#this started off as 3 sneezes & then I was like buuut how bout... 7

[mongooseblues]

Further Reading

A quick silly drabble thing with some OCs. (aka when u try to give a book to ur very cool grad student who you’re secretly mildly obsessed with but ur copy of ur boring philosophy book is really fucking dusty and that’s not good) — - — - — - — - — - — - — - — - — - — - — - — “Nooo, that’s such a big book,” Scotty whines, upon being passed something much thicker than a paperback novel.

“I-know-I-know-I-know, but trust me it’s worth it.”

They struggle to hold back a groan. “How many pages is it?” If they have to read a thousand more fucking pages of dense-ass moral philosophy for this stupid crush, so help them god.

Cal isn’t sure of the exact page count so he flips through, effectively fanning a plume of dust into his face.

“Can’t you just give me the sparknotes summary?”

They’re mid sentence when he freezes in place, eyebrows knitting together. He puts down the book, holds up a finger and says, “Sorry, I’m-hh!”

“Oh are you gonna sneeze?”

His face relaxes into false repose for a moment, and he looks up as if he’s debating the matter himself, but finally inhales a decisive “Yeah,” hurriedly plucks a tissue and falls forward into a loud, “AEHHHoo! ESSHHyoo!!”

“Jesus Cal,” Scotty laughs, “don’t hit your fucking face on the desk.”

He grins to the extent he can control his features between sneezes. “I al-h-” is as far as he gets before needing to double over into the tissue, this time angling the trajectory of his collapse more cautiously off to the side. “Hih-JIISSHH-shue! I almost did honestly.”

“God, bless you. What’s wrong with you?”

Cal gestures to the bookcase. “Just dust, snf! I guess I hadn’t touched that…” Oh, and apparently one more, caught last minute in the blur of a hastily raised elbow. “hehhh’YISHHOO!”

“Bless you!”

A clearing head shake as he collects himself. “Woo, thaank you. Hadn’t touched that bottom shelf in awhile.”

“Damn. I’d hate to see you in a library.”

“Oho you have no idea,” he says with a self-effacing smile and a quick sweep of his fingers to push the forward-tumbled lock of hair back from his forehead.

Scotty flips through the pages of the proffered tome themself and god does it look boring — Camus was one thing but this appears to be quite another. “I’m sorry to make you sneeze in vain but I kinda don’t… want this?”

Cal dramatically brings a hand to his chest. “You’re about to break my whole damn heart Scotty, snff! I hope you know.”

“Dude I seriously can’t get through a single sentence here, this is the densest shit.” They look up from a page to witness his expression change to one of unmistakable irritation. “Are you gonna sneeze again just to guilt trip me?”

He isn’t sure but he holds his crooked arm aloft either way. “No I think I’m done, snfff!” Yet he exists in a shaky limbo, trying to fend it off with a conciliatory curled finger held to his nose.

It’s clearly not working.

“Waitmaybe…” segues into a greedy inhale in ragged increments, each inward breath only deepening the need to expel the irritant.

Scotty’s getting sick of waiting for maybe. “Well, bless you in adva—”

“ihhh’IIZSSSYUE! Thank you.”

He sniffles sharply, reaches quickly for the tissue box again, raised eyebrows and impatience, the seam of his lips slowly coming undone — Caliph Chowdhury in the shape of catastrophe. For whatever reason there’s something very amusing about watching him unravel this way.

“Fanned a bunch of dust straight into your face when you flipped those pages, didn’t you?”

Cal swivels himself back to an angle where the desk won’t be an obstacle and it’s a good thing he does.

“I shih— hiih-h.. HIIHHSHHue! Sure did.” Another immediate inhale and a look of irritated disbelief (still?) and despite the fact that his elbows are already on his knees apparently it’s possible for him to fold over further. “Holy- hihYIIZSHHuue! Holy smokes, snffh! Excuse me.”

A sniffly disaster with a sheepish grin. A terrible idea hidden under the innocent dust jacket of what has evidently become a very challenging two person bookclub.

“Aight now I do feel guilty, I’m taking the goddamn book.”

He laughs as he scrubs aggressively at his nose with the dampened tissue. “You seriously don’t have to.”

“Stop talking, stop sneezing, I’m taking it.”

“You probably should skip the introduction though, snf! because admittedly that part kind of is needlessly dense.”

Pity the fool who falls for a fucking philosopher.