#this wasnt suppose to be so long but i saw a post about bbh consequences and my brain sent off shock waves

[beelzebubsis]

i think one aspect of bbh's character in purgatory that often goes unnoticed is the huge difference in his well-being before and during purgatory. prior to purgatory, he was not doing good. He went through a huge depressive arc resulting in him losing all his colour, which he only managed to overcome when he began actively searching for the eggs, resulting in him kidnapping the fed worker. and while it was a bad thing he did, it was the only seemly progress he had actually made towards finding the eggs. but when that started to go no where he started torturing himself with the soul vultures because he felt guilty for his actions and when he was constantly being reminded of the absence of his eggs. he felt like if the bad action he took manged to help him he would need to do worse things so the soul vultures were his self made punishment for the things he was doing and about to do and if we look more deeply into his character it was his punishment for failing to protect the eggs. the more the soul vultures attacked him the more wounds and cuts he had all over his body and the more blue was spreading all over him. (a lot of fans theorise that he's got a soul infection and that the blue is actually his blood but he's infected so its showing as blue but that's not really been confirmed). he went through the psychotic break which i believe was the beginning of his character losing a huge chunk of his sense of reasoning and his ability to separate reality from his own delusions and then further isolating him from others because he began not trusting others and believing the worst.

before purgatory started bbh was fully prepared to do worse things for the sake of the eggs (see his forest burring convo with foolish) but then purgatory happen.

and suddenly everyone was doing horrible things for the sake of the eggs. i think the biggest reason why bbh's character felt comfort regarding purgatory is that he didn't feel alone in his horrible actions and he felt more justified. dapper had explicitly told him to do whatever he could, the other parents and his team were talking about winning and strategizing. he didn't have access to his soul vultures and he and most of his team viewed his actions as necessities to saving the eggs. moreover soulfire ended up being a huge support network for bbh, because he finally felt like he was sharing the burden of his horrible actions with others. they were all paranoid and hiding away like bbh had been. it makes sense that from his perspective it would be comforting to feel like people understood him.

but now post purgatory he's got his eggs back. he doesn't regret his actions because at the end of the day he saw them as necessary to get the eggs back and there wouldn't be any point in regretting those actions now especially when he had resolved himself to do horrible things before purgatory had even started. plus he self imposed the punishments for those actions to begin with and there are huge consequences for him now because of that. he's started to get his colour back because the eggs have returned. but he's still covered in the wounds from the soul vultures and the potential infection, the injury on his head is seemingly getting bigger and he now has the radiation poisoning on his back from the nuke. his first few streams back we saw him struggling against his character reincarnation, or to clarify his death, and we later learn through his conversations with pomme and dapper that he doesn't want to reincarnate because he'll lose the ability to recall specific memories and he's scared of forgetting the eggs, which explains why on the first streams back when we weren't sure what had happened to dapper and the other eggs, he had no memories because he didn't see any reason to keep them without the eggs so he wasn't fighting his death. implying that the eggs are his reasons for fighting against the reincarnation and why when he's around them he's able to recall and remember again but he's started to cough and suffer instead. so now he's faced with the moral dilemma of keeping his memories of everyone and the eggs but continue to suffer in a dying rotting body OR to reincarnate and forget everyone.

plus we now have the mysterious ghost and "old friend" invading his home and leaving him ominous message so he doesn't feel safe. so what does he do? he goes back to when he did feel safe or at least comfort and support. which was the soulfire base, because at least there he felt like he was sharing the suffering. i believe that the "old friend" is someone involved with his reincarnation which is why hes avoiding it but thats an entirely different post.

holy shit how did this get so long D: but yeah this is why i think bbh has such different feelings towards purgatory compared to others and why he keeps taking people to the recreation of the soulfire base. like always i'd love to hear any more interpretations.

heres another tik tok