#this was fun and i got a chance to ramble for ages thanks for indulging that

[shining-gem34]

SHIPPING INFO. Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

Hm! I won't say it here, because I don't want to give the wrong impression. I will say I do have a few OTPs! My close friends/besties already know my bias!

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Excluding the big NO-NO (r*pe, non-con, underage sex, and etc.), I'm pretty open and willing to try a variety of things for shipping. It can go from fluffy/playful to angsty next. On that note, I am also open to exploring toxic ships/red flags as well. :3

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

As someone who RP's muses who are either in the three digits or immortals, I can safely say as long as they are both ADULTS who are consenting, all is good. I will say NO if our muses have a parent/child bond like Muse A has raised Muse B since they were a kid, or anything similar to that.

Are you selective when shipping?

In general, it's a yes.

Mostly because I don't get home until the evening and by then my energy is pretty low. It takes time for me to sit down and focus on tumblr replies. Too many things happening can feel overwhelming for me, especially if I think about making sure shipping with the same muses are different/varied. It hasn't happened yet as my activity levels here are random! But I am thinking it about now and rjrbrjrhrje Y e a h. That is why I made the shipping rule for new people who are following me the first time.

Otherwise, if we're already friends, chances are we already went feral about the characters/ship. I don't mind going straight into pre-established ship or RPing (plotting) how they got together. I'm not picky in that regard.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

I don't think I have reached that point on this site. If I do, I would say the moment they start stripping while kissing and getting handsy with each other. Maybe there's touching the private parts. At that point, as I try to follow my own rules, I would probably move the full NSFW into DMs/IMs.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

Uh. For reasons, I'll keep this short and sweet:

For everyone who saw read my ramblings in DM's or I drop something and leave like a rat, thank you so much for indulging me. <3 I had so much fun coming up with fluffy, silly, and angsty stuff for our muses together!

And it doesn't have to be just romantic too! It applies to platonic/familial muses too!

I do hope we can continue this and watch out muses get into shenanigans together. <3

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

Preferably, yes! If you don't tell me, then I won't know!

How often do you like to ship?

I'm thinking hard on this, because both outside and inside here? Not alot honestly. I do think about shipping however it usually ends up being brief and passing entertainment. So I don't really have alot of ships I am committed to.

Are you multiship?

Yes! It's surprisingly refreshing thinking of each ship being it's own thing and not a bunch of connected events. <3 I definitely enjoy the dynamics of each ship too!

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

I say ship more-or-less than ship-obsessed. I don't actively seek out people to ship. Also it's too much for me to handle checking too many things happening at once. So, I'm usually committed to a few ships and if something develops naturally, or I feel something is happening? Yeah, I'll ship. :3

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

Me x Dan Feng

Finally, how does one ship with you?

I would say just be direct and ask if we can ship our muses together. I will say "yes" most of the time, especially if we have been plotting in the DMs and have a few IC already). If not, then yes I would like to discuss it first and get some IC interactions going. I always have a meme tag for a bunch of memes I've reblogged to break the ice, or starters if you prefer that!

Because, the more we talk about our muses dynamics and each other, I am more likely to fall in love and turn feral! I will be 100% on board shipping them! Like moreso if it's a character I am neutral about it's a BIG WIN because YOU made me love them!

Trust me it happened like....3-4? times now since I started this blog. I love it when people have so much love for their muses I just support them and fall in love too!

Tagged by: @memovia, @etherealguard, @grislyintentions Tagging: You!

[beautifulwillfulldead]

okay this is actually a two-parter!

do you have any headcanons for any ag characters that you haven’t seen more broadly in the fandom?

swiss flag in bio also?? 👀 (i did some studies there!) how did you get into ag as someone not from the us? (i’m guessing maybe ex-pat??? but i’m so curious and would love to hear!)

Hi! Thanks so much for sending an ask, this was such a fun idea :)

For the first question.... I like to imagine that Felicity became a staunch abolitionist, because of the uh... Everything about her stories. The themes of wanting independence for herself, for Penny, and for her country are there, and then they just don't go any further with it. Missed opportunity!!

A lighter headcanon is that Samantha opens up an orphanage with Nellie when they're older, although I think that is a more common hc.

And my backstory is a little complicated ahah, but long story short my dad grew up in Switzerland, and then he and my mom met in the US at college, and they moved to Switzerland after getting married, so I was born and raised there. I grew up speaking English at home and German everywhere else, but I do consider myself more Swiss than American.

I got into AG from some family friends around my age, when I was about nine or ten. They had the first Samantha and Felicity books that they gave me and my sister (possibly they'd bought the dolls and those were the books that came with them? I'm not sure) and I loved them! I asked my dad to get me the full Samantha set, but I didn't want to ask for the Felicity books too, because that felt like too much. And by the time I *really* wanted them a few years later, I felt like I was too old to ask.

But he did get us all the movies (Sam, Felicity, Molly, Kit, and also GOTY Chrissa) and I adore them. A few years ago I found the fandom on Tumblr and I was so happy to see other people loving them too. Because I grew up in Switzerland, I'd never seen any of the stores or magazines or anything, so I had no idea how big they are, or that the main draw were the dolls. The books defined AG for me, so even now I'm not really interested in having any of the dolls, just the books (though they are super cute).

Thanks for indulging my rambling, I've never had a chance to talk about this before!

[kkrazy256]

Fic Writer Interview Meme 

Thanks for the tag @parkotedarasuum​ !

Name: Terra

Fandoms: Currently Star Wars, but I’ve dabbled in Legends of Tomorrow recently. Used to be a DCMK main. 

Two-Shot: If this is about my opinion on two-shots, I don’t tend to do them  because at that point, might as well shove it all into a one-shot. But if it’s about any I’ve written...WELL, it’s a two shot THEORETICALLY if I finish it akhfkajl but my In Lieu of Flowers is a two-shot. It’s a Fox and Wolffe centric one during the aftermath of the Malevolence Arc. Just two bros being sad about how the Republic treats them :Sadge: Currently it still works as a one-shot but I do have something planned for the second/last chapter. 

Most popular multi-chapter fic: There’s an old DCMK one floating around that was super super popular (but really badly written because I was in middle school). But my current one, by far most popular, is definitely Ascent. The amount of love and feedback I’ve gotten on it is incredibly insane and wonderful. You are all the best and I’m sorry it hasn’t been updated in half a year. I’m just...really into tcw and fox right now LOL but every single part of it is outlined so it WILL be finished eventually. Just..stick around ;’) 

It got long because I apparently had thoughts. So under the cut to not bother people :’)

Actual worst part of writing: uh...the writing part? XD I don’t mind editing at all. It gives me the chance to read my fic in full for the first time and it’s the closest feeling to being the reader before I get absolutely tired of it LOL. The worst for me is finally finishing the part that I’ve been itching to write and then being hit with this feeling of ‘I’m done I don’t want to do anymore’ even though there are so many scenes to write. That’s why I put off writing the scene I really want to write until the right time. 

How you choose your titles: Perceive me, you will not. All my titles are usually super cryptic and make sense to only me. Like, ‘Double-Edged Sparrow’? If you figured it out, I would be very VERY impressed. I’m not super creative with titles most of the time, so many of them are just one word titles that vaguely have to do with the fic. Recently, I’ve been trying to get more creative, hence the really weird titles. Some are just lines from songs or poetry that inspired the fic too!

Do you outline: Always. I start with a bullet point list of major points I want to hit. Then a more thorough one that is basically almost every scene but in world salad format. Which means, any thoughts that come to mind, super casual writing, and sometimes even memes. Anything to help workshop the plot and transitions. This is a bit of the outline from DES, which was more to the point:

And then there’s this one from a future chapter of The Way His Soul Shall Go so uh, spoilers 👀 which is just straight up half-assed dialogue kahfkjsa

Ideas you probably won’t get around to, but would be nice: Something something fix-it fic. The Way His Soul Shall Go technically is one, but the direction it will go won’t be 100% what I want in a fix-it. Definitely would like to do a Fox helps Boba out of prison fic but I really don’t think I’ll actually manage to write it. I’ll just think about it. I’ve had some ambitious Mando ones under wraps but they might just stay shelved for now due to Fox brainrot. 

Callouts @ me: Please PLEASE finish ONE multi-chapter fic in ur life. PLEASE. I am going to, slap ur hands off the keyboard if you open another WIP. I have a third chapter curse. I hit chapter 3 of any multi-fic and it just starts to stall. Whaddahell.

Best writing traits: Uhh hmm...my style is very straight forward/to the point and not really flowery with poetic lines. And I’m really self-conscious about it OTL. So my best trait would probably be the plots. It’s usually something different but ideas that people are 👀 about so I’m glad there are others to enjoy what I share. 

Spicy tangential opinion: uhhh uhhh I liked a lot of Leo’s shdfkjha. In terms of writing, it’s not something new and groundbreaking to say. But I think a lot of the culture has shifted to where a headcanon gets super popular that if someone doesn’t adhere to it in their fic, it is seen as ‘wrong’ when it’s...just a headcanon. Or vice versa a headcanon gets super popular but it’s fucking awful and I have to suffer through seeing it everywhere LMAOO

Tagging: Brain too fucked right now to think of ppl to tag. But if you want to do this or don’t get tagged in these often, by all means!!! Please please say I tagged, I want to read all about your process, writer friends <3 

[just-like-playing-tag]

A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2020 - June 13, 2021

2019-2020

The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.

Top 10 panel edits:

#1: It's our first morning

Date: Aug 20th, 2020 Time: ~ 2:18 h I really like how this one turned out!!! The 2020 Emma b-day edit has a lot of major panel redraws, but this is probably my favorite. I I really enjoy how I made the shadows work!! And the ear banfage looks pretty neat. Nice!!! Immagine

#2: Norman birthday edit 2021

Date: Mar 20th, 2021 Time: ~ 2:21 h Awww, soft Norman :') There was a bit to redraw, but I think everything turned out pretty neat!!! I believe everything works out fine. Though looking back at it, the part of the ID I added is definitely top small :')

#3: Manga dub: Yuugo gets knocked out

Date: Mar 27th, 2021 Time: ~ 5:05 h Here start the Manga Dub redraws to which I gave my everything ahah. This one turned out nice! I think the shoes turned out particularly good eheh. I like how Yuugo's clothing lineart- for the texture, I wanted to go for something heterogeneous, but I'm not fully confident in the final result. Gilda looks very rushed but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#4: Manga dub: Yuugo makes his dramatic entrance

Date: Apr 5th, 2021 Time: ~ 4:02 h This is pretty cool!!!! The coat took ages to redraw, but sis it turned out perfect!!! I'm very proud of this.

#5: Manga dub: RayGildEmma hug!!!

Date: Apr 9th, 2021 Time: ~ 1:31 h Awww, a beautiful panel I was really happy to have the chance to redraw. Taking into account what there was to redraw, I'm actually surprised with how little this took! Ray's backpack was a pain to make, but I think it turned out fine. I'm very happy with Emma and Ray's heads!!

#6: Manga dub: Formalities

Date: Apr 12th, 2021 Time: ~ 5:31 h It is not always easy to give sense to Demizu's perspective, but I do my best!!! In this I am *so* happy with how Don and Ray turned out, they look neat! The background on the other hand... It took hours to make ahah. I'm not fully confident in the perspective, but I'm happy with the details I've added- I really did my best to make it look like athe other manga panels and I think it paid off!!!

#7: Manga dub: We may be weaklings, but we're still alive

Date: Apr 30th, 2021 Time: ~ 1:37 h This little Emma is so cute!!!!!! I think the redraw turned out pretty perfect. I'm really satisfied with how this one turned out, and it's such a cute little Emma!!!! She's so brave and optimistic, I love her. It's a shame this panel didn't make it to the episode :')

#8: Manga dub: Goldy Pond Gang

Date: May 7th, 2021 Time: ~ 8:44 h lmao This is probably the panel redraw I'm the most proud of ever :') Just think everyone turned out very nice!! The ceiling is not exactly perfect, but it still works somehow. I'm very happy with how Gillian's back turned out!! I don't really like the fading effect on the right, but 8h in I got pretty tired of working on this ahah

#9: Manga dub: This is Goldy Pond

Date: May 21st, 2021 Time: ~ 1:29 h I'm very glad for how the Manga dub has been challenging me to learn to redraw backgrounds, something I had quite literally never tried before. It can be a little frustrating, but it's so satisfying to see the final cleaned piece!! With this panel, I also learnt to use copy and paste, which is something I had never done before beyond texture

#10: Manga dub: Good morning doctor

Date: May 21st, 2021 Time: ~ 3:42 h This is another background that turned out pretty good!! That one Norman is one I knew I would have had to fully redraw sooner or lager- the background was a bonus ahah. I'm very happy with the final result!!

Top 5 edits as whole:

#1: The Promised Neverland manga ending edit

Date: Jun 14th 2020 Time: ~ 12h 41min (5h 45min of cleaning panels in the edit + 5h 37min of cleaning panels that didn't make it to the edit + 1h 19min of resizing) + time spent cleaning panels I've deleted the file of so I can't see lmao This is overall very nice!!! The concept of an Emma evolution through her back is cool, and I think overall the edit turned out very aesthetically pleasing. The concept idea came to me while I was working on the 2019 Emma's birthday edit, a long time before the manga ending announcement- back then I wouldn't have imagined using it in occasion of the manga ending, but I think it ended up making a nice tribute. The colors add a nice touch, since so far my edits had always been black and white- it makes a sweet closure. To make that edit I selected 76 panels of Emma framed from her back; I plan to make other versions of that edit using the discarded panels eventually!

#2: Emma - Chapter 181: Beyond Destiny

Date: Jul 12th 2020 Time: 2h 57min My last edit for the manga 🥺🥺 I think this one is my very "manga ending edit" because to me it really signed the ending of weekly chapters and their weekly chapter edits. It makes me a little sad to look at it, but it's also, I don't know, kinda sweet to see how I grew both in my panel cleaning and as a person since I first started my blog. I'm glad I got into TPN!

#3: Emma birthday edit 2020

Date: Aug 22nd 2020 Time: 8h 54min This one turned out so well!!! Though I used the same concept for all the trio edits, I think this one is the best one. The two panels on the left / two panels on the right alternation combo never fails ahah. The colors are nice (shout-out to my sister for making me a palette), despite the fact that it was hard for the lighter ones to make them work with the images without having those disappear. I'm very satisfied with the panels I chose for this, I think they work really good together! Also, it got me very happy to read everyone's comments saying they liked the fading effect in the last panel :)

#4: Emma + Eyes Close Ups [1/?]

Date: Jan 24th 2021 Time: 5h 55min This one was really nice!! Another idea I got when working on the 2019 Emma birthday edit I was glad to finally execute. Started the edit in September, finished it in December. I'm overall very happy with how it turned out... I hope I will be able to make more in the future!

#5: The Promised Neverland Parallels → (9/?) » 114 // 122

Date: Feb 23th 2021 Time: 5h 7min (panel cleaning only) Aaaaahh I really like this one!!!! A parallel I love very much, and I'm really happy with how the edit turned out. All the hair redrawing looks neat!!!! The gif is maybe a little excessive, but I think overall it's a nice edit. I like it!!! Fun fact, I completed it on August 26th 2020, but I couldn't find the right moment to post it ahah.

Honorable mention: The Promised Neverland Parallels → (5/?) » 08 // 16

Date: Aug 30th 2020 Time: 2h 52min (Second picture cleaning only; I deleted the first picture art file so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) I don't have much to say about this one except!! It turned out very nice!!!!! Love the pen lmao.

Top 10 analysis:

Too many analysis,,

#1: Post chapter 181 Emma analysis

Date: Jul 9th 2020 Mmmh a nice analysis. I think it was important for me to put down in words what I think of Emma's characterization and the manga ending, so I'm happy I did it!

#2: A long Oliver analysis because I love him very much

Date: Dec 6th 2020 What can I say I just love Oliver tons 😔😔💕💕 This was very fun to make!!!

#3: TPN s2 previsions

Date: Jan 14th 2021 Really love the effort that went into this + me proving that 11 episodes GP could have possibly worked + it's just a lot of fun to read again after s2 ended pffft

#4: More s2 delusional previsions lmao

Date: Jan 27th 2021 I think the points and previsions I made where pretty neat!! In my defense, it was pretty impossible to predict the anime would have ended with this season. I always feel honoured when friends and Anon ask for my opinion, I'm like "you wanna know what I think? Wow. I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍) " Thank you to anyone who ever sent me an ask!!

#5: Why Emma not wearing pants is 𝕨𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘

Date: Jan 29th 2021 Really proud of this!!! Pants Emma is important!!!!!

#6: Post episode 5 manga Emma analysis

Date: Feb 4th 2021 A depressed analysis, but a necessary one 😔

#7: Norman analysis

Date: Feb 12th 2021 I love him!!!! And I'm happy I eventually got to put down in words what I love about his character. The day I posted this ww3.readneverland was in maintenance so I couldn't use the volume scans for it- the thought of that post having fan edited and fan translated scans still haunts me

#8: RayDon rambles

Date: May 12th 2021 I had a blast writing this and like. It's likely the post of mine I reread more often of them all. I love this ship tons!!!!! I'm satisfied with how I put down in words what I like about them. I LOVE THIS SHIP

#9: Chapter 58 analysis

Date: May 23th 2021 I've wanted to express this concept since like the first time reading the manga- I'm so happy I finally did!!!! This concept is one of my absolute favorite things about tpn- the feelings that people are good. The concept that kids who got to live in an healthy and supportive environment will always be inclined to kindness and altruism, because humans are just inherently good. From the Three Character Classic: “people at birth are inherently good”. I want to have faith and courage to hold on the goodness in myself, and to hold on the goodness in the world, no matter how difficult it to do that (Chloé Zhao).

#10: Norman and Lambda squad relationship analysis

Date: May 24th 2021 I think this was a pretty sharp analysis and I like what I did with it!!

Other stuff:

#1: Krone birthday edit

Date: Jul 15th 2020 This edit is so good ;; Like not perfect since it was my first attempt at coloring gifs but still I believe it turned out so good ;;;;;; The time and effort that went unto this is crazy, but... Maybe I'm happy to have dedicated time to something I like for a satisfying result.

#2: Get to know my ship- Wolfpack Trio

Date: Aug 24th 2020 Uuuh a good post. A good ship.

#3: Gilda + blank glasses

Date: Aug 27th 2020 This is such a cute nice compilation!!! I love looking at it. A few panels are missing but still :')

#4: Apollo Ray AU

Date: Sep 7th 2020 (Though it was written Sep 2nd 2019 lmao) I'm so happy I finally gathered the courage to post this 😭😭 I really enjoy what I did with this AU, so this one and its other installments are all posts I have a lot of fun rereading. More than everything, I was astounded and overjoyed by the positive response it got: that gave me tons of confidence to put my ideas out there, no matter how unique they sound!!! Here's to hoping I will be able to post my RayEmma Hadestown AU, by other big AU from late summer 2019 :')

#5: TPN timeline project

Date: Dec 2nd 2020 This is like. I don't know it's a lot ahah. Arguably the project I'm the most proud of ever making. I'm just so happy of all the months long hard work and of the final result!! The post didn't receive much response (though the ones I got were extremely kind and sweethearted so that totally makes up for it), but in the end I don't really mind? I'm just so proud I accomplished that idea :')

#6: TPN calendar

Date: Jan 4th 2021 A nice sum of the tpn timeline + everyone's birth dates!!! I really like how it turned out visually. It's a cute little tpn calendar!!!

#7: Ray smiles compilation

Date: Jan 17th 2021 Ray's smile. That's it that's the post :')

#8: Trans Oliver headcanons

Date: Jan 24th 2021 MMMH really like this headcanon I think about it a lot

#9: Thoma and Lani theory

Date: Jan 28th 2021 I really don't want to brag but this is the best joke I've ever made :')

#10: My TPN AUs

Date: May 10th 2021 Ok you gotta admit those are very good AUs, I'm glad to have made a list out of them!!!

#11: Ranking Emma promotional art outfits

Date: May 16th 2021 This is one people seem to have liked a lot which makes me happy ahah. I'm glad to know we can all agree Emma deserves more pants outfits!! Please stop it with the gendered clothing :') This is the post I want to be remembered for

#12: TPN musicals AU part 2

Date: May 20th 2021 A GREAT POST I can't stretch enough how happy I am with those character-song associations. I hope I have time to make a part 3 in the future!!

#13: TPN Drive folder

Date: May 30th 2021 This was born as a way for me to have all the tpn extra contents easily accessible, but I'm happy to have shared it with people- I hope it will turn out to be useful to others too!

#14: TPN s2 recolorings

Date: Jun 12th 2021 A more diverse children cast is good for the soul :')

That's it, this year was really fun!! Thank you to everyone who supported me through it, I can't express how grateful I am for all the kindness and validation I received. Here's to many more months in the fandom!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

[plainbrunettelbl]

ABO (A) Togata Mirio x (O) Reader Bright Smiles (College AU)

Word count: 2337

Warnings: Frat Party so mentions of alcohol. 

Title: ABO (A) Togata Mirio x (O) Reader Bright Smiles (College AU)  

Summary: You go out of your comfort zone and meet a smiling blonde Alpha. 

(Gif not mine) (I feel like Mirio would grow his hair back out in College. Don’t @ me.)

🌻-It was your second year of college at U.A university. You felt like you stayed in your comfort zone too much your first year so you were determined to get out more.

🌻-So when you heard a frat was throwing a party you decided you wanted to attend just to see how it went. You threw on your best clothes and put on your best lipstick.

🌻-You wanted to feel confident surrounded by a bunch of sweaty people you didn’t really know. Fake it till you make it.

🌻-Finding the frat house wasn’t hard. It was on Greek road and had a bunch of people already passed out on the yard. You didn’t know much about parties but you knew that you never showed up early.

🌻-The only downside to your outfit was your shoes. Just walking to the frat made them ache. You had bought the heels on a whim and never really had the chance to break them in until now.

🌻-It was a bit difficult walking up the crowded porch stairs but once inside you got shoved around until you got to the kitchen where it was more empty. You already felt uncomfortable and you only been there five minutes.

🌻-You told yourself you would make it to twenty minutes before scurrying back to your quiet dorm.

🌻-You looked a bit out of place without a drink in your hand so you looked at the options. Unopened pink wine coolers seemed to be the safe option. You didn’t even want to go near the punch that was made in a laundry basket.

🌻-The only problem was opening it. Your hands were used to typing away at keyboards and writing with pencils and not familiar with the harsh teeth the bottle cap seemed to have.

🌻-You tried to be discreet with your struggle to get it open. You already felt heat crawling up on your face. This was so not happening. You about ditched it and go looking for a coke when a gentle tap on your shoulder pulled you away from your inevitable defeat.

🌻-“Would you like me to open that for you? I swear I’m not a creep for anything.” A pair of kind blue eyes and a bright smile greeted you when you turned around.

🌻-Even with all the sweaty people and the strong smell of liquor in the air you could tell he was an Alpha. You meekly nodded and handed him the bottle. You were mortified that he saw you struggle to open a stupid bottle.

🌻-He snapped it open effortlessly. He was careful to show you that he didn’t even lift the cap off when doing so. He really didn’t want to seem like a creep to you. He had spotted you the moment you walked through the door.

🌻-He was coming down from the top of the stairs and nearly fell down them once he caught a glimpse of your beautiful frame. His Alpha was already pushing forward pushing him to go to the pretty Omega.

🌻-He felt like a weirdo following you to the kitchen. A bunch of his frat brothers giving him high fives and cheers on the way over. He was president of the fraternity so it was his duty to oversee the parties but he rarely came down and joined them.

🌻-He was more focused on keeping his scholarship then hanging around a bunch of drunk people. Right now he didn’t seem to mind though. He ignored the Betas and Omegas send him pouty looks.

🌻-He had a reputation around the campus. He could be seen but not touched since he was more focused on his education then finding a potential mate. Girls tended to take it as a challenge.

🌻-In truth, he was looking for a mate but no one seemed to hold his interest. He dreamed of the days he would wake up next to someone and laugh over breakfast together.

🌻-He wanted soft kissed and gentle touches not rushed hands or sloppy makeout sessions like he saw his frat brother indulge in every night.

🌻-He waited for an opening and took it when he sees you struggling with a bottle. He found it sweet but not as sweet as your scent. Once he picked it up in the crowd his Alpha was panting in bliss.

🌻-You smelled divine.

🌻-“Thank you, I was about to give up and get a soda. I’m Y/N. ” You smiled, lifting your bright drink to him.

🌻-“I’m Mirio. It’s no problem at all. I am known for my bottle opening skills.” He joked, sending you a brilliant smile.

🌻-“Oh? That must be nice.” Your smile faltered a bit.

🌻-He was quick to catch his mistake.

🌻-“Not that I drink a lot or anything! I am just a fan of Mexican soda. I always have a six-pack in my room when I am studying. Not the healthiest option but I can’t seem to stay away from them.” He nervously rambled, not even a few seconds into talking to you and he was already nose-diving.

🌻-“Mexican soda? I can’t say I have had one before. Where do you get them?” You lifted a brow bringing your drink to your lips. Even the crazy amount of watermelon flavoring couldn’t mask the strong aftertaste.

🌻-You tried to keep a straight face as you went back in for a second sip hoping it would taste better the more you drank it. You couldn’t imagine spending money on something that tasted so horrible.

🌻-“There is a little shop not too far from here that sells international goods. I usually pick up my sodas and anything spicy I can get my hands on.” He grinned, thinking about the kind lady who owned the place.

🌻-She was always quick to throw in a sweet bread stating that he was much too thin. He always thanked her and helped her out if she ever needed his help around the store while he was there.

🌻-His muscles sure came in handy. He was always happy to use them for good.

🌻-“Sounds fun. Maybe I will have to check it out. I have been trying to expand my horizons a bit. Coming to this party was the first thing on my list.” You chuckled, loving the way his smile lit up the room.

🌻-A small part of you wished you would see it more.

🌻-“Well, I am glad you came.” He beamed, happy that he ran into you.

🌻-“I am too.” You nodded, sipping your drink once again.

🌻-Before Mirio could say anything else you were shoved from behind. A drunk Beta male stumbled into you. Mirio reacted quickly and caught you before you could fall to the ground but he knew something was wrong with the way you leaned heavily on him.

🌻-A small whimper from you made his Alpha nearly growl at the offending male.

🌻-“Are you okay?” He asked, holding you up by your shoulders.

🌻-“I think I twisted my ankle a bit.” You whimpered, trying to set your foot down to test it.

🌻-Pain shot through your foot at the action. Your hand gripped tighter at his chest. Your mind too focused on your pain to notice how built he was. Your other hand clutched the dumb drink you didn’t even want.

🌻-“Oh no.” Mirio breathed, not sure what to do. He looked around but it seemed people and drinks occupied every possible space to sit on.  

🌻-“I’m fine. I think I will just end the night early.” You tried to reassure him already pulling away from his embrace.

🌻-“Wait! I have ice packs upstairs in my room. One of the perks of being president is having your own mini-fridge. At least let me ice it a bit before you leave.” He offered, his Alpha wanting to take care of this sweet Omega.

🌻-You were unsure. He seemed sweet but he probably wanted to enjoy the party rather than babysit some girl he just met.

🌻-“Are you sure? I don’t want to ruin your night.” You hesitated, slightly hoping he wouldn’t take back his offer.

🌻-“Positive. I just came down here to make sure everything was all right before heading back up to my room.” He was quick to state. He didn’t want you to leave just yet.

🌻-“Okay, but first let’s get rid of this terrible drink. I don’t need to be tipsy on a sprained ankle knowing me I would probably break my neck on the way home.” You humored, passing it to him to pour it down the sink.

🌻-You missed his small whimper he let out at the mere thought of you lying dead somewhere. He knew he was in deep at that very moment. His Alpha was already on board with keeping you around.

***

🌻-He got you up to his room no problem. You Omega was happily jumping around every step you took up the stairs. You loved the warmth his body gave off. You were sure he would be a great person to cuddle with this winter.

🌻-You had purchased a heated blanket to keep you warm and something told you he would be a better source of heat.

🌻-You pushed those thoughts away. You just met him after all.

🌻-He sat you on his bed and rummaged through his black mini-fridge. He reached in a pulled out a glass bottle with red wrapping.  

🌻-“Would you like to wash down that drink with one of these?” He asked, tilting it your way.

🌻-“Sure, I’m eager to try it after hearing about your addiction.” You teased, taking the cold bottle from him.

🌻-“Haha, it might be a slight addiction.” He laughed, pulling out an ice pack next.

🌻-He had a ton stored in his fridge in case he pulled something at the gym. He went over to you and sat on the bed. You were propped up against the pillows. His Alpha danced at the thought of your scent rubbing off on them.

🌻-He took a pillow and laid your foot down on it before gently placing the ice pack on your slightly swollen ankle.

🌻-“Does it hurt?” He worried, he didn’t like the thought of you in pain.

🌻-“Just a little bit. The ice is helping.” You replied, looking around his room. It was clean and orderly. Not something you would expect from a frat boy.

🌻-“We can watch something while we wait for the swelling to go down. Would you like me to keep the door open? I can sit on a chair by the bed if it would make you feel uncomfortable if I sat next to you on the bed.” He stumbled, not quite sure how to entertain you and make you feel safe in his presence.

🌻-“You can close the door, I don’t mind. I am fine with you sitting on the bed with me.” You responded, patting the open stop next to you.

🌻-He grabbed a coke of his own before sitting in bed with you.

🌻-“What do you feel like watching? I love a good comedy.” He flipped through Netflix.

🌻-“I could use a good laugh.” You hummed, leaning back against the pillows.

🌻-Forty-five minutes into the movie he felt a weight hit his shoulder. You had fallen asleep on him. He was scared he was gonna wake you with the way his heart was beating loudly in his chest.

🌻-Not even an intense workout could send his heart into such a state.

🌻-He hoped this feeling would last forever.

***

🌻-Sun shining through the curtains woke you up. Soft sheets and plush pillows surrounded you. The bed felt warm and safe. You only noticed something was off when you heard gentle snoring coming from the ground.

🌻-You peaked your eyes open and noticed the dark blue walls and wooden bookshelves. You couldn’t see the titles but he had quite the collection. You were so focused on him you didn’t notice them before.

🌻-Speaking of him, you leaned over the bed to spot a mess of blonde hair and arms splayed about. The sheet he used was sliding off him catching at his hips and tangling up his legs. He didn’t look very comfortable.

🌻-Your heart melted at the sight. He didn’t need to give up his bed for you. He could have woken you up and sent you on your way. He would make a good mate.

🌻-Your Omega was already trying to convince you to snatch him up before others could. She was a bit possessive over him already. You pushed her down before crawling out of his bed.

🌻-Your Omega whined at the action. She wanted to lay in his scent some more.

🌻-You tested your foot and it seemed better you could put pressure on it with little pain. Your foot seemed to find the only squeaky floorboard in the room. The shrill sound jerked the sleeping Alpha awake.

🌻-His blue eyes bounced to yours.

🌻-“Are you okay?” He questioned, sitting up. His voice was husky from sleep. The sound of it sent butterflies to your stomach.

🌻-“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m sorry for falling asleep on you. I was just heading out.” You answered, nodding to the door.

🌻-His heart dropped at the statement but he wasn’t gonna hold you back. There was no reason to stay with him any longer.

🌻-“Oh okay.” He nodded, trying to push down his disappointment.

🌻-“But I was wondering if you wanted to meet up at this pancake place down the road? It would be my treat. I wanna thank you for taking care of me.” You propositioned, hoping he would say yes.

🌻-“Yes, I would love to.” The smile he gave you was blinding.

🌻-You hoped you would get to see it more in the future.

🌻-“Then it’s a date.” You grinned, floating out of his room.

I felt like writing a College/Frat AU. I hope you enjoy it. I love this sunflower boy! 💛🌻 Let me know what you think!

Please reblog my works! It makes me feel more motivated to write more for you guys!  💛💚

[hellroots]

『 MOBILE FRIENDLY RULES 』

— here you will find my rules or can also find them on my gdocs as well once i’m done with it. please like this if you read it, but otherwise don’t interact with this post, thank you. rest assured that i always read my moots rules before following and that i fully expect the same courtesy. i tried not to let them get too long but feel free to ask me anything you wanna know about them if it’s not clear ok?

 『 THE MUN』

NOXTROMUN, THEY/THEM, 21+, BRAZILIAN

shy but friendly ! i don't follow for follow, if i follow you that means i've read your rules and want to write with you. i have no triggers nor squicks of my own except drama in the dash, for that reason i do not engage in callouts/witch hunts and if you do it on a constant basis i might have to hard block you for my own peace of mind. although i may come off too strong/harsh, i am always up to talking things out privately. as long as you are civil, so am i. any form of hate will be deleted and blocked -  sometimes mocked, if i’m feeling cocky…

『 THE BLOG』

HELLROOTS, INDIE ( POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING AND NOT MINOR FRIENDLY ), HIGHLY SELECTIVE & PRIVATE MULTIFANDOM MULTIMUSE

primarily run on a low activity \ effort and with a slow speed.. my muselist changes a lot, depends a lot on what i’m watching lately so bear with me please. this is a drama free zone, therefore do realise that mun ≠ muses and (obviously) writing ≠ condoning !! as a quick note, do keep in mind that my blog is my safe space, just as your blog is yours - you are responsible for your own internet experience just as i am responsible for mine. should anything in my blog annoy/trigger/squick you, i strongly encourage you to block me & not write with me - your mental health is far more important ( for me, and hopefully for you as well ) than rp. on that note, please do not softblock me - that’s annoying, just hardblock please.

『 THE TRIGGERS』

TRIGGER HEAVY, PROPERLY TAGGED AND TAKING NO CRAP

i  usually  tend to write for trigger heavy fandoms (such as asoiaf, kingdom and others) and may incorporate some of it into my writing, muses' backgrounds and overall characterization. if you're bothered \ squicked \ triggered by that, i kindly encourage you to reconsider and not follow me. no amount of rp fun is worth your mental health.  i try to tag everything accordingly and i fully expect the same courtesy for our followers' sakes. be aware that there may be mentions of death, gore, violence, consanguinamory \ endogamy (especially when it comes to the lannisters and kekkei genkai clans), rape ( kingdom, though it will only be mentioned on the character’s backstory ) and cannibalism ( hannibal and kingdom ) , as well as unhealthy relationships and dynamics alongside with powerplay, and otherwise bad behaviours.  for all that is sacred, please, do note that i, the mun, do not approve, support or condone any of these actions or behaviours !!  i simply am capable of separating fiction from reality. as long as everything is properly tagged, with mutual consent and there are no minors involved (muse and especially not muns), . i support the right of a consenting adult to explore these awful dark topics in a safe fictional environment with other like minded consenting adults, people shouldn’t have to share their traumas to strangers on the internet to explain why they write what they write, be considerate. if that notion bothers you perhaps you might not want to interact with me, for both of ours sakes. fair warning, most of my graphics and aesthetics might trigger those who have xylophobia/hylophobia (phobia of trees or wooded areas), and considering it is a main theme here i will not be tagging it, i'm sorry. but its too many. however, if you want me to create a special tag for you, there's no issue! it will be either "[your mun name] don't look!" or "[your url] don't look!", whichever you prefer. QUICK EDIT/ADDITION: i do not believe that aging up fictional characters is inherently a bad thing - from what i understand, the whole appeal of aging up a character is that while you like their personality but you do not want them to be kids (for whatever reason) but insteasd adults. if you are one of those who think that aging up a character is automatically something bad (without even knowing why it was done in the first place) don’t bother following me because i do think that opinion is quite silly.

『 THE INTERACTIONS』

OC, DUPLICATE, MULTIMUSE AND CANON DIVERGENT FRIENDLY

my tagging system is simple, i tag triggers as "tw; x" and . images that may be sensitive or triggering as "cw; x". you can further see how my tags work by taking a look at my tag dump post, just search ‘tag dump’ on my blog and you will find the most recent one i’m using.    i shitpost and talk oocly on the dash constantly but you can easily blacklist my tag if it bothers you.  here's something you should know about me:  when i'm doing drafts i usually don't feel like chatting much, so please do not spam me because i won't be able to reply, i love to talk with my moots but sometimes it overwhelms me.  on that note, please don't pester me for replies ic or ooc, i am slow and chances are that if you try to guilt trip me or just nag me about it i'll leave as the ones i'll get to in the later end on purpose, just out of spite. yes, i be like that.   please be patient - i’ll never pressure you and expect the same in return.  plotting wise: i prefer to just wing it with just a faint idea of where to take the thread but honestly i'm cool with anything. please be considerate when formatting your replies, i have a bad eyesight & if i can't read it, i won't bother with it.   my own formatting is simple and clean.   on a smaller note, please bear with me and my muses as my muses ramble a lot but you don't have to match the length, just give me something to work with. if we write together, the chances of me making edits/tagging you in stuff are really big, just lmk if you don’t like that though !

『 THE FLEET』

MOSTLY BI/PAN MUSES, MULTISHIP AND MULTIVERSE, SMUT FRIENDLY

i love shipping but i like my ships to be devices to move the plot/dynamics/muses forward, every once in a while though i partake in some much loved self indulgent shipping. just because i ship a certain pairing don't presume that my characters are approaching yours with second intentions, please.   most of the time i like to reblog those relationship memes, so if you’re interested in a ship the best way (other than  sending me a message ofc) to let me know is by sending ones. there will be some triggering ships here ( like the lannisters, both cersei x jaime and joanna x tywin are my otps, and potential inter clan ships, like with the hyugas - i mean how the hell you think they keep the byakugan in their family?? ) that may either be played with trusted friends or be mentioned/reblogged sometimes, all properly tagged so you can easily blocklist/avoid it.  most of my muses are either bi or pan, those who are not will be specified. don't be afraid to reach out to me for shipping right off the bat - i'd rather have you to be open and honest with me about the interactions you want than lying to me, just know that there will be needed some plotting and threading first to see if your muses match. as an adult, my blog is smut friendly, i partake in sexual sunday a lot because some of my muses are very lewd in nature, you can blacklist my tag if that bothers you as well.

『 THE FINAL NOTES』

GENERAL RP ETIQUETTE APPLIES, CREDITS, THANK YOU FOR READING MY RULES

lastly but not least, general rp etiquette applies on my blog: no godmodding, forced ships, etc. there’s only ONE thing that truly makes me go apeshit crazy, and it’s when people don’t read my rules. i ALWAYS find out and it’s not pretty; i block it like it’s hot, ♪ ♫ ♬ block it like it’s hot ♪ ♫ ♬.   i strongly assure you that i always read your rules before both following you and also before sending memes, just in case. on a much smaller note, i’m not so hot on single shipping and i really feel weirded out about people forcing me to pic who i’m going to interact with due to theirs DNI’s. while i get DNI’s when it comes to actual predators, when it’s something seemingly random chances are that i’ll softblock you because it weirds me out how volatile some can be when it comes to a hobby. i have some trigger heavy hcs ( for example, the one about jiraiya’s hypersexuality being rooted in trauma that he suffered at a young age ) that i share with only a few muns that are closer with me, so i’ll be mentioning them every once in a while but won’t share them, please don’t insist.  i don’t really like most of the main characters of the franchises i write for, and when it comes to certain characters  i reserve the right to decline an rp for my own comfort. for further info on what i use to make my graphics please check my “CREDITS.” tag.  most of my stuff is made by me, i’ve got a lowkey rph in case you wanna check it out it’s @brazucahelps, however if you want a custom content i can see if i get a free time to come up with something :D

 IF YOU READ THIS FAR, THANK YOU SO MUCH — JUST ONE LAST THING, COULD YOU PLS LIKE THIS SO I KNOW YOU’VE READ IT? <3 THANKS!

[overanalysingfandoms]

Jonathan Stroud's newest book, The Outlaws Scarlett & Browne arrived today.

Needless to say I have already finished it lol,

So if you haven't had a chance to read TOSAB yet please don't read the rest of this post, there are spoilers

I have zero idea how to do read more, soooo sorry for clogging up your tags?

I'll probably do a more in-depth review later but here are some of my thoughts after literally just finishing the book 5 minutes ago:

I want to adopt Albert

I really loved the book

Stroud's worldbuilding, as always, was absolutely on point, I felt as though it was a completely different world but also the same, it was *chefs kiss* beautiful

I immediately loved Scarlett, she kind of has aspect of both Lucy and Lockwood with Lucy's harshness, attitude, boldness and people skills and Lockwoods calculations, timings, finesse and charm

It took me a while to warm up to Albert but by the middle of the book I absolutely adored him, he kind of reminded me of a mix of Bobby Vernon and Danny Skinner with his way of addressing people, lack of good timing and wit etc.

The villian was amazing, during the final scene I kept putting the book down to just process all of her lines and squeal at how cool she is, she really gave me Marissa Fittes vibes and Big M (as the skull would say) is one of my favourite characters, so needless to say, although I've already said it and I'm sure I'll say it again, I loved her. And I'm really intrigued about what's going to happen next with the plot

I know I keep making references to Lockwood & Co but it's only because I really can't help comparing them and I really liked the characters personalities and how familiar I felt with them because of reading Lockwood &Co

I also absolutely adored Scarlett and Albert's relationship with Joe and just Joe and Ettie as characters, they were really well done and I got a strong feel for how loyal Joe is and how much he loves Ettie, as well as how Ettie might struggle in the future being mute, it really gave us an insight to how the laws around deficiencies affect normal people on a personal level without shoving it in our faces and to do that at the same time as giving a more to the side character good motivation and depth was pure genius

Scarlett saying 'Thomas' in the final fight gives me the same vibes as Lockwood saying he thought Lucy was 'someone else' (meaning Jessica) so maybe we could have another dead sibling on out hands? I don't know, but I'm very curious and excited about it

I love how the people in the 'free lands' were portrayed through the book, at the start being spoken of as perfect and saviours while at the end being seen as cowardly and not much better than the others, while I started to see it coming by the middle, it was definitely a great pay off when it happened and fit in really well narratively

I think the Tainted were really creepy, during the descriptions of them, I couldn't help but grimace a bit, I found them to almost be as scary as the Fetch from The Hollow Boy was and the way that Albert described one of them as being just a normal girl his age when he saw into it's mind really freaked me out, I can not wait to see what's going to happen with them, there's definitely tonnes of potential there, especially with how they came to be

Talking about how things came to be, I must admit that I'm very intrigued by the 'Great Cataclysm', what it was and how it came to be

I literally couldn't not think about Chat Noir whenever this was mentioned lol, so I have come up with a very crack, doesn't explain anything, non-canon, completely for my own self indulgence, theory that this all took place during Chat Blanc when he cataclysmed like the entirety of France and destroyed the moon and stuff. The theory makes no sense, but that's what my, very twisted, way too fandom centric, mind came up with

Getting back on track, I also absolutely adored how the dynamic between Scarlett and Albert evolved, at the start feeling really rocky and less fun to read, with neither of them really trusting the other and both, especially Scarlett, feeling like they could snap at any second to a really comfortable dynamic that (yes, another Lockwood & Co reference, I can't help myself) that really reminded me of Lockwood and Lucy's dynamic during the final books at some points

Overall I loved it and am really sad that it will probably take what will feel like forever for another one to come out, probably shouldn't have read it all in 4 hours, but Oh well, I can just keep rereading it over and over again until another one comes out, just like all my other favourite books

If you made it this far then WOW, thank you for reading my nonsense rambling, I appreciate that, I literally just typed out my, probably very incoherent, thoughts out as I thought them

I have not proof read this so if there are mistakes then, whoops?

TLDR; TOSAB is an amazing book by a wonderful author and you should all go read it

Also if someone could explain to me how to do the whole 'read more' thing that would be super helpful because I have no idea how to do it and don't want to keep clogging up tags with these super long posts XD

[vs-redemption]

I would like an one-shot where Female! Reader is a wealthy and kind-hearted young woman who will celebrate Halloween with her foster son of Armin Arlert

A/N: First time writing the sweet butterbean Armin! Thank you for this interesting request! I hope this is what you were looking for, but feel free to let me know if you had something else in mind. 

500 Follower event closes tomorrow (Nov 1) Here’s how to request! 

Modern AU- Celebrating Halloween with foster son Armin!

Armin had lost both of his parents at a very young age. He hated to admit it, but he could scarcely remember their faces or the sound of their voices. Mostly he recalled them vicariously through second-hand memories he’d collected from other people. Sadly, even those had begun to fade away into the recesses of his mind over the years. Armin’s grandfather had done his best to raise the boy after the parents’ passing, keeping them alive in his memory through his nostalgic ramblings. It wasn’t long until the old man succumbed to illness though, leaving Armin truly orphaned and alone in the world. Without any living relatives to take him in, Armin was sent to live at an orphanage.

He’d just turned twelve years old when someone finally expressed an interest in fostering him. It came as a shock since the chances of finding a home seemed to grow slimmer as the years passed. His confusion was multiplied when his eyes fell upon the young woman waiting for him in the office.

“Hello, Armin.” The woman smiles kindly, the gentleness of her voice making him relax a little. He was still unsure about the situation though. This woman only looked to be in her mid-twenties and she was dressed in expensive looking clothes and jewelry. Armin smiles back at her politely, but stays quiet to see what would happen.

“I read a little bit about you,” the woman fills the silence with her soothing voice. “You’ve been stuck in these walls for so long, and I was thinking it was about time you got out and lived a little.” Armin was delighted at the thought of getting away from the monotony of the orphanage. He could barely contain his excitement as he watched the woman fill out the necessary paperwork, and his blue eyes went as wide as saucers when he first glimpsed the large home he would be living in from now on. He got a little nervous when he saw the plastic skeletons on the lawn and fake spider webs draped over the bushes.

“Have you ever heard of Halloween, Armin?” the woman asks with a laugh. He shakes his head, so she begins explaining the holiday to him. Everything she told him sounded so unique, and he eagerly confessed to wanting to try it all. She was more than willing to indulge him.

She took him on a trip to a local orchard so that he could pick out the perfect pumpkin and marvel at the different colored leaves on the trees. Armin had been a little hesitant to go through the haunted house there, but had ultimately decided he couldn’t back down when he saw children much younger than himself going inside. The loud sudden noises and jump scares made his heart race in his chest, but thankfully he found the exhilaration to be more fun that scary. He felt a little guilty each time the woman pulled out her wallet to pay for a ticket or a snack, but she assured him that it was no problem at all. It was worth it to her to see the joy on Armin’s face.

“What kind of jack-o-lantern do you want to make?” she asks him once they’re back home. Armin had no idea so the woman pulled up some pumpkin carving ideas on her phone. The examples ranged from funny to frightening and the variety made Armin’s head spin. He decided on something simple since it was his first time. He didn’t fully understand the appeal of cutting up a pumpkin at first, but once the woman lit a candle inside and his design came to life he decided it was a really clever idea.

Picking out a costume was the most fascinating and difficult choice of all, and it took Armin hours to finally decide on one. The woman laughed every time he asked “I can really be anything I want?” He ultimately decided to be a pirate since the idea of traveling the ocean and visiting many different places sounded wonderful to him. The woman was pleased with his choice and promised to take him on some real adventures once the weather warmed up in the spring. The hint that he would get to stay with her that long made Armin’s heart leap with joy. He’d never imagined he’d experience such love and kindness again after his parents and grandfather passed away.

“People are just going to give me candy?” Armin couldn’t believe his ears when she explained trick-or-treating to him while doing his make-up to look like a roughed up pirate. The woman laughs pleasantly and nods her head. “For free?” He adds on for clarification and she nods her head again. He was glad she never seemed to lose patience with all his questions.

“Wow, you got a pretty good haul this time!” The woman claps her hands after the trick-or-treating was finished. Armin’s mind was reeling as he emptied the pillow case he’d used and spread the candy out on the table. There were so many different colors and flavors, more than he’d ever seen before.

“Let’s put on a scary movie and start eating,” the woman suggests. The idea of staying up so late and eating sweets baffled Armin, but he wasn’t going to refuse the offer. He was having so much fun, he didn’t want the day to end yet. As he sat on the couch, watching the movie while curled up in a warm blanket, he couldn’t help but wonder what other interesting holidays and activities he’d be introduced to now that he had found a new home.

[coraxaviary]

An Essay on POC and Fics

[ORIGINALLY A WRITER ASK GAME]: Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

(AKA me explaining in long-form why June is white, complete with some drama and a lot of rambling. Do not feel obligated to read).

.

I’ve never talked about this extensively, but I want to discuss ethnic minority OFCs in fics. Specifically, SiA. I originally was going to make June partially nonwhite. And I ran into problems.

I really found myself worrying about relatability. If a character is POC, I thought it would ruin immersion for people who are looking for an OFC fic to lose themselves in. It’s no secret that I’m Asian-American, and I was originally all for making the character part Asian. It’s ironic that I was worried about immersion when outside of fic spaces, I argue unendingly for Asians to be cast as leads and stereotype-defying roles. Because any POC is also just a person who can be as “relatable” as any white character, theoretically. I feel a little hypocritical, but at the same time it’s true.

When I watched The Walking Dead, Glenn was my absolute favorite. Because he was Korean-American. And for the first time, I watched a major (Asian!) character in a show become hailed as a man defined not by his race, but for his achievements and his personality. If Glenn was white, he still would’ve been one of my favorites. But seeing Asians portrayed as... normal people shouldn’t be this rare. However, it is, at least in mainstream America.

The issue with creating POC characters is racism. That’s always the issue, isn’t it? Racism has been ingrained into every system and cultural dynamic, globally. The remnants of colonialism are alive and well, and the treatment of POC people, generally, is far from sterling.

Thus it became almost impossible for me to justify creating an Asian-American (or, for that matter, any other POC) OFC. They would be defined by race, because back in the 40s, any American ethnic minority had no choice but to be characterized by their appearance. It still happens today. And I wanted the focus to be on humanity, war, bonds, and gender. Not race, because race is unpleasant to talk about. It wouldn’t be fun for me to be researching 1940s race discrimination to create a character who must overcome that too. I’m not looking to undergo an identity crisis in the pursuit of a fic aimed at social justice. I just want to write something fun.

Fic is created, many times, by minority groups, including POC. However, like any institution, it’s white-centric. And I don’t fault it for that. Most media in the mainstream is white-centric and thus it makes perfect sense for the works created based on the material to be also that way. But I felt like I was betraying myself by writing fic and not taking a chance to diversify the narrative.

Because if a significant part of my irl advocacy is attempting to champion race diversity, and I don’t take that chance in the fandom space, am I a hypocrite?

The fault of this culture, and this struggle, is not with me. It’s with the centuries and ages of oppression and typecasting and discrimination in the pages of world history. It’s unavoidable.

However, to be kind of frank, it sucks to have to consider these things when all I wanna do is write a self-indulgent narrative about WWII boyfriends. I want to just be myself and imagine a fun time with my favorite characters. But I know, deep down, that anyone who is not white would not have been accepted into the group. I decided to just circumvent all these problems by writing a white character.

And it’s not true to the narrative if I wrote a POC OFC and then bent all the other characters OOC and forced them to be non-problematic. Because I know, regrettably, that the norm back then (and still in some areas) is casual racism. It was only 1948 when the American Army officially desegregated. You can watch The Pacific for yourself and find out what the Americans called Japanese people. The racial slurs, I’ll admit, made me uncomfortable despite how much I love the series. Army culture in the 40s towards a woman who is also a racial minority would have been egregious. And that’s not fun to write about in a fic.

I can’t not think about race -- not forever, at least. I don’t have that luxury. I do acknowledge that I, as an Asian-Amerian, benefit from a white-centric culture that has designated us (condescendingly) as a “model minority” and as an exception race. Systemic racism is less impactful towards Asians. This is, however, not to discount the terrible history of Asian-American discrimination that is not immediately apparent (I have been told that not everyone is educated of the existence of the Japanese-American internment or other examples of irrefutable discrimination). There is history in my family of experiencing both ends of the Asian-American experience: as a “model” and also discriminated against as a perceived threat (or a scapegoat, if you will, for the Vietnam war and other matters).

I went through a phase (as many American POC do) of wanting to be white when I was very young. I don’t know exactly why. Is it because the American identity is so deeply rooted in the striking visual of the white settler, despite the deep history of the continent in indigenous people? Is it because diversity is (or was) not common in the mainstream -- when we didn’t have people like Glenn at the forefront of media representation but instead had stereotyped caricatures like Mr. Yunioshi? I didn’t know what it meant to be beautiful back then unless the portrait was of caucasian features. I have a distinct memory of complaining to my mother when I was about five or six years old that I didn’t like my black hair, and I think my way of thinking unconsciously had to do more with my Asian heritage than the actual color. I cannot tell you honestly what specifically caused this type of thinking, but it’s more widespread than you’d think among POC children.

So this is why I am a POC and yet I choose to write a white protagonist. Historical fiction always contains complexities: decisions that must be made with the wisest discernment that I don’t feel like I can always make. History is a burden upon us all. The present will never be free of the past, and it’s our job as writers to navigate the gray patches between interpretation and accurate portrayal. Sometimes it seems like an insurmountable task, and sometimes it’s as if I can forget about my POC-ness altogether and lose myself in my OFC without thinking about heritage or discrimination.

But here we are, writing fanfiction of WWII heroes who come from a different time and a different era.

It had to have felt different back then, don’t you think? When I think of the forties, I think of patriotism and B-24s and victory; I think of a feeling of hope tinged with despair. I think of radios and dance halls and tragic heroes and the glory of soldiers dropping from the sky, backlit like angels and tasked with democracy and hope and things that are right and true. I think of a time where Americans united for good.

But this is a glamorized version of history. It’s the enjoyable version, we all know. And it genuinely consisted partially of these snippets of greatness, but there was a larger part that lay, vast, underneath the golden panorama that sometimes we forget about. And I think the WWII fic-writing community is keenly conscious of this aspect. I see it in the writing that we all so lovingly produce: a lot of us understand, at least on a surface level, that war is not glamorous and that the times were still as turbulent as they are today.

It’s something we all must grapple with.

And this, in a slightly dramatic fashion, is my personal conflict of being a person of color, and choosing to write a white character for the sake of joy and fun.

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Thank you for reading if you got to the end! I love you all :)

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(Partially inspired by this post by @rhovanian, but mostly my own ruminations based on the brief time I have existed on this earth).

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[godkilller]

          out of character.  I know in the past week or two I’ve posted a lot about fight threads / writing action, which is awesome and one of my favorite things to do with Gin, but I also feel like I’ve never mentioned the flip side; NOT picking a fight. Though he may seem to always be trying to rile others with his piece-of-shit attitude and approach, Gin’s not down to fight 24/7, especially with these particular characters.

PEOPLE GIN WOULD ABSOLUTELY AVOID FIGHTING:

  - Matsumoto Rangiku           A given. Unfortunately, Gin wouldn’t avoid the fight due to any fears or intimidation; he knows Rangiku’s strengths and weaknesses intimately and would feel confident in defeating her unhindered if he must. But he abhors the concept of meeting her in an actual fight as enemies, faced with the very real issue that he’ll inevitably have to use his power against her. This is something Gin loathes, it pulls him completely out of his typical mindset of avoiding her to a quite literal confrontation of his childish hypocrisy; fighting her, as her enemy... how in the fucking world is this protecting her? Was this what he wanted when he was a child all those years ago? How far has he fallen that he’s somehow twisted himself into believing that vengeance against Aizen is somehow worth doing this to her? No, Gin would much rather incapacitate her and avoid that internal conflict at all costs. 

  - Yamamoto Genryusai Shigekuni           Gin’s not keen on being scolded while also burnt to a crisp, despite feeling relatively comfortable about facing off against a man who is entirely likely to prolong the drawing of their own blade; better of a chance to snipe him before Ryujin Jakka makes an entrance... right? No... realistically, even if he got a killshot on the old man from the safest distance courtesy of his own Bankai, Gin feels that Yamamoto would still somehow find a way to wipe the floor with him. That’s his luck. Even though he was prepared to ‘help’ Aizen fight Yamamoto in Karakura Town, Gin preferred to simply watch... and quietly cheer for Yamamoto, despite knowing he wouldn’t win. If Yamamoto somehow did win, Gin would much rather hightail it than hang around and see what fate awaited him at the elder’s mercy.

  - Unohana Retsu           There’s a distinction in her aura, the way she carries herself akin to a predator lying in wait, that Gin’s relatively familiar / experienced with ... so he’s not fucking around with that. Aizen himself was sure to avoid anything dire involving her during their traitorous plots, so Gin’s content to follow in his example. He also sees no scenario in which he’d ever be faced with her wrath, regardless, since the Gotei 13 seem to be hellbent on keeping her out of conflicts. Gin doesn’t know what her history is, but from the indications Aizen gave him and the lengths he went to trick specifically her with his illusions, it’s not much fun. Best to not poke that beast. He’ll sooner play inept, incapable, than ever raise his sword at her.

  - Zaraki Kenpachi           Tousen had the pleasure of dealing with his absolute reckless and relentless mass of energy a while back. While there are age-old myths and stories surrounding speed vs. strength, Gin would rather not put himself into the spotlight by challenging someone that doesn’t even fight for anything other than the pure exhilaration of it all -- so really, what would be the point? They have no qualms with one another, anyway. If Kenpachi ran at Gin, Gin would simply give him the most boring and un-enticing avoidant fight of his life. Eventually he’d move along. Better than awakening that second wind of his; Shinso’s aim is staying relatively non-lethal as a precaution. Gin’s not too ashamed to Sentan Hakuja his way out of that mess.

PEOPLE GIN WOULD NOT ENJOY FIGHTING, BUT WOULD IF PUSHED:

  - Kurotsuchi Mayuri           It’s no secret that Mayuri is absolutely detestable when it comes to battle. Gin knows that even though Kamishini No Yari’s poison is a perfectly sealed secret as well as a non-negatable cell destroying attack, Mayuri’s the type to probably have some sort of annoying counter for it. Does he even have any organs for Gin to stab? Probably not. And Gin’s not interested in getting himself drugged by somehow puncturing some sack of gas replacing Mayuri’s left lung that’ll discreetly coat his blade and waft into his nose or some shit. No thanks. Why did Urahara release this disgusting maniac back out into the wild? Someone please put him back. Gin can really only guess at how to beat him if faced with the task: perhaps lopping off the captain’s head would do the trick? At the very least Gin wouldn’t have to listen to him rambling in that whiny voice at 5x slowed speeds whilst battling some kind of bad trip.

  - Ukitake Jūshirō           Not quite pity, but maybe something close to it; Gin would really prefer to talk things out with Ukitake. This man’s a kind soul, and far too non-violent for Gin to ever justify attacking in a malicious manner  ( that being said, Gin knows to aim for his lungs, they’re weak and once he succumbs to one of his fits, he’s down for the count )  ... it’s not something the traitor is particularly proud of, nor is he eager to seek violence against someone who has done their best to be a fatherly figure to the younger members of the Gotei 13. There’s sentiment, yet Gin can remove himself from that whisper of care if he must. At the very least, Shinso’s aim will be one of mercy; to make things end as quickly as possible for the older man.

  - Kira Izuru           Gin’s previous lieutenant of the Third Division has gone through enough, he’s not about to traumatize the boy further by facing him in battle. He’s not one to baby an individual, and Izuru’s not one to need babying, so if his ex-subordinate decides he’s ready to try and take down his betrayer, Gin will honor that request. Wabisuke’s unique ability calls for a battle to end swiftly, and with minimal to no strikes landing against the curved blade. Gin figures he can aim for his lieutenant’s arms, or hands in particular, and make it impossible or at the very least a great hindrance to swing his sword whilst those areas are injured. Nothing fatal or permanent, of course, there’s plenty of damage for Izuru to sort out as is. Gin’ll rip that band-aid off if he has to, he’ll even say sorry once his subordinate falls into that defeated and forlorn state.

  - Any of the Espada           The Espada are creations, pawns, willed into power by Aizen’s manipulative ways. Gin’s made sure to not seek out any particular attachment to beings who so devotedly outcry their loyalty to Aizen, whom he loathes. What could they possibly have in common with one another that could justify Gin giving a single damn? Nah, he’ll reluctantly deal with any of these powerhouses if need be... but they’re just so bothersome! Luckily, both Tousen and Gin are well-acquainted with their individual weaknesses, as well as various go-to methods in how to best subjugate them -- having been tasked with enforcing and maintaining control of Aizen’s Arrancar army. Gin doesn’t particularly fear or feel intimidated by any specific Espada, though battle against them seems tiresome and a great big ordeal that could be made significantly smaller if they just sat quiet and obeyed. Gin’s preference would be to kill these beasts before they can venture into their released states, lop their heads off or skewer their masks for ultimate imbalance, but otherwise he’ll simply chat them out of trying him.

PEOPLE GIN WOULD RATHER TALK HIS WAY OUT OF FIGHTING AGAINST

  - Your OC           Gin prefers harboring knowledge on his opponent before ever considering to draw his sword on them; he likes knowing more about them than they do about him. More often than not, Gin doesn’t know your OC, and is typically indifferent, nor is he generally challenged or threatened by an OC. He’ll carry on teasing and taunting them, though, to better get a read on their temperament, their perceived weaknesses, their own hubris revealed if Gin pokes and prods enough with his banter. There’s rarely a circumstance in which the ex-captain becomes bloodthirsty, especially against a character he hardly knows. Sleep soundly at night now knowing that Gin is less likely to hunt down your OC to murder them. Exceptions being characters who know personal information not feasible for them to know; like Gin’s desire to kill Aizen, or Gin’s connection / feelings for Rangiku. These are red flags to me, the mun, that there is godmodding happening. Realistically, I’ll just drop the thread / fade out, but if the stars align? Gin will kill your character for the breach in his secrecy. Don’t do it!

          If your character’s name is not on this list, assume Gin has no qualms fighting them, or is otherwise indifferent towards them. Gin isn’t necessarily EAGER to fight anyone, and would much rather observe from a safe distance, knowing Shinso could easily cut down an enemy he deemed to be too threatening to deal with himself -- he’s one to indulge the classic of surprise attacks, not in a properly announced manner indicating he’s entered the fight. Gin will graciously offer most characters an out if they find themselves a little too headstrong in attempting to fight him, but eventually he’ll deem the situation worthy of being properly dealt with.

[wrightiverse]

Hello and this is me annotating/doing director's commentary for the last chapter of Crowd as a victory lap. There's no indulgence like self-indulgence.

“I’ll just make my hot young boyfriend help me,” Robin teases. “When I’m eighty, you’ll only be sixty-nine.”

I love to take a thing from the beginning of a story/scene and revisit it at the end. In this case, 'hot young boyfriend' is a light callback to 'sexy-ass, significantly younger boyfriend' back at the beginning when Robin was sad about the empty nest situation. This is, I think, the first time we specify their exact age gap. It is also the exact age gap I have with my own partner, because I’m very lazy like that. (None of this was written with any reference to what's gone on in the podcast over the last year or so, which is good because it sounds like the whole aging thing for Glenn could have gotten really confusing. Wrightiverse Glenn came back right after Ravenloft, none of that other stuff happened to him. It's all good. Canon is optional.) * * * * *

It’s not like the men in his family have much luck in that area, anyway; Glenn never met either of his grandfathers, and Bill didn’t make it much past fifty.

I think Meryl actually lived for hundreds of years and is still alive in Faerun and they should totally meet, but Glenn doesn’t know all that. * * * * *

Aesthetics aside, it didn't seem like there was much for Glenn to look forward to in middle age and beyond. Nick would grow up and wouldn’t need his dad anymore, and Glenn would be all alone.

From Glenn’s second chapter in Crowd, when Robin is sad about Connor leaving for college:

“I want him to be independent,” Robin is trying to explain into Glenn’s knee, “but also I don’t want to be all alone.” Glenn flicks his ear reproachfully. “You're not all alone. I’m right here, dumbass.”

Sometimes what seems obvious when we're explaining it to somebody else doesn't feel as obvious when it's our turn. Admittedly, Glenn is coming to this with a different set of experiences than Robin is. More on that later. * * * * *

His career would go to shit, because getting old only works for rock stars if they’re actually bluesmen in disguise, like Keith Richards.

I think I got this theory from something Chuck Klosterman wrote, probably Fargo Rock City. * * * * *

He starts his grounding exercise without even thinking about it. Five things he can see: one, an information sign for the city park. Two, a freshly-painted bike rack. Three, some big public art sculpture that looks like a giant rusty hairbrush…

This particular grounding exercise came up earlier in Crowd. I didn't make it up for the story, it's real and many people find that it works well. Feel free to try it! The exercise he alludes to when they’re on the beach, creating ‘safe spaces’ out of vivid memories with lots of sensory details, is also based on a real thing. Lauren, his therapist, is named after the therapist who worked with me on my own PTSD and taught me that and a lot of other good stuff. At least based on my own experience, I can highly recommend EMDR if you can find a good practitioner. * * * * *

It was a hella sweet gesture from the kid.

Connor’s introduction in Name has to do with him carrying shirts past Glenn, and one of those shirts becomes important later to Robin. Given how big the GC3 actually seems to be, I don’t think Connor did the majority of their merch. I assume they used a regular printer and Connor just did small runs of fun custom stuff when he feels like it, meaning not much changed after Glenn quit. * * * * *

Of course, Robin is the only member of the family wearing the shirt right now, because Robin is the only one who doesn’t care that it isn’t cool to wear merch from the gig at the gig itself.

I have no idea how widespread the ‘no wearing merch from the gig at the gig’ thing is, but that’s the rule I learned. * * * * *

Robin is chatting away about something, but it’s hard to follow with all the noise and distraction around them. Glenn decides to let it ride, and allows himself to zone out and just watch Robin talk.

As requested by my brilliant co-author, this is a callback to when Robin spaces out watching Glenn talk on their first date. Both Robin and Glenn are consistently very prone to tuning out when the other one is talking, but neither of them particularly care. As Glenn says on their dinner date - sometimes a man just wants to think out loud for a while and get a ‘hell yeah’ in response. * * * * *

It's vastly unfair that Robin looks so good in direct sunlight, but he probably pulls it off because he's the one person in Los Angeles who isn't trying to look younger than he actually is.

Glenn should spend less time in WeHo. * * * * *

There’s already more gray in Robin’s hair than when they met, although Glenn will only accept partial blame for that. Either way, the old man’s on track to be a full-on silver fox before he even hits fifty.

It felt necessary to drop a reminder that despite how Glenn talks about him, Robin is not actually that damn old. I mean, I'm sure that sounds very old to some of you, but when you're in your mid-to-late 30s like Glenn, somebody in their late 40s is not unreasonably decrepit. I think it has more to do with their respective energies than actual birthdays. * * * * *

“What is it?” Robin has noticed Glenn’s gaze, and he touches his own face to check if there's something on it.

Glenn grins. "Nothing, just ogling."

This is another callback to their first date:

“Do I have something on my face?” Glenn asks, and rubs at his mouth.

“No, you’re good.” Robin says. “You’re great.”

Because I adore a full-circle moment, that's why. * * * * *

“Your eyes were intense," Robin laughs. "It looked like you were going to start growling redrum at me."

This is my own fault for saying in the last chapter that Glenn was rambling about Kubrick moon landing conspiracies when he comes back from his walk. I tried like seven different ways to get them on the subject. I still don’t know if it feels natural. * * * * *

Glenn stabs an accusatory finger toward Robin. “Did you suggest not doing the show because you knew I’d argue with you and talk myself into doing it?”

Can’t outro this story without at least a little argayment.

Glenn usually finds him in the bathroom at the end of the night, looking grumpy about being up past his bedtime and holding some girl’s hair back while she barfs.

With what we've learned about Robin over the course of Crowd, we now have the context to understand that for Robin, this drunk girl is very much the ghost of Christmas Past. I don't imagine he goes to many of these parties.

* * * * *

It doesn’t bother Glenn a bit. Life isn’t a movie, the cheerleader doesn’t have to put on leather pants and start smoking in order to get her bad boy and her happily ever after.

I know that there’s more going on in Grease than that, but consider: would Glenn know that?

* * * * *

He and Robin are very different people, and they always will be. They don’t make sense on the surface, but they both know who they are, and who they are fits together perfectly.

Circling back to Robin at the end of Name, expressing his anxieties:

Robin rests his forehead on the steering wheel, avoiding Glenn’s eyes. “Like I don’t make sense for you, and everybody can see it.”

Some of the circles that I closed in Crowd were ones that were opened in Crowd, but some went back further. * * * * *

Love bubbles up in Glenn like a shaken-up soda, and he finds himself standing up suddenly and grabbing Robin’s shirt collar to tug him down for a kiss.

I wanted to mirror the ‘Hot Dad surges forward to kiss him, hard’ thing from the beginning, but given the established height difference, Glenn can’t just go for it unannounced unless he’s gonna stand tippy-toe. Thank you @whotaughtyougrammar for this art of what happens when Glenn tries the collar-tug and Robin doesn't notice fast enough.

* * * * *

Robin is caught off guard and stumbles half a step back, managing at the last second not to drop his drink. “One second, sweetheart, just one second. You surprised me. What was that about?”

Glenn gives him a lopsided grin. “Luck?”

“Oh, well, then. For luck.”

Luck and how to change it is a big theme throughout the whole series, both in the sense of ‘good fortune/unearned blessings’ and ‘random, unforeseen chance.’ More later about that. * * * * *

When Glenn presses his tongue forward to slip between Robin’s lips, he tastes lemon and sugar.

Same as the first time they kissed, when he’d been drinking whiskey sours.

* * * * *

“Right, yeah,” Robin breathes, but he doesn’t let Glenn out of his arms quite yet. “You know,” Robin adds, “Nick was telling me earlier that he’s going to sleep over at Grant’s tonight.”

So I'll be there when you arrive / The sight of you will prove to me I'm still alive / And when you take me in your arms / And hold me tight / I know it's gonna mean so much tonight * * * * *

She’d found him there, and she'd saved him, like she always did.

We didn’t know Morgan’s name when we first wrote the scene where they discussed her in Name, so we wrote around it as though Glenn was reluctant to name her out loud. We maintained this throughout the rest of Crowd except for the line where Glenn says that he’ll tell Robin about the phone call with Morgan. Felt right. Her presence is very much felt but Glenn, at least, is not in the habit of talking about her unless he has no other option. * * * * *

They ran out of the venue and down the street, hand in hand and giggling like kids playing hooky.

@shrack was the one who began writing our Glenn with very physical methods of showing affection. I liked it a lot as a vibe and carried on with it. He and Morgan are also very young here. Glenn would be 21 or 22 at the oldest, which is barely older than Connor is now. I've always attributed some of his immaturity to the fact that he became a parent pretty young. (Glenn is 36 when Name starts and Nick is 13, meaning Nick was born when Glenn was 23 and probably conceived when Glenn was 22.)

* * * * *

It was like falling in love with every single person in the crowd, all at once. Glenn felt like he would never be lonely again as long as he could have that feeling.

Facing twenty thousand of your friends / how can anyone feel so lonely? * * * * *

By then, the GC3 performed in venues so cavernous that Glenn couldn’t see anything outside his own spotlight. He could hear the audience roar approval at him, making a wall of sound that he could feel like a physical force. It was loud enough to drown out the screaming in his head, loud enough to let him forget that she wasn’t out there among them. It was the closest he could get to forgetting, so Glenn did it as much as he could.

Part of a success that never ends / But I’m thinking about you only... * * * * *

Slowly but surely, he’d been learning how to go through life with his mind and heart focused on someone else’s well-being. It didn’t come naturally: that wasn’t the kind of family either of them knew. Still, they’d promised each other that they could do better than how they were raised.

I am never here for iterations of this dynamic that assume Glenn is the fuck-up and Morgan was the perfect parent. They both became parents at exactly the same moment, you know? The world does not need one more story with an incompetent sitcom dad and his smoking-hot wife who does all the actual parenting. * * * * *

Nick is long since asleep, but Adele fucking Close has stayed up until these sickening hours of the early morning.

Conveniently, Glenn’s brain has overwritten all his memories with the correct name and pronouns for Nick, because writing around it is a pain in the ass otherwise. * * * * *

“Hello, Glenny.”

Bill calling Glenn “Glenny” that time at Ravenloft really stuck with me. I don’t know if they ever revisited that in the actual podcast, but it was so slimy and chilling somehow. * * * * *

“I fucked up,” Glenn says bluntly, and his mother narrows her eyes ever so slightly at his cursing.

Glenn gets in his own head early in Crowd about comparing himself to Penny, and Robin later worries about putting himself on ‘the same level’ as Morgan. Neither of them are quite galaxy-brained enough to realize that there’s more than one person in Glenn’s life who uses a lot of terms of endearment for him, considers themselves old-fashioned, and wishes everybody wouldn’t swear so much. * * * * *

“Thank you, mother,” Glenn grits out. He sounds absolutely nothing like himself, not that she minds. “I appreciate your help.”

I assume that part of the reason Glenn has such a hard time offering genuine apologies is that when he was growing up, too much of his apologizing was forced rather than sincere. * * * * *

“You are out of chances. If you continue to neglect this child, I will get the state involved, and I will take custody myself. I’ve already spoken to the Freemans, and I have their full support.”

Morgan’s parents are not mentioned very often and don’t seem to be a big part of the Close boys’ lives. I imagine that whatever tenuous relationship Glenn had forged with them post-accident was pretty much destroyed by Adele forming this alliance with them and telling Glenn about it. * * * * *

Her patient demeanor is meant to remind him that she's here to clean up his mess again, like she always does, and his proper response is humble and apologetic gratitude.

And that is why Robin being patient can set Glenn off so bad, such as after the bike accident when they were arguing:

Glenn doesn’t really hear most of what Robin’s saying. It’s all just soothing, pointless stuff in that obnoxious tone that means Robin thinks he’s the smart, calm, mature one here and Glenn’s the immature asshole who lost his temper again. He’d never say it, but Glenn can tell what he’s thinking.

I hope it came across clearly in that part that Robin doesn’t actually see the situation that way and isn’t saying or thinking anything to that effect, but Glenn feels like he is because he’s had this somatic/emotional reaction triggered. Spatially he's arguing with Robin, but his body and a lot of his brain thinks he's arguing with his mom. Trauma can be like that. * * * * *

His mother keeps talking like he didn’t say a word. “We can all stay in each others’ lives, Glenny. I’m not trying to cut you out, I’m trying to help you. I know you think I’m a monster, but I’m just trying to do what’s best for my family.”

Sometimes the monster will tell you it's not a monster. * * * * *

From that night forward, Glenn will always know that he’s not a good person, because he almost takes his mother up on the offer.

I don’t think being tempted by this offer means Glenn’s a bad person, but we write Glenn as somebody who wishes he was a good person but is really afraid that he isn’t. He was at a very low point here and he needed help. Feeling drawn to the only help on offer, even if it was from a toxic source, is pretty understandable. * * * * *

"I'll get Nicky ready for school tomorrow and you can sleep in. We’ll finish talking about this when you feel better.”

Man, I hate that abuser thing when they start being sweet as soon as you muster the energy to fight back. You get a little bit of steam built up and then they dodge you like a matador so that it dissipates again. To be clear, Nicky isn't Nick's deadname or anything, it's just the somewhat baby-ish diminutive form that Adele uses for him, like how she calls Glenn "Glenny." * * * * *

“Family is important,” his mother says sadly. Just before she closes the door, she gives him a look that’s an exquisite mix of regret, tender affection, and a tiny spark of hope. Adele would have been a great actress, but Glenn can’t imagine who that particular performance was for.

Performance skills run in the family and Adele comes by her acting chops honestly, although she doesn’t know it. I picture one of those situations where a young woman from a good background gets pregnant by some rakehell actor and her family covers up the scandal by raising the baby as a new sibling. That would mean that as long as Adele’s “older sister” never spilled the beans, nobody in their family at this point knows that they’re related to Meryl. If Nick ever decides to do one of those ancestry DNA tests, things are going to get interesting. * * * * *

He certainly didn’t find it very compelling. Family? All the family he will ever need is sleeping soundly down the hallway, tiny arms wrapped tight around a stuffed plush Babar.

I wanted Nick to have a stuffed animal that was sort of his parallel to Mr. Lion. Robin is drinking with Mr. Lion in the beginning of Crowd when he’s upset about losing Connor to college, and Mr. Lion appears again when Glenn comes in to talk to Nick and Connor after Robin’s accident.

“I… I guess I don’t know.” Nick looks down, avoiding eye contact by staring into the darkness under Connor’s bed. Mr Lion is under there in a clear plastic box, along with some other stuffed animals. Even when Nick first met Connor, the stuffed animals were already banished underneath the bed instead of on top of it. But over the years, Connor’s never thrown them away.

Mr. Lion is one of the various ways we played with the theme that Connor is, as Nick puts it, “somewhere between a kid and an adult.” Connor is a very confident and clever guy, but you don't magically get a giant box of maturity and life experience on your 18th birthday. At various points, he asks both Nick (at the campus concert) and Glenn (after Robin’s accident) to try to understand that he's still growing and figuring stuff out. Nick has definitely been deprived of some chances to be a kid, but in some ways Connor has as well. He started hanging out with Glenn after Penny and Robin split up, and although he and Nick obviously hit it off, Connor was closer to Glenn for a while. In a different universe, that might not have turned out as well - I mean, tell me you wouldn't side-eye that arrangement in real life. I sure would. Robin just sort of flings his hands up at the role Connor plays for the Close boys, but I strongly suspect that shit would not have flown on Penny’s watch.

It’s funny - he thought Connor was so grown-up when they met, but the guy was only 16 when the Wrights moved in next door. He wasn’t much older by the time he was over at the Close place almost every day, helping Nick with homework or cleaning questionable leftovers out of the fridge. It didn’t strike Nick as weird at the time, It was just another thing about his life that wasn’t like anybody else’s. He never questioned what was in it for Connor. Back then, Nick didn’t even realize how lonely he himself was - he wouldn't have figured out why a kid whose parents had just gotten divorced might want to come over to the chaotic Close apartment to get away from the quiet in his own home.

Everybody was doing their best, and everything worked out for the best, but Connor over the course of the stories is sorting out the balance that works for him in terms of responsibility and playfulness. Fortunately, now that he has less responsibility for Nick, he can enjoy Nick more as a friend and brother. In Name, Robin and Glenn both sort of assume Connor will act as a babysitter to Nick while they go off on their first date; by Crowd, Connor is hanging out playing Smash with Nick and Grant as the gents get ready for their dinner date, but he's there socially, as a peer. Him being goofier and more immature also frees up Nick to do the same, since if Connor is cool and Connor is being playful, then "it's not a little kid thing, it's a bro thing" They both get to be kids now in a way that they weren't before, and I love that for them. Anyway, the point of Mr. Lion and why I wanted to give Nick a stuffed animal as well was to draw the parallel between the sons more directly and to anchor the stuffed animal component. So far there hadn't been any moment in which an actual kid was holding an actual stuffed animal.

[coffeetablettowers]

Headcanons I’ve bounced off of @idreamofdragons because she’s great and indulges me. Most are Seto/Joey and some are Tristan/Ryou.

Kaiba loves ramen, but somehow sucks at making them (he either doesn't wait long enough for them to cook or he waits too long and they're all mushy) so mokuba or joey makes it for him and really it's a double win because he gets his fav food AND somebody he loves made it just for him.

When Joey cooks Seto becomes joey's taste tester and he takes that role very seriously. When he tastes something really good he becomes quiet and savors the taste, then kisses joey.

joey is an energy drink person and seto is a coffee drinker. joey bought seto a coffee flavored energy drink Once (1 time) and seto was so disgusted by it he ridiculed joey about it All Day. Joey did not kiss him that day, but at night when Seto's laying in bed and realizes this he starts to feel bad and text's Joey "thank you".

(about that one post with the kitten sleeping in the shoe)  seto and joey have a kitten and one morning while seto's getting ready to leave he finds the kitten sleeping propped up in his shoe. he takes like twenty pictures of it and is quietly gushing over his perfect little creature. When joey wakes up he finds that his phone is flooded with pics of the kitten in the shoe. their kitten is so damn spoiled. seto gets it the best researched cat food, no tap water for this kitten seto uses filtered water (joey convinced him to use a breta filter water pitcher after he learned seto was always buying water), and the cat bed? blue eyes white dragon castle kitty bed baby.

seto is not a morning person. why else would he drink coffee at the tender age of 17 (or 16. however old he is. either way teens should not be drinking coffee or energy drinks). when he first tried to set his alarm clock to the time that he should get up mokuba caught him just staring off into space in his bed because he was just so tired. Mokuba got into his cellphone and set it to like an hour or two earlier so Seto can space out as long as he needed and gather the strength to get up for the day. when joey spends the night and sees Seto spacing out in the morning he thinks it's the most adorable "omg seto is human" thing ever and takes a picture.

joey dressed up as santa claus and gave mokuba that gift that he wanted (he saved all his money for it) and then gave seto a small gift and then whispered to meet him under the mistletoe after mokuba's asleep ^_~ with a little squeeze to seto's nonexistant booty. seto jumps at this and starts to blush and fumbles with an excuse when mokuba asks him what's wrong

Kaiba probably has a maid/maids. he's rich enough to have security team so he probably has maids to deal with all the little stuff around the house that he and mokuba don't have time for. Joey doesn't get used to this fact. he finds it odd to have people cleaning up after them. After being together for some time one time Joey dressed up as a maid, hid in Kaiba's office, and popped out asking, "Mr. Kaiba" if he could be of any service to him. He had never seen Kaiba turn so red from blushing before and teased him about it, but kaiba shut him up with a kiss while slamming his door shut.

seto and joey sometimes sleep big spoon/little spoon. they switch between who is big spoon and who is little spoon, but most times if seto's had a really bad day he's the little spoon. But to wake-up in the same position is a miracle because joey is a mover in his sleep. seto has been slapped and kicked by him before.

Tristan and ryou watch a mixture of horror, action, and rom-com movies. They get all their snacks and blankets together and are just super cozy. Tristan has nightmares after the horror movies and clings to ryou in his sleep. Ryou thinks it's adorable and hugs him back so when they wake up they're limbs are tangled with each other.

How they celebrate New Year’s:  seto/joey: celebrate with fireworks and when joey's away from mokuba seto kisses him.  tristan/ryou: ryou baked a bunch of pastries and tristan learned how to make some cocktails for them to celebrate while watching fireworks on the tv

Also New Year’s:  The gang, seto, and mokuba gathered for fireworks. Tristan and joey being dumb with fireworks and mokuba wants to join them so bad, but seto said no. When seto's away joey gives mokuba some roman candles to shoot off and he has a blast. When seto comes back and sees mokuba with the roman candles he wants to THROTTLE joey because who else would go against his word, but he just sees how excited mokuba is and settles with a frown towards joey.  Yami Yugi LOVES fireworks. He has mastered holding two roman candles in each hand and likes the really explosive fireworks. He gets all the debris, puts it in a pile, and lights it on fire. Seto has never seen this side of yami and is so confused by it.

Hell have no fury like joey stopping seto from drinking his fifth traveler sized mug of coffee.

seto will make damn sure everything is done on his schedule/to do list if it's the last thing. It haunts him until he gets out of bed and does the thing he missed if he doesn't get stuff done.

 seto has all the figurines and novelty items of blue eyes white dragon in their own glass cases and joey has to hear seto talk all about it, but you know what? joey love hearing seto talk so passionately about stuff he loves. he also likes watching seto pick out which coat he's going to wear for the day. seto tries on at least 5 before settling for one he likes.

  seto had a whole walk-in closet dedicated to his coats. When they were in the beginning stages of their dating and seto brought joey over for the first time he showed joey the really big room with all of his interests and seto rambled on forever about them. Joey couldn't believe it and was just as excited as seto. Both of their excitements fed off of each other and they were like dorks in a game store. Also joey liking his stuff gave seto an ego boost.

  Seto and joey both think each other is the hardest person to gift for birthdays, valentine's, and christmas because, Seto's reason: wants it to be so perfect he overthinks Joey: what do you get the guy that can just do whatever he wants Mokuba is utilized by both. Joey asks him questions and Mokuba makes offhanded suggestions to seto. Seto and joey get Mokuba gifts as well.

 idreamofdragon’s addition to the above:  Seto is SO SAPPY. And Joey's touched everytime even tho he doesn't need big extravagant and expensive showings of love. >< He's also always like Joey doesn't have to get him anything but like...... he feels he does and is wrecked by itttt.

 Joey/Yugi:  Joey likes to carry yugi on his shoulders. It doesn't always come up, but when it does he is always excited. In fact joey never misses a chance to tell yugi he's his perfect fun-sized boyfriend

  YUGI'S SCHOOL CLOTHES IN THE MANGA LOOK TOO BIG ON HIM. He has trouble shopping for clothes and knows how to make his own. That's why he ends up with his own fashion sense of belts and chokers because only really fashionie people are brave enough to wear that.

Joey’s birthday:  First birthday together: seto has a limo pick joey up and take him to wherever seto is meeting him for breakfast. It's awkward in the beginning and even more so when seto tells him he has to get back to the office, but joey can use the limo for whatever he likes and then gives him a credit card and says to buy himself whatever he likes. Joey voices that he can't just buy him things and expect it to be okay and that next time he expects to spend some actual quality time with his supposed boyfriend. Seto's taken aback by this, but calmly takes his cellphone out and tells his secretary to cancel all his meetings, delegates other things, then hangs up and tells joey he better be worth clearing a whole day for. Joey fumes and is like, "OF COURSE I'M WORTH IT. I'D DO THE SAME FOR YOU JERK". Moved in together: Mokuba makes breakfast for joey and it always brings a tear to his eye. Where joey sits at the table there's a little giftbox from Seto and it's a new pin to add to his denim jacket. Seto comes out of his room and asks joey what're they doing for the day. For lunch and dinner Seto calls ahead and has them clear out the restaraunt so it's just them three (for lunch) and two (for dinner).

tristan knows nothing about hair. hell he barely knows what to do with his and lucked out on finding a good style for it. so when ryou is in a fun mood and asks him to fix his hair he freaks, but figures brushing and putting it in a ponytail will be good enough. so they're sitting on his bed and tristan's brushing ryou's big mound of hair and he notices how soft his hair is and before he knows it ryou's giggling at him and asking if he's as soft as a bunny. tristan jumps and turns red which makes ryou laugh and the sound of ryou laughing makes tristan's heart pitterpatter. finally he has ryou's hair up and ryou turns around and kisses him on the cheek. tristan asks if he's going to look at it and ryou's like, "nope. i already know it looks good because it was done by you." and really tristan is goop now because his boyfriend is so cute.

every saturday joey has the gang over at seto's place to play guitar hero. why seto's place? because he owns the game and console. seto tries to do some work in a near-by room, but keeps hearing how god awful some of their playing is and comes out, tells them, "move dweebs. let me show you how to really play" and just ROCKS IT. He is very into it and when the song's done everybody claps. the gang lives for seto playing his 1 round every saturday. they try to get him to stay longer, but he tells them that he doesn't want to associate with dorks. joey fights back with, "who's the dork that owns the system?!" seto ignores him.

when ryou is in a playful mood he tries to see how many times he can make tristan flustered and turn red. for the most part though when they're around the gang they aren't showy or lovey-dovey about their relationship. they may hold hands or brush their fingers against the other's arm, but they're not really out for some reason, which is why it's a big surprise when they're all departing and tristan gives ryou a quick kiss before ryou leaves for his apartment and the rest of the gang is just like, "what was that?!" tristan turns red. the gang already knew tristan and ryou were dating. they spotted the two holding hands when they thought nobody was looking or the way tristan always fretted over ryou, but knew they didn't want to bring attention to themselves so for tristan to kiss ryou in front of them is an opportunity they're not going to miss to playfully tease him and also be like, "finally!"

Jin: Tristan's so adorable when it comes to relationships. He doesn't realize how obvious he is. But he's h u g e romantic.

[mooswords]

OKAY MOO, I’M CURRENTLY READING UR FIC “Home” AND I’M— THE END OF THE FIRST PART WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. “he always comes home” -> IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CONTRAST TO THE BEGINNING!!! he gets lost in his OWN fields, and that’s saying something. however, despite that, the reader still being reassured (or as much as she can reassure herself) that he always comes home = he has the red string to BRING HIMSELF BACK TO THE READER = ALWAYS COMING HOME. I’M!!!! and i love the silly banter that opened the story. aLso HIS HESISTATION OVER TELLING THE READER THE JOB HE WAS ASSIGNED... BECAUSE HE WAS WORRIED ABT THE READER.... AKDKSKKSKS. the fact he didn’t accept the offer immediately DESPITE being so in love with the sea and waited for reader’s permission is such a SMALL thing, but when you describe his love for the sea as superior, that action shows he loves the reader even more and i just- SLKDKAKDKSK. i might be over-reading and i apologise if i do bUT DO COMMENT ON IT THANK U!! 🤩💜 - ava

u sent me these eons ago and i promise i wasnt ignoring you ive just been working like 10 hour days and i am Exhausted 😭😭 but all of these messages legitamately give me life, i am so incredibly grateful! <3 im so so glad you enjoyed this fic!! and you are NOT OVERREADING I LOVE TO SEE YOUR INSIGHTS!!!! it makes me fall back in love with the fic all over again! <3 

i am SO glad that him always coming home comes through! because it gets kinda dire in the middle of the fic so i wanted there to be that hope at the back of your mind that knew he always came home. but i wanted you to be stressed about it still so :) and silly banter is my favourite part of writing this guy, i had so much fun with it alskdf.

and ok i love u, you got everything i was trying to do there <33 like i was struggling to find the balance between her reluctance and supportiveness. thats a fun (and tricky) thing about established relationship fics i find... theres that depth of understanding that can make the interactions more interesting, but so much of it is unspoken. it was a good challenge! so its so GOOD to hear that it vibes right hehe

THE WAY KUROO PLAYS WITH THE STRING!!! THAT WAS SUCH A FOND MOMENT OMG AKDKSKDK. and it’s so interesting that it appeared before kuroo even left 👀👀👀

she already missed him 🥺🥺 i originally had him tug on her hair and then i went!!! wait!!!! we can do better than that!!!!!!!!

READER IS LOST WITHOUT KUROOO!!!! AKDKSKSK and i also love the little addition where despite it being a POUT, she holds it close to her heart. with the context of their banters + that little scene, it just shows me how much each appreciate every ounce of the other party which makes me SO SO SO SOFT AKDJSKDKSK. and then hitting me with the scene where reader is eating a meal alone??? a punch in the gut. when she realised she’s alone I TOO remembered that kuroo is gone and that softness established in the previous scene is sUCKED OUT—ASKDKSKSKSK. 

im just a little obsessed with the little things and gestures that make u fall in love with someone? like the specific way my friend twirls her pen while were in lectures, or how my dad has that one little smile when hes amused himself with his own joke... and for that to be a last lifeline for her to hold on to before he leaves :’))) I JUST LOVE EST RELATIONSHIP FICS OK?!

hehehe yes im sorry about that puch to the gut oops 😇 that was a scene i had super clear in my head before i started - the bright, bright string against the relative drab of the table and room.

i’m at the part where reader gets lost and let me tell u, the fact they have a WAY to communicate via string pulling alone is SO ENDEARING and just subtly hints they have been at this whole red string thing for AGES (or at least enough to form such an understanding). that’s ADORABLE and really strengthens the bonds they have together 

yessssssssssss as soon as i thought of this idea i knew it had to be an established relationship. i have it in my brain they have been married maybe 2-3 years?? i am such a sucker for unspoken understanding relationships :’)

“You push hurriedly through the crowd, ducking between market stalls and wagons. There’s no string to follow, but you don’t need it to find him today.” THIS SENTENCE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL in the context of the entire story. and what a perfect way to describe/show the reader that it’s THE DAY. MOO, you’re really serving such great kuroo x reader stories please continue AHHAHA

this entire fic was so self indulgent please dshlfkljadsb but im glad u like this line!! i tend to try visualise the scene like a movie first? and then write it, and this was also one of the first scenes that was super clear in my brain :D

402 DAYS!!!! I SEE WHAT U DID THERE 👀👀 also, is this is a little hint to how u had to wait until the end to see timeskip kuroo? HAHAHA that wld be adorable

WAIT YO THATS CLEVER? I DIDT EVEN- ava when i say that is a COMPLETE coincidence... i literally just picked a number that was longer than 365 days... breaking news i am a secret genius JKBDSCN

i also really liked the “in-between”: of reader’s life without kuroo. u can really see how integrated they are to each other’s lifestyle, and not only that, the scene where reader handles a twin’s birth (to me) strengthens how they’re reallllly soulmates. there is a low chance that kuroo knew reader was in a desperate situation, yet he pulled on the string at the time reader needed it. it’s just—telapathy but not really + soulmate system = SOULMATES. do i make sense? and i really love the details, like how we can trace back kuroo’s scar to a moment of reader’s life in the fic. putting it at the end sort of makes me reflect on their situations that happened simultaneously yet not really. it sort of fills me in with this,,, space. that the earth is so wide. i understand deeper what reader means by “oh he’s going to be gone for so long”. it’s just. wow. the earth is so big yk.

YES YOU MAKE TOTAL SENSE!!! it's such a lovey way of looking at it :') can they communicate and understand eachother like this cuz theyre soulmates? or just because they love each other and have learnt the other inside out?? hhnn this is why i love soulmate aus, theres so much to pull apart!!!

and ok yes on the topic of how big the earth is... im so glad u mentioned this, its my favourite part because (not to get like... super sappy or anything) i was writing this through the toughest stages of our second lockdown. our restrictions got to the point we werent allowed further than 5km from out homes, so writing about freedom and big spaces and exploration of far off places was such a nice escape for me :’) this fic has ended up very close to my heart. (plus i was reading @/w-yuren’s hq0819 series at the time so i had travel and adventure on the brain hehe) 

THE ENDING.... THE ENDING.... THE WAY KUROO ASKED READER TO KI** HIM—IT’S LIKE THE KUROO IN MY HEAD YESSSSS. Gosh, this line too “when he kisses you he tastes like the sea; like salt-spray and dry rations and freedom.” may i have a director’s cut abt it :3 AND AKDJSKSK. i really love how the string appeared even tho they were together (the scene before kuroo docked on the ship) and once again, they are together, but none of them are lost because they r together-together. do i make sense? am i overreading things??? again, i have to comment on the banter. it’s simply amazing. kuroo’s replies are so,, KUROO, and they are filled with such FONDNESS I’M SO AKDKSKSK.

IM SO GLAD HE VIBES THANK U I THINK THE FONDNESS IS MY BIAS SHOWING BUT SHHHHH ;P you have picked one of my favourite lines out heheh it was one that just flowed out and wasnt one i particularly had to think about which is always nice. but i think it is a combo of me trying to be fancy lol and me being a huge fan of fantasy-books-set-on-ships. think like explorers or pirates, some rag tag bunch who have to set off on some quest and come back with some of that wildness imbued in their very being... yeah this line was definitely born from me Yearning i think :P

ooo do you mean the wedding scene? that was me trying to hit the ‘feeling lost in a crowd’ idea. you know when youre surrounded by people and joy and laughter and you just feel very small and disconnected? that.

ALSO READER’S DYANAMICS WITH KARASUNO CHARACTERS IS ADORABLE AKDKSKSKK. the festival scene was such a breather and it was adorable to see her interact with those characters. it feels like a snapshot in her life i simply adore that :3

ahh yea! i wanted her to have a life, you know? shes not the type to mope around, like life goes on. that doesnt mean she doesnt miss him oof but theres a whole community around to support her too!! and im very fond of takeda in this scene :’) he takes care of his crows <3

I RAMBLED SO BAD BUT THANK U AGAIN LOVELY I CANT EXPLAIN HOW AMAZING THESE ARE TO RECIEVE <3  

[foxtophat]

just so you know this chapter is almost 10k words

SO HEY THERE BUDDY how are you? it’s been a while, huh?  i thought for sure i had this chapter well in hand and then all at once i didn’t, now i’m a week behind my usual posting schedule and all i have to offer you is this fucking MONSTER

i don’t wanna get too into it because it’s pretty straight-forward, but let’s just say that nick and kim have a host of problems in this one bro. good thing that jerome is a guy who likes to be righteously better than everyone else right???

i had a lot of fun writing this despite how much trouble it was. the next chapter is gonna be more fun, with maybe even some alcohol and dare i even suggest it dancing??? perhaps... a good time???? highly unlikely in this day and age

well anyway, don’t wanna keep you any longer. thank you guys so much for reading my incoherent author’s notes and being so chill about this dumb self-indulgent fic of mine. i appreciate every comment, like, reblog, kudos or warm thought thrown my way, so don’t hesitate to lay it on me!!

as usual, the text is under the read-more. keep in mind that this chapter is very long so it might be better to read on ao3, but who am i to boss you around?

Pastor Jerome radios the Rye family late one night, so late that Nick had been just about to turn off the receiver when his voice comes down the line. Exhaustion has left a permanent mark on everybody, and Nick doesn't miss it in Jerome as they connect over the airwaves.

"A caravan is going to be passing through the valley tomorrow," he says grimly, with no preamble. "People heading west. There was talk of stopping by your home."

"What?" Nick asks. "Why?"

"People still look to your family for guidance, Nick. I imagine they want to say goodbye before they leave. Others are looking to trade, or just to reach out. It's been a long time. I suppose they'd want to leave on a positive note."

A year ago, Nick would have been excited for the company. Knowing a bunch of friendly settlers were coming around to say hello and help out before heading off on their own would have saved him plenty of pain and trouble in the past. But these days, other people coming around can be... complicated, and for reasons that Nick has trouble explaining even to himself.

That's probably the reason Jerome decided to reach out so late. They only got to talk briefly about it in town, since there were too many people to overhear them and honestly, Jerome hadn't seemed keen on having a conversation about John Seed almost a decade after the fact. But they had talked, enough that Jerome has trusted Nick to do what's best without interference until now.

"What do you think I should do?" Nick asks, sure that Jerome will know what he's talking about.

There's a lot of hissing and popping on the line before Jerome responds. "I don't know," he says. It sounds like an apology. "I can't imagine being in the position you're in."

Nick scrubs at his eyes, leaning back in his chair. He clicks the button to let Jerome know he's still there, but it takes a moment to come up with something to say.

"Do I know anyone coming through?" he asks at last.

"You will," Jerome replies. "If not by name, then by face. Hurk and Sharky have offered to escort them part-way. There are some resistance members who want to leave. A few who look like they might've gotten through baptism before the end."

Nick clicks his tongue against his teeth. That's what he was worried about. A couple of survivors who have let eight years rot their hatred would be okay. Hurk and Sharky aren't even that threatening, lawless raider shit aside. But former cultists are going to clock John immediately, and there's no clean way to explain that it isn't the Ryes who betrayed them, but actually John, who's abandoned the very principles that led him to cause so much suffering. Nick's almost okay with the guy, and even he occasionally feels a twinge of fury when he catches sight of the huge scar over his heart.

"Are you sure you know what doing?" Jerome asks. " Really sure?"

Nick chuckles. "Hell, Jerome, I've never known what I'm doing. But, uh... yeah. More than I was when we talked, anyway."

"Even with Joseph's reappearance?"

"Weirdly enough, especially 'cos of that. I know I'm askin' a lot of you, but you gotta trust me."

There's no chance that Jerome really means it when he says, "I do trust you, Nick," but at least he's committed to the lie. "If I can, I'll join them. Try to help keep the peace, when the time comes."

"If the time comes."

Jerome sounds disappointed. "You said you weren't hiding him."

"And we aren't!"

"You can't honestly expect everyone to take the news well."

"A man can hope, can't he?"

"That's about all he can do," Jerome replies. "I'll pray for you, Nick."

"Gee," Nick sighs, "Thanks. See you tomorrow, hopefully."

Nick turns off the radio. He stretches his arms out, as if maybe relieving his sore back will make him feel less tense and anxious about Jerome's news. Of course, it doesn't really help; there's still a caravan passing through tomorrow, and there's going to be some kind of reckoning when it shows up. Nick doesn't know what kind of fallout is going to come from it, but he knows well enough not to hope for the easiest outcome.

Carmina is already asleep when Nick comes up, sprawled out on the edge of the bed. It's not gonna be long now before she starts kicking them through the night, and then they're going to have to figure out a new sleeping arrangement, but Carmina seems as uninterested in changing things as Nick is.

"Just got off the radio with Jerome," Nick tells Kim, keeping his voice low and level so as not to alert Carmina. "Wanted to tell us about a caravan passing by tomorrow."

Kim frowns. "Oh," she says uneasily. "Have you told John?"

"Nah. Gonna wait until the morning. Don't want him trying to bolt in the night."

Even though neither of them think John is going to try to run away, Kim still nods in agreement. "What are we going to do?" she asks instead. It's funny, because he'd been about to ask her the same thing.

"Hell if I know," Nick sighs. He climbs into bed at last, Kim moving over to take the center of the mattress. "But I'll come up with something."

Nick doesn't come up with anything all night. By the time morning rolls around, he's had more ideas than sleep and none of them are anywhere near perfect. They all come down to deciding whether or not John should face the parade of people about to come to their door or not, and he is evenly split on the matter. After all, it could be fine; there could be some yelling and some drama; or there could be a full-on fire-fight. There's a not-outside chance that someone might shoot John before they have a chance to explain themselves. There's a chance that they might shoot Nick, too, for harboring him this whole time.

He knocks on John's door right around sunrise, waiting long enough that he almost knocks again before John grunts something incoherent from the other side of the door. He looks like Nick just woke him out of a relatively good dream, too, which is particularly bad luck. Well, John wanted to pay some kind of penance for his bullshit, right? Might as well start now.

"Sorry," Nick says, even though he's only sort of apologetic. "We, uh... have a problem."

"Oh, good," John groans, sitting up and putting his feet on the floor. "Just the sort of thing I like to hear."

Normally, Nick would be glad for a distracting snappy argument over John's attitude, but he doesn't know exactly how much time they're going to have to get ready and Nick doesn't know if anyone's going to radio him ahead of time. John being a catty dick first thing in the morning is the least of Nick's problems right now.

"Look, Jerome radioed in last night. A caravan's gonna pass by on their way out of Hope County."

John's bleary irritation evaporates at the words. "Oh," he says.

"Yeah, oh . You still wanna get back to your beauty sleep?"

"What am I going to do?" John exclaims, lurching halfway to his feet before thinking better of it and sitting back down. He looks up at Nick, who isn't prepared to feel like the only responsible adult in the room, and asks helplessly, "What should I do?"

For once, John's stressed-induced obedience seems reasonable, trying to show restraint instead of hoping for Nick to feed him instructions like some kind of machine.

"You... have a plan, don't you?" he asks.

"I have plenty of plans," Nick replies. "Problem is, they all suck. I guess we could set you up somewhere for the night, so nobody finds you... or, well, we don't. The caravan's mostly leaving for good, but not all of 'em are gonna stay gone, and if they find out I lied to their faces..."

Nick chews on his cheek to keep from rambling on, but the truth is that he doesn't want to lie if he can help it. It wouldn't be right.

"If I stay, they'll kill me," John counters, pretty compellingly all things considered.

"That... might happen, yeah," Nick admits reluctantly. "I mean, not if I can help it, but I don't know what kind of people are gonna show up. Maybe they're the reasonable type."

Sighing heavily, John scrubs a hand heavily over his eyes. Nick is weirdly reminded of Kim in the middle of an argument about classic movie plot points. "I think you overestimate the average person."

"Hey, I'm an average person, and I take offense to that."

John scowls at Nick for a moment, and Nick is again reminded of Kim mid-argument. "No, Nick. You're not."

Nick... doesn't know how to respond to that. "Uh, okay, well," he says, stalling out.

John runs his hand from his eyes back through his hair. "Whatever you think is best," John says at last. He almost doesn't seem to realize it when he says, "I trust you."

"Oh," Nick says. He wants to say more, probably should say more, but he can't think of anything to say. "Well, uh, that's good, I guess. I could still use your help, uh, figuring out the logistics." He points his thumb back over his shoulder and asks, "You, uh, want some coffee? 'Cos I need some."

John huffs. "Yeah," he sighs, knowing full well that he doesn't have much of a choice. "Sure."

It's obvious from the beginning that hiding John isn't going to work. Nick word-vomits about how uncomfortable the idea makes him for a solid two minutes, only to receive a few short agreements from John that are barely better than noncommittal grunts. From the start, John is nervous and uncomfortable, the coffee doing nothing to ease his anxious jitters, but at least Nick can talk out a plan with him without feeling like he's hurling words at a brick wall.

By the time the sun has reached vaguely nine-AM, they've decided that they can't simply drop the news like a bomb, and they know that John is going to hide out in the hangar until Nick decides it's time to fess up. It's a bare-bones plan that has no consideration for logistics, but at least when Kim wakes up, they'll have something to offer other than worryingly asking for her help.

Kim comes downstairs without Carmina, who's probably happy to sleep in for another half-hour or so before the sun nails her in the face and forces her out of bed for good. Kim looks like she barely slept, but she smiles warmly at Nick when she sees him, and groans thankfully when he gets up to get her a cup of coffee.

"So," she asks after she gets a cup of coffee, "What's the plan?"

Nick wouldn't call it a "plan" so much as a "vague idea," but he explains the thought-process anyway. John, who has already heard everything Nick has to say about stowing John away until the "right time" occurs, excuses himself with some half-assed excuse about cleaning the fire pit, ducking out back to probably pace around until he collapses under his own discomfort. Nick can't blame him, really; they're hanging his entire life on the end of a branch labeled "going with Nick's gut," after all.

"What exactly is going to make it the right time ?" Kim asks.

"Well... I guess once we know everyone is here. After we figure out just how badly they might react. If they're real aggressive about it, we can always just... wait until Sharky and Hurk come back, and tell them."

"Yeah, I don't think either of them are going to be happy to know we hid John from them." She sighs, adding reluctantly, "I guess it's a good back-up plan. In case things go really badly from the start."

"God," Nick sighs, draining his cup of coffee, "I hope this doesn't blow up in our faces."

There are footsteps on the front porch, followed by a knock on the door. The two of them freeze, staring at the door for a hot minute until a recognizable voice calls from the other side: "Nick? Kim?"

"Jerome?" Nick calls, pushing himself up from his seat and heading to the door.

At first, he only opens the door a crack, enough to check that Jerome is on his own. When he's pretty sure the caravan as a whole hasn't shown up, he opens the door wide enough to block the entrance with his body.

"What are you doing here?" Nick asks. "The caravan can't be coming through already."

"No," Jerome replies. He looks winded, sweaty and dirty from what looks like a long walk. Nick hopes he didn't come all the way from town by himself on foot — that's more risk than it's worth, with all the wild animals out there. "They won't be here for hours yet. But I... I couldn't sleep. I had to get here before them."

"Jesus, why ?"

It takes Jerome a moment to find the words, but as soon as he gathers the strength, he blurts them out before he loses his nerve. "There has to be something I can do to convince you not to throw everything away like this. Your family has been vital to the county, and I cannot let you ruin your lives when we need to stay together the most ! You're going to turn everyone against you! A monster like John Seed as no right , asking you to risk your family like this!"

Jerome looks to Nick for some kind of reaction, deflating when he doesn't see what he wants. "He cannot be worth it," he finishes miserably.

"Hey, now," Nick says, unable to help sounding offended. He hopes Jerome doesn't take it the wrong way, but from the scandalized look on his face, he most certainly has. "I know what I'm doing, okay?" he amends, feeling a little bad for lying.

A hand touches his back, and so Nick opens the door wide to accommodate Kim standing next to him. "Jerome," she says gently, as though she hadn't heard his outburst a moment ago, "Why don't you come in and have some coffee?"

"This isn't a social visit," he says, startled.

"You can still have a cup of coffee," Kim replies, nudging Nick out of the way. "Come in so we can talk."

Kim takes point from there, leaving Nick to shut the door while she brings Jerome to the table and has him sit, coffee already poured for him. With the living room cleaned up and Jerome sitting at close to his usual spot at the table, Nick finds himself transported backward in time. For a second, maybe even less than that, Nick can see the house the way it used to be — the way it might've been, if maybe they had been less wrapped up in the cult bullshit and more worried about the disquieting news coming in from outside their small ecosystem.

The moment passes, and Nick is still in this uncomfortable situation with a house that's falling down around him. Figures that he can't enjoy the fantasy for even a moment.

Nick mostly keeps to himself, hovering near the support beam while Kim does her best to explain the situation with John to an increasingly upset-looking Jerome. She rehashes the stuff he already knows, about how Nick found him, and the ultimatum that's kept him sheltered and fed for more than half a year now. She even mentions some of the work John's done for them, although she doesn't go into much detail. After all, not many people are going to be impressed by John sorting nails and repairing fences.

What she does focus on is John's reaction to their demands. The way he'd agree to anything, working himself well past the point of exhaustion, falling into mute obedience — Kim tells Jerome everything, listing his strange, unsettling habits like a worried mother talking to a pediatrician. He doesn't sleep. He talks to himself, struggles to focus past the things that have consumed his mind. She's worried about it, and what it means about his time underground. She's seen how people break. Despite everything, she thinks he sincerely is trying, but he won't open up and she can't help but worry that it might cause more problems down the line.

Nick doesn't know how comfortable he can be, listening to Kim discuss John's progress like a teacher talking about a troubled student. He manages to stick it out for a few minutes, but when Kim starts talking about Joseph, and the trembling wreck his appearance had turned John into, he finds himself making a measured retreat for the backyard. Somebody ought to tell John that Jerome has come by, right? And that somebody might as well be Nick, who can't stand to hear Kim worry about John goddamn Seed for another minute.

There isn't much to do in the backyard. Most of the fence is in place by now, and the debris has been pulled around back of the hangar, leaving the yard an empty wash of dirt tamped down by their daily movement. Even the fire pit has been cleaned up, thanks to Carmina taking her chores seriously yesterday. If John had come out here to try and find something to distract him, he's going to be hard-pressed.

For his part, John has taken up a spot by the planters. Kim and Carmina have planted some soy beans in the second planter, but they haven't taken off yet and none of them are sure they will. In the meantime, John plucks out some errant weeds, careful not to disturb the few sprouts that seem to have taken root.

"Hey," Nick says.

John barely looks Nick's way at the greeting. "I thought I heard something," he says instead, which at the very least saves Nick an awkward segue.

"Uh, yeah." He scratches the back of his head. "Jerome's just inside. I thought you'd want a head's up. The caravan shouldn't be here for a while, though. A couple of hours, anyway."

John swallows heavily. "That isn't much time."

Nick nods, looking around the backyard to avoid long eye-contact with John. "Not like we'd have anything to do if it were further away," he points out. "Things here are about as good as they're gonna get."

"It won't be enough." John fixes Nick with a dark look, one that reminds Nick that John's list of past transgressions is miles-long. "This isn't going to be enough for them."

"I guess you'd be the expert on repentance, huh?" Nick knows it's kind of a dig, but at least that ugly look on John's face is replaced by one that's more simply offended. "Look, I know you don't think we... punish you enough around here or whatever, but..."

"Don't say it like that ," John groans miserably.

"Hey, the point stands whether or not I say it! Just — trust us, okay?"

John shakes his head. He doesn't seem willing to admit to it again again, but that's okay. Nick knows he's got John's trust, even if it's been given mostly against John's better judgment. Considering this is the same guy who thinks Nick should have left a few prominent scars to convince strangers of his atonement, maybe Nick doesn't care so much about his judgment here.

"They won't be satisfied," John mutters.

"Maybe that's just your dissatisfaction talking. Most everyone around here are good, decent people, even after everything they've been through. Anyone who thinks we didn't beat you enough is better off getting the hell out of my county. We don't have time for that kind of shit around here."

John is quiet for a bit after Nick's outburst. Nick's not surprised, since John seems incapable of understanding Nick's pacifism, but at least he isn't immediately refuting everything on principle alone anymore.

"I need it to be enough," John finally says hoarsely. "I can't have all of this be for nothing. I can't ."

For once, Nick doesn't bother to stop his knee-jerk reassurances — John looks like he could probably use them. "Even if nobody else is convinced, uh... you should know, we do believe you. Sort of," he clarifies hastily as John casts a horrified look at him, "At least, I don't think you're bullshitting me right now."

John swallows thickly and nods. Words don't seem part of his acceptance, but that's all right, Nick doesn't need them.

The back porch creaks unhappily behind Nick, who turns to find Kim and Jerome standing there. John sees them too, half-rising to his feet before seeming to think better of it and sitting heavily back down on the planter.

"John," Jerome says. He doesn't sound happy, but at least he doesn't sound like he's about to chuck a Molotov in John's face.

"...Pastor Jerome," John responds, looking nauseous.

Jerome steps off of the porch. "We have some things to discuss."

Instinctively, John's hand reaches up, as if to stop Nick from abandoning him, but he aborts the gesture quickly, digging his fingers into the tire treads instead.

"...You're right," John admits. Even though he isn't trying to stop Nick from leaving physically, he looks like he absolutely does not want to be alone around Jerome. Unfortunately, Jerome's expression tells Nick that whatever words he has to share with John, they are private, and they're just going to make Nick wish he'd never heard them.

"It's gonna be fine," Nick tells him. He mostly believes it, too.

The front of the house has mostly been left to rot, which had been fine when Nick wasn't expecting a half-dozen cars to show up in his drive. With John and Jerome busy out back and Kim getting Carmina prepared for company, Nick is left alone to clean up the tumbleweeds that have made their home against the dilapidated remains of chain-link fencing. He could probably leave it — after all, nobody is expecting perfection these days — but somehow he can't bring himself to leave a poor first impression. What John said must have gotten to him, because here he is, looking over a patch of dirt and trying to see how he can make it seem like enough . Proof that he knew what he was doing when he saved John, proof that he knows what he's doing now, trusting the guy with his reputation and that of his family.

Unfortunately, there's not much to save in the front yard, and Nick's bottle of weed-killer is six-years expired and empty to boot. They're all just going to have to work with what they've got.

Carmina comes out at some point to help, mostly by distracting Nick with lots of questions. Are there going to be kids coming? Is Grace going to show up too? Can she trade The Wizard of Oz for another book? Will they mind that John is here? Shouldn't he be hiding? What if Grace does show up, too? Is she going to be okay?

"Honey, I don't know," Nick replies to most of it. Thankfully, he taught her early on that adults saying "I don't know" is actually a good thing — mostly because Nick says it too much to have his daughter think he's being dumb.

"All I know is that we're gonna do our best to be hospitable," he clarifies, because that's a lesson Carmina still hasn't learned anything about. "This is the first big caravan of the year. People are gonna be passing through a lot more as things get back to normal, and they'll always be a grab-bag. Uh, that means it'll be a surprise, what kinda people will come through."

"So there could be kids?" Carmina asks hopefully.

"Sure," Nick smiles. "Kids, dogs, friendly old ladies who'll pinch your cheeks too hard. All sorts of people. But this one is... extra important, you know?"

"Because of John?" Carmina asks. "That's what mom said."

Nick sighs. "Yep," he says, "Because of John." Maybe that's a little harsh, but it's true. Still, Nick tries to sound less exasperated when he continues. "Some of the people coming through probably won't be happy to see him. That's why Pastor Jerome is talking to him now — to see if he can help."

"I thought Jerome didn't like John," Carmina replies.

"Nobody likes John," Nick clarifies. "That doesn't mean we aren't gonna try to help him out."

" Why ? If nobody likes him..."

Nick sighs, wiping sweat from his forehead. "Because it's the right thing to do, Carmina. If somebody needs help, you oughta help them if you can. You know, even before the bombs, everyone out here relied on each other when things got tough. It might not be much, but that's one thing I'm not gonna give up on." He looks around the yard, mostly to avoid his daughter's eye-contact, but eventually, he offers her a smile. "You get it, right?"

"Sure," Carmina says, most likely not getting it at all.

It's not that much longer before the first car shows up. The dark blue sedan that rolls down their drive has heavily patched tires and a crack through the windshield, but the engine sounds plenty capable of a long drive. A mattress and a wardrobe box are strapped to the roof of the car with ropes, and the back seat is full of boxes, but Nick sure hopes they have more supplies on hand than what he sees.

"Go tell your mom," Nick tells Carmina, who nods and jogs off to warn everyone that it's show time.

Nick guides the car around a deep crack in the drive, and he's privately relieved to barely recognize either of the people in the car. The couple that climbs out is passingly familiar — Nick has a clear vision of the man at Lorna's, for some reason — and they seem excited to see Nick, but honestly, he couldn't name them if he tried.

"I sure hope Jerome sent word we were coming," the lady driving says after she dusts herself off. She's got her hair shaved up short, and a long welted scar runs from her temple to her nose. Nick remembers her, minus the scar, but he can't remember her name. Joan, maybe? Georgia? Something like that...

"That he did!" Nick offers her a friendly smile, gesturing towards the house. "We got everything all set up if you wanna make yourselves at home. Uh, he didn't tell us how many were coming, so I dunno if we got enough space, but..."

The guy, whose name Nick definitely doesn't remember, waves a hand in an attempt to ease Nick's worries. "Don't worry, it's just a couple of cars. Us, a couple guys who found a working Honda, and the Halls. They've got a big-ass truck, though, and a trailer, so they might need help with that ditch."

Kim comes around from the back before Nick needs to come up with more small talk. Pleasantly surprised as she recognizes their guests, she calls, "Julia, is that you?"

"Kim!" Julia exclaims, going in for a hug that Kim is glad to give. "It's so good to see you again!"

With the ice successfully broken and Kim taking point on hosting duties, Nick slowly feels himself start to relax back into the role himself. Julia and Clark are long-time Hope County residents, and they seem just as happy to have a brief return to normalcy as Nick is to indulge in it, so for the next few minutes, the conversation stays light and upbeat.

Clark can't give them a head-count, but he talks about the Hall family and their plan to head as far west as possible, implying the whole time that most people found the idea to be too risky to actually take on. When Carmina comes downstairs only to be disheartened by the lack of kids around, Julia is quick to reassure her that the Halls have a boy about her age. It's probably that news that keeps Carmina docile as Julia proceeds to fawn over how big she is.

Sure enough, the next car to come in is a large, beat-up F-150, the bed's sideboards painted with faded apple orchard logos. The family Clark and Julia mentioned are sitting up front in the cab, while three more people take up space in the bed. Nick helps them down the drive, careful of the small trailer they've got with them. The whole time, Carmina is waiting behind him impatiently.

Before Nick can join Kim in introducing Carmina to one of the few kids her age in the area, he's distracted by the third car rolling into the yard. The Honda is another four-door, although it looks more comfortable in the back than Julia and Clark's car, with or without the boxes. Nick catches sight of a toddler sitting on a woman's lap, which will probably bum Carmina out, but at least she can get some practice in with babies.

The headcount comes to ten people, minus kids, which is a lot less than Nick's worst fears expected. What's more, they all seem like reasonable people. The problem, though, is that Jerome definitely mentioned Hurk and Sharky tagging along, and Nick doesn't know how many people might be riding with them. Plus, they've been openly experimenting with the Mad Max raider thing, and Nick isn't 100% sure just how hard they're leaning into it. Escorting a caravan full of families with minimal weapons doesn't exactly scream cutthroat bastards , but the worry sticks to the back of Nick's mind.

Things are calm for the next hour or two. The three people who came with the truck all seem eager to keep moving at first, but they slowly relax once they're seated inside at the dinner table. With a couple of the windows unboarded and the back porch fully open, the inside of the house is filled with light. They had to get rid of the couch when they unburied it, but now Nick wishes they had more seating in here.

"The place looks great, right?" Julia asks one of the girls at the table. Neither of them have ever been here, Nick doesn't think, but they play along.

"Most of the houses collapsed," Katrina comments. She's the most jittery out of the three sitting at the table, and so far Nick only knows that she's from California and has been wanting to get back there since the bombs fell. "You guys got lucky."

"Things are way better once you get out of close-range areas like this," the girl sitting beside Katrina says. She calls herself Merit, and it's clear from her worn-out gear and her heavy goggle-lines that she's been traveling for a while. Nick wonders if she just happened upon the caravan, or if she helped put it together. "Some towns barely look any different."

"It took a lot of hard work to clean it up," Nick offers awkwardly. "You should've seen how much dirt we had to move."

It's weird, taking credit for John's work. Nick takes an immediate dislike to it. He would look to the third person at the table, a gruff and quiet man named Everett, for some kind of distraction, but the guy doesn't seem interested in conversation.

"You think Helena is going to be better than this?" Katrina asks Merit.

"Oh, hell yeah," she says.

As soon as Merit launches into hypothesizing what the next towns might be like, Nick makes a quick exit for the back porch. Carmina and the Hall kid — Liam, Nick's pretty sure — are drawing big shapes out in the dirt with sticks, gossiping as best they can without any daycare socialization to help them. Kim seems satisfied with it, anyway — enough that she can dedicate most of her focus on trading gardening tips and general life-hacks with the two other mothers in the group. Jerome rejoins the group for a few minutes, but after he drifts briefly through the conversations, he seems to disappear again. Nick isn't sure if that's a good sign or not, but he's gonna have to trust himself while he flies blind for a bit.

Nick doesn't know which is louder on Hurk's arrival: the three roaring motorcycle engines, or the cacophony of black metal that comes with them. It's a whole lot of presentation for three guys on some busted old Harleys, but it sure does the trick of drawing everyone's attention. By the time they rumble down the drive, everyone has congregated to the front of the house, just in time to witness an almost coordinated stop beside the truck.

The music blares from an old stereo on the back of one of the bikes, so killing the engines doesn't do anything to stop it. He doesn't take off his helmet, but Nick recognizes Hurk swearing a blue-streak as he tries to shut the music off with as little noticeable fanfare as possible.

"Party train's in town, bitches!" he hollers, as if they aren't watching him beat up a cassette player in real-time.

The two guys with Hurk take off their helmets, and Nick immediately pegs them for ex-cultists. There's something about the way they look at the house, as if the last time they saw it they were busting in the doors at John's command. One of them, nearly as big as Hurk, the only hair on his head his long, untamed beard, looks like he never quite came off the Bliss, his eyes glassy and vacant. The other fills out their stereotypical raiders unit with his wild locs and big, unhinged smile, giving off real wild-card vibes in a pack already chock full of Jokers.

Neither of them are Sharky, which is... weird. Truthfully, seeing Hurk without his cousin is a little jarring — after all, they've been together since the world ended.

Hurk must notice him looking around because he's quick to put any worries to rest. "Sharky's gonna show eventually," he says. "Likes taking the road less traveled, y'know? Since all the roads these days aren't traveled, though, he's gotta get real weird with it." He waves a hand as though swatting away a troublesome fly. "You'll hear him before you see him."

It doesn't take long for that to backfire spectacularly in Nick's face. Not three minutes later, Nick catches the distant roar of an ATV somewhere out in the trees. He isn't the only one; pretty much everybody else swivels to nervously eye the woods until Sharky's caterwauling eases their deeply ingrained flight instincts. Like before, the entire crowd migrates towards the noise, following it into the backyard.

Nick tries not to worry about it as Sharky comes up from the wrong side of the hangar. After all, Sharky's probably gonna drive right by the hangar without so much as a second glance, and anyway, Jerome is there to run interference if things go south. Sharky's mellowed out since the apocalypse — surely he'd listen to reason. Right?

It's all Nick can think about while he and Sonny Hall talk about the potential hazards on their way out. He almost convinces himself that things are going to be fine by the time the ATV engine cuts off, writing it off as nothing more than a random habit of Sharky's to park in the most inconvenient places.

There's no way to rationalize the terrible crash from the hangar, followed by Sharky's blood-curdling holler of, " What the fuck !"

Sharky himself rushes from the hanger via the utility door, practically spilling out into the dirt wash between the two buildings. He rushes towards them with his mouth agape and his face pale from shock; he pulls up short as he catches Nick visibly flailing from his discovery.

"You wanna tell me what the fuck John Seed is doing in your fucking hangar ?" he asks, voice cracking as it fails to contain all of his outrage.

Nick opens his mouth to say something, anything to ease the blow that's coming, but Hurk cuts him off at the head. "What the fuck are you talking about?" he scoffs loudly, waving a dismissive middle finger in Sharky's direction. "Do you know how fuckin' nuts you sound right now?"

Sharky's face turns beet red, fists clenching as he locks eyes with Nick for a brief, furious second before about-facing for the hangar. His betrayal and fury sting like a bitch.

"Sharky," Nick calls, but the guy is definitely not listening to him right now. He looks where Kim is standing, her hand tight on Carmina's shoulder, but she's just as lost as he is. They'd planned to segue into this, for God's sake! This isn't anywhere near what they planned!

Shit. Nick can't let Sharky be the first one to reach the hangar. He needs to get in front of this, before everyone swings into mob mentality and tears John to pieces. As he jogs in Sharky's furious wake, he can feel the group closing in behind him, fear and curiosity and utter disbelief drawing the whole goddamn posse down at once.

Sharky flings open the door and disappears into the hangar. Jerome tries to calm him down, urging him to hold on, but it does nothing to slow the guy down. Nick reaches the hangar in time for Sharky to shove John through the door, knocking him to the dirt in front of Nick's feet.

"Jesus Christ !" someone shouts from behind him. Nick just knew that haircut was going to get them into trouble — as if John's tattooed arms aren't bare and visible to the crowd.

"What the fuck is this shit!" Sharky shouts as he clears the door.

John remains on his knees, keeping his eyes fixed on the dirt beneath him. A flurry of anxious chatter goes up around Nick, who finds himself suddenly standing in a strange no man's land between John and the crowd he'd been part of just a minute before. It's a terrible feeling, watching everyone pull back from him like he's got some kind of disease or something.

Nick fumbles with the words that he wants to say, unable to have practiced for this awful scenario. "I, uh, can explain," he says.

"You'd better ," one of Hurk's riders shouts.

"Look, okay, so..."

Nick is positive they aren't going to like the truth, but it's all he has to offer them. They never got a chance to see John lying in the brush like a wasted corpse — all they see now is the end result of all of Nick and Kim's hard goddamn work, trying to find some kind of real human being under all of the rot. He never should have kept John a secret — he should have forced everybody else to look at the work the three of them have had cut out for them, and then maybe they wouldn't be looking at him like he's some kind of monster for admitting that John had just been too sick, too close to death already, for Nick to bring himself to pull the trigger.

"It wouldn't have been right to leave him there," he sighs.

"You should have put a bullet between his eyes!" Katrina shouts at him.

"Don't you think I considered that?" Nick snaps. "It was the first thing I thought!"

"Then why the fuck didn't you?"

He throws his hands up, feeling crazy for having to shout, "Because I didn't want to !" He's been thrown into some horrible alternate universe where people don't think twice about shooting first and never asking questions. "I've never wanted to kill anybody ! I didn't want to back then, and I sure as hell don't want to start murdering people now ! And I couldn't just — I needed to know how he'd survived, if maybe Dep had..."

"Don't finish that sentence," Sharky warns.

"Or what ? You think that they would've done it differently?" Nick points at John, who sits with his head bowed. "I found this sorry bastard struggling to breathe in the dirt! You tell me what Rook would've done differently if John hadn't given them a good damn reason to pull the trigger!"

"A reason ?" Sharky spits in disbelief.

" Yeah , a fucking reason! I'm not a goddamn murderer, Sharky, and that's what it would've been!" He takes a breath, desperate to keep his cool. "We gave him an ultimatum," he continues. "He could stay with us if he did everything we said, if he swore off of the cult — and he did. He has, I mean. He isn't with the Peggies, he isn't with Joseph —"

"Yeah, until that sonuvabitch shows up and takes him back!"

"Joseph can try ." Nick scowls, glancing briefly down at John, who still hasn't moved, not even to look his accusers in the eye. "C'mon, John. Tell them."

"Like I'm gonna believe a word that fucking maniac says!"

John swallows. But for whatever reason, he manages to find enough words to begin defending himself. "The Project was a mistake," he rasps. "It was a pointless endeavor from the start and somewhere inside I knew that."

Katrina surges forward as though she might burst through the crowd and personally beat John to a pulp. Merit's hand on her arm is the only thing that keeps her from doing it. "You fucking monster!" she howls.

"Yes," John replies. He doesn't look up, too scared to, but Nick knows he means it when he says, "I'm sorry."

"Fuck your apologies!"

Jerome, standing quietly in the doorway until now, steps forward. He doesn't quite kneel, but he reaches down to put a firm hand on John's shoulder. It's not a comforting gesture — if anything, Jerome is holding him in place.

"I know," John rasps. He lifts his head at last, revealing a fresh black-eye, which is no doubt Sharky's doing. It takes him a moment to find the words, but he's resigned himself to the mercy of the crowd, and he doesn't try to plead with them.

"There's no forgiveness for the things I've done. There's no... fixing it. I should have died. When Nick found me, I should have forced his hand, but I... couldn't."

"You had eight years to kill yourself," Everett points out grimly. "You should have done it then."

John swallows. "Yes," he says. "I really should have."

Nick can't help muttering an uncomfortable, " Hey ," but Jerome cuts him off just by looking at him. There's plenty of time to freak out about the suicide talk later, hopefully once John avoids being executed entirely.

"I was a coward," John says. The words come out with the force of a long-held confession. "I've always been a coward. It's why I joined Joseph when he found me and followed every word. It's why I listened to Nick when he told me to choose between being shot in the head or helping him. Everything I've ever done has been — just mindless self-preservation."

John swallows. Nick isn't sure who he's looking to, exactly, but he speaks to one person in particular as he says, "I tried to tear my sins out of you to save myself. Manual labor, mending fences — it's never going to be enough to make up for that."

"You bet it isn't," Everett says.

"You probably have enough skin for us to return the favor," Katrina says. Nick doesn't know if she's carrying a weapon or not, but he's pretty sure he'll be the only one to object if she pulls one on John now.

"Hey, now," Nick interjects, unable to help himself and absolutely unwilling to stop himself this time around. "We're better than that."

"Fuck you! You keep him around like a pet farm-hand on land that could keep us all safe and fed, forcing us to go fend for ourselves while you harbor a goddamn monster under your roof!" She points accusingly at the house. "Yeah, real nice place, you fucking traitor !"

"Who do you think we made fix everything !" Nick exclaims, throwing his arms wide. "The only reason we've got all this usable land is because of John, goddamn it! And you all want to leave. You said so yourself, you're not even from here! If you think you can just roll onto my property and act entitled to it, I'll teach you the same goddamn lesson I taught those Peggies nine years ago!"

"More like cult property," some jackass says, as though shouting something loudly enough makes it true. Nick scans the crowd for the culprit, but there are honestly too many guilty faces to choose from.

"Eden's Gate is dead," John says, as if somehow he's the person to bring reason and civility back into the conversation. "Whatever Joseph thinks he's doing now, it's a crippled organization of people more desperate than you. There aren't enough believers left to allow the Project to become a threat. Even if he wanted it, he could never take this property."

"As if I would believe you ."

"You don't have to believe me," John replies, shrugging off the disbelief. "It's true either way. I know what the Deputy did to the bunkers. The most faithful were being held there — if they weren't destroyed with the gates, then the Collapse would have left them feeling like sinners. And I know what eight years of isolation away from Joseph can do to a person's faith. He'll never have the numbers he wanted, much less the numbers he had before the Collapse."

Nick knows that most of the people standing here are never going to forgive him. They're never going to forgive John, either, and one day they might come back expecting the worst from Nick's bad decision. But at least for now, John's honesty seems true enough to reassure the best of them. Everett hasn't left to get his gun yet, anyway, and Katrina hasn't tried to burst through the crowd and flay John alive. That's something, anyway, right?

"What if you're wrong?" Sharky asks. He still looks pissed, but his arms are crossed defensively over his chest and he doesn't look willing to start a fight right now. "Not saying I believe you," he adds, just in case anyone had any doubts. "But if I did ."

John doesn't hesitate. "If I am, kill him. Of course, his followers will martyr him, so you'll have to kill them as well." He clenches his jaw for a moment, as though he doesn't want to say it, and then admits, "Anyone who would follow Joseph now has to be completely devoted to him. They'll take any outside aggression as a reason to attack. If you move on Joseph, you'll have to be willing to exterminate the whole group."

"That sounds like a whole lotta work," Hurk points out pragmatically.

"Sure sounds like you're telling us to let Joseph do whatever he wants," one of his biker pals adds. It's also a pragmatic observation, but Nick has no doubt it's meant as an accusation. "We show up here and find out John Seed is still alive, and he's telling us to just leave it alone , and you want us to believe you're not part of all of it?"

Nick doesn't realize at first that the guy is talking to him . "Are you kidding me?" Nick asks. "Are you forgetting who shot this sorry fuck out of the sky? He tried to rip the pride right outta me —"

"And yet here you are, defending him!"

"Of course I'm defending him! Nobody else is gonna do it!"

With his blood about ready to boil, it's a good thing that Kim arrives before Nick says something stupid. He's not sure when she rejoined the group, but now she cuts in front of the strangers in their home, resting a hand on his shoulder as she steps up beside him. He grabs it immediately, maybe a little too tightly, but he can't afford to lose his cool any more than he already has.

"I know, it's a lot to handle," she says. "It's been a lot for us, too. But Nick is telling you all the truth. It has nothing to do with the cult. We aren't being manipulated, and we aren't trying to betray anyone. Nick found him when he needed help, and we helped him. It's as simple as that."

She offers them an apologetic smile. "Things after the bombs have been hard on all of us. But the past still haunts me. It's been almost ten years and I still have nightmares about it. I want this world to be better than the last one, but there's still so much of me left back there. When Nick found John, I thought — I thought we might not be done, honestly. I felt the same way you all feel now. But then I thought, maybe if somebody like John could change, then maybe that meant better for me. For all of us."

Hurk, frowning heavily, crosses his arms over his chest as Sharky slowly uncrosses his. "You really wanna put that much hope on that guy?" he asks.

"Well — yes," Kim admits. "I know that maybe it doesn't seem like enough — I know it doesn't seem like enough to him — but John has been trying. And I can't afford to give up on anybody who wants to be better than the person they were."

Nick realizes that Clark has disappeared from the group. The family from the Honda is nowhere to be seen either; Mary Hall is standing at the back porch with her hands on her son's shoulders while Carmina stands next to them.

For a moment, the silence between the two sides seems insurmountable, and Nick worries that they might have to be ready to move or otherwise defend their home from an angry mob. But eventually, after a few tortuously long seconds have gone by, Sonny Hall comes to a decision.

"Well, I suppose it doesn't matter what happens in Hope County anymore," he says, scratching his chin. "Only time will tell if we'll have to deal with Eden's Gate in California. Still... Might be best if we get moving sooner, all things considered."

"Guess we're getting out while the getting's good," Merit tells Katrina, who looks like she still wants to pick a fight, even with a wide-open escape at her back. "Don't worry, nothing from this podunk piece of shit is gonna affect anything, ever!"

Katrina stares at John like she's memorizing a mortal enemy. "You better hope not," she tells him, although she looks at Nick when she says it.

Sharky doesn't move as the group begins to retreat, leaving Hurk to awkwardly stop some feet behind and wait for him. He stares at Nick like he doesn't recognize the ugly thing he sees standing there.

"It was a real low blow, bringing the deputy into this," he says. "You know that."

For the first time today, Nick feels truly guilty. True or not, throwing anything Rook-related in Sharky's face is definitely a low blow. "Yeah," he says. "I shouldn't have done that."

Deflating at Nick's apology, Sharky scowls in John's direction before eyeballing the Ryes. "Lucky for you, I like Kim," he says at last, sniffing dismissively. "Otherwise, we'd have a real problem here."

"Thank you, Sharky," Kim replies. "Be safe, okay?"

Nodding reluctantly, Sharky turns to join his and Hurk's small gang. Nick watches them all go, unable to decide whether or not that was the best possible outcome, or simply the least bloodthirsty. He can't help but worry who they're going to tell what , but at this point, it's out of his hands.

"I'll go get Carmina," Kim says after a brief silence. "It might be better if they don't see us before they leave."

"I'll do it," Jerome says. He breaks away somewhat guiltily, but Nick can tell that he wishes he could join the caravan right now and get as far away from this mess as possible. Hell, after the way things went today, he still might try.

It's only once Jerome is gone that John speaks, struggling to keep his voice from shaking. "It's not really over," he says, "It can't be."

"Well, we'll have to go through that a couple hundred more times," Nick points out, "But... I mean, yeah. It's over. Sorry I wouldn't let them flog you or anything."

It's probably too early to joke, but he manages to draw a sigh from John, which is better than nothing. He's saved from having to respond as Carmina jogs across the yard, bouncing from foot to foot once she comes to an antsy stop in front of them.

"Is everything okay?" she asks. "They're all leaving!"

"Everything is fine," Kim tells her. "They want to get some distance before night-fall, that's all. Did you have any luck trading with Liam?"

Kim distracts Carmina from the escaping caravan by talking about her new book, as well as some potential ways to find new reading material. Nick and John both remain in the same spots that they'd defended themselves from, until the last car rumbles out of the drive and Jerome reappears on the back porch.

"What now?" John asks.

"I dunno," Nick replies. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

[dryadsbubbles]

Sweet, Sweet Fate (It’s Really Out of My Hands)

Anne finds herself in scrapes more often than not. And spilling scaling hot tea on a complete stranger? Very on brand for her.

Shirbert Modern Day University AU

(ao3 link)

---

“Medium green tea for Anne?”

Anne looked up from her phone that she had been aimlessly scrolling through. She smiled at the barista but he barely glanced at her as he slid the tea cup across the counter to her. She didn’t blame him though, if she had to serve coffee to customers for six hours straight, she wouldn’t bother glancing at anyone either. Not that she thought she deserved a glance from him today anyway. Her hair was thrown up in a lopsided bun and she had on the largest sweater she could find. She was here to get shit done and she wanted to be comfortable doing it.

She had just started her second year of university and she already felt as though there wasn’t enough time in the world to get done what needed to be done. In fact, she was skipping her Philosophy class at that very moment to finish her English paper that was due by midnight that night. Her plan was to park herself at the cafe for several hours until she finished.

Picking up the mug, Anne surveyed the cafe around her. It was filled with frantic students, middle aged women and businessmen with briefcases. It was around noon so it made sense that a lot of people would be here eating lunch, but she hadn’t expected it to be this busy. Looking around, she wasn’t sure if it was going to be possible to find a spot. Every table that she could see from her position near the counter was filled. But, on the other hand, leaving the cafe to find another place to write would mean she had to go back up to the barista and ask for a take out mug to transfer her tea into and she really didn’t want to do that to him.

So instead, she decided to move deeper into the room, hoping by some miracle that she’d find an empty table tucked away somewhere in a hidden corner. As she neared the back of the room with no luck, she noticed a boy- a good looking boy- around her age, sitting at a table to her right. She couldn’t quite figure out why he stood out to her, but she was intrigued by him. His hair was dark and untamed, as if he had been absently running his fingers through it all day. He had papers chaotically strewn all over the table and a textbook directly in front of him. He seemed to have tuned the rest of the world out, headphones covering his ears as his eyes intently scanned the pages of his book.

Distracted by the sight of the boy, Anne stopped watching where she was going and her foot snagged onto the leg of a chair she was passing. She managed to catch herself before she fell flat on her face, her tea however, was not as lucky. As if in slow motion, she watched as half of her steaming, green tea flew from her cup, through the air, and towards the messy haired boy. The tea splattered all over his papers, his textbook, and his hands.

The boy yelped and shot out of his seat.

“What the fuck?” He exclaimed, surprised.

Anne stood in shock. One hand held the now half empty tea mug and the other came up to cover her mouth in alarm. Her face turned red as his wide eyes met hers.

After a beat, Anne sprung into action. She quickly grabbed some napkins from a nearby dispenser and moved towards the boy.

“I am so sorry,” She explained to him while dabbing the pages of his soaked textbook. “I was just walking by trying to find a table to sit at. There aren’t many free ones right now because it’s the lunchtime rush but I was hoping that I would find one at the back because I really need to finish my paper and I didn’t want to go through the trouble of having to find another place to go so I was praying that there would be one back here. Anyway, I must have gotten distracted and tripped and my tea went everywhere. Not that I should be surprised that this happened really, I always find myself getting into scrapes like this- I have a knack for it- I find it quite humiliating somet-”

Her ramble was cut off because she realized that after she had finished wiping off his pages, she had grabbed his hand and started to wipe it down too. Almost immediately, she realized what she was doing and she dropped his hand as if it were on fire. She took a step back and looked him in the eyes, a blush rising to her cheeks again.

He blinked at her silently for a moment before a smile slowly started to creep onto his face. He gently took one of the dry napkins she was holding and began to dry off the rest of his hands.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said, amused. “It was a fun little distraction from all the studying I’ve been doing.”

“I can’t see how getting hot tea spilled all over you and your work could be considered fun so I’ll have to take your word for it. Well, as long as you’re sure I haven’t done any permanent damage here, I’ll let you get back to your studying. Sorry, again.” She turned to leave.

“Wait!” The boy called after her. “You can sit here. At my table. If you want. Wouldn’t want you to have to leave to find another place when there’s a perfectly good chair here, across from me.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude.” She replied, usure.

“No, no. Wouldn’t be intruding at all. Here let me just-” He scrambled to move some of the papers from “her” side of the table.

“Okay, well let me buy you another drink then.” She said, eyeing his empty mug. “It’s the least I can do for you after spilling tea all over you and then making you give up half of your study space.”

“I just might take you up on that. I’m going to be here for a while. I’m drinking black coffee.” He replied, handing her his mug.

“Coming right up, uh...” She hesitated.

“Gilbert,” He said. “Gilbert Blythe.”

Anne beamed at him, “Anne Shirley-Cuthbert. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

---

Anne returned successfully with a black coffee in one hand and a new green tea in the other. She placed the coffee in front of Gilbert and sat down in the seat across from him.

“Thank you” He said as he looked up from his notes.

He watched her for a minute as she got situated, taking her laptop out of her bag and turning it on.

“So you’re a student at the university here?” He asked her after a moment.

“Yeah I am. I’m in my second year, studying English.” She said, slightly surprised. She assumed that they were going to sit in silence and do their respective work. But he seemed as though he wanted to talk to her, probably in need of a study break she assumed. For some reason, Anne didn’t mind indulging him and his small talk so she continued the conversation,

“And judging by all the notes in front of you, I think it’s safe to assume that you’re also a student?”

“Yeah. I’m a third year. Pre-Med.” Gilbert answered.

Anne whistled softly. “Holy. That’s a lot of work. I’m stressed just thinking about it.”

“It’s not that bad if you love doing it. Although, right now I’d rather not be. I have a big test tomorrow that I am not prepared for at all. I’m skipping my class right now to study for it.”

Anne let out an understanding, breathy, laugh. “I know what you mean. I have a paper due tonight that I’ve hardly started. I had to skip my class right now too, to work on it.”

“Look at us. A couple of star students. What class are you skipping?”

“Intro to Philosophy.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No?”

“With Professor LeBlanc?”

“Yes?”

Gilbert laughed.

“That’s the class I’m skipping too.”

Anne giggled, surprised.

“What are the chances?” She asked.

“What are the chances?” He repeated, softly, deep in thought for a second before snapped out and said, “Now tell me, what’s your paper about?”

---

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly. They worked in silence most of the time but there were sometimes when Gilbert would need another study break or Anne’s head would get too overwhelmed to write out a comprehensive sentence. At those times, they would talk.

They found that they had a lot in common. They both liked pineapple on their pizza, and both hated the colour orange. They both had fairly unconventional families. She found out that he lived with his “almost” brother, Bash, and his wife, Mary, and their baby Delphine. Anne took note of the way his eyes lit up when he talked about the baby. In turn, she told him about Marilla and Matthew and how they adopted her when she was 13 years old. She didn’t tell him about her life before the Cuthbert’s adopted her. That was a story for next time, when they weren’t in the middle of a public coffee shop.

As the clock neared suppertime, Anne neared the last few sentences of her paper. She knew that she had to leave soon, she had promised Diana and Ruby that she would be home for supper tonight. But Anne found herself reluctant to pack up her things, and instead tried to draw out her departure by reading her paper over three more times (to check for any overlooked spelling errors of course). Finally, Anne knew that she had to go or she’d be late. She closed her laptop and began packing up her things.

Gilbert looked up from what he was writing.

“You’re leaving?” He asked. Anne couldn’t help but think that he sounded a bit dejected but she knew it was only her wistful imagination.

“Yeah. I promised my friends I’d be home 15 minutes ago.”

Anne finished packing up her things and slung her bag over her shoulder. Her and Gilbert stared at each other for a moment. She wasn’t really sure what to say. So long? It was nice to meet you? Hey give me your number because I really enjoyed hanging out with you these past few hours and I’d really like to see you again. Also you’re really pretty? Instead, she just went with a simple,

“I guess I’ll see you around?”

Gilbert cleared his throat and stood up abruptly.

“Hey, why don’t I give you my number? You know, just in case you ever decide to skip class again and need someone to give you the notes.” He said teasingly.

She laughed and handed her phone over to him. They exchanged numbers and then Anne smiled at him.

“See you in class on Friday. Sorry again for spilling tea all over you.”

“Don’t worry about it. Perhaps it was fate.”

“Oh, I doubt that fate sent me here today to spill tea all over your work. That’s something far too unromantic for fate to be involved in.”

“I don’t know,” Gilbert replied teasingly, “I think we were destined to be friends, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert.”

---

[writingisbetterthanreality]

Maybe

Getting ready for an evening of fun was Magnus’s favorite activity.  He made playlists for his Saturday afternoon sessions of getting ready for whatever he was doing or whoever he was bringing home.  He had his newest playlist blasting as he finished his makeup for the evening before sauntering across the hall where Raphael was laying in bed reading a book.

“Are you going out tonight?” Magnus asked languidly.  Raphael glanced at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Are you?  Magnus, I’ve learned to stop questioning your style, but you’re going to get raped in that.  Men are pigs, even gay ones.”  His gaze went back to his book.

“That is offensive to say,” Magnus said hotly with a roll of his eyes.  “Not that it’s your business, but no I’m staying in.  I have a man coming over.”

“You invited him over?” Raphael put his book down completely and stared.  “Magnus, you don’t know this guy.  You’ve talked to him online for a week and you invite him over?”

“It’s hooking up,” Magnus tried not to let Raphael’s opinion get to him.  “He’s hilarious and we’re going to have a few drinks and have some fun.  I don’t do relationships, not anymore.  I just want alcohol and sex in my own home.  Going out to bars is trashy.”

“Right, because signing up for apps that only give you sex isn’t at all,” Raphael picked up his jacket and started texting.  “You’re lucky my boyfriend has no life outside of me.  If you need me I’m only ten minutes away.  For fuck’s sake please be careful.  I hate that you do this.”

“It’s fine, I promise,” Magnus waved his concern off.  He’d been talking with Xavier for a week nearly nonstop.  He was funny and witty and exactly the guy Magnus wanted to have over on a Saturday.  It would be easy, with no commitment to come the next morning.  There were no lies and no fights.  He wouldn’t have to deal with second guessing himself all the time.  Commitment wasn’t happening for him, not ever again.  This was easier and he had friends to be with.  Who needed a significant other?

He selected several bottles of alcohol to put out on the bar with his best glasses.  He hooked up his phone to the main stereo, having picked the music days ago.  He was ready for tonight, he needed it.  The doorbell rang and he took a deep breath to calm his slight nerves before happily going to open the door for his date for the evening.  No, not a date, no more dating.  This was casual and he didn’t have to impress.  He only had to intoxicate enough to get laid.  That was his goal tonight and nothing more to it.  

He opened the door and was very surprised at what was on the other side.  He’d been catfished it would seem….but not exactly in a horrible way.  

“You’re Xavier?” He asked skeptically.  The man he’d been talking to had said he was twenty-five, but this kid was definitely eighteen, if even that.  He was tall, and he was completely gorgeous even if he was young.  His eyes were a gorgeous hazel and his black hair was messy in the sexiest way.  He had muscles on every inch of him.  He definitely had that six pack in his pictures.  The only problem was that he wasn’t the right age, not at all.  By the looks of it he wasn’t even a mature eighteen, barely an adult at all.  

“Y-yeah,” The boy said with fake confidence.  He shifted his weight and he seemed so small, even if he technically towered over Magnus.  

“Are you even eighteen?” Magnus had to ask as the boy shuffled inside.  He wasn’t about to bang jailbait, no matter how much he wanted a good time tonight.  The boy looked panicked and nervous now that he’d been found out.   

“I will be,” The boy said.  “I will be in two months.”

“You can’t pass for twenty-five, just so you know,” Magnus told him, shaking his head and trying not to get angry.  “Catfishing is a dick move, just so you know.”

“I didn’t mean to…” This boy seemed so lost and he could have gotten in so far over his head.  

“What’s your name darling?” Magnus asked as he got himself a drink, accepting that his Saturday night plans were certainly changing.  “Your real name that is.”

“I’m Alec,” He ducked his head and looked intently at the plant by the door.  “I can go.  I really should probably go.”

“What on earth were you doing on that app?” Magnus felt like this kid might have nobody to talk to at home.  “You know what that app is for, right?”

“Yeah, I know what I was doing,” Alec defended.  He still hadn’t moved an inch further from the door.  

“You want to have sex?” Magnus asked him one eyebrow arched.  “You want to have wild, dirty sex at some guy’s house that you don’t know or trust?  That’s what you want?”

“Why do you care what I want?” Alec asked, his voice losing its careful edge and shaking slightly.  “Why are you talking to me?  Shouldn’t we have our clothes off by now?”

“You’re a child, and I’m not into that,” Magnus waved a hand.  He felt guilty at the hurt look on this boy’s face.  “Darling, you could have gotten hurt doing this.  Many men would be delighted if a young thing like you appeared on their doorstep.”

“I just...wanted to not feel so alone,” Alec said at last, looking at the floor instead of at him.  “I wanted to feel….well feel something better.”

“Something better?” Magnus had no clue why he was indulging this kid in some kind of therapy session.  He should be sending him on his way and properly sulking at his lost Saturday night.  “What do you mean something better?”

“My parents hate me,” Alec said bluntly.  “I know you probably don’t care, but you’re here so I may as well tell you.  I’ll never see you again after tonight anyways.  My dad hasn’t spoken to me in six months, since I came out.  My mom acts like it never happened at all.  They won’t even look at me and I feel like it was a waste to even come out to them since I haven’t even kissed a guy yet.”  He had tears in his eyes when he finished.  Magnus felt his heart ache looking at this boy trying to find love in the worst kind of places.  “I’m getting kicked out when I turn eighteen.  I want it all to mean something.  I don’t want to lose my family over a bunch of pictures I looked at.  It has to mean more than that.  I had no idea they’d act like I had a disease if I told them.  I thought they loved me enough…”  He swallowed several times and Magnus realized if he didn’t play a distraction card he was about to have a crying teenager by his front door.  

“Come have some hot chocolate and calm down a bit, okay?” Magnus gestured for him to take a seat and pulled down his largest mug from the cabinet.  He now wanted to pull on a t-shirt instead of this sequined and threadbare top coupled with his best jeans.  This kid was alone in the world at the moment, and Magnus had to let him know it got better.  

“I’m so sorry,” Alec looked mortified.  “I never meant to say any of that.  I am seriously so sorry I said anything.  You look like a model and you have alcohol and I ruined all of it.”

“Thank you for the compliment,” Magnus smiled at him, endeared by his blush and the way his hands were constantly moving as he spoke.  “I don’t mind helping a guy in a bad place.  I’m only glad you ended up at my place instead of some of those other people.”

“Don’t hate me,” Alec begged.  “The only thing I lied about was my age.  The rest of it was the truth I swear.  It was me you were talking to, just a younger me.”

“I recognize the rambling,” Magnus said with a laugh.  “Though it’s much more endearing in person.”

“So, your place...it’s nothing short of epic,” Alec was trying to make small talk and Mangus found it way too adorable.  This boy had wide eyes and though it sounded like his family was terrible He was so so innocent.

“ I designed it myself,” Magnus grinned, pouring the hot water into two mugs, impulsively deciding he’d join Alec in his sugary drink.  “It cost a fortune, but I love it.”

“You’re an interior designer as well as fashion,” Alec nodded his thanks for the drink.  “I got you a new fan by the way.  I showed my sister your site and she went crazy.  She adores your stuff.”

“I appreciate it,” Magnus led him over to the couch, internally wincing at the candles dotting the room.

“You sure know how to set a mood,” Alec had noted the candles as well.  “You could have had a really nice time if you’d have ended up with anyone else.”

“I do like you,” Magnus told the younger boy.  “You’re still the great guy I’ve been talking to for a week.  I just never knew you were a teenager.  Can’t you meet boys at school?”

“Not a chance,” Alec shook his head.  “I go to a private school and it’s horrible.  Even if I could find a boy who would like other boys, they would never be my type.”

“It sounds very unlike you,” Magnus knew this was an odd thing to say, but even though Alec had lied about his age Magnus felt he had a sense of who this boy was.

“Is it worth it?  Being out that is?”  Alec asked him, tracing the rim of the mug.  “You’re very proud of who you are, and that’s different for me.  Do you ever regret being out?”

“I don’t,” Magnus told him.  “I don’t think you will either eventually.  I’m sorry your parents didn’t take it well.  They’ll probably come around because they do love you.  If they don’t though, you form your own family.  A new family made of stronger stuff than blood.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do in two weeks after graduation,” Alec swallowed a few times.  “My dad made it clear I was to be gone the morning after.  He already has some of my stuff in boxes in the garage.”

“Damn,” Magnus shook his head.  “That’s awful.”  He took a sip of his drink and thought of what he could say.  “Alec, it does get better.  It’s not always easy to be out, but at the end of the day when you crawl in bed it’s worth it.  Someday you are going to kiss a boy you really like and it’s going to be the best thing to ever happen to you.  As long as it’s not on that shady app.”

“What were you doing on there?” Alec asked, catching him off guard.  “You’re rich and successful.  You hardly need to be on there.  You could get any guy out there I bet.”

“I get all the wrong ones,” Magnus said bitterly.   “I wasn’t on there to find a relationship.”

“You could kiss me,” Alec said, not looking at him still.  “I’m not a wrong one, and you’re a boy that I like.  I mean, from what I know so far.  You’re amazing Magnus, and every morning I thought you’d get bored talking to me and move on.   You could kiss me and then I wouldn’t feel so stupid for losing my home in two weeks.”

“I would rob you of something if I kissed you,” Magnus laid a hand over Alec’s pale one.  “Your first kiss is a memory you talk about forever.  You’re a very nice boy Alec, and I want you to have a story worth telling.”

“I really am nearly eighteen,” Alec said.  “Would you consider it when I’m not jailbait anymore?”

“Alec,” Magnus laughed and squeezed his hand, surprised when Alec flipped his hand over to lace their fingers together.  “Maybe I’ll consider it.  I think I’d consider a lot with you.”

“Can I stay a bit longer?” Alec asked shyly

“A bit,” Magnus agreed.  He kept his hand in Alec’s and tried to keep his heart from whispering of the maybes that Alec made pop into his mind yet again.  Maybe he wasn’t so done with love and dating.  Maybe he had one last shot at something good.