#this year i am mansplaining hockey to the men

[krakenshipwreck]

belly got a shorty! pyotr in goal! it’s opposite day and the kraken are outforechecking the canes! what a fantastic first game of the season! the kraken waited for me before they could finally decide to play hockey i guess.

[justlookfrightened]

Convince Me Again, Redux

From a prompt from @nothingiswrongwithyourarmrests:  Convince me again :)

This is the second response I wrote to this prompt. Find the first here.

This is a first meeting AU set a couple of years after Bitty graduates from college. Jack and Shitty are friends, Jack playing for the Falconers and Shitty a Harvard Law grad still in the Boston area.

“Fuck, Shitty, why am I here again?”

“To meet somebody, brah,” Shitty said. “It’s literally a meet up. Now stand up straight and make eye contact with people.”

“But they all look like they know each other,” Jack said.

“You’re just imagining that, Jackabelle,” Shitty said. “This place is full of singles, all on the prowl. And they’re serious, history-minded singles, too. I bet not one of them knows a thing about hockey, especially Rhode Island hockey.”

Jack had to admit that if he were looking to meet someone, a mixer at a museum wouldn’t be the worst place to go.

But this — the Peabody Museum of Archeology and Ethnology — at Harvard, of all places — was full of, well, Harvard students. And plenty of them knew about hockey.

“You hate Harvard students,” Jack said. “Convince me that this is a good idea. Why do you want me to date one?”

“These aren’t law students, brah,” Shitty said. “Look, they’re history nerds like you. And if you’ve got a squeeze here, maybe you’d come up a little more.”

“And if you make me wear a suit and try to make small talk on an off day again, we’ll do all future socializing at my place in Providence,” Jack said. “I’m not good at this.”

“Give yourself a chance, brah,” Shitty said. “I’m gonna leave you alone to mingle a bit.”

He disappeared in the direction of the makeshift bar.

Jack looked around. He was both amused and appalled at the sculptures of “average Americans,” made after measurements were taken of hundreds of Americans and meant to demonstrate American superiority to various indigenous cultures at the 1893 World’s Fair.

Jack turned to study what the plaque said was Admiral Peary’s dog sledge. The exhibit was not about exploration of the arctic; it was part of the same exhibit as the statues, one about 19th century anthropology and the rise of the museum. Jack appreciated the meta-take, but he wondered if it was a way to get around the problem of displaying stolen artifacts.

He was considering the issue when a waft of perfume and the stirring of the air told him someone had joined him at the display case.

“Kind of cool, isn’t it?” the woman said when he looked over.

“What?” Jack said.

“That they took this dog sled all the way to the North Pole,” she said.

Jack really didn’t want to start the next sentence with a “Well, actually …” Both Shitty and his mother had gone on at length -- Shitty rather more loudly than his mother -- about the phenomenon of mansplaining.

The woman made it a moot point by taking his silence as an opening to introduce herself.

“I’m Lauren,” she said.

“Jack,” Jack said. “You know, the thing I think is interesting is how eager the National Geographic Society was to anoint Peary as the official first person to reach the North Pole. And whether he knew he probably never reached it or not.”

“Right,” Lauren said. “So … where did your boyfriend head off to?”

“My boy-- You mean Shitty?”

“What?”

“Sorry,”Jack said. “I forget how that sounds. It’s really what he prefers to be called. But he’s not my boyfriend.”

“So you’re a free agent?”

“I guess you could say that,” Jack said.

“So … at the risk of being cliche, do you come here often?” Lauren asked.

She was blonde and tall and had a hand with perfectly manicured nails on his forearm. She might well be a student, but her dress and heels showed an appreciation for things that most of the students there either couldn’t afford or just didn’t care about.

“Euh … not really,” Jack said. “It’s an interesting museum, though. I came to see Shitty, and he wanted to come. I’ll probably come back when it’s quieter.”

“We could go someplace quieter now,” Lauren said.

And then Jack was nearly knocked off his feet as dishes clattered around him.

“I am so, so sorry,” the man who bumped into him said. “Are y’all okay? I don’t know how I managed to do that.”

The man -- shorter than both Jack and Lauren, but clearly solid to pack such a wallop -- was wiping ineffectually at a wet spot on Lauren’s shoulder with a cloth he pulled from his waistband.

“Oh, please,” Lauren said. “This dress will have to be cleaned, and you’re going to pay for it. Or your employer is.”

“I’m so sorry,” said the waiter, because that’s clearly what he was, dressed in black trousers and a black button-down shirt.. “Of course we’ll take care of it. My name is Eric Bittle, but everybody calls me Bitty. Just send the bill to TidBits, and it’ll be taken care of.”

Lauren was clearly not satisfied. “Where’s your supervisor? I want to speak to him.”

“Um, I don’t have one,” Bitty said, digging in his pocket. “Here, take a card. Just send a photo of the dress and the cleaning bill to the email there, and I’ll reimburse you.”

“What about my time?”

“You would have to have the dress cleaned eventually, wouldn’t you?” Jack stepped in. “It doesn’t even look like it’s going to stain, but you’ll get the cleaning paid for. Seems like a good deal to me.”

“For getting God knows what spilled all over me? In public?”

“It was water,” the waiter — Bitty — said.

“So It should be settled,” Jack said.

“Maybe you could help me take care of it,” Lauren said to Jack. “Big, strong hockey player like you. I bet if you complained they’d make sure they never hire this incompetent … waiter again.”

“You know who I am?” Jack said, just as Bitty blurted, “Did you even look at my card?”

“Of course I recognize the captain of the Falconers when I see him,” Lauren said. “But I guess I thought you’d be more of a gentleman. I’m going to leave so I can change.”

Jack turned to Bitty, who was bent over picking up a pitcher and water glasses.

“Sorry,” Bitty said. “I was taking this in the back for my staff.”

“No worries,” Jack said. “You’ve apologized already. Accidents happen.”

“We-ell,” Bitty said, “it might not have strictly been an accident.”

“What?”

“First, in the spirit of full disclosure, I knew who you were as soon as I saw you,” Bitty said. “I financed my education with a hockey scholarship, and some of my waiters are still on the team. But so did she. She was following you since you walked in, and when your friend left, she zeroed in like a heat-seeking missile. And you looked uncomfortable.”

“So you body checked me with a pitcher full of water?”

“You seriously don’t know how much of an accomplishment that was for me,” Bitty said. Especially since I ran into you, but only got her wet. I figured it would break up the conversation at least.”

“Mission accomplished, I guess,” Jack said. “But Shitty — sorry, my friend, brought me here to meet people.”

“Was she really who you wanted to meet?” Bitty asked. “Miss Call-your-supervisor-so-I-can-get-you-fired?”

Jack chuckled. “Not really,” he said. “Although I’m guessing that’s not something you have to worry about.”

“Only if I was going to fire myself,” Bitty said. “And if you did like her, you could have ridden to her rescue. It was a win either way.”

Jack laughed outright at that, and said, “Can I get one of your cards too? Shitty told me I’m not supposed to ask people out if they’re at work.”

Bitty was blushing adorably as he dug another card our. “I didn’t know you dated men,” he said.

Jack shrugged. “I don’t date much at all,” he said. “But I’m trying to change that.”

“Okay, well, um, that where it says cell number, that’s really my cell, so call or text anytime,” Bitty said, now both blushing and flustered. “And I do have to get back to work. But try the mini-pies!”

Jack was still holding his card when Shitty returned.

“So how did flying solo go?” Shitty asked. “Did you meet anyone?”

“You know, I think I did.”

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 308

I’m an Eeyore, blah, blah, blah, whatever, sorry. Ramblings under the cut but seriously maybe just keep scrolling. Why am I even here.

Oh cool. More voiceovers. They’re bugging me way more this season than they used to and I’m not sure why. Maybe because they’re not used as much so when they show up again it’s more jarring?

Young Ian being proud of his skills as a criminal is adorable. Young Ian being proud that Fergus thinks he’s a good criminal is adorable. Young Ian in general is adorable. I’m basically just hanging on to how much I like Young Ian because I’d like to be positive about something.

Ok, I’m sorry, I want to like Jenny. But jfc. Calling Claire a stray? I get that she has complicated feelings about the situation or whatever but can people please stop treating Claire like she’s a piece of crap who no one wants around? It’s getting old. And annoying af.

Also, can Claire please stand up for herself? Like Claire. You suffered enough and were shit on for so long. You don’t need to put up with this crap anymore. You didn’t fucking kill a guy in cold blood. A guy tried to fucking rape you, you defended yourself, he fell, and you tried and failed to save him. That’s a far cry from the fucking murder they’re making it out to be. And it took all of one fucking sentence to explain.

Although good on Jenny for seconding how Claire called out Jamie last week for how he was with Young Ian. Because wtf, Jamie.

Oh hey, Jamie remembers how he learned that beating people isn’t the best form of “punishment.” The smallest of gold stars for you, JAMMF.

Ok I don’t get why they didn’t just have Janet be Kitty. Like we’ve been introduced to Young Jamie, Maggie, Kitty and Ian. Why bother even introducing another rando Murray kid?

Also, did the Murray kids start having babies at like 16? Because the smols running around are pretty old considering Maggie and Young Jamie are like in their early 20s.

Also if Claire and Jamie lived at Lallybroch for a year that the show basically skipped over in season two, Young Jamie would probs definitely remember Claire. But cool that the show needs literally everyone to make Claire feel unwelcome. *eye roll*

Not sure how I feel about Jenny acting like she was entitled to Jamie sharing his grief. Like that’s his call? You’re not entitled to anything? I get wanting to help your brother and stuff, but idk. She seems to be making it about her and what she needed and I’m not here for that?

“I barely wanted to breathe, let alone speak of it.” Cool, Jamie, then maybe start acting like you actually want Claire around? Because last week you were a douchenozzle of epic proportions to her.

Good on Jenny for knowing Jamie’s full of shit when he tells her the BS about where Claire went. The story like isn’t really believable.

Yes, Claire. Tell Jenny the truth. Dooo it.

But fuck Jamie for thinking Jenny wouldn’t be able to accept the truth about Claire. Literally everything in this episode makes it seem like she’d believe them. And it’d work so well if they’d just tell her. If they tell her next week, fine, but I’ll still be mildly annoyed because like why drag it out unnecessarily?

Also, they bring up Murtagh and Jamie forgets to tell Claire he’s alive? Because if she knows and they had that conversation off-screen I’ma be pissed.

The shots of Jamie climbing up to the tower thing are so overly dramatic I can’t even. Like when his hands come up over the wall thing but then he just like casually steps over it. Like wat? What am I watching.

Also the jewels in that box look like the plastic stuff I had in my dress up box when I was a kid.

Caitriona Balfe’s face during the whole greylag thing kills me. Basically Caitriona Balfe’s face during this whole episode kills me. *throws awards at Caitriona Balfe’s face*

Glad they didn’t have the kiddos interrupt sex because Joan is basically a fetus, but the “daddy” thing is still so weird. Especially from Marsali. An 18 year old who calls her stepdad “daddy” is fucking weird. Especially if that stepdad only lived with them for a couple months.

Good to see Laoghaire is still just as fucking terrible as ever. *eye roll* Seriously. After ep. 208, I was like cautiously optimistic that maybe Laoghaire would have some character growth. Like yeah, she’s still fucking insane, but to have her just barge in with the same old over the top “my whole purpose in life is hating Claire because I’m unhealthily obsessed with Jamie” nonsense is annoying af.

Claire’s reaction during this terrible nonsense, though... *throws more awards at Caitriona Balfe’s face*

Ok Joan’s adorable and Da!Jamie is lovely, but like, did we really need to spend this much time on this scene? I get it, Jamie loves the girls. Jamie really loves being a dad. But I’m just getting really annoyed that literally anything and everything keeps taking precedence over Claire, and fixing the relationship between her and Jamie.

“Well there are other redheaded men in Scotland, Claire.” Jfc, dude. Read the fucking room. Does this really look like the right time for sass? He’s been so hot and cold toward her it’s like fucking whiplash since she came back and now that his other marriage is out there he like can’t stop for a minute and fucking be serious with her? Fucking asshole.

“You’re the one that told me to be kind to the lass!” Go fuck yourself, Jamie. Do not throw this back on Claire. Claire asking Jamie to thank Laoghaire could be part of how Jamie rationalizes it being ok to marry her to himself, but to throw it on Claire like somehow that’s the equivalent of her giving her blessing is not a good look. Fucking own your damn choices, Fraser.

“I’m a coward. I couldn’t tell you, but I’ll totally twist your words so I can feel good about myself for marrying someone I know tried to kill you.” Yes. Jamie. You’re a fucking coward. Own that cowardice. Sit in that fucking cowardice. Don’t fucking say you’re a coward and then immediately try to throw the blame for the situation back on Claire. Own your fucking mess, dude. You fucked up. You need to work to fix that. Jfc.

Yaaas Claire, call him on his bullshit about leaving him. Call him on ALL THE BULLSHIT. Seriously her face though. *throws awards*

Ok don’t you mansplain your manpain at Claire, bro. She had 20 fucking years of manpain being mansplained at her and my girl deserves fucking better.

Really wish Claire would throw more back at Jamie. She still hasn’t gotten across to him just how hard things were for her. It really does seem like Jamie thinks he won the pain and suffering contest. (It’s not a contest, but it’s getting super old that he seems to think she just went back to this cushy life and sure, was sad, but because he was in prison and a cave and stuff he somehow has the moral high ground now.)

Claire spent 20 years not being able to speak. She spent 20 years just enduring a terrible situation and not being allowed to feel or grieve or be herself. Jamie needs to fucking hear that. Because how dare he think that she doesn’t know what it’s like to live without a heart. How fucking dare he. Fucking drag him, Claire. He needs to hear it and you need to say it. But of course we don’t get that. Because have you seen this season? Why would they start treating Claire well now. It’s only 8 episodes into a 13 episode season. Ugh.

I know Jamie’s like insecure and jealous and whatever but at some point who gives a fuck about Jamie’s manpain. Claire needs to say her piece and she still hasn’t been able to and I’m really annoyed about it apparently.

Also I really wish they cut them starting to rage bang and instead just had them yell more. Because they’re definitely not done yelling. Yes. They use sex to communicate, but rage banging isn’t going to make things better. Especially rage banging that isn’t welcome on Claire’s side at first. They haven’t done enough actual communicating yet. And by they, I mean Claire. Let Claire fucking speak, show.

Like oh hey, Jamie says he loves her, but like I’m distracted by Claire not wanting him to touch her and him still touching her? And you haven’t been acting like you love her, Jamie, so this line feels like the same lip-service as you saying you were a coward and then immediately punting blame?

Ok fuck Jenny very much for her little rant at Claire. Yes, it’s fucked up that Claire dropped off the face of the earth. And I get she had to see Jamie go through a ton of shit. But to just automatically be this much of a dick to Claire? Jfc. I’m so over everyone being a fucking dick to Claire. Claire needs a fucking spa weekend or some shit.

But ffs, why can’t they just tell Jenny and Ian the fucking truth. (If it happens next week I’m just going to be annoyed. They’ve set it up like 23985230589 different ways this week to do it. Just fucking do it.)

“I’m still the same person you fell in love with.” But you’re really fucking not, Jamie. That’s the whole fucking point. Ughhh, wtf.

Ok but where the fuck did Laoghaire get this gun? Like who gave her a pistol? (Yes, I know, it’s from the book. It’s still fucking stupid.) There has to have been a way to do the Laoghaire stuff in this episode that isn’t like dialed up to 11 on the crazy meter. Because this is just absurd.

Also wtf is with Claire’s like body check thing? Like push her away or something if you have to but like full on hockey checking her or whatever is dumb af?

Oh hey, Young Ian is being a cinnamon roll again about Claire’s surgical tools. Just going to enjoy that for a minute. Keep being adorable, Young Ian.

“You’re the only one who calls me [Auntie].” “Uncle Jamie’s lucky you’re here.” PROTECT YOUNG IAN AT ALL COSTS. GET HIM A WOLF PUP TO ASSIST WITH THIS.

Ok but wouldn’t Claire feel that Jamie has a fever when she’s checking his bandages? No? Ok, whatever. Moving on.

Jamie’s face when Claire���s giving him the cup makes me want to smack him a little. Like, dude, do you not know how much shit you’re in? Like his little smile and heart eyes or whatever he’s doing there makes it seem like he’s not taking the situation as seriously as he should be.

Making Jamie agreeing to marry Laoghaire be all about the kids is the only way it could possibly work even a little, I guess? Because yeah, Jamie wants to be a dad. A lot. But still, two minutes with rando children at a party is really not enough to then say you’ll spend the rest of your life with the crazy bitch you know tried to kill your wife in an effort to get you to love her. Also, there are approximately 29358238923598 smols running around Lallybroch and I’m guessing a fair number of other widows out there who aren’t fucking insane. Whatever. Jamie’s reasons for wanting to get married are all legit. But I’m still side-eyeing the choice of woman given what he knows about her. (Yes, it’s in the book. Yes, I still get to side-eye it. Yes, he’s still a fucking coward for not telling Claire sooner.)

“To care for Willie...or Brianna.” Cool that Bree’s still the afterthought. Cool cool cool.

“I couldn’t bear the thought of someone being afraid of my touch.” I still wish they would have found a way for the marriage to fail that didn’t involve Laoghaire being a victim of abuse, but given what Jamie went through at Wentworth, that’s a legit reason for him to leave. But like, if the whole thing was about the kids and him being a dad, wouldn’t he fucking move somewhere closer than fucking Edinburgh? I guess the kids don’t actually matter that much? This whole thing is a fucking hot mess.

OK BUT THIS CONVERSATION ON THE STAIRS WITH JENNY WHEN SHE’S TALKING ABOUT NOT KNOWING WHERE CLAIRE CAME FROM AND HOW SHE SAVED THEM WITH THE POTATOES IS THE PERFECT FUCKING TIME TO TELL JENNY THE FUCKING TRUTH AND GAH, WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DO IT. THIS IS APPARENTLY THE HILL I’M WILLING TO DIE ON.

Ned Gowan gets the award for having the correct reaction to seeing Claire again. Gold star for you, Ned Gowan. Ned Gowan, Young Ian and Fergus should start a club for people who aren’t dicks to Claire.

I’m here for Jamie not wanting Laoghaire transported because of the girls. I’d side-eye him like whoa if he wanted to go that route. But jfc, they can’t use that as leverage to lower the alimony? Like sure, send them some money so you don’t leave the kids hanging, but not the insane amount she was apparently asking for?

“I’m just not sure if we belong together anymore.” I hate that they end the episode like this, with no actual resolution between them. Like I’d like to think that Claire would never believe what she says, but jfc, she’s been treated basically like how Frank had treated her by pretty much everyone except Fergus and Young Ian since she got back. To the point where she’s fucking romanticizing the 20 years she spent just going through the motions and being basically emotionally abused by a vindictive husband. The fact that it doesn’t seem out of character for her to say she thinks it was a mistake kills me because jfc, sorry, but she deserves better than she’s gotten.

“I had a life.” Yeah, one where you were constantly told that you weren’t enough and that you were a horrible person.

“I didn’t hate Boston.” Girl. Listen to yourself. That’s how you phrase it when you’re trying to convince yourself it’s true. Not how you say it when you actually believe it’s true. (I know, she didn’t hate everything 100% of the time, but she’s still just trying to convince herself that what she had was better than it actually was because now that she’s back, she’s just getting more of the same BS thrown at her.)

“I had a career.” Yeah. You did. And you deserve to be around people who respect that and see how important it was to you.

“A home.” You really want to keep those rose colored glasses on about that, Claire? Seriously, I needed her to like lash out at Jamie about what it was really like for her because I still don’t think he fully gets it. Whatever. Le sigh.

“Friends.” Girl you had one friend. Which I guess is more than you have back here... #TeamJoe

Noticeably missing from Claire’s list? Fucking Bree. Wtf?

Can I just give Claire a hug? Because jfc, if someone has ever needed a hug in the history of hugs, it’s Claire.

“It wasn’t so bad, really, was it?” Yes. Yes it was, Claire. And fuck the show for dragging this out for yet another episode. Everything is still somehow Claire’s fault and Claire’s still just like flailing around, trying to be fucking seen and heard for once.

“When has it ever been easy.” Jamie, ffs, don’t brush off her pain like that. Can you just listen for fucking once to what she’s telling you. But nope. He gets like one romantic line per episode and apparently that makes everything cool? Blergh.

Oh hey, a random book line followed immediately by them getting interrupted so lol who cares about that failed emotional beat. I’m sensing a pattern, show. And it’s not one I’m enjoying. At all.

Also there’s no way that fucking ship pulled up its sails or whatever the actual term is that quickly and then dropped them again in the span of like two minutes.

So now we’re off to start the shipnanigans but still no fucking resolution between Jamie and Claire. Because why would you spend part of this episode with them actually working through their shit and coming to a new normal while they’re home at Lallybroch when you can save it for when they’re on a fucking ship in the middle of high seas adventure nonsense? Because lol #angst. Whatever. This is fine. Le sigh.

This show is fucking exhausting.