#this was kind of a struggle
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the red means i love you
#my art#radioapple#hazbin hotel fanart#duckiedeer#lucifer x alastor#digital art#ahhhhhghhh i was trying something new;;;;;;;#this was kind of a struggle
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u ever see someone with extremely fucked up views (or actions) and think wowww if a couple of things in my life went the tiniest bit differently that would have been me
#iso.txt#i feel like i have the right kind of mindset to have been radicalised into some . not good things if i hadnt seen reason#like the right set of neuroses and stuff.#briefly i guess i was.#i honestly still sort of struggle sometimes to convince myself of some things i *know* i should believe i know are right. idk.
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ghandharva
#genshin impact#genshin fanart#tighnari#cyno#out of hand scribble that turned into a full piece#i like finding interesting spots in game and then redrawing the scenery its kind of fun#i struggle a lot with keeping my greens cool imo so this was a test to see if i could keep them bright and not yellowed out
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Brennan’s talked before about how as a poor young adult he lived in New York and struggled with food security. He tells a story of going to frozen yogurt places for free samples and a cheap dumpling spot because it was a lot of food.
His opinions on food and his described behaviours around food make a lot of sense in that context. He may be successful now and can be assured he can eat again when he’s hungry, but it appears he has legitimate trauma around his experiences with poverty because what he’s humorously describing is a trauma response. His mind hasn’t gotten rid of the anxiety of “I’m eating now so I better make it count because I don’t know when I will again.”
Because he’s a comedian he manages to frame it as a joke, but there’s certainly an underlying sadness. It also informs Evan Kelmp’s characterization. Capitalism is the root issue here and poverty is state-sanctioned economic abuse.
Anyway, I hope he’s doing well and taking care of himself.
#dimension 20#d20#gastronauts#brennan lee mulligan#evan kelmp#I don’t typically talk about the actors like this#because I don’t know them but I found this a striking through line#this is the kind of analysis I’d do for a character#but he’s a real person#but given what he’s said it feels cogent#and it feels important to note our favourite funny man had to struggle to eat#a lot of people do#and the harm that food insecurity inflicts is long lasting#that’s the message here#hey there centaurs
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Lucy Gray’s reaping being rigged. Haymitch being selected illegally. Katniss volunteering to save her sister. The victors of District 12 have always been inherently wrapped in rebellion because they have all entered the games at the hands of injustice.
#Peetas left out of this#but I think that adds to his narrative#that he’s not like the other victors#if anything he was served the most luck but perhaps that why he’s able to remain kind and open hearted in a way the others struggle with#sunrise on the reaping#the hunger games#hunger games spoilers#haymitch abernathy#lucy gray baird#katniss everdeen
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#transformers#starscream#shockwave#megatron#sunstorm#takes place some time after starscream encounters sunstorm for the first time on earth and was like wtf shockwave you cloned me?!?!#megatron has fallen! starscream struggles to lead the decepticons#shockwave kind of sort of caring about his weird clone son and not understanding why is everything to me
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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trying to figure out a character design for a comic I want to do at some point, a queer horror adaptation of the monster of lake lametrie
#it's going to be a kind of uncomfortable horror about a queer couple in the late 80s struggling with a terminal illness#the sea monster element shows up halfway through#my art
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We got HUMAN agents wearing brown fedoras
#I think these episodes kind of suck ass but I like the concept#and I have funnn drawing these guys as humans#I struggled drawing Harry he kept looking too much like a Doofenshmirtz#phineas and ferb#pnf#perry the platypus#human perry#heinz doofenshmirtz#maggie the macaw#harry the hyena#karen the cat#OWCA files#my art
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beating artblocks ass with a more steampunk-y tango
#nics art#kinda wanna give my normal tango design his create mod prosthetic arm#now that i kind of know how i wanna draw it#tangotek#tangotek fanart#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#hermitcraft s10#hate that now that i've got time to draw ive been really struggling to#whaaaaaaaaat#anyway i gave it a rest for a few days hopefully ill get back into the swing of things (it is not often i stop drawing for multiple days)#(in fact its often a sign of me feeling like shit if i haven't drawn in more than 3 days)#(im fine though this was a conscious decision to do other shit to give myself a break. healthy . i think.)
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i start the day lying and end with the truth, that i'm dying for the knife.
#aph belarus#hws belarus#natalya arlovskaya#hetalia#hetalia world stars#myart#rlly fun to do no i never struggled during this hash tag believe it. believe it#i like how it all turned out.. the arm kind of reaching out and cyclically burning her own sleeve and the stilted dancelike motion of it...#working for the knife belarus song 2025 believe it#fave
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#illustration#artists on tumblr#video of drawing is on patreon#thank you everyone who's been kind and expressed care. I can't be online much right now. just struggling#thank you
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even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.
they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!
when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.
if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.
at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.
it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or are there demons affecting my behavior.
but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.
and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."
it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.
someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.
more often for me, life was a drowning.
#warm up#spilled ink#writeblr#it's hard to explain bc i do like the acceptance but it's like the ocd thing#autism is . an entire neurotype. yes we get 'cool autism powers' but we mostly say that#for OUR sake. on the autism website.#the cool autism powers do come with like. quality of life problems.#girl being in a room with LEDs gives me a headache. so you can kind of imagine how that might#in some way#influence my ability to function#will defend self diagnosis to the death as long as it is CLEAR AND LEGITIMATE. not like.#oooo i struggle talking 2 women i must be autistic#girl what. i struggle with the act of TALKING.
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ok but if u think ab it arthur comes back and hes from over a thousand years ago so obv he doesnt speak the modern language he speaks brythonic and maybe probably old english bc kings used to speak a lot of different languages for their ppl in the east so im gonna say that that probably carried west but either way both brythonic and old english are so extremely dissimilar to welsh and modern english
the point tho is that merlin would like have to teach him a new language and also he would speak it with a very heavy accent that no one has ever heard bc accents change fucking a LOT over 1500 years especially coming from an ancient language
this is one of the greatest fic ideas i think ive had so far guys im excited
#afterthought what if merlin like kind of half forgets brythonic so hes struggling communicating w arthur on top of having to teach him#and merlin would have a modern accent so that would make it even worse#merlin#bbc merlin#merlin bbc#merthur#whisky thinks things
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glad you guys liked the lamb, here is the goat 🫶
#cotl#cotl the goat#the goat cotl#the goat cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#ngl i kind of struggled with their desing#so uh sorry if it looks a bit sloppy#they are not so demure
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