#thor crossdressing and failing miserably but people humour him because - again - he's useful bait on quests and can be ransomed to odin

[worstloki]

as kids we all thought whirlpools were a lot more severe of a problem than they really are. lorelei is a sailor that knows a lot about whirlpools due to her obsession and visited the world's biggest one. needless to say she was dissapointed. lorelei decides to take a trip to the northern plains to learn a new boat building technique from the vikings. suddenly there is a whirlpool with a sea snake to scale. the diameter is approximately the size of iceland. whose fault could that possibly be

This calls for a pirate AU

- Odin is a land-dweller that believes in the power of farming not sailing

- Lorelei is an amazing pirate-esque figure

- Loki kinda shows up on her ship occasionally and leaves no one knows how??

- Thor ‘sneaks’ aboard when she’s docked on the island of Asgard by disguising himself as a maiden (because Lorelei’s ship is 99% female and the 1 percent is Loki sometimes) and thinks Lorelei doesn’t notice but she does and says he’s an exception because she can ‘use him as a hostage if she’s ever low on gold’

- Lorelei is always going on amazing pirate adventures but also complaining about how not adventurous it is 

- Loki shows up male and female and Thor legit doesn’t recognise female Loki

- Loki gives Lorelei cryptic maps and prophetic verses that lead on her adventures that are too cool to pass on but also ridiculous because how did he find out about all these things

- At least 1 map leads to a kraken which she slays (thor helps)

- Prophecy leads her to Atlantis but it only resurfaces for a day each month (thor doesnt help because he’s totally afraid of water)

- Lorelei sees a whirlpool that actually isn’t disappointing and immediately wants to thank and curse loki because this is exactly the kind of adventure she wanted but also A SNAKE??? REALLY??? WHat dOES Loki dO in HIS free TIME??

- Odin wears an eye patch but its constantly switching sides and he refuses to admit or acknowledge it if its pointed out

- Frigga supports Thor sneaking off to go pirating with Lorelei because she was a pirate herself when she was younger and its fun

- Frigga has no idea Loki is also out pirating she just thinks he dresses pirate because of fashion

- Literally how Loki is getting places is never addressed 

- Lorelei and Loki first meet when she ties him up and steals his map (haHA it leads to a island of evil monsters that only loki knows the way out of) 

- They become friends as they get the treasure and escape that island and make a deal where they’ll help each other seek adventure (so loki can give her maps and she lets loki join their crew whenever)