#this...actually gave me a lot of new insights into their characters lol

[strawberry-daiquiris]

AO3 Wrapped!

nobody tagged me in this hahahah i just wanted to keep a record like i did last year so this is a mash up of a couple of different versions (not figg as i first posted lol)

Works Published: 26 (including 1 anon fic)

Comment Threads: 791

Word Count: 222,139 (took jump right in out of the total because most of it was written/half was published in 2023 but ao3 includes it in the latest updated year for stats)

Top 3 Kudosed Fics:

(again... ignoring jump right in... sort of)

🏆 hard on the brakes

🥈 lay your open hand

🥉 something dumb to do

Top Word Count:

🏆 lay your open hand (51k)

🥈 still reserved for me (35k)

🥉 girls just wanna f1 tumblr fics (15k)

Top Ships:

🏆 landoscar

🥈 🥉 a tie between piastrell and piastrella, as it should be <3

and then some additional questions, cutting this for dash length purposes...

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?  this one is so hard... last year i had a stand out because jump right in was (and still is) such a huge accomplishment. i guess i'm proud of still reserved for me because it's a continuation of a world i feel so happy in, and even though the readers have dropped off a lot i feel like i'm writing for a group of people who really Get and Love the two of them. it makes me proud to have managed to build something like that!!!

i'm also just proud of the sheer word count... insane... stupid... get a grip.

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? oh 100% the piastrells... really didn't think anyone else apart from about 4 certified fellow freaks were going to be into them as a pairing, but i've had some lovely, insightful feedback about them and their relationship that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!!!!

What work was the quickest to write? just like last year i've got a few fics that were one session wonders. sun down and i'm feeling lifted aka help i think i fancy some driver's sisters, this (maybe not so now) anon when i was hit by the Future of F1, the tarkov nortrell and all of the andrea/oscar fics that were basically me working through my sport emotions, lol.

What work took you the longest to write?  i started the gdoc of what became lay your open hand in april and posted it december, but i was only properly working on it from some point in september. still reserved for me took the best part of two months as well. next year i have 3 wips i'd lke to actually finish that could steal the title tbh.

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? rule 63 babyyyyyy!!!! closely followed by age difference and magical realism, which tracks.

Your favourite character to write this year? toss up between oscar and max fewtrell, which explains nicely why the brittle fics are my highlights of 2024.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? lando still stressing me out to this day... i think i am nearly there with the voice (although frightened of over using in case i fall into it sounding forced) but the rapidly changing state of mind on that man... i think i love him so much it's hard to feel like i ever capture him properly, the wriggly little wormy thing.

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? i think there's a jendo in me bubbling below the surface.

Favourite work you wrote this year? oh i think i have already answered this by going on and on about it, but brittle it shakes, closely followed by something to sink your teeth into and a podium finish for float away like vapour.

ok sorry if you read this because it was LONG... i'm also going to make a few new years resolutions...

i'm going to get better at replying to comments and not feel shame if i go back and respond to ones from a while ago

stop being hard on yourself, stop deciding a fic is rubbish and then hate it/want to delete it, stop holding yourself to DEADLINES... it's not that deep, it's not a job, it's supposed to be FUN

i'm going to read more - i will stop saving fics for 'the best time for them' and start reading them when they come out so that i don't miss my chance.

[gaiuskamilah]

Hi, I got a weird question. I always thought you had wonderful insights regarding Nia, especially about her relationship with faith and bodily autonomy (or lack thereof). I’m writing a book series and one of the main characters has Nia as her inspirations/references. I was wondering if you had more insights regarding this aspect of Nia because my character’s arc also centers around faith and bodily autonomy. One of your posts actually gave me the idea to have this character also be referred to as a “lamb”, much like Nia is 😊

haha thank you, i'm glad you like my ideas on nia! also sorry it took me forever to get to this ask 😭 i wanted to make it Really Good then got scared that i wasn't and stopped working on it. conquering that fear 2day

i think nia is an interesting case because she reflects how, despite how so many people are wronged the people in power within religious institutions, the faith can still mean so much to them, so much so that they will reinterpret the meanings and create new theology. this is reflected in christian liberation theology - many historical anti-colonial movements also had an ecclesiastical factor, particularly in ex-iberian colonies, where they reinterpreted the story of christ as aligned with the oppressed peoples instead of the typical theology espoused by colonial leaders. i see the parallels in nia with how she works to reform the temple of light and the religion of the light itself. she was raised in the temple, and with the temple still such a strong societal force, she chooses to stay and help in the way that she knows she can. it's also affected her as a person and it's tied to who she is. after three books, she is still "the priestess".

a little bit of a spoiler - in b3, nia says that ever since she found the truth about nifara and how she actually is, she's felt "closer to the light, to whatever the light truly is." i feel like that's symbolic of how nia's arc has played so far: she started out as a rule-abiding fellow, following the temple without hesitation, then she grew and had her faith tested, had her worth questioned by the temple and its teachings, and she found a better, more nuanced understanding of the world and of herself in the process. and that process allowed her to lead a newer understanding of the light away from nifara's leadership. she's still a priestess of the light, but a priestess who rejects the imperialist and oppressive foundations of nifara's light and who forges her own theology of it.

as for autonomy - this question was brought up as early as b1, where she's faced with the draining qualities of the light. then it's questioned again in b2 with her feeling frustrated that she's constantly babied and fussed over by the rest of the group. she's inexperienced compared to the rest of them, yes, but at some point it can feel condescending and overbearing and that's what she hates. her body's been used by the temple, then violated and used by the dreadlord, then she hides the fact that she goes shadow from the rest of group because of exactly the overbearing reaction she expected from the rest of the group. out of everyone in the group, it's nia who knows bodily exploitation the most, and yet some of their immediate reactions was to still police her use of magic after she had become more informed of the nature of magic. this has become rambly lol but her story of bodily autonomy is directly linked to finding the nature of magic, which is also tied to her understanding of her religion. a newer understanding of her religion, a new religion of the light in and of itself -> a newer understanding of her body and her bodily autonomy.

side note: aside from nia, valax's story in particular is very much tied to the idea of bodily autonomy, perhaps even more than nia with how overtly a theme it is wrt her transformations. they're quite similar!

i feel like a lot of this is Rambly Stuff so feel free to send in another ask/reply for anything in specifics; i love nia a lot <3

[funarisjournal]

Nari's Tsukutabe Superlatives! (Part 2)

Comic Superlatives | General Superlatives

I love Tsukutabe, a lot. I don't know where I'd be right now if I never gave the comic a chance...but then, I also wonder what would've happened if I never gave the DRAMA a chance? The drama was the version that helped push me into actually making fanworks, after all! I was fighting a bad art block at the time, even when I started reading the comic. I almost didn't give the drama a chance because 1) I'm not that much of a fan of live-action adaptations anyway and 2) The first image I personally saw was a behind-the-scenes photo of Emi and Manami (in costume) peeking over that tree and I was like "...that doesn't FEEL like Nomoto and Kasuga" (well, of course, Nari, because that's ManaEmi, not NomoKasu). But I got assured by others who saw S1 it was good and I gave it a shot.

And now look at me, 11 months later lol

ANYWAY, here's the drama edition of my special Tsukutabe Superlative articles! I got some good ones here~

BEST EPISODE (TIE)

Keep feeling fascina-- *tomato'd*

Oh you can't make me choose between these two. You just can't! I already had to bring it down from, like, 6 other episodes, including the drama-originals, 25 and 26. But okay, let's gush about Episodes 18 and 30!

18 was a emotional roller coaster, oh my god. It's the one where Kasuga finally makes her decision to cut ties with her family. It was just her immediate blood at first, but eventually we learn it's basically completely cut off altogether. This was a challenging decision for her to make, but it was a smart one, and she just needed that extra support to show her that she isn't alone...and Nomoto gave it to her without hesitation. She has her own family - a chosen family - in Nomoto that will support her in the way a family should support one another. Augh~

30 is, well...The end (so far) of the drama. But it's a dang big one! Go out with a BANG! First hug! First kiss! They didn't even play-kiss, they touched lips! Awkwardly so, but they remained there for more than just a quick smooch! Honestly, the portrayal of the kiss makes sense for Nomoto and Kasuga at this stage in their relationships and lives (lives that never experienced love/dating for nearly 30 years). And of course, as you saw by the screenshot, I had to get the stupid meme I made (when I was sleep deprived) out of the way. Gotta pay homage to it.

BEST DIALOGUE

I specifically love the speech Kasuga gives to Nomoto in Episode 26. It gives good insight to her character that is only inferred in the comic. She reveals her weakness with socializing and how she's new to relationships and feels bad she seemingly made Nomoto uncomfortable (but she didn't. Nomoto reassures her of that).

BEST SCENE (Romantic)

I have to give it that extra descriptor because I definitely can't choose between things that are funny versus sensible. So let's start with this one, eh? NOT COUNTING THE KISS! I think that one is kind of one of those "default" winners, so we're moving to the next best moment - the moment of synchronization the two had during Valentine's dinner. The comic has this scene as well, but there was something a little extra to the drama version, especially hearing it aloud - from Nomoto cutting her version off when she realizes what happened to Kasuga's smile immediately afterward~

BEST SCENE (Comedic)

Episode 14 had a few hilarious gems since we got to see the two enjoy Setsubun together (wasn't covered in the comic) in a fun way. The one scene I always go back to, though, is the "makisu" brainfart scene. They both have amazing expressions and then have that little adorkable moment where they get fixated on the word for a bit after they hear it. Omg I love it lmao

BEST JACKET

Kasuga's jacket in the drama. I must have it. Somehow. I waaaaant it.

BEST NOMOTO REACTION

Manami Higa is a very expressive woman. I especially love how she can actually convey those comic-esque "😶" moments so easily, but Nomoto's reaction to Kasuga reaching over to remove the lint out of her hair has a lot of hilarious frames. These two in particular (from Episode 19) are my favorites - her 😶 moment while wearing Kasuga's oversized sweater (her hands in the sleeves!) and a "blink and you'll miss it" mouth twitch. Since they're within the same few seconds of a scene, I don't consider it a tie. Just showing off two frames lol

FAVORITE DISH (Drama-only)

While the comic did have a chapter on making pudding, it's not the same as this pumpkin pudding the ladies made together in Episode 4. It really looks good, man...I wanna try to make it someday.

FAVORITE TRACK

"murmur" is my favorite tune as it touches on a lot of little things I like in incidental music in general. It's simple...it has this vibe that feels like a calm "slice of life" tune, it uses a glockenspiel. I love the "innocence" sound of glockenspiels~ But really, it's all about the overall vibe. It really feels like "the simple things in life" with a dash of pleasant optimism and whimsy that just tickles my fancy.

FAVORITE BIT OF TRIVIA (Dramaverse)

The fact that studio/freelance musician Emi Nishino just kinda popped into everyone's lives at the right moment, from the producer as they were having difficulty scouting for someone that fit the Kasuga role (just happened to be at an AKKOGORILLA concert where Nishino was a backup musician) to Manami Higa, her way-more-famous co-star (Let's not forget all those times she calls Emi someone who "heals" her and "soothes" her and - affectionately - "That Person" in her life now)....While she's not Kasuga personality-wise, there sure is a lot of overlap in terms of how convenient they show up in people's lives and having much kindness for the people they hold dear!

FAVORITE BEHIND-THE-SCENES PHOTO

Needed something to replace the "favorite illustration" from the comic post lol, so here's my favorite photo...which was also really hard to choose, by the way! But the award had to go to this special piece Manami posted during her announcement for the preorders of the S2 DVD. This was during a break in between shots for the S2 promotional photos/posters. They're just goofing around, laughing it up. Manami taking hold of Emi's arm lovingly. The kicker is in her comment to this Reel: She loves Emi so much, she had moments where the line blurred between her being herself and being in-character as Nomoto!

FAVORITE FAN ART THAT I MADE (Dramaverse)

My favorite is actually a little "naughty" [Pic #5, btw] but I kept it SAFE for this post lol. So...this one kind of came and went real fast, sadly, so I don't think many noticed it. As you can see, I drew it for a double occasion that happened November 22nd: That day is known as "Good Couples Day" in Japan AND that was the date NHK decided to release S2 on DVD, so I paid tribute to the promotional photos and drew Nomoto and Kasuga out in that park they're in as Nomoto takes a selfie of them together.

I never would have thought I'd ever draw live-action fan art before, but this show did something to me. Even the early fan art I made that was clearly based on the drama had a more cartoony look or I just borrowed the comic designs, but when you view the show a few times, you begin to notice the nuances between versions... My brain refused to keep the two the same internally and I started draw work on capturing the actresses better but still keep my style intact. Just some fun introspective-y stuff.

FAVORITE DUMB MEME I MADE (Dramaverse) [TIE]

Mmm I sure love ManaEmi naan

But also... "Keep feeling, fascination~🎵" which always pops up whenever I talk about Episode 30 (well, ever since I first made this sleep deprived post lol)

So what's after this? There is one more part - the superlatives that can work for BOTH versions! Stuff that is more generalized and are shared between the works~ Stay tuned!

[demonsfate]

maybe somewhat controversial but saw somethin on a confessions blog saying this and i guess i do kinda miss when rping felt... sillier at times? like with both the existence of magic anons & dash commentaries. things just feel Stricter or More Serious now? not sure how to put it. dash commentaries do still happen, but not as frequently as i used to. like GOSH, i remember 5+ years ago, i'd have my character saying something bizarre and it would BLOW the entire dashboard up. like almost all my mutuals would be commenting on it, a lot of "silly drama" would happen because of it. some would agree with my muse, some would prosecute them. that doesn't really happen anymore. though, i also understand. i get that ppl have boundaries, but sometimes it really feels like you have to walk on eggshells lest you upset somebody.

i recalled one time this character was just being AWFUL to mine (mine who has done nothing wrong lol) just hurling insults, mistreating them, whateves. so y'know, there were dash commentaries about this and it eventually lead to the other mun getting very upset that their character was being "villainized". and it's like ... don't ... write an antagonistic muse if you don't want that? or the very least, don't write them BEING antagonistic toward innocent people? i mean, when ppl's muses & anons used to bully abaddon, i actually loved it. because indeed deserved it, he's a horrible horrible person who mistreats and kills the innocents. and plus it's just fun ok? i love conflict - regardless if it's angsty, serious, or silly conflict.

and magic anons... i get it can be a flawed concept. (ppl can send their Thinly Disguised Fetishes in it - not that i care but obvs other ppl would rightfully care) but i still thought it was very fun because it's like temporary or mini aus. it plunges characters into otherwise impossible scenarios and then give you new thread concepts based on those scenarios. i'd say even to this day, i still accept magic anons. but that feels pointless to say because they're virtually nonexistent anymore.

this was all i was gonna discuss in this post, but i can also understand why the rpc is often... less engaging anymore? why we have a problem with communication, why we have a problem with less anons being sent out. this isn't a generalization, of course - there are other reasons why this happens. but this is something i've personally experienced in the past, and it makes me think it could be the same for other people. it's just the fear of being blown up at, again - upsetting somebody.

i've seen people be legit hateful towards the anons they get A LOT. like an old rper i've stopped writing with would literally call the anons "assholes" and trying to "ruin fun" because the anons would just comment on the threads or ask questions regarding the threads? and it's like i thought that was supposed to be a common thing... anons like that just help add insight to how the muse is feeling regarding a thread or somethin. but the way they reacted was so unnecessary hostile? when they could've politely told anons to stop or just... fucking deleted the anons like lmao. and it's not just this too but i've seen other people just react bitterly to certain anons they get. or this one time where somebody REQUESTED for CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM and i sent an anon giving my criticism, can't remember quite what it was but obvs i said nothing mean or insulting - i just told them a problem i noticed and gave tips on how they could possibly improve (AGAIN, THEY ASKED FOR THIS) and they later went on their blog talking about how they got ANON HATE???? HELLO????? so yeah, i understand not liking certain anons you get or whatever. but ppl react to them with so much hostility, that it makes everyone else afraid to send anons anymore because they'd rather say nothing than upset the user, especially if they're gonna be potentially villainized for something that is virtually harmless.

then there is just talking to people ooc. hell, i've had somebody who followed one of my old blogs (this was like a few years ago iirc?) and their rules had that blood was one of their triggers. so i told them that i tag that so they don't have to worry and they literally said something like "I didn't ask you to :/" and that's it??? and then they were just rude to me the entire convo until we eventually unfollowed lol. not to mention all the skype & discord contacts i add over the years and then we just stop talking in no time...

anyway, i'm not saying everyone is like this at all! there are MANY super cool people in the rpc, many people i have a lotta fun writing with here. but when you look back at all the bad experiences, or even looking at the bad experiences at are currently unfolding, it makes more and more sense why a lotta the "silly" rp aspects that ceased to exist. why there are no more magic anons, and why dash commentary & anons in general are becoming more and more scarce.

it was this post that inspired me to talk about this. which i actually don't agree with everything op said. in fact, i wouldn't even say the primary issue of current threads is romance or smut. more so, i noticed that fluff / slice of life threads with no conflict is what makes up for most threads nowadays it seems lmao. which is also understandable, because again - it's a popular known issue within the rpc that it's hard to have conflict in threads, lest somebody legit gets their feelings hurt OOC!!! hell, this has happened to me a few times because i often play antagonistic muses. which again, is another issue that makes people feel like they're constantly walking on eggshells. but anyway, it just inspired me to think about and discuss this.

[ymiwritesstuff]

One thing I've realized about writing reader-insert fics is that you can't please everyone. It's a unique dilemma with this genre and while I personally try my best to be as vague about most things as possible, my, and quite frankly, no one's interpretation of the character of "Y/N" will never be fully accurate to everybody.

Back in my Wattpad days, I used to get kind of annoyed at some of the comments when they would point out how the way I described certain aspects of the reader wasn't at all like they were. I'm not talking about things related to appearance, I've always tried to keep that as neutral as possible, but more about personality things.

Say, I describe the reader as someone who doesn't know a lot about classical music, and a commenter would claim say something like "Well actually, my major is in music" or something of the sort. I'm not saying that's the commenter's fault, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel a certain way about them. Granted I was a lot younger back then, so that was definitely a factor. It might be silly, but it made me feel like my work was being undermined or not taken as seriously as I may have hoped.

I was never a huge fan of the middle chapter comments on Wattpad anyway, but that's unrelated.

Nowadays, I try to keep things vague, which affects the story somewhat as you can't add certain depth that a unique personality could offer. It's impossible to cater to everybody, so I can only hope that the way I write the reader will resonate with most.

Of course, I'm not claiming that the reader cannot be written with a pre-determined personality in mind, those are a completely valid option.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we try our best. And yes, even I make a note of a character trait that does not at all describe me, but I don't blame the author for using generalized and almost stereotypical features to describe the reader. That's just the easiest way to please everyone.

And frankly, I think that as authors we SHOULD do our best to be as inclusive as possible, in general, so no one feels left out.

It's a bit difficult, and like I said, only really an issue when writing this trope.

Anyway, hope that gave some new insights on this topic, I didn't really know what I wanted to say exactly, the words just came out lol. Feel free to share your thoughts!

[komilys]

Hello hello can I bug you about lore/story for your Selfship with Yuki and the other Sohmas? I saw you have Akito as your big sister and she's my daughter so I'd love to know about your self insert!!! If you're up to share!!!!

when i first got this ask i did write out a response in one of my writing applications, but then halloween happened and my computer broke and i lost my writing lol (still on a mission to get it back!) and then i got sad and gave up but i’m no longer sad! tysm sooo much for bugging me about them i love yuki and akito deeply <3

akito is my big sister! that’s so interesting u have her as your daughter, i would love to know if you have any lore :D

i think a fun little thing that doesn’t really play a huge role is that i’m only half-siblings with akito, i have no reasoning for doing this other than being able to explain my appearance differences from most of the other characters AND mostly, honestly, just because i thought it’d be really funny if ren was so petty over akira loving his daughter that she was like “i’ll get a new man! that’ll show him to cherish me!” and you know what? it is kinda funny to me still. even funnier that she got pregnant and decided to go through with the pregnancy out of spite, only for it to be born female, again, and akira fully accept the child as his own. i think this also kind of makes ren hate kyi differently than akito because she does like… hate her children. loathes them.

edit right before posting: ​a little tidbit i didn’t add in earlier but kyi is really hated by the sohma maid (the main one; i believe she’s nameless), which is mostly just fueled that she views kyi as not really important, just an extension of ren being a hindrance to the sohmas. also, because akira wasn’t alive long enough to significantly impact kyi directly, i don’t talk about him a lot, but i can imagine his vague treatment of kyi as a kind of second/extra-to-akito, did influence the maids/caretakers treatment of him after he passed.

but enough about ren hating her kids! (in the original writing i think i went more into it but i can’t remember, rip all my writing) let’s talk about akito and i!!!! my favourite codependent siblings!!!!

i don’t think it’s much of a surprise, especially given akito if you’ve watched the show, and kyi is pretty similar in some aspects. i dont’t believe the original manga nor either version of the show gave a ton of insight into akito’s childhood (we don’t even have a confirmed age, but i go off of around 3-4 year difference, i’m the same as the main three). honestly i need to work out the timeline better, because it’s a little wonky with canon only having a vague timeline of events. BUT a few key things i do want to work in to whenever i more or less solidfy lore!!:

kyi and yuki do meet and become friends around the first time akito and yuki meet (this was likely done on akito’s wishes, rather than kyi’s caretakers). kyi is also the one who pulls away from yuki later on, haven’t completely figured out why but i know it has to do with some bit of ren’s interference, which plays into a later bit between ren and kyi after the new year’s episode in s2. over the course of what the manga covers, yuki and i aren’t really explicitly together, in comparison to yuchi in canon, it’s more so just very apparent the two have feelings for each other but given that they’re both just starting to kind of come to terms with it and you know. adjusting to everything in their lives lol, though they are definitely together a little later on.

(there’s a lot more to our relationship i swear i just don’t want to this to turn too long 😭)

akito and kyi are like… by normal standards, at least… kind of really isolated from the outside world as children? the sohma complex is so large it was easy to stay inside, and i hc that they were actually homeschooled! and especially considering their social circles were very limited, with akito’s essentially being the zodiacs and the caretakers around the complex, and kyi’s being about a fraction of that. this changes as they grow up, obviously, but it lasts an unfortunate while. (no wonder these guys are so reliant on each other LOL, they literally have no one else). jokes aside, they do really care for each other, and akito does really love his younger sibling, but it’s also by no means the most healthiest relationship; kyi still bites his tongue and plays into akito’s god complex and inadvertantly encourages her destructive nature (think of how kureno chooses to stay despite it being worse for her).

oh my GOD i stole kureno’s storyline. (real, live reaction as i’m typing this at 3:03 am)

because as i’m typing this out you can basically just roughly imagine kureno’s bits in s2 and go hey!!! that’s kind of you?! both are officially introduced during the beach vacation arc, are somewhat unfamiliar with being outside of the estate and are constantly by akito’s side and accidentally encourage her abuse of the zodiacs by staying by her side and keeping quiet, AND their major breakaway from akito is a result of a future romantic partner. OHHH MY GOD I STOLE KURENO’S LIFE. OH YMGODnno.wait i can work with this. (i don’t really care either way i’m not a stickler for things like creating mary sue oc/self-inserts and etc.)

kureno, babes, i’m so sorry i stole your character </3

[chocosvt]

hi choco! i'm so excited to see you back on my tl; i've missed you and your god-tier fics & i'm super duper excited to read your wonwoo fic as well (140k words? we will all be well fed fr 🤲)

i had a little rant? not exactly rant but something that's been itching my mind a bit haha, i hope you don't mind me sharing it with you! i genuinely want some advice over this.

as a long fic writer, how do you consistently come back to writing your fic without getting bored? i looooove writing long fics too (big lover of slowburn and angst lol) but i always get so impatient and bored of writing the story so quickly :(

i'd posted a teaser for a fic a while back and it got a good amount of traction (something i will always be grateful for) and someone asked me when i would release the full fic, to which i gave them a tentative date. fast forward to the day before the day i said i would post the fic and you have me typing out paragraphs upon paragraphs of stuff that i absolutely loathe in my writing. i ended up posting the fic anyway, but it's been only a day and i already want to take it down—not bc it's not getting any attention, because it is, but more so bc i hate that fic and would do anything to rewrite it.

iirc your joshua fic, 'best friend's brother' was a rewrite of a fic you'd written earlier, right? was your thought process similar to this? where did you start your rewriting process from? did you have any second thoughts when you took it down the first time?

i'm really sorry if this is too many questions 😅 please take your time if you do choose to answer this! much love and have a great day, choco!!! thank you so much :)

(is it alright if i use an emoji to sign off so i can find this ask later?)

— 🍫

first of all, THANK U SO MUCH <3

and i don't mind at all! these are rly insightful questions :o though i'll just chunk my answers a bit so i'm not all over the place.

not getting bored to be honest, i'm not sure if i ever "get bored" of writing out the plot. but i definitely get burnt out, and sometimes i get downright sick of reviewing my own writing, to the point where i just have to close my laptop and walk away. i think the most important & overarching piece of advice i can give--not just in terms of long fics but any fic for that matter--is to never force anything & take breaks!

when i'm busy at uni, there are like 5 month breaks where i don't bother writing at all. i always think that the second i have free time, i should theoretically want to write, but sometimes i just don't. and i make peace with it bc i know the second i force anything i will end up hating it (also takes the fun & enjoyment out of the process).

i think if you're getting bored, it's probably a sign that your body & mind just isn't interested in writing at the moment. so i would step away & take a break and attempt to get your mind off the plot. i think that taking a break also invigorates your mind a bit and gives you newer, better ideas (at least from my experience).

bfb rewrite the reason i rewrote best friend's brother was bc the og fic was from 2016, when my writing style was completely different. i still liked the concept but naturally, as my writing grew, i just detested the way the old ver was written, which spurred me to create the rewrite.

i wanted to give the characters a lot more depth & beef up the plot, so the new fic is actually a lot different in comparison to the old one. i wasn't attempting to do a scene-for-scene rewrite--it was simply just my approach to an old concept that i felt i could now execute better.

as to how i went abt rewriting it, i just picked out moments from the old fic that i liked and built around them. for instance, i rly liked the "skipping stones" scene that shows some intimacy & tenderness between joshua and reader. but it can't just happen out the gate. so i had to figure out the typical "why, when, and how is this moment happening right now?" from scratch.

the thing with long fics for me, it honestly is a test of patience & dedication!! bc it can truly be so frustrating :( a lot of times, you want to jump right into the good parts bc those are like the shiny glimmers that make the fic attractive. but depending on how impactful you want those moments to be, build-up is sooooo key! the thing is, build-up is just so critical in my opinion, but it can also be such a pain to write :p

i find when i review my writing, these are scenes i criticize or change the most--more than the big, hard-hitting scenes. bc to me, it's such a specific thing that you have to nail down justttt right. it's a lot of thinking and finagling and i think this process is what i dread the most? especially when it refuses to turn out how you want it--ugh, so discouraging!! but once you get it's like a silky flowy river!!

the big takeaways (i guess?) 1. taking breaks is so important! 2. don't force anything xxxx 3. take the big moments & build around them i totallyyyyy understand your frustration!! there have been so many moments where i'm like I NEED TO WRITE AHHHHH and then i promptly open the document only to sit there, blankly read a few sentences, and then get this rly big sinking feeling in my gut that is essentially telling me "never mind" and honestly i just listen to it bc if i'm gonna close & open the document 10 times in a row i obviously don't want to write. i'm just searching for something fulfilling and clearly not finding it in the task at hand so i should do smth else.

THIS IS EXTREMELY LENGTHY AND I''M BEYOND SORRY, but i hope somewhere amongst this mumbo jumbo there was something that stood out & may give you a bit of closure!

[sophfandoms53]

Anon from before, I can’t keep talking because I don’t have anything else to add expect maybe Striker got other things he cared about besides his family taken away from that terrible day too. I don’t know I don’t have any else to add sorry. 😫 Although I will ask, what do you think of the song “In My Sights”?

NOOO YOU’RE FINEEEE

It gave me like a bunch of ideas to think about and I will never turn down any Striker thoughts so thank you for that🫶

There’s already been some theories about Striker losing what would’ve been his bar based on all the cluttered stuff he has around his lair, so that’s something to think about, and it connects back to his line to Blitz in HMF about how not many imps start businesses on their own yk.

Part of my backstory for Striker that I hope to share properly soon but my anxiety hates me LMAO has to do with him losing his wife and daughter (this man is so girl-dad shaped i promise) alongside his family that day and that little idea has become an entire google doc and timeline😭 I’ve had a lot fun with it and I wanna share ittttt, especially his wife I made bc I absolutely adore her sm she’s one of my favorite OC’s I’ve made bc I designed her to be this direct contrast to Striker in like every where, even down to her name, and i just ughhhh I love her and I love them. I even have an entire fic of them already done too.

AS FOR IN MY SIGHTS WELL UH….

Spotify wrapped aboutta have my neck this year LMAOO

rt i can write an essay about how fucking good I think In My Sights is and how it absolutely captures EVERYTHING about Striker’s character and story thus far. Every time I listen to it (which is often clearly) I ALWAYS find something new to appreciate.

And omgggg Ed’s vocals make me meltttttt.

I’ve never really talked about Striker’s voice change on here before but I truly don’t mind it and I actually adjusted to Ed’s performance rather quickly. As iconic as Norman’s was, I just feel Ed fits Striker’s character a lot better and we’ve been able to see more sides of him through Ed’s performance. Ed is such a wonderful voice talent and it saddens me people don’t appreciate his Striker enough because they’re still stuck on Norman. There’s so much range in Ed’s performance and I rlly enjoy him a lot.

I was always begging to hear how Ed would sing for Striker once he took over the character bc Sweet Victory was Norman’s little song (this song is so stupid i love it so) and he ate that up so ofc I was like Ed needs to sing too duh. I already knew he could sing bc I was a Hunicast viewer and heard that man sing as Alastor. So I wondered if he could do the same given Striker’s country accent and lower tone.

SO WHEN I TELL YOU MY JAW DROPPED WHEN HE HIT THOSE HIGH NOTES AT THE END OF THE SONG😭

Thoroughly impressed fr.

Just a fun little song that gives insight (lol) on our cowboy that I can dissect like every lyric of even if it’s not canon.

Although now that we got shorts coming out…. In My Sights AMV when???? Jk that probably won’t happen but i can be a little delusional during the drought okay LMAOO

[rahleeyah]

1.0 anon here. You encouraged me to keep checking in with my thoughts as I go.

Just started "Prodigy" (s3e13) and kinda swooned when Benson says "I speak a little Spanish and French. I can Mirandize in three others."

Love me a strong, brave, smart, skilled female lead character who's also got damage and baggage. YES. (Also love that they most likely gave Benson these language skills bc Mariska's got 'em. I hope we get to hear her use them eventually).

And unrelated, but in the previous episode (set in Dec 2001, aired Jan 2002) Cragen mentions "the attacks" in passing and it was kind of stunning that a show about NYPD cops let THAT be the so-far-only treatment of 9/11. I mean, The West Wing interrupted their whole episode flow to air a completely OOC script to allow their characters to process adjacent topics with a bunch of high school students, for a quasi public therapy process...

I know everyone had artistic decisions to make and it wouldn't have worked to make SVU swerve off track and become a terrorism show, but surely (1) SVU detectives would've at least known some of the cops who died in the towers, (2) even if they didn't they'd be traumatized and deeply saddened by all of it, (3) like just about everyone in NYC and the country at that point, they'd be talking and thinking about it??

Maybe this is just the difference between shooting and airing schedules and "the attacks" will have more visibility in coming episodes?

Oh I am very excited about this thank you lol

I find it interesting that while we do hear Liv speak a little Spanish in 1.0 we don't hear her speak Italian until 2.0, and Mariska was fluent in Italian the whole time, having spent time there growing up. But yes!!!! Love that they incorporated that into Olivia's character and I love too the insight it gives maybe not just into Olivia but into her mother; was Serena the one pushing Olivia to learn different languages? Did Serena want her to learn French and Italian, did Serena have books in those languages on the shelves at home, was it important to Serena that her dark haired little fae child be educated, be cultured, be sophisticated? Was Olivia ever enough of those things to make her mother happy?

Iirc the shows don't ever address a personal connection between our mains and 9/11 with the exception of the late reveal that Tucker worked the cleanup and got cancer from it. And personally, I'm kinda glad that they didn't, bc I don't think the show has the skill to handle that topic well. The national conversation about police, and religion, and war and the state, was so deeply, deeply toxic post 9/11 that I shudder to think what a police procedural might have done in that moment in time. Sorkin is a playwright and a man whose work has always had a sharply (white) liberal political bent, and he presented a one hour bottle episode homily that was moving, true, but also deeply informed by his personal beliefs. His audience wasn't lowest common denominator middle America; a lot of middle America hated tww. Some people resent the episode in question, think it's patronizing or over simplifying. L&O was supposed to be for Everyman. Gently teaching middle America about the concept of consent and shyly saying "maybe solitary confinement is bad actually", but even then doing it carefully. Presenting issues as conversations between characters who take up opposing sides, instead of preaching one view point (in 1.0; later when 💡 came on board the show became more preachy). At the time of the attacks SVU didn't have an especially political bent, and given how high tensions were, how emotionally raw the city of New York was, given that everyone involved in making the show lived in NYC (tww was filmed mostly in LA and DC) and how many layers there were to people's feelings.... that's a really delicate line to walk, and the ramifications of doing it badly would be a show killer. Sometimes no response is better than a bad response.

So while I'm interested in the idea of how Liv and Elliot felt as cops working in Manhattan during 9/11, I am glad we don't have Dick Wolf's personal take on it entered in the record, and can instead save this for personal musing, fic, meta and the like. There is a lot to unpack there.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

I just finished season 4 and unlike with the others I didnt have a whole lot to say as a was watching, mainly because I was actually enjoying myself and thought the season was mostly really good ? absolutely wild. Nevertheless I have some thoughts

I LOVE Alya and Marinette working together, its a delight. When I talk about "man can you imagine if MLB did like a magical girl show and focused on female friendships instead of catfighting" THIS is what Im talking about!! And Idgaf about how this affects the Love Square at this point, this is all Ive wanted! Also, I feel like Alya and Nino knowing each others identities cheapens the Love Square conflict more than anything but I cant fully articulate why so I'll just leave it at that

The Love Square is in a very strange place where, when the identity reveal finally does happen, its simultaneously going to feel like its too little too late (a la the destiel confession bc this fucking show is just straight queerbaiting) and rushed because like. what kind of development is there between these two. They barely focused on romance this season (which is definitely part of why I think its better lol) but I dont mean that in the sense that we had less catfights and Marinette making a fool of herself for no reason, I mean that in the sense that it barely felt like they interacted at all, atleast to me so thats kinda odd

In the past Ive complained about how the civillian plotline usually feels very disconnected from the superhero/akuma plotline and I think theyve done a much better job, my favorite episode of the season is probably Qilin both for tying the akuma into the civillian plot and for having a somewhat unique conflict resolution. In general, I liked that we had people rejecting akumas as well as preventative measures in form of the charms, although I do think it sucks that a few episodes afterwards Shadowmoth just figures out a way to circumvent them and then its back to business as usual. I feel like a better workaround would be that the charms can only protect you from one akumatization each, so like, the charm Ladybug gave her grandfather in Simpleman can only protect him from becoming Simpleman again, but if he turns into Bakerix, she needs to give him a different charm. But I do find the charms cute

The new heroes all suck tbh, the only design I liked was Purple Tigress and Pigella came close to looking kinda good but then they made it this intensely unflattering shade of pink, which I find impressive because Rose is already wearing an completely different intensely unflattering shade of pink in her civillian form. One thing that I appreciated about whatever Mylenes superhero form is called, Pigella and Purple Tigress is that they had more justifiable reasons for Ladybug to pick them than most of the heroes in the last season, who were mostly just picked because They Were There ig. And then Penealteam rolled around and we were back to doing exactls that kind of bullshit. great.

Also, Ive already talked about this in a seperate post, but if they absolutely insisted on looking for a replacement for the Bee, it shouldve been Sabrina and they shouldntve invented a whole new character for it

Adrien got a little more focus this season and we actually got some insight into his character when hes not either The Object Of Marinettes Idolization or Ladybugs Punny Sidekick Thats Slowly Becoming Obsolete which I enjoyed because he has a lot of potential from a dramatic standpoint what with being Hawkmoths son and all, but hes usually so bland that I dont really care too much so this was pretty nice. And it only took us 4 seasons for him to get some focus, yknow, the other superhero in the title? Well better late than never I guess

Speaking of Adrien, Ive made quite a few posts where I said that this season would be ruined for me the second the Sentiadrien reveal happens but it never did, we're getting that in season 5 and I am not looking forward it especially considering the small taste Ive already gotten of it with Adrien being very obviously controlled by that ring. Like, I'll probably talk about it in more detail when it gets fleshed out in the show but for now I'll just say it doesnt make the stakes higher like the writers seem to think, it make the story wayyyy less interesting and it feels like its supposed to be an explanation for Adriens behaviour towards his father when we absolutely do not need one beyond "hes being abused"

I know I said that I thought this season was really good and now Im just just complaining mostly like I always do but idk, Im not as good at formulating my positive thoughts as my negative ones. The last thing I'll say is that I loved Scarabella and I loved her design and I loved the whole episode she was in, as well as the entirety of Sentibubbler, Alya really served this season

Thats it, thanks for reading :D

[sunsettfox]

(Re)gaining my confidence as an artist

For a while now I have been dissatisfied with my art. When I was just starting out there was a spark that made me really happy and proud of my work, lately I rarely get that. I recognized that it looked good but would also not feel like its something special, something to be as proud of as earlier in my art journey. Recently I drew really simple character portraits for a school project, where we had to develop a product, like a game. Everyone was impressed and praised me. And I did feel proud of it and felt like it was solid on a technical level. I had people tell me it looks professionell and that I should pursue a career in art (which I do intend to do right now). But I also knew that any more complicated stuff I can do wouldnt look as good. I guess this is a typical case of imposter syndrome. I felt like because of my skills not being advanced enough for high quality complex work, it invalidated my simple work. Especially in the context of non artists not seeing 'the truth'. But its a fact that these simple character problems look great! And that I still have a long way to go in my art journey. Thats totally okay. During my recent spring break I took the time to draw a lot and for the first time design and draw my Ocs that have been living in my head for two years! Likely due to just having more mental energy because of my break and drawing stuff that I was passionate about, I had a blast and was really proud of my work. I finally felt at least a part of that spark again. I also did some rendering studies which I feel really gave me some direction in an aspect of my art I was not happy with. In the past few weeks I made so much more progress that I felt I made in months. I actually only really realised that while writing this. I can say that I found a new confidence in my art journey, lets see where this journey will take me!

What is the lesson of this post? I dont know. Maybe you'll relate or find some Insights if even anyone reads this massive bulk of a text lol. In the end im just rambling this into the void of the Internet.

But I can say that art is a never ending journey in whatever form or shape you indulge in it. Express yourself even If its 'bad' or 'cringe', it doesnt matter. The purpose of art is not to be good but to put a piece of yourself, of something you love out there, even if just for yourself.

Keep creating.

[lazymatsu]

hi! sorry if this is weird or anything but I’ve just read ur cheating Kuroo krkn fic you wrote back in 2017. I found it a while ago and it literally lives in my head so I was wondering if you ever thought of an ending for it? Like if Kenma forgives kuroo or if they stay together. I know open ended is obviously up for the reader’s interpretation but I just can’t see what would happen after. I don’t know if you’re still active but I’d love to hear back from u!

oh hello! yeah i'm still active, though i mainly lurk on this blog in particular. i hope this provides some insight for you and thanks for asking! if you have any more questions i'd be happy to answer to the best of my ability! this got fairly long so apologies, i put everything underneath a read more to help.

i'll be honest and say that it was hard for me to envision a true ending for the story in the sense of a continuation. and i did ponder the idea of writing a sequel and prequel to it (that still lingers from time to time and you can always ask about those too if you'd like). there were so many different avenues i could have taken that picking just one left me feeling like there was more it. you can ask about those too, there was a lot of ways this fic could've gone and i'll be sounding a bit vague since details come easier to me as i actually write the fic. but one ending that i often came back to was the idea of kenma trying to find meaning in his life again, while still staying with kuroo. kuroo having some sense of closure and understanding would still look out for kenma, but ultimately gave kenma room to grow to find new experiences to build new memories. kenma would've done... nothing essentially out of character, but may be a bit more adventurous in trying to figure himself out. maybe travel a bit farther and realizing wow he hates packing. or getting another job bc god knows he isn't sure what's rly going on with his current one. especially considering that i envisioned that Nekoma would've been a big hit and many people were asking for interviews that he rly could not participate in for good reason. oikawa might have had to step in and offer some statements of things he did have answers to, but ultimately there would've been a lot of balance regarding press and privacy that had to be handled delicately. i think kenma would've had to grapple with the ghost of who he was, who kuroo hurt, and who he is. and that's a lot of ppl to take into consideration. bc there is a lot of things left over by those people that he has to carry. there would've been a sense of dissociation from those other identities, while still maintaining that it all kinda leads to the current him which also isn't all that different from before.

there would've been a lot of interference from every single party i've mentioned. both in attempts to get the two to move on, but to also help kenma feel better about things. the topic of gaining memories back would've been tossed back and forth, but i never thought too hard on the specifics there. i think everyone would've stayed rooted in their respective sides lol, but there would be no real winner.

i think there's also kuroo learning who kenma actually was bc kuroo had a v specific image of kenma in his head in their time together. that obv changed once kenma learned what he was up to and how he had to cope and navigate that. kuroo would've learned a lot of the ways kenma had to force himself to stay strong and all the sacrifices he made. while learning of kenma's secret life, bc wow you kept this whole side of yourself a secret from me and look at all this ppl in your life now. there'd be a lot of moments of kuroo having to face who he pushed kenma to become, especially in ways he wanted to protect him. kuroo and kenma would build a new dynamic i imagined. something more cautious, but still rather intimate regarding eachother (not physically, but moreso emotionally and mentally). i maintain that it is hard to cut someone out who you've known your entire life, and i imagine that kuroo and kenma have that kind of bond/soul connection that will just always naturally happen. some people may not be happy with that, but i think there's a lot that has built up over time and a lot of time to find something new. i can't ever say if it ever went romantic, bc i never rly thought it'd be on either of their minds as they try and find a new normal for both themselves individually and eachother.

tldr ; kenma and kuroo try to find a new normal and try to figure themselves out in the process. what that means for them as individuals and as two people involved in eachother's lives. this was an ending that i felt could've been the most transitional feeling that i felt was necessary for take me home. the means to fill the gaps the original fic ended on, that eventually leads to whatever else i would choose to make of it.

[romilly-jay]

THIS ONE ALSO REALLY LANDED FOR ME (and - why?)

***spoilers*** [probably - mild ones, anyway - safer to assume there WILL be some :) - yeah, actually on reflection need some if I'm serious about trying to pin down why this was //IMO// successful ]

Just a reminder that the intention with these pages is for ME to work out for ME which kinds of stories land for me and why they do.

Even the reminder is mainly for my own benefit, honestly.

I've sat here for a few minutes wondering who cares what I think and I realise that, if no-one else, Future Me is going to be grateful that Present Me took the time to tease this apart.

Frankly, Future Me is highly unlikely to remember that Present Me wrote this but I have to continue to believe that there's, nonetheless, a benefit to going through the cognitive process. That words are not, in the end, wasted, but contribute to future insight and possibilities.

Understand from the Wikipedia page that this is the first Amazon Prime movie shot in Australia - which chimes with discussions I've heard on The Rest is Entertainment about the streamers as "the world's TV channels" - actually I think that was in context of Baby Reindeer and the issues with relatively light compliance on shows across multiple legal frameworks and jurisdictions. (And, incidentally, bless you, Wikipedia contributors - you are a most wonderful first port of call in an increasingly bonkers and unreliable internet.)

LOVE that the lead female actor, Shuang Hu, is also the co-writer with Nathan Ramos-Park and for me this is closely reflected in the significant (I think?) screen time / plot time given to Hu's character, Lia, and her gay current/Sydney-based BFF, Mason. Not too hard to imagine the writers putting snippy, comedic avatars of themselves into the centre of the action?? And Mason definitely has the best This Is Not A Hallmark Movie lines, shows up A Lot and *marginally* succeeds in having a life that isn't simply about supporting her.

BTW, think it's sort of hilarious that I assumed Townsville was a made up place - it SOUNDS like a name you would make up, Hallmark style? Like - Valleydale (surely not an actual place?) or Christmaston?

Though I don't know that the Australian setting is so hard to tune into that the movie requires an entire translation/remake. Apparently it's getting one, just the same - Picture This, fronted by Simone Ashley of Bridgerton, Sex Education, and, I'm sure, plenty of other things, too :) *pic below, from sth else. Already in post-production at March 2024?

I prefer to think that this is more about good ideas being in relatively short supply* - do I mean that? - or an idea that works in one place having potential to work, suitably tweaked, somewhere else, too.

*Ah, okay, I think it's terror about finding *bankable* good ideas. There's such a proliferation of Great Content today, non? - BUT more content than audience or, at least, more content than attention span?

This article by Carla Teng of the Asia Media Centre gives a breakdown of the plot and a link to the trailer, ahead of transitioning into an interview with actor Yoson An, who plays the ex-best friend.

It talks explicitly about the influence (existence and rising profile) of Asian diaspora citizens in Australia and New Zealand. And - thank you! - one of the things that I really enjoyed, after a lengthy diet of Hallmark-adjacent Amazon offerings, was the all-Asian lead cast.

Inevitable hat-tip to Crazy Rich Asians and *one* of the characters certainly walked right out of that movie world. The rest, not so much.

[LOL token white guy who is referred to by the fortune teller as a good catch specifically because he's a "lapdog" of a man - and v nice that they still gave him a little scene later on that shows genuine warmth between the lead and her new bro-in-law and portrays him as genuinely sweet, plus holder of a key piece of missing intel for her.]

So, what worked [IMO] in this movie? LOTS of things.

The article I've shared above uses this pic of Lia and Richard which references a really nice piece of character work from early on, from the sister's PINK engagement party, which Lia attends in a black suit/white shirt combo, meaning that she starkly stands out from everyone else, while also looking cute AF - and it gives the "we understand each other" moment with the ex BF because he's the only one who remarks on the Reservoir Dogs reference ("Why am I Mister Pink?"). Loved this. Thought it worked. And it's a far-from-subtle hint that What Lia Wants Was Right In Front Of Her All Along. Actually, she knew that and so did he, but they had to sort out their historic misunderstanding and also find a way to Be Together in [Place].

Although some very traddy romcom elements were there /// she runs a tea shop! - her sister's getting married! - she doesn't have a date! - her parents want her to settle down! /// the underlying dilemma feels real, significant, relatable: Namely, tradition versus independence? Nicely twisted around the idea that Lia isn't running away from ALL aspects of tradition - she's specifically trying to make a traditional concept Chinese tea shop work in a modern city context.

So, thank goodness, it's absolutely not a story of "all my childhood influences were bad // but wait, my new life isn't working out // must be because all my childhood influences were Right After All // back to a traditional life and a traditional role for me!" Rather it's about finding away to integrate suburban and urban influences together.

This HEA has her still running a tea shop - but she's embraced Taiwanese bubble tea and takeaway tea orders. And she's still living in Sydney - and this time the ex-best friend is there with her.

This actually IS a pretty much ideal HEA for me. Living her truth works out for her - and her confrontation with her family leads to apologies and acts of reconciliation from both directions <3 <3.

[treesandwords]

Dalion kids playing DnD

Disclaimer: I have never played DnD, just been researching it a bunch and really *want* to play. So anyway I'm obsessed and couldn't get this out of my brains.

Laedir: Doesn't really understand it, but goes along because he wants to make his siblings happy. Probably plays a monk or some kind of spellcaster. Does pretty poorly in combat, prefers to chat with NPCs

Quinnton: Is the DM. And honestly probably fantastic at his job. Definitely does voices. Super immersive in his worldbuilding style. If playing he'd probably be a paladin.

Bronwyn: Didn't want to play at first but gets super attached to her character once she makes them. Probably either a druid (she secretly really really wants to shapeshift) or a fighter (let her kill things pls). Argues about rules.

Gevin: Plays either a rogue or a bard, 100% somewhere on the chaotic scale. Knows the rules better than the DM does but pretends he doesn't care, then pulls out some technicality when he needs it. Actually gets super into it and is a very animated (and smart) player, but in a really unhinged way.

Ciaran: Ok so I can see them having two games going at once - Ciaran plays in the older kids' game and also DMs for the younger ones. As a player he'd probably be a monk or a cleric, is a little bitter about not getting to DM because that's what he feels he's good at, and therefore argues with Quinnton a lot. Pretty rules-heavy, and as a DM runs rules-heavy games. Lots of worldbuilding but sometimes gets complaints that it's too complicated.

Jerod: Gets VERY into it. Probably makes art of his character, writes a 10 page backstory, all of that. Not really interested in combat though, and instead just wants to wander around exploring the world (which frustrates Ciaran to no end because You're Supposed To Do Things Actually). Probably just skimmed the rule book and doesn't know how most things work, he's just kind of along for the ride when it comes to the actual story and will go with whatever. At least he's passionate. He'd be a druid and try to talk to plants whenever he could.

Cassian: Definitely throws a fit when his character gets killed which Ciaran almost certainly did on purpose. Contrary to Jerod, he just wants to kill things. Probably stabs NPCs for no reason and tries to initiate PVP just because. Plays a wizard.

Nurei: Takes FOREVER to describe her character (probably a Cleric). Is the opposite of Cassian and wants to fix any bad situation they come across, even if it delays the main story. This annoys basically all the younger kids but Jerod. She's probably the one Cassian tries to PVP kill most often. Wants an animal companion Really Really Badly.

Esme: Definitely a fighter or barbarian, she's got pent up rage and is here to use it. Her and Cassian's characters probably team up and do chaotic stuff together. Would rather play in the older kids' game because she thinks Quinnton is better at DMing and gets bored of Ciaran's game.

What are your OCs like playing RPGs/board games together?

Taglist: @kaatiba

[deltaruminations]

The Man in the Motif: A Character Analysis of W.D. Gaster via Music

“Sing us a song, you’re the mystery man… sing us a song if you please… ‘cause we’re all in the mood for a broken chord, and you’ve got us feeling unease…”

here’s the Big Dumb Music Post lmao

A couple things:

Most of what comes after the cut is written like an actual essay and not a shitpost i promise

This is more Synthesis and Subjective Reading of Extant Material than speculative theorycraft

I mostly wrote this for fun & because I’d never seen anyone lay out an analysis for our boy G like this before. I don’t think it’s like Revolutionary it’s mostly just me talking a lot about a special interest lol

I get the sense that a lot of people may have already picked up on a lot of this stuff and it might just be my alexithymic ass that needs heady analysis like this to understand subtle emotional cues. That’s to say: IDK how much New Stuff is being presented here for any given reader but it might still add value to that existing understanding I Guess

I’m not trying to assert that Toby Fox consciously intended to convey everything that I’m pulling out of this stuff lol

OK HERE WE GO!!!!!

Contents

To quickly access a given section, just search for it by its leading flag ([#XXX])

[#001] mus_st_him.ogg (Gaster’s Theme)

[#002] ANOTHER HIM

[#002-A] A Brief Tangent on Giygas

[#003] File Select & Game Over ambience

[#004] Darkness Falls

[#005] man.ogg (Tree Room)

[#005-A] A Brief Tangent on Seccom Masada-sensei

[#006] Takeaways

Undertale and Deltarune use leitmotif to a wide variety of ends in shaping players’ experience of their stories. Because music is understood emotionally and interpretively, a single song can function to convey several simultaneous ideas about characters, places, and/or themes, and may be understood to have multiple layers of meaning.

Gaster’s leitmotif in particular is notorious for its tendency to be heard by fans everywhere in Undertale and Deltarune’s soundtracks, regardless of the actual intentionality of its use. Due to the brief and generic nature of the sequence, there’s a distinct possibility that this ambiguity was engineered into it, possibly as a way to influence players’ perceptions by implying that he’s secretly ever-present and ever-watching, and/or to convey something about Gaster himself, such as dispersion of his consciousness or memories.

Aside from the previous point, there are a few instances in Deltarune’s soundtrack in which its use is either explicit or, at the very least, somewhat less ambiguous. This discussion will focus on the former cases, specifically tracks that play in the scenes in which we interact with the man himself. I’ll cover this in roughly the order that I believe a typical player would experience them for the first time.

Most of these sections will be Very Roughly divided into:

Informal analysis (I Do Not Know Music Theory I Am Just A Guy With Abled Ears) of choices made in the song itself

Subjective analysis of what emotions or associations the song might be evoking

Interpretation of what any of that could mean about Gaster Our Good Friend Gaster

Discussion of in-game context wherever I think it's interesting lol

Because my formal knowledge on music composition is very limited, and also because I’m no longer hearing these songs fresh and untainted by Lore Obsession Disease, I had my partner (a musician who knows nothing about UTDR or this character) give his opinions on these songs as well. While I don’t think a formal background is a prerequisite for this kind of subjective analysis (as these soundtracks are designed to communicate with a broad audience, not just with musicians), it of course allows for further insight. I’ll refer to him from here on as my “research assistant” because I think it’s funny.

I first had him listen to the tracks listed here out-of-context and give me his thoughts on what they communicated to him about the character or scene. I then gave him some context for each song, the story, and the character, and we discussed whether that context brought further interpretation. It turned out his basic interpretations closely aligned with mine, with the addition of some really cool observations that would’ve never occurred to me on my own. This discussion will reflect his opinions & observations as well. Huge thanks to him!

With that in mind, I’m going to use the word “melody” and other such Music Words pretty loosely throughout this sorry. I tried my best to respect the Terminology but im just a fucking dude ok

[#001] mus_st_him.ogg (Gaster’s Theme)

We must, of course, begin with mus_st_him.ogg (Gaster’s Theme), which establishes his leitmotif (or at least, the only confirmed part of it; whether or not there’s a B part to the leitmotif is currently unknown, though I‘ve seen some interesting speculation about that). Assuming that Deltarune players experienced Undertale first (as Toby Fox seems to have intended), this will have been the first instance of Gaster’s leitmotif ever encountered, and it’s the front line for evaluating his character.

Found only through a Fun event, in Undertale’s “Sound Test” room, this is presented as less of a song and more of a demo or reference sequence. As we move on to other tracks, I’ll consider this track the platonic ideal and use it as a point of comparison.

One brief note is that the filename itself does not explicitly assign this track to Gaster, but rather to “him.” It’s the Sound Test UI that puts his name on it. Whether or not there’s significance to this is currently unclear.

(I think there may be something in common between the friendly “voice” that thanks us for our feedback in the Sound Test room and Deltarune’s out-of-universe UI text after closing the fountain in Deltarune chapter 1, but I don’t have any idea what, if anything, that means right now.)

Precedents established

Since this is the base motif, I think it’s worthwhile to mention how the song is structured on paper. Since I’m no Theory Guy, I’ll refer you to Tumblr user notesanddreams’s technical analysis of what he calls the “Gaster Sequence,” which is a name I like a lot and am going to use moving forward.

To quote him:

It’s a pretty simple four bar loop. The melody, which everyone I know has taken to calling “the Gaster motif,” is a four note sequence that goes “starting note -> up a minor second (half step) -> up a perfect fifth -> back down a perfect fifth.” This is played four times before modulating down a half step and looping….

There’s simply not enough musical information in the track to discern a tonal center, and therefore any attempts to give it a key signature are futile. This gives the sequence a very mysterious and unsettling nature, but its vagueness allows it to be applied to certain tracks in the Deltarune OST very subtly at times.

While it’s distorted, this song seems to be played on an unaccompanied piano. This establishes an association between Gaster and that instrumentation (as we’ll see reinforced later), as well as with sounds of distortion & modulation, dissonance, and “noise.”

These two factors combined may be things to consider alongside the leitmotif when determining whether a song or part of a song should be considered to offer direct descriptions of Gaster (as opposed to containing a more abstract reference to him, or instead being referential to or descriptive of another character associated with piano, such as Kris).

Emotional perspective

Gaster’s Theme is anxiety-inducing. It builds up endlessly but never resolves. It is not musical; it lacks anything recognizable as motion or melody, which in turn causes it to lack anything immediately recognizable as personality, or emotion, or backstory. It’s a song that betrays no motivations or values, leaving us to fill in the blanks on our own.

The minor key and dissonance could easily be experienced as sinister, playing on our fear and mistrust of the unknown. If the truth is out there, it doesn’t seem to be pleasant. If we continue to seek it out, who knows what could become of us, or what we could unleash upon the world?

The Sound Test UI itself is bizarre and mysterious. Why does it thank us for our “feedback” after hearing Gaster’s Theme? What input or feedback did we provide?

Characterization perspective

We could take this theme on its own to suggest that Gaster is characterized by duality, tension, and emotional detachment and/or reservation.

The rising tones in each bar evoke thought and ideation, approaching a point before dropping down to approach another. The endless, moderately-paced loop of shifting, yet internally consistent, sets resembles a careful dialectic that never reaches resolution.

We could interpret this as the sound of an analytical mind aware of many options and possibilities, but never ultimately delineating the truth between them (my research assistant specifically described this track as being “locked into itself”). We could also take it less literally to signify a reversal of opinion or understanding in general – not necessarily that decisions are never made, but they’re reached through heady deliberation and obsessively re-examined after they’re made.

While the motif betrays internal tension, it’s also highly ordered and consistent, lacking any spontaneity. This can be taken to mean that Gaster is cautious, deliberate, and reserved. For all the neurosis it conveys, it still comes off as fairly confident, as though Gaster is simply used to this and doesn’t tend to question it.

We could also possibly infer that other characters experienced Gaster in much the same way as we do – they may have found him unsettling and hard to read. 

As mentioned before, it’s unknown whether other parts to this motif exist or are planned to exist. If they do exist, then the fact that only the A(?) part has been presented as “Gaster’s Theme” would underscore the one-sidedness of his presentation in Undertale, as well as a possible tendency of Gaster’s to hide parts of himself.

(EXTREMELY speculative, so please don’t take this too seriously, but: I’ve seen at least a handful of fans raise the possibility that at least some part of the Secret Boss (“Freedom”) motif may be a B/C part of Gaster’s motif. If Gaster is trying to obfuscate any involvement with Secret Boss characters, using his metaphysical resources to hide obvious musical associations with them (i.e., by labeling only this part of the motif as his “theme” in the Sound Test) would certainly be a clever way to do so.)

[#002] ANOTHER HIM

The first true application of the Gaster Sequence a player will experience is also the very first song heard in Deltarune: ANOTHER HIM, which plays during the Introduction (also known as the Survey or “GONERMAKER”).

This is another instance of Gaster being referred to as “him” in the metadata rather than by name. The specific phrasing of “ANOTHER HIM” seems referential to Undertale Players’ knowledge of him, and could be taken to suggest that this is a separate instance or at least “piece” of the character described in that game. Alternatively, this could indicate the same character being presented from another perspective, and/or the same continuity of that character who’s no longer recognizable as the same person for one reason or another.

Musical analysis

This track is, of course, a direct quote of the entire Gaster Sequence isolated from any other motifs. Its main developments are a slight modification to the rhythm of the Sequence and the addition of other instruments and background ambience – this is actually the only song in the scope of this document in which the motif itself is heard accompanied (while Darkness Falls also contains other instrumentation, it occurs during an instance of a different motif). We again hear the Sequence played on piano.

When my research assistant first heard this song without context he paused it after about 5 seconds and proceeded to tell me all about Paul stretching and how it can be used to create the type of ethereal ambience heard in this track. One thing he noted is that this algorithm allows for stretching a sample while keeping it in-key, without adding dissonance. I should be clear that I have no idea if this exact technique was used here, only that it seems to have achieved a very similar effect.

So, what is the sample being stretched (in some way or another) to create that ambient noise? When we reversed the stretch, we found it to be none other than one of Giygas’s instruments from EarthBound. This has been identified by other fans as a sample of the track Giygas’s Intimidation.

[#001-A] A Brief Tangent on Giygas

I want to be careful about suggesting too much from musical samples & references, since UTDR are known to make extensive use of samples and soundfonts from other works, especially from EarthBound (as well as reworked versions of Toby Fox’s own music from other projects). Like, I don’t think Toby was trying to Say Anything in particular when he used the “WOW!” from Earthbound’s intro sequence in Spamton’s battle themes except “EarthBound is very special to me and that sound design choice they made was really memorable and I think it sounds really fun here.”

That in mind, UTDR fans have been intuitively connecting Gaster and Giygas for years based on superficial similarities and the known influence of EarthBound alone. Given Gaster’s unique existence in metanarrative, the specificity and consistency of the references associated with him, as well as the potential thematic relevance of this reference (and the one to follow in section [#005-A]), I do think it may be fair game to consider them in these cases. I’m going to throw out a couple of things:

The use of samples from Earthbound, specifically ones related to Giygas, draws yet another thematic connection between Gaster and Undertale’s True Lab and possible parallels to Alphys, suggesting this connection is relevant to Deltarune. Memoryhead itself bears resemblance to Giygas. (also wait what there’s parallel harmony in Amalgam?? holy shit???)

Giygas is a character who, when encountered in Earthbound, has been driven to a state of eldritch, cosmic horror by trauma & grief. His backstory as Giegue, told in the previous game Mother, includes themes of pursuing knowledge despite knowing of the dangers, of betrayal, and of guilt over well-intentioned harm, specifically harm done while under some form of external influence. The Giygas of EarthBound, in his madness, exerts violent influence over animals and people, including Porky, a troubled child who Giygas compels to serve him.

Throughout the fight, Giygas expresses his internal conflict, lashing out seemingly not due to malice but rather uncontrolled emotion. Defeating Giygas requires first that the character Paula “Pray,” or call out for strength from the party’s families and the people they’ve helped along their journey, until there are no more characters left to reach; Paula’s “call” becomes unheard, “absorbed by the darkness.” Then, finally, she begs the player themself to “PRAY” for the party – the “kids” they’ve never met before – dealing the final necessary blows in the process.

Gaster & Giygas are both unpleasant sounding two-syllable G names LOL this is stupid sorry

Obviously, I don’t anticipate a 1:1 resemblance between Gaster’s and Giygas’s stories, but there could be thematic parallels worth considering. There is one thing, however, that I find interesting in the context of this song in particular: in inviting us to this “Survey,” Gaster seems to have called out to us in the same way that Paula did, praying to us for help – perhaps, more specifically, to help the kids of Deltarune who we have yet (at this point in the game) to meet.

Emotional perspective

ANOTHER HIM opens with a distorted ambience, evocative of murmuring, choral voice, rolling thunder, and perhaps the crackling whips of a Tesla coil. This ambience ebbs and flows in intensity, occasionally seeming to thrash and writhe. Just before the Sequence itself starts, and then throughout it, we hear what seem to be longing strings, and underlying the piano is a steady, understated percussion.

In contrast to the distorted fuzz of mus_st_him.ogg, the piano used here is crisp, with only a limited echo applied to it. While not unaccompanied, this piano still feels exposed and small, especially against the faint instrumentation and ambience churning below it. The high, bell-like keys feel bright and hopeful. At the same time, the slow, halting tempo suggests trepidation.

Where the base Sequence marches steadily through its dialectic without deviation or hesitation, ANOTHER HIM’s arrangement pauses at the height of each thought, as if considering it more carefully, before dropping back down to the next. After the first two sets switch off normally, the melody then proceeds to rise steadily, as though finally grasping at a revelation; after reaching an apex, it then pauses, collecting itself, before looping over again. Isolated from the ambience, this arrangement sounds contemplative and searching, in contrast to the neurotic dialogue of the base Sequence.

The backing ambience sounds ethereal and spacey, but not noticeably dissonant. It doesn’t necessarily lend the same eeriness of mus_st_him.ogg’s distortion, but the low, slow murmuring and even occasional lashing of the “voices” in the background still betray an undercurrent of unease & tension.

When my research assistant heard the songs mus_st_him.ogg, ANOTHER HIM, and Darkness Falls without context, in the order presented here, he read them as a developing narrative. He felt that this piece, compared to the base theme, added “motion” in the form of a steady rise and fall. He then said, “What I would want next, if this were one piece, is melody. I’m still waiting for that next part.” While it takes more time to breathe, ANOTHER HIM still never approaches resolution.

He also likened the emotional experience of this song to Gregorian or hymnal chanting – less so the literal style of music, but rather the use of reverberation in that musical form to create a full, choral sound from only a few individual voices.

Characterization perspective

The overwhelming sense I get from ANOTHER HIM is one of vulnerability, introspection, and dishevelment, as well as cautious deliberation. It also conveys a certain amount of hope and possibly curiosity, though these are muted in comparison to the hesitance and turmoil.

Compared to what we “see” of him in mus_st_him.ogg, Gaster seems to be far less self-assured in his dialectical thinking. He’s breaking from his traditional pattern of rumination and attempting to reach for some form of personal truth. The cautiousness could also be taken to convey unease or skepticism about the situation at hand, about the probability of success in achieving the “NEW FUTURE,” or even about the Player themself.

As far as the background ambience, its most obvious function is to convey the ethereality of incorporeal, out-of-universe existence, its ebbing and twisting reflecting the shapelessness of a disembodied consciousness. It could even be considered diegetic – as if it is the sound of his state of being, or of this strange, extraplanar space beyond the event horizon.

The ambience could also be taken to convey emotional information, though its separation from the “conscious thought” of the motif could imply many things (as we’ll discuss later in [#004], we have an example within the same chapter of the motif conveying quite a bit of emotionality in itself).

If we take this angle, then it could suggest that Gaster is not integrating emotionality with rational thought, but is at least possibly acknowledging that emotionality — or it’s built up to a point where it can no longer be fully contained or ignored. We could interpret the pauses in the motif as Gaster listening to or meditating on these “voices” – or becoming momentarily overwhelmed by them.

From this perspective, it’s clear that this emotional state is confusing and volatile; the dialogue happening on this level is not nearly as orderly or civil as that heard in the motif. The “lashing” sounds could be taken as flashes of pain; their violence could suggest bad memories, self-criticism, shame, or regret, among other possibilities.

I also think the choice of a percussive “heartbeat” is quite interesting. While not rapid, it could possibly suggest anxiety, as though his heart is pounding. It also suggests intimacy, which in turn requires a certain level of trust – he has allowed us close enough to hear that heartbeat at all, whether or not it’s comfortable for him, or he feels confident that it’s a good idea for him to do so.

Despite this piling on of confusion and unease, the relative clarity and brightness of the motif’s piano seems to twinkle faintly in the dark. This sense of hope gives us something to latch onto amidst the tumult, and that may be true of the character as well. We could read this as a hope that is worth enduring the doubt, the humbling, and the possibility of pain.

The song in context

ANOTHER HIM’s hesitation and vulnerability strikes an interesting contrast with Gaster’s dialogue throughout the Survey sequence. Aside from a very small number of seemingly spontaneous reactions, Gaster in his dialogue – in his intended self-presentation – comes off as unfailingly polite, professional, confident, and generally neutral.

While we needn’t assume that this self-presentation, or the opinions he does express, are insincere, we can still infer that whatever the reality is of his internal state, Gaster is making a concerted effort to keep that information hidden from us. There are obvious practical reasons for this: to maintain the integrity of his study, he needs to minimize his biasing of our behavior.

That said, we could certainly read personal factors into this as well. From Gaster’s POV, the Player possesses a tremendous amount of metaphysical knowledge and ability. Whether or not he has difficulties with trust in general, Gaster certainly has reasons to be very wary of us, something I’ll discuss further in the next section.

The content of the sequence itself (text, background, etc.) warrants its own analysis. I’ll probably do one at like, idk some point probably

[#003] File Select (& Game Over) ambience

While it doesn’t really constitute a “song,” I think it’s worthwhile to look briefly at the sound design in the File Select and Game Over UIs, since they’re still among the very few instances of “face-to-face” interaction we have with the man of the hour. Note that this doesn’t include Darkness Falls, which plays after a certain choice is made at a game over – the next section will discuss that. Because this section covers sound design choices moreso than musical ones, I’ll eschew the format of the other sections and simply analyze these choices in-context.

This is the one section of audio I didn’t review with my research assistant, so you’re just getting my unmoderated opinions here, unfortunately.

For the better part of the game (so far), the File Select screen generally looks and feels the way a Player would expect from an RPG UI, with illustrations, friendly help text, and narrative music:

Post-completion Chapter 1 File Select (Before the Story)

Chapter 2 File Select (Faint Glow)

Similarly, the chapter 2 (or, rather, the post-ch1-completion) Game Over screen displays a genre-appropriate graphic, includes a message of encouragement (or, perhaps more accurately, a plea for Kris to survive) from Kris’s party members, and plays the song Faint Courage.

These File Select & Game Over screens are potentially extremely lore-rich in and of themselves (some of this will come up in the next section), but with regard to this particular discussion, I’m mostly interested in the stark contrast they present when compared to the pre-completion Chapter 1 screens.

Before chapter 1’s completion, when Gaster is strongly implied to be narrating (and possibly facilitating) the Player’s SAVE data manipulation and game over choices, the soundtrack for both screens is profoundly barren.

There’s no “song,” no melody, only an identical low, looping drone for both screens. We know that there can be music here, even very emotional music, and we feel like there probably should be. And yet, there isn’t. This makes these screens feel empty, ominous, and cold, underscoring their dark, ascetic visuals.

I think the fact that so little is being said here is in itself very, very interesting. We know that we aren’t actually alone on these screens; our friendly facilitator is here with us. We also know from the other examples in this document that Deltarune’s Gaster is not inherently associated with a lack of music, nor (as we’ll see in the next song) a lack of emotion in melody. Why is it only in this particular context – when the Player approaches these existential crossroads – that the music disappears entirely?

The File Select screen on its own doesn’t give us a whole lot to work with. While the dialogue here is certainly unsettling (even compared to Gaster’s clinical speech in other scenes) and warrants its own discussion, it still isn’t entirely clear why file manipulation should sound like this.

In the Game Over screen, however, we can start to make inferences. Game Overs are when Gaster’s plans are at the most risk – they’re when a Player is most likely to opt out of the study and never return, leaving Deltarune’s future as-is and any hope of a “NEW FUTURE” unfulfilled.

With that in mind, I think this drone conveys emotional shutdown. Gaster is still there – the drone is his presence, as though he’s trying to keep his breathing slow and measured as he speaks with us – but whatever is happening with him internally, he’s either working hard enough to succeed in hiding it from us, or it’s so overwhelming that he himself can’t even acknowledge it.

What that internal experience could be is anyone’s guess. Personally, I think he’s deeply afraid.

When Gaster seems to panic upon seeing his own name in the Survey, he can simply exit the situation and prevent the Player from making that choice. He can’t, however, prevent us from exiting the game – whether or not he had the power to do so (and he of course doesn’t), doing so would be meddling in the experiment, it’d be a breach of participant consent, and it’d potentially undermine whatever uneasy trust the Player has developed with him. In these moments, he’s entirely at the Player’s mercy.

(Note: this last video shows the game exiting after the creator is named “GASTER.” As of Chapter 2’s release, naming either vessel or creator “GASTER” causes the game to return to the chapter select, rather than exiting.)

Since the same drone plays on the File Select screen, we can infer he’s shut down there as well. It still isn’t as clear what about SAVE manipulation would cause such a strong response, and there are many ways this could be interpreted. It’s worth noting that we don’t currently know whether Gaster is the one executing those actions, or if he’s simply giving us guidance and warnings as we execute them ourselves. More broadly, we don’t know whether Gaster is capable of executing these actions at all.

For right now, my best guess – and I want to be clear that I don’t feel confident this is correct – is that SAVE manipulation is the first obvious indication to both us and to Gaster that he’s willing to accept some amount of “necessary evil” in pursuit of his plans. Based on the seemingly unprecedented gravity of his tone and diction on this screen (especially around erasing SAVEs), this may be when Gaster first recognizes, fully, just how much power he’s entrusted to a Player, how irresponsible it may have been for him to do so, and he is again deeply afraid – this time, not just of us, but of himself.

[#004] Darkness Falls

(This is the song I wrote that post about, that a lot of people seemed to like, which was very cool! But also it was meant more as a throwaway vent post than an actual analysis and was worded kind of strongly/reductively in part because I didn’t expect anyone to actually see it lol. anyway this will reiterate a lot of those thoughts but with A LOT more detail and nuance, possibly more than is necessary lol)

(Quick kudos again to the user who pointed out details about Faint Courage and its relationship to Kris on the Post People Liked. I hadn’t even begun to think through that part of the song when I made the post. It helped a lot with this!)

(Wait one more note: I’d previously thought this sequence only happened in pre-completion Chapter 1, when Gaster was actively present in the UI, but apparently this still happens as of Chapter 2?? The guy just crawls out of the woodwork specifically to narrate our ending and see us off I Guess. I do not have any particularly strong opinions at the moment about what this could Mean because I don’t generally have strong opinions about why he disappeared in the first place except IDK We Got The Hang Of The Game So He Switched On The Normal UI And Now He’s Just Observing Quietly And Taking Notes And Also Waving From Cars And Egg I GUess but anyway I thought I’d point it out because I got it wrong before)

(Oh btw if God kills you it just bypasses the normal screens entirely and returns you to a checkpoint. this detail doesnt mean anything it was obviously implemented for mechanical/joke reasons I just think it’s funny. like even Gaster is just sitting there like ?????? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. sorry moving on now)

Darkness Falls is only heard after saying “No” at a Game Over. As previously discussed, Game Overs in chapter 1 (pre-completion) feature the Emotional Shutdown Drone™, while post-ch1-completion Game Overs feature the song Faint Courage. Upon refusing to continue, whatever audio is present cuts out entirely, leaving complete silence as Gaster narrates our ending. Immediately after that text cuts out, Darkness Falls begins to play.

While a Player could encounter this before the File Select or after seeing the Tree Room, it felt most logical to me to order it like this for Reasons. Based on both my own experience and that of some other people who responded to the Post People Liked, it seems like a lot of Players, even ones who know about the Tree Rooms, just end up never saying “No” and seeing it at all.

This is the only track in this document’s scope in which the Gaster Sequence occurs alongside another leitmotif: the one found in Faint Courage, the song played in the aforementioned post-ch1-completion Game Over screen (I’ll simply refer to this second motif as Faint Courage from here on).

For the sake of this analysis, I’m only considering the Gaster Sequence part of the song (roughly 0:00 - 0:33) to be directly descriptive of the man himself, as we have good reasons to believe the second motif is specifically saying something about Kris. That’s to say: any character traits being suggested by Faint Courage will be assumed to describe Kris, not Gaster.

However, I’ll still discuss the song as a whole where it makes sense to do so, including consideration of what it could be saying about Gaster’s perspective on Kris, on the moment in which it’s found, or on the broader narrative.

Musical analysis

In an unusual break from precedent, the Gaster Sequence isn’t hidden by or within the other leitmotif featured in this track. Instead, we hear an unaccompanied piano arrangement of the Sequence that then leads into Faint Courage, played on the same piano but now accompanied, and with more instruments gradually added. Each motif takes up roughly half the song’s length, though the latter is slightly longer.

Much like the piano heard in ANOTHER HIM, the keys played during the Sequence have a moderate reverberation applied to them, but are otherwise fairly clear & crisp. Notably, this reverberation still continues after the shift into Faint Courage, as if the previous motif has shifted into a background, supporting role for the next one.

The arrangement of the Gaster Sequence heard here deviates the most by far from the original mold, to the degree that it’d be easy to miss it as an instance of that theme at all. Viewed side by side, the difference is stark. Someone who actually Knows Theory could probably describe it more eloquently than I can, but I’ll do my best to fumble through this with my untrained ear and the input of my research assistant.

This arrangement of the Sequence doesn’t do away with the back-and-forth of the base theme, but the dialogue heard here begs, grasps, and searches, seeming to have no pretense of self-assuredness or strict, rational confidence. It seems more grounded in the fact that this internal conversation really has only one, contiguous “speaker,” as each even-numbered set of bars picks up directly from the set before it, rather than there being a sharp drop between them.

The “speaker’s” opening comment, which begins on a chord, rises like a choking cry or plea, before they seem to attempt rationalization. Unable to answer in kind, searching for something to say but having nothing to meaningfully offer, they volley back on a higher note, as though presenting themself another question. The “speaker” then repeats the same sorrowful, confused entreaty from before – but this time, they continue from that cry to reach toward something, pause as though approaching rest, and then decide there’s something more to say – something entirely different.

Referring back to the “narrative development” reading proposed by my research assistant (first brought up in section [#002]): when my assistant first heard this song without context, he almost immediately stopped the track and said “that, right there, is melody!” He described the addition of a tonal center as making the difference between “color” and “meaning” – ANOTHER HIM adds interest to the base Sequence, but it’s still difficult to find an emotional foothold in it. It’s difficult to parse. Darkness Falls, on the other hand, has obvious musicality. It’s immediately relatable. It’s generally pleasant.

He spent some time discussing the chords found in this arrangement of the Sequence, describing the very deliberate placement of these chords as being its own melodic line of sorts, “going through its own motion, its own process.” He described the pattern as being roughly “harmony, then dissonance, then a stretch of time, then dissonance.” He noted that the one tonic he could identify in this Sequence was just before the turn into Faint Courage.

With this in mind, we could say that the instance of the Sequence heard in Darkness Falls, in contrast to that heard in every other song covered in this document, reaches its own internal resolution. That tonic, leading into the turn, could be read as a choice finally being made.

My research assistant also pulled out a “hero’s journey” narrative from this song. The first half, the Gaster Sequence, continues its push and pull of dialogue and tension, establishing the sense of a problem needing to be solved; while the second half, Faint Courage, approaches that problem with playful curiosity, possibility, and hope, before developing into a heroism heralded by nostalgic, Zelda-like synths, and ending on a literal high note. He noted that this type of narrative is common in ending themes for games, serving as a reflection of the story just completed.

Emotional perspective

The immediate motivator for me to write the Post People Liked was because I’d pulled up Darkness Falls on YouTube (for this analysis lol) and among the video’s top comments was someone saying, more or less, “Boy! It sure is weird that Gaster’s Theme shows up so obviously in this beautiful, moving song!” This was one among many, many comments I’d seen over time across various platforms expressing the same thought.

This confusion is perfectly understandable. As I’ve expressed in several ways in this document and elsewhere, the idea of the Gaster Sequence being arranged in a way that is, in itself, obviously moving – immediately, viscerally moving without any need for the kind of reaching overanalysis I’m doing here – is wholly unprecedented in either Undertale or Deltarune. As I mentioned in the Post People Liked, we’ve been conditioned to view Gaster as anything but another character, and that may be its own form of characterization. And, like I said before, the degree of deviation heard here is so great that many players will likely miss it entirely if they aren’t paying attention or don’t know what to listen for.

That said, it’s very obvious that this arrangement of the motif sounds distinctly loose and emotional. The first half is sorrowful, but its internal development also conveys curiosity and open-heartedness. The heroism of the second half conveys a distinct sense of hope, or at least, satisfaction.

I think it’s worth noting here that, when I initially showed my research assistant the scene in which this song is found, after he’d previously heard the song out of context, his immediate impression was that it felt ironic and mocking, as though the game – maybe even Gaster himself – was deriding the Player for not persisting further. I think this impression makes sense. It’s one that I’ve experienced myself, and based on comments I’ve seen, it certainly seems to be the impression many Players walk away from the first two chapters with.

After a little more discussion, specifically after I presented the idea of Deltarune’s One Ending, and the idea that this ending is likely the “default” ending – the one Gaster knows will happen and seems to be hoping to change – my research assistant felt the song conveyed sincere acceptance. In his words: “whatever ending the player gets, it was heroic that they even tried.”

Characterization perspective

In reference to the idea of this ending theme being ironic or cynical, I think there’s something to be said for the possibility that Gaster’s habitual masking and/or intrinsic propensity for interpersonal oddness leads to others disregarding his sincerity or misinterpreting it as malice. We could argue that this is a trait indicated in a number of other ways beyond this song.

The reverberation of the keys during the Sequence of course recalls the ethereality of Gaster’s extraplanar existence. The fact that the reverberation continues into Faint Courage, combined with the placement of the tonic just before the shift, could be taken to represent a decision by Gaster to take a background role in Kris’s narrative.

Something interesting to consider from that: if the choice was made to take a background role, then what other options were being weighed in the previous dialectics? Does this imply that Gaster has considered more active roles in the past? (Could it be the case that he’s previously taken them, and the outcomes of those past decisions have influenced this latest choice? Is passivity really the best choice he could make here, or is he actually just transferring responsibility? Does he simply not trust himself to do the right thing if given the chance? Sorry this is getting really speculative LOL moving on)

As a number of users mentioned, the inclusion of Faint Courage could be an indication that Gaster is not only mourning the potential loss of the Player and with them, the “NEW FUTURE,” but the potential permanence of Kris’s death in particular. This reading suggests that Gaster feels a great deal of tenderness toward Kris themself; given what we’ve seen of Gaster thus far in this document, it wouldn’t be hard to infer reasons for why he might be especially fond of a misfit kid with self-esteem issues and interpersonal difficulties. (Assuming, of course, that these troubles aren’t directly related to their situation with the Player. Personally, I like to think that the more troubled aspects of Kris’s character are, for the most part, just as true to their real personality as their more “acceptable” or likable aspects are – attributing too much of their struggle to outside influences feels like an undermining of their agency. But I do feel it’s still worthwhile to acknowledge other possibilities, or at least the potential nuance they offer.)

The relationship between Gaster and Kris is absolutely something that warrants further examination as the story continues. While this song (and to a certain degree, the next one) seem to suggest a fair amount of good intent and even tenderness on the part of Gaster toward Kris, there’s certainly still room for complexity and tension on Kris’s part.

The song in context

In a typical game, we’d expect to be returned to a title screen or menu right after choosing not to continue. Deltarune instead gives us Gaster’s narration, then leaves us on a black screen for the roughly one-minute duration of Darkness Falls, before it closes the game window on its own. That begs the question of why the game lingers here on this song in the way it does.

In a metanarrative sense, I think there’s validity to the idea that this choice was made to reinforce that we reached “an end” – not just a game over, but the “default” ending or One Ending to the game, in which the world is covered in darkness. As mentioned before, Darkness Falls sounds to a degree like an end credits song. The game closes because that’s what typically happens after the end – we leave the game.

As far as narrative or character interpretation goes, we do know that (pre-ch1-completion, at least) Gaster is our facilitator out-of-universe in Deltarune from its start to its finish. We have reason to believe that he has control over the screens we’re on (given that he can exit us back to title). We can infer that he would be the one to redirect us to the menu.

We have no reason to think that, just because Gaster’s narration has left the screen, he’s suddenly ceased to be present when Darkness Falls plays. The fact that it starts with his Sequence seems to imply his continued presence. We can infer that he’s the one keeping us here through the song, and the one who finally closes the game.

Maybe he keeps us here because he feels he owes us our ending song – and maybe this song is an expression of what he’s thinking and feeling in that moment.

To reiterate my reading from the Post People Liked: Gaster describes our ending, and then he has nothing left to say. We said “no,” and he can’t violate our consent as participants, but he can’t bear to let us go just yet. His “NEW FUTURE” is in the balance, Kris’s life is in the balance, and on top of that, we can’t deny that the man is probably just lonely.

So, we’re left alone in the dark with him, and for the first time, we “see” him entirely exposed – no confident, clinical dialogue, no choices to make, no spr_mysteryman, no True Lab fog or trees for him to hide behind. We sit there with him as he works quietly through the situation – perhaps even entreating us to come back and try again later – and when Darkness Falls ends, when he finally reaches some form of acceptance, he decides he can’t keep us there any longer, and closes the game.

[#005] man.ogg (Tree Room)

man.ogg is the track that plays in the secret Tree Room, and is notably not found on the original Deltarune OSTs thus far. While a first-time player could technically experience this track before the previous two discussed, most players going in blind won’t learn about the secret room until after their first playthrough, or potentially until chapter 2.

I know there’s some debate in the fanbase over whether or not Gaster is the unseen (at least to the Player) man encountered in the Tree Room and elsewhere. Aside from the arguable use of his motif in this song, which I’ll get to in a moment, I think there are other context clues indicating that he’s intended to be representative of Gaster in some way:

Gaster, in particular, seems to never be referred to by name except when being referred to by the “followers” or the Sound Test UI. The reasons for this could be metanarrative (to maintain the mystery around him) or narrative (to indicate that Gaster has distanced himself from his name, for whatever reason).

Precedent from Undertale associates Gaster with the word “man,” specifically unmodified instances.

Aside from spr_mysteryman and the possible relevance of Memoryhead and its attacks, UTDR never represent Gaster as a sprite visible to players. After all, as far as we’re aware, he no longer has a physical form for us to see. The fact that Deltarune’s Man is always hidden from our view feels like a clear nod to this.

Musical analysis

man.ogg is a brief, unaccompanied piano piece, seemingly a waltz (fan-arranged sheet music for reference – I’m a big fan of the tone descriptor “surreptitious yet jocular”).

While it’s subtle, it can arguably be read as a variation of the Gaster Sequence. Gaster Theme Everywhere Skeptic Matthew Sandstrom describes this variation as a “Garbled Gaster”:

The melody and rhythm are somewhat garbled, but the right notes are there, even if the order is wrong.

He identifies two other tracks in chapter 1 that seem to use this same Garbled Gaster motif: April 2012 and, VERY, VERY INTERESTINGLY, THE HOLY. I won’t be getting into those tracks here, but I think it’s worth pointing out that a distinct “Man” motif might be an ongoing thing to look out for.

For what it’s worth, my research assistant also felt that man.ogg was likely an intentional variation on the Gaster Sequence. His justification included the thought that the motif could largely be boiled down to the “top two notes.” Make of that what you will.

I won’t worry too much about comparing this directly to mus_st_him.ogg as I have with other tracks in this document, since it seems to be almost a new motif in itself. The fact that “the right notes are there” but the “order is wrong” is worth considering, though – it’s the same Sequence in an almost unrecognizable form. It’s no longer a dialectic, but a partnered dance. Keeping with precedent, there’s also a very subtle, almost imperceptible echo applied to it.

As a final note, man.ogg is actually not an entirely new track – it’s been identified as a rework of a fan song (“Waltz of Seccom Masada”) made by Toby Fox for the game Yume Nikki (“Dream Diary”). Specifically, it’s a theme he wrote for the character known to Yume Nikki fans as Seccom Masada-sensei.

[#005-A] A Brief Tangent on Seccom Masada-sensei

As I mentioned in the previous tangent ([#001-A]), I want to be careful about suggesting too much from reworked tracks that were meant for or made in reference to other projects. After all, MEGALOVANIA isn’t meant to suggest that Sans is ascending to God Tier or likes saying swears. (It’s worth noting that the aforementioned April 2012, which seems to use the Man motif, is also a rework of an unreleased Homestuck track.)

However, much like with Giygas, the connections between Gaster and Uboa have been intuitively obvious since the first Fun event investigations on Starmen.net. (Toby Fox literally used a slightly edited Uboa for Dr. Andonuts’s final boss overworld sprite. The dude likes Uboa, OK?)

So, again, I don’t think it’s unreasonable in this case to take a closer look at a very pointed reference to Yume Nikki as we gather information.

Masada-sensei’s appearance in Yume Nikki is very brief; demonstrations of the segment may be found on YouTube. While the connections between spr_mysteryman’s design and Uboa are well-known, the idea that Masada-sensei and Gaster may also be comparable in some ways is far more obscure, but worth considering.

Some things of possible note from the segment itself:

Reaching Masada-sensei’s spaceship requires descending a long flight of stairs into what appears to be some type of basement. At one point, Madotsuki must equip the Umbrella Effect (which causes her to hold an umbrella while rain falls) in order to extinguish a fire blocking her way.

Masada-sensei’s sprite is in black-and-white – white face, black clothes and hair. His only discernible facial feature is a set of googly eyes that make him look a little neurotic. He also has a non-standard reaction to the Knife Effect – approaching him with it equipped will cause him to back away in fright.

When first encountered, he turns in place steadily and fairly slowly in front of some kind of piano or organ, as though playing the instrument and/or operating it as a type of control panel. Interacting with him causes him to beep at us.

The next room to the right contains a bed. If the player has Madotsuki sleep in the bed, she will wake up later to the sound of the ship’s alarm system. At this point, Masada-sensei can be seen turning rapidly and erratically, as though panicked.

The spaceship will then be seen to crash onto a planet. It is raining when they land. Masada-sensei stands still, looking out the window.

Masada-sensei and Madotsuki seem to be alone on the planet, which stretches for several screens, desolate, until it culminates in a hole in the ground, atop a mound, leading to another long flight of stairs that descend into darkness and an even stranger, more inscrutable setpiece.

Possible character parallels worth noting:

Masada-sensei’s location in a spaceship suggests associations with scientific activity.

Yume Nikki fans commonly interpret Masada-sensei as a music teacher, hence the honorific. As Royal Scientist, Dr. Gaster would have been an authority in his field. We also know that at least one of Undertale’s Royal Scientists (Alphys) is a schoolteacher in Deltarune.

Masada-sensei certainly bears some physical resemblance to the widely accepted image of Gaster; and similarly to Gaster, the small amount of subtle characterization he was given made him a very popular object of fans’ affections and speculations. It’s worth noting, however, that Masada-sensei seems to be pretty universally understood as a sympathetic and very “human” figure – something that can’t necessarily be said for Gaster among the fanbase historically and at large.

I won’t extrapolate on this information too much here, but for this section, the “teacher” thing is worth keeping in mind.

Emotional perspective

I would certainly say “surreptitious yet jocular” feels like an accurate description of this song. To me it feels playful, but out-of-step. It seems like it should be a more cheerful piece, but there’s an underlying sadness or confusion leaking through.

What stands out to me most about this track is how rough it sounds, like the piano player is new to the instrument. For being such a simple piece, there’s a clumsiness to it, a lack of confidence – it sounds like it’s being played just a little too slowly, like the piano player is practicing the muscle memory needed to play it at full speed, and the rhythm stutters momentarily between bars, as if they’ve tripped over their own fingers. A few of the notes sound dissonant, like they were played wrong.

To me, this conveys a sense of imperfect but earnest effort. The piano player is not particularly good at this yet, they don’t feel confident about it, but they’re continuing to play. While the song isn’t exactly succeeding at evoking cheer or comfort, it still conveys sincere curiosity.

Characterization perspective

The way this song deviates from the base Sequence, combined with its rough, unrefined sound, could suggest that Gaster is breaking form in these scenes, perhaps stepping out of a comfort zone and attempting a new form of learning.

Aside from the traffic easter egg in chapter 2 (only seen if he was met in chapter 1), these are the only scenes in which Deltarune’s Gaster manifests in-universe and interacts directly with another character. Given that Gaster seems to prefer staying hidden as much as possible, and is also literally an extraplanar being, it isn’t difficult to see why he might be out of practice for this kind of interaction.

The playfulness suggests a drop in facade, and may reflect an innocent and almost childlike curiosity about the Player and/or Kris. The use of a waltz suggests a desire for connection, as though it’s an invitation to dance.

(Setting aside any specific Gaster relevance, I feel there’s a more general trend developing in Deltarune of waltzes being used to convey themes around connection, such as loneliness, the awkwardness and growing pains of a new relationship, the vulnerability and comfort of trusting a new friend, and the despair of a valued connection unexpectedly severed.)

The evocation of a novice sound could also suggest a more general relationship to teaching or nurturing. Recalling the tangent on Seccom Masada-sensei, we could read this song abstractly as a teacher’s perspective of a student’s development.

While Egg could have any number of worthwhile meanings as a symbol in Deltarune, we shouldn’t disregard the obvious: Egg is a young, fragile life in need of gentle handling and incubation. By giving Kris Egg, Gaster seems to be asking them (and/or the Player) to protect it — the future of Egg is in their (our) hands now.

We also have Lancer telling Kris they “won’t get through [their] teen years without at least one Egg” (itself a reference to EarthBound). With this perspective, we could read the act of giving Egg to be itself a gesture of nurturing on Gaster’s part, if admittedly a very bizarre and confusing one from Kris’s/our POV.

The fact that Players on a Snowgrave route will be locked out of chapter 2’s Tree Room could suggest that this behavior causes Gaster to second guess his trust in the Player and their ability to handle such a fragile responsibility.

[#006] Takeaways

While Gaster’s dialogue projects an air of unwavering, confident professionalism and emotional neutrality, the musical information presented alongside him hints toward a complex emotionality lying beneath his mask. Gaster is far from unfeeling – he’s simply hard to read, and that may be, to some degree, his intent.

In general, Gaster may have difficulty trusting his own judgment, whether as a response to past mistakes, and/or as a natural result of his tendencies toward hyper-analytical rumination and emotional repression.

The Gaster of Deltarune seems to be engaging in a great deal of reflection and introspection. He may be proceeding with this study despite having serious reservations about it. He seems disheveled and, to a certain degree, desperate. Whatever reasons Gaster has for being so interested in the future of Deltarune’s world, these reasons are powerful enough that they are, in many ways, breaking him down.

Despite his spoken eagerness to connect with the Player, close observation may suggest that he’s quietly uneasy with the arrangement and may be more skeptical and/or fearful of us than he lets on. 

For whatever reasons, Gaster also seems to have a particular fondness for and sentimentality toward Kris, who he seems to want to nurture and protect, while also viewing them as a potential savior and source of hope. The association of both characters with piano seems to underscore a connection between them.

OK im tired of writing about this now. THE END !!!Q!

[valeriianz]

About Me Books

Rules: 10 (non-ancient) books for people to get to know you better, or that you just really like. (what classifies as "non-ancient"? lol)

tagged by @mathomhouse-e @academicblorbo and @seiya-starsniper

ahhh i'm not as big into reading as i used to be :') not sure if i can find 10 books to define me... but i'll try my best. here's a list of books that made me sit down for a while and/or yell about online...

Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. anyone looking to get a little insight to the restaurant industry from the POV of a chef, this is the book for you. it's gritty and real and all narrated by Bourdain's dry, dirty, and dark humor. it's an easy read and for someone like me (who can't really stand kitchen TV shows or movies because that's the life i live) it is actually palatable and i really liked it.

We Play Ourselves by Jen Silverman. i only recently read this book last year and it blew me away. it is everything i want in a character story. it follows a young, bi woman, who's an up and coming play writer in NYC. she had done something so terrible she ran away to California to squat on an old friend's couch. while she's there, she meets with a woman who's shooting a documentary and while the protag gets involved and helps out, she realizes that it's... not a good situation. all the while hints are dropped about what she did in New York and-- its very relatable to me personally: running away from your problems, thinking if you bury it and dont talk about it, it will go away. distracting yourself into something else but it digs up old ghosts and forces you to make an uncomfortable decision... but its ultimately good for your growth and maturity. it's a fantastic read if you like character stories.

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. read this book February last year and once i was finished, immediately fell into the deep, dark hole that was Greek Mythology (i never was properly taught about the myths. i was assigned the Iliad to read for my English minor, but had just skimmed it like the lazy 20-year old college student i was). and throughout 2022 (up until October when i watched The Sandman) Greek Mythology was my entire personality. and while this book takes A LOT of creative liberties (esp with Patroclus, dear god) i still love it to death. it's gorgeous and so poetically written.

Unwind by Neal Shusterman. we've come into the first (and only) YA novel on the list lol. i haven't reread this in probably a decade, so i'm not sure if it still holds up. but if you like dystopian stories, boy howdy do i got a fucking unique one for you. i found a really good article about it that starts with a perfect summary: "...follows three teens on the run from a government that believes “unwinding,” or body harvesting, is an alternate solution to abortions and unwanted teens... Although controversial in topic, this disturbing novel inspires deep thought about organ donation, abortion, and one’s personal right to make decisions regarding his or her body." it's so captivating that i had started writing a short film screenplay for it in college (that of course i never finished). i read this when it first came out in 2007 and i still own my original copy.

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. oof. so, this is one of those books that one read through was good enough for me, but it left me with such an emotional impact that i just had to own my own copy of it. if you dont know the book, it's a character story about guilt and redemption. it's set in 1970s Afghanistan and then again about 20 years later under Taliban rule. it's extremely hard to read (not just because of the subject matter, but it's also... incredibly dry). it starts off SO strong, falls in the middle (enough that i almost gave up) but then shoots off like a bullet during the last quarter of the novel. it's. phenomenal. heartbreaking and empowering and just such a good and believable story. (also the film adaption was done very well!)

From Here to Eternity by Caitlin Doughty. just gonna start this one off by recommending all of Caitlin's books. this is her second and it covers Caitlin's relentless pursuit of encouraging "death positivity" by traveling the world to discover how other cultures besides our own, care for their dead. Doughty is a mortician (she also has a fantastic Youtube channel where she does mini documentaries and video essays on death and the macabre) and her writing is filled to the brim with respect, tenderness, and endless curiosity. i love her and share her beliefs.

The Martian by Andy Weir. i'm not much into the adventure genre or sci-fi... but this one took me by genuine surprise. the narrator is so dry and funny, despite his horrifying situation of being stranded on Mars. we work through his attempts at staying alive together, painstaking as it is, while also catching glimpses of what NASA is doing back on earth about the situation. it's soooo cool and fun (and the climax is fucking amazing. i knew the film could never pull it off but boy was i still disappointed in how the film handled it lol).

Lord of the Flies by William Golding. read this guy in high school and it's just always stuck with me. something something man's inherent evil. how even the most sophisticated and promising of us can be reduced to our base instincts in dire situations. how it's not always an adventure, there are real stakes and consequences and... it's just so sad and terrible, almost comically so. as a teenage loner who was horrifically bullied all through middle and high school, this book was my fucking staple. i wore out that paperback.

Circe by Madeline Miller. oh it's another M.M. book lol. listen, Miller owns my entire ass at this point (im so excited for her Persephone book omg) i didn't get around to reading this until i'd finished a ton of Greek myths podcasts and reading The Odyssey so i felt a little more prepared going into it. i love Circe in this book, i love that she's not perfect and has literally hundreds and hundreds of years to fuck up and get better, grow into who she wants to be as a witch and as a woman. going through classic stories through her perspective is also a lot of fun, and my man Odysseus is there for a good chunk of it.

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. a book about adventure, self discovery, learning what it means to be free and to govern yourself. being unafraid to be rootless while in search of your Personal Legend. this book reached into my brain and massaged it. if you couldn't tell by now, i'm obsessed with character stories. i am a vagabond in my real life and i can not settle down. this book was written for me lol i enjoyed every word. (it has Islamic/Christian undertones but it's not in your face, which would have been a major turn off otherwise). i listened to the audiobook version of this narrated by one of my favorite actors, Jeremy Irons *chefs kiss*

this took an incredibly long time, but it was a good way to spend my morning, rifling through my bookshelf while sipping coffee haha. and oh god, here we go being unsure who to tag: @tj-dragonblade @scifrey @issylra @hardly-an-escape @teejaystumbles @virgo-dream @watercubebee