#this takes place like riiiight after s3 lol

[sp0o0kylights]

 armed your words with explosive devices and put the trigger on your tongue.

I never know if a kiss will kill me. 

It's a joke. 

Or at least, Eddie meant it as one. 

He was flicking his hand out with the intention of pretending to "push" the weight off Steve's shoulders, following a joke about how he looks like he's carrying the whole world on his back.

Beyond the general air of a frazzled single mother, Harrington had been down to clown. He'd laughed at Eddie's first few jokes, even made a poor attempt at making one back.

So it surprised both of them when Steve flinches back, hard, sucking in a noisy breath.

For a moment he holds it in and Eddie mimics him, hand frozen midair. 

They breathe out almost together as Eddie slowly lowers his hand.

"Steve." Eddie starts off, voice soft. 

Steve jams his hand in his hair, face flushing red. "Sorry man, jock reflexes."

He catches the second Steve forces a smile back on his face, the way his desperate attempt at tugging on his own hair changes into a move designed to fluff it up. A laugh makes its way out of Steve’s mouth and to his credit, it sounds natural. 

This, Eddie realizes with an abrupt clarity, is Steve caught wrong-footed in public. This is Steve being off and fixing it before he breaks down. 

It’s a good cover, excellent even, and if Eddie hadn’t been watching for the signs, if he hadn’t started looking closer and closer at Harrington after finding him drunk and bloody in Tina’s bathtub, he might have brushed it off. 

Thought of it as Steve being a jerk, a jock, a guy who didn’t want to touch the filth that was Eddie Munson and was now trying to hide it.The same way so many others did, because they���d learned the hard way that a pissed off dealer won’t sell you any drugs. 

Eddie could even see him spinning this as having an off day. Maybe Steve was sore, maybe he was annoyed, maybe he was six other million things that he’d lead you to believe. 

Worse than knowing that he’d have bought Steve’s cover though, is that Eddie recognizes this. 

Has seen it before. 

Or micro versions of it. 

In class, when Steve’s asked a question he doesn’t know. In the hallways when someone tells a joke about his parents. In the parking lot when those kids snap at him, rolling their eyes and throwing their hands around.

Even the one basketball game Eddie attended, during his ill-fated attempt at joining the yearbook club before he finally started Hellfire. 

There had been a moment where Tommy had briefly turned on Steve, got some of the other boys to snap and snarl at the King in the face of a bad score. 

Called him stupid. 

Spineless and gutless. 

(Steve hadn’t even been the captain, back then.

 They held him responsible anyway.)

Eddie had thought it well deserved--even funny at the time-- considering what made up a man like Steve Harrington. 

Get big movie star hair, combine with no parents, and add tons of money. Shaken and stirred with little bits of never-ending popularity and girls swooning left and right over him, and you got Hawkin High’s most popular guy.

 Good to buy you whatever you needed, with a famously sharp tongue that he used in place of his fists. 

Grant still had nightmares over some of the names Steve had nailed him with. 

He was the school’s most desired bachelor until Nancy Wheeler took him down, proved even kings could be cheated out of their kingdoms. 

(One of the teenagers at the famed Starcourt fire, a hero in the papers for saving half a dozen kids. The pictures the news still occasionally shows often pin up those pictures of Steve, wearing this exact smile. 

It’s the same one he’s wearing now, as Starcourt burns in the background of each and every photo..)

The realization comes with a flood of knowledge--that Steve knows how to hide his issues, that he’s had issues for far longer than whatever--or whoever--is beating him up. 

Longer than Eddie himself had caught onto too--and Eddie had prided himself on seeing through people’s bullshit. 

If he does what Steve wants, let’s this drop, Steve will go on acting like everything’s fine. 

Just like everyone else does.

Eddie can’t do that. Has never been able to do that. 

"We both know that's bullshit." Eddie says, and he knew calling it out would get a reaction, but he’s not expecting the sheer strength of it. 

How Steve looks like he’s taken a punch, mask breaking fast on his face to reveal the hurt underneath. 

"Don't--" He tries to start, tries to breathe again and Eddie's not sure what caused it, but he knows the beginning of a panic attack when he sees one. “Don’t, please--” 

It’s the please that gets Eddie, the word sounding bruised. Like it hurts Steve to say it, that he only uses it as a hail mary that it may somehow help ward off whatever is coming. 

Eddie fights not to put his arms around Steve.

Protect him from whatever the hell is happening. 

"Hey." Eddie says, softly but clearly. "I’m sorry. Tell me what I did and I won’t do it again.” 

They’re in the middle of the school parking lot and neither of them can afford to misstep here. Not in a town like Hawkins. Eddie has a choice to make--to sweep Steve to somewhere safer, or to give space, back off so the younger man can regain control of himself and pick this up later. 

Steve takes a shuddering breath, hugs himself and bows his head. 

Eddie wants to go to him, to touch and comfort, but instead just hovers ever so slightly closer. “I’m here.” He whispers, just loud enough for Steve to hear. 

Steve takes the moment he needs, and Eddie knows he can at least give him that. Shield him from any onlookers with his own body. Use himself as a distraction if anyone comes up. 

His cheeks are wet when Steve raises his head. He wipes his face, bites his lip. 

It takes far less time for him to return to normal than Eddie would have ever thought, but then Steve Harrington keeps surprising him. 

“Shit.” He says, voice in a sort of croak. He clears his throat once, harshly. “Sorry.”

“I set you off, this ones on me.” Eddie says, keeping his voice smooth and calm. “I don’t want to push you, but I need to know what I said to upset you, so I can prevent it from happening again as best I can.” 

Steve looks up for a moment, away from him. Eddie allows it, acknowledges the move as Steve gathers the strength to face whatever hurt him enough to send him spiraling. This isn’t an easy thing he’s asking, and they’re in the worst place to do it--a potential audience can appear at any time. 

Eddie doesn’t want to lose this thread, though. Knows instinctively, how important it is. 

“It’s stupid.” Steve’s struggling to sound more normal, but the real surprise is that he’s starting to manage it. “It’s so stupid, but it’s--the word.” 

Short-term memory recall isn’t exactly a talent of his, but Eddie’s had plenty of practice with D&D. He runs the conversation back, and there’s really only one option that makes any sense. He almost says it again, but catches himself.

Thinks quickly on his feet. 

“Adult male cow crap?” He says, and tries to make his tone a little light. This is a calculated risk, Steve may very well believe he’s being mocked or teased.

The younger man snorts a laugh and thankfully doesn’t appear to take offense. “Yeah.” He drawls out, a tinge of embarrassment flushing across his nose.

It’s fucking adorable, and Eddie has to bite his lip to keep interrupting, inappropriate thoughts at bay. 

“Nance--when we--” Steve huffs an annoyed sigh, arms having shifted long ago to more of a defensive cross, nails digging into his sleeves while he taps his foot, aggravated. “It’s fucking stupid man, but that word got tossed around.” 

“Got it.” Eddie nods his head. “It’s gone.” 

“You shouldn’t have to do that.” Steve says, and it's got an angry undertone to it. “I need to get over it anyway. It’s been long enough.” 

The anger, Eddie decides, is self directed. 

He cocks his head. “Do people tell you to do that a lot? To just get over it?” 

Steve finally looks at him and to his credit the guy’s managed to go from actively falling apart to merely appearing cold and annoyed, as if the redness in his face itself is trying to help hide his emotions. 

That hurt thing flickers in and out of his eyes though, covered by an edge of something else, something stubborn. 

Yet again, Eddie finds himself wondering if he’s found Steve’s limit. If this is when he finally gets pushed away and threatened over all the things that have been revealed to him. Steve hasn’t made that move yet, but Eddie thinks that's mostly because Eddie keeps catching him off guard. 

To be fair, his own reactions are, at times, catching him off guard. This defensiveness of Steve, the way he wants to go slam whoever has hurt the younger man into a wall, to try and make everything better for a guy he previously hated…

Eddie knows what’s gotten into him. It’s his own personality, combined with his own inner sense of someone lost and hurting. Someone who needs to be rescued. 

He just never expected to have it pointed at Harrington. 

“Maybe.” Steve admits finally. “Doesn’t mean they’re wrong though.” 

Eddie can’t help himself. It’s a puzzle in front of him, dangled in the form of Steve and his weird injuries. Steve and his odd reactions. 

Beautiful, gorgeous, straight Steve Harrington, who once pressed his cheek into Eddie’s hands and closed his eyes like he’d found a slice of heaven. 

“Why?” Eddie challenges. He’s still close. Close enough that they’re going to have to pretend to be fighting if anyone else starts making noise. Eddie’s lost track of time entirely, can’t recall what period this is. Where he’s even supposed to be.

Hell, he never even asked why Steve was here. 

Steve’s mouth opens and closes, like he had an answer but suddenly thought better of it. 

He’s still tapping his foot. 

“Why would they be wrong? ” And at first Eddie thinks Steve is turning the challenge back on him, until he clocks the confused crinkle in his forehead, right between his eyebrows. 

Like a dog who just wants to be a good boy, and doesn’t understand why he’s being shouted at. 

‘Eddie, for once in your fucking life, focus!’ He thinks furiously at himself. 

“Because it hurts you. Because all of us “get over” things in different ways, at different paces.” He makes the quotes with his fingers, putting on a fun voice just to try and make even a small smile appear on Steve’s face.

It works, and Eddie grins despite himself and the seriousness of the moment. 

“Doesn’t matter how stupid it is, Steve-O. Our brains don’t care.” He knocks on his own to make his point. 

“I guess.” Steve says, and it’s not an agreement but Eddie will take it. 

Will take anything Steve will give him, which just shows how badly he’s screwing himself.

Straight boys, even ones wrapped up in some kind of mystery and sprinkled with dozens of other things that catch Eddie’s attention like Steve’s his own personal brand of crack, typically don’t mean anything good for him.

This time, he just hopes it can mean something good for Steve.

Eddie might not know much, but he knows Steve deserves something good.

[gleefail]

Glee Memories: 1x9 Wheels

A long, long time ago, as Glee was approaching graduation in Season 3, I found myself nostalgic with some rare free time on my hands. So I decided to rewatch the series from the beginning and jot down some memories, discrepancies that have arisen since, fave quotes, tally solos - all that good stuff, strictly for shits and giggles.

8 years later (eek!) and once more I find myself with an unexpected abundance of free time. With so many revisiting or being newly introduced to the show between binge watching during Quarantine and all the tragedy that has surrounded the show since it went off the air, I figured I’d finish what I started. And by finish, I mean go through the end of S3. Cause I truly cannot acknowledge what happened after that. Except for 5B.

Kicking this off by reposting the first 15 episodes I already went through. Enjoy!

1x9 Wheels I haven’t addressed yet that this voice-over “Here’s what you missed on Glee” guy is different…will be interesting to see when they changed it.

um…when did Kurt tell everyone that he was gay? Didn’t he only come out to Mercedes and his dad so far? I definitely missed that on Glee

Holy crap. I forgot about this Cheerios jump rope number.

This is when I started not liking S1 Quinn. When she started being just plain mean to Finn even as she lied to him about the baby being his. Uncalled for. Although her calling out that he’s a peabrain is hella-necessary.

Figgins can’t pay for a bus for Artie to get to sectionals. Understandable? Is that like, legal?

Makes total sense that Sue has boosters that provide funds for traveling etc. Doesn’t make sense that the Glee club never started music boosters….not to me anyways.

Will’s right. In high school, some of the best trips were rides to other schools for volleyball games and showchoir competitions together. Although that almost always involved people mooning out the back window. And getting to third base under letterman jackets. Just my school? Anyone else?

Aw…Tina is looking at Artie from afar…not necessarily romantically…concerned? Whatever the reason, it’s cute.

Aw, Kurt’s so excited about Defying Gravity

let the record show, Mr. Schue just handed a solo to Rachel for a competition for the first time ever. But not the last. Don’t get me started.

“Don’t worry. We’ll find something for you to…dip in chocolate” Two things: 1. Yes you will. And his name is Sam Evans. (’wanky’). 2. No, you won’t Mr. Schue. No. You. Won’t. #oops

“I mean, bake sales are kind of bourgee” “So hip people stopped eating delicious, sugary treats?” “It’s not that, it’s that most of us don’t know how to bake. I find recipes confusing.” I love every moment of this exchange. And

Britany’s officially not all there now. :) Yaaaay!

Aw, poor Artie and the peer pressure of having to say he doesn’t mind when he’s clearly hurt by people he thinks are his friends. Poor guy.

It really does impress me how Kevin McHale manages to completely lose use of his legs. Even when he’s boppin in his wheelchair. I don’t think I could do it.

Jenna Ushkowitz is flat out adorable laughing at her lunch table in slow motion.

Aw Tina. These original members really do all have a lil special place in my heart. Before RIB screwed most of them over.

Ruh roh, I know that look. Mr. Schue is getting an idea watching Artie jamming around in his wheelchair…

Why is Kurt wearing a gangsta bandana on his head?

“But I’m happy to have you try out something else, Kurt. And I’ll make sure it’s got a killer high note” No. No, you won’t Schue. Ugh. Three seasons of empty promises and he won Teacher of the Year? Riiiight.

“Well, you’re irritating most of the time but…don’t take that personally”

“Preach!” Yes!!! There’s the Artie I know and love! It makes me giggle more seeing moments like this knowing he asks Amber to show him how to do it, lol.

hahahahaha – Finn just got hit in the back of the head with someone’s baseball bat! Rachel just got her lunch spilled all over her! Oh, happiness.

“it’s what I have left of my pool cleaning money. After I bought dip and numchucks” 

Quinn is so pretty in regular clothes with her hair down in season one. I would buy that THIS is the girl everyone wants to be. She’s totes that popular, bitchy girl who has everything.

“It would be pretty awesome if it came out with a Mohawk”

Aw, this food fight is still so cute. I feel like we haven’t seen Quinn laugh like that since until she was going up that ramp with Artie cheering her on. So cute.

“It’s not about a guy, is it? Cause…I’m not ready to have that conversation.” “At least you don’t have to worry about me getting someone pregnant” snicker snicker. True dat.

“You sing like a girl – in a good way”

So…yeah, they were doing Defying Gravity for Sectionals…what happened to that?

FIRST APPEARANCE OF LAUREN ZIZES!!!

Ugh. So stupid Rachel is complaining about having to audition for a solo. It’s showchoir. You should have to audition for EVERY solo and anyone who wants to can. …but it’s Glee

“We all know I’m more popular than Rachel – and I dress better than her…”

“Your right hand, Britany” *Santana whispers to her “it’s this one”* Yup. Not all there. There’s mah girl!

I love that instead of saying “I promise to vote for whoever sings the song better”, Mercedes blatantly says to Kurt “I promise to vote FOR YOU” with a big smile. I love Kurtcedes. Have I said that yet?

“Maybe one of these days you’ll find a way to create teaching moments without ruining my life.” Oh he will Rachel. He’ll just ruin everyone else’s.

“Those are what I call ‘lazy makers’”

Figgins is making Sue hold auditions to replace Quinn on the Cheerios. How do they not try out in the first place?

“and as soon as a cheerleader rolls herself out onto the field in a wheelchair she becomes decidedly less effective at cheering people up. It’s just a fact.”

“Stop attacking me. I’m sick of it” I like this Finn. Where did he come from? And where did he go?

I never ever ever realized that that was Kurt auditioning for the Cheerios with a baton. OMG!

haha, also never realized that the “freak” did the splits and clearly landed on his junk but tried to play it like he was fine. HAAAAA!

“Becky, I’m gonna stop you right there. You’re in.” YAY!

“I’m just saying, she has a point; you are kind of an idiot.” Truth.com, Puck.

“It’s just like you, with your stutter” Tina’s reaction said it all. “But I wanna be very clear: I still have the use of my penis.” HAAAAAAA!!! And Artie’s “why did I say that?!” look afterwards. Golden.

Kurt warming up to a high F while Burt gets the “your son’s a fag” phone call. So damn sad.

“Sometimes I just…I wish your mom was still around, y’know?” Aw, Burt. So happy you’ll find Carol.

“I don’t wanna win out of charity. I wanna win the solo because it’s right for the club. I really think that the judges at Sectionals will find a female version of Defying Gravity much more accessible.” Lies and manipulation and selfishness of Rachel Berry. And it begins.

“People just don’t like me.” “Yeah, you might wanna work on that” Yup. You might, Rachel. Too bad ya never really did unless it was to benefit you. hahaha, Puck put a lil pot in the cupcakes. I totally forgot about that. omg. There’s a loooot of flannel in that lunch room. What is that about?

Haha. Puck buying pot from Sandy. “The doctor said the shark fractured my spinal cord.” “This is why I don’t go to the aquarium.”

Sue’s mean don’t discriminate because of handicap, gender, religion, or sexual preference.

“You think this is hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they’re going in a different direction. THAT was hard.” Truth.

“Oh, I bully everyone, William. That’s the way I roll”

First official Diva-off!! I remember I soooo wanted Kurt to win, but it was all over his face that something was up ever since Burt told him about that phone call.

First sacrifice for Rachel Berry. Go.

Even back then when I liked Rachel Berry, I didn’t like her singing this song. I think my dislike of her started right around here. Like “who does she think she is, trying to sing this song better than Idina, when she knows damn well, coming from Broadway, who Idina is!?” that was me, lol. My point is I still don’t like her on this song. It has a special place in my heart and I need more of a powerhouse on it, and someone whose soul I can hear when they sing it, not just trying to sing pretty.

“’It’ is a ‘she’.” That’s a cute moment. :)

Ok. Ohhhhh boy. Finn got a job by pretending to be handicapped and stuck in a wheelchair. But wasn’t it Finn that 2 seasons later berates Quinn for not announcing that she’s improved to now be able to stand/walk to get votes for Prom Queen? I just…I refrain from comment. It’ll get ugly.

Aw, Artie is donating the money to get a ramp put in the auditorium instead of using it to get a bus to go to Sectionals with everyone. Way to take one for the team, Artie. He’s a good guy.

Sue donated the $600 to rent the bus for Sectionals. Aw. I knew something was up at that point. Lies. I knew something was up when she told Will “You don’t know the FIRST thing about me.”

Aw, Jean. This relationship was so sweet.

AWWWWW – Artie’s face after Tina kisses him!!!

Aw. Artie’s face after Tina admits that she’s faking her stutter. :(

“I’m sorry now you get to be normal and I’m gonna be stuck in this chair for the rest of my life. And that’s not something I can fake.” Aw, man. So sad.

“I’m just saying that I love you more than I love being a star.” Oh Kurt. You little angel.

Ok. There are no words for how I felt when I found out Glee was doing Proud Mary. Here’s the thing: Me and my theatre friends always go to karaoke and take turns singing this song. And then the rest of us kinda flash mob it and rush the stage once the tempo picks up in synchronized back-up dancing. And it’s the highlight of our night and the best tradition when we can get everyone together to do it. Once people came up and asked if we were some group of performers that the bar hired to come do it. It’s soooo much fun. It has such a special place in my heart. I do it now for warm-ups with my high school kids when we need to unwind. And I always use this Glee version. Cause I loves Amber Riley and Kevin McHale and Jenna Ushkowitz on it. Things like this are what make me sad that Glee-ers are graduating more than missing the show itself or the writing; the memories made along the way. And the things like this that just make me smile.

Lol, one of my friends loved the duplicity of them singing this. Cause it was ‘rollin’ for Artie and ‘Mary’ for Kurt. He was gay, so I guess he was allowed to say things like that cause he owned it, lol.

This number is so effing awesome. And the costumes and hair are super cute.

I love the behind the scenes of this where Cory talks about when Amber fell out of her wheelchair and he just heard a crash followed  by incessant laughing. SOLOS: Artie (2), Rachel (1), Kurt (1), Mercedes (1), Tina (1)