#this was real fun to write though maybe will do one for the sdc

[inkpot909]

The Entire Group Having Feelings for the Reader Headcanons (Bucciarati’s Gang)

↳ Fem!Reader; pronouns aren’t specified but is written as a girl. Reader is around Bruno and Abbacchio in age. Their sexuality is undefined, but is written as liking women. It’s made clear the Reader is not interested in anyone on the team/doesn’t reciprocate anyone’s feelings.

Summary: Having once been the newbie on Bucciarati’s team, a certain amount of unwanted attention was to be expected from your peers. However, the reactions to your inclusion on the team were more than you bargained for.

Warning(s): None.

The first one you’re going to catch harboring a little crush is most likely Narancia. Still young, he heard there would be a girl joining the group and his interest was immediately peaked. Weirdly enough, Bruno was quite keen on brushing past that fact.

One small comment from Giorno- feeling the need to point out how Narancia was considerably less friendly towards him his first week -and it was soon obvious to you what was going on here.

In all honestly, everyone knew right away and no one took it seriously. It was difficult for the others to not notice, considering Narancia would follow you everywhere and take every possible opportunity to include you in something.

The dismissiveness of his feelings also came from you yourself; to the point where it only ever crossed your mind if someone else made a jab at Narancia’s expense.

You did scold the others for making comments about it though, finding it insensitive. Sure, the age gap is a clear enough indication nothing will ever come of it, but you don’t go out of your way to be rude.

Only once did you have to not-so-subtly turn him down. He never really acted on it, but he did have the tendency to showing off for you whenever he could.

One particular occasion of him doing so, Fugo had made a snide remark at Narancia’s expense. “Oh, please, you’re only doing this because you like her. It’s embarrassing,” he told him outright.

Sensing a possible fight, you laughed it off and said affectionately, “Leave him alone! He’s just being sweet. Besides, nothing’s ever gonna happen. He’s like a brother to me.”

Could you have handled it better? Probably. Was that a blow to Narancia’s confidence? Definitely. Did it articulate your feelings in manner he could understand? Most certainly.

He’s a nice kid, you recall thinking on the matter, Someone’s gonna fall head over heels for him someday. Guys like him always find genuine love.

Little did you know at the time, there were other reasons as to why no one else took Narancia’s affections all too seriously.

The next one you noticed catching feelings was Mista. However, this time around the realization was abrupt and much more difficult for you to brush off.

Sitting next to him on Bucciarati’s couch, you’d been relaxing together one afternoon.

It was the first time you two ever had done so; much to your excitement. Your heart swelled with hope, internally eager to soon be considered a part of their little family.

Then he just had to try putting an arm around you.

Your attitude over responding to Mista’s advances is notable compared to the others, because he acts very specifically towards you. He openly and clearly flirts. And a forward approach warrants a forward rejection. It’s an attitude you remember Abbacchio positively commenting on.

You turned your head, hands motionless on your lap. Yet your eyes were fueled with firm resolve, a slight squint to them.

“No thank you,” is what you simply said, more than enough for him to remove his arm and even put a few more inches between the both of you.

That honesty is respected by him, though. It causes him to change his approach for a while. And at some point, he likely realized you’re not looking for anything like that from him.

Regardless, both him and Narancia still continue to follow you around like lost puppies. Clambering for your attention and approval.

The closeness at least formed a genuine friendship with the two, one that you truly hold dear. And if the lack of any confessions is any indication, they appreciate it as well.

And where those two go, Fugo is usually following close behind them with a sour look on his face.

You just had to laugh; the trio was certainly a force to be reckoned with. Narancia and Mista welcomed you with open arms, much to Fugo’s clear annoyance. He was put off by their quick acceptance of you, likely being one of the first to point out that it’s ‘because you’re a girl.’

What really seemed to set him off initially was that they started including you in the three’s tiny click within the group as a whole. Now it isn’t just the three of them anymore, there’s a forth person taking up space.

Wouldn’t suggest mentioning it to Mista or he may genuinely consider kicking Narancia to the curb.

Eager to please, as well as apologize for disrupting this friend group’s dynamic, you tried your hardest to see eye-to-eye with Fugo.

Fortunately, the only difficult part was finding things to talk about after some time passed and he begrudgingly accepted that you were there to stay. After that, it was a slow but natural progression.

Soon, he seemed to tolerate your presence much better. Then, he started instigating conversations with you instead of it strictly being the other way around. Once enough of a bond was established, you’d started getting the impression he would much rather spend time with you than the other two.

Like with Mista, the realization hit you while sitting right next to him. It was out of the blue, as Fugo hadn’t said a word to you that day. No, your mind was just wandering and happened to connect the dots.

Well, shit. You had laughed out loud, earning confused looks from the three around you.

You were honestly concerned; more so than with the others. You couldn’t brush it off as easily as you could with Narancia, as Fugo’s timidness on the matter could mean he’d just become upset. Couple that with his short temper, and you feared you could lose his friendship over it.

Your worries were proven to be unfounded, luckily. After some discussion with Narancia and Abbacchio, you learned Fugo doesn’t actually want anything from you.

You’re silently thankful, happy to coexist with him just as normal. He could have his little crush, and still hold onto a very real friendship. Quite mature of him, but never something you’d never compliment him on directly.

In fact, thinking of Fugo makes you reminiscent of Giorno’s admittedly weird style of approach.

By then you had said… what, maybe two or three sentences in total to the kid? But out of the blue, one morning, you passed him while leaving the house.

He stopped you in your tracks, holding out his hand in front of you and keeping you still. For a moment, he was silent. But before you could open your mouth and ask him “What’s wrong?” he beat you to the punch.

You… admittedly don’t remember exactly what he told you. Something poetic about your beauty… yeah. It was the type of sentiment that was thought out thoroughly beforehand.

Still, despite feeling guilty over not remembering, it’s easy to assume it doesn’t really matter. Considering he completely went radio silent on the subject afterwards.

Perhaps he just felt like he really needed to say something before moving on, you figured.

And honestly, credit where credit is due, both Giorno and Fugo kept their distance. Enough to express it was a simple crush and nothing more. You were glad you never had to vocally turn them down, because they already understood you weren’t the one for them.

You entertained the idea of them maybe bonding over it. Talking about girls while they braid each other’s hair, you giggled to yourself, amused by the thought.

Speaking of bonding, through almost it all, Abbacchio was your rock.

It was a rough start with him, no question. For the first couple of weeks he was very critical of your decisions on missions and outside of them rarely gave you even a passing glance.

But he gradually became your scapegoat when the others were tripping over themselves for your time. Even Bruno insisted on getting his far share of time with you.

You had came to Abbacchio first, confinding in him and taking his advice very seriously. That was something he appreciated. Abbacchio’s casual attitude was a breath of fresh air when you really needed it, and was surprisingly understanding of your viewpoint (The prospect of possibly upsetting Giorno’s got to factor into that, right?).

The two of you mostly spend time together one-on-one, whether in deep conversation or comfortable silence. The foundation of your friendship was born from complaining, but you found other subjects to focus on as well.

It was, with hindsight, the most shocking development yet. Out of everyone there, you weren’t expecting to become close to Abbacchio… ever, really.

The closer you got, the more you were able to appreciate his character. He’s got a surprisingly good sense of humor, and looks after everyone on the team more than he’s given credit for. Most of all, he’s a really good listener if you’re completely h-… Are you… are you kidding me? What is happening?

You actually doubted your guess this time around for a good while; it’s far too absurd! Abbacchio’s a reserved individual, so it wasn’t as noticeable after all.

But conversations with the others made it all too clear. They knew him better than you, and when it comes to Abbacchio, no one is going to lie about his feelings just for the sake of it.

Regardless, like Giorno and Fugo, he kept his lips sealed whenever you’re around.

You felt a good amount of guilt having vented to him in the past, but if he wasn’t saying anything, you weren’t going to either.

By the time you one day received word that Bucciarati wished to speak to you in private, you seriously contemplated ditching him entirely. However, you respected the man too much to do so.

It’s an ungodly hour, you point out helplessly to yourself. I have no idea what on earth he wants to talk to me about right now, and at this point I don’t even want to know.

Your mental ramblings pause in tandem with your feet, stopping firmly in front of your boss’s office door. You shiver, pulling your robe over your front to the point of overkill. Peaking between the bottom of the door and the floor below, you smile upon seeing light still illuminating from within.

Yes, it’s an ungodly time. But both Bucciarati and I work late at night often anyways, you reason. With that in mind, you knock gingerly.

You hear a gentle “Come in,” from within the room. Smiling, you already feel Bucciarati’s aura of comfort. Entering, you spot him hunched over behind his desk. A laptop sits open on its wooden surface, but his attention’s been turned away by now.

“Apologies for asking you to come here so late,” he chuckles, returning your pleasant expression.

“It’s not very professional of you, Capo,” you jest lightheartedly. Moving swiftly, you sit yourself down on a chair placed opposite to him.

“Fair enough,” he decides, crossing his legs. “How’s your day gone, tesoro?”

You hum, contemplating his question. It’s sweet; something he always asks whenever he can. Thinking of Abbacchio, then everyone else in turn, you barely give yourself another chance to breathe while you lay out all that you’ve experienced thus far.

You loved the team, but you’d be lying if you said everyone’s affection wasn’t getting to you a little. Most of all, you worried how their feelings could effect the team as a whole. And ever since discovering how Abbacchio feels, you haven’t had anyone to discuss it with anymore.

You weren’t sure if Bruno could really do anything about it. Hell, you didn’t know if you really wanted him to. Just to talk about it unfiltered was enough weight taken off your shoulders.

Minutes pass before your voice dies down, taking in short breathes. With wide eyes, you stare at Bucciarati expectantly. However, much to your discomfort, he remains silent. His head is tilted away from you and down at his desk, pupils remaining fixated in one position. It’s a clear sign he’s in deep thought, something you’re wary of disturbing.

A moment is too long for you to wait, quick to become self conscious over your word-vomit.

He clears his throat, catching your full attention once more. Adjusting the front of his collar, his eyes were glued to your own. During a mission it would be grounding, or maybe even a little intimidating. Any other time it would be comforting. Now, the nervous energy pouring from his person offers the exact opposite.

Quietly, he simply says, “…Maybe we should talk another time, then.”

At that point, you didn’t know why you were shocked. Leaving his office, there was no doubt.

Bruno was fair, not the type to ever play favorites with anyone on the team. But upon reflection, you realize he dotes on you in a special way.

Not only did he accept and voice your place on the team almost immediately, but he seemed to request your presence during peaceful moments just as much as anyone else in the group.

And by the time you new about everyone else, that should have been a dead giveaway.

Fights or arguments had over you is never something you’ve seen for yourself. According to Narancia and Abbacchio, they do happen. The how and why is kept so vague you almost believed they were just pulling your leg.

The last time it was talked about, there was no more room for doubts on whether or not they actually occurred.

Bruno happened to be present when Narancia was talking to you about it. He was quick to step in, downplaying whatever goes on during those arguments. After that, he silenced the discussion entirely.

You were a little disappointed the subject suddenly became taboo after that day, but was also quite grateful. It was clear he took your worries very seriously, considerate of your comfort with the rest of the team.

But time marches on, making the first year with Passione feel like a lifetime ago.

You long became a part of their found family, and the idea of the others crushing on you hardly ever floats around in your brain anymore.

And when it comes to the members you’re close to in age, all thoughts of “What if…” or “Just maybe…” eventually fizzle out from their minds as well.

How could they persist? Especially after one day, when you came home from a lunch out with an old friend of yours. Smiling wide and blushing from head to toe, you couldn’t help but cheerfully tell the group about the person you now happily call your girlfriend.

[twst-hottest-takes]

I'm sorry, I know you're probably working on other blog posts, like writing about the Playful Land event. In your recent post about ranking the Books you put you would vote for RSA too. I was wondering why this was, since I understand you don't like Vil but I feel like the RSA winning thing was a kick in the balls. I mean the player plays through the whole story, get character development for Epel and Deuce, the characters go through Hell NOT ONLY with training, but also the overblot, and finally you have to do so many twist-tunes. I literally cried after rsa won because I had to read through so much filler, and about some cry baby diva who "isn't the prettiest" but really is, JUST FOR US NOT TO WIN??? And honestly it made me really hate Rook as a character, and just to clarify, I did not hate him before book 5.

You've answered your questiom already. However, I will elaborate.

It's a simple difference in mentality.

While you feel like after all Book 5 put us through the least we could get in return is a win for our boys, I feel like after all Book 5 put us through they definitely didn't deserve it, and by "they" of course I mean primarily Vil.

Thinking about it, my hatred for this character knows so few bounds that I barely even acknowledged what a let down it was to everyone else. But what letdown was it to everyone else? What stakes did the rest of the NRC Tribe actually have in the SDC? Money? Fame? Fun? Maybe eventually being motivated to try and beat RSA specifically? I guess Jamil is in the process of trying to rebuild his reputation after his overblot, but he doesn't need to win to do that. . .Yeah, Vil is the only one with actual skin in the game.

Hey, hey guys, do you rember when Epel suggested that he replace Vil as the center of the show?

Yeah, they should have let him do that. Remember when Epel had a character arc that involved him learning that his natural beauty isn't something he needs to hate about himself? How he can make it into something useful as long as he accepts himself? Yeah, the story sure didn't. I saw Epel suggest he be the center of the show and thought, "Oh! I get it! They can beat Neige if they focus Epel as the poison apple!" But then they didn't do that. If they had taken the chance to change up the focus and make the climactic performance hinge on Epel and bring his arc to a close then I'd be singing a different tune. I would have thought that they should have won because it would take Vil down a peg and be thematically interesting. They just didn't so that!

Listen if they had made it so that everyone else actually had a more personal reason for wanting to beat RSA then maybe I would feel bad. But they squandered their chance when they decided that they were going to give Vil what he wanted (staying on stage until the last [heck they even made him look noble about it!]) instead of taking him down a peg. Wasted potential. ALL THE WASTED POTENTIAL!

So yeah, I hate Vil, he deserved that L, and no one else had the real investment in the performance to make me feel bad that they lost. I voted for RSA because after all they (focusing on Vil) put me through, NRC did NOT deserve a win here. Screw Vil even more for dragging everyone else down with him tbh.

Now as for Rook, I can understand the sour feelings about him voting against his team. That's a lot more personal and it's painted as though everyone should be blaming him for their loss, but again, I can't judge.

Thank you for your take.

(I hope this explains things a little, but I understand if you can't really relate to it.)

[liesonthefloordramatically]

Okay, since AO3 apparently doesn’t want my full essay of context notes dropped in the endnotes, here they are in all their unabridged glory.  

(Link to the fanfic if you somehow managed to stumble on this accidentally.)

Holy cow, kids!  We did it!  We made it to the end!

The genesis of this fic was seeing someone complaining about Jotaro not using Star Platinum: The World that much and going, “Oh, but that’s obviously trauma though.”  I tried to explain this to anyone who would listen, and then wound up accidentally writing 17k of fic because I have a surfeit of emotions about JJBA and trauma.

This is, by the way, the longest piece of fiction I’ve written since 2011.  Holy frick.  (Also my first time posting a multi-chapter fanfic.)  I had a ton of fun writing this (maybe….too much fun), and hopefully you had fun reading it too.

Here are the long-promised notes since I’m an incorrigible nerd who put way too much thought (and research???) into this ridiculous thing. I don't think you need to read these in order to understand the fic (at least, you shouldn't if I've done it correctly), but in case you're interested...

PTSD - surprise, this is a fic about PTSD.  PTSD manifests in different ways for different people (and for different types of trauma), but in terms of this fic, the main symptoms I decided to run with are: hypervigilance, perception of time becoming weird/sense of foreshortened future, dissociation, and sleep-related issues (although there are also a bunch of other symptoms that make an appearance). I picked this particular cluster for obvious thematic reasons (Star Platinum’s abilities look a lot like/interface particularly poorly with PTSD), but also because I wanted to write something different than standard depictions of PTSD, which tend to be focused on nightmares and flashbacks. I also wanted to write PTSD-related hypercompetence, because it's not something I usually see depicted--PTSD is often represented as declining functioning (I suspect in fanfic this has something to do with the tendency toward hurt/comfort) rather than being outwardly very functional but not necessarily in a healthy or constructive way.

Japanese religion, in general - I leveraged six years of graduate study for this fic, so all Japanese religion facts given are Real and Accurate.  My personal headcanon (as is probably clear from this fic) is that Holly would be pretty gung-ho about a lot of Japanese religious practices whereas Jotaro is probably...lukewarm at best, and approaches them much like many Japanese youth would have during that time period, i.e. as customs that they don’t necessarily attach deeper spiritual meaning to.

If you have deeper knowledge of Japanese religion, there are a bunch of little Easter eggs hidden throughout this fic, but I’ll leave it up to you to find them.  Have fun.

Spirit possession - When I first saw Stardust Crusaders, I thought it was fascinating that Jotaro immediately took Star Platinum to be an evil spirit--after all, given the religious trends in Japan at the time, that wasn’t an unreasonable assumption!  

Spirit possession has a long history in Japanese religion, but it’s been most prominent in the modern period as part of various New Religious Movements (NRMs), many of which have been founded by people who claimed to be possessed by spirits or gods.  In the 1970s and 1980s, there was an “occult boom” along with the emergence of second-wave Japanese NRMs, sometimes referred to as the New New Religious Movements.  These groups tended to be based on the idea that the universe is fundamentally chaotic and you have to train in order to ward yourself from that chaos (which often takes the form of malevolent spirits) and/or develop superhuman abilities.  (The most famous of the Japanese New New Religious Movements is Aum Shinrikyo, which was founded in the mid-1980s but achieved international notoriety with its 1995 sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway.)  The official kanji for Stand (幽波紋) 100% looks like something that would be used by one of these groups.

In general, Japanese understandings of spirit possession don’t necessarily align with Christian understandings of spirit possession.  Namely, Christian views of spirit possession seem to be mainly negative (as people are understood to be possessed by demons), whereas, historically, spirit possession in Japan was seen as dangerous but not necessarily evil.  “Being possessed” does not necessarily look like the sort of “speaking in tongues, head spinning around” type of demon possession either--the verb for being possessed (憑く), a variation of which appears in the first episode title for SDC, can refer to a variety of conditions, from having a supernatural entity inhabiting your body (pretty “classic” possession) to having a supernatural entity attached to you or following you around to help or hinder you (maybe a little closer to what we’d call “being haunted” in English).  While people could be possessed by harmful entities (or by well-meaning ones who are nevertheless disruptive), they could also be possessed by positive ones.  In fact, before the Meiji period (1868) there were classes of ritualists who would get spirit possessed professionally--like shamans or spirit mediums.  Spirit possession was excised from Shinto in the modern period, so some of these ritualists no longer exist (miko, for example, no longer get spirit possessed), but others--like the itako (blind spirit mediums mainly located in Northeastern Japan)--do.

There are some NRMs (Omoto is the first that comes to mind) that believe/believed that each person has a “protective spirit” (or something similar) that watches over them and can influence their lives in positive or negative ways.  Through training and personal growth your protective spirit could also level up; sometimes this meant gaining supernatural abilities but it could also mean your protective spirit literally moving to a different level of the spirit world (from the “bad spirit world” to the “good spirit world,” for example).  This protective spirit could be an ancestor or it could be a completely unrelated entity.

When we first see Jotaro in jail, he has a bunch of books on various spiritualist/occult topics, so it’s not unreasonable to assume that he would be aware of the ways that spirits/spirit possession were being formulated in Japan at the time.  So I picked up that idea and ran with it as far as physically possible.

(Plus, I haven't stopped screaming since seeing the kanji for Stand so now I'm trying to pull all of you down into “maybe Stands are modeled on spirit possession” hell with me.)

Spirit medium or victim of possession - One of the big ways to divide up spirit possession is whether it’s voluntary or involuntary.  Voluntary possession means you choose to be possessed; involuntary means it just sort of happens to you (and you can’t make it stop happening).  There’s also the category of induced possession, which is where someone else makes you possessed (and then usually communicates with or controls the spirit that’s possessing you).  If you think of Stands as a form of spirit possession, it’s probably involuntary (users, for the most part, don’t choose to be), and, in the case of folks who aren’t born Stand users (especially folks who get their Stands from one of the arrows), induced.  But, on the other hand, how you’d classify it depends on whether you see users as constantly possessed (in which case it’s involuntary) or only possessed when they summon their Stands (in which case it’s voluntary).  

Kamigakari, which is mentioned specifically in the last chapter, is a form of involuntary possession in which a person is possessed by a single entity (usually a deity).  In the modern period, this pattern is most frequently seen among the founders of NRMs--often they undergo a period of extended suffering or trauma before becoming possessed by a deity that uses them as a vessel to spread correct teachings (through uncontrollable preaching, automatic writing, etc.) and right the wrongs of the world. They often go through a period of fighting with or trying to exorcise the deity before finally making peace with it and accepting their role as its vessel/mouthpiece.  Again, took this idea, ran with it as far as physically possible.

Evil spirits - Jotaro specifically refers to Star Platinum as an “evil spirit” (悪霊) in the first episode of SDC.  This is a pretty broad category in Japanese religion that just refers to spirits (not necessarily ghosts) that are evil.  The term is sometimes (especially from the 1970s onward) used specifically to indicate the spirits of dead people who have come back for revenge (specifically tatari, which is too complicated a concept to go into here).  (The more specific term for people who were wronged in life, died, and then came back to wreak havoc is goryou (御霊), but that’s mainly used to refer to beliefs and practices that were in vogue over a 1000 years ago.)  Long story short, “evil spirit” could arguably mean that Star Platinum is the ghost of Jonathan Joestar back for revenge or it could mean that it’s just a spirit (not necessarily the ghost of anyone or anything) that is evil.

Are Stands actually a form of spirit possession? - I leave this as an exercise for the reader.

(Okay, slightly less cop out answer: for the purposes of this fic, it does not actually matter, because at the end of the day this is a fic about Jotaro coming to terms (or not) with himself/his trauma/his Stand rather than the exact mechanics behind it. One of the things I find really interesting about spirit possession is the way it's used to make sense of and come to terms with nonsensical and unbearable situations, so that's the way I've chosen to employ it here.  If you want to read Stands as a type of spirit possession, I’m certainly not going to stop you, but if you don’t buy it, that’s legit too.)

---

I think that’s all the notes I have for now, but if you want further information/clarification/bibliography/context notes for something mentioned in the fic, let me know in the comments or drop me a line on tumblr and I’m happy to infodump at you until the cows come home.

And, hey, thanks for coming on this bizarre adventure (*audible wink*) with me.

[jojotier]

Wifey Kak vs Fuckboi dub Kak gone overboard, go

(welp. One year, and writing over 100k words in total, and this is how I’m ending off 2017- not with the finale of the first part of my super intensive plot fic where I made 56 original stand user characters just to create an intermediate Kakyoin Lives au part between SDC and DiU to try and explain why hamon is never used again and try to tie parts 2 and 3 more cohesively together. Not with more myth au where muse Rohan finds the grisly truth of Reimi’s murder and begins his trek down to the underwater underworld to demand her soul back from death god Jotaro. Not even with the bits I’ve been working on with dead inside retail worker Kakyoin having to deal with the only supernatural 7-11 in Japan and haughty water witch Jotaro trying to scare him.

But with some fanon mischaracterizations of Kakyoin. With these awful, awful characterizations. I hope to God you know just what you’ve wrought, with this drabble- and to anyone who’s just finding out about my fanon clone au, I am so, so sorry. Happy New Year!!!)

“Hey- what’re you doing in here?”

Nori started, nearly fumbling with the cute rose decorated porcelain knife in his hands but thankfully not managing to nick anything. Which was lucky! Usually he was way more clumsy than this, constantly getting little bumps and cuts from even mundane activities… Though it didn’t really bother him much! He always had Jotaro right there to take care of him and kiss any injury better, like the attentive, romantic gentleman he was. Sometimes, Nori wondered how he was able to find a real life Prince Charming.

Gently setting the knife down, he brushed his starchy hands off on the pastel pink apron- cute, frilly, and printed with a cherry pattern of course!- and Nori looked up to find- another version of himself, standing right there! He was much taller than Nori’s own five foot tall frame, and he had a pair of shades resting on his face, with their signature curly bang (colored neon orange, for some reason) pinned up underneath a backwards ballcap… In short, he looked to be the exact opposite of everything Nori was!

This should have come as shock to Nori, but honestly, after the first three or so other clones of himself, it got to be a little tiring, acting all surprised… No matter how many of them claimed that Nori was a clone and that they were the real Kakyoin!

“Hey, didn’tcha hear me?” The other Kakyoin leaned down, waving a hand in front of Nori’s face rather rudely. At least ten neon glow bracelets shook on his wrist. “What’re you doing in here? You don’t look like the type to be holed up in a kitchen in a dumb apron- and you’re me, so I know you’re definitely not the type.”

Nori frowned, eyebrows furrowing. “I’m cooking- my hungry guys out there are practically starving!” He worried his bottom lip in his teeth, thinking to himself how awfully sad it was that all of this was happening, with this investigation and those other versions of them melting in that awful, awful display of blood and viscera, with their faces peeling- God, he shuddered just thinking about such a grisly thing. Those poor clones weren’t around anymore, suffice to say… “You’d think that someone around here would have remembered that we all need food.”

“You know we could’ve just ordered out, right blondie?” The other version of Nori loomed over him, leaning down even more until his face was inches away. That was when Nori smelled the alcohol and… was that the smell of MARIJUANA? Where was this other version of himself getting DRUGS, of all things?! Maybe in the same place he got those awful khaki boyshorts that he was wearing under his gakuran for some reason. “Then again, you sound just as empty headed as you look.”

“Hey- that’s mean!” Nori told him, frowning even harder despite the fact that it probably wasn’t effective with the ten inch height difference. And the fact that he himself didn’t have a dorito chin that looked like it could gouge someone’s eye out. “I’m not the one reeking!”

“Hey hey hey,” His clone slurred, trying to flip his bright orange hair and failing, since it was under the hat still, “blame weedeater and his dolphin fucker Jotaro over there, they’re the ones who’re handing out the good shit.”

He jerked his thumb back towards them and Nori leaned to the side for a moment, looking at the green haired clone of himself, red eyed and trying to tell his version of Jotaro how hot his mother was, a strange amount of airhorn sound effects overlayed from some invisible plane of existence that made it almost impossible to make out what the Jotaro clone (holding a dolphin plush with mysterious stains) was saying. Nori and the fuckboy version of himself stared for a moment before they both gave a simultaneous shudder, looking back towards each other again.

Yeah, no one would ever be worse than those guys.

“Besides, it doesn’t negate the whole look you have going on in here- I mean, the blonde hair, the cute apron, the way you’re just standing there like that…” The fuckboy version of Nori leaned a bit more towards him, until their noses were brushing together… “Makes you seem like some brainless ditz to me.”

“Am not!” Nori frowned as hard as he possibly could, bordering on the point of pouting with his cute lips, trying to give a look of stern disappointment even though his darling Jotaro had told him many times that when he tried to do that he looked more like a wet kitten than anything. “What do you even want here-?”

“I never said I didn’t like it. It’s cute.” He pulled back a bit as Nori stumbled back, face going beet red. How dare he! Nori was a taken man- and this was his own clone! The audacity! Then he kept going, saying something so salacious that it nearly gave Nori a heart attack right then and there. “Is it true what they say? Blondes have more fun, right? Well, why don’t you show me…?” Nori’s eyes widened as his clone advanced, leaning until Nori was pressed against him. “I’m always up for a good time…” He leaned down to whisper in Nori’s ear. “… Baby.”

“KYAH!” Nori shrieked, pushing his clone back. His clone stumbled a bit, before catching himself and pretending like it never happened. “Why would you-?! I just- the nerve!!! The NERVE of you coming in here, when I’ve got so many hungry guys out there- there to feed, and you come up out of NOWHERE and just–!”

“C’mon, babes,” His clone whined, pouting at him. “You can forget your hungry guys for a second, can’t you? What do you wanna do?”

“I-! I just… I.” Nori paused, taken aback. He blinked. “I don’t think… I’ve ever been asked that before…”

“What- if you wanna do something?” His clone asked, eyebrows shooting up. “Dude, what are you, someone’s bitch?”

“Hey-! It’s not like that at all…” Nori said, tears suddenly welling up in his eyes. “I’m the wife in mine and Jotaro’s relationship-”

“YOU’RE A HUSBAND!” The redheaded Kakyoin clone (who seemed oddly exasperated when Nori saw him) yelled distantly from the other room.

“Uh. Husband, I guess.” Nori amended, not really wanting to be a bother. “Well… He does so much for me, and he’s so sweet, and loves me lots, and he decides a lot of things for me so I don’t have to think too hard and-”

“What, Kujo? Sweet?” The frat Kakyoin sneered, staring Nori down. Nori shrank a little more in on himself. “That guy’s like the biggest asshole on the face of the planet! Can’t take a hint. I swear, the dude’s still stuck in his emo phase- shitty eyeliner and bullshit MCR fetish and all. All he’s good for is a good angry fuck every once in a while…” Which didn’t sound like Nori’s Jotaro at all, though he supposed that he would be, if this was how his own clone was. “Even then- you gotta make your own decisions man.”

“I- but my hungry guys…” Nori weakly offered, feeling like he was in vertigo.

“Well how’s about you choose this hungry guy over here?” The clone in front of him said. Their faces were both gravitating towards each other.

“What… what are you in the mood for?” Nori breathed. His heart was hammering in his chest.

“You.” And like that, the kitchen and the rest of the world faded as their lips crashed together.

While the two Kakyoin clones were liplocked, the real Noriaki slowly raised the metal pipe in his hands, tempted, oh so tempted, to step over the threshold and into the kitchen. Behind him, the real Jotaro took notice, and immediately rushed over to slowly lower the pipe. “No.”

“But-”

“No. No. Apparently the old man needs all of their activities recorded.”

“They’re going to melt anyway! It really is more humane to-”

“Kakyoin holy shit.”

“Right, right- we still have to find the user.” Noriaki dragged one long suffering hand down his face, slowly lowering the pipe. “Sorry, this entire thing is just… taking far too much of a toll on me. Where did these two even come from? Did they even come with their own Jotaros? Christ, what’s with them all multiplying…”

Jotaro pried the pipe away from Noriaki’s hold, holding it away from him just in case. “Who knows. The only thing we can do is keep going. Minori and Jojiro are saying that they found the CLAMP clones, at least- we can start there and see where the hell they went before.”

“Yeah… yeah, just what we need. To deal with them.” Noriaki winced, and Jotaro patted his shoulder somewhat sympathetically. They both turned away, leaving the kitchen alone.

In the corner, a milfhunter watched, shades gleaming and fedora tipped. In front of him, the makeout session between both Kakyoin clones continued, but he planned to-

Fuck this is stupid. I can’t do this anymore. In a nondescript room in the liminal space in the direct center of America, I pack up my bags. Not even a bee movie fic written long ago could match up to the shame I have inflicted upon myself, seeping into every single pore with the ferocity of deadly nightshade, etching its poison kiss into my skin. I take a small, framed portrait of Hirohiko Araki from my pocket. A dusty tear rolls down my cheek.

Oh well. This isn’t canon to the AU anyway, so I guess I can do whatever the hell I want.

[wri0thesley]

> So... your askbox is always open, yes? I just... look. I loved P3. And I've just been thinking a lot about a chivalrous mom friend that joins the crew and just... takes care of these dorks. Like Kakyoin was going crazy over that evol baby? Someone please put an arm and hold this boy and listen to him for a bit even if you don't believe him but make him cALM. Or Polnareff and his brash attitude? Tell him you care for his well being and show him how to keep your cool. Jotaro and his awkwar

“-awkward self? Gently nudge him to get out with y'all and buy him nice food and enjoy the quiet and your surroundings. Talk with Avdol and his homeland and his language and just - more Avdol??? idk?? Avdol is so cool. Joseph seems like that cool gramps that has a lot of wisdom but can be a perv but he’s ok and you actually have a lot of comic talk and his adventures and– story-teller, this dude. But really let me have a polite frend in that crew that puts themselves in front of dangerfor these dudes because they have a stand that protecs, they want to protec, and they believe they’ll be ok in the end - and even if they don’t get out of this - they can pave way for these guys and save someone - Holly, an innocent bystander - and know they did the right thing. Lemme have a pal that bursts into singing and fencing matches with Pol Pol, or someone who teaches Kak too about other cultures and languages - actually just lemme have this calm, motherly pal to go along with them.   and I ranted a lot and Idk what I was asking for in the first place. maybe just. protector frend in the crew…? and maybe hcs of who falls for ‘em or becomes besties??? idk man. i just want to protect the whole crew and let them have a bright future and happines. oh. and Iggy. let them have the doggo nap on their lap, bond with them through trial and error, defeating enemies. … phew. lot of ranting. i just want some slow burn ok. srry but ur a cool approachable person so i ranted 

MOM FRIEND HEADCANONS BENEATH THE CUT!!! (also i’ve been saving this ask bc i knew i’d have fun writing it, i love you friend!!!

(First Impressions)

Jotaro has a mother, and despite outward appearances he’s very fond of her. It will take him a little while to warm up to anyone who reminds him of her; he’s on this mission for her sake, so liking somebody so much like her will make his heart ache. What if it feels like he’s replacing her? On top of that, he ordinarily can’t stand being fussed over. Kakyoin is drawn to people who make others smile, and that’s one thing that this particular friend is good at. He feels warmed by their easy nature, but still, frightened. He has seen first-hand what DIO can do, and he fears that their friendly nature will put them at a disadvantage when it comes to battle.Joseph likes that this friend of Jotaro’s is polite and well-mannered, that they speak to him with a respect that he deserves! Jotaro gets a lot of pointed looks and comments about kids these days. The ways in which the friend reminds him of Holly are numerous, but unlike Jotaro these just bestir Joseph to want to take care of them and make sure they’re safe. Avdol’s profession means he reads people well; if their stand doesn’t tip him off that they’re a protector, the aura around them will. He’s calm and collected and, as one of the more serious and pragmatic of the crew, is glad to have them around because a healer will be useful. Polnareff starts off with flirting because that’s what he’s used to doing; but, spending time with them and realizing that they genuinely care about what they’re doing and believe in the SDC as a whole will make affection swell up in him. He’s on this mission for his sister - everyone but the motherly friend is here for someone, and Polnareff respects that 

(On the Road)- MomFriend (hereby referred to as m/f) notices that Jotaro is awkward around other people, that he hides his eyes behind his hat and seems at a loss for what to do when not fighting. It’s m/f who slides in beside him; after ascertaining that he does not do small talk, they walk in companionable silence and Jotaro is glad for the company. As time wears on, they make sure to include him when the group is bantering, to pull him along when they go out for food - Jotaro rolls his eyes and yare yare dazes, but he’s glad to be involved. When m/f holds up the camera to take a Polaroid of all of the boys together, he’s glad that in ten years he can look back on his memories with a smile. - In the case of ‘BABY STAND’, m/f is outnumbered when they try to convince people to at least listen to Kakyoin and try and figure out what he’s trying to say - it’s they who sit with him and apologize for the rash decision, and Kakyoin is comforted that even though m/f clearly doesn’t believe him, they’re willing to try. They smile and clap their hands in delight when he drops out a new piece of cultural information, and Kakyoin finds himself driven with desire to tell them more - when they match with facts of their own that Kakyoin didn’t know, he’s delighted. He wants to talk with them forever and work out all of their secrets. He’s never had friends before, but now he has a group of them, and he can’t remember a time in his life he’s ever felt less lonely. - Joseph loves to tell stories about his past; sometimes they are deeply boring ones about real estate, but sometimes they are genuinely interesting ones about the time he defeated a group of Aztec Gods or the time he saved himself and his rich uncle from plane hijackers - Jotaro has heard the stories before, a million times, but m/f is fascinated and Joseph is glad for the rapt attention. Yes, he has a tendency to flirt - with winks and risque jokes - but he’s doing it for the blush on m/f’s face and not for any real interest in betraying Suzie, and m/f can tell. They sometimes even flirt back just to see Joseph’s face, much to Jotaro’s abject horror. - Avdol is the quietest on the trip, preferring to speak only when necessary - m/f, when approaching him, is careful. They know the least about Avdol - he seems entirely self-possessed and dependent, but who knows what kind of temper he might be hiding? M/F, then, is delighted to find that Avdol’s serious demeanour hides someone who cracks jokes at the same pace as Joseph, even if his are many-layered. M/F begins to understand why Joseph and Avdol get along so well - and when m/f begins to ask questions about Avdol’s home, he’s only too quick to answer. He’s proud of his heritage, and of his little fortune-telling business, and as the others listen to the pride glowing in his voice they feel bad that they have never bothered asking. - It becomes clear to m/f that Polnareff is a goofball whose chivalrous demeanour can easily be derailed if one tells him a good enough joke, and it becomes somewhat of a game among the more fun-loving of the group (everyone aside from Jotaro) to see who can make him laugh at the most inopportune moments. When he puts on the radio and begins to bounce excitedly, m/f is so pleased to see him grin that they join in, much to Polnareff’s delight. He still flirts relentlessly with them, but m/f is now able to see that it’s just part of Polnareff’s charm - he barely even realizes he’s doing it, it’s so much second nature to him. When m/f heals him after a particularly harsh fight, he feels so grateful to them he almost cries. 

(Various)- It takes Iggy a while to warm up to them, as it does for him to warm up to any. He’s perturbed by how much m/f seems to like Polnareff, but he soon learns that m/f is a soft touch when it comes to anyone in their team, and he begins to slumber by their side and come barking at them when he runs out of chewing gum. He’s even more devoted to them after they heal his leg after the fight with Pet Shop - part of the reason he defends Polnareff so viciously and single-mindedly in the fight with Vanilla Ice is because he knows it will make m/f sad if he perishes. - If m/f lives, the most likely romantic link-up between any of the characters is Polnareff. He has no family, and during the time on the road he and m/f grow closer until the idea of being without them makes his heart hurt - m/f likes taking care of him, likes the goofy smile that blooms across his face whenever they tell him he’s handsome. They like how oblivious he seems when he’s being a dork. It’s a happy relationship. - They keep in contact with Joseph and Jotaro; Joseph excitedly invites them both to visit New York and meet Suzie. He doesn’t flirt quite so hard when they do - m/f can see why. Suzie is a formidable woman. 

(Extra)- In an AU in which everybody lives, it’s entirely likely that m/f could end up with Kakyoin. He’s reassured by their presence, likes the way their smile lights up the room, likes that they take care of him and everyone else. He thinks about spending the rest of his life travelling the world with them, soaking up knowledge and trading bits and pieces of trivia. He’s never had friends before, but with m/f he feels like he’s found another little piece of his soul. - Whatever happens, whoever it is that m/f ends up with, Iggy will want to follow them. Not just because they feed him gum and make a fuss of him (though that’s important to him too) - their presence calms him, and Iggy feels as though he’s had enough adventure in his life. He’d like to settle down and sleep in front of a fire.