#tho neither of the protags are my faves

[dapper-lil-arts]

Can i attempt to (very, very poorly) advertise a Fanfic i'm working on?

I promise you, it (probably) doesn't suck (i think, i don't know)

In fact, i'll tell you a little secret. Despite the fact that both Fluttershy and Discord are the protagonists, there is no lovey dovey stuff involved. I'm telling you this because i know you don't like that ship, so uhhhhhh... Yeah.

If i can't, then i'll go away. And if that's the case, i'm sorry for wasting your time.

Here's the cover of the Fic:

pff you say you wanna advertise it but then don't say what its about other than the basic-est premise summary! I gotta know more info before deciding to check it out. the cover looks nice though!

And no link rip!

[g0reoz]

uhhH Beyblade for the fandom ask game

The first character I first fell in love with: ken midori!! i still love pretty much everything about this character (/p ofc), and he (along with daina) was one of the main reasons i stuck with the show early on. he had a really interesting character arc and i’m like 99% sure Middle School Me cried when he left. still can’t believe they pretty much completely got rid of him after season 1 was over, tho, smh my head ://

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: ruwei was Just Some Guy until i got a few more episodes in and realized his facial expressions and mannerisms are super similar to someone i know irl (who also happens to be a shortish violent individual with long braided hair and a bias towards birds n the color blue). now he’s more than just some guy. he’s the SAME flavor of just some guy as one of my oldest and closest friends :)

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: idk? i like a lot of the characters in some way or another. i don’t like lui as much as a lot of other people, though i don’t hate him either. and a lot of the protags (except drum) were Not Really My Faves ig.

The character I love that everyone else hates: bro idek who‘s super hated that i Also Like. who do you people even collectively agree to hate aside from like ashtem

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: i am neither a coward nor a fool. i have a list of faves that i continually add to.

The character I want to be like: listen. i think this happened subconsciously, but my fashion sense nowadays is basically what would happen if you put shuu and xhaka’s wardrobes in the same closet. i have to blame beyburst for every outfit and color scheme i have ever thrown together so i don’t have to live knowing it was a choice made free of outside influence 💔😔🤙

The character I’d slap: yugo nansui (derogatory (affectionate)). i want to fight him in a parking lot but that parking lot has to be in front of a cafe so i can take him there afterward. the duality of mankind.

A pairing that I love: i literally have not shipped anything since like 2016, and even then, i had no concrete pairings. it was more of a “haha what if this happened? let’s give it some thought *moves on immediately after*” so i don’t really think i’m well equipped to answer this lol

A pairing that I despise: shuvalt. i do not care for shuvalt at all and have never really seen that being something that works out. this is coming from my experience as That Guy Everyone Talks To When They Have Relationship Issues And, Later, Need Someone To Talk Them Through Their Breakup.

anyways yeah that‘s about it! thanks for the ask lol

[tumblunni]

Aaa im so full of poke hype and lovv! <3

I feel like maybe doodling my kid self, for some reason?? Like embrace the nostalg and also show some love to that awkward lil kid who didnt really know who they were yet. Its interesting how much i've changed over the years!

Hell i might even draw personas of myself dressed as all the protags from all the different generations? But they'd be mostly the same for like the first 20 years, just me getting real tall and fat lol. I had almost floor length hair for SO LONG it felt really freeing to chop it all off and i never went back! I think i kept it cos it was loke.. Camoflage? The only 'girly' thing i had so i could pretend to myself that i was straight and cis. Plus a literal shield cos i could be 90% hair and just one eye poking out XD So yeah it'd be funny looking at me over time, its just this girly-looking kid getting increasingly more macho outfits and increasingly more girly hair and increasingly more socially anxious, until within the space of 18-25 i suddenly have this giant self discovery freedom explosion and change completely! Its funny how if anything i look less masculine now? Like im way more comfortable with the fact that i'm someone in between genders, and its not a binary of having to be something i'm not just to escape some other thing i'm not. Its also kinda funny how these gender roles felt so restrictive when i was crammed into one of them, yet dressing with both at once seems just as freeing as having neither. Tho still no matter how i dress i always get misgendered one way or another since non-binary acceptance is still far from the norm. But still im so much more me than i've ever been before, and its great to look back so i can realize how far i've come!

So lol maybe i'll just draw old kid me playing "her" first pokemon game, and leave out the next decade and a half of the same thing but taller. And i could just draw current me in a few different attempts at a pokemon outfit? Like when i did my sprite edits i just did me in my usual outfit i wear IRL, now im thinking maybe i shoulda designed a wish fullfillment ideal gym leader costume or something? Tho im too lazy to start the sprite edit project all over again with this new design lol. Oh and maybe also draw my pokemon go outfit? I dont wear it all the time but i had a fun lil look i wore the other day that i ended up laughing at cos i accidentalky wore all blue even tho i picked Team Valor! Now i wanna wear it all the time lol. Oo and maybe cosplay as my fave characters? If i cant afford to do it IRL i can at least draw it!

So yeh in summary somehow i feel really confident in my identity today and i wanna draw pics of me. Mild ego time!!! Or rather just wishing i could fly back in time and motivate my kid self by showing them that they woukd actually have the freedom to be themself some day. I dont even really think of it as "I used to be a girl" but just that i was always feeling this way and didnt know the words for it, or that other people felt the same way and it wasnt an 'abomination against god'. And for some reason playing a gane with selectable genders really helped me let out some of my feelings during that confused childhood of absolute repression. "I just pick a random gender each time cos it doesnt really matter right? Doesnt everyone just pick the one with the outfit they'd rather wear?" I absolutely knew that was a lame excuse and none of these other kids actually felt that way, but at least it kept people from suspecting i had queer reasons for my queer actions. In a time where i didnt even know what queer meant except that it was Somehow Bad. Gah, this is why sex education needs to be inclusive! Even when i was old enough to learn about straight sex i apparantly wasnt old enough to learn about gay and trans people! Let alone asexuality lol... Man it was a whole nother mess to be dealing with an anomolous lack of sexual attraction at the same time as i was repressing something everyone told me was 'inherantly too dirty for teenagers to know about'. For so long i was just told that crossdressing was 'a sick fetish men have for wearing women's underwear' not just.. A woman is a woman and is telling you she's a woman and you wont listen to her. And for some reason they always obsessed with MTF trans folk in these sensationalist hate sermons, i guess because 'a man who gets off on dressing like a woman' just sounds like the more disgusting version when youre a sexist homophobic transphobic piece of shit throwing your bigotry at children. And at the same time also aphobic and telling me i need surgery on my genitals if i dont want sex. Mannnn kids those days.. i really hope kids these days have it better! I hope everyone who dealt with that shit managed to find love and support eventually, even if its still a damn crime they had it denied to them during their most important childhood years. The whole concept of 'an innocent carefree childhood' is so unknown to me, its ironic people claim they want to keep "lgbt politics" away from children in order to preserve that innocent childhood...

Aaaaanyway im rambling lol! In summary pokemon was one of my only coping methods during that childhood and the only small way i could pretend someone accepted me. Even if it was just by whispering no when the professor said 'are you a boy or a girl' and being happy at the little genderless mons like magnemite or the legendaries. I dont think i would have ever realized it was actually POSSIBLE and had words for the complex dysphoria i was feeling, if i hadnt played this dumb lil series of games.

Anyway thats probably also why i never had any attatchment to gen 1 despite being born right as the first wave of pokemania was coming out. The memories i have of those times are complex. Im just excited to revisit kanto as a new and happy person and maybe make new memories! I already barely remembered actual Yellow compared to FRLG, it was kind of a trip to play it on virtual console and remember all the tiny bits of sexist writing that games used to have during that era. It was like 'whoa i never noticed this was wrong as a kid, this finally explains why it made me uncomfortable!' Also the gameplay was glitchy and the plot nonexistant and the translation rudimentary and limited. And the mons weren't very good and i prefer pretty much every other generation and especially Garbodor and Vanillite, dammit!

Ok im going offtopic again

So yeah like i said im happy that Let's Go has managed to make me hype even thougj i didnt enjoy kanto the first time around! And its good how much it represents my journey out of that shitty childhood so now i can revisit it and pretend this is my first time and None Of That Happened, Thanks

So anyway bunni draws past self. And gets emotional. And rambles for hours in a dumb post.

Ok bye

[sophygurl]

Tagged by my book bud @wingedsaboteur​:

Hardback or paperback (I am legit too tired to hold up a hardback some days)

Borrow or buy (libraries are the best!)

Buy in a bookstore or online

Amazon or Bookdepository (idk what that one is)

Fantasy or sci-fi (both but if I had to pick I’d lean more towards fantasy/magical realism-ish over sci-fi)

Love-triangle or love at first sight (ik everyone hates them but I don’t and love at first sight just makes me gag)

Wall shelves or bookcases (anything that holds the books! but I don’t have wall shelves)

Mass market paperbacks or large print books

Bad plot with good characters or good plot with bad characters (it’s alll about the character love)

Booklr or Bookstagram (idk what either of those things are)

Booklr or Booktube (I guess this is just about book culture on the different web sites but idk)

Contemporary or Fantasy

Fiction or non-fiction

Buy a book based on the cover or the description

Alphabetical shelves or colour coordinated (my books just go on the shelves in whatever random order I happen to put them away in lol)

Different sized books or matching sizes (idc)

Matching covers / spines or non-matching covers / spines (idc lol)

Marathon a series or read as released (I hate when I catch up and have to wait for the next book)

Movie or TV adaptation (more room to explore)

Perfect adaption of a bad book or bad adaption of a perfect book (omg neither - why would you bother to adapt a bad book and a bad adaptation of a good book is just sad af)

Zombies or Vampires (omg that depends so much - are we talking horror or romance? are they the villains or the protags?? which mythos are we using???)

Vampires or Werewolves (see above)

Vampire or Fae (mostly same, but I am partial to fae stuff)

Reading inside or outside

Coffee or Tea (depends!!)

Eating while reading or not eating (I really hate when ppl spill food on the library books)

Bookmarks or random objects (I’d happily go for random objects but ppl keep giving me lovely bookmarks so I like to use them)

Dog-earing or bookmark

Be your favourite character or be their best friend (listen my fave characters are usually put through the shit - I don’t wanna go thru all that)

Be your favourite character or date your favourite character (see above)

Physical or E-book

Audiobook or ebook (neither)

Read in bed or on a chair (on my sofa lounger!)

Series or stand-alones (I always want more in my fave worlds)

Duology or Trilogy (basically, the more the better imo)

Reading in winter or reading in summer (just because summer is Big Brother season so I have less time for other stuff overall lol)

Read with music or without music (I can’t handle multiple audio stimulus at once and for some reason reading is similar in nature to audio stimulus for me - like I read in my head as if it was out loud??)

Finish reading books you hate or stop reading mid-way (it depends on WHY I hate it - if it’s just kinda boring or the plot is bad I’ll keep going. if it’s bigoted and offensive? it gets thrown in the trash immediately)

Yearly book challenge or no book challenge (I don’t need the stress of challenges, I read when I can)

Classics or modern books (tho I do like both)

I didn’t see any tagging rules but I’ll just ping a couple of my fellow book lovers in case you wanna do it: @c-l-ford, @startenthousand, @dianebluegreen, @knitmeapony, @petpluto

[tumblunni]

Man its so weird to think back and see how many signs there were that I was transgender long before I realized it. I was SO fucking oblivious, I had no clue that being nonbinary was even an option, all I knew was 'well I don't wanna be the opposite gender but I don't wanna be the one I was assigned at birth'. (Except obviously I didn't even know the correct words to describe it) And like... I bought into A LOT of horrible transphobic bullshit, cos I was raised with a biased view of what being transgender even is. 'Trans-sexual people are turned on by wearing women's clothes'. Ugh. And I was completely disgusted by it, since I'm a sex repulsed asexual and everything about foreplay or whatever disgusts me. My parents and pop culture and stuff all treated it like trans people were the equivelant of someone into BDSM wearing nipple clamps out in public or something. 'Well in theory I have nothing against them having that kink, but why do they have to show it in public?' Being trans was ALWAYS only shown as 'oo kinky I like to crossdress in the bedroom', as if it was a fucking sexuality, as if there was NO OTHER REASON why someone would wanna wear the 'wrong' clothes and use the 'wrong' pronouns. I felt viscerally disgusted at myself whenever I didn't want to wear my birth gender's cliche outfits, I denied absolutely everything cos I didn't want people to think I was a pervert. I didn't even know it was POSSIBLE to be transgender and asexual, or even that being transgender wasn't the same as being gay! I said SO MUCH fucking horrible transphobic and homophobic stuff as a kid, just parroting what I was told, and overcompensating for hating myself by making it clear I hated everyone remotely similar to me. While being in huge denial that they were similar to me! And I'm gonna carry these regrets forever and always worry that I stopped someone else from feeling comfortable about theirself and just... GAHH! And I did all the same too about parroting stereotypes of 'crazy people' and 'r*tards' before I learned that this big ol stereotype about autism was bullshit and real autistic people look EXACTLY LIKE MYSELF It just makes me think a lot about how many other people out there might be trans and not have the ability to find out because they've been buried so utterly in this false, bigoted image of what a trans person actually is. Tho also I hate the dumb stereotype that 'all homophobes are secretly gay', like seriously wtf why u wanna escape all responsibility for your actions and say the only problem is gay people systemically oppressing THEMSELVES... ANYWAY I went off on a sad train of thought there but back to the point! I'm just remembering this one part of a school trip that was like one of my most treasured memories for no logical reason until I realised I was trans. I met a new classmate and he mistook me for the opposite gender, and I was like 'HOLY SHIT WHY AM I HAPPY' until someone else 'corrected' him. I mean.. I knew I wasn't that gender either, but it felt like a weight off my shoulders to at least be misgendered the opposite way for once. I felt inexplicably happy that I was looking ambiguous enough to even be in question! And this was when I was like 11, I had no clue what word to even assign to these feelings... And I mean, it was SO DUMB that I never noticed these signs! This is what internalized transphobia does to you! Like 'hey there's probably no reason at all why I always play as a different gender ever time I buy a pokemon game, and get this self hatey feeling in my gut when both options have very stereotypically gendered costumes'. And 'wow there sure is no reason why I got inexplicably attached to this genderless character and can't stop thinking about ways to prove they aren't real'. Seriously all that debate about 'quina is really a girl/boy' with weird evidence in stat builds and equip items and stuff! I got REALLY into that transphobic bullshit cos it was something that shook up my perception of the world and I felt like if not being either gender was ACTUALLY AN OPTION then id have to address painful things about myself. If I knew I could be that, I couldn't keep lying to myself. So I went in aggressive denial mode and missed this chance to come out of the closet at like 9 years old and save myself a damn lot of trouble! And then I just went through the same bullshit at 14 with Chrona from Soul Eater, and could not explain why on earth I was so upset that the English dub assigned them a random gender instead of translating it properly... And OH MAN how fucking dysphoric I was about puberty even before I knew that dysphoria was a thing! It was like 'hey look you're growing up!' 'NO IM NOT DEAR GOD NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN'. And that led to this stupid thing of me just saying 'well I have the mental age of a seven year old LOL' to excuse whenever I acted 'weird'. My forum avatar and stuff was a doodle of myself in chibi form, etc. (Even literally wearing chest binding... I only knee at the time that it was 'a martial arts thing' tho.) Like, I'd got all these messages that not wanting sex was 'childish' and not wanting my body to change was obviously 'immature', and when I was undiagnosed with mental illness and trying yo make up excuses for how I TOTALKY didn't have a mental illness, all I could say was 'ha ha I'm totally uhh... Doing it on purpose? Cos I'm so... Quirky?' I got obsessed with overacting as a class clown, cos I mean you can also excuse cross dressing as a thing that 'the comic relief character' does... And OH MAN, like my big Special Interest throughout all of high school was Norse myth, more specifically Loki. I was FASCINATED with the idea of a shape shifter who could be either gender, and was completely unashamed about it. And, of course, I used to play it off as 'ha ha isn't it so funny he turned into a girl', when I seriously did not have any clue WHY it was funny, I just thought I had to say it. It HAD to be the reason I was so sympathetic yo this character, right? Because he's A FUNNY JOKE?? And man then I got so obsessed with researching non gendered English pronouns from the 18th century and championing how they should totally come back into modern language and EVEN THEN I was in denial! It took until I played Magical Diary to realise 'well fuck I'm trans'. It took a game outright saying that these genderless pronouns arent just 'to be inclusive of both genders' but can be used for A THIRD GENDER, A GENDERLESS GENDER, A BOTH AND/OR NEITHER GENDER!! A game saying that this gender does exist in human beings, and EVEN THEN I took ages to be sure that it was really real and not just a fantasy thing that the game made up. I mean, quina was totally only genderless cos they're a magical creature, right? (Completely ignoring the fact that the other two members of that magical creature town are both male...) And just.... AAAAAAA I feel like I'm the human personification of that 'no Patrick, put it on the lid' meme No, you're trans. No, TRANS. Trans, bunni! TRANS!! This is what societal prejudices do to people. Even LGBTQ people usually grow up within homophobic, transphobic society, absorbing all the same messages. It destroys our ability to be okay with being ourselves... Its so fucking sad that this happened to me, and it hurts even more to think of all the times I said insensitive offensive stuff to other LGBTQ people back when I thought I was cis and straight... Gahhhh... ALSO, it makes me extra sad that Summon Night: Swordcraft Story 2 never got released in Europe. There's a character there called Arno who's NB and very out about it, and the English translators didn't make a mess of it, or anything. People actually call Arno 'they', and literally their catchphrase is 'Are you a boy or a girl?' 'I'm just a child of the wind~' Like seriously NO ambiguity, character actually getting to dish out sick burns when being misgendered, absolutely NO room for the ol 'well they just don't MENTION a gender, it doesn't mean they were intended to be nonbinary' excuse. Arno outright stating 'I am not a boy, and I an not a girl'. And your protagonist respecting it! Arno is still my absolute fave best handled nonbinary character in all of games. And the summon night series is very inclusive with a lot of gay romance options! Its a shame tho that the only other game with a nonbinary character was never dubbed even in america. But apparently the protags of previous games get a cameo in the upcoming Summon Night 6 which finally will be released in Europe! I just hope they handle Corlal's pronouns respectfully, considering how they managed to do it so well a decade ago with Arno. But then again the Swordcraft Story series is a spinoff so the main games might have different translators? Anyway, let me hug my tiny enby dragon child! Also I'm sad the cellphone app trading card game never got dubbed either, cos Corlal got some cute cards for the valentine's day event. All three dragon kids just got adorable scenes making platonic family chocolate for their siblings cos they're too young to really participate. And they thankfully got super cute totally non-lolicon maid and butler outfits like SERIOUSLY THANK GOD FOR THAT! Just cute ten year olds playing dressup like normal kids. Corlal got two cards for that one! Them being nonbinary continues to be 100% canon, they got a version with both a dress and a tuxedo. AND ITS SO FUCKING CUTE MY GOD ...man I'm sorry this just went off topic into how great that series is But anyway! If I've ever said anything that offends you, please message me about it! I'm still unlearning a lot of internalized prejudice. Also if you want a quality nonbinary werewolf in a cool side scrolling GBA jrpg, look for Arno! Im on mobile rite now so I can't send links n stuff, but as soon as I finish moving my PC desk to the other room I shall spam you all with my obscure fandom's!!!