#this skelly sewing machine serves the primary function of stunlocking anatomists into quiet seething fury/bewilderment
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belligerentbagel · 1 year ago
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hhhhhh. there's . a . lot. going on here (this is a joke rant. mostly)
The foot, bizarrely, appears to be anatomically accurate — correct number of phalanges, metatarsals, and tarsals.
I'm not going to fucking talk about the articulations at all because my brain's going to melt. The monster who designed this is on a level beyond Victor Frankenstein. They've never seen a ligament or joint cavity before. They're slapping together bones with the confidence of a British paleontologist. This is the Magdeburg Unicorn of household objects, but you're not going to receive a Snopes dot com article for acquiring this creation held together with magical bone gunge and hubris.
Ramrod-straight spine, for some reason. You got the tarsal count down, but couldn't be arsed to put a bit of curve into the vertebral column? We're going to generously approximate this as a section for lumbar curvature, which would have made a lovely aesthetic handle/grabbing point, but. nah. you saw the structural need for "vertical section connecting a base to an arm" and thought "spine," but failed to consider the other features of the organ. Fucking put even a rib-clavicle-scapula combo in there, which would have given a much nicer transition into the —
Horizontal long bone glued to the superior aspect of the spine, with vertebral spinous processes growing out of it like a machine-generated bastardisation. I s2g the manufacture process for this had to be 1) enter "bone sewing machine" into midjourney. 2) Take the first design it spits out. 3) Uncritically fabricate the design, without making edits to consider how things could articulate with & fit neatly into each other. As ever, the enemy of science is capitalism.
Horizontal long bone gets a second bullet point, because there is so much happening. The long bone would have been perfect as the vertical aspect, because tada your foot already has two lower leg bones naturally articulating with it; AND the spine would have been great for for the "machine arm" because you can slap the thread spools onto the spinous processes! BUT NO. You're gluing an unidentifiable long bone with blurry nonspecific landmarks to 1) the top of a spine (hooooo. I'm breathing out. I'm not going to engage with this again) and 2) the side of a skull (THE SIDE?? WHERE THE EAR GO??).
The skull. Jesus Jod and Jary I don't have the blood left for this. The distal??? end of the long bone is rammed into the side of the skull because heaven is empty and nobody was left to think logically about how to attach a long bone to a skull (spoiler! this DOES NOT WORK. the skull forms a joint with the vertebral column, but -oh, shucks - this spine already got co-opted into attaching to the foot). 
I appreciate the spidering "cracks" from where the long bone meets the skull, as a nod to the agony of constructing this agglomeration — I guess cracks? because they sure as HELL aren't getting the skull sutures right. TWO sagittal sutures that are bogglingly straight & parallel like a headband, with none of the pleasant squiggles of a genuine suture (you should also only have ONE sagittal suture) and a random suture over the right eye? why???? WHAT bony plates are fusing here after the trauma of 1) birth and 2) viewing this aberration
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Now, this is different- a skeleton sewing machine for your goth or Halloween decor.
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