#this was hard i cant imagine for binx and echo. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pomfiores · 2 years ago

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the grief after the loss is something so foreign but at the same time not new. how do you even explain that. just Big Big grief. i have her doll - its so worn and nasty but she loved this dirty thing and i can’t throw it away. can’t even cancel appointments/make calls/drink apple juice without falling apart and losing dignity lmao i’m so fuckedddd.

#◟ ⋆ㅤㅤif my hair's a mess﹐my mind's a mess.ㅤ( ooc )#to delete *#i sit on it for a moment or even a second and the tears fall :thumbs up:#pet loss /#vent in tags /#cleaned up her kennel last night. cleaned up the bed. i have to clean the floor still. her bowl is here. just. ughhhh.#i brought in echo and idk if she even realizes.#im fine one moment then just falling apart and i get a headache for it.#ill stop lol i promise im just. still in shock. grief isnt new to me but this kind is. at the same time not #i lost a pet before but not like this. not putting them down. not sitting there for their last moments #i didnt want to but i know she'd look for me if i didnt stay just #its better for her. it was. considering the grand scheme it was so necessary #i have to clean the giant teddy bear i have bc we both used to sit on it but as things got worse #she started using the bathroom on it so thats necessary to clean but i just. can't bring myself to despite wanting to. needing to.#i know when i get her ashes im gonna break all over again thi sfucking sucks man #my brother said he respects me a lot for staying with her during those last minutes bc he couldnt with his dog- he wasnt strong enough #i dont feel strong enough i was falling apart in that office lol.#but your pets look for you when thats happening. in a room of strangers. they look for you.#cant see myself leaving any of my animals for themselves like that. itll hurt so fucking much i just know it.#this was hard i cant imagine for binx and echo.#setting yourself up for heartbreak with pets but i know ill do it again.#almost bursting into tears in public how fucking humiliating asjfha #crying in the vets office was humiliating enough but i didnt really care anymore #the vets were so kind but looking back i just cry again but idk what else to think of bc she's not here.#just traces and it sucks!!!!#edit: im probably gonna have to call work again and ask for another two days for bereavement lol #i did lose someone else too but this is my girl. i raised her. i put her down.#i cant pretend that much with a deep loss. i cried on the phone with my hr manager lmao that was fucking bad #might def cry more when i ask. im expecting them to let me bc these are my days off yesterday wasnt but #it was so abrupt.

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