#this week was asssssss I need a pick me up
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nicolethered · 1 year ago
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Treating myself to a Prospect rewatch
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star-mum · 22 days ago
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First of all thank you so much for the tag baby ily 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
I've been kinda away from Tumblr for a bit (i have no concept of time so could be a week could be a month, i really dont know how long it's been) but WE ARE SO BACK !!!
"Stiles hasn’t eaten in days.” are y'all ready for pain ????
"Observant little thing, aren’t you?” i know you said this ISN'T about sex and it isn't... but i got stuff to work through so IN THE JAR IT GOES
"You couldn’t save Stiles, but you wanted to care for him - just for a moment. You wanted to make a difference" 😩😩😩😩😩 im gonna be so sane about them, I promise
"Need I remind you, sweet thing?” 😐🫙
"his pornography - which he watches far too much of" which surprises no one, honestly
"how did Stiles miss you more than he missed food or water or sleep?" IM AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS !!! VIOLENTLY !!!!
"My Stiles is good enough.” MY STILES !!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!
"To you, he wasn’t all that scary" listen same but i dont think being big headed about this will actually get us anywhere
"Did the two of them have conversations?" in my mind palace the Void-Stiles link works just like Yuji and Sukuna in Jujutsu Kaisen
"Your boy is just a coward" ✨✨✨ my boy ✨✨✨
“I had something else in mind.” oh nooo it's the plot point I remember now
"No?!” He screamed in your ear, causing you to flinch" Dylan O'Brien would eat this performance up btw, like i love thinking about Void in scenes like this cause YOU KNOW Dylan would deliver
"well, aside from Prom and Homecoming…" i have qualms with the amount of school dances the usa has
"selfishly, in the hope that he would see you from across the room and realize that he had made the wrong choice" ALEXA PLAY YOU BELONG WITH ME !!!! IT'S TIME !!!! (and it's very year appropriate)
“I can just go and have fun without worrying about impressing him.” you dummy, you liar
"Your pathetic teenage angst is… so amusing" KSKSKSKSKS me watching my shows
"Good thing Beacon Hills was pretty progressive" my favorite thing about the canon of this universe
"even if it meant stealing him away from Lydia" SHE'S NOT EVEN HEEEEREEEEE !!! You snooze, you lose
"That she just ditched you because she doesn’t give a shit about you?” GET HIS ASSSSSSS !!!!!!!!! (is he in the wrong? no technically but WE DONT KNOW THAT !!! PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY BABY !!!!)
"when in reality, she had been bleeding to death on the lacrosse field" which is somehow... Not the worst possibility (i know reader had no idea that could even be happening but it's a funny way to say that)
"Luckily, the asshole picked up" why does he have Jackson's number ? mtv please answer, please
"you’re not quite a man, are you? At least not yet.” local serial killer werewolf attacks your life long crush to get to you AND calls you a virgin loser (a rough night for Stiles)
"You used my car?" HEY ! one asshole yelling at me at a time please !!!
"he keeps trying to crash the damn car." i think i said this last time (or maybe not idk) but him using this exact wording gives me chills, is sooo good
"You had an idea. A terrible one. You leaned in, sealing your lips onto his" LETS GOOO !!! THE POWER OF LOVE/FRIENDSHIP WILL ALWAYS EEEEAAAAAAT !!!!!
"Void hated it. It was something that he absolutely hated to admit, but you gave Stiles strength" a less vague ending !!!! for a little bit of happiness !!!!
"and plunged the small blade into your stomach" 😨😨😨😨 AAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!! I ACTUALLY LET OUT A FUCKING GASP OH MY GOD ?????? READER DEATH ????? WAS THIS IN THE WARNINGS ????? I DON'T REMEMBER NOW, I ALWAYS SKIM THEM OOHHHH NOOOO
(i hope you're giggling evilly from wherever you are) (... yes ik canada) (but still)
"Look at her. Look at her while she’s dying.” hey remember when i said during the draft read how horrifying it'd be for Stiles to have the first person pov of "him" murdering the reader ? yeah.... APPARENTLY YOU DID
"drag your shaking body to the phone and get a bloody hand wrapped around it" the Scream energy this scene gives me
Reader technically not dead !!! but who knows maybe she died while help was on the way WHO'S TO SAY
I did NOT expect for the entire ending to be different, oh my god that's fucking amazing !!!!
Blood In The Water
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Void!Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader
Beg me for mercy - admit you were toxic.
Now I am the violence, I am the sickness.
Won’t accept your silence - beg me for forgiveness.
We’ll never get free, lamb to the slaughter.
What you gon do when there’s Blood In The Water?
Summary:
Being Stiles's best friend, you are incredibly worried about him when you figure out that he is quite literally not himself - and that the thing currently occupying his body could be destroying it in the process. When you approach him to show this concern, Void takes a particular interest in you. He's not capable of love, or even fondness, but he likes you.
And he likes the way your fear spikes when you talk about Stiles. So he makes you a deal - he'll agree to take care of this fleshy, mortal host, in exchange for something more precious, more rare, and more delicious than the meal you have brought for Stiles.
He wants your pain. He wants your tears.
Void!Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader. Pining Best Friends. Extreme Emotional Angst, Hurt No Comfort. Set during Season 3 (with flashbacks to Season 1, Episode 11).
Word Count: 11,700
Teen Wolf Masterlist | AO3 Link
Full list of warnings and author's notes below the cut.
Warnings: as it says above - this is pure angst, hurt NO COMFORT, please heed that warning, if this is not something you are into, please leave now; this is set during Season 3, but not during any particular episode; I guess I need to put warnings for demon possession and identity theft (even though for the entirety of the fic, the reader does know that Stiles is not himself on the basis of knowing him so well, and she is talking to Void ernestly); this fic is about Void and the Reader interacting and discussing the relationship and feelings between Stiles and the Reader; the reader and Stiles have had mutual romantic feelings for each other for a long time but never acted on them, and at the point when the fic begins, their relationship is described as long-term best friends; the reader uses she/her pronouns and is mentioned to wear a dress and high heels to the winter formal dance; the reader's race, hair colour, size or looks in general are not described in any way (Void does call the reader 'little' but it is meant to be emotionally condescending, rather than a description of her size); this fic DOES use Y/N (proudly so); mentions of Stiles not eating/being starved because Void refuses to participate in 'human pleasures' (and he considers food to be one of those); Void is a demon who is fed by pain and he enjoys the Reader's fear, sadness, embarrassment, emotional pain, and other negative emotions, and he can feel those emotions in the air as she experiences them, so he is encouraged to do and say things that prompt negative reactions from her; Void calls the reader 'sweet thing' and 'darling' and 'little girl'; passing mention of Stiles watching porn (but the general tone of this fic is not sexual); Void compares the reader to Stiles's 'mommy' (because she is the only one who has ever given him soft, 'maternal' comfort and understanding) - but it's not a Mommy kink thing (or maybe it is for Stiles, you don't know that); mentions of eating diary and meat being 'cruel' (but I am not a vegan, it's just Void commenting on the way humans do things); the reader considers cutting herself with a knife to 'feed' Void her physical pain (but Void wants emotional pain instead); Void asks the reader to relive a painful memory by telling him about it, therefore feeding him with her emotional pain; Void threatens the reader with physical harm and even murder (to make her more fearful, and to taunt Stiles, who is forced to witness all of this); there is flashbacks to the winter formal episode in S1; mentions of the reader being jealous because Stiles took Lydia to the dance (and the reader hates the jealousy it evokes in her because she doesn't want to pit herself against Lydia and she wants to be happy for Stiles); mentions of Lydia being attacked by Peter Hale (as is canon); mentions of alcohol - the reader takes one sip of alcohol but does not get drunk during the fic; mentions of drunk driving (the reader drives after that sip of alcohol and questions if this 'counts' as drunk driving, and other people are accused of driving drunk, but in this fic, drunk driving is not actually the cause of any accidents); Stiles gets into a life-threatening car accident - mentions of blood and grievous bodily injury; mentions of Stiles needing surgery due to the car accident; mentions of blood; graphic descriptions of a character being stabbed. I believe that's it?
A/N: I have a lot to say here, so strap in. First of all, you're probably wondering why you're seeing this now. That is because I have been going through a very bad patch of mental illness (fuelled by multiple things, including the state of my physical illness) and when that happens to me, I become like a big spinning top of agitation and bad energy. And I feel the need to work on a project to avoid bad practices like self harm. And after a lot of whirling around and only working on certain projects for a few minutes at a time, I was cleaning out my files just to keep my mind occupied, and I came across the pictures I had saved to make the moodboard for this fic and I was like 'I can't delete those yet because I wanna use those to make the fic cover'. So I decided to make the fic cover, and it spiralled into me editing the whole fic just to keep my agitated upset mind busy and focused on something other than the fact that I am upset. So - good for you guys. You get a new fic. As for the actual content of this fic - I wanted to mark it as both Void x Reader and Stiles x Reader, but I figured that wouldn't make sense to most people. Because this is about Stiles and the Reader having mutual crushes on each other for a long time, and Void enjoying the embarrassment of taunting them about it, as well as the pain that comes from their pining and the potential of hurting the other and forcing them to watch. And Void does take a kind of 'liking' to the Reader, but because he's a demon, it's not necessarily romantic? Idk. I just have a lot of fun writing demon characters as complete bastards (I will never get people who write characters like Void, Anti, Dark as secret softies - like please, write a villain as a villain. It's more fun that way). So please - enjoy my take on this awful bastard. I had a lot of fun writing it. (Also I would like to note that I wrote this before I saw the end of 3A so I thought the 'crashing the Jeep' thing was a totally organic idea on my part lmao.)
...
“Stiles hasn’t eaten in days.” 
You stated it very matter-of-factly, rather than asking if he had eaten or theorizing about it. It was something that you knew concretely. 
Usually, Stiles was someone who was very passionate about food. He complained about missing lunch and hated being rushed to eat rather than getting to enjoy his food if you were nagging him about being late and had somewhere to be. 
The only time you had ever seen him miss meals was when he got particularly sucked into his reading and researching. And usually, when his concentration finally broke, he would whine about his stomach hurting and only remember why when the smell of curly fries came under his nose because you had put the bag in front of him. 
But even in that case, he had never missed more than a single meal. 
You had never seen him go days without touching a single bit of food - without so much as mentioning something greasy he was craving or talking about a destination take-out spot that the two of you needed to go to on the weekend. 
You had to guess that it was around the time that He had taken control. Or at least, around about when He had stopped caring to pretend to be human. When He had stopped putting up a front. 
“Observant little thing, aren’t you?” He titled his head in that way that was so distinctly un-Stiles, giving you a small smirk as his words penetrated you with that utterly mocking tone. 
It was strange, staring at the face of your long-time best friend and referring to him in the third person. Starting to think about him as though he wasn’t even there when you were staring right at him. Though it had only been a few days, you had long since given up the hope that you were talking to Stiles. You knew that this was someone else - something else entirely. 
You were still clinging onto the hope that you could get Stiles through this and he wouldn’t be entirely damaged beyond recognition on the other side. 
Hence, why you were trying to feed him now. 
It had been at least four days since you had seen him take a single bite of food, and you had been carefully observing him the entire time. So you had arrived at his place today with an armful of Stiles’s favorite foods. You felt lucky to catch him alone while the others were out chasing leads - or perhaps, unlucky. Perhaps he would have eaten in front of them just to prove that he was still himself. But you were hoping to tempt him with the smell, at the very least. 
Surely, he had to be hungry? 
Laid out on the table in front of you was a variety of things - all kinds of things you knew would have had Stiles gorging himself in minutes. A disgustingly large and greasy double cheeseburger with curly fries and a strawberry milkshake, an extra large supreme meat lover’s pizza, an entire pack of Honey Buns, and a grocery store birthday cake - chocolate with vanilla icing. All of which elicited oddly painful memories for you, now that your best friend was being held hostage by a thousand year old demon. 
Everything from movie nights where the two of you would share a pizza and argue about what kind of toppings to get, to the times that the two of you would buy a birthday cake like this and eat it in his Jeep with no such occasion for it - just because you wanted to celebrate life and didn’t want to need a reason for such a treat. Nights when balancing it between your laps and eating with plastic forks was all the joy in the world that you needed. 
Nights before your life became so hellishly complicated. 
“Let me guess… you’re trying to tempt me?” He posed, moving his finger across the icing of the birthday cake, and then looking at the white glob on his finger with intense disgust before moving to wipe it off on a napkin. 
Of course, he wouldn’t even consider eating that small amount. He was taunting you. He knew that at this current moment, it was your greatest desire to see your friend eat - to know that even though you were entirely powerless against such a complicated and mysterious demonic force, you could do this one small thing in your power to take care of him. 
You couldn’t save Stiles, but you wanted to care for him - just for a moment. You wanted to make a difference - even if it was as small as a grain of sand in an hour-glass. You thought it would help. 
“Even you have to eat, don’t you?” You returned with a question. “You can’t risk your host dying, right?” 
It was something you had wondered. 
You hadn’t seen him drinking water either, and you didn’t think that he had slept at all. As far as you knew, he hadn’t attended to any of Stiles’s human needs. But according to the sallow, almost gray nature of his skin and the dark bags under his eyes - he wasn’t exactly in perfect health right now. So perhaps he did run the risk of actually killing Stiles altogether because he didn’t know how to take care of a human host. 
Void smirked as he felt that flash of fear - the utter terror that overcame you at the thought of Stiles dying from neglect. 
“Need I remind you, sweet thing?” 
He started, the nickname causing a shiver of creepiness down your skin, like the feeling of walking into a spiderweb. 
“I don’t eat the same deep-fried, fat filled crap that he does.” He looked across the table with disdain coating his features once again. “I feed upon the suffering of others.” 
These words caused a wicked chill down your spine. 
It was something that Scott had warned you of, but you hadn’t actually considered what it truly meant. 
“So by depriving Stiles of his worldly pleasures - his music, his laughter, his pornography - which he watches far too much of, by the way.” Void let out a devious chuckle at this, and you didn’t even have time to think about the implications of this before he continued. “And especially by depriving him of food and sleep, I get to feed off his precious suffering.” 
It was a terrible paradox. Void thrived while Stiles withered. 
“And as of late, I have been so deliciously full.” 
A lump formed in your throat - if you knew any words apt for this situation, you wouldn’t have been able to get them out anyway. Void’s smirk grew wider. Indulging in your suffering, in your fear for your best friend, your horror at these realizations - Void continued. 
“But - among all those things, you know what he misses most of all?” 
He posed, talking slowly, his voice calculated, mocking you with another head tilt. It was as though he was looking down upon you even though he was sitting in a chair at the kitchen table and you were standing across from him on the other side of the room. 
You choked on a miserable syllable - no words came out. Part of you wanted to know the answer very badly, and part of you wanted him to shut up. You simply shook your head in reply. 
“He misses you.” 
Void whispered these words as though it was a precious secret. And then - he let out a grand cackle of a laugh, bordering on a howl as he continued to mock you. 
Your insides shook, and you became foggy with confusion - how did Stiles miss you more than he missed food or water or sleep? How did he ‘miss you’ so much when you were standing right here in front of him? Did the presence of this horrid being keep Stiles from seeing you or hearing you? Was he trapped so terribly inside his own body? 
Was this like a coma for him? Would he not remember any of this when it was over?
You could only hope that was the case. 
“He begs and pleads every time I won’t let him touch you.” Void grinned, letting out another laugh - clearly pleased by the idea of Stiles’s misery. “He is so damn desperate to hold you. It’s hilarious, really. Especially because - at the same time, he’s terrified of what I’ll do if I get too close.” 
These words put a terrible knot in your stomach. 
You could only imagine how terrible it was for Stiles - he was a naturally touchy person, and now, someone else was controlling his body, keeping him from participating in the physical affection that he craved. Threatening to put his loved ones in danger if he did get the love that he desperately craved. 
You didn’t want to know what Void would do if you walked across the room to hug Stiles. But at the same time, it made you yearn to hold him, to squeeze him tight, to give him the comfort he was clearly so badly in need of. Especially now that you knew his consciousness was still in there, alert and alive, fighting to get out. 
“He’s so pathetic.” Void remarked softly. “He misses his Mommy, and… well, you’re the only one who ever treated him like a Mommy would. Isn’t that right?” 
This sentiment confused you entirely. 
You stared at him, gape-jawed, waiting for an explanation, and luckily - he did give you one. 
“You held him close, and kissed his boo-boos. You… you were the only one who told him he was good enough when he never fucking was.” 
You instantly wanted to argue this point, but you were more caught up on the overarching metaphor that Void was making. 
All of the individual points were true. You had done all of those things for Stiles. But you didn’t see how that made you Stiles’s Mommy. It just made you a good friend. 
“My Stiles is good enough.” You argued weakly, finally finding your words. “He’s a good person, and you can’t change that about him. He’s still in there. And he’s still going to be a good person after all this.” 
Void tutted his tongue, giving another mocking smirk. 
“Still at it.” He laughed. “You’re relentless, aren’t you?” 
You didn’t care to respond to that. 
“Beautifully relentless.” Void sighed, sounding almost dreamy as he said this. He sounded as if he admired this quality in you. 
Which he did. But he admired this about you for one specific reason. 
“See… that’s what makes the fear so fucking delicous.” He continued on, explaining. “When someone so bright, so full of hope finally gives up. When their spirit finally breaks. It permeates the air better than the smell of a rotting corpse - and it’s so fucking beautiful.” 
You chose not to respond to this - baffled by his words, and slightly frightened. 
Instead, you wondered something else. 
“What happens if Stiles doesn’t eat?” You asked. “You said that you’re full, but he’s still human. It’s still a human body. A body that you’re currently living in.” 
Void clapped his hands together a few times, slowly, giving you dry, sarcastic applause for your cleverness. 
“Good question. Clever little girl.” He congratulated you, causing another wave of ‘ick’ to roll through you at his condescending tone. “He is my host, but currently, I rule all. I give him strength, I eliminate all his weaknesses. I turn his pathetic human form into the ultimate weapon. With me inhabiting his body, he does not need to eat, sleep, or drink. He does not need such tiny fallacies as comfort.” 
“And what happens when you leave?” You posed. 
“If I choose to leave.” Void smirked at you. 
“When.” You ground out sharply, arguing, feeling braver the longer that you stood there and talked to him. 
To you, he wasn’t all that scary. 
Scott had warned you that Void was clever - that he would manipulate you and try to hurt you. But thus far, you hadn’t seen the route to any tricks. He seemed very straight-forward and honest. He seemed very plainly painted in his cruelty. 
“If I choose to leave this host and move onto another, then… I suppose that he’ll collapse.” Void shrugged, speaking about it as if it were no more interesting to him than a fly in his peripheral. “Without my strength keeping him alive, all the exhaustion, all the hunger, all the thirst - it will hit him, all at once. He may even die from the shock alone. His body will be too weak and fragile to handle it.” 
A surge of terrible anger flooded you. Perhaps it was fueled by fear, but either way, it drove you to smack your hand down onto the table, nearly smashing the birthday cake before you screamed out, finally lashing out on him. 
“Motherfucker!” You called Void the first cruel name that came to mind, and he didn’t give any indication of reaction at your throat scraping volume. “You stupid bastard! You are gonna get out and give Stiles his body back, and when you do, you’re gonna return it in good fucking condition! You understand me?” 
Void simply smirked, seeming entirely amused by your outburst. 
Of course, he wasn’t scared of you - a powerless human. You had nothing to threaten him with. Even if you had the powers of a werewolf, he still wouldn’t fear you. 
“There’s that spunk he’s always talking about.” Void said, an odd kind of fondness peeking through his voice that didn’t suit him. “You know, it’s almost… cute. I’m starting to understand why he likes you so much.” 
You only became more pissed off at being called ‘cute’ when you were so boiling angry. It was entirely aggravating - someone being so condescending toward your rage. 
Then, it hit you that the ‘he’ Void spoke about had to be Stiles. Did the two of them have conversations? Why would Stiles bother to praise you to a thousand year old demon? 
It caused more of your affection for Stiles to bubble up inside you, and you hated it. 
“Look, darling, because I like you, I’ll make you a deal,” Void posed, giving you yet another pet name that made you feel oddly disgusted. 
Stiles had called you plenty of friendly nicknames before - he had even called you ‘babe’ jokingly, on occasion. But ‘darling’ had never spilled from his lips toward you. It was just another horrible reminder that he was so terribly not himself. That the thing wearing his face, puppeting him around was not Stiles. 
“What deal?” You replied. 
It was best to move on and start thinking of ways to take care of Stiles - ways to get him out of this mess. 
“I’ll eat something for Stiles if you do something for me in return.” 
You knew that he kept his wording purposefully vague. And you knew that this was likely what Scott had talked about - his intention to trick you. But Void had you right where he wanted you - desperate, fearful. He was manipulating you using emotions that he didn’t have. 
“What do you want from me?” You dared to ask. 
He smirked. 
“I’ll tell you after Stiles has been fed.” 
You took a moment to consider it, knowing that it was likely a terrible idea to agree to anything when it came to him. But he had you backed into a corner. He knew that he could get you to do anything while holding the culpability of Stiles’s wellbeing over your head. 
“Oh no,” Void said, using an oddly soft, pained tone that varied so much from the emotionless, mocking tone he had been using before. He gripped at Stiles’s stomach, and let out a groan of pain that you knew had to be fake, as he professed before that he made Stiles’s body strong and invincible. “He’s begging for you to help him! You’re right, he hasn’t eaten in days, and he’s really feeling it now! It’s killing him!” 
He was using your empathy to manipulate you. 
“Stop it.” You protested, and it came out much weaker than you had intended - sounding much more like a plea than an order. 
He clutched his stomach tighter, and then, he looked up at you with the saddest water eyes you had ever seen - for a moment, a single breath of a moment - you saw Stiles, your Stiles break through. 
“Please, Y/N.” He said, crying out your name breathlessly. “Please, I’m so hungry.” 
“Fine, fine!” You cried in return, barely realizing how close to tears you were, seeing Stiles beaten down, weak, begging for you to help him. “Fine, you’ve got a deal!” 
In a moment of weakness, rushing to help Stiles, you reached out your hand to shake on it, signifying your promise - and in an instant, Void’s face shifted from that soft, vulnerable boy you knew back to that horrible demon, glaring at you as he reached out and grabbed your hand. You knew that many stories cautioned against making a deal with the devil, and you supposed that making a deal with Nogistune was just as bad. 
But it was done now. All you could do was hope that Stiles would benefit from this. 
A short while later, he had scoffed down a very large piece of cake and was halfway done with the cheeseburger, with you intently watching the whole time to make sure that there were no tricks involved on his part. You thought that the meal would mostly be silent, but he finally spoke up again, looking a bit less intimidating with some remnants of the meal smeared across his face. 
“You know, one thing I can credit humans for…” He said, swallowing before he picked up one of the fries. “Their talent for cruelty. Grinding up an animal, frying it in its own melted fat and then covering it in the stolen milk meant to suckle its babes - that is something I can admire.” 
“I’m sure vegans would love you.” You mumbled quietly, to yourself, not entirely sure if he could hear you. 
“You should join me.” He remarked after another bite - motioning toward the table full of food. “It’s more polite than standing over me like a statue, gawking at me the whole time.” 
You knew that with him holding Stiles hostage, you were in no position to refuse him. So you played right into his demands, pulling out the chair across from him without a word and flipping open the pizza box to grab a slice. You began eating in silence, and naturally - Void continued speaking. 
“This is almost like one of those little dates that you used to have with him, isn’t it?” He spoke quietly, mocking you once again. “At least, that’s what Stiles called them. Dates. He was deluded enough to believe that if he didn’t speak it aloud, his affection for you would simply be known.” 
This punched you in the gut, and you bit your tongue as you took your first bite of pizza. You sputtered with shock and Void continued to look amused. You never thought it was true. Scott always said that Stiles had feelings for you, and Lydia said so too - but you thought they were just theorizing. 
You had never, ever thought that your best friend and long time crush - the person you were in love with - would ever feel the same way about you. 
And you had to find out from a fucking demon. 
You remained silent, busying your mouth with eating as you tried to process the shocking news. 
“But we both really know what it was, huh? He was so pathetic… he didn’t want to be rejected by you, so he never even asked. He was never brave enough. Always so pitiful, and small. Your boy is just a coward.” 
Again, you didn’t say anything. Not playing into his game - unaware of the fact that he could feel your annoyance in the air. He didn’t need you to voice your emotions in order to gain satisfaction from mocking Stiles in your presence. 
So of course, he kept on going. 
“But not as pathetic as he is right now. Sweet and pathetic, begging for your life. Begging for me to spare you. It’s almost like a song. He keeps on telling me to stay away from you as if he has any power over this.” 
“Just shut up and eat.” You told him, sharp and even. 
He nodded and continued, seemingly content with the deal you had made - for now. 
And he finished the burger and fries, and two of the Honey Buns before scrunched up the wrapper on the last one, and then wiped his face with an utterly contented smile. Then he said: 
“Now, time for what I want.” 
You wiped off your face and hands with a napkin, done with your pizza - not having much of an appetite anyway with the situation at hand. There was a flash of worry in your mind. Wondering if he might ask you to kill someone for his benefit because they wouldn’t be expecting it to come from you. Or perhaps he might even ask for something sexual - 
He let out a bright chuckle - almost as if reading your mind and highly amused by your thoughts. 
“No, no. Don’t worry, darling. Nothing like that.” He told you. “I feed off of suffering. Precious pain. Anxiety, heartache, fear. Now it’s time for me to eat.” 
You thought he might say something like that. And you had come prepared with that in mind - prepared to give up anything to get Stiles back. 
You reached into the pocket of your jeans, pulling out a small pocket knife. It was one that Scott had given you shortly after you found out that he had become a werewolf. He had never wanted to hurt you, so - it was silver plated steel, and he had Stiles burn Wolfsbane smoke over the blade to poison it - just in case you ever needed a weapon against one of his kind. It would be useless against Void, and the Wolfsbane wouldn’t poison a human like you. 
But the blade was more than sharp enough to cut you. It would hurt you. It would provide the pain that Void desired. 
You shoved your sleeve up to your elbow and poised the blade at your skin, but Void reached out, stopping you. 
For a heart-stopping moment, you thought that somehow, Stiles had regained control. 
But when your eyes flickered up to his face, you saw nothing but Void’s dark amusement lingering in those eyes. This left you confused as he took the knife from your limp grip. 
“As amusing as that would be, sweet thing, it’s rather… boring.” He declared tiredly. “I had something else in mind.” 
Your throat dried up, and you didn’t even realize that you were trembling as you stared him down with terrible, anxious anticipation, waiting to see what he had in store for you. 
Void licked his lips, practically lapping up the delicious, sweet taste of your fear. 
He pocketed the knife and walked around the table toward you. You resisted the urge to get up and run away as he bracketed so close to your side, leaning on the table and tucking his face close to your cheek. Being this close to him, as close as you had been to Stiles since he had been taken hostage - you could almost be tricked by the faint smell of the familiar body wash coming off his skin, by the warmth that you knew to be so human. 
But this wasn’t Stiles. A thought that only made it all feel so much worse. 
It caused you to hold back tears. 
“No, no, darling.” He whispered against your cheek, causing your throat to clench up again. “If I wanted your pain, I could have it. I could take it.” 
Fuck. What had you gotten yourself into? 
You held back a fearful whimper, and Void joyfully continued. 
“I could smack you, punch you, make you bleed.” 
He went on - the confidence of his words causing your trembling to become more apparent as your heart pounded in your chest. You considered running, but that would mean abandoning Stiles. You came here to check on him - to fight for him. You couldn’t chicken out now. 
“I could take your pathetic little knife and stab you, over and over again while Stiles screams and begs for mercy. I do love it when he begs for your life - he’s so much more desperate when it comes to you.” 
Dear god. Would he actually kill you just to force Stiles to watch? Did Stiles have to be conscious for something like that? 
Would he force Stiles to live for the rest of his life with the guilt of not being able to stop your murder? With him in control, would Stiles even live that much longer? 
“But no. That’s not the game I want to play. Not right now, at least.” 
You hated that he likely saw the breath of relief as it flexed from your chest. 
“What -what do you want, then?” You asked, your throat still clenched by fear, making your words come out choked and weak. 
He put a hand on your cheek - one that felt all too familiar. The hand you had held while walking to class, or cuddling on the couch. The hand that dismissively waved in front of your face when you told him that he had come up with another horrible idea. Void turned your face toward him, and you were then up close and personal with the horrible sight of a pain-fueled demon wearing your sweet best friend’s face. 
“I want your tears.” 
Of course. Emotional pain, rather than physical. You would dare to say that it would be even more potent. 
Good thing you were already so close to crying. 
You would just have to spend a few more minutes thinking about Stiles trapped in there, helpless-
“Tell me about the accident.” He declared, smirking, finding the whole ordeal very satisfying. 
“No.” You immediately replied. 
It was too painful. You couldn’t even think about it, it was too much- 
“No?!” He screamed in your ear, causing you to flinch. “Nobody tells me ‘no’! You promised me something, you stupid little bitch. Now hold up your end of the deal.” 
Sadly, he was right. You had made a deal with him - and if this was part of carrying it out… you would have preferred the pocket knife. 
Even just thinking about that night - the blood, the twisted metal, the terror you had felt. The anxiety, the waiting. It had all been so horrible. It had been hell. A worse hell than a dinner date with a demon who was wearing your best friend as a human skin suit. 
Already, Void felt a deep satisfaction as those emotions began to permeate the air around the two of you. To him, it was the most beautiful kind of poison. He took a deep whiff, and then leaned in close again, running his nose along your hairline to sniff you. 
You shrugged away from the touch, but didn’t have far to go without falling off your chair completely. You were happy when he pulled away again - feeling used and wishing for nothing more than Stiles’s comforting touch and assuring words. 
“Perfect.” He mumbled quietly to himself. “You know, Stiles hardly remembers any of it. The night is almost completely blank in his mind.” 
You didn’t know that. After the hospital, the two of you had never bothered to talk about it in order to compare stories. Like you always did, the two of you just moved on. You looked forward to brighter days, thankful that your friendship was still intact. 
“But I know that you remember everything. Every. Single. Last. Detail.” Void said, giving another terrible laugh. 
He grabbed onto the back of your chair, and using a strength that you knew didn’t belong to Stiles, he roughly tugged on it, forcing it away from the table and spinning you to face him. He came back around to stand in front of you - now, he would be the one standing to loom over you, watching you while you provided him with a delicious meal. 
“So, come on,” He prodded. “I want to hear the whole story. And you better not leave anything out.” 
He stood there in complete satisfaction, his arms crossed as he grinned down at you with a devilish smile. 
You took a deep breath, fidgeting with your fingers for a moment. You gathered your courage, and then you began to speak. 
This is for Stiles, you assured yourself. For Stiles. 
“Well, it was the night of the winter formal.” You started off. “And when I saw Stiles screech out of the parking lot in his Jeep at top speed-” 
“No, no.” Void shook his head, cutting you off. “I said start at the beginning.” He scolded you sharply. “That’s not the beginning, is it? I want all the details. Go back to the beginning of the night.” 
“Are you serious?” 
At first, you were utterly confused. He asked you to tell him about the accident. What did a high school dance have to do with a car accident? 
“Of course, darling.” He smirked at you. 
Then, it hit you. He didn’t just want the gorey details. He wanted every ounce of your suffering. He wanted Stiles to suffer too. Especially if he said that Stiles didn’t remember it. He wanted you to recount the entire night to Stiles from your perspective. It was why he had brought up Stiles’s ‘affection’ for you. 
He wanted both of you to suffer in the misery that you had been in love with each other for so long and not been together. The stupidity that you were both blind idiots who kept each other from happiness the whole time. 
So you took a breath, and you told your story how he wanted to hear it, starting from the beginning of the night. 
… 
You were utterly miserable. 
It was one of the biggest dances of the year (well, aside from Prom and Homecoming…) and you didn’t have a date. You had spent a huge chunk of money, your savings from a crappy minimum wage job waiting tables, on a gorgeous dress and shoes, hoping that Stiles would ask you to the dance. But he was going with Lydia. 
You guessed that you had to be happy for him. He had been crushing on her since the third grade, and he was finally going on a date with her. A good best friend would be happy for him. 
But naturally, you were still trying to look your absolute best, maybe, selfishly, in the hope that he would see you from across the room and realize that he had made the wrong choice. Lydia was an amazing, sweet girl - and you genuinely hated the type of jealousy that this was making you feel. 
You knew that logically, you had no claim over Stiles. He was just your friend, and he was more than free to go on dates with other girls. It was downright toxic of you to not ask him to the dance and then get upset when he happily went with someone else as his date. 
But you tried not to think about that as you put the finishing touches on your look. You had gone all out with your best hair and make-up to compliment your expensive crystal blue satin dress. Whether it was to make yourself feel better or to try and capture Stiles’s attention - you still weren’t entirely sure. 
“Lip-gloss?” Allison appeared behind you, holding a hand out, looking for the aforementioned product. 
You handed it to her and she leaned down, looking into the mirror of your vanity while applying it. She had told you that getting ready at her own house would have simply been ‘too weird’ because she was fighting with her family, and she wanted some calm down time. So she had asked to get ready with you, with the offer that Jackson could give you both a ride from there. 
“Look, I’m sorry.” She said, feeling too awkward in the silence as you applied your mascara, focusing on your work and not looking at her in the mirror. She knelt down beside you, guilt written across her face. “If I had known that you liked Stiles, I wouldn’t have set him up with Lydia.” 
“It’s not a big deal.” You remarked. “Like you said, you didn’t know.” After a moment, you added on: “It’s kind of… good. Like a relief. I almost feel like it’s less pressure.” You shrugged. “I can just go and have fun without worrying about impressing him.” 
You had been lying to yourself. You absolutely hated it with every fiber of your being. You didn’t want to be angry with Allison, but you knew that she was better friends with Lydia than she was with you. That’s why she hadn’t known about your feelings for Stiles before now. When she had asked why you seemed so upset about the news that the two were going to the dance together, you told her, and she explained with a sour, sad face that she had set them up. 
You hated it, but you couldn’t help thinking that this was the first step to Stiles and Lydia becoming a thing - the first act in them dating for long months while you resented Lydia for stealing something you once saw as yours. 
And you hated yourself for being that kind of person. 
Allison chuckled at this. 
“Yeah… Well, Scott’s not going at all, so none of us get to go with the person we want to be with.” She said in a deeply sad tone, obviously aching from her own problems. 
… 
“It’s a shame, isn’t it?” Void commented, drawing you from the memory. “A pretty girl spends too much money on a dress, trying to impress some moron who won’t even notice it.” 
He was mocking Stiles again. 
“And then you had to see him with her.” 
You nodded. 
You could picture it so perfectly in your mind. Getting out of Jackson’s car and seeing Stiles rush to open the door for her - the way he smiled at her, the way he looked at her like she held the world on the edges of her lips. You wanted nothing more than for him to look at you like that. Her perfect ‘strawberry blonde’ hair fluttering in the wind as they walked arm-in-arm across the parking lot. 
It caused the most awful aching pain in your chest that you had ever felt. You didn’t truly know how precious Stiles was to you until you saw him with someone else. 
You knew Jackson was aching too, for much the same reason. And when he had offered you a swig of his drink, you took it. But it wore off too soon for your tastes and you didn’t have more. So for the better part of the night, you were forced to feel your pain while his was drowned out by the booze. 
“Tell me. Tell me how it made you feel.” Void egged you on, wanting you to say it out loud even though your pain was all too palpable in the air. 
“Like I was dying inside,” You answered, your throat tight but - still no tears yet. “Like all good had drained from the world. Like I had lost the most precious thing in my life and I would have to sit at the sidelines watching a perfect story play out when I was supposed to be a part of it.” 
Void took a deep breath, sniffing the air again. And then he chuckled. 
“Your pathetic teenage angst is… so amusing.” He grinned at you, crossing his arms over his chest. “Do tell me more.” 
You had no clue that somewhere inside of there, Stiles was hit with his own wave of intense sadness - something else for Void to feed off of. He had no clue that you had been in love with him for so long. He had no clue how many opportunities he had missed out on to tell you about his feelings - how long he could have been happily dating you. 
He hated how much time the two of you had missed out on. 
Void sat contently between Stiles’s complicit misery and your renewed angst as you continued the story. 
… 
You had moped around all night. 
You thought perhaps the only person more miserable than you at that dance was Scott - stuck hiding in the shadows, forced to watch Allison dance with Jackson while pretending he wasn’t even there. 
But eventually, he too got his way after making a huge scene that even stopped the band for a moment - and left Coach feeling embarrassed when everyone thought that he went off on a homophobic screaming tirade because Scott was dancing with Danny. Good thing Beacon Hills was pretty progressive. 
After spending all night on the bleachers on the verge of tears, you decided to leave to get yourself a chocolate bar from the vending machine - nothing goes better with sorrow than chocolate, right? Well, perhaps Jackson had a point in pairing his sorrow with liquor. But you weren’t at that point yet. 
You were considering just calling it a night altogether. But you saw Stiles standing by himself, sans Lydia, and you figured it was a good time to make your move, if you were going to make one. 
You wandered over to him shyly. 
You had been feeling so down about yourself, you didn’t notice the way his eyes traced over every inch of you with awe - the way his lips parted with slight shock and wonder at how beautiful you looked that night. 
Just as he was about to tell you so, you spoke up. 
“So… where’s Lydia?” You asked. 
“Oh, uh - she went to go find Jackson.” He said, disappointment seeping through every single inch of his voice. 
“Naturally.” You replied. 
You wanted to rant and scream about how she wasn’t good enough for him if she was going to ditch him for a guy who supposedly didn’t even want her anymore. 
Your eyes strayed over to Allison and Scott on the dance floor, looking at each other with nothing but affection - clearly, only thinking of the other person, so caught up in their own little bubble. She didn’t care that Jackson had ditched her. A small flare of jealousy went through you. 
You wished that could be you and Stiles. 
“Do you wanna dance?” You asked Stiles, hoping that you could have your moment, even if it meant stealing him away from Lydia (when she clearly didn’t care). 
He gave you a shy grin. “Okay.” 
You grabbed his hand and led him out to the dance floor, and his hands found a natural place on your hips while you softly draped your arms around his neck. The two of you swayed to the slow music for a moment before you spoke again. 
“This is nice.” You commented, smiling. 
Though it had felt impossible only an hour ago, you actually felt happiness creeping in. Standing there underneath the coloured lights, dancing with the one person you had wanted the whole time. It was nice. There was still a lick of mourning lingering in your chest. You knew that Stiles still only viewed you as a friend, and you weren’t sure if you could ever gather that courage to take the leap and tell him about how you truly felt. As much as you wanted to just pull him close and kiss him. 
“You know, you were the one person I actually wanted to dance with tonight.” You continued on. “And-” You cut yourself off with a sigh, not wanting to sound too vulnerable. 
“Yeah.” Stiles replied - though he sounded oddly distant and thoughtless. 
When you looked at his face again, you realized that he was staring at something over your shoulder, and you craned your neck to see that he was gawking at his watch. 
“Ugh, really?” You scoffed, pushing him away. “Is dancing with me so awful that you feel the need to time it?” 
“No.” He shook his head furiously, hating what you were accusing him of. “That’s not - look, Lydia’s been gone for over ten minutes! I’m worried.” 
You shook your head, sighing deeply in defeat. Of course he was still thinking about her. 
“Did you ever consider that maybe she found Jackson? That maybe they’re off somewhere making out? That she just ditched you because she doesn’t give a shit about you?” You argued, full of pain, your voice raising in volume to the point where you attracted stares from others on the dancefloor. 
A look of pure pain streaked across Stiles’s face at your words. 
“Whatever.” Stiles shrugged. “I’m going to find her. Because I actually care about her. And because I trust my gut.” He sharply bumped your shoulder as he passed, leaving you feeling more rejected and horrible than ever.
You turned and fled from the room, scurrying away from the many eyes on you once you realized that people were still staring. 
… 
“His gut.” Void chuckled. “He always did have good instincts, didn’t he?” 
He did. Stiles had amazing instincts. 
Because you had been assuming the worst - believing that Lydia had ditched Stiles to go and make-out with Jackson, when in reality, she had been bleeding to death on the lacrosse field. Stiles had been more than right to go looking for her. 
Given, that was before you even knew about the existence of werewolves and all the other bullshit that ran ramped in Beacon Hills. But it didn’t make you feel like any less of a horrible person when you found out. 
“Did you ever consider what a selfish bitch you are?” 
Void continued on when you didn’t speak, seamlessly picking up with his mocking. Of course, he knew all the weak spots to hit. He could feel right where you were soft and vulnerable - right where you flexed with hurt under his taunts. 
“Whining about not getting to dance with some dork while an innocent girl was bleeding to death? Talk about priorities.” 
“I didn’t know.” You replied, your voice stiff. 
You knew it was a poor excuse. You knew that ultimately, you were selfish. You should have gone with Stiles to look for Lydia. You should have helped. 
Distantly, caged up inside of Void - Stiles was eternally thankful about that argument. He was thankful that you had been distanced from all of it, kept away from Peter Hale’s hungry claws. He would have gone insane, having you and Lydia in hospital beds, side by side, not knowing what the fate of either of you would be. 
“Yeah, you can just keep telling yourself that same bullshit, sweetheart.” Void said, his voice a low whisper. “But we both know what you are. Maybe in reality, you’re not that much different from someone like me.” 
Maybe that realization hurt more than anything. 
Maybe that was his intention - to hit you with a truth that would wound you. 
“You know… he still thinks about you in that dress.” Void spoke quietly again, carefully, painstakingly choosing each word. “How… beautiful you looked. His perfect rare crystal.” 
He put emphasis on each word in a way that sent chills down your spine. His sharp gaze coming from Stiles’s honey whiskey eyes felt infinitely darker, and rather than feeling treasured as something good, something valuable like you usually did when Stiles looked at you - you felt filthy. You felt a sense of fear, knowing that Void would use Stiles precious appreciation of you to hurt him. To hurt both of you. 
“That was the night he knew for certain that he was in love with you.” Void let out another laugh - dark and low. “The night he knew that he loved you more than he ever loved Lydia. She was laying in front of him dying, and still - all he could think about was protecting you. Protecting you from the threat.” 
Your throat clenched up, and anything you were going to say was lost. 
“I guess he’s selfish too, isn’t he?” Void posed. “You two are perfect for each other, I suppose.” 
Then, he put on a weak, small, wobbling voice, and began to mock the unique, crippling fear that Stiles had experienced that night. 
“Where’s Y/N? I need to find her. I need to protect her. Is she next?” 
Nausea tightened in your stomach. 
A unique tightness clutched at your chest. 
Stiles had known he was in love with you that night. 
He had been trying to protect you. 
Is that why he had fled from the dance so suddenly? 
“Ask me the question.” Void grinned, entirely excited now that you had put it together, made the realization. “Come on, ask me the question. We both know you want to.” 
“Why are you doing this?” You choked out. 
This was not the question he wanted. 
But still, he indulged you. 
“I told you.” He said firmly. “I like pain.” 
He took a step forward then, leaning down, bracketing his hands by your hips on the wooden kitchen chair’s seat, his face tight in your personal space once again. 
“Now… ask me the question.” 
You took a shallow breath. 
You hated how intimidating he was. You hated knowing that if it had actually been Stiles who was this close to you, it would have given you butterflies or even turned you on, but instead - you felt anxiety having him this close. 
You couldn’t help but to give him what he wanted. 
“What really happened that night?” You whimpered out, terrified of that answer. “Why did Stiles leave the dance?” 
Void grinned. 
“What a brilliant question. You are such a clever girl.” 
… 
All of it happened so fast. 
Stiles spotted Lydia from afar - her red hair very distinctive. Then he saw it - a humanoid shape transforming into a big, black beast. Razor sharp teeth and claws. 
He begged for her life, and he had been given one chance to spare her - a single call to Jackson. Luckily, the asshole picked up. (It was the one time in Stiles’s life that he had ever been thankful for Jackson’s existence.) 
And then, he was being kidnapped, forced into his own car and being forced to drive to God knows where. 
Of course, he was far too busy with the panic of it all, and he didn’t notice you. 
He didn’t notice you - stumbling into the parking lot, looking for him in order to apologize for what you had said. He didn’t notice you watching with suspicion and confusion as his Jeep pulled out of the parking lot at top speed. He didn’t notice you going into your purse for your phone, looking to call his dad, considering making a report to him about it - only to find Jackson’s keys in your purse from earlier that night. Because when you had spotted him still drinking more than an hour into the dance, so sloshed that he could barely stand, you had demanded his keys from him, telling him that you wouldn’t let him drink and drive. 
Stiles hadn’t noticed you getting into Jackson’s car and stealing it in order to trail behind him to see where he was going - just in time to miss Jackson running through the parking lot screaming for help with Lydia’s limp body in his arms. 
Stiles was too busy with panic and anxiety to notice any of that, far too busy wondering if he was going to get out of this alive. And now, he was driving down a deserted backroad with Peter Hale in his passenger’s seat, who was making entirely sexist remarks about how Lydia would end up ripping his throat out ‘twice a month’ if she survived The Bite. 
“You know, you didn’t have to protect her from it.” Peter droned on, increasing Stiles’s anxiety and annoyance. “It’s going to make her whole life better. She’ll thank me for it when she’s ready.” 
“You should have just left her out of this.” Stiles bit back. “Lydia is a good girl. She doesn’t deserve any of this.” He huffed. “If she dies, I swear to god, I’ll-” 
“You’ll what?” 
Peter chuckled, grinning, seeming amused by Stiles’s vague, likely unbackable threats. Stiles ground his teeth, not responding - hating that they both knew he wouldn’t be able to follow through on anything he threatened. Not when Peter could kill him with one clean swipe of his claws. 
“You’re protective. I do admire that in a man.” He paused, thinking. “Though, I suppose… you’re not quite a man, are you? At least not yet.” 
Stiles bit his tongue, not wanting to make any further threats that he couldn’t live up to. He had seen what Peter could do, and unfortunately - he knew that he didn’t have the physical force to fight against him. 
So what the hell could he do? 
That was the question that made Stiles’s mind tink on anxiously, convincing him further that he just might end up dead tonight. 
“What about your other pretty friend?” Peter wondered aloud, changing the subject suddenly in a way that confused Stiles. “Are you just as protective of her?” 
“What? Are you talking about Y/N?” Stiles’s heart began pumping even more viciously with anxiety, absolutely terrified that you were on Peter’s radar. 
He hated that he knew Peter could hear it - that spike in his heart rate that indicated his fear, his weakness. 
“The one in the blue dress.” Peter told him, seeming almost disinterested in the conversation as he picked at his nails. Stiles’s heart thumped harder in affirmation, and Peter continued. “She wears that lovely vanilla perfume-” 
“Leave her out of this!” Stiles screamed at the top of his lungs, rage overtaking him so suddenly that he almost swerved off the road - Peter reached over and corrected this, rolling his eyes at the outburst. 
Stiles clenched his jaw tightly and looked ahead at the road, fuming. 
(Driving behind him in Jackson’s car, you wondered why his driving was suddenly so erratic.) 
“You leave her the hell alone.” Stiles huffed, praying that there was some finality to his words. 
“That would be a little difficult, considering that she’s been following us for half a mile.” Peter grinned. “I am going to have to speak to her about this whole matter when we arrive.” 
Stiles thought that Peter was bluffing - trying to use you as leverage to get him to co-operate, just as he had done with Lydia. But when he squinted into the rearview mirror, he saw… Jackson’s car? And a flash of blue in the driver’s seat that must have been your dress. 
Fuck. 
He was so screwed. 
“What do you mean ‘speak to her’?” Stiles questioned, entirely panicked. 
“Well, we can’t have her running back to the Argents to warn them.” Peter smirked. “Perhaps, I can convince her how beneficial the Bite would be to her-” 
“No!” 
Stiles screamed, his voice filling up the entire cab of the Jeep with the might of his protection toward you. 
“Enough! Okay? Enough. You can do whatever you want with me - I’ll do whatever you want, I swear. And then you can kill me when you’re done with me so I won’t blab.” His voice tightened up around these words, slightly frightened to resign himself to this fate, but he was willing to do whatever it would take to protect you. “Just leave her the hell alone.” 
“And if I don’t?” Peter asked, taunting, clearly enjoying the emotional reaction prompted from Stiles trying to protect you. “What can you possibly do about it?” 
Think. Stiles wanted to bang his head against the steering wheel. Think, think, think, Stiles! You’re supposed to be the clever one. 
An idea popped into his head. 
It wasn’t clever. It wasn’t good. But it was the only idea that he had. 
And when he took one last glance in the rearview mirror and realized that you were about twenty feet back - more than enough to hit the brakes in time - he resigned himself to it. 
He put his seatbelt on, and then - he harshly turned the wheel toward the nearest tree and - he gunned it. 
… 
The crash shocked you. 
You slammed on the brakes as quickly as you could, and came to a stop a few feet behind the tree that Stiles had rammed into. You stumbled out of the driver’s side door in shock, tears in your eyes as you wandered toward the Jeep - which was now nothing more than a heap of twisted metal, smoking, the horn blaring loudly where it was crumbled against the tree. 
“Stiles?” You called out, praying that he would answer you. “Stiles?” 
You slowly came around the car, finally able to get a good view of him through the smashed driver’s side window. 
He was entirely still, collapsed against the air-bag that had emerged from the steering wheel, blood smeared all over the white material. So much blood. It painted the smashed front windshield, dripped through his shirt. He was so still. He wasn’t moving. He-
“Stiles?” 
When he didn’t respond, you let out a loud sob. 
“Stiles? Come on - you - you have to-!” You couldn’t contain another sob as it tore through you, making you utterly breathless. 
You had been so distraught that you didn’t notice the passenger side door was wide open, even though there was not a single trace that anybody had been sitting there. Even if you had noticed, you likely would have chalked it up to the door being flung open from the force of the crash. 
Your ears were pounding with blood from the shock and you didn’t even notice the wolf-like howls echoing into the night above you. 
“I thought he was dead.” 
Your body couldn’t contain another sob when you got to this part in the story - finally providing Void with the tears he so desired. 
As you went over the horrors of that night in your mind, they now poured freely down your face. Your pain was made even worse with the stunning realization: Stiles had done it all to protect you. Put himself in danger, gone through so much pain - all to protect you. 
Void smiled at you - a terrible, haunting grin that he mocked you while wearing the face of the man you loved the most. 
“So beautiful.” He hummed, reaching out and wiping your tears - not to comfort you, of course. He gathered the wetness on his fingers and brought it to his lips, licking it. At this, he gave a satisfied sound. “So much pain.” 
“Are we done now?” You asked, wanting to be alone to wallow in your pain. 
Truthfully - you wanted nothing more than the comfort of Stiles. You wanted him to hold you and tell you that everything would be okay in the soothing way that he always did. You wondered if hugging Void would feel the same. You wondered if you could close your eyes and pretend, even for a moment. 
“No.” He told you, enjoying the extra little bit of anguish he could wring from you by telling you this. “Because that wasn’t the worst part, was it?” 
“Look, Noah, it’s probably nothing.” Melissa said firmly, doing her best to try and soothe the fellow parent. Sheriff Stilinski had already been at the hospital to take a report on what had happened to Lydia when something else came over the radio - a car accident report about a crash involving a blue Jeep. “Stiles isn’t the only person in this town who drives a-” 
Before she could even get the words out, the paramedics came bursting into the ambulance bay, wheeling in a bloodied, unconscious Stiles on a stretcher with you walking beside them, holding his hand. 
“My boy.” The Sheriff sobbed, rushing to reach them. 
Melissa knew that the doctors would likely need to get him up to the ER with the kind of condition that he was in, so she moved to escort you and the Sheriff to the waiting room. She wrapped an arm around your shoulder, and you refused to be pulled away - you refused to let go of his hand. 
“He needs me.” You bawled, tears still steadily streaming down your face. “He needs me!” 
“Let them work, sweetie, just-” Melissa argued gently, trying to be understanding about the kind of shock you were in. 
“He needs me! He needs me!” 
She held you back, tearing your grip off of Stiles so that he could be escorted to the ER. Melissa began to cradle you comfortingly, rubbing a hand on your shoulder. 
There was only a short moment of silence before-
“What the hell happened?” The Sheriff turned to you, barking the words loudly, obviously yearning for answers about how Stiles had gotten hurt. 
“I - I don’t know.” You answered meekly, feeling intimidated by him. 
“Was he drinking? Were you two partying?” He screamed, getting closer into your space. 
Quickly, Melissa stepped between the two of you, putting a hand on Sheriff Stilinski’s chest to keep him at bay. 
“Noah, stop it-” 
“Was he drinking?” He pressed, forcing the words out slower, as though you were too dumb to understand. 
“What? No!” You quickly replied. “Stiles doesn’t drink!” 
(That had been a lie. You had seen him drink a few times at parties. But you knew that he was a firm proponent of designated sober drivers because of how many accident reports his father had filed from drunk drivers that involved death.) 
“Even if he was, I would never let him drive! Stiles would never let anybody drink and drive because that’s what you taught him!” 
You felt a slight bit of guilt, knowing that you had sipped on Jackson’s bottle and gotten behind the wheel. You wondered if that one single sip made you guilty of the crime that Stiles was so very much against. 
Before you could dwell on it too much, you continued. 
“I took Jackon’s keys from him to keep him from drunk driving! That’s how I followed Stiles in the first place.” 
“You used my car?” Jackson appeared behind you suddenly, taking on an accusatory tone. 
Everyone ignored him. 
“Well? Where was he going? What was he doing? How the hell did this happen?”
“I. Don’t. Know.” You ground out slowly. “It’s not like it was my fault!” 
… 
Void let out another astrid laugh. 
“Oh, but it was.” He grinned. “It was all your fault. How did it feel lying to a police officer about the fact that you almost killed his son?” 
“I wasn’t lying.” You replied, your throat gripped by tears. “I didn’t know.” 
You were glad that you hadn’t known the truth at the time. You weren’t sure if you could have faced the Sheriff, knowing that Stiles’s near death experience had been all your fault. 
“Would you look the Sheriff in the eyes and tell him that now?” Void asked. “Or would you apologize? Tell him that it’s all your fault that stupid, infatuated Stiles crashed his car into a tree trying to save you?” 
“I-” You choked out, truly unsure what to say. “I don’t know.” 
“Would you have taken his place?” Void snipped, quick to berate you with more questions. 
“What?” You parroted back, slightly confused. 
“Would you have taken his place?” He repeated. “You - caught up in that heap of twisted metal, carted off to the hospital to be poked and prodded by doctors, cut up, barely alive? Him - crying at your bedside like a pathetic idiot?” 
You had never considered it. You didn’t think it was wise to dwell on the past or mull-over hypotheticals like that. But truthfully - you thought that what had happened to you was worse. You thought that Stiles got the better end of it, sleeping through most of it while you had to steep in your pain. 
“Y-yes.” You said, hesitating slightly, feeling as though this was the proper, kind answer - saying that you would have taken the physical pain for him - that you would have laid in the bed and taken all of it in his place if you could have. 
“Uh-oh.” Void said, shaking his head. “Nobody likes a liar, Y/N.” 
How he knew that you were lying, you had no clue. 
But you were eager to move on from it before he prodded you about it any further. So you quickly moved on with your story. 
“And then, there was the waiting.” You told him. “We had to wait hours for him to come out of surgery, wondering if he was going to live. And then I waited for weeks by his bedside, wondering if he was ever going to wake up.” 
You swallowed around a painful knot in your throat as you remembered it. 
“So perfectly pathetic, isn’t it?” Void commented. “The way that you showed up to that hospital every single day - spent nights sleeping beside him in an uncomfortable plastic chair, just waiting… every single day waiting to see if he was going to wake up. Or rather - seeing if he was going to finally slip away. Waiting to see if he was finally going to die.” 
You let out more tears and Void sniffed the air again, taking a deep breath, enjoying the depth of your pain. 
“I wish I could have been there.” He remarked. “Every single day, you mourned over him. You cried for him. What a waste of sweet suffering.” 
He let out another laugh. You go do nothing more but sit there and let him mock you, let him indulge in the suffering that you had promised him. 
“You showed up every single day and he didn’t even know it. You talked to him, read to him, played him music… not even knowing if he could hear you. Thinking that he could hear you, but just… hinging it all on that tiny ray of hope.” 
You thought for certain that Void would confirm then and there that Stiles had never heard you when he had been comatose, because before he had said that your hope being broken was ‘delicious’. 
But what he did next hurt so much more.
Because of course, he knew the worst, most perfect ways to hurt you.  
“You read him The Velveteen Rabbit… because he said that his Mommy used to read it to him.” 
Void said, mocking deep in his voice. And then, he put on a shrill impression of you as he spoke again - repeating word for word what you had said to Stiles when you had been at his bedside. Private words that had been meant only for Stiles. 
“‘Stiles, you have to wake up. You have to wake up so we can be together again. Look, I know I messed up before, but… I really like you. I might even love you. Fuck it - I do love you. I’m in love with you, and you - you have to wake up so that I can spend the rest of my life loving you.’” 
He burst into laughter with these last words, cutting right through you. 
“Well, newsflash!” He screamed, startling you with his sudden volume, shaking you. “Stiles isn’t going to wake up this time. He’s never coming back again. You’re going to spend the rest of your life alone.” 
“He will.” You said weakly, knowing how defeated you sounded. “He’ll come back. He’ll come back to me, I know it.” 
You and Void both knew that you were trying to convince yourself with these words. 
Void pulled up his shirt, showing off the long, jagged scar in the middle of Stiles��s stomach - the scar he had from the accident. 
“See this? This is his human weakness.” Void stated. “I came along and I made him into something so much better. I made him strong. I made him-” 
“You ruined him!” You screamed, finally standing from your chair, hyper charged with your own rage now. “You took away everything that made him good - his sweetness, his kindness, his empathy. You-” 
“No, sweetheart.” Void grabbed your face, shutting you up and causing sharp shocks of pain across your head as he roughly jostled you. “Those things have always been his downfall. His stupid kindness and empathy caused him to crash himself into a fucking tree tyring to protect you. You - a dumb bitch who is still willing to put herself this close to a demon who could gut her in a second without a single care.” 
You held your breath. You waited for him to do something more - to truly attempt to harm you. 
And then, after a paralyzing second of staring into those dead eyes - he let you go again. You took a step back. You should have run - you should have run, and run, until you found Scott or someone else. But he was right. You were a dumb bitch. Even now, you couldn’t abandon Stiles. 
“You know, it’s even the same thing right now.” Void grinned. “The minute he gets back the slightest bit of control, he keeps trying to crash the damn car. He keeps trying to protect you!” 
He burst into laughter again, and your insides shook with fear. 
You knew that Stiles ‘crashing the car’ this time would only end with him dying. And you weren’t sure which was worse - him living in there, trapped and tortured while a demon controlled his body - or him killing himself to end all potential harm that Void could do to you and anybody else. 
“Even now, he’s begging me to shove this pathetic little knife into his neck,” He said, taking your knife out of his pocket and raising it up to his jugular. “Just so that there won’t be a single chance of me hurting you.” 
Your chest jumped. 
Upon instinct, you stepped forward and grabbed his wrist, attempting to pull the knife back - but of course, Void was much stronger than you, and his grip didn’t budge. Not even a slight bit. 
Your heart raced as you began to panic. 
“Please, don’t-” You muttered out, knowing that begging was likely your only course of action, whether Void or Stiles was the one in control. 
He grinned. “What are you going to do to stop me?” 
You had an idea. A terrible one. 
You leaned in, sealing your lips onto his - feeling chapped skin against yours and for a moment thinking that you had a one-way ticket to getting stabbed. But then, you felt the stiff, tense form underneath you soften up. You felt a gentle sigh, a sigh of relief leave Stiles’s lips as he pressed back, pushing into the kiss as though he had been yearning for this for centuries. 
The hand holding the knife to his neck shook - sharp spasms going through the muscles as he battled with himself. And after a moment, he dropped the object to the floor with a quiet clatter. Then, he brought that hand to smooth across your back in a gentle, comforting way that could have only been Stiles. 
You pulled away from the kiss after a moment, and when you looked into his eyes, you knew for certain that it was him. The softness, the sadness, the apologetic mourning. 
“Y/N-” He croaked out, releasing a few years of his own. 
“Hang in there, my love.” You told him, reaching up to gently grasp at his cheek. 
And then, just like the sun peeking through on a cloudy day - he was gone. 
Void’s horrible grin took over once again, and all the life dropped out of those eyes. 
“You truly are pathetic.” He said, giving another horrible laugh. 
Perhaps he was trying to convince you that Stiles had never been there, that it had only been a trick, but - you knew what you saw. 
Void hated it. 
It was something that he absolutely hated to admit, but you gave Stiles strength. You were likely the only person in town, likely the only thing on earth that could have given him - a weak, stupid, pathetic human, the strength to overpower the epic thousand year old demon that had taken control. 
In that moment, in an instant, he decided that you had to be eliminated. 
Void didn’t hesitate to reach down and pick up the knife. 
“No-” You gasped out. 
Before you could blink, he grabbed your shoulder, shoved you against a nearby wall, and plunged the small blade into your stomach. He didn’t stop just once - he stabbed you again, and again, and again - creating a flurry of blood and mashing flesh that caused you to gasp from the pain and sheer shock that overtook your body. 
It didn’t hurt as much as you expected it to. It was like a simple pinprick - nothing more painful than a needle piercing your skin for a routine blood sample. But when you felt the intense hot waves of blood pouring out, soaking your clothes - you knew that it was bad. You were already shaking from the shock and you knew that him pressing against you was the only thing still holding you up. 
Void took a tight hold of your face, both your cheeks in one blood-coated hand, and pressed his forehead tightly into yours. 
“Look at her.” He growled out, his voice as sharp and frightening as ever. “Look at her. Look at her while she’s dying.” 
You knew in an instant that he wasn’t talking to you. 
“Look at what you’ve done, Stiles!” He screeched, his voice harsh, almost distorted. “All that begging… all that begging - all for nothing!” 
“It’s okay.” You huffed out, reaching up, your hand surprisingly bloody, trying to touch his cheek in comfort. “It-it’s okay.” 
You were determined to survive this. Or - at the very least - you didn’t want Stiles living with the guilt if you didn’t. 
“Stiles-” 
Void wouldn’t stand for it. This comfort. 
He quickly stamped out this truth with a few more quick, violent jabs of the knife into your gut, forcing Stiles to watch as he violently eviscerated you. 
Then, he tossed the knife aside and let you slump to the floor before he walked away. 
He left you for dead, all too pleased with how utterly the sight of you bloodied and limp tortured Stiles. 
He left you there, not knowing that he left you with just enough determination - just enough life left you to drag your shaking body to the phone and get a bloody hand wrapped around it.
...
Please keep in mind, this is a oneshot, so there will not be a sequel or a 'Part 2'. If you enjoyed this fic, please consider reblogging it to show your appreciation, commenting on this fic, or you can take a look at my Teen Wolf Masterlist for more of my fics from this fandom.
However, please do not comment on this fic asking for a sequel or asking for more - I generally consider that stressful and impolite. If you are going to comment, please comment about the body of work that has been written.
Because I ended the fic the way I did, I do have some ideas for a potential sequel, but it's not something that I am rushing to write, and it's not something that will be on my schedule anytime soon. If you would like to, you can come into my inbox and chat about my ideas for the potential sequel - but right now they are just ideas and they will stay that way for a long time before becoming a full realised story (if they ever become one). I hope you enjoyed this fic as the capsule story oneshot that I always intended for it to be, and that you enjoy my other works if you do check them out.
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tellywoodtrash · 6 years ago
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kwk lb: aamir khan
every time karan calls this dumbass show of his NATIONALLLLLLLLL TELEVISION, i lose 3 years off my life.
uhhhhhhhhhh karan, you're not a millenial either.
god i cringe every time he tries to appropriate 'millenial culture'. ffs, you're like a decade outside the range.
also fomo is not a disorder, gtfo.
aditya chopra sounds like he's living my his best life.
what do these confessions of his have to do with the damn guest?????
lol thugs as a diwali release. aamir and srk switched their festivals this year.
gotta say aamir looks good. pretentious af, but good.
LMAO SACHAAI SEEDHE BAAHAR KI BRO IM JUST HERE FOR PR.
ugh karan hyping thugs ainvayi mein.
yeah you should be nervous about this movie, aamir. it looks like a spectacular trashfire. oh it'll make money, hundreds and hundreds of crores, but looks like a steaming hot heap of absolute trash.
can't believe aamir and srk have stooped to these kinda garbage movies now.
lmao karan not buying that aamir didn’t do dangal just coz he was “appeasing a certain sensibility”.
so basically a straight ripoff of jack sparrow. like, in every single way.
ugh karan stop kissing ass with the “progressive” shit.
yeah the home situation with reena/kiran is nothing new or interesting, pls move on.
ofc his kids want to be in the movies. do any of their kids not?
damn he sounds like a harsh critic. poor junaid.
UGH I DON'T GIVE ONE SINGLE FUCK ABOUT WHAT THESE TWO MEN HAVE TO SAY ABOUT #METOO.
“it's sad that women have had to come out and speak about it to have created this environment.”
YEAH. IT IS. AND WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT, ASSHOLES? you knew this shit was happening. you always knew. and you did shit. and now for you to sit here and talk about it and gain cool progressive ally points, literally fuck outta here.
forget that song, dil as a movie itself is a misogynist fucking nightmare. he almost rapes her, and then at the last minute doesn't, AND SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM. FOR NOT RAPING HER. LIKE....................
uh huh “SHOCKED” i’m sure.
that it came out. not that it happened.
omfg this conversation is everything i hate about this topic. WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE PREY ON YOU? YOU'RE AT THE FUCKING TOP OF TOTEM POLE. HOW THE HELL CAN YOU THINK, AFTER HEARING ACCOUNTS ABOUT SOMEONE, THAT OH HE DIDN'T BEHAVE THAT WAY WITH ME, SO HE ISN'T A PREDATOR? it's like saying oh charles manson didn't murder ME, so he's not a murderer. chutiyaaaa hai kya?
aaaaaaaaaaaaand he's walking away with the credit for “taking action”. amaze. 
and karan and his fucking tone-deafness. jfc what kinda delusion. what it must be like to live life as a privileged man with immense power.
please you fuckers are sleeping well at night no matter what. give me a break.
i'm feeling veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy stabbyyyyyy right now after this fuckall performative garbage of a “segment”.
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great sycophantry (that’s a word right?) towards bachchan now. ugh.
yeah bachchan does seem to have that sanki uncle persona, where if he calls, you’re like shit i’ve fucked up. esp. with his saltyass tweets on how no one will return his bday sms's/tweets or some shit. like get over it, grandpa.
ok aamir's pre-release “disorder” sounds like a right fucking nightmare.
blah blah blah is there any juicy goss this ep (that hasn't already been outed in the promos/previews) or should i stop watching already?
karan, if someone is playing THAT hard to get, then you should take the hint that they DON'T WANT to come. 
strong fraternity feeling uh huh. not at all a PR photo op.
yeah of course you and your mid-life crisis don't see any difference between you+srk/ranveer+ranbir
HOW MANY TIMES WILL YOU PLUG THE DAMN MOVIE KARAN. WE FUCKING GET IT. THUGS IS RELEASING THIS WEEK. LORD.
ugh this phone game sounds dumb af. it's like the phone a friend in kbc, except utterly pointless.
sorry too much second-hand embarrassment at the prospect of this only. fwding.
koffee shots - aka we couldn't find anyone to come with you in this episode coz no one likes you/tumhara ego kuch zyaada hi bada hai, toh karan has to play the game with you. it’s this show’s version of taking a cousin to prom.
why did they pair katrina with varun next week tho? so random. she could have come in this ep with aamir?
what are these shots of though? like what are they drinking?
lmao aamir laughing at karan's sex injury.
exactly who’s surprised that aamir’s cheated?
sexy intern??????????????? jfc karan.
y’all are grownass men, why the fuck are you still getting hickeys in places ppl can see them jfc.
yeah no one needed to know the shower bs.
of course karan regifts. we already knew from the last ep.
oh ho, malaika's dropped the khan finally.
and karan's indicating she's gonna switch it up for a kapoor. hmmmmmmm.
gotta say she looks amazing. lord may my mallu genes be as potent as hers and lead me to age this well.
aamir rating himself
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he seems like a bit of a troll himself, which is why he doesn’t take them seriously. 
ew he smokes a pipe, how pretentious.
i am karannnn: “that was witty?????”
food/sex? “apne ko toh dono chahiye.”
don’t we all, but that was not the question.
god bachchan forced him to join twitter. sach mein he’s one unbearable sanki buddha. 
ugh these answers are so laaaaaaaaame.
HE'S NOT PICKINGGGGGGGG ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG HE'S SO ANNOYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG WITH HIS AINVAYI KA DIPLOMACY
welll done my asssssss. aise hi channe ki jhaad pe chadha rahi hai.
of course karan's an insta-stalker. why's this surprising to anyone?
“i love being followed.” godddddd.
lmao i suspect aamir's laughing coz he knows karan can never give up gossip. ever.
lol shopping ki bhi beizzattti.
awkwardness with katrina impending after that answer.
LMAO LIKE KARAN JOHAR'S EVER BEEN ON THE MUMBAI LOCAL.
real best friend: aditya chopra. hmmmm.  
but does it even count when you're cousins????
sexiest actor: john abraham
lolololol who even cares about HIM anymore???
how can the feeling that someone NEEDS you be... good?
(that too coming from the man who wrote “main kissi ki zaroorat nahi, kwahish banna chahti hoon.”)
WHAT THE FUCK HE PICKED KAREENA OVER TWINKLE
lol he’s prolly changing it to kareena coz she’s in takht and he has to kiss ass to get it done.
idk i feel shakun batra's the most promising outta the three? makes appropriately commercial movies, but pleasantly subversive ones. also gets good performances outta his actors. i think the choice was pretty clear.
FUCKING PICKKKKKKKKKKKKK ONE OF THEM, KARAN YOU ASSHOLE. THIS IS BULLLLLLLLLSHITTTTTTTTT.
LOL AAMIR'S GLEE AT HIS INABILITY TO PICK. 
pft ainvayi mein de diya isko hamper, ofc karan wouldn't take it on his own show. also that bhai answer was lame as fuck.
lmao karan is being salty.
ouff abhi bhi 10 min baaki hai quiz waali bakchodi ke liye.
“i'm not known for my speed.” ... good for kiran, i guess. snort.
“i'm not known for my information.” oh pls karan.
LAY OFF ALIA YOU PERV SHE'S WAY TOO YOUNG FOR YOU UGH THERE'S MANY OTHER AGE APPROPRIATE ACTRESSES
pffffffft the dumbass pet peeves list. hattt yahaan se, hypocrite.
how are some of these answers “correct”???? like, asking him his preferences? how is there a “correct” answer to those? 
snort aamir trying to psych karan out.
lolllllllllllll aamir's confusion at the concept/existence of a mochaccino.
why do these grownass men not know their warm colours?
THREE THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR HAND PE THARAK KI TARAF KYUN JAATA HAI TUM LOGON KA DIMAAG
HOLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SONGS COME THE FUCKKKKKKK ONNNNNNNNN OMG YOU’RE A BLIGHT ON THE NAME OF BOLLYWOOD
wow he picked resul pookutty over bhanu athaiya? surprising.
khud ke show par hi prize le gaya. pft.
some more thugs plugging, blearghhhhhhhhh.
next week looks more fun. lol @ varun and his always wanting to pee. he did that during the FC interview with anupama chopra/anushka too.
lmao sab ko shaadi kab ho rahi hai question. i love varun.
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stillevolutionsoul · 7 years ago
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Beginnings
Last night I picked this book up for the first time since I bought it, though it has really been in my life for the past 6 years or so. For a 23 year old, that’s pretty long. I first got into it because my boyfriend at the time had shown it me. He later used its pages to craft an album full of a bunch of CDs he burned and gave it to me for my birthday that brought us back together. Probably the next summer I attempted to complete all of the projects in the book.
SIdenote: If you haven’t read this book or even heard about it, it’s this amazing collection curated by Miranda July and Harrell Fletcher. They created this online project where participants complete these random assignments and post them to the site. It grew to this great online community of assignments being born from other assignments, and people really digging deep into themselves and the people closest to them. This book is a compilation of people’s completed assignments.
I’m creating this blog because after these past years of college and intense relationships and work and serious relationships, I still haven’t completed enough of these assignments. 
The hope is that I learn to love others more by going through this book and inserting myself into this mindset of creativity, opening up to other perspectives, and consciously connecting with other people, friends and strangers alike. And more than that, I hope this project helps me to heal and grown and learn to love myself more than I’ve ever let myself. 
As I’ve stated, I’m 23. And to most of you that is the essence of young adult life.  Or at least I think it is. This is the age when a lot of college-educated people have now officially entered life out of school. Because whether or not your parents or anyone supported you throughout those years, life out of school, out of weekly papers and assignments and being told what to do, is pretty jarring. YES, it’s largely a relief and a smooth transition into the life of procrastination that plagued us as students, because it’s now just like one big break between semesters, except that there is no next semester. But the point is that I feel like the ultimate Lazyyy ASSSssss. I mean, yeah I’ve been working between 35-40 hours a week for the past year, but I still manage to make little use of my time outside of work. I just feel like I could be so much more. 
One of the things my now, first therapist and I were talking about the other night was that I have felt really unmotivated for some time now. Aside from my own mental struggles that have been tougher to deal with lately, being out of college, with a degree, and without a plan, has got me down down down. I don’t feel keeping up with my responsibilities, or even just doing the things that I actually like to do. But we both agreed I need to be doing what I like to do and what I need to do. I think this project will promote and encourage me to do just that.
I’m not giving myself a due date, because that would inevitably lead to disappointment and failure. Rather, I would like to make this something that I can do on my own time, without the pressure to finish, and with the understanding that I may not always have the time or resources, because this ISN’T a matter of life or death lol. I hope to work on these assignments as opportunities for their creation occur organically throughout the course of my life. Also, and real importantly, I think it will help give me another reason to stay alive, since that is the most crucial battle for winning the war against my depression and self-hate. But like Becky said, “you still have hope.” (Lol star wars refs coming up but imma spare y’all). 
To new beginnings <3
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