#this took eh lets say 5 hours. I realized that I could do perspective and then it took wayyyy longer than intended

[queen-chaos5]

HAPPY YURI DAY!! based on that one format, yknow the one?

text id: [Letter 1: "Dear Rei, Today I got summoned to Yuri duty" (the rest is indecipherable)

Letter 2: "Dearest Susato, HOW DO I GET SUMMONED?" (the rest is indecipherable)

The torn piece of paper that could have came from either of the letters: "Please Respond"]

[tybalt-you-saucy-boi]

Hello! I was curious to know what some of your favorite Mindcrack moments are in all of their years of existing?

Bro. You are in for a motherfucking LIST.

Off the bat, every single Team Canada Prank. I’ve practically memorized the Sky Shrooms and King of the Ladder episodes. That moment when Guude realized Etho was part of the prank and said “We? Who’s we?” and Etho stuttered and fell backwards off the mushrooms to his death was the first moment in my life that I truly felt alive. #TheOfficeIsAGoodShow #RealMenUseTheirRingFinger

Von Swaying Guude’s house changed my whole outlook on Minecraft. How could someone make something so darn ugly and yet so beautiful? It’s the epitome of doing something for the sole purpose of shit starting creating and having fun rather than aiming for perfect and never finishing. Zisteau is a great addition to any video 10/10 educational content

Just about every moment in Guude/Nebris/Pakratt/Arkas’ TerraFirmaCraft Reloaded series. Had to pause videos multiple times to write down quotes and even then I passed up some good ones! I fully intend on rewatching the series from each perspective. Arkas getting slain by bear, Guude and Arkas secretly growing mushrooms and getting high, Pakratt confusing dolomite and diorite, literally everything Arkas does, THE COWS, that last episode of absolute chaos wtf Pakratt

UHC #ForTheKidsSeven with Single Malt scotch’s skyblock base and rampant cheating from every team except Nebris’. I fucking LOVED that near-kill with the anvil, and all the chaos as the border shrank. Four players stuck in a 1x1 column! The arrow volley between SMS and SkyblockJr. Can this happen every UHC?

Speaking of UHC, Etho and BdoubleO’s epic fight in season 11! He was absolutely on the ball with those potions, I was sure he’d die before he could use them all. And Etho’s fight with Guude right before that was hilarious! Guude high as fuck on percocets and Etho like completely confused at what Guude was doing. The original UHC skybase by Zisteau #I’mALavaExpert and Anderz reaction to the skybase, and then to Guude’s dogs

The whole portal thing in season 3 with Pause, Kurt, and Beef too! That has remained one of my favourite UHC moments since I saw it, there is nothing more classic. Every single season I hope someone will make a portal for no reason and end up in someone else’s base with them. #TheWolfTheWolfAmazing!

Zisteau’s E-Pranker Montage. I legitimately cry every time I watch it, particularly during 0.5 (the fourth prank) when he rebuilds Bdubs’ first house from his Building With BdoubleO series. Bdubs’ moment of realization hits me like a train even though I know it’s coming. Like, if someone built my first Minecraft base to prank me I think I would die on impact, but like in a good way.

And back to UHC! Season 14 episode 5. HOOOOOOLY FUCK! 2spooky4me should have totally been a UHC team! Remember when Zisteau played UHC? It just isn’t UHC without him to be honest. And besides the #BadYouTubers and #ImALavaExpert moments from Super Hostile and Ninja Turtles, Parkas had a great season as well! Shit, everyone was awesome! Parkas listening in on BTC finding a silverfish, Doc listening in on Ole Yeller right before Zisteau-ing himself and swearing, Baj hiding nether wart, every single drunken drink Genny did, Parkas towers “we should smelt some stone to make bricks”, snnnnowballs! :D, HEY JSANO! WHY YOU RUNNING JSANO?, “ooooh, we’re right behind you haha” “BTC, they’re actually here.” Pakratt was slain by generikb, Avidya’s spooky voice echoing around Seth and Anderz “You wouldn’t hurt an old teammate, would you?” “I dunno. It’s been awhile.” Just. God this was a good season.

Season 19 with Vechs and BTC! You’ve heard all the famous quotes, “how did I get stuck with you of all people” “Vechs, Vechs. I don’t hate you anymore” “He’s not dying. He’s just mad right now.” “Did it come from your hand, knocking a teammate off the ledge?” “THAT WAS A MOD!” etc etc. I also like MC’s half heart midnight desert dash, although it took a good 10 years of my life from the stress. Oblivious Pakratt running away from his teammates as they yell after him and then wondering why he hasn’t found anyone yet. Seth’s reaction to MC’s diamonds. Coe’s post commentary, again, you know the quotes: “Left. Chicken. Right. Chicken.” “This bucket has wheels!” “Are you gonna put that dirt in a chest?!” etc. Kurt finding Beef “Sharpness Five diamond sword!” and PiMP turning around. F1 and PiMP in general. SwedishZen and Millbee with the melons.

Obligatory mentions: “NOOO YOUR DOGS KILLING ME!!!!”, 2Germans1Hole, Zisteau crafting a clock and finding every excuse to use it during the game so that those 4 gold didn’t go to waste, Rob’s jukebox battles, Anderz fighting spiders when a creeper wanders into his hole, Bdubs’ “real” season 9 ending, Nebris going God-mode “HIT ME ALL YOU LIKE”, Nebris and Pause double kill, Nebris and Pyro double kill with Bdubs watching and cleaning up at half a heart and then Etho cleaning up again and finding the potions B left and Bdubs interrupting his video to do facecam to explain that he’s a nice guy who shares and leaves gifts for others (basically whenever Bdubs does facecam in UHC. Let’s face it, when Bdubs whips out the cam you know you’re in for a good show), Team Uppercats season 10. All of it.

Trouble in Terrorist Town when Pyro and Coe pull a long con on Pause and Guude in like episode 9 during the last round. I had to pause the video to take it all in, I was just in awe. That series is one of my favourites! I always watch from Pause.

In original DvZ when BTC got warned for breaking a cake. Also Pause’s helmet!

Team Canada CTM uhhh forgot which series, but Pause and Beef getting stuck in a hole, Etho dying, placing TNT over their heads, and singing “Pause and Beef, best of friends” while Beef panics.

Etho calling Pause fat as a joke and Pause taking it serious and then Etho going “wait, are you actually fat?’ lmao.

Pause yelling about vacations on episode 37 of the podcast with BdoubleO “STOP TELLING PEOPLE I’M GOING ON VACATION IT’S NOT A VACATION!!!!!!!” and every time he’s yelled about vacations or muted his mic.

Baj reading a question and mid sentence switching to talking about the curry he had last night, and then there’s a pause and the rest of Nancy Drew fucking loses it.

On the podcast, Kurt’s “Wake me up, boys!” That whole episode was a blast!

The whole “sitting or standing?” debate and the guests’ reactions to it.

Doc accidentally killing Notch on the Mindcrack server, and Dinnerbone confused about him not dropping an apple.

Doc’s zombie death loop from season 4 with Anderz saving the day and then promptly dying.

B-Team mafia in survival of the fittest, Etho killing Genny, and B and Etho teaming up afterwards. Also B and Pungence talking excitedly at the end was adorable, you can really tell they’re brothers lol. And Etho drinking out of the outhouse! Bdubs’ comment on that video killed me lol. And Etho forgetting his push-to-talk and failing to team up with Doc.

The whole got-dang B-Team trial.

End of season 3 tour “On a scale from Baj to Anderz” “Arkas, say something about your build.” Arkas: “Hello.”

The original Death Games, when Etho reveals his secret to Nebris particularly, and all the trash talking. Also Millbee, MC, and Nebris coming to kill him and Kurt logging on in the middle of it.

Prop hunt, and all the wiener and erect jokes. “Am I erect?” “I just saw a can spying on me while I was trying to put my wiener in the toilet!”

Pause and Rob getting girlfriends in Orespawn, and Rob naming his after Pause, and Pause murdering his.

Andrea talking about waking up with spiders in her mouth in an old Triple Eh Mondays episode.

Nebris “sensually” feeding Beef a banana (and practically begging to do it to) on the Mindcrack marathon, and Beef completely ruining the mood lol

Zisteau accidentally launching CaptainSparklez back into a lava tree column and “Dude, it’s okay. You can just kill me” after Jordan’s hit him about 40 times.

#ForTheHorse

MC accidentally killing his one and only teammate JSano during UHC season 22

Sevadus and Seth playing blindfolded lego with Chad’s underwear on Sev’s head, lots of swearing, bugs in the lego, “Are you sure it’s the grey lego?”, “I don’t think I like kids anymore” etc

All the Pyro and Baj burns on Quiplash, ie “What’s something that absolutely does not make you think of a penis in any way?” “Baj”

Coe and Pak playing that stupid horse/giraffe volley ball game with the stretchy legs and neck, and Coe doing the silly accent

Bdubs calling Nebris a psychopath in Nebs’ first FTB episode because he jumped a dangerous ledge for 2 (TWO) pieces of glowstone dust

Nebs coming outta nowhere and jumping in Etho’s car when he was about to test his race track

The first few episode of CrackPack and the battle between Etho and BTC, and Beef and Nebris

The first building game with potatoes on sticks, the second accidentally dirty and racist building game with bloody toilet capsules, the third actually dirty building game with a viking hat with a penis inside

God, I could go on forever, but I’ve already spent over an hour and a half on this.

[paigenotblank]

Accidentally Ours (1/7)

Pairing: Tenth Doctor x Rose Tyler

Rating: Teen

Written for a prompt for Ten x Rose kid fic/family fic where they adopt kids left orphans that they meet on their travels / and also a prompt for Ten x Rose with a mix of adopted and biological kids (@tinyconfusion​). Tagging @doctorroseprompts​ and @timepetalscollective​ which I think both had those prompts. 

Trope: Accidental Baby Acquisition 

Warnings: Kid Fic/ Baby Fic/ Pregnancy Fic. 

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7

AO3 / TS

Rose skipped along next to the Doctor as they made their way to the flower market on Trillium Seven. The sweet scent of blossoms hung heavy in the air.

Rose grabbed his hand and turned to the Doctor with sparkling eyes. “And the flowers really last for 3 months?”

“Yup! They’re a very popular Mother’s Day gift. Your mum’ll love ‘em.”

As the two of them rounded a curve in the path, a man with his back to them and holding a pile of blankets popped into existence in front of them. Rose turned incredulous eyes from the newly arrived Doctor to the one standing at her side.

Rose’s Doctor yelped, “What?”

The other Doctor turned and held up his hand to cut off any other comments. He panted out, “I don't have much time. I’m from the future, obviously, but I can't tell you how far.” Rose’s Doctor, wide eyed and slack jawed, nodded. “Aaaand, well, I can't tell you much more than that, but Doctor, Rose, you need to watch over and protect this precious cargo until she can be reunited with her parents.”

The older Doctor pocketed a sonic she hadn't noticed him holding and she suddenly realized that the bundle wasn't just blankets, but a baby wrapped in blankets.

And now that Rose was paying attention, she took in the other Doctor’s rumpled appearance. His jacket was misbuttoned, his tie hung lose, his hair was flat and messy, and he looked as though he hadn't slept in months. Haggard. Rose shivered thinking about what the future had in store for them. She swallowed. Or well, the Doctor’s future anyway. Where 'm I?

“What? Why? Even for us this is highly irr-”

“Please.” Rose had never heard such desperation in the Doctor’s voice before. “This little girl is so very important and she’s being hunted by a swarm of Gworatimians.”

The Doctor at her side gasped. “But they-”

“I’m sorry. The best option seemed to be taking her out of her timestream to hide her. Well, that and I remembered this happening back when I was you. Circular paradox and all that.” He closed his eyes briefly before opening them with a soft smile for Rose. “Anyway…” He handed the sleeping infant to Rose and adjusted the coordinates on the vortex manipulator strapped to his wrist.

The younger Doctor shook his head and called out to his successor. “Wait! How long...?”

The older Doctor glanced back at them. Rose caught a flash of anguish, before he hid it with a grin and a wink. Something terrible must’ve happened. “Why? Don’t think you’re up for a spot of babysitting?”

“Doctor...”

He ran his hands over his face. “I know that what you’re asking is if I’ll be back in five minutes’ time.”

The younger Doctor’s eyes narrowed. “It’s a fair question. We do have access to a time machine, though you’d never know it with that...that thing around your wrist. You could easily deal with the swarm and be back in seconds.”

Rose rolled her eyes at the Doctor for thinking he was ever that precise with his landings.

“You think I don’t know that!” the older Doctor hissed. He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. He returned his gaze on his younger self. “Rose, my Rose, is with...” His eyes briefly glanced at the younger Rose and the baby. “...the others in the TARDIS. They’re safe there while I deliver this little one to you. You know that the TARDIS doesn’t always take us where we want to go, and for reasons I cannot tell you, because it is too important to your future and my past, this is one of those times. So to answer your question, you’ll have to watch her a little longer than five minutes though I can’t tell you exactly how much longer. I’m sorry. But you’ll understand when you’re me.”

The younger Doctor let out the breath he was holding. He didn’t like it, but he trusted his future self to maintain the timelines. And he was grateful that he hadn’t been given anything specific that he’d be compelled to uphold. The only future knowledge was from the perspective of the future. He nodded.

Rose glanced nervously down at the infant, and when she looked back up, the other Doctor was gone. “How long do you think we’ll have her?”

“Eh, can’t be that long. A day or two. A week, maybe two...tops?”

“What’re we going to do?”

“You heard the other me. Babysit.”

“But I’ve never babysat for anyone before.”

“Really? Never?”

“Only child. And when I needed a job, I preferred workin’ in the shops to dealin’ with screamin’ brats all day.”

“It’ll be easy peasy. Nothing to it.”

“I think there’s a little somethin’ to it. What about formula and...nappies and stuff?”

“Oh, erm, I’m sure we can find supplies on the TARDIS and if not we’ll go shopping.”

Rose snorted.

“What? You’re not one to turn down a shopping trip.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Please, like you can talk.”

“Oh! I can! I speak baby.”

“That's not what I...wait? You what?” Rose shook her head. “Nevermind. Doctor, this is serious. Neither of us has any experience with kids. All I know is they’re sort o’ squidgy.”

“I- I was a dad once.”

Rose whole world tilted on its side. “You...what?” She thought she knew him. Maybe not everything, but the important things. A dad? She didn’t think he... They flirted and sometimes she thought he might actually do something about it, but he never did. She’d assumed he just...didn’t. But now. Now she knew he’d had a child...with someone else. That meant, he just didn’t...with her. And there was this other nameless/faceless woman in his past that he never mentioned. Does he still love her? Is that why...

“On Gallifrey.”

Oh, God. She must have been...the Time War. Rose felt bile churning in her stomach.

“In fact, when I first left on the TARDIS, I took my granddaughter with me.”

Rose’s head snapped up and she gawked. “Granddaughter?”

“Rose… I’m over 900 years old.”

“No. I know that.” Rose knew that, she did, but she didn’t really know what that meant until this moment.

Neither knew quite how to break the silence that followed.

When they had just about made it back to the TARDIS, the baby started whimpering.

Rose rocked her and looked at the Doctor. “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Well, what does she want?”

“I don’t know!”

“You just said that you’d been a dad.”

“I’ve never been around a newborn though.”

“How could you have never been around a newborn? What about when your-”

“Time Lords were loomed and unlike humans our offspring didn’t come out undercooked. They were born to be the equivalent of a, oh, I don’t know, 13-month old human.”

The Doctor opened the door to the TARDIS and preceded Rose inside.

Rose gritted her teeth. “Fine, Mr. Superior Physiology, but didn’t you also say that you spoke baby? Can’t you tell what she’s cryin’ about? An’ maybe ask ‘er or somethin’?”

“Oh! Right.”

When she stepped onto the grating of the ramp, the Doctor took the baby from her and held her in the crook of his arm being careful to support her neck. Her whimper quickly turned to a wail. He peered down at the crying infant and scrunched his forehead in concentration. “Erm, maybe she needs changing?”

“Is that what she’s saying?”

“She’s not saying anything. Not really. Just ‘Mama Mama Mama.’ She’s too young to know what she wants, other than her mother. Blimey, but she is new. Mustn't be more than a few hours old.”

Rose mumbled, “Right. ‘Speaks baby,’ he says.”

“Oi! It’s not my fault you lot give birth to offspring that are neurologically underdeveloped.”

Rose took the baby back and glared at him while gently rocking her.

“I’m not blaming humans, mind. There are a lot of reasons why your offspring are born to be helpless and not fully developed. Partially it’s the familial bond…”

Rose cooed at the baby, “I’m sorry if you’re hungry or need a nappy change. Yes, I am.”

“...Partially it’s due to the ratio of brain and thus head size versus size of the birth canal as dictated by the pelvic opening in upright walking bipeds...”

“But I can’t do anything about that now. Especially while the Doctor’s on a ramble.”

“...but mostly it’s due to the metabolic burden that gestation places on the mother…”

“Do you think maybe you can stop cryin’ til the Doctor can take us to get some supplies? What do you say?”

“...and so by 9 months or thereabouts, the metabolic demands of the fetus becomes greater than the mother’s ability to sustain the energy requirements of both the baby and herself…”

“That is if he ever stops talkin’.”

“...and so the mother must deliver...are you listening, Rose?”

“Uh huh. Bond. Head size. Energy.” Rose was making silly faces at the baby, and talking softly to her. “I think you like the sound of the Doctor talkin’ as much as he likes the sound of himself.” The baby stared at Rose with big eyes, having finally quieted.

The Doctor smiled wistfully at Rose. She’d make a wonderful mother and he dreaded the day she’d ask to leave - to start her own family with someone that wasn’t him. It was a countdown the Doctor felt hanging over his head. Her words to the baby finally penetrated and he let out a mock affronted, “Oi!”

Rose grinned up at the Doctor. “So, she’s human then?”

“Huh?”

“Well, it’s jus’ you were blathering about humans and bein’ born early compared to the almighty Time Lords. Is she human, do you think?”

“Oh, well, human-ish. Probably descended from humans at the least. She’s got the right coloring, hair, complexion.”

“But you’ve got all that, and you’re-”

“And she’s neurologically underdeveloped at birth.” He winked at Rose. “But i won’t know for sure until I can check her out in the medbay. Come on, we should do that now, so we know what she needs.”

On the walk to the medbay, Rose darted a quick glance at the Doctor and bit her lip. “So, Time Lord babies were-”

“Time Tots.”

“What?”

“Time Lord babies were called ‘Time Tots.’”

“Oh.” Rose giggled. “‘S kind of a silly name.”

“Oi!” He exclaimed, but without much heat.

Rose smiled with a hint of tongue and the Doctor broke out into a grin too.

“Yeah, suppose it is. And they weren’t born in the traditional sense either.”

“Oh yeah, you mentioned that earlier. What d’you call it?”

“Looming.”

“An’ what’s that? Like test tube babies?”

“Test tube? Rose Tyler, Time Lords were the most technologically advanced society in the galaxy, they didn’t...test tubes! Looming was far, far more advanced.”

“Alright, alright. Time Lords. Superior in every way. Got it. But why looming and not...you know,” she blushed, “the traditional way?”

“Well, other than Time Lords being mostly emotionally repressed and thinking themselves above the mess?”

Rose gave a surprised laugh. “Yeah, other than that.”

“They felt there was too much risk involved.”

“Risk? Like with letting themselves fall in love?”

Rose looked so earnest just then, that the Doctor had to turn away from her penetrating stare. “There was no place for love in Time Lord society.”

Rose dropped her eyes to her feet at the Doctor’s softly spoken pronouncement.

He cleared his throat. “But, erm, I meant risk of maternal and fetal death. Looms eliminated all of that.”

“If they were so advanced, couldn’t they use all that technology to make pregnancy and birth safer?”

“Yeah, don’t you see? That’s what they did. The looms eliminated maternal and fetal death completely. Genetic engineering at its finest.”

“And was...were all kids on Gallifrey loomed?”

“No. Mostly just the Time Lords. The regular Gallifreyans typically had womb born children. Every once in a while a Time Lord would too. A friend of mine, Leela, married a Time Lord and had a baby the old way. Caused quite a stir too.”

“Oh. And, ah, yours? Was your child loomed?”

“Mmhmm. Both of ‘em.”

“You had two?”

“Yeah. A son and a daughter.”

Rose shifted the baby into one arm. She brought her free hand up to the Doctor’s bicep and stopped walking. “I...I’m so sorry, Doctor.”

He opened and closed his mouth, then swallowed down a lump in his throat. The most he could manage was a stiff nod. Where’s the bloody medbay?

Rose ran her fingers down the Doctor’s arm and took his hand in hers, giving it a squeeze and pulling him into a walk again.

“I...I was a terrible father. Probably an embarrassment.” He gave a brittle laugh. “No, most definitely an embarrassment. My whole house disowned me. I was an even worse Time Lord than I was a father. Never really fit in.”

“That’s no reason for your family to disown you.”

“One of the drawbacks of the looms. Familial bonds aren’t as strong. It’s all political advantage and prestige. And the Time Lords were big on non-interference. Even in the face of evil, they’d choose to sit back. Unless of course it directly affect them. Ran away first chance I could.”

Finally the door to the medbay appeared and the Doctor rushed in gratefully.

After taking a mouth swab and running a full body scan on the infant, the Doctor and Rose stood before the monitor waiting for the results to load. When the scan of the baby appeared on screen, the Doctor’s hearts skipped a beat. Binary vascular system?

“Does she have two hearts? Is she…” Rose held her breath afraid to give voice to her first thought.

The Doctor read through the results in an instant and he released the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.

“Skalish”

“What?”

“The DNA and bioscan reveal that she’s Skalish from the planet Skale. Makes sense since Skales were one of the primary prey of the Gworatimians.”

“But she’s got two hearts.”

The Doctor glanced at Rose. “Lots of species have a binary vascular system, not just the Time Lords. Dulcians, Kirithons, Kulans, Apalapucians-”

“Right. So she’s not, um… Do you know what she can eat? That was the point of running the tests, yeah?”

“Luckily Skales have a physiology halfway between Time Lords and humans, so we should be able to get everything we need on Earth or any Earth colony.”

Rose nodded “Okay. So next step...we need supplies. And a baby expert wouldn’t go amiss either.” She walked out of the medbay and directly into the control room.

The Doctor pouted as he looked around. Sure, now you move it to where I wanted it earlier. “Rose Tyler, I-”

Rose held up her hand. “Don’t even say it.”

“What?”

“You.”

“Me?”

“I think we’ve established you are no expert on human...or rather Skalish newborns.”

“Oh! No! I was gonna suggest calling one of your friends. Don't you know anyone with a baby?”

“I’m not sure. I lost touch with most of my friends after bein’ gone a year. All except for Mickey, Shareen, an’ Kiesha. And I know none of them have a kid.”

The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck. “Er, about that, I never properly apologized. Did I?”

“It’s okay. It wasn’t completely your fault. I forgave you and the TARDIS a long time ago.”

“Still.”

“Thanks.” Rose looked down at the baby who was just starting to fidget again. “My cousin, Mo, has a little boy. Remember? He was at Mum’s when we were watchin’ the news about the spaceship crash, before we knew it was the Slitheen.”

“Wouldn’t keep his hands off the remote? That one?”

“Yeah. Him. Anyway, he’s the only kid I really know. But if we go there, Mo’ll have called Mum before we finished walkin’ through the door.”

The Doctor paled at the mention of Jackie. “Right. Let’s avoid that at all costs.”

“Why don’t we just head to the shops, yeah? There’s bound to be someone there that can help. Maybe they’ve got lists or a book or somethin’.”

The Doctor’s eyes widened in delight. “Oooh. Books! I’m sure I’ve got something in the library that-”

“Doctor, we don’t have time to go huntin’ through the library for a book you might have. She’s been fussin’ for a while now.”

The Doctor ran up to the console. “Right. One quick stop to the Galaxy’s best baby store, Baby Buggy Boobie. Hold on to something! Allons-y!”

Rose wedged herself between two struts. “It’s not really called that!”

“‘Fraid the name could use some work, but they really do have everything we’ll need. Seven floors of dummies to diapers, playpens to prams, milk to morliporandorf.”

“Morli-what?”

The TARDIS landed with a jolt. Rose clutched the baby closer and grabbed a strut to keep from toppling over.

“Add a harness to our shopping list.” Rose stood straight and headed for the door. 

The Doctor bounded over and held open the door. “Ladies first. Morliporandorf is-”

The three stepped out and the Doctor snapped his mouth shut as they came face to face with Jackie Tyler in the middle of her living room.