comforting warmth you’d always emit.

Gently you placed an arm around her waist so she could lean her weight on you since she was basically exhausted, but still strong enough to make it back to her team.

"My father approves of you by the way, says you're a formidable opponent love." Raven smiled to herself, voice quiet but grateful as a gleam glazed over her crimson crystal.

"Hah, well you'd know that well enough. Us Asgardians are strong warriors, my Master Thor is one of the most famous 'myths' here in Midgard." You responded with a smirk, your girlfriend was the only one who knew about your sacred heritage.

"Asgardian?! As in Asgard, like Odin, Thor and Loki?! You're one of them?!" Beast Boy exclaimed, skidding to a halt in front you and Raven who only sighed in exasperation.

"Yes, that's correct."

"Raven! You're dating a god/goddess and you didn't even think to tell us friend?" Starfire flew over this time, eager to understand your origins and relationship with her comrade.

"I didn't think the details were necessary. (Y/n) is a big part of my life - I did technically tell you about them." Your partner was rather smug about her answer which is why you loved her so much.

Eventually you made it back to the tower and we're bombarded by a horde of questions that you could barely keep up with, meanwhile Raven began to heal herself beside you finding her friends pure disbelief amusing.

"How does your hair look so good after battle?" The green furred member brightly inquired, before receiving a comment from Kid Flash.

"Huh maybe it's Maybelline."

"Maybe it's the blood of my enemies."

Raven gave you a playful nudge in the arm at your quick witted reply, Kid Flash stiffening slightly which caused you to laugh.

“Thank you (Y/n), truly I’m honoured to have such a kind partner.” Raven managed, offering you a shy smile and as always she was ever grateful to have you in her presence.

With a pleased demeanour, your fingers intertwined and you joyfully pulled your girlfriend along with you as you backtracked across her lounge.

"Anytime Rae, you’d do the same for me. It was nice to properly meet you guys but I originally came here for a particular reason. So are ya ready to see Asgard?"

"WHAT?!" Their mouths fell agape, sure they now knew you were a God but to find out Raven was taking time off to visit Asgard was more than they could take in a day.

"Raven knows how to pick 'em huh Dick?" Kori beamed, practically radiating positivity.

"Yeah... I still can't believe (Y/n) beat us and those demons so effortlessly, Asgardians are probably just as strong as Diana." Nightwing added, contemplating the possibilities of your race.

"Aside from the fact (Y/n) can control lightning too." Damian added with his deadpan tone.

"..."

"-TT- Thor is her teacher Nightwing, and you think that lightning storm was just coincidence? No, (L/n) can control it. This is exactly why I'm the blood son." The youngest brother tutted with a shake of his head. Maybe they should consider asking you to join the Titans when you both returned.

#rachel roth #raven #teen titans #rachel roth imagine #raven imagine #dc #dc imagine #rachel roth x reader #raven x reader

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dailyawakening · 6 years ago

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oh please tell me your thoughts on loki! she's actually a rather interesting character and i dont think intsys could do her justice so i would love to hear your ideas!

this response is so late because A) I’ve been trying to figure out what to draw for it and B) I’ve been trying to figure out how to structure the monster novel that by necessity needs to be attached to anything relating to my Loki thoughts.

As a disclaimer, all of this is entirely my own invention based on the original mythology and what we’ve seen of canon; I’m resigned to the fact that there’s no real chance any of this will become part of Heroes, but this is what makes me happy personally, so I’m going to stick to it as an AU if nothing else. So with that out of the way: let’s talk about Loki.

I decided that the easiest way to go through this would be in the major stages of Loki’s life, with each one showcasing a different appearance (Loki’s a shapeshifter, after all). It’s not always easy to put myths in order, but I have a pretty strong personal plot thread that runs through Loki’s myths, so let’s start at the beginning: with Loki’s early experiences as one of the Aesir.

Loki is not technically a god – not in the way that Odin and Thor are, at least. Loki is a child of jotunn, and more than likely is a jotunn as well, rather than one of the Aesir, so under normal circumstances would not have counted among their number; however, Loki and Odin forged a blood pact and swore an oath to treat one another as brothers, and so Loki was adopted into the Aesir fold by bonds of kinship.

Loki is not truly evil, and never has been. Loki is a mischievous spirit, fiery and wild, fond of trickery and games, and those have a tendency to get out of hand sometimes, which leads to big problems. But Loki’s word is also their bond, and when they swear an oath, they keep it. The myth of Idunn shows this very clearly: when Loki is captured by a jotunn, they swear to give him whatever he asks, and he asks for the goddess Idunn, responsible for keeping the Aesir young and strong. When Loki is released, they do exactly as they swore, and lure Idunn into the jotunn’s clutches; however, when the rest of the Aesir realize what’s happened, they force Loki to promise to get Idunn back, which Loki proceeds to do.

This oath keeping is important. It will come up again.

Now, because of the bond they swore, Loki was often called on by Odin to perform various tasks, many of which sent them wandering across the various realms – of course, Loki also succumbed to wanderlust sometimes when left bored too long, and had been known to wander off. On one of these wanderings for whatever purpose, Loki met the jotunn Angrboda and ended up having a rather extended affair with her – enough that three children came of it: the wolf Fenrir, the serpent Jormungandr, and a daughter named Hel who seemed neither living nor dead.

Loki loved those children. They didn’t care a whit that they were seemingly strange: those were Loki’s babies, and Loki doted on them endlessly.�� Eventually, though, Odin had need of Loki again and summoned them…and rather than leave the babies behind, Loki decided to bring them back to Asgard. Now, the Aesir were significantly less thrilled about these children than Loki, but when Loki asked the Aesir to look after them in their absence (calling on Odin’s pact when he falters), they relented, and Loki left the three children with the gods.

For a while, things were fine. Unfortunately, Fenrir and Jormungandr in particular grew at an alarming rate, and the Aesir came to fear what monsters they would eventually become – so rather than let them become destroyers wreaking havoc on Asgard, Odin chose instead to deal with them while Loki was absent on a mission: Fenrir was bound with the ribbon Gleipnir (only managed because Tyr, the Aesir he trusted most, agreed to place his hand in Fenrir’s mouth to prove it was no trick – and he lost that hand for his deception), Hel was exiled to the realm of the dishonored dead (those who died of sickness and famine rather than gloriously on the battlefield), and Jormungandr was thrown into the swirling chaos of the Tempest before Odin used his might to quell it.

Loki was…less than pleased when they got back. Vascillating wildly between rage and desolation, they took out their suffering through increasingly malicious pranks on the Aesir (the theft of Brisingamen and the shearing of Sif’s hair), which ultimately ended in Loki paying the heaviest price. Eventually, grief took its toll, and Loki gave in to a listless depression; it was their inability to care at all that made them discount Svadilfari’s strength, and they came to pay for that, too – though the price came in the form of a new child, the eight-legged colt Sleipnir that Loki bore as a mare. Unwilling to see another child suffer the same fate as the first three, Loki gave Sleipnir over to Odin in hopes that leaving him in service to the Aesir would protect him from harm…and, at least, Loki would still be able to see the child.

And it’s here that we reach the first turning point: realizing how unstable Loki had become owing to the loss of their children, Odin decided to take drastic action and try to ground them in the present – by arranging Loki’s marriage to Sigyn. No one actually expected the marriage to be more than lip service, with the two leading separate lives within the same house; however, much to everyone’s surprise, Loki and Sigyn readily came to care for one another, and Loki finally began to heal from the loss of their children. They still mourned, yes, and still worried for Sleipnir, but much of their playfulness returned as they found joy with their new wife. Settling with Sigyn and becoming a more committed member of the Aesir led to the first major shift in Loki’s appearance, as well.

Loki and Sigyn had a child together: a son named Narvi who they both loved dearly. Having a child to raise once more helped to ground Loki still further, and they finally settled comfortably into their role and came to be almost friendly with several of the Aesir. When Thor’s hammer was stolen, Loki helped him first to find it (by using Freya’s cloak of feathers to fly to the realm of the jotunn; he promised to return it and made good on his word) and then retrieve it, and even won a new ally into the fold with their antics. Loki and Thor traveled together as allies for a spell, no less, and had a rather harrowing encounter with a jotunn skilled in illusion (during which Loki lost an eating contest with a wildfire and had an unwitting encounter with Jormungandr, something they mourned once the truth was revealed because they had no idea). And beyond that, Loki even came to the aid of mankind alongside the other gods, helping to save a boy from being devoured by giants when even Odin and Thor could not.

Sadly, this period of happiness was not meant to last. In time, Odin’s second son Baldr began to have terrible nightmares about his own death; fearing deeply for her son’s life, his mother Frigg went to every plant, animal, and other object in the world and begged them to swear to do Baldr no harm, to which they all agreed.

And this is where things get dicey: Odin, wise and well-traveled already, had knowledge of what would come to pass at Ragnarok and after – and because of that, he knew that Baldr would rise from Hel to claim the world after the rest of the gods and men had fallen, inheriting the new and beautiful world that rose from the fire and flood. With Frigg’s frantic attempts to keep her son alive, that prophecy would be endangered. Odin, of course, is known as a good and honorable god…but looking at the myths more closely, it sometimes seems that he’s only ‘good’ and ‘honorable’ because he has others do his dirty work (it was his order that had Loki lure Svadilfari from his work, thus cheating the builder of his prize, after all) or claims that he acts in everyone’s best interests (as he did when he bound or exiled Loki’s first children).

So in order to preserve his son’s ability to inherit the world, Odin went to Loki and asked him to find a way to take Baldr’s life.

Naturally, Loki balked at that. But Odin cited their blood bond, and insisted that it was necessary. In the end, Loki agreed – on the condition that his family be spared from whatever followed, for there could be no doubt that there would be a heavy price to pay for this. Odin swore it, and Loki left, discovering that Frigg had failed to ask the mistletoe for its oath and using it to create an arrow; and while the other Aesir were having a grand time throwing things at Baldr and watching them bounce off him without doing a thing, Loki tricked Baldr’s twin brother Hodr into firing the arrow – which struck Baldr in the heart, killing him instantly.

It took little enough time for the gods to realize that Loki was behind the crime, and they proceeded to shut him out of everything. Wracked with guilt and emotionally unstable, Loki gradually neared a breaking point, which led to the roasting of the other gods at Aegir’s house (which Loki intruded upon by pointedly reminding Odin of the same blood oath he’d cited to make Loki agree to the plot). Realizing that Loki posed a great danger should the truth come out, Odin took drastic action: when the other Aesir, incensed by Loki’s criticisms and sharp words, hunted them down to be punished for Baldr’s death, Odin turned his youngest son Vali into a wolf and had him attack Loki’s son Narvi, viciously murdering the boy; and to make matters worse, the Aesir then used Narvi’s entrails to bind Loki to a stone beneath the earth, transfiguring them into chains before affixing a snake above Loki’s head to drip poison onto them for eternity.

Only one stayed beside Loki through this: their wife Sigyn, who remained by Loki’s side catching the poison in a bowl (though she had to leave to empty it on occasion, and when she did the searing poison made Loki writhe violently enough to cause earthquakes). And it is because of Sigyn that Loki remained passive for so long: her presence kept Loki calm, kept their thirst for revenge from overwhelming them, for she reasoned that if they did slip those bonds and set Ragnarok in motion, then Loki and all of their children all would die, just as Narvi had. At least now the children had life and could have pleasant dreams – and at least now, Loki had Sigyn.

But at some point in the very recent past, something happened: Sigyn vanished. Loki had slept, and when they woke to the searing pain of the snake’s venom, they found that their wife was nowhere to be seen, and no amount of calling and pleading made her reappear. That, truly, was the last straw for Loki: all their grief and despair turned to fury and hate in that instant, and the fireball they became incinerated both their chains and the snake that had so long tormented them. In the aftermath, only one link of the chains remained intact, and Loki kept it close, fashioning it into the buckle of the belt they wear. And without Sigyn by their side, Loki allowed that desire for vengeance to burn through them, which has led to where things stand today.

The shape Loki now assumes is strategic as much as comfortable, meant to distract enemies and give her more openings in combat. Everything she does is self-serving, up to and including her alliance with Surtr – hence her betrayal when he ceased to be useful. What she seeks: her children. Calling on Veronica to secure Naglfar and raise the Tempest, she sought Jormungandr (and still seeks him, as each foray into the Tempest has left her empty-handed); and now that Surtr’s power has been added to Hel’s army, giving her the ability to break the barrier Askr put in place, Loki seeks her lost daughter. And in the end, she intends to make the treacherous Aesir suffer for the pain and misery they caused her and her family for so long.

#ada answers #banyanas #fire emblem: heroes #fanart #loki #headcanon #this turned out about as long as i expected #i tried not to go into overmuch detail #but some of it was just necessary okay #i have feelings about loki and how things went down #and how so much of norse mythology just feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy #if fenrir and jormungandr and hel had been treated better by the aesir #if odin had been up-front about things #or at least kept his word when he gave it #maybe there wouldn't be a ragnarok at all #hard reset

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creationsincarnate · 6 years ago

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ok I'm usually not this lazy but that's a long ass post so count by fives and give me what comes out of that

You’re asking for a novel missy.

Gif slightly applies as I attempt this challenge. Also gives me a chance to test out Elfo as a mun FC (as I have learned I am very much like Elfo clueless wise.)

005. Are they in good health?

Generally, yes. Specifics depend on the verse. ex. In verse 2 she’s still recovering from slashes to her back made by a beast god and it can hurt from time to time because she never gave herself enough time to heal, but in the 1st that hasn’t happened yet and she doesn’t have any injuries.

10. Do they believe in love at first sight?

No she doesn’t. This is partially because she doesn’t look for it, and also partially because she’s read enough stories (especially Shakespeare) where love at first sight ended horribly but love developed from conversation worked out far better.

015. Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue?

Most likely to win with her tongue and use it in the first verse, but in the 2nd and 3rd if she’s very upset she’s likely to throw hands as well.

I’m actually going to write a letter from Snow to her mother for my creative writing class that focuses on this, where she’s wound up in the past, she’s confused, she’s angry, and one of the few things she’s damn sure about is Thor is at fault somewhere and she will punch him in the face. She knows he’s not someone to piss off and could demolish her, but this is a case where her anger is winning out and patience is too thin to care, and she is determined to find Thor somewhere and sucker punch him.

The following letter will be how she finally managed it, and how now she’s in hiding with a teenage Loki cause teenage Thor is pissed and Loki is finding the fact that she slugged Thor in the jaw and near broke her hand upon FIRST MEETING too hilarious to let her die before he can convince Thor to talk to Frigga for the reason. She relates to her mother that it was a very bad idea. She feels better now though.

020. What are their hobbies?

Her dogs really, or at least researching ways to better care for them and finding fun DIY things that are safe and could turn out well, like making peanut butter filled chew toys and such or comfy beds. Same with Mythology, she loves researching in general, but mythology is a big draw for her. She usually leans on singing though since she has more access to being able to hum when bored or thinking in most cases rather than researching stuff.

025. What do they consider beautiful in others personality-wise?

Patience and Forgiveness. In her first verse she works really hard to live up to these values, but she finds it almost impossibly difficult. This is due to anger with the gods and being hesitant to forgive or hold patience with them and instead regulates her patience to being strictly for Huanglong. The baby dragon gets into antics. She admires people who can still retain their patience or display forgiveness to others, especially those who wronged them. When she can practice it less she especially admires it.

030. Do they believe in the afterlife?

She‘s visited the immortal realm which holds all afterlives, so yes she knows she’s going somewhere after everything.

035. What is the most important rule your character lives by?

Protect her loved ones above all else. If it ever comes down to a stranger, the world, or her parents/Huanglong/her friends, she’d choose the last every time. It’s the only reason she’s still putting up with the gods, because she knows her family and friends are at stake otherwise.

040. What is their obsession?

She’s obsessed with the show Galavant. She will pick and choose songs from it that somewhat fit her situations if she needs stress relief and just start singing. Not sure if I wanna place the book as just after the 1st season finishes or the 2nd.

045. Does your character have any chronic medical conditions?

Not in the first verse, or really in the 2nd. She does develop anxiety during her journey though. This is usually tied to magic in general, despite her developing a dependency on it as well.

050. How does your character feel about their own mortality?

She knows it’s coming and she knows where she’ll be going afterwards, despite the fact that she doesn’t like it. She’s not thrilled about it and would prefer to have control over it, but she’s not terrified of it either.

055. Is your character an introvert or an extrovert?

Snow is an introvert, Huanglong is an extrovert. He is a very tiring little dragon to raise, especially since people don’t realize dragons ever really existed/technically still exist. And he wants everyone’s non-plastic jewelry and to talk them into letting him have it. Snow needs to intervene often.

060. What is your character’s attitude toward education and learning?

She advocates for it and even planned to become a teacher. She was one for a few years, but she eventually decided to open a bookstore instead since her dependents increased and renting and selling books made it easier for her to watch people she needed to and teach people about books at the same time/give them access to learning.

065. Is your character better at leading or following? Which do they prefer?

Following is preferred and Snow doesn’t really like leading. In the 3rd verse she starts getting better at it though as she is realizing she needs to lead herself rather than follow the whims of the gods and force them to help her take action to fix their mistakes.

070. What about your character is cowardly?

Probably her inability to let people go. If it puts her loved ones at risk she is very unlikely to let them do it, to the point where a death is planned in the book (occurs between 1st verse and 2nd verse here) that forces her to face this fear and learn to deal with it. Her response is to double down and further hide Huanglong for fear of losing him, which to others makes her look strong and protective to others but can also appear cowardly because she’s actively avoiding her duties because she’s afraid to entrust Huan’s safety to anyone else but also to scared to put him in danger with her. Her progress actually slows until she can manage to face this fear and realize she can protect Huan while also doing the dangerous job of tracking Loki that the gods sent her on in the first place.

075. Is your character ticklish?

She’ll deny it, but her feet are ticklish. Enough so you might get kicked if you try to tickle them cause it causes a pretty big physical reaction.

080. How easy is it for others to read your character’s emotions?

Easy in the first verse, but not very easy in the 2nd and 3rd as she becomes incredibly guarded. She has some acting training and that training was made into a mask in those verses to avoid people trying to manipulate her. If people aren’t sure how you’re actually responding, its more difficult for them to play you for a fool.

085. Describe your character in three words.

Disgruntled Dragon Mom.

090. How bodily expressive is your character?

Depends on where she is emotionally. The higher the emotion, the more she moves. Her default is not much though, maybe a hand wave, weight shift, or small arm movement but nothing exaggerated.

095. Name three things most would not expect your character to be able to do.

Shoot a gun. Snow hates loud noises, almost as much as a dog or cat (she’s not a fan of fourth of july fireworks), so most people wouldn’t expect her to be willing to put something that makes a loud noise anywhere near her own ears. They’d be right, she is generally unwilling, but she has had firearm training courtesy of her grandpa. While she prefers throwing knives like her grandma taught her, she is completely capable of grabbing someones gun and shooting someone down as well. “An Aruson never misses” is her matrilineal family motto, and Snow covered all her bases.

Ride a horse. She’s not an expert, but she was raised riding horses so she developed this skill since childhood (guns were when she was a teen). Most people don’t peg her as a horse person because she lives in an apartment in a rural area, dresses in more of a biker chic manner, and likes combat boots rather than horse riding ones. Most are surprised when they learn she actually owns a horse of her own and knows how to ride her in the western style or race barrels with her mare.

Speak Norwegian, if only conversationally and mostly with slang. She’s not an expert, and any Norwegian native would realize it’s not her first language and be able to talk circles around her, but she could survive for a while with only minimal help from locals if dropped in the country. This is again because of her grandparents, as they’re Norwegian immigrants and spoke their native language around her fairly often from an early age. Her mother is bilingual (spoke Norwegian at home, English everywhere else) but her father only speaks English, so her mother usually regulated speaking Norwegian to muttering, exasperation, when grandparents visited, or not directly talking to Snow or her father. This didn’t let Snow be surrounded by the language like her mother was, so she didn’t pick up on it as completely as her mother. She has the Northern Norwegian accent down though.

100. Does your character dream? If so, what do they dream about?

Sometimes. Mostly about very mundane things, like running late for school, going through a day, etc. before waking up. Recently she’s had a lot of hiking dreams or dreams about trying to sort Huan’s growing horde and the baby dragon just keeps throwing new stuff at her at random with no regard for her attempt at organization.

#wxldchxld #ooc #headcanon #snow #the channeler #long post

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theantisocialcritic · 4 years ago

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Archive Project - January 25, 2014 - Unlikely Avengers Villains

I've been wanting to write a new article series along side my movies reviews to talk about stuff going on with movies and the entertainment culture and this particular topic is one i've wanted to do for a while. As the Avengers movies build up the the next installment, Avengers: Age of Ultron, a lot of people not well versed in Comic books are probably wondering what kinds of stories and characters the upcoming movies will introduce. Here i intend to put to bed some speculations about famous Marvel Supervillians that cannot and probably will not be making appearances, largely due to copyright law. j In the movie industry, when somebody wants to make a film based off of an Intellectual property (IP) they approach the owner and are acquire the exclusive right to make a movie off of that property. In the late 1990s, with the boom in the Superhero genre started by the 1989 Batman movie, Marvel Comics began selling off the rights to their more well known super heroes like Spiderman, Daredevil, Hulk, etc. Over time, many of the characters had the movie rights returned to Marvel when their movies failed to prove successful in the box office. With the rise of the Marvel Cinematic Universe in the aftermath of The Avengers, a common complaint of the series became that the series was severely prone to weak villain characters: Whiplash, Obediah, The Abomination and Malekith are all terribly forgettable bad guys that exist to push the plot forward in the respective movies. To date the only really strong villains in the Marvel Universe have been Red Skull, Loki and Guy Pierce's character. Its a big problem for this franchise that in 8 movies, there have only been 3 memorable Bad Guys. Thankfully this appears to be changing with some of the upcoming movies: The Winter Soldier, Thanos, Ultron and Baron von Strucker are all making appearances in the next 3 movies. Unfortunately, due to Marvel's current predicament with having sold off it's movie rights to other studios, the vast majority of better known supervillians in the Marvel Universe are closed off from their movies which could pose a possible threat beyond Avengers 2. As it stands, here are where the major superhero character's movie rights are currently standing: Fox: The Wolverine, The X-Men, The Fantastic Four Sony Pictures: Spiderman Marvel/Disney: The Avengers, The Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, etc, and the vast majority of unlicensed characters in the Marvel Universe With this in mind, lets see some of the great Marvel Supervillians that will never make an appearance in The Avengers due to Copyright Law. ————————————————————————————————————————— 3. Dr. Doom ————————————————————————————————————————— In the comics, Dr. Doom is considered to be one of the most dangerous super villains on Earth. He's a super genius with super powers and maintains diplomatic immunity to arrest due to him being the dictator of the fictional nation of Latveria. When Marvel sold Fox the rights to The Fantastic Four, the contract came as a bundle with the vast majority of side characters and super villains from the supporting cast of the FF, including Dr. Doom. So unfortunately, neither he nor the Fantastic Four will be appearing in the Avengers side cast. ————————————————————————————————————————— 2. Galactus and the Silver Surfer ————————————————————————————————————————— Similarly to Dr. Doom, Galactus is tied up in the FF bundle and reserved by Fox. At appearance, Galactus seems to be one of the sillier concepts in the Marvel Universe, being a 200 foot tall man in a silly purple hat. The silliness really stops at face value though as he does come with an interesting backstory. Galactus is not a being, but an entity that consumes planets. In order to survive he must convert matter into energy and has attempted to destroy the Earth several times throughout Marvel's history. He appeared alongside the Silver Surfer in Fox's 2nd FF movie, however his form was changed from giant purple cloud to Evil Space Cloud because this was the time when Superhero movies were still too ashamed of their source material to portray them accurately. Then Thor came out and shame got thrown right out the window. ————————————————————————————————————————— 1. Magneto ————————————————————————————————————————— Magneto is arguable one of the most interesting characters in the Marvel Comics as while he is commonly associated as a supervillian, his portrayal usually is deeper than just being evil. He represents a philosophy, a brutal harsh one but one that makes sense given his background. In the X-Men comics he is portrayed as the rival of Charles Xavier. They are both mutants and their rivalry is founded on their philosophies towards interacting with normal humans. Do they try to get along and integrate into society (Xavier) or do they stand above the humans and look down on them as lessors (Magneto). His story is much better explained than that and i'd definitely recommend checking out the X-Men movies where his story is better explained. Unfortunately, he is tied up at Fox until the X-Men series stops making millions of dollars and I finally get my dream of The Avengers Meet the X-Men that is still so far away… ————————————————————————————————————————— BONUS: MODOK ————————————————————————————————————————— Yah… MODOC isn't technically tied up in Copyright, he's never been in a movie but theres a very specific reason why he hasn't and probably won't be staring in the Avengers anytime soon or ever. Look up a photo of MODOK on google right now and you'll see why… ……………………………………………………………………………………….. Yah… while he does have some interesting moments in the comics and cartoon shows, there is no way they could ever pull that off in Live Action without scarring hundreds of little children for the rest of their lives… O.o ————————————————————————————————————————— ————————————————————————————————————————— Thank you for reading! Live long and prosper! Sources: The Big Picture: Wrongs and Rights, The Escapist Magazine

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nerdylittleshit · 8 years ago

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The problem with the DCEU or Plot vs Characters

Now, before I start this post I would like to say this isn’t in any way intented to be wank. While I think that the movies of the DC Extended Universe have their problems I don’t think they are as terrible as some people made them. If anything they did entertain me. This post is rather a reponse to a comment I saw a lot in reviews for Wonder Woman: that WW saved the DCEU and is the first movie to get good critics. So, let’s take a look back to the movies of the DCEU so far, let’s see what they did right, what they could do better and what I think is the main problem of the DCEU.

One of the biggest problems of the DCEU is, and there is no way we can’t talk about this, Marvel. Marvel has already established their Marvel Cinematic Universe and the DCEU now feels like a response to it. Unless you are a die hard DC fan most people are familiar with the movies of the MCU and will likely compare these two cinematic universes. And so far it seems like the MCU is the better one. Of course the comparison isn’t balanced. By june 2017 the DCEU contains four movies, the MCU though 15, with number 16 (Spiderman: Homecoming) at the ready. But in a way it feels like this part of the problem. The DCEU tries to do the same thing as the MCU, which ultimately is to bring their established characters together (because why else would they share a universe if not for them to meet?), but they are trying to do in a faster way.

The MCU started in 2008 with Iron Man. By the time we saw the first ensemble movie, The Avengers, four years have passed and we had another Iron Man movie along with three other origin movies (Captain America, Thor and the Hulk movie nobody ever talks about). By the time the Avengers movie came around we already knew these characters because they either were given origin movies (Iron Man, Hulk, Captain America, Thor) and were otherwise introduced as characters (Nick Fury, Black Widow, Loki). The only new guy was Hawkeye. Avengers worked because it didn’t need to introduce and established its characters. Ensemble movies are always harder when it comes to the characters, simply because they are so much and you can’t give all of them the same screen time if you want to tell a story as well. Simply speaking what the MCU did was to establish and develop their characters in their respective solo movies - they are the character moments so to say - whereas the ensemble movies (Avengers 1&2, Captain America: Civil War) move along the plot. (Of course the solo movies have plot as well and the ensemble movies have character moments, it is just a very abstract way of categorizing these movies).

Now, compare this to the DCEU: Man of Steel (Solo/origin movie), Batman v Superman (ensemble movie), Suicide Squad (ensemble movie), Wonder Woman (Solo/origin movie), Justice League (not released yet but another ensemble movie). The ensemble movies are the ones fans want to see - I remember the exictement over the first Avengers movie because for the first time several superheroes would work together on a big screen. But these movies only work if you have established the characters we see first. Instead of taking their time as the MCU did what DC did felt rushed. They didn’t take their time to establish their characters, which I think is the main reason the movies didn’t work. But let’s take a closer look.

Man of Steel (2013)

I liked this movie for the greater part. I have to admit I wasn’t that familar with the character of Superman/Clark Kent, despite general pop culture knowledge. I haven’t seen any of the other many Superman movies or shows like Smallville, so I had no real expections watching this movie. The reason I liked it though is that it takes its time to explore the character of Clark Kent/Kal-El/Superman. The conflict of being a child of two worlds, about finding out who or what he is and whether or not he owes this world to save it was what made this movie worth watching. All of those character moments were the strong points of the movie. I admit I wasn’t particular interested in all the action we saw in the second part of the movie; the big fights and explosions are never my jam. But the movie did establish the main character, it showed us the person Clark is and the hero Superman is and much of the conflict we saw in Batman v Superman (the potentional abuse of power) was already brought to life as well.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

First things first, if you haven’t seen this movie yet, please watch the extended cut. They cut out around 30 minutes of the movie; not only character moments though (who always get cut out first) but plot points as well. The overall tone of the movie doesn’t change and neither the things that didn’t work, but it is the version that makes more sense while watching/feels more coherensive.

As I said I feel the DCEU rushed things. Releasing an ensemble movie so soon felt like a desperate move. The only character that we already know is Superman (and well Lois) and therefore to no surprise the scenes that worked for me the most were the ones regarding Superman and the main conflict of the potentional danger of Superman/his powers. As I said they continued these themes from Man of Steel, so we were already familar with them and they didn’t need a lot of explaining.

The problem is that Batman v Superman needs to be a second Superman movie, a Batman movie and a teaser for Wonder Woman and Justice League all in one movie. That is a lot to handle and the reason the movies feels a bit stuffed. Because boy is there a lot of plot. I guess they wanted to establish Lex Luther as a criminal mastermind and tell a complex story, but with everything that was going on it were the characters who suffered the most.

Batman is the character that doesn’t need another origin movie and feels like he is well known enough to simply throw him into the movie. But the more I think about it the more it would have made sense to release a Batman solo movie before Batman v Superman. It would have established the character (and for that we don’t need an origin movie per se) and explained the character better. I had some problems with his character, because he did seem like an overly agressive guy, a one man army to live out male fantasies of violence, near a psychotic breakdown. What happened to that guy? Robin’s death was mentioned but it might have played a role in it. Showing us how Robin died would have (probably) explained this dark version of Batman and would have already introduced the Joker and Harley Quinn (as Suicide Squad established they were responsible for Robin’s death). (It still wouldn’t have explained the Martha twist though, because it still doesn’t make sense, no matter how you look at it).

Same goes for Wonder Woman. I know they probably wanted to introduce her as this mysterious woman, but everyone who saw a trailer or just the movie poster knew already who she was. The photograph was meant to tease the Wonder Woman movie. But just imagine Wonder Woman would have been released before Batman v Superman. Diana would have still remained a mystery, because she seems to be nothing like the woman we saw in her solo movie. We know that 98 years passed between her first adventoure and Dawn of Justice, which leads to the question what happened in between. Did she return to Themyscira? Did she stay in the human world? If so why are there no more records of her other than some very recent photos and the one from 1918? Also remember the end after Superman sacrficied himself and Lois comes to the scene? She looks at Diana who shakes her head; there is a silent understanding between the two of them. With the knowledge that Diana lost a lover as well the scene makes way more sense.

In short, less plot, more character moments, establishing character in their solo movies before releasing an ensemble movie.

Suicide Squad (2016)

Even worse than Batman v Superman we didn’t know any of the characters before this movie. What they did then was exposition. Lots and lots of exposition. So much that it seemed that they forgot about the second act and we were rushed to the third act. The movie didn’t even try to balance out their characters, but focused instead mainly on Deadshot and Harley Quinn. Which worked for Deadshot, because his story/motivation was simply: everything he did he did for his daughter. Harley Quinn though? I still have questions about her and her relationship to the joker (and it sucked that she wasn’t a character on her own but a woman defined by the relationship to a guy). We hardly saw anything of Harleen Quinzel and the reasons why she fell for a psychopath. And they didn’t even bother with some other characters at all. Slipknot was only there to show us that Amanda Waller meant business and why exactly was Katana in the movie? In all fairness the movie was entertaining but completely missed to make me feel for the characters. Of course you can’t give all of them their own origin movie, but as I said before they could have introduced Harley Quinn and the Joker in a Batman movie for example.

Wonder Woman (2017)

The movie that did everything right. I couldn’t care less about the big bad or the big fight at the end, but it didn’t matter. Why? Because I watched the movie for the character. And they did everything right in showing us who Diana is and what she stands for. The reason why the no man’s land had such a great impact and is the one everyone talks about? Because it is the moment Diana became Wonder Woman. Even though it is an action sequence technically it is a character moment. Not only managed the movie to establish the main character but the supporting characters as well. We feel Diana’s pain after Steve died, because we know about the character and the relationship these two had.

So what does it mean for Justice League? By then we are familiar with Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman. The movie will introduce us to Flash, Aquaman and Cyborg though, so we will likely see a lot of exposition and bringing the gang together stuff. In order to make the movie still work I think they have to focus more on the characters this time, especially the ones we haven’t met yet, and their relationships with each other, instead of presenting us another complicated plot. The plot is always secondary to the characters, because in order for the plot to work we need to care about the characters first. To me Man of Steel and Wonder Woman are so far the best movies of the DCEU because they are character driven. Let’s hope they took some notes after the sucess of Wonder Woman and we will see more solo and/or origin movies in the future before we get another ensemble movie.

#dc extended universe #man of steel #batman v superman #suicide squad #Wonder Woman #dceu #my meta

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misskittydenoire · 8 years ago

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Challenging The Brave

Title: Challenging The Brave Character(s) Featured: Tony Stark, Sam Wilson, Pietro Maximoff, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff Words: 1,570 Pairing: Bruce Banner x Reader Genre: Humor Rating: G (General) Author’s Note: Hello my kitties and gentle-cats! I’m back, hooray! Did you guys miss me? So my semester is finally done and now I’m free to work on my stories. Another hooray! I actually got a request after sometime. Technically speaking, requests are close, but I will on occasionally answer some because I’m random that way. So here is the request of 2017! I think. I don’t really remember if I’ve done one for this year. Anonymous asked: Can I Ask for A Bruce Banner x Reader where the reader is extremely calm, like nothing can startle, scare, or make her mad. And because of this Tony and everyone else on the team try to get a reaction, aside from Steve and Bruce, of course. And something goes wrong when Tony tried to scare her and Bruce hulk's out and Hulk gets protective of the reader who has a secretive smile on her face cause they learn she and Bruce have been secretly dating for a while now??? Plz and thank you!! Summary: You’ve always been a calm person. Since a young age, you've been taught that things lose their power if you don't let them take over your emotions. You don't get scared, or get mad so quickly. The team, however, don't believe that someone could be that reserved. They take it upon themselves to see if they can find a weakness. They just didn't expect someone big and green to protect you from their idiocy.

A loud yawn escaped your lips as you awoke from your slumber. You softly groaned, your petite ears picked up the small pops from your bones as you stretched your arms upward. Training always took a toll on you, but what do you expect when you have the bones of an 80 year old? Figuratively speaking, of course. You chuckled inwardly as the thought went through your mind. Suddenly, you felt something brush against your leg. Normally, many would get scared or at least become anxious, but you were different. You had a very high tolerance for things. It would take something of catastrophic proportions in order to get a reaction out of you. You tilted your head in curiosity when you noticed the foreign object move underneath your covers beside you. Your left hand flipped the covers open to reveal one of Tony’s spider contraptions he's been fiddling with lately. You chuckled, and rolled your eyes as you grabbed it and headed towards the kitchen. It wiggled in protest as you attempted to turn it off, succeeding after a few seconds. You spotted the gang setting up for breakfast, and cleared your throat loudly to grab their attention. Banner and Stark were the firsts to notice your presence, your right brow raised at the genius billionaire. He grinned, feigning surprise, “Oh, you found my prototype for Peter. I wondered where it went. It didn't—scare you, did it?” “No, it didn't. I was just waking up when I noticed something weird in my bed. Thought I'd bring it back to you. I may have broken it though,” You smirked in reply, throwing it to him. He caught effortlessly, frowning upon noticing the condition it was in. Its limbs were dangling from their sockets, and its wiring was spilling over an opening on its body. Bruce couldn't help but chuckle at the pout Tony displayed. You sat beside Wanda, a small hint of a smile curled at the edge of her lips as you nudged her shoulder in salutations. You two became close since you both joined the initiative around the same time. She passed you a plate of scrambled eggs to serve yourself a helping when you felt strong, broad arms wrapped around your shoulders, “Good morning, beaut—Ow!” Pietro yelped the moment your fork poked his skin. “What did we say about personal space, Speedy?” “Keep at least 12 inches of space,” The oldest Maximoff stated monotonous as he sat on your right side. You bit into a strip of bacon before you turned to reply, “Good boy.” Steve sat at the head of the table, his cerulean eyes fell upon one of your bruises that peeked through your colored fitted tee. “How are you feeling this morning, Y/N? I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard yesterday.” You smiled, and shook your head in disagreement, “Don’t worry about it, Steve. I can take it.” “It did not anger you, fru—Y/N?” The male Sokovian asked as he narrowed his eyes to capture any hint of a change in mood. You tilted your head in thought, taking a short moment to recall the other day. It wasn't at all frustrating, you reflected. Another forkful of eggs sandwiched between two pieces of pancake went into your mouth before you answered. “Not really. I was more focused on keeping up with Cap that I didn't really feel the need to become upset.” Pietro groaned in annoyance while a few of the male team members sighed in slight frustration. The fact that everyone simultaneously made the same gesture, you wondered what was going on that you've become the main attraction of the day. “Okay, spill it. Why the sudden interest in me and my reactions, guys?” “They have a pool to see how long it takes you to crack,” Natasha responded. “You shouldn't say anything, Romanoff. You're in on it too.” Clint smirked. You gave a half smile and let out a chuckle as you shook your head at their ridiculousness. “Forgive us, lady Y/N but it is rather odd that you do not get angry, frightened, or even startled. I, myself, have never met anyone as tranquil as you,” Thor explained, trying to justify their intrigue. Your e/c shifted from person to person, landing on Steve. “I’m not part of it. I actually find it a great trait, it means that you're the perfect person to count on when the pressure is on.” You then turned, staring intently at Bruce as you waited for an answer. He took off his glasses, and wiped his briefly not paying attention to your gaze. Once Banner felt your e/c eyes on him, he raised his brows, “What? I’m not part of it either if that’s what you’re wondering. I objected to the whole thing.” He placed his glasses back on the bridge of his nose, shrugging at their stupidity. “Everyone has a breaking point, sunshine. Even you,” Stark stated as he crossed his arms and leaned against his chair. You sighed, glancing at Bruce with a soft smile. He rolled his eyes with a crooked frown. You knew that this wasn’t going to be the end of it. And it definitely wasn’t. For two weeks, from Clint to Sam, they have tried to get any reaction from you. Sam tried to scare you with killer clowns, spiders, and even teamed up with Pietro to pretend to be a vampire and tried to bite you. Thor sparred with you and insulted your pride to see if it would anger you, but it was to no avail. However, Clint was the one who took it too far. Clint thought it was a fun idea to take you hiking to show an exclusive spot to see the stars without the interruption of the city lights. “I’m telling you, it’s here somewhere.” Hawkeye grumbled frustratingly. You took a moment to rest your hands on your knees to catch your breath. You probably should’ve not eaten that extra slice of chocolate cake Vision made. You thought it tasted kinda funny. A loud burp crept out of your mouth, followed by a groan. “Ugh, I think that cake is about to rear its ugly head, Barton. How far is this place so I can free this chocolate demon from my stomach.” “Wait right here. I’m gonna go ahead and see anything familiar.” He jogged further ahead, leaving you behind in the setting sun. Nightfall quickly came and the temperature dropped rapidly, bringing a chill to your form and cause tiny goose bumps to form on your arms. “Clint! Come on, man! It’s getting late and I’m freezing. Where are you?” You yelled, your voice echoed to the four winds as minutes turned to an hour. You sneezed and rubbed your s/c arms and chest to keep you warm and prevent a cold from developing. Loud whispers surrounded you, followed by footsteps running behind the dozens of trees around. The whispers grew as did the rapid footsteps and ground crinkling. “Okay, it’s time to quit it, guys. This is getting ridiculous and I’m about to catch pneumonia from your jovial games,” Your voice still calm but the temperature is causing your throat to become sore. A booming, deafening roar shook the branches of the large pine trees before Bruce’s hulk landed next to you. “Uh oh…” You declared softly as the Hulk yelled again and exposed your team behind their hiding spots. Clint rose his hands in surrender, flashing an apologetic smile. Bruce wrapped a protective arm around your body not only to warm you but to signal that this game is done. Tony, who appeared from a hole in a tall red oak tree, furrowed his brows in confusion. “Why is green giant holding you like that, Y/N?” You rubbed the muscular arm soothingly, smiling widely, “That’s because Bruce and I are together. We have been for awhile now.” “What?” The group now materialized, exclaiming altogether. You giggled while the Hulk held you tighter, growling in annoyance. You patted his hand softly as you assured you that everything is alright. His body began to crack and shrink in size. He fell to his knees, and you kneeled down to hold him properly. Bruce wrapped his arms around your waist, his breathing slowing down as he looked up at you with a weary gaze. “Oh, sweetie. You didn’t have to transform into the big guy for me.” “This whole thing was going too far and I wasn’t going to let Clint’s birdbrain idea get you in danger.” He glared at Barton, Wilson, Stark, and the male Maximoff who all bowed their heads in shame. You planted your lips gently on Banner’s. His right hand rested on the back of your neck as he deepened it, pulling back in a flash when he remembered where you two were. “We’re sorry, Y/N. We didn’t mean—” “If you say scare, I’m going to turn back and hurl you to the tower.” Banner threatened Hawkeye who widened his eyes in surprise. “For the record, I wasn’t scared. I was more curious who the other guy was gonna kill first,” You smiled jokingly. After that, everyone gave up on the bet and went back to accepting your strange state of being. That being said, they have still to realize that you do have a dark side. They just haven’t seen it yet.

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writingismyhappytime · 8 years ago

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I Know I Shouldn't (Part 1)

Loki x OC

Warnings: language, violence

I have a thing for the trickster god.

I shouldn't, I knew better, but I'd never had much self control. That had always been my downfall, my father had told me that.

When I wanted something, I tended to go after it, to do whatever I could to have it.

Impulsive, I'd been called. Not exactly the worst I'd heard either. However, I wasn't going to change, I was who I was.

I was Dreyna, only daughter of Druinn, son of Fjlit. My family had been serving Odin for as long as I could remember. I'd grown up with the princes, watched them become warriors and fools.

Thor with his impulsive, self centered nature. Loki with his jealous, cunning ways.

They were brothers, through and through, that was for sure.

Loki, of course, had to be a fool and take a darker path, one that's lead to his imprisonment in the cells my father designed and built for the palace.

Thor fell in love with a human, which was more frowned upon then any other action he'd ever taken. His love remained on earth while he fought for peace among the realms. I respected him more now then I ever had.

I used to think him just an idiot with a big hammer.

Not so much now.

Still had a big hammer though.

I digress.

I knew the prince's more in passing then anything else. We were close in ages, we'd been born few years apart. We ran together as children, but when we reached older years we had different fates.

My father worked closely with Odin, designing the defenses of the city of Asgard. The thick, strong walls were all his idea, as were the cells. No one had ever broken out of our prison, and no one ever would.

My father was dead now, felled in battle against the Giants of Jotunheim. He was one among many who died. The Giants had come to Asgard in hope to kill Lord Odin while he slept, while Thor was banished and our home weakened.

The giant was stopped, of course, and everything well in the end, but we suffered many dead anyhow. My father died defending the cells, keeping them from being overrun and the prisoners freed.

I hated the frost giants because of it.

They disgusted me, they were like vultures. I wouldn't think twice of cutting one down where he stood, his blue skin cracking and giving beneath my blade.

Ahh, good memories.

I glanced around, gazing at the cells in front of me. There were thousands of prisoners down here , more and more coming through the years. The more dangerous villains we kept to themselves, although I'm not sure if their solitude was a blessing or a curse.

I sighed, leaning my head against the wall. I couldn't look at the dungeon without thinking of my father, of all that he's done for Asgard. Without him, I'm not sure how well this city would have survived.

How I would.

"Lady Dreyna?"

Hmm?

I half turned, then twisted in surprise, quickly bowing in respect to Lord Odin's wife, flushing. I was slightly embarrassed she'd been able to sneak up on me so, I was usually much more at attention!

"My Lady, I was unaware you were coming down today," I said quickly, tendrils of my blonde hair wafting forward. It was long, usually held back at my nape, and i had bangs falling into my eyes all the time. I didn't go out to battle often, I'd taken over my father's job, so I stayed more in the prison area.

I didn't get out much admittedly.

"I came to see my son," she said simply, her hands clasped in front of her. She looked so elegant as always, her curls twisted on her head, her eyes guarded. I knew she once been a fierce warrior in the past, brazen and commanding; I couldn't imagine Lord Odin being married to a lesser woman.

I did respect and admire her, however, so much. Despite knowing Loki's true heritage, and despite all the awful things he'd done, she still loved him, cared for him.

She was his mother after all.

She was the bravest woman I knew, so full of love and kindness, yet merciless when she needed to be. I didn't have a mother, I never knew her nor did I have memory of her.

I'd like to think of Frigga as a mother figure, despite we didn't have that kind of relationship. I hoped my own mother, wherever she was, had been like our queen.

I stepped out of her way, just as I always did. I knew technically no one was allowed to visit Loki, Thor and Odin had never once been down here. I should tell her no, I should alert our ruler, but... I didn't.

I let her go through just as I always did, just as everyone else did. No one would tell her no, none of us had the heart.

Or at least I didn't.

"Walk with me, Dreyna," Frigga said suddenly, her arm slipping through mine before I could move. "Take a break."

"I ---."

"Come."

Well okay.

I hesitated, but she lead us forward, her dress slipping across the floor behind us. My armor grated, much louder then her silk clothing.

Why did she want me to walk with her? This was strange.

"How is Loki doing? Do you see him often in your patrols?" She asked, a few inches taller then me.

"Ah, I --- I see him occasionally as I walk through," I said awkwardly, casting my eyes forward and scanning the area. "He seems well, under the circumstances."

"Yes, under the circumstances." She sighed, frowning. "Does he give any problems? Does he need anymore books?"

"He does not tell me if he does, my lady. Loki does not speak to me." I shrugged my shoulders, becoming a little more nervous the closer we came to his cell. It was in the center block, he had his own to himself whereas others were crowded together.

Even in prison he was privileged.

"Oh, you don't have to pretend he doesn't, Dreyna. I know you two are friends, you have been since childhood."

I could feel the red creeping up my neck, but I tried to ignore it. I didn't like talking about my friendships or my personal life, not that I had much of one. My father had doted on me, his only child, and he'd hinted a few times before his death that he'd wish I'd find someone to spend my life with.

I didn't see that happening any time soon. I wasn't social, I didn't spend time with anyone, I focused on my job. The prisons took a lot of work and upkeep, and I disregarded anyone who showed any interest; I doubt it was sincere, who would want the time of a prison keeper?

I held no standing in Asgard, my father had held more respect then even I, but he had been a warrior and close friend of Odin before his injury rendered him unfit for battle.

Many had sought his advice before, I could remember that from my childhood. Now, though...

I rarely saw anyone venture voluntarily to the prison except for Frigga.

"I would not say that, my lady. We just grew up together," I shook my head.

"It's fine, Dreyna. I love my son despite his faults, I would not visit otherwise. Does anyone else ever see him?"

"Not to my knowledge, my queen. No one ever comes to the dungeon."

Frigga nodded, not looking surprised. "Thank you for your honesty, I suppose. Loki is troubled, he doesn't truly mean any harm."

Well, I wouldn't necessarily say that. He did kill a bunch of those in Midgard, and he'd gotten many Asgardians killed with the Giants invasion he'd helped.

My father included.

Perhaps that's why I didn't speak to him, why I avoided his gaze at all costs. I didn't visit him, I walked past him like he didn't exist.

I used to care a great deal for him until that moment, until I learned the truth of his betrayal. What he'd done to Thor, how he'd manipulated his friends and all the rest of us...

How he'd caused my father's death.

Before that, I spoke to him when I saw him in passing, we sat together in the mess hall when he ventured there. I'd like to think we had been friends, but after his recent actions, I'm not sure being his friend was an option.

I could barely look at him.

I paused before we turned towards his cell, Frigga stopping when she noticed.

"I will leave you to your privacy, my lady," I said, bowing my head respectively. She hesitated, clasping her hands as she gazed at me before nodding her head in acknowledgement.

"Thank you for walking with me, Dreyna."

"Of course, my lady."

I didn't want to see the trickster god.

~~~~~~~

"He's brought the human woman here?" I said in surprise, staring at Volstagg across the dinner table as he ate. The red bearded man bobbed his head, eating a thick leg of chicken like he'd never feast again.

"Yes! She's here, but she's ill. He brought her here for the healers to look after her." He said, reaching for a goblet. He nearly sloshed it all in his beard as he turned it up, drinking heavily of the mead.

I couldn't believe Thor would bring the human woman here, his parents must be so furious! I chewed my lip, propping my chin on my hand as I swirled the liquid in my own goblet. I wasn't very hungry, not now.

"He shouldn't have brought her here," I muttered. I had a bad feeling about such a brazen move on his part, no matter his feelings for her, this wasn't her world.

"That's how Lord Odin feels about it," Volstagg said, shrugging his beefy shoulders. The mess hall was loud, full of eager talk and gossip. A great fire was in the fireplace, and smoke kept the ceiling hidden from view as usual. Plates and platters and goblets and pitchers covered all the tables, full of an overabundance of food.

Asgardians knew how to eat, that's for sure.

"Why doesn't he send her back to Midgard then?" I demanded, tugging on my hair where it fell over my shoulders. It was a nervous habit I'd picked up over the years. "Why let her stay?"

"Thor loves her, and Odin loves his son." Volstagg made it sound so simple. "He will not send her away until the woman is healed."

"But what if she can't be healed? What is she even sick with? What if it brings something bad to Asgard?" I demanded huffily. "There are so many ---."

"Should you of all people be questioning Thors decisions?" A cool voice asked, and I saw Volstagg halfway choke on the mead he'd been gulping. I knew the cold voice well, it visited in my nightmares.

I glanced over at Sif, the dark haired female warrior of Asgard. She was close friends with Thor, usually at his side with the warriors three, and one of my least favorite people. She thought she was better then me, that she always knew better... I'd like to ram her face through the nearest pillar.

I frowned at her where she stood behind me.

"Should I understand what you're implying?" I asked , keeping my tone as icy as possible. Sif might be a childhood friend of Thor , but she was no friend of mine. If I could throw her over the waterfall of off the rainbow bridge I most definitely would.

"You, a friend of Loki, questioning Thors actions?" She snapped, crossing her arms where she stood behind me. She must have been walking by and overheard.

"I am no friend of Loki, Sif. And I know you disagree as well, you just don't voice your disdain as openly. You'll probably rejoice when the human is gone." I added, my lips curving.

It was no secret Sif favored Thor, but he did not reciprocate her feelings. In fact, he'd chosen a human over her, even with his parents urging him in her direction.

It had to burn.

I reveled in it.

Sif and I have always been at odds, we were both warriors but that was our only similarity.

She stayed at Thors side, I'd used to stay at Loki's. Her animosity was completely understandable, her mistrust, but that didn't mean I would just let it brush past me without remark.

I stood my ground no matter the consequences, I always had.

The look on her face said my words hit home, and I openly smirked as I stood, stepping over the long bench so I could face her easily. I wouldn't be at the disadvantage.

"Do not approach me and accuse me of being disloyal, Sif. I was born of Asgard just as you, nearly the same year."

"Yet your loyalties lie elsewhere." She said, refusing to move. "We can all see it. You can hide in the dungeons all you wish, at least you'll be used to it should your true intentions ever surface."

I bristled immediately, the insult to my loyalty to Odin making my lips purse. She accused me of siding with Loki, even after all this time!? So blatantly to my face?

"You should watch your words," I said softly, cutting my eyes to hers furiously. "I linger in the dungeons, I know them well. If you wish to continue this conversation there, I'll show you exactly how wrong you are."

I took a step forward, already envisioning taking her by the hair and tossing her over the table, maybe into a few chairs.

A volcano.

"Lovely ladies! One fair and one dark! What's all this tension about!?"

I twitched the instant Fandral touched me, his arms closing around Sif and my shoulders. The blonde warrior was half drunk, weaving back and forth --- he'd been singing a few moments ago and keeping everyone entertained.

I shirked out of his grip immediately, disliking being touched by such a philanderer. He might be a brave warrior, but even I had heard of his escapades; he thought himself quite the ladies man.

"Fandral," even Sif looked irritated, stepping away from him.

"What? I can't show my appreciation for two of the strongest women in Asgard?" He asked, glancing between the two of us. "Why, both such strong, admirable warriors!"

I crossed my arms, a sour look on my face as I glared at him.

"Don't you have other places to be, Fandral?" I snapped, annoyed.

"No," he responded simply, giving me a drunken, cheeky grin. "Being with you ladies would be a dream come true!"

"Then you should keep dreaming," Sif muttered. She gave me a severe frown before turning and walking away, her dark hair trailing down her back against her gold armor.

"So you two always have to be at each others throats?" Volstagg asked, still sitting at the table and enjoying his dinner, some of it being saved in his beard.

"It's her, not me." I shook my head. "I've done nothing to her."

"Don't take it too personally, Sif doesn't like anyone." Fandral told me with a shrug.

"Except for Thor, you mean." I snorted, my hands going to my hips. "She fancies him quite strongly."

Neither of them answered, but they did share a look. I sighed, knowing there wasn't any point in lingering in the hall. I wasn't hungry and my mood had already been ruined.

Plus those two weren't much company for me.

"Are you heading for the dungeons again?" Fandral asked when I took a step away, his fingers running down his blonde facial hair. "You know you don't have to stay down there all the time."

"I'm the only one who knows how to keep them up, I don't expect anyone else to understand how much time that takes."

"You should get a protégé, someone to take over for you. It can't be fun in the dark all the time, there's no action!" Fandral disagreed instantly, stretching his arms above his head. "Besides, it's just boring prisoners down there."

He had no idea.

"No one else will take care of them correctly." I said, shaking my head. He didn't understand, none of them did. The design of the prison of Asgard was a very complicated one, each cell built with extreme care, each with its own weaknesses and strengths. My father stayed in the dungeons once he had them built because it was, quite frankly, his life's work.

No one else understood that.

I had to take care of them.

~~~~~~~

I couldn't believe Sif would question my loyalty so! I'd been working so hard for centuries, I'd never strayed, I'd never questioned the orders I was given, not like the others had!

How dare she!

She knew nothing of how hard I worked, of what I did. Without me, the entire prison system would collapse; Asgardians prisons were infamous for a reason, they'd never had an escape for a reason.

Me.

I strode through the cells, furious as I did my patrol. The golden, glittering walls of the cells didn't hold my attention tonight like they normally did, I was too irritated.

She knew nothing!

I cut my eyes at the cells as I swept by, seeing the prisoners inside ambling around. Some glared, some yelled obscenities I paid no mind too. This was a prison, after all, full of different races full of anger and hatred.

The normal.

My steps only slowed when I came to a particular cell, one full of books and fancy furniture whereas the others were barren. The occupant looked as calm and collected as usual, pacing slightly as he read his book.

His black hair was tucked behind pale ears, his green outfit complimenting his eyes and features. He looked as if he was just enjoying his time in his study, not the cell he'd been inhabiting for a while now.

His mother spoiled him, even after what he'd done. She treated it more as if he'd had a tantrum and was in time out, nothing more. I knew how much it pained her to see him like this, imprisoned.

But he deserved it.

He was the reason my father was dead. He was the reason I had to take over looking after the prison. He was the reason I was as much a prisoner as he!

I could never leave this place, not when I had to be loyal!

Damn him!

Damn Sif!

Damn all these uppity Asgardians!

Loki must have sensed me coming, perhaps he heard the clatter of my armor, as he glanced in my direction as I stormed forward.

For a moment, he looked surprised.

"This is all your fault!" I hissed as I stepped up to the cell, the floor raised slightly on a dark platform. I glared up at him, clenching my hands.

"Why, how nice of you to visit me, Dreyna." Loki said coolly, the trickster god gazing down at me. He closed his book, setting it down on one of his tables. "I've been here a while and you've not deigned to see me."

"Why would I want to visit the man who cost my father his life?" I demanded, brushing the blonde strands of hair out of my eyes.

Loki hesitated; what, did he not know? Why else would I be stuck in the dungeons? I wasn't supposed to ever have to do this!

"Why are you visiting now then?" He asked me, quirking one dark brow as he came close to the cell wall, gazing down at me. "Why come to see me after all this time if you so clearly don't want too?"

I wasn't sure.

Used too, when I was upset, I would go to Loki and he would always have some kind of calming words to tell me. I could listen to his voice and it always set me at ease.

We'd been friends since childhood, we'd played together when Thor and his friends would run off and leave Loki behind.

Loki used to hate that, he'd always wanted so badly to be included, he'd never been able to understand why his father didn't seem to treat him the same as his brother.

I'd felt bad for him when the truth had come out, when everyone knew he was the son of Laufey and not Odin.

It was understandable his anger, but not his actions.

"I don't know why I'm here," I finally said, frowning at myself. I'd never visited Loki before, I'd always turned my head when I'd patrolled past his cell.

"From the looks of it, you're in a tizzy like usual. Someone insult you?" Loki asked casually, causing me to scowl; why did he know me so well?

"Ah, they did. Shall I guess at what?" Now he was teasing me!

"No, you shouldn't!" I huffed, cutting my eyes up at him. "I ---."

"Dreyna." Loki frowned down at me, his eyes keen as they studied me. Was he mad at me for not visiting? Did he understand why I couldn't?

I could forgive him for so many things, I often had.

I knew he'd tricked Thor into attacking the Frost Giants once, successfully getting him into trouble and banished. I hadn't said a word, but Loki had known I'd caught onto his plan even then.

I'd known when he'd tricked Thor into thinking the rainbow bridge was haunted by the fallen souls of Asgardians as a child, making the young god frightened of ever going near it for many years.

I'd known when he'd somehow convinced Sif that Thor wanted to meet her late one night beneath the guards tower, yet he never showed.

I see why she was bitter.

I'd always known when he was up to something, and he'd apparently always trusted me enough to know I'd never say a word. Even his darker plans I'd always overlooked, but I'd always caught on.

Maybe I was just suspicious of everything and everyone, but I couldn't help it; Father had raised me that way for a reason.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I demanded, staring Loki down. He was just looking at me, like he was memorizing my features.

"You're just pretty to look at." He replied, shrugging his shoulders as he turned away, heading for his furniture again.

"You know I dislike when you lie," I snapped, my hands on the hilt of my swords; Thor might have his hammer, and Loki his tricks, but I'd always preferred my swords, one on either hip.

They were special made, and had more then just one purpose.

"And what am I lying about? You know I think you're lovely." Loki told me, glancing at me slyly. I never should have visited him, I was afraid he was enjoying this more then he should.

Admittedly, he had always complimented me, either on my hair or my eyes. Little remarks here and there over the years. Of course it made me feel good, made me like him a little more then everyone else, but I wonder now if that hadn't been his manipulative intention all along.

"I think you'll say anything to get your way," I retorted, glancing around. I should continue my patrol, I was slacking.

"I have done many things, Dreyna, but lie to you I have not," he told me with a frown. He turned away from the golden table he'd been at, facing me again. "I'm sorry about your father, it was never my intention for anyone to get hurt but the Giants. I just wanted to end the war with them ---."

"I don't want to hear your excuses, it's too late for that. Nothing you say will ever bring him back or undo the damage you've done to Asgard and the other words ---!" I shook my head, taking a step back. "Nothing will ever make this better!"

I meant that whole heartedly.

Loki started to speak, his lips parting to tell some lie or words meant to appease.

He never had the chance.

My head swiveled in surprise as I heard a loud "pop," and I had to brace my feet against the floor as a harsh backlash swept through the prison, tossing my hair off my shoulders. I raised my arm to protect my eyes, my chest pinching.

Oh no.

No, no, no!

A cell!

How could this happen!?

I heard Loki shout after me as I bolted, heading for the closest wall, panicked.

A cell had opened!

I pressed my hand against the glyph carved into the wall, feeling it grow warm as it started to glow gold.

The entire palace would be on alert now, they would know what was happening --- even of it had never happened before!

I turned, glancing back as I saw guards rushing down the cells, their helmets gleaming in the lights. I motioned for them to follow me as I took off again, drawing my swords as I saw the first of the prisoners.

Or what was supposed to be the prisoners --- what type of creature was that!?

~~~~~

I staggered back, slamming into the column, feeling the harsh impact jar my ribs painfully. I hissed, clenching my jaw and ducking quickly. The prisoners weapon smashed where my head had been, the stone of the column flying through the air.

Dammit!

I lunged forward, my arms wrapping around his waist and sending him flying backward onto the ground. I quickly finished him then, my sword sliding cleanly through his blackened skin before I rose.

We were incredibly outnumbered.

I had never seen a creature like that, skin blackened, eyes like the blackest night. One touch from him was lethal, and I'd already seen too many fall to him.

What was he!?

None had been imprisoned that looked as him!

I would have noticed!

The last group in had just been marauders, nothing special!

Thousands of prisoners --- there wasn't enough of us down here to contain them, they were running rampant! I was taking down as many as I possibly could, but that wasn't much!

I gritted my teeth, my hand slipping around the dagger hilt on my belt as I strode forward, my eyes flicking. The dungeon was nothing more then a battleground, I was covered in the blood of those I'd been fighting. I was doing my best to ignore the smell, the adrenaline pumping through my system making it easier to overlook.

I wasn't sure where I was going, I was just walking, striking down anyone who came across my path.

Dammit!

This was a riot!

Intolerable!

I scowled, tightening my hold on my drawn sword. I couldn't repair those broken cells, not with such chaos! I needed peace!

I pursed my lips, watching in irritation as guards were overcome. Ill-trained fools!

Could no one do anything right!?

Incompetence!

I cut my eyes, faltering for a brief second when I spied the creature that started all this. He was dressed in the bestial mask of a marauder, but his powers and form said otherwise.

I stared at him, seeing him bat others away like they were nothing. I took a step back, easing myself into stance.

I was going to take his head off.

One, two ---!

"No!"

Huh?

I cut my eyes for a brief second, tightening my damp grip on my sword. How had I managed to make my way back to Loki's cell?

He was staring down at me, ironically safe from all the madness in his prison. He'd slammed his hands against the cell, making the walls ripple and catch my attention.

No?

No what?

I glanced back at the powerful marauder before back at Loki, seeing him shake his head again, almost frantically.

And why the hell not?

I couldn't just let this continue!

If I could hit and kill the marauder from a distance ---.

I threw the dagger in my hand with all my might, knowing without a doubt it was going to hit it's target. It would slide right into his neck, between the hem of his helmet and his collar.

Or it would just bounce off his skin as if made of stone.

Okay.

Definitely didn't expect that.

I blinked, straightening slightly in surprise --- I'd never seen anything like that before.

The marauder turned, white eyes glowing beneath his helmet as they landed on my foolish self. I regretted my attack as his broad body turned to face me, swatting people from his way as if they were nothing.

What was this creature!?

I took a few steps back, clenching my jaw. I had no idea what to do, from what I'd seen the creatures skin was impenetrable! None of our weapons had been able to pierce his skin, not even to the tiniest cut.

If I fought him he would kill me.

I needed a different tactic! One I I knew would make some kind of difference! If it wasn't for the clang of weapons and the sounds of battle, if be able to think a little better!

Okay, take a breathe, don't panic... think.

What should I do?

My eyes flicked around, but there was nowhere for me to go. I couldn't escape the creature, I most certainly couldn't risk trying to dart around him.

I bit my lip, my hand reaching for my sword.

I could fight him to the death, go down in battle. I would go to Valhalla, be with the other warriors...

But I wasn't ready for that just yet.

No, I still had plans.

Things to do.

Okay.

I took a few more steps back, drawing my sword completely from its hilt. I kind of wished Loki would stop beating against his cell, it was very distracting.

He had nothing to worry about, it was the rest of us.

My teeth dug deeply into my lower lip as I stepped closer to Loki's prison, aligning myself with the correct stones.

My sword served as my weapon, but also as a key. It could override the prison system for each cell individually, causing them to open. I could release Loki, and if he survived his cells opening, he would be free and hopefully most everyone fighting in the vicinity would be down for a few minutes.

Especially the marauder.

I shouldn't release him, there was a cell to my left with a few prisoners much less murderous and conniving.

Yet here I was, letting my errant fondness for the liar override my judgement in the heat of battle.

Dammit.

I hoped I didn't regret this.

I gave it a few seconds, gave the marauder time to get close enough to me where I knew he would be damaged.

Then I turned, seeing the narrowest of slits in the platform of the cell. I drove my sword down, the tip sliding into the hidden override only I and my father knew about. I gave it three seconds, feeling the sweat running down my face as I concentrated.

I'd only done this in practice.

I tilted my sword right, then left --- and then down again, sheathing it into the stone halfway.

There was a very audible clicking sound.

My eyes flicked up to Loki's for a split second, and I really did hope he didn't die from this.

I dropped to the ground, covering my head best I could as I felt the rumble. It only took another moment before the entire cell exploded, the force of it sending me sliding across the floor and into the other cells platform, knocking the breath out of me.

I kept my eyes shut, but I knew it threw everyone else down, tossing them across the prison as the cells energy sought release. It shook the ground, and I held tighter to myself as I heard loud, booming cracking noises, as if a column was collapsing.

That hadn't been my intention!

I flinched, my knees curling as I felt a sharp pain in my side. I jerked, but I couldn't move my arms from around my head, I didn't want to be anymore exposed from the backlash!

I laid there even when the grounds shuddering stopped, even when I could hear people who'd survived start to shuffle and groan.

Mostly I laid there because I was numb, I could hardly feel my body. I'd known what could happen from manually overloading a cell, the damage I could do to myself.

Still, it had been a change I had to take.

I didn't want that creature getting out.

But it appeared I wouldn't be either.

I was bleeding, my side was burning, sharp pains, throbbing. It felt hot, and even the tiniest shift caused it to be worse.

I hadn't wanted to go out like this, I'd wanted to...

I supposed it didn't matter.

I hoped Loki was alive, that he took this opportunity to escape.

At least it was one last favor I could do for him...

Maybe... maybe I'd... see him in...

In...

...

264 notes · View notes

jeremieg21 · 8 years ago

Text

Understanding American Cultural Exports: Global Media, Bollywood, and Independent Cinema

I wrote this article as a fellow with Arts Diplomacy Network in March 2014.

Definitions of the term independent cinema, also called indie films in America do not necessarily match with the Indian film industry because the independent circuit mainly developed in the West. Through a conversation with Indian screenwriter, director, and film critic, Bikas Mishra I was able to gain insight on mechanisms of film financing operating in India that not only promote international collaboration but foster the development of socially relevant media that contributes to the reduction of prejudice. Mishra is the founder of DearCinema.com, an award nominated startup web platform that reports on independent cinema, film festivals, and world cinema as it relates to India. He has served on the programming and selection committees at the Mumbai Academy of the Moving Image a public trust that organizes the yearly Mumbai Film Festival and is currently working on a first feature film project called Chauranga, a co-production of the National Film Development Corporation (NFDC), which he wrote and directed. Chauranga has won awards at Mahindra Screenwriters’ Lab and Film Bazaar and is now in post-production. I also spoke with Indian film actress and award winning playwright Kalki Koechlin who provided additional insights from both the commercial and independent film sectors.

Gleaning insights form both Mishra and Koechlin’s experience and expertise I have developed an understanding of the unique aesthetic characteristics in South Asian cinema as well as the western influences that have shaped the larger industry. Bollywood and other regional film industries represent robust economic assets in India. In recent years, as the sector has established itself and opened up to foreign direct investment, some might argue that Indian cinema has been undergoing a process of Americanization of sorts. This brings to question how audiences abroad come in contact with America and what constitutes their conception of American culture. More often than not these ideas are sold abroad through our commercial media. The thriving independent film sector in India has contributed to breaking down monolithic perceptions and the promotion of sometimes dangerous cultural norms. Increased international cooperation in the film and advertising sector to produce socially relevant media as well as the incorporation of films in new education curriculum and increased platforms for the moral and aesthetic critique (not censorship) of all forms of media are important elements to consider in diffusing misconceptions and promoting balanced views of the ‘other’ in a multicultural and increasingly global media context.

On my trip to India around Diwali 2013, I sat down with Indian screenwriter, director, and film critic Bikas Mishra over coffee in Mumbai.

Defining and Understanding ‘Independent’ Media: Insights on Shifts in Mode of Film Financing

Across the globe, local film industries from Europe to Latin American have a tough time surviving because Hollywood dominates the market. The situation is the same in Asia barring India and China, both these countries having film industries that have largely survived on their own. With over 1,000 films produced annually, the Indian film industry has more than double the output of Hollywood.[1] Finpro, the national trade, internationalization and investment development organization reports that “there are over 400 production houses in the country with 32 corporate houses in the business of film production.”[2] According to the International Business Times, “Bollywood gross receipts have almost tripled since 2004 and revenue is expected to reach $4.5 billion in 2016.”[3]

Understanding the relationship between mode of financing and artistic goals in media production is important given the robust film industry that has emerged in India and the subsequent rise of independent film ventures. In the U.S., independent films are made outside of the established sector. Mishra explains, “One of the blockbusters this year was Krrish 3, a superhero film starring one of the biggest stars in Bollywood, Rakesh Roshan. This film was produced by a family-owned company. Technically, when looking purely at the financing and ownership pattern, some of the biggest production houses in Mumbai are independent non-studios, but I would not call Krrish 3 independent cinema.” According to the International Business Times, Krrish 3 "became the third Indian film to earn more than 300 crore nett[4] ($65 Million) from the worldwide box office on its theatrical run.”[5]

“Commercial cinema knows the right formula for the biggest blockbusters,” explains Indian film actress Kalki Koechlin “that being said, it’s becoming easier and cheaper to make films that are not dependent on big shot producers and families. There is also a lot of speculation and people who are not from the industry see film as a good investment in the hope of hitting the jackpot with new actors or hit movies. This investment has created space for emerging filmmakers to tell great stories.”

In India, the terms of independent film are still being defined because the larger film industry is still young. The turning point for the Indian film came in 2001, when the government accorded it industry status. Finpro reports, “Granting of the industry status along with privatization facilitated securing of finances from financial institutions at affordable rates and brought much needed transparency in the industry. (…) Since 2002, foreign investment in the film sector has been considerably liberalized, by allowing 100% foreign direct investment. The movie industry has been getting more and more corporatized. Many film production, distribution and exhibition houses are listed on the stock markets and they have raised capital through public issue.”[6]

The industry provides employment to over 6 million people in India[7] and the value of the film industry in the Indian economy is not going unnoticed. “Because it is talent driven, you can’t automatize the film industry,” Mishra explains. The Indian government supports this industry with two largely subsidized film schools, the Satyajit Ray Film & Television Institute in Calcutta and the Film and Television Institute in Pune offering access to equipment and professional training. The National Film Development Corporation funds feature films by new filmmakers, coproduces films, supports various stages of development such as scripts and post production, and helps with distribution and marketing. That being said, the Indian film industry is not dependent on government support. It benefits from independent film patrons and financiers and it is gradually becoming easier for people to approach these companies, corporations, and private equity funds.

Mode of Finance and Artistic Goals: Global Partnerships for Independent Film Production

According to Mishra, Indian films are very different form American films artistically. “Most of the time our commercial films don’t travel internationally unless they are exported to Indian communities aboard,” explains Mishra “generally our films are about somebody – like a hero; there are songs and dances; the tone is melodramatic and over the top. Our films have traditionally been very different and I think that is one of the greater reasons that they have survived.”

The American superhero film Thor screens along-side the Bollywood superhero action blockbuster of the year 2013, Krrish 3.

“In terms of the acting style, there is a lot of outward acting in South Asian films,” explains Koechlin; “this comes from traditional performing arts such as the classical Indian dance-drama Kathakali. Films in India are about escapism to an ideal world. Many Hollywood films are also like that but they usually tend to be based some kind of realistic situation. That being said, Bollywood has taken the word inspiration to the next level; they flat out appropriate elements of Hollywood films all the time.” In Bollywood, American film culture is appropriated in obvious and sometimes more subtle ways.

[This scene from Nikhil Advani's 2003 Bollywood romantic comedy-drama Kal Ho Naa Ho reveals the escapist nature of many Bollywood blockbusters. The dance number borrows music from the 1990’s American romantic comedy Pretty Woman starring Richard Geere and Julia Roberts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LW8ddkl_f0E]

Over time, virtually every part of the globe has gained exposure to American folkways through our media exports and other commodities. Boston College Professor Martha Bayles explains that “while Washington was shrinking its funding for cultural diplomacy, Hollywood was aggressively expanding its exports. The Yale Center for the Study of Globalization reports that between 1986 and 2000 the fees generated by the export of filmed and taped entertainment went from $1.68 billion to $8.85 billion – an increase of 427 percent. Foreign box-office revenue has grown faster than domestic, and now approaches a 2-to-1 ratio. The pattern is similar for music, TV and video games.”[8]

This increase in American commercial media exports had been felt by consumers in India. Professor Bayles explains further, “American pop culture has penetrated India with the fragmenting of the Indian audience and the 300-million strong emerging middle class, who have a fairly westernized taste in entertainment; but not everyone is on board. Bollywood films are starting to push the envelope, particularly when it comes to sex and it’s often written up in the New York Times as a cool thing that Bollywood is getting over its Puritanism. I think that the general Indian public has very mixed feelings about this and it is often seen as a form of Americanization. Bollywood admires American technology in film and they admire the clean and honest financing – they do not admire the lack of family and these other kinds of values “[9] Americans also concerned about the impact of commercial entertainment here at home. Professor Balyles explains, “According to a 2005 Pew Research Center survey, roughly 60 percent of Americans are very concerned about the values that popular culture is teaching their children.”[10]

Independent Filmmakers: Breaking Down Monolithic Perceptions about Indian Culture

“I don’t belong to the city, I don’t belong to Bombay,” explains Mishra, “I grew up in Eastern India, in a village. I would like to tell my own stories about what I have observed growing up and I would like to make films about my part of the country.”

While Mumbai is the hub of the Hindi-language Bollywood film phenomenon, India is also home to a diverse range of regional studios, making movies in over 20 languages.[11] Mishra explains, “Our film industry is decentralized. We have the Bollywood industry in Mumbai, Telugu cinema that operates out of Hyderabad, the Tamil film industry operates out of Chennai, and the Bengali film Industry out of Kolkata, to name a few. Each region has a unique language and culture which produces as many films as the entire French film industry. What is unique about our country is that we have so many national identities. Western audiences sometimes have a very monolithic idea about Indian movies but today, many of the cinemas on the margins are finding their audiences abroad and this is a very healthy development in terms of promoting cultural understanding because we are breaking free from an identity imposed upon us. There is limited exposure to Indian diversity not only abroad but in our country as well – the people in Bombay get to see very little of Bengali or Malayalam cinema.”

This phenomenon of a fragmented culture is very much echoed in the American experience. Given demographic change in the United States, The Brookings Institution reported in 2013 that new 2010 census data analysis reveals that “Texas, New Mexico and California are already majority-minority states reflecting a racial shift related to more deaths among whites than births.”[12] In addition, data reveal that “for some groups, much more than others, upward mobility and the American dream are alive and well.” A recent New York Times opinion piece explains the cultural drivers behind the fact that “Indian-Americans earn almost double the national figure (roughly $90,000 per year in median household income versus $50,000). Iranian-, Lebanese- and Chinese-Americans are also top-earners.”[13] As we move towards being a majority minority country, American commercial media are starting to adapt as seen in Coca-Cola’s most recent advertising and marketing campaign, which consists of an online video series featuring children and young adults singing ‘America the Beautiful’ in Mandarin, Spanish, Hindi, Tagalog, Arabic, Keres, Senegalese-French, and Hebrew as well as documentary-style perspectives on American identity.

[Coca-Cola using American multiculturalism and leveraging tropes of the American Dream to sell more soda is indicative of a response to projected demographic shifts and income data: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ReHUMUb9gY&feature=youtu.be]

Private sector marketing and communications is responding to demographic data in order to ensure that the future face of America values their product. Communicating the value and beauty of American diversity is a good thing, but Coca-Cola packaging the American experience still imposes a narrative on people and does not promote the individual self-expression or empower creativity. This example illustrates the limited potential for the cinema of the margins to gain widespread dissemination in a competitive media environment driven by commercial interests. “Sometimes it feels like we are headed in the same direction as America,” explains Koechlin “the concept of freedom is increasingly tied to advertizing here in India. It’s like the Marlboro man in the U.S., we are distracting people with these wonderful ideas of freedom. In India, advertising can be just awful. We have fairness crème. Movies reinforce standards of beauty by always making their villains with darker skin.”

[This Fair & Lovely advertisement targeting rural audiences sells the idea that light skin is beautiful and that men are only attracted to women that are fair: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjNxwhyhZb4]

The commercial media sector is a machine that sells products and certain ideas. “If you had only commercial media and movies the industry would die after sometime because there would be no innovation. This is because innovation is always very risky,” explains Mishra. “If you look at Bollywood films in the 90’s, every single film was about family and family values. One of the biggest box office grosses of Yash Raj Studio, the 1995 romantic comedy Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, sold the whole idea of love rooted in the concept that ultimately the girl has to get approval from the father to marry the man of her choice. When films knowingly or unknowingly start selling certain ideas about a culture or society it becomes dangerous. For years in India, all these big budget films upheld the image of a patriarch dictating the life of the family or put forth norms of respect towards elders; there was always the idea or assumption of a culture in all these films. Independent cinema moves away from that.”

“There are so many stories to tell in India and it is a shame that we have been regurgitating the same old narratives for the past ten years,” explains Koechlin. “Today, brilliant actors like Nawazuddin Siddiqui have a place in Bollywood, and they don’t need to have the six-pack body and pretty boy look. He is an amazing ambassador for independent film and reveals recent trends in investment that are changing the face of Bollywood.”

New film festivals and film markets are creating platforms where filmmakers from different parts of the country can meet and interact. The National Film Development Corporation is now in its 6th edition of Film Bazaar, which serves as a marketplace for independent films and happens every year in Goa, the seat of the International Film Festival of India. “Indian independent cinema is at a very exciting stage right now,” explains Mishra “not only because of the number of films that are getting made but because there is more funding available from abroad and Indian films are getting more international exposure.

“Through Film Bazaar I worked with a Dutch body called Binger Filmlab,” explains Mishra, “experts from Europe identified six scripts and provided mentorship. After a year, I pitched my script to the coproduction market where I met independent producers, mainly from Europe. This is how Indian films manage to find coproduction or funding from European bodies and producers from different countries.” Another initiative is carried out by Mahindra, one of the automobile giants in India. They run an entertainment company called Mumbai Mantra and, in collaboration with the Sundance Institute, they have coordinated a screenwriter’s lab.

These programs catalyze mentorship and coproduction opportunities for individual filmmakers while achieving cultural exchanges and cultural understanding outcomes because creative, financial, and technical assistance not only brings together international stakeholders but informs media outcomes and sensibilities. “I always understood the story of Chauranga as a local rural story about an Indian village,“ explains Mishra, “working with my script mentor he looked at my story and saw shades of Greek tragedy and Shakespeare that I could have never imagined because I have not grown up in that tradition. My idea of storytelling is different because I was raised on Indian folklore and literature such at the Ramayana and Mahabharata. One of my favorite authors is Phanishwar Nath 'Renu.’ In my school days, I worked with a woman writer in my small town, only later did I realize that she was a feminist Dalit writer Ramanika Gupta. I never really engaged with Western literature because I do not come from that tradition.”

The next generation of Indian independent filmmakers will increasingly travel to international festivals and access funding abroad thus translating to innovation in the mainstream film industry. Though independent films are stylistically different from the conventional Bollywood movie, many of them have nonetheless shown success at the box office. When something is successful the mainstream industry is always after that formula. The sea change that is occurring in the Indian commercial media is indicative of the importance of new financing mechanisms to spur independent storytelling through media production. These innovations produced in the independent sector infuse commercial films with increased sensitivities and nuance, which in turn produces more socially relevant media ultimately promoting understanding and the elimination of prejudice.

Leveraging Media to Promote Cultural Understanding and Educate Globally-Minded Youth

Much work needs to be done at home and abroad to dispel myths and misconceptions about cultural diversity. In her recent book Through the Screen Darkly, Professor Martha Bayles describes popular culture as a “fun-house-mirror, giving an exaggerated view of America’s faults, from sexual immorality to gun violence, political corruption to financial malfeasance. Americans may relish the exaggeration or recoil from it, but either way we automatically adjust the picture in light of our own experience. A similar adjustment is possible for those who have access to accurate information about the United States; whether from travel, study, or exposure to its larger cultural heritage. The problem is that most human beings have no such access, so they cannot adjust the picture and while they often find it entertaining, they seldom admire it.”[14]

Professer Bayles asks, “Where do people get their impressions about American ideas and customs? Given that 95% of the human race is not American and the vast majority of these people will never meet an American or travel to the United States, the masses learn about America through our entertainment products.” [15] A report commissioned by the State Department’s International Visitors Program offers this summary:

“People who watch U.S. television shows, attend Hollywood movies, and listen to pop music can’t help but believe that we are a nation in which we have sex with strangers regularly, where we wander the streets well-armed and prepared to shoot our neighbors at any provocation, and where the lifestyle to which we aspire is one of riche, cocaine-snorting decadent sybarites. This is not an accurate description of the U.S., nor is it attractive to many people around the world… The visitors were very clear that the images of America, shaped by commercial media were inaccurate and distorted, and gave them a negative perception of the United States.”[16]

“In India, before every film you have to stand up and sing the national anthem; we take cinema very, very seriously,” explains Mishra. “American movies are very prevalent here. If you walk into any theater there are at least two Hollywood films – every single big Hollywood movie is released here, just like everywhere else in the world. Everybody in India watches Hollywood movies since childhood; everybody knows about America. Similarly, people abroad know more about India because they have seen Indian films. As an Indian, I know about the culture of Maharashtra through Marathi films; I know about Bengal because I have grown up watching Bengali movies. Cinema helps you know about your culture and the culture of others especially if you do not limit yourself to mainstream cinema because mainstream cinema has commercial motivations.”

When I got back to the US, I connected with Bollywood star Kalki Koechlin and asked her a few questions about multiculturalism and media in India.

“It was really by accident that I started making Bollywood films,” explains Koechlin. “I grew up in South India and speak Tamil, French, and English. Hindi is not my first language; I just knew useless sentences and academic grammar when I started out. When I first got to Bombay I was doing a lot of theater and not making much money. Then the role of Chandramukhi in the movie Dev D, Anurag Kashyap modern-day take of Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay's classic Bengali novel Devdas, came along. When I went for the audition, the script was in Hindi and I thought I was not going to be able to pull it off. I did the audition in English and the role was tailored to me; I am Indian of French decent, and a lot of mainstream Indian actors refused to do the role of Chandramukhi claiming it was indecent.”

“The reason I decided to take on the role was because in the movie, Chandramukhi wasn’t stereotyped in any way. Her role was inspired by an instant messaging scandal that took place a few years back in India where a 15 year old teenager girl was unknowingly filmed giving her boyfriend a blowjob. This public scandal caused her father to commit suicide and she had to leave the country. The age-old tale of Devdas was made contemporary in Dev D using a true story to explore the experience of a young Indian girl.”

Dev D is one among many films that has been able to catalyze dialogue about pressing social issues in India. The internet has opened up new and often more transparent funding avenues for independent filmmakers. Openly gay filmmaker Anirban “Onir” Dhar who is on Chauranga’s production team along with Sanjay Suri and Mohan T Mulani explains in an interview with Forbes India that for his film series I Am, which “explores such themes as homosexuality, child sexual abuse, displacement of Hindus in Kashmir and the dilemmas of in-vitro fertilization (…), one-third of the budget was raised through Facebook.” Such movies have a significant impact when placed in the context of a nation where gay sex remains a crime and much international press attention is given to an India rife with sexual assault.

The U.S. also struggles with addressing the proliferation of sexual abuse and gender based violence. The issue has been placed center stage in the national arena with Obama starting a national conversation about rape on college campuses following his State of the Union address. In addition, with an estimated 9 million American sex addicts there is a pressing need to address what has been labeled an epidemic. How can we develop media that are culturally and socially relevant to help address such cross cutting issues? In the current state of affairs, Professor Martha Bayles explains that industry counterparts from across the globe take cues from the world’s most successful entertainment industry, Hollywood, and very often that means more sex and more violence.

The movie rating systems and the Central Board of Film Certification in India are not helping as they allow youth and children to view violence more liberally than intimacy. “In India, violence is alright and acts of intimacy, such as a kiss, are not because it is much more taboo,” explains Koechlin. We experience a similar bias towards violence in the Motion Picture Association of America approach to rating movies. In January, 2014 The Parents Television Council called for an overhaul of the U.S. ratings system used in television and films, saying it does not accurately and consistently reflect violence in the media.[17] A study released in 2013 revealed that “the level of gun violence in the top-selling PG-13 movies has been rising, and it now exceeds that in the most popular R-rated films.”[18] These skewed rating structures both in the U.S. and India present a challenge for independent filmmakers who want to ensure that their films have access to a broad range of distribution channels and revenues.

In the 21st century, individuals come to know more people para-socially than through interpersonal contact in media-rich environments.[19] Given the rise of new communications technology it is important that our children are equipped with the tools to think critically about films and advertisements. This can be achieved by generating opportunities for dialogue between cultures using media as a catalyst. The Lear Center at University of Southern California Annenberg launched the Entertainment Goes Global project in 1999 to explore the implications of the globalization of entertainment. One of their new projects launched in 2003 is Journeys in Film a nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing global education among American high school students using foreign films in the classroom. Journeys in Film selects age-appropriate movies that feature young people; tell compelling stories; offer entry points for lessons on science, mathematics, social studies, language, and art; teach the history and culture of the films countries of origin; and prepare students to live and work in the global economy.[20]

The Para-social Contact Hypothesis: The Power of Media to Reduce Prejudice and Promote Understanding

Many Bollywood and Hollywood media representations are increasingly hyper sexualized and extremely violent and it is important to understand that these representations have concrete impacts on the lives of men and women across the globe. While there is literature on the adverse impacts of media representations, the work of Edward Shiappa, Professor of Comparative Media Studies/Writing at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, proves that TV can have a positive influence on prejudice. Para-social interaction suggests that communication media can provide viewers with an apparently intimate, face-to-face association with a performer. Because the human brain processes media experiences similarly to how it processes direct experience, people typically react to televised characters as they would to real people. This proves that television and film have an opportunity to influence beliefs about groups with which individuals typically may have little direct social contact.[21]

Using the Attitudes Towards Lesbians and Gay Men Scale, developed by Professor Gregory Herek, a psychotherapist at the University of California, Davis, Professor Schiappa’s work looks at shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Will & Grace proving outcomes that the more people realize how much diversity there is among gay men, the less they are to be prejudiced toward that group, most change happening with people who had least direct, personal contact with homosexuals. This is strong evidence that attitudes may change through para-social contacts.[22] Independent film has an important role to play in generating opportunities for para-social contact.

There are groups in the U.S. that seek to engage other nations and populations through local and regional TV channels abroad such as Layalina Productions or America Abroad Media, which recently honored Amir Khan for his TV series Satyamev Jayate that explores some of India’s biggest social challenges. American commercial entertainment has the opportunity to engage global audiences in meaningful ways by offering technical assistance to emerging media sectors abroad. This has been demonstrated with independent media like the show Afghan Star, based off the U.S. television show American Idol, which empowers local voices and organizations across Afghanistan by introducing new societal concepts. Jeff Skoll’s Participant Media produces entertainment that inspires and compels social change. American television shows like All in the Family and The Cosby Show in the 70’s, or Modern Family today, all have had an impact in terms of questioning social norms at home and abroad.

[Afghan Star inculcates the practice and principles of merit-based competition and civic participation.[23] This documentary film preview follows contestants as they risk their lives to sing and participate in the show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DentE2ydnMI]

Meanwhile, Dr. Luke, the man responsible for writing the lyrics to Pitbull’s Timber featuring Ke$ha and virtually every American pop song of the last decade described on PolicyMic as “epic female anthems that have come to define a whole new pop sound”[24], is arguably the most far reaching spokesperson for American women abroad.

[Meanwhile Pitbull and Ke$ha serve as pop culture music video ambassadors representing Cuban-American relations in action http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHUbLv4ThOo]

This crisis in understanding demonstrates the need for all nations to create international, national, and regional venues for inclusive conversations about media representations to unpack what they mean for individuals and for society at large. In an increasingly global society opportunities to adjust the fun-house-mirror effect produced by profit-seeking media will be essential in addressing the disparity between lived reality and media representations in nations like India and the United States. We also need to make it a national and international imperative to empower the next generation of artists and storytellers. Using independent films as a catalyst for discussion and expanding opportunities for individuals to engage in the production of media will help the next generation develop the critical skills to navigate media-saturated environments.

“We’ve forgotten to criticize our pop culture without raising the specter of censorship” explains Professor Bayles. “In other societies film is not criticized constructively. The extent of writing about film in India is fan magazines or gossip tabloids. There is no real criticism of pop culture, be it moral or aesthetic criticism.”

This is not the case in the independent cinema sector. Mishra’s DearCinema.com borrows models from the American website Indie Wire and partners with the European website Cineuropa to write about all things related to Indian independent films. With new funding secured from India’s first crowd-sourcing platform, wishberry.in, they have revamped their website and are in the process of creating a database along the lines of the American withoutabox.com, where filmmakers can get up to date information about all national and international festivals and deadlines. In the next few years, Mishra is planning new programming to complement the web interface such as workshops, interactive sessions to share best practices, and symposiums that bring together filmmakers and international co-producers.

Given the dominance of global commercial media, there is a pressing need for more robust efforts in creating platforms for citizens to meaningfully engage and discuss media representations and their implications, the implementation of curriculum that use films as a leaning tools and catalysts for critical conversations, and mechanisms of film financing and training that empower filmmakers across the globe. This will effectively hold producers and artists accountable to the impacts of media portrayals and help adjust the fun-house-mirror effect that has resulted in a crisis of understanding when it comes to Americans abroad.

[1] http://www.ibtimes.com/bollywood-100-how-big-indias-mammoth-film-industry-1236299 - 01/22/14

[2] https://www.finpro.fi/luovimo/bollywood-mania - 01/22/14

[3] http://www.ibtimes.com/bollywood-100-how-big-indias-mammoth-film-industry-1236299 - 02/09/14

[4] 1 crore = 10 million

[5] http://www.ibtimes.co.in/articles/526989/20131203/krrish-3-box-office-collection-300-crore.htm - 12/09/14

[6] https://www.finpro.fi/luovimo/bollywood-mania - 01/22/14

[7] Ibid.

[8] http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/08/27/AR2005082700034.html - 02/07/14

[9] http://onpoint.wbur.org/2014/01/14/americas-cultural-exports-now - 02/17/14

[10] Bayles, Martha. Through a Screen Darkly: Popular Culture, Public Diplomacy, and America's Image Abroad. , 2014. Print.

[11] https://www.finpro.fi/luovimo/bollywood-mania - 01/22/14

[12] http://www.brookings.edu/blogs/up-front/posts/2013/06/19-us-majority-minority-population-census-frey - 02/09/14

[13] http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/26/opinion/sunday/what-drives-success.html?smid=tw-share&_r=1 – 02/07/14

[14] Bayles, Martha. Through a Screen Darkly: Popular Culture, Public Diplomacy, and America's Image Abroad. , 2014. Print.

[15] http://onpoint.wbur.org/2014/01/14/americas-cultural-exports-now - 02/17/14

[16] Bayles, Martha. Through a Screen Darkly: Popular Culture, Public Diplomacy, and America's Image Abroad. , 2014. Print.

[17] http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/01/09/us-ratings-idUSBREA0800L20140109 - 02/07/14

[18] http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/11/business/media/gun-violence-in-american-movies-is-rising-study-finds.html?adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1392096111-OrMhzV/f/lbOcEMBfGXTBw 02/17/14

[19] Schiappa, Edward, Peter B. Gregg, and Dean E. Hewes. "The Parasocial Contact Hypothesis.” Communication Monographs. 72.1 (2005): 92-115. Print.

[20] http://www.learcenter.org/pdf/JIFPressRel.pdf - 02/07/14

[21] Ibid.

[22] Ibid.

[23] http://www.brookings.edu/events/2009/06/12-afghanistan-media - 02/19/14

[24] http://www.policymic.com/articles/81511/one-man-has-written-virtually-every-pop-song-of-the-last-10-years - 02/09/14

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