#this was an actual episode of star trek guys. and it wasn't tos either...

[thegeminisage]

star trek update time. earlier tonight, my eyes were cursed with star trek generations, a very very bad movie. if you don't know the big spoiler for this movie (the character death), please stop reading here. or keep reading actually i'm not your mom. fuck this movie anyway.

with the tos movies, i tried to keep notes on notepad as i watched so as to better type up a "liveblog" later. i was a bit spotty at remembering to do that this time, but i have enough to put together a reasonable write-up. here's kind of how it went

cried multiple times during this movie. first time was when kirk showed up because i knew it was the last time we were ever gonna see him. got bonus aftershock tears when i saw scotty and chekov - i was under the impression it was JUST kirk. second time, i THINK, was when he showed up again, though i just misted up a little. big boo-hooing when he mentioned spock, naturally. MORE crying when he finally bit it, though it was mostly because i was angry!!! and finally, even though i promised myself i wouldn't cry over data, i did start sobbing when he was reunited with his cat. gave myself a crying headache.

it was difficult watching kirk be on the bridge and want to be captain and he's not captain. and then crisis strikes and oh yeah he is. and really, the captainly thing to do WAS to go down to the lower decks and do whatever the fuck. needs of the many. he saved that guy's life. that would have been a fine death.

it was a little ruined by chekov going "was there somebody in there?" like to me it struck me more as funny than anything

oh, spotting guinan in the tos era made me absolutely thrilled btw. i missed her so much in s7 it was UNREAL.

OH YEAH AND. sulu's daughter. wah. ik aos sulu is gay do we think tos sulu is gay too. either way i;m very happy for him

apparently one of the guys in this is from succession. i'm choosing to blame this whole debacle on him.

switching directly to a fucking holodeck scene KILLED me. i HATE the holodeck. at first i thought they were giving worf a retirement party to send him to ds9 but they were just doing all of that for fun. deanna's outfit was hot though. also, data shoving beverly WAS FUNNY tng writers just hate autistic people

i have mixed feelings about data and the emotions chip. i was surprised they never covered it in tng proper and i think it would have been handled better there...data having the chip WAS the reason soren got away, which makes it plot-important, but it felt like a b-plot to a normal tng episode and this is supposed to be a feature film. instead it was a tng two-parter with a budget and william shatner. it was fun watching data experience emotions (happiness, terror) and struggle to control them, but there ironically wasn't enough time to really get into it, except when picard gave him the tough love speech, which i think was uncalled for. why is he so against suicide when it's data when he was out here telling worf to kill himself over an empty barrel??

titty klingon sisters. i never remember their names or their faces but i ALWAYS recognize those boob windows. at first it was really annoying because it is pretty sexist but honestly i've become very endeared. it's absolutely devastating that this movie killed them too. they were everything to me 💔

hey, sorry, side bar, were they watching geordi bathe through his visor? freaks.

also, geordi in the bondage gear while he was kidnapped. ALSO, wasn't he growing new eyes in the tng s7 finale? whatever happened with that???

stellar cartography looks better than it did in tng but it brought back memories of picard running around on poor beverly. idk what he's so worried about continuing his family line for wesley crusher IS his affair baby

hey, also, the lighting??? the "distant sunlight" atmosphere when the lights are off vs the brightly lit interior of the show? truly, the upgraded lighting was probably my favorite part of the movie. it looked SO fucking good. i really felt like we were on a spaceship.

no, wait, ACTUALLY my favorite part was data getting to say "oh, shit!" that was really good. they got one bad word for this whole movie and used it in the perfect place

no, my favorite part was the spock mention.

did not like kirk referring to picard repeatedly as the captain of the enterprise. kirk's the real captain here, bitch. picard doesn't have what it takes to die for his ship. he doesn't love his ship the way kirk loved his.

i did like the nexus reference to the tmp wife. in the novel she was named lori but she didn't show up in tmp proper much less get a name so i'm ok with them calling her the wrong name, but i just know it's the same woman. less okay with kirk's nexus dream being all about some random woman we've never met. he's in love with the IDEA of a woman to come home to, sure, but it's just lazy writing. we don't have any reason to care about this girl. at least if it had been carol ruth marcus or something we'd have SOME basis to give a shit on. the nexus was the perfect place for spock and bones! i wish they and uhura and sulu had had cameos...

i also liked him warning picard to NEVER retire/accept promotion, bc retiring wound up being so traumatizing for him. this is not really consistent but i'm making it that way in my mind palace.

also, kirk being a horse girl is FAKE. they just made him be into horses bc picard is into horses. gross. he was really good at chopping wood though lol

the scene with the kids evacuating the spaceship...WHY WOULD YOU HAVE CHILDREN ON THIS SHIP. i also worried about the pets the entire time, which is part of why i lost it when data found spot :(

it's sad that a piece of guinan was left behind in the nexus...does that happen to everyone? is a piece of kirk in there too? i really wanted to write a fix-it for this someday but they have given me so little to work with that it's hard to imagine a fixit that isn't just 80% "yeah we're ignoring that" which isn't very satisfying.

the crash was SO long. also, why was data holding troi? she's got 2 different boyfriends who could be doing that for her

since i was going into this knowing kirk died, i expected that he was gonna die because the nexus swallowed him or something. i was expecting something grand. instead it was like, tos scene, an hour and a half of very mid tng content, and then half an hour of rushed and poorly paced kirk and picard scenes. typical tng episode that it didn't get to the point until it was almost over, but jesus. i can't believe they got shatner for their movie and then barely had him in it. like, kirk at the end was a total surprise narratively (obviously everyone watching it knows bc of the opening at LEAST that he'll be back, but imagine if this guy had been some rando - it would have been so unsatisfying and weird).

see, this is the thing. the nexus actually has the potential to be incredibly compelling. the way picard's scenes were shot were very very good, if one could ignore the clothes from 1790 and the horrific portrait of himself looking like he stepped out of les mis and also how creepy his kids were and WHY WASN'T HIS WIFE BEVERLY I HATE HIM. kirk's were rushed and messy (he likes horses? his dog? none of this connects us to the character we knew in tos...), and picard's involved, well, picard. but the CONCEPT absolutely fucks, and i did love the creep factor in spite of it all. this whole movie had huge potential and instead it's a steaming pile of shit. i could have learned to live with a good kirk death but living with a bad one is gonna kill me. at least he had good last words. "oh, my" right before he dies kinda fucks tbh.

my final note is that i think sir patrick stewart got sunburnt filming some of those scenes near the end. there were a few shots where he looked quite pink. give the man some sunscreen. oh yeah also why did some people randomly wear the ds9 uniforms...what on earth

anyway, terrible movie, 0/10 stars, i'm never gonna recover. tng never disappoints in disappointing me.

NEXT TIME: back to ds9, thank god. we're doing "meridan" and "defiant."

[lesbeamofsunshine]

okay Strange New Worlds rant ahead:

they made Spock and T'Pring a Romance when it absolutely was tf not in TOS, it was explicitly an arranged marriage neither of them wanted, ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT SPOCK IS CLEARLY GAY, and I don't like that it looks like they're headed toward a story where T'Pring is unfaithful. that's not what the ka'le'fe or whatever it was called in TOS was about, it was T'Pring choosing Ston over Spock, yes, but it was her right. and don't get me started on that "Spock, are you naked?" "No, but he was about to be" scene. that was horrid. completely un-Vulcan. AND since Spock and T'Pring had an arranged marriage obviously T'Pring's mother can't be against their engagement. what do these fuckers think an arranged marriage is??

and I hate that they made Spock and Christine an actual thing. like yeah she was kind of in love with him on TOS but... ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT SPOCK IS CLEARLY GAY... would they really have had a romance? really? do they really think that could be a thing at all for any amount of time? c'mon.

and I think it's funny how many times Christine has almost died. it would be funny if they did just straight up kill her off one episode bc they might as well with how non-canon this show has been so far

I HATE TIME TRAVEL I HATE IT SO MUCH. this is a problem in other treks as well; they're like "wouldn't it be fun if Starfleet officers went back in time to Our Time and it's just like it really is now?" and the answer is yes but also no. no because to do that you have to ignore your own canon, like the eugenics wars of the 1990's. somehow through the power of time travel across multiple shows they've changed the decade of the eugenics wars in Star Trek canon and I am bitter about it. like how do you justify that in TOS the eugenics wars were said to be in the 1990's when in SNW Khan Noonien-Singh wasn't born yet then? I just really hate time travel. no one gets it right, with the exception of Back To The Future. like sometimes it's fun but mostly it just fucks everything up. butterfly effect anyone? no? that means nothing to you? don't get me started on Picard season 2 either ay ya yai.

also it kinda sucks that the Kirk brothers are played by different actors. I think it was funny that Sam Kirk was just Willy Shatz in a moustache. (Willy Shatz is what I call William Shatner in my head.) tbh I don't think the casting for either of them is right. like idk I just think it's probably hard to find someone to match Willam Shatner's energy but I don't think they nailed it. also, in every iteration of James T. Kirk that is not William Shatner, the guy is either too blond or not blond enough and in this case he is not blond enough. it seems like it should be a small thing but to me it's a big thing.

they also totally fucked up nurse Chapel's character so bad it's not even funny. like in TOS she has a very classy, elegant personality but in this she's like. what is even happening. how did they mess up so bad. like I don't even know how to describe it. not that a character with SNW Christine's personality is bad, it's just not anything like TOS Christine.

okay rant over for now

[staringdownabarrel]

I know this isn't exactly a groundbreaking opinion, especially on Tumblr, but I feel like it was a mistake for Enterprise to have Affliction/Divergence as a storyline.

Some of this is just for the simple reason that the Klingon foreheads never really needed an official explanation. It would have been fine to leave it as makeup effects and special effects getting more sophisticated as time goes on. Most people probably would have been fine with that, even if they were predisposed to starting "Why do the Klingons look different?" threads on social media.

You sorta know that this was a storyline that was always going to be ignored when they eventually got around to making a new Star Trek show. The Klingons were probably always going to be brought back because they're the iconic Star Trek antagonist/borderline antagonist (depending on the era), and the writers of a new show either wouldn't know or wouldn't care about this one two-parter from the show that caused Star Trek to not have a new show for twelve years.

A lot of the newer fans that got into Star Trek because of Discovery wouldn't have known about Affliction/Divergence, either. To them, it'd probably be just another little bit of lore in a franchise that probably already seems daunting to an outsider. If Discovery had have insisted on perfect consistency on this point early on, their response would have been, "Why do the Klingons not look like Klingons? Why does it look like they cut corners when they were spending millions on each episode?"

So having that plotline in probably did make the franchise more inaccessible to new people. This only would have worsened if they had have kept it as hard canon.

The thing is that this wasn't necessarily Enterprise's fault. I think the real issue stems from Deep Space Nine. In Trials and Tribble-ations, Worf's explanation for the forehead thing was that they don't speak of it with outsiders. Having this line in acknowledged the difference from an in-universe perspective and paved the way for there to eventually be an episode explaining where it actually came from.

I think this was the wrong move. Really, the better move would have been to have Michael Dorn in TOS-era Klingon makeup during the 23rd century scenes and TNG era makeup during the 24th century scenes, and have this be totally unacknowledged in the episode. This would have broadly fit with the general tone of the episode because it's kind of a silly episode in general.

My other issue with Affliction/Divergence is that it encouraged the absolute worst kind of fans. The kind of Star Trek fan who'll get annoyed about one button being two inches to the left aren't just a meme; they really are out there. Twenty or thirty years ago, you'd only ever encounter them if you spent a lot of time at sci-fi conventions, but nowadays they're on social media and they're everybody's problem.

When Strange New Worlds was first announced, I was having this discussion with someone who was worried that they'd have to explain why the bridge looked different because of this new show. Keep in mind that the SNW bridge looks pretty much like the TOS bridge, but with a Kurtzman-era aesthetic to it. Most people would be fine chalking that up to advances in production values. This is the kind of person I'm thinking of when I think of the people the foreheads episodes encouraged.

And that's sorta just going to be an issue forever now. It used to be that these guys were sort of just a joke but didn't really annoy anyone because they never left the house, but now even someone who never leaves the house can still breach containment. They aren't going away until the popular definition of nerd shifts from someone with an encyclopedic knowledge of the canon to someone who can consistently engage with it thematically.

[gretchness]

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME!!! thursday we watched tng's "emergence" and ds9's "crossover" (honorific)

emergence (tng):

I HATE HOLODECK EPISODES. i wanted season 7 to go out on a high note. nostalgia and time would have made me forget so many of tng's sins if it had gone out on a high note

girl, the enterprise CAME TO LIFE, had a baby, and then died, and nobody had anything to say about that except "ok let the baby fly into space hope it has a good life!"

the enterprise and moya from farscape could have raised their children together communally. like feral cats.

if kirk had been captain when the enterprise came to life he would NOT have let that baby fly into space. he would have gotten one of those little toddler leashes. he would have paid child support. he's not the step dad he's the dad who stepped up

i honestly don't remember what else happened here because the following episode blew my tits clean off

oh yeah wait i think it was racist to make worf shovel the coal. shame on them. data's way stronger than worf he should have been doing it he would have been like yay i love a novel experience :) i can add this to my file on coal shoveling :)

crossover (ds9):

WORLD'S LONGEST YEAH BOY

no, i'm just going to abandon my bullet points. where do i even begin...you know, actually, let's begin at the beginning, which is the tos mirrorverse episode. i have a wider meta on this in me somewhre i bet but it wasn't always this way! i like, initially watched this, went, "huh! that was neat," and thought no more about it until i read a fanfic (don't ask for it i'm not telling, it was more like 2-3 fanfics honestly) and then i was like WAIT HOLD ON A SECOND. see, my fascination with mirrorverse comes primarily from the following hypothesis:

everyone always says that bones in mirrorverse and bones in the prime universe are the same guy and that makes him god's specialest princess, which i don't disagree with! but i think, deep down, EVERYONE is the same. i think mirrorverse (quite accidentally) provides a pretty compelling commentary on both nature vs nurture and the cycle of violence. kirk, who undoubtedly went to a much worse version of tarsus iv in the mirrorverse, becomes a guy slaughtering colonists by the thousands, because in his mind that's what power looks like and being powerful means being safe. spock, who is brought up to believe violence is logical instead of pacifism, follows that doctrine just as strictly as he sticks to his morals in the prime universe, and indulges in his emotions just as rarely, because in either case he is punished just as much, if not more, for going against vulcan and human social norms.

put the same guys in the opposite situation (ie a mirror) and they will turn out as their own twisted reflections every time. mirror kirk is just as driven to succeed, just at a different game. he has just as much of a temper, but without the apologies that come afterward. he's just and dangerous and as handy in a fight as prime kirk, but without the moral compass that has him pulling punches instead of a knife. he has that same desire for power, though it's to protect himself rather than to protect other people. mirror spock is just as sharp and calculating, he's just running different numbers, after different results. he's just as good at sussing out emotional motives because of his forced distance from them, but he has spent a lifetime being rewarded for exploiting the emotions of others instead of trying to understand them. he even shares the same preference for being the first officer instead of in command, though the two spocks have differing reasons for this. you could even argue that he has the same capacity for loyalty, inasmuch as it's safe or possible to be loyal in the mirrorverse; he avoids trying to kill kirk as much as he possibly can, and when he finds out "his" kirk is gone, immediately does everything in his power to see to getting him back where he belongs. the mirror characters aren't opposites; they're reflections, inversions. they started out as the same base thing. they were made ugly and evil by their circumstances.

we didn't get to see much of mirror kirk and none of mirror bones (to my eternal woe), but knowing mirror spock DID ultimately take action towards pacifism and reform is extremely damning evidence for this hypothesis, at least in my mind palace. our own spock is defined by his compassion and selflessness; he gave his life in the warp core because the needs of the many outweighed his own needs. mirror spock is running the calculation in the other direction; he is thinking of his own needs. yet he comes to the SAME CONCLUSION - it is important for people to be safe, because logically nothing else can hold.

i notice that they carefully avoided saying whether or not spock ACTUALLY killed kirk, and i love that, because i loved the open-ended nature of the original mirrorverse episode - i loved that we could imagine anything happening. kirk dying or becoming a better person or becoming a worse person. i'm a little sad to have finally lost that, but i love that we can still just as gleefully imagine spock shoving a pole through kirk's ribs (in the horny way) or them being little rebels with bones and fighting the system together. ooooh and you better BELIEVE i had to pause the episode and cover my face and take a moment to have my hysterics when they implied mirror spock may have killed mirror kirk bc our kirk asking mirror spock to kill his other self was one of the horniest things tos ever did, up there with amok time and that stupid bondage harness.

speaking of horny, let's get into the actual episode. this episode was so abjectly fucking horny it's ASTOUNDING. it's mind-blowing. i think lesbian kira-on-kira was ABSOLUTELY the way to go as far as introductions. and kira-on-kira PROVES MY HYPOTHESIS!!! mirror kira has the same sympathy for her human laborers (the downtrodden), just not extended further than she extends sympathy for herself. she is also, like our kira, into girls. AND she is seduced by the idea of giving power to a weak bajor. kira's love affair with herself was probably the best part of this episode, number one because women and number two because they understood each other SO well except mirror kira was just unstable enough to be scary. and kira being like a little scared of her and them still being gay was really problematic and horny of them. fun. god. like, BATH SCENE?? HELLO??? i hope nana visitor had the time of her fucking life

mirror garak is also basically the same guy. this is just pre-exile garak. he's so conniving and gay. he didn't even do any of that seductive shit to our kira. why? he's not into girls!

i'm so sorry odo and quark didn't get a better lot in this verse. they don't come back either i checked :( odo was kind of boring, unfortunately, except for3 points: firstly, him slapping julian like 3 times was also problematic but horny. secondly, the goop he exploded into. rip king. (and kira moruning him!! otp.) thirdly, this is odo's disdain and lack of understanding for humanity (humanoidanity?) multiplied by 1000x. this is not an odo who was forced to get to know us and saw that some of us needed the protection he had to live without and now had the power to give, this is an odo who was experimented on and probably killed dr mora on his way out of the facility, and is looking to dish some out instead of take it. FUN. our odo makes hands to touch people with. this odo makes hands to slap people with. rip to that guy and i was absolutely shocked that a do-no-harm DOCTOR killed him but honestly there's probably a net good in that for our julian.

quark running the metaphorical underground railroad out here also seems to echo him selling food to bajorans...also, his, outfit? it made him look like a good person. it's a wonder it took them so long to catch him. our quark is selfish because he sees it as a path to a good life. their quark is selfLESS for the same reason, see? also SCREAM that our kira was like yes we're BESTIES on the other side when she often tells him how much she despises him lmao

o'brien!!! god i wish we had seen more of him but i LOVED him and julian being besties here too. he was like youre NOT my friend and then 20 minutes later helping him escape. it's like he was a sleeper agent, he got one whiff or someone who could afford to have a moral compass and instantly he was like actually yeah humans deserve better than this! i love that julian was just gonna take him back and have two obrien besties and fuck starfleet if they didn't like it lol. obrien secretly also the same, and i'm really glad he got to at least escape w sisko to become a pirate or whatever.

HEY. BY THE WAY. PIRATE SISKO. SO FUN AND EDGY. he was really unhinged and kind of like a lunatic. cw for discussion of rape the rest of this paragraph. so i think there was a light implication via his body language and also "you charmed your way out of the mines" that he was NOT enjoying/consenting to the sex he was having with mirror kira, but very much enjoyed the opportunity to menace her counterpart, and other people, like obrien. again, like odo, he is tired of taking it and itching to dish soem out. UNLIKE odo, we see that he has people he loves! he says "i made the best of a bad life for my crew" and even shakes his head at one of his crew members who is about to do something that will get them hurt - he's also happy enough to take obrien, former target, under his wing on the way out, when he sees something worthy there. JUST LIKE OUR SISKO, he IS protective and he DOES value his people! i loved seeing that core of him, even though his outside was deranged in a fun evil way.

ok, to finally wrap this up, bashir giving away his plate of mush at mealtime because he's gonna get to go back to a nice cozy universe soon (or die) and these people won't is soooo. god. he's SO COMPASSIONATE......like i knew that objectively but we haven't really seen it in action much up until now. it fucking kills me. his compassion, inherent Good Universe vibes, has such a profound impact on mirror obrien in such a short time, but ultimately you CAN'T change this universe. you can affect single people in it, the way kirk got mirror spock, but the point of the mirrorverse is to be evil and edgy (and horny), so no matter WHAT the characters in it do, it is a LAW OF THAT UNIVERSE that powers beyond their comprehension will always reset the status quo to STAY evil and edgy (and horny). like at first i was like oh shit kirk really stepped in it nice job breaking it hero but like it simply CAN'T be fixed. if you try, you will fail. determinism in star trek. wild.

also, wait, sorry, julian coming back filthy head to toe and kira coming back in a ballgown when our sisko has been having kittens trying to locate his people.....iconic. mister privileged having to process ore like kira used to do and kira former ore processor wearing a fancy luxurious evening gown. talk about swapping places.

TONIGHT: tng's "preemptive strike" and ds9's "the collaborator." last non-finale episode of tng!!!