#this whole stream was so good (mind the trigger warnings ofc)

[chilled-chaos]

chilled's in trouble

[anonthenullifier]

Have you seen/written any aus about vision working in a detective firm that's named after him? (As in "Shade Detective Firm" or something like that) and he's just really... spicy.. asking for a friend ofc :D

I’m not sure I have, though I’m happy for people to leave suggestions if they know any. I have been thinking about this ask for awhile (sorry I’m so late on it) and I wanted to give you a crime noir one shot. It has expanded, however, into needing to be chapters. Just a general warning: this is going to be traditional noir, so it’ll be dark and hopeless with that spiciness you want as well. The crime itself deals with harm to children, so I wanted to be upfront about that in case that’s a trigger at all.

Here is chapter 1 of The Vanished:

—-

It’s a reasonable hour, one where reasonable families are tucking their children in with gentle kisses to their foreheads while the dishes freshly washed from dinner sit dripping in the wire rack. The lights of stores flicker off, leaving only the sputtering street lamps and the neon signs of less reasonable establishments to reflect in the slosh of a day's worth of rain. For Victor Shade, Private Investigator, it is the beginning of yet another night seeking justice in a city that knows it only as an abstraction instead of a truth.

Victor pulls the stiff collar of his trenchcoat tighter, a measly guard to the persistent precipitation, and steps onto the sidewalk. He makes his way along the streets, their names streaming through his mind as he turns north and then east, wandering south at 5th Avenue. It used to be comforting, the gridwork of streets and avenues, the expert planning to make the infrastructure ordered and easy to navigate. From above it looks like a chessboard. Fitting, really, because like chess there are varying rules for the people that live here. The majority are pawns, only ever looking forward, ignorant of the intricate dance of diagonals and squares of the real power players. Victor always sees himself as the rook, trying to move forward while being gripped in persistent horizontal rumination. Stuck in the same motions, unable to bring himself to pursue the pathways that others use to capture their own ends.

He used to love chess. Now, like these streets, it’s hollow and apathetic.

Four blocks down 5th he finds the brownstone. It’s dark, abandoned, a monolith of despair. Just as he asked them to leave it.

The door is still ajar, splinters jutting from the door jam. Someone kicked it in, either too impatient or too unskilled to pick the lock. Either way, they got what they wanted

Inside it’s even darker, ink black, punctuated by slices of gray where his eyes perceive furniture. Victor runs a finger along the front windowsill, rubbing the talcum deep into the whorls of his fingertips. The police have already dusted for prints. They’ve already torn this whole house apart. Already concluded there’s not enough evidence to pursue. Typical. The parents are Italian immigrants, shoe makers, if he recalls correctly. Salt of the earth, good people, not that it matters.

Read the rest on Ao3

[emersonfreepress]

"into psychological analysis of violent criminals my whole life" 👀 do you have any good recs for that? documentaries, books, podcasts, etc.?

oh ho ho, anon... thanks for asking! i have a few recs I can think of, but a lot of the stuff i watch i kind of immediately forget lol. all these recs come with a massive content warning, ofc, they’re all about murders, abuse, and sadistic violence.

i get most of my true crime fix on YouTube these days. Jean On the CrimeScene has some shows but they’re all pirated from cable, so don’t get attached; she went from hundreds of videos as recently as this weekend to a whole lot less today lmao. The shows Signs of a Psychopath and Evil Lives Here, the most recent uploads, have been really interesting. *And I highly recommend the Catching a Serial Killer episode about Mike Little. It doesn’t dive into psychology much because it’s more about history of his crimes, but finally hearing from him at the end... idk that shit’s gonna stick with me :|

Other channels I like these days are Eleanor Neale, a very adorable YouTuber who does a great job recounting violent crimes with good ass research and compassion, and JCS - Criminal Psychology, in-depth analysis of police interrogations by a forensic psychologist. Once you’re addicted to JCS (it will happen), know that their Patreon has hours upon hours of even more psycho-analysis of the same nature. My favorites might be a deep dive into the psychological state of death row inmates (The Death Row Phenomenon) and an in-depth analysis of Ted Bundy’s last ever interview before he was executed (The Psychology of Ted Bundy). Unfortunately, they’ve decided they won’t be uploading any new content on Patreon, but the pledge amount is custom, so you can pay whatever you want for streaming access to some of the best criminal psychology content on the internet. (the English language part of the internet, anyway!)

For shows, again I’ve been into this stuff my whole life so I’ve forgotten most of the titles. Some that come to mind, though, are Making a Monster (fantastic!! as good as these types of series get imo; there was another show like this when i was a teen but can’t remember its name for the life of me -_-), Murder for Hire, Mindhunter (a drama yes, but damn good), Inside the Criminal Mind, I Am a Killer (another fave), and Twisted Love (surprisingly good reenactment actors and production, i was shook lol).

Though these aren’t (always) technically about violent crimes, I think these documentaries are fascinating explorations and windows into human psychology, specifically narcissism, delusion, and manipulation. Holy Hell (altho dear god trigger warning), Wild Wild Country, Going Clear, Children of God (another massive trigger warning), The Source Family, The End of the World Cult (2007; goes by 2 extremely similar titles; warning here too), and Team Foxcatcher. Oh and Jesus Camp! This is mainly what I was able to recall from my country’s version of Netflix :)

Annnd I can’t think of anything else. but hey, you asked, anon!

[my-emotional-self]

Let Me Protect You Part 2 Chapter 13 (Chris Evans x OFC)

Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC Emilia

Words: 1.3k+

Warnings: Swearing, Angst

Trigger Warnings: Suicide Attempt

The flight home was quick as you easily spaced out the entire time.  While Chris kept texting you, letting you know that you really did not have to leave, you still felt it was a mistake to show up.  He had asked you repeatedly if you wanted to come in the months prior, but you kept saying no.  You wanted it to be his ‘boys’ trip, and to be able to hang out with his friends. But in the end, yet again, you had ruined things just like you always did.  

Getting back home was a nightmare; the traffic in Los Angeles that afternoon had been hell.  When you finally made it home, you collapsed on the bed and passed out.  

~~~

You had managed to sleep the whole night through, straight into Sunday morning.  You noticed the light blinking on your phone as you quickly got up, opening it.  

Chris: Did you make it home alright?

Chris: Hello?

Chris: Emilia why aren’t you answering your phone.

Chris: Pick up babe

There were many more texts and a dozen missed phone calls.  Your head bowed as you dialed Chris’ number.  

���Emilia what the fuck! I have been worried all fucking night about you.  Why didn’t you answer my calls or texts?  I thought something was seriously wrong with you!” Chris barked as soon as he picked up the phone call.  

“I’m sorry” you apologized quietly; feeling like a failure in this relationship.  

Chris let out a harsh sigh. “You’re sorry?  That’s all you have to say is you’re sorry?”

Tears started to form in your eyes, shaking your head even though Chris couldn’t see you.  “I am sorry” you croaked out, not knowing what else to say.  

“Yeah well….fuck” Chris said dejectedly.  “I’m coming home tonight.  I changed my flight.  I’ll see you later Em.”  He hung up the phone, without a goodbye, without an I love you.  You threw your phone on the bed as you let out a hectic scream; your vocal chords vibrating in your throat as your face pulsated.  You had really done it, he was going to come home and break up with you.  For, you don’t even know how many times, had ruined another relationship.  Nothing could go well in your life because you were such a fuck up.  

Your mind became numb as you sat on the bed; everything tuning out around you as you stared at the wall.  You were going to be alone after this, after Chris broke up with you.  This was the end you kept telling yourself.  

The front door opened and shut jolting you in surprise.  Furrowing your brows, you looked out the window and realized it was dark.  You had sat there, in bed, staring at the wall and feeling sorry for yourself for the past day.  

Chris’ footsteps bounding up the stairs as you hung your head low.  You wiped a stray tear that had fallen on your cheek as you prepared for the worst.  The bedroom door opened and you didn’t move, not wanting to look him in the face.  

Chris stayed in the doorway and you could feel his eyes on you.  He stood there for a good minute or two before walking towards you and sitting on the bed.  “Hey Ems” he said quietly, his voice breaking your heart as you sniffled back your now falling tears.  

“Hi” you croaked out; your throat dry from not eating or drinking anything since yesterday.  

Chris let out a sigh, sounding defeated as you felt his gaze on you.  You still couldn’t bare it to look at him, to look at those blue eyes that you had so helplessly fallen in love with.  

“I’m worried about you” his voice wavering as he spoke.  You felt his emotions through his voice, and you knew he was being serious.  Hell, you were worried about yourself too; things had never gone this south with you before.  You nodded your head at his words; unsure of how to answer him.   “You need to get this under control Emilia.”

His words were like a slap to your face.  You turned your head to face him, your eyebrows scrunching up as your mouth hung open. “Really Chris?  Are you fucking kidding me right now!?” you howled out in anger.  “You don’t think I don’t fucking know that by now?  I’ve had to live with myself.  I KNOW how fucked up I am.  God! You act like I haven’t even tried to get better!”

By now you were way past angry, you were irate as you got up from the bed and paced around.  “I can’t believe you said that Chris!  ‘You need to get this under control.’  Yeah, no fucking shit Chris.  What do you expect me to do?  I’ve tried everything!  What, do you want me to sit around like a goddamn zombie forever?  Feel nothing at all?  No love, or peace?” your hands were raising in the air as you paced the bedroom back and forth.  

“Emilia calm down” Chris urged as he got up from his spot on the bed to face you.  You stopped your pacing as you stood and stared at him, slack jaw.

“Calm down?  CALM DOWN?  Maybe I’ll calm down if you stop saying such stupid shit!  You’re just making things worse!” you yelled back.

“I’M making things worse? You have got to be kidding me!  Do you not see the way you are acting right now?”

“If I’m so horrible then why don’t you just break up with me already!?” you fought back, regretting instantly what you had said.  

“Yeah?  Maybe I should!” he growled back.  Just then, his phone started ringing.  He took it out of his pocket before turning back to you. “I have to take this” he declared before walking out of the bedroom and slamming the door shut.  

~~~

“Hey Eric” Chris said as he answered his phone.  

“Hey man.  Look, I got an earlier flight out and I’m on my way to your place right now.  I got worried after you called me again last night so I decided if you were getting back home today then I would come out as soon as possible.”

Chris sighed in relief, knowing someone was here to help him.  “Good.  That’s good because things just took a turn for the worst.”

“Just hang in there. I should be there in about fifteen minutes or so.”

“Alright bud.  I’ll see you in a few” Chris said before hanging up the phone.  

~~~

As Chris slammed the bedroom door shut, you lost all sense of anything.  With your head hung low, you shuffled into the bathroom, locking the door behind you.  Opening the medicine cabinet, you grabbed all your pill bottles before filing up a glass of water.  

Taking the glass of water and your pill bottles, you sunk to the floor.  You were sick of feeling this way; sick of hurting people; sick of hurting Chris.  You just wanted it to end.  As tears streamed down your face like waterfalls, you opened each bottle and poured all the remaining tablets into your hand.  

A knock on the bathroom door didn’t even faze you as you stared at the tablets.  

“Emilia” Chris knocked again, but you ignored him.  “Emilia open the door!”

Opening your mouth wide, you emptied the tablets into your mouth as you chugged the glass of water. It took a few gulps before you finally managed to get everything down.  Once you did, you felt a sense of calmness fall around you.  Leaning your head against the wall, you smiled a genuine smile; happy to be done with your life of misery.

“Emilia, open the damn door!” the faint sound of Chris’ voice rang quietly in your ears.  Your body was starting to feel weightless, your mind fuzzy as you sat on the warm floor of the bathroom.  

“Goodbye Chris” you whispered; your blurry vision seeing the door to the bathroom burst open right before you faded to black.

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