#this was a crackship request given to me during the witching hours

[bugeyedfreaks]

Slim/Grubber

Brace yourself, anon. This might become your new OTP. 😩

Gettin' The Skinny – Slim/Grubber Crack Drabble

Ace just. Didn’t. Get it.

Well, in a way, he kinda did. Kinda. There were actually many things about his friend Grubber that he couldn’t comprehend, and yet, simultaneously, completely understand. For instance, he could barely begin to get why someone so unbelievably cool hung out with his gang. Not that the Gangreen Gang wasn’t cool– in fact, they were the baddest squad of villains that lived in Townsville– but if he had wanted to, the multi-talented hunchback was spoiled for choice when it came to all of the opportunities at his disposal, the possibilities for worldwide fame and stardom that he could pursue if he so chose, yet he had decided to stick with his pals, living in comparative obscurity here in this dump (in the literal dump that the gang’s hideout resided in, no less).

Not only was Grubber super chill and super competent at a million things, he also happened to be one classy charismatic casanova, a real smooth operator, a total ladies’ man. Ace considered himself to be something of a good-looking guy too, but Grubber? He was on a whole ‘nother level. It seemed like wherever the boys would go, whether it was out to the museum to draw mustaches on all the paintings, or to the convenience store to steal snacks and shove over store displays, Grubber was the one who’d be turning people’s heads, and not just because he was actively committing crimes. It seemed like he had admirers everywhere he went, not that it was any surprise why. 

It’s just that one thing drove Ace crazy… the guy was freakin’ oblivious to it! He could have dated anyone in town he’d wanted, and yet Ace hadn’t seen him go out with a single person once, not even acknowledging anyone who worked up the courage to ask for his number. It didn’t make sense. But tonight, finally, Grubber was dressed up in a suave-looking tux he’d stolen, getting ready to go out with some mystery date he’d recently met, one that he’d been bragging about to the guys all week. Ace just didn’t get how it’d taken him this long to finally meet someone he was just as crazy about as everyone else was for him.

As Grubber preened himself in a broken old mirror on the wall, the rest of the gang sat around a wooden table they’d salvaged from outside their hideout, hanging out and playing cards. Ace leaned back in his chair as he turned to look at his friend, tipping his sunglasses down.

“Ya look fine, Grubber,” he groaned, waving a handful of cards in the air. “Quit fussin’ around and play the game with us for a while, huh?”

“Yeah, man,” Arturo said as he dealt a card on the table. “Sit down. You're already muy guapo. Alright, go fish, Billy.”

“Duh, okay!”

Big Billy drew a card from the stack in front of him, stared at it, and began to laugh uproariously.

“A-huh-huh-huh-huh! Look! This fishy’s wearing a baby bonnet!” Billy turned his card around to show everyone the cartoon illustration on it of a baby fish holding up a huge “4,” and banged his fist on the table while tears streamed from his eye. “Fishies don’t wear no bonnets! A-huh-huh-huh!”

“Ugh!” Snake slapped his cards face down on the table and threw his hands up in the air. “I keep telling you, Billy, you’re not s’posed to show us your cards!”

“But the fishies are so cute,” Billy softly muttered, pouting and rubbing the bottom of his eye as he examined his card again.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

“The girls?!” Snake yelped, whipping his head towards the front door as he hid behind the back of his chair.

“Chill, Snake. S’probably just Grubber’s hot date.” Ace casually slid out of his chair and headed over to greet whoever had knocked. At the mention of his date, Grubber excitedly jumped, sticking out his tongue and adjusting his bowtie in the mirror a little more anxiously.

Ace opened the door to the hideout, peering into the darkness of the night, the familiar scent of the rotting trash from the dump wafting in from outside. He’d expected to see a tall, slender smokeshow standing in front of him, but instead, he was looking into the eyes of a tall, slender, slimy blue amoeba with a beige hat on. It wasn’t just some ordinary amoeba wearing a hat. Ace knew this guy, and Ace hated this guy. It was Slim from the Amoeba Boys, the stupidest, most pathetic bunch of “bad guys” in all of Townsville: the kind that no self-respecting gang like his would ever want to do anything with.

“Ohhhh, no, no way! Scram, ya freaky petri dish reject!” Ace hollered. He picked up a battered soup can that was near the door and chucked it at him. “Get outta here! We ain’t lettin’ no Amoeba Boys on our turf!”

“What? Nah, hey, stop it! I ain’t stayin’ long!” Slim protested, cowering away from Ace. “I’m here for my date!”

“Your what?”

Grubber brushed past Ace out the door, excitedly spitting as he held a huge bundle of red roses, and hugged Slim tightly. After he’d pulled away, he slicked his pomade-caked hair back and handed Slim the bouquet.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on,” Ace stammered as the rest of the gang got up from their card game and gathered in the doorway, “That’s your date?”

Grubber whirled around and blew a terse raspberry in reply.

“Nah, I ain’t makin’ fun of ya, I just didn’t–”

A slightly angrier, longer raspberry followed, one that Ace raised an eyebrow at.

“No, what’re ya, nuts? I don’t care that he’s a he.” He jabbed a finger at Slim, who shrunk down and began to shiver. “But I do care that’s he’s an Amoeba Boy! Grubber, do you have any idea what this is gonna do to our street cred if word gets out that you’re datin’ one of them? They’re the worst villains in town!”

“Phhbbttt!”

Ace slapped a hand over his forehead and ran it down his face.

“Ya don’t care, do ya?”

“I know what it’s gonna do to my cred!” Slim said, slowly standing upright as he grinned. “No one’ll wanna mess with me an’ the boys now that I’m datin’ one of the baddest villains in town.”

Grubber beamed, standing on his tiptoes and giving Slim a loving kiss on his gooey blue cheek as he wrapped an arm around what Ace assumed were his shoulders.

“I can’t believe it. There’s no way that you’re actually dating this guy,” Snake piped up, giving Grubber a suspicious look. “You told me your date was stacked!”

“Pbbbhhhttt!”

“You said ‘stacking?’”

“Yeah,” Slim nodded. “The boys and I was busy one day stackin’ up oranges that had fallen off one of them carts outside, pretendin’ to help out so’s the greengrocer wouldn’t see us stealin’ one.” He hung his head in shame, frowning. “But it turns out he thought we were helping, so… we never actually got to take nothin’…” Suddenly, he lifted his head back up, eyes beginning to sparkle as his expression brightened. “But that’s when I saw Grubber! It was when youse guys were spray paintin’ the windows of the department store across the street. We got to talkin’, an’ I guess we hit it off… an’ then he asked me out.” He turned to gaze at Grubber, his mouth curving into a wobbly, infatuated smile. “It was love at first sight…”

Grubber responded with a heartfelt splutter, waggling his elongated eyes up and down as Slim gasped and blushed a deep blue color. The rest of the boys stuck out their tongues and groaned.

“Yuck,” Snake shuddered. “Save all that sssssappy sweet talk for your date, man.”

It wasn’t the strongest word he could think of to describe it, but Ace was certainly feeling conflicted. The whole thing was starting to remind him about a dopey movie he’d watched one time on the gang’s busted TV. It was about a guy who wore balloon-shaped pants and tights who fell in love with a hot chick who talked funny (well, all of the actors in the flick talked funny). The two of them were from families who hated each other’s guts, and from what he could remember, the whole thing didn’t end too well. He sighed. Even if he hated those Amoeba Boys, he couldn’t let something like that happen with Grubber. A friend in love was a friend he was going to support, no matter who they’d fallen in love with. 

“Alright, alright,” Ace forced a grin on his face and waved a hand at Grubber and Slim, signaling that it was time for them to head on out. “Sorry Grubber, we get it, you’re bananas for each other. Now go on, get outta here an’ have fun, ya crazy kids.” 

Grubber nodded and took Slim’s gelatinous hand, giving the gang a cheeky wink as he let them know not to wait up for him. The gang wished Grubber well, hooting and hollering and waving after him as he and his date went off to have a wild night out in Townsville together.

“Man…” Ace muttered, leaning against the doorframe as the two of them strolled out of view behind a massive mountain of garbage. “Y’know what, boys? I think we’ve all learned somethin’ tonight.”

“That you can’t judge a book by its cover, boss?”

“That Grubber’s an enigma none of us can even begin to decccccccipher?”

“Duhhhh, that guys from gangs that don’t like each other should still be able to hug and smooch and hold hands without the gangs going to war with one another?”

“Nah.” Ace wearily slid a hand into his pocket, the other grabbing the doorknob.  “We learned that our dear ol’ friend Grubber’s really, really into amoebas. And while I’m happy for the guy…” He began to slowly close the door. “…I kiiiiiinda wish we hadn’t…”