#tho there's a few times where ive gone back and forth between a few

[sukugo]

list of my urls throughout the years

nothingtodoinlife

explosionboyy

thotinhoekenshield

wolfgangoldenleonard

gojofucker

gosuku

sukuita

bottomgojosupremacist

rivaeren

stevetonied

thorlokis

anakincito

knivash

sukugo ᴺᴱᵂ

[shoutogepi]

A Million Times Over, part 1

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𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Todoroki Shouto x American!Reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 11.3k holy shit this is so long guys. fuck.

[ ☀︎, ☁︎, ✘ (nsfw!) ] (series warnings)

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : some NSFW themes but no actual smut. a lot of pining and angst. some cute moments too tho!

𝐛𝐢𝐨 : You lose all memories from the past five years of your life due to an accident-induced coma, including any recollection of your beloved boyfriend and fellow pro-hero, Shouto. He’s devastated that you don’t remember him, but the both of you are determined to get your memories back, no matter how long it takes. In the meantime, you attempt to rebuild your relationship with him… while also nurturing the spark that’s still very much lit between you two.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 : Originally I intended for this to just be a long fic… but even for my standards, this would be wayyy too long to be just in one post. I decided to split the fic into three instead, so this will be the first part of my very first multi-chap series, A Million Times Over, for my beloved Sho <3

𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 : big thank you to my sweet friend @todoscript​ for beta-reading this for me and hyping me up!! love you, can’t wait to read what you have in the works soon <3

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─── ・°* ﾟ✧:* • ｡ﾟ:*･☽･*: ｡ﾟ•*:✧ ﾟ*°・ ───

“.../n”

…

“.. y/n…”

…

🅃he buzzing noise in your ears sharpened. White light snuck between your eyelids and you groaned, fingers reaching toward your temple. Confusion burst forth as you recognized foreign, plastic tubing connected to your skin, your eyes opening wider as you began to register your surroundings.

You were in a hospital room. To be more exact, you were in the bed in the middle of the hospital room— meaning, you were the patient. The realization shocked you, and you jolted upright abruptly, suddenly all too aware of the tubes stuck up your nose. At your sudden movement, large, warm hands landed on your arms and rubbed at your skin gently, making your attention turn to the person sitting at your bedside.

“Y/n? Hey, you’re okay, love, it's alright. You’re safe, I’ve got you.” His voice was smooth and deep, an anchor for you to grab onto in the midst of your confusion.

You were gawking, staring straight at him— you couldn't help it. Your jaw was probably hanging open, gaping like a fish at the man before you. What were you in the hospital for exactly— had you gone insane and dreamed this situation up?

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“Sh-Shouto Todoroki,” you mumbled, gaze connected with his tired but bright, heterochromatic orbs. His brow furrowed and his head tilted slightly at your courteous acknowledgement, but he brushed it aside and smiled at you instead.

Your heart was pounding in your chest as you took in his form beside you. He was tall— you could tell even though he was seated— and he was more handsome than you’d ever imagined, somewhere in his mid-to-late twenties judging by the sharp, masculine features of his face.

“Y/n…,” he breathed out, a large, calloused hand coming up to cup your jaw. Then he pulled you into a hug, his strong, muscular arms wrapping around your torso and cradling the back of your head to press you into his chest. He smelled of clean laundry and winter, a crisp, fresh scent that made an unknown comfort blossom in your chest.

Slowly you placed an arm around his neck, your other hand laying limp on the sheets as it was still connected to the IV. You rubbed his back slightly, still dazed by your apparent situation. Looking outside the open window in the corner of the room, you realized it was daytime; yellow sunlight beaming into the room and pouring onto the tiled floor. There were vases of flowers all around the room, as well as stuffed animals, cards, and balloons that all wished for your health and speedy recovery.

“I’m so glad you’re awake,” Shouto whispered into your shoulder, still holding you tight in his embrace. His voice was still low, but this time it shook with profound emotion. “I missed you… so much.”

Your body felt relaxed in his arms, even though your brain was whirring a thousand miles a minute. You had no clue how you’d ended up in the hospital, who sent you all these gifts, where you even were geographically, and most importantly, why Shouto Todoroki was holding onto you like you meant the world to him. You patted his back stiffly and he let go of you just enough to move his face in front of yours. His eyes held such love and relief, the emotions as clear as day that butterflies ruptured from your stomach. As if his expression wasn’t enough to get your heart racing, he leaned forward and captured your lips, pressing his mouth to yours in a firm but sweet kiss.

It only lasted for a minute, but it was enough to have your heart rate monitor start beeping rapidly, noisily chiming at the other side of your bed. His face was so perfect and smooth up close— you couldn’t close your eyes as you took in his astonishing beauty. Sure, you’d imagined he would be perfect… but in person, here before you, he was indescribable. The man of your dreams. And a good kisser, too.

A nurse rushed into the room, seemingly out of breath. When she caught sight of the two of you, your lips locked, and Shouto holding you so tenderly, she let out an awkward cough and pawed at her scrubs, averting her eyes as she approached your bedside. Shouto pulled away, only to plant a soft kiss on the very tip of your nose before leaning back into his seat. He had a wide smile on his lips, content-crinkled eyes settled on you as his hand enveloped yours.

“So you’re awake!” the nurse stated excitedly, busying around with the beeping machine, managing to shut the blasted thing off. “How are you feeling? Any pain, discomfort?”

You glanced at Shouto, who smiled at you warmly and squeezed your hand. If that heart rate machine was still on, surely it would be going haywire again. “Uhh, I think I’m okay… just kinda groggy,” you replied truthfully, your voice coming out hoarse. You cleared your throat and she handed you a small cup of water, which you took gratefully. You continued on after taking a few sips, the liquid cooling your irritated throat. “No pain, but I’m a little… confused, to be honest.”

“I’m sure you are, hon,” the nurse said, giving you a smile full of understanding. It made you feel a little less on edge, and you gave her a half-hearted smile back. “You were in a bad accident almost a month ago. You suffered some head trauma, and you’ve been in a coma ever since. You also had two bruised ribs, and some minor surface wounds. The cuts are all gone now, and your ribs should be almost all healed by now as well, but if you have any discomfort on your left side here,” she gestured to your ribs and continued, “just let me know. I’ll page your doctor and we’ll do a quick check-up on you in just a minute!”

You nodded slowly, the gears turning in your head. You were in an accident, and then a coma for a whole month? It all seemed so crazy to you— you can’t remember a single thing leading up to your supposed accident. Head trauma… you weren’t usually the type to get hurt, and you’d never been in a coma before. “Umm… what kind of accident was it?” you asked, looking between Shouto and the nurse, not really directing the question to either of them specifically.

“You were flung into a cement pillar during a fight, love. The blow was mostly on your side, hence your bruised ribs… but your head smacked into the pillar secondarily,” Shouto replied, his smile disappearing as an unfamiliar bitterness washed over his handsome face. “We were battling together and you were knocked unconscious instantly… you’ve been asleep ever since.”

“A fight..?” you frowned, tilting your head in confusion. “We were fighting, and you threw me against a… cement pillar?”

Shouto looked horrified at your misunderstanding, adamantly shaking his head and making his soft, two-toned hair shine in the sunlight. “No, I would never hurt you— the villain did, baby. I incapacitated them right after,” he paused, eyes casting downwards and his free hand forming into a fist at the memory, “but the damage had already been done...”

That sounded right… your job was herowork, you could at least recall that. But you didn’t think you’d ever fought beside a hero as great and renowned as Japan’s famed dual-tempered Shouto. Sure, you’d been doing your best to climb the American hero leaderboard, but you weren’t by any means at the top yet. “Umm… can you tell me.. why we were fighting a villain together, exactly?”

Shouto looked directly at you, his brow furrowing before he looked to the nurse on the other side of your bed. They shared a look, and you shuffled uncomfortably in the cotton sheets pulled up to your waist, unease sitting like a rock in your stomach.

“Y/N, can you tell me what you remember before the accident?” Shouto asked slowly, his grip on your hand tightening just a fraction. There was a sliver of something else in his voice now, a hint of urgency in his request.

You looked between him and the nurse hesitantly, racking your brain for anything you could think of. “Uhh… I don’t… I don’t remember, I— I’m sorry.”

“That’s alright hon, don’t worry. It’s common to have some confusion after just waking up from a coma. We can try an easier question. Let’s see… do you know your birthday?”

You responded instantly, and there was the tiniest amount of relief on Shouto’s face at your correct response.

“Your mother’s maiden name?”

You got that one right too, Shouto’s thumb rubbing over your knuckles soothingly in silent praise.

“How about your phone number?”

You took a second to think of it, but you answered that one too. The nurse looked over at Shouto to see his reaction, and so did you. But Shouto was frowning at you, making dread drip into your veins. “That’s your US number, love… what’s your Japanese number?”

You looked at him incredulously. “My Japanese number? Why would I need a Japanese number?” you inquired, thinking this must have been some kind of trick question.

The nurse and Shouto shared a more serious look, and Shouto swallowed as he looked away from you, turning toward the window instead. You squeezed at his hand but he didn’t respond, so you turned to the nurse instead, confused now more than ever.

“I don’t understand…,” you mumbled, hoping for some clarification from her. She smiled at you, but this time it did not reach her eyes.

“You’re in Japan, hon. You’re speaking Japanese right now… and you’re also one of the top heroes in Japan, just like your boyfriend here.”

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The next few days passed by in a blur. The hospital staff was all very kind and hospitable, but it still felt like you had woken up in the middle of someone else’s life. Even though your body was yours, and you looked just the same, you couldn’t help the unease that lingered from your imposter syndrome.

You had gone through so many tests and check-ups that they all blended together at this point. You had been poked, prodded, and quizzed the entire time since you’d woken up from your coma. There were so many different tests regarding your memory that your brain felt like melted jelly by now, and your frustration was at an all-time high.

Shouto had gotten up and left the room shortly after the nurse informed you of your situation. Your heart felt heavy for him— he seemed so excited, so relieved that you were finally awake— and this was the devastating reality that he was left to face. After patiently waiting at your bedside for weeks, this was the bitter pill he had to swallow when you had finally come-to… you imagined that he was not eager to confront such a terrible twist of fate. Yet he had come back into your room half an hour later, eyes suspiciously puffy and pink, and his nose a little stuffy, but nonetheless, he grabbed your hand and kissed your knuckles, squeezing even tighter than before. Even though you barely knew him, his presence made you feel safe, and you were glad to have him by your side.

Between your numerous mental tests and check-ins, the conversation between the two of you was surprisingly easy. He was patient with you, and kind. Apparently, you’d first met him in America at a hero convention about five years ago, and you started dating after a year and a half of being friends. Your memory had been completely wiped of the past five years, leaving your Japanese friends, coworkers, and dedicated boyfriend all in the dark. According to Shouto, you had befriended many of the top heroes in Japan, seeing as they were also your colleagues. It turned out that the numerous flower arrangements scattered about your room were from these heroes, as well as fans… though a good amount were from the heterochromatic man himself.

Shouto took care of you during your days at the hospital. He talked to the doctor after your check-ins, pulling them aside and conversing in hushed voices in the hallway just outside your door. He called your family for you and flew them out, only adding to the chaos in your hospital room. He told all of your Japanese friends and acquaintances to stay away for now, knowing that meeting them would probably just overwhelm and guilt you. And each day he would bring you a treat that you would inevitably love, proving to you that he really did know you, and that he knew your preferences and even your favorite boba order. He probably would have stayed by your bedside even through each night, but you insisted he go home and sleep in a proper bed. You already felt bad enough that he was taking a hiatus from hero work until you recovered… you didn’t need to add his future back issues to your already guilty conscience.

You found yourself enjoying your time with him. You knew who he was— you had certainly heard of him during your previous hero work that you actually remembered. You kept it to yourself that you had harbored an embarrassingly large crush on him, though. You figured he probably knew that, seeing as he was your boyfriend of three and a half years… no need to bring it up! But now that your memory had reverted back to your mental state five years ago… you inevitably had feelings for the pro hero, and you weren’t sure if he either couldn’t tell how he affected you, or if he was just being polite. Whatever the case, there was still a spark between the two of you. Even though all the progress of your relationship had been erased on your side, each day your feelings only grew for the selfless, charming, and witty half-and-half man. So much so, that you would now reach out for his hand when he would enter your room each morning, and he would smile at you and slip his fingers between yours, no matter how much it hurt to restrain himself from showing you more affection.

After about a week, you were cleared to go home. Your nurse, who you had come to know as Akari, told you that the doctor had originally wanted to keep you for longer… but that Shouto was such a doting beau that they had given you the express go-ahead, knowing you would be in the highest of care.

Your memory was still not restored, though you had started to remember odd things here and there. Like how to use your phone— it was the newest model and far from the technology you were familiar with five years ago, but you opened the device and navigated it expertly on your first go. The doctor said that that was a good sign, though it could just be muscle memory... but Shouto still gave you a small smile of encouragement. Next was when you had asked Shouto to bring you your favorite moisturizer, a Japanese brand, and you just mentioned it so casually in conversation that you would have blown right over it had Shouto not pointed it out to you. You were recalling little, mundane things here and there, but never anything big— no people, no places. No distinct memories.

Akari assured you many times that as long as you kept working at it, your memories would return. She always said it when you were frustrated— she could tell your moods and she could see how hard you were trying. But she also said it when you were doing fine, and that was when you knew she was saying it more to Shouto than anything. You were glad to have her there, because even though Shouto was there for you physically, he kept most of his emotions sealed off from you… and it was hard for you to read him. Akari was an excellent nurse, and you felt blessed to have been taken care of by her. But a tiny, minuscule part of you was jealous that she could tell how he was feeling, while you were left in the dark.

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You sighed as the car door clicked shut, feeling apprehensive. The vehicle that Shouto had driven to the hospital today is sleek, shiny, and foreign. You had no clue what model it was, but you knew it must have been expensive— the interior was framed with a polished wood that complimented the peanut-butter color of the leather seats and steering wheel. Shouto slipped into the drivers’ side next to you, offering you a small smile as he clicked his seatbelt into place.

“Are you nervous?” he asked, pausing before he turned the ignition. The car purred to life, a welcome screen popping up in the middle of the console.

You thought it over for a moment before answering, watching as he slid the parking ticket out from under the overhead visor. “A little… I think excited is a better word for it, though.”

Shouto’s smile broadened just a tad, his hand reaching over the center console and squeezing yours briefly. “Me too,” he murmured, eyes locked with yours for just a moment too long before his arm propped back against the corner of your seat, and he reversed out of the parking spot. You couldn’t help but admire his chiseled jawline as he did so, eyes flitting away quickly when he caught your lingering gaze.

The drive from the hospital to your home wasn’t long, and you were thankful that was the case— you’d have definitely felt even guiltier if he’d been driving for a long time all these days to come and see you. The city distracted you along the way, bustling and bright as ever, and your eyes were wide with wonder as you took in the colorful displays littering the streets and storefronts. Everything— everyone just seemed so alive; it was impossible to keep the smile from your face.

At one red light in particular, you saw a cat cafe, zoning in on a particularly pudgy cat snoozing at the top of the cat tree in the window. You giggled and pointed it out to Shouto, glancing over at him to see if he was looking, and the softest smile was on his lips as his eyes gazed deeply into yours. You held his stare for a moment and then looked away again, flustered and your cheeks feeling warm as you cleared your throat.

It was then that you noticed his hand lying atop the center of the console, tempting you to reach out and lace your fingers with his, like you had done so many times at the hospital. But it felt different without the safety of the white walls and medical equipment you had grown to know, somehow scarier— like he might reject you for whatever reason. You chose to keep your hands to yourself for now.

“It seems like you’re curious about the city,” he said as silence settled between the pair of you, the only noise in the cabin of the vehicle being the low melody from the radio.

You shrugged and hummed in agreement, eyes now glued to the other side of the window as countless people and businesses whizz by. “I like to know the city I’m protecting,” you answered, leaning back against the headrest. “It makes me feel more connected to the people that live here… the people we’re helping when we do our jobs. Y’know?”

Shouto nodded, humming his own agreement. “Yeah… I know what you mean,” he replied. After a short pause, he turned to you, waiting for another red light to turn green. “Maybe we can come out in disguise sometime… if that would interest you. I can show you around, we can have a little adventure.”

You visibly perked up at his suggestion, your grin making his heart flutter suddenly in his chest. “Yes! I would love that!” you beamed at him and he smiled back at you, the faintest hint of a blush dusting his cheeks.

You bit your lip as he turned back toward the road, the car shifting forward as he pressed the gas at the green signal. He was trying… so you had to, too.

“But only if we go together, okay?” You reached over and took his hand before you could chicken out. His fingers fit perfectly in between yours, and your cheeks felt hot again as you gazed intently at your intertwined hands.

Shouto let out a little breath of surprise at your action, but his fingers curled tightly around yours in under a second. “Of course… love.”

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Shouto had sent your family home, despite their protests. The doctor’s orders were for you to resume life as you normally would— apparently, that would be the quickest way for you to regain your memories. The verdict was much to your parents’ dismay, but they understood that it was the fastest means for you to return to, well, you. So they left Shouto to take care of you, and he insisted that once your memories came back, he would fly them back out to see you again, or the two of you would come to them.

Though technically he was a stranger to you, he was the closest thing to home in the strange storm of your memory loss. He had been there for you every step of the way, every day. He tended to your every need, and he even anticipated your needs before you were aware of them. That didn’t change once you arrived at your shared apartment.

If you could even call it that.

“Holy shit,” you mumbled when Shouto unlocked the door for you, gesturing for you to enter first. Your jaw was on the herringbone-patterned, hardwood floor as your eyes wandered around the entryway, taking in every design detail you came across. You barely managed to take off your shoes before you were peeking your head into the bathroom next to the entry hallway, inspecting the clean and gorgeously-furnished half-bath.

Shouto chuckled and closed the door behind him, making sure to turn the lock as he set his keys into a porcelain bowl beside the door. “Go explore, I think you’ll like what you see,” he said amusedly, a half-smirk on his pink lips as he eyed you. Your starstruck expression only grew as you padded into the open space of the living room.

A long, cushy sofa and chaise stood before the huge flat-screen that was nestled into an elegant built-in, shelves filled with books you knew and loved and ones you didn’t recognize, too. Game consoles lined the shelf below the plasma screen, and your toes curled into the fuzzy rug underfoot as you gaped at the room. Everything— even the curtains and the coasters on the coffee table— was exactly in your taste. You felt like you were in wonderland. Had you fallen down a rabbit hole and this was the magical, heavenly place you had landed in? Clearly this had to be a dream, right? You woke up as Todoroki Shouto’s long-time girlfriend, and apparently you lived here, with him?

Goddamn.

The kitchen, laundry room, main bath, office, bedroom, and master bath all fit your taste exactly the same. Only the second office and spare bedroom seemed a little out of place— they were more of a traditional Japanese design, but even though it was different, you did not mind. Even the runner on the staircase— who had a staircase in their apartment, by the way?!— was in a pleasing color and pattern. There was even a decently sized home gym, with various equipment and machines and a mirror running the length of the entire wall. By the end of your expedition, you were simply at a loss for words. You found Shouto sitting on one of the stools at the marble island that separated the kitchen and the living room, busy combing through some manila files.

“Umm,” you started, catching his attention.

He looked up at you, propping his chin onto his hand as his elbow rested on the counter. One brow quirked up, he grinned slyly at your outright astonishment. “Well?” he prompted, sitting up and rolling his neck, then stretching his broad shoulders. “What do you think?”

You try not to linger on the way the muscles rippled underneath his tight, crisp shirt, playing off your silence as shock. “It’s uh… perfect? I live here? I actually live here, right? You’re not pulling my leg?”

Shouto chuckled and shook his head. “I would never, love. Well, I have before, but no— I’m not right now. You live here. We live here. It’s all ours.”

You laughed giddily, unable to contain your excitement. Shouto smiled fondly at you, your grin infectious as your eyes wandered around the kitchen once more.

“Snack pantry is behind that door,” he nodded his head to the side and your eyes grew even starrier. He couldn’t help the laugh that trickled out of him at your instant footsteps— you were still you, after all. He knew all the ways to your heart very well, and one of them was most definitely through food.

“Woah.” Your mouth hung open once again at the rows of snacks and foods that greeted your gaze when you opened the door, the light flicking on automatically. Your eyes danced over the labels, recognizing many of your favorite flavors throughout the variety. “We could survive a whole year off of this stuff, Shouto.”

You stiffened when an arm wrapped around your middle, his front pressing up against your back as his chin fell onto your shoulder. That same comforting scent encircled you, but this time it was mixed with a subtle, woodsy aroma that made your mouth water.

Shouto breathed softly into your hair, the tip of his nose brushing the side of your neck. “I stocked up for your return, love.” He took another leisurely deep breath before he pulled back, his arm falling from your body and leaving you surprisingly cold without his touch. “Wanted you to have everything you could possibly desire.”

Your eyes inspected the pattern on the hardwood floor as he stepped away from you, your arm crossing over your front to grab onto your bicep nervously. Letting out a small laugh, you replied, “Yeah, I think you covered all the bases…”

He only hummed as he returned to his seat, sliding on a pair of thin metal glasses you hadn’t seen him take off before. You couldn’t help but think he looked incredibly handsome like this— a rare, domestic sight for only your eyes to enjoy. “Sorry I can’t entertain you at the moment,” he said, that analytical gaze locking onto you once more. “My agency asked me to look over these cases and I just have to finish them up— I’m technically on leave, but I still want to help out when I can. I only need another half hour or so. Feel free to help yourself to anything you like. This is your home, after all.”

You smiled and nodded, rolling back and forth on the balls of your feet. “Alright, I’ll try not to bother you.” Shouto frowned at your wording, but you carried on anyway. “I think I’ll poke around our room and see if I can find something that triggers a memory.” Your acknowledgement of your shared bedroom seemed to put him at ease, and with that, you grabbed a strawberry-flavored snack from the pantry before making your way past him, roaming over to the bedroom.

“You can go through my things if you want, too!” He called from behind you, having already made your way to the stairs. Choosing not to reply to his invitation, you hopped up the steps and quietly closed the door to your bedroom, hands landing on your hips. Inspecting the room from left to right, you decided to go through the toiletries in the master bath before anything else.

Before you could move even a foot in the direction of the en-suite, a furry creature darted out from underneath the bed skirt and dashed toward you. You gasped in delight at the gorgeous visage of the long-haired cat— she had bright blue eyes and fine white fur, her coat streaked with gray here and there. The cat meowed cutely and curled around your ankle, rubbing her head against your leg affectionately.

You immediately crouched down and lowered yourself to her level, fingers eagerly diving into her soft fur and offering a good scratch behind the ears. “Hi gorgeous,” you cooed, the animal mewling back at you in response. Your fingers found her collar and you flipped over the tag, reading her name with a smile. “Nice to meet you, Yuki.” 

Heart softened at the thought of Shouto owning such a pretty creature, you gave her a good long rub before you decided to move on to your quest at hand. The creature followed closely behind, twisting in between your legs as you entered the en-suite.

The bathroom was large and luxurious, just what you would expect from a pro-hero of Shouto’s standing. It occurred to you that you too, were a hero of such regard, which must explain why you could afford all the lavish things you came across while combing through the closets and cabinetry.

You went through countless skincare products, face masks, makeup items, and bathing goods on what you presumed was your side of the double sink before you peeked into Shouto’s drawers. You fingered through his hygienic products, mumbling to yourself in surprise when you came across skincare items whose existence most men would not even be aware of. You shrugged and figured that you just must be an excellent girlfriend and teacher, assuming he used them correctly.

Eventually you found his shaving items, eyes scanning the labels until you find his aftershave. Shrugging, you took the cap off, giving a tentative sniff before you realized that must be what you smelled on him earlier, when he’d pressed up against you from behind and nuzzled into your neck. You bit your lip as you recalled how his arm felt around your waist, his nose on your throat. It had felt so intimate, and oddly… natural.

It was the most contact you’d had with him so far. While you were at the hospital, he would hold your hand. Besides that first moment when you had just woken up— when he hugged and kissed you, and the fireworks that had gone off had been then overshadowed by the horrific realization that your memory had been wiped— the half-hug just twenty minutes ago was the only time he had initiated further physical contact with you.

You frowned. It wasn’t like you’d been super affectionate toward him, either. Sure, you had reached out for his hand at the hospital, and you took it again during the car ride home… but now that it was just the two of you, alone in your home… it felt different. Maybe that was why Shouto had asked if you felt nervous when you were in the car, following your discharge from the hospital only an hour ago. Had he seen it coming— this potential pitfall in the reconstruction of your relationship? You wondered how he felt about all of this, but you were too shy to ask him so directly. Not when you barely knew him.

“Missed me so much you’re sniffing my cologne?”

You froze and glanced up at the mirror, Shouto’s reflection smirking at you from his leaned position against the doorway. Your cheeks immediately went warm and fuzzy again as you capped the glass bottle, carefully placing it back into its drawer before looking over your shoulder to him. A glance at the clock on the wall revealed it had been forty minutes; you must have gotten swept up in examining your beauty products.

He didn't have his glasses on anymore, and he had changed into a solid-colored t-shirt, the crisp button-down he’d donned earlier nowhere to be seen. Damn it… you had missed your chance to ogle at him with his shirt off. At your silence, his smirk melted into a small smile, stepping forward and joining your sitting form on the heated-tile floor. “Don’t worry, I’ve done the same to your perfume before as well,” he murmured as he reached toward the drawer on your far side, his arm brushing against your back as he searched for the glass vial. “You can try it, too. It’s the most recent addition to your collection, and I personally am very partial to its scent.”

The contact made you swallow, your gaze flicking over to his. He was looking at the various perfume bottles in the drawer, though, giving you the chance to inspect his face as his hair fell forward, soft locks of red and white splaying across his forehead. He was so breathtaking up close like this… your gaze dropped to his lips. God, you wanted to kiss him. You wanted to feel those lips on yours again, to be in his arms and to be held as tenderly as you were that first day you awoke.

“Oh right,” he chuckled, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck awkwardly. “I brought it into the spare room the other day… Must’ve forgot to put it back.” He leaned back, ending the accidental physical contact with you.

You looked at him quizzically. “The spare room? Can I ask why?”

Shouto blushed and your heart thudded in your chest. Oh crap, he was so cute with his cheeks tinged pink. “Yeah… I’ve been sleeping in there since the accident. It just feels…,” he paused as he searched for the right word, eyes avoiding yours, “wrong… to be in our bed without you.”

Your own cheeks warmed at that, his confession pulling at your heartstrings. “So the perfume..?”

His cheeks darkened a few shades, the hand on his neck rubbing harder at his skin. “Ah, that’s… honestly kind of… embarrassing to explain.”

You reached out so your hand covered his, and Shouto sighed as he allowed your fingers to slide in between his. “Can I guess? Will you tell me if I’m right?” He nodded at that, deciding it was better if he didn't have to say it. “You spray my perfume onto a pillow at night and snuggle up with it?”

Shouto’s eyes widened at your immediate response, swallowing before he let out a stiff laugh and a nod. “Yeah, that’s exactly right… kind of lame, isn’t it?”

Shaking your head, you smiled gently at him. “No, I think it’s sweet. It’s just what I would do if you were away, too.”

There’s a shocked silence that filled the bathroom then, Shouto’s wide eyes fixed on you for a long, intense moment. Eventually you broke eye contact, looking to the floor with an awkward smile.

“And you don’t have to do that tonight…” you offered quietly. “If you want, I mean… you can sleep in here.”

“Is that where you’ll be sleeping?”

You looked back at him, surprised by his instant reply. “Y-Yeah, I think so…”

“Alright,” he conceded, his blank face melting into a warm smile. “Then that’s where I’ll sleep, too.”

You returned the gesture, pleased to have made him happy. “Will you be spraying me with perfume before we tuck in?” you joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“No,” Shouto answered seriously, the smile dropping from his face, “your natural scent is a thousand times better than any perfume, love. I’ve missed it lingering on our sheets.”

Cheeks warmed for what seemed like the thousandth time today, you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and smiled, unsure of what to say. “Aha okay… well, I think you smell pretty good, too.”

⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆

Shouto originally wanted to order in from your favorite restaurant for dinner, but you managed to sweet talk him into allowing you to cook instead. After about a week of feeling completely worthless, it was nice to have something you could finally, actually do.

The refrigerator was just as stocked as the pantry, so after analyzing the plethora of ingredients at your disposal, you decided on a meal and set off, gathering all the things you’d need in an excited hurry. Just as you were about to start washing vegetables, Shouto slipped an apron over your head, steady hands drawing the ties together at the bottom of your spine. The garment fit you perfectly, intricate design in your favorite color. You thanked him as you glanced over your shoulder, grinning up at him.

There was a somewhat somber look in his eyes, a halfhearted smile just barely curving his lips before he nodded and moved away, retreating back to the other side of the counter where he’s staked out to watch you work. He’d offered to help— numerous times, actually— but you told him to just sit back and relax. You wanted to do something for the tired man, even if it was as small as putting together a meal.

It didn't take long for you to get into a rhythm. Chopping the vegetables and preparing the other ingredients came naturally to you, and you found yourself enjoying the process. It was something familiar, which was very much welcome.

“Do we cook a lot?” you inquired, raising your voice a bit so Shouto could hear you over the sizzling pan in front of you.

He was leaning on the countertop again— he must’ve known he looked delicious like that or something— and he glanced over at you from the open book he was reading. “Mm, when we have time. It’s not that we don’t enjoy it, but usually we’re both very busy. It’s normal for us to leave early, and return home late.”

You nodded in understanding, grinding fresh peppercorns above the skillet and giving the contents a stir.

“I like everything you cook for me, though.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that, stealing a look over at him. While your cooking had improved since your teenage years, it wasn’t like you were a chef by any means. “Everything? You’re just trying to be sweet on me.”

The corner of his mouth curled up. “Maybe… is it working?”

The sound of the food crackling from a drizzle of oil filled the kitchen for a beat, and you stared at the wilting greens before you, unable to bring yourself to look at him. “Yeah, I think it’s working…”

There was another pause in conversation, this one less stifling than before. This time, Shouto broke the ice. “Even though we’re busy people, we always have a date every Friday… It’s the highlight of my week.” His voice sounded gloomier than just a moment ago, but when you chanced a look over at him, he was smiling slightly, staring at a cabinet and seemingly off in his own memories.

You wondered which memory he was going over particularly, but didn’t want to intrude his recollection, so you focused on stirring the pan instead. Tapping your phone on the counter next to you just to make sure, your eyes flitted over today’s date. 

Thursday. 

“Tomorrow’s a Friday,” you mentioned, trying to be casual, despite your heartbeat ringing in your ears. It was stupid for you to get anxious that he’d reject you— he was your boyfriend after all. But to you, this was all  uncharted territory; foreign waters.

“Tomorrow is a Friday, yeah,” he confirmed, looking down at his book again. “It’ll be a week since you woke up.”

The realization that you’d woken up exactly one week ago—the day that caused the man so much joy and then so much pain— that that day had been on a Friday, your sacred day that was devoted to being spent with each other… it made your heart throb uncomfortably in your chest. You nibbled on the inside of your cheek, shutting off the burner and transferring the food into a serving dish. Bringing it over to the counter and setting it in front of him, you untied the apron and folded it neatly, placing that on the counter too.

“Would you… want to go out with me tomorrow, then?” you proposed smally, opening the drawers before you in search of eating utensils. You frowned when all you were met with was measuring cups and spatulas. “For our Friday date ritual, I mean.”

Shouto stood and crossed the island, opening the drawer behind you and revealing all the silverware and chopsticks. You moved to grab two pairs of chopsticks and he took your wrist gently, large thumb stroking across your skin. His other hand came to brush against the small of your back, but he chose not to grab onto you. “I would love that.”

You shared a smile and a meaningful look.

“Then it’s a date.”

⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆⋅✧⋅⋆

After the dishes were all washed, you agreed to watch a movie. You had initially wanted to pour over your things again, to see if anything could help your memories come back. But Shouto had suggested the two of you relax on the couch instead, explaining that  he was not surprised that you were overworking yourself, but that it was his job to make sure you took care of yourself. He further threatened that if you wouldn’t take care of yourself, then he would have to “take care of you himself”, and that left you flustered more than anything. So you dropped whatever excuse you had prepared to argue back at him and followed him to the living room.

Walking in, you blinked in awe at the spread that Shouto had set up. Numerous candies and snacks are laid out for your convenience across the coffee table. The lights were dimmed and curtains drawn, even a few candles flickering in the shadows and scenting the room with a cool, refreshing aroma. There was a pile of blankets stacked in the center of the sofa, all the decorative pillows pushed into the corners to leave one large space for the two of you to share. It was a little… dare you say it… romantic. You looked over your shoulder at him, shooting him a suspicious glance. He had led you to believe he was “taking care of you”, but it seemed he had ulterior motives, too. Not that you were complaining.

Seating yourself next to the blanket tower, you peeled one off the top before unfolding it, letting the soft fleece tickle your ankles and lay across your lap. Shouto crossed in front of the TV, grabbing two remotes from the basket and coming to sit next to you. There was a respectful amount of space between your legs, and you couldn’t help but frown at the gap. You thought that he would sit right next to you…

It took a little while for you to settle on a movie, all the films from the past five years unknown and novel to you… even if Shouto informed you you had already seen them. He went along with your selection without resistance, opting to grab one of the biscuit snacks on the table before you.

As the movie began, you leaned back against the soft cushions of the couch, not really focusing on the actors on the screen. Your eyes were trained on the television, but your mind was elsewhere, unable to distract yourself with the story. You also noticed that Shouto was sitting stiff as a board next to you, focused on nibbling at his snack. He didn’t attempt any moves at you throughout the first thirty minutes, even after he’d finished with his confection. Slowly you allowed yourself to relax, succumbing to the film and settling into the pillowy sofa.

Shouto detected your newfound relaxation, a gentle smile tugging at his lips as he watched your eyes fix on the main character and her love interest. “I’m going to make some tea. Would you like a cup, love?”

“I’m okay, thanks…” you replied softly, not really hearing him as the love interest was in the middle of their heartfelt confession.

He took a moment alone in the kitchen to calm himself. Even though you had been very receptive to him, he couldn’t help but feel hesitant whenever he touched you. He wanted you to want him; for you to want him to touch you. But he didn’t want to force anything with you, in fear that he’d scare you off or make a bad impression. He didn’t want to be pushy. Even before the accident, his heart still pounded whenever you would smile at him. When you would grab his hand, bring him something because it reminded you of him… when you would moan into his ear at ungodly hours in the night… Now it felt like his heart was in his throat every time you spoke to him, like if he said one word wrong, you’d fly away from him and never look back. It was terrifying.

Shouto shook his head. Sighing to himself, he filled his mug with water and held the ceramic in his hands, steam rising off the surface of the liquid almost instantly as he activated his quirk. He allowed the tea leaves to steep for a moment before he fished them out, steeling his nerves and returning to his spot on the couch. He couldn’t be sure, but it looked like you’d scooted over just the tiniest bit, shortening the distance between you two as he took his seat.

Your eyes flicked over to him and caught his gaze on you, inspecting the mug in his hands before giving a curious sniff. “Chamomile?”

He nodded and offered the cup to you, which you took in both hands. “Technically, it’s called Sleepytime Mix. But yes, it has chamomile. Have some, if you want.”

“Ah,” you gave a long inhale and smiled drowsily at the familiar scent. “I don’t wanna drink all your tea. And besides, it’s a little hot for me.”

“Oh,” Shouto said, taking the cup back into his hands. He focused for a second, and then the liquid no longer emitted steam, now a pleasant, warm temperature. “Try it now. Help yourself, please.” He handed the mug back to you, the light from the television flickering across his handsome face.

You blinked at him cutely, taking the mug in your hands again. Your fingers brushed against his in the transfer, and he cleared his throat slightly, skin warmed from your touch. “Wow!” you chimed after a sip, going back for another few gulps before you handed it back to him. “It’s really good. Perfect temp, Sho, thank you.”

Shouto felt his heart skip a beat in his chest, his eyes widening at the name he hadn’t heard in weeks. It sounded so good rolling off your tongue, so right. At his flustered expression, you laughed awkwardly, fingers delving into the blanket and looking away meekly.

“Sorry… I thought that that was probably what you’re used to me calling you, but I can use something else if you like.”

“No,” he said instantly, his hand automatically reaching for yours. He pried it out of the fleecy material, folding his fingers around yours. “I like it. Please call me that, I… I’ve missed hearing it.”

“Alright,” you mumbled, fingers squeezing his for a moment. You kept his gaze for a long pause, and then you duck down, scooching flush against his side and laying your head onto his broad shoulder. It caught him off guard, but after a moment of buffering, he moved, his arm tentatively wrapping around your shoulders and pulling you against his side. The action made your cheeks perhaps as hot as the tea in his mug, but you only settled deeper into his embrace, happy to be in his arms. You fixed the blanket so it covered his long legs, too, settling over the both of you snuggly.

You two stayed like that for the rest of the movie, another forty five minutes or so. Your hand gradually moved to rest on his stomach, his long fingers stroking your spine through your shirt. It was new to you, but it was comfortable— your body recognized his touch and welcomed it, even— years of unknowingly conditioning yourself to receive his affection allowing you to accept his embrace. By the end of the film, you were dozing off, warm and relaxed now more than ever, curled up into Shouto’s side.

Shouto, however, was wide awake, his pulse rushing in his ears at your proximity. It had been a very long month without you, and now here you were, cuddled up with him just like how you used to be every night. He knew you were somewhere in between consciousness and sleep, so he let the entire movie credits roll by before he decided to move you. Still holding his mug, which had been empty for the past half hour— but he didn’t want to risk moving and causing you to pull away— he set it on the side table, carefully maneuvering his wide frame so as to not disturb you.

You whined in protest but did not stir when he curled his arms around you, picking your form up and off the couch. After making sure all the candles were blown out and the lights were turned off, he quietly carried you to your shared room, not bothering to turn on the lights. It was then that he hesitated to make the next move— you were still in your clothes from the day, and he wasn’t sure if you would want him to see your bare body if he took the liberty to rid you of them.

His tongue wandered over the bottom of his teeth as he gazed at you, strewn across the soft blankets that covered your bed. The few beams of moonlight that slithered through the bottom of the blinds fell perfectly onto your face, your lashes casting long shadows onto the duvet and giving you an ethereal glow. He could imagine how your naked skin looked underneath that cute little sweater you donned, your bra strap poking out as if to tease him even more. His eyes slammed shut as he sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth, recognizing the color, and the image of you clad in the matching panties that completed the set suddenly sprung forth in his mind.

Acquainted was an understatement as to how well he knew your body, but the problem was not as simple as physicality— the problem was mental, and it could not be vanquished by anything except time, it seemed. The beautiful brain he loved so dearly was now wiped, void of all the memories the two of you had made and cherished together. Shouto clutched his stomach as he took a seat on the ottoman at the foot of the bed, feeling sick from the forceful whirlwind of emotion that came along with the thoughts that crept up on him in the night. The knowledge that you did not remember him, not even one measly memory of him, upset him more than anything.

He had not realized how much his world had shifted now that he had you. Of course, he loved you and he made great effort to ensure that you knew the extent of his devotion to you. But it wasn’t until you had woken up like this, confused and distraught, mind reverted to just months before he had even met you, that he had come to terms with just how much you meant to him. He knew that he loved you before. But now he knew the pain of being unable to hold you, and be with you— really, even talk to you like he had grown so accustomed to.

It was eating him alive, and tearing him apart.

When you had awoken after such an excruciating, lonely month, he had been overjoyed. Finally, he could be with you again— he could touch you and kiss you, hear your sweet voice, hold your body close to his as you fell asleep, and wake up with you still in his arms, groggy and adorable… except, he couldn’t. Because while you knew who he was… you didn’t, really. You didn’t know him at all. And what hurt the most was that he could see that you were trying… but at the end of the day, he was only a stranger to you. He was not your boyfriend, not anything more, other than a hero that you idolized and had a silly crush on.

At the very least, he found comfort in the knowledge that you found him attractive. Of course, you had revealed to him, albeit once you were deep into your relationship, that you had fantasized about him and fostered a schoolgirlish crush on him when you hadn’t yet been introduced. He remembered laughing at your embarrassed confession, pinching your cheeks and then kissing you through his smile… then, taking you from behind as you bent over the bathroom counter, pressing you against the mirror as he donned his hero suit, savoring your pleading moans for him to fuck you deeper, harder.

His cock twitched in his slacks, blood beginning to travel south as his interest grew for the first time in weeks. He groaned and he grit his teeth, frustrated at himself for even daring to feel desire while you laid asleep next to him, plagued by your wiped memory but sitting there looking like that. Gorgeous and untouchable.

As if his heated gaze had summoned you from your slumber, your eyes opened and you blinked at him, squinting at his silhouette in the dark of the room. Shouto recoiled even though he hadn’t been caught doing anything too suspicious; he was a good distance away from you, but still, you had caught him staring at you like a creep in the shadows.

“Sho?” you mumbled drowsily, a hand coming up to rub at your eyes. You propped your body up on your elbows, your shift stretching flush over your chest.

Shouto nearly moaned at the sight combined with the sound of your sleepy voice uttering his name. It didn't help the situation that was stirring in his pants one bit, only adding water to an oil fire. “Hey,” he replied, clearing his throat. “You fell asleep, so I brought you to bed.. Did you want to clean up before we go to sleep?”

You sighed, rolling over as you roused yourself from sleep. “Not really…,” you chuckled, and Shouto felt his chest tighten at the premise of having to get into bed with you with his problem at hand. “But I’ll be a responsible adult,” you finished, rolling out of bed and padding over to the bathroom.

He glanced over at you in the mirror as you brushed your teeth, the cat curling around his ankle and taking his attention away from you. Giving the animal a scratch underneath her chin, he tried to focus on calming himself, closing his eyes and controlling his breathing. Even though this wasn’t at all like how it had been before, it was still better than being alone. Your presence, the sound of you tidying yourself up in the nearby vicinity, took the month-long weight of loneliness off of his chest. It still stung, it still hurt— but at the very least, you were here. You were alive, and you were here with him.

It was you calling out for him that interrupted his train of thought, and when he looked toward your voice, he found you peeking around the doorframe, your hair pushed back and your face glistening with moisture from your nightly routine. “Aren’t you going to wash up, too? There’s two sinks in here, y’know,” you stated matter-of-factly, as if he didn’t know the layout of his own home.

But Shouto only smiled at you and nodded, leaving the cat and accepting your invitation for him to join you in your bedtime ritual. The situation in his pants had since relaxed, thankfully, so he didn’t have to worry as he took his place adjacent to you at the sink counter. Squeezing toothpaste onto the bristles of his toothbrush, and watching you put on your moisturizer in his peripheral, it felt almost as if nothing had changed. For the first time in a long time, he let himself forget about the horrible curveball that life had thrown at him, instead choosing to stare at you as you picked up the cat at your feet, and placed a sweet kiss on the top of its head as you cradled it in your arms.

You padded out of the bathroom first, opting to close the door behind you. After Shouto had finished his routine, he slinked out into the bedroom quietly, surprise flickering in his gaze at the pyjamas you were now dressed in— a pair of soft sleep shorts and an old t-shirt you had stolen from him years ago. He tried not to stare as you crawled into the sheets, the cat taking her perch at the foot of the bed.

The clearing of his throat caught your attention, and he licked his lip as your eyes settled on his. “Is it okay if I sleep without a shirt?” he asked, having to keep himself from smirking as your eyes widened and a flustered expression blossomed on your face. Cute.

“Y-Yeah,” you stuttered after a second of recalibrating, your eyes still trained on his. “The doctors said we should just live out our normal routine, so… whatever we normally do, we should do.” Sliding deeper underneath the comforter, you pretended to look busy as you fiddled with your phone.

Shouto bit his lip and wondered if telling you that your nightly routine of getting naked and passionate between the sheets would do you any good, but he decided against it, not willing to push his luck. Instead, he tore his shirt over his head and pulled down his pants, turning toward the wall so you wouldn’t have to look him in the eye. He could still feel your gaze on his flesh— he always could, for his skin prickled and the hairs on his body stood up as your eyes roved over every inch of him in appreciation. He didn’t need to see you to know that you were staring.

After he stepped into a long pair of sleep pants, he turned and pretended not to notice your obvious shuffling in a foiled attempt to not be caught looking at him. Carefully he slipped into the sheets on his side of the bed, ensuring not to wander too close to you in order to keep a respectful distance between your bodies… even though he wanted nothing more than to launch himself at you, and wrap his body around yours until neither of you could tell where one of you stopped, and the other started.

There was a long, stuffy silence as the two of you laid there, both of you unsure as to the level of affection you should be displaying at the moment. Shouto was doubtful that you’d want him to hold you like he so desperately desired, and you were hesitant to initiate anything with him laying frozen and a good distance away from you.

“Is this… how we normally sleep?” you wondered aloud, and though you were surprised that the words actually fell from your lips, you were grateful to have broken the rising tension.

Shouto left out a breath he had been holding at that, turning so that he was facing you on his side. “No,” he answered truthfully, his fingers sliding over the cool cotton that separated your bodies, wandering toward you at a snail's pace. “Usually… we like to,” he cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the lump that was situated there, “snuggle.”

In the quiet of the room, he could hear your lips part, a soft breath falling from between them as you processed his response. Your heart was beating faster now, body crying out for his touch, his embrace. “Can we?” you asked so softly that you hadn’t thought he’d heard you, but slowly, surely, he shuffled toward you.

You inhaled as he placed a gentle hand on your waist, pulling your body to slide across the sheets and meet him in the middle of the bed. Lifting your head so he could slip his arm beneath your neck, he brought your face into his neck, arms wrapping tight around your torso. His fingers dug into your side and the hair at the crown of your neck, curling around the tendrils as if he was scared that you would slip out of his grasp at any moment. Pressed up against his bare chest, you could hear the steady, fast thumping of his heart, and the shakiness in each breath he drew in and let out.

It sounded like he was trying not to cry.

Your hand wandered up and under his neck, your elbow angling around the back of his neck so that your fingers could trace the sinews that lined his shoulder blades. Your other arm slung around his back, and although it was just a bit of a reach, you managed to find his silky locks, combing through the ends with your fingers. Daring to push the fragile boundaries that kept you two separate, you threw your leg across his hips, trapping his legs between yours and pressing your body completely flush against his.

Shouto stopped breathing, tears threatening to spill over as he held you so delicately for the first time in what seemed like forever. Similar emotions were flowing through you as well, your body singing at the feeling of being with him, in his embrace. Your heart throbbed at the thought of leaving this man alone for an entire month, with no one to comfort him and calm his worries. No one to hold him and tell him that it was going to be okay, no one to plant kisses across his tear-streaked cheeks and help him forget his pain.

It wasn’t your fault you had been in this accident, that you had forgotten your memories from the past five years. But it wasn’t his, either. The two of you were forced to suffer in different ways, separated by your condition and worlds apart. You wished so desperately that you would just remember already— if not for your sake, then for his. Anything that would make him feel better, anything to ease the ache in his heart.

“I’m sorry,” you choked out quietly, overcome with emotion as you laid in the arms of the man you had once loved. The man you’d been learning to love again. “I’m so sorry I don’t remember you. I want to, I’m trying.” A tear dripped down your face and landed on his chest, sliding down to stain the sheets.

Shouto sucked in a shaky breath at your meager apology, rough fingers running over the back of your neck. “I know you are,” he murmured, and you could feel him swallow thickly as he tried to find the right words. “It’s not your fault, love… You can’t— you can’t blame yourself.” His voice broke at the last syllable, his arms squeezing tighter as he held onto you.

You pressed your face into the junction between his shoulder and his neck, uncaring of your tears that smeared across his skin. “Neither can you,” you sniffled, body clinging to him as best you could. “Please, Shouto, promise me you won’t.”

It was then that he let the tears he had been holding back fall, racing down his cheeks to plop onto the dampening pillow. You held him as he cried, unphased by the sudden outburst of emotion from the man who had shown you so little of himself in the past week.

“I’ll try,” he mumbled into your hair once he had calmed down a bit, lungs still rattling as he tried to suppress his emotions. “For you, I’ll try.”

You leaned back from his chest, his heart seizing up at the tear tracks on your cheeks that were illuminated by the soft moon’s glow. And then, you kissed him. It was simple and sweet, just your lips pressed to his as your thumb swiped across his cheek. But it felt like you were breathing life into him, like he had been starved of oxygen until this very moment.

Both of you gasped when you pulled away, the kiss having lasted as long as you could stand without breaking for breath. Your eyes wandered from his shining ones to his lips, shocked that you had planted such a passionate kiss there just seconds ago. It had worked, though— Shouto was breathing normally and his tears had stopped, dual-colored eyes now staring at you as if you had just given him a purpose to live. You licked your lips, not missing the way his gaze flicked down to watch the action with longing, but he did not act on it.

“We’ll get through this together,” you whispered, hand resting on his sharp jawline. There was not a hint of doubt in your voice, no hesitance nor fear. It was just a fact, simple as that. You let yourself look at his handsome face for a moment longer before you ducked and nuzzled into his chest again, taking your spot as if you had never left.

Shouto exhaled, his fingers trailing down your spine as he closed his eyes, syncing his breathing to yours. The feeling of your body wrapped around his made his bones glow with a missed sense of comfort, his heart fuller than it had been for quite some time. He welcomed sleep to take him, the exhaustion of many long and insomnia-plagued nights from the past month all piling on. Pressing his lips to your forehead as softly as he could, he closed his eyes and murmured one word, wishing with every fiber of his being for you to wake up the next morning and have just one memory of him.

“Together.”

─── ・°* ﾟ✧:* • ｡ﾟ:*･☽･*: ｡ﾟ•*:✧ ﾟ*°・ ───

.

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...soooooooo idk how this is only part 1, shit’s 11k already 💀 ahh for those of you who made it through, thank you so much for reading and i hope you enjoyed!! there was no smut in this chapter which is so foreign to me, but i’m hoping to improve my story creation skills as part of my 2021 author resolutions... so, let me know what you think! hopefully part 2 will come to fruition soon, but it would probably come faster if i knew people were waiting for it ;) 

➥ masterlist

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 © 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐩𝐢 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏. 𝐀𝐥�� 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.

[mercurysstars]

All That Glitters Is Not Gold (part 3)

Summary: Y/n gets hired to be the avengers chief physician and also happens to be an ex assassin.

Word count: 1.6k

Warnings: blood

𝘛𝘰𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺,

𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺.

_

Peter nods his head along to the beats of his music. He moves his hands around pretending to play the air drums. The ding of the elevator signals him to get off. He pulls out his headphones and stuffs them in his pocket. The moment his headphones are off he hears two muffled voices.

"Tony you know why I can't, we've gone over this." A feminine-sounding voice said.

"It's doesn't make sense! You're the best combat fighter I know!" A voice that sounded like Tony's exclaimed.

That sparked Peter's interest, he tiptoed closer to the med bay trying to stay quiet. He peaked only his head into the room. He watched as Tony and some girl argue.

"If you won't join will you at least move in? I just want to know that you're safe and I can't do that when you're in Hell's Kitchen." Tony pinches the bridge of his nose.

"I'll think about it." The woman says as she organized papers on the desk in front of her.

Peter clears his throat and walks into the room. Tony and the woman both looked at him and she smiled.

"Hey, Mr. Stark you asked me to come?." Peter stammers nervously.

"Oh yeah come here kid, Peter this is Y/n our new doctor, Y/n this is Peter Parker." Tony introduced them.

Y/n stands up and straightens out her pants. She walked over to Peter "Nice to meet you, Mr. Parker." She gives a friendly smile.

"It's nice to meet you too Dr. Y/n."

Peter wiped his hand on his shirt and stuck it out, Y/n grabbed his hand and shook it.

"If you ever need anything or have any questions, come talk to me anytime." She grinned.

Peter felt his phone vibrate, he grabbed it out and checked it.

"Thank you I will, I have to go tho there's a store getting robbed and people that need saving." Peter turned while waving.

Y/n waved back and chuckled. She turned back over to Tony "He's a sweet kid."

"Yeah, he is." Tony breathed.

_

Y/n twirls her pen between her fingers, she was bored out of her mind filling out paperwork. After Tony left earlier she decided to tackle the piles of forms left in the closet in her office. Bouncing her leg up and down, checking yes and no, she was sure she was going to go crazy.

Being a doctor for the Avengers was not was what she expected. Y/n expected to be running all over the place with no moment of rest, but in reality, she did PT, gave a couple of people refills for painkillers, and filled out paperwork like an underpaid secretary. Sure this was her first real physician position unless you could count stitching up your own gun wounds, or other shady people as a job.

A knock at the door startled Y/n out of her thoughts. She looked up to see Bucky leaning against the door, arms crossed with a light friendly expression on his face. Her face lit up and she dropped her pen.

"Hey doc you look busy there, we can always cancel for the day," Bucky remarked.

"We wouldn't want to do that Buck, who else would work you out?" Y/n grinned while she wiggled her eyebrows suggesting.

"I have an idea or two," Bucky smirked back.

"I don't know if Sam or Steve would particularly enjoy that."

Bucky scrunched up his face in distaste and immediately shook his head to get rid of the thought. Y/n chuckled and got up from where she once sat.

Y/n grabbed a plastic container off the shelf full of equipment labeled 'shoulder'. She also grabbed the athletic tape and her iPad. She nodded toward Bucky and they walked to the training room.

They walked into a room that was filled with treadmills, weights, mirrors, and other training equipment. Sunlight from the window bounced off the white walls that weren't filled with posters. She gestured Bucky over to a bench and pressed down on his left shoulder.

"Sit." She demanded and he was obligated.

Y/n rolled up his sleeve and began to tape his shoulder. "Why are you doing that?" He questioned.

"Since today is your last day, we are going to work with weights, and taping your shoulder should help with the pressure." Bucky gave an understanding look and she fixed his sleeve.

"Alright, we're going to start off light." She grabbed a 20lb weight and handed it to Bucky.

His eyebrow arched and he looked at Y/n  "That's starting off light?"

"Oh come on, with all the chemicals running through those veins you won't even break a sweat." She teased.

"I don't know why I come to these sessions if you're just going to bully me." Bucky huffed.

Y/n threw her hands up in mock surrender "Sorry."

She grabbed her iPad and began to type, Y/n looked up to see Bucky eyeing her. "What are you looking at big boy, start lifting."

She lifted her hand to her chest and back down as an example. He rolled his eyes but then did what he was told.

_

"I had a sister Rebecca, you would have liked her sweet girl, fiery spirit. I'm pretty sure she had a crush on Stevie at one point. She used to say we were the most intolerable boys on the planet." Bucky had a faraway look in his eyes.

"Oh yeah?" Y/n asked with a smile. She liked seeing Bucky like this, happy, playful, she had only known him for a handful of days but they have been spending a lot of time together with PT, and usually, after they spend time laughing and joking around. Tho she liked him dark and brooding nothing compares to his smile.

Nothing compares to his smil- what the hell am I thinking? She asks herself in a reprimanding tone. This is her patient, one that she's supposed to be helping. Not to mention that he's old enough to be her grandfather. Well, mentally he's probably around 29-30. Another voice says in her head.

"Yeah." He grinned fondly.

"Alright now roll your shoulder forward-"

The sound of the window opening caused her to stop mid-sentence. She gripped the metal water bottle in her hand a little tighter, ready to swing it at the intruder.

She whipped her head around to see a bloody Peter Parker swaying back and forth in a Spider-Man suit with his mask in his hand. She rushed over to him, she grabbed him by his shoulders to steady him.

"Peter are you okay? What happened?" She questioned scanning his face for other injuries.

"I'm fine, just a little light-headed." As soon as the words left his mouth he collapsed into her arms. Y/n looked over to Bucky for assistance.

Together they dragged Peter to the main part of the med-bag and laid him on a bed. She began to hook him up to an IV and heart monitor. She glanced over to Bucky to see him looking over at her helplessly.

"Can you tell Tony he's in here with me?" Y/ n asked Bucky while filling the IV with liquid. He looked back at Peter and nodded.

_

Peter groaned and sat up rubbing his head. He looked over to see Y/n scribbling something on a piece of paper.

"What happened." He asked in a groggy voice.

Y/n's eyes shot over to him, she smiled and fully turned. She clicked her pen, attached it to the clipboard, set it down, and walked over to him.

"Good you're awake, you came in through the window like a couple of hours ago and just passed out. Tony came in not too long ago to see you."

"Oh yeah sorry about that I saw you and Mr. Barnes through the window and thought that I might as well go through there." He breathed.

"Don't worry about it." That was all she said in response.

Y/n looked at his arm to see blood bleeding through the bandages. She took them off and trashed them. She cleaned them off and rewrapped them. Peter watched as she repeated those steps several times for his other cuts.

"You can ask you know." She wrapped the last stitch and rubbed her forehead with her arm.

Peter instantly flushed "ask what?"

She chuckled "I heard you out there, in the hallway." That was the truth. Y/n did hear him in the hallway, she also heard the elevator open and the music he was listening to on the way up.

"I'm sorry?" His statement sounded more as though it was a question.

She once again laughed and shook her head at the boy's antics. He was too young and too pure for this terrible world. He hands hopeful eyes, and there is nothing like a child's hope. Hope is the companion of power, mother of success, hope is seeing the light despite being surrounded by darkness. Hope is the last thing ever lost, and without hope, you can't live.

"What did Tony mean when he said the best fighter he knows." Peter hesitantly asked.

"Oh, he probably meant because I was an assassin." Y/n shrugged nonchalantly.

"WHAT?! ASSASSIN?! Why didn't you tell everyone?" He stammers over his sentence. Who knew? Did Tony know? Is she better than Natasha? Is she better than the Winter Soldier? He had so many questions running through his head.

"Don't ask don't tell." She smiled at Peter getting frustrated at her vague answers.

"That's so cool! How good of a fighter are you? Can you do a flip? Do you have any more cool deadly fighter friends? Can you speak different languages?" Words were shooting out of his mouth like rapid fire.

"Thank, I'm decent, yes, lots of them, a few." She answered his questions as they came, amused to no end. Peter looked at her as though she was a gift from the gods themselves.

Part 4

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Trophy chapter four

Masterlist

Warnings: Adult Themes Dubcon,Controlling Behaviour, Swearing, Smut +18 Only

Chapter 0ne Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter five Chapter Six

Your escape doesn’t go as planned as Henry reveals just how much power he truly has.

You were just over a week into your 'stay' at Henry's manor and had just about had enough. Youd spent the last few days in a constant fit of frustration. I had become very clear in the first few days that you were nothing more than a toy, a doll for him to coo over and manipulate. Or maybe a better way to discribe it was the girl in a childs music box being made to dance when ever the owner decided to open the lid. Either way you felt trapped used and helpless, at first he made sure you spent as much time as possible together taking you to the office when he had to work, sitting you on the sofa with a book or parade you around the house.

After that he would put you in what became your daily cell tho never alone if he wasnt with you kal was. Day after day you were left in here a freshly decorated room that youd heard the guards refer to as the play room, it was like a large airy living room like somthing from pintrest a plush looking corner sofa around a light coffee table,large tv on the wall above the fireplace with games consoles neatly tucked away,two floor to ceiling book cases either side ,there was a cabinet full of dvds and games behind the sofa opposite there was a sideboard filled with sketch books, pens and pencils ect and a two seat small dining table sat between the two cabinets. The room was a mix of soft pale pinks and blues and was chock full of soft furnishings pillows and various blankets draped here and there and huge faux fur rug . The window was locked being ground level ,that was the first thing you checked when left alone ,not that you'd get far across the gravel drive he had made a point not to give you shoes. The saying bare foot in the kitchen sprung to mind.

He would visit you when you were in here at lunch forcing you to eat with threats of spanking sometimes worse. Being treated like a child was wearing thin and to be quiet honest you were becoming scared,finding it easier to go along with his insanity, you called him daddy without a thought somewhere in the back of your mind you knew it was wrong but after just over a week he had managed to drum it into you. It was frighteing just how quickly you could be conditioned you had to get out soon. He was overbearing always helping himself to you, kissing ,touching and generally trying to act as if you were a couple until you did something he didnt like then it was back to threats and reality hit.

Today was slightly different you woke up curled on your side his henry lazily running his finger through your hair you squinted rubbing your eyes as he leant over kissing your shoulder before running hi hand across your tummy spreading out his fingers and pulling you back against his crotch, he rocked against your bottom groaning quietly into your hair as you felt his cock springing to life he grinded harder against you before shuffling pinning you flat on your back straddling you pulling your legs to rest either side of his hips you whined in protest trying to shuffle from under him when he pulled you down tight against him he just tilted his head raising and eyebrow. The warning was clear behave. He rubbed against your mound sliding his cock along the seam pf your pussy. You closed your eyes tight already feeling the arousal build inside of you dreading what was to come, you couldnt help how your body reacted you tried to just let him get on with it but each morning he managed to coax you into participating a little more, not letting you distance yourself any longer. He grunted low i his throat as he pumped himself against you resting his weight on his hips one hand cuped the top of his cock squeezing it against you as he pushed it against your clit. You gasped as you felt his throbbing cock against you pulling high pitched moans and whines as you bit your lip trying to keep quiet. He chuckled

"Oh fuck... thats it baby girl ...come on let daddy hear you." You shook your head back and forth as your pussy weeped onto him soaking both of you you found your self panting hard when he groaned grabbing one of your hands replacing his over his cock you tried pulling away and he growled at you.

"Stay still baby.... fuck thats it good girl.. your so good for daddy" he groaed deep as he sped up before leaving wet open mouthed kisses on your collar bone then kissed up to your lips trying to pry your mouth open you turned your head away. He sighed moving his hand into the boxers that you wore finding your swollen clit flicking and pinching harshly causing you to buck and cry out, he quickly took the opportunity to invade your mouth tasting your tongue sucking you into a passionate kiss he let go of your hand placing his hand pressing your knee up to your torso spreading you out for him rubbing his cock faster with jerky thrusts skimming your opening with every movement you gripped the sheets twisting them as you felt your walls trying to clench onto him desperate for him to fill you you rocked back against him looseing yourself in him as he smothered you he released your mouth biting down on your neck leaving a mark alongside yesterdays. You became hot, to hot as you flushed under him chasing your own end grinding up against him

"Oh! oh god please! Please i cant" you babbled incoherently as he repositioned his hand thumbing your clit and thrusting into you harshly with his fingers bouncing your body across the bed you let out a load moan as his hand worked furiously rubbing amd curling his finding your soft spot befor zeroing in and running his fingers harshly across it you cired bucking out at him unsure of you wanted hi to go faster or get off your climax built and he chuckled as your clamped down on his fingers to the point of pain

"Aww baby you want to cum dont you? Thats it good girl so good is it to much?" he didnt relent still masaging that spot you nodded and cried tears falling down your face you couldnt breath it was to much

"Then cum, its ok you can cum, cum for daddy ,all over daddies fingers" you hated how his wods pushed you over the edge and even then he didnt stop he seemed to double his efforts when you arched violently with a silent scream gushing over his fingers he continued moving draggin out your orgasm he moved higher running the underside of his cock across your mound with stuttering hips.

"Oh..OH shit YES YES fuck! OH GOD Little one fuck" he let out a long gruntle moan as he finished spraying cum up your front you both laid there panting. Shame washed over you like it had done every morning he did this. You felt dirty and used he rolled on his side tucking you in his arms kissing your head praising you for how good you were and telling you how much he loved you as you curled ijto him wetting his tinto him overwhelmed. After a few moments the saddness past and you laid stock still against him as he pulled you to lie across him head on his chest stroking your hair once again.

"Iv got to go out today pet. I trust youll be good whne im gone and if your lucky I'll get you a treat" you froze at his words gojng out... that meant youd be alone the thlught filled you with dread and anticipation.

"If your naughty you will regret it when i get back."you both laid there for what felt like hours he wouldnt let you move. Tho he finally let out a breath and ushered you to the bath room showering with you. After getting dressed and having breakfast he left and you noticed he didnt put you any where. You dread to think what he was doing. But you were left the run of the house. So here you sat in the kitchen alone in the huge house apart from the security he kept on site. 'This was it.. or was it a test?..' you raced to the living room window and watched an expensive car leave the gates at the bottom of the drive as it dissapeared behinde the wall that clossed off the property. You debated in your head if he was just waiting to see if you were going to try and run or not. You had to try, somthing was happening to you here ,you didnt like how complacent you were getting with him. It was cruel really the only person that was aloud to interact with you was him, you find yourself almost craving him, you enjoyed his praise lapping it up liike a love sick school girl.

Deciding that this may be the last time you could escape before it was to late you walked into the kitchen slowly as not to alert anyone to your plan even tho your heart was racing ten to the dozen. Quickly and quietly you pulled a small packet of plasters from one of the draws. Throught out your stay you learnt a few things all the doors leading outside and your 'play room' had pressure alarms built in you'd set one off on your forth day trying to get out into the garden resulting in another painfull and very embarassing spanking in the kitchen then experienced your first corner time, the other thing you learnt were all the guards had shifts and patrol routes the house ran like clockwork youd freighed interest in him and he'd waffled on about how it wasnt all bad and he'd take you out when you'd acclimated to your new life then boasted about the cars he had in the basment garage but you'd 'never get to drive one as driving these fast cars is to dangerous for his baby girl'. Tho you hadnt made a thing of it you kept the information locked away youd been behaving hopeing he would let down his gaurd. Once you got the plasters you put them in the pocket of your cardigan and grabbed a butter knife hooking it in the back of your jeans wedging it just under the tight waist band.

"What are you still doing in here? Get to the playroom" you screamed in suprize as the voice came out of no where you spun round faceing the man and nodded walking past him quickly.

"Wait. What have you been doing in here?" He said grabbing your arm pulling you to a stop you huffed tugging your arm.

"Let go i havent done anything" you twisted around as he patted you down you froze mouth going dry as you thought he was going to find the knife in your jeans he didnt instead his hands found the packet of plasters the cocked an eyebrow

"Im doing some crafts today these are incase i get a paper cut...im clumsy and tthought i should take a pack the keep in there just incase" he eyed you for a few seconds befor smirking at you

"So the princess was sneaking about for some plasters, im suprised you werent trying to sneak candy, would be more fitting for his baby girl." He laughed as you glared at him venomously

"Fuck you ,you cunt" you spat in his face he growled before grabbing your arm in a bruising grip dragging you out of the kitchen down the hall as you screamed at him, a few others poked their heads around to watch asking what was wrong as you were dragged down the hall once outside your day room he stopped pressing a card to the reader next to the handle disarming the door and answered their qeustioning stares.

"Nothing just a temper tantrum im sure she will regret later when Boss finds out." He turned back to you.

"He might even make a show of it, i wouldnt mind seeing her bent over" you growled as he opend the door throwing you in , grunting as you landed hard on the floor he whistled for kal and let the dog enter behind you befor shutting the door arming the device again. Shaking away tears in your eyes as you heard then others laugh about how theyd love to see 'a piece of that ass' kal sat beside you nudging you for a cuddle you hugged him breathing deep nuzzling his thick fur, he was the only company you enjoyed here after snuggling with him a few minuets you pulled away putting your plan into action you got out suome supplies fro the art cupborads scattering them hear and there to make it look like you had been drawing, hopefully if anyone came in and found you missing they would assume that you had asked one of the others to let you use the bathroom as the ensuite to this room wasnt finished. You aproached the door pulling out the knife and lowered it to the door handle, the worst thing about this system was that you werent technically locked in, the door opend but set off an alarm that was indicated by a small red flashing light on the card reading panel. Breathing deep you pulled out a plaster removing the tabs on it sticking oneside to your finger. Gentle you pulled down on the handle until you couldnt anymore easing the knife alongside the door pushing on the plate you pivoted your body opeing the door enough to get your hand in the gap and stuck the plaster over the bottom of the pressure plate securing it down. Holding your breath you waited a few moments before summerizing that it had worked when noone came rushing down the hall you quickly slipped thrpugh the door catching kal befor he could make his way out and shut the door fully. You blinked then jumped for joy you could bearly see the edge of plaster on the frame. Quickly you jogged to the end of the hall ducking low realising that not having shoes might be a god send as you were almost silent as you moved you got another plaster ready on your hand as you ducked and dived behind the counters in the kitchen making your way around to the door Henry had left through.'it must have been to the garage' you though you made quick work of the door not waiting to see if the alarm had set off as you heard foot steps coming your way you slipped through the door closing it behinde you and ran down the stairs into a large garage on the left there was lots of hooks with keys on them you toke shaky breaths scanning them befor looking over the cars there must have been about eleven in total ranging from massive range rovers to calssy two seater sports cars. 'I need on that can blend in, a hatch back or somthing, maybe a saloon' you thought running down the line of cars the most normal looking one was a Jag you quickly ran to the keys looking for a set with the same logo as the car finding two you grabbed them both pushing unlock on one set seing another car across light up you threw them on the floor using the other one to unlock the car getting in quickly you felt your tummy tie itself in knots turning on the ignition and pulled the seat forward you put on your seatbelt out of habbit then dojng a small cheer when you saw it was an automatic you put it in drive wincing as it growled to life louder then it needed to be you pulled it up to the garage door and it opend you pulled it forward going up the bank once at the top you saw a gaurd stopping staring befor shouting out to the others.

"Dont let the gate open!!" You panicked and floored it the car took off down the drive skidding you a stop near the gate the instantly began rolling open. On gaurd was sprinting down the drive behinde you. You looked down for a button to look the doors finding it by the window controls you flicked it on and heard the click at all four doors locked lokking up you saw the gate had stopped half way you spun the wheel throwing the scar around squeezing the car throuh the gate clipping the wing mirror off in the process putting your foot down you gave a triumphant shout as you tore down the road away from that house. Leaning back into the seat relaxing as you made yourway towards the town, it was the only way to get to the motorway that would lead out of the area. You wiped tears from your eyes as as relief flooded you sobs wracked your body the drive to the town took longer than you thought it would and you were suspicious as no one had chased you from the house and had spent the whole drive flinching at every car that pulled up behind you. Pulling up to a round about you stopped recognising the area deciding to take a less busy route pulling off to the outskirts of town you parked up into a superstore looking threw the car for money finding a few £20 notes a tap at the window you screamed turning it was a police officer you gulped looking in the rearveiw mirror seeing a squad car pulled up behind you blocking you in, he indicated for you to roll down the window.

"Yes can i help you?" You asked trying to sound normal

"Miss did you realise your missing a wing mirror?" You followed his gaze and smiled meekly. Getting a bad feeling in your gut.

"Yes, its my boyfreids car i borrowed it and hit a sign back there im going to book it in now hopefully get it done and he wont find out i hurt his baby" you ended with a chuckle patting the steering wheel he didn't look convinced and motioned for his colleague to join him

"Uh huh, so are you insured to drive this car? Sure you didnt hit another car?" You shook your head

" Well i hope im insured he said hed made me a name driver and no i didnt hit anyone, the car caught me by suprize i hadnt realised how much oommf it had and still getting used to the size its a bit wider then mine." You explained hoping you were convincing enough he smiled the held out his hand to you.

"Can i see your licence?" You froze then pretended to look around the car for it

"Oh shit i dont have my bag on me sorry can i give you my name instead and you can look it up on the system?" You pleaded hoping that he would let this one go

"So you dont have your purse on you? When your taking his car to the garage to get it fixed?.... yeah im gonna have to ask you to step out of the car now." He said moving back from the door you looked behind you panicking there was no way to pull out.

"Wh-what? Why?" You cried out as he put his hand in the car opeing the door

"No! No you cant do this you dont understand please!" You shouted at him as he undid your seatbelt pulling you out of the car cuffing your hands behind your back reading you your rights.

"Your under arrest for car theft,careless driving and driving with out insurance , you have the right to remain silent anything you do say can harm your defence and used in court ,Call it in we found Mr cavills car" you froze, hed called in that his car had been stolen. He used the police to track you. You wailed twisting against him as you realised why no one had chased you, he was using the police to bring you back to him.you cried as he dragged you to the squad car.

"NO! You dont understand he kidnapped me! Please you have to let me go! He's mad he locked me up please you have to help me." You kicked out as he forced you into the back seat on the car slamming the door you sobbed in the back seat as they locked up the jag and got in the front of the car.

"Please do make me go back i dont know what he'll do" you cried pitifully they sighed looking at you threw the plexiglass.

"Im sorry love there's nothing we can do for you... i wish there was but its our asses on the line" then he started the car driving towards the station. It wasnt long befor you found yourself in a cell heavy metal door between you and your escape laying on the bed crying and terrified of whats to come. Panicking everytime you heard foot steps down the hall thinking it was him. It was over an hour later when you jumped as the heavy lock on your door opened with a loud bang revealing a calm looking Henry standing beside a sympathetic looking officer he shooed them away.

"Give us a minute" he didnt take his eyes off you as he stepped into the room seemed to take over the small space you shuddered backing away from him sending a pleading look to the officer who ingored you and left.

"Well pet have you got that out of your system now?" He said crossing the cell in large strides his suit jacket hung over one arm that was in his pocket. You shook your head crying

"Pl-please im sorry i-i had to" you flinched as he brought his hand to your face. Smoothing back your hair

"Sshhh shh its ok now everything is going to be fine" he calmed you pulling his outher hand up wiping your tears away before for twisting his fist in your hair you yelped clawing at his hand trying to relieve the pain in your scalp.

"You've been a very very naughty girl havent you?" He tugged your hair back forcing you to look at him still wiping your face with his other. It summed him up caring and kind yet brutal and cruel. He grinned a sadistic grin

"I should let you know that im not pressing charges, what kind of boyfreind would i be if i did?" He teased you letting you know he was told your cover story you cried in pain as he dragged you the few steps towards him forcing you onto your tip toes

"STOP! Please Henry your hurting me!" He tutted at you looking at his watch

"Three hours away from the house and were back to Henry? What happened to Daddy? Well it doesnt matter i hope now you realise that there is no escape. You cannot run or hide from me love i have eyes everywhere." He lowerd you back down releasing your hair clutching you to his chest trapping you in a strong grip as you sobbed shaking like a leaf more out of anxiety then anything else.

"Shh shh. its ok little one... i know its been a scary day getting out , nearly crashing into the gate and then being arrested? its all going to be ok, now that you've got this out of your system you can finally settle at home. Ihave been waiting for this little blow up from you i was beginning to think the gun fiasco was it" His words filled you with dread as you began to sink in this was it for you, that there was no way out, he would find you at some point. Rocking you backwards and forwards with your arms trapped at your side he tucked his nose into your hair kissing it every so often.

"Tho this is probably my fault it was enavitable for you to try and run again, i havent trained you properly yet, not givin you the attention you truly need, but dont worry we will start once we get home. I want you to know daddies not angry, no no he's just dissapointed" he pulled back draping his jacket over your shoulders.

"I hope you know that your still in serious trouble when we get home young lady i warned you this morning that youd regret playing up" he murmmerd into your ear as he walked you out of the cell down to the reception he didnt hold you because he didnt need to there was nowhere you could go.

"Mr cavill would you sign these ,I assume your not pressing charges?" Henry looked up winking at you

"No no my girlfriend couldnt help herself, she's like a child in that respect no self restraint. Never thinks of her consequences" You shuddered catching the his unspoken threat looking down as tears of humiliation the officer chuckled as Henry said this sighing his name

"Well she does look distraught, dont be to hard on the little thing I'd jump at the chance to drive one of those myself."

Henry laughed out loud drawing some attention from the others in the waiting room

"Oh dont you worry about her, she'll find a way to make it up to me somehow wont you babygirl" he said winding an arm around your waist pulling you against him squeezing his hand painfully tight. You looked down nodding hearing a few snickers and scoffs from women in seats behind you.

"Now apologize to the officer for wasting his time baby." You scowled up at him being met with a shit eating grin opening your mouth to tell him to fuck off thankfully you were interupted.

"Oh now thats not nessasary saving a tiny thing like her from herself isn't wasting time ..I'm glad I could help" Henry smiled at you kissing your cheek feeling please with himself.

"Now isnt that nice sweety. He's happy to help us" you gave a jerky nod as Henry finished the paperwork.

"I will have someone collect the car today" he called over his shoulder as he forced you along side him stopping before he got out of the door.

"Oh baby Wheres your shoes?" He asked smirking at you knowing damn well that he hasnt got you any, you felt the eyes of the other people on you as he shook his head picking you up cradling you recieveing a few awws and judgmental stares from the women. Unable to take it anymore you tucked your face into his neck crying.

"Im sorry please im so sorry i wont do anything like this again". He sighed pushing throught the doors and made his way to the car park climbing into the back or a range rover holding you in his lap as the car began moving.

"Its a little to late for sorry baby, daddy has to punish you for being an extremly naughty little girl. Stealing and damaging daddies car running away and getting arrested lying to the police? What kind of daddy would let you get away with all that?" You shuddered mind wandering what he had instore for you, not just for punishment but the training he mentioned in the cell you squirmed in his lap as you mulled it all over feeling sick to your stomach.

[ignaziosearring]

I have a request that isn't xmas or new year's eve themed (it can be tho) it's about the song El Reloj, it is a beautiful song that I love so much from the boys. It is in Spanish so I don't know if it is possible. I like your imagines very much!! Specially the Ignazio ones🙈

This is not where i explain why i have been so silent over the past few months. This is where i announce that I’VE MISSED YOU GUYS SO MUCH AND I’VE MISSED WRITING SOOO MUCH! Hopefully, I’ll be much more active from now on as i try to balance everything with uni.

I have been writing this story for about 4 months, going on and off, deleting and starting again. It’s *too* long, like 1600ish long, but i think it needed this length. The topic is a *bit* dramatic (trigger warning), bc you know me😇. Also please allow me to dedicate it to my uncle who passed away on Sunday bc of cancer.

I’M BACK PEOPLE PASS IT ON! LIKE/REBLOG/COMMENT!

Xx

~•~

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

The transparent liquid was falling in drops from the IV bag to a small cylinder. The drops were synchronized with the shrill beeping sound coming from the heart monitor. The door opened and let a cold breeze sweep inside the room. It took a worryingly high amount of energy to lift my hands and rub my arms. It took more time too. The bones felt heavy and numb. The side effects of morphine. At least the pain was bearable, even for the ultimate hours.

“Are you cold?”

Gianluca had come inside. The glass window reflected his tired figure. His eyes were red and swollen, a sign he had been crying again. Before reaching this stage I would have thought this as an oxymoron. Gianluca was healthy, young and beautiful. He would live a long and happy life. He wasn’t dependent on anyone or anything. He wasn’t in constant and unstoppable pain. He wasn’t counting down the remaining months, days, hours. He didn’t see the last glimmers of hope wash away in one frown of a doctor. Yet he was the one crying.

“Let me cover you.”

His moves were careful and balanced, as always.

“They’re trying to tackle the heat wave with the air conditioning.”

Smalltalk. He was poorly attempting -and failing- to avoid the issue that had risen a barrier between us the past two weeks. He wouldn’t even look me in the eyes. I observed him carefully in silence. His body was tense as he sat down on the chair beside me.

Then, I turned my head to the window again and were confronted with my miserable reality. A body that was fighting itself. Flesh ashen, paler than a ghost, lanced here and there for various medical exams, hanging on bones. A red scarf was covering the bald head. Soul and mind twisted by a sickness that had come all too quickly to end a life in its blooming days. I couldn’t recognize myself in that reflection. I was long gone. The word “terminal” had been vibrating in my ears and hunting me in my nightmares every night.

“There’s no moon tonight. Only the stars.”

He too had turned his gaze to the window. I glanced at the sky and realized that stars would start falling soon. That special night of every year. The magnificent phenomenon that ten years ago had become the reason we had met.

“Gian.”

Our eyes met momentarily for the first time in a long while.

“Don’t do it.”

“Do what?”

“Wish that the medicine won’t work.”

His initial surprise was replaced by guilt.

“You haven’t made peace with my decision, Gian.”

I wasn’t angry, on the contrary I was smiling understandingly at him.

“Wha- why do you say that?”

He was stuttering and nervously running his fingers through his hair, like a young boy caught doing a mischief.

“You were crying, you can’t stand looking at me for more than two seconds and you’re trying to avoid talking about it by making damn smalltalk. You are angry.”

The outburst that followed was exactly what I was hoping for. I knew him better than anyone, he always bottled up his feelings and let them torment him. I didn’t want to leave him in anger along with everything else.

He jumped up and kicked his chair hard, fresh tears already visible.

“Of course I’m angry! Tonight I have to say goodbye to the love of my life! I’m angry at God, the universe or whatever it is that is out there. How can they be so cruel? Who gave them the right to do this to you? To us? It shouldn’t have been like that. We should have been old, very old, with grandchildren or even great grandchildren. You are too young to die.”

The raised voice and rapid flow of speech, the spitting of words gave their place to a sorrowful whisper.

“It’s too soon to say goodbye.”

He had slid down the door and had folded his body, his face buried in his hands.

“Gian, I know it’s not only that you are angry with. Say it. It will liberate you. It will liberate me.”

He raised his face slowly and gazed at me. His look was filled with regret, wrath, sorrow, pain. His lips were pouted.

“No.”

His answer was firm now.

“I don’t want to fight in our last day.”

“And I don’t want to go without making things right between us.”

A piercing look was enough to convince him to sit again beside me.

“What do you want me to say? That I’m angry at you? Yes, (y/n), I am angry at you, here, you have it. You, you gave up. On yourself, on our relationship, on me.”

“I didn’t. I am not giving up right now. This medicine is not giving up”, I pointed at the IV.

“If I had given up we would have been having this conversation 6 months ago. I didn’t give up when the doctor said terminal, nor when he said that all I had left was eight painful, excruciating, humiliating, inhumane months. I didn’t give up when the first clinical trial you managed to get me on failed. Nor the second, the third, the forth. I didn’t give up even though the only thing I gained from those trials was more pain, all while losing my mind cell by cell. I did it for you. I saw the determination in your expression to prove the doctors wrong, the sleep deprived eyes that had spent innumerable nights going through research by research, the contacts with pioneer oncologists from all around the world to get me on their trials or suggest a different, more promising medical plan.”

Speaking for that long was exhausting and made me burst into coughs. His look softened and became worried as he gave me some water.

“Then why are you doing this now? Even if we couldn’t get you on another clinical trial, we would still have two months, just the two of us. We would go home, spend those two months together. We would have more time!”

His voice came out as an exasperated whisper. One last hopeless beg.

“We wouldn’t.”

I was firm. I looked him in the eyes and finally spoke my truth.

“You need to understand Gian. This is not me. This is not the (y/n) you met, fell in love with and married.”

He tried to stop me but I raised my palm firmly and continued decisively.

“I can’t even bear to look at my reflection on the window. And when I do, when I do I can barely recognize myself in there. Do you think it’s easy for me? Don’t you think I want more time? I wanted to grow old with you and bear your children. I wanted to achieve all the dreams I had ever since I can remember myself. God knows how hard I wish for more time. Even when I signed that paper. Even now. But not like this. This is something I can’t keep going through.”

“(Y/n)…”

He burst iinto tears. The body mechanism to get one’s pain roll down and wipe away. I started crying too. He understood. I knew he understood, otherwise he wouldn’t have let himself pull apart in front of me. He knew I had to do it.

“It’s better this way Gian. I know it’s already painful enough for you to see me wash away all these months. This will save you at least some pain. You’ll see me go down sane enough. A good comander knows when they’ve lost the war, isn’t this what they’re saying?”

He chuckled and took a deep breath to gain his composure.

“Come here lay beside me.”

We laid on our sides and hungrily looked each other in the eyes. Our sobs were quieting down.

“Gian”, i began, “I want you to promise me something.”

His expression darkened again.

“Don’t say it.”

“Listen to me. I know it hurts but you need to. After tonight you’ll be alone. I don’t want grief to blind you. Take your time to cry, to unleash the emotions that are meddling with your mind. But don’t waste this gift you were so graciously given. Don’t let your life perish. Live Gian. Do you remember my favourite movie?”

“Dead poets’ society…”

“Professor Keating fought to teach those children to seize the day, Gian. All the nights I couldn’t sleep because of the pain I’d go back in time and realise that i let so many days go by in vain. Our worst sin is that we think we are immortal. We always think there will be enough time to do everything we want, someday. But there comes a time that you are faced with the fact that you can’t. It’s too late. The clock is running out of battery and will stop ticking soon. All you have accomplished seems too little, all your dreams become missed opportunities, just because you thought you would achieve them later. There is no «later», Gian, only «now».”

I touched his cheek where a tear was rolling down.

“Don’t let my memory hunt you. Remember me with love, treasure our moments, but move on.”

“I… I can’t,” he mumbled, looking away, “you are the one for me.”

“I can’t be, Gian. You are the one for me, but I’m not. Otherwise this wouldn’t be happening. Somewhere out there is a very lucky girl that will capture your heart. And I will be more than happy when you meet her.”

He closed his eyes tightly to fight his tears.

“Don’t die with me tonight, Gian. Just promise me this.”

He didn’t say anything. He just nodded with his eyes still closed.

For me, it was enough.

He hugged me and helped me turn around. Like the past 10 years, we looked at the exploding stars leaving their last mark on the universe. I made one wish. I felt free. And then…

Salvation.

[ladymight]

The second ‘Klance’ of a lifetime

So here I am again. Three seasons in and I’m making yet another fanfic list. But the catch is this time it’s for a very dear friend of mine in need of a good fic list. So here we go! ----- dirty paws by Dreamicide Status: Ongoing (I check daily. It’s that good.) Keith lives a simple, quiet life up in the mountains, until one day a cat appears on his doorstep. And then another. And another. Sometimes his neighbor's there, too. Or: in which Keith slowly finds himself the protagonist of Neko Atsume.  Shut Up and Dance With Me by wittyy_name Status: Ongoing Lance and his friends have been regulars at the Altea Dance Studio for years. Not just for classes, but to hang out, practice, and spend time with good people who love dancing. Every year, they audition to be one of the few representing Altea at the regional dance competition. Lance always auditions solo, but this year he misses out on auditions and blows his chance to participate. And so does his self-proclaimed rival, Keith.Luckily, Shiro comes up with a brilliant plan: convince Lance and Keith to audition as a duo.With a little convincing, and a lot of effort, these two might just be able to pull it off and go to regionals... or they might crash and burn. Watercast by Fishwrites Status: Ongoing (and BreaKING MY FUCKING HEART) Shiro has been a Galra prisoner for over a year; with his flight feathers clipped and unable to fly. Desperate to escape, he jumps overboard while being transported to the capitol on a Galran ship. Lance is a merman who saves him from drowning. Keith thinks Shiro is about to become mermaid dinner. Hunk just wants Lance to stop going to the surface all the time, dammit! (AU where Avians (winged folk), Galra, humans and merfolk cohabit earth.   Shiro and Keith are avian soldiers, Lance is the youngest son of a Queen, Hunk is also a merman and Pidge is still looking for her family.) Moth and Flame by wittyy_name Status: Ongoing Keith has been coming back to Altea Tattoos for months now, and it has little to do with the fact that his best friend is the piercer and more to do with the beautiful tattoo artist with talented hands and a smile that makes him weak at the knees. Lance has had a lot of customers in his days, left his mark on plenty of people, but none so memorable as Keith. He finds himself turning to the door with every chime of the bell, hoping to see eyes like the night sky and a shy smile that could rival the moon. When they meet at a concert, the spark between them ignites, creating a heat that’s impossible to resist. They’re both inexplicably drawn to each other. Like a moth to a flame. White Hallways by Fernandidilly_yo Status: Oneshot (It’s beautiful and I cried) Keith's reaction to finding that the black lion is empty, and Shiro is gone. Every Little Thing That You Do by biibii Status: Oneshot Lance is learning something new about Keith all the time. Because maybe, Lance figures, there's a softie under Keith's badass image. Keith the Amnesiac by jilliancares Status: Oneshot In which an accident leaves Keith temporarily without his Voltron-filled memories and he may or may not spill a few of his better kept secrets to Lance. nothing's quite as sweet by dimpleforyourthoughts Status: Oneshot Keith is a barista who hates his job. Lance works at the cat shelter across the street. Pulsar by southspinner Status: Ongoing /ˈpəlˌsär/ (n.) a celestial object, thought to be a rapidly rotating neutron star, that emits regular pulses of radio waves and other electromagnetic radiation at rates of up to one thousand pulses per second. A story about college, coming to terms with your past, being scared of your future, and running into crazy things like love somewhere in-between. call me, beep me by orphan_account (;-;) Status: Complete (I adore it to this day) (00:31) Do you think she gave me the wrong number on purpose? (00:31) Or was it a genuine mistake? (00:32) Like maybe she writes funny and I misread it? (00:32) Some of the numbers do look a little dodgy... (00:33) Cause, you know, her threes could very easily be poorly formed eights? And maybe she writes her sevens like her ones? (00:45) What (00:46) The (00:46) Fuck??? (00:47) Oh good, you are awake! Homesick at Space Camp by K0bot Status: Complete Lance realizes he's been an asshole to Keith, and on a diplomatic mission to a key planet for the Voltron alliance he... overcompensates. Nightmares by Trashness Status: Oneshot Lance's nightmares are getting out of control. It's effecting his and the team's performance, but he's at a loss for how to fix this.Apparently sleeping next to a warm body helps. high tide, incoming by kojondo Status: Oneshot It starts like this: They’re sitting across from each other at a table in the local burger joint, tossing casual banter and the occasional insult back and forth. It’s familiar and comfortable, reminiscent of every other conversation they’ve ever had, until out of nowhere Lance leans forward and says with a mouth full of fries, “Let’s date.” you're so sweet; will you be mine? by jojotxt Status: Oneshot A new bakery pops up right across the street from Lance's bakery. . . . In which Lance is an idiot, Keith is an asshole, and Pidge is the next Dr. Phil. you never stood a chance by kagshina (love your username btw) Status: Oneshot lance to hunk ♡ >i’m gonna fukin die hunk oh mygod i sent >keith a work out selfie that i wan supposed to fcukin send to you and you know what it said >”BET YOU WANNA LICK THESE NIPS” >HUNK I WILL NEVE BE ABLE TO FCE HIM AGAIN I WANT TO DI E(Or, Keith is beautiful, Lance has a crush, and there's lots of shirtless selfies) A Commutual Contract by SKayLanphear Status: Ongoing (IvE BEEN WAITiNG SO LONG! its rlly good tho pls read it and give the author nice comments) After a terrifying experience during which Lance, seemingly, dies, Keith is haunted by horrible nightmares of holding his comrade in his arms while he took his final breath. To the point where he can't sleep unless he knows for absolute certain that Lance is alive. And while the attention is surprising, Lance doesn't really have a problem with Keith checking up on him. Or the fact that Keith only seems totally comforted when he can cuddle Lance close and hear his heart beat. After all, there's nothing wrong with two bros cuddling. It doesn't MEAN anything. Or, at least, that's what Lance keeps telling himself. Honey & Lemon by DylanOhbrien Status: Oneshot Keith has one rule: keep any interaction with a customer terse and professional. It's a rule he's strictly followed since he's started working at Shiro's shop. Then Lance walks through the door and Keith thows professionalism right out the window, along with any semblance of dignity he had left. Voltrain by arialsal Status: Oneshot Lance continued anyway, “At least I realized it, though. I realized I wasn’t staying after hours with you just to make sure I clean up better than you do, and I wasn’t looking after the rodents on day’s you were away to prove I could do it better. I did it because I have the fucking hots for some dumb rodent trainer with an even dumber mullet and a smile that could destroy me.” -A Voltron: Legendary Defender Pet Store AU in which Keith realizes Lance's childish rivalry with him in the store means more to him than he'd like to admit. I Found Love by thesearchingastronaut, WindyWordz Status: Ongoing Keith is just trying to live his life as a freelance illustrator with his cat, keeping up with bills by having two part-time jobs.But when he keeps bumping into Mr. Tall, Tan, & Handsome after a music event at his bar, well, maybe he's willing to make time for pretty, blue eyes and a laugh like silver bells. Dancing With Blunette by BleuSarcelle Status: Complete He didn’t have an epiphany or a vision during his dreams that told him that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Lance. Honestly, it only took a soft bright smile from Lance during one lazy afternoon after his boyfriend had come home from work and started dancing around their living room with a grumpy Blunette on his arms from being woken up from her cat nap. That’s when he knew. (The one where Keith wants to propose to his boyfriend and almost has a heart attack.) (Then the other one where Lance proposes back and Keith cries.) (The following one where they both cry because wedding make you cry.) (And that last one where they adopt.) Hello Meithman by archaicsextoy (I...love your name too) Status: Ongoing Red escapes from Keith's apartment only for his super unfairly attractive neighbor to bring her back.

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 11: “Recalibrate How I’m Playing This Game” - Caeleb

okay I'm writing a long confessional then going to bed.

Jules was robbed. I was really gonna idol them when Jones/Caeleb told me Jules was getting votes, but Jules was only getting 5, and I naively thought both that Jason wasn't going to flip and Tom wouldn't self vote AGAIN ASKDLJFAF.

I'm frustrated because I love Jules. Jules was robbed and deserved better than having to deal with Alex who like will tell Jules they made a mistake and ugh. I'm frustrated that I didn't idol Jules, even though it wouldn't have been smart and would've put me in a tough game spot, its just all super tricky sigh.

in other news, Jones/Mo/Mitch need to go. I'm super proud of Mo for doing something (like genuinely) and not playing passively, I defo underestimated him, but him and Jones have way too much sway on this tribe, tied to Mitch who is clearly able to work people.

I think a good end-group for me would be Me/Benj/Tom/Julia. I really really like Caeleb but he actually is playing super smart, so I really don't think I can have him sticking around much longer.

I think a good new bootlist is: Jones > Mitch > Mo > Jason > Caeleb

I'm just frustrated because Jules was robbed and really did not deserve that, Mo/Jones are too powerful, and now so is Mitch. I'm gonna idol one of them out, and I'm going to love doing it.

Holy fuck what the fuck that worked. Ok so here’s what just went down, Jules said to Jason that she’d be fine voting out either me or Mitch. People were leaning towards Mitch. We had like 20 minutes left and we started discussing and I threw out to Jones, what if we get Jules out, but she kinda ignored it and carried on with the Mitch plan. Because Jules has a lot of connections I can understand why Jones would be hesitant. So then I throw the pitch rob Caeleb and Mitch throws the pitch to Jason and they’re both on board. But that would of only been five people. Meaning it most likely would of tied so we were like ok I guess we’ll just vote Mitch. BUT THEN BENJ GETS ONLINE and he’s like “Yeah I’ll vote Jules.” SO I SCRAMBLE BACK TO CAELEB LIKE WAIT VOTE JULES WE HAVE THE NUMBERS. SAME WITH JONES AND JASON. WE GET JULES OUT. Which of course is sad because she’s literally a sweetheart and she’s super funny, but she had so many people in her corner and her and Ali combined was a scary combo. BUT I MEAN I HAVE A COOL GAME MOVE IN MY POCKET NOW THAT I DID (with Mitch) BUT WOW ME.

Whew chile!!! I must admit that vote was VERY scary and VERY hectic. I thought for a moment my game was ending. Thankfully my social relationships with people allowed me to stay and send the person who was targeting me home (Jules). Now this is GREAT for me because i trusted Jules the least on the merge tribe. The communication thing never worked out between the two of us but i still find her to be a very nice person :). In regards to the vote, Mo/Caeleb, Benj, Jason, and Jones all voted to save me. To me, I feel like this means im in a really good position because everyone likes me enough to SAVE me. Up until 5 minutes before the deadline, I thought i was done for. I gotta be careful with who I work with in the future because my threat level is rising. People in touchy subjects saw me as the one who thinks they are running the game but are not, but man is this far from the truth. I'd like to say that although I didn't know what was going on COMPLETELY, I still pretty much helped/forced the target onto the person who went home. Ian- Told Alex about how I suspected Jason and Ian of being a duo (correct assumption according to ali) and everyone ended up splitting between the two (I did not care who went). Alex- I pushed very hard for alex to go because he was so dang controlling and i found that very threatening. Jules- targeted me first but I never trusted her because of how little we spoke. When she decided to target me it was the icing on the cake. Hopefully these next few rounds are smooth sailing because we NEED easy votes for at least a little bit.

okay so i am trying SO hard for immunity, like its not even funny. i think i have 100+ points right now, with more videos uploading and with more planned photos tomorrow. immunity would be SO sweet, because that'd guarantee me a spot in the F8, and with my idol F7.

in other news. if i haven't said it enough, it must be said again. BENJ IS SUCH A KING. like today he told me he wants to go to F4 with Julia and Tom. I truly, truly could have shed and wept real tears. That is exactly the F4 I want, like EXACTLY ,and Benj agrees, and we are going to make it HAPPEN.

He also wants to separate Mo/Jones this round... and like honestly, I'm so down. Like I think he wants to vote off Mo versus Jones which I think is a bad idea, since Jones is a better talker and more of a threat, but his argument about Jones being a shield makes some sense.

my ideal bootlist moving forwards for the season, although it requires like julia/tom to stick with me and benj pretty tightly, is:

Mo/Jones > Mitch > Jason > Mo/Jones > Caeleb > F4: Me/Tom/Benj/Julia

and also since i love doing this for no reason, this would be my ranking of those left if i was to go to jury this round:

Mitch > Jason > Jones > Benj > Caeleb > Julia > Mo > Tom

Mitch is SO savvy, and so likable, and I could see as a definite winner, having survived so much. I can't decide if Jones is a threat because she is just so likable, or if she is actually palying super well, but I have both her and Jason very high in my opinion. Benj is so smart, I feel like he probably isn't considered as such by the other threats, but I hear him talk game - he is super woke. Caeleb is actually playing a very smart game too, flipping back and forth. I definitely underestimated him in early merge, his MIND. Julia I think is super game-savvy, just her style gets in her own way sometimes. Mo I feel like definitely did stuff last vote, but I see him as Jones' shadow/goat right now so would need to see much more. Tom I'm stuck because him self-voting twice I think almost definitely excludes him from winning so its hard to tell how I'd feel about him in an FTC. the main thing is that... we shall see.

BUT I AM WINNING IMMUNITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Sending this now bc I forgot. Jason beat me in reward OOPS but I can still possibly win immunity,,,,,? Maybe?

Eek me at jules being voted out, honestly i didnt really know what was going to happen at that tribal for the sole fact that everything started moving whilst i was asleep but im kinda shocked that it ended up being jules.... Like i personally wouldnt have made that move right now maybe in like 2 more rounds. Its quite scary the fact that mitch got so many people to turn on jules when i thought she was quite the loved player. So I've gotta keep an eye out for him he's probably playing the best game atm but i think ill try to take him out sooner rather than later

I think I might have to recalibrate how I’m playing this game. I honestly didn't think I was all that close to Jules so her cursing me kinda surprised me. SO, that means I think a lot of people are gonna be cursing me in the upcoming rounds. Not that I am planning a lot of blindsides, I just feel a lot closer to the people actually left. Julia might be the only one that wouldn't curse me at this point, but also she might because she doesn't like me all that much. And being cursed a bunch might put a really large target on my back too.

y'all i just found another idol im SCREECHING. and its a boujee one too, a sapphire idol. I'm so AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, i know where 2/3 idols are for sure, I'm truly screaming.

This was me an Mitch on call when we realized we had the numbers to vote out Jules

heres the thing, i prefer the selfie scavenger hunt when im on a team because that way im motivated to get stuff done out of fear of letting everyone down. where as by myself, i let myself down all the time. ali is scary good at comps and im lazy.

ALI FOUND THE MERGE IDOL AND ITS A SAPPHIRE IDOL AHHH!!!

IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM/US BUT ALSO LOWKEY PISSED BECAUSE I GET ALL THE BRIDGE STEPS AND THEN HE GETS LUCKY AT THE VERY END LMAO. AGAIN.

BUT OH WELL ATLEAST ITS NOT SOMEONE ELSE!!

And if I had any doubts (I never had) about him betraying me before I have 0 now.. u like have to really trust someone to tell them u have 2 idols LOL I could literally expose so much right now

BUT IM NOT GONNA WOO!!! BEST DUO IVE EVER HAD! Like I know it will be hard to beat him at the end but idc I want that duo story for us

Literally an idol magnet king I knew I chose the best ally on day 1

sapphire idols sound kinda annoying tho cuz u cant choose who its played on . like what if ur plan actually works and u idol the person u wanted gone LOL

lowkey would rather a normal idol ?? anyways ali went off in immunity and its final 9 idk who will go but I kinda want like mo gone (king) but we have no strategic bond so.. plus he will slip by to the end otherwise

I doubt that plan is gonna work tho cuz idk how to lead votes!! im flop sheep!

Update on idol hunt - I'm killing johnny

Update apparently I’m running a vote KSKSKKFMFMFFK take back EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT NOT NEEDING POWER LMAOOOO

ok so Storytime

I’m talking to Tom at like 5:00-6:00 ish, and he says he hasn’t heard anything but he’d be down to vote Julia if other people were voting Julia (at this point this is the only name and it was said by Tom and that’s it)

At this point I tell Mo what Tom said (Bc tom and I were talking about Mo) and he said he wasn’t surprised Julia’s name was brought up

Talk to Mitch at like 7:00 ish and he’s apparenrly being targeted by Ali and for whatever reason I have this hero complex and I wanna save him all of a sudden?? I also feel like he’ll be a big shield down the road that everyone else would want out over me so it makes much more sense to keep him? SO I tell him about Julia.

I Run to Mo, tell him about Julia plan he’s on board. MOs talking to Caeleb, and Jason wouldn’t go behind Mitch’s back. So that’s already 5 people I think voting Julia, 6 if we include Tom and 7 if Benj also knows. Which I’ll probs tell him.

So ya??? Turned an idea into a plan!! I’m doing that y’all. Idk?? I’m proud. I don’t need need this much power after this round or else my ego will be the size of my dick but!!! Idk guys I’m proud of myself.

(Literally only 35 minutes later)

Literally having a stroke tonight laid ease

Uhm apparently Tom/Jason/Ali had an alliance and were trying to get me out and tried throwing me under the bus to Julia and tried saying shit I didn’t say,, so ya,,, :)

Tom tried twisting it like I was the one who threw Julia’s name out bc apparently she’s inactive? Which is cute,, I said jack shit about that. So ya.

Um I’m voting Tom tonight now. I’m an indecisive bitch tho so it might change but. Fuck Tom. We gotta break up this alliance apparently. Julia’s the only person that’s said shit to me this whole day about what’s happening so I’m more likely to believe her than anyone else sooo ya. Fuck Tom. Fuck these men.

[shikai-the-storyteller]

It’s like half a year late but I just realized I saved this post as a draft and never actually posted it sO 

LOST LIGHT 25 READ

*Breaks down sobbing* L-LOST LIGHT 25 READ….THE LAST LIGHT…. 

My hands are shaking as I open up the file. How am I supposed to say goodbye and mean it. This comic’s changed my life, who am I going to be without it

I could spend the rest of my life looking at that cover :’) Rewind and Chromedome…Tailgate and CycLONUS….WITH WINGMAN WHIRL….SWERVE HOLDING RUNG’S GLASSES…DRIFT AND RATCHET (and ratchet holding the sparkflowers which represent everyone who died on the mission #called it), ANODE AND LUG….BRAINSTORM AND NAUTICA (probably watching some goofy video on Brainstorm’s cellphone??), MINIMUS AND RODIMUS…..SOBS….I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH…..

“The story so far: You’re joking, right?” LMAO

I saw the one page preview earlier this week and for the life of me I expected it to be Megatron. I expected them to be planning a fake funeral for Megatron buT THEN PROWL WAS THERE AND THAT THREW ME OFF.

I know Rewind doesn’t have to be glued to Chromedome’s side at all times but THE FACT THAT THEY”RE AT A FUNERAL AND HE”S NOT NEXT TO CHROMEDOME IS DRIVING MY ANXIETY UP THE WALL

WAIT WHAT

WHAT

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

RATCHET!??!?!? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CONJUX ENDURA???? JRO HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME THIS BLESSING THEN IMMEDIATELY GO “lol Ratchet’s dead” WTF MAN

IS THIS THE FUTURE???

JRO GIVETH AND JRO TAKETH AWAY

wait REWIND IS OLDER THAN RATCHET WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

JAMES ROBERTS IF YOU KILL REWIND (again) I MIGHT LITERALLY ACTUALLY DIE ON THE SPOT *PLEASE* DON”T DO THAT

A bunch of supersparks because of Rung’s message :’(((

OH MAN, THAT IS OUR PROWL, NOT SOME FUNCTIONALIST PROWL????

Prowl pls, I understand your point of view completely but…THE SPARKS…be cool dude

MEGATRON…OH BOY OF COURSE PROWL’S THERE FOR HIM

BUT HOW LONG IN THE FUTURE *ARE* WE?? WHY DIDNT PROWL COME SOONER?

I guess this is post-all the Unicron business??? Where’s Optimus, why isn’t he at his best friend’s funeral. (Though, even as I say that I am Very Much Aware that he probably died in the other comics, true to his style)

Prowl puts his finger on Rodimus’ mouth to shush him and I have mixed feelings about that because A) rude but B) it indicates a level of familiarity I’m surprised Prowl would do, even if it is just for the sake of shushing Rodimus

“No to everything you’ve said and everything you will say. And while I’m at it, no to anything you’ve said or will ever say ever” “Rodimus”

Awh Rodimus puts himself betwEEN MEGATRON AND PROWL….WHEEZES

Prowl’s got his hands on his hips and his door wing things hiked up oh my goshhh I HATE THAT I THOUGHT “You are Precious” THIS IS HOW FAR IVE FALLEN HUH

GuhhhhhhhhHHHH the sad look Megatron and Rodimus give each other…. :’((( There’s no way this trial will end with them letting him off, the fans would riot.

AW THE LOST LIGHT OR THE SPARKS HECKKKKK I KNEW THEYD HAVE TO GIVE UP THE SHIP

GOSH….RODIMUS…IM SO SAD TOO BUDDY

CRUSADERCONS SOBS!!!!!!

“It’s a joke” “I suppose you had to be there" SOBS EVEN HARDER

MEGATRON PLEASE, I JUST SNORTED SO FRICKIN HARD AT THAT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MEGATRON YOU BIG DORK

"Do you trust me, Prowl?” Aw oh Roddy…WHAT DO YOU MEAN LAP OF HONOR are you going to race Prowl, Rodimus buddy pls

WHIRL *IS* IN HANDCUFFS WHAT’S UP WITH THAT DID HE TURN HIMSELF IN FOR SOMETHING??? Is he in jail because of the scraplets???

“I’m conscious we haven’t seen each other in years” AW MAN SO THEY REALLY DID ALL SPLIT UP :’(((( I mean I guess that’s expected but hrGHH….HECK THAT MEANS RATCHET PROBABLY REALLY IS GONE OH NO…SALING IM SO SORRY

SWERVE HAD 113 BARS JRO PLEASE “I guess I’m not ready to be reminded of the good times” SWERVE I WILL CRY RIGHT NOW

Dratchet confirmed but AT WHAT COST

And it sounds like Nautica (maybe none of them) revealed that Rung was Primus???? Oh man

Also I’m 99% sure Optimus must be dead because there’s no reason why he wouldn’t be at his best friend’s funeral (unless he pops up later on in this comic)

I took all these notes earlier when looking at the preview and now that I’m here, with the full comic, about to read it, I can’t even get past the cover. I’m looking at all their smiling faces and I’m just realizing how much I’m going to miss them

NO

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO NO NO!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO DANGIT JRO

THIS IS LITERALLY ALL I ASKED OF YOU, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT AFTER ALL HE SUFFERED? AFTER ALL THEY SUFFERED???

I just pounded my fist on my desk so hard and shouted “NO” over and over again.

So he’s not dead? But is he suffering? Is he ok???

“He just asks Chromedome about something called Rung” WHAT

Is Brainstorm’s case a teleportation device now???

I’m so confused and sad and angry but I’m going to hold off judgement til I get to the end

I took a break to go give my Tio and Tia’s giant German Sheppard a rubdown but MAN I still feel horrible…I really hope there’s going to be more of a happy ending for Rewind and Chromedome than that, that feels so horrible…and they forgot Rung??

WAIT WHAT RATCHET’S BACK??? WHAT”S GOING ON

“There’ll always be an ending– and if you’re lucky, you get to see it coming.” :(

REWIND??? IS REWIND OK??? HE”S HERE??? IS HE SAFE???

I SWEAR TO EVERY DEITY JRO, PLEASE DON”T HURT HIM MY HEART CAN”T TAKE THIS KIND OF BACK AND FORTH THING

OH NO, DID THEY FORGET RUNG???

WHIRL’S WEARING AN “ASK ME ABOUT MY FEMINIST AGENDA” SHIRT

REWIND AND RATCHET ARE STILL HERE AND OK BUT THEY”VE FORGOTTEN RUNG??? WHAT”S GOING ON

Aw Cyclonus is singing for Tailgate and they have all of Ten’s toys next to the Lost Light toy replica….

I CAN”T REALLY GET INTO THIS IM TOO AFRAID OF REWIND NOT ACTUALLY BEING OK AND RUNG BEING FORGOTTEN

“And this is my wife, Anode” MY HEART JUST GREW THREE SIZES

FRICKIN, THEY"RE GONNA RAISE SOME KIDS, THE LESBIAN AGENDA!!!! I LOVE IT

IS ROLLER FLIRTING WITH NICKLE OH MY GOSH

“I forgot I tried to kill you” “Sorry I tried to kill you” Ah, good ‘ol post-war Cybertronians

“Making me look good. Highest calling” RODIMUS PLEASE

“I was wondering if I was remembering things before they happened” OH NO

Ok but WHY is Whirl in his holoform

AW THE SWEET TENDER MOMENT BETWEEN DRIFT AND RATCHET…KILL ME.

“Treat him well, doc. He’s a keeper” awh….what a good bro

The tender Ratchet expressions are so sweet but AT THE SAME TIME IM LIKE….IS RATCHET DEAD OR IS HE OK, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY: IS REWIND OK??????????

WHY CAN”T ANYONE REMEMBER RUNG, THIS IS REALLY REALLY SAD

LMAO Are these all scenarios that JRO wanted to write???? I can’t believe the Lost Light got impounded

“We should measure our lives in moments and the rush of joy, of grace, that exists within them. You flare, you flicker, you fade. And in the end, all your tomorrows become yesterdays. Afterlight.” This entire exchange has me on the floor weeping. Of COURSE Magnus has his poetry memorized

OH SHOOT MAGNUS DIDN”T KNOW

NOOO THE DOUBLE SAD MAGNUS AND MEGATRON FACE, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RECOVER FROM THAT

"I never thought I’d say this, but…it’s been fun” *STARTLED EXAGGERATED GASP*

Magnus thinks that wanting some professional relationships makes him sound like a hopeless romantic, oh my GOSH (same tho Magnus)

ME TOO SWERVE

WTF

I THOUGHT THEY WERE IN SPACE WHAT’S HAPPENING

Oh my gosh, the Deceptidorks run off in their own little cruiser with Grimlock, that’s so them

OH NO SWERVE DIDN”T GET MISFIRE’S NUMBER

OH MY–

WELL

I DIDN”T EXPECT THAT AT ALL

CYCLONUS OH MY GOSH, THAT MADE ME PUT A HAND OVER MY MOUTH AND TURN AWAY, HECK

THAT"S SO SWEET….coming from Cyclonus that’s such a huge thing, he’s so grateful that Rodimus gave him the chance, gave him the opportunity to go on this mission :’)

Of course Rodimus looks a little shocked when Cyclonus grabbed his face like that I"D BE A LITTLE BIT LIKE “UHHH” TOO

GOSH that’s so cute I can’t get over that

WAAAAAIT A MINUTE. WAIT I JUST REALIZED THIS IS ALL IN THE PAST. SO REWIND AND RATCHET REALLY ARE…

WELL. THERE”S STILL A FEW MORE PAGES FOR JRO TO NOT BREAK MY HEART AND RESOLVE THAT….I STILL HAVE A BIT OF FAITH….

AW Cyclonus picks up Tailgate and flies off with him THAT"S SO CUTE

Oh my gosh, that graffiti in the background that says “Megatron will save us” :“’(

NO….RODIMUS IS ALL ALONE OH NO……..THIS IS THE NIGHTMARE SCENARIO NO!!!!!!!

"But sometimes you hardly know they’re here” OH MAN DID THEY TAKE AFTER RUNG

OH MY GOSH

IS THAT???? IS THAT!!!! IS DRIFT GIVING WHIRL RATCHET’S HANDS!??????

“RATTY”

BRAINSTORM’S REALLY GOT ANOTHER FRICKIN SPARK IN HIS BRIEFCASE IM LOSING MY MIND. Ohhhh Whirl helped make that for him! SO WAIT BRAINSTORM IS TECHNICALLY ALMOST DEAD TOO, JRO WTF COME ON

“Hearing that Megatron was able to open it when you couldn’t” WAIT WHAT, THAT”S NOT HOW ANY OF THAT WENT, WHAT UNIVERSE EXISTS WHERE RODDY COULDN”T OPEN IT!! THAT”S SO WRONG

THIS REALLY IS THE NIGHTMARE UNIVERSE, EVERYTHING BAD IS HAPPENING WHAT THE HELL

(Post-reading, I discussed with Saling and YEAH RODIMUS PROBABLY LIED TO HELP MEGATRON’S CASE)

WAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AFTER ALL THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RODIMUS LOOKS SO SURPRISED AND DELIGHTED…….

“Rodimus. Whatever happens next, whatever my fate, I deserve worse.” :(((((((

HECK THAT MAGNUS / MEGATRON INTERACTION…..MAGNUS LOOKS LIKE A KICKED PUPPY THIS IS MAKING ME SO SAD

What’s wrong with Rodimus’ aura????

WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT”S GOING ON

IM TOO FREAKED OUT ABOUT REWIND TO PROPERLY THINK / PREDICT LIKE I ALWAYS DO

AWH!!!!!!!!! IM GONNA FRICKIN CRY!!!!!!!!! THAT HUG!!! FINALLY A SWEET CYCLONUS AND WHIRL HUG WHERE CYCLONUS ISN"T THREATENING TO KILL HIM

EXCELLENT FRICKIN BROTP CONTENT RIGHT THERE

IM STILL WORRIED ABOUT REWIND AND RUNG (AND RATCHET) THOUGH, JIMMOTHY ROBERTS DONT YOU DARE END THIS WITHOUT RESOLVING THAT

LIKE SERIOUSLY THOUGH!!! I LOVE YOU JRO BUT THAT”D BE SUCH A HORRIBLE WAY TO END REWIND’S LIFE (even if he’s not technically dead)

What did Rodimus promise Ratchet he’d look after, I wonder….

RUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW IT!!!! I KNEW SOME VERSION OF HIM WOULD COME BACK!!!!

I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!

“Give that back to Drift and say Thank you. Say it’s a lovely gesture, but I’m not broken, and I don’t need fixing” :’)

I love Whirl so much

DON"T KNOW IF WHAT WORKED

Did they…did they force themselves to forget about Rung??? About the fact that he was Primus???

ALL THE LUNARIANS LOOK LIKE RUNG, SOBS!!!!!!!!!!

Rodimus looks so much older, this is making me so sad THIS WASN”T SUPPOSED TO BE A DEPRESSING ENDING

WHAT CAPTAIN THUNDERCLASH

OH MY GOSH RODIMUS

“Without Love There Is No Meaning” aaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THE RODIMUS STAR…THAT WAS MEGATRON’S RODIMUS STAR….DID THEY FORCE THEMSELVES TO FORGET ABOUT MEGATRON??? WHAT HAPPENED

WOW THEY REALLY MADE ANOTHER QUANTUM DUPLICATE HUH

But that means they doom at least one version of themselves to a sad ending…

SIMPATICO

PERCY YOU FRICKIN GEEK you and Brainstorm deserve each other

I’M…..SO TORN…….

THEY REALLY DID GET AN ENDING WHERE THEY’RE HAPPY AND CONTINUE ON FOREVER, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND THEY GOT THE WORST UNIVERSE

I DON”T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS ENDING………

Oh my gosh WAIT….the bad timeline doesn’t know anything about Rung because Rung is with the good Lost Light…which means that the “canon” timeline IS the good Lost Light….WELL….I GUESS THAT MAKES THINGS A LITTLE BETTER (MAYBE??? IN RETROSPECT I ACTUALLY THINK BOTH VERSIONS FORGOT RUNG...HECK...)

I guess even in the “bad” ending we got some good stuff (like the Whirl & Tailgate / Cyclonus thing) but oof….Rewind’s the only one who remembers Rung…that really hurts…I am glad he and Chromedome are both somewhat ok though :(

“Over To You”

The comic ending with a preview of the first MTMTE issue feels so poetic

I FEEL LIKE. I”M STILL PROCESSING EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED. This comic’s been such a huge part of my life, I don’t know how to properly react

I guess the biggest thing I can say is “I can’t believe it’s over”

Post reading note: I had mixed feelings about the ending, but JRO shared this article “How To Say Goodbye and Mean It: The Last Message of IDW's Lost Light” by Cenate Pruitt and it helped settle some stuff for me. I think it’s definitely worth a read once you’re done with LL25.