#this whole ass fic about a fictional cat of a fictional character thanks

[yikesharringrove]

Egg the Cat

Chapter 1

Read on Ao3

-

“Egg! Dinner!” 

Steve shook the container of dry food. The sound usually had Egg sprinting into him, yelling loudly through the house for her food. 

But she wasn’t coming. 

“Eggy!” He shook it again, heading out of the kitchen to see if maybe she couldn’t quite hear it. 

But still, no screeching, no pattering of little paws. 

“ Egg! ” He was beginning to feel, not good. 

She always came. Usually didn’t even let Steve out of her sight. 

He put down the container, racing up the stairs. 

He tore apart his bed, hoping to find big eyes staring at him, hoping to hear disgruntled mewing. 

“Egg, where are you girl?”

-

Billy kicked at a rock on the side of the road. 

The sun was beginning to set as he meandered down the main street, looking at the pitiful downtown. 

They had arrived a few days ago, spending all that time unpacking the moving truck, setting up their little house. 

Fuck Hawkins. 

He hated being landlocked. 

Hated being stuck in a shitty town. 

Hated that three days in, three days, and his dad has already taken his keys, has already slammed him against several of the walls in that house, has already kicked him out for the evening. 

He kicked the rock as hard as he could down an alleyway. 

He was met with a fucking scream. 

“Uh, hello?” It sounded like, like a kid was down there.

He was cautious, squinting into the shadowed alley. 

There was another shriek, and then yellow eyes peering at him. 

“ Oh .” 

It was a cat, a tiny little black cat. 

It yelled again.

“Loud baby, aren’t ya.” He crouched down, let the cat sniff around him. It had a collar on, and Billy got a look at the name. Egg Harrington. 

“Okay, who names a fucking cat Egg .” The cat looked at him. Meowing softly. 

He scooped it up, setting back down main street. 

-

“Egg!” 

Steve didn’t give a fuck anymore. 

He had his head sticking out his driver’s side window, driving slowly through town with his headlights as bright as possible, yelling her name. 

He was far beyond panicked, he had settled nicely in losing his shit. 

He needed to find her, needed to find her before someone else-some thing else- found her. 

He pulled over abruptly, parking his car. His baseball bat was tucked in his backpack as he set off on foot, armed with two flashlights and lots of batteries. 

The sun had set, and Steve was out here, looking for a black cat in the dark. 

“Egg! Please just come here. Come home with me, Honey, come on!”

He looked down each alleyway, shouting his head off like a fucking lunatic. 

But he had to find her. 

He had called Nancy to help him look, nearly in tears over the phone, begging for her to come out with him, only to be met with a flimsy excuse of watching her sister after dinner. 

He couldn’t really fault her, as he had to get out and search for his girl. 

He slumped against the diner wall, itching for a cigarette. But he had promised Nancy he’d quit, hadn’t had one in months. He settled for coffee, pushing his way into the diner. 

The waitress smiled brightly at him. Her name was Sylvia. She’d worked here since Steve was a kid. 

“Just you, Hun?”

“Yeah, Sylvia. Thanks.” She led him to a booth, tucked back in the corner. 

“Weird to see you here before midnight. You gonna actually get some food tonight?” The all-night diner had been Steve’s go to sanctuary for coffee after a particularly shitty nightmare. 

Which meant he was in there a few times a week. 

“Probably not. I’m just out looking for-”

His heart fucking stopped. 

He heard her. 

He heard his Egg.

Her yells were unmistakable, and he whipped around, saw her wriggling and writhing in some guy’s arms. She was looking right at Steve with those big yellow eyes, pupils wide and round.

Steve didn’t even register himself moving, just slid his arms around Egg, and held her close to his chest, burying his face in her fur. 

She purred loudly, relaxing immediately against him. 

“I take it you’re the fucker that named him Egg .”

Steve blinked slowly, finally registering who he had stolen his cat back from. 

“Named her Egg.” The guy just raised one sharp eyebrow. 

Yeah, Steve has never seen this guy in his life. 

He’d remember if he had. 

“Still a dumb name.”

“I was a kid, okay?” The guy just studied him for a bit, before his face cracked, smirk settling on his lips. 

“She’s cute.” Steve smiled back, settled himself in the booth opposite. “Loud as all fuck.”

“Yeah, she’s always been a yeller.” Steve leaned over the table, holding out his hand. “I’m Steve Harrington.”

“Billy Hargrove.”

Billy shook his hand. 

Steve Harrington. 

Billy liked his name. 

Well, honestly, he’d probably like any name as long as it was attached to this guy. Billy shook his head. 

None of that here. 

“Thanks for taking care of her.” Steve was looking down at Egg, scratching between her ears. 

She was perched on his lap, looking up at him like he was the whole world. 

It was the softest shit Billy had ever seen. 

“She’s sweet. Lost her damn mind when she saw you, though.” And then warm brown eyes were back on Billy, and it was genuinely difficult not to cow under them. 

“We’re very best friends.” Steve’s smile was sunshine. Just as warm and bright as his stupid fucking eyes. His stupid cheeks had a smattering of moles on them. Billy could see them dotting his neck too. 

He wrenched his eyes away from them. 

“That’s a little bit lame there, Harrington.” Billy couldn’t bring himself to call him Steve. 

He’s not allowed to be on first name basis with this guy. 

Steve raised one eyebrow, pursing his perfect pink lips-

Fucking come on, Billy. Don’t look at the fucker’s lips.

“How very rude of you. I’ll inform you, I used to be hot shit at the old high school.”

“You graduated?”

“No, I’m a senior. Just, you know, not hot shit anymore. Cold shit.” Billy barked a laugh, the cat looking wildly at him. 

“Fuckin’ cold shit .” He shook his head, fiddling with the laminated menu in front of him. “I’m gonna be a junior. Just like, by the way.”

“You new in town?” Steve smiled brightly at the waitress as she poured him a cup of coffee. Billy wrinkled his nose as he proceeded to dump sugar into it, rounding it off with four creams. 

Billy just kept his plain. 

“Moved here a few days ago. From California.”

“Jesus, why ?” Egg was currently staring back at Steve, pawing at his stomach. 

Billy’s heart nearly fell outta his asshole as Steve lifted up the hem of his sweatshirt, Egg tucking herself close to his body as he pulled it back down. 

He had smooth pale skin. Had even more fuckin’ moles, and sweet God, the fucking hair. His happy trail was dark, sinking down into the waistband of his jeans. 

Billy’s mouth was dry. 

Egg meowed softly from under his sweater. 

“My, uh, my dad remarried. He wanted to have a fresh start, or whatever.”

“No, I just mean, why here? This town is a shithole.”

“Yeah, I could see that.” Steve kicked him under the table. Billy ignored the way his stomach flopped. 

“Don’t be rude .”

“You just said it was a shithole.”

“I’ve lived here my whole life. I’m allowed to say that.” Steve broke off a small piece of one of Billy’s strips of bacon, holding it down the collar of his sweater. 

Egg meowed at him, no doubt taking the bacon. 

“Besides, you didn’t answer my question. Why here ?” Billy shrugged. 

He doesn’t really think telling Steve the truth would completely fly. 

After all, his dad’s a lot smarter than Billy has ever wanted to give him credit for. 

“Something about small towns having nice communities.” Steve rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, they’re nice until everyone talks shit behind your back.” He picked off another piece of bacon, dropping it down his sweatshirt as well. His tone had shifted, his body slumping forward a little bit. The cat in his sweatshirt squirmed a little. 

“You say that like you know from experience.” Steve shot him a glare. 

“Remember how I said I’ve lived here my whole life?” He rolled his coffee mug between his hands. 

“That bad, huh?” Steve shrugged. 

“Might be better for you.”

“Doubt it.”

Steve’s sweater gave a sharp mreow. He put one hand against her, jostling her like one would a baby.

“I should get her home. She needs dinner.” He pulled out the neck of his sweater, smiling at the cat in there. “Thank you for taking care of her. Scared the shit outta me when I realized she was gone.” Billy’s breath caught in his chest when Steve looked back at him. “Let me pay for your dinner.”

Billy had the no ready on his lips, but Steve was already digging into his wallet, pulling out a crisp twenty, placing it under his mug. 

He stood up, holding beneath the lump still in his sweatshirt, cradling Egg close to him as she curled tighter. 

“Thanks again. I really woulda lost my shit if anything bad had happened to her.” And he gave Billy another smile, one so sweet and full of fucking sunshine it only made him fucking ache for California. 

Billy just nodded at him, pointedly didn’t look at his ass as he walked away. 

Because his dad uprooted the whole family to deposit them here. Where Billy would probably be hunted like Frankenstein’s fuckin’ monster by an angry mob of villagers if he let himself look at other boys’ asses as they walked away. 

He just finished his food. 

Left the bacon Steve had picked pieces off of for last. 

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Rae

Rae has 16 stories at Gossamer. If you like MSR, you should go check them out, including (but not limited to) the fun-titled, banter-filled The Cat, an Espresso and a Bag of Sunflower Seeds. Big thanks to Rae for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

It surprises me that anyone reads my fanfic at all, let alone they are reading it 20 years after I wrote it!

But in the same vein, I am still actively reading xfiles fanfic and I tend to read the older fics, or new fics by authors I recognize or remember from back in the day. I cannot explain this lack of rationale. 🤷

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I had a great experience with the X-Files fandom! I made some fantastic friends - many even attended my wedding! I didn't really get involved in the dramas that went on. I was aware of it, but really, I just wanted to discuss my show with people that loved it like I did and read the fic, so I ignored all the other static.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Mainly message boards. AOL chat rooms, Yahoo groups, etc. We would all sign on after the episode aired and chat about it. Deconstruct it. And then we started traveling to meet each other and the real fun began!

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

It was definitely a growing experience. It forced me to step outside my comfort zone a little bit. Traveling to NYC, LA and Chicago to meet people just to fangirl with. Meeting Gillian and getting a picture with her - it was wild.

Different shared experiences that "real life" family and friends just didn't understand. It was fun and exciting.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

So I came to the show late in the game. I was sick, lying in bed channel surfing and caught the last 5 minutes of Fight the Future and immediately wanted to know why this woman was sitting in the snow holding onto this man. I spent the summer recording episodes on FX during the week and watching them all weekend and was somehow able to pretty much catch up on the first 6 seasons in time for the 7th season premiere.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

In my quest to know all the things that summer before the 7th season, I discovered AOL chat rooms that led me to different discussions on the show in general and at one point, a link was posted to whatever fanfic was hot that minute and I was instantly hooked.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I often feel like a wallflower at a party. I'm on the fringe, looking in to see what's going on. I don't bother anyone and most people don't even know I'm there. Every now and then I'll send feedback on a story, or I might even participate in a random discussion, but I feel it's a little more difficult these days without the chatrooms and discussion boards. Following people on tumblr or twitter and trying to engage in those platforms is more awkward since it feels so much more personal. It's like I'm intruding on someone's personal space.  Or having to scroll through non-fandom stuff to find the fic. The message boards were a more even playing field I guess? It's hard to explain.

When I'm hardcore searching for something...anything to read, I'll refer to "The Classics" list. There are still many on there I haven't read.

I miss ephemeral.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

No. No other characters have ever interested me beyond the story we're given within the confines of the show/movie/book like Mulder and Scully did. My friends would dive into Harry Potter or Marvel or (fill in the blank with anything) and I would try to get excited, but there's nothing.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Well, Scully because she's so bad-ass. She's always so certain of her convictions. We don't see her second-guess herself often.

Anne of Green Gables because against all odds, she still sees the beauty in everything.

Jo in Little Women because she is just so tenacious. She knows what she wants.

Hermione in Harry Potter. She knows the most important thing she'll do is help Harry and there is value in that, so she gives it all she's got.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I do. A couple of years after the original run was over, I lost a dear friend (met because of XF) and then later I had my first baby and life just got busy in a very different way so I fell out of the fandom and just dropped all of it.

And then there was the revival. I waited until all episodes aired and then binge-watched them. And I did the same with season 11, but waited about 6 mos after it aired to watch it, rewatching the whole series from the beginning, first.

But now I turn it on a few times a week while I'm folding laundry or making dinner or some other chore. It's nice to have it on in the background because I don't have to pay close attention because I know what's going to happen. I've actually watched the whole series a few times this way.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I still read XF fic. It's still my favorite thing to read. I am always looking for the next great fic to lose myself in. Back in the day, I would read any pairing, any genre...I was game for anything, as long as it was XF fic. I'm a little more choosy, now, but only because my free-time is more limited. I only want to read MSR and I'm not at all interested in revival fics.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I am partial to the novel-length AU and canon-divergent stories.  I love everything by Prufrock's Love and Bonetree. I have read Paracelsus, A Moment in the Sun and the Goshen/Secret World series countless times. Journal 1999 and Journal 2000 by MD1016, The Mastodon Diaries by akaJake, Blinded by White Light by Dashak, Deliverance From Evil by Char Chaffin and Tess.

I could go on all day.

My absolute favorite story is Arizona Highways by Fialka.

I am partial to Scully angst. And the Emily storyline just kills me, so when authors take those elements and write a kick-ass story, I am there for it.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

How awful is it that I had to look up my fics to answer this question? I don't know that I have a favorite. That's like asking a mother which child she favors. Maybe One of the Damned.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I won't say never, but I don't think so. I've tried to start one or two with some ideas I've had, but I haven't gotten far with them.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

No. I don't even have time to read as often as I would like to.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Usually what if scenarios - I try to work out different ways the story could go in my head. I would usually have the guts of the story written in my head before I typed the first word.

What's the story behind your pen name?

There was already a well-known Rachel posting fic when I got started, so I just decided to go with a nickname - Rae.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My husband is crazy supportive and tries to convince me to write again All. The. Time. I never hid my XF obsession from anyone, but I don't think I told many people about my writing.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I am on tumblr and twitter, but like I said above, I don't really post. All of my stories are at Gossamer.

(Posted by Lilydale on February 9, 2021)

[wintaejk]

Jungkook’s FIC REC | OS 1

Because I spend a lot of time here on tumblr reading fanfictions, I wanted to create my own fic recs. Like that, I can recommend fictions that deserve more recognition and at the same time, if I want to reread one of them, I just have to come here.

Everything on this list is about Jungkook. And of course, all those works have been written by the authors I tagged next to the name of the fictions, they do not belong to me (and if the authors want me to remove their work from my rec, I will). 

I also want to thank the authors. I really appreciate all your works and efforts to create all those beautiful stories. I send you all of my love.

(f) = fluff

(a) = angst

(m) = mature

Stories will be sorted by length, by theme, and for the series, by progression (complete or uncomplete).

college au

  — Poison (F) (A) — by @byeoltoyuki

You can’t decide whenever you hated or loved Jungkook. Either way you couldn’t say no to him.

college au | enemies to lovers | +3k

— One more night (F) (A) (M) — by @byeoltoyuki​

In which when Jimin told you to have fun, he didn’t exactly mean to bang his friend.

college au | enemies to lovers | +12k            

— Blue Raspberry (F) — by @strawbxxymilk

Jungkook asks you to live life on the wild side.

college au | enemies to lovers | -1k

— Soulmate Culture (F) (M) —

Part II of Blue Raspberry.

 college au | enemies to lovers | +2k            

—  flick or treat (M) — by @junqkook 

You hate jeon jungkook with every fiber of your being; but arousal doesn’t discriminate between like and dislike.

college au | enemies to lovers | fratboy!jungkook | +3k

—  50% Cotton (F) (M) — by @perpetually-jungshook

ShyKook. You keep “accidentally” borrowing Jungkook’s jacket until one day he shows up to retrieve it.

college au | friends to lovers | +6k

—  50% Polyester (M) (F)  —

Shy boy Jungkook is ready for his first time. Kind of. Sequel to 50% Cotton.

college au | friends to lovers | +5k

—  Set On You (F) (M) — by @bymoonchild

Sports has never been your thing, so when you find yourself in a sports hall that reeks of perspiration and cologne and in front of a group of volleyball players whom you’re supposed to be managing (heck, you can’t even manage your own life), you know that you’re in Deep Shit™. Especially when Jeon Jungkook, the golden setter of the team aka the boy who holds stars in his eyes, starts to occupy your reveries, slowly becoming both the quiet and pandemonium of your heart.

college au | volleyball au | +18k

—  Play Pretend (M) (A) — by @seokoloqy

Walking under ladders, splitting the pole, breaking mirrors, going near black cats—just to name a few things Jeon Jungkook doesn’t do before his soccer games.

And after Jungkook catches his girlfriend cheating on him, he’s going to need a little more than luck to get her back. He needs you.

college au | fake dating au | friends to lover | soccer player!jungkook | +8k

—  Click, Click (M) — by @seokoloqy

Who knew someone else’s dick pic would get Jungkook his first blowjob?

college au | friends to lovers au | virgin!jk | +2k

—  Teasing (M) — by @letspurpletogether

The one where your study partner is just too cute you can’t resist teasing him.

college au | inexperienced partner!jungkook | +3k

—  Curiosity (F) (M) — by @hobidreams​

When innocent Jungkook comes to you with a not-so-innocent question… you decide it’s easier to just demonstrate.

college au | best friend’s brother!jungkook | +3k

—  Stay Quiet (F) (M) — by @hobidreams​

You think the library is only a place for studying, Jungkook convinces you otherwise.

college au | established relationship au | +2k

—  Will You Make a Mess Now? (F) (M) — by @softyoongiionly​

Jungkook’s never been touched before and, after a hectic end to his semester, he thinks he wants that to change…

college au | established relationship au | virgin!jungkook | +4k

—  Can I Make a Mess Now? (F) (M) —

Jungkook’s never had sex before but, after realizing that he’s falling in love with you, he thinks he wants that to change.

college au | established relationship au | virgin!jungkook | +4k

—  i wished i missed my ex (F) (A) (M) — by @angelguk​

College was hard enough without having a crazy ex on your back too.  At least you weren’t the only one with that problem. Jeon Jeongguk, your best friend had a girl chasing after him too. You didn’t think your problems were intertwined, until Jeongguk comes up with the solution to solve them both at once. Two birds with one stone. Easy enough. Until the stone hits your heart too.

college au | friends to lovers au | fake dating au | 18k

—  in your arms tonight (M) — by @angelguk​

Late nights with Jeongguk end in great sex and love confessions (or the one where he has a thing for you in his clothes).

college au | established relationship au | domestic au | +5k

—  if i told you (F) (A) — by @gukyi​

In order to pay for university, Jeon Jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself. Donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses (to look smarter), he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. All while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him.

college au | friends to lovers au | 22k

—  Worth the Wait (F) (A) (M) — by @sketchguk​

You have an unwritten rule about swearing off relationships to pursue your studies, but your willpower wavers when you meet Jeongguk, the barista with commitment issues and a soft spot just for you.

college au | barista!jungkook | strangers to friends to lovers | +13k

—  Daydream (F) (A) (M) — by @luffles424​

You never thought that simply waking up your best friend would lead to something more.

college au | best friends to lovers | +7k

—  Hold You Tighter (F) — by @gukwluv​

Jeongguk doesn’t want to take Taehyung’s advice, but when he’s falling asleep in class, he think he might have to. Although he was not expecting the pretty girl that woke him up in said class, to be the one that Taehyung calls for help ; alternatively Jeongguk loves cuddling and you just happen to as well.

college au | strangers to lovers au | cuddle buddy au | +5k

  —  soft touch (M) — by @minnpd​

Jungkook needs to practice a massage on you before his final exam.

college au | friends to lovers | massage therapist!jungkook | +3k

—  you are in love (F) (M) — by @diortae​

You recount the last six months of your relationship with jeongguk. Alternatively, “you are in love” by taylor swift in fanfic form.

college au | established relationship | +4k

—  an abundance of mondays (F) (A) (M) — by @diortae​

“why the fuck would it be easy? you’re disgustingly in love with your best friend. of course it’s complicated.” he pauses to roll his eyes, as if he hasn’t just laid out the most secret parts of you here in the middle of the campus dining hall.

alternatively, it’s an old cliche, falling in love with your best friend. it’s a shame none of the stories ever told you it would feel like this.

college au | childhood friends to lovers | 15k

—  Ace (F) (A) (M) — by @hijoonie​

Jungkook only cares about three things: Baseball, painting and his team, but soon he’s adding you to that list when love comes flying at him fast and hard, knocking him right on his ass.

college au | baseball au | athlete!jungkook | artist!jungkook | +24k

—  one time, in your room (F) (M) — by @ubemango​

There are papers to write, and virgins to daydream about. (You can think about Jeongguk’s dick later.)

college au established relationship +17k

prequels: fingering  -  the game update -  wake up! sequels: hitting it from the back -  with a Hitachi wand -  overstimulation

roommate au

— Euphoria (F) (A) (M) — by @seokstrivia​

There was always a sign on Jungkooks’ door that said something along the lines of, ‘Warning; I am naked in here. Do not enter unless you’re ready to see a whole lot of dick.’  

or, that one roommate au where Jungkook is a cocky bastard.

roommate au | enemies to lovers | +7k

— Microwave (Mis)adventures (F) (A) (M) — by @bymoonchild​

Out of all things to be afraid of, Jungkook, the seat-stealer of your 8am class and annoying housemate whom you despise with every fiber of your being, chooses to have a phobia of microwaves, but he loves buying microwaveable food – because come on, they’re irresistible – and you somehow find yourself getting dragged into his microwaves (mis)adventures. Cue chaos, sarcasm-laced banter and an unplanned romance.

roommate au | college au | enemies to lovers | 20k

— heartbreak trials (A) (M) — by @dreamyjoons​

It all started with a bet: the one with the highest body count would get the most illustrious prize - Namjoon’s bedroom. For you and Jungkook, the race was on.

roommate au | enemies to lovers | +13k

— Itch (F) (M) — by @ironicarmy​

During a study session, your roommate Jungkook becomes hell-bent in showing you a good time – especially after discovering you’ve never been touched.

roommate au | college au | friends to lovers | virgin!reader | +8k

— Piss Off Your Parents (F) (A) (M) — by @littlemisskookie​

In an effort to piss off your parents you move in with their worst nightmare- a boy with tattoos, a rock band, and an irresistible charm.

roommate au | fake dating | bad boy!jungkook | +16k

Commentary - This story is for me a must-read for more than one reason. Let’s begin with maybe badboy!jungkook? Yes, we all love a good tattooed, badass jk, but as much as I can remember, this is the first time badboy jungkook is approached like that. Jungkook has all the attire of the baddie, but not the behavior that usually goes with it. We discover a bad boy that respect people, that is not fucking around like a horndog, and who doesn’t to stick his stick in any and every hole he finds. This is very refreshing and pleasant.                           Also, I want to take a moment to appreciate fully the way the dialogues are written. I particularly enjoyed them while reading the fiction. Why? I don’t really know… Was it the repartee of the two main characters? The analyze of the world they live in? The constant flirt and the slow burn? Or even the style in itself? Honestly, it’s probably a mix of all of that.                           Finally, let’s say this fiction is smartly emphasizing and kind of fighting all the clichés we can find in fanfictions. And what is best to fight cliché than writing one yourself? Yes, this fiction is definitely a must-read!

— Somnolent (F) — by @forgottenpasta

After spending one night in bed with you, Jeongguk finds out he is unable to sleep unless you’re sleeping with him.

roommate au | friends to lovers | +3k

— Laundry Day (M) — by @jinjikook 

jeongguk always pioneered one household chore: laundry. now why he had such an affinity for it, you had no idea. that is, until you come home and he lost track of time, causing you to stumble upon him in the midst of something strange and yet altogether intriguing.

roommate au | domestic au | 5k

— Blizzard (F) (M) — by @curly-bangtan

When a blizzard hits your town, you and your shy awkward roommate are forced to spend time together, not being able to leave the house due to the strong snowstorm. To make matters worse, the power gets cut in the middle of his shower. Which also means no heating.

roommate au | domestic au | strangers to lovers | virgin!reader | +15k

— Blizzard : let it snow (F) —

It’s holiday season, and you have yet to disclose your new romance with Jungkook to the rest of your friends. But during your traditional Christmas gathering night filled with food, Love Actually and mistletoe, each of the six of them discover your secret relationship with your shy roommate one by one in ways that you dread…

roommate au | domestic au | established relationship | +8k

— threats and paybacks (M) — by @pantaemonium

Jeon Jungkook. Art major in the University of Seoul. Passive-aggressive little shit and gamer extraordinaire.

It was that person—that phenomenal specimen of a human—the one you shared a tiny apartment with. No one hated Jeon Jungkook, no one in the entire planet could ever do, for he was lovely all around. You did not hate him. That was not it. The one and only problem Jeon Jungkook presented was that he was a terrible roommate, and that bowl of cereal was the last straw.

roommate au | college au | 14k

neighbors au

— not quite strangers (F) (A) (M) — by @seokwaves

there are two things that you very much hate in this world; first being woken up in the evening, second being woken up in the morning – and jeon jeongguk, the stranger a.k.a the guy who lives across your shitty apartment does just that, every single fucking time.

neighbors au | +19k

— neighbors (M) — by @btssmutgalore

When your hands are full, a cute neighbor lends a helping hand.

nighbors au | +6k

— sugar coated (F) (M) — by @guksheart

jeon jungkook, aspiring singer, works at a bakery with nothing but cupcakes and satisfied customers to occupy his time. one day, his next-door neighbor strolls into the shop with tears in her eyes, and his heart cannot help but worry why.

neighbors au | bakery au | +10k

— the underwear thief (F) (M) — by @gukyi

jeon jungkook would like to make one thing very clear: it’s not his fault.

neighbors au | strangers to lovers | 10k

— FEELS LIKE SUMMER (F) (A) (M) — by @badbhye

You only have one question on your mind this summer: when did Jeon Jungkook get abs?

neighbors au | borither’s best friend | +16k

friends to lovers

— Frost Impressions (F) (A) (M) — by @fortunexkookie

Granny Park’s Gossip:

Now, don’t start thinking anything about Jeon. He’s a good boy, of course, my sweet Jimin wouldn’t be friends with anything less, and he’s a damned good P.E. teacher, but he’s a rapscallion if I’ve ever seen one. Always putting his foot in his mouth in one way or another. My lovely grandson already told me about how he’s offended that new math and science teacher down at the school, you know the one, got hired as a replacement when they fired the last one? Yes, her. And Jiminie told me that Jeongguk’s been avoiding her ever since, the hellion. You just gotta shake your head at behavior like that.

Alternative Summary: Jeongguk is so disgustingly smitten with his new coworker that he ends up making a terrible first impression, and neither of them realize they’ve actually been in love with each other for the better part of a decade.

teacher au | gamer au | friends to lovers | enemies to lovers | +41k

Commentary - I put this fiction in the ‘friends to lovers’ section, but I could have placed in so many others. Because literally, this fiction has it all.                          First of all, the best friend to lovers au coupled with a gamer au and internet friends au. Honestly, just that should be enough for you to go read it.                          But in the case you need more, I can also talk about that teacher au. That enemies to lovers au. You will find shy and embarrassed Jungkook. And the humor. The humor. The humor.                          Yes, this fiction is smart. And funny. I think this is honestly one of the funniest fiction ever. I don’t remember ever laughing so much while reading a fiction. This is truly the kind of stories that will make a rough day a little lighter. And it is even better when you read it in your bed at 1am.                          So yes, you should 100% read it. And if you want more or need more when you are done, you also can go read Ryn’s other fics or the other stories of The Snowball Effect.

— in between blurred lines (F) (A) (M) — by @seokwaves

Jeon Jeongguk has been your bestfriend ever since you were fetuses—no, that’s kind of weird (but you get the point)—and you were there with each other as you slowly discovered the (not so) wonders of the world. Your bestfriendship is cool; you cuddle a lot, you have movie nights whenever you’re free, you let him poop while you’re showering and he does the same. For almost two decades of friendship, you only ever think of him as the child you’ve raised ever since elementary until Taehyung said that Jeongguk had a crush on you since you were 11. Uh oh.

best friends to lovers | college au | 20k

— jasmine (M) — by @btssmutgalore

Jungkook always tries to hide his crush on you, but unfortunately, he can’t control what happens while he’s sleeping.

friends to lovers | 12k

— Ruin the Friendship (M) — by @kpopfanfictrash

your drunk ass best friend keeps calling you to take care of him and it wouldn’t be so awful, if it weren’t for The Feelings.

best friends to lovers | college au | +8k

— Over the Edge (M) —

so, you’re dating. everything is dandy, the sex is knocking your socks off, but what happens when you get in the First Real Fight?

established relationship | sequel to Ruin the Friendship | +9k

— the best part of me is you (F) (A) (M) — by @yourdelights

Having been best friends since childhood, you’re an expert in all things Jungkook. You know everything about him, from how he took his coffee to the sound of his laugh after a successful prank. There was no part of him that you didn’t know like the back of your hand, or so you thought. Your view on things gets a bit skewed after discovering the one secret Jungkook had kept from you: he’s a camboy.

best friends to lovers | camboy!jungkook | 9k

— A Happy Accident (M) — by @taetaesbaebaepsae

You accidentally send nudes meant for your friend with benefits Hoseok to Jungkook.

friends to lovers | college au | +2k

— Something in the Water (F) (M) — by @vankoya

Sleeping in is a foreign concept to Kim Taehyung and his awkward, mismatched gang of pals. This is made all the more apparent when they rock up at ___’s doorstep at the ass crack of dawn, as if it is a natural time for any college student to be awake.

But when she is informed that it was the youngest of their group who insisted she join them on their spontaneous camping trip, she is suddenly not as reluctant to play along than when she was first awakened by her enigma of a best friend, slamming his fist against her front door.

friends to lovers | camping au | college au | +25k

established relationship au

— Lollipop (M) — by @btssmutgalore​

“I’ll eat it however I want to,” you smirked at him, but he was still trying to pretend he wasn’t paying attention to you. “What are you gonna do about it?”

established relationship  | +1k

— bare necessities (F) (M) —  by @gguksgalaxy

“When you ask your boyfriend for a relaxing vacation you don’t exactly expect him to take you to Disneyland out of all places. Luckily, Jungkook knows just how to get you to relax — being needy is definitely not the way. Or is it…” 

established relationship  | +11k

— Concealed Weapons (M) — by @gimmesumsuga

Jungkook turns out not to be quite who you thought he was, and your reaction takes you both by surprise.

marriage au  | mafia au  | 10k

— Movie Night (F) (M) — by @btsaudge 

Jungkook tells you about his kinks during movie night.

established relationship  | slice of lice  | -1k

— it’s a stick up (F) (M) — by @sweetheartjeongguk

maybe jungkook shouldn’t accept help from taehyung anymore, especially in the form of “magical boner pills”.  

established relationship  | +4k

— second to none (M) — by @minnpd

He went silent as his undivided attention is geared toward the box. The unmistakable sound of cardboard ripping made you roll your eyes at his impatience. Whatever was inside was rattling around haphazardly and you were about to scold his carelessness when his sudden silence threw you for a loop. You poke your head above the countertop and what you see has your stomach dropping.

established relationship  | +5k

— Sanctified (F) (A) (M) — by @mikroparadise

Jungkook’s been away on tour, and you’ve really missed him. But when you try to show him just how much, he doesn’t reciprocate the way you’d like, and it makes you question whether the problem is you.

established relationship | rockstar!jungkook | +12k

— low libido jk drabble (M) — by @hobiwonder​

imagine dealing with low libido jungkook bc he’s been stressed about exams or smth.

established relationship | college au

idol au 

— Rejection (A) (M) — by @jjungkookislife​

Going out to a club with your friends from BTS wasn’t supposed to end up with you admitting your feelings for Jungkook.

idol au | friends to lovers | +9k

— (1) Missed Call (M) — by @seokoloqy​

He never has time to pick up his phone while on tour, so you leave him innocent voicemails instead. But, when did your mundane voicemails suddenly get so interesting?

idol au | established relationship | +1k

— take my hand (F) (A) — by @cupofteaguk​

in which you lose your memory in a car crash, and Jungkook desperately tries to keep both of your lives intertwined. this in itself proves to be a challenge, especially when you can only remember him as the idol you once adored from afar.

idol au  | (ex) established relationship | 11k

— Turned Around (F) — by @worldwidebt7​

The work you did for the magazine production company you were employed by often had you running circles about the building to please them. However, during one such time, you are surprised to find a very handsome, very lost-looking Korean idol wandering about…

idol au  | +10k

hybrid au

— Under the Bridge (F) (A) (M) — by @jincherie​

Your life takes a turn for the better one night when you find a bun under the bridge.

hybrid au | bunny!jungkook | +10k

— bedroom kitten (M) — by @kookswife​

“you’re only mine now”

hybrid au | cat!reader | +6k

— Cardboard Castle (F) (M) — by @kittae​

Moving in together tends to trigger stress-induced arguments, that’s not a secret. When the tension runs high in not the best ways possible during the setup of your new Ikea bed, your feline boyfriend copes by making a fort from empty cardboard moving boxes. All sorrows are less with a movie and popsicles!

hybrid au | established relationship | cat!jungkook | +6k

— Hopping Mad For You (F) (M) — by @readyplayerhobi​

For two years you’ve lived with your rabbit hybrid roommate, Jungkook. He’s been a model roommate and you’ve found yourself with little complaints. But his behaviour lately has been a little…unusual.

hybrid au | roommate au | rabbit!jungkook | +9k

soulmate au

—  the violet hour (F) (A) — by @guksheart​

in a world where a mark completes itself when you are introduced to the love of your life, jeon jungkook is convinced that he is fated to die alone. here’s a hint, though - he’s wrong.

soulmate au  | +6k

—  Bells (F) — by @taetaesbaebaepsae

Jungkook gets tinnitus around the same time he gets a big crush on you, and it turns out it’s related.

soulmate au  | idol au  | +1k

[captainficspace]

No Boys Allowed- Vanya’s Day

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy

Characters: Vanya Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves (sort of) 

A/N: I had the best time doing TUA fic week and definitely want to keep writing for this fandom. Thank you all so much for reading. Enjoy today’s entry :)

“Can you braid? Neither of us know how.”  Allison knew that Ben knew, but he must have been playing dumb the entire time if anyone had asked him for help. When Klaus had knocked on her door, Vanya by his side, she knew they were seeking her out for a reason. She took it as a welcome distraction.

“We were saying how nice he would look with his hair French-braided.” Vanya added, “But neither of us can follow a tutorial for anything.” Something stirred inside Allison, excitement maybe? There had been so many awful, confusing things going on lately that she hadn’t even begun to process. But this was one of those few times she could actually help, no matter how small the request was.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

They didn’t have what had now been lovingly referred to as “girl’s night” very often at all as kids. But sometimes, a rare sometimes, Allison would desperately need a sister’s company at the same time Klaus would desperately need a break from the nonstop aggression of brothers at the same time Vanya was lonely enough to risk actually seeking out someone to be with. “Girl’s” night was of course loosely-defined since Klaus was involved, but any other brothers barging in to play superheroes or throw knives at the boy band posters on the wall were firmly redirected to the hand-written No Boys Allowed sign taped to the door for such occasions.

It would feel like the times they all snuck into each other’s room after bedtime to play cards or tell stories, but somehow even more vital in their purpose and function. Girl’s nights were few and far between, sometimes less cheery and loud than the group hangs, but the sisters and honorary “girl” needed their time.  

 This was the first one they all had as adults, already feeling somehow younger and hopelessly old as they gathered on the floor of Allison’s room.

“So who’s going first?” She flitted around the room, gathering what she thought they would need. Most of her things were exactly as she left them, the brush and mirror and extremely 2000s barrettes and butterfly clips. She grabbed a makeup bag and a pack of stick-on nails just in case the night started picking up.

Klaus volunteered, “I need a modern makeover.”

“As modern as we can get with these beaded hair ties.” Allison ran her hands through his shoulder-length waves, smiling as he leaned into her touch. She couldn’t resist scratching behind his ear like a cat to make him giggle and squirm, but still close enough to brush out the tangles and start braiding. Vanya made herself comfortable, coming over to Klaus to lay her head in his lap.

“Remember the time we dragged Luther in here and painted his nails?” He asked.

“Thanks to that hole Diego put in the wall, I never forgot it.” Allison said.  Klaus threw his head back and laughed at the memory.

“Wait, what?” Vanya looked up at her siblings, puzzled. Oh, right.  Sometimes they forgot how many memories they had where Vanya just wasn’t around.

 “He was being an ass so we dragged him in here kicking and screaming and gave him pink nails.” Allison said, thinking of the one time they broke the No Boys Allowed rule.

“Me and Ben and Diego had to sit on him.” Klaus added.

“Then why did he-“

“Luther tickled him to make him get off and he’s a kicker.”

“Where’s the hole?” Klaus started laughing again, pointing at a suspiciously low poster hanging on the wall, tacked hardly an inch above the baseboard.

“We didn’t want to get in trouble.”

“Somehow no one caught on.”

“It was my brilliant idea.” Vanya just shook her head, laughing to herself as the two recounted the event. It was the gateway to even more stories of things she had missed, and while Allison finished Klaus’ hair and applied Vanya’s press-on nails, the “girls’ caught her up on things. They explained everything from inside jokes (A fictional 8th sibling named Hubert that lived under Ben’s bed and was responsible for everything in the house that went wrong), the reason there was a fork stuck in the ceiling beam in the living room (Diego still refused to completely say why), and how one time they managed to cover everything in Five’s room with post-it notes. The experience was bittersweet, especially since they all knew why Vanya wasn’t around for things, but it felt good to talk. It felt good for everyone to be distracted by braids and nails and stories.

Klaus ended up looking stunning in a French braid, pulling the hair back from his face and showing off his features. Allison even left a few strands to hang loose and curled them. He would not stop looking in the mirror, taking up the space by the vanity as Allison had moved onto highlighting Vanya’s cheekbones and adding glitter wherever she thought was necessary. The process was taking forever because the big fluffy brush tickled something awful and it was an ordeal trying to get Vanya to sit still. 

   "You look like a prom queen." Allison told him, hoping that if she gave him enough attention, he would get out of her light. 

"You look like a founding father." Vanya countered. 

Klaus’ jaw dropped. Vanya was still getting use to the whole teasing thing, but this was her best attempt yet.  Allison's reaction definitely wasn't her usual pity laugh, bursting into giggles both at her comment and Klaus’ floored reaction. Maybe there was something about her time away in the 60s that gave her confidence.

   "I am stunning, thank you." He poked Vanya in the side and she squeaked.   "You need to play nice with others." Allison said, "missing" her cheekbones entirely and swiping the powder brush over her ear again. 

  "Stop!" She scrunched up her neck and wrinkled her nose, but had giggles in her voice.

  "Tell me I'm pretty!" Klaus said, giving her one last chance. Vanya sighed, turning to the side to gently take Klaus’ face in her hand, utter sincerity in her eyes. 

"I'm sure you'll do amazing at your Hamilton audition." Allison doubled over, laughing so hard she had a snort fit and needed to grab on to Vanya’s chair to keep herself upright. 

"Oh that's it!" Klaus went back to poking at his sister’s sides, but with a new intensity. Vanya’s dam burst and her giggles rang throughout the room, shaking her shoulders and turning her cheeks pink. 

  Allison had recovered and decided Klaus needed some help with his vengeance, going back and forth between using her nails and the big, fluffy brush, making her sister scrunch up her neck even more and squeak as she laughed. Klaus poked wherever he could find an opening, fighting off her hands, all the while taking notes on which spots got a good reaction. 

  "I am a goddess and I will be treated as such!" he said, attacking her ribs.  Vanya nearly fell out of her chair, eyes screwed shut as she rocked with silent laughter. 

"N-no!" She managed, mustering the strength to plan for attack. For the first time, she fought back, going right for Klaus’ hips with her new press-on nails. She had so much time just sitting on the sidelines during these sort of interactions, watching every move. It would be the easiest thing in the world to take every sibling down based on her knowledge of tickle spots.

  Klaus let out a shriek and curled on himself. It was his fault for wearing shirts that never fully covered his torso. 

  "I'll get his front if you get his back." He heard Allison say. That’s when he knew girl’s night was over and he needed to be on his way. He went to run, but the door slammed seemingly on its own. Even the knob refused to turn

.   "Screw you, Ben!" Klaus yelled out, right as his sisters had him cornered, kicking the door for good measure. He could hear the bastard laughing right on the other side of the wall. 

  "Thanks, Ben!" The sisters said in unison. Overhead, the lights flickered, as if noting the appreciation.

  They ended up in the weirdest positions as they tried to get their brother pinned, tangling themselves in knots until they finally had Klaus laying across Vanya's lap as she held his arms in place, Allison kneeling between his legs and making a big show of showing off her nails before going for the kill. She made her hands into claws and dug right onto the surface of his exposed hips, sending him into hysterics. The tickles they had all been giving and receiving so far had been gentle, but there was something about the new nails and the motivation of vengeance that was giving Vanya a merciless streak. She and Allison were a team now, and they were firmly locked on their target as they tickled him senseless, themselves giggling as Klaus went into the asthmatic hyena stage of his laughter. 

   The tables turned on Allison next, who unexpectedly yelped and curled up in a ball in the middle of tormenting Klaus, swatting at something invisible that had tickled her neck.

  "Ben, you TRAITOR!”

"He thrives off chaos" Klaus wheezed, and immediately folded over with a squeak. The ghost truly had no loyalties.

"No boys allowed, remember the sign?" Vanya added. The door dramatically swung open and slammed loudly, nearly drowning out Allison’s laughter as Klaus had used this chance to exact his revenge, slipping his hands up under her arms and making her cackle until there were tears in her eyes.  Vanya happily went with this change of plans and joined right in. After all, Allison had been way too ruthless with that brush earlier. 

   She never would have guessed that Vanya and Klaus together would be such a lethal team, but they absolutely were due to years of observation and combined creative efforts.

   "You need to hold STILL.” Vanya said, some time later. She couldn’t resist grabbing the powder brush from the vanity and running it over her neck to see how she liked it.   "Shuhuhut UP!" 

  And it was back to Vanya again. She could have sworn she felt another set of hands jabbing away, but she couldn't think straight from laughing. The hands she could see and feel on her were bad enough to give her the hiccups and a sore stomach. She couldn’t remember laughing like this. Maybe she never had before. 

   Allison's work ended up going to waste, makeup being smudged and hair becoming more and more disheveled as they wrestled and played and laughed. Mostly they laughed. It reminded Vanya of the rare occasions when the entire sibling squad would camp out in each other's rooms when they were supposed to be in bed and would be giddy from the mischief of sneaking out and being overtired. She may not be on the same level of comfort and familiarity like this with the others, but her "sisters" were the safe place to start. 

     They sank against each other at last in a heap, breathless and glowing with happiness. Occasionally, there would be bursts of giggles or random pokes and squawks of indignation, but mostly they were tired out and content to lean against each other, Vanya nestled between the “girls.” Glitter was everywhere thanks to the powder brush that had found its way over Vanya’s ears and Allison’s neck and Klaus’ ribs. She collected a few specks of the fine, sparkly dust on her fingertip and pressed them to Klaus’ cheek, giggling when he stuck out his tongue at her.

“The guys are seriously missing out. I forgot how great this was.” Vanya felt so relaxed she thought she could almost fall asleep there and then, warm and happy with Allison absentmindedly playing with her hair.

“Do you think Diego would really let us even touch his hair, though?” Klaus began to think of how many barrettes he could sneak before Diego noticed while his back was turned. The idea was tempting.

“It’s like you almost want him to put his foot through the wall again.” Allison gestured to the poster with one hand and skittered across his side with the other, grinning at the sound of his laugh.

“You’re right. Maybe we should keep it our thing.”

“Same time next week?” Vanya suggested.

She hoped in all honestly it would be even sooner than that.

[directionoftime]

Turns Out, I Write Stuff

Well, after a long time hiding in fanfic (and then not writing it) and an even longer time not quiiiiiite getting* fantasy, I've decide to do A Thing. The Thing being to write stuff in a blog post. (And yes, I'll need a week to recover from this.) But the other things I've been doing is writing original fiction: novels!

For those who know me from FFN/AO3, you know I like my stories loooooooong!

But, all things considered, I'm rather new to the fantasy genre (I guess Naruto counts as fantasy, but does fan-fic????) and I've had a blast world and character building, I know I drew a lot from the fan-fic approach. Exposition? Never heard of her!

To the WIPs:

Sauvarin: As a blacksmith, playing with fire is her jam, but does she have to poke that many ghosts bears? To be fair to her, even the bears keep well away from the weird shit in The Woods, so... who else has she got to annoy? 

FEATURES: Sword lesbians! (Love interest: a local bootlegger in a town under prohibition) A scientist who just went to Live In The Woods because FUCK bureaucracy. Ghosts (magical ghosts). There's magic in that there music. Very ANGY magical cat made of metal (who may or may not be under the control of a certain nearby "cave"). The world is diverse and so is this story, no TERFs allowed in my fantasy lands! Just remember: life and death are transitory states - and the taiga remembers all who enter it.

BOTTOM LINE: we're all people, and the value of community should never be underestimated.

STATUS: complete! A short ~100K. Currently would love some beta-reader input (on a reciprocal basis, of course!) I’ve been “writing” this since 2014, when I thrashed out a version for NaNoWriMo and only recently came back to flesh out an old story I loved.

NOTES: dithers on the line of sci-fi, set future-earth with a lot of refs to space/tech and a whole bunch of chaotic scientists trying to understand this havoc-riddled world they once called the earth. Assumption this “magic” can be scienced. 

And We Were Given Trees: Imagine dressing up as you local deity to get the magic-police off your back, who think you're One Of Them, only... for your actual god to show up and ask but a single, earnest question: Am I a joke to you?

FEATURES: Ma-ma-ma-magic. Classes of magic. (This magic can be faked, who knew? Probably the same people who think Rube Goldberg machines can be put to good use). Dark woods containing Aesthetique Castle. Sexy god lady - and she's not bound by your hetero-normative agenda, Carol. The superstitious are as cruel as they are easy to fool. Frightening, really, how quickly a simple message get diluted by greed.

BOTTOM LINE: surface level alterations are no substitute for meaningful, intentional change.

STATUS: about 2k in?? Again, would love some early feedback, since this is a very heavy world-build story, much more hard-fantasy than S, so at the moment, unsure how steep the learning curve should be (??)

NOTES: provisional title so far. This is currently same-universe as Sauvarin, but a completely different cast of characters/area of the world/period in time, but might change, planning a bit of a "universe" series, of different characters/setting/stages of change, showing the magic systems at different levels of "evolution". 

I'm not much a part of the writeblr community yet, but I would love to get more involved. So here is an attempt on my part! I would love to offer some beta-reading/critiques to any who are looking, or join up with any existing beta-circles. I am currently half-way through an MA in creative writing myself but FUCK this pandemic is a pain in my ass. As I’m sure it has been for everyone!

Many thanks to @writeblrfantasy for offering so many great links and a friendly welcome. Hello @inky-duchess, thanks to you, too, for the welcome! And to @pens-swords-stuff for such useful writeblr advice on your blog.

I extend my “hellos” to @magic-is-something-we-create and @stardustspiral, I’m sure there are plenty more in the community I hope to meet soon.

Gosh, I’ve been here five minutes and you’re all so friendly! ^_ ^ Damn motivation is a helluva drug! 

*By which I mean reading a lot of old fantasy where the only interesting thing about it was weird-looking people and cool lands, of male characters getting endless perfection and female characters getting to be a pair of boobs on legs but no sense of characters or arcs or development. I know that stuff was out there but young me didn't know how to find it. 

[xxx-cat-xxx]

absolute top favourite tony h/c fic recs?

Thank you for the ask and sorry for taking so long to answer! I have a recommendation section here on my blog, but I extended it a bit and posted it below:

Cat’s Tony hurt/comfort fic recs

Long works

If you’re up for a dark, violent, and incredibly touching and well written novel in which Tony and Peter are broken and put back together countless times, go for How to repair a broken heart by InfluentialPineapple. In my opinion, it’s one of the best pieces of literature ever written anywhere, even outside of the fanfic-realm. It describes a journey on which Tony and Peter slowly grow together, and although it´s terribly sad and extremely whumpy, you can see the love the author has for their characters in every single line. Injury, illness, violence, torture, anxiety, PTSD, this one´s got everything, so please heed the TWs.

Dark Memories by @trammelsb: This story is centered around child (sexual) abuse. But it is so much more than Tony suffering through flashbacks and panic attacks (although there is a great deal of that) and being comforted by his team members, especially Bruce, his partner. It is about Tony going through a great deal of character development, learning that he is not to blame for what has happened. The author doesn´t shy away from all the heavy topics, but she also never ceases to treat the characters with respect, In the end, it seems to be a story about not giving up, and despite all the pain it causes when you read it, the feeling that stays is that it´s worth to keep fighting.

Arc Tremors by @rose-on-the-mountain: 44 epic chapters of Whump and the kind of fluff that is not fluffy at all, rather makes your heart overflow with emotions. It´s Avenger-family centric, including Pepper and Rhodey and wonderful robot characters, themed around an illness that forces Tony to go through a difficult heart procedure. Everyone’s shadows and traumas get their due, and it balances darkness and light admirably well.

One Hell of a Show by MillyVeil: Clint and Tony get kidnapped and tortured. Heavily. This is one of the physically most brutal whump-fics I know - Milly is like the Tarantino of fan-fiction - but god, it´s well done. TWs for detailed descriptions of rape and violence.

Resistance by thegraytigress: Tony and Steve are captured by the Kree and held in a concentration camp-like environment for months. This is a slow-built, well thought-through love story with a lot of pain and a deep exploration of Tony´s and Steve´s characters as well as their emerging relationship. It has one of the best and most realistic aftermaths to traumatic experiences that I´ve ever read. It’s basically a book worth of heavy, heavy, heavy physical and emotional whump. Please mind the TWs.

She’s my Ride Home by OfMonstersAndMe: The most beautiful recount of how Nebula’s and Tony’s friendship develops in the 23 days they spent in space. Lots of great hurt/comfort scenes and spot-on characterisation.

450 Feet Under by Veldeia: Tony is trapped in a cave with no way out. The Avengers are on the way to get him, but when he gets seriously injured, the rescue mission becomes a race against time. 15 chapters of absolutely satisfying whump, snark, and feels. Background Stony. Simply brilliant!

Short(er) Works

Basically all Tony fics by @builder051​. I especially like this Pepperony Christmas fic and this Nat & Tony cave anxiety fic.

Strong Enough by Ranni: Steve, Tony, and Clint are held prisoner, but the real danger begins when their captors abandon the prison to let them die in their cells. Injuries, torture, pneunomia, great dialogues. Platonic relationships between the three men, really touching, but not cheesy. Ranni is one of my favourite writers, and all her other stories are equally intruiging. Monsters and Beloved Companion also have a lot of Tony Whump.

Five Times Bruce is Not That Kind of Doctor™ + One Time He’s Perfect For the Job by @whumphoarder and @awesomesockes. The most amazing mix of humour and whump you’ll ever find. I love all their fics, so some more of my Tony Whump faves are The After Party and Desperate Times.

@taylortut writes beautiful and touching fics in which Tony gets whumped around other Avengers. Mostly h/c with illness or injury (and some adorable daily-life drabbles).The stories are generally light-hearted, but not at all superficial. I still can´t decide which one is my favorite because I love all of them, so I´m putting up the general link to Taylor´s Blog. Find her here on A03.

The Minor Fall, the Major Lift by sahiya: This one is about Bruce coming back to the compound after Civil War, trying to pick up Tony´s broken pieces. It has the best characterization of Tony, Bruce and Rhodes I´ve seen in a while now. Everything about this fic seems fragile, the characters, the conversations, the shaky comfort they manage to build. It´s slow-paced, and it´s not a fix-it-all, and this is what makes it so good. Sahiya is one of the best writers out there and her series “Me through Him to You” is printworthy.

Bruce and Goose´s Truce by @twentyghosts​: After Infinity War, Tony is saved from space. Bruce medically examines him while being heavily flirted at, then they bathe together, and Tony cries, and Bruce holds him tight. Everyone is more than a little broken, but it´s okay, because they have each other back. More Tony Whump in Cold, Comfort and Unmasked.

nimentia by TinyFuryCloud: Tony and Steve have been married for more than 20 years when Tony is diagnosed with Alzheimer´s disease. This story is so terribly well done. The whole process of Tony slowly disintegrating, slowly getting lost, but somehow, somewhere, still being Tony, is recounted in precise detail with just the right mixture of matter-of-fact descriptions and emotions. Also, A+ characterisation of everyone who is and was part of Tony´s life, including Peter and Jarvis.

Hubris by @writingromanoff​: Tony gets kidnapped and tortured by Justin Hammer. Tortured, as in forced to walk for days and days in the desert without a drop of water, and that´s just the beginning. When Steve finally shows up, Tony doesn´t even know whether he´s real anymore. I still can´t decide whether the whump or the whump´s aftermath is better in this one, both are very well described. Heed the TWs (torture and humiliation, obviously, as well as ED behaviour and others). By the same author: somno, the best concussion fic in the universe, and Blue Lips, Blue Veins, which is on some other level of genius alltogether.

Just a rather very intelligent system by @darkestsight​: Seven instances of Jarvis taking control over the suit and saving Tony´s ass without anyone noticing. Not all of them are sickfics. Chapter 3 is my personal favorite and contains a physically and emotionally beaten-down and extremely tired Tony; chapter 5 has him dealing with PTSD and chapters 6 and 7 involve him getting injured. I liked the idea of it and enjoyed the interactions between Tony and Jarvis.

Pressure Point by ratherastory: Another migraine fic, with a very precise description of the pain Tony´s in and a nice amount of Starkasm. Steve as caretaker. Can be read as Stony, but doesn’ t have to. Pain and vomiting.

Home by @saber-wing​: All Tony wanted was a cup of coffee. But then Thor’s Asgardian monster pet decides to try and eat Tony’s leg for breakfast. Excellent whump, Avengers family feels and a lot of humour. The author has many more amazing whump fics!

I Can´t Exactly Hold Your Hair Back by SirSapling: This is based on the comics and not the movies. It features Tony with cancer and Steve taking care of him on one of his bad days. I like this one for its slow whump build-up. Stony. Tags for migraine, vomiting, mentions of cancer.

Bust a gut, Tones by @whimsicalethnographies: Tony has appendicitis and Peter is the only one who realises it. Perfectly balances between humour and seriousness.

Fool’s Luck by @msermesth: Steve arrives on his doorstep exactly three hours and twenty-seven minutes after Tony finishes the last word of his eulogy. LOTS of pain. TW alcohol abuse, angst and suicidal thoughts. This is short, but extremely well done.

don’t let the blue skies fade by @blancheludis: This starts as a mission-gone-wrong fic with a perfect whump setting (of course Tony has to hide his injuries from everyone) and character depth that focuses on team dynamics and the evolving relationship between Tony and Steve.

Side Effects by discipulapauper: Steve and Tony are stuck in the desert, and Tony discovers that the serum causes unexpected complications when Steve doesn´t get food and water for a long time…Nice whump scenes, good characterization and mostly non-cheesy, non-stony dialogue. Featuring heat stroke symptoms and hallucinations.

Presenteeism by Veldeia: Tony thinks it is a good idea to send an empty suit along with the team on a mission while riding out his hangover alone somewhere in the middle of Russian nowhere. Too bad his hangover turns out to be something worse…

Mohini´s prompt fill for Nov(emeto)ber 5 by @mohini-musing​: Tony is sick and Bucky doesn´t really know how to handle it. A short but greatly written fic with emeto and fever, no WinterIron.

My own fics : 40+ stories of physically and/or emotionally hurt or sick Tony

[queen-boo]

Tagged by @ladadee195 and @iocococo! Thank you so much friends!

Rules: answer some questions and tag the bloggers you want to know better

Name: Jayne (but I try to avoid using it online as much as possible lol!)

Nicknames: God too many. Jayneybop, bops, Gin, Boo, B, Bucket, Squish... Only some of those have context hahaha. 

Gender: Female??? Questioning though, there’s a whole lotta self-discovery going on these days. 

Sexuality: Bisexual. 

Height: 5′0″

Language: English

Nationality: British 

Current time: 22:12

Favourite season: AUTUMN! Spooky time! Pumpkin spice. Crunchy leaves. Rain. I like autumn.

Favourite scent: Oof I had to really think about this. Lavender I think, Vanilla. Baking, I bake a lot so I always like the smell of bread or cakes baking.  

Favourite colour: Pastels. I love pastel colours, light purples, greens, blues. I am all about soft colours. 

Favourite animals: Legally you should not be allowed to make me chose a favourite animal. I intern in zoos/aquariums. I love every animal. Every one. But if I had to choose I’m gonna give a shout out to the forgotten guys, I love bees. I love sharks. I love cephalopods (but especially cuttlefish omg). Froggies and toads. BIRDS. I love birds of prey, we have one specific species here called a red kite and they’re beautiful. I also have a surrogate child at my zoo atm, a little rainbow lorikeet we’re hand rearing and I got to name him and I adore him (his name is Vince).

Favourite fictional characters: I’ll get the obvious ones out of the way. Howard Moon and Vince Noir -- they’re just so silly and yet sincere. Young minds, beautiful souls. So much fun, literally to halves of one whole idiot. 

Then we’ve got my other fandom loves; Sherlock Holmes, in any variation would can find him. I love every singe version, and of course where Sherlock Holmes goes, so does Dr. John Watson-- even in my heart. 

I love Crowley from Good Omens, have adored him and his representation of the good and bad in people (and obvs Aziraphale too) since I was about eighteen and read the book for the first time. 

Normal amount of sleep: I typically peak at about five hours. I have chronic insomnia, and therefore sleep and I have a love hate relationship. Most nights will find me awake until 6/7am and then I will either sleep until about 10 or I’m awake again at 8. If I have a really bad spate of sleeplessness I can be awake for 24-30hours at once and then I’ll crash for like 14 hours ahahaha. But that’s really really rare. (I was once awake for about 43hours and I lost my damn mind). So usually I’ll have about 4/5 hours sleep a night. 

Number of blankets you sleep with: Just the one!

Dogs or cats: I own both, and I adore my puppies, but I’m such a cat person. I live a bit of a busy lifestyle for dogs, I think

Dream trip: I sorta already had it? I went to south africa last year and volunteered on a game reserve. For weeks I was out there helping anti-poaching efforts and volunteering in the orphan cetres and with the born free foundation to help rehabilitate animals to be released into the wild. Currently saving to go back, really, so maybe that? Or, aside from that, I’d love to go to Texas in the US. Specifically Austin (and I hopefully will next year)

Dream job: Oof so many answers to this. I spent a brief periso of my life as a professional actor and I adored it, but because of life circumstances had to come home and found myself on the path of animal care so... I would love to be a full time performer. I would love to work with animals full time. I’d love to be a published author too hahah-- I don’t know, just randomise it and pick one for me. 

Followers: 386-- Wow how did that happen I like never post on my main hahah!

Blog established: like 2012. I’ve been here a long ass time, cycled through so many fandoms and looks and usernames too.  

Reason for my url: I just changed it recently. I was Crazy-mad-insane but I wanted it to match my AO3 because I’m starting to get more interaction from fics and decided it was time to be consistent haha/ But it’s as simple as I have the nickname Boo (because I always play that character in mariokart/Marioparty and they’re my favourite Mario character full stop) and you know, I’m a queen lol

Random fact: I literally have no idea what to put here so I’ll put a funny lil’ tale about one time I accidentally brought a poison dart frog home from the zoo I work in because another intern left the lid open on the tank and a bunch of the babies escaped--and we thought we got them all until I got home and found one of the little guys hanging out in my uniform pocket. (luckily when poison dart frogs are bred in captivity they are no longer poisonous so I just had to keep him in a lil box until I could take him home)

Tagging @kateyboosh @cronchy-saboo @un1c0rntea and @silentorator if you guys fancy it!! <3

[harryforvogue]

hi friends! let’s chat about this next fic!

**

so the next fic is going to be chopped up into chapters. i’m trying out new things and i’ve never done chapters, so i think this will be pretty fun! each chapter will be between 7-8k words and i have a lot of plans for this fic so it’s gonna add up and i don’t wanna make people’s eyes melt trying to read a long ass story.

the purpose of this is to attempt to write a novella. i’m really trying to get into that book writing mode, considering i’m an aspiring author and all. i do write regular fiction myself, however i think the best way for me to try this out is through fan fiction considering i write a ton of it!

i’ve given the female character a name. she will be called “ann” and she’s a french girl married to a british man (harry). they’re a young couple who decide to get married early too. this story takes place in 1919, however flashbacks will be provided to give you better insight on the history of their marriage and the history of their love. harry is a former soldier and ann comes from a wealthy family from france. he convinces her to live in england with him for a while before growing restless of all the memories of war, and then convinces her parents to let him marry her. they’ve been married for a few months before deciding to come to america to start a new life.

despite their new beginning, there’s a lot of trouble that happens when they find themselves low on money/food/and hope that they need in order to make it in the new world. on top of this, harry struggles to return back to world now in peacetime as a main part of his young adulthood has been ruined by war. he tends to distance himself from people and often wants to be alone.

i understand that i’ve gotten lots of messages about a preference for self insert fics, so i completely get it if you choose to skip over this fic. thank you if you don’t! in my spare time, i’ll be writing blurbs for any other universe (mia/harry, y/n/harry/pete, etc...).

i will be posting the first chapter tuesday 4/2. there will be the whole package: angst, smut (in the first chapter hehe), happiness, marriage struggles, a really cute cat that i’ve named after a close friend’s cat (@ nora), some gore and a ton of fluff.

i’m very excited for this! if you have any questions, hit me up!

[nny11writes]

Declarations, Mental Health, and Other Things You Never Asked Me to Explain About Myself but I’m Gonna Anyways

Ok, it's been almost a year since my last update on this and I wanted to explain myself a bit? And also share my story a bit??? 

This is all personal stuff so no need to read if you can’t handle it right now or don’t want to handle it. You’re not obligated to, but I felt it was important to share all this.

Here’s hoping the “Keep Reading” link works!

cw: anxiety, depression, mental health, suicidal ideation, nightmares

SO. Last year I had been working in a hostile working environment under an abusive supervisor for 2 years. One of the things I had done a right before I got that job (and was unemployed, depressed, and heavily suicidal) was I picked up writing fanfiction again. I had been in about a two or three year dry spell where I was writing fanfiction but never posting. Just writing it for me. And then I'd unceremoniously dropped all after posting a Mass Effect fic that had great response/reviews. Because the pressure was too much for me.

I found SW: TCW while unemployed and desperately seeking something to help lift my spirits and distract me from my known but untreated mental health. I wanted VERY desperately to find something enjoyable in life again. I was literally only alive because I was afraid of where my cat would be placed when I died. I kept seeing interesting meta posts from MyLordShesaCactus and AlexKablob about someone called Barriss Offee and someone called Ahsoka Tano. Deciding that I had literally nothing to lose I gave the show a watch.

It was a lifeline. During a time where I regularly had nightmares of being a robot that was torn apart and decommissioned, or dreams where I'd barely nick myself and suddenly start bleeding out, SW TCW became an obsession. I was years too late to the fandom but I still found active people and love for this girl who was a little Too Much and a little Too Pushy and a little Too Scared to Fail. Ahsoka hits all my bingo slots for characters I project heavily onto. And soon enough my nightmares, while still consistent, were no longer a given. Sometimes I dreamed about star wars instead. The first time I had a dream where I WAS Ahsoka Tano I woke up and cried because I'd felt so good.

Then I got hired in what I thought was a life affirming and saving way, and instead was shoved into a different kind of hell. I became so depressed that first year that I self harmed by starving myself and denying myself sleep. Which, of course, makes it worse. I started writing "Twilight" as a way to cope with my increasing intrusive thoughts about suicide and physical self harm. Then it became a way to deal with intrusive thoughts about wanting to harm others. I needed an outlet and was denying that I need medication to manage my mental health.

I didn’t expect anyone to read it and like it. I thought people would hate it. Because it was awful because I’m awful, and therefore nothing I did could be good.

But people did like it. A lot.

Then I was escorted to Psychiatric Emergency Services because I wanted to kill myself on the job. The whole episode is a little weird in my mind, time warped a bit and I remember crying nonstop and being unable to stop shouting, but when I look back what I remember most is feeling completely calm. Calm and soft and light. I think that was due to me finally verbalizing my thoughts and seeing that others did care. That I wasn’t some worthless pest to them. When I got to PES enough time passed that I got my panic attack under control, and when a psychiatrist finally saw me I downplayed the whole incident out of fear I was going to be institutionalized. I was scared as fuck in my little temp room in my little plastic chair staring at my hospital band and desperately hoping that none of the other people there would talk to me. So when I saw professionals I lied. I got a doctor’s note to stay out of work for two days and went home.

I finally had to admit to myself that I was not doing well. I was not handling my anxiety or depression. I was not ok and that it was ok to not be ok.

I was still scared to get professional help.

Instead, I spent that November participating in NaNoWriMo, where I wrote what would later become the first several chapters of “The Apprenticeship”. The first installment to the Close But No Cigar AU. I decided that I wanted and needed to write something that was happier. Ahsoka Tano made me happy and I wanted to do something good, anything good (for once in my fucking life). And convinced that I’d never done a good thing and never could, I decided to do a good thing first for a fictional character. So in I went to a story where Ahsoka Tano was an anxious wreck of a person, but had support and help and love. Into a world where Anakin Skywalker got the sort of help he needed. A place where they could all still meet and be friends and be family. Not somewhere with no pain, but somewhere softer.

The next month I finally got a PCP, and at the ass crack of 2017 I finally got medicated again.

I had already posted the first chapter of The Apprenticeship and energized by the meds and the reviews I got hard to work on finishing that story.

Funny thing about medicine, it’s a hassle and often the first thing you take is a unique struggle that requires adjustment. My first medication seemed great! For about two weeks! Then I developed a hand tremor so serious I couldn’t feed myself. That night I seriously struggled to not drive my car into the oncoming traffic lane and avoided all bridges on my way home from work. What I took helped my depressive symptoms but made my anxiety worse. The hand tremor was also a serious and rare side effect. The next day I was off that medicine and on a new one along with gabapentin to help the tremors.

Writing was difficult as fuck with my fingers shaking and twitching on the keyboard but I needed it as much as my medicine.

The new stuff worked out much better for me, we tweaked the dosage and I’m still on it. I’m glad to be on it!

Let’s do a little time skip shall we? That summer, a year after my experience at PES, I started writing Declarations. I wanted to see more Ahsoka & Obi-Wan content. They seemed like two people who should be close friends, have more of a father-daughter relationship, and general be together more than they were on screen. I found the idea of two Temple raised Jedi, who seem to break a bit from the mold and thinking of the Order, exploring their feelings for one another to be fascinating. I quickly realized that it would work really well to show that they are both mentally ill as well. I don’t like the term “mental illness” but it is accurate so I use it.

So I seeded it in from the start. I wanted to have two good people with anxiety and depression and PTSD and who knows what else find each other and help each other out! I wanted Ahsoka and Obi-Wan to be happy damn it!

So I started writing the story I wanted to see.

And unwittingly did what I had already been doing, pouring my own personal self into the story.

I’m not saying that putting some of yourself into your writing is bad, it really isn’t! Writing can be an amazing tool to explore your own experiences and sort your own feelings. I had been using it for over a year at that point to help cope with my own awful experiences, many of which I was still having to live with and through.

What happened for me is that I put a little too much of myself into this story. At the same time I was doing that my supervisor had gotten even stranger and in some ways worse. I didn’t have daily dread of being fired but I still had daily dread over who I would find when I arrived. My supervisor came in two flavors: Angry and Blaming, or Sweet and Frivolous. I still can’t decide if she was really just that abusive or if she also could use a helping hand in the mental health department. I really can’t. She did abuse me verbally and emotionally at work, she did gaslight me, she did scare me. I’m not saying that she wasn’t an abuser at all but I just don’t know if she was that way because she needs help too.

I hope she gets help if she needs it. But I’ll be grateful if I never have to see her again in my life.

Back to Declarations.

I put too much in and it had great reviews and lots of love, and I got very nervous and defensive over it. Too defensive and nervous over it. I really want to shout out to White_Ithiliel again, because she really helped me make this fic A LOT BETTER. Like, A LOT. Y’all don’t even realize what she has saved you from!! In the process she also has had to deal with my wild anxiety issues and defensiveness.

Seriously, thank you for everything you’ve done for this fic and your endless patience with me!

The latest chapter I wrote in the spring of 2018, we started going back and forth with edits in the summer, and then I panicked over a good question and point she made. She wrote back and I very nervously peeked at her cropped response (the “show less” version) sometime around October 2018. My abusive supervisor had left but I had been asked to work with/under another lady who wasn’t not my supervisor. She was almost equally bad in another direction for me. My anxiety spiked and my depression got terrible again around the time we were working on this chapter. I saw literally half a sentence and read it weirdly, panicked, had a good cry, and closed the document.

I literally haven’t been in the head space to look at it since then.

My best friend moved in with me that fall, but he’d just had a suicide attempt a few month before. My own mental health, as I mentioned, was plummeting. This past winter my depression got out of hand. I stopped going to my band practices, I nearly stopped writing, I was exhausted. The only reason I didn’t go back to eating poorly and treating myself like shit was because he was there, and just having someone be physically there who I knew cared about me made a huge difference. If I had popcorn for dinner too often, he’d make us a frozen pizza. If I drank too much (and I abused alcohol this past winter for sure), he was there to help me with the hangover and violent sickness. Thank god for my best friend! My suicidal ideation went up but I didn’t become suicidal. This was the first winter in almost a decade where I haven’t wanted to seriously kill myself at some point. I had flashes of it, moments where the bottom of the world dropped out but they lasted for minutes or hours instead of weeks and months.

I talk to him a lot about my fics and fandoms, and he very patiently listens and helps me work through it all. He lets me read him what I’ve written or what I’m reading if I think it’s funny, and we talked a lot about this chapter of Declarations and my reaction to a sincere question regarding its content and characterizations. He offered to look at the chapter with me and see what my editor/beta’s response had actually been versus what I was afraid it was.

I turned him down in November for that because I realized I needed space and time away from this particular fic. This story where I made myself into Ahsoka and Obi-Wan and Anakin, which I could no longer separate the fictional world I had created from the emotions I was feeling about my “real life”.

White_Ithiliel, I am so SO sorry I never responded. I know my silence was probably anxiety inducing too. I want to say again that you didn’t do anything wrong or rude or mean to me. I just wasn’t mentally in a place to be doing what I was doing, and needed to turn myself off and on again.

Today, after having a full week of writing and nearly daily updating fics I enjoy I realized that my life has changed since winter.

I am at a new job with wonderful people that I really enjoy. It pays better so I’m also less stressed about money. My benefits finally kick in today and I plan on getting me a therapist soon along with a new PCP. I’m doing alright. I’m doing better than I have in years.

A huge part of that is thanks to having people PM me here on tumblr and being so genuinely enthusiastic about the stories that I write. So here’s to you all for helping me through my funk over the years, giving me ideas, and giving me a damn good laugh! dontcallmebugaboo

thirdbroomstick

woeful-woods

bobkitten

Gabby(Kirasoka)

And of course ithiliel-the-french-tolkiendil (AKA White_Ithiliel)

Y’all have been life savers, maybe even more so than I realized until I decided to write this whole crazy thing out!

Thanks to all of you, even those who just leave me a kudos or a like, I’ve been trucking along. Fandom has literally saved my life multiple times, and probably will again.

So today, feeling high on my new found writing powers, I finally went in and finished editing for the latest chapter of Declarations! Hell yeah me! :D

That said! I’m putting it on a formal hiatus!

I have the next chapter written (not edited) and several chapter ideas throw out on the page, but I also think I still need more time away from this story. I want to finish Declarations (y’all don’t understand how BADLY I WANT TO FINISH IT), but I also know that right now, where we are, we are literally on SEASON ONE, EPISODE 2.

Legit the next chapter takes place after the malevolence (AKA Episode 2 of season 1).

And we are currently over 32k in.

This is gonna be a long ass haul fic everybody. I didn’t expect it to be, I didn’t mean it to be, I wasn’t planning on it. I meant for it to be maybe 10 chapters and be super vague about the timeline.

But I think I’m just as much in love with this story as a lot of you are and dang it I want more! That means I have to write more, and that means I need to give myself space to actually be approaching it as a story.

And not as something I wish was happening in my life.

To anyone still reading, thank you, this thing was long than some of the stories I’ve written! But I wanted to share this. Yes, to explain why Declarations is currently in carbonite. But more importantly to talk about mental health.

Mental health fucking sucks my dudes. It’s hard and it’s messy and sometimes it comes out of nowhere and then leaves after eating your favorite snacks and cold clocking you at 3 AM.

I’ve been on a hell of a journey.

And a lot of you are too.

I’m not “tumblr famous” and I don’t think I’m any sort of well known fandom writer. But There’s enough of you out there that I wanted to post this in case you need to know that you’re not alone out there.

If any of you EVER need to talk, please shoot me a message! I’m legit down to talk about my fics, about your fics, about meta, theories, characters, what ifs, AU’s, etc. I’m ALSO legit down to talk about mental health and all the messy things that come with that. If you want to chat with someone about your fears, your ideation, your intrusive thoughts, HIT ME UP!

You’ve all been here for me, even though you didn’t know it.

I’d like to return that favor. So anytime, anyplace, please hit me up. I promise, nothing you’ve done is unacceptable or beyond the line. 

After all, in case you’d like a breakdown of the way I had a breakdown this last year, in the span of 10 hours I literally: 

Accidentally self inserted myself into a fic and didn’t realize it until asked about why characters were acting that way, got angry over someone not knowing what I didn’t even know especially when it wasn’t explicit, then immediately felt like the Worst Person ever for getting mad and anxious, went home and cried ugly sobs on my cat, debated if I deserved to live before immediately deciding that DUH OF COURSE I DO, but that I was just a sad sack and everyone knew it, ate one single can of vienna sausage directly out of the can for dinner, washed it down with waaaay too much box wine, cried again about fictional characters because I had “ruined” them, asked my best friend (drunkenly mind you) if I was a good person because I thought I was secretly the worst and a manipulator b/c I self inserted myself into my own fanfiction, and then spent the next 6 months or so anxiously opening and closing my google doc in fear of What I Might Learn About Myself or worse the discovery that I Had Been A Bad Person b/c I stated my thought process out clearly but obviously that’s just “mean” to do because I am a bad and can’t not do mean or something! 

Like...I get why I did it but fucks sake me. It took a lot of broken logic to get there. Looking back I don’t know how I did that actually. This is a self call out. I am @ing myself.

So, yeah.

Not sure how to end this. So...uh, feel free to talk to me if you want to!

[eldritchsurveys]

882.

5k Survey IX

401. Some say that high school is the best time of your life. Was that true for you? >> It was not. 402. What do you find yourself encouraging others to try? >> I can’t think of anything that fits that description. Generally if I’m encouraging someone, it’s because they brought up something that they wanted to try and are anxious about it or something. 403. Which is better: Mel Brooks or Woody Allen? >> Man, I love Mel Brooks movies, I think he’s hilarious. Meanwhile I’m not sure if I’ve seen any Woody Allen movies but I did see a clip from A Rainy Day in New York (think that’s the title) that went viral here on tumblr and it was just... abysmally bad. I cringed the whole length of the clip (to the point of physical pain, lmao). So that’s now my frame of reference for his movies. 404. When was the last time you were up all night? >> About 2 or 3 years ago, I’d say. I remember being up all night on stimulants and ended up writing a weird Person of Interest fic (it’s definitely one of those fics that I would have dreamed of writing but would have talked myself out of writing if I’d been sober, because I would have thought it was too weird or stupid... so I’m glad it got a chance to exist), and that would have been around 3 years ago. 405. __ is life. The rest is just details. Fill in the blank. >> I don’t know, man.

406. Are people too complex and different to be categorized? >> People are definitely way more complex than their categories would suggest, but I don’t think that means the categories are fundamentally useless. I think it’s important to keep in mind that categories are only useful to a point -- for quick communication or community-finding, for example, or for legal purposes -- and that it’s best if one doesn’t identify too strongly with one’s categories at the expense of experiencing their full complexity and mercuriality. 407. Is it good to have pride in your own race or does that separate people from each other because it makes them think of everyone else as ‘outsiders’? >> I mean, “race” to me is a pretty wack concept as a whole, so I think being proud of something like “race” is wack too. Now, if you’re proud of your culture, your ethnicity -- the specifics of your upbringing and community, not just some catch-all term that doesn’t really mean shit like “white” or “black” -- then that makes more sense to me. Even then, I’d have to hope that pride doesn’t come with a superiority complex and a system of exclusion. 408. What fictional story would you like to live through? >> I did that once. It both started and ended badly for me. To be fair, I didn’t exactly choose the story I was born into, but, you know. 409. Are cats or dogs smarter? >> It doesn’t make any sense to me to categorise animals like this. Cats and dogs both have instincts and cognitive processes that suit their species and their level of domestication, I’d assume. 410. Have you ever guessed someone’s password and broken into their diary? >> No. 411. What teacher, if any, has effected you the most in your life? >> I had a teacher in fourth grade that gave me the silent treatment for half of the year (literally. another student had to act as go-between for any communications), and that was pretty affecting. Also had a teacher that took me to court for “assault” (what I actually did was inappropriate but it definitely wasn’t assault) and got me put on probation for a year. Definitely affecting. 412. Are you more easily bored or excited? >> I’m way more easily bored. It takes a lot to get me excited. 413. What’s the bravest or most daring thing you have ever done? >> I’m not sure. 414. “What’s the point of robbery when nothing is worth taking?” (- Adam Ant) >> Obviously, something is worth taking if people are willing to take a risk like that. This is a silly ass quote. 415. If your man or woman served you breakfast in bed as a treat what would you want? >> You act like I don’t already eat my breakfast in or near my bed. 416. What do you do only when you are upset? >> I don’t know, most of the things I do when I’m upset can intersect with other emotions. Like crying, which I also do if I’m just emotionally overwhelmed (but not necessarily in a bad way). 417. What’s the oddest CD in your collection? >> --- 418. What’s the best diary name you ever saw? >> --- 419. What would your friends be surprised to learn about you? >> I don’t know. 420. Who owes you an apology? >> No one owes me anything. 421. Who deserves an apology from you? >> Can’t think of anyone I should be apologising to. If someone wants an apology, they’d better ask for it. 422. How would you like to treat your kids differently from the way your parents treated you? >> That is a list a mile long and I’m not about to get into that right now. Especially since it’s all hypothetical, since I’m not having children. 423. Which do you like best: 60’s, 70’s or 80’s fashion? >> I don’t much care for any of these. 424. What is the worst pick up line ever used on you? >> --- 425. Of the following, which word best describes you: inventive, kinetic (energetic), light-hearted, mature >> I don’t know which of these words describes me. None of them seem particularly appropriate. 426. Do you own a record player? Do you use it? >> I do own one, but I rarely use it. The novelty wore off really quickly. 427. How easily do you make friends? >> Not easily. 428. What is the difference between having character and being a character? “Being a character” makes me think of someone who is a class clown, and “having character” makes me think of someone with good characteristics, like being kind, helpful, responsible, etc. <-- Sure, let’s go with that. 429. Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? >> I mean, I’m not usually in a situation where I’m presented with an animal to touch... outside of, you know, the normal domesticated creatures. So I don’t know if there’s any animal out there I wouldn’t ever want to touch. 430. Do you care about your weight? >> I care about it in an unhealthy, dysmorphic way. 431. Did you/will you go to the prom? >> I went. 432. Have you ever wanted to date twins? >> No. 433. What one thing would you change about high school if you could? >> I’m not in high school anymore, so I don’t care about changing it. 434. If you came with a warning label, what would it say? >> I can only imagine what it would say. A lot, probably. 435. Are you artistic and creative? >> At some points, sure. 436. What were you (probably) doing on this date last year? >> I don’t know, man. Probably not too much different from what I’m doing right now. 437. What are you obsessed with? >> I can never think of an answer to this question. My capacity for obsession has been greatly diminished over time, probably thanks to trauma. 438. What was the last compliment you received? >> I don’t know. 439. Do you have any brothers or sisters? >> No. 440. Who would you like to be alone with right now? >> Myself, thanks. 441. Do you push people away when you really want them to come closer? >> I don’t actively push people away, I’m just incredibly distant and avoidant because I don’t know how else to be, and people respond to that. 442. Is a prenuptial agreement necessary or does it take the romance and trust out of marriage? >> I’m sure for some people, it’s necessary, or else it wouldn’t exist as a thing. (Also, let’s not even get into the fact that marriage as ~romantic~ has really only become a thing in recent eras, so a prenuptial agreement is actually more traditional than anything else...) I’ve never been anywhere near that level of wealth, so, you know. It’s all irrelevant to me and my life. 443. Do you lie your way out of things? >> I don’t really need to do this, like, ever. 444. Are you better at talking or listening? >> I find listening to be way easier than talking a lot of the time. 445. What will only happen to you once in this lifetime? >> Well, death, right? Not counting symbolic and metaphorical ones. 446. Know of any conspiracy theories you think might be credible? >> No. 447. What are the most beautiful words that have ever been spoken to you? >> *shrug* 448. If it were legal would you own a human slave (race unimportant)? >> Nah, I’m good.  449. Have you ever read your own writing at a poetry reading? >> I did once, in fact. It was pretty cool. 450. What is one simple thing that gives you the happy shivers? >> Er.

[kenshiliker]

mcfuck load of things i was tagged in going here thanks everyone that tagged me & im sorry for this Entire Mess

Also I was tagged in 3 different things that have like similar fuckign questions so im jst gonna stick them all into 1 tag bc if not you’d have me repeating my damn names 18 times and thts no fun for Anyone)

Meet the blogger meme (Tagged by @bodhierso, thank u ark!! @woehuxbub tHJANKS FAMTHER & @orsonkraennic)

i. name:  徐

ii. nickname: OH LORD I HAVE SO MANY um I’ll just put the main ones; Brucie, Jerry, Tiaan, King Dickard II

iii. zodiac sign: Sagittarius / Dragon (Chinese Zodiac)

iv. height: ??? UH I think 160 cm the last I measured but I’m not sure. Over 5′3″ iirc.

v. orientation: Ace (the helpful place)

vi. ethnicity: Chinese 

vii. favorite fruit: Orange, Strawberry and Banana, L E M O N (u fucKIGN COWARDS)

viii. favorite season: Autumn/Winter but I’m stuck in hell so guess I’ll Die

ix. favorite book / book series: I don’t read many books but I like Shakespeare’s stuff & also Sherlock Holmes

x. favorite flower: Hibiscus rosa-sinensis (this is as patriotic as I get tbh), PLANTA GENISTA

xi. favorite scent: Nothing too strong or I’ll feel nauseous. Maybe a soft vanilla? ...And maybe orange. Or Lemon.

xii. favorite color: ORANGE (funny story is that my dad’s fav colour was orange and I decided to project frm a young age and wow guess what Orange has been my fav colour ever since), White, Black, Blue, Red

xiii. coffee, tea or cocoa: T e a slorp slorp

xiv. average sleep hours: Depends on what I have planned the next day. Lately (due to exam month) it’s been about 5 hrs per week so guess I’ll die

xv. cat or dog person: I like both as long as I’m not being chased

xvi. favorite fictional characters: ghhh Bruce Wayne, Tiaan Jerjerrod, Illya Kuryakin, B.J. Hunnicutt, Freddy Newandyke, Cal Lightman, (and Duke of Aumerle & Richard II if they count,,, hte Shookspeare version)

xvii. dream trip: UK,,, Get Me Out Of Here, 

xviii. blogs created: 4 (This one, TMFU blog, Secret Shakespeare Blog & Secret Art Blog) (I haven’t posted on the latter two) (That’s why they’re a ‘secret’)

xix. number of followers: 940 here (how even the Fuck) & 1582 on the TMFU blog.

xx.  random fact: I recently sat on the hard wood floor for 10 hours straight (s/o to you if you remember this) and felt myself just physically shrivel up and die. I literally hurt everywhere bc if I wasn’t sitting down, I was laying on the ground and gOD It took me a week to feel better but yeah god 11/10 would not recommend

xxi. number of blankets you sleep with: There’s like 4 on my bed lmao I’M LIVING

xxii.  blog created: I’ve had a tumblr since like... 2010 and I didn’t really use it until 2012, 2013 was my first year I was really active

xxiii. nationality: Malaysian

Tagged by Krenny again, to answer all these questions, and then tag 15 people 5 things you’ll find in my bag: SUPERMAN WALLET, Phone, Powerbank + Cable, Earphones, Art Supplies

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom: 5000 Stuffed Animals, DC shit, SW garb, The decapitated head of Jar Jar Binks that greets the visitors, Convention merch (+4 GAY REALLY FUCKING GAY, SO GAY THAT IF MY PARENTS FOUND THEM I’D BE FUCKING DEAD, fanbooks of TMFU which are in Chinese, sent by my lovely Internet Sister)

5 things I’ve always wanted to do: Get some air-dry paper clay and make tiny sculptures or something, learn how to paint properly, have nice handwriting, visit the UK again, WATCH A PLAY

5 things that make me happy: My unhealthy coping mechanisms, my favs, my friends!!, drawing (sometimes), reading/learning about something I’m interested in

5 things I’m currently into: TIM ROTH, LIE TO ME, Shakespeare, Star Wars, DC

5 things on my to do list: Get good fuckin grades for once in my damn life aye, finish watching Lie To Me, finish reading As You Like It and Othello, finish the school year & be done with it for the rest of my life, memorise all the experiments for the physics syllabus by Thursday if not my teacher will literally grill me

and lastly, tagged by @bunn1cula​ and Krenny again! Thank u two am loaf the both of u,

the last

1. drink: water 2. phone call: irl friend that is saved as ‘Mr. Pink’ in my phone (as per their request fhghg) 3. text message: ‘👌👌’ or if chats count then:

4. song you listened to: HOOKED ON A FEELING 5. time you cried: Yesterday while watching Lie To Me 6. dated someone twice: Nooooot yet 7. kissed someone and regretted it: NOT FOR ME THnks 8. been cheated on: ?? I don’t know. Probably not. 9. lost someone special: Yes 10. been depressed: Yeah, still am, but I think it’s not so bad nowadays (hopefully). 11. got drunk and thrown up: Never

3 favourite colours

12. Orange 13. White 14. Black

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: Yeah, definitely!  16. fallen out of love: NOT YET BUT MAYBE SOON 17. laughed until you cried: GOD A HECK OF A LOT OF TIMES 18. found out someone was talking about you: No, not really. I mean, there’s an asshole in my class that loves talking shit about me but I honestly don’t give a fuck about him he’s Irrelavant. 19. met someone who changed you: I don’t really know,,, I think I’m still the same? 20. found out who your friends are: I’ve never really had an issue with anyone, really. Maybe except one or two people, but yeah, the rest of y’all are alright. 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: NO

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: About 60/93 of them. I plan to boot a ton of them after I graduate tho. 23. do you have any pets: UNFORTUNATELY NO but I’d love a cat 24. do you want to change your name: UM SURE I mean it’d be kinda nice bc I hate when people I hate tainted my name by calling it, so yea, Yes 25. what did you do for your last birthday: I don’t think I did anything at all. 26. what time did you wake up: 6.30 a.m. (gotta love tht School Life) 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: ,,,Watching Lie To Me, reading fics instead of studying for my exam, 28. name something you can’t wait for: GRADUATING and getting tf outta here. 29. when was the last time you saw your mum: Last night ghghg 31. what are you listening to right now: Stuck In The Middle With You 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: I was the person named Tom once, so, yes. 33. something that is getting on your nerves: My shitty fucking class/school. 34. most visited website: Tumblr, YouTube 35. hair colour: Dark brown 36. long or short hair: Short! 37. do you have a crush on someone: Mnnn 50/50 38. what do you like about yourself: I’m kinda sorta funny & I can draw sometimes 39. piercings: None 40. blood type: A+ 41. nickname: Jerry, Brucie, Tiaan, King Dickard II 42. relationship status: Single & That’s Alrighty 43. zodiac: Sagittarius 44. pronouns: He/Him or They/Them 45. favourite tv show: RN IT’S LIE TO ME (TIM ROTH COULD FUCKIGNG LIE TO ME RIGHT IN MY FACE & I’D BE LIKE WOW UR TELLIGN THE TRUTH I BELIEVE IN U), but I also like M*A*S*H, The Man From U.N.C.L.E. and The Twilight Zone 46. tattoos: I idon’t really want any! 47. right or left handed: Right

first

48. surgery: None to my knowledge, or maybe a few when I was super young bc my moves (lungs) are weak babe 49. piercing: None (my mom keeps trying to get me to pierce my ear but it’s not my thing, & also if I do get it i’ll only get one and it’ll be the Gay Ear) 50. sport: Football, I think? In any case, I’m bomb as hell at getting hit in the fucking head by the sports balls.  51. vacation: London or Australia iirc 52. pair of trainers: I don’t remember either, I can barely remember anything from 2016.

more general

53. eating: Nothing at the moment 54. drinking: Water 55. i’m about to: Nap or watch Lie To Me (I haven’t decided) 56. waiting for: My exams to be over 57. want: Nothing at the moment 58. get married: Sure? I’m not really opposed to marriage as a whole, but if it starts getting yikes you bet your ass I’m gonna fucking bounce 59. career: I don’t have a career rn but I’d like to do illustration/concept art it seems p cool. Either that or become a psychologist and charge people $30 for readings.

which is better

60. hugs or kisses: I don’t like either 61. lips or eyes: Eyes 62. shorter or taller: I don’t really care. I love both short girls and guys (@tiM), and tall girls and guys are just as good! 63. older or younger: Doesn’t really matter to me either. 64. nice arms or nice stomach: Also doesn’t really matter but if ur arms are good I’m definitely eyes emoji af 65. hook up or relationship: Relationship. 66. troublemaker or hesitant: See, I’d say hesitant but I don’t really know that either. Just as long as you’re not doing some stupid shit we’re good.

have you ever

67. kissed a stranger: No 68. drank hard liquor: Nope.. Well, not to my knowledge. 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I don’t wear either ghgng 70. turned someone down: No 71. sex on the first date: N O 72. broken someone’s heart: UH Yeah when I was 13 (how even the fucK.) 73. had your heart broken: yEP 74. been arrested: Never bc I’m a cop, Larry 75. cried when someone died: Yes. I’m okay throughout the funeral but the minute it registers that I’m never gonna see them again, I’m gooooone af. Even if I didn’t particularly like the person when they were alive. 76. fallen for a friend: YEAH!!! But it’s usually one of those new-friend crushes sourry.

do you believe in

77. yourself: I mean, Sometimes. It’s like... Can I do it? Most Likely. Did I do it correctly? Most Likely Not. 78. miracles: Not really, no. 79. love at first sight: Yeah, sure, I mean everyone’s different, so who’s to say just because I don’t feel it someone else doesn’t. 80. santa claus: No way my dude 81. kiss on the first date: Depends bc at mY AGE I’m not boutta put my face anywhere near someone else’s thts jst weird 82. angels: Mayhaps,,,, I don’t believe that they don’t exist, if that makes sense.

other

83. current best friend’s name: Mmmnnnn Kylogram (Kyle Ron), maybe? I’ve a few best friends. 84. eye colour: Dark brown, they look kinda nice in the sun I guess. 85. favourite movie: RESERVOIR DOGS, Four Rooms, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead, The Lion in Winter, TMFU, Wonder Woman, ROTJ, Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade

--

This is a big Mess, but yeA I’m tagging whoever was mentioned above & no one else bc this has gone on for long enough, to do the one you weren’t tagged in or hell do the first one if you want, bc that one is a compilation of like 3 different tag memes ghfh. Good bye u all.

(OH YEAH if ur a mutual/follower/whoEVER who sees this feel free to do if if you’d like!! Say I tagged you if you’d like to c:)

[losille2000]

The Chocolate Affair, Chapter 4

TITLE: The Chocolate Affair CHAPTER NUMBER: 4/? AUTHOR: Losille2000 WHICH TOM/CHARACTER: AU!Tom, CEO!Tom GENRE: Romance/Drama/Spy Fiction FIC SUMMARY: When a mysterious—and gorgeous—stranger sends dessert instead of a customary drink one evening in a bar, Christine Callaghan can’t help but be intrigued, even though she’s on a diet… from men. RATING: M (sex, language) WARNINGS: Explicit sex. Vanilla, but a hint of chocolate syrup (in a lightly D/s way). AUTHORS NOTES: So, uh, yeah. As I said, this is probably the most explicit love scene I’ve ever written, and it sort of got away from me (6500 words long), but I hope it meets your approval. Sorry for the wait! Thanks for reading, everyone!

Also on AO3 Previous chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 -  Character Bios: Tom - Christine - Alex - Rory

The Chocolate Affair Chapter 4

 Our tour doesn’t really classify as a tour, just a walk up the curving staircase to the first-floor gallery, with Tom pointing at the doors to guest rooms—four of them—in the ovular space. He mentions, offhanded, that there’s a fifth and sixth on the upper level. I figure there must be more underneath the main level where we had dinner, but I don’t dwell on it. I’m not here to look at the ostentatious architecture, I’m here to look at—no, drink up and take my fill of—a handsome man.

 He opens wide two dark cherry doors, stepping aside to let me precede him into the room. When I’m past the threshold in the sedate, neutral-toned sitting room, he steps in behind me and shuts the door with a quiet snap. I whirl around… well, attempt to whirl around to face him, but he’s already there, his warmth pressing against my back, long-fingered hands digging into my hips to shove us forward. His hard excitement pushes into my ass as we walk in step with each other toward the giant bed across the huge open room, sending a bright shot of heat straight to my core.

I expect him to continue, to lay me down on the bed or at least sit me there, but suddenly I’m cold, the room’s ambient air prickling my skin with the abruptness of his disappearance. Swallowing a deep breath, I turn around and look for Tom, finding him at a sideboard, pouring amber liquid from a crystal decanter into a matching glass. It must be whisky, I think, because isn’t that what these types of men always drink from their sideboards?

 Tom lifts the glass and sucks in a mouthful as he turns back to me, his eyes alight with hunger. It’s carnal. Animalistic. Wolfish and starving and thirsty at the same time, like I’m an oasis in the middle of the desert. I’ve seen that look before—not on him, though, or even another man.

 A Persian leopard, starved and bony, loped into our camp the night my team arrived north of Mosul, Iraq on my first overseas assignment. Our guides said it was rare for them to come down off the mountains, but its hunger must have driven it into our camp in search of food. We were warned not to feed or pay it any mind, but it started yowling in the middle of the night, just outside our barracks. I couldn’t imagine the pangs of hunger it must be suffering to make such sounds. Of course, my own cat back home lets me know he’s hungry—constantly—despite being five pounds overweight. But this sound… this was different. It was the sound of dying.

 I tossed and turned for a few hours and couldn’t find any sleep. Fed up and frustrated that no one else seemed to care, I threw my covers off, pulled on my boots and scrounged around our makeshift mess hall for something to feed it. My offering was likely to be nothing more than a single drop of rain in a drought, but I couldn’t lay there all night listening to the poor animal starve to death.

 Resources were precious for us in the middle of nowhere, but one of the Marine cooks pulled a shank of meat out of the cooler and handed it to me anyway. I ventured out into the moonlight, ready to coax the leopard close enough that he would smell or see me with the meal. He did, right way, and carefully picked his way across the rocky, sandy ground. His focused eyes glinted in lantern light as he walked, his large tongue licking his mouth in anticipation of the meager feast.  

 I’d never seen another living thing so ravenous up until that point in my life. Sure, I’ve seen hungry animals and, unfortunately, people since, but that leopard is the closest I come to understanding what Tom must be thinking as he prowls with feline grace across the room and sets his whisky tumbler on the table beside a plush couch.

 But is Tom really the leopard, preparing to devour me to slake his hunger? Or was it me last night, lured in with dessert, starving for positive male attention? Have I sealed my own fate by accepting a solicitous hand? I shudder at the thought, knowing the story with the leopard ends with a gunshot ricocheting off the valley and a dead animal at my feet, Colonel Baker shoving his sidearm into a holster with a meaningful glare in my direction.

 I shake my head, telling myself I need to find better analogies. For my own sanity, I can’t let myself think about anything other than the man in front of me right now.

 Tom pulls his coat off and tosses it over the back of the couch, then pulls the unknotted tie slow, agonizingly slowly, though his collar and drops it on top of the coat. He does all of this while watching me, staring, consuming me with his half-lidded eyes. I lock my knees and try to resist the urge to stand at attention under his assessments. Nothing about his actions make him feel like a drill instructor, but there’s something in the air between us, something controlling and dominant that flicks against my independent nature.

 “Take your heels off,” he says, eyeing my feet.

 “Excuse me?” I ask.

 He laughs. “Or keep them on, if you like. I love fucking women in gorgeous heels.”

 I gulp. It’s the first time he’s used such coarse language, and I want to know how he can make something so vulgar sound so hot.

 “But I can see you’re uncomfortable in them,” he adds again.

 “You don’t know that.”

 He meets my eyes. “Yes, I do. The way you move in them isn’t the same as a woman who has had lots of practice wearing them. I want you to be comfortable. Well… within reason, of course.”

 “Fine,” I bite out, kicking off my shoes and squishing my stocking-covered feet in the thick carpeting. I don’t know if I’m angrier that I can’t convincingly pull off the air of refinement I wanted or that he can read into it so well. What else can he figure out about me?

Tom mirrors my actions, bending down to remove his own footwear to reveal the dark polka dotted socks beneath. I giggle at the sudden frivolity of the design considering his otherwise straight-laced costume. He looks up at me from under his heavy brows as he stuffs the shoes under the side table.

 “What’s so amusing?”

 “Your socks,” I say. “They’re inconsistent to your outright demeanor.”

 He chuckles. “Ah, yes. Perhaps there’s more to me than I present to the public.”

 “Maybe,” I reply.

 He stands to his full height, eyes back on me as he reaches for his cufflinks and carefully removes each one.  They’re heavy and metal, I can tell by the way he palms them in his hand, and they make substantial clunks on the table beside his whisky glass when he sets them there.

 I belatedly realize he hasn’t offered me a drink, and doesn’t seem to have any interest in procuring one for me. Instead, he grabs his left sleeve and rolls it up his forearm, moving slowly and elegantly to expose the flexing and releasing muscles beneath the cloth. Then he repeats the action with the opposite sleeve, until both sit at his elbows.

 He’s not a slight man, that much I know from the press of his body to mine at times through the evening, but his forearms are more than I imagined. He’s lean and lithe like a jungle cat, and as I can see now, with just as much powerful musculature honed from a great deal of physical activity.

 Though I never pictured him a weakling—in fact, he has never strayed from his golden godly image in my head—the reality is so much more. Now I know he can hurt me, in more ways than one. And those personal bodyguards lurking around outside? They’re decoration, nothing more.

 I lick my lips, thinking further and imagining how else he might look, waiting for him to remove more clothing. For him to come over to me and undress me, too.

 But he doesn’t.

Strangely, he lowers himself onto the couch and rests back against it.  He spreads out, seemingly taking up the whole space with his body, long arms laying across the backrest and his knees bent and legs spread wide to showcase his groin in a welcoming, purely sexual display. Tom neither invites me nor disinvites me from sitting with him, but he reaches for the amber liquor on the table and sips it before resting back and staring again. The tumbler, I note, stays in his hand, balancing on the back of the couch.

 I swallow around the sudden lump in my throat, not knowing where to go and what to do. This man is so different from any other I’ve encountered. He’s a mystery, and for the first time in my life, my sexual confidence evaporates into thin air.

 I wonder if he’s done it on purpose, to unsettle me. To make me so uncomfortable that my carefully constructed personal control goes right out the window. So that he might get something incendiary out of me about who I am or what I do.

 “Take your dress off,” he commands like a man who is always obeyed.

 Okay, then, I think and reach for the zipper under my arm. “Wouldn’t you like to do the honors?”

 He shakes his head, takes another sip. “No. I’d rather watch you, watching me. Keep your eyes on me.”

 My skin enflames at his words. I’m trained to follow orders in certain aspects of my life, but most of my life is something I rule. I control what I do and what I don’t. Yesterday, before I met him, I would have never dreamed of allowing a man to issue me such commands. In fact, my ex and I fought about it constantly, because I was never willing to give up my control for him.

 Tom makes it too easy to obey him, and it sends a funny fluttering insect into my belly. A part of me wants to protest—rebel—but it’s impossible to do so. I’ve already sunk too far into his world. It started the moment I readily followed his orders to show up in a black dress and heels tonight.

 No wonder he expects me to follow other commands.

 “I’ve always thought,” he starts, his words slurring slightly, but it’s not from drunkenness. The man in front of me is the farthest thing from alcoholic intoxication. “You can tell a lot about a person by their sartorial choices. Don’t you think?”

 “I would agree with you,” I say, pulling the zipper down, making sure to hold his gaze. Heat and wet flood the expensive lacy satin between my legs. I didn’t know—I didn’t realize—

 He grins mischievously. “And what have you learned about me?”

 “You’re exacting. Regimented. You wear it like a uniform, like you’re in the military, and just as strict. You clearly expect it from everyone else,” I murmur. The zipper stops moving and I lift a hand and stick a finger beneath one of the sleeves holding my dress up. Then I push it down my arm, following suit with the other. I hold the fabric in place to continue. “You’re polished. You like the finer things in life, your suits aren’t something you pull off a rack. But you don’t do flamboyance, even with all your money. And the way you carry yourself in the suit, it’s like you were born in them. It’s second nature, probably because you started wearing such fine clothing when you were very young.”

 I pull the dress down further, enjoying the way his eyes widen eagerly as it shifts south, revealing the lacy scallop on the edge of my bra. “Though, there’s your socks. You’re a contained man, but you let a little frivolity show through your accessories. Which tells me you’re not necessarily a hard man—”

 “Oh, I guarantee you, Christine,” he said, taking another sip of his whisky, “I am rather hard.”

 Glancing at his groin, I do take note of the increased tent in his trousers. Even in the shadowed room and dim light, I can see the shape of it in the black fabric. I lick my lips again and he shifts his hips in discomfort.

 “Eyes on mine, darling,” he orders.

 I drag my gaze up to meet his again and I see steely reserve. There are other observations I can tell him—things I’ve picked up through the evening—though it’s not necessarily related to his clothing. But I choose to draw my cards back, keeping them close to my chest. I know better than to reveal my hand this early in the game.

 His eyes flicker down my body, as though trying to move the fabric I’m sliding south faster than my current speed. I bite my lip and chuckle, taking a breath. He never told me how quickly to drop it, so that’s his fault.

 “You don’t wear dresses often,” he starts. “But you wear them more regularly than you do the heels. And the heels—well, they’re still sensible though they’re tall and expensive. So though you might never wear them again, you prefer quality.”

 I nod. “That’s easy.”

 He laughs and leans forward, a shadow passing across his face in the room’s low light. Somehow, he seems more mysterious. More unpredictable. “You didn’t dress like the other women here tonight. Not flashy. Your hem is respectable and elegant, but still at a length to reveal your wonderful, shapely legs. And the neckline, as it is open and across your shoulders is a sophisticated grace as opposed to showing everything.”

There were some plunging necklines tonight, I think. But I thought that’s what he preferred.

“And what does that say about me, exactly?” I ask.

 “You’re private. You keep things to yourself. You have secrets, probably lots of them, that you only reveal to a few people.”

 I draw in a breath and let it out. He’s stabbing at thin air, hoping something sticks. I know he is, because I know he’s looking for something. For some tell that he’s right. Or, perhaps, for something more incriminating. What I’m wearing could mean anything. Maybe someone else picked it all out for me and I’m just wearing it? Maybe I just don’t like showing my body off?

 He seems to read my mind and stands up, finishing off his glass of whisky and leaving it on the table beside the couch. Then he saunters over, walking around me, appraising me, his hands resting on mine where they hold my dress around my torso. “You like showing your body off, so you don’t cover up for that reason.”

 “Is that what you think?”

 The man shrugs, stopping in front of me. He’s close enough again that I can feel his heat radiating over my body, enveloping me. I haven’t taken my eyes off him, except for the few seconds he spent behind me, and now he’s staring into mine. The scent of warm whisky wafts around us and I cant toward him, searching for the feel of him brushing my skin, for a taste of the spicy liquor on his tongue.

 “You, however, understand the concept of intrigue,” he interjects between us, stopping me mid-movement.

 The fact that I’m doing all of this for him—acquiescing and undressing—and still haven’t kissed the man doesn’t escape my notice. But his refusal to inch forward and claim my mouth has nothing to do with an aversion or some rule about not kissing because it’s too personal. No, he’s stringing me along, providing more ‘intrigue.’ Winding me up tighter, making me wetter.

 And he’s barely touched me.

 I’m so out of my league, it’s ridiculous.

 He grins as I shift away from him. “Sadly, mystery is a misunderstood art and lost on so many today. Don’t you think, Christine?”

 I hum my answer, entranced by the way his lips curve to form words, wishing I could find the nerve to stop this unrelenting tease and get down to business.

 “You do want to impress and show it all off for someone special, but not just for anyone. It’s probably the sexiest thing I’ve learned about you tonight.”

 “Really?”

 He pushes down on my hands, lowering the dress further, slipping his fingers around my waist to tug the fabric over the flare of my hips. Faintly, I feel the garment pool at my feet, but I don’t look down to confirm it. I couldn’t even if I wanted. I am transfixed in his gaze, my breath catching as his eyes dip to peek at my lingerie.

 A sly grin pulls at his lips. “It’s why you went to all the trouble to wear something like this.”

 He leans over me and his teeth nip at my shoulder, catching the strap of my bra to drag it until it falls down my arm. I shiver at the light tormenting sensation as it prickles my skin and hardens my nipples uncomfortably against the satin and lace bra.

God, I’ve never wanted someone to touch me so much.

 But he doesn’t. No, instead he retreats a bit, and stares down at me again. “Am I close?”

 “I would say you’re definitely warm,” I reply.

 “Good, because you should never be ashamed to show this gorgeous body off,” he says, hands motioning to me, not physically touching, but I feel like his fingers are already on me, digging into my flesh.

 I gasp.

 His smile only grows more wicked. “But then I must ask,” he says, bringing the thumb of his right hand up to my breast. There he lightly flicks the puckered nipple through the fabric, then cups the whole thing in one long fingered hand. I moan at the new sensation, and at the size of his hand holding me so tenderly. It takes everything for me to open my eyes that have inexplicably fluttered closed.

 “Ask what?” I say on a parched tongue.

 “This is an expensive set of lingerie,” he continues. I do not doubt that he’s a connoisseur of the finest lingerie the world offers, as seen on many different women. “And I wonder why you’ve spent so much money on something for one night. You don’t outwardly strike me as a frivolous person, so it makes me think you might have purchased this set for someone else and since you haven’t been able to use it, you’ve brought it out tonight.”

 Surprisingly, I don’t bristle. I don’t even cool. But it does make me nervous that he’s bringing up my ex again. “They were purchased this afternoon.”

 His eyebrows shoot up at my admission. “Is that so?”

 “With money left over from selling the engagement ring,” I admit.

 He gives me a low, throaty chuckle, clearly delighted at the information. “Mercenary girl.”

 “You have no idea.”

 “I approve,” he says, “though I’ll take even more pleasure ripping it to shreds.”

 A part of me wants to stop him, but I don’t because I want him to rip them from my body, too. I want him to throw me back on the bed and have his way with me, anyway he’d like, and end this ridiculous teasing that has me all in knots and in desperate need of release.

 To prove his point, his hand tickles down my bare stomach, bypassing the garter belt sitting low on my waist, and finally hooks on the front of the skimpy matching knickers. With one deft movement, lace and elastic bite hard into my skin as a riiiiiiip resounds throughout the quiet room. He stands back, admiring his handiwork and the angry red skin where the offending material pulled apart. Then he balls the shreds into his hand and tosses it aside like rubbish.

 Somehow, he’s completely left the garter belt in place. Now I know my league isn’t even close to his. Oceans don’t just separate us. No. He’s somewhere out in the stratosphere and I’ve practically dug a grave six feet down and that still wouldn’t explain how far apart from each other we are. And he seems to know that, too, but it doesn’t diminish the hunger in his expression. Nor does it stop his tongue sweeping out and licking his lips.

 “I could have easily stepped out of them,” I offer.

 “Expedience,” he replies, drawing a finger down the length of one of my garters. “You would have needed to remove these darlings, which I don’t want, and I do so hate waiting.”

 I laugh. “You’re the one making us wait.”

 “Am I?”

 “You’re playing with your food.”

 He throws his head back and laughs a hearty laugh, though it’s tight with something else. Something I can’t put my finger on. “Perhaps I am.”

 “If you play too long, your food will get cold,” I joke.

 The finger on my garter sweeps back up my inner thigh, the rest of his paw joining in and cupping my sex, kneading the mound with his palm. I suck in air and claw at his arm, not expecting the intimate intrusion. It’s not harsh or painful by any means, but I’m prepared, somehow. All I want him to do is take the ache away, though the strength of his hand makes it worse. Makes me squirm in agony.

 Two fingers slip past my folds and draw up, resting for a second over my clit, giving me a moment to relax against his hand. Then he lightly pinches the nervy bundle between his fingers and thumb. Heat floods me all over, the ratchet in my belly tightening further, and I squeal. It’s a sound I’ve never heard come out of me.

 Ever.

 No man has ever inspired such a reaction. I almost want to cry. Not from pain, but from the unmistakable, uncontrollable surge of bliss rocketing through my body.

 I knew he’d worked me up. I know I’m starved for this kind of attention. I just hadn’t understood how much I needed this. How much I want this.

 “I don’t think…” he murmurs, stepping closer to me now, invading all my space, until I can smell the whisky on his breath again. Warm breaths ruffle a bit of hair that’s fallen in my face as I meet his eyes. “I don’t think we’re in any danger of cooling off.”

 I smile as his forehead presses to mine and our noses brush, his lips hovering delectably over mine but refusing to close the distance. “You’re a very dangerous man.”

 His fingers move again, though this time it’s his other hand reaching behind me to unsnap the closure of my bra. “Darling, you have no idea.”

 Except I do. I have a whole lot of an idea.

 But I ignore it, push it to the furthest reaches of my brain. I don’t have enough blood there to think about it right now. Everything else has diverted elsewhere in my body, flushing my skin and shaking my limbs while his marvelous fingers continue to rub and circle and tweak their way over my sex.

 “Fuck,” I groan, my muscles tightening and my back arching until I push into him. Then he’s gone, just like that. The offending hand, responsible for such pleasure, cups my cheek tenderly. His thumb presses to my lips and I smell myself on him, tasting a hint of my muskiness.

 “Such a dirty word from such a pretty mouth,” he whispers.

 Then his lips cover mine, stealing what little oxygen I have left from my lungs, nibbling, crushing, savoring. First my lips, then dropping to my chin, my jaw. An earlobe. He’s taken a defibrillator to my cold beat-up heart and shocked it back to life, the thing now warm and jackhammering against my sternum in a painful tattoo.

 It’s all I can do to remain upright, but his arms are around me, crushing me to his chest, hands questing lower, dipping into the hollow of my low back and then sweeping over the rise of my ass. His palms flatten against me, then he digs his fingers into my ample flesh, lifting and pulling me against the hardness hidden in his trousers.

 I moan an oath, wrapping my legs for leverage around his hips, grinding into his cock. Fuck. I need him to fill me, take away the emptiness. I need him to finish what he started. I need… him. I need this.

 He carries me over to the bed and tosses me back and I bounce, looking up at him from half-drunk eyes. Never has he looked more like a god than he does at this moment, covered in shadow, haloed by the lamp light behind him. He’s strong, fearsome, and oh so powerful. For the briefest moment, I consider the hard look on his attractive features to be one of indecision. Or, perhaps, consternation. As though he knows he can hurt me, a mere mortal, and has second thoughts.

 But it’s gone in a flash when he blinks and brushes it off with a shake of his head.

 I toss my head, throwing the hair out of my eyes as I attempt to scramble back a bit, inviting him to follow. He doesn’t; he grabs my ankles and pulls me down to the edge of the soft mattress before stepping between my parted legs and covering me with his body.

 I groan at the weight against me, closing my eyes as his lips make a sparse trail from my neck down to my sex, the glorious rasp of his beard scratching against my skin. Once at his destination, he kneels reverently on the floor, hands pushing at the inside of my thighs to open them further, nipping at the velvet crease between my leg and my mound. My muscles stretch and pull, then relax as he holds me in position and delves his tongue tentatively past my folds.

 I reach for him, running my hands through his soft hair, trying to get him to look up at me. I need him to fill me. I need the ache and the fullness. But he ignores the mewl and soft entreaty of, “Tom,” on my lips. Moaning in bliss and torment, I succumb to him, knowing he is a man with a purpose.

 My hips rise at his concentrated attention, grinding with him as his teeth and tongue take over an intricate dance against my clit. Twinges of pleasure and pain alternate with nips and sucking pulses of his mouth, building the itchy tightness in my abdomen higher until my breath hitches—that strange moment of silence as explosives take in the air around them and release.

 The introduction of one finger shoving inside my wetness, followed by another, is what detonates the bomb. He crooks them together inside me and bites hard with lip-sheathed teeth on my clit. It’s like he’s thrown a lit match in a puddle of gasoline and I’m a fireball.

 I scream my release, fisting hands in the bedclothes beside me, holding on lest I float away into the ether like ash. His free hand settles flat against my belly, pressing me down into the mattress, adding an additional tether, keeping me still as he draws out his ministrations. I’m on fire, the flames consuming—scorching—everything in their path, demolishing any remaining misgivings I have about coming tonight followed by the lingering worries I have about him.

 In this moment, I know I would go to the depths of Hades for him if only he’d do that to me again.

He has but to ask.

I gasp for air, wrung out and weak as aftershocks quake through my body. He crawls from the floor like a panther, stalking, ready to devour me again, holding himself on fists over me.  A wolfish smirk curls his mouth—that beautiful, perfect, talented mouth—and he kisses me.

 “You taste divine,” he whispers against me, his tongue pushing past my lips, begging entrance and enticing my own tongue to follow along. It’s lazy at first as I convince my limbs to wake up from their haze of ecstasy, but it doesn’t take long for him to stoke the fire again. Not with his hard body pressed into me like this.

 I moan against his lips and lay my hand on his chest. “Why are you still dressed?”

 He laughs, tweaking my right nipple. I arch into him with a moan. “Shall I remedy that?” he asks.

 “I think you should,” I murmur, my fingers playing with the topmost buttons on his shirt.

 Tom pulls away and kneels above me again, closely watching me as he reaches for the buttons. He makes swifter work of them than I would have ever been able to, tugging the tails of the shirt out of his trousers and pushing it off his shoulders.

I drag my eyes from his, dropping to look at his pecs and lower to his stomach, and can’t help but bite my lip in satisfaction. I knew he had to look something like this, but I didn’t plan for something that gorgeous. Here, too, he’s lightly bronzed, like he spends time in the sun on the regular, and with his shirt off. Not that it should be so ridiculous; rich people always travel. He probably has his own island. What glorious sun god doesn’t?

When we finally latch gazes, I realize he’s been watching me for my seal of approval, too. It’s both endearing and confusing; how can a man be so confident in himself—and know he looks like this—but require assurance that he meets my expectations?

 It’s a crack in his façade, one I cling to as he bends to the side and opens the drawer on the nightstand. Even though I know this is a onetime deal, he’s confirmed with one simple look that I’m more important than some dime-a-dozen call girl at a hotel. I’m not some vessel solely here for his pleasure—or for other motives. And that, perhaps, is the most intoxicating and gratifying thing about all of this.

 I tremble beneath him and release a sigh. He glances at me as he withdraws a foil wrapper from the drawer and tosses it on the bed beside us.

 “What?” I ask.

 Tom lowers onto the bed, on the other side of me, resting on his elbow. “I’m quite enjoying how responsive you are.”

 “How could I not be?” I giggle, throwing a leg over his hip and pushing him down onto the bed as I use my weight to flip us over. Except I’m only successful because he lets me do it. There’s no doubt in my mind that I would have failed if he didn’t want to do this.

 I settle on the seat of his pelvis, resting against his cock and sucking in a breath at the friction of his trousers against my oversensitive core. Jesus.  His hands splay on my thighs and knead up into my hips, holding me in my position to scrape and grind more forcefully against me. My eyes roll to the back of my head—literally—and I shut them, biting my lip to stop a moan from ripping from my mouth.

 “Take my trousers off, darling,” he orders, back in control of the situation.

 Rubbing myself against him one last time, I watch with pleasure as he grits his teeth and his eyes flutter closed for the hastiest of moments.

 “Keep doing that and I won’t last.”

 “Shame,” I hum and move to make short work of his belt, fly and trousers. He lifts his ass to help me in removing all the cloth covering his lower half, but that’s all the help I get. He seems perfectly content watching me crawl back up his legs and stop at the impressive, jutting cock now twitching against the ridged plane of his stomach with each slow breath he takes.

 Even that’s beautiful, like they molded him out of clay to achieve perfection in girth and length and color. It’s almost unfair.

 I reach out for him, prepared to lick him from root to tip to taste his salty skin, but he flips me onto my back again. Before I have the time to stop him, he’s pinned my hands to the mattress above my head.  Then he bites my lower lip before diving for another kiss.

 “I warned you, did I not?” he says, his voice low, rumbly, and menacing, but it shoots straight back down to my core and deflates my lungs.

 “I don’t mind if you come in my mouth.”

 Tom laughs lightly. “No. I’ve thought of nothing else but fucking you since we met, and I’m not wasting this on your mouth right now, no matter how beautiful or sweet it is.”

 I suck in a breath, staring up at him with wide eyes. The way he makes it sound, I feel like he intends for more after this. Like this isn’t the one night stand I thought it was; sure, if I have my say, we’re going to learn every inch of each other’s bodies tonight, and probably into the early morning. But his words and his tone make it sound like he’s considering more.

 He sits up above me, thighs on either side of my waist, his erection proud and terribly underserved. He throws me a bone, though, and it’s the condom foil he places gently in my hand. I raise an eyebrow mischievously and grin.

 “Don’t tempt me to put you over my knee and spank you.” He’s teasing, but not really. I hear the steeliness in his voice and see the flinty stare. He’s daring me to make a move, but I don’t think I’d regret either outcome.

 I rip the foil open with my teeth and reach for him. A hiss escapes his tight lips and I dart a glance up at him, only to see his facial muscles straining with control. Something about this does things to me I can’t describe. It makes me need him more, need him between my legs, but it also instills a level of triumph—no, of power—in me. I’ve been able to drive a gorgeous man to this point, just by being me. Not from acting like someone else to please a stupid fiancé. Or playing a role designed for subterfuge.

 This is all me.

 He snatches my hands away from him as soon as I’ve finished rolling it down his shaft, not allowing me the opportunity to push his limits a little further. Again, he pins my wrists over my head and rests against me, our skin warm and soft, practically melting into each other. I shift beneath him, open my legs wider, inviting him to find a comfortable seat against me. The action draws his hardness to my aching core, slipping tortuously through my slick heat.

 “Please,” I moan, pressing my head back into the mattress and closing my eyes. His lips suck on my throat, on my pulse, tongue darting out with the rapid beat.

 “Please what?” he asks. A hand leaves my wrists and skates down an arm, down my side to my hip and thigh. He pulls my leg up and sets it around him, further shifting us both into optimal position.

 I pant against him, circling my hips to entice him along. He is immovable. “Quit playing with me, Tom. Fuck me. Please.”

 “Of course, darling,” he murmurs into my skin, shifting up, thrusting into me with one long fluid movement. It’s a bittersweet invasion, large and stretching and filling, but slightly sharp and deliciously painful on the edges. He stills for the briefest of moments, meeting my gaze in search of confirmation that he can continue.

 I roll my hips against him, and it’s all the information he needs, his hands flying to them, digging into the flesh as he sets an even but pounding rhythm. I am at once breathless and panting with pleasure, begging again for release with every thrust that grinds and circles against my throbbing clit. We’re both on a hair trigger, but my orgasm still sneaks up on me out of nowhere, starting first at the base of my spine and detonating outward to every inch of me, my body tensing and rigid beneath him.

 “Jesus fuck,” I bite out, scratching at his back, searching again for some other anchor than his hips holding me steady. I watch him, seeing the concentration on his brow, the light sheen of perspiration gathering and glistening on his skin, and it triggers a smaller aftershock, clutching and contracting around him.

 The clenching of my body proves too much for us both and his movements stutter, a guttural groan erupting from the lowest part of his chest and rumbling out of his throat. He sounds like that leopard suddenly, at once dying of starvation and completely sated, sinking his teeth into my shoulder as he empties himself into me.

 At once, I understand. I’m full of him, deliriously relaxed and twitching with satisfaction, but there’s a part of me that is bottomless, needing more attention, knowing I’m never going to get my fill of this man.

 It terrifies me.

 He collapses on top of me, and I cling to him, lest this end before I’m ready for it to end. Tom makes no movement either, with his face buried in the crook of neck, the heat between us slowly cooling but never extinguishing.

 Wordlessly, he slips away to dispose of the condom and returns to bed. He stretches out like a cat and pulls me back against him so that my ass rests comfortably in seat of his pelvis again. Never have I felt so needed or wanted—and this from a man I met a day ago. How is that even possible?

 I shiver and he draws the bedcovers up around us, enveloping us in warmth, hazy euphoria and heavy limbs dragging us both down into a dreamless sleep.

[paxohana]

The Ishy Inquisition

I was tagged by @ishxallxgood

RULES: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. (there’s like, 50 questions, so we’re just. not.)

tagging: @cookiedodeer @tbiris @crystallinekai @hawesome @alexwspark @layleigh123

1.      coke or pepsi: Diet coke.  Definitely.

2.      disney or dreamworks:  Hmm...I like both, but since Disney now owns Avengers rights I have to say Disney.

3.      coffee or tea: coffee.  Definitely coffee.

4.      books or movies: books.

5.      windows or mac: Windows since it pretty much provides me with a job.

6.      dc or marvel: Marvel!  I’m a slut for Marvel.

7.      xbox or playstation: Xbox.

8.      dragon age or mass effect: OMG I can’t choose!  I’m a slut for BioWare so I choose both.

9.      night owl or early riser: Night owl though I am an early riser.  Fuck mornings.

10.  cards or chess: Chess

11.  chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate

12.  vans or converse: Nope

13.  lavellan, trevelyan, cadash, or adaar: Lavellan.  Definitely.

14.  fluff or angst: Fluff, definitely fluff.  

15.  beach or forest: Forest

16.  dogs or cats: Dogs, though I really like rats.

17.  clear skies or rain: Rain. People don’t come to my house when it rains.

18.  cooking or eating out: Eating out.  I’m sick of cooking.

19.  spicy food or mild food: Mild.  I like my tongue, thanks.

20.  halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: Halloween. It holds such magic.

21.  would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: Cold.  I’m a snow baby.

22.  if you could have a superpower, what would it be: Hmm...maybe read minds? Or invisibility so people would leave me alone.

23.  animation or live action: Animation, especially when it’s anime.

24.  paragon or renegade: Renegade because I’m a bitch.

25.  baths or showers: Showers.

26.  team cap or team ironman: Cap.  It has Bucky.  Yum.

27.  fantasy or sci-fi: Don’t make me choose!

28. do you have three or four  favourite quotes? if so what are they: You’re going to make me think? Yeah, no.

29.  youtube or netflix: Netflix

30.  harry potter or percy jackson: Neither.

31.  when you feel accomplished: Hmm..when I get new readers that tell me how much they love my stories and they touch them.  That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

32.  star wars or star trek: Star Trek!  No question about it.

33.  paperback books or hardback books: Hardback.

34.  horror or rom-com: Horror.  I fucking hate rom-com.

35.  to live in a world without literature or music: Yeah, nope.

36.  pastel colours or dark colours: There isn’t a dark enough shade of black.

37.  tv shows or movies: Neither.

38.  city or countryside: Why isn’t deserted island a choice?

39.  if any other zodiac sign could describe you, what would it be: Who knows?

40.  if you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life what would it be: One?  Yeah, no.

41.  cinema or theatre: Theater

42.  if you could be any fictional character’s best friend, who’d you be: Viktor Nikiforov.  We’re both dorks and he can handle my snark since he deals with Yurio all the time.  And I can stare at that delectable ass whenever I want.

43.  smiling or smirking: Are you serious?  Smirk.

44.  are you an ‘all or nothing’ type or are you more consistent: All or nothing.

45.  playlists or your whole library on shuffle: Playlist.  I have one for any mood.

46.  travelling or staying at home: Traveling.  There’s so much to learn in the world.

47.  books or fanfiction: I like both, but never have time for them anywhere due to the fact of this small fic called ‘Met by Accident’ that has consumed my life.  Yeah, small my ass.

48.  If you could live in a fantasy world, what world would it be: Again, is this really a question?  Yuri!!! on Ice.

49. your favorite cartoon: The Animaniacs

50.  name the weirdest five songs on your itunes, current or past: What?  I have no freaking idea.

51. mountains or plains: Hmm...mountains.  Especially if it’s snowy.

52. favorite anime (or tv show if you don’t watch anime): Who wrote this thing?  Really a question?  Yuri!!! on Ice.

[mxquill]

i love a good old tagging meme !! thanks for the tag @sententiousandbellicose <3 idk if you wanted me to do both but i live for the attention so i did anyway lmao

Name: Natalie Nickname: Nat / Lurid Zodiac sign: Capricorn Height: 5′6 1/2 Sexual orientation: lesbian messiah  Favorite fruit: apples bc i’m a classic bitch Favorite season: autumn Favorite book: oh god i dunno how much time do you have??? I quite enjoyed Carol, Rubyfruit Jungle and Too Late I Love You (can u tell i’m gay lol) Favorite flower: uuuuuuuuuuuuh i don’t have one!! Favorite scent: i’m probably supposed to say something nice and fragrant here that i want to put on my body but i don’t really know a lot about perfume but my dog smells really nice and feels like home Favorite color: pink!! Favorite animal: dogs Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: nothing compares to a good cup of tea Average hours of sleep: what’s sleep? about 6? 7? Cat or dog person: dogs, but i do like cats too Favorite fictional characters: we’ll be here all day. just imagine any middle aged woman who could probably kill me. put her here. that’s the list. Number of blankets you sleep with: one big ass duvet Dream trip: in or around kate stewart’s vagina tbh (i’m SO sorry i have no chill i’m tired) Blog created: this one is probably about 2012, but my deleted blog was late 2010 Number of followers: 692 (it’s shot up by a whole fucking bunch lately bc of berena lmao)

Writing Meme:

Is there a snack you like to eat while writing? nope i always forget to eat when i’m writing

What time of day do you usually write? in the dead of night. there’s a reason why i only post fics at 5am lmao

Where do you write? in my bed. it’s my chill place.

How often do you write a new fic? HAHAHAHA good joke. fuck, i don’t even know. whenever the inspo hits me. i try and write every day, but it takes me weeks to finish stuff.

Do you listen to music while you write? yes!! i usually try and find a playlist on playmoss that fits the mood of what i’m trying to write. other than that i have a nice playlist of absolute bangers on my deezer.

Paper or laptop? laptop. i have far too many mistakes and shitty ideas for paper. plus, typing is so much less time consuming.

Do you have a special pre-writing ritual? just gotta psych myself up, innit. probably look at something gay.

What do you do to get into the writing mood? i don’t know, really, i just kind of go for it. put on a banger of a song and see where the mood takes me i guess??

What do you always have near the place you write? my phone, because i’m a dick for procrastination.

Do you have a reward system for word counts? no because i am a hellchild that ‘rewards’ myself after writing like... 3 words.

Is there anything else about your writing process your readers don’t know? not really, it’s a big mess if i’m honest. but i get good results??? i think??? so i’m gonna carry on being this trash child until the end of time.