#this was sparked on me by remembering how when I tried telling the first guy I dated about my kinnity he laughed in my face

[fandoms-in-law]

Not Billy

Summary: Lucas makes the kids realise that while everyone talks about King Steve as if he was the same kind of high school bully as Billy, he definitely hadn't been. It sparks a quest to figure out who he actually had been.

Author's note; Only reason I'm posting this now is I'm currently against WIPs and have a fanfic writing month planned for February and started this one a couple weeks ago. If you want chapters, find it on AO3 please cause tired brain is not up for fighting tumblr on that currently.

/\

Steve was not Billy.

Everyone seemed to think that was an insult since Hargrove came to town, but Steve could not agree. He’d seen close enough to Billy his entire life, sometimes in his father, often in Tommy. He wasn’t surprised the boy that had been his best friend latched onto Billy so strongly.

Steve was not Billy, but he could tell people thought he was.

The first time he felt like pointing out he wasn’t Billy was to the other boy directly, but somehow the words never fit together in his head during those moments. Though Steve also noticed Billy deliberately tried to keep their interactions like that, all words and no giving Steve a moment to reply before Billy left. He didn’t worry about it much, as long as he and Nancy knew he wasn’t, it should be fine.

Perhaps it was because of the king nickname, everyone who had it must have been exactly like the current owner of it, so of course Steve was like Billy. Sometimes he thought goldfish must have better memories than the average high school student.

After Tina’s party and the bullshit speech Steve wondered at Nancy’s own forgetfulness over what were his actions, their choices and the actions of someone completely different to him. He was just glad that everything in the speech had at least been between them but the views didn’t fit from how he’d been viewing their relationship.

Billy was not Steve.

Now that was an insult which Max said precisely once.

He treasured the entire rant she’d gone on that day, coming into Scoops to have a break from home while the rest of the Party were busy. Robin had laughed like he’d been the one insulted and Max tore into her too, about how Steve was never Billy. If anyone knew just what she meant to be an insult or to be a comparison Steve came out on top of it was Max about her step-brother and Steve and she wasn’t going to let anyone laugh for the wrong thing.

Sometime after the fire to cover up the Russians and Mindflayer fight, Robin admitted she understood now what that sentence meant.

/\

Steve was never Billy.

Everyone remembered Billy and the hate he pushed through the school. They forgot that Steve was not Billy though, and hated him for someone he never had been. That often felt especially true about Mike out of all the kids Steve looked after now.

“Just shut up Steve, go back to being a douche somewhere else.” He scathingly called when Steve had been reminding the kids not to get into fights.

“He’s not Billy, Mike.” Lucas countered, glaring at his friend. “Stop acting like everyone that’s ever played basketball besides me is the same.”

Mike gestured over at Steve, “That guy? The former King of the school? You really expect me to believe he wasn’t-”

“He Wasn’t!” Max cut him off. “He’s the one who stopped Billy first of all of us when I was dragged into Hawkins mess and that’s after I’d had months of hearing the actual assholes Billy hung out with declaring him more fun than Harrington. More fun because he hated anyone like Lucas, and joked about assaulting the Byers if Jonathan hadn’t proven better than Harrington already. Plus what was Steve just doing that you needed to insult him over? Looking out for kids that don’t fit in because he wants us to be safe? You really think he could ever have been as bad as Billy?”

At the start of the rant Lucas had looked like he’d say more to argue with Mike too, but now he just crossed his arms in a gesture they all knew was learnt from Steve, waiting for Mike’s reply.

Mike deflated, facing them. “So what was Steve like?” He asked. “Because he definitely changed and gave up his popularity instead of keeping it.”

The trio exchanged looks, and a glance back to where Steve was still sat in his car, looking from them to the arcade he’d dropped them off at curiously before reversing the car when he saw them watching.

/\

Steve was not Billy but the kids now wanted to know who he was when he was King.

“Robin? Who was Steve in school?” Max asked, leading Lucas and Mike into Family Video when she’d seen Steve leave on his break.

Robin didn’t look up from where she was returning some videos to the shelves. “He ate bagels in class and dropped crumbs all over the floor.”

“Okay but who was he?” Mike repeated the question as if it was a demand.

“The guy most girls had crushes on.” She quipped, looking over now as if wondering what the point of asking was, “Honestly even after you guys arrived he was the main crush once the new kid fever died down.”

Max huffed at her, folding her arms. “That’s not who he was. Who was he?”

“Not a clue. I was not popular and tried not to pay attention to them at all.” Robin narrowed her eyes at them all, somewhere between concerned and curious over their focus. “What’s with all the Steve questions?”

“We want to know. All we know is that he wasn’t as bad as Billy.” Lucas explained with a shrug, showing he was actually interested and not just following his girlfriend and friend on the quest for answers.

Robin leant back, looking them over before suggesting, “Try asking Nancy. She dated him while he was King of the school, right?”

/\

Steve knew people had forgotten he wasn’t Billy. The kids were not enjoying finding that out.

“Nancy, what was it like to date Steve?” Max had dragged Lucas upstairs while their friends were setting up a game night in the Wheelers basement

Looking through a crack in her door, Nancy rolled her eyes. “Max, it’s cute you have a crush, but you’re not meant to ask that when your boyfriend is next to you.”

Lucas leant forward to stop the door being shut on them, “Oh no, I’m curious about your answer too.”

“Not the kid I thought would ask me about that. Why?” Nancy narrowed her eyes, before turning away, clearly deciding to avoid asking him about a possible crush.

“No reason.” When trying to decide if they actually should ask Nancy, Mike had made it clear they shouldn’t mention why they were asking, “Who did you think would ask?”

“None of you.” With that the door was shut on them and neither kid was ready to keep bugging Nancy over it just yet.

/\

Will had heard from Jonathan about the fight with Steve, and the apology that turned into fighting the demogorgon. He knew Steve was never Billy.

“You want me to ask Nancy what it was like to date Steve so you can find out what Steve was like when he was king of the school?” He looked at his three friends dubiously, shaking his head when they remained serious in their request. “You’re making this more convoluted than the puzzles I tried to create for campaigns.”

“We need to know!” Mike insisted.

Deciding not to question that again he decided to say what had come up with Jonathan while they were in California one of the times talking about dealing with high school. “Brash, quick with the easy insults and overly aware of how people around him got insulted so the people latched onto him to be popular too wouldn’t turn against him. Quick to try and apologise too when he went too far but kept apologies private as too many being known about apparently damages popularity. That’s what Jonathan said anyway.”

“Jonathan!” Max, Lucas and Mike yelled together, looking between themselves before turning as if to hurry out the door just as they heard someone approaching.

The kids were going to learn who Steve Harrington used to be, somehow.

“What’s with the shouting? Everything okay?” Jonathan asked, leaning around the door.

“Tell us who Steve used to be!” Max insisted, tugging him through.

“Nancy said a couple of you had a crush on him but this doesn’t seem like that.” Jonathanblinked at them, and made an amused noise when Will made a gesture as if saying he had no clue, “I’ll tell you what I remember but why?”

“Because Max insists he’s never been like Billy but all I know is that he was king of the high school too and everyone says he was a bully.” Mike rushed to get the words out.

Jonathan nodded at the explanation, moving to sit on Will’s bed, “Nah, the bullies were the people clamouring to be his friend. Let’s see…”

/\

Dustin heard what his friends were saying about Steve and he was going to get the best answers he could.

Thankfully a lot of college kids were in Hawkins to help their families rebuild and he recognised one face from lots of photos Steve pretended he no longer had.

“You’re Tommy Hagan?” He asked, squinting at the boy cleaning a car outside the address he was sure was correct. He couldn’t remember ever having met Tommy before so wasn’t sure if this was or was not the right person.

Tommy looked him over, gesturing down the road. “And you’re a twerp I don’t know. Move on, I’m busy.”

Dustin shook his head, moving closer. “No. You’re going to tell me about Steve Harrington.”

“Don’t know him any more. We lost touch. Go away.” The words were accompanied with an eyeroll hidden mostly as he leant over the car to wash the windscreen.

“Then tell me who he was when you did know him.” Dustin pushed, certain that it would work sooner than later.

“Why would I?” Tommy huffed, still focusing mostly on washing the car. “You’re a brat that didn’t even introduce yourself before demanding my attention.”

“I could get my friends to come and ask you questions with me or you can just tell me. I’m Dustin Henderson and I will do that.” Dustin offered, dropping his backpack to get his radio out.

“You carry a walkie talkie to call your little friends with?” Tommy said disbelieving. “Why is a nerd asking about Steve?”

Dustin didn’t move to radio anyone, just watching Tommy again, “Tell me about him and then I’ll tell you.”

/\

Steve wasn’t Billy and Tommy knew it. That why he didn’t panic at the sight of his car pulling up while he was still being interrogated by the kid.

“Henderson, we’ve been looking for you all over. What are you doing?” Steve called, walking around the car and only realising who Dustin was with after getting closer, “Tommy?”

“Hey Harrington, the twerp has been asking all about you. Still don’t know why.” He explained, pointing a thumb back at the kid and trying to sound annoyed by it. It was actually one of the more amusing things to happen since getting back from college so he wasn’t being as much of a dick as he would once have been.

Steve nodded, standing with his hands on his hips and looking to the kid expectantly. “Dustin, care to share?”

“Mike and Max had an argument and realised all they know about who you were is that you aren’t Billy. Them, Lucas and now Will and me decided we need to know.”He pulled a notebook out of the backpack, flicking through it as if checking notes.

“So you looked through my stuff and decided to find Tommy.” Steve surmised.

“Clearly.” Dustin had no shame about admitting that and Tommy was curious over what Steve would have kept that showed them together. “Everyone else wasn’t getting anywhere. Jonathan was the one who had the best information that shared it and I know he barely knew you.”

“He really had friends to call to increase how many were asking me questions?” Tommy muttered rounding the car to wash the other side as well as better watch his old friend and the weird kid. “Steve your kid is weird.”

“Tell me about it.” Steve agreed, before focusing on Dustin again, “Who else had they asked?”

“Robin and Nancy. Robin knew barely anything and apparently Nancy decided they were asking because of crushes on you.” Dustin promptly replied.

“What? Why? How…” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, “You know what, thank you Tommy for entertaining this shithead. I’ll stop him giving you any more of a headache. Please tell Carol to call if he tries asking her about me next.” He started pushing Dustin to his car while calling over his shoulder.

Tommy laughed at the comment, “You don’t think I’ve given him enough details to stop this?”

“With these brats I’m not sure there is such a thing unless the subject they’re asking about tries to kill them. See ya.” Steve sounded like an exhausted parent as he spoke, fond but frustrated by his kids.

“See you around Harrington.”

/\

Carol had scales in high school over how rumours and views of the popular kids went and she could tell you with facts and figures how Steve was better or worse than Billy Hargrove over all of them. She could not however explain two girls inviting themselves into her home to ask about him.

“This is breaking in and I’m calling the police.” Carol stated, immediately going to her phone.

“Tell Hopper to pick us up in twenty and you can tell us about Steve until then.” The girl with red hair demanded, “I’m Max. That’s Hopper’s daughter El.”

Carol raised an eyebrow, turning to them in challenge, “The chief has a daughter since when?”

“We’re asking the questions.” Max insisted.

“Since 1983. He gives me waffles.” El added, “Steve does too. You can tell us about Steve.”

The subject the girls were pushing didn’t seem enough to break into her home over but Carol couldn’t see any cause that would be; either way she leant against the door and shook her head. “Not currently. You could do better since I’ve not spoken to him in a few years.”

“High school Steve.” Max snapped, “Who was he?”

Thinking for a moment, Carol let out a heavy breath and turned to leave the room, “I’ll get the scales, if it will make you leave.”

While she was upstairs she heard Tommy calling, “Hey Carol, you left your door- Why are there two kids here?”

“To ask about Harrington apparently.” She yelled back.

“I’ll call him.” The certainty in that decision made her pause, moving back to the top of the stairs curiously.

“Why?”

“Just had the same thing happen and he interrupted the kid that found me. Said to tell you to call if that kid came here, but I guess any kid counts.” Tommy half shook his head before glancing behind him, “Names?”

Carol blinked twice, “They said they’re Max and El.”

“Thanks, what are you doing?” Tommy finished dialling the number neither of them would forget, but carried on chatting with Carol as if the kids weren’t watching them.

“Digging out the scales.” Tommy laughed at the comment, remembering when Carol had decided to make them and how she argued they were better than guys making similar scales because they weren’t frivilously given or constantly used to hurt.

As she finished finding the scales and gathered only the relevant ones to Steve together she could hear Tommy’s side of the call happening. “Hey Steve, sorry, but a Max and El are at Carol’s. Yes, that’s why. No, I don’t know that. Fine, see you soon.”

“Did you have to call him? He’s going to lecture us again.” Max complained, just as Carol started bringing things downstairs.

“Seems like you need that.” Carol remarked, debating if it was worth the annoyance of the chief to call the police on his daughter.

El had a stare that seemed to dissect Tommy when she directed it at him before asking, “You are Steve’s friend?”

“Sure, or I was once.” He agreed easily.

She nodded as if that explained everything. “Friends don’t lie. Of course he called.”

“Er, yeah,” Max frowned a little, glaring at Carol and Tommy’s scoffing, “We’re going to have to go over how things really are for most people at some point.”

“What’s this all over anyway?” Carol asked, placing the things she’d fetched on the coffee table.

Max went straight to looking through the folders. “Steve isn’t Billy but everyone seems to remember him acting just like him. I want to know who Steve was.”

Tommy laughed then, grabbing one folder right out of Max’s hand, “Came to the right place for facts then.”

“And to attack you.” She continued, vehemently glaring at him and snatching the folder back.

He took a step back, sharing a startled glance with Carol over the threat. “Um, what? Kid, I was Steve friend remember.”

“And Billy’s.” She countered, “You came round enough I know it.”

“Read this.” Carol quickly opened a folder and flicked through a notebook to shove it at Max, “Tommy shut up before she tries to. I won’t stop her.”

“Carol!” He protested.

/\

Eddie had known Steve wasn’t Billy.

He really wasn’t happy that the kids decided to learn who Steve actually used to be the weekend he’d finally got the courage to ask for a date.

“Am I TPK-ing the party or cancelling movie nights?” He yelled through the house, not caring that everyone that could be directed to were in the front room and easily seen, “Hi Perkins, I got out before Steve parked. He’ll be yelling to himself for a few minutes.”

“You can’t cancel movie nights!” Max yelled back.

“I can, Mayfield. You interrupted when I told all of you not to.” Eddie insisted, meeting her glare with one of his own. “Did you really worry about Steve’s lecture but not me?”

El stepped between them, “We want to know.”

“El, going behind someone’s back and doing your shit to track down their old friends is not how you learn this shit.” Eddie countered, eyes narrow and only turning to look over the room after finishing that sentence. They he burst out laughing at the scales Carol had out, “Although, Perkins, how did you make popularity nerdy? Is this an insult dictionary attached to it too? Professional Ice Queen turns people into maths. Not something I expected.”

Carol scoffed, tossing her hair back, “Why are you here, Freak?”

“Because we had a date and I decided not to leave El unsupervised. She’s reacted without thinking too many times.” Steve came in saying, grinning as he saw what was out, “Hey Carol, you kept all that stuff?”

“Yes, when did you figure out you could date guys too? There are bets that need settling.” She began, only to notice Eddie had somehow got the notebook detailing those bets in his hands now.

He glanced over at Steve shaking his head. “Don’t answer that. He doesn’t deserve it.”

“Who?” Steve leant over his shoulder to see who would win if he answered truthfully, “Oh yeah, um who do we think does? Tommy, thoughts?”

“Any of the cheerleaders updated their bet to be within reason?” Tommy mused, looking the pair over, “Guessing since Munson is here you don’t want the basketball team to win.”

Eddie tapped a name in the book, “Robin is on the list, Steve.”

“She is? Bitch, when did she place that?” Steve burst out laughing and taking the notebook from Eddie, “And why hasn’t she mentioned it like ever?”

Carol took it from him almost immediately, “After the Halloween break-up and another band kid placed it for her. Apparently Buckley mentioned her guess when complaining about bagels or something and he thought getting her to win would get him a date.”

“Thanks Carol, so we’re saying she got it right.” Steve decided, nodding to Eddie and Tommy.

“How?” Tommy asked finally able to see when Robin’s bet was placed for. “Weren’t you working in the mall then?”

El and Max had moved to the door while the older teens had been distracted talking about the bet, “Hey Steve. We’re just going to go. Let you two head back to your date, stop asking these two our questions. That’s what you want right?”

“No movie night for two weeks like Eddie said-” He began.

Max was quick to protest, “He didn’t say two weeks!”

“But after that, Carol, Tommy, Eddie, Jonathan and I will recount the time of King Steve. Then you will all drop it.” Steve finished stating what would happen over their and Dustin’s meddling with his old friends. “Also what the hell did you say to Nancy? Dustin just said she wouldn’t tell you anything.”

“Asked what it was like to date you.” She admitted uncaring, “Thought that would be what she remembers most so she’d answer it.”

If Steve had been drinking something he would have choked but as it it is he just coughed once and pointed insistently at the girl, “Okay and after that, Max, you specifically need to get to know Nance cause that says you know barely anything about her currently.”

El started pulling Max out straight away, “Bye Steve. We’ll go see the Wheelers now.”

“El!” Max fought to remain and argue.

“Bye El, Don’t scream at her on the street Max!” Steve waved after his kids, before turning back to the conversation they’d begun, “Now yes, Robin’s bet is for when we worked at Scoops so her incessant teasing over striking out made me try flirting with some guy that came in and I found that was just as much fun and easier given how horrible that hat was.”

Carol raised an eyebrow at him, “And when is she meant to get her winnings?”

“That gathering to satisfy the shitheads curiosity.” He decided, “I’ll tell her it’s a bribe to not go off on a rant about bagels or you’ll tell the guy who placed a bet for her that she won.”

“Do I need to update the dictionary over that?” The question was asked while she picked up said book.

Steve pushed her hand back to the coffee table. “I really don’t want you to so am not going to explain it. And if she offers to, I’m telling that guy she won.”

“Harsh.” Tommy snickered.

Steve rolled his eyes, “Like I wouldn’t also be threatening him for being such a prick at the same time.”

“Kids have stopped, you’ve decided who won the Steve likes guys too bet, can we go back to our movie date at yours now?” Eddie asked, looking around the group.

Carol nodded, waving towards the door. “Yes do. Harrington, get out and take Munson with you.”

“Bye, I’ll call you both about when that evening’s happening.” Steve waved over his shoulder as he was tugged out of Carol’s house now.

Steve made one small error in letting the kids investigate how who he’d been early in high school differed from Billy Hargrove. He let Carol and Tommy get to his house early to talk with him Robin and Eddie. Now there was a whiteboard stood in his living room, giant paper hung over it and his four friends were dissecting not just who he’d been but who he was today.

None of them were actually being flattering at all, even if he could see the positive attributes getting written down.

[yourlocalguardian]

You’ve heard of t4t now get ready for:

✨ C4C ✨

Aka “creature for creature” meaning only date creatures in the foreseeable future

[ruewrote]

𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑔𝑜.

PAIRING: jj maybank x fem!reader WARNINGS: jealously, arguments, no use of y/n GENRE: angst SONG INSPIRATION: is there someone else? by the weeknd WORD COUNT: 4.1k REQUESTED: yes NOTE: can you tell that me breaking no contact didn't go well?

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you were tired. not the kind of tired you could fix with a good night’s sleep or an extra cup of coffee. 

no, this was deeper. heavier. it had been weighing on you for months, maybe longer, and no matter how much you told yourself you were done.

that this time would be the last, you always found yourself right back where you started, with jj.

it wasn’t the kissing that made you feel this way, not exactly. you liked kissing him. god, you loved kissing him. the way his lips tasted faintly of weed and beer, the way he held you like you were the only thing grounding him. 

the way his stupid grin would soften just for you, his cocky bravado melting into something almost vulnerable. for a few fleeting hours, it felt like everything you wanted, everything you’d dreamed of since the first time you realised how deep your feelings for him ran.

but it was never real. not when the alcohol was buzzing in his veins, not when he whispered things he’d never say in the harsh light of day. “you know it’s always been you, right?” his voice would crack sometimes, and you’d feel your heart breaking and healing all at once. 

or there’d be the quiet, desperate promises. “one day, i’m gonna do right by you. i swear.” and for a moment, you’d believe him.

you always believed him.

but then the sun would rise, and jj would be gone. not gone in the literal sense. no, he’d still be around, cracking jokes, causing trouble, being him. but it was like the version of him you got in the middle of the night didn’t exist in the daylight. 

instead, you’d see him with someone else, his arm slung around some girl, his attention completely absorbed by her like you’d never even crossed his mind.

it wasn’t just one time. it wasn’t even a few times. it was a pattern, and it was breaking you. because as much as you wanted to hate him for it, you couldn’t. you couldn’t hate him for being who he was, for not giving you the thing you so desperately wanted but he so clearly wasn’t ready to give.

you hated the way you let him in, over and over again. the way you believed the things he said, even when he never followed through on them. you hated the way your heart sped up when he looked at you, even though you knew that look wouldn’t last. 

you hated the way your chest ached every time you saw him with someone else, the way you had to swallow the lump in your throat and force a smile like it didn’t matter.

but it did matter. it mattered too much.

so, you told yourself you were done. this time, for real. no more stolen kisses, no more whispered promises. no more jj.

moving on wasn’t easy, though. it wasn’t like you could just flip a switch and stop caring. but you tried. you told yourself it was okay to look at other guys, to flirt a little, to remind yourself that there were people out there who might actually be able to give you what jj couldn’t.

at first, it felt hollow. empty. none of the guys you talked to really clicked, and you started to wonder if you were just wasting your time. but then there was jackson.

jackson wasn’t like jj. he didn’t have that wild spark, that untamed energy that drew people in. but maybe that was a good thing. because jackson was steady. reliable. the kind of guy who made you feel safe instead of uncertain.

he wasn’t one for grand gestures or flashy moves. but he was thoughtful in ways that caught you off guard. like when he texted you first thing in the morning, asking how you slept. or when he remembered little things about you. your favorite coffee order, the song you hummed under your breath when you thought no one was listening.

and maybe the chemistry wasn’t instant. maybe there weren’t fireworks or that pull you’d always felt with jj. but there was something else. something quieter. something warmer.

still, there were moments when doubt crept in. 

late at night, when your phone buzzed and you half hoped it was him. even though you knew it wouldn’t be. or when you caught yourself comparing the two of them, wondering if you’d ever feel the same fire you felt for jj with someone else.

the doubt lingered. refusing to leave no matter how much you tried to shake it. 

the room had quieted down, the hum of conversation replaced by the soft rustling of the evening. the others had scattered. pope was buried in his notes on the porch, sarah and john b had disappeared into the twinkie for some ‘alone time,’ and kie had made herself scarce, muttering something about a late-night walk.

that left just you and jj, sprawled on opposite ends of the couch. you had tucked yourself into the corner, scrolling through your phone, a quiet giggle escaping your lips now and then. it wasn’t intentional, but each laugh seemed to draw jj’s attention, his eyes flickering toward you.

“what’s so funny over there?” he finally asked, his tone light but laced with curiosity.

you glanced up at him briefly, your lips still tugged into a soft smile. "nothing," you said casually, shrugging as you turned your attention back to your phone.

he shifted, sitting up slightly, leaning toward you, his eyebrows raised. "nah, come on. don’t give me that. who’s got you giggling like that? share with the class."

you hesitated, your fingers tightening around your phone as you debated whether or not to answer. you weren’t doing anything wrong, not really, but something about admitting you were texting jackson felt... complicated.

"it’s just jackson," you said finally, keeping your tone light. "he sent me something funny."

jj froze for a split second, so brief you might have missed it if you weren’t paying attention. but then he leaned back, his smirk slipping into place. "oh, jackson, huh?" he drawled, his voice dripping with something that wasn’t quite teasing but wasn’t far from it either. 

"what’s he got you laughing about? some dad joke or something?"

you rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the way his sudden shift made your stomach twist. "it’s not a big deal, jayj," you said, shrugging again. "just a funny meme. relax."

"relax? i’m totally relaxed," he shot back, but there was an edge to his voice now, subtle but obvious to you. he stretched out on the couch, his arm draping over the back, his eyes fixed on you. "i mean, good for you, right? jackson seems like... a solid guy."

you could feel the tension creeping into the air between you, and you hated it. you hated how jj could make something so small feel so heavy, how his words, his tone, could tangle you up inside even when you tried so hard not to let them.

"yeah, he is," you said quietly, your eyes still on your phone. "he’s nice."

"nice," jj repeated, the word rolling off his tongue like it left a bad taste in his mouth. "that’s great. real exciting."

you looked up at him then, your gaze meeting his, and for a moment, the cocky mask he wore slipped. there was something raw in his eyes, something he couldn’t quite hide no matter how hard he tried.

"why do you care?" you asked softly, the question hanging between you.

he opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again, his jaw tightening. for a moment, it looked like he might actually say something real, something honest. but then he shook his head, his smile sliding back into place.

"i don’t," he said with a shrug, his voice light and breezy. "just curious, that’s all. you know me, always gotta know what’s going on."

but you weren’t convinced, and from the way he avoided your eyes, you knew he wasn’t either.

you turned back to your phone, trying to focus on jackson’s message, but jj’s presence was impossible to ignore. the warmth of his presence, the way his leg brushed against yours when he shifted. everything about him pulled at you, even when you didn’t want it to.

the tension had been building for days, his snide comments had started small. barely noticeable jabs that you brushed off with a roll of your eyes. but they didn’t stop. every interaction seemed to carry a sharper edge, a hidden layer of something he wouldn’t address. and while he never said anything outright about what had been between you, it was there, unspoken, colouring every word that left his mouth.

by the end of the week, it had become unbearable.

you were sitting at home, sprawled on your bed with the tv on for background noise, trying to find some semblance of peace. but jj had shown up unannounced, like he always did, at first, he just hovered, pacing around your room, muttering something about john b, then pope, then kie. and when that didn’t hold his attention, he turned his focus to you.

"really?" he scoffed, nodding toward your phone. "let me guess, you’re texting jackson. again."

you froze, your grip on the phone tightening as your pulse spiked. he was baiting you. again, but this time, you weren’t in the mood to play along. "what’s your problem, jj?" you said, not looking up.

"my problem?" he said, his voice cutting as his eyes flicked over you. "i don’t have a problem. just didn’t realise you were into guys who need a manual to figure you out. guess you finally found someone slow enough to keep up."

that was it. that was the breaking point.

you stood up so fast your phone fell onto the floor, your chest heaving as you rounded on him. "what the hell is wrong with you?" you snapped, your voice louder than you’d intended. 

"you’ve been like this all week, taking cheap shots, acting like a total asshole. why? because i’m trying to move on? because i’m finally doing something for myself instead of waiting around for you to get your shit together?"

jj blinked, startled by the sudden outburst, but his defenses went up just as quickly. his jaw tightened, and he crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back slightly. "i don’t know what you’re talking about," he said, his voice colder now. "i’m just calling it like i see it."

"calling it like you see it?" you repeated, your voice shaking with anger. "no, jj. you’re being a coward. you can’t handle the fact that i’m not waiting around for you anymore, so you’re lashing out like some jealous boyfriend. grow up!"

"jealous?" he scoffed, his laugh bitter. "of jackson? please. the guy you’re settling for?”

"stop it," you snapped, your voice breaking slightly. "just stop. you don’t get to do this. you don’t get to act like this when you’re the one who’s been stringing me along for months. you don’t get to pick and choose when to care about me. you either want me, jj, or you don’t. but i can’t keep doing this with you."

for a moment, the room was silent, your words hanging heavy in the air between you. jj’s expression flickered, his mask slipping for just a second, and you saw something raw in his eyes. guilt. pain. maybe even regret. but it wasn’t enough. not this time.

"that’s what i thought," you said, your voice quieter now but still stern. "you can’t even say it, can you? you can’t admit that you don’t want me, but you can’t stand the thought of someone else making me happy either. that’s not love, jj. that’s just being selfish."

he opened his mouth to say something, but you didn’t give him the chance. you shook your head, turning away from him as tears stung the corners of your eyes. "just go," you said, your voice trembling. "i can’t do this anymore."

but he didn’t move. he stayed frozen in the same spot, staring at you, like he was waiting for something.

you whipped around to face him, your hands shaking. "why the hell are you still here?" you snapped, fury rising in your chest. "are you really just gonna stand there? if you won’t leave, then i will."

without another word, you turned and stormed down the stairs, the adrenaline making your steps faster, sharper. you grabbed the door, slamming it behind you so hard the house seemed to tremble. 

you didn’t stop. your feet pounded the pavement, the cool night air biting at your skin, but you didn’t care. in all your anger, you hadn’t even grabbed a jacket, and now the chill of the night was cutting through you. 

you found yourself heading to the beach without even thinking. the sound of the waves crashing against the shore was distant, muffled by the pounding of your pulse in your ears.

you reached the sand, and collapsed down, too exhausted to care about the discomfort. the wind howled around you, you pulled your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around them as if you could hold yourself together that way. 

the tears that had been threatening for so long finally broke free, flooding down your cheeks as the full weight of it hit you.

you couldn’t stop the sobs, each one shaking through your body. it felt like every bit of the anger, the hurt, the confusion, and the love you had poured into jj over the months came crashing down all at once. it wasn’t fair.

none of it was. you had given him everything, trusted him, believed his empty promises, and now... you were sitting alone on the beach in the dark, freezing cold, with nothing left but the ache in your chest.

you buried your face into your knees, the salt of your tears mixing with the salt of the ocean breeze, as you let the emptiness swallow you whole.

the tears had stopped, but they clung to your skin, leaving long streaks down your cheeks. your eyes were swollen, your lips tender and raw from the sobbing, and you just sat there, numb, staring out at the dark expanse of the ocean. 

the waves crashed relentlessly, matching the rhythm of the ache inside you, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. 

you had no idea how much time had passed. minutes? hours? the world felt like it had gone quiet around you, just you and the ocean. and then, the sound of footsteps. at first, you didn’t acknowledge it. 

you figured it was just the wind or some passing stranger, but the steps grew closer. you held your breath, the space around you suddenly feeling claustrophobic, like everything in you knew who was coming, even before you saw him.

the sound of a thud broke the silence as someone sat down beside you. you turned slowly, the muscles in your neck aching, but there he was. of course, it was him.

for a moment, all you could do was stare, the disbelief hitting you. your chest tightened again, and before you could stop it, a tear slipped down your cheek. you wiped it away angrily, but it didn't matter. the damage was already done.

a bitter, humourless laugh escaped you, the sound raw and broken. "why can’t you just leave me alone?" you muttered, the words barely audible. you tried to look away, but your eyes wouldn’t shift from him. 

you hated the way your heart twisted at the sight of him, even now, even after everything.

jj didn’t say anything at first, just sitting there beside you, his presence heavy. you could feel his gaze on you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to meet it. the silence stretched between you, thick with unspoken things.

you glanced back over to him to find his own eyes were swollen, lips and nose tinged pink from what you could only guess were from his own breakdown, his hands still trembling as they rested at his sides. 

you hated how, despite all the pain he’d caused, you still found him pretty in this moment. the vulnerability in him, the way he wore his brokenness so openly, it made your chest ache. it was the last thing you wanted to feel. 

he didn’t speak. neither did you. it felt like you were both waiting for the other to break first. but it wasn’t until the sound of the waves crashing against the shore felt too deafening that he finally spoke, his voice cracked, raw.

“i… i’m sorry," he began, voice thick with something like regret. "i’ve been a fucking idiot, okay? i know i have. and i don’t know how to fix it. i don’t know what i’m doing, or what i’ve done to you… but i need you to know that it’s not because i don’t care.”

his words were stuttering, full of shame, but the way he said it, the way his hands fidgeted, his desperation was impossible to ignore.

“i–god, i fucked this up, didn’t i? i… i always do this. i push, i pull, i make you feel like shit, and then… then i can’t stand the thought of losing you. but every time you walk away, i don’t know how to make you stay. i never know what the right thing to say is, and i just... i just hurt you again and again. i’m so fucking sorry."

you were still staring out at the ocean, fighting the hurt that sat heavy in your chest, fighting the urge to listen to the softness in his voice, to hear him out. but you couldn’t. not yet.

“i’m not asking for your forgiveness,” he said, his voice breaking. “i don’t deserve it. but i need you to know how much i fucking care about you. more than i know how to say. more than i can ever show. it’s like i don’t know what to do with it, so i make everything worse. but you–you matter to me more than anything else in my stupid fucking life. and if you can find it in you to forgive me... if you can just look at me the way you used to, i’ll do anything. i swear, i’ll do whatever it takes.”

his voice was softer now, quieter, almost pleading as he inched closer to you on the sand, his face full of regret. his eyes searched yours, desperate to find any trace of warmth, any sign that you still cared.

“i’m begging you,” he said, his voice trembling. “please. i can’t lose you. i can’t. i know i fucked up, but please. give me the chance to make it right. please don’t walk away from me. not like this.”

the words hung in the air between you, his desperate plea reverberating in the cold night as you sat there, trembling from the weight of it all. your chest felt tight, the pain of everything that had happened pressing on you, threatening to suffocate you. 

his words reached you, pierced through the numbness you had been trying to build around yourself. but you weren’t ready yet, not ready to let go of the anger, the hurt. you wanted to stay mad at him, wanted to keep your distance, to protect yourself.

but you couldn’t.

you felt the floodgates open, and the dam you’d so carefully built up around your heart cracked, letting the years of suppressed feelings break free in one overwhelming rush.

the tears came first, unbidden, streaking down your cheeks as your breath caught in your throat. you wiped at your face, trying to hold it together, but the weight of everything, the heartache that had built up for so long, was impossible to ignore. you turned toward him, your voice shook as you spoke, barely a whisper at first.

“you don’t get it,” you said, the rawness in your voice making it hard to speak. “you don’t get how much i wanted this… how much i wanted you.”

your hands were trembling now, your heart hammering as the words poured out, no longer able to keep them locked inside. “i’ve been holding on to this... this stupid hope, waiting for you to realise how i feel. but i couldn’t do it anymore, jj. i couldn’t keep waiting for you to come around. for you to see me. to see us. every time i tried to let you in, you pushed me away. every time you said you cared, i believed you, and you made me feel like an idiot for it."

you paused, trying to steady your breath as your chest tightened again. 

“i kept telling myself i was done. that i was over it. that i could move on. but every time i saw you with someone else, every time you pulled away, it tore me apart. it felt like i was drowning in it, jj. and i kept asking myself why i kept putting myself through that, why i kept letting you hurt me. but the truth is, i can’t stop wanting you. i can’t stop needing you.”

you took a shaky breath, your eyes brimming with tears again, but this time, they felt different. this time, they were from the depths of everything you’d been holding back. the fear. the hurt. the longing.

“i can’t do it anymore,” you whispered. “i need you. i’ve needed you for so long, but you never, never, let me be close enough. and it’s breaking me. it has been for so long.”

"i don’t want to be this broken, desperate person anymore," you continued, the tears coming faster now. "i can’t keep waiting for you to make up your mind. but god… god, i need you to choose me. i need you to finally see me. not as some game, not as someone you can just toss aside when it's not convenient for you anymore. i need to know you’re here for me. that you want me too.”

you looked up at him then, your heart in your throat, his eyes were wide, filled with a mix of guilt, pain. “i need you, jj,” you said again, your voice barely more than a whisper now. "i don’t care if it’s messy. i don’t care if it’s hard. i just need to know you’re here… that you’re really here."

the weight of it all hung in the air between you, and you felt exposed. but for the first time in what felt like forever, you didn’t care about hiding anymore. you were done pretending you didn’t need him. done pretending you could walk away from what had been growing between you for so long.

he reached out, tentatively at first, like he was scared you’d pull away. his fingers brushed against yours, a gentle touch that seemed to break the tension in the air.

“hey… hey, look at me.” his voice was softer than you had ever heard it, like he was trying to steady himself, trying to make sure he didn’t fuck this up. he moved closer to you, his other hand resting carefully on your cheek, wiping away a tear with the pad of his thumb.

“i’m here,” he said, his voice low, but full of conviction now. “i’m right here, and i’ve always been here, in my messed up way. i know i’ve hurt you. i know i’ve been a fucking idiot. i don’t deserve you, but damn it, i’m not going anywhere. i don’t want anyone else. it’s always been you, even when i was too stupid to admit it to myself. but i’m not afraid anymore.”

he let out a shaky breath, and you could see how real he was being. it wasn’t just the guilt on his face anymore; it was something else, something pure. it was like he was finally letting himself be vulnerable with you, really showing you what he’d been hiding all this time.

“i’m so sorry for making you feel like you had to fight for me,” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly. “i should’ve chosen you from the start. i should’ve seen you. really seen you, for who you are. not just the person who’s always there when i need them. you’re more than that. you always have been.”

his forehead pressed gently against yours, and you could feel his breath mingling with yours. his hand moved to your back, pulling you closer, as if he was afraid that if he let you go, you’d slip away forever.

“i need you too,” he murmured, his lips brushing your ear. “i’m not perfect. i’m never gonna be perfect. but i’ll spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me. because you are my choice. always. you’re all i want.”

the warmth of his words, the tenderness in his touch, broke something open in you, you allowed yourself to lean into him fully. 

all the walls you had built around your heart started to crumble, piece by piece.

comments and reblogs are appreciated ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

© ruewrote 2024.

[simplyreveries]

when theyre pining; vice dorm leaders!

trey clover

trey always had an eye on you ever since he met you, as the "magicless person from another world" he was pretty intrigued by you. he only grew closer to you from there. with his personality i feel like its easy to take his intentions more as a friend more than someone who's interested in you. and trey tries his best to get his feelings across that hes fallen quite literally hopeless for you. (will die if you ever hit him with the "oh youre like such a friend/brother to me!")

ace gets so offended when you get all the extras of his treats or that you're the first one to get some of his baked goods. he’ll complain that saying that “that's no fair- you're trey’s favorite!” and trey laughs but doesn’t deny it.

he tries to be as helpful and caring towards you, he does feel some remorse for your situation and all too. if you need help with anything pleaasee go to him because he loves being someone you can rely on.

ok so, trey can flirt... if hes not thinking about it. like if he puts himself into this mindset of "I'm totally going to woo you with these words" he is a fool. we all saw his painful attempts during the ghost marriage event. I'll never forget that he compared the brides' eyes to grapes.... needless to say, he totally messes up around you like that all the time. cater once happened to witness one of these instances and went through the five stages of grief.

ruggie bucchi

ruggie plays off any feelings he has towards you like he's not taking it seriously. he gives off pretty confusing signals during the beginning when he started to develop feelings for you. perhaps its just because of how overwhelmed he feels and doesn't know how to physically handle it. he cannot get you out of his brain no matter how much he tries.

he finds it hard to trust. when someone does something for him he always assumes it's because they're going to want something in return. so when you just help him sometimes when you catch him doing some random tasks for leona and try to help him hes... confused. and truthfully doesn't accept your help for a while, he'll brush it off. but he still remembers that.

judging by your situation and practically being thrown into this world without any of your own belongings, you're in a tight spot with money. sometimes when he does shifts at the mostro lounge and sees you there he starts to try sparking conversations with you. though it's probably him attempting to discreetly make fun of some customer that was being rude to you. ruggie feels all giddy and excited when he makes you laugh.

he gets all playful around you, you know he's around when you hear his mischievous laugh. sometimes he uses "laugh with me" to move you closer to him he'd say "i didnt know you were so excited to see me...!" and laugh. you can only roll your eyes.

jade leech

jade is... interesting when it comes to having feelings. because its pretty intense once you've caught his attention. he's also just so strange when it comes to showing that. as much as he desperately does want to call you his and all, he enjoys the stage where you're unaware of how he feels. he thinks it's like a game to win you over or something and he likes a little challenge.

jades love language is telling you that he saw a nice-looking mushroom during one of his hikes and it reminded him of you. okay seriously though, he'll love to share to you all about his little terrariums, he's quite proud of himself.

he loves it whenever you come by the mostro lounge, trust me he'll be there ready to serve you the moment you're there. he playfully tells you that you're his favorite customer. so, you get extra good meals done specially by jade, he'll ask you what you thought of it. one time he messed with you by telling you he used a random plant he found and wanted to know if it was edible... and was like "hehe...i kid, dont worry".. he thought your reaction was quite amusing.

not going to lie this guy literally just spawns like you could be in the library chatting with grim and turn around and he's there??? he smiles and is like "ah (name) how pleasant to see you here." :))) HUH??

jamil viper

jamil was in complete denial with his feelings for you, he hated himself almost because he feels like he is making the biggest mistake falling in love with someone from a completely different world. he has never felt so intensely about someone until you arrived. to push his feelings away for a while and just yearned for you from a distance.

nevertheless, you being you always try to talk and get closer to him, and he can't resist his feelings growing so much with each conversation (even if it's mostly one sided from your behalf). whenever he sees you at one of kalims parties and celebrations he almost freezes and can only stare at you... until kalim follows his line of vision and gets an excited grin, starting to laugh and its over for jamil. that guy is going to make so many painfully obvious attempts at getting the two of you together.

he gets pretty quiet around you, if you didn't know him well it may seem like he didn't like you but trust me that is absolutely not the case here. since he listens and remembers a lot of what you say, he tries to use that as an opportunity to attempt talking more to you. it's cute to see him try, even if its mundane things like cooking. but if you bring up hobbies, he enjoys like basketball club and dancing he'll become more talkative.

whenever you do small things like acknowledge him?? compliment him?? hes smitten and hates it so much. usually, these things don't really matter to him when he hears it from others but when it comes from you? its very important. you sound so genuine too about it. or even go out of your way to help him with anything since he has a lot on his plate as vice dorm leader.

rook hunt

once he's got his eye on you it's over because you're going to be constantly seeing him everywhere...! he is so incredibly infatuated with you and won't hesitate to tell you that. you've captivated him in every way- he finds your beauty to be irresistible, that he finds it a no-brainer that he's deeply harboring feelings for someone such as yourself.

rook is literally so weird when it comes to you im sorry. but its ROOK. he notices everything about you "is this a new perfume? ah its so lovely!! beauté!!" right after you just awkwardly said "good morning" to him when he was staring at you blissfully.

speaking of staring... wowie he cannot take his eyes off of you. he'll sigh dreamily like RIGHT next to you with his head in his hands thinking how truly captivating you are. and whenever you decide to talk to him, he literally listens to every word you say- but hey, at least no conversation with him is dry or boring with him because this man can talk forever about anything. he'll even tell you more about himself.

he tends to put you on this pedestal. literally, you can do nothing wrong in his eyes. rook will write you poems upon poems, gifting your beautiful things and tells you that they remind him of you, and he just simply had to give them to you.

lilia vanrouge

done here!

[brainddeadd]

luke pinning after quinn’s best friends and she always thought it was just a little crush he would get over but after years she finally believes him and gets his chance

Just a Little Crush

Luke Hughes x fem!reader

Quinn Hughes' best friend had always been off-limits to Luke Hughes. Not because Quinn explicitly said so, but because she was older, cooler, and saw him as nothing more than the kid brother. For as long as Luke could remember, he had a crush on her — one he tried to play off casually in front of Quinn, even as his feelings for her deepened over the years.

At first, she thought it was just a phase. A teenage thing. She’d laugh it off every time Luke would try to flirt, ruffling his hair like he was still that lanky kid hanging around Quinn’s friends at summer barbecues. "You're cute, Luke," she’d say with a smile that both melted his heart and frustrated him endlessly. "But you’ll grow out of it."

But Luke didn’t grow out of it.

In fact, as he grew older — taller, broader, more confident — his feelings for her only seemed to solidify. She noticed, too. It became harder to dismiss his lingering glances, the subtle touches that sent sparks up her arm, or the way he looked at her as if she was the only person in the room.

She tried to tell herself it was still just a crush. That Luke was young and still figuring out what he wanted. But the problem was that Luke knew exactly what he wanted. And it was her.

---

She paced around the lake house living room, chewing nervously on her bottom lip. Quinn sat on the couch, watching her with a mix of amusement and confusion. “Okay,” he finally said, setting down his beer. “What’s going on? You’ve been weird all night.”

She stopped pacing, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. “I need to talk to you about something,” she blurted out, anxiety lacing her voice. “And you might hate me for it.”

Quinn raised an eyebrow, clearly not expecting this. “Alright...”

She exhaled deeply, sitting down on the armrest of the chair across from him. “It’s about Luke.”

Quinn’s face didn’t change, but there was a glimmer of recognition in his eyes. “Okay.”

“I think...” She hesitated, running her hands through her hair. “I think I have feelings for him.”

Quinn blinked, processing her words, and to her surprise, he didn’t look angry or shocked. If anything, there was a flicker of something like... relief?

“For how long?” he asked calmly.

“I don’t know,” she admitted, tugging at the sleeves of her sweater. “I always thought it was just a crush he had — you know, something he’d get over. But he didn’t. And somewhere along the way, I guess I realized... I didn’t want him to.”

Quinn leaned back into the couch, his expression unreadable. She felt her heart pounding in her chest, waiting for him to say something — anything. “Quinn, I never meant for this to happen,” she whispered, guilt creeping into her voice. “If you’re upset—”

“I’m not upset,” Quinn interrupted, and his tone was surprisingly soft.

She froze. “You’re not?”

Quinn shook his head, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Honestly, I kinda saw this coming.”

Her eyes widened. “You knew?”

He chuckled, running a hand through his messy hair. “I mean, come on. Luke’s been into you for years. And I know my brother. When he wants something, he doesn’t back down.”

She stared at him, stunned. “But... I thought you’d hate it. I thought you wouldn’t want me and Luke—”

Quinn shook his head again, cutting her off. “If it was anyone else, maybe. But it’s Luke. And I know how he feels about you.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Look, you’re one of my best friends, and if my little brother is lucky enough to end up with you? I couldn’t ask for more.”

Her throat tightened with emotion. “Quinn... are you sure?”

He smiled, genuinely this time. “Yeah. I’m happy it’s him. He’s a good guy.”

She let out a shaky breath, the weight of her fear and guilt lifting off her shoulders. “Thank you,” she whispered, feeling tears prick at her eyes.

Quinn stood, pulling her into a quick hug. “Just... don’t make me hear about any gross relationship stuff, alright?” he teased, making her laugh through the lump in her throat.

“I promise,” she said, wiping her eyes.

As Quinn pulled back, he gave her a reassuring nod. “Go get him,” he said with a grin.

And for the first time, she knew there was nothing holding her back.

---

It all came to a head one night during the offseason, at another one of Quinn’s get-togethers at the lake house. The evening air was warm, filled with the sound of laughter and clinking bottles. She had wandered out to the dock for some air, watching the water shimmer under the moonlight, when she felt someone step beside her.

“Hey,” Luke’s deep voice broke through the quiet.

She glanced up, a little startled. He wasn’t the scrawny kid she remembered. He stood tall now, broad shoulders brushing hers, dark eyes unwavering as they locked onto hers.

“Hey,” she greeted softly, feeling an odd flutter in her chest she didn’t want to acknowledge.

They stood in comfortable silence for a moment, until Luke finally spoke again. “You know... I meant everything I’ve ever said.”

She tilted her head, confused. “What do you mean?”

“All those times I told you I liked you.” His gaze was intense, and there was no trace of the playful boy she used to know. “I wasn’t just messing around.”

Her heart skipped a beat.

“Luke...” she started, her voice barely a whisper.

“I’ve been waiting,” he interrupted gently, stepping closer. “For years. I know you thought it was just some crush, but it’s not. It never was.”

Her breath hitched as his hand brushed hers, fingers curling slightly, testing the waters. “You could’ve moved on,” she whispered, unsure whether it was a statement or a question.

“I didn’t want anyone else,” Luke admitted simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

And just like that, the walls she’d built around her heart crumbled. Years of dismissing his feelings, convincing herself it was nothing, all came crashing down as the realization hit her — Luke had been serious all along.

She bit her lip, fighting the nervous flutter in her chest. “So... what now?”

Luke smiled, slow and certain. “You give me a chance.”

And this time, she didn’t brush him off. Instead, she took his hand, lacing her fingers with his. Maybe it had taken her too long to believe him. But standing there under the moonlight, she knew one thing for sure — she wasn’t going to waste any more time.

[covenofagatha]

All that's left to burn (part 2)

Agatha, Rio, and you adjust your rules after the motel incident and you get your fortune read by a certain divination witch

Word count: 3.4k

Warnings: mentions of murder

A/N: bit of a shorter one but starting to slowly plant the seeds for some plot down the road (spoiler alert: the plan is for the next chapter to have a threesome for everyone just here for the smut lol) it's also such a funny transition to go from the filthy smut I've been writing to mystery and murder

There’s a heavy silence that hangs over the three of you as you all pack up the few things you have and walk to the car, making a pointed effort not to look at the dead man still lying in a pool of blood by the vending machine. 

The awkwardness continues as Agatha pulls out of the parking lot and speeds onto the interstate, desperate to get as far away as possible before someone notices. You fidget with your fingers in the backseat, picking at skin, biting your nails, cracking your knuckles — you can’t sit still. Are they ever going to talk to you again? Are they mad? Disappointed? Afraid?

You’ve just started drumming your fingertips against the windowsill, making a dull noise, when Agatha finally snaps her head back. You freeze instantly. “What happened?” she asks, an unreadable look in her eyes. 

Anger starts to bubble inside you — What happened? Like her and her wife didn’t come in and turn your entire life upside down and make you this way — before you tamp it down. Agatha and Rio have every right to be frustrated with you, you could’ve put all three of you in jeopardy. The last thing anyone needs right now is more murder. 

“He knew,” you croak, your throat suddenly dry and seizing up at the memory of him trying to grab at you. You shudder. “He recognized me from the news and said that he was either going to turn me in or keep me for himself. He tried to — and I stabbed him. I had to. I’m sorry.” 

Agatha and Rio share a look and you wish you knew what they were thinking. Did you just fuck everything up? 

Is there something wrong with you? 

You swallow hard. “Look, I know we said that we weren’t going to do it anymore but you guys don’t miss it at all? The exhilaration, the…the power. Don’t pretend like you didn’t nurture this spark in me. Isn’t this what you wanted?” It comes out a little more accusatory than you had planned, but you can’t take any more of this. You can’t pretend like everything that happened in Westview, or Salem for that matter, didn’t happen. 

“Doll,” Rio starts, craning her neck back to look at you, but she sighs. “We’re sorry about the man, and we understand. But you need to be honest with us, about how you’re feeling and about what you do. Why don’t you tell us what you want?” 

It almost makes you smirk at Rio trying to be your therapist again. You do have to admit, she got the job done the first time, if the job was to make you remember that you killed someone at the age of ten years old and to set you on an unconscious killing spree across town. You still don’t have all the answers for that, but you’ll cross that bridge another time. 

“I don’t know what I want, everything just feels so boring now,” you say, stomping your foot on the car floor for emphasis. “I know why we can’t kill people and yeah, it makes sense, but I just don’t understand how it’s so easy for you to walk away after everything. It’s like I’m a completely different person now because of you and you just want me to throw that away after you both fucking liked it so much.”

They’re quiet for a moment while they chew on that. Your cheek twitches and you feel the sting of tears in your eyes while you furiously blink them back. 

Agatha finally looks back at you and offers you a tight smile. “You’re right, honey. And we don’t want you to throw it away, we like this version of you—”

“—very much—” Rio interjects and Agatha smirks. The memories of having the hottest sex you’ve ever had flash into your mind and your cheeks heat up, and you can tell they’re thinking of the same thing. You hate to think it was because of the murders, but you think the feeling that the three of you get from it at least contributed. 

“—and we don’t expect you to just be able to get rid of it. But,” Agatha warns, “we’re going to need to be more careful.” 

You nod before the gravity of what she’s saying really sinks in. “Wait, we?”

Rio snorts. “Doll, you are so absolutely fascinating. There’s something about the way your brain works that is just captivating, and also so hot. You, being like this? That's hot to us.” 

“We know exactly how you feel,” Agatha reassures, and for two serial killers who gaslighted and manipulated and used you, they really are sweet sometimes. “But if we’re going to kill people, which, it seems like you’re not able to stop —” your head ducks, slightly embarrassed, “—we’re going to help. And we’re going to do it carefully and we’re going to think it through so that we don’t get caught.” 

A low heat thrums under your skin at the thought of the three of you killing together. If the sex was that good after they killed someone without you, and after you killed someone alone, you can only imagine what it will be like when you get to be in the room. 

Fuck. 

You know they get turned on by it, too. And now you’re completely overwhelmed by the thought of seeing that spark in them as they watch the life drain out of someone’s eyes. 

It’s not the death specifically, you know, that gets to you. It’s not the blood or the violence or the act of killing. 

It’s the feeling of being alive. The feeling of having that much control and that much power over someone. You know it’s incredibly fucked up and twisted and dark — and sure, there’s definitely something wrong with you. You’d talk to your therapist, but if anything right now, Rio is actively trying to push you to be more of a killer. 

Their acceptance also warms your body, because they see you, all of you, and they aren’t scared. They see the darkness, and they’re embracing it with open arms. 

All you know is that you need them so bad, you need them more than life itself. That five weeks when you didn’t have them, when you thought they had abandoned you, was the worst period of your life. You couldn’t imagine doing that again. 

“Okay,” you say, your voice thick with emotion. 

They both glance back at you and nod. “Okay,” Agatha says. “We never do two in the same state.” 

You’d like to mention with the rate you’re traveling at, you’re rarely in the same state for more than one day, but you agree. 

“We plan it,” Rio says, and that one feels a little targeted. “We talk it through. Nothing impulsive — that’s how mistakes get made. We need to make sure we have cleaning supplies: bleach, hydrogen peroxide. We cannot leave a trace. We need to be smart about it.” 

It takes you a moment to think of one. “We do it, and then leave town right after. No sticking around for anything.” 

“Not even sex?” Agatha asks, a teasing lilt to her tone, and she turns back to wink at you. There’s a rush of arousal in your stomach and you smirk back at her. 

“I thought that was implied,” you answer and with the look on her face, you know you said the right thing. 

Rio digs around in the cooler bag before grabbing a drink and taking a sip. She passes it to Agatha and then back to you. “How do you feel now?” she asks. 

You take a moment to assess. The itching feeling has been gone since you came over Agatha’s face just an hour ago — or was it from murdering that man? You no longer feel restless either. “I’m good,” you say, and it feels right. 

The next few hours pass quickly and you’re almost out of Mississippi when you really have to pee. 

“Agatha, do you think we could stop soon?” You shift from side to side and try not to think too hard about it. You’ve heard that thinking about sex can get rid of the urge, so you try but the pressure on your bladder is too great. 

She glances at you through the rearview mirror to see the pained expression on your face. You know she’d like to keep driving, but Rio’s stomach grumbles loudly and Agatha pulls off the interstate at the next exit. 

You’re almost to the border of Arkansas, and there is almost nothing in sight except for what looks like a practically empty, run-down mall. It’s strange that that’s the first thing you find, even before a gas station, but Agatha pulls into the parking lot anyway. 

The three of you get out of the car, but before you can hurry inside, Rio stops you with a hand on your arm. You stop and look at her, squinting your eyes from the sun. With only traveling at night and staying inside the whole the past few days, you’ve forgotten what the warmth and light has felt like. 

“Doll,” she says, sounding a little nervous. Agatha comes to stand next to her so they’re both facing you. You can’t help but worry about whatever this is, but then Rio reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small, silver ring. Your breath catches in your throat. 

It matches the ones they’re wearing. 

“When did you—” You’re completely overwhelmed now and all you can do is reach out your left hand. 

Rio smiles and slides it onto your ring finger. It might be a tad bit too small, but the gesture is everything to you. “When I was getting the stuff for the oil change. I saw it and thought that it would look great on you.” 

You hold it up, admiring the way the sun glints off it. It’s nothing special, a cheap ring from the grocery store, but it means that you belong to them. And they belong to you. 

The kisses that they give you after are so sweet it almost makes you melt, and you feel your heart swell. Even though this is not what you imagined your life looking like at this point, you couldn’t imagine wanting it to be different. There was a dormant part of your brain that is finally awake now — and it’s all because of them. 

You walk, hand-in-hand with them on either side of you, into the mall, where there are maybe four people in the entire food court, not counting the workers at the restaurants. 

“How about a pizza, superstar?” Agatha suggests. “Nothing says ‘symbolic wedding’ quite like cheese and pepperoni.” Rio snorts. 

“That sounds perfect. I’ll be right back,” you say before darting to the restroom. 

When you come out of the bathroom, wiping your still-damp hands on your jeans and trying to get used to the feeling of the ring, a woman catches your eye. 

She’s standing a yellow sign up on the outside of a shop, whistling to herself, wearing flowy blue pants, a white top with a plunging neckline, and a long, colorful coat with embroidered patterns. Her curly gray hair is in a loose bun atop her head and you can see her lips stained a dark red. The vague sense of familiarity creeps up the back of your neck — have you seen her before?

You look closer at the sign and read Madame Calderu’s Psychic Readings in cursive blue lettering and your nose wrinkles before scoffing. Leaving it to an almost-deserted mall to resort to ripping off gullible people in a last ditch attempt to stay relevant. 

The woman hears your sound though, and looks up. “I’ve been expecting you,” she says in a mystical voice and it almost makes you laugh. 

“Do you say that to everyone who walks by?” you mock but she beckons you forward with a hand while shaking her head. You know you should turn around and go find Agatha and Rio, who are surely waiting for you in the food court by now, but something draws you in. You take a step closer and peer through the windows of her shop to find it absolutely cluttered with gemstones and crystal balls and lines of beads and dream catchers hanging from the ceiling. There’s posters and electric neon signs on the walls and one table in the middle with two chairs. 

She sees you looking and she smiles. “Why don’t you come in? I’ll give you a reading for free. It seems like you have a lot on your mind.” 

You open your mouth to protest, but she raises an eyebrow at you, and you give in. “Okay,” you mutter. It’s a bunch of hocus-pocus, but at least humoring the old lady is a nice thing to do. 

Seemingly satisfied, and thankfully not making a comment about how she knew you’d say that, she opens the door and holds it for you before guiding you to the table. 

Sitting down across from her, she gives you another glance before reaching over and grabbing a small box. She opens it and pulls out a deck of tarot cards. “Have you ever done this before?” she asks conversationally. 

“Uh, no,” you answer quickly before realizing that it may have come off as rude. “Sorry, I just don’t really believe in it, Madame — um.” You forgot her name. 

“You can call me Lilia,” she tells you in a silvery smooth voice, eyes flicking up to yours as she taps the cards on the table three times. “And it’s okay that you don’t believe. But the cards know all.”

You peer at her. “Do I know you?” You can’t shake the feeling that you’ve seen her before and the question slips out before you remember you’re supposed to be dead, so having someone recognize you wouldn’t really be the best. Your heart skips a beat and you watch with bated breath as she studies you.

If she says yes, if she places you from somewhere, it could all be over. Fuck, Agatha and Rio are going to kill you. 

The tension becomes almost unbearable before she finally shakes her head. “No, I don’t think so. Must be déjà vu or something,” she says and through your sigh of relief, you still find it in you to roll your eyes. She hands you the deck of cards. “Shuffle.” 

She watches you closely as you randomize them and then hand them back to her. There’s a pit starting to grow in your stomach — nerves maybe? You shouldn’t be nervous about something that’s not even real. 

Lilia waves a hand over the table, bringing your attention to the five lighter spaces on the wood. “We’re going to do a five card spread. You’ll ask a question and then the cards will reveal an answer through the past, present and future.” 

What should you ask? Different possibilities swirl around your head — is there something wrong with you? Are you a bad person? Will Agatha and Rio get tired of you and leave? Did you do the right thing leaving with them? 

It takes a moment for you to notice that Lilia is staring at you expectantly. “Oh, do I have to say it out loud?” She nods like it should’ve been obvious. Fuck, you have to ask a question that isn’t going to make her suspicious. “Um, okay. Did I…did I choose the right path?” 

If she thinks it’s vague, or just a plain bad question, she doesn’t let on and pulls the first card. She sets it down in the middle and the first thing you notice is that it’s upside down. There’s a yellow background behind a black horse with red reins, and a knight atop the stead. In the man’s hand is a five-pointed star inside of  a circle. 

“First, we look at your present. The Knight of Pentacles reversed,” Lilia announces. “You feel stuck in a routine and you’re bored with how your life is. You need to change it, maybe add something to it.”

You swallow roughly and try to tell yourself that it’s just a coincidence. Maybe you were bored, but that was before Agatha and Rio changed the rules. You’re good now. 

Lilia takes the next card of the deck and puts it on the space to your left. It’s a tall tower on top of a cliff, lightning striking the top and a crown being thrust off. Fire is erupting from the crack and the windows and two people are falling from it. This can’t be good. 

“Now, we look at your past. The Tower. There has been a significant disruption in your life. There has been destruction,” she says and she taps the flames that are raining down. The image of your burning house flashes behind your eyes. 

No. Tarot is a trick. There’s so many ways to interpret it, any person could relate to any of the cards. It doesn't mean anything. 

The pit in your stomach grows. 

Lilia flips over the next card and puts it to the right of the Knight of Pentacles. She frowns once she gets a look at it. 

At first, you think it’s reversed because the person is upside down, you’re able to read the letters at the bottom normally. There’s a wooden T with leaves on the ends, and the person is hanging upside down in red pants, left leg crossed behind his straightened right one, and a blue long-sleeve tunic. There’s a yellow circle with spokes, almost like a sun, behind the head. There’s an eerie resemblance to a crucifix. 

“The Hanged Man,” Lilia says in a hushed whisper. You gulp, the hairs on the back of your neck standing up. Why have you gotten the worst ones? “It suggests the ultimate surrender — a sacrifice.” 

It’s not real. It’s not real. 

You try to speak but it comes out as a croak and you have to clear your throat. “Who is going to be sacrificed?” 

“That’s not how tarot works, darling,” she tuts and you have to bite back a retort. She puts the next one in the bottom slot, under the Knight. “Now we look at the cause for your question.” 

It’s another horse, but a white one this time, with a green blanket around the body. A person in a red cloak sits on top with a wreath around the head, holding a long staff adorned with another wreath. In the background, there are people holding up five more sticks with laurels on them as well. 

“The Six of Wands. You have had success, self-confidence, and most of all, recognition,” Lilia says. This one puzzles you a little more. 

Is your success catching ‘The Witch’ and ‘Lady Death’? Is the recognition the fact that you’re on national television for allegedly being killed by them? 

But then she flips the last card over and sets it down on the slot on top. “There are many different paths you could have taken, and can still take. But this one will show the potential.” 

It’s a man, lying face down on what looks like a shoreline, dark clouds above, and swords impaled in his back. A cold sweat breaks out across your body. 

“In your future,” she says. “The Ten of Swords. Betrayal.”

You shove your chair back from the table and it scrapes against the floor with a sound that would make you wince if you could hear over the blood pumping in your ears. Lilia tries to call after you, but you’re stumbling to the front door and you almost run right into a tall boy wearing a blue jacket. You mutter an apology and don’t even look back before you rush to find Agatha and Rio in the food court, sitting and picking at pieces of pizza while they chatter. 

“There you are,” Agatha says when you drop into the seat in-between them. She passes you a plate, but you’re not hungry anymore. 

Rio’s eyes narrow. “You okay? Didn’t kill anyone else while you were in the bathroom, did you?” Agatha chuckles at her wife’s joke and reaches over to take your left hand and trace over the ring that’s just a little too tight on your finger now. 

“I love the way this looks on you,” the older woman murmurs. “You’re all ours.” 

You smile and nod, but you can’t get the cards out of your head. Betrayal. Sacrifice. 

Are they going to betray you? Are you the sacrifice? 

Taglist: @lostbutlovely33 @diorrxckstar @whoreforolderfictionalwomen  @katekathry @onemansdreamisanothermansdeath @tayasmellsapples @natashashill @mybraininblood @mysticalmoonlight7  @cactuslover2600 @loveem0mo @readysteddiero-nance @lonelyhalfwitch @lesbiantortilla @crescendoofstars @sol-in-wonderland @ahsfan05 @gbab09 @sasheemo @agathaharness @live-laugh-love-lupone @chiar4anna @fuckedupforkhahn @lowlyjelly @sweetmidnights @luckypupsmama @dontsh0vethesun @sydforreal24

[yandere-sins]

How would it be if blade's darling had wanted to contact him, though? Maybe to try and talk about things? They probably wouldn't know about the mind reset kafka does, so when they try to contact him to set up a meeting they think he remembers them.

Oh my god, that just gave me the sweetest of images! Some yandere's love is just so pure, I swear ♥

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

Blade didn't really know why he reacted so fast to the unknown sound.

He usually didn't get bothered by that thing in his pocket, a device Kafka made him walk around with, telling him to check it regularly. It pling! and dundun! all day long, notifications appeared on its screen that he didn't usually react to unless someone mentioned him by name. Why would he? He knew his mission; there was no need to be in constant contact with the others.

Bing!

And yet, when a new sound rang in his ears, one he hadn't heard before, Blade stopped dead in his tracks. The guy he was hunting hurdled away, crawling through the pools of blood on the floor while the rain washed away the evidence of battle. Holding his bloody stomach, he watched the Hunter reach into his pocket, picking up his phone, unbothered by the massacre in front of him, almost as if he forgot about his target that took the chance to scramble to his feet, running for his dear life.

Blade gazed at the bright screen, his eyes hurting, but he didn't even notice the pain as he read the latest banner that notified him of a message.

we need to talk

The hairs at the back of his neck stood straight as he read those four words. Blade's mouth ran dry while his breathing stopped. As if he had to hear better, every one of his motions ceased, and the sounds of the constant traffic in the distance vanished. He felt fury build up as raindrops landed on his screen, the words vanishing. Yet he didn't understand why.

Bing! Bing!

He flinched. Even a second time and repeated, this sound differed from when Kafka or Silver Wolf tried to contact him. He didn't remember it ever ringing out before. A slight shake of nervousness went through him, followed by a spark of excitement. Before he knew it, he was reading the message—eager, desperate.

[Location sent]  meet me here tonight, we really have to talk. i want this to end, you have to...

The message preview stopped there, and Blade snapped out of his trance. Slowly, his eyes trudged to the sender's name, but it was only a culmination of unfamiliar numbers. He looked at the time next, and with a twinge of disappointment, he realized it was early noon at best. A shaky breath escaped him, and for the first time since he got the notifications, he looked up into the dark alleyway before him.

It was quiet, no more breathing of his enemies. Yet, he could hear his own blood pounding in his ears and feel the desperate grip on the sword he still clutched onto. It had not been drenched in the blood of his target completely, yet, he didn't feel the yearning of finishing a job.

Instead, Blade felt compelled to go.

Where to, he didn't know. Somewhere, or precisely, where he should go, but he had never opened the message he received with the location. All he knew was that he had to go there. His legs moved on their own, steps splashing in the wet puddles on the ground. By the time he walked out onto the busy street, his sword had vanished, but not that feeling of urgency pushing him forward.

What were those feelings? Why did they keep aggravating him so? His head hurt as the lights of the cars flashed by him, taking in every moment of his pain. He should stop. He had to call Kafka. Something was wrong, and although he couldn't pinpoint it, it would be dangerous to continue on this unfamiliar path on his own.

Reaching into his pocket, he felt the little device vibrate against his fingers, followed by the now-more familiar Bling! he began to dread yet anticipate at the same time.

don't chicken out this time! just come and let's talk... i know you can see my messages

Staring at the message for a moment, he let the phone sink back into his pocket, never bothering to reply. You knew he was going to come, and he would. He wouldn't miss it for anything in this world.

You?

Who?

His legs carried him onwards into the unknown, but something told him that he knew exactly where he could find you, even if he didn't remember. Something inside him knew, and this feeling grew and grew stronger until it robbed him of any reason. There was a pull on him so strong, he couldn't help but pursue it—hunt it.

You, whoever you are, were his next target, and he had to have you. All to himself. Pressed against his marred body, engulfed by his shadow, never to be seen by anyone else again. Never to be touched unless it were his fingers resting gently against your skin, and never to be tasted unless it was on his lips and tongue. If he must devour you to have you all to himself, he would. And he would tear you down and ruin you to the point that no one would dare to take his prey away from him.

Blade had to have you. Savagely, violently. All to himself.

He didn't know who you were or what you wanted from him. Why you contacted him, or how you even knew about this pitiful creature with a heart beating so fast that he felt real fear for its safety inside of him. But he'd find you, have you, and destroy you.

And he couldn't wait to meet you.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Cold as ice II

a/n because why not take an opportunity to cry some more. I am so thankful for all the love honestly! You guys are the best!✨🤍

summary: what happens when Ellie stumbles upon a memorial that turns out to have both your and Joel's kids names on it. When the past pain is brought back to the daylight even the coldest of hearts finally break.

This can be read as a standalone but is written as a part two to Cold as ice.

warning: Killing, mentions of multiple death, loosing your kids, supplement use, mention of miscarriage, trauma but I think this is not as bad as the first part lol.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"How is she?", Tommy approached Joel in a tight corridor that was filled with both sobbing people and soldiers shouting. "The same," Joel ran a hand over his face, "They are moving everyone out of here today. To a different quarantine facility." Those words instantly sparked something in Joel. "What? Shit, she's still pumped up with meds", if the process of going there was as torture as it was getting here, you barely stood a chance.

"Joel", Tommy started, but Joel was all up at his face within a heartbeat, "Tommy, if you'll tell me one more fucking time to leave her by. I will blow out your brain's myself". The tone was anything but pleasant. Joel had been wanting to rip someone to pieces for some time now. He had beaten the stranger to a pulp here after the first day. The man was standing in front of the door that led to your room. Crunched down to look through the little window. Joel didn't ask questions; he just swung a punch. Nor did he remember much besides that when Tommy pulled him away, the man was nothing but a pool of blood.

"You know that's not what…", "She lost two kids…", Joel's words cracked mid-sentence as the thought of his two angels once again swirled in his mind. His biggest and most precious little bugs were taken away like that. "So did you, man", Tommy brought Joel closer to him. Joel's arms moved to grip the material of his brother's jacket. He didn't want to cry, but the sob had come out of nowhere. The past three days have been a nightmare and then some. Now Joel was sure that he was paying for all of his sins. Paying in the most brutal ways.

Dragging you away from the field was the second hardest thing Joel ever had to do. He could only pray that his arms would not let him down as he pressed you closer to his body. Joel wasn't sure what they injected into your neck once you reached an army van and practically ripped out the eyes of the soldier who tried to help you into the vehicle, but you collapsed immediately. Joel barely managed to catch you. He pressed your unconscious body against his. Just like he had for the past hour or so. Praying and hoping that you weren't gone. Joel couldn't lose all three of you. Now you were all he had to fight for. No matter how much pain he was in himself. Joel had to drag you both out of the darkness.

Then he sat in the chair next to your bed. If you could even call it that. When they had ushered everyone underground, Joel had bribed a nurse to give you three a room and make sure that a doctor would come to check you. At that time, the price didn't matter. He needed an answer. Needed to know that you were going to wake up. High dose of sedatives - the doctor had said. "But I doubt it'll keep her out for long. After two kids… My apologies. If I'll find any medication", he had placed a supportive palm on Joel's shoulder. Something that would also end up feeling so foreign soon.

If Joel thought seeing you unconscious was difficult, it didn't compare to the heartbreak he had to endure the moment you opened your eyes. You jolted with a gasp. Eyes jumped across the room as you tried to figure out where you were. "Love…", Joel stood up, slowly approaching you. "Sarah… Malakai," you murmured as you continued to look around. "How about a glass of water, huh?", Joel asked, hoping to sway the topic. But you pushed the blanket off your body. "Sarah and Malakai," you repeated. Joel clenched his jaw. "Sarah and Malakai," "Love, stay in bed," Joel put his hands on your legs, stopping you from pushing them over the edge. "Sarah…Malakai", you said once again, eyes looking up at Joel, "They killed them. I saw… I saw," you breathed out, pressing a finger to your forehead where the bullet had pierced your son's skull. "I know, baby, I know", Joel tried to gently hold onto you, but the moment his palms touched your arms, you let out the loudest scream. Pushing him away as you turned to the other side of the bed. You dragged your feet over the cold concrete. Sinking to the floor without even being able to take a step forward. Joel rounded the bed as he kneeled in front of you.

"They are dead," you cried out, pulling at Joel's shirt, "My babies… I need to go, I need to…", you tried to pull yourself up by using Joel to brace yourself, but that only made you glance down at your hands, which were still slightly stained by the dried blood that had been on them. "Y/N, you need to calm down. Or they will come in here and", but you paid Joel no mind as you pulled your hands up so you could look at them.

"Get it off," you whispered, "Get it off," pushing your arms towards Joel as you screeched. Joel had scrubbed your unconscious body for hours. There was nothing more he could do. "Joel, get it off," you said once more, tears spilling from your eyes, and Joel couldn't bring himself to do anything. "It's everywhere, get it off", you moved your hand to rub at your skin. All you saw was blood. Blood everywhere. Rubbing turned into scratching, and soon your nails were raking over your skin. Joel quickly caught both of your wrists in his hands. Shaking you slightly as if in hopes of making your return to your senses. "Make it stop", you cried out, hallow eyes looking at Joel. "There's nothing on your hands, love", he barely managed to sound somewhat like himself. But you just shook your head at him, "There's blood all over them. Our kids' blood, Joel."

That was a day ago. Now you just lay there. Leafless. No movements. Eyes blinking once in a while. The only indication that you were still alive. Now Joel wished you would scream. The silence was torture. It was too loud. It pulled you so far away from him. Tommy clapped his brother on the back a couple of times before pulling away. "Get her ready. I'll look at how to get the best spot for you and make sure you two stay together," Joel said nothing. He hoped his eyes said enough. "You look after her. We'll get her back up on her feet," Joel could tell that even if Tommy tried to keep it somewhat positive, he didn't fully believe it himself. Didn't believe that there was any coming back from this. Nor did he believe that you would ever be the same. But Joel nodded anyway.

"Hey", Joel ran a hand over your forehead, once he stepped back into the little room, but didn't get a single movement in return. Not that he was expecting it. "We will have to get you dressed, okay? Then we'll need to go somewhere," Joel said, carefully pulling the blanket off your body before reaching for your clothes. Clothes he had washed. Wash off your kids' blood. Blood that seemed never-ending.

You were shivering. It hadn't stopped ever since you were brought in the first QZ. It had died down a bit. But there wasn't a moment when the quivering stopped. Joel pressed a kiss to your forehead as he walked through the corridor. Everyone was on high alert, and the soldiers were tired. Jumpy even. More than one person was killed here simply in the aftermath of unimaginable stress and anxiety. They only let healthy, strong people stay. Anyone with any injury, even the slightest one, was shot. You needed to stand on your own two feet. Walk through the lines of different specialists. Prove yourself worthy of surviving. And even that didn't guarantee you anything. You could have been hit by a bullet at any point.

You, however, were in no condition to stand. There was no way you could walk, much less talk. "Keep your head at the crook of my neck, love", Joel guided your head to rest there, "I will not let go of you even for a second. No one who will approach us will take you away from me," and at this point, Joel wasn't sure if he was still reassuring you or if it had turned to self-reassuring now. With the help of the doctor who assisted you just as you were brought here. They filed the documents of you having a miscarriage. Right here at the QZ. A piece of paper that had the main doctor's signature and forbade you from walking. That had high dosages of medicine marked as a fallacious move by the doctor itself. That you were more than a healthy female before that, and that you would regain that strength once the medication wore off. The only hope Joel had of getting you out of here alive was that piece of paper. And if that didn't work… Well, Joel was ready to kill anyone who stood in his way.

"Joel," Ellie's sad voice pulled the male out of the trance, "Sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you all of this." Joel rested his palms on his knees, ready to stand up, but Ellie quickly inched forward. It seemed to her that the man in front of her was no longer the same Joel she knew. "How did you… how did you get through that?", she knew the question was stupid. Joel let out a sad chuckle followed by a painful sigh, "You don't even have an idea how much strength you have until you are forced to use it. That's when you truly see your power". Joel had locked his pain away. Behind a plethora of locks, doors, and crevices. So no one could see it. No one could access it. Draped a shield of coldness on top of it. The coldness made Joel seem more like an animal than a human. He had to become a monster in order to protect the only thing that kept his heart beating. Nothing was off-limits when it came to you.

"I felt like I was failing every day. Every day that I saw her lying there," Joel shook his head at the images that haunted him. The feeling of helplessness flowed through him. Joel had found a woman who could pretend to be you for the time being. Who could take your evening shifts. Who kept the target off your back. No one was allowed to lay around in the QZ, there was too much work as it was. "Joel you were far from failing her", Ellie said putting her hand on Joel's palm, "It feels different kiddo when you see someone you love drifting away".

All the worried looks that Joel would give you made sense now. All the times he would walk up to you. Taking a hold of your hand as he looked at you. Moving to kiss your hands at the time, if not that then, Joel would just hold them in his much bigger palms. At the time, Ellie thought that by doing that, Joel was just trying to warm them up during the cold evenings, but now it had a way bigger meaning behind it. That was Joel's silent attempt to make sure that you stayed with him. That you wouldn't drift away. Like a true guard at night, standing his watch. Always ready to fight for you.

"And I felt horrible that I left him all alone", the sound of your voice made the two of them turn toward the door. "I kept on telling myself to get up. You need to do that for Joel, but…", you shrugged your shoulders. Joel reached his arm towards you, and you instantly walked close to him. Settling down on his lap. His arm snaked around your middle as Joel pressed a loving kiss to the top of your head. "I never blamed you for it," Joel whispered, looking straight into your eyes. "I know because you're an angel." You cupped his face gently. Leaning in to press your forehead to his. Brushing your fingers under Joel's eyes as you wiped away the last tears.

This man was everything. If you'd fallen for him and his sense of humor back then. The fact that there was never a dull moment with him that even the most serious moments could be turned into fits of laughter. If you had fallen for how attentive and caring he was toward your kids. The way he always put them first. The way he sat in the bathroom for hours learning how to braid Sarah's hair or how he played astronauts with Momo even after the longest shift. Putting him over his shoulder or back as he ran around the living room making all sorts of noises. Then Joel turned into a rock—a whole mountain that shielded you from the restless sea that threatened to drown you. Never moving. Never scared.

"I don't want you to feel like we've been using you as some sort of… as our kids' replacement. The love I feel towards you…" you started, but Ellie quickly shook her head. "How could I? No, Y/N never," she said quickly, and you reached for her hands. "You are a special girl, Ellie, so special," you said as you brushed your fingers over her cheek, and she leaned into your touch. Trying to savor it for as long as possible. "You both are like my parents and I've never felt that..", Ellie's bottom lip trembled. Joel reached out to her as well.

"And you are our girl," Joel said, his voice shaky, but he knew he had to say it. Had to let her know that his coldness toward her at the start was just his defensive response. His fear of the unknown. The fear of it all ending the same. But Joel knew that once his nightmare shifted and he started to see Ellie dying in Sarah's or Momo's place, he knew that she had sneaked past his guard. Ellie had managed to find that well-hidden spark inside Joel's heart. And there was nothing that could have been done about it.

Ellie wrapped her hands over both of your shoulders, pulling you both into a hug. A light cry slipped from her lips. Your hand instantly moved to rub her back in hopes of soothing her. Joel pressed a tender kiss to the crown of her head before turning his eyes to you. Your teary eyes were already looking back at him. You mouthed a silent "I love you" to him, which Joel returned straight away, followed by a light smile.

Once Ellie pulled away, you both looked at her with fondness. "Thank you for sharing this with me. You didn't have to, but you did," she said, as you rubbed away her tears the same way you had done before. "You are a part of the family now. Family doesn't have secrets," you said softly. "Plus, I think me and Y/N both needed closure", you nodded your head at Joel's words. You had told him multiple times that it was eating you alive that you were keeping this way from Ellie. You could tell that she sensed that something was wrong; she just never asked.

"Do you want to see a picture of them?", you asked, turning to Joel, who you knew had kept a picture of you four. The one he always carried around with him. Tommy had taken it on Momo's second birthday. The summer was in full swing, so you decided to have a barbecue outside. You stood there in a flowy dress, laughing at Sarah, who had a surprised look on her face since Joel had rubbed barbecue sauce on her cheek. Joel's head was thrown back as he laughed. Even Momo, who was nestled in your arms, had somewhat of a grin on his face.

"Sarah would have loved you", Ellie lifted her eyes away from the picture to the sound of Joel's voice. You hummed in agreement, "Momo would have been all over you as well you two cheeky bunch would have gotten into so much trouble". Ellie glanced back down. The image that she saw frozen in front of her seemed almost impossible compared to the two people she had met. But now she knew more than better to not judge the book by its cover. The deepest and most painful scars were always hidden the deepest.

"I would have loved to know them", Ellie said dragging her finger over their faces, "Momo, looks like a minute version of Joel". You let out a little laugh, "That's what I said. Imagine how mad I was after carrying him for nine months and he popped out looking nothing like me". Joel cracked a smile, looking down at the photograph himself. The one he barely pulled out these days.

"If we stay in Jackson, we must build them memorial stones and plant flowers all around them," Ellie said firmly. The tears picked up at the corners of your eyes as you gazed at her. "That's a really beautiful idea, Ellie bear," you said, running your fingers over her hair. Joel nudged Ellie's side playfully, making her let out a chuckle before he brought you closer to him once again. Time healed scars, even if slowly. But you two were here and now you had Ellie by your side. Your hearts, even if covered in scars, still beat for one another. Together, you were capable of anything and everything. Life has already proven that.

[machveil]

Has anyone brought to you the question of what type of car Konig drives? I can’t see him fitting in anything but a giant truck, but also the idea of him in a little VW Bug makes me wheeze. (Of course there’s always the third option of motorcycle, but that might just be because motorcycles are hot af)

OKAY ANON— you activated my brain and had me dig through a 300+ asmr playlist I have on YT for a very specific video so I’m going on a tangent and a half about this haha

I’ll start with the smallest thought portion because this is going to be long…

Retired!König strikes me as owning a motorcycle, first and foremost. he’s always liked the way they look, so now with a hefty savings account and ample free time, he’s decided this can be his retirement project. he could buy a new motorcycle, really treat himself, but this guy is a working man! he buys a beat up, ‘well-loved’ bike (even the seller was surprised someone was actually buying it)

even though Retired!König definitely has enough cash saved up to make the process of fixing the bike up fast… he doesn’t. he wants this to be a pastime he can keep up, even it means he can’t ride the bike for a long time. he’d order parts individually every week or so - smaller parts, maybe in batches. he’ll grab a beer, put on some music, open his garage, and let the neighbors have a show of him dismantling and breathing new life into this motorcycle

all in all, I think it takes Retired!König a year, a year and a half, to fully finish the bike (of his own volition). by the end it’s beautiful - new sleek paint, high end parts, the works. …he could possibly be so into it that Retired!König opens an actual garage shop and fixes up vehicles (mechanic!König anyone?). yeah, he’s retired, but having a hobby that makes you money? can’t say no to that, Maus

ANYWAYS, on to the meat and potatoes of this post

so, my beautiful, oh so smart anon, thank you for sparking my brain into remembering THIS VIDEO. you CANNOT tell me this isn’t König coded, the entire thing SCREAMS König to me (actually, the entire channel does, but I can only fangirl so much)

König owning a Jeep scratches my brain right - I’m not knowledgeable on cars/trucks, so if you think there’s a better off-roading/camping vehicle I will believe you 100%. also, I’m sorry, I’m watching the video as I’m writing this - König would definitely take his fluffy, little kitty camping with him. the guy in the video has a dog, but my cat dad propaganda will never stop

it doesn’t matter where or how old König is, he loves camping and immersing himself in nature - he needs a vehicle that can keep up with him. it started as a kid where he’d flee into the local woods after school or on weekends for alone time. he convinced his mama that he’d be okay if he camped out in the woods, and after one dinky camping trip he was sold. every chance he gets he’s off in nature - hiking, camping, he tried caving once but he was too big :( he liked the entrance to the cave though. he adores bird watching, definitely has high end binoculars. he’d buy a camera too, but he’d rather enjoy nature in the moment rather than fumbling to take a photo. König thinks that some things don’t need to be captured in a photo, it’s okay just sitting down experiencing it, just remembering it

so König enjoys having a vehicle that lets him get away from people, he doesn’t mind driving til he’s almost running on empty. he’d gladly drive out into the middle of nowhere just to sit down and take in nature. always carries a box of trash bags in his truck so he can pick up litter along the road. and, since his vehicle is what allows him to travel, he takes very good care of it

back to his Jeep, he decks it out like the guy in the video. when König camps he treats it as a ‘how long can I stay out here’ ordeal, or up until he has to go home for obligations. so König tries to maximize space, I’ll say it every time - König has a place for everything, he’s an organized king✨

I’m not going to lie, I’m just going to say look at the guy’s Jeep in the video. they way he has it set up is just how I imagine König’s Jeep - this guy has a net attached to the ceiling for supplies, I could see König bungee cording a cooler in the back (completely organized), I just have so many thoughts on König camping this is too much haha

I’m trying to stay focused on the car aspect, but like… camping with König :( I guess I could make that another post if people want to see that

I’m sorry the latter half was so all over the place, I tried to keep it simple and edit it down, but I couldn’t anyways… he definitely owns some type of car that can handle camping. I’m partial to this specific Jeep though, call me biased lol

I looked up that VW Bug and I’m SCREAMING, this poor man haha! he’d be so hunched over, anon, his poor back. König definitely loves the aesthetic/look of the VW Bug, but he’d rather deep clean his home than sit in that (which says a lot). if you own a cute little car he’d offer to drive you everywhere. he claims that he’s being a gentleman, that you shouldn’t have to lift a finger, but in actuality he just doesn’t want to sit in that cramped little vehicle. he’s so sorry, Maus, let him make it up to you by being his passenger princess?

[empressgetou]

A LIFETIME

shinichiro x girlfriend reader

at the age of 25, shinichiro still feels like a highschooler whenever he's around y/n. he gets shy by the thought of her and sweats like buckets when she's near him. can y/n really blame him though, she is his greatest love or what he says.

today, however is just a bit extra for shin, he had thought about it for days. he thinks it's finally time for him to man up finally and propose to his one true love after all these years of being a wimp.

he couldn't even understand himself why he still feels this way towards her, they have known each other when they were still little kids and yet his feelings is just as the way it was since then. he was just too whipped.

it was any normal day in highschool, shin with his 3 trusted friends and y/n currently having their lunch at the rooftop.

"i'm definitely gonna ask that girl on a date in the other class." shin decided to break the glass earning snickers from his friends while y/n just listened to their conversation.

"that's literally the 20th girl you've tried to date over our highschool years. there's no way she's even going to talk to you." waka jumps into conclusion.

"one more strike and you're out man." takeomi added.

"graduation is just around the corner shin, who knows maybe after this, that girl s'gonna go somewhere far away or something, you never know." benkei reasoned.

"somewhere far away from him that's for sure." again, waka teased his friend and they all laughed again earning a pout from their leader.

"yeah, you laugh your hearts out idiots. i'm gonna be laughing at your face once she says yes. and besides i'm pretty confident about this one. just the other day, i saw a letter at my locker and i tell you man, she was their looking at me holding the letter. i'm sure it was her." that made y/n stiffened but pretended to be normal still eating her lunch.

"just because you saw her doesn't mean it was actually her who wrote you the letter."

"besides since when did you get letters anyway???"

"you guys are too much for me. leave a man and his future love blossom be alright? and duh it's not only you who receives letter waka!"

"so, where'd ya wanna go after shin?"

"ahh... sorry y/n i thought well maybe you should go home first?"

"hmm, why– oh you guys having a meeting? i could wait for you."

"uhmm actually i was going to meet maya, you're classmate, who sent me letters, you remember?"

yeah, no that wasn't maya who sent the letters. she thought.

little to shinichiro's knowing, those letters were actually from y/n. well y/n isn't going to tell him that sooner, she just recently realized that she have feelings for his best friend. for years of being in denial, she finally accepted how she truly feels. but like an idiot he is, he thought it was someone else's letter of confession for him.

"uhuh yeah that girl hehe. okay, i'll see you later?"

"uhmm then after that i'm also having a meeting with the guys, sooo tomorrow?" he sheepishly said rubbing the back of his neck.

"oh yeah it's cool. it's the weekend anyway, i'll bring dorayaki for manjirou." she says sweetly and bid her goodbyes.

"you can take care of yourself on the way home right?" he asked worriedly and catches up to her holding her elbows that sparked her heart with the sudden touch.

"mmm yeah, i'll be fine. s'not like i'm gonna get in trouble while walking or anything." they both laughed.

"sure. i'll see you tomorrow. text me when you got home, sweet!"

"i will! and tell me all about your date after!"

y/n went to get ice cream before she sulked into her bedroom at home and when she's about to turn into their street she heard some thugs calling out to her.

"hey you!" she whipped her head to where the noises of bikes came from.

"you're with that black dragons leader?" asked the man who seems to be annoyed and is with a few bunch of men behind him giving lustful looks that made y/n cringe at that sight.

is he tryin to insult me? if i were shin's girlfriend, i wouldve cried myself out every time. she thought pasting an annoyed look to the guy.

"yeah no, if i were, i would've told everybody i met on the streets"

"fiesty one eh, boys? that's what we like, a little challenge." they all snickered.

she was about to go on her way when she was pulled back suddenly by the man making her look up to him.

"it's best if you release me before i do something unbearable to you." making her glare at him and made the men bursted into laughter as if they were being threatened by a kitten.

he was about tighten his grip onto her when a loud roar of engine was heard and stopped right in front of them.

she saw a familiarity of the wheels and a figure of a man, who looks exactly like her in male version, got out of it making her sigh thinking it'll be a full of scolding later back at their home.

"why don't you scumbags scram before i crack your heads?"

the man holding the woman seemed to saw the tattoo by the neck of the man who just parked.

"it's a red spider lily gang." whispered the other men at the back.

"let's go." he unhanded his grip onto the woman and ran to his bike and drove away without looking back.

when they were out of sight y/n look back at him again only to see meet his glare towards her.

"get in the car." said the man, his brother called out and without any other word she went inside and went home.

the next day, y/n found herself walking up to her neighbors house. holding a few snacks which is mostly dorayaki and few strawberry flavored juices for the kids, specially mikey since he's a hungry kid.

stepping up inside their gates she heard a few voices by the dojo hall, she then went straight ahead and jirou, keisuke, and emma already seeing her figure making them shout.

"y/n you're here!"

"hiii y/n!"

"y/n did you bring dorayaki?"

she smiled and greeted the kids back as well as grampa who is busy teaching the other kids.

"is shin here?" she asked curiously not seeing the teen inside the dojo.

"he's probably in the garage again ditching my class." grampa grumbled.

she bid them goodbye as soon as possible since she doesn't want to bother their class and went to the garage. nearing the location she can already hear a frustrated clanking of the tools.

"keep that up and you're gonna ruin it." her sudden voice was heard making shin jump to surprise and whipping his head at the back making y/n giggle.

ah that laugh. he thought.

"watcha doing?" leaning to his side a little too close making shinichiro a but weird to his feeling.

"a-ah. you know just tampering here and there hehe." rubbing his nape

"or maybe sulking?" she teases.

"hey! yesterday was actually embarrassing you know! she told me it wasn't even her who sent me those letters."

"maybe because it was actually another person and you just assumed it was her." she suggested.

silence.

"are you suggesting that you knew who sent me those?"

"well i kinda have an idea who might be."

he stopped working and raises his head towards her urging her to continue.

"it was. it was me." she whispered so quietly just enough for the both of them could hear.

and now 7 years have gone by and shinichiro and y/n's relationship had never been better. emma, baji, and manjirou are already in highschool and has formed a gang, and their friends come by at their house every time.

he also met izana along the way and convinced him to stay and is now living with them for almost 3 years now. shin already retired from being a black dragon's leader but is still famous and well respected around. he already put up his motorcycle shop just around the block and is doing pretty good.

shinichiro would initiate to have a day out or a trip to the beach once every month and ends up everyone going with them. the girls are pretty close with y/n considering the girls either don't have an older sister, is the only girl or the youngest in their families. the boys too are head over heels for her making shin envy most of the time since she give attention more to the high school kids rather than him.

it's true that it was stressing managing to have a day out since y/n has to take care of some babies with him (mainly shinichiro ft. manjirou and izana bantering every now and then) but at the end of the day she would be looking at them happily and delightedly since they get to bond with everyone.

now back to their house, everyone is excited. emma and hinata are in charge of the food in the kitchen. yuzuha, senju, luna, and mana on the decorations.

mitsuya and draken on the grill outside and the others are just being a nuisance honestly. rindou on the other side of the house preparing for the music to be played later while his brother and their friends tryna distract him.

takeomi, waka, and benkei already started their drinking session but not too much for them to get drunk for later's main event.

shinichiro already instructed baji and was on his was to fetch y/n from the mall around 10 minutes ago. baji was told to act as if izana and mikey fighting again and ruined their beloved kitchen that made y/n worry.

shin looking at his surrounding seeing everyone having fun and getting ready for everything they needed swells his heart. he had been preparing for her birthday, he wouldn't let anything ruin this perfect day now. all he has to do now is actually prepare himself.

hearing a loud roar of engine signals baji and y/n's arrival making everyone stop what they were doing and going into their places switching off all the lights.

manjirou and izana can be seen outside because of the moon's shining, holding each others neck as if they were to kill each other at any point.

"guys seriously, i don't wanna deal with this right now. why don't we head inside and sort this out." y/n already annoyed and separated the two and proceeds inside the house.

darkness was the first thing she sees and nagged the three boys again.

"if the kitchen were burning why did you actually even bother to switch the light off and where's grampa?" already smelling the burnt food that emma had to prepare to make it believable.

she was about to flip the switch on when they all shouted.

"happy birthday y/n!!!"

"surprise!!!"

shock was all over her face and before she could utter a word, luna and mana already walking towards her with a cake in their hands that says, "happy birthday and congratulations y/n and shin!" that made her confused.

"huh?" looking around for her lover who was already kneeling behind her. surprised and her eyes are on the verge of tears at this point.

"make sure you make it short! we're already starving here!" manjirou butted in that made everyone laughing while shinichiro just ignored not letting him ruin his mood and proceeded his speech.

"to be honest, i'm really nervous that i already forgot what was i supposed to say here." staring into her eyes that earned a few chuckle from her and the others.

"y/n i never would've thought that my best friend since i was a kid would end up being my girlfriend as of today. i was always looking for a missing piece not knowing it was you all along that completes me. i'm thankful for you, for being there for me, by my side, supporting me, and helping me whenever i need. for always patching me up whenever i'm covered in bruises, but you scolding me is much more painful than those bruises i earned. y/n you are the love of my life, and because of you, you made my life a living fairy tale in this world full of nightmares and i'm talking about those two boys." he stopped for a moment and looked at his two brothers and they all snickered.

"y/n i promise to love you a bit more every single day of my life and take care of you and our family. it sounds cliché, but i want to spend the rest of my sunrise and sunsets with you, if you'd let me... y/n, sweetheart, the love of my life. will you mar-"

"yess!!! oh my god yesss!!" she hugged him while he was still kneeling making them plop down.

"you didn't even let me finished" they both laughed.

"i couldn't wait any longer. i will marry you shin." she smiled so sweetly and shinichiro insert the ring that fitted perfectly into her finger.

everyone clapped, shouted congratulations to the couple and confetti's popped all over the places. she look all over the place and saw grandpa sano and y/n's family in the back also mingling and clapping for both of them.

the three teenage sano's went forward and hugged them both tight congratulating and teasing their older brother making y/n laughed.

they both sure do have a lifetime to spend this fairy tale of a life with their little nightmares.

masterlist

[no-remorse1983]

♡♥Heartbreaker♡♥

Pairing: Black!Album James Hetfield x f!mom!reader

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of alcoholism, and pregnancy

Summary: James didn’t remember anything about what you or him said that night

Characters: James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Jason Newsead, Kirk Hammett, Julie (readers daughter)

Pt 2: /heartbreaker

“Listen Lars, you know I would love to come and see 𝘺𝘰𝘶 play but I don’t have anyone to watch Julie.” Y/N made it very clear, if she was going to a show, it would be to see Lars play, say hi to Kirk, and meet their new bassist.

For the past 7 years, Lars was the only person Y/N still kept in contact with ever since James left. Lars was the only one who knew Julie was James’s, he was the only one she knew as an uncle. “You can’t keep her hidden from him forever Y/N.” Lars groaned. He’s been trying to get his best friend to come to one of their shows for almost 3 years now. He knows Y/N doesn’t wanna see James, but he knew he could either keep her from seeing him, or he could get her out of there if she had to.

“You were there Lars. He told me he didn’t want anything to do with me or her, he told me he never wanted to see me again. He doesn’t want to see her, so I’m only making sure his wish is my command.” Y/N remembered that day like it was yesterday. She had just come home from the doctor, she found Lars and James sitting in the living room with a beer in their hands. She was so happy. She thought James would have been happy too, she thought he would have been overjoyed. They had talked about kids a bit, they both knew they wanted at least 2, the only thing was the time.

Y/N hadn’t realized at the time how much James had to drink. She remembered the way his face dropped when she told him and Lars. She remembered how his face went from happy to angry. She remembered how Lars was the only one to get up and hug her, Lars was the only one that was happy. “Y/N, I know. But he was drunk out of his mind. He probably doesn’t even remember you telling him.” Lars tried to reason with her, knowing how much his bandmate missed the girl. Over the past 7 years, Lars had seen how James didn’t have the spark he had when Y/N was around, whenever Lars asked about it, James always said “I don’t even know why she left me.” James didn’t know what he said, he didn’t remember.

The only think James knew was that Lars still kept in contact with her. He knew she was ok at least. The only thing he didn’t know what that Julie even existed. Lars wanted to tell him, but he remembered when Y/N told them she was pregnant just as well as she did. Lars wasn’t sure how James would react, and he knew Y/N didn’t wanna tell James unless it was herself.

As much as Y/N hated to admit, she missed James, and she hated the fact that Julie has never met her father. “God damn it…can I bring Julie? I can’t get a babysitter this short.” Y/N threw her head back against the couch.

Lars immediately perked up from his seat on the couch. “So you’ll come?!” Lars was amazed she seemed to agree.

“Can I bring Julie?” Y/N repeated again, looking Lars dead in the eye.

“Yes! You can bring Julie! I’ll get her a pair of headphones, you guys have full access to my dressing room, and I’ll find you a good place on the side of the stage!” Lars clearly forgot his niece was sleeping upstairs.

“Shut it! She’s sleeping!” Y/N whisper yelled, knowing Julie would never go back to bed if she was woken up now.

“Sorry.” Lars chuckled, excited that his best friend was finally coming to see them play after 7 years and that his niece was getting to se her first Metallica show.

_________________

“Mommy, where are we going?” Julie asked her mother as she climbed into the car, clearly forgetting what Y/N had told her this morning.

“We’re gonna go see your uncle Lars play with his band!” Y/N reminded the young girl, checking to make sure she had the backstage passes Lars had given her this hours before.

“Oh right!” Julie cheered, buckling herself in her seat, a huge grin on her face.

Ever since Y/N agreed to go to the show Metallica was playing in her town tonight, she had been thinking about a lot. As much as she wanted to forget it, Y/N remembered how happy her and James were. She missed his voice, she missed the thought of him holding her close at night like he did, she didn’t want to, but even after 7 years she missed him. But she also hated him. She hated him for saying the things he did to her when she told him she was pregnant, she hated him for not being there for their daughter’s life. “You excited baby?” Y/N got them heading down the street.

“Yea!” Julie nodded, imitating her uncles drum playing, making Y/N laugh.

“Now, you do know you have to wear the headphones uncle Lars brought you, right?” Y/N reminded her, knowing Julie may have issues with keeping them on the whole time.

“I know!” Julie smiled. “What type of music does uncle Lars play?” Julie remembered that she had never heard her uncles music besides when she was hanging out with him while he had been practicing.

“Well…” Y/N tried to figure out a way to word it, knowing she herself had kept up with their albums. “You know the music mommy likes to listen too when she takes a bath?” Y/N questioned.

“Yep! Is that uncle Lars?” Julie wondered.

“Yea! That’s your uncles band!” Y/N kept her eyes on the road.

“Oh! Ok! Cool!” Julie grinned, remembering the nights she would listen to the music her mom was listening to from her own room.

_________________

“Lars Ulrich. Lars gave me these…” Y/N put her ears over Julie’s ears. “Lars gave me these fucking passes so please, let us through.” Y/N looked at the two backstage passes in the security guards hand.

“I was not told to allow you two backstage before the show. So fuck off.” The security guard didn’t even look at Y/N.

“Oh for fuck sakes.” Y/N grumbled, about ready to give up and go back home.

“Uncle Lars!” Julie chirped once she saw her uncle coming towards the entrance, knowing that the two of them should’ve been in his dressing room.

“Hi sweetheart!” Lars smiled, knowing that James was in his dressing room, turning his attention to the security guard. “Is there an issue?” Lars questioned, seeing the passes he had given Y/N in his hand.

“No sir, I wasn’t aware they were coming. My apologies miss.” The security guard didn’t ask any other questions one he heard the young girl call Lars “uncle”, not being a further explanation than that.

“Thanks.” Y/N rolled her eyes, letting Julie go in front of her as they made their way backstage with Lars.

“I thought some other guy was working, I didn’t mention it to Sam. Sorry about that.” Lars apologized.

“Nah, all good, don’t worry about it. When does the show start?” Y/N wondered.

“Here in about 20 minutes I think.” Lars shrugged, keeping both girls close to him.

“Ok!” Julie chirped happily, sticking by her mom’s leg to not get in the way of everyone rushing around.

_________________

For the next 15 minutes, Y/N, Lars, and Julie hung out in his dressing room. Lars kept his niece occupied, while Y/N was left with time to think. What if James didn’t actually remember her telling him? What is James saw them, put the pieces together? She knew she couldn’t hide Julie from him forever, but this was his choice. He told her he never wanted to see her again, and that he wanted nothing to do with the baby. That was his choice. But the it crossed her mind that he was drunk, he might not have even known what he was saying. Y/N started getting anxious at the thought of even being in the same place as him like she was, she didn’t know how to handle it if he did see her. Did he miss her? Did he remember anything, at all.

Y/N was snapped out of her thoughts by the door slamming open, 10 minutes before show time, revealing a clearly stressed out Kirk. “La-“ Kirk started, his eyes falling on the child who was seated next to Lars, and the woman on the couch who he couldn’t tell where he knew her from yet. “Who are they? Your wife and kid or something?” Kirk joked but was also serious.

Y/N froze, she didn’t know what to say. Lars saw the panic on her face, making immediate eye contact with her, “can I tell him?” Was the look Lars was giving her, getting a slight nod from her. “Not my wife and kid dumbass. Do you remember Y/N?” Lars wondered, watching the dots click in Kirk’s head.

“Y/N?! Holy shit!” Kirk looked at her with complete shock. He hadn’t seen the woman in 7 years, he didn’t even know if she was still alive, yet there she was right in front of him.

Y/N snapped out of her gaze, a small smile appeared on her face, “hey Kirk.” Y/N got up from her seat, already knowing he would be bringing her into a hug.

Without even thinking, Kirk pulled the girl into a bone crushing hug. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Kirk didn’t let her go for a solid minute.

“Lars invited me and Julie.” Y/N simply explained, nodding her head over to Julie who had a very confused look on her face.

“Mom, who’s he?” Julie wondered over to the spot next to her mom, looking the curly haired man up and down.

Kirk didn’t even need to ask to put the pieces together. Julie clearly wasn’t any older than 8. Kirk was stunned when he heard the word “mom” come out of her mouth. Y/N just simply nodded the second Kirk made eye contact with her with a “she’s his…?” Look on his face. Kirk had so many questions. “This is an old friend of mine and your uncles band mate.” Y/N explained. She knew he had questions. Now that Kirk knew about Julie, she would be willing to answer them. But now two people close to James knew about Julie, Y/N wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep it quiet.

“Oh, ok! Hi!” Julie stuck her hand out for Kirk to shake.

“H-hi.” Kirk nervously shook the young girls hand.

Before anyone could say anything else, “5 minutes everyone!!” One of the staff members yelled.

“Does he…I have a lot of questions.” Kirk was still trying to process the fact that he was looking at his best friends daughter.

“No and I know.” Y/N nodded lightly, watching Kirk run off to get on stage, turning her attention back to Julie who seemed as happy as a kid can be.

“There’s a spot behind my drums you and Julie can hang out at.” Lars told her.

“Ok. Go. We’ll be right there.” Y/N smiled, grabbing the headphones for Julie. “You ready baby?” Y/N asked.

“Yea!!” Julie practically skipped after her uncle with a grin on her face.

Following closely behind the girl, Y/N tried to spot Lars’s drum set to find where they could watch the show. Y/N didn’t even realize they were closer to her front of the stage until she heard him… “Derek!” James called for his guitar tech, looking around frantically for him, knowing they only had 2 minutes left until “It’s a long way to the Top” was over.

Julie wasn’t too far ahead of Y/N, at a walking pace now. Y/N froze the second she heard him. There he was, right in front of her, barely 10 feet away, Julie heading right for him. “Derek!!” James yelled again, his eyes landing on the small girl basically skipping right toward him. James had no idea who the hell the kid was, or why she was back here. No stage members had brought their kids in, none of his band mates had kids, and the girl seemed perfectly happy so she probably wasn’t lost.

Julie had felt a pair of eyes on her, stopping when she saw a pair of legs in front of her, Julie looked up with a smile. “Hi!” Julie grinned.

James didn’t even register her hello. The kid looked 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 like him. Long, blond hair, ice blue eyes. She looked just like him. “H-hi.” James stumbled out, looking around to try and find the girls parent.

One having to look up, that’s when James saw 𝘩𝘦𝘳. Right there, right in front of him, with a sad yet panicked look on her face. There she was, his Y/N.

[reverseblackholeofwords]

Not to be sappy on the tumblr dot org, but at the beginning of this year, I literally began to question if I was ever going to really write again. If maybe I just didn't love it anymore and I'd been wrong for years thinking it was something I would do for the rest of my life. That maybe somehow I'd just grown out of it at some point, or I just didn't have enough room in my head for it anymore.

Which is wild because I've been writing stories since I was six or seven. Like they taught Tiny Me how to form sentences in first grade and she took that pencil and ran with it. (My first ever story I remember writing was a Charlotte's Web fix-it fic btw, I'm not joking) But that's how much writing means to me, I'm twenty years into this now. It's been with me all this time, and in January I would've told you I didn't even want to try to write anymore.

It was maybe the most I've ever questioned my own sense of self, because I'd been forcing myself to write for almost four full years at that point and never felt that same sense of joy I used to when writing. I kept hitting my head against a word document trying to remember what I thought was so wonderful about this, and again and again I was disappointed and gave up.

And yet a few months and one (honestly kinda silly) hyperfixation later and I've written around 105-110,000 words just this summer. That's a full-length novel. That's more than I've written in the last four years combined. By a lot.

And the amount of joy it's brought me again? Just to remember what made me love writing in the first place? It's like stumbling over the other half of my personality I've been missing and going- Oh, there you are! Let's go, dude, we've got stuff to do!

All of this rambling to say, if you've lost the spark for that thing that you thought you'd always do forever, even if it takes almost four years like it did with me, give it time and give yourself some grace. Life sucks sometimes, we're all tired, and it takes a period of dormancy for your brain to rest up and recharge.

And then when you do find that weird or silly or angsty or whatever Spark of Inspiration, take that little guy and run with it. Go build it into a bonfire or wherever this metaphor is going. Have fun and revel in the joy of it again. Ignore anyone who tries to tell you that you're doing it wrong, it's your bonfire, dude. Toast some marshmallows or something, you deserve it.

[joyride-time]

Why’d Gil Snitch On Tarvek: Theories

Gil inherited a few things from Klaus. One of them is a tendency to avoid expositing. Among other things, he’s very closemouthed about his childhood. Because of this, we don’t know much about Gil as a kid or his mindset from Gil himself.

So why did he snitch on Tarvek about his intel stash and believe Klaus was right about him for over a decade? Some theories:

1. He’s Just Not That Into Him Theory

Why does Gil refuse to believe Agatha is the Other, but decide his father is right about Tarvek when they got caught looking for Gil’s family tree? Occam’s Razor (that thing can cut through anything!): Gil didn’t like Tarvek as much as he likes Agatha.

It’s hard to disprove it because there's no one else to scale Gil's relationships with back then except Von Pinn and Klaus, whose relationship with Gil is totally different. Gil didn’t know Agatha as long as he knew Tarvek at those points, but you can like someone you don’t know. Nothing requires Gil to have liked Tarvek as much as Agatha. Tarvek was Gil’s best friend… out of zero other friends. How much does Gil have to like and trust Tarvek to recruit him for the family tree search? Who knows. Tarvek is the one who cracked the safe in the flashback, and we don’t know if Gil could do that himself back then. The information they were searching for was something Gil probably wanted to tell everyone anyways. And they have their Paris interactions to get to know each other better in the future.

2. Klaus-Gil Dynamic Swing Theory

Klaus is always right… that’s something Gil doesn’t seem to have questioned before he discovers Klaus’ mistake with Agatha. At seven years old, Gil trusts Klaus’ judgment more than his own. At twenty-two years old, Gil is more critical of taking everything Klaus says at face value. He’s also got a whole decade of change and growth behind him. In Book 2 Gil and Theo have this exchange: “You sounded just like the Gil I grew up with.” “I’m not,” Gil said flatly. “Too many things have changed. I’ll never be that person again.” He smiled and punched Theo in the arm. “But I can remember the important bits.”

So it's a different Gil making different judgment calls.

3. Suspicious Sturmvoraus Theory

It’s Tarvek. Even when they’re on better terms Gil (and Agatha) are suspicious about him working at multiple purposes. Tarvek initially approached Gil to make him his minion at the age of seven. Tarvek also thinks that Klaus told Gil about Tarvek’s family, so Tarvek himself may have told Gil very little about them, or censored what he did share. If so, having a sudden info dump about their many sins probably didn’t help anything. We also don’t know what kind of schemes Tarvek got into where Gil could see them, but Gil does know that he got a secret hiding spot. And that he’s extremely good at lying. So he looked at Tarvek and decided yeah, he's probably lying to him.

4. Trust Issues Theory

Before Tarvek, Gil had really poor relationships with his peers. Or at least, any positive ones he used to have were broken off. Present day Gil is a very friendly guy, so it wouldn’t surprise me if Gil tried to make friends… maybe even succeeded… and then they fell apart. If so, it wouldn’t be strange if part of Gil was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something made Gil want to custom-build his own, very dependent friend construct. Definitely not a surfeit of healthy relationships with his peers.

5. Perceived Vulnerability Theory

Agatha needs protection from what Gil can see in the first arc. She’s a female Spark in an Europa where they all disappear if not well-protected. He meets her at one of her lowest points and works to build her up. Their second meeting had him pluck her from her house after she got sedated. She gets more dangerous afterwards, but Klaus does a poor job at explaining things and is very clear that leveling the town she's in to kill her is an option. Tarvek is a prince and the son of a powerful Spark, on a ship where both qualities are enormously important to their peers. They may be hostages but neither felt very endangered by it. Book 4 also states that Gil had “done his best at the time to get Tarvek sent away”, which could just be referring to ratting him out, but could also be a sign that Klaus’ first impulse was not to send Tarvek back to his family, which makes Tarvek seem even less in danger. Gil thinks if he sides against Tarvek Tarvek will just get sent back home, where he’ll continue to be a prince… and how bad can that be? Whereas with Agatha he saw a little fledgling who was going to be someone’s personal property fighting hard to avoid that. They're very different perspectives.

I'm curious what other people's theories are, so please share if you feel like it.

[rowebug]

What exactly do u like about walle (i’ll draw u eve if i ever find the time)

BOY.

the topic of "what would happen to earth if all humans disappeared" has always been interesting to me, and although its not technically the main focus, its one factor that intrigued me.

i love how its a great example of show, don't tell. wall e and eve don't have humanoid facial features, but they still convey so much emotions through their body language and eyes

i love how it takes a jab at capitalism and overconsumption

i love how this movie is animated. i love looking at the little details- especially in wall e's home (truck? YOU PROBABLY KNOW WHAT I MEAN). i love looking at all the little trinkets he's collected. i like looking at the layout of the axiom. ALSO the space scenes (wall e on his way to the axiom and the 'define dancing' scene.

i love the way they show how wall e influenced the people (and robots) he interacted with. he shared his own curiosity with them, and helped them realize that there is always room for exploration.

i LOVE the soundtrack. i listen to it on spotify when I'm studying, cleaning, or even just to sleep. i love listening for recurring themes, and listening to the instruments that play. define dancing is absolutely stellar, and bubble wrap is such a fun track to listen to.

and i absolutely adore both wall e and eve's development throughout the film. the way wall e looks at eve with puppy eyes. i love that it's wall e's silliness that intrigues eve. i love wall e's excitement in showing her the things that he loves, including his favorite movie. THE SCRIPT. OH HOW I LOVE THE SCRIPT.

this scene is so cute. wall e you stupid little lovesick fool ❤️❤️ (that's me. I'm the lovesick fool)

even though he annoys eve at first, she still cares about him. she still makes sure he's okay. its so funny to see eve try to tell wall e to stay put, but he's a stubborn little shit (affectionate) and tries to help anyway. when wall e gets freaking tased, and his memory chip (?) is messed up, she chooses helping him over her own directive. wall e becomes her priority, her directive. once he's okay then she can continue on.

holo detector scene :(( wall e gets crushed and eve wasn't right there to help. even when the plant successfully registers, it doesn't matter, because HEY is he wasn't fucked up before HE SURE IS NOW. there is such an urgency in the way she fixes wall e (fantastic scene by the way. it really is satisfying to watch and listen to).

unfortunately, in the process of fixing him, he lost what made him special; his humanity. all his trinkets are just more pieces of debris to throw out. they hold no importance to him anymore. hello dolly is just another sound in the environment for him to ignore. and eve is just another life form to not bother. even if it seems like she is trying to interact with him, the best thing is to move on and follow his directive. it's heartbreaking to watch honestly. eve desperately trying to get him to remember anything, the little moments they shared, anything from before. she even holds his hand (he doesn't technically have any but ykwim), but he still remains soulless. when it seems clear that wall e isn't coming back, she gives up. she got to fix him. at least she got to know him. now it's time to move on.

eve gives wall e a little kiss/spark as a goodbye and moves away. surprise surprise, because we can't just leave the kids watching devastated, wall e comes back 🎉🎉🎉

lets assume that the spark sort of rebooted wall e into remembering, it doesn't matter, because now he's back, and they both have feelings for each other. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!! *explodes into a bunch of glitter particles*

I love wall e's character, he is such a boyfail i lob him 😢😢 he's passionate about collecting little trinkets, he's a curious little guy, he's clumsy as hell and he's somehow the last one standing. autistic wall e is so important to me chat HELP MEE

eve is such a girlboss and we love her for it. polite little lady I LOVE HER DESIGN. she gets frustrated easily and honestly, I can relate. she's really determined in whatever it is she needs to do and she DOES IT. if you asked her to find someone she'll do it, no matter how much legal trouble she gets into. it's so silly how she carries wall e hebwjevwjev

i adore their love story so much eve and wall e are the literal embodiment of me and the bad bitch I pulled by being autistic. they are my favorite ship that falls under the girlboss x boyfail trope. THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME I LOVE THEM WITH ALL MY HEART ❤️❤️ they really are my comfort ship of all time nobody will ever make me hate walleve <3333

[asegunda]

Lots of Sparks

PJO

Pairing: PLATONIC! Jackson Family (Paul and Tyson inculded) x Mortal! GN!Reader

Words: 1222

Summary: This is supposed to be a Part 2, of my other work "A Little Spark", since I'm making this a timeskip it will be at the final of Book 4, in Percy's 15th Birthday Party, and the Start of Book 5, before he is with Rachel. The Jackson family receives 2 guests in the party, one we know who they are, but what about the 2nd?

Warnings: Timeline: End of Book 4: The Battle of the Labyrinth and Start of Book 5: The Last Olymlian. English is not my 1st language! And you are older than in Part 1. Canon change.

Notes: Thank you so much for liking so much Part 1! I tried to do my best since I didn't really have something to do. Most of this is fluff because Gabe (🤢) is finally gone! And family bonding. I hope you like this part as the first, but Idk..

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨☆୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

While preparing the party you and Percy were talking of what Paul calls 'Girl affairs'.

"...And then she KISSED ME." Percy says looking at you.

"Wait. She kissed you? And you are just telling me now dumbass!" You whisper to him.

"I didn't know how to bring that up and believe me when I say that I'm still trying to believe it." He says while taking napkins out of the drawer.

"...And you two are dating now right?" You ask.

"No.."

"What do you mean no?...You guys kissed and like eachother what more do you need to start dating?" You say taking plastic cups and putting them in the table.

"I don't know..it's just.." He says, don't knowing what to say more.

"Is it because of your new friend Rachel?" You ask.

"What? Why would it be?"

"It's just that you remembered her number after seeing it one time, ...and since you came back from the mission you are either talking about dying, Annabeth or her." You say looking at the sides and eating a bit of a chocolate from the blue cake.

"Hey! That's not true! And stop eating the chocolate! Mom will think it was me." He says blushing.

"Okay, but you three look like a love triangle or something. Like Katniss, Peeta and Gale." You say nodding to yourself.

"Since when did you read the Hunger Games?"

"1 month ago, but that's not the important, the important is that you are in a love triangle." You say laughing.

"I'm not!" He says getting out of the room, heat in his ears.

"Why are you running baby?" You tease but he doesn't respond back and goes to his room.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨☆୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

You and Sally were eating the cake while Paul talked with Tyson, his eyes shining while Paul talks about how good at Monopoly he is, Tyson makes a big smile as he hears the compliments leave the other man's mout.

Percy was talking to his father, he looked like a fisherman to you, not the mighty God of the Seas, but you guess that was his human form.. when he saw you he gave you a quick, but genuine smile, while he smiled you thought how much his green eyes represented Percy's, they were certainly family, but he was Tyson's dad too, and Tyson loved him as you saw with his 'Daddy' the moment Poseidon enetred the apartment. You still can't understand why the gods are always having children, don't they have more mighty things to do? Like protect they're land or the Olympus? You couldn't really understand.

You get out of these thoughts when Tyson asks if you want to play Uno, you can't say no right? So you two play.

As you are playing Percy comes back from his conversation with Poseidon, looking happy but at the same time kinda shaken up.

"Are you okay Perc?" You ask, not wanting to know how the hell Poseidon dissapeard, problaly god stuff, and he looks at you and smiles.

"Yeah..it's nothing that I'm not used to." He says and sits.

While he sits Paul calls in the kitchen.

'Problaly to talk about the wedding proposal.' You think.

He already told you that he wants to marry Sally, for you it's all good, he is already the person who takes you to school and you see the way Sally looks at him and he looks at her. You know that Percy is gonna accept it too. Paul is a really cool and swett guy.

You scream Uno while Tyson still has 5 cards and you smile proud of yourself.

After that you hear a knock at the door, Sally goes open it.

As she opens a man in a suit talks to her and after the talk she looks at you.

"Y/N, dear, can you come here?" You nod and come to the door.

Sally passes her arms around you while you look at the man.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but..this is complicated to say..well.. you're biological mother entered in contact with us. She says she wants to take care of you." He tells and both you and Sally look tense.

"But why would she want something with Y/N, she never showed interest in your life until now." Sally asks while looking at you.

You tense up.

"Well, I have a guess.." He sighs. "After Mr. Ugliano death all of his debts passed to her. Maybe taking care of her would be a indirect revenge with the person with the most connections with Mr. Ugliano. That is you, Y/N."

"No, that can't be!" Sally yells alerting the rest of the family that were in the living room (Percy was on is room.)

"I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson but Y/N isn't still legally your child." He says to her and looks at you. "If your mother wants to take your full care of you, she can even go to court."

"She isn't my mother, Sally is, I don't want to see her. Or be with her." You say your eyes starting to go red, Sally hugs you.

"If those adoption files didn't took that long.." She whispers that only the man can hear, he nods.

"Im sorry Mrs. Jackson, the best you can do is go to the court against her, maybe if you win the judges acelarate the adoption process."

Sally smiles to him and nods

"Thank you Sir for alerting us."

"It's nothing Mrs. Jackson, have a rest of a good party." He smiles at you and gets out of the apartment.

"Well looks like I'm going to court." She says as she closes the door and looks at Paul.

"...What?" He asks and while he is explaining you go to Percy's room to explain the situation.

When you open the door Percy is with another boy, who looks like a zombie, and emo, really emo.

"I can come back latter, bye Perc and Perc emo friend." You close the door again and go back to the living room, hearing a laugh after that, problaly Percy's.

Paul tells you that you don't need to worry when you get at the living room.

"When the time comes everything will be solved." He says.

You nod and hug him, he smiles at you.

The rest of the night you all play card games and after some hours Percy comes back from talking with his emo friend, looking again shaken up.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨☆୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

All of your family is taking another party from the court win. Your mom didn't even have the conditions to take you in, and even if she had you weren't coming.

In some days Percy is also taking a vacation with is friend Rachel family.

Every time he talked about it to you, you made a knowing look, his love problems were as good as a reality show, you don't even want to know Annabeth face when she finds out. You could laugh with that.

But now not even Percy is thinking about that vacation he is thinking of how much you grew up since he met you, still in the control of Smelly Gabe, and how much more happy you were in these years after taking you with them.

He hugs you. Now that doesn't matter,

you are officialy Y/N Jackson.

[samflir]

What makes a good boot sequence?

A while ago, I had my first truly viral post on Mastodon. It was this:

You might've seen it. It got almost four hundred boosts and reached beyond Mastodon to reddit and even 4chan. I even saw an edit with a spinning frog on the left screen. I knew the post would go down well with tech.lgbt but I never expected it to blow up the way it did.

I tried my best to express succinctly exactly what it is I miss about BIOS motherboards in the age of UEFI in this picture. I think looking at a logo and spinner/loading bar is boring compared to seeing a bunch of status messages scroll up the screen indicating hardware being activated, services being started up and tasks being run. It takes the soul out of a computer when it hides its computeriness.

I think a lot of people misunderstood my post as expressing a practical preference over an aesthetic one, and there was at least a few thinking this was a Linux fanboy post, which it certainly is not. So here's the long version of a meme I made lol.

Stages

I remember using two family desktop computers before moving over a family laptop. One ran Windows XP and the other ran Windows 7. Both were of the BIOS era, which meant that when booting, they displayed some status information in white on black with a blinking cursor before loading the operating system. On the XP machine, I spent longer in this liminal space because it dual-booted. I needed to select Windows XP from a list of Linux distros when booting it.

I've always liked this. Even as a very little kid I had some sense that what I was seeing was a look back into the history of computing. It felt like a look "behind the scenes" of the main GUI-based operating system into something more primitive. This made computers even more interesting than they already were, to me.

Sequences

The way old computers booted was appealing to my love of all kinds of fixed, repeating sequences. I never skip the intros to TV shows and I get annoyed when my local cinema forgets to show the BBFC ratings card immediately before the film, even though doing so is totally pointless and it's kinda strange that they do that in the first place. Can you tell I'm autistic?

Booting the windows 7 computer would involve this sequence of distinct stages: BIOS white text -> Windows 7 logo with "starting windows" below in the wrong aspect ratio -> switch to correct resolution with loading spinner on the screen -> login screen.

Skipping any would feel wrong to me because it's missing a step in one of those fixed sequences I love so much. And every computer that doesn't start with BIOS diagnostic messages is sadly missing that step to my brain, and feels off.

Low-level magic

I am extremely curious about how things work and always have been, so little reminders when using a computer that it has all sorts of complex inner workings and background processes going on are very interesting to me, so I prefer boot sequences that expose the low-level magic going on and build up to the GUI. Starting in the GUI immediately presents it as fundamental, as if it's not just a pile of abstractions on top of one another. It feels deceptive.

There may actually be some educational and practical value in computers booting in verbose mode by default. Kids using computers for the first time get to see that there's a lot more to their computer than the parts they interact with (sparking curiosity!), and if a boot fails, technicians are better able to diagnose the problem over a phone call with a non-technical person.

Absolute boot sequence perfection

There's still one last thing missing from my family computer's boot sequence, and that's a brief flicker of garbage on screen as VRAM is cleared out. Can't have everything I guess. Slo-mo example from The 8-Bit Guy here: