#this was rotting in my trash folder lol

[jisvnq]

[ 02:14AM ]

title | more to you

genre | angst, friends with benefits!au

warnings | swearing

word count | 0.8k

requested | by anonymous

description | where jisung wants you, yet at the same time, wants to be more to you.

parts | one [🍜] ; two-one ; two-two [🍧]

z.txt | i suppose this can be read alone, but it wouldn't hurt if you read part one too 🥰 and also, part two-two to this series has nothing to do with this part lol, just something i thought of off the bat, i guess jsdhs also wow tumblr really shits with my gifs' qualities huh

Jisung gulped when he felt you nibble his earlobe, kissing along his jaw and sucking in a few more marks that Jaemin would surely have a headache trying to help him cover up the next morning. But even throughout all this, he couldn't help but overthink.

Sure, he wanted you. What idiot wouldn't want your lingering kisses and fleeting touches?

But he had a problem. The two of you were nothing more than just best friends. And he wanted you. He wanted all of you.

Not just your kisses, not just your touches. He wanted more than that. He wanted to be more to you. Not just the best friend you made out with every night when you both felt like it.

"Y/n," Jisung sighed, gently pushing you away and making you look at him in confusion, concern washing over your features. "Look, I'm- I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore."

"Jisung?" you whispered, sitting up beside him as he held his head in his hands. You put a hand on his shoulder and he sighed. "Ji, did I do something wrong? Tell me. Did I hurt you?"

Jisung would have laughed if it wasn't for the heavy tension now present in the air between you.

You couldn't hurt a fly, much less your best friend. But there you were. Somehow managing to strike him where it hurt the most, and you didn't even know it.

"Jisung, you can tell me, you know?" you told him worriedly. "We're still best friends past all this... right?"

"You- you didn't do anything wrong, N/n," Jisung finally said, absolutely refusing to look at you despite your insistent attempts to get him to meet your eyes. "In fact, you're doing everything right and it's driving me fucking crazy. I know you don't mean to hurt me, but I'm just fucking stupid."

"Doing everything— what do you mean, Jisung?" you asked him with furrowed eyebrows. "I hurt you? What did I do? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong is that I'm fucking in love with you, Y/n," Jisung finally let out, looking up at you with flushed cheeks. "God, every single night, it gets worse. I don't want to leave, I never do, but I know still have to if I don't want to ruin whatever the fuck we have going on right now."

He only glanced at you for a moment before instantly looking away, almost as if he couldn't stand seeing you. But really, it was the complete opposite. He knew he wouldn't be able to look away from you once he did.

"I- I don't want to let go of the thin little string that keeps me hoping you might like me back, even just a bit," he said, trying to lower his voice as much as he could as to not draw any unwanted attention from outside. "And whenever I see you with some random bastard who's so obviously hitting on you, and you- you're too nice to say anything, I just want to butt in, punch him in the stomach or something, and tell him to fuck off because you're my girl."

He sighed, finally meeting your eyes for a bit longer. "But I don't, Y/n. I don't because you aren't my girl."

Jisung took a deep breath and shook his head as he stood up, feeling his heart clench, dropping down to his stomach. "And now that I've ruined everything between us, I don't think you ever will be. Good night, Y/n."

He paused for a moment in front of your window and he wished, he hoped for you to tell him that you needed him, that you wanted him, to tell him to stay. He counted up to five in his head slowly, waiting for you to do something, to do anything to stop him from leaving.

But you didn't.

Maybe you just didn't like him back and he really did fuck everything up.

He snuck back out through your window without another word. He quickly ran across the slightly slippery rooftops that lead to his own window, almost falling over when he sees Jaemin peeking out to watch him. Jaemin watched sadly as the boy opened the window. Sighing, he already had an idea of what might have happened by the younger one's gloomy expression alone.

"Do you want to–"

"No, I'm not gonna talk about it," Jisung said, heaving out a tired sigh as soon as Jaemin opened his mouth to speak again.

Jaemin nodded, helping the boy back in and drawing the curtains back over the window, watching as the boy sighed once more, falling face-first into his bed.

"I'm gonna go try sleeping now," Jisung told the older boy. "And you should too. G'night, Jaem. Thanks for all the help..."

[charmspoint]

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THINGS LIKE THIS TO SUBMIT TO YOU YASSS

3 12 15 19 23 (cautiously avoids 18)

I love reading the Lucy Rambles™ ok?

jk do 18 too (pls ily)

Frappe loves reading my rambles >:3 I love rambling >:3 win win situation <3<3<3<3

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year?

The hardest at the beginning yas. I have such a terrible memory for lines and stuff hgvhh uhhh first thing that comes to mind is one I didn't post yet from Satoru's prequel that is impossible to explain without giving away like...the plot...just know it's sad and I like Toji in it, that's it.

More concretely I really liked writing the fluff scene in Cannibalization of the Apex ch 6, where Satoru puts so much effort into changing into something more palatable and then Suguru slowly leads him back from it, leads him back to the form that's most natural to him because he is his Satoru and he loves him just the way he is. The boys really deserved a break and it was nice to write something that was just unapologetically soft and fluffy for a fic that up until that moment had been nothing but pain.

12. favorite character to write about this year?

Should come as no surprise at all

Been brain worming about this mans whole fucking year and I'm not nearly done, please send help.

15. something you learned this year?

I FEEL LIKE I LEARNED A LOT THIS YEAR

I'd gotten comfy with outlining, I became able to write LONG STUFF (Rip), I've gotten good tips on fight scenes and general grammar stuff from my beta, I've even gotten some good tips on sex scenes lol. I've figured out how to edit my work better, how to recognize when a scene needs to be cut or reworded instead of stubbornly trying to make it work, just a lot of little things that I think will make my writing smoother in long term. Before last year I've been struggling with writing quite a bit and then by the end of it I've gotten to writing regularly once again. And a lot of my work then felt very...clumsy and unpolished and just...just gurgling out the trash you know? N I feel like this year has been me getting back to pace, flexing and stretching and figuring out all the ways in which I can move now. I'm really excited for the next year, I hope with all the things I learned this year my quality gets even better >:3

18. current number of wips?

The joke is on you because like yesterday I went and cleared out my wip folder and put everything I don't intend to work on any time soon in my hiatus folder (where my bnha fics went to rot) so as of now I have only 5 wips uwu

Recently I finished up some event stuff so that got sorted out and talentless nana readers should be happy to know assigned lesbian is still in wip folder i just...need to get kicked or something...im so sorry talentless nana fandom...

This of course doesn't count all the gang au fics gathering ideas or your request which is in a pickle jar in the back of my brain but yes uwu i got organized and cleaned everything up so I can prioritize better, new year new me.

19. any new fics to start next year?

Well today I'll be posting the fic I did for jjk exchange so there's that :3. But it's not like a pairing I usually write for so hjbjhvhj.

Next year should take a while to get started, currently I'm most intensely working on my stsg winter exchange piece (reveal early february) and then Satoru's gang au prequel which is nearing end but will take a LOT of editing so it's hard to predict when it will be out. BUT when I'm done with my exchange piece I'm planning to finally slot in dad Gojo for writing and while with Gang au I'm going to wait till I have everything written and edited (and illustrated ;3) to post, dad gojo will follow the same schedule as curse au aka 'a chapter is out as soon as it's done' so either that or my exchange piece is coming out first,

You know, unless I get inspo for a random one shot before that which is always possible.

I feel like 2022 will be a year of long term things >.< I hope the extra wait will be worth it!

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t?

Opens my hiatus folder

I think my circus AU and 7 days are the most prominent ones I thought of this year but didn't have the time for, but I think I tend to be pretty realistic about when I'll get something out so I've always expected those to take a bit longer and stretch out of this year.

7 days double especially for this because while for circus au I had a concept but knew I wouldn't get to it, I've actually started writing 7 days and I just...mmmm I think I could do better with it so I'm saving my strength for it. I think it could be really good if I give it the right attention so...no rushin.

I might use it when stsg big bang rolls around who knows >:3

Thank you for the ask ily v much <3<3<3<3

End of the year ask game