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mbrokenheart93 · 3 years ago

Text

Left Behind

Character: James Bucky Barnes

Pairing: James Bucky Barnes / Fem!Reader (Original Character)

Inspired by (song): Pero Me Acuerdo de Ti - Christina Aguilera / Who Knew - Pink!

Warnings: Angst!. So so much Angst! Memories. Mentions of psicological trauma. Mentions of Winter Soldier. Mention of Violence. Angry. Pain. Break up. Angst with a happy ending. Fluff. New Avengers! (My Invented Team). Post! TFATWS.

Author's Note: Hello to everyone!!!

How are you doing? The university doesn't want to give me chance to take a breath!

But... I'm doing a little time to end some Fics that I started to write when The Falcon and The Winter Soldier came out.

This is the second fic that I write this year and I finished yesterday, but... This was write when I didn't know Zemo Intentions, so... The things are a little crazy in this fic.

A few things:

If I can, I'll be posting the first chapter of a new series with Loki. And some fics with Din Djarin, and others with Poe.

I want to write with Chris Beck (The Martian). If I do it, maybe someone read it?

And the last one, thanks you to all the replies, see them makes me happy to know that you like my stories.

So, I hope you like this new fic and welcome to my new readers and followers! XOXO ❤️❤️

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone

I'd stand up and punch them out because they're all wrong

I know better because you said forever, and ever, Who knew?

"- You should talk ..... It's something you both deserve.

- Talk about what? Do you think he deserves, for me to sit down for a damn minute to listen to him, Sam?

- I'll tell you what, you two need to talk. You need to yell at him, cry and tell him everything that goes through your head, Lara. And you should let him do the talking too. He suffers so much and perhaps more than you.

- Don't you dare talk about things that you don't know, Sam"

...

I hear the sound of the rain I let out a sigh and walk quickly to check on Copito, who doesn't even move before the sound of thunder invading the house. As soon as the boxes, closed and ready to be sent to my new apartment, enter my field of vision, that irrepressible desire to leave disappears before the images that flood the house: The thousands of laughter, the hours of crying, the days of joy and the moments of sadness ... I can still see those images when I walk around the house and scold myself for not leaving earlier.

I should have been a lot smarter and not have taken so long to realize that he had moved on and that I was expecting a ghost that would not return.

Lightning strikes somewhere around us, making the house rumble, drawing the attention of the little white cat and he just stares at me as if he knows that pain is invading me. He leans over to run over my legs, purring and telling me in his own way that everything would be fine.

But, he can't erase the caresses from him, much less the words I thought were real.

The sound of the doorbell makes me turn towards the door and the kitten follows me, approaching it as if someone he knew was outside. Thunder interrupts the sound and it resounds, even more insistent.

I feel my body tense up and I remember Sam's voice telling me that we should talk. That we should tell each other the things we felt inside in order to move forward, that I should speak if I wanted to move on. The little security that I had managed to build in the 13 months in which I was alone, seemed to hide under the bed at the unusual idea of who would ring the bell outside was him.

I didn't want to be that weak young woman that he had left behind a year ago. She wanted to be the woman to tell him that she had learned to live without him.

I remember for a moment the gun over my head, Zemo's sinful laugh and not knowing if I would survive at the hands of the man I loved.

After that, he disappeared. Until Sam came looking for me and he told me that Bucky had planned this to stop him again.

That it was a performance ... But even so, he did not return.

I waited for him and he never came back.

I tried to keep my steps smooth, making sure that whoever was outside would not notice that he was inside. That if I noticed that there was no one here, he would leave, but Copito's meow made my options disappear. The "curse" of being a deaf cat is that his meow sounded 10 levels louder than that of any common cat.

As soon as I put my hands on the door I feel his breath on the other side of it and my heart has no qualms about resisting that familiar sound and ends up speeding up its heartbeat, telling me that perhaps against him, I have no chance to fight.

- I know you're there, Lara - His voice sounds insecure, as if fully aware of the danger he's submitting to.

- What do you want? - I make a poor attempt to make my voice sound safe, without noticing how much the mere fact of listening to it still affects me. I hold the door handle too tightly, thinking that perhaps holding it that way would stop his urge to enter.

I looked back at the room full of boxes and the image of the two of us laughing, looking at the room as if we were going to find some key or perhaps a hidden treasure between its corners and talking about how incredible this adventure of living together would be for both of us.

- Talk.

Now his voice sounds monotonous, as if it did not convey the slightest feeling in his words.

- If you stood out for something, it was because your incredible ability to not talk to anyone, Barnes.

I hear his footsteps on the other side at the same time that I feel that the rain begins to fall with much more force and I see that Copito climbs the window and looks out from under the curtain, seeing whatever caught his attention. I dare not look in his direction because I know I will not resist the idea of letting go being so close. I know that I must let the pain take pity on me and allow me to hate him, allow me to learn to forget him, and allow me to overcome him.

- You deserve an explanation of what happened a few months ago, doll - Even though it is a bit further from the door, I feel as if it had said that affectionate nickname in my ear, in that soft tone that he used to use when we were alone, or when we had those moments of intimacy in which the world did not exist for both of us.

- Don't call me that - I barely recognized my own voice, which was mixed between a sob and a complaint full of anger at realizing that I was losing the battle just by hearing his voice. I felt like my hands were sweating, how my body was shaking and how my heart wanted to get out of my chest at the idea that he was so close to me and I refused to get close to that security to which I had become so used to feeling - Please...

- But you're my... - I don't let him finish the sentence because before even thinking about my actions, I found myself opening the door and to my misfortune, even though I had prayed to God that it was a mere product of my imagination, he was there, with that same expression of guilt and pain with which I knew him, with those blue eyes that made me stop thinking just by looking at them for a second, looking at me as if I had seen a ghost, with his clothes soaked and with no intention of leaving.

- Not anymore. I stopped being yours from the moment you decided to leave without even remembering that I was here waiting for you! - I get closer and with all the strength I have I hit him in the chest trying to push him, but I barely make him move from his place - You left me, James!

- Lara, let me explain why I did what I did ...

- No! - I push it again until we are both under the rain, and the cold of it seems to give me the courage that I feared I had lost - I waited for you, I asked many people about you and you did not even deign to appear to say something to the woman you supposedly loved.

I hit him again and I feel the tears mix with the rain, but the difference is that I feel is that my tears burn.

- Doll... I love you with all that I have.

- Do not call me that way! - I slap his chest once more and his hand holds mine against him. - Let me go, Bucky.

He lets out a sigh and I know that my words have the effect on him that I was looking for.

- Not until you hear me - I want to move away, but his vibranium arm does not allow me to separate from him - You are going to listen to me, because I will not leave here until I have made it clear to you what happened that night.

- It's too late, I don't want to listen to you anymore. Go away, please.

- You'll listened me first.

- I'm at least glad to hear that the therapy with Dr. Raynor worked, Barnes. You've become more daring and demanding - I hiss as I try to release my hand from his grip, but again, I fail to try.

- Only with what I want.

- And what do you want?

- I intend to get my girl back, and if not, at least I plan to try! - I drop my shoulders and feel that my heart stops beating for a moment, giving me to understand that I will not be able to fight much more with the idea of trying to hate him.

- Let me suffer in peace! - I scream forgetting for a second that the neighbors are sure glued to the window watching the scene and I let the pain I feel in my chest take over me - Let me learn to live without you...

- That's not an option - He takes my hand gently and leaves it at the level of his heart - It will stop beating if I move away from you for another second.

- You pointed a gun at me without even hesitating - The memory echoes in my head again and I feel it tense under my hand. I dare to look into his eyes for a second and I see them full of tears, while my heart seems to stop - Do you know what it was for me, to see that the man I love more than my life pointed me with a gun as if I were worth nothing to him?

- I had no choice ...

- It's not the answer that I expected.

- I had to make Zemo believe that he was still under the influence of the red book in order to catch him. I could not follow his trail if he noticed that the damn notebook had no effect on me - His blue eyes shine in the small light of the porch and the rain seemed to dampen them even more - What cost me the most in all my life, and I know what do you know, it was having to see you as if I didn't care about anything, but what I told myself was that I was doing all that to protect you, doll - I feel his right hand trying to take me by the waist, but I just want to move away, my body he betrays me and I take a step towards him - I needed Zemo to believe that I didn't care about you so that you weren't the reason why he could manipulate me if he found out I was pretending.

- Why didn't you come back? - The lump in my throat prevents me from talking.

- I thought you wouldn't want to see me again after that. I saw the fear in your eyes, Lara. And that's why I decided not to return ...

For a moment I feel the pain transform into anger and I let go of his grip and grab him by both lapels of his jean jacket and shake him, waiting for him to react.

- Are you stupid? - He give me a soft smile as if I was saying him a compliment - I'll tell you something, I waited for you to give me the opportunity to decide what to do about you, I waited for you day and night in this damn house so that you would give me the possibility of tell you that I was waiting for you. I waited for you to tell you that when I chose to fall in love with you, I thought of the day this would happen, that I was aware of the possibility that he would return, and that you would come out of it and be there waiting for you. I wanted everything with you, Bucky. The normal life, this superhero life with which I met you, life with those nightmares that barely let you sleep at night, your life as an avenger, because damn if you tell me you don't deserve that title, because I'll try to hit you. I imagined my whole life with you, and you didn't even try to explain me this in this moment like you're doing now.

- You do not know how much I regret not having returned that night to look for you.

- I do more.

I separate from him as soon as I hear thunder near us and walk towards the stairs, hoping that he would leave, although inside I hoped that he would try to stop me.

- Tell me the truth, and I'll stop bothering you. You don't love me anymore?

My heart hits my ribs hard as if I wanted to jump up to him and deny everything I had said before.

- I won't answer that - I murmured as I took off my jacket and held it as if my life depended on it.

- It's the only thing that will make me leave of here, even if I leave my heart with you.

- James ... - I hear his footsteps approaching and when I turn around, he is standing in front of me, remaining a few inches below the step where I am standing.

- Tell me that and I'll go.

- No - I lie while I feel the irrepressible urge to jump into his arms and tell him that I still love him like the first day I met him- I don't.

- And then why are you crying, doll? - How do you notice that? - I know you enough to know when my little doll is crying.

I hate you so so much, Barnes.

- 'Cause I can't even lie about how I feel about you - I admited at the same time as Bucky smiles and wipes his face with the back of his hand, as if he was wiping his tears.

- Give me the opportunity to show you...

- That you won't you go again? - The fear is present my voice and he gives me a smile, while I feel the warmth of his hands on my face in contrast to the cold of the rain that surrounds us - You'll break my heart.

- Never again, doll. Never again.

His lips press mine in a soft kiss, one of those that transmit security to me and take away the pain that I felt for so long. I bring him as close as possible to me, feeling our clothes melt due to the water dripping from both of us. We separate when another thunder sounds again, and we see that Copito jumps behind us, making us laugh.

- If it occurs to you to leave me again, I myself will go for you.

Bucky starts laughing as I feel him relax in my hands

- And I will tell Loki to give you the gun to shoot me.

His cell phone starts ringing and he barely sees the screen, he doesn't hesitate to answer- I'll be there in a few hours, Yelena.

"She hasn't left you, has she? Fuck..."

- If you bet with Spector ... I'm sorry for you, Belova.

I don't hear her answer but seeing him laugh and enjoy with his new team makes me happy. He ends the call and turns to me, wrapping his arms around me.

- It's from work?

- Yep... I have to go in a few hours. Are we okay, doll? - He takes my face in his hands and makes me look into his eyes - If you want me here with you, I could tell the team that I'm not available.

- No, it's ok. Go and save the world, Barnes. Always and when you return, we're ok.

- It's a promise.

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