#this took like 3h to get down

[astraldoesart]

🙈, 🙊, 🙉, and 🌱 for Lucien, Zakai, and the Reitz siblings plz? Sorry if thats too much haha

That's not too much! Just gotta figure a way to get this all down! And because this is gonna be loooong lets put this under a cut!

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

Zakai doesn't want anyone to see her as emotional. She's scared of people leaving her or hurting her again, she wants to avoid that so she doesn't really let anyone see that. See her vulnerable and sad and guilty. Anger, for her, is more okay for others to see but mostly she tries her best to be cold and logical. Which is not her default.

Lucien mostly isn't one who hides a lot, what you see is what you get. Mostly. Lucien tends to hide his feelings of inferiority, fear, jealousy, and guilt behind this mask of "I'm a Tybur so I'm better than everyone". He's not really one who apologizes either, much to Zakai's chagrin.

Valentina hides a lot behind flirting and attention from romantic partners. Valentina has abandonment issues, after all, made worse by Zakai leaving. So. She dates around, it never goes past a 3rd date at most. And thats if the person is lucky, really. She's cold and detached because she doesn't want anyone to leave. Valentina is just scared of being left alone, of having to step up again and again. Of being in charge of everyone else.

Melissa doesn't want anyone to consider her insecure or unattractive, she wants attention and she wants to be loved. Thats all. The idea that she's unlovable is a fear so strong it can cripple her. Dear god she just needs a nice woman to show her that she's so loved and so pretty.

Selina doesn't want anyone to see her as afraid, very specifically. Selina got used to being strong for Melissa and Soren, much like Zakai and Valentina, so the idea of being scared just feels like disappointing those shes most protective over.

Soren wants everyone to be happy and he appreciates how everyone in the family is particularly worried for him. However, hes scared. He's scared that those within the family are breaking down and apart and it terrifies him more than any Marleyan's judgement. He wants his family safe and happy.

🙊 SPEAK-NO-EVIL - what is something your oc will refuse to stay quiet about?

There isn't anything particularly that Zakai is vocal about, shes a rather quiet person.

Lucien will not shut up about being a Tybur. Again, uses that fact as a safety blanket/mask and also to convince himself that him being born wasn't a mistake like his father insists.

Valentina, like Zakai, isn't vocal about a whole lot. Shes pretty reserved and quiet most of the time.

Melissa is very, very vocal about how cool Selina is. How pretty and talented she is. Melissa is Selina's own cheering squad. Much to Selina's annoyance (but also Selina loves Melissa for her, cheering squad included).

Selina is only vocal about the fact that if you target her family, you best run. She is willing to beat the absolute shit out of anyone who hurt her family. Mostly, though, she will match whatever the person did except tenfold. Someone insulted Melissa? Selina gonna make em cry.

Soren is vocal about becoming a Warrior, following Zakai's footsteps and being "just like her". Well, until he gets the Paradis (s4) experience that is. Then he's vocal about that if everyone just keeps killing each other, what will be left?

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

For Zakai, the worst thing would be that she's the black sheep of her family. The outcast, the only one who doesn't belong. She feels it so strongly and, once upon a time, someone did tell her that. Valentina did, in fact.

The worst thing anyone could say to Lucien is that he is a mistake, that he should've never been born and that all he's ever done to hurt everyone around him. Especially after Willy dies.

For Valentina, its gotta be someone saying goodbye again. Especially when theres a chance they'll die. Oh. Wait. S4 Zakai >:)

Melissa's would be to tell her that no one will ever love her because all she does is fail. Which. No one tell this poor soul. She's just a babygirl :(

Selina on the other hand? Failing to protect her family. She just wants to protect them so anyone telling her she failed that? Oof poor sweetheart.

For Soren, the worst thing one could say is no doubt related to Zakai. His worst fear is failing her so. That. But also he's babey too so don't do that.

🌱 SEEDLING - what is their most vivid memory from childhood?

Zakai remembers two things most vividly. The memory where Lucien betrayed her, implying that he'd tell Marley that she was a traitor. She didn't even think, just begged him not to. Think Scar and Simba. Zakai ended up running, just like Lucien wanted. The other memory is one with Valentina, where she betrayed Zakai. Valentina had slammed Zakai against the wall, actually punched Zakai too. Told her, basically, to "go die for Marley then".

Lucien's most vivid of memories is probably the one where he met Damien and was taken in by the Tyburs, taken away from his mom at only 6 years old. For Lucien, he never thought that it was too much. After all, he doesn't have a good relationship with Adele (despite her attempts).

Selina and Melissa's most vivid memory is the same memory, suiting for a set of Twins, eh? It was the day Zeke came back, having just gotten his titan alongside his rank. He had to explain to the family that Zakai was "sent on a mission early". Selina had shut down while Melissa ran to Valentina, sobbing and crying about wanting Zakai back. It was a painful day for the entire family.

Soren's memory was of Zakai. Of how kind and friendly she was, having just taken a break in her training and teaching him the very same things that he saw Adele teaching her. It was what motivated Soren to be a Warrior the second he could. Years later, he started to train for the Aberrant Titan.

You can find the ask game here!

[festivalofthe12]

Gotta admit

At this point, I'm actually slightly relieved when there's no FE4 remake announced, just because the Switch is getting old and FE4 is a big goddamn game and so I've always been lowkey worried how they'd handle the map sizes. So it being the flagship new Fire Emblem game for a next generation Nintendo console honestly sounds like the best possible case scenario

[t5t]

thinking about how vash could also be an antagonist (not villain. antagonist.) and still fit in the same narrative. by that i mean he would still be enemies with knives and at no point would they reconcile.

like its not even that deep if u know what i mean. u just need to shift the pov to that of pretty much anyone else. as much as his intentions are good he still involuntarily causes so much harm both to himself and others, and it's easy to see it as not being his fault at all since the conflict is always initiated by other characters. but it's exactly his extreme avoidance of it and unrelenting pacifism that causes him to be backed into a corner and to use undeadly but still severe violence in order to resolve these conflicts. sometimes this still causes the death of both his opponents and loved ones.

his altruism and peace & love attitude in the end are just façades and he uses to justify his inaction, this inaction is a coping mechanism for his fear and hatred for himself. he's not on a quest to radically change gunsmoke and improve the condition of its inhabitants, he's a vagabond who often finds himself in situations where he is forced to take action to preserve the life of innocent people.

im not saying he's an amoral or bad person, the opposite, but im still willing to say there's selfishness in his behaviour u know. he doesn't really face any of this directly until wolfwood kills zazie the beast. at this point he can't fully rationalise his conflict avoidance anymore, this time he can't find a clever exploit to get ahold of the situation back and save the day. had wolfwood not acted he and the others would not have escaped. i think this is further exacerbated with wolfwood's death soon after, which he obviously blames himself for, but imo it impacts him more than others because 1. as much as he's committed to protecting every life, obviously having his close friend die is more traumatic than the death of strangers, and 2. as opposed to rem's death, he knows wolfwood's could have been prevented, he had agency in the situation and was aware of the extreme danger.

this is why i see vash's killing of legato as a huge step in his growth. its what finally has him face conflict head first and take a significant step towards actual resolution instead of a patch up

vash deciding to take a life, his brother's life which he promised to rem to protect nonetheless, is what finally redeems him

thats way too many words ugh but basically this image

[viperify]

Kinktober 2024 | 𝗼𝗰𝘁 𝟮𝟬: ᴛᴏᴍ ʀɪᴅᴅʟᴇ X ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

Still too vanilla for you?

Short summary: It was just a simple question to spice up your sex life. Tom though took it personal, which resulted in you now running from your boyfriend, deep into the Forbidden Forest. You knew, if he caught you – he would fuck you. And it wouldn’t be vanilla.

Warnings: 18+ only! knifeplay, fear play, degradation, hunter and prey, cnc, unprotected p in v, creampie, cumplay, dom!Tom

A/N: Well, I didn’t intend on posting today. In fact, I had a fic ready for Tuesday, but then I got this idea and well… I just finished this in like 3h lol. Feedback is as always appreciated <3

wordcount: 1,7k

You were hiding behind a tree, trying to escape your boyfriend who was currently chasing you through the forest. It all started when you asked him whether you two could try out some spicier stuff. The regular missionary sex you two had was great, no doubt about that, though you felt like something was missing in your intimate moments. “Tom,” you asked him, laying in bed beside him after you two just had sex, “could we try a spicing up our sex life?”

He turned to face you, raising an eyebrow. “Is this too boring for you? Is that what you are saying? You need more than what I am giving you?” You sighed. Of course his ego was hurt. You should have just kept your mouth shut.

“No Tom, I love it! But I thought-“

“I don’t want to hear it. Tomorrow, 8pm, Forbidden Forest. Better hide yourself well, because if I catch you, I will do bad things to you, love.”

“Tom please-“

“Do what I say.”

You only nodded in return, knowing better than to talk back to him.

The next day at 8, you entered the forest. It was October, and it had been raining all day, making the ground extra dirty, mud covering your shoes. Sun had set already, only a few more rays of sunshine hitting the wet grass. Crows were cawing loudly as you continued looking for a place to hide, an eerie feeling rising in your chest. You shrieked as you heard a branch crack and turned around. Yet, nobody was there. You must have imagined it.

As the night fell, you found a big tree, allowing you to hide behind its broad trunk. For the next hour or so, nothing happened and you were regretting your decision to come. He was playing with you as a punishment for your request, you were sure of it. He knew you were afraid of the dark, especially when you were all alone. Not to mention the Forbidden Forest itself, where bloodthirsty creatures of all sorts were looking for an easy prey.

You decided it would be best to just leave, but as you were about to get up, you heard something. Someone was humming in the distance, coming from the other side.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Your heart was beating in your throat, and you tried to be as silent as possible.

“Doll, I can hear your breathing. I know where you are.” His voice called out to you, steps advancing into your direction.

Shit shit shit.

Your vision was near zero, heavily impacted by the lack of sunlight, as you heard him come closer. You decided to run, but strong arms stopped you, pulling you flush against his body. You wanted to scream, however his big hands covered your mouth, muffling any sound you were trying to make. Kicking, biting, scratching, it all didn’t help. He didn’t let you go. “Isn’t this exactly what you wanted? Spice things up? And now you are all scared. Poor thing.” He taunted, gripping your hair in one of his fists, laying you down on the dirty forest floor, one knee on your back to keep you in place. “Going to show you what I am capable of, you greedy slut.”

You winced at the name he called you, sobbing apology after apology. It all was no use, your apologies falling on deaf ears.

Tom then reached into his pocket, and soon you felt a cold, sharp metal object press onto your throat. It must have been a knife from his collection, which was very dear to him. Your breaths came out shaky, hot tears rolling down your damp cheeks.

“Don’t you fucking make a sound, slut. Understood?” He hissed, applying more pressure on your poor skin.

“Y-yes!” You shrieked, obeying immediately.

At that, he ripped your shirt apart, not caring it was one of your favourites. You tried really hard to stay silent, yet small sobs escaped your lips. With the help of his knife he made quick work of your bra, cutting it in the back. He lifted you by your hair, holding your back flush against his chest. The lace material dropped to the ground, your nipples perking from the cold autumn air hitting your skin. He softly grazed his knife over your breasts as you tried your best to not make a sound. “My gorgeous tits. So pretty.” He whispered in your ear. “All mine, aren’t they?” You nodded frantically, and he huffed.

Smack.

Your head turned to the other side at the impact, and you hissed at the sting on your cheek. “Answer me properly when I ask something!” Tom demanded, knife back on your throat as a warning.

“Yes! All yours! I am sorry!” You cried out, making him scoff. “Pathetic.”

The brunette pushed your body back down into the muddy floor, sitting down on your lower back. He cut through your skirt, practically tearing the fabric from your body. All you could do was silently sob and take whatever your boyfriend was giving you. You had to admit, it may have scared you at first, but now you couldn’t help yourself but feel yourself grow wet at how he was treating you. Like a hunter that had found its prey, devouring and breaking you with all the power he had.

There you were, under him, while he inspected the thong you had put on. It was quite provocative. Red lace, barely covering anything. A hard smack turned you back to reality.

“Such a slut… wearing panties that cover nothing more than your pussy.” His firm grip also tore those apart, the sound of the ripping material making you whine. He then let his fingers slip between your folds, inspecting your cunt. “So damn wet and I haven’t even touched you properly. Absolutely pathetic, getting off on someone chasing you through the forest. Filthy girl.” He slipped two fingers inside of your welcoming heat, not giving you any time to adjust to the stretch. They curled inside of you, stroking your g-spot. Moans left your mouth as he ruthlessly thrusted his thick fingers inside of your glistening core, feeling a familiar knot form in your lower stomach. “Feel you clenching me, slut. Don’t you dare cum. Bad girls have to earn orgasms.”

You couldn’t. Not with how expertly his fingers worked the spongey spot deep inside of you, not with the dirty things he was telling you. “Please let me come, Tom! Please!” You screamed, frantically kicking your legs onto the ground.

“No.” He said, never halting any of his movements.

You couldn’t hold it any longer. His body was pressing down onto yours, not allowing you to move even the slightest bit. With a pained cry, you came around his digits. “What did I tell you? To go on and cum?” He hissed, removing his fingers from your dripping pussy as soon as your orgasm hit, ruining it.

“I am sorry!” You sobbed, scared of what he was going to do with you now.

“Greedy cunt can’t even wait a few minutes, huh? Head down, ass up.” Tom lifted himself from you, arm around your throat to make you arch your back as he positioned himself behind you, unbuckling his belt.

You cried, gasping for air as he was restricting your breathing.

“Stop fucking crying. This is what you wanted isn’t it? Treat you like the worthless slut you are?” He growled, smacking your ass repeatedly.

“Yes!” You sniffled, Tom’s words making your mind go fuzzy.

Without any warning he thrusted into you, slamming his thick length in and out, burying himself in your glistening core. He stretched you out completely, and you felt as though he was splitting you apart on his cock, a burning sensation erupting every time his tip hit your sensitive cervix. As you couldn’t help but both moan and sob uncontrollably, he fetched his knife and held it flush against your throat once more, shutting you up.

“You were fucking made for this cock, slut. This is your purpose. Pleasing me. You better take it.” His cock matched the tone of his voice, mercilessly abusing your tight cunt.

It was rough. Yet, you enjoyed every second of it. Your walls clenched around him again, milking him as you chased your second high.

“Gripping me so tight. Fuck.” He groaned, reaching under you to draw circles on your clit.

“Tom please-“ you moaned, your high about to wash over you.

“Cum, cum with me!” Tom growled, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, thighs trembling as you tumbled over the edge. Your boyfriend was quick to follow, your tightness milking him dry. “Take my cum. I am going to make your greedy cunt swallow every last drop of it.”

He stayed like this for a few seconds, catching his breath. As soon as his length had softened, he pulled it out of your sore walls, eliciting small whimpers from you.

He was still kneeling behind you, now spreading your slick folds with his fingers. “Push it all out for me, darling. All out.” Thick ropes of his hot cum soon dripped down your cunt, as he collected it with his tip, pushing it back inside of your abused center. You hissed, oversensitive from how roughly he treated you.

Your breath was still shaky, small sobs escaping your soft lips. “You okay, baby?” His demeanour had completed a 180-degree turn, now gently soothing your sore body.

“Y-yes Tom. I really liked that.” You croaked, the brunette cleaning you up and replacing your clothes with just a quick swirl of his wand. He then took you in his arms, kissing your forehead. “Did so well for me, doll. I am proud of you.”

He swooped you into his arms, returning to your shared home. He ran you a bath, which resulted in you two having a round two. He wanted you on top this time, slowly sinking up and down on his length, the warm water soothing the sting of his thick cock stretching you out yet again.

“I love you, Tommy.” You murmured, cuddling up into his side on your shared bed.

“I love you too, doll.”

You drifted off to sleep, certain that you would repeat today’s adventure soon.

[lifeonmarz-blog]

Sexual Fantasies: Mars in Composite 1/2

TAROT EDITION

Im on my 50 shades of grey erotica shitttt make the pronouns fit however you need to

1H/Aries: The Devil: This person has stamina for daysss. They love to see you whimpering, gripping the sheets begging for mercy. Sex with them is so much fun, its so spontaneous you love having sex all over the house. Sitting on top of the bathroom counter pent against the mirror thats still steamy from the shower yall just took. Bodies still wet. 9 of Pentacles: Come put that pussy on my lap! They want you to come sit on their lap and tell them about your day. Page of Pentacles: Lets go on a date but heres the twist he has you put on vibrating panties. Foreplay the entire car ride to dinner. You arrive at a very nice restaurant, one of your favorites. You get settled in the vibes are emulate the lights and dim the music is soft and comforting. Your making eye contact over a perfectly sweet and sharp glass of wine. He begins to enjoy watching have control over you with the push of a button. Ace of Wands: He's going to teach how he likes he likes to be touched. He talks you through it very softly but still so direct. Two of Pentacles: This goes along with touching him, he wants to put you to work so attentively you notice every little twitch and deep breath. Song: Discipline- Janet Jackson

2H/Taurus: Six of Cups: They love to buy you gifts. They want to know with certainty there serious about you and want you to enjoy the fruits of their labor. Thats the type of love they make too. Slow and steady you gotta get yours first. Seven of Pentacles: He takes you shopping then bends you over in the dressing room lifting up the dress he just bought you. Ten of Wands: He hand feeds you grapes as he's bonding you up. You feel the pressure from the ropes, deep breaths send shocks through your body. Your calm. Bent over on all fours. He looks at you and ask, Are you ready for your discipline? Judgement: Giving you backshots your bodies mesh into each other so well the rhythm so perfect. He leans down towards you feeling his weight on your body makes you moan he pulls you up towards him ''shhh be quiet". Four of Pentacles: He's so attentive to your body massaging you from the scalp to the soles of your feet. He knows all the tricks he has up his sleeve for you and needs you as relaxed as possible. Song: Say Yes- Floetry *i pulled a lot of the same cards in 3H and had to re pull you should read that one too*

3H/Gemini: King of pentacles: He plays it cool in public you may even think he's not even interested but in reality hes undressed you with his eyes so many times thinking about all the different places and positions he would put you in. Ofc sexually but its more than that. He has plans to change your life, making sure he's forever imprinted on you. Nine of Wands: You would go to war for each other. The bond you share deeper than you ever thought it would be. You balance each so well. The physical and spiritual have come together in harmony. Nine of Swords: Girl... You wore him out. He didnt know you could go for so many rounds. You drained everything out of him literally. Justice: He's never experienced sex the way he has with you. He's so happy to have met someone like you. It feels like hes been waiting for so long. Always being the person to satisfy in the bedroom but never satisfied. He feels he met his energetic equal. Five of Swords: The way he eats your pussy puts you in a trance. He moves his fingers in and out of you so precisely feeling your ques making your body levitate. It leaves you speechless. Song: Speechless- Beyonce *this one isnt as sexual i pulled alot of the same cards in 2H you should read that one too*

4H/Cancer: Four of Cups: The sexual appetite is unequal someone can also be ungrateful for the efforts applied by the other. Knight of Pentacles: This person can look so unsuspecting then you come together and they end up being so freaky your truly surprised to realize they study tantric sex practices. Always learning something new about sex teaching their partner new ways to experience something they may have done many times before. The Fool: Late night pull up, Off the don julio act a foolio! They pull up on you with the vibes. The mood is set, lights dim, incense burning, smoking and sipping the conversation just flowing over a fire ass playlist. Yall take yall time catching up its no rush. Then you get to doing what grow folks do when they grown and in love. Ten of Swords: This person will literally go to war about you. This makes me think of a video i seen where a couple was on an escalator and a person pranked them by flirting with his girlfriend infront of him and he yolked him up and she was so unbothered. Nine of Wands: Yea this placement gives toxic vibes, a lot of jealously and possessiveness. Some people like that though. Song: Mine- Kevin Gates / Hate it here- Moneybag Yo

5H/Leo: King of Pentacles: Its early in the morning, He's in the kitchen leaning against the countertop drinking a cup of coffee on a business call. You approach him still naked and blissful from last nights rendezvous. Ever so lightly kissing his left cheek then the right. Moving your way down to his neck, then the chest, making your way slowing down his body unzipping his pants looking into his eyes as he attempts to maintain his poise. Emperor & Empress: The fact that i pulled both the cards together says alottttt. This is a vibe. Your energy flows so well together. Sex with this person feels like you've met your equal. The relationship is so fun because you both enjoy the same pleasures, you both feel lucky to be with one another. When on dates everyone pays attention the energy is so strong, almost intimidating. You look so good together and everyone can tell it goes down in the bedroom. The intimacy builds stronger through the patience and the simple pleasures you experience together. Queen of pentacles: It turns him on to see you relaxed and in your element. Your tied to the bed eyes covered your senses are taken on a journey. Lighting brushing a peony up your body then bringing it around to your nose. Deep inhales and light moans taking in the light citrus scent. The room is covered in fresh flowers, it smells like love. Song: Dangerously in love- Beyonce *the cards picked for this one.... chefs kiss*

6H/Virgo: Knight of Cups: Both of you let the flood gates loose if you know what i mean. I just keep thinking about that 50 cent song have a baby by me baby be a millionaire. They think about what life will be like once you have a family together. Two of Cups: A dinner date but its in house candles lit the night is beautiful the stars are out. He cooks you a wonderful meal you enjoy it over a nice glass... or two or three... of wine then you become the meal. Page of Pentacles: Your meeting his family for the first time everyone loves you. Your sitting at the dinner table hes on the left of you. He puts his hand on your thigh squeezes. Your legs brushing up against one another. Adrenaline ripples like waves through your body. Six of Pentacles: He calls you over to him he has a stack of money in this hand smiling at you he re positions himself in the chair he pats his lap and motions for you to come to him. Straddling him you whine back and forth feeling him grow under you. Kissing, your bodies pressed into each other the bills start to shower you. Three of Wands: Laying in bed watching the sunrise talking about your future together, creating scenarios of what life will be like once you have children together, what their names will be, how you'd imagine they'd look, what you'll be spending time doing. Manifesting your life together watching the sunrise in each others arms. Song: Baby By Me- 50 Cent

Like for part 2!

[beamiesbuddies]

Part 2: A Dream of an Autumn Garden

A few more photos of Mr. Morpheus, continuing from my post here!

As I said on the other photoset, I'm very happy & proud of him! I'm happy I decided to take my time to get him just how I wanted & edit the photos I took nicely. I hope you all love him too. Sweet dreams~

I have included a bunch of Cool Facts about how I made him under the cut if you are so inclined!

Started: Late Jan 2022 / Finished: Dec 30 2022

Approx work hours- 273 hours (worked on average every 3rd day out of 274 days; averaged 3h/session)

Times I remade something because I messed it up/wasn't happy with it: Hands- 2; Feet- 2; Head- 2.5; Body- 1; Clothes: 3

Pattern: trial, error & determination

Height: 3ft tall

Materials:

stretch jersey knit (body)

polyfill (stuffing)

brushed out acrylic yarn (hair)

star sapphire x2 (eyes)

pipe cleaner (hand armature)

wooden dowels/18 gauge wire (elbow/arm skeleton that keeps snapping I may add)

acrylic paint/pastels (shading & details)

acrylic thread (body sculpting & upper eyelashes)

stretch velvet/velvet burnout, cotton (clothes)

Fun facts:

his look was inspired by his overall appearance in the comics; I particularily like the depictions done by Jill Thompson, Mike Dringenberg & Marc Hempel!

his arms and legs are jointed in the same way as many teddy bears are: you use a washer, nut & bolt to butt-up the limb against the body internally and it gives the limbs full rotation. First time I have tried the method and it's definitely something I'll try again!

I had no idea how I was going to do the inset eyes, but I was determined to have them as some sort of stone. I had to redo his first head completely because I cut too far in! Eventually I got it to work by creating a "backcushion" with clay for the stones, and then closed and sculpted the eyelids overtop to secure them in.

You can't see in most of my photos but his eyes are star sapphire: when light hits them correctly, it causes a ✨to appear just like his eyes in the comics~!

making his hand & feet were a challenge, especially thinking about where to put the needle through to sculpt tendons, nails, etc (and also deciding how detailed to get without looking strange). I think I learned a lot tho and I'm very proud of the hands

my favorite sculpted parts are the collar bone/chest, the right hand & the nose~

because the skin is white, he gets very dirty with his black clothes, so I had to line all of them in white. He also has to soak in bleach once in a while to maintain his complexion (LOL)

A signature somehwere on his person xD

Thank you all again for your nice tags & comments so far on my work. If you guys would like for me to share some behind the scenes photos of this photoshoot, or WIP photos of me making him, let me know and if there's enough interest maybe I'll make a post down the road!

[5iyoomi]

3H Leaders With an Overworked S/O

characters: Dimitri, Edelgard, Claude

warnings: none! just fluff

A/N: this kinda bled into an idea I had for them with an insomniac reader so these are sort of a mix of the two things! written for them pre-timeskip and with a gn reader (with one use of dear, darling & sweetheart, but otherwise nothing pointing towards a specific gender). I haven't written for fe3h in forever hopefully they aren't too ooc

Word Count: 1,770

‎

Dimitri

Like you, he's probably overworked as well

Being a royal and a leader has its merits, yes, even though he doesn't really like all the formalities that come with it, but that doesn't mean it's always easy

He's used to pushing through it, protecting his people and doing anything if it gets pushed onto him. That's his role, after all, and if he can take the pressure off of others then he'll gladly accept it

With you, though, he understands that's not the kind of advice you need. It's not uncommon for him to find you in the Monastery's Library hours after everyone had gone to sleep for the night, hunched over one of the large, elegant tables with stacks of papers and notebooks splayed out around you

He'll sit down with you when he catches the single, dim light on in the otherwise dark room, waving off your questions of how he knew you'd be there as 'just a feeling'

He's realistic, helping you with your workload even if you insist otherwise, that you need to get it done yourself before your deadlines hit. But he'll also hold you to it if you mutter out a 'just one more', his eyes looking between you and the clock mounted on the wall

"Here should be a good stopping point for now, don't you think? You've already finished most of what you needed to get done," Dimitri says with a soft smile, setting a piece of paper into a stack that you'd deemed the 'completed' section.

You'd been there long enough that he had time to go brew the both of you some chamomile tea, hoping the fragrance and sweet notes would help lower your stress. It seemed to be working, your anxiety lessening as you took small sips and noted the fact that you'd at least gotten the bigger, more important things out of the way.

"But-" you start, tapping your pencil against your head in thought, but your words get cut off with a yawn. "There's only a few more left, wouldn't it be better to just finish them?"

Dimitri shakes his head, reaching over to hold his hand out for you. You take it after a moment, interlocking your fingers and sighing when he gives your hand a squeeze. "They aren't due for another few weeks, right? They can wait until morning, you should really get some rest, dear."

You want to protest, tell him it's not even that late, but you've already thrown out every excuse you can think of to get him to not drag you to bed. He wasn't obligated to do any of this for you, and you knew these nights were something that ate into time that he could be using to get some much-needed sleep. So you finally, albeit hesitantly, give in, your teacup long empty and shoulders drooping in defeat. "I guess so-"

The blonde brightens at that, his thumb stroking over your own with a gentleness you'd grown weak to. It was hard to fight him when ocean blue eyes gazed into yours, his love for you obvious in the simple ways he showed his care. "If it helps, you can stay in my room for tonight. I'm sure one night won't hurt."

You nod, sparing a glance at the once disorganized mess of pages and deciding that you'd take his word for it. "I'd like that."

Edelgard

Similar to Dimitri, she's always dealt with things by trooping through them. As a more private person and a leader, she rarely ever lets appearances fall, so you're one of the few people that's seen what she can be like behind closed doors

Thus, her first instinct when she sees you nodding off in class is to gently nudge you awake and tell you to get to bed earlier. It might sound a bit harsh, but she only wants the best for you, and she thinks to what might happen if you were to fall asleep like that in the middle of a battle, which doesn't exactly help either of you (dramatic much?)

But when you tell her it's because you're swamped with work, trying to keep up with everything while simultaneously doing extra for people that, in her words, couldn't take the hint that you were busy, she gets upset

Not at you, but more at herself for not noticing the signs sooner when you're her partner of all things, and for making a comment that may have come off as insensitive. She still struggles with how to deal with these things, especially when it comes to you, emotionally or otherwise, so there's a chance she'll just ask you exactly what you need from her

She's a bit more lenient when it comes down to you staying up since she tends to do the same, but she'll still suggest taking a day off at one point

She'll take you to the greenhouse if you're up to it so that you aren't cooped up in your room all night with the idea that a change of scenery might help you avoid burning out or getting too frustrated

The Monastery was so quiet at night, most of the student body and staff already long asleep or busy with their own things. You only see a few people as you step outside, fingers interlocked with Edelgard's and a small crease in your brow from looking over the same words for hours.

You'd always thought it was beautiful, but lately you had no time to appreciate it, what with assignment after assignment piling up on you, so it was nice to get out for a while, even if the only things that awaited you when you got back were unfinished documents and half-filled in pages.

Scribbled notes that you took when you could hardly keep your eyes open. A breath of fresh air was almost enough to make you forget why you've been so stressed out. Almost.

The greenhouse was no different, the place always well-kept due to the student's tireless work. It made you feel a bit better, walking side by side with Edelgard as you're greeted by greenery and the like.

Pink and purple flowers bloom in one corner, slowly but surely growing underneath the bright moon visible through the glass, while seeds you assume to be newly planted sit beneath fresh soil on the other.

"Look at this one, it's the same color as your eyes." Edelgard says, grabbing your attention. You turn towards her in time for her to slip a flower behind your ear, her thumb brushing over your skin with a thoughtful grin. "It's good to get out, isn't it? That's why we're out here, so you shouldn't worry so much, darling."

You smile, feeling your cheeks and body start to warm. She was so effortlessly sweet sometimes; you think it's going to be the death of you one of these days. "Yeah, you have a point there."

Claude

He probably notices before you even say anything or notice you're feeling off yourself lol

He's an observant character, but it does still surprise you when he asks you if something's wrong out of the blue

"Huh? No, I'm alright, just a bit tired."

He sees right through it, but he doesn't wanna push you, so he'll just keep an eye on you for a while, making sure that you aren't overdoing it or setting aside your basic needs

If he sees that you are, he'll make it a point to put extra food on his plate for you. He'll come knocking on your dorm door every now and again to check on you, sliding a snack or drink your way and staying if you let him, though he mostly distracts you

It'd be hypocritical of him to tell you to take it easy when he's the same way, so he won't exactly tell you what to do, but he'll find a way to get you away from your work if he notices it's causing you too much trouble. He'll also have a polite word with your professor, maybe tell them that you're sick and need a few days off if he thinks it's bad enough

You might huff at him and say that that wasn't necessary, but he'll insist it was

It's another one of those nights, times when Claude comes knocking with another excuse at the ready for why he's there. You know why, it's become obvious over the last few weeks that it's his backwards way of telling you that he cares. He'll never scold you for your habits, but you know exactly what he wants to say even if he doesn't say it.

"Hey, wanna dance with me?" Claude asks after a comfortable silence had grown like a veil over the both of you. He'd made himself very comfortable on your bed, but you never actually minded. It was endearing in a way, really, even if you had to turn him down when you finish writing out a sentence, looking up at him from your desk.

"I'm busy, Claude, you know that."

"Come now, you can hardly even focus. Just a few minutes, promise." He gives you his signature smile, one that's saved for you but still equally mischievous as all of his other ones. He holds out his pinkie finger, chuckling at your muttered seriously? But he doesn't see you saying no. After a few moments of hesitation, you stand up, taking his finger in yours and shaking.

"Fine, but only a few minutes. I'm serious." You say, yelping when he stands up abruptly, pulling you up with him and taking your hands in his. He kisses your knuckles oh so softly, a glint in his eyes that you realize far too late that you shouldn't trust, but he's already got you right where he wants you, and he doesn't plan on letting go.

"I know, I know. I won't take up too much of your time, sweetheart." He hums.

It isn't just a few minutes, song after song playing on the record as you danced into the night. But you can't find it in yourself to be mad. Not when he twirls you around so carefully, a hand placed on the small of your back with your arms wrapped around his broad shoulders.

And certainly not when he coaxes you to bed, not even bringing up the thesis you had to finish since all of your attention was on him now. He presses a kiss to your forehead, wishing you sweet dreams, and you fall asleep in a matter of seconds with him by your side.

[hellbornsworld]

JUNGKOOK WATTPAD RECOMMENDATIONS(3)₊˚✧ ﾟ.🐈‍⬛˚₊‧꒰ა ‧₊˚

˖°࿐ •⁀➷˖°࿐ •⁀➷˖°࿐ •⁀➷˖°࿐ •⁀➷˖°࿐ •⁀

🫧 Room 1997 | Ghost!Jungkook X OC | Gore | 34 Chapters | Duration-2h 27m | Completed

"Would you dare to go inside?"

🫧 cold world | General!Jungkook X Prisoner!OC | 𝗪𝗔𝗥 𝗔𝗨 ❦ 𝟮𝟬𝟰𝟰 | Dictatorship and Democracy | 40 Chapters | Duration-15h 58 m | Completed

❝The moment I put this ring on your finger, you became my property.❞

🫧 𝐒𝐄𝐗 & 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 | CEO!Jungkook X Employee!Reader | Fuckboy JK | Completed | Re-Uploaded in inkitt

"Do me Jungkook, p-please."

"With all the pleasure. I will fuck you, only fuck you with everything I have."

🫧 Two Percent Straight | Gay!Jungkook X Crossdresser!Reader | Side-Jimin X Reader | Crack AU | 75 Chapters | Duration-4h 45m | Completed

"I'm just 2 % straight y/n, but I can love you more than a hundred percent straight man"

🫧 HOLIDAY AFFAIR  | Husband!Jungkook X Wife!OC | PJM Vs JJK | Crack | 24 Chapters | Duration-3h 7m | Completed

"Admit it Jungkook, she'd rather sleep with me." Jimin Vs Jungkook

🫧 His Hostage | Mafia!Jungkook X Reader | Re-uploaded by other author | Duration-16h 57m | 85 Chapters | Ongoing

"fuck yourself... and let me watch"

🫧 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 | greaser!Jungkook x soc!reader | 1950S AU | 20 Chapters | Duration-2h 17m | Completed

❝She's a delicate little flower, hyung,❞ Jungkook grabs his leather jacket and slips it on. ❝And if anyone is going to hear sinful moans pass those innocent lips, it'll be me.❞

🫧 broken ghosts | Ghost!Jungkook X OC | Angst | 32 Chapters | Duration-4h 5m | Completed

"i have died everyday waiting for you."

"i should be the one lying next to you at night."

🫧 𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐘 | Jungkook X Stipper!OC | College AU | Dark | 131 Chapters | Duration-20h 6m | Completed

What's wrong with being a little chaotic? -J JK

🫧 𝗥𝗲𝗱 | Mafia+Ceo!JK X Reader | 53 Chapters | Duration-8h 18m | Ongoing

"That dress-" he says, eyes raking down your body. "-is 𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘯 fucking distracting."

🫧 A Little Burden | Jungkook X Reader | 36 Chapters | Duration-3h 35m | Completed

I still remember that day clearly.....every night it comes back to me like a nightmare. The small fragile human getting pushed into my arms. Tears streaming down my face as I looked at her....Doctors storming in from everywhere trying everything they could to keep her alive. The look in her eyes she gave me made me break inside.

She knew she wasn't going to make it.

She smiled at me and took one last look at her child before speaking.

🫧 secret admirer | JK X OC | Angst | 101 Chapters | Duration-9m | Completed

" notice me senpai " - jjk

🫧 THE SACRIFICE | Yandere!Jungkook X Reader | Angst Abuse | 46 Chapters | Duration-6h 27m | Completed

A child must be sacrificed in order for the city to gain its happiness. a tale when doom and love are two sides of the same coin.

🫧 𝐂𝐎𝐏𝐘 | clone!Jungkook x reader | Clone Au | 20 Chapters | Duration-2h 11m | Completed

When the doctor tells the Jeon's that their newborn Jungsoo could die due to his premature birth, Mr. Jeon decides to clone him as soon as possible.

To their surprise, Jungsoo is able to grow up happy and healthy along with his clone, Jungkook, who's the total opposite of him.

🫧 petals  | BF!Jungkook X GF!Reader | Childhood Sweethearts | Fluff | 28 Chapters | Duration-39m | Completed

❝ -How much is your daughter? ❞

Jungkook loves food and computer games, but compare to those two you are his favorite thing in this world.

🫧 HELLBORN | LuciferSon!Jungkook X Human!Reader | Crack | 15 Chapters | Duration-2h 21m | Completed

He is the spitting image of an Angel but the blood in his veins is that of the Devil's.

🫧 Once More | Ex!Jungkook X OC | Angst | 33 Chapters | Duration-4h 22m | Completed

❝Your son, he looks very similar to Jungkook...❞

Leave it to a 3-year-old to bring two parents back together.

🫧 ROSES | Jungkook X OC | Angst | 54 Chapters | Duration-3h | Completed

❝ she slipped away the same way the velvet box slipped in my hand ❞ she was oddly peculiar and pure mystery yet, he still finds the refuge of feeling at "home" to the mute girl whom he met at the seaside.

🫧 The Prince & The Servant Girl | BFF+Prince!Jungkook X Servant!Reader | Childhood Au | 64 Chapters | Duration-7h 48m | Completed

A prince and servant girl grew up together in a castle. Best friends for life until that love as friends changed to something more. All was well until the prince was to be married and everything changed. Forever forbidden to be together but can one fateful reunion change everything?

🫧 Angel Beside Him | Jungkook X Reader | Angst | 48 Chapters | Duration-6h 24m | Completed

"Jeon Jungkook, I like you." You said, your eyes wide and cheeks on fire. You finally had the guts to tell your long time crush what you feel about him. Jungkook smiled, giving you a spark of hope and a wash of relief. Or maybe it was a false hope or just him being kind as he says, "I'm sorry but I'm already in a relationship."

🫧 Monstrously Sinful Love | Younger!Jungkook X Older!OC | AgeGap | 71 Chapters | Duration-9h 49m | Completed

"...Kookie" she calls that's when Kookie's small little hands tugged onto his mother's sleeve's pulling her to look at him.

"what's wrong Kookie?"

❝I want to buy her❞

🫧 That Awkward Magic | Werewolf!JK X Witch!Reader | Crack AU | 42 Chapters | Duration-4h 1m | Completed

"You smell very nice."

"Are you...trying to flirt or something?"

A socially awkard witch has to struggle with being the sudden love (?) interest of a wolf shifter

🫧 "IDC, BABY" | Jungkook X Reader | GangRivals | 21 Chapters | Duration-1h 16m | Ongoing

"If they catch us, they will kill us."

"I don't give a fuck right now, baby."

🫧 On.line | Staker!Jungkook X Camgirl!Reader | Dark | 38 Chapters | Duration-5h 36m | Republishing

"I don't call myself a pornstar, but I'm pretty famous on Live Babes (LB). I make money doing what people ask from me and they are mainly men, married man. Some even gave a wife or kids. But I don't care about that at all. The only thing I want is to continue earn their money. Oh! It's already 9PM! Don't forget to watch the show!"

"I can't wait, princess." -J.JK

🫧 Overmorrow | Idol!Jungkook X Reader | Crack | 33 Chapters | Duration-2h 8m | Completed

What would you do if one day you woke up as Jeon Jungkook?

🫧His Gangster Girl | Jungkook X Gangster!Reader | 68 Chapters | Duration-8h 57m | completed

'She is a maze with no escape.'

🫧 Fuck It List | BFF!Jungkook X Reader | 60 Chapters | Duration-5h 30m | Completed

• Go skinny-dipping

• Have a make-out session

• Try foreplay with ice .....

˖°࿐ •⁀➷˖°࿐ •⁀➷˖°࿐ •⁀➷˖°࿐ •⁀➷˖°࿐ •⁀

MASTERLIST is here for other recommendations

[slotumn]

On today's edition of 3H worldbuilding that makes the setting even bleaker:

Headcanons about/overview of intra-Fódlan forced displacements throughout history

Nabatean exodus from everywhere north of current day Garreg Mach to the south, caused by genocide; my headcanons that the various other "saints" aside from the Five Saints were all Nabateans in disguise

Adrestia-Faerghus population exchange after Faerghan independence, mediated by Church; I'd wager that over centuries under imperial rule, plenty of ethnic Adrestians went up north and plenty of ethnic Faerghans came down south and mingled, but to make the independence process "cleaner" and "prevent future conflicts," they forced people to move (it sucked, many died in the process)

Ethnic cleansing of Adrestians in Leicester during Leicester rebellion; as there are no records of any treaties that ended this and instead just said that Faerghus annexed Leicester, I assume this was a violent shitshow. Also due to precedent of number 3, Faerghan government would also have been perfectly fine with continuing to kill/expell Adrestians in order to solidify their control over the region (little did they know this would backfire on them)

Ethnic cleansing of Faerghans in Leicester during Crescent Moon War; also a violent shitshow, remember that this war went on for 20 years and probably took on the form of multiple civil wars within each territory rather than a big organized Leicester vs Faerghus clash, which probably made death tolls worse. I think there wouldn't even have been any official treaty/plan for population transfer like with Adrestia-Faerghus, as instead of mutually expelling people under a treaty, Leicester probably just exterminated Faerghans until Faerghus couldn't justify controlling them anymore and went "ok fine have your independence"

Ethnic Leicesterians in Adrestia/Faerghus being killed or sent to Leicester alongside/in response the above two, although the degree to which the movement was forced varies compared to most others on the list; plenty moved to Leicester voluntarily for economic reasons

Faerghan (Machian?) exodus to Leicester or outside of Fódlan + Adrestians moving into western Kingdom and southern Leicester during Unification War; top down on the Empire's part to solidify/justify control over those areas

The recently moved Faerghans in Leicester and Adrestians in western Kingdom/south Leicester (alongside Faerghan/Adrestian minorities who managed to stay in the other lands through the previous waves of displacement) getting kicked right back out after/near the end of the Unification War, depending in the route; led or started by violent mobs but allowed/encouraged by authorities

Displacement/transfers/immigration waves outside of Fódlan/Fódlanis

Elites exodus to Dagda, caused by defeat in War of Heroes; confirmed in Balthus and Hapi paralogue

Srengi exodus further north or across Whitehorn to Almyra, caused by Faerghan land seizure, but also Faerghans from Gautier moving across Whitehorn Sea to Almyra because of the ongoing conflict

Some people from Southern Church moved not to Eastern Church but further abroad (Almyra? Morfis?)

There are probably some Leicesterians who moved to Almyra during Crescent Moon War, although there probably was/continues to be immigration for economic reasons

If there was an Almyran minority in Leicester at any point they mostly got killed/expelled/forcibly assimilated after the big Almyran invasion

Probably a sizeable Brigidan population in Dagda? Maybe some in Adrestia after the most recent subjugation, although it's far more limited compared to Dagda due to Fódlani isolationism

I'd put Duscurians here but the implication seems to be that enough didn't survive to flee elsewhere post-Tragedy

I'd also put the Sothis vs Agarthans war somewhere but that just seems to have been near-annihilation for both sides

All this does assume that Adrestians/Faerghans/Leicesterians consider themselves to be different ethnicities from one another, rather than everyone being "Fódlani." But I think that's more likely to be the case than not; dev interview said Fódlan is about 2/3 size of Europe, which is about Europe minus Russia, and there's certainly more than one ethnicity in there. As a matter of fact I'd actually think that there are further divisions than just Adrestian/Faerghan/Leicesterian, ex: Machians and possibly people in different territories of Leicester consider themselves to be different ethnicities. (I think Adrestians for the most part all consider themselves Adrestian though, due to how old the Empire is)

I like to think that there aren't any more forced displacements/ethnic cleansing post-unification (esp when Byleth is ruler) since it's all one country now, but the real problem would be the fact the worst of it already happened and they gotta figure out how to give reparations for that + not make the resentment split the nation apart again. All while the economy is in the shitters because they just got out of a continent-wide war.

Really I think that would be the biggest post-war challenge no matter the route; the "you were fighting and killing them until recently, now you gotta rule over them and integrate them into the nation." Especially because, again, I don't think the Adrestians/Faerghans/Leicesterians, including the laypeople, would have good sentiments towards one another post-Unification War. Like I think they already didn't like one another before, but the war re-opened every single past ethnic resentment/made the simmering tensions underneath the veneer of peace explode.

[anheliotrope]

So here's my WR run. It's uncommented so frankly it's kind of boring. I'm going to use this post instead to babble about my Journey.

Hero Beggining

I started out because I saw Nitram and Ramisme doing a DXRando race on YouTube and I thought it was the coolest shit ever.

I've missed the train on a lot of online activities in the past. There are more communities and gaming eras I missed out on than I can count. Largely due to EF or lack of knowledge or just... passivity. I decided I can't let another one just slide past me, so I joined.

The community was very encouraging and after doing my first run at 3h12m I was thinking... damn this shit is exhausting and I can't imagine ever being as good as Ramisme or Nitram!!

3h-2h30m

I kept going though. I didn't want or need to be the best. I was enjoying myself and knew there was a lot of room to improve. By the time I got down to 2h30m I realized I could beat the time of the head developer of the mod. I found the idea very appealing for whatever reason and made it my target.

Feeling like I had so much room to improve and entering this iterative process was amazing. Not a lot of games give you that. You often progress through games and you often add more layers of complexity, but it's actually quite rare for an experience to be centered so much around self-improvement and doing better. It's even rarer that you actually feel that improvement pretty much constantly. I can get significantly better at Starcraft 2, or AoE2, or MOBA, but thanks to EloGPT I'm generally not going to feel it as much. And there's so much stupid bullshit those games throw at you that it often distracts you from being an effective improooover.

2h30m-1h50m

Once I got close to 2h, improving at the game became easier because it took less time to get a complete run. The iterative process became even smoother now. Every run had a dozen low hanging fruits I could get better and better at picking up.

This is where I became better than the devs, which was quite satisfying. Of course, they spent most of their time actually making the game, but I'd take anything I could get! This was still in the range of "any dedicated gamer could probably get this".

Also towards the end of this segment I had memorized all the goal locations (which are exhaustively listed on the wiki and can be seen via an in-game feature too!) and most of the important datacubes. A significant chunk of annoying busywork was now finished and I could focus on the fun stuff.

I would say that 2h10m to 1h40m was the most enjoyable segment overall. It had an ideal balance of exploration and optimization, of enjoyment and tryharding.

1h50m-1h30m

Once I hit 1h50m I was getting closer to the top two runners, but I still thought that there's probably no way I can ever beat them. After all, they'd pump out 1h30m runs on average.

I thought I could at least get to 1h30m. You know, my best could be as good as their average, right? So I made my way there. This segment was weird and still very enjoyable. The weirdness comes from running out of low hanging fruit and having to shift approach gradually.

Getting closer to 1h30m is where a lot of tricks become more relevant. You unlock a plethora of them because earlier it wasn't worth doing them. Saving half a minute when your total time is 2h is nothing, especially since you have more important things to improve on. As you go below 2h, this changes.

You learn how to jump over laser tripwires, where to use thermoptic camo to phase through said tripwires, places to jump to avoid triggers. You learn you can shoot the LAW through solid walls because it spawns the rocket a bit in front of the player model. You learn how to quickly fall down ladders and catch yourself at the last moment. You learn you can go down one path in the game, memorize or write down a code, then load the game so you don't need to spend time backtracking. You learn you can shoot weapons while in water if you emerge from the water in a specific way and shoot at the right time. You learn you can destroy the generator by throwing a LAM in a completely different room because the generator is part of a family of objects in the engine that don't do LOS checks for explosions.

Some of the tricks are annoying to do, others feel good to have in your belt. Overall, the game is mercifully sparse on heavy micro tricks. The developers intentionally made the speed+jump aug cost 1 energy when you activate it, to avoid creating a meta where you activate the aug, jump, deactivate, activate on land, jump again -- this would reduce your energy cost to 0 and make you almost as fast as using the aug the regular way. We lucked out that the base game isn't very micro-exploitable and the devs took decisions to minimize that as well. I really really liked this because it allowed me to focus on the things that felt meaningful in the game.

Race Interlude

At some point I participated in my first race. Just a while ago I was admiring Nitram and Ramisme as shiny gods in that YouTube video of their race. And now I'm racing alongside them! The race was exhilarating and humiliating. I ended up over 10m behind them, which looks really bad when all the video feeds are playing side by side. But I did not regret it and for at least half an hour it looked like I could have kept pace.

1h30m-1h20m

I went back to focusing on speedrunning rather than races. I had joined to do races, but I was hooked on getting closer to the WR. I wanted to see how close I could get. For races you needed to find people to do them with and there was some pressure to broadcast them on Twitch, which made speedrunning the easier activity to reach for.

My behaviour became more competitive and a bit degenerative, but the way I approached it was highly effective. I would quit very eagerly the moment I made a major mistake or knew that the current seed wasn't good enough.

I was told I shouldn't do that because I'll never learn later levels or never learn how to recover from a mistake. This is true, but irrelevant for winning the world record. My goal was to not make mistakes on an ideal seed. As I got closer to the WR, this behaviour intensified.

It made my early game much better than my late game for sure, but that's fine, because the early game is simply more impactful. The pace you establish, the resources you get or miss, these things set the tone for the rest of the game.

This is also where frustration started mounting and managing my emotional state became an actual thing.

The truth is that resetting seeds a lot was the most unfun part of the experience. I developed a whole list of heuristics to decide when to reset a seed. My criteria was brutal compared to the other runners.

Because they would often by streaming, there was probably some social pressure to not reset too much. Since I wasn't streaming most of the time, I felt no such pressure. But yes, there was a part of the game that was hella grindy.

No aug upgrade can in mission 2? Restart. Boat is at Filben's? Restart. No biocells found in UNATCO? Restart. Bad Plasma? Hmm. Bad Plasma and no GEP Gun? Restart. etc.

My approach worked.

This is also where I complained to the devs a lot to try to change the game in ways that will reduce the incentives for resetting early. But the problem is fundamentally unsolvable on a game design level and I can maybe get into why in a different post.

1h20m-WR

Once I got to 1h20m and maybe a bit before that, my attitude changed even more. I had gone from "WR is not something I should even try" to "maybe I could get WR some day" to "it is only a matter of time until I get WR. I'm better at this."

I was overplaying and the grind was a drain. My high level of confidence actually made finding a good seed frustrating. And sometimes when I found an amazing seed, I'd still fuck it up and the level of pain this would generate was immense and maybe a bit delectable. Conversely, managing to improve at this point felt rather momentous.

I was definitely playing more than was optimal for improvement and for enjoyment. There are a lot of activities I've suddenly lost interest in over the course of my life. Never gaming as a whole, but I've definitely had moments where, in a couple of days, I went from really wanting to play a game to not wanting to play it at all. I was terrified this might happen. Or that somehow the community would fall apart or disappear. I wanted to ride this experience for all it was worth now, not later. I didn't want to have another "I wonder what would have been" entry in my life.

When I was on my WR run, I was sleep deprived and somewhat dispirited. I was feeling like the seed is probably not good enough and that I've made way too many mistakes. It was the last run of the day, it was well past midnight.

I had a near WR run where my hands were shaking at the end, something I get rarely. I had a bit of that during the WR run too -- it was caused by getting a lucky break that elevated the run from "hmm probably not good enough" to "oh god, I HAVE to perform now. I CAN'T waste this."

And I didn't waste it! I got the WR! I already don't even remember the feeling well all that well. Being so sleep deprived didn't help. It felt somewhat surreal. I'm not the most emotionally reactive person, but I was definitely happy. I was happy the next day. And the day after. Then I started getting the "oh shit what now" feeling. Which is why it took me so long to even talk about this here.

Closing Remarks

In retrospect, I really wish I could redo my journey before hitting 1h30m or so. It was the most fun I've had in a long time. But you can kind of only do that once. A "you can play Dark Souls the first time only once" sort of thing. Which is why I'd really like to see more people playing, but this is a pretty niche activity.

Because of the grind of resetting runs and finding good seeds, I don't think I will ever target WR like that again. I think speedrun races, where players play the same seed with no advance knowledge are strictly superior. They can be done async provided the runners trust each other. They are a fundamentally healthier and more sustainable way of approaching the game. WR speedrunning gets less fun the more optimized the WR is.

Additionally competing for WR is something only a few people can do. Doing speedrun races is something anyone can do provided they find at least one opponent of a similar skill level. It's an underappreciated and esoteric way of gaming, but it's good!

Speedrung DXRando was a valuable experience and I'm not sure that I could have gotten it from any other game. DXRando is lighting in a bottle! The way you iteratively improve at the game can be likened to Hades or maybe Binding of Isaac in some sense, maybe? The difference is that the former two are roguelite and their action component is entirely different from DXRando. Additionally their time pressure component is highly optional, the game isn't built around it.

DXRando is a very unlikely game to exist. It's very unlikely any gamedevs will make a game that is anywhere similar to DXRando at all in terms of gameplay. It's basically a high time pressure roguelike FPS/RPG. It's possible that for a decade or even my remaining life, I won't see this kind of gaming experience replicated.

The high time pressure part is so important. I cannot overstate how important it is. Deus Ex is a game that is incredibly easy once you have advance knowledge of it. There just isn't that much skill to defeating the AI.

You can wrack your brain trying to think how to fix this from a game design perspective. Imagine you could mod the game however you wanted -- what do you even do so that veteran players still feel engaged? Or even just players that are good at this type of game? You can add more exploration, that always works. But adding things to explore is one of the most costly approaches in terms of game development. It takes a team 8 years to make a new campaign for Deus Ex which I finish in 15-40 hours of gameplay.

Time pressure however solves it extremely well. People tend to hate time pressure, but I think it is severely underexploited. It can turn trivial encounters into harder ones without needing to make the game more complex. It's a niche but very valuable game design tool which is often ignored, frankly for good reason, but in this case it reinvigorated and transfigured a game that I thought had permanently dried out for me in terms of enjoyment.

Maybe something similar already to DXRando already exists out there and I'm ignorant of it. I'm pretty ignorant of most randomizer content. A lot of randomizer stuff comes off as silly. Even DXRando has a very funny memey picture of JC Denton associated to it. But the gameplay value is way beyond that of funny hijinks.

[reunionatdawn]

My Analysis of the Best Paired Endings in 3H (Part 5: Hubert/Ferdinand)

Hubert: I've already dedicated my life to Lady Edelgard. To throw my lot in with you is inconceivable. But if I had two lives to give… I might devote one of them to you. Not as master and servant, but as equal partners.

Hubert's earliest memory was being told that he was a servant and he must guard his "master" with his life. As a member of House Vestra, he was also responsible for carrying out House Hresvelg's dirty work from the shadows. He left his carefree innocent childhood days behind long before coming to the monastery.

Hubert said he killed his father for his disloyalty to the emperor, but I suspect his resentment ran much deeper than that. Deep down, he truly did desire to devote his life to someone as an equal, not as a servant. Even if he wasn't consciously aware of it, I think he despised his father for robbing him of that dream.

Dorothea: Oh, Hubie, I finally get you. You're just another servant suffering from unrequited love for their mistress. Hubert: You completely misunderstand. Unrequited love? Do I really look like the kind of drooling simpleton to have that kind of motivation?

The fact that Hubert was so obsequious to his master was not natural for him. He is an Aries, which is a very masculine fire sign. They actually have a naturally powerful and dominant personality, and they are also known for not being very emotional.

Edelgard is the "obvious" person Hubert would be in love with. Dorothea assumes this as well as Ferdinand in Hopes. But he denied that he was motivated by unrequited love. And you know what? I actually believed him. The way he described Edelgard was idolization, not love. Hubert wanted to crush the nobility he hated, and he admired Edelgard for sharing that goal. He was definitely bonded to her since she was the only person he could trust. But there was a distinct lack of emotional intimacy between the two.

Edelgard: Well, that's utter nonsense! You can't possibly keep something so fascinating from me! Who is it? Hubert: It is you, Lady Edelgard. Did you ever really doubt?

In their A-Support, Hubert was reluctant to open up and share his feelings with Edelgard, much to her frustration. She even tried to use her power as emperor to get him to confess his secrets, but he wouldn't budge. The dialogue actually changes slightly depending on whether he has already reached A-Support with another girl.

But curiously, even if he has, he will still say that the person he loves is Edelgard. You could always take his declaration at face value. However, I believe that it should not be. The implication was that crafty unreadable servant didn't think the details of his love life were any of her business. He knew she didn't want to drop the subject, so he just lied. He'd rather deal with the awkwardness of her believing that he is a simp than letting her know who he is dating.

Ferdinand: Please do not compliment me again though. I find it quite unsettling. It is like hearing a snake sing an aria. At least put it in a letter next time. Hubert: In the very unlikely event that there is a next time, I promise to put it in writing.

Even if Hubert doesn't have A-Support with another girl, I still think he was lying to Edelgard in his A-Support. I got the sense that Ferdinand was the one Hubert "canonically" had secret romantic feelings for, regardless of their Support level. The way he describes Ferdinand is so similar to how he described Edelgard in his B-Support with Dorothea. While Hubert hated the nobility, he genuinely admired true nobility and all of the qualities associated with it.

Hubert: Is it a gift? Perhaps for someone you fancy? Ferdinand: A gift, yes. For you. Hubert: Hm. Who is the unlucky— Did you say for me?! This coffee is a gift for me? Have I heard you correctly?

In Hubert's other A-Supports, the woman is always the one to come onto him, which he does admittedly enjoy. But Hubert actually took the initiative with Ferdinand. If Byleth marries him, he won't even have a ring because he's "never done well with gifts or flattery." But he will compliment Ferdinand and buy him expensive tea?

If this A+ Support is unlocked first, Ferdinand will be drinking Hubert's coffee in his A-Support with Edelgard. It implies that his relationship with Hubert helped him reconcile with his subordinate position to Edelgard.

I loved how the unapologetically evil Hubert developed a crush on the compassionate and conventionally attractive Ferdinand. And I loved how some genuine flattery from Edelgard's #1 fan fed into the flamboyant Ferdie's ego and turned him into a blushing schoolgirl. Hubert is a man who is described as ghoulish inside and out, yet I daresay, there was mutual attraction.

Hubert: I have an entire laundry list of loathing, but if I had to pick one, it would be reminiscing.

The tagline for FE3H was, "Sweet memories twisted by time's cruel hand". Hubert did not have any particular emotional response to fighting any of his former Black Eagle classmates, with one exception. He became nostalgic when Ferdinand confronted him in Enbarr.

While I think he will settle for an attractive woman who makes the first move, Ferdinand was the one he always fancied. This definitely feels like the "canon" ship for Hubert. Of course, no pairings are truly canon, because of player input. By "canon" I mean the writers favored this pairing the most, similar to Eliwood/Ninian in Blazing Sword.

Ferdinand: I cannot afford to die now, or my page in the history books will end in a most horrid fashion. "Plagued by the guilt of striking down his father, Ferdinand welcomed the cold embrace of death on the battlefield." Or some such hogwash. Yes, I killed my father-and I would be a liar if I said it did not wound me nearly beyond reckoning. But I will not hate myself for it. It was the correct choice. I did the right thing.

Ferdinand and Hubert had a prominent relationship in Hopes as well. More prominent than any of Hubert's relationships with his potential wives. I can't exactly say Hubert is a good influence on Ferdinand's (or anyone's) morality. With Hubert goading him, Ferdinand beheads his father, while in his paralogue "Retribution" he tried to save him. And an Empire-aligned Ferdie never does let go of his obsession with his historical legacy.

But Ferdinand had a positive impact on Hubert's character development across both games. He criticized Hubert for not thinking for himself and never expressing an opinion of his own. Hubert is the one who wrote the letter to Claude/Seteth to carry on their goal to defeat those who slither in the dark. We can probably assume he did this on his own. In Hopes, Hubert also used his own money to hire Jeralt's Mercenaries to save Ferdinand's life, without consulting Edelgard.

Hubert & Ferdinand Hubert and Ferdinand became the left and right hands of Emperor Edelgard, competing constantly with each other to see who could be the more helpful. They were opposites—the Minister of the Imperial Household, melancholy and merciless, and the prime minister, bright and compassionate. Still, they brought out the best in each other. As the Empire became orderly and prosperous, the two came to be known as the nation's "Two Jewels," and were remembered fondly for generations to come. Some say their fame made even Emperor Edelgard jealous.

According to Teaspoon Translations, the Japanese ending for Hubert/Edelgard states that, "Even in their retirement, spent just by themselves, there were likely no romantic exchanges until the end." For Hubert/Ferdinand, it states: "Stories say that even the Emperor was envious of their inseparable relationship [lit: relationship in which they are truly open with one another], but the truth remains unclear."

Hubert's intimate relationship with his partner was apparently meant to directly contrast his emotionally closed-off relationship with his master. And Hubert probably displays the most positive development in his ending with Ferdinand. Instead of being feared for his unsavory reputation, he is actually remembered fondly by the public. I suspect all that kinky sex they were having behind Edelgard's back made all the difference.

[booboodaddysblog]

Unexpected

Part nine

Warning: smut, kissing, teasing, p in v, fingering, Colin as a dominant, tying, spanking, cursing

Words: 3570

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Are dreams meant to be fulfilled? Of course, but can every dream come true? Colin has always had many thoughts in his head. He is generally a very overthinking guy. He often sits thoughtfully, looking blankly ahead. What is in his head?

He took a sip of coffee and opened his laptop and booted it up. He watched thoughtfully as it slowly booted up, as icons appeared on the screen. He rested his head on his hand and yawned. He clicked on the mail icon and began browsing through his emails.

- Spam, spam, spam, spam, email from Mare, spam, email from... oh what is it? - correcting himself in his chair, he looked out the windows of his office. He wanted to make sure no one uninvited looked in. Fortunately, no one was in the hallway.

He opened an email titled:

"What are your desires for your partner? Open yourself to what's new”

Again, he looked at the hallway and began to read the contents of the message.

"Have you ever dreamed of being more dominant in bed? To take total control over your partner? To control his every sensation?"

- More than once - he whispered, and grunted.

"Would you like to try it? Here are some tips on how to get started"

Colin read and read... like under the spell.

- Tying his wrists... - he raised an eyebrow and began to wonder if it was possible to tie a string to the headrest of his bed - interesting - he smiled under his breath.

He took a sip of coffee and looked out into the hallway again.

- Controlling the orgasm? - he grunted - oh dear God....

He became more and more engrossed in this reading... and did not hear that....

- Colin, I have here a list of billing records of our missing girls - Mare entered his office without knocking and threw the documents on his desk.

- Holy God, mother of God! - he jumped up frightened in his chair and quickly closed the laptop.

- I am not your God... These are just billings man! Whats wrong with you? - she looked at him - I'm very sorry, but what are you doing? Why did you close your computer so quickly? - Mare raised her eyebrows high - Talk about what you are doing! Do you have something to hide?

- I.... - Colin looked at her and didn't know what to answer - I was reading... yyyy... emails, I just focused too much on it. That's all - he scratched his head and took the documents in his hand - Thank you, I'll look at this tomorrow.

- Yes, it's already after 8pm. I'm going home. Have a nice evening Zabel - she left and closed the door behind her.

- Have a nice evening - he let out a loud breath.

He watched for a moment as Mare moved away down the hallway and slowly opened his laptop again. He returned to his reading.

- Cover his eyes... your partner feels more... fascinating - he scratched at his beard - why have I never tried this....

He turned off the computer and put it away in his briefcase. He got up from his desk and started to get dressed. All the time he was thinking about what he had just read. He knew he had such a desire, but even that did not reach him. He was always afraid of a negative reaction from his partner. Maybe this time it will work out. Marg is different. She wants more and is open to what is new.

Colin got into the car with the intention of driving home. He took his phone out of his pocket and called Marg. She picked up after the third beep.

- Dear, how nice of you to call. I was thinking about you - she purrs.

- We last saw each other less than 3h ago - he laughed.

- I know, but I love having you close to me.

- I have the same thing. What are your plans for the evening? - he asked looking into the police station as if he was afraid that someone might overhear him.

- None. I recently took a shower and thought to read a book while waiting for you. I have dinner ... to reheat - she laughed.

It made Colin feel warm around his heart. He loved her laughter.

- Is it possible for you to come to my place today? I have some work to do and I don't want to take all the documents to you. What do you think? In half an hour at my place? Of course, take our dinner with you to reheat - he also laughed.

- Oh well, that means I have to get dressed. I wanted to surprise you... another time - she sighed theatrically.

- Honey, I'm sorry I spoiled your surprise. I will make it up to you, I promise.

- Okay, I'll be at your place in half an hour. See you later - she hung up.

He breathed deeply and started the car. He set off on his way home.

He entered the house and took a quick shower. He looked into the bedroom and looked at his bed and smiled. His head was running wild with naughty thoughts. He took a tie out of a drawer and tied it to the headrest of the bed. He hid it under the pillow. He took out the other tie and hid it in the nightstand. He brought the candles and placed them in several places in the bedroom. He looked at his creation. It made him feel hot. He was already about to leave the room....

- Lubricant... it can be useful - he went to the bathroom, took it out of the cabinet and put it in the same drawer as the tie earlier.

He heard the doorbell ring. He ran downstairs to open it.

- Hello dearest - he smiled at the sight of her from ear to ear - I missed you - he grabbed her hand, hugged her tightly and kissed her. It was a deep and hungry kiss.

- Colin, are you all right? - Marg laughed - you are in a good mood.

In fact, he was not in a good mood. Outwardly he was smiling, but inside he was panicking. He thought about his naughty intentions towards Marg.

- I finally see you, that's why I'm in a good mood. Mare at the end of work brought me even more work. I was not happy. But now, when I see you....

He kissed her again. He grabbed her buttocks and squeezed. He couldn't pull away from her. Marg moaned into his mouth. She broke the kiss.

- Calm down. Let me take off my coat - she slipped out of his embrace and with a laugh began to undress.

Under her coat she wore a short black dress with a large neckline. Her lacy black bra was slightly visible. Colin looked at her with delight and was already imagining her on his bed.

- Colin, hello, wake up - she waved her hand in front of his eyes - I like this dress so much too. Shall we go reheat our dinner?

- This is not what I'm hungry for - he walked up to her and took the box from her hands. He put it down on the table.

- Excuse me? How do you know what I made for dinner? I made pasta with chicken and vegetables... I thought it would be perfect for tonight... but if not - she looked at him sadly.

- I'm hungry for you. I feel like trying something else - he walked up to her, grabbed her hand and stroked her cheek with his other hand.

- Something new? - she whispered closing her eyes, surrendering to his touch.

- I want you to surrender to me tonight and let me do whatever I want with you.

- Colin... - she looked at him in surprise - I don't recognize you. What happened?

- I have been secretly dreaming about this for a long time. I want to do it with you - he pulled her to him and looked deeply into her eyes.

- Okay... - she whispered and kissed him.

Colin, without breaking the kiss, took her in his arms and carried her upstairs to the bedroom. He placed her carefully on the floor and turned her back to him. He moved her hair aside, kissed the nape of her neck and slowly unzipped the zipper of her dress. He gently ran his fingers down her spine and murmured. He slipped the dress off her and put it on the chair. He turned Marg toward him again and kissed her. Without breaking the kiss, he began to lead her toward the bed. She sat on its edge and moved toward the headrest. They did not break their kiss. Their breaths became heavier and heavier. Colin moved over her shoulders and pulled the tie from under the pillow. He broke the kiss and leaned over Marg.

- What do you want to do? - she asked. Her breath hitched.

- I want to tie you up - he licked his lips and grabbed both of her wrists, linking them together.

- What for? - she parted her lips and looked at what he was doing.

- To have control over you. I want to give you a lot of pleasure - he tied her wrists to the other end of the tie. He pulled the knot to see if it was strong enough - Now you won't escape me.

- I don't intend to. I'm not going anywhere. I surrender to you one hundred percent - she laughed.

- I hope. If you are naughty there will be a punishment - he said with a serious face and got up from the bed. He looked at the magnificent sight.

- Punishment, I don't recognize you. What happened to you? - she looked at him with a little terrified.

- Stop. Now don't say anything anymore. Now you are mine and I ask you to listen to me. Otherwise it will be like this... - he leaned over her, tilted her to the side and gave her a firm spanking.

He heard a scream. Marg curled her legs and tried to break free from her bonds. She couldn't make it, she was too tightly tied.

- Colin! I beg you! Don't behave like that! I beg you to be gentle!

- I promise I will. Now lie still and let me give you pleasure. Today only you will have an orgasm... - he stroked her belly - I will another time - he turned his back to her to take off his shirt.

- Why? - Marg tried to sit up.

She looked at what Colin was doing, but he was turned away. Suddenly he moved away and she saw that he was lighting candles. She smiled. He turned off the light in the bedroom. Candlelight flickered in the room. A romantic mood.

He approached her again, wearing only boxers. He sat on the edge of the bed to her right and began stroking her leg, starting from the foot, moving upward. Marg felt a gentle tickle. His touch was gentle. It was a big change. She had felt pain before. Which, however, was an unfamiliar feeling for her. She was curious what plans her beloved had.

He moved his hand toward her thighs. Her skin was covered with goosebumps. Not by the cold, but by excitement and curiosity. He stroked her paradise through her black lace panties. They were already slightly damp. He looked into her eyes. He moved his hand lower to encompass her whole. He closed his eyes and drew in the air loudly. When he opened them again they were blacker than before. He leaned over and inhaled her sweet scent, murmured.

- Colin - sighed Marg - don't tease me - her back arched. She longed to touch him.

He did not answer anything. He grabbed her panties with both hands and ripped them in one stroke. Marg screamed in surprise. The material scraped her skin. Colin touched the reddened area, then leaned over and kissed it. Still saying nothing, he climbed onto the bed and parted Marg's legs. He looked into her eyes and gently stroked her pink lips with his fingers. They were hot and wet. He moved them up and down, spreading her sweet nectar. His pressure increased with each movement. He was teasing her. He did not insert a finger, not even one. He only massaged her. Her legs began to twitch. It was too much for her.

- Oh my goodness! Colin! Finally put those fingers inside! - she jerked around trying to get what she wanted.

- Why are you being naughty? - he stopped touching her and only stared at her - do you feel like being punished? - he raised his eyebrow.

- Why did you stop? - she whispered trying to touch him - Colin I beg you! Touch me!

- You are naughty. And what should I do with you now? - touched his lips and licked one of his fingers - Maybe some kind of punishment? Hmm...

He unexpectedly turned Marg on her stomach. She squealed in surprise. He grabbed her hips and lifted her up. Now her bottom was raised. Her pussy glistened and encouraged Colin to continue playing. But he did not touch her there. He lifted his hand and spanked her. Once again, he heard a scream.

- I find that I enjoy your screams. It turns me on a lot - he rubbed his bulge in his boxers against her buttocks.

Marg drew in air loudly and tried to rub against him again.

- I want to have you inside me. Fuck me Colin!

Colin's hand again left a red mark on her buttock. He leaned over and kissed the spot. This time Marg did not cry out. She closed her eyes and remained silent.

- Now I didn't like it - without warning he slipped two fingers into her hot insides - Marg it's amazing how spanking works on you. You've never been so wet before. After our fun, we'll have to change the sheets - he growled excitedly.

- Oh Colin, deeper, more! I want more! - her whole body quivered, and as the walls began to tighten on his fingers.

- You're naughty again - he pulled out his fingers - don't tell me what to do, or you'll get spanked again.

- Colin why are you torturing me like this? - she felt tears coming to her eyes. She did not know why. She felt incredible pleasure, but every now and then it was taken away from her.

Colin was silent, he heard her voice breaking. She was crying. He didn't know what to say. This was not how he had planned it. He sighed.

- Are you crying? Do I hear you crying? Did I do something wrong? - He turned her on her back and looked into her eyes.

Her face was wet with tears. Her mascara had melted away.

- I look terrible I know. I'm pathetic - she laughed.

Colin raised an eyebrow in surprise. He thought he had hurt her.

- You really are naughty - he reached into a drawer and pulled out a tie.

- What do you want to do with it? - her eyes got bigger.

- You'll see, or rather, you'll feel - he lifted her head and tied the tie in the back, covering her eyes.

- Are you kidding? - Marg began to move her legs. Unwittingly she kicked Colin in the crotch.

- Oh Marg, what the hell! - grabbed his dick and bent in half in pain - It fucking hurts!

Finally, he straightened up and turned Marg onto her stomach again. He parted her legs and slid two fingers into her again. He moved them quickly and deeply. With his other hand, he administered another hard spanking to her. The sound of the impact spread through the bedroom. Marg moaned loudly, feeling that she couldn't take it anymore. Her body was no longer listening to her. Her legs trembled and she felt that she was about to fall on her stomach. Colin held her bottom up firmly. He pushed her rhythmically and curled his fingers deep inside. Marg began to scream. The sensation was unimaginably strong. She felt her sweet juices running down her thighs and dropping on the bed sheets.

- Oh my god! - the only thing she was able to say. Her voice trailed off. She couldn't catch her breath. She collapsed on the bed.

Coli suddenly took his fingers out of her and got up from the bed. He took off his boxers.

- Colin where are you? These are torture for fuck's sake! - she groaned into the pillow - I was so fucking close! You will pay for this! - she shouted loudly.

- I'm already paying!

Again he lifted her bottom up and entered her deeply. Her walls tightened on his cock. Her back arched. She tilted her head up and parted her lips. Her hair fell down her back. Colin grabbed it in a handful and held it tightly. He pushed her hard and deep. With each thrust they moaned louder and louder.

- Colin! Colin! God! - Marg's body began to tremble with pleasure again.

- Come on! Come on! - Colin was already on the verge of exhaustion.

The only sounds she could make were screams. She clamped down hard on his dick and came loudly and wetly.

Colin kept pushing her for a while longer. Toward the end, he came out of her and comes onto her back and buttocks. His cum dripped onto the bed sheets.

- Oh fuck! Marg! Oh my fuck! - he turned her on her back.

- I'm all over your cum, why did you turn me around? - she could barely speak. Her voice was breaking off.

- Don't worry about anything and so everything is for washing. You did it again - he laughed.

- What did I do? - she lifted her head looking at him with astonishment.

- The same as in the cabin in the woods.

- Which is what?

- Pee! On me, on the sheets. Everything to wash - laughing he reached into the headrest of the bed and untied Marg's wrists.

- Oh God what a shame! - she covered her face with her hands.

- I already told you that this is a wonderful reward for me. I can't get a better one - he kissed her on the lips. Firmly and deeply. They both purred.

He helped her sit down and hugged her tightly.

- I am proud of you. You made it through. I'm sorry if I did something wrong - he pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. He stroked her cheek - Was I too brutal?

- Actually, where did you get such an idea from? You do not behave like that! I was terrified at first! - She slapped him on the chest.

- I received an email, more like spam... an ad for an erotic toy store. It was an email encouraging people to buy... I think so - he scratched his head confused.

Marg looked at him in silence for a while and her smile got bigger and bigger, until finally she laughed out loud and fell on her back, writhing with laughter.

- What’s wrong with you? I once had such a dream, a desire... when I started reading the contents of this email... that desire came back to me again... I made notes on how it should look like... - he patted her thigh - Stop laughing! - he also started laughing.

- You took notes! - Marg could no longer catch her breath she was laughing so hard.

- I'm not talking to you. You're laughing at me - he got up from the bed pretending to be offended - I'm going to take a shower, and you lie here - he went to the bathroom.

- No, no, wait. Sorry! I'm coming with you! - she jumped off the bed and ran after him.

Colin was already in the shower and stood under the warm stream of water with his eyes closed. Marg joined him and hugged him.

- I'm sorry that I laughed at you - she kissed his neck - I must admit that I have never experienced anything like this before. Such sweet torture.

- Did you enjoy it? - he replied without opening his eyes.

- Yes, very much. We can do it again sometime. Or how about I torture you a little? - she bit his nipple.

- Oh, that hurt! - he moved away from her while massaging the sore spot.

- And I liked it - she laughed and hugged and kissed him again.

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Part eight

Taglist: @robnovetre @team-evan-peters @spill-the-t @yes-divine-ruler @my-own-walker @frankenkyle19 @taintandviolent @innocent-writers-soul @paulinepaul @silverzoomies @divineruler @thewolveswithin @evannppeters @evan4ever @evanspresso @evanpeterswhoresblog @zipzapzabel @evpeters87

[hresvelged]

TOA Anniversary Munday

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is. Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing! Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Credits to Neffi for making this!

Name: Tiff

Pronouns: she/her

Birthday (no year): December 2nd

Where are you from? What is your time zone? USA; Eastern Standard Time

How long is your roleplay experience? 12-ish years give or take some hiatuses I took and whatnot.

How were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? I am pretty sure it was due to some friends I had in high school at the time lol. Ironically they wrote on Tumblr haha. I wrote short stuff on DeviantArt before that as one-shot things but we don't perceive that.

How were you introduced to TOA? I saw a promo post for it on Twitter. I was in a multi-fandom rp group writing 3H there at the time but I was intrigued at the idea of getting to interact with more Fire Emblem characters and having a new setting for my 3H muse.

Do you have any pets? No, but I used to have birds when I was younger.

What is your favorite time of year and why? (Season, holiday, general period) Fall because the weather starts to cool down lol. I also like the autumn cozy things.

What is your IRL occupation? Database Analyst.

Some interests and things you like/enjoy? Reading, listening to music, dance, cosplay, makeup.

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? Persona, rhythm games (right now just Project Sekai but I used to be very big into Love Live), and I've enjoyed mystery series like Danganronpa and RainCode.

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: I am saddened to say I know very little about Pokemon asFGHL but I am hoping to change this soon.

Tell us some funfacts and trivia about yourself! (Optional bonus challenge: if you filled this last year, try not to repeat what you said back then!) Hmm. I am left handed, I am one of the fastest typists at my job, and I have had a few ita bags over the years for various characters- Eli Love Live, Kanan Love Live, Makoto Persona 5, and I've started an Edelgard one lol.

How did you get into Fire Emblem? Three Houses was all over my Twitter feed when it came out and so I checked it out! The gameplay looked neat and the story seemed cool. And now I am here!

What Fire Emblem games have you played? I have played or watched playthroughs of Jugdral, the Archanea games, Awakening, Fates, Valentia, 3 Houses, and Engage.

First & Favorite Fire Emblem games: First: Three Houses. Favorite: Three Houses.

List your 5 favorite Fire Emblem characters across the series! Probably Edelgard, Celine, Dorothea, Flayn, and Ivy.

Who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? Can be any context and reason! Edelgard lol! I went in 3H blind and I chose BEagles first because I liked her character and I was not disappointed.

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳 Hmm not really, but I think Alfred and Diamant are cool lol.

If you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays? - Awakening: Chrom, still Chrom

Fates: I can't remember orz.

Three Houses: Edelgard, still Edelgard or maybe Hubert

Engage: Alfred, Alfred again or Diamant

Favorite Fire Emblem class? I've grown fond of the Armored classes over the years but I also like Gremory.

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class and stats? Would you be playable? I'd probably be a healer lol and average stats.

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? (Black Eagles, Blue Lions, Golden Deer, Church of Seiros, Those Who Slither in the Dark, unaffiliated civilian, other - for example Almyran) Black Eagles.

If you were an Officers Academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent? Boons: Reason, Faith. Banes: Axe, Heavy Armor. Budding talent: Authority

If you were an Engage character, which nation would you originate from? (Firene, the Kingdom of Abundance; Brodia, the Kingdom of Might; Elusia, the Kingdom of Knowledge; Solm, the Queendom of Freedom; Lythos, the holy land of the Divine Dragon; Gradlon, the desolate land of the Fell Dragon) Firene is very pretty and I am slightly bias haha.

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔(separate letters, to-ah, other?) To-Ah

Current TOA muses: Edelgard, Celine

Past TOA muses? Flayn, Annette, Dorothea, Elice, Yunaka. I think that's all.

If you have past muses, are there any you miss in particular? I enjoy them as characters but I don't want to write any of them right now. I prefer seeing them in other people's hands hehe.

Who was your first TOA muse? If you no longer have them, can you see yourself picking them up again? My first muse was Flayn and I don't see myself writing her again. I wrote a lot of stuff for her both here and the previous MFRP group I was in and I feel satisfied with that.

Do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) My muse type is still the same I think lol! I gravitate a lot towards stoic women- Something about these ladies having a lot of responsibility on their shoulders and, for some of them, a colder exterior but a kind heart.

Do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? Male muses never stick for me in general. Aside from that, I'm not really sure, but I guess maybe characters who's designs are neat but I don't have their lore as well-grasped.

What kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) I enjoy a mix of things! I like fluff as much as I like angst stuff- It depends on the muses and context. I like steering my muses towards certain arcs and I like them developing friendships as well as finding themselves in difficult scenarios.

Do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man I hope I get to write this one day”? I'd like to write more AU's! The 3H timeskip AU and Fell Xenologue AU's are two off the top of my head. Otherwise, I hope to explore more of Edelgard opening up about herself and Celine developing more knowledge on surrounding lands.

Favorite TOA-related memories? I enjoyed Fantom Loews and KKE a lot as two lore events that come to mind! I also really have liked every Ethereal Ball interaction my muses have had. The more casual setting allows them to meet both old and new muses.

Present or past tense? I switch around but I've written more in past tense overall.

Normal size text, small text, no preference? I default to small text and bolded dialogue but I change it around sometimes and don't have a preference for other people when writing with me!

Got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉 Not really hahaha. I wouldn't mind trying another Engage character sometime but as to who, I don't know yet lol.

[superdanverstrio]

Hi again! I am so totally requesting again, I love your work and you make me happy. So Obviously Kara danvers x daughter reader :) And this time Kara catches r and her "boyfriend" Ben out in public kissing or hangout, doing something and Kara now has evidence to prove it to her daughter. But Y/n tries to deny it for a moment before giving in and telling her everything... Please and Thank you Zohra :)

Have a good one!

Right through you Pt.2

A/N: I am so sorry this took my entirely to long to start writing.

“Mom?” You asked, entering your home. “Hey honey, how was your day?” She said, closing her book and leaving it on the coach, she walked toward you to give you a hung. “It was good. Umm, I had a question.” You said, looking up at her. “Shoot.” “Can I go to the mall with some friends tomorrow after school, we would walk?” She looks at you and smirk. “Is Ben coming with you?” You rolled your eyes and shock your head. “No, I told you Ben and I aren't together.” “I never said you were, why are you on the defensive, do you have something to hide, Missy.” She questioned, still not believing you. "Mom come on, can I go?” You asked, trying to change the subject a bit. “Sure, but you need to be back before 7.” “Yes, thank you.”

The next day at the mall

“So, have you told your mom yet?” Ben asked as you walked hand in hand. “No, not yet, but ill do someday.” “Why don't you want to tell her? Are you maybe ashamed of me? It's fine if you are, I'm not mad.” You looked at him and smiled. “Of course I'm not ashamed of you, I would love for my mom to meet you.” You said, giving him a quick kiss on his lips. “It's just that my mom is extremely protective, it's a little intense sometimes. Especially my aunt, oh my god if she meets you, she will interrogate you for at least 3h hours.” He laughs and shock his hand in disbelief. “I'm sure, it's not that bad.” “It is, it really is, but ill tell her eventually.”

You guys continued to walk around the mall and visits some stores for a few hours. When you got back home, you say Kara waiting for you on the couch. “So, how was your activity with Ben.” She said with a smirk. ���Are you ever going to give up, I'm not with Ben.” "Yeah, right." She said and got up from the couch and she showed you her phone, there was a picture of you and Ben on a bench, you had your head on his shoulder. You were stunned for a second.

How did she get that picture? “How did you get that. Did you follow me there?” “I actually didn't, but I have spies working for me. But don't change the subject, do you have something to say to me.” “No because this picture doesn't prove anything, we're just good friends.” Your mom smiled again, you swipe to the next image, this time you were kissing on that same bench. “Yeah, excellent friends.” You were about to defense yourself again but decided against it, you sight. “Fine, we're together, we have been together for like a month now.” “I knew it, why didn't you want to tell me?” You looked at her and chuckled. “You really don't have an idea?” she shook her head. “You are intense when it comes to people I see.” “No, I am not.” You raised an eyebrow. “Remember Kyle? You and Alex interrogate him for like 10 minutes.” “We just wanted to make sure he was good for you, I want nothing but the best for you.” She said, hugging you.”

“I know mom.” You said, hugging her back. “But you're going to have to tone it down because he really wants to come over this weekend and I don't want you to freak him out.” “Oh he's coming over great ok. And yes, I will try to tone it down.” She said, “thank you.”

Honestly you should've known she'd never tone it down, in fact she didn't try to.

[studentbyday]

don't ask me to analyze poetry but sometimes i get the last lines stuck in my head bc it's a long road to get to where i wanna be in life...

D-37 & D-36 DAYS TO FREEDOM

yesterday i studied for 3h and 36 mins. i was supposed to study for 6+ hours. today i will try to make up for it bc yesterday was just not enough time to finish everything i was supposed to. i wonder how long it will take me to figure out (and be okay with) a reasonable to-do list. i really feel like i keep overwhelming myself with things to do that i just keep feeling defeated and demotivated every day bc it's impossible to finish it all in 1 day...

learning:

finish 2nd biochem discussion reply (took 2h 😑) ✅ (why is it *so* *hard* to read and understand biochem papers without reading at a snail's pace?? 😩)

finish 1.5 psyc ch for this week ✅ (OMG THE NEUROSCIENCE OF CONSCIOUSNESS IS SO COOL and also really freaky bc many different brain regions are so dependent on each other so damage may mean you don't actually perceive smth??? unfortunately to allow my brain to osmose the info, i need to slow down 🥺 i wish i could go faster.)

finish biochem sec 1, start sec 2 ✅

self-care:

physio exercises x2 ✅

journal x2 ✅

laundry ✅

update: i could not stick to pomodoro for more than 3h today and i didn't study anymore after that. i could not focus very well after the first hour and a half. i think it's because i didn't sleep well last night. so i'm gonna finally try to be consistent for a week and go to bed between 9-10 even if i don't feel like it and even if i can't fall asleep right away for the first couple of days. also, i think i'll try to reduce the amount of stuff i write on a day's to-do list. i'll still be aiming for 6-8h of studying per day, but we're gonna go with 4 or 5 tasks a day if 2 or 3 of them are small (takes an hour or less) and 3 if all the tasks are big (i.e. takes 2 hours or more) and if i finish early, then everything else i do will be a happy bonus, and if not, that's fine as well bc i'm still gonna get it done within the week, just not this instant. maybe tmr's update will feature a new bujo spread? (i changed it from the 2-page weekly to a super basic 6 column thing that would allow me to timeblock my days but...ofc that didn't help for very long bc all that space allowed me to overwhelm myself every day!)

🎶 liebesleid/love's sorrow - kreisler/rachmaninoff (yes the same set of songs keep getting stuck in my head. it seems to stay like that until i'm able to play them myself. so we're gonna be with this set for a while 😅 as a sidenote, this was a great song to listen to as i journalled about imposter syndrome 😂 it really fit the vibes 😎)

[madsworld15]

New Fic Alert! i'd fall to pieces on the floor Brian/Justin post-series

This is for the QaF Prompt Challenge 2024. It is my 6th prompt submission. I wrote it yesterday, but I am just posting it here today. This one is for the prompt: The first time Brian and Justin see each other after 513. (Prompt #7) [6/21 for me personally]

Brian was nervous. His decision to go to New York this week had been supremely last minute. The last video call he’d had with Justin had seemed normal on the surface. But, Brian knew better. He could tell that Justin’s smile no longer met his eyes, a sure sign that something was wrong. The blond had only been in New York for 6 months, but if Brian was being honest, it had felt twice as long. 

They talked on the phone at least once a week. Sometimes that call switched to a video call via their computers so they could jerk off together. And though Brian was better about telling Justin how he felt, he still wouldn’t admit that those video calls were the highlight of his life right now. 

Babylon had just recently reopened. Brian hadn’t sold the club after all, but he didn’t frequent it that often. Without Justin around, clubbing seemed very monotonous and not enjoyable. Brian wanted to dance with Justin, not a bunch of strangers. Which was a way he was maturing and changing. Brian wasn’t a club boy anymore. He chose to stay home most nights and think of Justin instead. 

But then Justin’s smile didn’t reach his eyes on their call last night, and Brian knew he needed to see him in person. So, he bought a last-minute plane ticket and took an overnight flight to JFK. He was staying at the William Vale Hotel in Brooklyn. It was only 8:30 in the morning, but he wanted to surprise Justin by waking him up with coffee and pastries.

His hotel was a few blocks from Justin’s. So, Brian went down the block to the local bakery. He grabbed a couple of croissants and a couple of danishes. Then getting two coffees, Brian was ready to head outside and grab the car service he loved using anytime he was in the city.

The sleek black car made quick work of getting over to Justin’s artist loft. Brian didn’t know much about where he lived, just that he shared the building with a bunch of artists and that his loft was currently paid for by residuals from Rage. He was still working on another issue with Michael, but it was slow going due to the distance between them.

Brian rang the doorbell buzzer next to the door. It was answered by someone on the first floor who was coming out anyway. Brian threw a smile at the young woman with bright green hair. He looked at the mailboxes by the door and discovered Taylor next to 3H. This meant he was on the third floor. And, of course, the elevator was broken.

Brian trudged up three flights of stairs. Once he reached the desired floor had to pause and catch his breath. He glanced left and right trying to decide what direction Justin’s apartment would be. From what he gathered, going to the left would be best. A few minutes later, he stood before 3H. He wore his biggest smile as he rapped his knuckles on the door.

He shuffled his feet, waiting for Justin to answer. At just past 9 a.m., it wasn’t likely the young man would be up already. Sure enough, when the door opened, Justin was rubbing his hand through his hair, which was sticking up all over, and yawning. He stopped mid-rub and let his mouth hang open.

“Brian?! What are you doing here?”

“Surprise!” Brian smiled and held up his offerings. “I brought food and coffee. I figured you wouldn’t have any.”

Justin stepped aside and let Brian in. “You figured correctly.” 

Justin shut the door and didn’t say anything more. Brian, however, placed the cups and pastries down on what served as a kitchen counter in the apartment. He looked around, clocking everything and assessing as quickly as he possibly could. There was a huge pile of dishes in Justin’s sink and an overflowing trash can next to the fridge. The rest of the space was scattered with unfinished drawings and dirty clothes dropped on the floor, futon, and various other surfaces.

Justin had always been a bit more sloppy than Brian, but this was more than that. This was Justin just not caring. In fact, the clothes he was currently wearing looked as though they’d been worn for a few days at this point.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you, but I ask again, what are you doing here?” Justin grabbed the cup that held his coffee and took a big gulp.

Brian watched him for a bit. His heart ached to see just how out of sorts Justin was. He could tell Justin was depressed, even if the blond hid it extremely well. The brunet stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on Justin’s cheek. Their eyes met, and Brian finally spoke.

“After our call last night, I was worried. So, I hopped a plane.” Brian whispered, hoping his answer wouldn’t spook Justin.

Justin resisted Brian’s affection and piercing gaze by stepping back and turning his back to the man. Brian didn’t say anything or make any moves to regain their physical touch, despite desperately needing to have hands on Justin to prove to himself the lad was okay. Instead, he stood there drinking his coffee and watching Justin nonverbally try to deny Brian’s claims. 

Then, almost as suddenly, Justin’s walls crashed down, and his shoulders slumped. He turned back around, and Brian could see the brokenness and hurt in his eyes. It ripped Brian’s heart out, crumpled it up, and shoved it back into his chest. The blond didn’t move closer to Brian, opting to move toward his bed a bit further back in the room. Brian let him. Though his arms itched to grab the younger man and never let him go, he knew that Justin needed to call the shots if he was ever going to get honesty out of him.

So, Brian simply followed Justin to his bed and then sat on the edge while Justin crawled back into the center, where he clearly slept. Brian silently observed as the blond curled himself up into a ball as if needing to protect himself from the conversation about to happen. Brian waited until Justin seemed settled, and then he placed his coffee on the bedside stand and crawled into the bed. He settled in right next to Justin, above the covers allowing the younger man to have all the comfort blankets he needed.

Then, Brian tentatively reached out and placed his hand on Justin’s shoulder.

“No one else can see what I see. Because they aren’t looking for it.” Brian whispered, subconsciously knowing that Justin needed reassurance that his walls worked for almost everyone.

Justin quietly nodded, his eyes meeting Brian’s with a vulnerability he hadn’t seen since that night at Woody’s right after Justin was released from the hospital post-bashing. Brian wanted to wrap him up in his arms and take away whatever struggles and pain Justin was currently feeling. It took some time, with the two of them lying there in silence, for Justin to finally speak.

“I can’t keep up.” His voice is tiny and insecure, but Brian chooses to stay quiet and just listen. “Most gallery owners want a series of art pieces before they even think about considering featuring you. My hand…”

Brian’s heart broke as he looked at the hand Justin was presenting to him. His mangled hand, which was also his art-creating hand. Even now, just lying here relaxing, Brian could see that it spasmed frequently. Brian reached over and placed warm, gentle hands on the tightened tendons and massaged them. Justin’s face loosened up, and he closed his eyes.

“Okay. So, create a bunch of art and then give a big fuck you to the gallery owners.” Brian knew as soon as he said it this wasn’t what Justin was looking for as a solution.

“It doesn’t matter, Brian. I can’t make art fast enough to support living here. I got a job at a diner on 52nd Street in Manhattan, which pays the bills, but doesn’t leave me any energy to paint or draw. Michael keeps hounding me about the next issue.” Justin paused to take a deep breath. “I’m just so tired.”

Brian swallows what he really wants to say, knowing that begging Justin to come back to Pittsburgh wouldn’t be productive. Instead, he pulled Justin against his chest and hugged him tight.

“I just feel so alone and scared all the time. I was never like this in Pittsburgh, looking over my shoulder, worried someone was going to attack me.” Justin added with a big sigh.

Brian pulled back from Justin. There had to be a reason Justin was scared of his own shadow here. Sure, there was always a bit of nervousness when you first moved to a new city, but it shouldn’t still be around after six months. He looked over Justin with trained eyes. There was a physical exhaustion present in every bit of his body. 

“Justin,” Brian whispered, his fear that Justin had been hurt and didn’t tell anyone bubbling just under the surface.

“I’m fine,” Justin mumbled, but he broke eye contact and started fiddling with the blanket on the bed.

“I think you’ve said that word so many times over the last six months it’s started to lose all meaning,” Brian replied, not letting Justin cower away again.

“But, I am. Fine, I mean.” Justin argued, setting his blazing gaze on Brian as if to prove a point.

“Justin, I was dumb enough to believe you when you said that multiple times over the last few months. I honestly can’t believe it took me this long to see it. You’ve been spiraling since you moved.” Brian stroked his cheek, “I just can’t understand why you weren’t honest with me.”

“Because!” Justin’s outburst caused Brian to recoil a bit. They both sat up on the bed. “You had been the one who told me I would be missing out on an opportunity of a lifetime if I didn’t even try to do my art here in New York. Lindsay was constantly telling me how wonderful of an artist I am. Debbie and my mom constantly told me they were proud of me. I was failing miserably, and I didn’t want to say anything because I had to prove that I could do this one thing on my own. Eventually, I would hear everything you guys were saying to me but let it go in one ear and out the other because I knew the truth. I am a terrible artist who was stupid and naive enough to think New York was my calling.”

Once Justin paused to take a deep breath, Brian moved closer to him and pulled the young blond against his side.

“I would never think you failed. I am proud of you for trying. Do you think I always succeeded at everything I did when I was in my early 20s?” Brian placed a kiss on Justin’s temple. “Please don’t shut me out, Justin. I…” Brian paused, still struggling to be emotionally present for the man he loved. “I worry about you.”

Justin lay his head on Brian’s shoulder and finally let his tears flow. He tightened his grip around Brian’s torso as if he was afraid Brian would disappear. 

“I was robbed in my first week.” Justin finally whispered, not looking at Brian, choosing instead to keep his head on the man’s shoulder. “I was walking home from the subway stop after work. A guy jumped me, took all my tips, and shoved me to the ground.”

Brian didn’t respond. Instead, he tightened his grip on Justin’s back. It brought the blond even closer to him and allowed Brian to put all his love into the physical contact. He wanted to yell and scream that Justin should’ve told him. But he knew that Justin was reluctantly telling him now and that he needed Brian to be calm about it. Instead, Brian placed a kiss on the top of Justin’s head.

“So, what do you want to do?” Brian finally whispered after Justin seemed to calm down.

“Can we just lay here?” Justin’s voice was needy and vulnerable. Brian was not immune to it. 

“Of course. But I meant after. What do you want to do about New York?” Brian rubbed his fingers along Justin’s bicep and waited.

“I can’t quit.” Justin’s determination was finally seeping out of his every pore. “I said I would give it a year. It’s only been six months.”

“Justin.” Brian started but found he couldn’t quite get the words to come out. He worried that Justin staying would mean he’d just get worse and worse. The thought of Justin not being around broke his heart in two.

“Brian, I can’t come back to Pittsburgh with my tail between my legs.” Justin’s eyes pierced into Brian’s soul.

Brian licked his lips. There was so much he wanted to say, but he wasn’t sure how well Justin would receive it. It was part of the reason it took him five years to admit to Justin that he loved him and wanted to be with him for the rest of his life. No one had really ever given him the chance to be vulnerable, except for Justin. Now was no different, or at least it shouldn’t be, but it was.

Taking Justin’s hand in his, Brian slipped out of their intimate embrace in order to be face-to-face with Justin. He needed to see the young man’s eyes when he said what he needed to say.

“I don’t know what I would become if you weren’t around. You make me a better man. I believe in love and commitment because you showed me how. I don’t want to live in a world that doesn’t have you in it.” Brian was practically begging Justin by the end. “Being here makes you so depressed you no longer believe the people who love you when they tell you good things about yourself.”

Justin reached out and placed his hands on Brian’s cheeks, boxing his face in and forcing the older man to look at him as he spoke. Not that he needed to. Justin had Brian’s full attention.

“I’m not depressed. I’m not so bad.” Justin said the words, but Brian didn’t believe them because Justin’s tone didn’t instill confidence.

“Justin, be honest with yourself,” Brian whispered gently.

After resisting for some time, Justin’s demeanor crumpled once again, and he leaned his head against Brian’s chest. “I miss you.”

Brian pulled Justin’s head up so that they were making eye contact once more. “I miss you, too. So, damn much.”

“But, what do we do with that?” Justin’s eyes searched Brian’s face for some kind of answer.

“You stay here since you insist that you can’t ‘quit.’ And I will come visit.” Brian forced a smile. He was nervous that Justin would reject him. Even now, after Justin had confessed he missed the brunet.

“The reason we went our separate ways instead of getting married was because of this very thing. I need to do my own thing, no matter how much it hurts, and you need to let me.” Justin pulled away from Brian and stood up off the bed.

“You staying here is you doing your own thing. Me coming to visit isn’t me stopping you. It’s merely a suggestion for how we can miss each other less.” Brian also got off the bed and stood before Justin. “I would never stop you from your dreams. Me wanting to be here is so I can support you.”

“Brian, I need to do this on my own.” Justin’s petulant nature was back in full force. Brian rubbed his temples in frustration.

“Justin. You are! I want to support you. That means be there as you struggle and celebrate with you as you triumph. It doesn’t mean I’m going to turn around and force some gallery owner to show your stuff by throwing money at him.” Brian paused to catch his breath briefly before he hammered his last point across. “That’s such an insult to the insane talent that you naturally have.”

“You have to say that. You love me.” Justin brushed him off.

“Bullshit.” Brian spit out, trying to remain calm but extremely frustrated at Justin’s stubbornness. “I once told Michael that I would tell you if something you made was bullshit, and I stand by that. If your art was shit, I wouldn’t keep trying to buy it off you.”

“You just want to provide for me.” Justin continued to resist taking Brian’s compliments. 

Brian wrapped his arms around Justin, boxing him in this time around. “And what’s so bad about that? Can’t I want to support you and show you that you are brilliant while also providing for you?”

Justin looked into Brian’s eyes, trying to read him for any lies he may have uttered. But he soon realized something, “You mean it.”

“I’ve never meant anything more. I love you, Justin. And for me, that’s not an easy thing to admit.” Brian leaned his forehead against the younger man’s, “So, let me worry about you and take care of you.”

Instead of answering, Justin leaned back and pulled Brian into an emotional kiss.