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all1e23 · 6 years ago

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Swallow [Pt.5]

Chapter: Never Enough

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Clint & Y/n learn the truth

Warnings: Protective Clint. Angst. Soft, sad Bucky. Angsty.

A/N: I know this has taken forever. I’m sorry. My muse has left the building I guess. I’m somewhat sick, so I probably missed a few things while editing. Send me love because I’m needy.

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are my jam though! Thanks!*

With Bucky out of the garage, Peter was able to have the radio on whatever station he wanted, and no one was going to throw screwdrivers at him or threaten to rip his voicebox if he decided to add another voice to the chorus -- loudly. In Peter’s defense, about the singing? Everything is really loud at the clubhouse, and it’s not like motorcycles known for being quiet! There are clients, club members, and wives dropping by all day. It’s noisy. If he doesn’t sing loud how will he know he’s hitting the right notes? It was nice to have a bit of peace in the garage though. He forgot what it was like to work in a place where everyone wasn’t grumpy.

“Peter!” Clint shouted through the garage startling the poor kid enough to cause him to smack his head on the hood of Y/n’s jeep. It was too good to be true. He shouldn't have even thought it!

Clint pushed right by Tony and completely ignored Sam -- who was attempting to block his path to Peter. “Where is my sister?” asked Clint, stepping between Sam and Peter. “Buck’s bike is gone. Where did he take her? You were here when they left, right?”

Peter rubbed the back of his head where a bump was already beginning to form and nervously glanced at Sam and then Tony. “I-- um.” He dropped his hand and fiddled with the broken belt in his hand doing everything he could to avoid eye contact with Clint. “You see, I-- I am not really sure what I am supposed to say here. Because technically Bucky is in charge, but the way you’re glaring at me right now is making me feel a little sick if I'm honest.”

Sam sighed and stepped around Clint grabbing the teen by the shoulders and ushering him away from the jeep and Clint.

“Go get the replacement belt, Pete,” Sam pressed, gently, turning back to face Clint. He shook his head and grabbed the dirty rag hanging off the propped-up hood cleaning his hands the best he could with just the thin cloth. The tension between the two men steadily rising through the silence and most of it was pouring off of Clint.

“What are you doing Clint?” Sam eventually asked, disapproval ringing loudly in his voice. “He’s a kid. You know she’s with Buck. She’s not seventeen anymore. She can make her own decisions.”

Because Y/n’s decisions making skills when it came to Bucky always worked out in her favor. Was Clint the only one that thought this wasn’t a good idea? Because it was starting to feel that way.

Clint crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Sam, he wasn’t in the mood for games today. He didn’t care who was in charge and not in charge. Everyone was so wrapped up in worrying over Bucky and what would happen to him if Y/n left town again, but no one was worried about what would happen to Y/n if Bucky made her leave again. Clint wasn’t a dummy -- regardless of what his sister says after one too many beers. After everything Y/n told him last week, he knew whatever happened the first time around was Bucky’s fault. Y/n was the only family Clint had, besides Nat and the boys, and he wasn’t going to let her walk away again.

“I’m just protecting my sister,” Clint said, harshly, starring Sam down. “Where is she at? They go to the lake?”

“You think she needs protecting from Bucky?” Sam challenged, his frown deepening as Clint’s unspoken accusation filled the already tense air around them. Ringing loud and clear for everyone to hear, Clint didn’t trust Bucky with Y/n. “You really think he would do anything that would put her in harm's way? After everything he has done to keep her safe, you think he would hurt her?”

“Yeah, I do.” He replied, coldly, his eye darkened with anger. “I don’t know if you noticed, but when it comes to each other they don’t think clearly, and she’s always the one that ends up hurt in the end.”

“Buck was hurt--”

“Don’t,” Clint growled cutting him off before he even attempted that pathetic defense. The same shit excuse he has heard for years, and he was done listening to it. “Don’t try that bullshit with me. Buck hid away for a few months and drank himself into a coma. I didn’t get to see my sister for five years because of what he did to her. Where. The fuck. Are they Sam?”

“Clint.” Steve beckoned, the sharp edge to his voice putting an end to the fight that was about to break out in broad daylight, in the middle of their only source of legal income. That wasn’t something they needed at the moment.

“Bucky took Y/n on a ride about thirty minutes ago. I told her it would be a good idea if they took some time to talk in private and it looks like she took my advice.”

Clint spun around to face Steve, “Why the hell would you do that? They don’t need any help forcing whatever the hell they are.”

“No one is forcing anything. We all knew Bucky, and Y/n would end up here, and they both need this. They both need to clear the air, and I think it’s time you and I do the same.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

Steve stepped out of the doorway that led into the clubhouse and nodded towards his office -- the office that once belonged to Bucky. Clint glanced around the garage at Sam and Tony, two men he considered family was all avoiding meeting his eyes, and he didn’t like that one bit. What did they all know what he didn’t and how long have they kept it from him?

“You should know everything that happened the night they broke up. You should know the truth, Clint.”

--------

There was a natural calm that came with being on the back of Bucky’s bike. It hasn’t always been like that. The first time he took you on a ride you had squeezed your eyes shut, refused to open them and held on so tight your bracelet left an indent on his ribs -- you apologized profusely for that. It didn’t take long for that fear to fade with every ride after that. Everything slipped away the moment you wrapped your arms around him. It was just you, Buck and the road and you realized how easy it would be to slip back into your old life. Bucky was just waiting for you.

Everyone knew that, including you.

Your hand made its way up to his chest and rested over his heart atop his leather, it was automatic, and you hadn’t noticed you had done it. It was the same way you always rode, hand over his heart and chin resting on his shoulder. In the past, you would have nuzzled his neck, placed random gentle kisses to that spot right behind his ear, and whispered sweet things at stoplights. It would be so easy to let him take your heart and run with it again. It would be simple to go back to the way things were before you left, without ever missing a beat. Bucky’s hand came up over yours, and it gave it a tender squeeze, firmly pressing it against his chest.

Who were you trying to fool? There was no letting him take your heart. He never gave it back, to begin with.

When you recognized your street, you felt a sharp blow to your chest. Bucky was just driving you home -- the long way, but he was still just taking you back from the shop, and it made you ache. You don’t know where you expected him to bring you, but you didn’t think it would be back to your house. Part of you had hoped the lake or somewhere the two of you could just be Bucky and Y/n for a little while longer. It didn’t look like he was ready to take that leap with you yet. His motorcycle slowed to a stop in your driveway, and Bucky killed the engine setting both feet on the ground as he did.

You weren’t ready to go back to reality, but you didn’t have much choice in the matter.

Bucky grinned when he felt your arms tighten around him and he could have sworn his heart sparked when he heard the soft ‘shoot’ you breathed out before forcing yourself off the back. You tried not to look too disappointed when you moved towards the front of his motorcycle, but you couldn't look him in the eye. It was too much all at once. You slipped your helmet off to hang on the handlebars. Bucky shook his head and held his hands up.

“Keep it. It’s yours after all.”

“I don’t know how much use I’ll get out of it,” You mumbled, clutching the fiberglass helmet to your chest like you needed it to keep breathing. It was the only lifeline you had left.

“I have a feeling you’ll be getting plenty of use out of it baby.” He smirked at the way your eyes widened and nodded towards the old wooden swing nestled in the shade of your front porch.

“I kinda wanna talk if you’ve got a few minutes.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded practically running to the porch steps. The faster you sat down, the sooner this was all over and you could both move on. You hated the way that sounded, it left a cold empty pit in the middle of your chest. Bucky’s boots weren’t far behind you by the snap of several twigs hitting your ears, you dropped your helmet on the post at the top of the stairs and twisted around to face him.

“C’ mere. Please?”

He held out his hand, and you didn’t hesitate to take it this time around. Holding his hand didn’t seem like that big of a deal after spending forty minutes with your arms wrapped around his waist. The gentle tug to your hand urged you forward, and you sank down onto the swing, Bucky following your lead.

“I forgot how much I like having you on the back of my bike. It’s been a long time since...” His voice trailed off as he tried to find the right words to describe what he was feeling. He didn’t really know, but he did know his fingers were aching to touch more than just your hand. He knew he couldn’t and shit, Bucky despised being kept from you like this, hated the distance he put between the two of you and Bucky really disliked how tense you were to be sitting this close to him. That hurt more than the morning Clint told him you skipped town without even a goodbye.

“It’s just been a long time is all, and I missed you. When I heard you were home -- I knew you would find your way back to me eventually,” Bucky whispered, feeling your tension fading with every gentle caress of his thumb. Your eyes fell to your intertwined hands, and you watched his thumb drawing small circles over your skin. How could something so little have such an effect on you?

Bucky’s always had that hold on your heart. You shouldn’t be surprised.

“I missed you, too,” You admitted, reluctantly, still staring at your fingers laced together, unable to meet his eyes. “I wasn’t sure it was okay to come back, so I stayed away, and the longer I stayed away, the easier it was to pretend I didn’t care about everything that happened. About you.”

Bucky sighed and draped his right arm over your shoulders closing the tiny space between you. His left hand tightened on yours until you glanced up to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry about everything I said that night. I never wanted you to leave. I was mixed up with what I thought I had to do for-- We, uh, should probably talk about that night.”

“Okay, let’s talk.” You muttered ramming down the overwhelming desire to run as fast as you can.

“That night--” He blew out a breath and shook his head, annoyed with himself. He barely said anything, and it already sounded like an excuse. A bad one at that, but he had to get it off his chest. Honesty, Peggy had told him. Be honest with her, and she will come around.

“The club was getting back into trouble you didn’t want me in, trouble you made clear you wanted me to stay away from, and I was trying to find a way to keep you out of it. After I proposed your dad got into that accident and we went to see him in the hospital. Remember that?”

You nodded not trusting yourself to speak and hold your tears back. That had been one of the longest months of your life. You lost your father and the love of your life in one swoop and in turn, lost a part of yourself when you fled.

“Y/n,” He sighed, tightening his arm around you. He had a feeling you weren’t going to like what he said next. “I know what Steve said to you. He told me everything.”

“W-what?” you stammered already attempting to push him away, but he gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze, silently asking you to hear him out.

“He told me about a month or so after you left and he was right. I would have never let you go. I wasn’t strong enough to let you go, and I made your dad a promise.”

“I’m sorry. Wait--” You stopped him with a squeeze to his hand, trying to clarify what bullcrap just came out of his mouth as you forced Bucky's arm off your shoulders and turned to face him. There was no way you heard that right. There was no way he broke your heart all because of some stupid foolhardy commitment he made to your father.

“You did what now? Because it kind of sounds like you broke my heart and left me for some bullshit vow, you made to a dying man that was so loaded on pain pills he couldn't even remember his daughter’s name?” Bucky tightened his arms around you to keep you from jumping off the swing and bolting away from him. He knew you better than anyone, and he knew when things got tough, your first instinct was to run and to run fast.

“For once, stop running from me,” Bucky begged, urgently, fear building in his eyes. “Since we were kids I’ve been chasing after you. Just stop running and hear me out?”

You didn’t have some snappy comeback or crude jab. Bucky was right. Your whole lives he’s been chasing you, waiting for you to come around. Every time he got close and thought you were within reach a new wind would blow in and you’d be ten miles ahead and out of his grasps again. You sank against the back of the swing letting Bucky pull you a few inches closer to him, he needed it and truthfully so did you.

“I promised your dad I would keep your safe even if that meant letting you go. I’d burn this whole damn town down to keep you safe and you know that. I never thought it would be somethin’ we needed to deal with. Once I got to thinkin’ about it, I got pissed. What right did he have to tell me I’m not good for you? As if he wasn’t doing the same damn things at my age.” Bucky blew out a long breath to steady his voice and gain the courage to say what he needed to say next. “Then the vote came down, and everyone agreed the only way to handle Red Skulls was to take down the charter. Clean house. And to do that we needed to make some deals with some... questionable people.”

You didn’t need a further explanation. You knew what it all meant. Take down the charter meant bloodshed. Questionable people was code for illegal trades to handle the 'clean house.'

“What was the vote?”

“Y/n--”

“You wanted to talk. I want the truth for once. What was the vote Bucky?”

Be honest with her thick head.

“It was unanimous.”

You let out a half-suppressed laugh, jerking and untangling yourself from Bucky’s hold -- He didn’t even try to stop you this time. You paced up and down the small porch before finally standing in front of the man you once loved, leaning on the porch rail behind you because you weren’t sure your knees could hold you on their own.

“My brother?” You asked, cold and detached. “Clint agreed?”

“Yes. Red Skulls-- Clint had his reasons.”

“And you?” You spat pushing yourself off the railing and storming towards the house, intent slamming the door in his face, packing your things and never looking back.

“You knew I didn’t want you getting involved in any of that and you still voted yes? So much for doing everything you could to keep me out of trouble. Just more James Barnes bullshit--”

“They threatened you!” He shouted, stopping you in your tracks your hand frozen on the doorknob. You didn’t make a move or prompt him for more. Just waited until you could feel him standing behind you and you sagged back against his chest listening to his strained whispers, “They threatened you and Peggy and Pepper. It was an easy call to make. I’d vote the same damn way today. No one threatens your life and gets away with it.”

His hands settled on your shoulders giving you a soothing squeeze while you considered everything he just dumped on you. The question that fell from your lips next was one he expected. He would have been disappointed if you hadn’t asked him.

“It’s been five years, and they are still around. Why?”

He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, nervously chewing at it. He was dangerously close to saying too much, saying things he wasn’t allowed to talk about outside of club walls. Things that could put you in danger and he promised himself he would never put club business before your life again, but if Bucky continued to hold back, he was terrified that would push you so far away he would never get you back.

“We’ve had some complications is all. We’ve got some eyes on us right now. Just being cautious, being smart.” He nervously drums his fingers against your shoulder letting his hands fall down to your wrists, encircling your wrist in his hand. He could feel your need to run, that want to get away from him. After everything you’ve been through together you didn’t trust that he just wanted to keep you safe?

That stung.

You wiggled your wrists out of his hold and stepped towards the front door. All the times you played this very moment over in your head, all the excuses you thought he would use and all the bullshit he would give you about ‘being an MC girl’ not one of those moments played out like this and you just needed a minute to process all of this.

“So that’s it?” Bucky asked, hurt filling his voice. You didn’t have to see his face to know the look the anguish he was wearing. In fact, it would be better if you didn’t see it. It would just make this harder.

“You’re just gonna walk away again? Yeah, I messed up, but runnin’ wasn’t the answer back then and it’s not now. We are meant to be together, pretty girl.”

“I need some time, Bucky.” Your voice cracked as you forced the words out .“I need some time to understand all of this and what it means. I got laid off at the hospital did you know that? I thought it was a sign to come back home and figure things out and now…”

You shook your head as you pulled your keys out of the front zipper of your purse and unlocked the door with trembling fingers. Bucky didn’t have much left, but he had one last hand left.

“I love you, Y/n,” Bucky choked out. “I love you, and I know you love me. Did you really forget everything we were to each other? There was a time when that was all you needed. Me lovin’ you isn’t enough anymore? Are we that lost?”

“Yeah,” You whispered softly, “I think we are, Buck.”

Previous // Next

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #biker!bucky x reader #biker!bucky #biker!au #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #alternate universe #MC!AU #MC!Bucky

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sebspocketsquare · 7 years ago

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Hook, line and sinker.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Story Summary: Takes place after the events of Civil War - Bucky is living in an apartment in the City - one of the conditions of Tony and Steve’s new truce. Bucky seems to develop a soft spot for his neighbor across the hall.

Warnings: Language, fluff, flirtation, I think that might be it.

A/N: I’ve had this sitting in my drafts forever and I’m finally posting it. I hope you enjoy it! Also, I had to edit this on mobile, since my laptop took a shit(hopefully I’ll get a new one for christmas!)

The first time Bucky heard you sing, he knew he had to get to know you.

‘My lover’s got humor, she’s the giggle at a funeral.’

He was sure you couldn’t hear his light footsteps coming down the basement stairs, the washer and dryer that you shared was always making an awful knocking noise. He hadn’t ever met you face to face before, he’d only ever heard your voice.

You were more beautiful than he had imagined.

‘Knows everybody’s disapproval,

I should’ve worshipped her sooner.’

Each note that you sang made his heart race more and more. He was sure that at some point, it would jump right out of his throat and run straight to you.

‘If the heavens ever did speak,

She’s the last true mouthpiece.’

His remaining descent of the stairs happens in a daze. He feels like he’s floating as he watches you sway to the music he can’t hear, emotion evident on your face, even with your eyes closed.

‘Every Sundays getting more bleak,

Fresh poison each week.’

He sets his basket down beside him, crossing his arms over his chest as you continue folding your freshly cleaned clothes. He decides he loves seeing you like this - no makeup, hair in a messy tie on your head, sporting sweatpants and a loose tank-top, a grey hoodie hanging off your shoulders.

‘”We were born sick.”

You heard them say it.’

He has to resist the urge to come up behind you, wrap his arms around your waist and bury his face in the crook of your neck, that beautiful neck. He’s completely infatuated with the freckles that dust your skin; he wants nothing more than to study each and every one until he finds constellations.

You close your mouth momentarily, still humming along to the tune as you find the match for each of your socks. He’s completely enamored with the curve of your lip, the dimple in the corner of your mouth.

‘Take me to church,

I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies,

I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.

Offer me that deathless death,

Good god, let me give you my life.’

Hook, line and sinker, he’s yours and you don’t even know it.

He gets so caught up in the sway of your hips, the random strands of hair that fall around your face, he doesn’t even see the basket in front of his feet, gracefully tripping and ripping you out of your blissful state. He looks up from his heap on the floor to see your wide eyes staring down at him, a mixture of amusement and worry in your features. You pull your earphones out quickly, taking a few steps closer to the strange, handsome man in your laundry room. “Shit - are you okay?” You ask, reaching down to help him, his arm muscles feeling taut under your fingertips. “Yeah, sorry, I.. It’s pretty late, I didn’t think anyone would be down here..” He muses, running a gloved hand through his hair once he’s upright once more. Your lips twitch into a nervous smile as you straighten out the ratty clothing you now realized you were wearing. “Yeah, uh.. I usually wash my stuff in the morning, but.. Cleaning is a stress reliever for me, so..” You trailed off, trying to keep your eyes from exploring each and every inch of the man before you.

There’s a pause in the conversation before he thrusts his right hand forward in greeting. “James. or Bucky. Apartment 3B.” He tells you, and you smile softly, resting your hand in his. He makes you feel so small. “Y/N. 3A.” His eyes light up at this, “You live right above me, then?” You nod in response and a huge grin takes over his face. “You-you’re the one with the dog, yeah?” Your eyes widen in fear. “Oh-oh god, I’m so sorry.. Selene can be pretty.. talkative at times, I’ll try and keep her more quiet.” You tuck your hair behind your ear nervously, but he just shakes his head with a quiet laugh. “No, no.. Not a problem at all, I just.. I love dogs. What kind is she?” He wonders, his heart hammering in his chest at how easy you are to talk to.

“Husky. Do you have a dog?” You ask, feeling comfortable enough to turn away and continue to fold your clothes as you talk to him. He comes to stand beside you, leaning back against the washer so he can see your face. “No, no.. I’m away for work a lot.. I’d feel terrible for leavin’ the little fella by himself all day, y’know?” You smile at this, an accent slipping through in his words. “And what do you do for work, James or Bucky?” You wondered, flirting with him the tiniest bit. He’s quiet for a few moments and you look up at him in confusion. His eyes are focused on the floor, a far off look on his face. “James?” You prompt, taking a step towards him. Before you can say anything else, he looks up at you with a forced smile. “I’ll come back in about an hour. You should be done by then, yeah?” He says hurriedly, before turning and darting up the stairs, going so fast that he even forgot his clothes.

You watch him escape from the conversation, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little hurt at how he’d just ran away from you. “Well..” You mumbled to yourself, going back to your clothes. “That’s the last time I try to flirt with anyone.”

It would be a whole week before you saw Bucky again.

You were stumbling into the apartment building, bags upon bags of groceries in one hand and an overly large bag of dog food in the other. It was the beginning of November and you’d managed to break a sweat from the taxi to the elevator, only to find an ‘out of order’ sign on the door. “Mother fucker.” You hissed, trying to balance the bag of dog food on your hip as you turned towards the staircase. You’d have to climb 3 flights of stairs to get to your apartment and you weren’t looking forward to it. “Well.. Mama didn’t raise a quitter.” You mumbled to yourself before making your way to the stairs. A voice from behind you stopped you in your tracks. “Can i help you with those?” Turning slowly, you saw none other than James standing behind you, bundled up in a leather jacket, scarf and beanie, gloves on both of his hands today. You shake your head slowly, clearing your throat. “I think I can manage, thank you.” You say softly before turning back to the stairs.

“I work for the government.. Security mostly..” He says quickly, making you cease motion once more. “I can’t tell you what department.” He adds, voice timid. “So.. you’re like a cop?” You ask, turning your head with your eyebrow raised in inquiry. He shrugs. “Not really - well… Sort of.. I guess.” He chews his lip nervously as he waits for you to say something, anything at all. You let out a small sigh, beckoning him forward with the nod of your head. “C’mon Officer James, you can help me this one time.” You tease him, and a shy smile forms on his lips. “Sergeant, actually. Its Sergeant James.” He tells you with a wink as he takes a few of the grocery bags and the dog food from you. “3A?” He confirms, before taking off up the stairs in front of you. You’re stunned. Where was this shift in behavior coming from and - goddamn, how could a man have such a nice ass? You have to tear your gaze from his jeans as you follow him up the stairs.

“Thank you, James, I.. I really appreciate it.” You tell him when you reach your floor. You can already hear Selene whining before you approach your door. “It’s no problem, ma’am. Glad to help.” He replies, that same, shy smile taking over his face again. When you reach your door and dig your keys out of your purse, Selene lets out a bark and Bucky looks at you, eyes wide with excitement. “Is-is that her?” He asks, and you nod, putting your key in the lock and turning it. “You can come in and meet her, if you’d like.. I can’t promise she won’t jump on you or lick you.” He just nods excitedly, waiting for you to open the door. As soon as you walk inside, Selene is on you. “Hi, girl. Hi. I know, I missed you, too.” You giggle as she desperately tries to reach your face to give you the affection she’s been holding in the entire time you’ve been gone. “I know, I know.” You whisper, hearing the soft sound of Bucky placing your groceries on the small island in your kitchen.

Selene’s attention is suddenly grabbed, ears perking up as her head snaps in his direction. “Selene, this is my friend James.” You tell her, keeping a hold on her collar in case she makes to leap at him, too. Bucky takes a few steps forward, a warm smile on his face as he holds his hand out to her to smell before he tries to touch her. She sniffs, once, twice, three times before trusting enough to nuzzle his hand, making his smile grow even more. “Hi there, pretty girl.” He coos, slowly kneeling so he’s closer to her height as he begins scratching behind her ears. Her eyes closed in contentment and you feel your heart soar. She loved him already.

You let them have their moment in peace, taking the time to unpack and put away your groceries, trying to hold back your smiles as you hear him talking to her. “You’re such a pretty girl.. and so soft.. I wish I had a dog like you.” You hear Bucky let out a loud chuckle and your head snaps in his direction. Selene has managed to knock him over and is currently assaulting his face with her affection, slobber everywhere. “Oh, Selene, knock it off! Thats rude!” You chastise her, quickly coming over to shoo her away. She retreats to the safety of her dog bed, a small whimper leaving her as she tries to reason with you without words. She just wanted to love him.

You offer Bucky your hand to help him up, which he gladly takes, dusting the dog hair from his jeans once he’s standing. “Oh, she’s alright. I don’t mind.” He informs you with a soft smile.

There’s a beat of awkward silence between the two of you as he looks around your apartment. “I like your setup.. Is that what I think it is?” He asks, eyes lighting up as he notices your record player in the corner of the living room. “A record player? Yeah.. I may or may not collect vinyl.” You tell him, walking over to the device and motioning for him to follow you. “It’s beautiful.” He whispers, running his fingers over its edges and knobs. “Thank you. It was my father’s.. I inherited it a few years back..” You tell him, suddenly feeling sadness well up in your stomach. Bucky’s eyes dart over to you, sympathy evident in his gaze. “I’m sorry..” He breathes, slowly retracting his hands from the player. “It’s alright..” You shrug, making your way back to the kitchen to finish your chores. “We knew it was coming, really..”

Bucky doesn’t say much else, just watches the way you move, trying to understand how you could be so collected when talking about such a tragedy. When you look up after a few moments and meet his eyes, he offers a small smile. “Well.. I guess I should be going.. I’m expecting company here soon.” He tells you, and for some reason, you feel a twang of jealousy in your chest. Who were you to get jealous? He wasn’t yours. You barely knew the man. “Sure, of course..” You say softly, nodding as you wipe your sweaty palms on your sweater. “Selene, come say goodbye.” Selene trots over, immediately jumping up on Bucky and resting her head against his torso. He scratches the top of her head lovingly, humming softly. “I’m sure I’ll see ya around, pretty girl.” He muses, and before you can stop yourself, the words just fall out of your mouth. “You’ll have to come back sometime. I could make dinner - or-or we could watch a movie.” Your cheeks flood bright red when you realize that you’ve practically just invited him on a date, but he doesn’t seem too phased, just looks up at you with a bright smile. “Yeah.. I’d really like that.”

When Selene hops down, you walk Bucky to your door, awkwardly shoving your hands in your pockets. “So… I’ll see you around, then.” You tell him as he opens the door and stands in the doorway. “I hope so. Get in touch with me about dinner, yeah?” He replies, tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear. You notice that he’s still wearing one glove. “Sure, yeah.. We’ll have to do it soon.” You say quickly, chewing the inside of your cheek to keep from saying anything else that might be embarrassing. “Soon. Sounds great.. Catch you later, doll..” Your heart flutters at the pet-name, and then drops into your stomach as he began to walk away. What was with the rollercoaster of emotions you were having around this man. “Oh, and Y/N?” He calls once he’s about halfway down the hall. You look up, a nervous smile on your lips. “Thank you.” That’s all he says before he disappears into the stairwell again.

TAGS: (I didn’t know who to tag so sorry) @plumfondler @mindingmyownbusiness @breenieweenie @dianelogan @buckyshattergirl

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky fluff #dog lover!Bucky #james barnes x reader #james barnes

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rainsonata · 7 years ago

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Two Fools

Fandom/Pairing: Elsword; MMRS (can be read as platonic) Rating: K Word Count: 2,310

Summary: Both were emotional people, albeit that Add tried to be reserved with little success while Elsword wore his emotions on his sleeves. Although Elsword was saved from being consumed by the El after offering himself to it, his actions are met with silence when Add left without a word.

Birthday gift for @zeloree

For the first time since he left Atlus Station, his mind was clear, and he felt like himself. The voice that once cluttered his head like a heavy fog has lifted after what felt like a long nap. There were more than ten of them now, but their pleads awakened the Rune Slayer and brought him back to the living world.

Without him to maintain its stability, the urgency on restoring the El to its former glory was at stake, but even Elsword couldn’t find himself to place too much pressure on that. He always believed in himself and his friends to find a solution to everything they faced. This wasn’t any different than before.

It was like nothing changed while he was gone. Or so he thought. Aisha and his sister reprimanded him for making foolhardy decisions and putting himself out there like that, with Eve even slapping him to get her feelings on the matter across. He was still rubbing his face later until Raven offered an ice pack to alleviate the pain. Rena didn’t yell at him, but she offered him more food than necessary at dinner and Ciel offered him a cookie, the one Lu insisted was the best. They planned on staying in Elysion for a few days to rest before packing up for their next destination. Amid catching up with everyone’s concern for his well-being, Elsword forgot one person.

Where was Add?

The last time he saw the scientist was when he woke up from his deep slumber, where Add uttered, “Get up, you nosy brat. How many times are you going to bother me?”

He said it with annoyance, but it didn’t reach his eyes and his voice was more robotic than Eve’s. Add refused to look at him after that and mumbled something about resupplying their inventory when asked where he was going. He hasn’t returned since then. It was past dinner when Elsword excused himself.

“I’m going to look for him,” Elsword said when Aisha stared at him. “His dinner is going to get cold.”

Away from their house in Velder, there was no lab for the Mastermind to hide in. He couldn’t have ventured far from their campsite. Elysion was lit up like a lantern when Elsword left to search for the scientist. Even at night the city refused to sleep. The streets were somewhat crowded and occupied by nasods, all of Adrian’s creations.

Like Hamel, Elysion’s architecture was carved in white and gold, out of material he didn’t recognize from Elrios. The buildings had white rooftops gold outlines and patterns traced over the edges. The only organic beings in the city were the cherry blossom trees that never lost their petals when Elsword ran past them. The signs directed him to the city plaza, where he found the familiar sight of a white-haired man sitting under a purple roofed pillar with his legs hanging over the edges.

“Add!” Elsword waved to get the other’s attention.

He ran over to the scientist to sit beside him and stretched out his arms to yawn. It was a breathtaking view, he could see the cherry blossoms in bloom from where they sat. There was a manmade pond beneath the building where he could dip his feet into if he wanted to. But that wasn’t what he was looking at.

Add rested his head against one of the pillars supporting the roof and didn’t turn his head to greet the redhead. His face was calm with his eyes averting his gaze, staring at the cherry blossoms with newfound interest.

“It’s pretty here, isn’t it?” Elsword said when the other didn’t answer. “Where have you been? Everyone’s been worried about you.”

Or at least some of them did, Elsword thought. Aisha huffed when he announced his leave, but let him go when it became clear that he had no intentions on returning until Add was back. Rena was more empathetic and promised to keep Add’s food warm in the meantime. Eve and Ain nodded, but he could tell that their opinion and his on the scientist weren’t mutual. A few of the others saw it as normality for him to show worry about one of their teammates gone missing and offered to join him, but Elsword declined. He knew this had to be just them because he didn’t appreciate having an audience if something was personal enough to make Add leave out of the blue.

“That’s a lie.”

He looked up at the scientist in surprise when he finally uttered a short sentence. Confused, Elsword tugged on Add’s long jacket sleeve. Why wasn’t he looking at him? Was Add upset because it took them so long to figure out that their situation was beyond Solace after so many detours through Sander and Lanox?

“You probably came here because you noticed I was gone,” Add said. “Here you go again, playing the hero. You have guts to come here after what you did.”

“What do you mean?” Elsword tried to understand when he recognized that Add was unhappy with him.

He wasn’t afraid of the scientist’s changed mood, but was troubled by it. The redhead was used to seeing Add upset on failed experiments or when things didn’t go his way, but this emotion felt different. Add was furious.

“Do you know how long you were out, red bean?” Add growled, “The El is powered by people who resonate with it and the first thing you do is offer yourself to it like a sacrificial lamb. I didn’t know you wanted to become lamb chop.”

Elsword winced at Add’s lack of mincing words. While he appreciated Add’s food metaphors, this was not how he envisioned the scientist on using them. Couldn’t Add laugh this off like he did for all his other mistakes and drop it already? It wasn’t as bad as Add made it sound.

“I don’t know, lamb chop is delicious,” he laughed when Add glared at him.

Uh oh, this wasn’t good. Was he stupid to find amusement in the other’s anger? There was something endearing about seeing that yes, the cold hearted scientist was capable of showing worry, even if Add was stubborn about it. Sometimes, Elsword couldn’t help but say what was on his mind without thinking, just to see Add show more of his emotional side.

Elsword said, “This isn’t about me. If the El continued being hosted by El Lady-”

“The same would happen to you,” he said with annoyance. “Consumed by it until you cease to exist. Do you have some kind of hero complex and enjoy giving yourself away to everyone?”

“You say that as if it’s a terrible thing,” Elsword said.

Hero complex? That had to be the first time he heard of that, Elsword mused to himself. He couldn’t understand why Add saw it as an insult. Wasn’t it a good thing on wanting to help people? He was treating them the same as he would have wanted others to treat him, so it was okay, wasn’t it?

“It is when you disregard how everyone feels and throw yourself away like you’re worthless,” Add tucked his head down to hide his face. When Elsword tried looking at him, he blinked his eyes a lot and scowled.

“Does that mean you think I’m not worthless?” Elsword forced a smile, but even he was having a tough time doing that when Add didn’t return one. Add wasn’t going to be mad at him forever, was he? “I just did what I thought was best for everyone.”

“I’m not talking about everyone,” Add blurted out, no longer caring that he was too loud or that the nasods stopped in their monotonous tracks to look at the outburst he was causing. “I’m talking about you. Did it ever occur to you that nobody wanted this? Do you know how long it took them to find your body before that dragon told us where you went?

“What do you mean where my body went?” Elsword stopped him. His physical body, it still existed if he was standing in front of Add. What happened to it back there? He was asleep with his mind drifting away from his subconscious, but he couldn’t remember where he was. The sinking feeling he had was making him uneasy.

“Your body disappeared,” the scientist said. “For all we know, you could have been dead. At least tell someone what was going on in that musclehead of yours before running off. And your sister...she didn’t tell us about the voices in her head until after you disappeared!”

Elesis heard them too? Elsword scratched the back of his head in wonder, then remembered what Solace told him. It was El Lady who tried to contact him and his sister, a cry for help that led to all of this. Everything was beginning to make sense now that he was back with the living with the capacity to think again.

“Okay, the first one is my fault,” Elsword admitted. “The second one, that’s all of sis, not me.”

Add’s hair slid down with the rest of his ponytail, lower than the usual. His side bangs were a mess, tangled from the scientist tugging on them out of habit when stressed or impatient. His collar was low enough that Elsword could see the scar on his neck peeking out. With his half-lidded eyes and melancholy expression, Elsword felt a pang of guilt when he realized Add likely hasn’t slept in days because he wasn’t there to remind him.

“Forget what I said,” he shook his head. “That was selfish and irrational of me to say. I do mean the last part, though. At least talk to pineapple first if something changed about you. At least she has more of a brain than you.”

“You really don’t understand, do you?” Elsword said with exasperation, “I thought of everything. It was either lose everything or my sister. She’s all I have left! Losing sis would mean losing the person who made me what I am. If I lost my friends or you because I thought she was more important… I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I couldn’t have either. You think I wanted any of this?”

It was true that he didn’t know much of Add’s family or his past because the scientist always kept shut about the topic, but even the scientist knew how much Elesis meant to him. He fought strong demons and if he had to, take on one of the El Masters to protect his sister. But sacrificing his friends and the world for Elesis wasn’t something that sat right with him.

Learning that Elesis attracted El Lady’s attention was when Elsword had to begin taking serious considerations on what to do with his life. It was when he saw Solace trying to save El Lady did he realize he didn’t want the same to happen if Elesis was to offer herself to the El. It only seemed fair that he traded his life for hers. A life for a life.

Elsword knew that he wasn’t as smart as Aisha or adept in technology as Add or Eve, but he knew his will to charge in and initiate change was his strength. It still hurt when people underestimated him and assumed he didn’t think things through. He was reckless, but he wasn’t stupid, or at least that’s what he told himself. It wasn’t like he decided to sacrifice himself on the whim, not before considering all his other options. Although without his friends, he wouldn’t be here and never would have thought of searching for an alternative energy.

“She was your only family…” Add looked at him with what looked like guilt, “And here I was calling you stupid. Perhaps I’m the idiot for judging you so quickly.”

Was Add apologizing? There were no take backs or the scientist making light of things. No feeble excuses with Add being too stubborn to admit his mistakes, or thank heavens if he was capable of having emotions like most human beings. He was awkward sitting next to Elsword with his head slumped down and his back slouched. Elsword reached out to wrap his arm around Add and silently cheered when the other didn’t reject his gesture. Add shook when he hugged him with his arms around his neck. It made the scientist look vulnerable. It felt wrong.

“I’m sorry you’re upset, but that was my decision,” Elsword rubbed the other’s back. “You’re not the only one who disagreed with it.”

And he had the slap marks on his face to prove it too.

“Naturally,” Add buried his head into the other’s shoulder and closed his eyes when Elsword patted his fluffy hair. “But that still makes you a fool.”

“I know.”

“Unlike your goody two shoe friends, I won’t go easy on you if I catch you sacrificing yourself so you could play the martyr again.”

Elsword laughed at the empty threat, “Is that a duel I hear? I can take you on.”

Add chuckled at his response and shook his head as if he couldn’t believe his audacity to say that. He was probably calmer than Elsword anticipated because the knight was brushing his fingers through his hair.

Elsword knew the scientist was serious about stopping him, but he understood why. He would have done the same if their roles reversed. They stayed there for a while, neither of them wanting to move until Add’s stomach growled, earning him an embarrassed laugh and nudging them to return to their campsite. The confused looks from their friends when Add announced that he was going to help them pack tomorrow for the trip made Elsword laugh. Despite Add insisting he was selfish more than once, he didn’t think the scientist was a bad person.

#elsword #eltag #Add (Elsword)#Elboy #MMRS #Elsword fanfiction #my writing #mywriting #I just realized I forgot to put this fic on queue oh no #AddEls is such a cute ship I love their potential interactions #and the anime is only making me wish they had more screentime together #happy bday mochi hope this fills your MMRS needs #Elboy please stop doing this to yourself ;;;;;#petition for Elboy to be protected and to stop sacrificing himself

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nahcam · 4 years ago

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look! it’s cambriel ‘cam’ slovak. they have been living in south kingsboro for two years. they say the twenty three year old can be impulsive but also loyal, but i just think he looks a lot like logan lerman

this too me ages to do ajkvndfsjv but here is this trash bags intro ! i’ve had cam for probably almost a decade now ( yikes lmfao ), he’s a super old character of mine & i never thought i would be bringing him back but here he is, slightly revamped !!

tw: drug and alcohol abuse, abuse, mental illness, violence, mentions of miscarriage

full name : cambriel mikhailo eleazar slovak

nicknames : honestly just cam , he’ll probably scream at you if you call him anything else lmfao

gender : cismale

height : 6 ‘ 0

age : 23

birthday : october 21 , 1996

zodiac : libra sun ( libra - scorpio cusp , also known as the cusp of ‘ drama and criticism ’ ) , aquarius moon , scorpio ascendant

right handed or left handed : left handed

eye color : really baby blue , looks darker in some lightings

hair color : jet black

piercings & tattoos : no piercings , the libra symbol on his right ankle , the name ‘ eleazar ’ on his left wrist ( grandfather’s name ) , this tattoo of an unborn fetus on his upper left bicep which represents him because his parents say he was ‘the abortion that got away’, but this also represents his unborn child with ellie, and these finger tattoos right here !

languages spoken : ukrainian ( native tongue ) , pretty decent hebrew , english

sexuality : tragically ? heterosexual / heteroromantic ( 🤢🤮 )

place of birth : odesa , ukraine

last 3 songs listened to : stadium arcadium by red hot chili peppers , a gondola ride in paris by the messenger , weight of love by the black keys

character inspo : a mix of lip and frank gallagher from shameless u.s , james cook from skins u.k ( huge muse from this one ! ) , a mix of fezco and rue bennett from euphoria , billy hargrove from stranger things

soo cam was born in odesa, ukraine to a bulgarian mother ( danijla ) and a ukrainian father ( mikhailo ). now, to put it simple, neither mikhailo nor danijla wanted to have a kid at all. his mother had just turned sixteen when she found out she was pregnant and his father was barely nineteen. the only reason they even had cam is because they were literally told ‘you’re too far in the pregnancy to abort’. needless to say, he was not a wanted child at all

his first few years were mostly him staying with a terrible babysitter his parents hired to take care of him while they were out partying, since he was too young to attend school

he grew up in poverty. most of the time, his parents weren’t really around and there was nothing to eat. he grew up wearing hand me downs from his older cousins, basically broke AF tbh, and his parents cared more about getting fucked up then feeding their son ( and their only son, at that )

from a pretty young age, he remembers living in pretty shitty conditions. his house was always a mess, always scattered with empty bottles of alcohol and a lingering smell of weed, sometimes even meth, but he was too young to know the smell of that

things were never really okay for him, but he managed and learned to fend for himself early on. it wasn’t until he was around six, almost seven, that shit started getting real

his mother began cheating on his dad. when he wasn’t home, she would bring over the same guy and lock the door of their room, telling cam the man was her brother and also his ‘uncle’. cam, of course, was too young to see what was really going on. he never said anything when the man would leave minutes before his father would come home, mostly because he didn’t think it was important

he was going to school one day when he forgot to knock on the door to his parents room. he basically barges in and catches his mother having sex with the guy she claimed was her ‘brother’, and even though he was young, he knew better. luckily, they were too into what they were doing to notice cam walking in, so he quickly walked out and went to school. it’s a lot to witness your parent cheating on your other parent, and it’s even worse if you’re fucking six years old. cam was determined to tell his father, but he didn’t have to

that day, when he came home from school, he found his father drinking on the floor, tears in his eyes, claiming his mother had packed all her things and left. from that moment on, it was just cam and his father

you would expect things to get better from there on out, since mikhailo no longer had anyone to go out and party with, but things just seemed to spiral downwards. mikhailo became angry and began to drink and do drugs ( mostly just coke ). and, if you guessed it, he began to take out all his frustrations on cam

it wasn’t even that big at first, mostly just insults, him telling cam that they meant to abort him, but waited too long and found out too late to do so, petty, petty shit that obviously hurt cam, but he managed it, because his father was the only person he had left

after a while though, it became physical. cam began to notice how differently his father would act when he was sober ( almost never ) versus when he was fucked up. he became violent, little words setting him off. it was almost like he had a split personality of some sort, with the way cam would watch him switch off one moment then switch on the next

he became a victim of abuse, and of course, this led to pretty violent behaviors from pretty early on in his life. all the abuse he would endure, he would quickly take it out on anyone who crossed him the wrong way

this went on for quite some time, but, as sick as it sounded, cam didn’t have the heart to snitch on his father. he wasn’t a doctor, but he could tell he had some type of mental illness, and just add drugs and alcohol to that mix, and he was practically a mess. the only reason they weren’t kicked out of the house was because they owned the house, but most of the time, if not always, they were missing basic necessities like food, clean water or even toilet paper

his life was shit and he knew it, but again, he didn’t have the heart to snitch, even though he knew his dad didn’t love or want him, so, he put up with it. he took it ‘like a man’, as his father said. he did such a good job at hiding his bruises and avoiding talking about his private life

he basically mimicked what his father did to him and did the same thing to other kids. he knew it was wrong, because all the things his father did to him made him feel like shit, empty on the inside, the type of things you cry yourself to sleep with, and maybe that’s exactly why he was so fucking mean and violent to everyone – he wanted them to feel all the pain he was feeling. he didn’t think it was fair that kids his grade had such big houses, such great parents and loving siblings, pets, basically everything he wanted to have but lacked

the amount of times he was suspended from school before he was even ten years old was surprising. it was mostly just violence, but he also got in trouble for stealing and basic bullying. his teachers and basically everyone at school called him ‘the devils child’

he thought he could keep his secret going forever, but everything has to come to an end. he was being reprimanded by one of his teachers when she grabs him by the arm to take him out the room, to which he winces. long story short, but she found all his bruises, then realized he was covering up a bunch on his face with concealer

it was obvious he had a serious problem when she asked him ‘how did this happen?’ and his literal reply was ‘if you tell anyone about this, i’ll hurt you and your entire family’, before pushing her desk to the floor and running out before she could catch him

he thought it would all settle down after a while. he didn’t go to school the following days to avoid seeing her, but his encounter with her bought everything to light. after the fourth day of staying home, police raided his house and arrested his father, taking cam to a group home

instead of feeling relieved because he no longer had to put up with abuse, he got even angrier, if that was possible. he had to testify against his father and he was living with a bunch of people he didn’t even know. if his life was already shit before, it turned even shittier now

he basically became property of the government, a foster child, when he was thirteen years old. he was jumping from group home to group home, foster home to foster home, basically living a much more unstable life than he had with his father

he repeatedly blamed the teacher who snitched on him and even went as far as egging her house and slashing her tires ( crazy mf tbh ). he was getting into constant fights at his foster homes ( which resulted in him being transferred constantly ), stealing, and during this time, experimenting with drugs

as depressing as it sounds, but he was so young and constantly thinking about death. he fantasized the ways he would die, how it would happen, and he constantly asked himself what he did wrong in his past life to live the life he was living now. being a foster kid wasn’t a step up at all. if anything, the kids he lived with were more fucked up then he was. everyone had their own story and some serious trauma they carried with them. everyone acted out one way or another

for cam, it was drugs, violence, and crime. he was doing so much bullshit at such a young age, literally lived way more at his thirteen years than most people do by like, twenty five. his entire life was a fucking trip. he even went to juvie a good three times, and he was literally fucking thirteen

authorities deemed his father unfit to take care of him ( as if it wasn’t obvious ). however, it was revealed that his father had more mental health issues than cam thought. he had borderline personality disorder, or bpd, and was beginning to show signs of early dementia and possible schizophrenia, mostly psychosis. instead of putting him in prison, he was put in a mental asylum, which deeply depressed cam when finding out because he did that. even though it was probably the best thing that happened to him, he lived with constant guilt and blamed himself, despite knowing his father obviously needed professional help

it seemed like his life would remain crappy forever, like he would be stuck living the rest of his life in ukraine, probably in prison before he was even nineteen. luckily for cam though, authorities managed to track down a family member he had who was living in new york, his grandfather named eleazar, or his dad’s dad

cam didn’t even know he had a grandfather to begin with. he just assumed most people from his family were either dead, too old to care, or just didn’t want to meet him. he was even more surprised when he was told his grandfather wanted to take him to new york and legally adopt him, meaning he would leave behind everything he’s ever known

he was expecting his grandfather to be just as bad as his father was, but he would do anything to leave foster care, so he agreed to meet him

he was not expecting the man who wanted to adopt him to be the way he was. it was almost as if his father had been adopted, because he had absolutely nothing in common with his father ( or cam’s grandfather )

cam discovered a ton of things when he met his grandfather. for starters, he had absolutely no idea he was jewish at all. his father never practiced any type of religion and never told him anything about his family bg, so finding out his entire family from his father’s side was jewish was pretty shocking. he also discovered that his grandfather had been in ww2 ( literally ), in camp auschwitz in southern poland, from 1943 till the end of the war. he even had the tattoo he was forced to get when entering the camp when he was eight years old, basically a survivor. he was separated from his mother, father, and older sister and hasn’t seen or heard of them since, but suspects they’re all dead. when he was old enough, he moved from poland to ukraine

talking to the man fascinated cam in every sense of the word. it wasn’t just because he was his grandfather, but cam had truly never met anyone like him at all. he was basically everything that cam wanted to be, a survivor, a fighter, brave, genuine... the list of his good qualities were infinite. it took a while, but cam was finally moving to kingsboro, new york with his grandfather when he was fourteen years old, after he had officially become his legal guardian

from there, life seemed to get a little better. he learned english and was taught hebrew by his grandfather, and he listened to his war stories every day and even asked him to repeat the ones he had already told. his grandfather was walking, living proof that the things cam had gone through were tough, sure, but they were nothing compared to what his grandfather lived through. in a way, the man gave him hope that things would eventually get better, and they definitely did

his bad ass tendencies never went away, but they certainly got a lot better since living with his grandpa, since his life was a lot more stable. he had a clean, spacious home, food, ac... could he really ask for more?

with the help from his grandpa, he even agreed to go to therapy and speak with a psychologist about his issues. he was getting so much better, less angry, but there was still trauma there because how does one even get rid of that?

now, fast forward to high school and he’s, tragically, selling drugs for extra money, but not really doing anything hard, hard, mostly just dealing. on his senior ( or junior? ) year, he meets none other than ellie, basically the first girl he’s ever really loved, and of course, they start to date, fall madly in love, and she gets pregnant with his child

this is enough to make cam straighten out his act because unlike his father, he wants to be there for his kid. in his head, he’s thinking he’s going to marry this girl. he’s thinking they’re going to have a kid and live happily ever after, but, as always, tragedy hits and she has a miscarriage, which of course, devastates cam a lot

we all know how this goes tho 🤡 after some time, they seem to drift apart. cam really wants to make things work, but ellie throws herself in her school work and starts pulling away from him, resulting in their breakup six months after the miscarriage

he takes this harder then he should and goes to jersey to stay with a high school friend for a while, ghosting everyone ( minus his grandfather ) completely. this kind of triggers something inside him and he’s suddenly back to his old habits ( old habits die hard, huh? )

catch him selling drugs, fighting people and snorting ketamine like it’s candy, bitch! he hasn’t even hit rock bottom yet, but he’s definitely getting there. it was like the breakup and losing a kid makes him snap back to his old self. them drifting apart just further reminds him that everyone leaves him eventually for someone better, because he’s fucked up and unlovable. he constantly tells himself that his own mother and father never loved nor wanted him, so why would ellie? the most fucked up part is that he doesn’t even blame her for doing what she did, because he would have done the same if he was in her shoes

now he’s back in new york and he’s slowly but surely turning into a fucking ketamine junkie. he knows what drugs and alcohol did to his family, but he’s doing it anyways, because he doesn’t give not one single fuck tbh 😂

i feel like the only person he has that’s actually there for him is his grandfather, but the man is 86 years old. cam knows he doesn’t have long, and honestly? the day his grandfather dies is probably the day he actually does hit rock bottom, but we’ll wait for that day to come by lmfao

libra-scorpio cusp with hella more scorpio tendencies!! he’s a sneaky little fuck, and he can be super manipulative when he wants to be. also curses like a fucking sailor, saying ‘fuckin’ at least 6 times in one sentence LOL

he plays guitar and is actually really fucking good at it ( think like, john frusciante , david gilmour , dan auerbach, or even jimi hendrix ), he also writes poetry and short stories as a way to let out his frustrations, but he keeps this super lowkey. most people think he makes all his money from drug dealing, but a good amount of his money also comes from publishing guitar covers on youtube. he never shows his face and goes under the alias, trickfinger. he has 3 million subscribers on his channel, but no one knows its him

this is already superrr fucking long so i’m going to end it here, but i’m going to put his birthchart below this for some extra #tea

#kingsboro.intro #( queuekachu! )#this took me forever this is so fuckin long jfc

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corvidscalling · 7 years ago

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do you ever just realize how lucky you are?

hey guys, its hughie.

i didn’t know where else to post this, so i’m doing it here. i hope this is okay.

to start you guys off, ever and i had a falling out recently. its been like, the past two days, and i want to say that it was totally, 100% my fault. i took something small and blew it up to gigantic proportions. evs will blame himself, but i promise you, i am the reason this fight occurred.

anyway, its been hell. i’ve cried a lot more than i’d care to admit, and i have caused much more pain than i’d like to admit.

but this post isn’t about our fight. it’s about what just happened a few moments ago, when we came to a compromise.

it hit me: how fucking lucky i am to have a partner like ever.

and i hate to admit it, but i’ve totally underappreciated him and everything he does for me. he has helped me grow more than i could ever explain,, being there to teach me how to love myself, how to open up, how to figure out who i am, how to survive a breakup, how to speak up for myself, how to fall in love, how to take accountability, and so much more. ever has encouraged my art to blossom and has been my constant muse. he’s been the one to help me stand up when anyone has mistreated me, even when it’s been myself. he loves me unconditionally, and i mean unconditionally, and he has taught me to love that way, too.

but it’s not just the things that ever does for me. it’s the way that he exists as a GOOD person.

you know when you meet someone and you can just tell that they’re a good egg? like they hold open doors, or stack the plates for their waitress, or help clean up when someone else spills something. he has always been like that. he works harder than anyone to get what he wants, and he listens like no one else i have ever known. ever cares about people s o fucking deeply, and puts himself at risk. he waited five fucking months just for me.

it’s in moments like the past day and a half, where he has no reason to love me, hardly even any reason to respect me, and yet he still does. it is beyond amazing to me. how in the hell did i get someone who values me as a person so much and is so forgiving? when i fuck up, he doesn’t yell or get angry, but just tries to find ways to show me that he cares.

i could have gotten stuck with any of the other seven billion souls on this planet, and yet i have him. i have his love. and god, is it the most amazing thing.

this is a reminder to everyone out there with someone(s) special in their life: don’t fucking take them for granted. i know that’s easier said than done, and god, am i guilty of it too, but seriously, make sure you appreciate those who have given you everything they have to offer. and to help:

some tips for not taking loved ones for granted:

1) remember that they’re human. sometimes it’s really hard to remember, especially when you can’t see them often or at all, but think of as what you’re doing: talking to them. i often find myself being less tender through messages than when i talk to ever face to face.

2) make a list of what they’ve done for you. it’s really easy to get caught up in petty things of why you could be mad, but when you find yourself losing control, remember how they’ve treated you with respect and love. the people who love you deserve that respect and love, too. list things out, so when you get overwhelmed, you can remind yourself of how they have treated you.

3) show them that they’re wanted. it can be little things, such as giving them flowers or sending them something that made you think of them. it’s the little things that add up (however cliche that sounds).

3+1) when they point out a flaw, make a change. for the longest time, i had issues with forgetting to tell ever things that were going on in my life. it would be things like hanging out with friends, but it would hurt him a lot that i just completely forgot to tell him. finally, instead of making excuses, i made a calendar! it’s quite simple to make adjustments like that that can actually help a lot. if it’s something bigger or more significant, just remind your partner that you know it bugs them and you’re trying your hardest to work on it.

5) thank them. nothing helps more than just being kind. say thank you for what they do for you, and tell them that you’re grateful and you value their kindness and help.

6) tell them that you love them. this is the most important step. remind them, as often as possible, that you love and care for them.

and ever, this is for you: thank you. i know times have been rough, but thank you for sticking it out with and for me. it’s us against the world, my star,but we’ve got this. i will love you past forever.

#hughie talks #personal #long post #im so grateful #thank you ever #this is gay

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