#tho he mostly knows a whole lot of various swear words

[turtleblogatlast]

Love the thought of Leo just casually being well traveled to absurd degrees. Like one day they’re facing their new Big Bad of the year and like, Draxum or whoever says that the key to their fight is located somewhere in, like, Latvia or some place, but no one knows where to start.

Then Leo’s like “oh I know a place” and when asked how the heck he could know of one it smash cuts to Leo falling through the ceiling of said place due to a portal mishap.

Also love the idea of Leo, being as accidentally (and then later, purposefully) well traveled as he is, sometimes taking his family on outings to different places all over, maybe to some new Yokai spots he found along the way.

In these places, Leo 100% lets his bros get scammed by tourist traps.

[idontblushsrry]

Uhh may I make a request for Ouran High School Host club? Just a headcanon for how the host would react to meeting someone how is a big time animal lover. (Like they pretty much live there life like the Irwin family)

A/N: I was thinking about how I’d write this and my brain just went ‘they lost their shit at the sight of instant coffee’, so uhh I hope this is to your liking. I tried to get as much animal variety as I could even though I didn’t really touch on marine animals that much)

Warnings: Like 2 swear words (pinky promise), slight drug mention(literally so small you might not even notice it), spoilers (minor) for Tamaki’s mom

Word Count: 1292

General

So this is under the assumption that like the Irwin family, Reader (or their family) has access to a wide variety of animals (from domestic to wild)

All of them respect the passion you have for animals

While they all might have various feelings on animals (see below), they can’t deny that you truly do love animals

Your family’s sanctuary focuses on healing injured animals and rehabilitating them so they can go back into the wild

Of course, your family has many sanctuaries around the world and some focus more on conservation while others focus on research

The one closest to the school focuses mainly on conservation and as such, is massive and functions like a zoo ( in terms of having people come in and see the animals)

Anyways, the host club is very supportive and often helps you with organizing donation events

Oftentimes, your family will collaborate with them and allow them to rent out parts of the conservation center for events

Aside from the conservation center though, your family owns a few ranches and farms (not for commercial profit, although yall have sold a few animals)

The farms and ranches are relatively small scale but they make great venues for the host club and a great place for getaways/vacations

Your main house is where you keep most of your favorite animals

You have an aviary attached to your room (connected through a hallway that connects to your room) as well as a butterfly garden in the backyard

You also have an aquarium tank, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 snake, and a hamster that visits on weekends

You had to be stopped at some point

Tamaki

Tamaki loves animals

He was never really around animals growing up because of how sensitive his mom’s immune system is

So when he sees that you’re an animal person, he’s super excited

Like this man is already planning playdates between Antoinette and your pets/animals

You love his enthusiasm, just one small problem

It’s a little too much enthusiasm

Yes the animals are well trained, but how would you react if a 6′0 giant with long arms came barreling towards you screaming showing its teeth?

So yeah, Tamaki tends to set the animals off/ make them nervous

Because of that he’s only allowed around certain animals (ex. certain monkeys, certain birds, etc.)

He’s happy that he’s allowed around some animals but he still pouts every time there’s an animal he can’t be around

Kyoya

This man

Kyoya does not fuck with animals. Like at all

The first time the host club went to your house, you were holding a hamster and Kyoya moved back about 10 feet

When you asked him what was wrong, he just said “Rats are carriers of many of the most deadly diseases”

You told him that you were holding a hamster and that while hamsters were rodents, the worst he’d get sick with would be salmonella

He doesn’t believe you, but yeah sure whatever

For Kyoya it just gets worse after that

The first time he sees you holding a tarantula, he loses his shit

“Look how cute it is Kyoya!”

“Get that vermin away from me!”

I could go on and on about how much Kyoya doesn’t like animals (even domestic ones like cats and dogs)

He hates going to your house, but he often has to go there in order to set up events for the host club, what a nightmare

While he doesn’t care for animals, the business side of his brain can’t help but think of a marketing opportunity

Mori

Is one of two hosts that are going to be chill about it

He doesn’t feel one way or the other about animals and thinks it’s cool that you’re interested in them

Only thing is; if Honey’s afraid of your animals, he will have to ask you to leave he won’t hesitate to step in “harm’s” way

Surprisingly though, that actually makes him the chillest with your animals

Much to your surprise (and Tamaki’s sorrow), the animals love him

He just has this calming vibe that sets the animals at ease

It also helps that he smells nice and is super tall

For most of them it’s like sitting on a giant tree

He’s not really complaining though, it makes his job of protecting Honey that much easier

Honey

Oh boy

He might actually be the worst with animals

It’s not even an issue of being unable to defend against aggressive animals (Honey could probably solo a grizzly bear)

It’s just he has a very strict “cute” animal policy that changes wildly depending on his mood, the temperature, the angle of the wind, the humidity, etc.

He’s very bougie when it comes to what animals he will tolerate and what animals he will refuse to see

The general safe choices are rabbits (especially bunnies), kittens, cows, tits (the bird species), and baby animals of almost every domestic mammal species)

Him and the hamster you see on weekends are best friends

Also, you have had issues with him trying to feed the animals sweets

Explaining to Honey why rabbits can’t have carrot cake was not an easy conversation, nor was it one you thought you’d need to have

Because of how specific he is about what animals he finds cute, you likened him to a crocodile (because of how sensitive they are to temp. changes in egg)

Needless to say...he was not pleased

Hikaru

So him and Kaoru don’t really care for animals but they try to relate to you in somewhat similar but different ways

Hikaru is always trying to get you to do/recreate stunts with the animals

“Hey Y/N, we should-”

“No Hikaru”

“You don’t even know what I was gonna say”

“No you cannot use the dolphins for hoop tricks, no you cannot teach the gorillas how to roll blunts, no you cannot “bribe” the koalas with eucalyptus...”

Yeah he’s a menace

It’s mostly all in good fun though

Hikaru doesn’t really care for animals but he does find it hilarious that the animals like him more than Tamaki

Also, completely random but Hikaru definitely send you those “horse-sized duck vs duck sized horses” memes

Kaoru

Kaoru also tries to use animals on the internet to relate to you, but he’s a lot tamer than Kaoru

Kaoru is kind of like the parent who learns one thing you like and is like “that’s your entire personality right?”

Poor bby is trying his best

Anyways, whereas Hikaru tries to recreate memes, Kaoru sends you them

They range in quality and format; from top text, bottom text to “is this a ____”

At least once a day, Kaoru will send you a meme or picture of an animal with a caption that says ‘this reminded me of u :)’

It’s so endearing that you can’t even be mad about it

Haruhi

Is the only other one who’s kind of cool about the whole thing

She’s really only been around animals in the park or the occasional pet store

Growing up, she didn’t really have the time (or money) to go to the zoo, that and the fact that Ranka doesn’t care at all for animals (she thinks they’re weird and gross)

When Tamaki hears this, he works himself up into a frenzy, torn that his “daughter” has never been to a zoo (even tho he hasn’t either)

But she likes the fact that you’re so passionate about animals

At heart, she’s a scholar, so she loves learning new things she didn’t know before, she could spend all day just listening to you talk about animals

Not to mention the fact that you’re basically giving her a free informational tour  every time you see an animal

[set-phasers-to-whump]

hiding

prompt: hidden

whumpee: shawn spencer

fandom: psych

hi! sorry for being absent for 2 days and then coming back with a fic that i think might suck? idk. i have been looking at it for too long i think... maybe you will like it? idk. i hope so tho :) 

Shawn has chased more than one old man down the streets of Santa Barbara. Today’s pursuit is no different to the others - or at least, it isn’t until he finally catches up with the old dude in question (who, just for the record, is the fastest seventy year old Shawn has ever encountered). 

They’re in an alley, and the other end is blocked off by several feet of chain link fence. This old guy may be speedy, but he’s evidently not much of a climber. Which is good. 

“Took you long enough to catch up with me,” he says, his creaky-sounding old-man voice taunting and a little demeaning. 

But his statement is fair. As is evidenced by the fact that Shawn is panting hard, bent slightly at the waist with his hands on his knees as he catches his breath. 

“But I did catch you,” Shawn says after a second, straightening back up. “And now I’m going to have to call the police.”

“I don’t think so.”

Shawn is about to say something dazzlingly witty in response, but all of a sudden there’s a glint of silver and then…

Then he’s just been stabbed by someone who probably eats his dinner at 4:30. 

It takes him by such surprise that he doesn’t even make a noise.  

And then it hurts. Hot and blinding and sharp and intense pain radiates outward from his stomach and the knife is pulled out and it hurts even more and he feels his body collapse but doesn’t register hitting the ground. There are stars in his vision and everything is blurry and the world sounds like he’s underwater and it hurts and hurts and hurts and he looks upwards as the old man casually wipes Shawn’s blood from the knife with the sleeve of his dark jacket. He idly passes the knife from hand to hand and Shawn watches him and he really wants to just get up and punch him and he staggers to his feet amidst a haze of bright red pain and then there’s a familiar voice from behind him saying, “drop your weapon,” and Lassiter has found them, somehow. He’s never been more grateful to hear the man’s voice in his life. 

“How did you find me?” he asks, before he can stop himself. He knows what he should probably be saying is, hey, I just got stabbed and maybe we should be doing something about that, but then Lassie’s explaining how he’d tracked Shawn down and he’s asking what exactly Shawn had been thinking going after a suspect alone, and then Shawn just kind of…doesn’t bring it up. 

It’s not like he doesn’t try to. But Lassie is more interested in lecturing him about proper police procedure (which Shawn is familiar with - he simply chooses to disregard it). 

“Lassie, um, I -” I got stabbed and it hurts really bad and could we maybe go to the hospital, please?

“I don’t wanna hear it, Spencer.”

“But -”

“If you don’t shut up right now, I swear I’ll pull over and make you walk. That man had a knife, and you chased after him because, what? You couldn’t…”

Lassie keeps lecturing him about why this was such a stupid idea (which, Shawn admits, it was). Shawn sighs to himself as the lecture goes on and on, which is a bad move, because it jostles his stab wound, and it takes all of his willpower to not just scream at the flare of white hot pain. He closes his eyes and tries to breathe normally but everything hurts and the whole front of his shirt is wet and sticking to his skin and he wonders vaguely whether he’s bleeding on Lassie’s seat, and hopes fervently that he’s not, because Lassiter will never forgive him if he ruins his upholstery. 

After what feels like an eternity of driving, they arrive back at the police station. Shawn feels tired, and lightheaded, and he knows that’s bad. And they’re here now, so Lassie can’t force him to get out of the car and walk, so he decides to try and bring it up again. 

“I think I’ve -” I think I’ve been stabbed, well, I know I’ve been stabbed, and I don’t wanna die but I’m pretty sure I’ve lost a lot of blood and it might be nice to do something about that. 

But Lassie is already out of the car, opening the backseat and leading their cuffed suspect inside the building. Halfway up the steps, he turns around. Shawn is still in the car, and Lassie makes a gesture for him to hurry it up and follow them. 

Shawn steels himself for the pain, then extricates himself from the passenger seat. It’s a painful ordeal, but thankfully, no one is there to hear his very pathetic whimpers. Once he’s out of the car, Shawn briefly turns around to check on his seat. Fortunately, it’s free of blood. He looks down at himself and sees that his clothes have not fared quite as well. 

His black shirt looks wet, but the blood isn’t visible, thanks to the shirt’s dark color. The blood does reach down to his jeans, though, turning the tops of the legs rusty red. The inside of his jacket is damp, but the blood hasn’t soaked through the material, so the exterior looks clean. Shawn tugs his shirt and jacket down to hide the bloodstains on his jeans, then begins his trek inside. 

The walk into the station is one of the most painful things Shawn has ever experienced in his life. The stairs are absolute hell on his wound, and he can feel more and more blood soaking through his shirt with every step he takes. He’s slowly but surely getting dizzy, and it’s getting harder and harder to focus, and he really needs to tell someone about this but he kind of doesn’t want to, now, for reasons he can’t quite fathom, and mostly he just wants to sleep. It hurts. 

Finally, he makes it inside the station. There’s an empty chair pulled up next to Lassiter’s currently-empty desk, and Shawn makes a very slow beeline for it. 

Sitting down is painful, but once he’s sitting, it’s infinitely more comfortable than standing or walking, and the pain lessens, just a bit. Shawn takes another look down at himself and sees, much to his alarm, drops of blood on the floor below him. The sight makes him feel even dizzier, and for a second he thinks he might pass out, and then he recalls what you’re supposed to do if you get stabbed (other than, you know, call an ambulance). 

Pressure. He is supposed to apply pressure to the wound. It’s going to hurt, surely, but what’s a little more pain? 

Again, Shawn has to fight to keep himself from screaming. Despite the intense pain, he keeps pressing his hands into his stomach, feeling the warm and wet and sticky fabric of his shirt. It’s the most unpleasant sensation in the world. His own blood soaking through his clothes and into his hands. He feels sick. Dizzy. Lightheaded. Confused. Afraid. 

He needs to tell somebody about this before he actually passes out. 

“Spencer? What’s wrong with you?” 

Shawn startles at Lassiter’s voice. He sounds…oddly concerned. Hesitantly, Shawn turns his head in Lassie’s direction. Tell him, his brain suggests. 

He opens his mouth to say something, but is interrupted (again). 

“Are you…crying?”

Is he? Shawn raises a hand to his face and scrubs it under his eyes. 

“Is that blood?” Lassiter is all seriousness now, and Shawn looks down at his fingers and remembers what they’d been doing before he’d used them to wipe his face. They’re bright red and now that he sees the blood, he can feel it on his face, drying beneath his eyes. 

“What happened?”

“I got stabbed,” Shawn admits, finally. It’s such a relief to finally say the words, and he feels some of the tension leave his body. 

Oh. Maybe too much tension. He’s falling. 

Shawn’s body makes impact with the floor, and he can’t stop himself from crying out this time. For a second, everything is engulfed by a wave of pain that very nearly causes him to black out. 

When the pain clears up somewhat, Shawn’s vision returns, and Lassie is above him, shouting something at someone and Shawn can’t focus hard enough to determine what he’s saying or who he’s saying it to. His voice is loud and commanding but there’s a look of something akin to fear on his face and Shawn wonders if he is going to die. 

“Am I…” he starts, but halfway through the sentence he forgets what he’s going to say. 

“You’re going to be fine,” Lassiter says, and his voice sounds certain but that look is still on his face and it scares Shawn and he doesn’t want to die, not now, not like this…

Lassie must sense him spiraling, because suddenly he’s talking again. Shawn focuses on him as best as he can, catching bits and pieces of the things he’s saying. “I can’t believe you got stabbed and didn’t say a word about it…running after a known suspect…going to punish him to the full extent of the law…”

Lassie’s talking eventually fades away, and darkness starts creeping into the edges of his vision, and somewhere in the back of his mind Shawn thinks, that’s not good, and then the darkness sweeps over him and the pain goes away and he finally falls asleep. 

--

He wakes up and people are moving all around him, and he’s moving too, and he feels weird and he’s not exactly hurting but there’s some sort of strange sensation blanketing him and making it very hard to focus. He tries asking one of the people a question but his voice sounds muffled and he doesn’t know what he’s saying and then everything goes away again. 

--

The next time he wakes up, he is much more aware. He’s in a hospital, and there’s a teenage girl in the bed to his right and a middle-aged man in the bed to his left. There are various machines around him that he doesn’t care to inspect, and there are four chairs positioned around the bed. All of them are empty. 

He wonders where his visitors have gone. He wants to see Gus. And Jules. Maybe even his dad. He’d like to see Lassie, because he’s pretty sure the head detective had saved his life, but he doubts he’ll be here. He probably has much more important things to attend to. 

So it’s a surprise when, a few long minutes later, Lassie steps into the room. He’s distracted, phone to his ear, steaming cup in his hand, and there’s a spot of blood on his jacket and a few more on his shirt and Shawn realizes it’s his blood - who else’s can it be - and if that’s true then either he’s recovered from surgery remarkably quickly, or Lassie has been here for several hours and hasn’t left. Both seem improbable, and yet…

When he’s made it halfway across the room, Lassie finishes his call and tucks his phone back into his pocket. He looks up at Shawn for the first time, and the dark expression on his face clears away when Shawn looks right back at him. 

“Hey, Lassie,” Shawn greets tiredly, waving carefully with the arm that doesn’t have an IV needle sticking into it. “How’s it going?”

Lassie looks briefly like he wants to strangle Shawn for asking such a stupid question, but then he sighs and sinks down into one of the chairs, apparently resigning himself to answer the question. 

“It’s going fine,” he says. “I’m not the one who got stabbed and then failed to tell anyone about it.”

“I tried,” Shawn admits. “You interrupted me. And then you weren’t there and I just…didn’t want to tell anyone.”

A look of guilt crosses Lassiter’s face. “I should have listened to you,” he says, which is an admission Shawn never thought he’d hear. He’d love to focus on it a little more, maybe tease Lassie for caring or possibly even keep the conversation serious, but he’s tired. He feels his eyes start to drift closed and he yawns.

He’s about to ask Lassie if they can continue this conversation in a few hours when Lassie sighs and says, “just rest, Shawn. We can talk later, whenever you’re feeling up to it. I’ll be here.”

It’s the nicest thing Lassie has ever said to him. Shawn would like nothing more than to say something gently teasing about Lassie really caring about him after all, but he simply falls asleep instead.

thanks for reading this! sorry for any mistakes i am super tired lol. hope you enjoyed, love u <3

[dropoutparty]

ngc ramblings part 3- chapter 5

here we are at part 3!!! sorry this one took so long, i originally was gonna make this post include entropy and extus (along with finally talking about face in depth) but it was so fuckin long that im splitting it into 2 different posts! the next part isnt done yet but im like almost halfway done so it shouldnt be too much longer until its out! also before we get into this one:

tw for: death, animal death, and suicide. pls take care of urself and don't read this if those things are triggering for u <3

ok lets get on with the post

at the start of entropy zach doesnt waste any time getting right to the point. this place is bigger than the other planets so far, and zach says the music this time around is a melody that “started out normal but then got distorted” played by a violin sounding instrument. even tho i do sometimes forget that this is supposed to be a creepypasta im not surprised that he said it made him feel depressed and unnerved lmao. anyways, this planet has all new level types in it!! no reused ones!! ok now this is epic. the bosses this time around are megalon, battra, and mechagodzilla, but itll be a good while before we get to those guys because this chapter is long as hell holy shit?? buckle up babez <33 now, before i get into the meat of things as usual im gonna talk abt the planet name! entropy basically means “a lack of order/predictability or a gradual decline into disorder” and that's very accurate to this part of the story. at this point, red is pissed off and is getting desperate, which means from here on out things are going to be getting more intense and more unstable. this world is the turning point in the overall story, basically.

now with that out of the way, zach first goes to the worlds quiz level as usual! this time something was different. usually, in the quiz levels there would be goofy ass music playin in the bg (specifically the GH1D0RA cheat music, if you wanna like listen to it ig?) but from here on out its been replaced by the music from the games password screen, which zach called creepy earlier on in the pasta. im gonna glaze over the quiz again this time, but when we get to the next planet ill talk about all of the quizzes in depth all at once. basically all you need to know for now abt what happens here is face asks “do you like mothra?” and when zach picks no (after going on a tangent abt how mothra sucks lmao,, bro i swear im good at the game my controllers just messed up /s), face enters bastard mode and goes “TOO BAD!” and boom now zach cant play as anyone but mothra. zach is pissed for now but little does he know this is just going to become an even more epic gamer bc of this,, youll never get better at something if you never try and all that.

after that, zach moves on to the first level type- the forest. immediately zach gets an eerie feeling from this level bc he has some kinda fear involving forests at night (i can think of a reason why but ill have to talk abt that later just to be sure). hes also not feelin great about being forced to play as mothra, so the pressure of it all is def starting to get to him by now. the music in the forest is woodwinds followed by slow, rhythmic drums and chiming bells. must have been some ominous woodwinds and bells bc it made him feel like he was intruding somewhere he shouldnt be (oh rlly?? u dont say,, everything up until now has been fine /s). getting into the level itself, eventually zach comes across some weird deer-like monsters just vibing and scares them away when he gets close. later in the level he finds more of these weird deer along with a sloth-like creature on some of the trees and some raptor dudes killing some of the deer. zach shoots one of the raptors but thats about it. nothing really happened in this level but zach noted that he didnt feel like he was playing a video game, but instead it felt more like he was exploring a forest in another dimension. thats interesting for reasons ill ~get to later~ (yall must be so tired of hearing that by now omg,, i know im tired of saying it at least. i was gonna wait until after replay to talk about things but i severely underestimated how long this whole project would be, so i might make a post for the “more on that later” stuff before i get into replay. let me know what u think i should do).

anyways, the next thing zach checks out is the first tv screen level so far. these levels just play an animation with some music in the background, and theres a different animation per level. this time around the animation is of a kid with a beaver(?) head licking a lollipop and the music is the GH1D0RA music that the quiz levels used to use. the only thing of note here is that zach says he had a shirt that looked just like that when he was a kid. after that, were off to some of the weirdest fuckin levels in this whole thing imo- the hourglass levels. these levels have an entirely brown color palette, with grandfather clocks standing in the background (the level appears to be in like a hallway or something) and various time measuring things floating in the air. the music is the same as the board (ig cosby just didnt feel like thinking of what theme this place would have lol). after a little bit zach was rlly happy to see actual enemies from the normal game show up! these are basically like aircraft, tanks, etc. thats not the main attraction here tho, bc this level has its own unique mechanic! this mechanic is the colored hourglass items you can pick up. there are three of them, a blue one that slows time down and makes enemies from the past appear, a red one that speeds up time and makes enemies from the future appear, and a green one that made the time flow normally and spawned enemies from the normal game. zach found the blue one first, which caused a bunch of prehistoric enemies based on real animals to show up. after that he found a green one and fought normal enemies again, and then he found a red hourglass. the future enemies here look like aliens to me, and zach says that one enemy reminds him of something he saw in a book once. eventually, a special future creature showed up and zach was suddenly in a boss battle! or a mini boss battle? that description is probably more accurate. this guy doesnt have a face, and he can only attack by shooting a beam from his face, it sure does look cool! after zach beat it tho, he was off to the next level type, which is basically a toxic waste dump.

zach called it grungy and inhospitable, with the music being a synth ambient loop that made him feel dizzy while he listened to it. this is important because this is the first instance of the game making zach feel something *physically*, not just psychologically. all of the enemies here are mutated to some degree, with him first seeing green mummies with bird skulls coming out from vats of toxic slutch and a brownish cow skeleton monster with spider legs. later zach comes across a deer from the woods, drinking some toxic slutch (delinchous). zach got close to it to try making it stopped but suddenly some enemies came out of nowhere and scared it into running right off a ledge and into the slutch. rip :pensive:. after that zach found more mutated enemies (i.e some things with tentacles and some other deformed thing with human teeth) before he finally gets to the end of the level, where theres another miniboss waiting for him!! this ones a toxic sludge monster with a whale skull who attacks with a mouth projectile and by charging into you. the monster sank into the slutch and thats all for this level babeyy!

the next level is another forest, but this time its winter! its still at night, but this time zach doesnt feel off put, which he mostly attributes to the music. he describes it as a gentle, calm song that almost sounded romantic. the entire first segment of this level had no enemies in it, but dw this level is interesting i swear. the next segment starts out just as empty as the last one, but this time its silent. that is, until the music from “unforgiving cold” starts playing. yaa you remember that place!! i think i said it was less interesting than i remembered but its interesting again now bc it was foreshadowing these levels!! anyways soon after the music started up, zach started to come across tons of frozen bodies of the deer from earlier. some were mutilated, some werent, but they were all frozen and covered in snow. eventually zach does come across something living though, a sloth creature from earlier! its just vibing when suddenly the winter versions of the raptors from earlier rush in and fuckin obliterate the sloth thing. those things just blindly try killing everything in sight, and even start fighting themselves before zach finally gets to the last part of the level.

now this is where shit starts to get crayzay. this part opens up to a big empty field with a full moon and the nice music from earlier back. despite the nice music tho, zach immediately starts feeling dread and eventually he finds a lake. the lake comes down from the sky and starts to crack like an egg, a humanoid figure curled up in the fetus position dropping into the lake below and the moon halves disintegrated. this spawned the moon beast, the hardest challenge zachs had to deal with so far. after he finally defeats it, the screen goes to black and the name “melissa” is on screen, written in red. after that, the screen then says kys. the word kill then fills up the screen, layering over itself until it forms a picture of reds face. its now that we finally get to hear abt the whole melissa thing (which makes it sound like shes been mentioned in the pasta before this but thats not what i mean lmao). to summarize, zach had a middle school gf named melissa (also bro middle school?? wadda hell) who often went into “episodes” where she would stare off, expressionless, before trembling and putting her face in her hands. she and zach hung out in a field at night a lot but one night she just stared at the moon the whole time before running into traffic and dying.

NOW its finally later!!! were not done with entropy yet, but this is the end of part one of entropy so i wanna just take a little break to talk about things so far. this planet is FULL of symbolism and foreshadowing. to start off, i think a lot of the questions face asks at the beginning foreshadow things that happen. some examples are “is time slipping though your fingers?” which could allude to the time levels, “do you have any regrets?” which i think obviously foreshadows the whole melissa thing, “is it safe to go out at night?” and “do you find it hard to sleep at night?” both follow the same kinda theme, which i think relates to how the melissa incident happened at night, specifically out at night. i dont think the forest levels have anything too important in them, other than to introduce the presence of an innocent, harmless creature that doesnt deserve what happens to it later (aka the deer things) which might symbolize melissa. more evidence for this symbolizing melissa comes from the encounter with the deer in the toxic dump and the winter forest, where in the former zach tries to stop it from hurting itself but is too late, being forced to watch it die, and in the latter the same innocent thing from earlier is found dead close to where the real incident took place. the two big themes to keep in mind here are death and time, more specifically the past. most of the enemies here are either made from bones or kill other enemies, there's a dedicated time level referencing things that zach remembers seeing at one point (aka that one alien zach recognized), the beaver head had the same shirt as child zach did, it all connects to zachs past and the death of melissa. as for the moon beast, its the most obvious reference for reasons ive already explained. i dont really know what the moon cracking open and dropping a curled up human into the lake could mean other than some other thing melissa related, but i *do* think that the fact that the moon beast is the most difficult thing zach has faced so far is symbolic of the fact that the trauma from this event has followed him throughout his entire life, and its something he struggles with daily. it could even be the reason why he said no when face asked if he could sleep easily at night. the moon beast also has some black fur around its neck, which i think is meant to represent a tire track, referencing and/or mocking the way melissa died.

its so cool how this entire part of the story builds up to and foreshadows the bomb it drops at the end of the part, giving people something to look back on. a lot of ppl say that as soon as the melissa stuff gets introduced the story goes down in quality, and i do somewhat agree with that sentiment, especially if they want the story to actually be scary, but i think the direction the story goes from this point on is so unique and cool. it does follow the whole “theres a ghost in the game” troupe (even tho it was probably seen as a spin on that originally) but it doesnt do the same cliches as so many other gaming creepypastas do and it really takes the concept and makes it its own. i just think its neat,,,

anyways im done gushing abt this story, lets get on with part 2 of extus!! basically zach has a fuckin panic attack and, after taking a few minutes to calm himself down when its over, he decides that he has to finish the game now because if he doesnt its just going to haunt him for the rest of his life. zach has now realized that the game is “alive” and can somehow see his thoughts and memories, so understandably hes pretty freaked out by it at this point. when he keeps playing, the first thing he does is check out another tv screen level. this time, the animation is of a fish dude just kinda standing there with his mouth flapping open and closed and the music is the neptune board music from the original game. the only reason i can think of for why this is here is maybe the game is mocking zach for the panic attack he just had (bc when u have a panic attack you feel like you can barely breathe, if ur lucky enough to have never had one before and u dont know) but thats abt it. its probably just a random goofy thing cosby threw in there.

anyways, the next actual level is the first labyrinth level. this time around, its a gold labyrinth specifically. the music in these levels is a slow, ominous drum beat with female vocals occasionally coming in and (basically from here on out) the monster zach plays as is now half the size it used to be. i think this shows how zachs feeling at this point, like this whole thing isnt just being a big strong monster and beating up enemies any more, he feels small and scared and helpless in the face of something potentially dangerous that he doesnt understand maybe his confusion about the game is the reason *why* theres so many labyrinth levels here in the first place. anyways im getting ahead of myself. personally, i think the aesthetic of the gold labyrinth is very similar to the green temples back on trance. while trance had a more circular and soft theme to it's architecture and sculpture, entropys is much more square or rectangle oriented. despite this, i think that the golden mazes at least are another religious kind of building, and the architecture is just different because theyre two different cultures who just happen to worship the same spiritual figure (aka melissa. did i say that earlier? i think i did,, if i didnt well the religions worship melissa, not knowing she's a dead human or anything. probably).

moving on, zach notes how the gold labyrinth would probably have been impossible to navigate as any of the other monsters, so turns out face being an asshole was a blessing in disguise after all huh? anyways this place is full of weird gold monsters, lava/fire traps, and stone faces (both in more of an easter island head style and in the regular feminine headshot weve seen so far). zach comes across two feminine heads, one that is more adult looking and pure gold, and another one that looks much younger and whos eyes have red irises and blue scleras. this statue apparently looks a lot like melissa did on the night she died, so zach leaves it pretty quickly. i *think* this is the first time we see the color blue associated with melissa? if it isnt sorry abt that, its been a couple days since i worked on ngcr so ive forgotten some of the smaller or more subtle things by now. GOD i keep getting side tracked ANYWAYS eventually zach finds a non-gold enemy and sees it get picked up by like an arcade crane claw. hes curious so he follows the claw, only to see the monster be put in a big gold cauldron and walk out the side of it as a gold monster.

gonna be honest, no idea what the hell this could mean. like? theres been no themes of corruption or good things becoming evil so far so this just kinda. exists,, yea idk lol. im not part of like any discord servers or anything so all this theorizing and analysis has just been me, maybe getting some small ideas from like random youtube comments or something, so if something ive said so far has been unanimously disagreed with somewhere i dont know about it. thats also why this isnt really a definitive or comprehensive analysis (even tho im trying to be as comprehensive as i can).

anyways zach finds the exit soon after and hes on to the next level type (there's so fucking many of them ik dont worry weve almost gotten to all of them now), the indigo cliffs. the background of these levels is similar to the blue mountains from trance, but now the moon and clouds from the toxic dump background is also here (and colored indigo to match). the music here is just a deep rumbling noise. the first “enemies” he sees here are just a bunch of multicolored little guys coming out of a hole in the ground and jumping off a cliff. were continuing the death theme yall!! anyways zach continues, flying over some more weird creatures (tho some of them just look like dinosaurs lol) before he sees a bunch more of the multicolored guys out and about but this time theyre getting grabbed by birds!! wadda heel!!! zach comments on how the multicolored dudes seem eager to die and thinks maybe the moon has something to do with it (like melissa dude wat!!!! that's crazy /s). at the end of the level there were some more multicolored dudes just walking into a creatures mouth so zach attacked the thing and killed it and the levels over yay!

now its time for the bosses babeyy!!! first zach fights battra (basically an evil moth kaiju), the music is varans theme. battra starts off in his larvae form, where he basically just fought by running into you and shooting stuff at you. while fighting this form, zach noticed that the game buffed mothra because his gamer skillz were too cringe lmaoo. he beats the larvae form and battra goes into his second form, where hes basically a stronger clone of mothra (misogyny). zach fights battra and has fun doing it (for once,, good for him) and he wins yay! next hes fighting megalon (a big beetle/bug kaiju), whos music was gigans theme. im tired when im writing this so ill just give you zachs description of how he fought: “strong, persistent, but dumb”. after this, zach checks out the last tv screen of entropy. this time, it shows a big buff guy with a sack over his head hit a womans head with a sledgehammer while shes tied to a table or something. the music for it was the password theme. i think this is probably here because red is getting angrier? like this guy is still here after i triggered his ptsd?? what the hell!!!

anyways before we get to the last boss we have one last level type to get through- the shadow labyrinth. at this point, zach starts to feel drained because no shit sherlock you just had a panic attack and youve been playing this game for fuckin several hours at this point of course youre fuckin drained. anyways zach enters the shadow labyrinth, which is a black recolor of the gold labyrinth. the music is “evil ambience” similar to unforgiving colds music but distinctly different apparently. there werent any enemies so zach just kinda wandered for a while until the lights turned off, darkening the whole screen and (secretly) spawning tons of spooky enemies thatll chase and hit mothra in the dark. eventually the lights came back on and zach started scrambling to the exit. when the lights turned back off, zach was able to find one of the melissa looking statues and stood next to it. it warded off the monsters while the lights were off, so zach was safe. i think this shows 2 things: 1) its a little more validation for my “religion in this world worships melissa” theory and 2) it foreshadows the way melissa wants to protect zach at the end of the game. zach beat the shadow labyrinth a lot faster than the gold one so were done with all the stages now!! now theres only the last boss and red and were done with entropy!

the last boss is mechagodzilla, but when zach starts the level, normal godzilla is there instead!! its whatever tho bc soon the disguise is gone and its just pretty much the normal mechagodzilla fight (but now hes got a gay beam). at about half health tho, mechagodzillas sprite breaks into pieces like gezoras did way back on earth and reforms into not-mechagodzilla. even tho it looks uncanny (and the usage of the face statue on the front is probably there to further mock zach bc melissa) zach beats it p easily and now its time for the chase. ba dum ba dum thats the sound of a chase.

as usual tho, before i get to the red chase its time to talk about entropy as a planet!! i think the best way to describe the layout is “a big forest with a toxic waste dump in it takes up half the planet while the other half is a large religious temple/labyrinth with a dangerous underbelly”. there doesnt seem to be any intelligent life there now (its all dead by now probably) but there was at some point at least because imean the huge labyrinth is there dude!!! i dont have much to say for this section tbh bc i feel like i've already said everything i wanted to, so its time for the chase ig!!

basically the chase with red here takes place in a labyrinth level bc of course it does. this labyrinth, however, seems to be made of some kind of organic matter. is it flesh? organs? nondescript viscera? idk but it's pulsating and bloody. also this time red has wings too!! anyways, basically zach avoids red throughout the maze, red breaks through one of the walls with his big alien tongue, and zach gets to the end of the maze. nothing crazy happens at the end of this chapter (i think it was crazy enough as is) so thats the end of that and now its time for the penultimate planet- extus.

[stardustryewriting]

A Learning Process (1)

AO3 Link: here

Synopsis: Bakugou isn’t exactly in touch with all of his feelings. Kirishima usually doesn’t mind. At least not, until Bakugou starts to get weird around him. 

Part 2 3 4 5

Observational Learning

Contrary to popular belief, Bakugou didn’t mind his class all that much. He had called them ‘extras’ a lot, when school had begun, but that was mostly because he was really bad at remembering people’s names. All in all, they were a decent bunch, some of them really strong, some of them aiming really high and all of them very determined. He could appreciate that, at least.

What he couldn’t appreciate, however, was their tendency to get involved in all kinds of gossip. Or, to be more exact, how loud they tended to be, when they found a particularly interesting piece of gossip. Getting mixed up in other people’s business was their thing. But being obnoxiously loud about it and basically screaming their findings to each other in the classroom, got him involved too. And he hated being involved in anybody’s business.

People told him - quite often actually - he eluded an aura that made him unapproachable. That he always seems like he was going to snap and scream at someone. That really, people only asked him for help, when every other possible choice was eliminated prior.  Which was mostly bullshit, of course. Kirishima asked for his help all the time, without ever being scared of him. And he only really snapped when people got on his nerves for too long. Or when Deku was involved, which was the same thing really. Deku just got on his nerves a lot faster than other people. Still his ‘aura of unapproachable’ kept him from being involved in most of his classmates shenanigans.

Most, being the key word.

No matter how much he scowled, how much he glared or how annoyed the undertone in his voice got when he told them that ‘No, he did not care at all. He doesn’t give a rats ass about it.’ , none of this helped against Kirishima’s sunshine declaration of ‘They are finally, officially together’. Because, of course Kirishima doesn’t care about Bakugou’s obvious bad mood and his blatant disinterest on the topic. He never did. It was one of the main reasons why they were as good friends as they were. It was also annoying Bakugou to no end, at that moment.

“And who cares?”, he grunted, throwing his shoes up on the table and looking out of the window to drive to point home. And really, it spoke for the general mood in the class right now, that Iida didn’t even try to reprimand him for that. Usually this would be the start of an argument on being proper and respectful. An argument that both Kirishima and Deku would try to keep on the down low, by trying to mediate between the two. But right now, Iida’s attention was all taken by trying to calm the ruckus and getting everyone to sit down, before Aizawa would come in to start homeroom. For once, Bakugou could agree with Iida, even if he would never say it out loud. They were too damn noisy.

“You can’t be serious!”, Kirishima exclaimed and even without looking, Bakugou could tell that there was a big smile on his lips, “Todoroki and Midoriya danced around their feelings forever. This is a big development!”

“It’s two dudes kissing! No need to make a spectacle out of it!”, he retorted, shooting Kirishima a look which he hoped conveyed just how done he was with this. Ever since these two had shown up holding hands that morning, it was the only thing on everyone's mind. And after Todoroki had stated, in a very blunt way that only Todoroki could do, that yes they kissed, the whole class just exploded with euphoria. As if it was their personal accomplishment. Which it wasn’t, Bakugou wouldn’t even call it much of an accomplishment at all. It would have happened eventually, anyways.

“Well it was a long time coming!”, Kirishima argued back like it was his personal mission to make Bakugou see just how important this was, “You could at least be happy for your friends.”

“They’re not my friends!”, Bakugou argued instantly, before Kirishima got some other weird ideas in his head. Hell would be frozen over, before he called Deku his friend. He was just about to tell that to the dumbass next to him, when the classroom door opened, revealing Aizawa.

The man looked way too tired and done for a Tuesday morning, but today Bakugou resonated with that on a deeply personal level. He too wished that this entire week was over already, in hopes the waves of euphoria from the ‘news’ will have died down by next week. Realistically, he knew the chances were slim. He refused to think about that. Aizawa somehow managed to get all of the class to their seats and be quiet with just one look, so really Bakugou was mostly grateful for him that morning.

That gratefulness lasted exactly two minutes, before Aizawa announced another field-trip-turned-training-exercise. At least he had a month to mentally prepare himself for that.

__________________

That fact that he would need to prepare for that field more than just mentally, didn’t hit him until lunch break. And to be fair, he wasn’t really thinking about it then, either. He was actually just about to take a bite out of the Onigiri from his bento (that he had made himself and no, he wouldn’t make one for anyone else, no matter how much they begged), when Kirishima interrupted his peace yet again.

Bakugou couldn’t say he liked that tendency.

“Shit guys, does anyone have bug spray?”, he asked, mouth full with his sandwich, which honestly irked Bakugou even more than the question itself. Had no one ever taught this guy basic table manners? The answer was apparently no, no one ever bothered. Or maybe it just was a thing in their group, because both Kaminari and Sero also had their mouths full, when they exclaimed that no, there was no bug spray to have between them. Which was a stupid thing to be that aggrevated about.

“What do you need bug spray for anyway?”, Bakugou mumbled, after swallowing and he could already feel himself getting annoyed. What a stupid discussion to have over lunch, really.

“The training camp?”, Kaminari stated, his voice getting higher at the end, even though it clearly wasn’t phrased as a question, “I can’t have the mosquitos eat me up again. I swear, I’m just too damn cute.”

“Questionable”, Jirou said, wholly unimpressed by Kaminari getting mad at her and instead just opting to continue eating quietly. When she even got to their table, Bakugou had no idea.

“He is not completely wrong tho”, Kirishima said and Bakugou could see Kaminari in the background puffing out his chest and raising his chin, proudly. As if the idiot had any justification for being proud. He just stated a simple fact. “We do need bug spray for the mosquitos.” Kaminari visibly deflated at that. Bakugou, on the other hand, could feel his anger rising. Did that idiot really think Kirishima would agree that he was cute?

“Just go shopping then”, he said, just wanting to end this damn discussion. It wasn’t even useful, with the answer lying so obviously within reach. They all just liked to make a big fuss out of nothing. Exactly like that same morning.

“Can’t”, came a chorus of answers from all around their table with various excuses. Jirou had study sessions with Yaoyorozu. Kaminari booked the training hall, surprising everyone. Bakugou didn’t really care.

“I have time. Want me to get something for you guys?”, Kirishima volunteered starting what was possibly the worst verbal onslaught happening that day. Which said something, considering the ruckus these idiots had made that morning. Kirishima dealt with it very patiently tho, writing down who needed what. Which proved that Kirishima was way more organised than Bakugou would have given him credit for.

“Do you have anything planned this afternoon?”, Kirishima asked, with a strange undertone to his voice, that Bakugou couldn’t quite place. He could however think of where this question was headed. And he was quick to shut it down.

“I’m not going shopping with you!”

“Aw, c’mon man. This’ll be fun”, Kirishima argued, shooting Bakugou his best open-mouthed smile, presenting all of his teeth. If he thought that would sway Bakugou’s decision, he would need to think again. No way would Bakugou cave that easily.

“Find someone else.” And then to signal that this talk was really, completely over, Bakugou took another bite of his food. Kirishima just winked at him, unbothered by Bakugou being the way he is and instead turned around in his chair to face the table behind them. Oh no.

“Hey, Midoriya”, he shouted, which was unnecessary, because Deku was two arm lengths away at best, “where did you buy that super good bug spray again? You know the one you had for the last training camp.”

“That was Uraraka’s. She bought it at the mall. I don’t know the name of the shop, but I can show it to you. Are you free this afternoon?”, Deku answered, ever the helpful idiot that he was. Well, at least Kirishima found his shopping buddy. And Bakugou could be at peace.

“Sure am, thanks. Meet in front of the store at 3:30? I’ll bring Bakugou.”

No, he sure as hell wouldn’t. Bakugou was quick to voice that.

__________________

The question ‘How the hell did I get talked into this?’ went through Bakugou’s mind approximately a thousand times, between leaving the dorms and arriving at the shopping center. Which was impressive, because the way had only taken them fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes that Kirishima had filled with bright chatter, either blissfully oblivious to Bakugou’s mood or willingly ignoring it. He would regret this for sure. Bakugou would make him regret it. Later. For now, he was content to just listen to Kirishima chatter about anything and everything that came to his mind. It wasn’t the best use of his time, but it wasn’t the worst either. Not that he would ever admit that.

And so, while Kirishima’s chatter became a pleasant buzz in the back of his mind and Bakugou was starting to think about what he would need for their next training camp, he felt himself being more calm than he had been the entire day. Which wasn’t hard, not with the day he had, but it was still nice.

It was promptly taken from him.

Crossing the last traffic light separating them from the shopping center, where Deku was already waiting for them, he saw something. Something that made him want to turn around and go home again. To hell with Kirishima not wanting to go alone, that was no reason why he should subject himself to what will essentially be an afternoon of torture. There was no way Bakugou would just accept this like it was nothing.

Deku brought his fucking boyfriend.

“Midoriya, Todoroki”, Kirishima shouted happily, being way more enthusiastic than he had any right to. He sped up, holding up one of his arms to wave at them, which Deku promptly returned just as enthusiastic. Todoroki gave a way more timid wave and Bakugou decided he wouldn’t bother at all. No need to fake friendliness. Or that he wanted to be there.

“Kirishima, It’s good to see you”, Deku greeted, as if they hadn’t just spent hours at school together and Bakugou felt like punching something again. Why did he always feel to need to use those overly polite yet completely unnecessary phrases? Why couldn’t the idiot just be normal.

“We just saw them at school”, Todoroki pointed out and Bakugou would have nodded to agree with him, but he had his pride. No way he was going to openly agree with Deku’s boyfriend on anything. Even if it was criticizing Deku. So while Deku explained to his socially stunted boyfriend what a polite phrase was, which somehow developed into a discussion about whether or not those were time wasting ( Yes, they are, Bakugou wanted to shout, but that would be admitting to listening in on their conversations.), Bakugou started one last try to get away from all of this before it became even more of a waste of time.

“Hey Kirishima”, he addressed the boy, who looked at Deku and Todoroki with something close to a fond smile, “have fun third-wheeling on their date. I’m going home.” And with that he turned his back, hoping to get out before Kirishima could make an argument against it. A futile hope, really.

“No, come on, Bakugou”, Kirishima said in a voice that sounded an awful lot like begging, so much so, that it made Bakugou stop midstep, “I didn’t know he would bring Todoroki. Please don’t leave me alone, I don’t wanna be a third wheel.”

“And how am I supposed to help that?”

“Simple”, Kirishima, who walked around so he could face him again, smiled at him like he was the fucking sun himself, “You stay here with me, so I don’t feel left out all the time.”

“And why would I do that?”, Bakugou inquired, feeling how he got closer and closer to yelling out his frustrations. It was Kirishima’s stupid idea to go shopping with Deku, so Kirishima should be the one dealing with all of the consequences. By himself. He had no right to involve Bakugou in this.

“Because we’re friends?”, Kirishima argued, but Bakugou could tell by the way he winced at himself, that he wasn’t convinced by his own argument. He shouldn’t be. Since when did friendship mean having to subject himself to the drama that Kirishima essentially brought over himself. Old Bakugou would have laughed at him and went on his way.

But old Bakugou wasn’t really hero material. Old Bakugou also wasn’t Kirishima’s friend.

“Fine”, Bakugou grunted and Kirishima’s lit up immediately, “but you owe me.”

“Sure.” Kirishima smiled easily leading him back to where Deku and Todoroki were waiting for them, obviously finished with whatever they were doing. At least Deku had the decency to look ashamed and apologize for getting off-track (wasting their time, if you asked Bakugou). Kirishima waved the apology away and they finally got started shopping. Bakugou couldn’t shake the feeling that this was gonna be a long afternoon.

__________________

He was right, of course.

Todoroki and Deku continued to flirt incessantly. Bakugou had a burning pain in his eyes from rolling them too much and a new record in fake-gagging. Kirishima always reprimanded him for the last one. The idiots in question seemed painfully oblivious to their flirting, which made it that much more irritating. They promised they would stop everytime and then they just continued. Bakugou was about ready to scream the entire mall down.

Kirishima took it all way too lightly, in his opinion. He smiled at them gleefully and he even had the audacity to defend them, when Bakugou complained. Don’t you think it’s nice to be that in love? No, he didn’t. It’s annoying to be that in love as Kirishima put it. Could you even be in love after not even 24 hours of dating? Fat fucking chance.

“Get me some food, before I blast this entire mall down”, Bakugou grunted out, eying Kirishima dangerously. He wouldn’t actually do it, but if a threat got him some distraction, he wasn’t above using it.

“Sure thing”, Kirishima agreed, asking for preferences, before he went off. Deku accompanied him - not without making heart-eyes at Todoroki and only reluctantly letting go of his hand - and Bakugou didn’t even fight the urge to roll his eyes. Damn nerd being dramatic. Todoroki shot a knowing smile his way that only angered him more.

“What are you smirking about?”, Bakugou asked, very clearly hearing the annoyed undertone in his voice that failed to deter Todoroki. Like it always did.

“I don’t know. I just like the double date.”

“THE WHAT?”, Bakugou screamed, turning several heads towards them, none of which he cared about. What did the half-n-half-bastard just call this? He was sure he must have misheard. That, or Deku’s boyfriend had a very urgent death wish. One that Bakugou wouldn’t mind granting him, right now.

“Double date. Isn’t that what you call it, when two couples spend time with each other?” He had a death wish, Bakugou determined. There was no way he was really that dense. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Deku and Kirishima running towards them. They better be there fast, or there would be a real fight between him and that bastard.

“This is not a double date”, he gritted out, looking at Todoroki, daring him to disagree. Unfortunately, Kirishima was there faster than he expected, Deku on his heels. This was a disaster waiting to happen.

“Guys, what’s wrong, you’re making a scene”, Kirishima whisper-shouted when he arrived looking between them, as if he could get the answer from that. Instead of answering Kirishima - or focusing on his boyfriend like he had the entire goddamn afternoon - Todoroki decided to continue his chat with Bakugou.

"It feels like a double date to me", Todoroki said, ever the blunt one and Bakugou felt himself slowly losing it. Actually, not so slowly.

“What?”, Kirishima questioned, clearly caught off-guard.

“Shoto!”, Deku exclaimed at the same time, cheeks red and trying to get his boyfriend to pay attention to him again. Probably to dissolve the tension building between him and Bakugou. Bakugou for his part was ready to fight the bastard seriously.

“That’s not it at all! Bakugou and I aren’t dating”, Kirishima hurried to explain, putting himself between Bakugou and Todoroki while doing it, “We’re just friends. Nothing more to it.”

And that struck something deep within Bakugou. Something unpleasant, that he already hated, despite experiencing it for the first time. It was weird, nothing out of the ordinary happened - despite Todoroki’s absurd claim of course. Still he could feel his insides twisting, like someone plunged a knife in his gut. Instinctively he looked down to check, but saw nothing but his shirt. Weird.

He heard Deku and Kirishima try to explain the situation to Todoroki, but it was off. As if they were far away, instead of standing right in front of him. He caught a glance of Kirishima awkwardly rubbing his neck, while talking, Bakugou could see his mouth move, but he couldn’t make out the words. Like something was covering his ears. Kirishima smiled and his stomach twisted again.

He felt like he was getting sick.

“I’m out”, he said, not bothering whether or not they could hear him and then he swiftly moved. He needed air, to clear his head. And he needed to investigate their weird feeling in his stomach. That apparently correlated with Kirishima. Which could mean a lot of things.

It could mean anything, he tried to tell himself, while he made his way outside as fast as possible without his explosions accelerating him. He didn’t have the clear head to use them for that purpose right now.

It could mean anything, he told himself, when he heard Kirishima calling after him, a concerned undertone in his voice, that made Bakugou want to turn around. He wanted to snap, that he could take care of himself. He wanted to bathe in the knowledge that Kirishima cared for him.

It could mean anything, he insisted, when he finally made it outside and his feet automatically dragged him to the station. He took a deep breath, that helped exactly zero percent in the quest to clear his head and then he fiddled with his phone. He desperately needed the distraction.  

It could mean anything , he reminded himself later that night, after Kirishima had dropped off his forgotten shopping bags and asked if he felt alright. Bakugou told a half-lie about an upset stomach and Kirishima offered to make tea. Which he declined, because he could take care of himself, thank you very much.

Kirishima had brought up some tea anyways, paired with some bread because it was safer not to risk upsetting his stomach anymore. Then he told Bakugou to just knock on his wall if he needed anything else, like the considerate idiot he was. He gave him a big smile before he left, one which twisted Bakugou’s stomach again, but it was also accompanied by a squeezing feeling in his chest this time. And Bakugou wasn’t an idiot, he knew these signs, when he saw them.

It could mean you have a crush, a traitorous voice in his mind whispered. Bakugou hated himself, for how much he actually considered the possibility.

[kanene-yaaay-o-retorno]

The Colors of my Soul(mates) [1]

[Second oneshot]

[AO3 link]

Kanene’s Notes:

Nope, I do not regret the pun. Okay, okay! I’ve plaining this AU for almost an year so I’m pretty excited to post it!! dfghjsdfrtyucfvgbhjv yaaaay!! Thank you very very much @olliedollie1204 for such a positive feedback and awesome ideas. it helped me a lot!! 

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* That fanfic has Virgil, Logan, Patton and Roman (only a brief mention of Remy) in a platonic relationship (yet), but it can be viewed as romantic, if you wish. 

* Warnings: A bit of swearing and depreciative thoughts. It’s mostly fluff and hurt/comfort, tho.

* This characters do not belongs to me. They all belongs to the amazing Thomas Sanders in his series of Sanders Sides.

* Something around 4.500 words. -w-)b.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any advice is very very welcome!

* Tô com preguiça de postar a versão em português brasileiro aaaa! Thankys for reading, my lollipops! Say to someone important how much you love them, be safe, talk with the one that you love, drink water and sleep well! Byeioo!~

                           [~*~]

What can do a creature if not, between creatures, love?  - Carlos Drummond de Andrade

  - What the fu-

 Virgil only discovered he had more than one Soulmate when he was twenty years old, more specifically the exact moment he took a wrong turn and kept going even knowing he was in the wrong way because one hour it would lead him to somewhere Virgil would recognize before his mortal being inevitably starved to death in the middle of nowhere and his eyes got dragged from the visions from thousands of futures created by his mind to a Teddy Bear Store - they seemed to replicate worse than bacteria during Valentine’s Day - and two bears from the crimson shelter suddenly dyed themselves in two milliseconds as he slightly glanced at them.

 Two of them. Virgil felt his entire face burn in hot shades of embarrassment with drops of disbelief, almost as if all the people running, stumbling, locked in their own worlds and swearing while walked in the sideway because ‘some stupid teenager decided to just stop and block their way’ could, by only looking at him, stare deep into his soul and realize the one staring astonished the store already carried in his fate another one more Soulmate at home.

One completely different in shape and form, even if also blue, however in a light, sky blue completely opposite shade from the new navy one staring him down - Virgil knew plentily their link wasn’t bonded yet, albeit he was equally sure that the person behind those black glooming teddy bear’s eyes were already judging him, - wondering why, between all the people, he was their soulmate. The other red one was very much likely crackling in his face when an employee came and pointedly turn the adult’s attention to the sign in big, graphed words clued in front of their store:

 “You dye, you buy.”

 Virgil signed, pushing his hoodie down further, wondering how much time it would take of him hitting his head on the wall to finally pass out. This option sounded much more attractive when he realized that this new ‘discovery’ about himself would cost all his month’s saves.

 He asked, to the Universe, the stars, the Earth and whoever was seeing him in that exact moment: why?

 Was it a kind of prank? A punishment from fate when, years and tears ago, Virgil lifted his chin up and dared the Universe to give him more soulmates as he locked all his uncolored �� although never really free of some weak drops of paint from what one day they came to be – simply stuffed animals, - and nothing more, anymore, - away and promised he would never, ever allow himself to go all through this shit again?

 But… That had been… years ago. Almost a decade since that soft voice he got to know so well, the impulsive acts, long conversations and warm feelings.

 But…

 Time has passed, that is true. Nevertheless, deep down has he really changed?

 Virgil stared at the bag carried so close to his chest since his bare hands were sweating and shaking way too much for this task. Yes, he knew his Soulmates won’t feel anything until both of them decided to ‘give the First Step’, accepting to link their souls and fates, for the longest as it lasts. However, he didn’t want to risk it, because what if they felt? What if he in some way broke the Soulmate System when got two at the same time and now everything was messed up and they could already feel his touches even through the bag and the first impression Virgil would gave to them was ‘That anxious, weird boy and his creepy, sweaty hands’ and-

 A girl almost hit him as she passed running at his side, making his arms protectively hug further the teddy bears closer to him, arms protectively involving them, the soft touch somehow calming his tumulted thoughts. The lost man took a deep breath.

 Clear your mind. Rational thoughts. Focus on the two sides of the coin. Three people wouldn’t be able to break a millennial, unknown system, don’t matter how good he was in screwin… No, a voice that sounded suspiciously a lot like his psychologist calmly pointed, not like that. Virgil huffed, trying again. He was a magnet of problems and bad…Okay, also wrong. Neutral thoughts, focus on neutral thoughts. Come on. Come on.

 It was okay.

 They wouldn’t feel him until they gave the first step. Right, that… sounded like a start. He didn’t do anything. Now, what Virgil needed to do was go to his house, clean his bed in order to find a good place where he could put and ignore them and then he would get his headphones, listen his playlists and wonder where the fuck his life was going.

 It was okay. Everything would stay okay as long as he didn’t give the First Step.

 Virgil unconsciously hugged tighter the teddy bears, his fingers finding way and drowning themselves in the soft, cozy fur, combing them in light, soothing touches as he continued his way.

 Okay. Everything was okay.

 [~*~]

 Plurinfanto, or Multiple Souls, it’s the nomination used for the cases when a person has diverse soulmates at the same time and in a same period.

 The first known case was with Pharaoh Cleopatra when multiples of her woolen fabric started to dye themselves in various colors and shades. In Ancient Roman, it was believed that the occurrences were blessings from Venus in a sign of prosperity and abundance. Grand, longstanding parties were executed through days nonstop in order to get together those intertwined souls. When the connection broke and the colors disappeared, it meant that days of pain and foreboding were waiting forward.

 It is not known for certain the exact moment when the meaning changed, albeit researchers believe it was around the fall of the Roman Empire, when all the invasions resulted in a cultural reconstruction which led to the loss from much of their costumes.

  CLICK HERE TO DISCOVER HOW TO HAVE THE SOULMATE OF YOUR DREAMS!!!!  

 [~*~]

 The computer made a soft ‘click’ as Virgil closed it and sat on his bed, adjusting slightly his position to stare the three vivid, brilliant stuffed beings contrasting to the general dark theme of his room.

 Virgil growled, resting his back on the cold wall, the shivers calming his flowing thoughts about all the variants this whole thing had. No to mention that people change with time, leading to the souls who they “relate” to change as well, meaning that you can have someone in your life for years and then, one month, or weeks or the next day, you can wake up only to discover you and the said person don’t “match” anymore.

 And NO ONE talked about this just because it was a freak tabu to doesn’t have ‘an only one soulmate who will be with you until the end of your existence’. Oh, for fuck sake. Virgil ran his hand through his hair, wincing when he accidently pulled some tangled strands. That sounds like a line of commercial, does anyone believe that bullshit for real?

 “Hello dear, newer fellow!!” The popping thought broke his line of reasoning, jumping excitedly in his mind and automatically pulling him out of his wanders. It has a strong and full of… about everything, tune demanding attention. Virgil felt a warm kiss on his forehead, meaning one soulmate – a deep part of him turned his attention to the red colored teddy bear, - had given the First Step. The one who in some moment changed his position so now he was sitting on the floor felt his face get hot again, heart thumping strongly in his chest as his arm moved, fingers stopping inches away from the fur, questioning if he was ready to retribute the gesture.

  [~*~]

 Many history icons have reports of being Pluriers, as shown in the book ‘The Romance in the History of Those Who Wrote It’, by historian Henry Senyura. The subject is also beginning to gain more visibility after the protest from the teacher Joan A. in 2010, who got touched towards the situation of some of her pupils being forced to choose only one among their Soulmates for the six-month annual exchange, by the end of that period most of them lost or weakened their bonding due lack of communication, small changes of personality and continuous absence. She held a protest at the front of the school, stating that no one had the right to interfere in ‘matters of the heart’.

 A lot of fiction works are beginning to address the topic more frequently, as in I’m Not One, a movie directed by Devon Stan; The Seven Colors of Rainbow, a book written by Lílian Lee and the psychological analysis Life’s Watch, recently found between drafts by the famous writer Robin Green, published after their husband’s authorization, Josué Green.

 [~*~]

 Logan hummed. As it seems, this was a relatively common thing, since the concept of Soul Mates surpassed the barriers of unity and time, being ‘souls who in a way or other intertwined themselves in some part of their life. Sometimes it didn’t necessarily mean a romantic relationship, as the majority of society and media pointed, but it also didn’t hold any assurance that all of them were platonic.

 He massaged the bridge of his nose. Remy wasn’t in the dorm so everything was silent enough for him to hear his own thoughts.

  It has been a remarkable amount of years since he got his last soulmates, - except for Remy, however they both considered this occurrence as a separate incident - well, until, of course, this day. At least it was a good thing he always carried in his bag extra easy manageable stuffed animals or else maybe the System would dye one of clothes, what would be less than ideal for him in the middle of his philosophy debate. But things got even more interesting when, after his classes, as he arrived at the small, pleasantly well-organized store next to his university, one more stuffed animal colored itself right before him.

 He didn’t exactly understand why. Logan considered himself an owner of a… quite strong, strict personality, this added with his difficulty in managing his and one another emotions usually tended to bring some complex tribulations in his rela-

 Anyway, that is beside the important matter. The one laying his chin on his crossed fingers undid his pose for a bite of time in order to adjust his glasses, barely fixating his gaze on the two plushies in the desk before him, his third – Pat - resting a few centimeters away, closer to Logan’s fingers, who were barely touching. Mind running. Asking, reflecting, wondering what was the exact amount of time to be acceptable to give his First Step?

 ‘The First Step’.

 Logan never really understood from where and how that expression emerged. It didn’t come from the words’ etymology nor some semantic detour. His most concrete hypothesis consisted of the phrase being derived from old romances.

 “Did you know it used to be called the ‘First Kiss’?! But that confused a lot of people who really believed that, to be able to talk and interact with their soulmates they would have to kiss each other, like the Sleeping Beauty! I always got confused in this movie when I was a child, by the way! That ended up messing with a bunch of relationships before they even started, since a lot of peeps don’t feel comfortable enough with strangers kissing them. However, they also speeded up a bunch of them as well…” Logan blinked, his attention escaping from his previous thoughts to the light sky blue plushie of Baby Yoda, for a moment surprised with the sudden input. He felt fingers carefully holding his arms and a bit of ghost movements as Pat probably moved his representation to somewhere else, a hug and warmth engulfing the one yet absolving the new information moments later.

 “That was… enlightening.” His voice danced across the room. Even though he was completely aware they could chat telepathically, the childish act of saying the words out loud still comforted him, in a way. “Thank you for your contribution.”

 He took a deep breath and closed the tab of research on his cellphone, internally thanking from the escaping of his turmoil of thoughts, his free hand carefully combing the Baby Yoda’s head fur, almost methodic.

 “Looo, no!” The other protested with no heat in his tune, leading a toothless smile to resurface in Logan’s features. “Stop doing this. You know I end up sleeping every time!”

 “Oh no, what a tragedy.” He deadpanned, already plugging his phones and changing to a most relaxed position on his chair, his eyes traveling across the countless movies on the device before him. “In which episode did we stop?”

 “I’m going to fight you.” Pat sounded like he was pouting.

 “How so?” Logan asked, trying to hide his amusement.

 Silence followed his words.

 “Pat?”

 “What is the skeleton’s favorite instrument?”

 “Pat, don’t you fucking da-”

 “Language! It’s a xiloBONE!”

 Logan audible growled, fast in his final decision. “I’m going to drop you out the window.”

  “I’m going to hug you!” And immediately the one rolling his eyes felt himself being squished in a strong bear hug, huffing only half annoyed.

 “You are an incorrigible heathen, let me go in this exact instant.” His answer was a ‘butterfly kiss’ – as Pat was fond in calling them – on his forehead. “Urg, affection.” Yet he smiled and mirrored the act, lightly poking the other’s side.

 “We’re on episode 19.”

  [~*~]  

Roman stared the paper, his pencil’s tip stopped in the middle of the biggest petal’s flower, his eyes narrowing in the hope of a clearest way of how to convert the vague idea he had in transforming the night full of stars in a flower. No to tell he also would need to choose a good pallet of colors indication for it, later, and probably re-do all the process over and over and over until got the best result as possible. A yawn found its way from his lips and the designer stretched, getting up to drink a bit of water and rubbing his eyes, wondering if it was really worth it to make a black tea to help him through the night.

 A glimpse of color caught his attention. The navy blue teddy bear on his couch, the main inspiration of his newest tattoo. Roman wondered why it wasn’t resting in front of him while he drew. A corner of his brain, obscured by the tiredness, telling he had a previous good reason for this choice although his actual self carried absolutely no idea of why.

 Well, if he couldn’t remember it, it means the reason wasn’t THAT good, right?

 Roman held the stuffed animal, spinning with it across the room for a couple of minutes, imagining who would be the person behind it. A king, a queen, a non-binary royalty? Did they like Disney? Musicals? Sing? Would they chat for hours at first with a few words exchanged or would they take a bit to warm at each other? Was navy blue their favorite color or…

 Or…

 Navy blue.

 Oh.

 He fixed his glare on the plushie, his hands feeling and slowly drawing in the soft fur of it.

 Navy blue, huh? A humorless chuckled flew in the air. It could have no significance, it could be a world of it. It probably didn’t mean what he, for a moment, a so silly, stupid moment, wished it meant. Of course, one day this would happen, right? It was something normal, something expected. Not the magical, right out of the story books or his old daydreams, occurrence.

 This wasn’t a second chance. The Universe doesn’t give you second chances. He wasn’t the same boy from eleven years ago, holding his own costumed teddy bear crying his eyes out, hugging he – No, it – the closest as possible, wishing with all his heart and soul for the color, the voice, the thoughts, the rambling, their bickering, the forgiveness to come back again.

 No, he grew up. He moved on. He got better.

 Then why did a part of him still felt this way? Like he was about to hear the excited giggles, the soft reprimand, that lovely, deep and so truly -and sometimes boring, Roman had to admit – questions? Why would a part of him still say that he could have it all again if he just… waited long enough, hoped high enough, dreamed long enough…

 …If he was enough.

There aren’t more than seven billion colors in the world. Roman would be stupid if he really believed there was a path where he wouldn’t stumble in that so (un)fortunate well-known shade of blue again.

 Roman growled, his forehead making a loud, dry thumping sound as hit his desk. The one who should be asleep hours ago had absolutely no energy to battle against those thoughts, again. At least for now. He rubbed his eyes and stared at the teddy bear laid on the cold tabletop before him. Well, what a better way to get rid of your own means thoughts than put some stranger’s unpredictable thoughts in the middle of it? Roman slightly pushed the bunch of flowers and some warmup sketches he had out of the way, carefully carrying the representation next to him, nodding. Honestly, that was the best idea he had for a while, why did he even put the lovely thing away?

 Awake Roman was so silly, thinking that… something he couldn’t quite recall right now would be a bad idea, he pointed as snorted softly, pressing his lips on the teddy’s forehead, the quote he knew by heart flying from them in a natural flow.

 “It is not immortal, since it’s flame. But let it be infinite while it lasts.”

 A warm sensation rested on his own forehead moments later, leading the sleepy form to hum happily.

 “Is it… poetry?” Oh shit, Roman widened his eyes. His soulmate heard that?? Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Roman mentally facepalmed himself. So that was why he usually said it before the First Step!

 “Uhh, yeah. Of course. Fidelity Sonnet by Vinícius Moraes.”

 “I see. Classicism, I presume. A literature of very soundly pleasant rhymes, indeed. The first sonnet was probably created by the humanist Italian poet Francesco Petrarca, although it got even more known in the western literature after the works of Camões, who- ”

 “He is from Modernism, actually.” Roman didn’t know why he suddenly sounded so defensive. Logan felt a cold feeling run his body when the other’s hands let go of him, for a piece of second wondering if it was supposed for him to do the same with the red narwhal plushie on his hold.

 “A very common mistake to make due the lack of context.” He retorted, unable to formulate another answer. He had, of course, thought, balanced options and chosen the best topics to discuss with his new soulmates when they bonded. However, his fingers firmly gripped the pen, its tip tapping on the first topic written in the notebook partially forgotten in front of him, the poetry figuratively threw him out of his tracks, leading the decision to be the most impartial as possible due his… not so impartial past memories with that specific shade of red an even more difficult task than it already was.

 “Yes. Sure. Sorry, I- I’m just… very tired right now.”

 “You should go sleep, then.”

 The other snorted with the direct, immediate response. “I should, shouldn’t I? Gotta work, though.”

 Some part of Logan’s brain registered the new fact, separating and keeping it in a special place so he would remember to write it down in the new folder he bought, later.

 “I see.” … poetry? That wasn’t a hard topic to talk about. The one now nervously cleaning the very clear lenses twisted his mouth. He could talk about this for hours. No, correction: he already had previously talked about this for hours non stop.

 Logan strangely felt the urge to rub his face and scream. It has been years, - eleven years and 10 months to be precise – and exactly eight years since the one wearing glasses learned poetry because of him. Because of his constant habit of reciting Shakespeare before they would go to bed, until Logan brought himself to research and decorate all the poems he could muster, taking the task to now wake Prince – the name still carried a strong taste in his tongue – in the same way every single day. Before they realize, that becomes something between them. There were times when both didn’t talk, content in only reciting some verses and hear the other complete them. A part of Logan, that illogical and unfortunately full of feelings one wondered how their rap battles would be if they found each other right now.

 Did Prince even maintain his liking the same things he one day did? Does he still recite poetry? Does he maintain the same dreams? The same habits?  Does he even remember about him?

 Highly improbable.

 “You can call me Lo.”

 Roman slowly blinked, getting out the fog surrounding his brain to realize he was mindless staring at the pan’s boiling water, surprised the other still there. Well, it seems like he hasn't screwed terribly everything yet.

 “Lo? Like Lowrance?”

 “Even though my name does contain ‘Lo’ in it, no. It’s ‘Lo’ like Logic. I came to believe it’s a good idea the nomination after a predominant characteristic, since we can’t actively exchange our real names through the Soulmate System.”

 Roman’s breath hitched, a memory with yellow-ish edges and nostalgic smell unrolling in front of him.

 …

 ‘I think we should choose you a name with more personality in it, ya know?’ He threw himself on his bed, kicking his legs on the air before immediately scoping the plushie and laying it on his stomach. ‘Like a characteristic!’

 ‘I don’t see what is wrong with the nickname I choose.’

 ‘No, no! There is nothing wrong with it! But that could be something just between us!’ Then he gasped, picturing that, if he was inside a movie there would be a lamp shining right above his hair in this moment. ‘We could call you Ro!! You wanted to be a robot, right?’

 His soulmate growled and Roman felt a few pokes on his arm, the verbal protest doesn’t taking long before accompanying it. ‘I was three years old!’

 ‘And I’m never letting you live this down.’ He beamed, both knowing the annoyed scoff he got as response held no real heat. ‘Besides, we could even match our names!!’

 ‘That would be very counterproductive.’ Roman felt his hair being softly smoothed, a usual indication the other was losing himself in his thoughts. ‘Nicknames are supposed to help us. Having two equal names is not the most efficient thing.’

 Roman dramatically scoffed, picking the stuffed animal and half hugging it, his free hand occupying itself in making a couple of gestures to no one, since his soulmate couldn’t exactly see them. ‘It’s not about being productive, Bear! It’s about feelings!!’

 ‘And since when,’ a light poke was delivered on his belly, making him squeak and mess with the teddy bear’s hair in revenge ‘Everything isn’t feelings for you, your highness?’

 …

 “Okay,” Roman and his self past disappearing with the fading memory said, in synchrony “You shall call me by Prince, then.”

 Suddenly he felt himself falling, his hands quickly holding on the tabletop as the cold, nauseous feeling took over his stomach, more like a punch on it, his veins being filled with amounts of adrenaline for a glimpse of a second.

 “Excuse me? Warn a guy next time you decide to just drop his representation, dude! Damn.” Roman shook himself, trying to bring his body to calm down.

 “Sorry, I got… startled.” Logan gulped. The word ‘Prince’ echoing on his mind as a broken vinyl disc. What were the chances? That couldn’t be such a common nickname, right? Nor color. Nor interests. What were the chances? What could be the chances? Maybe he was just projecting, being played, tricked by a dangerous partnership between his own brain and emotions. Maybe he was just jumping to conclusions due the nostalgic feeling fogging his actions, his thoughts. Perhaps-

 “Hey, Lo? Are you there?”

 “Yes.” Logan answered, his fingertips colliding quickly with the fabric of his pants as he visualized his options. “Yes, I am.”

 “Hm. Okay, then. I’m… glad to know.”

 Silence. Logan took a wobbly breath.

 “Time hath, my lord, a wallet at his back; Wherein he puts alms for oblivion; A great-size monster of ingratitudes:”

  “Those scraps are good deeds past; which are devour'd; As fast as they are made, forgot as soon.” Roman continued without even noticing until the words danced in the air, just like the years haven’t passed.

 Then he understood.

  His heart stopped for a second, his eyes widening and his voice disappearing, as if his whole being was afraid to break the moment, the spell; as if this was a dream and a miscalculate step would make everything fade.

 “Bear?” Roman felt a light poke on his cheek.

 “Hello, Prince.”

 Roman choked a laugh, quickly crawling the teddy bear next to his chest, hugging it both firmly and yet so caring, curling around its - no, him - feeling an equal warmth involve his form as he hided his face on the soft fur, giggling and hugging, feeling so happy, so alive and right and good and he would never, ever, ever again let him go.

 “I missed you, bitch. Never scare me like this again.”

 “I… missed you, as well.” Logan tried to not let the emotion take over his tune, his hand petting the narwhal plushie softly, the words had abandoning him, as it seems. “This reunion is a… good surprise.”

 “Oh, shut up, I know you’re having a blast somewhere in that logic soul of yours, too.”

 Logan huffed, grinning. “Stop crying on my hair, your troglodyte.”

 “Make me, I dare you.”

 “Always so dramatic.” They both rolled their eyes, letting the moment be bathed in the deep waters of a comfortable silence.

 “Eleven years.”

 “We have so, so much to talk about!! Oh, my goodness gracious, I’m going to get my tea. Do you remember about that play I wrote about zombie princes and a dragon witch? You will NOT fucking believe what happened with it!”

 “Good thing I have you to explain to me then.” Roman stopped, a gigantic smile taking over his features as he closed his eyes to feel everything even more.

 “Yeah, I agree.”

 Somewhere in the world Patton and Virgil smiled during their sleep, unable to control themselves when a gigantic wave of pure joy and delight filled every corner of their hearts, coloring it on the most brilliant gleam, just like their stuffed animals resting peacefully on their grip.

[pascalpanic]

Concrats on 1000 Follower whooo, that's so exciting!! 🎉💖💕 I'd really like to know who you'd ship me with 👉👈

I’m a INTJ and go by she/her. I have really dark, almost black eyes, freckles and curly brown hair which... are the only things I love about myself. I’m also small and get repeatedly teased for it by my family who consists of mostly giants (how did I end up with all the rare small genes in my family?) tho if any of them can’t open a bottle or something they always come to me because I’m apparently the strongest one in the house🤷‍♀️ I identify as someone on the asexual spectrum, most likely gray- or demisexual, and figured that out after a bad first boyfriend experience🙃✌️I’m not necessarily sex repulsed tho, it's just not what I'm primarily looking for in a relationship. In fact I'm really open and unapologetically honest about ALL my thoughts. I can talk about anything and everything, so that also includes any sexual topics. Legit had a conversation with my bff and her bf about kinks last week so that’s that. On another note… various quizzes told me that I’m apparently a bottom. When I told my bff all she said was "You're surprised?"

I'm rambling, fuck👀 Okay some quick facts: I swear a lot, haha. I’m protective and loyal. I don’t like it when my loved ones get treated unfairly and will fight anyone who treats them badly. I’m very unforgiving and know how to hold a grudge. This might sound weird but I’m good at forcing myself to do things that need to be done. Begins with small stuff like getting out of bed immediately after my alarm rang or stuff like taking the initiative in social interactions when all my friends are too scared to say something, even tho it gives me so much anxiety. But most of the time I prefer to stay home and just draw/write or reorganize stuff … I’m a perfectionist, haha. Oh, I also have a photographic memory, which … I just think is kinda cool. I can remember whole pages word for word in an hour or two (if I’m not procrastinating or distracted). I like video games but suck at them. I'm teaching myself how to play the electric guitar. I hate cooking but love food, especially sweets and baked goods. I appear very calm and confident but am actually very insecure and panic easily😅

Sorry if this is long, I ramble a lot whoops🙈

I would ship you with Din Djarin!

Bluntness is a habit of Din’s, and he appreciates that you’re equally as straightforward and don’t mince words. There’s hardly any time for drama when you’re traveling the galaxy to find a little green child’s people and fighting off bad guys left and right. Din thinks your short height is absolutely adorable and he might not say it out loud, but he definitely thinks it’s cute. He’ll make dry jokes about it when you’re holding the tiny little green bean though! He will also make endless jokes while opening a can you couldn’t get open in the hull of the ship.

There’s no time for cooking or baking in the Crest, so Din is all about takeout from the last planet you’ve been on. He’ll buy whatever food you want, since it’s primarily for you. Din appreciates your grit and grudges. He’s an equally determined man and he loves the fact that you’re so driven. He also swears a lot, and he thinks your earth curses are hilarious. He will giggle any time you say fuck the same way you laugh at him thinking “kriff” is a curse. The two of you pick up on each other’s slang, and your photographic memory is amazing to Din, who has a tiny short-term memory.

ships are closed!

[nny11writes]

can you do a fic rec for family oriented tcw fics? I feel like I've read everything lol

Hey anon, thanks for stopping by! I can certainly try, but I’m not sure exactly what you mean by family oriented. Just, like, generally across the genres Imma try. But I will say as I was doing this, several of these are not strictly TCWs. Some are actually outside that completely but still include the main trio and Padme as major characters so I’ve put them in here in case you’d like to give them a whirl.

My absolute #1 suggestion for under appreciated family fics:“Where I’ve Always Been” series by Gabby (Kirahsoka) 

It’s not clone wars exclusive, it does build from TCW’s forwards and is both a barrissoka fic and semi-medieval AU. But you wanna talk family oriented? This series is THE BEST FUCKING THING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone comes together and there’s a constant focus on family first. Gabby does a great job at address the ups and downs of family, and always writes relationships that are either A. Healthy as Fuck and Beautiful, or B. Unhealthy With Everyone Involved Trying. I love this series. I could probably write a whole fucking long ass post about this series lol! It’s got god damned everything, Luminara is amazing, Obi-Wan is fantastic, the original characters I would die for. The thing that might be lacking for you in here is there isn’t a lot of Padme or Anakin. There’s more Anakin than Padme, but he’s really not a main character of this series. Ahsoka, Barriss, and their daughters really become the focal point but I’m not lying when I say basically everyone fucking shows up to this one. It’s amazing and I beg you to give it the chance it deserves, it’s SUPRA, and you will understand what the hell I mean when you get in deep enough lol!

Also straight up, up front, Mylordshesacactus and alexkablob have both written some fantastic barrissoka fics that often also have a focus on family (looking at you Brave AU and Beauty and the Beast AU). If you haven’t looked at their stuff, and don’t mind the barrissoka, I think their works are fantastic!

NOW ONTO THE REST OF THE RECS

“Stuck in the Middle With You” by victoria_p (musesfool)  is a fucking delight of the trio having to share a bed platonicly (or however that’s spelled ig??). It’s got great humor and the way the three of them are just so well written is excellent. I love re-reading this one!

"Sometimes a family is a cultural anthropologist, a PoliSci PhD, a snippy sophomore, a golden cat, a Snorkie, and a guy who just wants to build a really smart robot” by all these lovelies: bessyboo, cantarina, exmanhater, forzandopod, heartequals (savvygambols), Opalsong, reena_jenkins, sophinisba, theleanansidhe!!! This is actually a pod fic/audio book, but I have trouble listening to stories so I am SO glad they included a transcript. This shit is gold! It’s sweet, it’s funny, it’s ridiculous. Anakin and Ahsoka run a youtube channel for “Waffle or Waffle Not!” where they pour various things into a waffle iron to see what works. Padme and Obi-Wan show up too, as it is obianidala. I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I love this fic and the dynamics between everyone.

“The Living Force” by mathelode (engmaresh) is quick look at Anakin teaching Ahsoka how to choose insects and bugs to eat. There’s some crude humor (barf jokes mostly) but I do like the way Anakin and Ahsoka interact!

“Of Love and Family” by Ferith12 is exactly what is says on the tin. All about Ahsoka and the family she finds along the way.

“Saw The Waves But Not The Tides” by Meiloorun  is a bit dialogue heavy but focuses on Anakin and Rex talking about war and family when they get a transmission from Mandalore. It’s a really nice fic to me, feels cozy!

“Little One” by Fawkes_Rinzler  is a great Plo Koon & Ahsoka Tano fic about sharing a language together. They’re family and this is the hill I will DIE ON.

Parts 3-5 of the “Pesky Birthday Gifts” by peskylilcritterare short and sweet little slice of life fics that aren’t explicitly family oriented but I read then that way. It’s totally possible the rest of the series is great too, I just haven’t had as much interest to read them/look at them (some of it is fan art I think).

I know this is not a TCW only fic recs, but! I swear my stand by these days, “Of Queens, Knights, and Pawns” and “Shifting Sands” are both fantastic Leia centered fics by chancecraz! There’s a lot of focus on what makes family, and family relationships/importance in both of them so I’d highly recommend them. They are VERY long, and there is plenty of drama and angst inside so it’s not family in that fluffy happy fam way all the time. Vader, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka are all major players, as is Rex. But it /is/ more OG and Rebels than TCW. Still I’d say give them a read!

The “Jedi Shmi AU” series by MirandaTam covers more than just TCW, but a lot of it does take place during that time frame. There’s some great Tatooine culture building in the series and I really love the way the characters are imagined in this AU. “Shwiya Root Soap” by sharkcar is a great look at the dynamic between Obi-Wan, Anakin, Ahsoka, and Padme. It’s a relaxed feeling fic to me. No high angst drama, and a lot of really nice long hold points with characters working through a lot. There’s still some action and romance etc, so it’s not sedate. A well balanced one I think! It is 1st person PoV which I know can throw some folks off but I think it’s fantastic.“The Light You Leave Behind” by laventadorn is a post Ahsoka leaving the order fic, and did in large part plant the seeds of Padme Says No, which exploded after I saw a post here on tumblr that was *mwah*. It is unfinished with the last update in 2016, I still rec it! It’s got a good mix of things going on genre wise, and I love the way Padme was written in this one.

The whole “b sides (SW lawyer AU)” by triviaseesaw (ladydaredevil)  kicks ASS. It is a daredevil AU but you don’t have to know anything about that to enjoy it. I also really like that this one is multiple SW fandom friendly. There are stories focusing on prequels, og, and sequels, as well as the animated series but you can sort of pick and choose which ones you want to actually follow. There’s fluff, drama, angst, the whole nine yards dude. There’s a lot of focus on what is family and how to connect with one another. It is vaderkin status tho so just a heads up!Okay, look, “good opinion once lost”  also by triviaseesaw (ladydaredevil) isn’t completely a family oriented fic, it is a barrissoka fic. But there is still family stuff involved! It is a Pride and Prejudice AU, and while I will admit I never got into P&P, I love this story and I had to rec it

Alright, I need to just rec all of triviaseesaw (ladydaredevil)’s stuff. While some of it is more romance focused, almost everything still includes a good cast of people in really unique and fun AU’s and settings. This is probably not what you’re look for but I realized I was gonna rec more of their work and so here’s the link.“all the words you do not speak” listed via orphan_account, is not a happy family fic. It is hurt/comfort post Rako Hardeen, but it focuses on the Trio and their bonds so I think it would still work out.

The “Circle ‘round the Sun” by risinggreatness is one that I remember loving. I went nuts every time I saw that series name pop up in my emails as updated. But I will also be honest, it’s got so many entries that it’s all become a mush of “oh HELL yeah” in my head. Like, I wanna go feral over the characters and relations but I can’t explain why. I do know that it deals across a lot of times and relationships which is part of why I liked it, but it is focused on TCW.

[leonbastralle]

(not yet a miracle but one day) ficus!! 2, 3, 5, 8, 10, 24, 27 (lmao), 32, 39, 46!! sorry i chose a shitton

ficus is absolutely the miraclest miracle even tho hell never take that name so he counts (i kinda wanted to be asked abt him most tbh) SO THANK YOU also no sorries, im sorry for this clusterfuck that probably doesnt make any sense and also for taking so long!

02. What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness?idk how to best put it but…hes generally v unhappy with his situation and everything that comes from it (unemployment and work shit and all) at this point he has no idea what hell b doing the next day (not that he knows what hes doing at all) but…hes definitely able to hide that well until he gets back home, so…no. no exploiting. snowdrift could, at a certain point, but…he no longer wants to.03. What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves?he likes his hair (i think thats obvious) but hes also ok with his general appearance like…the amount of muscle and that shit04. What are their favorite traits about their lover? (one psychological and one physical)ok physical he rly likes snowdrifts curls (i swear theyre just rly soft i just Know) and his lil dootworthy nose and his delicate pianist fingers, character traits would be…how hes able to feel (and show) such intense emotions abt a lot of things, his thirst for knowledge and just general curiosity and how persistent and stubborn he is (all traits that ficus lacks) also later on how hes just willing to…give so much to a person who only seems to have been taking from him? just honest strong support when he needs it most, so probably like…how he was willing to set all the shit aside when it got serious? is that a trait? probablyBONUS snowdrift for ficus: snowdrift too loves that one single curl that ficus has (i know i keep saying that), his nose, his lips (snowdrift dies at those lips especially combined with that stupidly good voice), probably also his abs and butt and…maybe…his neck? XD there is A LOT. for character traits…at first he doesnt rly see the true ficus but he knows there HAS to be more to it which is part of what attracts him, all the mysteries for him to solve, and though the whole im tough and strong and cool and know just how to drive you mad in any possible way is super attractive to him, when he rly knows who he fell in love with its like…hes so overwhelmed by how dAMN SOFT THIS BOY IS and he just thinks its so beautiful that hes so complex and ajsfbakjsfnaksd im gonna actually tear up snowdrift probably does too? also his persistence when it comes to snowdrift and how supportive/protective he is of him despite his softness and own shit i guess? and how smart he is (u bet theres dirty talk in latin happening i die)05. Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type?tough toUGH TOUGH like sure…he definitely starts out super shy because the poker face?? its just that the boy knows nOTHING about love and then this shitbag of a first breaks his heart but…generally i wouldnt necessarily use shy as a label since…he did absolutely enjoy that intense power showoff that was early snowdrifticus (until snowdrift found out how to neutralise him oops, it was mostly just the joy of finally getting him to shut up…about work stuff) but in the end when everythings said and done hes still a soft subby marshmallow at heart (imagine this said like spooky scary skeletons because i do for some reason?) also this was a lot more than what the q said and maybe i also completely blew it but…yeah08. What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it?he would probably say that his biggest flaw is that hes still existing or some…really bad stuff like that, so no hes definitely not rly aware…at least hes rly good at focusing on some things and completely ignoring the other? but to answer question one…probably this exactly? how hes throwing himself so deep into all the self pity and negative stuff and just being like…pls swallow me but also…i rly cant blame him for that. just like the whole thing of putting on such an extreme show because thats just a) him trying to show that hes strong and scary so nobody will see how vulnerable he is but at the same time also exploiting that huge difference between actually being vulnerable but acting completely different? its just such an Experience and i definitely blame him for needing this extreme stuff so much?? but that again is just a way to feel smth else than sad iTS ALL CONNECTED IDK10. Is your character more feminine or masculine?depends on how you define femininity or masculinity? sure hes…v emotional and marshmallowy deep down and he spends a LONG time grooming his hair but i aint abt those stereotypes xD he has a rly damn good dark voice and som abs and a pretty masculine face and his poker face/power trip self is definitely condensed masculinity (esp with all that testosterone cause snowdrift tension bless the boys)24. In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like?an infuriatingly attractive idiot? xD and the worst pighead he knows (he admires that tho) and also he thinks snowdrift has the most angelic face eSP LIKE U KNO IN DIM LIGHT PRESSED AGAINST A PILLOW OR SOM SHIT but he would never ever say that out loud27. If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it?mURDER it would…probably be because he took his whole police game one step too far??32. If your character’s lover offered to take them out on a dream date, what would they want to do?ficus isnt one to leave the house much if he doesnt have to…he turned into a true hermit during his vamp years even tho he actually DOESNT burn in the sun…but if anything, hed want to go somewhere absolutely deserted, in the late evening or at night mAYBE THE BEACH CAUSE SYMBOLISM or just a hill with a nice view that isnt light blue and full of moles. hed be absolutely ok with having a lil picnic and just cuddling and talking and taking things in? thats the worst cheese i know39. When people look at your character, is there some assumption they might make about them just by appearance? Is that assumption correct?what ppl assume by ficus appearance works very well with his poker face self because like…theyll probably think hes very collected but also sharp and probably pretty evil and could definitely murder you in your sleep and thats absolutely what hes trying to convey and what hes acting out so…no the assumption isnt correct at all, behind all the snark hides a (still snarky) v bitter v sad vamp who just wants to b held in various ways46. What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover?tbh snowdrift is a lot more abt random affection than ficus? ficus does give a lot of temple kisses tho.

[chasingarmie]

Hello. 2017 was my “re-boot” year as I like to call it. I’ve grown a lot privately and quietly. I had scenes worthy of a three-minute standing ovation, but they are mostly mundane ones deserving a personal recognition of none other than myself. I see life through a more beautiful lens now. Change has transpired all throughout the year, but I’ve never been so glad that it did. This is a post on how 2017 changed me in ways that left me equally awed and grateful; and to 2018 me, hey, we’re gonna make this story legendary. 

2017

I told myself that I want to be someone “normal” this year. 

I hope you won’t crucify me for this but I felt like I was on a roll during my junior- senior high school years. Although I don’t usually like to talk about it but in all humility, I joined a lot of contests during those times, won a whole bunch of them and also lost a whole lot more. Some people don’t know about this because I like to keep my achievements in private and share the victory with my own little circle. I bagged awards in various fields, it came to a point where I won recognition in the Regional, National, and even International sphere. I earned seats in major organizations and had a chance to be with the big-shots in the academic arena of the Philippines.

Such a bragger huh, but trust me, that would be the last of my intention. It was necessary for making people understand how I was at a peak of my high-school years. 

You might think that I’m so lucky, but am I really?

SILVER LININGS

I pride myself on being one who doesn’t fear failure. If I remember it correctly it was my “Introduce yourself description” on my first day of class in Grade 11. I told everyone that success is just failure turned inside out, the silver linings in the clouds of doubt. But, I lied.

It’s exhausting to fail over and over again. Of course, it’s vindicating to finally achieve the things that you’ve been working for, but the process it takes you to get there is “consuming” at the very least. I had to cry a lot of times and I spent tears on people who repeatedly threw stones at me claiming that they only want to leave me unscathed and at my very best. It became really stressful for me, and I felt l was alive with rage towards so many people. That was never what I wanted.

It was during those times that I decided to just pause and let go. I wanted to seek genuine happiness and I know deep down in my bones that I had to sacrifice a lot of things, and it includes me being a student on top of multiple awarding ceremonies at once. I wanted to become a student of life.

HUMSS

Paulo Coelho said that once you want something the whole universe conspires to help you reach it. 

Interestingly enough on the road to my mission of redefining my self, I met people who altered my perception on what it is to become “normal”.

You see, at first glance my classmates at HUMSS, seem normal, the low-keys, the ones you don’t see dancing at parties with that popular kids type of swagger vibes. They won’t be the ones leading parades and have loud conversations to make people pay attention. They’re the HUMSS for pete’s sake.

Normal to them is laying on our self-bought banig during lunch and class breaks. Normal to them is taking portraits on a rice-field or on mountains or on grassy places or on pebbled beaches. Normal to them is swearing. Normal to them is laughing at dirty green jokes that only us would dare to laugh at. Normal to them is that, just being themselves. And I loved that.

There are people in our classroom who are nothing short of amazing even when they’re “normal”. (1) I have a friend who’s exceptionally good at drawing, she’s well known for that, but what most people don’t know is that she’s also darn good with words, she reads a LOT of books, she threads them into this intricate pattern of hearty prose and texts. She ones wrote me a letter, a passage she got from a Greek or was that Roman Mythology? She said that she knew that I would love a good read, and boy was she right. It made me think of all the words inside her heart and how beautiful they might be. (2) At the first day of class in Grade 11, I met this girl who showed me how it was like to be strong and soft at the same time. This one fancies wearing dark lipstick and sings to songs that are rapped and has amazing and funny beats. One time, she showed me her collection of poetry, ones that she wrote by herself, it was typed on her old phone. Do you sometimes wonder why people are so fiercely strong? Maybe it was because they were once soft and some nights they were broken and they needed to be strong because if they won’t then who else will. I think that girl is soft both on the inside and on the outside, and stronger. Always stronger. (3) This boy likes Philosophy. He talks about things that almost no one talks about. What you don’t know about this boy tho is that he’s darker than most of us. He thrives on wisdom and knowledge. He is erudite, and he’s constantly hungry for more, more of everything. This is what makes him dangerous. I hope along the way he doesn’t lose himself. I hope he seeks and finds his heart’s truest deepest desires. I hope he lives well, honestly truly completely well.

(4) A girl cried during our Christmas Party. Ironically, she smiled all throughout the day and only cried at the end. I wonder the strength it must have took to hold everything in. Maybe it was the vodka? But I know better, I know that this kid travels almost more than 10 kms. to school every day, and I also know that she helps her family by selling all kinds of snacks, and I also know that she has been through a lot and still, smiles. Maybe the vodka was a good idea. Maybe, sometimes we can just pour everything out, because oh gad who knows what might happen if we don’t. I want her to know that I’m here. In case she wants to pour one more shot of tears. Always here. (5) I waved to this boy on the first day of class and he just stared at me. I hated him that day. I gave this boy a huge sketchpad last year because he is really really really good at drawing. I liked him that day. Then, there are days when he comes to school late. What could he possibly be busy with? Then I remember that he was a Yolanda survivor, and whatever it is that takes up his time I know he’ll survive, I haven’t told him this but I believe in his dreams. I hated him ‘once’ but I liked him all the days after and possible all the years more. (6) I hope this girl breaks her heart. Cruel? Selfish? Yes. How else do we know that we deserve someone better? We deserve the love we need to give to ourselves. I hope she comes out stronger. 

(7) Singing has been her trademark, and I understand that, but I don’t know sometimes I admire her inner voice more. The way she says she’s evil but she has shown me nothing but kindness. People love her you know. People really love her. Some because of her singing, but most is because of her soul. Flaws? I’m pretty sure she has them, I’m certain she has a lot. But, that’s what being normal is right? She is kind, she is loved, and her voice both sung and shown has taught me how singing touches people in more ways than they can imagine. (8) At last, I got to write about this one. I know she’s hurting. Gad she is. There are nights when she confides to me about the pain, about how it’s all wrong, about how she deserves to be treated way way better. And I know that what she’s only trying to say is that she wants to be fought for, that it’s time to be fckng fought for!!!!!!! I want her to know that she’s right, but I also want her to know that she’s wrong. That it’s okay to be fought for and to fight at the same time. I want her to know that I spoke to someone who broke my heart about everything and only then did the waters became clear. FIGHT. You have nothing to lose now, or maybe there is, but FIGHT because you will lose everything if you don’t. We’re strong independent women right. Let’s let them know. If you’re wondering, yes this is the sign.

(9) (10) There are two people who have marveled me during the years. One lost her father at the day of our recognition, and one speaks about hers with endless admiration. These two girls taught me what it’s like to love. To love both in pain and in joy, to love when a person’s here and specially when he’s not. To love. To be a child. To love even more. (11) I jogged with this boy to a cemetery once. We’ve grown closer now. And I never told him this but, sometimes I picture him as a soldier. (12) The first thing you notice about him, is his size. I may be insensitive here but remind me why again? I am extremely proud of my guy here. Lately he’s been advocating against all sorts of injustices from body shaming to calling wattpad a book. Size is the first thing you notice, but just seconds after you notice how he forgets to bring his WiFi with him, and how he looks at you in the eyes when he speaks, and how his laugh resonates in your heart. I said he’s a big guy but maybe the society needs big guys like him to speak for those who feel so little. Maybe it’s a mission, or maybe it’s a blessing in disguise, but whatever it is, I know that he’s a man with a huge heart, one brave and never cowardly. (13) The last one and the first one all at the same time. I hope he realizes how he makes me happy when he says that I’m the reason why he’s addicted to books. I like the way you turn red on the cheeks when we talk or when you laugh. I hope you laugh more.

Old Friends

I’ve drifted away with people who I once thought I could never finish high school without. There’s Pig and Jascha on top of the list. Sometimes I wonder if I’m such a bad friend, maybe I am. May they remember all our memories nonetheless. May they forgive me for forgetting their birthdays and lying about it. Trust me, I am aware of my faults and I am ashamed of it. 

They say burning bridges is okay. But what do you do when the burning was an accident? When you never planned for it to happen, when it just..did. Maybe all I can do is say sorry, but also say thank you. 

I know these people are happier now, they have a new set of friends and smile a whole lot wider. But I have a confession. 

Making me ashamed of how I was finally doing well with HUMSS somehow made me all the more a renegade. I never blamed them when they never bothered to say hi or hello, I never made them uncomfortable with the fact that they have other friends, I was okay with them being all those things. That’s why I don’t understand why it’s not okay for me to be the same. 

At 2017, I fought for someone, hard. I never regretted that night.

Burning bridges can be accidents or not, but one can find solace in the fact that it leads you to new places, one that you never knew you needed.

Debate

I felt less pressured in debates this year, maybe because it’s Brit Parliamentary season.

Family

Truth be told, WiFi has devoured most of our family time. So much, that sometimes I wish we don’t have it at all. I am not the perfect child, nor the perfect sister. I am that bastard who rolls her eyes and I wrestle with my sisters . But, every night all I want is to cuddle with Yanitz and Chim, and hug them when they’re asleep and tell them how much I love them while I still can. Every night my prayers are composed of me praying to God to grant us safety and good health and a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious long life together here on Earth. The very same prayer I had when I was 8 years old. I know that I am not the best ate or child, but I like to believe that 2017 made me a better one.

God

This year I learned to surrender.

I used to take so long when I pray and 80% of it was me asking for things I deem to be necessary, but 2017 made me understand that I have been doing it the wrong way. Now when I pray, I say a quiet scream of praise which takes up 40% of my time then I apologize for all my sins be it on the mind, heart, or deeds and that’s also about 40% and then I say “God I surrender everything to You, everything. Help me to become Your servant. Protect my family always. I love You.” 20% of my time praying is that. It is short but it is powerful.

I realized when you trust God to direct your life, you give Him the power and you give yourself the peace in knowing that you are always at His mercy and His wings. That God is with you all the days of your life, because you surrendered and the Heavens is guiding you. It’s difficult to explain but I gave God the sail to my ship and everything from there has been a purposeful ride. 

Short Hair

This was the year I decided to cut my hair short like really really short. It was an impulsive decision, but one that was wanted for a long time, an act of defiance against those who said that I can’t. I enjoyed all the memories I had with this hair even though I looked like Dora and on some days Boots. Still, it was an amazing journey with this one. Power.

Lessons and Self

1. Love is everywhere. Love was there when you smiled at the old woman who wore dirty baggy clothes and who was picking up plastic bottles on theway home. Love was when she smiled back. Love was here when you treated your sister to Greenwhich. Love was wanting to sleep beside them every night. Love was when you forgave yourself for being bad at debates. Love was when you fought for Ed. Love is when you pray. Love was in the flowers that day you decided that it was time to let go. Love was in the ocean when you needed to breathe and when you felt like it’s so much easier to just drown. Love is your Papa, and your Mama, and Yanitz, and Chim. Love is the solace, love is the truth, love is the strength, love is faith. Love is everything, and love is everywhere, you just have to want to see it.

2. You are shitty person. But, that’s okay. You are trying.

3. Attitude really matters. I met a lot of people who are so engulfed with ego and pride that stemmed from their achievements, majority can’t stand them despite their honors. What good is it when you don’t touch people’s lives anyway?

4. Laugh. Satisfaction is hard to find. It’s different to stand under the rain and to dance under it. I’ve learned to do both. I dance in front of mirrors now too.

5. You don’t need a boy. Relationships bring heartache and pain. Some people say they love you but then they don’t. I know it’s nice to feel giddy before you fall asleep but if it’s at the cost of you waking up in the morning and tiring yourself to wait for their replies who by the way wouldn’t be there not until it’s convenient for them, then maybe it’s time to really really really wake up. 

6. You’re still a hopeless romantic despite everything you say.

7. YOU ARE NOT AFRAID OF DYING. At 2017, I thought I had cancer. I have this bump in my head that existed for no apparent reason. It was also during this time that I visited a lot of wakes. Somehow there was a button inside of me that just kinda flipped. It was a eureka moment when I realized that I am not afraid, not of dying. It was that kind of realization that takes you on a nostalgia ride and when you look back you realize that you have loved with your heart bruised and with it whole and that you are finally happy, that you have always been happy despite not being so. It was contentment. It’s a scary thought to admit that I am not afraid of dying. Ironic.

8. Skin is just that, skin. I know it’s hard to feel confident when you have a lot of pimples and acne scars, and when you have a bloated belly, and bushy brows. But people don’t remember that about you when you die. Most of the times, people don’t even notice it. We are own critics and a pimple is not fckng worth it.

9. It’s perfectly fine to change decisions. You can go from Point A to Point B. Mistakes will be made along the way, but we are humans that’s what we do best.

10. Forgive.

11. Fight for the things and the people you love. No matter how hard it is. Sometimes, you just have to trust your heart. Everybody can say that you didn’t work out, but nobody can ever tell you that you didn’t try.

12. You turned 18 this year. Fifteen years from now maybe your wedding day. Right now, you have every chance, every opportunity, every day. To turn your aspirations into reality. To love every single person around you. To trust and to forgive when it’s so hard to do so. To be grateful. To give back. To laugh. To dance in front of mirrors. To bathe in the rain. To pray. To work on yourself. To learn. Things will change, they always do, you will too. Make it legendary.

Last night, I told someone how much I hated 2017 how all of those things above were just petty excuses for how much I loathed last year. But, I was wrong.

I wanted to become someone normal, and I think I succeeded. What is normal anyway? Normal is being yourself, normal is failing, normal is loving. I understand now that there is more to life than meets the eye. 

My life is normal but it’s not monochromatic, it’s not just shades of black and white. It’s magical and vibrant. Neutrality will always be there but it doesn’t mean that you have to be color blind.

2017 was the year I loved so hard. 2017 was the year I lost people. 2017 was the year I decided that I liked wearing skirts. 2017 made me fat. 2017 was the year I turned an adult. 2017 was the year I cried so much because of Rea Nitz. 2017 was when I loved Yanitz more. 2017 was me being a whole new person, different from who I was once upon a time. I like to believe that I’m stronger now, I’m ready to get back in the game, but now with the added wisdom that the best things in life come to those who find love and beauty in the smallest things. I grew as a person, and I will continue to be a student of life. Wow if that ain’t damn good realizations I don’t know what are.

I’m pretty much sure that 2017 prepared me for a spectacular year and for all the years ahead. 

I know I said I hated 2017, but I have never been so glad to finally accept that I was wrong. 

[mundanemelusina]

Get to Know Me 1. What is you middle name? Matthew 2. How old are you? 21 3. When is your birthday? Oct 12 4. What is your zodiac sign? Libra sun, Gemini moon, Taurus rising, Scorpio Venus and idk the rest 5. What is your favorite color? Yellow! It's always varied but I love a soft warm yellow. Like the color the sun paints the world at sunset. Like crayolas dandelion crayon. WHICH BY THE WAY CRAYOLA IS FUCKIN RETIRING. THEY ARE GETTING RID OF MY FAVORITE COLOR. 6. What’s your lucky number? 3 7. Do you have any pets? My moms house has a lot but I don't live there any more? Are they really my pets? Idk man. 8. Where are you from? Greensboro nc 9. How tall are you? 5'10" 10. What shoe size are you? 10 in both men's and women's. Idk how it works I don't make the rules I just work here. 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? In the 20s probably. Maybe more. How many pairs do I wear on the everyday tho? Like two maybe. I'm terrible. 12. What was your last dream about? Honestly last one I remember I woke up with the distinct memory of eating out a trans guy. 13. What talents do you have? Knowing exactly where peoples belly buttons are, whistling like various birds, quoting movies, remembering useless info, coming up with ideas of things I'll never do, sleeping too much, not having motivation, puns and/or bad humor, being able to identify almost any color by its crayola name. 14. Are you psychic in any way? You're asking a witch. That's a loaded fucking question. 15. Favorite song? Nah. I got loads of playlists tho. 16. Favorite movie? BOI. Ok. Listen. Stardust The high school musicals Harry potters, also third specifically Moulin rouge Hocus pocus Thirteenth year Legally blonde Easy a Anna karennina Lion king Hercules Little mermaid Hunchback of notre dam Spy kids trilogy First three shreks but specially no2 How to train your dragon(1/2) Rise of the guardians Series of unfortunate events movie Sucker punch Weekend (2011) The new beauty and the beast movie Lord of the rings Indiana jones 17. Who would be your ideal partner? This is a strange question. Not what would they be like. But WHO ARE THEY. NAME NAMES. GO. honestly idk. If I knew who it was I'd be trying to sit on their lap right now. 18. Do you want children? Error 404 answer unknown. I could be good with kids. I love kids. But do I want to raise them? Idk. And I don't want to raise any unless I know for sure that I do. 19. Do you want a church wedding? What does this mean? I would never marry a church. 20. Are you religious? All religions are simultaneously true and false. Schroedingers religion 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes. Terrible asthma. Last big attack was on my thirteenth birthday. I had my first indoor swim meet at my high school and it was a small steamy space with hundreds of people so the air got supper thick and I had the worst attack ever. 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Nope not do I plan to 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? I've met Julie Taymor! Famous director who directed the lion king on broadway and across the universe! 24. Baths or showers? Showers for physical cleaning, baths for spiritual 25. What color socks are you wearing? I don't wear socks I fucking hate them the stifle my creativity bc I can't think with them on. 26. Have you ever been famous? One of my selfie photo sets has 19,000+ notes does that count? 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? Eh. I could handle it but that doesn't mean I want to 28. What type of music do you like? Musical, pop, indie/folk/americana, idk just whatever 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. I get self conscious 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2 normal full pillows, a star shaped pillow, a moon shape, and a sun. 31. What position do you usually sleep in? Side curl? 32. How big is your house? 2 bed one bath apartment that has a living room and a kitchen. That's it. The whole place. Very small. 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Harris teeter brand clusters and oats cereal with honey or bagel with cream cheese 34. Have you ever fired a gun? Yeah my dad taught me on his family's farm and my grandfather on my mothers side taught me some too. He loves hunting. 35. Have you ever tried archery? Ye with said grandfather. I didn't like it at the time but I love the idea of it now and want to again. I was pretty ok at it. Besides my terrible eyesight. 36. Favorite clean word? What the fuck is a clean word. 37. Favorite swear word? Fuck it's so vers 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? I pull all nighters all the time but never really more than 36 hours without a nap. 39. Do you have any scars? I'm sure I might somewhere but I can't really think of any 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? I wish. Usually I am the one admiring secretly. 41. Are you a good liar? I'm a thespian. It's my literal job. 42. Are you a good judge of character? Loaded question? How the fuck would I know this? Who are you? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH JIMMY 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? AGAIN. my literal job. 44. Do you have a strong accent? No. I actually have always been told o don't have one. Moms from New Jersey but grew up in the south. She doesn't have a thick one. 45. What is your favorite accent? ????? So many. Any U.K. Miami Cuban? It's specific but. Idk it's less about accents but I just love studying the way people talk. How they form vowels or little sayings they have. 46. What is your personality type? Enfp? 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? I have no idea. I don't like to buy pricey clothing. I'm a goodwill hoe 48. Can you curl your tongue? Long ways sideways twist and clover! 49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie 50. Left or right handed? FUN STORY I was originally lefty but then my first grade teacher thought I was gonna be a gay witch so she made me switch. But lefty staid for everything besides writing. So batting golf all that. Writing texting jacking bowling is righty. So. Mostly right. 51. Are you scared of spiders? 4/10 52. Favorite food? *softly* don't 53. Favorite foreign food? I love food 54. Are you a clean or messy person? Messy af 55. Most used phrased? Changes weekly 56. Most used word? Changes daily 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? An hour with a shower? 30 without? 58. Do you have much of an ego? Huge 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suuuuck 60. Do you talk to yourself? Constantly 61. Do you sing to yourself? ALL DAY EVERY DAY. 62. Are you a good singer? I AM passable but I'm not gonna win a Tony 63. Biggest Fear? Myself 64. Are you a gossip? Did you hear about Samantha and Jim? 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Check above 66. Do you like long or short hair? On myself? Idfk. On men? Short 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Nope! Nor do I care. Fuck this place! (I can get most) 68. Favorite school subject? Transfiguration. Wait real school? Ok art, theatre, literature, science, marine biology was fun 69. Extrovert or Introvert? I need a balance of the two. Intro if I had to pick 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nah. Been snorkeling tho 71. What makes you nervous? Intrusive thoughts. Heights. Knives. Snakes and spiders. Fire. Mostly nervous I'll do something stupid and throw myself or my phone over the edge or into the flames. 72. Are you scared of the dark? Well I wasn't till you FUCKING MENTIONED IT. ASAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Most of the time 74. Are you ticklish? Yes but tickle and I'll rip off your pickle 75. Have you ever started a rumor? Started? No. continued? Religiously. 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Often. I enjoy it. 77. Have you ever drank underage? Whaaaaaat????? Me????? No never. 78. Have you ever done drugs? Gasp 79. Who was your first real crush? Literally. Ok. Listen. Buddy. So many. Idk who was first. All were dumb. 80. How many piercings do you have? Just ears 81. Can you roll your Rs?“ Ye 82. How fast can you type? Snail^2 83. How fast can you run? Turtle^2 84. What color is your hair? Naturally dark brown. 85. What color is your eyes? Dark green and orange. 86. What are you allergic to? Medicines some type of cat/dog/fur 87. Do you keep a journal? A book of shadows but not a journal 88. What do your parents do? Dads a muggle. Mams a witch. Bitofanastyshockwhenhefoundout Honestly I'm tired and don't wanna explain 89. Do you like your age? Age as in era of history??? Years in which I have personally traveled around the sun? 90. What makes you angry? Unfairness. My jealousy. Disrespect 91. Do you like your own name? Yeah I love it 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? Nah 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? Wtf is this gendered bs 94. What are you strengths? It's too late to have this crisis 95. What are your weaknesses? Seriously I'm tired 96. How did you get your name? I always forget 97. Were your ancestors royalty? Dads side had something 98. Do you have any scars? I already did this 99. Color of your bedspread? Gray 100. Color of your room? Between crayola jade and olive

[punkcherries]

ON THE TOPIC OF THE MASQUERADE KARABEETS,,,

ok so bc i havent ACTUALLY said what the hap is fuckening with this shIT heres whts goin down for the most part, id imagine that this was mostly karamatsu’s idea- likely inspired by a novel or movie or w/e an he an his bros for whatever fuckin reason end up talkin to hatabou and hatabou for WHATEVER FUCKIN REASON wants to throw a party (could be a birthday party who knos???) so kara realizes a party means he can pitch the idea of a masquerade party and he does and his bros are like “what ew that sounds boring” but karamatsu being karamatsu convinces the naive childish hatabou to go through with it, and he thus helps in planning the party, part of which includes a whole shebang where he is introduced as an esteemed prince from shfgjkdfgj-land and is labeled as a “special mystery guest” on the invitations, hatabou goes thru with all this under the guise of it being like a big party game,,,, who can find out its kara first,,,, ooo,,,,, the bros are cast as various members of the shfgjkdfgj-land court (like jyushi as a jester an shit like that) while karamatsu takes the spotlight, with the mentality that he can do p much anything while dressed as he is since people wont blame anything on him, theyll blame the prince- so for the most part karamatsu is not acting like a Giant Mess™ and instead suave and cool bc he like actually doesnt care if that makes any goddamn sense (course he still uses big painful words but like ykno) and bc he looks and acts different no one suspects a thing and the night is going smoothly, no? then chibita arrives, a lil late but hey hes there (and he had to wait for iyami bc they came together), karamatsu of course recognizes chibita even though he, too, is in an outfit thatd fool anyone who never knew him, with a sky blue bob wig and a dress karamatsu made for him (the dress being the bit that tipped karamatsu off that it was chibita) along with a dandelion yellow mask with no particularly interesting features, unlike karamatsu’s glitter rimmed mask. ofc karamatsu approaches and they exchange hellos and light banter, karamatsu introducing himself as a prince of course and, when questioned by chibita as to why he would approach him, he probably says something along the lines of “a rose as beautiful as yourself shouldnt be left all alone” and it actually works, although chibita did have to hold back a “shut up” as not to be rude to “”royalty””, more chatter ensues before a song (probably like a waltz or w/e) plays and karamatsu asks chibita to dance to which chibita hesitantly complies and they dance, light banter under the music, mostly compliments from karamatsu, much to a flustered chibitas embarrassment, i suppose after the dance karamatsu would invite chibita out to star gaze on the manor’s balcony, away from the clutter of the rest of the ball. karamatsu, who had been crushing on chibita for AGES takes the chance to ask for a kiss under the stars- no one could see them, no one would know! chibita, whod already fallen for the prince for his compliments charm and likeness to karamatsu (which hed noticed but never really thought meant anything) was apprehensive, but did agree, his main fear being that this handsome, dashing, presumed heterosexual prince would find out that he is not, in fact, a conventionally attractive woman. the kiss ensues and, well, chibita wasnt found out, but chibita’s thumb ended up wiping away the cover up kara put on to conceal his freckles, as the kiss breaks away chibita notices the freckles and questions the presumed prince. everything in karamatsu’s mind just falls apart and he nervously attempts to convince chibita that its like idk tart crumbs or smthn, chibita aint buyin that tho and since chibita finds it impractical to have pockets, he had worn his shorts beneath the dress, within the back pocket of which he pulled out a handkerchief and wiped away the rest of karamatsu’s make up. chibita had seen karamatsu’s freckled face enough times to recognize him instantly, he pulls off karas mask and tries to interrogate him (abt as gently as he can since he knows how sensitive kara is) but alas, karamatsu was unable to handle the anxiety and snatched his mask, running off towards the inside of the manor and, because the balcony is up a flight of stairs, i like to think of this scene going like karamatsu basically saying “fuck stairs” and jumping over and off the rail that keeps ppl from falling inside like idk if that makes sense but like???

id imagine it looks kina like this jus less shitty cos i had to draw it w a mouse that rail in front of the balcony door right there he jumps off that down to the lower level and rolls for a safe landing bc athletic kara is good and also that image is just rlly cool in my head, chibita tho is like “what the fu ck” and runs down the stairs to try and catch up with him but by the time he gets to the bottom the front door is shutting and karamatsu is nowhere in site now chibita, not being a fucking moron, goes out after him anyway bc aint no liar revealed story lines in my household- so he goes out under the assumption that karamatsu prolly ran home (which he tried to but he ran out of breath so when chibita finds him hes walkin down the street n shit ykno) an chibita stops him and apologizes for scaring him an stuff or making him think that he was mad at him an stuff like that (id imagine chibita jus up n bear hugs him n shit) an kara like clearly was crying a l o t an chibit jus feels bad abt it an karas like “noooooooooooo its okkkkkkkkkk” an its a bit of a blubber fest but they make up ofc an chibit tells kara hes not mad at him he was jus surprised cos kara MADE chibts dress for him how could he nOT recognize him an karas like “HAHA OH YA LOL RIGHT TOTALLY DIDNT RECOGNIZE U HAHAH im straight i swear” an chibits all suspicious now cos kara cant lie for shIT an after a lil questioning from chibit kara comes out an says hes had a crush on him for a while and thought that with his whole prince facade he could finally act on his feelings without apprehension and apologizes for being “weird” and shit like that an chibis like “holy shit” internally bc a; person he likes is also gay like him and b; likes him BACK an he calms kara down like “noo shhh ur not weird its ok” an after kara is calm n stuff chibita is honest since its p clear kara is being rlly honest and means what he says so chibis like “i like u too dammit” an its gay an karas like “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” internally an he cries again but like happy cries an its rlly gay n stuff th ending here is a lot more messy in my mind than the rest so its like p unfinished an shit an coul be better so suGGEST THINGS IF U WISH thas abt all i got for this rn sjfhjksdhgkjdf