#this turned into a paragraph again . thats okay <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[cherryflavoredbutch]

you know i just typed a paragraph about it and then deleted it but in far fewer words I fucking hate the trope of women characters in traditional fantasy who are clearly intended to be empowering to SOME members of the audience by merit of the fact that they wield some secondhand power over like magic or dragons or a politician or something all while still embodying this sexy nonthreatening mystically-beautiful divine femininity. so the writer has fulfilled their feminism quota by inventing a woman whose entire character could easily be eclipsed in artistic merit by rachel platten's hit single fight song to the exact same emotional effect, and much of their audience is satisfied by this, so we as the dissatisfied reader have no hope in hell of getting to take in a woman character who can heft a sword or be big and muscular or god forbid do anything interesting with her gender. and trans characters of any kind? FORGET about it. not gonna happen. this fantasy is someone else's fantasy and it won't let you forget it.

[anotherfcknschlattsimp]

im thirsty for some water sir, please order me up some genderfluid reader fucking schlatt because readers wants to be more dominant (maybe with a dildo, fuck machine, or pegging..)

i hope i did you justice bestie

the first thing he does when you ask is refuse

<3

but then enough holidays and birthdays pass that he's gotten you everything you could want except one thing

to take the lead

so you beg...

and beg...

and beg

he finally lets you try something on halloween when you show up in full dominatrix gear, ready for the party you were dragging him to

except he got so hard so fast he nearly passed out

you were not going to the party

he's on his knees in front of you, jaw dropped

something in your head clicks because this is the perfect time to ask again

he doesnt stutter over his answer (he does but thats cause one man can only shout so many yeses so fast)

you had plenty of toys at his place, tucked in a shoe box under the side of the bed you sleep on

with plenty of lube

okay not to get into it

he's laying his chest on the bed with his hips raised and held in place with pillows, staring you down with anticipation as you get yourself situated

you pull down on the toy and watch it bob up when you let go and you hear schlatt, very loudly, gulp from the bed and reposition his hips a bit higher

who knew that man could arch so well

if you had a penis it would be able to cut diamonds you were so turned on seeing him anxiously await your next move

you get behind him on the bed and pour some lube on your fingers

when you push your first finger in, you gently stroke his pathetically weeping dick so he can get used to the feeling faster

slowly moving in and and, working him open

he totally didnt cum by the time you were ready to fuck him, and how dare you think he did. (he did but he pleaded for you to keep going)

you line your strap with his hole and place a kiss under right between his shoulders before slowly sliding in, stopping when he would start squirming and continuing when he gave you the okay

the okay may have been a paragraph worth of pleas but that's neither here nor there

youre finally all sheathed, and you take a moment to lean forward and whisper in his ear

"such a good boy for me, jay~ daddy's good boy, hm?"

youre rubbing his sides and feel him start to bounce back on you

"mmm, needy aren't we? slut" you kiss his shoulders again, and he lets out the neediest whine youve ever heard at the name

"mhm, y-es d-daddyyy-" he mumbled, if you saw his face you'd know he was drooling and his eyes were rolled so far back his irises were almost gone

you begin thrusting, slow in, slow out, and going slightly faster every time

you felt powerful

youre making this 6'3 behemoth cry and drool all over himself for your cock

simply put, you felt like a god

you jackhammered your hips into his as you held him down by the neck

"cl-clossseee" schlatt whined and panted under you, white-knuckling the sheets

"cum for me baby~ be a good boy and cum for daddy~" you say sternly , running your nails down his back

the pain and pleasure made him let out the deepest growl and rut his hips back into you until he couldnt hold back any more and came

"thank you- thank you daddy" he mumbled, knowing you probably wouldnt stop if he didnt thank you

"good boy~" you kiss down his spine as you pull out

@xoxoave @sonnyjune @jschladderall @ezraholms @honeymochii @ratqueen06 @haceroo @ev3-sb @0miamor0 @miniminkis @lover-girl-for-life @jaytalksnonsense @baadkiitty @adriixboo @caiterculy @ratsatemyson @xplrmyguts @littleskeletonprincess @morgan-getty @britishscum @babies-blues @jay-cosplay-bin @vigari @bigbuvkybarness

I LOST IT HALFWAY THROUGH BUT I FRANKENSTEIN'D IT TOGETHER, IT'S FINE

[ciagent8]

LIVEPOSTING(?? TECHNICALLY NOT) MY UNDERTALE YELLOW EXPERIENCE:

undertale yellow spoilers below! beware!!! or well. some spoilers.

beginning of game: WHY DID WE JUMP INTO THE MOUNTAIN?? CLOVER YOU IDIO-

dark ruins entrance: anddd we fell deeper into the underground. why is there something below the ruins. WHY IS FLOWEY NICE??

WHY IS FLOWEY NICE

we're doing genocide first. or neutral. depends on ho wi feel DALV INTRODUCTION: whos the new guy

sorry flowey i just bought lemonade i gotta save again. for hte third time "gee its getting dusty in here" Flowey i just killed some monsters of COURSE it is

WHY IS THE BATTLE MUSIC REALLY GOOD ALL OF A SUDDEN?? I DIDNT NOTICE TIL NOW nevermind its just distorting cause ive killed so many monsters

yeah. yeah i just shot everyone flowey

wait what

thats. not good. also why is flowey's text kinda like

shakey??? WOAH theres a corn. a corn dog. a literal dog made of corn?? Food .

his name is dalv. updating my chapter markers right now

v. vampire???

he has not slept in 5 months coded

I AM LITERALLY SHOOTING YOU WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING

no shit. i just killed you.

Okay dalv was like. he was NOT good. he is not okay. erm. too bad hes dead i guess

SNOWDIN(?) BEGINNING: where is sans /j anyway though its. much prettier. i like how our character kinda has a blue tint on the sprite now

also

its actually so heartwrenching that we can kill off dalv and the rest of the dark ruin monsters and literally NOBODY would notice. to the point that we could turn a genocide run into a pacifist run

literally nobody is even gonna know dalv is gone

the soundtrack is so good

I SWEAR TO GOD-

@ru-bwee im gonna throw a fish at you

man. im gonna feel so bad killing that one guy and his w ife. to be fair the guy's right about this place being unsafe i AM killing everyone MARTLET INTRODUCTION:

Who the he-

oh GOD they're a nerd /silly i can already tell by the "section 4 paragraph 2" thing

girlie(?) you might as well just make a whole ass paragraph. you already did one "PS" thats enough

im sorry . "wait 3 days" . THREE DAYS?!?!?!-

okay for a second i didnt realize i had to use arrow keys to move the wood blocks. whoops

okay why is the music so good ???? especially when you start killing everyone WHAT THE HECK?? i saw some weird deer detective but accidentally left the room she was in?? wtf

OKAY i reloaded the game a nd

this is the deer i was talking about who are you??

okay her name is jane

thats. never a good sign. why are people going missing. why are there doors

YEAH. CAUSE I JUST TRIED TO WALK BACK TO THE PREVIOUS ROOM AND NOW IM IN THE WOODS JANE

ok wait thats actually worrying. truman show coded?

Is the woods like Is the woods like . alive. and making people lost. wtf

(slowly turns to flowey) i swear to GOD if this guy is up to something AGAIN-

idiot coded

MO INTRODUCTION:

woah. salesman. spamton?

...

Im sorry . What the fuck

at least he has a cool stand or whatever but What the hell is a lukewarm pop.

uhm. wtf. i walked out of the room and suddenly his music is SUPER distorted

oh my gah

anddd we killed the delivery guy. great

flowey WHY ARE YOU SHOCKED. YOU LITERALLY SUPPORTED US KILLING EVERYONE. FLOWEY-

anyway. thats it for this post. cause 30 is the max amount of images! im also taking a break so yeah

oh boy. cant wait to see the consequences of my actions

[lovezbrownies]

to be completely honest I almost forgot I made that req and I was likee ‘wow! That’s such a cool idea!!’ But I was thinking of two different one like a male and female one

male - the actual grumpy and the older sibling of the female med student who wants to help his younger sister. Because she keeps texting him in all hours of the night just to talk about her future spouse who doesn’t even talk to her, who just so happens to look at her direction for 0.1 millisecond anyways he really does love his sister but honestly he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t have time for love or any of this as he’s still trying to get his medical certificate to become a nurse! even if he dislikes hearing his sister become all stupid and googol eyes around the person she loves he does care about her. So he does root for her in the sidelines of his room studying for his next exam

female - the love sick puppy one (who I requested and especially want to see) who always annoys her older brother of a few years to talk on and on about the love of her life. Sure she acknowledges that her brother is studying to become a nurse and that she’s still on her way to become a full fledge doctor but who cares? THIS IS HER LOVER SHES TALKING ABOUT!! She’s already planning out the wedding theme and the invitations, future last name, future pets, house, and the kids names! darling only stared at her for just barely 3 seconds and that was all because darling darling mistook her for a pal of theirs

-🌪️

Ps. get ready I’m currently getting up like literal paragraphs of the female med student and I’m just trying to shorten them up to make them make sense yk?

oomf. YOU OUTDID YOURSELF WITH THE SUBMISSION BTW!! SO FUCKING FIRE YOU COOKED AND YOU BAKED MY GODDD!!! If you're uncomfy with your secret identity being out I will copy paste everything and write it under Anonymous Tornado or smth like that! Or if you're okay with it i will post it as is! with me dying from how good your ideas are in the end ofc

MOVING FORWARD! i wanna genuinely write smth like this soo bad like a yandere poly yk? WOULD BE SOO LOVELYY but i am drowning in requests as we speak so that's for another day!

This is so heat. highkey so heat. ALSO NEVER SHORTEN YOUR WORK BRUH?? DONT MAKE ME SAD LIKE THAT.

I find this idea so bomb like incredibly so. One falls first, constantly babbles about their darling until the other one decides "lets see what all the hype's abt cuz this is crazy" AND THEN ALSO FALLS DEEPLY IN LOVE?! so fire so heat they will squeal and talk about how cute you look concentrated in the privacy of their dorms, would take turns stalking you and shit MY BRAIN OOMF ITS OVERHEATING

But i feel like thats different from this ask so whats cuter than an older supportive brother watching his needy googly eyes sister try to bag you over and over again. He'd be like "No get them a new book bag and flowers, that book bag is on its last breath." and she'd go "YOURE SO SMART!!! i should write a personalized letter about everything i like about them too!!" Knowing his sister's letter would take 60 pages he'd tell her to just stick to the ideas he gives her

Though she'd hate it when you eventually marry her older brother would be with you the entire time while you shop for your wedding attire, and whatever else you need to get ready! Super supportive big brother and is so happy you two are getting married so he wouldn't hear his younger sister go on and on about you!

oomf when i get your brain rot asks my brain rots with you oomf. YOU MAKE MY CREATIVE SPARK IGNITE OOMFIE!!

[dawnlotus1]

I didn’t have any internet while I was listening to TMK ep 4 (I had it downloaded) so I live-blogged to myself on the notes app 😭

Nonsensical reactions to TMK spoilers below :

Okay honestly I should’ve added the timestamps or at least context but I was too lazy so welp.

Starting episode 4.

Lucia- oh

What the fuck

Okay????

——-

This is really funny actually tho

Why didnt Milo prep this between sessions 😭

Dude the “can I use spare the dying on myself” is a frequent debate in dnd and is always funny tho

Yeah 16 min of spell picking this is peak dnd

——-

:(( fight in the ring…

Hmmmmm…

Eerrrrrhhhmmmm

Uhhhh

Are we supposed to be siding with Everett?

Idk if I can….. Everett why are you like this..

Sure. Killing and maiming I guess go get it girl

And uh… Alf is right…

Alf is right…

Why is he right

Why is he likable

Everett NO.

Wait What the fuck

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCKJJJ

HUHHHHHH

WHATS GOING ON

Nooooooo noo nah nah nah noooo the egg dude

Everything is falling to shit soooo fast

Huh…. :( uh :((((

okay so like…..

Okay so what was that they were saying about Alf is supposed to takes Everettes place in the party, does that mean that Everett - and Bizly playing a ‘villain’ from the start that then leaves the party - and then Alf takes over for Bizly to play like?? Ep5 or?? I feel like this isn’t what’s going to happen. What do they mean by this. Ignore this paragraph it doesn’t make sense.

Oh boy…

Nurse Artery poggggg

TREY

NOOOOOO TREYYYYYT

D:

Oh Everett is gonna force transform him - to save him - but - hububububh

WAIT WHAY WHY WOULD YOU HAVE HIM ATTACK JIN

THATS NOT FINE THATS SO NOT COOL :(

NOT COOL

what in the Edward-commanding-emizel is this

You can’t just transform someone’s childhood friend and tell their now beastially overrun consciousness us to attack their friend 😭

“I have never once lied to you about my intentions”

When the Emo kid was saying the truth about how dark he was the whole time

AMONG US

Why so emo? The Everett.

JINNNN

JIIIN

JINNDUDE someone help this poor man

Dedicated healer pogggg

“I hope we never meet again. For your sake” WHY IS HE LIKE THISS

LMAO four wiffs “he’s gonna kick me out of the monster squad”

Everett rolls worst fury of blows gets kicked out of the monster revolution.

“Nope I don’t have anything I can do. :3 :3 I’m just a girl! I’m just a littol guy! :3 :3

Literally the most serious and stressful situations of their lives - the beatboxing has to come out to cope

When guild master Hawk gives you orders to save yourself and then save the world

“YES MAM”

———

“YOUR CAT?!”

“Man welp. That’s sad.”

“SHUTTHEFUCKUP”.

——

“I am going to transcend turn order and stab you 1 billion times consecutively” I need to start using this phrase

LMAO okay so yeah no animal death from DM grizzly but he WILL push you out a window

VOLCANO??? okay. Yeah sure. Volcano why not. A classic.

Man what the fuck was that episode 😭😭😭 /distressed positive

OH MY GOD WAIT. uh. Community gardens for TMK animatic… do the lyrics fit? Idk lemme look them up again.

End liveblog.

[cloudymistedskies]

-Muichiro x Y/N- Fanfic

Muichiro: *walking in the forest to get to school* y/n: Hmm? *Y/n notices the cute boy walking and desides to try and talk to him* muichiro:*he turns around to look at y/n* So why are you following me??? y/n: I-I Uhh (O_O <-- There literal expression) muichiro: H-Hey why are you blushing?? y/n: I just remembered something thats all *as y/n puts there hand behind there back and cross's there fingers* muichiro: Okay whatever lets go to school then (AS THEY GET TO SCHOOL) muichiro: See ya later then *they both walk off* (AFTER SCHOOL MUICHIRO IS WALKING HOME FEELING SOMETHING HE NEVER FEALT) *IN HIS MIND BTW DONT ASK WHY IM TYPEING THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH OR MORE) *MUIS MIND Why do i feel this way after i met that cute girl i cant get her out off my mind?* (WITH Y/N) EHHHHHHHHHH That boy was so adorable :3 ehheh (THE NEXT WEEK BC I CANT WRITE THIS FOR 6 HOURS) Muichiro: Hey again y/n :) y/n: *gives him a huge hug and then she basically picks him up* muichiro: Wow your very strong~ y/n: I know i was born with it! muichiro: Well i suppose you know my name right? y/n: YEah Tokito muichiro? muichiro: Yeah your right, muichiro: *stares at y/n for a minute examining her outfit* y/n: Oh do you like my outfit? muichiro: *blushes and mumbles* Y-Yeah y/n: Thanks! (BTW ILL END THIS CHAPTER HERE! THIS CHAPTER IS CALLED WHEN I FIRST LAID EYES ON HER) Next chapter in a few days!

(i wrote this a few days ago what do you think)

This is a fic ever. Have Mari hitting the :3 and :D at the same time

the mars

[robinismywifee]

Back to the Old House - Chapter 3:

July 21, 2034

[5 days after Chapter 2]

Raines age: 16 years, 5 months

Ellies age: 15 years, 2 months

"When you cycled by.."

CW: Raine struggling with eating

Words: 2020

Masterlist

Raines POV:

I layed in the bed of Maria and Tommys guest bedroom. This has been what my past 4 days have been looking like.

Just me, laying in bed, staring at the wall or ceiling, eyebags hanging low, with my thoughts.

About 98% of my thoughts were of my mom and how i'm gonna find her. Where I could look, how I can escape this place, how long its gonna take, but how worth it it'll be once I see her face.

The other 2% was how tired I was and how badly I wish I didn't get saved and just had died right then and there.

I didn't let myself think of Ellie. She stayed out of my mind. That whole day of talking with Tommy and Joel, that poor nurse, stayed out of my mind.

I didn't move an inch once I heard a knock at the door.

"Can I come in?"

It was Maria. I really didn't want her to. I just wanted to be left alone.

"I'm gonna come in anyways" Maria said after a minute of me not answering her. I heard the door open but I stayed in my position of laying on my side staring at the wall. I felt a dip on the bed- Maria sat on the foot of my bed. I felt her hand touch my ankle.

"You haven't aten 3 days.. and when you ate it was only half a meal"

Yeah, so?

"And god knows how little water you've geen drinking"

"Can you talk to me please?"

I glanced at her, "I don't get why you act like that" I mumbled, it felt weird to talk. I hadn't it 2 days.

"Act like what?" She asked softly,

"Like you care" My voice was quiet and tired.

"I do care"

"No. No, you don't"

"Why do you think that?"

"Cause why the fuck would you care for some girl you've known for 6 days"

"I've known you for-"

"I was unconscious it doesn't fucking count. And you don't know anything about me, I've said 2 short paragraphs to you, tops."

"I know that you've been through a lot. I know that you're just a kid. And that's enough for me"

I scoffed, but didn't say anything.

"Can you please just do me a favor?"

I stayed silent again, still not looking at her

"Can you please come out with me for dinner? just try to eat. Just try, thats all I want"

"M' not hungry"

"You're gonna starve yourself to death. I know its hard, but you have to eat.

Look, if you're not gonna try for me, try for the other people that care"

"Shut the fuck up Maria, nobody cares for me and it's okay, i've been used to it. Stop fucking pretending"

"I'm not pretending. If nobody cares for you, then why did Ellie save you? Why did she stay in that chair holding your hand in the hospital bed for days straight. She even forgot to eat from how worried she was about you."

I rolled my eyes, "Do not make shit up just to make me feel better"

"You think i'm making shit up? I've never once lied to you, and I dont plan on it ever. If you don't believe me, ask anyone if Ellie stayed with you in the hospital.. I'll be waiting in the living room for you, take your time"

Instead of declining, I stayed silent. Did Ellie really stay with me? Did she really hold my hand? Why would Maria lie this much about that? What if shes telling the truth? Fuck. I need to stop thinking about her.

After awhile, I was ready. I brushed my teeth and hair, and put on shoes. I looked in the mirror. I had a vertical cut right under my eye, I think its gonna be permanent. My eye bags were hideous. I never felt uglier.

I walked im the living room to see Maria staring at her watch, "i'm ready" I said to her, voice low. Maria turned to me and smiled. "You look nice. You'd look even better if you got some sleep though. Did you try those pills?"

She asked as we headed out, "Uh. Yeah"

"Well?" She asked looking at me, but I just glanced at her, "Did they work?"

I shrugged. Yes, I woke up and had to run to the bathroom to throw up from my dream. Maria sighed, rubbing my shoulder at my lack of conversation.

"Well, I have more if you want them."

I stayed silent again, No, I dont fucking want them, unless I don't get that nightmare I have any time I fucking sleep.

We walked in silence then, well, Maria pointed out how nice the weather was and shit, but it was pretty quiet.

As we walked, I heard a girl from afar.

"Ellie! slow down! we're gonna crash!"

I immediately turned to where the girls voice came from. I unconsciously frowned at the sight of the same girl, from that night that Ellie held hands with, the girl behind Ellie holding onto her waist as they both were on a bike, Ellie peddling fast.

"Oh, come on! It's fun, just hold on tighter!"

"You're gonna kill me!"

Ellies mouth opened as she laughed, her head leaning back.

Her eyes shinned like the stars with joy.

Her smile was genuine and gentle.

The strands of her hair that escaped from her ponytail danced around the wind.

"Hey! keep your eyes on the road!" the girl said.

Ellie laughed again, her smile bright. "But you're making me laugh"

"I dont care! Please slow d-"

"Hey" Maria shouted, I jumped at it as she also shook my shoulder slightly, "You okay?" she asked with a worried expression, I shoved her hand off of me and moved past her to try and find Ellie and the girl, but they already were gone. "Raine? Is everything okay?"

I couldn't bring myself to speak, it felt like my mouth was sewn shut. I could feel my chest rise up and down faster and it got harder to breath.

"I.." My shakey voice started, "can we.." I let out heavy breaths, "go back"

Maria had guilt in her eyes, "Yeah. Yeah, lets go back, come on. I'll make you food at home."

I don't even remember the way back to Marias. My vision was blurry from tears in my eyes and I didn't even know where I was walking, my head was down as Maria was just leading me the whole time with her hand on my back.

I felt so stupid. Why did I suddenly get like that? All teary eyed and hard to breath? Just from seeing Ellie Williams laugh and have fun?

"I- i'm sorry, Maria" I panted out once we got home, all the tears I was holding back on the walk came falling down.

Maria shut the door and went on one knee to get more to my level since my head was down still. "Hey, don't be sorry, you tried. That's all that matters. Do you want to talk about what happened? Why it happened?"

"I-"

I couldn't even make out a sentence, I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my face with my hands feeling embarrassed. "It's okay, Raine. You don't have to. I can't even imagine what you've been through. Just focus on your breathing, okay?"

I nodded, hands still covering my face, and tried to do what she said. "Just breath slowly, in and out, could you do that for me?"

She guided me through catching my breath until I was calm and stopped crying, both of us still in the same position.

"You don't wanna talk about it, do you?"

I quickly shake my head embarrassed, she nodded. "Can you still try and eat? I can make you a sandwich"

I nodded, slightly, "Good. You'll get sick if you don't"

Maria made me a chicken sandwich, and I ended up eating it all. It was hard, but it shouldn't be. Thinking back to all the times were I would eat literally anything I could find it felt weird to not want to. For it to be hard, to eat a real, fresh, sandwich.

୨♡୧

After that day, everything has been very stiff and miserable. It had been weeks, of just laying in bed, eyes dry from not blinking, eyes sagging from lack of sleep, and shoving food down my mouth.

It had been weeks, and i've probably only gone out of the property 2 times.

Maria was starting to get really worried, I could tell everytime she made me get out of the bedroom to watch a movie with her, just to do something.

I sat at the dinner table alongside Maria and Tommy, eating venison and vegetables.

"So, Raine, how have you been feeling lately?"

Tommy asked.

"Fine"

I replied. Noticing how they both glanced at eachother, not believing my single word.

"Well, me and Maria have been doing some thinking.."

I glanced up at him suspiciously, Tommy had his mouth opened to continue his thought but it seemed he couldn't find the right words, so Maria took over.

"We just think that it would be good for you to be outside. To get out of the house, get some fresh air. Get vitamins from the sun.."

"I do go outside. I read out there" I state, motioning behind me to the back door.

"Yes, you do go outside in the backyard.. but we were talking more.. social."

My heart dropped at her words. I mentally scoffed at myself for my heart pumping at just one fucking word.

"W-what do you mean?" I knew what she meant.

"Well.. maybe you could, start working around. Something you like to do. You like books, maybe you could, work at the library? Maybe teach the younger kids how to read and write?"

I shook my head, "m'not good with kids" I mumbled. I wasn't even lying to get out of it, I honestly just don't have the patience for that young of children.

"Okay well, do you like farming maybe? It's simple and relaxing.."

"No"

They nodded, "Well.. does any job sound interesting around here?"

I stared down at my food, picking at it with my fork thinking. "I'm good with killing?" I said, unsure of where that would take me. "Oh.."

"Then, hows about you do group patrol?" Tommy asked in a pronising tone.

I furrowed my brows together, "No, m'not good with groups, they slow me down."

Maria and Tommy glanced at eachother. "Even though you are only 16.. we could.. make an acception" Maria started, glancing back to Tommy, who looked suprised.

"What kind of acception?"

"We usually only let people who are 18 or older to do partner patrol, but Jesse has been asking me a lot lately if he could start early, as hes also 16.. and he is really good out there, hes fast, won't slow you down. Maybe you two would work really well together."

"I, uh, don't know who Jesse is, but if he's fast and not annoying, then I would like that"

Maria nodded, a small smile present on her face, she turned to Tommy, "Yeah, I think- I think that would he great" Tommy nodded.

"Great. Raine, whenever you're ready, just come and talk to me and i'll take you to the shooting range so I can see how you are with your gun, I trust that you will do well out there considering how far you've come, but just to be sure. Does that sound okay?"

I nod my head. Is this really my future? Will I really stay here forever? Why am I just giving up on my mother like that. I don't even deserve to live here safely with food and water, not with what i've done. With the thoughts i've had.

༶•┈┈┈┈┈┈୨♡୧┈┈┈┈┈•༶

[its-no-biggie]

[tags on my last post comparing trigun stampede to 98] um. so. i went back through my trigun tag to find the post i was referencing here and. turns out i never actually posted it and its been sitting in my drafts for 3 months (since july 25, to be exact). so here it is! its kinda unfinished but i dont wanna change it too much bc it was my interpretation while i was halfway through 98. anyway enjoy.

watching trigun 98 after stampede is so funny bc why is every character a completely different person. like its not just vash its every single member of the main cast. do you think stampede!meryl would have the balls to hold a gun up to vashs head. be so for real

ESPECIALLY wolfwood. stampede!wolfwood was extremely untrusting and untrustworthy right outta the gate. youre immediately like "whats up with this guy. is he gonna stab vash in the back or what". and his character just kinda stays like that the whole time. but 98!wolfwood is like. hes trying to scam people. hes giving food out to children. he manipulates vash into entering a quick-draw competition. hes very obviously hiding something, and unlike vash he doesnt wear his heart on his sleeve so you have NO idea how much of what youre seeing is fake. he and vash have both clocked that the other is hiding who/what they are but they havent addressed it and it adds SO MUCH FLAVOUR to their relationship. all that, and hes only been onscreen for 2 episodes! i can certainly see him becoming the wolfwood we see in stampede, or i can see the characteristics we see in stampede being introduced in 98 very naturally, but the other way around just. doesnt work.

i. realized as i was writing that last paragraph that wolfwood is introduced scamming people and feeding random children in stampede as well. but its. different? it feels very fake in stampede, like youre not supposed to trust him. like hes giving candy to the child specifically to get vash and co. on his side (which he is. we find out later that it was a setup). but in 98 it feels a lot more real. if its a trick, its one the viewer isnt meant to pick up on yet. and thats the difference- yeah, they may both be a ruse to trick vash, but waiting to reveal it to the viewer makes him seem a lot better at it. the characterization in stampede is "vash is naive for trusting wolfwood when hes so obviously untrustworthy" while in 98 its more like "wolfwood is pretending to be someone hes not and hes so good at it that even you, the all-knowing viewer, didnt know". the former isnt bad characterization, but it is redundant- thats like the one thing we know about vash.

and of course. the fact that they fully replaced milly. and they didnt even replace her with someone who fills the same role! they made meryl the rookie (which doesnt suit her at ALL) and replaced the long-suffering senior with some drunk guy who wasnt interesting and didnt do anything. was he even in the original?? - i just checked. he wasnt.

okay its present-biggie again. sorry for the awkward ending but like. i dont really wanna draw any conclusions here bc i dont remember what my original conclusion was gonna be. i usually figure out what point im trying to make while i write these and i think i got stuck here, put it in my drafts to come back to later, and forgot about it. but theres some good stuff in here so im just gonna post it as is :3

[muichinno]

-Muichiro x Y/N- Fanfic

Muichiro: *walking in the forest to get to school* y/n: Hmm? *Y/n notices the cute boy walking and desides to try and talk to him* muichiro:*he turns around to look at y/n* So why are you following me??? y/n: I-I Uhh (O_O <-- There literal expression) muichiro: H-Hey why are you blushing?? y/n: I just remembered something thats all *as y/n puts there hand behind there back and cross's there fingers* muichiro: Okay whatever lets go to school then (AS THEY GET TO SCHOOL) muichiro: See ya later then *they both walk off* (AFTER SCHOOL MUICHIRO IS WALKING HOME FEELING SOMETHING HE NEVER FEALT) *IN HIS MIND BTW DONT ASK WHY IM TYPEING THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH OR MORE) *MUIS MIND Why do i feel this way after i met that cute girl i cant get her out off my mind?* (WITH Y/N) EHHHHHHHHHH That boy was so adorable :3 ehheh (THE NEXT WEEK BC I CANT WRITE THIS FOR 6 HOURS) Muichiro: Hey again y/n :) y/n: *gives him a huge hug and then she basically picks him up* muichiro: Wow your very strong~ y/n: I know i was born with it! muichiro: Well i suppose you know my name right? y/n: YEah Tokito muichiro? muichiro: Yeah your right, muichiro: *stares at y/n for a minute examining her outfit* y/n: Oh do you like my outfit? muichiro: *blushes and mumbles* Y-Yeah y/n: Thanks! (BTW ILL END THIS CHAPTER HERE! THIS CHAPTER IS CALLED WHEN I FIRST LAID EYES ON HER) Next chapter in a few days!

[asbestieos]

we used to be friends, way before, and like, wow, youve gone so far, proud of you

🥹🥹🥹 oh my goodness!! anon if youre who i think you are (i am somewhat confident in my silly hunch), im so happy to know youre still out there even if we dont talk anymore!!! admittedly i have the most terrible memory ever so i barely remember much of our time together (i wish i remembered more!! but as is, i cant even remember the last time i showered lmfao) but since its been such a long time, i hope its ok if i give you a Riley Life Update of the past.. two, three years? <- it feels like it has been longer than that 😭😭

2020!! i graduated!! i enrolled in school! i girlslayed hard! however due to World Events, i cant go to school in person and am relegated to online classes in my room </3 unfortunately im also in the deepest depths of my genshin phase and ran both my own And denver’s acc. sometimes i paid for her acc’s battlepass too it was bad DBDKBFJ

2021! girlslaying starting to fail from burnout and severe depression from being shut in! i passed my first semester exams with flying colors! i failed all but one of my second semester exams. also come january im both afflicted with covid and experiencing a bad bed bug infestation. #girlsuffering. i dropped out in the summer ^_^ this is when the terrible moodswings hit (i thought they were moodswings but as it turns out, i was incredibly emotionally unstable!! more on this later)

2022!! last year oh my gosh! denver and jasper/moth and i started talking about moving in together, which requires me to have money of course. so aprilish i get a job! i work at starbucks! i girlslay REALLY hard. i also start playing ensemble stars (the beginning of my curse……..). come july i had a massive breakdown and almost broke up with denver and our mutual friend group 👍 it was Bad bad.. but things worked out? <- this experience has led me to believe im probably a bpd haver becos of how wildly unstable i am. fun! crasy asf!

moving plans fall through as summer goes by, im still employed at my job, still havent gotten my license yet but it is ok i will get it soon, and come 2023, moving plans are back on!! hopefully will be seen-through ny the time summer comes…

tldr i have bpd, i dropped out and got a job, im gay a shit over idol bot gacha game, and by summer, ill hopefully be moved in with denver!! yeha those are the important updates! for me at least. randys in college now btw!!! in her sophomore year!! shes incredible truly! she lives on campus so i usually only see her once a month or so but shes literally awesome ^_^

very long update post and i made it all about me 💔 theres history between us that ive unfortunately forgotten and im sad that ive forgotten (then again i could always read back, but every time ive tried, ive only cringed at myself like OOGH is that me?? sickening) but im really glad to have gotten this anon!! if youre not the person i think you are thats okay and also i am sorry i assumed UEGEJVFDJF i needed this i think to try and reflect back on. the crazy ass time my newrly three years of adult life has been.. im 21 in july!!! crazy as hell!

i also hope the formatting is ok, i try to break up big paragraphs w/o starting a brand new one for the sake of readability <:] i think i mightbe learned that from you? i dont remember though guwbddjjd.. but i think about you on the occasion as i do with everyone ive ever met ever and im glad to know youre still kicking it like i am.. life is rough a hell 💔

theres not enough words i can say that can make up for not remembering us too well and also for saying and doing hurtful things to you if theres one thing ive not forgotten, its that i was not a very nice person way back when. but i hope now youre in a better place and you have friends who love you just as much as i did and still do!!

i have to go to work but uuwheuehehhehehrhfht thank you for reaching out anon i hope this post was nice to read and feel free to live in my inbox for forever, even if you wanna stay anonymous forever i dont mind! if youre not the person i was thinking of, rest well with the joy that youve given me a moment to reflect on myself euwhhwrh but if you ARE the person i was thinking of. im sorry i hurt you. and thank you!! i love you!! im glad you were a part of my life. i hope your day is good and your tomorrow is better!! live in my inbox if it pleases you!!

EDIT: FROGOR TO SAY IM PROUD OF YOU TOO 👍

[perexcri]

hi hi

i just wanted to come on here and show my appreciation for your writing because you truly never fail to befuddle, gobsmack, and ofc flabbergast

like,, literally obsessed with you,, anyway

i dont comment stuff on ao3 because i am Terrified but um i do have a notion board where i log all of my reading stuff and i make comments on there so i thought id share some of my favs that i made on your works

this ripped my soul in half you cannot comprehend

this eternally altered my brain chemistry

this is what love is fr fr

fuck dude

as always this is very well written however i did predict like the entire plot but that is ok i love being right and it was very good some may even say slay idk if id go so far to say that, it may be too high concept for me but it was very good, i did however keep imagining that they both had stinky breath, cuz like will just ate mystery chili and mike presumably hasn’t brushed his teeth in months,, do vampires brush their teeth?

(and then promptly followed by)

one month later i am officially marking this as slay because i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it,, like that last scene where they make out against a cross so mike is being burned while hes turning will,, they’re both in pain together,, just sacrificing your whole life to be with the person you love, oposite of dorothea type thing tbh yah i just think i should grant it its slayage

yah this was so good like insane writing of tension and like idk all of the internal stuff pays of and OMG THE PAYOFF HOLY SHIT THE ENDING SO WORTH IT SO EARNED LIKE INSANE HOLY FUCKKK

i couldn’t stop reading i genuinely felt like i was going to puke from the tension/anticipation/suspense,, the dialogue was really good too and so was the like character study idk if i completely agree with this take on wills character but i really enjoyed in none the less and all in all it did deliver on the rom com of it all and had a very satisfying rom com esc ending that made me cry until it was actually solved because i really cant deal with lack of communication and unresolved tension anyway thats it this was really really good

this might be a bit above my reading level but i read emily dickinson for fun so im powering through just fine

ahhh hello!! thank you for sending such a nice ask and for the appreciation 🥺 i'm glad you decided to share these thoughts you have written down with me!! and i understand commenting can feel a little strange and terrifying, but just know it is appreciated regardless :D (as long as you aren't like,,,actively shitting on the fic ofc lol)

umm i wasn't sure exactly how to tackle this because some of them are clear to me which fics they go to and some of them aren't, but i'm gonna try my hardest and we'll see how it goes 😌✨

1.) so the first one with the "this ripped my soul in half" - i'm gonna guess that's beneath these boughs? maybe? that's the one where i've gotten responses most similar to what you have written down

2.) those next two paragraphs i 100% know are from come to me again!! you can tell i definitely wasn't as focused on the logistics of their later kiss for that fic because i didn't think about the whole brushing teeth/chili thing AT ALL. i picked chili because i thought that would be an easy thing to scrounge up in an enclosed environment and to make easy substitutions for, and i just,,,,,did not think about whether people would brush their teeth in a coldtown or not alfjlas. ah well, it was mainly about them making out on the cross while Mike's flesh is burning and he's turning Will into a vampire, right? that was the main goal and the biggest scene i wanted to write, and i did!! so i consider it a success 😌

3.) okay this one i think might be what a match?? it's either what a match or cheer up baby, but i'm leaning more towards what a match because of the mention of tension

4.) this one is definitely to hell and back again - so i'm glad you liked it despite the tension heheheh. and honestly i would maybe have to agree with you on the thing about Will's character? i guess the big thing with that fic is 1. it turned into an entirely different beast while i was writing it from what i originally intended for it to be, and on top of that it ended up being the first book-length thing i ever wrote, so i was a little in over my head and not entirely sure how to handle it, and 2. i was so focused on whatever the hell had happened to Mike in vol 2 that i did really focus on him more than Will in that fic so i do think Will comes off as a little ahhhh flat? not entirely himself? idk, i'd like to think i've learned a bit more since that fic, and that i made up for Will's lack of character in it with my fantasy au a flower that resembles you, which was very much centered on Will and his complexities

5.) ok i genuinely can't figure the last one out lol. i would maybe say beneath these boughs? but that's what i guessed for the first one, so maybe the first one is a flower that resembles you and this one is beneath these boughs? not sure haha

anyway!! umm idk if my guesses were right, but thanks again for sharing these thoughts!! it does help me to know that you are enjoying what i write and that you have these kinds of thoughts about it :D thanks for stopping by, and i hope you enjoy whatever comes next from this half-functioning brain of mine heheheh :] 💜💜💜

[queen-in-the-shadows]

🤭🤭🤭 subby Lix is just so yum, brainrot in my head all day

I… may have a problem with how often I think about these boys in any context 😂😂 Ive definitely thought through this before, unapologetically 😂

i think the best answer here though is this (hehe sorry not sorry for these paragraphs! you though my last was long? 😏😌)

Enjoy 😙😙😙

I see this as you guys on a chair/couch, you facing away from Minho and riding him btw.

They all take turns pulling an orgasm from you. I think it would start with Seungmin, whos teasing you, asking the others if he should let you cum, edging you while Minho “somehow” knows exactly when he’s gonna stop playing with you so that he stops and holds you on that edge; Changbin how i feel like has such a size kink but also wants to see you take two of them at once one day (🥴) would probably try stretching you out as he rubs lightly at your clit, putting just enough pressure at your hole that a finger slips in next to Minho, and then he goes to town on your clit, switching between his fingers and lapping at you, (the others dont realize until after, but he gave you 3 from him alone, not including the one from Hyunjin and the one Minho pulled from you before AND after slipping in to you); and then and then Hyunjin, who would tease you “oh youre so fucked out for us are you sure you can handle another? I dont think so pretty love… but you will. One more, you can take it,” as hes thumbing light at your clit, up on his knees and replacing your hands on your nipples with his mouth, letting out these little moans of content pleasure, not really trying to rush your orgasm, but enjoying himself.

And then! either Innie or Chan would work up the courage having seen how pretty you look when you come for the others around Minho’s pretty cock stretching you out, and the other would do the same. Innie would be a little (super) shy about it, although once he gets started he turns into a menace— they all agreed. one but this boy will try and go for more. Like Changbin I think he wants to see you stretched, so he’ll slip a finger in beside Minho and place light kisses against one side of your neck, panting a small “so tight” as though it was his cock and not his finger in you. Chan would be pink, his ears, his face, just pink. He likes to be private with what he likes, and while the others are fucking you too you guys didnt really discuss this and who knows, what if they overstep or you get uncomfortable or— and next thing he knows hes right in front of you, not doing anything and youre pulling his lips onto yours because you can tell he’s overthinking about your comfort again. While he’s stunned against your lips, you grab his hand and bring it down your body to where youre soaking Minho his fingers just graze your clit, making you let out a high pitch keen and press your chest towards him. Thats what encourages him that its all okay and you want it too, and then he’ll make you come. Will angle your hips just right so that Minho attacks your spot and will munch on your clit until youve creamed Minhos cock, but hes wants to see you squirt… He’ll tell Minho when he moves away to keep hitting it there and youll do it, youll squirt for them. Minho listens, he always does, he wants to see his Kitten a ruined mess.

And then… Lix and Ji. Lix and Ji would be sitting as close as they could to where youre sat on Minho, needy and humping the air looking for anything to stimulate them while waiting so patiently for their turn, moaning and crying out for just a taste. Lix would go next, not great technique wise but so sloppy with it, youre so wet from his spit and your own slick that its dripping down Minho’s balls, and hes paying enough attention straight to your clit that its almost painful how he goes straight for it, munching like the sweet boy he is. Depending on how long you let him go, he might cum in his pants, especially if you let him rut against your leg while hes eating. Ji goes last, rushing to take Lixies place and kisses his way down your body, rushed to taste you but knowing you might need a minute. Once he reaches your clit, needy baby will use the tip of his tongue to trace around it before flicking it so fast you’re about to cum. He’ll pull off, and he knows Minho is so so so close, youre practically choking his cock from how tight you are, that Ji will look at him for permission to touch him too before fondling his balls and suckling your clit into his mouth. Minho will have move your legs to the outside of his (if he hadnt already) to keep you from suffocating the needy boy. After you cum (and yes, Ji did manage to make you squirt, his entire front is drenched in your fluids and he is the happiest man alive because of it) Ji will make sure Minho does as well, and youre so overstimulated that youre crying. As soon as Minho pulls out, Ji is there, delicately cleaning you up and eating what he can out of you.

Once he deems you clean enough he’ll let Minho pick you up, as Chan had already started a bath, Hyunjin had dropped off that one bathbomb you really love, and Changbin dropped off his shower products for when youre more coherent and ready to wash off. Lixie will be making you some snacks and grabbing you water, and Seungmin and Innie will be picking out clothes of theirs to dress you in. Jisung will be prepping the “cuddle bed” as you deemed it (the bed that fits all 9 of you plus extra no problem) for snuggles and your favorite movie. the softest blankets, your favorite stuffed animal or skzoo (if you have one) and extras of Lix’s brownies and other snacks and water on one of the bed side tables.

😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 oof i broke my own heart at this @noellllslut @moonlightndaydreams @channieandhisgoonsquad @queenmea604 @yevene

Speaking of that post…This just appear on my feed 🤠

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CyRKW3sNwCu/?igshid=YjVjNjZkNmFjNg==

🤠🤠 🤠 OOOOOHHHHH this is a sexy video isn’t it??? 🥵🥵🥵

Imagine climbing on that lap… I’m wet already just thinking about that.

He’s cocky as fuck too… almost daring you to grind on him… and you do. His hands slide up your thighs, under your skirt. Crotchless panties (which I have such a kink for too) and he cocks an eyebrow at you “you’re such a bad little kitten”

You unbutton his shirt, sliding your fingertips down to the button on his trousers. “Go ahead kitten,” he whispers “ride me. Right here. Right now.”

You find yourself bouncing on his cock, not caring that the other members are right there watching. He stretches you so fucking good, and hits you so fucking deep.

“Turn around.” Minho demands, pushing you off his cock and ripping your panties off and sliding you back down once you were facing away from him. He hooks an arm under each of your legs, spreading you wide and bouncing you hard on his cock.

“Someone come and rub her clit…” he says to the others.

You look around the room, everyone is keen to kneel in front of you. “Your choice, kitten.” He growls in your ear.

But who do you choose? And what happens next???

@noellllslut @channieandhisgoonsquad @lyramundana @chansmanda @antoniorhinothethird @queen-in-the-shadows @queenmea604

[sneezefiction]

hiii, can i request a hc with bukuto, kenma, kuroo and tsukki (AH IF THATS TOO MANY U CAN TAKE SOME OUT AHH) w a fem s/o who’s insecure ab her body 👉🏻👈🏻 i’m going thru some image issues and i want some of my fav boys reassurance

Bokuto, Kenma, Kuroo, and Tsukishima x fem!Reader - Body Image Insecurity Headcanons

a/n: hey anon!! just want you (and all my readers) to know, i believe you are all inherently and unchangeably beautiful inside and out. let me know if you need to talk and know that i’m always happy to provide haikyuu boy sweetness for u <3

warnings: addresses body image insecurities, anxiety

total wc: 960

---

Bokuto:

you’re standing in front of the mirror, examining yourself again

it’s easy for you to pick yourself apart, deeming yourself too much in one place but not enough in another

what you don’t see is the adoring gaze from the doorway, silently watching you

he’s smiling until he catches a glimpse of your face

your usually etheral glow is replaced by a look of dejection and misery

the body that daily captivates and charms the grey-haired boy was being rejected by its owner. It’s caretaker

and before you can even react to the padding of footsteps behind you, Bokuto has wrapped his strong arms around your middle

he’s uncharacteristically quiet, but it soothes you

“You…” He kisses your hair, “are lovely.”

“You,” Turning you around to face him, “are stunning.”

“And you,” He’s kissing away little tears that spill out, “are so damn fine, y/n!” He exclaims through his most authentic grin, knowing you tend to copy his expressions out of pure habit

and it works

you smile, laughing at that last comment through a soft sob

he just holds you for a while

“You’ve gotten better with your compliments lately, Bo.” You note, tears having finally subsided

“I’ve had some great teachers… but an even better specimen.” He says cheekily, but you can tell he’s serious.

and to finish, he adds, 

“And I’m so glad you’re mine. I love you... everything about you, really.”

Kenma:

Kozume is pretty damn smart.

there aren’t many things he doesn’t pick up on

especially when it comes to you

the way you speak about yourself and, more specifically, your body

how you joke about what you gained/lost in the past month

how that one shirt never fits quite right, but it’s your fault for letting yourself get that way

you laugh when you speak about it, but Kenma couldn’t be less convinced by it

he wishes you could see yourself how he saw you

so he takes some relationship advice from Kuroo,

“Just write her a letter! Girls love letters, trust me.”

so he sets down his Gameboy (a truly dedicated bf) and gets to writing over the course of the week

that weekend, before you start your day, you see an envelope attached to your mirror

your curiosity is piqued and you immediately open it

your heart is being flooded with intricate words and details

Kenma somehow managed to document all the little bits and pieces he loves about you

from how you wake up in the morning to the weird way you order food at that one restaurant, it’s all there

paragraph after paragraph, you’re being affirmed. noticed. known. and he leaves your body for last, reminding you that he loves that part of you too.

he loves how you move and how change isn’t bad, that your body is meant to be protected and cherished

and that he’s there to love you. the you that’s on the inside and the one on the outside too

Kuroo:

you’re trying on outfit after outfit for a gathering tonight

jeans don’t fit right today, dresses seem to hang oddly, and shirts pull in areas you didn’t even realize they could

Kuroo, waiting patiently on the bed and scrolling on his phone, notices your struggle

as the clothes become a huge mass on your floor, your frustrations begin to spill out with them

you curse angrily under your breath, holding up a shirt in front of your exposed body

Kuroo looks up and immediately notices how short your breath is getting

“Kuroo… I can’t do it. I don’t want to go out. I’m sorry.” You're getting teary, “I’m really sorry.”

“Hey, heyyy, let’s stay here tonight, okay? Let’s just hangout.”

he lets you slip on something you’re more comfortable in and leads you back to the bed

he sets up Netflix and he makes sure to cradle you in his arms, his body warm against yours

“It’s more fun with just me anyway, isn’t it?” He jokes, gauging how bad you really feel right now

when you don’t respond, he pushes the laptop away from your lap

he just begins to give you little kisses across your face

when you seem more comfortable, he places kisses into your palms and up and down your forearm

this leads to him tracing your hips and arms and legs, commenting on just how perfect every inch of you is

he has a one-sided conversation with you, just him explaining how lucky he is to have such a “hot girlfriend” with the most perfect body

he comments on how well you take care of it, how beautiful your skin is, how unique you are

and finally, once he’s affirmed every physical part of you, he captures your lips in a gentle kiss that seems to say:

“And I mean every word of it.”

Tsukki:

he may not say it, but Tsukishima believes you are something to behold

you stood up to his abrasive personality, spoke your mind with him, and chose to stick by his side even at his angriest, lowest moments

Tsukki admires almost no one. but you? you’re the exception.

you are strong, passionate, and charming… attributes Tsukki didn’t feel he possessed

so when he realized that you lacked confidence in your physique, he was so perplexed

for someone so brilliant, how could you have gotten it into your head that you weren’t also beautiful?

he actually feels insulted lmao

when you both started dating, he wordlessly promised that he would fight anyone that ever tried to hurt you

but you’re beating yourself down

so i guess he has to fight you, now?

he goes about this strategically

you’re checking yourself out in the mirror?

“Oye, stupid, you look great, let’s go.”

you make a self-deprecating comment to yourself?

he’ll kiss you before you can finish your sentence, even if you’re in public

you visibly try to hide parts of your body in public?

Tsukki has his arm around you, tucking you into him like a little duckling, just to make you feel a bit little safer

yeah, his attempts to distract and deter self-hate leave you flustered, but slowly you catch yourself being kinder to yourself

and, for that, you can’t complain about your irritating, but loving boyfriend

—-

tags: @cherryonigiri

[karanoid]

about top joe discord

LET ME ADDRESS A FEW POINTS:

There has been many fear and anxiety regardless the top!joe discord I made. I understand how it gives my discord a bad reputation. Somebody has kindly reached out to me to ask me addressing several points, which I’m now gonna clarify:

1. I am racist, I asked why, and they said mostly because of my dismissive behavior to people who called me out for drawing yusuf adorned in gold jewelry which made their friends feel unsafe. So, I am a muslim and was raised in a muslim household and community. I am fucking brown.

I didn’t say it because you don’t need to know that about me. What bothers me is how some people feel the need to come to my inbox informing me “maam yusuf is a religious muslim who prays 5 times a day and do all the supplementary prayers all while he drinks alcohol and fuck nicky in the dailies, he wouldnt be wearing gold maam no maam.” as if I didn’t know any better. so please, now don’t do that. If you care so much about the littlest details like wearing gold then you’ll also call out yusuf because he draws living beings and drinks champagne. yes it’s true muslim men are forbidden from wearing gold AND silk but let’s not forget, nothing in the comic and movies imply yusuf has ever been religious. It’s easier to see nicolo as religious because he was a fucking priest. Yusuf was a fucking merchant, it’s easy to see that he’d be less faithful because he would have been travelling and seen many kind of people to broaden his horizons and not contained to a little bubble of hyper religious community. However, let me remind you: whether yusuf AND nicolo are religious or not is entirely UP TO THE AUTHOR/ARTIST. It’s totally fine to make him religious and if you can respect it THATS GREAT, I ALSO LIKE HIM THAT WAY, but please remember it’s not even canon and hey sometimes I just draw things because I like the aesthetics. Also please, do not harass writers for getting a thing or two incorrect, even white people cannot get christianity correct, even between two muslims could be a disagreement whether this fic’s yusuf is problematic or not. I wouldn’t even expect anything more and THAT’S OKAY. Just don’t be an ass to muslims of color in real life and don’t fall into the believe that it’s a religion of violence. you can say that greg made him that way bc he knew nothing better but hey, I have no problem with that. again, it’s fine to make him religious, I’d be delighted but it’s ALSO fine to make him not religious.

2. I think that people only write Top!Nicky out of political correctness. OKAY. I apologize for this. I thought like this because I have accounts telling me that they were pressured into writing top!nicky or they wanted more readerships so I make a BIG assumption. I realized this is only a small part of switch and top!nicky fics and the big bulk of this must be out of genuine care. So yeah, I apologize for thinking that people only write top!nicky out of political correctness. I think writers should be allowed to write whatever they want. Yes this includes top!Nicky. And in whatever kinks they want it. However, this still doesn’t change that the discourses do scare people away from writing top!joe. Write top!nicky however you want, but stop vague-blogging about top!joe. racism isn’t inherent to top!joe and you can always remind people to be mindful with their writings but discouraging people from writing top!joe is not the solution. 

3. Top!joe is racist and people in the discord are racist. Okay, I am gonna touch several aspects why top!joe discord is considered racist: (1) because I don’t like to switch them, therefore I am racist. Sorry that’s not how it works. I have a clear preference and that’s just how I roll. Besides, a lot of people in the discord (including me) think either they switch (because they are 900 yo) or joe just doesn’t like bottoming. I’m not the kind of people who refers to reality for fiction I consume but people who prefer to top or to bottom exist (2) i want to be away from accountability and responsibility. Nope. The reason I made it is because I wanted to gather people with same interest as mine. 

4. I paint Yusuf as aggressive and the whole discord like him being an aggressive top. I think this is the only reason why the discord is seen in a negative light. Because wow what a coincidence that someone vagueblogged my discord at the day I celebrated about Nicky suggesting 20 years and wrote a post about how Joe is allowed to be angry. And beside someone made the WRONG assumption that we are focusing on Joe’s anger and violence (what). Okay, I don’t know how to break this down. But I will try. First, yes I was overjoyed at the news. Because I’m one of the people that do not like feral!nicky headcanon. I liked it at first bc it was funny but then it was twisted into Nicky being cold. So I don’t like it (lol), I still like it though but like I don’t seriously think that way. However, I never liked the idea that Nicky suggested higher than Joe. Because then his character just doesn’t click with me, there was a cognitive dissonance for me because joe clearly says nicky’s heart overflows kindness, you can see nicky as a medic in the credit montage. Also, from their body language and from the way the movie set em up, I think Joe is the one who suggested higher and I am glad to be proven right. Second, I did write a post about how Joe is allowed to be angry at Booker. People agreed with me, so I was not alone. But the reason I wrote that post is not because I wanted to paint yusuf as aggressive, but because I’m tired at people who think Joe shouldn’t display any negative emotions. I think it’s out of character. I do NOT think Joe is aggressive. That is NOT his wholeass personality. If you looked at my tog art tag, never once I portrayed Joe as anything aggressive. If I do, please show me. Third, people are conflating this with my post where I reblogged with a comment that implies aggressive Joe isn’t racism. Okay in this, the context is IN BED. It’s Joe being aggressive in BED. It’s literally BED ROLES AND FANTASY. I don’t even have a particular scenario in my head when I reblogged that, the original post clearly refers to bed roles with manhandling and kinks etc. like, why would you spank someone in public? Lastly, about the discord, NOPE, most people in the discord agree that Joe is either a GENTLE DOM or SERVICE TOP. But in my opinion, if someone likes Joe as an aggressive top (again, bed roles baby) I really don’t think it’s racism. It’s just... projection? 

anyway, back to joe’s emotions, these are posts from a moroccan man (paragraph #7) and a brown woman whose posts I agree with. Let’s be real, people of color are expected to shut up in favor of white people’s fragile feelings.

Now, about racism in fandom. I understand the concern because muslim men are painted as violent and aggressive. You know what I will never forgive those radicals for taking away innocents lives and to leave a lasting damage in how muslims are perceived in the west. However, you have to keep in mind, Joe in the movie is far from being stereotyped. I mean, Gina and Marwan practically greenlit him? Now, you might have concerns that writers are gonna turn him into a walking stereotype which is... okay, I understand that concern. But the solution is to communicate this ‘hey I think you make him too stereotypical in this etc etc’ not “write more top!nicky AND shame top!joe” because again, top!joe is not inherently racist.

also some people mentioned that they hope I recognize racial bias in the ship. dude, that goes without saying, all aspects of your life will be influenced by racial biases. however, this kind of thing is not specific to fandom/shipping. Like I said I’m fucking brown, friends and families with facial features that cater to white expectation are treated better. I did say at the bottom of this post, yeah I did notice why it’s always a brown character who’s always openly mad. And that’s in itself a form of racial bias. Racial biases affect everyone, white or POC, it doesn’t matter. But I got an issue with how people think this is racism. like how convenient, if by falling to racial biases mean you are a racist then what about those white people who created this racial biases in the first place? and I noticed the persons who got the audacity to cry about everything in this fandom is white?? I mean okay, they don’t know what I am, but not everyone is comfortable with sharing their private information like ethnic group, faith, etc. what if they really don’t want to share it? Because like you said, racial bias, whether good or bad will affect me. Now, I don’t know what white people are feeling, I’m not white. However, based on my interactions with them. We’re all just people sharing same interest, it could be they fall into racial biases, but all we shared about are just regular HCs. Even people making a conscious effort to combat racial bias still in essence fall for racial bias. You just cannot escape it.

According to this post, fandom assumes that the bottom is the proxy of writers, I don’t think this is applicable to everyone but let’s just say it’s true and people tend to write about their projection better so I’m gonna assume the racism part comes from the fact that..yeah I do think the bottom usually gets more fleshed out as a result of them being the writers proxy, so somebody posted this in the discord which I agree because yes I do think there’s a lack about yusuf’s background especially when it comes to crusade era:

but since I know most writers aren’t muslims, to me it’s not so much about racism but they simply know nothing about it, and not always out of ignorance either but in this climate, if you get a thing or two wrong you’d get harassed. so *shrugs* I understand the reluctancy. But here’s the thing, this is not about top/bottom issue but because most of the fandom are white so they have more freedom in writing the white character. Anyway, plenty of people have projected themselves into yusuf already, the whole “top/bottom” thing in this fandom is not even a thing. Yes, some writers project on the bottom so if you prefer bottom!joe that’s fine, somebody in the discord is doing a research and it turned out top!joe wasn’t even a CLEAR majority in JULY. So clearly they got their share already?

so please, let’s stop with the vitriol. if people are preferring top!joe it’s clearly because of different preferences. it’s not that deep. it’s the same way with how some people are preferring top!nicky. But we’re being driven out based on a hypothetical scenarios? like what do you want? for us to cease existing??? don’t be ridiculous.

I know people won’t listen to me. So this is my suggestion: LETS JUST IGNORE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE. LET’S ALL JUST AGREE TO DISAGREE. 

[nicegaai]

Ch 8: 

I get so nervous every time I start — did I ever tell y’all I got a killer migraine after I started this reread and it lasted like 4 days? there’s no need for that level of stress but here I am all tensed up again. whateverrrrrr. exposure therapy. 

(Paragraph like 3) YUUUUP I already want to go in and tweak the dialogue. this is not quite it. Im itchy im itching to do it but I won’t yet. editing is a trap that will stop me from moving forward…

WHAT. Holy fucking jjjjhjjjhh you would not believe the sitcom level of reaction I just had to realizing I left in actual genuine Editors Notes. This is my worst offense by far this is the worst thing thats ever happened to me in my whole life (lie) I can’t go on  … Im gonna take a break

(2 and a half months later)

Hiiiiiii…where did I leave off… jk im starting over

Chapter 8 the final published chapter huhhh! I don’t remember what kind of cliffhanger I left u guys on but im looking forward to finding out

Wowow I like the beginning dialogue again!!! this is cute and I love them I love dennor when im doing it the way I like them!!!!!!!!!! Thank god im back on my meds ive been so neurotic over little things for like years and for what… I luv my story, I don’t need 2 be afraid…

Llmaoooooo im genuinely enjoying this reread how is that possible!!! This is fun im having fun!

Wtffff Im feeling like a genius for coming up with this and not like I need to kms for once. Brand new emotions for me. Chat did you know life can be beautiful?

LSKDAJKLSLDK I FOUND AN AUTHORS NOTE IS THIS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT 2.5 MONTHS AGO? That I almost cried over? I laughed at my own bad joke but it is NOT that serious … I do want to take it out later. but girllll

I wonder if stabilizing emotionally will ruin the quality of my writing x_x oh well!

I DON THAVE A LOT OF COMMENTARY THIS CHAPTER BCZ I DONT REMEMBER WRITING MOST OF THIS TBH AND IM GETTING SUCKED IN  BY THE PLOT WTF WTF. Again this is a new experience for me ive been so miserable rereading this up til now

Went “NOOOOOOOOOO” out loud when I realized I established a specific timeline. Its already June 15th???????? Fuck me man I was gonna space this out more than that . it was supposed to be like June 3rd at best, in my head …

Changed my mind—The quality of writing is guaranteed to go up if im not dry heaving at the thought of rereading my own drafts. It’s going to be FINE !!!!!!!! Its going to get better!! I may even be able to respond to all the nice comments soon … Ive been scared of ao3 comments I can’t explain why I don’t know myself

UGH THE WRITING IS GETTING CHOPPYYY this could have been avoided surely but it is too late now. I can sense I struggled with beginning the scene and wrote very Point A To Point B just to skip around to the parts I wanted to write. I mean it functions.. but not well.  Ick

Okay... more author’s notes. I messed up stylistically when I decided to leave in so many parentheses bc then I lost the authors notes in the mix. Nasty. Ech. Im annoyed

OH. THAT REALLY WAS A CLIFHFANGER HUH. NO WONDER PPL KEEP ASKING IF IM COMING BACK. OH H H H. IM SO SORRY I SHOULD BE JAILED FOR THIS X_______X

I HAVE THE NEXT SEVERAL CHAPTERS PLOTTED OUT MORE OR LESS AND THE REST OF THE STORY'S EVENTS ARE ON PAPER I PROMIS E I AM TRYING I WILL NEVER GIVE UP

kind of insane ive left u guys off on that for like 6 months. bc ive been obsessed with the events of the next few chapters just like turning them over in my head,.. . and no one has even seen them yet. this needs to be fixed

im attempting my fic reread today. im announcing this bc i will be liveblogging to keep my morale up, NOT THAT anyone cares but i personally need this, like ill only commit to do the thing if theres an imaginary audience holding me accountable. & i like to have fun :3

anyway. captains log, its a beautiful sunny july weekend. i just finished my morning coffee, and, i am dreading this so much. i dont like rereading my own writing but i shall get over it. ok here we go.

Þetta Reddast vagueblogged directors commentary edition

Ch 1:

*opens fic and starts convulsing immediately* god i wish i smoked weed rn. i cannot chill out ever for the life of me

My Mission For Today Is: to remember what plot threads I’ve left hanging so I can resolve this story properly. And also try n remember where the flow is going. I have the end plotted out, I just am a little lost … it’s been a while :-(

------------

Abrupt beginning!!!! I’m not mad because I have . I HAD. Almost no writing experience when I started this. it isn’t ideal but I refuse to be one of those fanfic writers that starts rewriting early chapters without finishing the last ones. Ive never seen one of those types actually finish a longfic. …I’d already rather yap than actually read LMAO AHH

Oh this is worse than I remember. thats cool that s great ok alright *coughs up blood*

"20 somethings" WOW I really did not know where I was going with this when I started huh

LKJSDLKSJDLGKGDJSLDGJK ??? Who authorized this. Who let me cook. What the hell

I could write this better now. I could edit this into something beautiful. <- devil on my shoulder

FORGOT I WAS MAKING RICE BRB

"generously offered nothing to the exchange." wait STOPPPP. I’m so funny

GRAMMAR ERROR DETECTED why is there two periods. I’ll be coming back to fix that …………………. :-(((

Fuck. This is a lot. Marge Simpson Hiding Her Face dot Png

Oh this is stupid this is gayyy this is fukcinnn . Who fucking did t his. What was wrong with me,. This is so good actually. what was i ONNNN. 

Im gonna throw up and I don’t know if thats like/. A complimentary thing or if im just cringing that hard . Im feeling emotions. I love my OTPs..OT3~5? I love them so so much

Ok as much as im like “eww bad writing” this is .. dare I say, rly good in places. Not to suck my own dick but maybe all hope isnt lost and imposter syndrome is an illusion

Grammar mistake #2. Goddddddd. they should ban me from the archive for this

EMILLLLL EMIL EMIL EMIL HIIIIII BABYYYY EMILLL I LOVE UUUU AWWHUUGHH everyone clap for my bewoved baby bruvver right FUCKING now

Urghhh gritting my teeth… Im fully expecting the flow of events to start not making any gd sense. There’s no way this came together the way I hoped in my head and .... For real I was never able to read this all the way thru. this is my first time, lol. and it was all disjointed on the authorial end to say the least. Im scared T-T

Jlxjvklsdkjfsjlkdkjlsjklkljzsdkjlgaskljdgjklasljkgdljkasljkdgjklasjlkdgljkaskljdgjakl?????????? 

Im not liking the ratio of dialogue to whatever the other stuff is. scene-setting I guess. prose maybe. i could have dragged this out way longer... By which I mean made it a more satisfying read. But WHATEVER !!!! 

TIMO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIMOOOOOOOOOO NUMERO UNOOOO DO MUNDOOOOOO I really need to utilize him more. As soon as I finish this fic I need to write a Timo POV spinoff where he gets cancelled on furry twitter for proshipping in real life

Hmmmm chapter ending didn’t hit as hard in practice as it did in drafts. Oh well. God damn that was a lot to happen in one chapter LMAOO???

OH SHIT MY RICE IS STILL COOKING —— 

[heynowisavedyouright]

3, 4, 5, 8, 10, 12, 16, 17, 18, 24, 25 and 31 for the writing ask game? :] Apologies if thats a lot you can leave some out if you want, i'm just quite curious and the questions are interesting

ask thingy

oh no no it's fine this ask game's questions Are fun

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

hmm. i need to open the docs, write two paragraphs, then open another doc and start filling in what tags this fic i think would have on ao3. that helps understand what it's gonna be to be honest. also i Really don't want to come up with it on the spot later. also stalling. then i may come back to the fic. if i can remember also turn on literally any music, preferably extremely distressing and upbeat if it's fluff i'm writing. so in my opinion. meh. not really cursed. maybe slightly

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

off the top of my head, "feverish"

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

i... honestly i don't remember having any?

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

dialogue. i've done that multiple times, a oneshot, a character reflecting on themselves over the years. it's a very fun way to write, i should try that again sometime

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

hmm. i have made an excruciating amount of dark jokes on chapter 26 of HaK, and had writer's block on anything angsty for a few days after finishing it. so. "hearse" would be the closest. i guess for me that means leaving a long impact on the writer themselves, especially since it's most times very muffled for me compared to the way i'd experience it written by someone else

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

what do you mean i can't wish for more wishes. what if i word it specifically so okay okay fine i don't need 30k of lorem ipsum okay

a cheaty one (Not about the rules get the lorem ipsum dolor sit amet away from me) for the way i write dialogue to be a morallyTM accepted one because i do not have it in me to switch to these wretched commas on the split

"You know," Felt gestured. "These ones."

"I prefer to write like this." They added. "I know this might be that one thing looking cursed in my writing and it probably is, but with the differences in dialogue styles between languages I can't bring myself to care about this thing in this particular one. Honestly, the rule looks a bit cursed to me." They took a deep breath. "Wow. That was one hell of a sentence there."

edit: also of course i completely forgot about the other two. welp. you can count the last of the wishes as the traditional genie repellent of freeing them :P and uh. being able to write fluff more. yea

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

i don't read physical books too often ngl, and i don't remember it well back in the day.. i think the worst would be a minions-themed collectable card i got at a mall. 3.9/10 weirdness

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

oof. which is it even. well the lore is just a bunch of spoilers so nah. come back when i finish posting "early departed", then you'll get the juice. but for now i'll be harboring it. it's just kind of hard to talk about it when it's all only in your head and notes

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

i write most things on the fly so that's also a hard one... alright, i guess on a multichap it's easier, still not gonna provide a specific quote though. if you're interested about that (the answer is probably gonna be i made it up on the spot), you can always send it with the number and ask. so in early departed, that moment (in ch1 so i can talk about it >:P) of fwhip waking up and walking down the corridor to find gem and lady beans, it was going to originally include joel sitting there with them, (that's why fwhip thinks he doesn't trust these two, that was originally a typo that i later rephrased as he doesn't trust lady beans and her husband. a note not a quote, mind you). the whole idea for the twins' "holidays" in the smallishbeans manor was to push fwhip further down the road of revenge and to get him to know people who will later be on the other side of the war and his vendetta. that scene was the start of it, and especially it pointed out the difference between his and gem's reactions to the people

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

there's nothing, really, if i need to I google a bunch of things as i go. typically i do Not enjoy that very much because it's hard to find what i need

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

well! efwhip has a sweet tooth. i mention it in a fair few of my fics for no reason

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

oh shit

oh fuck

okay

to end off on a note that's very dramatic and slightly pathetic on my writerly side, i really appreciate the support, guys. honestly even talking the time to read my stuff. it's a little insane. especially you people in lifesteal who are scrambled together with absolutely no fics and shower me with comments on every one of them. yes we do need more chlownzy fics. we do. yeah.